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It's hard to believe that my girlfriend Sandy and I find ourselves being submissive slaves to a guy I have known since high school. I will not detail it all again since I have written about it previously. But suffice it to say my surfing the Internet for porn sites and downloading gay videos led to the discovery by my buddy who later coerced me into sucking his dick. I have never considered myself anything other than a normal straight guy but I found myself drawn deeper and deeper into my newfound sexual taste until Randy secretly videotaped me sucking his cock and taking his dick in my ass.

He then posted those videos on the very website from which I downloaded the porn and blackmailed me into helping him seduce my girlfriend. I've been dating Sandy since college and I have always known she was very active sexually, much more than myself. It was that wild streak that attracted me in the first place. But over the course of the last year, we had both become pretty exclusive and I was terrified her finding out about my recent escapades would lead her to leave me.

I was both relieved and excited that Sandy agreed to be Randy's sexual slave for one month, provided he agreed not to make any more videos, to take down the existing videos that were on the Internet, and to turn over all footage to her once we had both served as his complete slaves. She also agreed to do anything he asked, provided it did not include anything painful, including servicing other men...and women.

I had often fantasized about having sex with Sandy and a few of her sorority sisters from college. The thought of her having sex with another woman was the ultimate turn on for me. She had confided while a few of her sorority sisters were rumored to be bisexual and she had caught her roommate practicing frenching on another girl, she had only had sex with men.

She did admit to a few three ways with other guys and once participating in a group sex party while they were all on spring break. But she blamed most of it on being young, experimenting, and nearly being drunk on her ass. Something I didn't know until all this with Randy was her penchant for anal sex. I knew she liked it when I licked her ass, and occasionally she had used her fingers on me while giving blowjobs, but neither of us had done much more than that. That was why I was so shocked when she actually agreed to allow Randy to fuck her ass after he pressed her that he had heard from college buddies she had liked anal sex with one of his fraternity brothers.

Sandy is a pharmaceutical sales rep and spent much of the earlier part of the week traveling. We had both been informed that Saturday night Randy had invited a bi couple he knew of to his apartment for us to service. I would be expected to experience my second guy and Sandy would likely have her first sex with another woman, an older woman at that. Randy had told us Larry and his wife Ann were in their mid-thirties. That was about all we knew about them other than both were swingers who enjoyed sex with men and women.

It was Thursday when Sandy called me on her cell phone on the way back from her trip and said she was closer to my apartment than hers and would just stop by. I could tell when she walked in how exhausted she was. We had a quick bite of some left over pizza from the night before and she retired to my bathroom for a long, relaxing bath. Sandy remained in the tub for some time while I watched TV. She was wrapped in a towel when she stuck her head into the den and asked if I would mind rubbing her stiff shoulders.

By the time I reached the bedroom, Sandy was lying across the bed, her nude frame looking so inviting and she sighed when I began to rub and squeeze her shoulders. She was tense but began to relax and moan slightly as I rubbed hard on her shoulder blades, squeezing the flesh between my fingers. My hands worked their way down her back and rubbed her ass cheeks, kneading them in my fingers. I raised her right leg up and rubbed her calf. Her toes arched closely to my face as I rubbed her leg, massaging, and then taking her delicate foot in my hand. I looked at her little red toes, painted a deep burgundy, and I kissed the top of her foot

Sandy sighed as I continued placing soft kisses on her foot, gently pressing my lips to the sole, and then her arch as I examined her little toes before closing my lips over her big toe. It drew a groan from Sandy whose head was muffled by a pillow as she buried her face into the bedding. I had never experimented with foot play before, but I knew she was clean from her bath, and I also knew how drained she was.

I sucked on the toe and then began licking the others, drawing the little digits in my mouth. I could tell by her moans how much she was enjoying what I was doing and drew the other leg up as well, going back and forth between her feet. Licking her arches, kissing softly the sides of her foot as I continued to suck on her little toes.

I looked down at her ass, spreading her legs and sinking between her outstretched legs. I placed my hand under her pelvis and lifted her ass slightly in the air, parting her cheeks and settling in on her little asshole. I placed little kisses on her cheeks, gently alternating between licking and biting until I zeroed in on her little anal opening. I licked lightly before probing her asshole with my tongue, pushing in, little by little, with Sandy groaning much louder now.

I fucked Sandy's ass with my tongue as I rubbed her clit from the other side, working my fingers into her pussy. "Eat my pussy baby. Use your tongue on my pussy," Sandy groaned.

I raised her ass up a little more so she settled on her knees as I moved down to her slit and pushed my face into her already wet box. She smelled delicious and tasted divine as I probed her box. Sandy grounded her box against my face. I continued to gently rub her clit with my fingers as Sandy reached under herself pulling on her nipples.

"Oh fuck, I'm gonna' cum. Lick me there," she directed as her fingers spread open her shaved slit. I sucked on her hard clit and bit gently as she moaned and continued to urge me on chanting, "Eat me baby, lick my little pussy..."

I was probing her ass with my thumb as I continued to run my tongue up and down her slit, pushing hard at her opening, fucking her with my tongue.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck," she chanted as her orgasm built and she came hard on my face, grinding her ass into my face as she bucked wildly. She eventually settled down onto the bed as I crawled up, trailing kisses up her back, moving her blonde tresses with my face as I kissed her neck and then the side of her cheek. I kissed lightly her face, her lips as she softly, returned my kiss, completely rung out from her orgasm.

We lay still on the bed with her hand rubbing my chest through my shirt. She undid a button, then two, as she slid her hand into my shirt and gently traced her fingers on my upper torso, lightly trailing the tips on my abdomen, then tracing patterns around my nipple. Sandy's fingers scratched lightly at my nipple, twisting the little nub between her finger and thumb, causing me to groan.

Sandy rose up from the bed and unsnapped my pants and lowered them, then my briefs as she crawled up and kissed my member, growing between her expert fingers. Her soft lips caressed the head of my dick which she bathed with her tongue, moving up and down on the shaft. Sandy was fantastic at giving blowjobs and she went after my cock like she was possessed and had it stiff as a brick in no time as she jacked my dick, sucking on my manhood.

"You like that baby, you like me sucking your cock?" she said in a sexy voice as I groaned my approval. "I think I have something you'll like even better. A little present I got you while I was gone." She kept licking, sucking, jacking my cock as she shifted up and kissed me lovingly on the lips.

"Close your eyes baby. Take your shirt off and get naked for me but keep your eyes closed. I have a surprise for you," she cooed.

I slipped off my shirt and settled back down on the bed as I heard her unzipping the suitcase she had brought in from the car earlier. I couldn't tell what she was doing but I did as she said and kept my eyes closed. It seemed like minutes before she finally broke the silence.

"Okay baby, you can look now. Look what I have for you," Sandy said in her sexiest, sultry voice.

I opened my eyes to see a cock hanging from Sandy's waist. The rubber pink dildo must have been eight inches long and much thicker than my own cock. A black harness held it in place as it swung out from her hips.

"You like my cock baby? You like the present I have for you," she hissed as I looked on wide eyed at the dick.

"Since you're a little cock slut now, a little dick sucker who likes a little cock in his ass, I decided to accommodate you. Why don't you get down here on your knees and show me how much you like my cock. Get on your knees bitch and suck my dick," she said in a very commanding tone.

I sunk to my knees looking at the mammoth dick that swung from her narrow hips. Sandy grabbed the back of my head and forced it roughly to her dick. I opened my mouth and took the rubber phallus in my mouth. She fucked my face, moving more of the shaft in until I nearly gagged.

"Suck it, suck that dick cock sucker," she chanted as she moved the cock back and forth in my mouth. "Use your tongue. You like sucking Randy's cock, imagine its your little buddy. The fucker that you gave your girlfriend to. You wanted to experiment and now both of us are paying for your little indiscretion," Sandy continued.

"So from now on, when we're together, I'll be the one to do the fucking. You can lick my cunt and I'll fuck your little ass, your little pussy. Maybe I'll bring some guys home and have you watch me fuck them since you don't seem to care I'm fucking other men. You can sit there and watch, maybe jack off as they fuck my pussy and my ass."

"Then I'll have you eat their cum from my pussy. You'd like that wouldn't you, you little slut," Sandy chanted as she pushed her cock deep into my mouth, its head touching the back of my throat.

"Bend over the bed, I'm gonna fuck that ass. That's what you want isn't it?" she stated much more than questioned. "Answer me! That's what you want...my cock in your ass, your little pussy. I'm not even sure you're my boyfriend any more. I think you're my little girlfriend. My girlfriend that likes cock. Is that what you are? You my little bitch? My little slut?" Sandy pressed.

"Yes, yes I'm your slut...your bitch," I groaned as I lay across the bed.

"Spread those fucking cheeks. Pull them apart so I can get this big dick in that hole," Sandy commanded as I felt her spread lube on my asshole. She was taking her time, coating the head and shaft with lube. Then pressing the head against my hole and moving forward, easing it in.

My ass accepted it easily, already accustomed to taking a hard cock though this one was much larger than Randy's stiff prick. Sandy grabbed my hips and pushed her cock in and then withdrew it as I groaned with the assault. She moved back and forward, calling me a bitch, a little slut, a whore as she slammed her cock into my ass.

After several minutes she flipped us over with her back legs resting against the bed as I bucked up and down on her cock, my ass pressing against her crotch as she guided my hips up and down.

We both saw our image in my dresser mirror. "Look at that. Look at me fucking my little bitch. My dick buried in your hot pussy. Play with your titties. Play with your little nipples bitch," Sandy chided me as I reached up and pulled on both nipples. I twisted them in my fingers, pulling them out as she continued to fuck me.

"Reach down and play with your little clit for me. Stroke your clit," she said softly in my ear as I moved up and down on her cock. I knew she was referring to my dick and I reached down and cupped my balls. They were coated in lube from the oil which dripped down from my ass. I coated my shaft with the lube and began sliding my fingers across my own dick. My fist moving up and down as I beat my dick which throbbed in my hand.

"That's it baby. Rub your little clit and play with your little titties," she moaned in my ear, wetting it with her tongue as she gently bit my lobe, tugging at it with her teeth.

Sandy kept making references to me being her little bitch...like I was another girl but I didn't care. I was so turned on and felt I was just about to blast a huge load.

"I'm gonna' cum. I'm cumming," I moaned.

"That's right. Cum for me baby. Go ahead and cum all over your stomach," Sandy said softly as she continued to lick my neck.

She leaned us both back on the bed as I did. I launched stream after stream as she slowed her rhythm in my back door. The first blast of cum hit the bed before it settled across my chest. I'm not sure I had ever cum so hard as I began to settle onto her after I had blasted several loads on my stomach.

Sandy eased us up and we again were profiled in the mirror. It looked as if I were sitting on her lap. You couldn't see the giant cock still imbedded deep in my ass.

"Clean it up baby. Clean up your mess," she commanded me. I raised my hand coated with my own cum to my mouth and tasted the salty remnants before scooping up more from my stomach and licking that off my fingers too. When I had completely licked up all the cum, Sandy moved out from under me as the large cock slid from my gaping hole.

Sandy left for a few minutes, cleaning up in the bathroom and preparing for bed. I heard her running water in the sink and brushing her teeth as I lay on the bed on my back. It was the first time I could recall we had fucked that I hadn't stuck my dick in her pussy. It was her fucking me, fucking my ass. Yet I had never cum harder in my life.

Both of us slept soundly that night. Her head lying lightly on my chest. Much like she had done countless times before. Almost as if nothing had changed. But it had - I had become her bitch - Randy's bitch. I was a bitch.

I was anxious the rest of the week as Sandy and I talked several times on the cell about the coming weekend. The weekend we would both serve another couple at Randy's apartment. We would be his sexual slaves. We would do anything he wanted. While I was nervous about having sex with another man, my second guy, I was so turned on thinking Sandy would have her first lesbian encounter. To see her eating another woman's pussy. Perhaps see that strapon, the one she had used on me, with another girl.

A couple of times I went on the Internet looking at some of the porn sites and jacked off to the videos. But I was also fantasizing it was Sandy in the lesbian scenes. Eating another woman's cunt. Me getting fucked in the ass or sucking on the hard cock as I watched the video playing on my computer screen.

Sandy called Saturday and told me Randy had called her and instructed us to be there at 7 PM. She would meet me there and for me to just walk down since we were in the same apartment complex. Saturday, I took a long shower and shaved my cock smooth as Randy had directed. I had kept it that way since Randy instructed me to shave the pubic hair off several weeks ago. I dispensed with any briefs since I would likely be nude most of the evening anyway. I slipped on a pair of shorts and polo and headed across the courtyard, past the pool, to Randy's.

I started to knock but figured I was expected so I opened the back door and walked on in to the den to see Sandy already naked on her knees before Randy, who had a shirt on but was otherwise nude from the waist down.

"Keep your fucking hands behind your back slut," he barked at Sandy who was sucking his dick, her head moving back and forth on his pole, with her hands tucked behind her back.

"Well, come on in Dale. We got started without you," he said as he took a gulp from the beer he was holding as Sandy continued her blowjob, never looking up.

"That's Larry...and his wife Ann," pointing to the couple on the couch, "And I think you know this slut sucking my cock. Your girlfriend..." he added with a smirk.

"Why don't you get more comfortable and lose those clothes. I believe you could also refresh Larry and Ann's drinks," he barked.

"Nice to meet you," Larry said, "Scotch, if you don't mind. That would be great," he said as he held a glass out. I took it from him and surveyed the man who would likely be fucking me. He was in his thirties and seemed to have a nice, athletic build. Certainly he was handsome and his wife was extremely pretty. She was a blonde like Sandy and I couldn't help but be relieved at how attractive the couple were.

"I'm drinking the merlot," Sandy said with a smile, taking the last sip from the glass before gently handing it off. As I reached down to take her glass, her fingers touched mine and lingered. I felt a charge as we touched. I couldn't help but think this was the woman who would soon have my girlfriend between her legs. My dick was already straining my pants as I thought about Sandy licking this pretty woman's pussy.

I walked into the kitchen and poured both drinks, then slipped the shirt over my head and my pants off, emerging from the kitchen naked as Randy had directed. I walked the wine over to Ann who took it but also reached out with a free hand and cupped my balls.

"Look honey, look what I found for you," Ann said as she looked at Larry and then up to me from the couch.

"I'll bet you would love to suck on this wouldn't you," Ann continued as she slid her hands from my balls to my growing staff looking directly at her husband.

"Yea, it looks nice," Larry added as he gazed at my shaft.

"You ever had a man suck your cock Dale? Randy said you like sucking cock but I'm pretty sure he hasn't reciprocated," she was saying as Randy shot back.

"Fuck no. I'm no cock sucker. That's Dales' job. I like fucking and getting my dick sucked...like his little girlfriend is doing here," Randy continued as I looked back to still see Sandy sucking his dick, kneeling under him.

"May I?," Larry inquired looking up at me as I moved closer to him, setting his scotch down on the table. Larry took my swelling dick in his hand and moved the head to his warm mouth. He eased the head between his lips and licked on the crown before taking it fully into his mouth. His lips moved up and down on my cock and took it deep, actually moving his mouth all the way down until his lips pressed on the base of my cock. I had never had anyone deep throat me before, including Sandy. But Larry was taking my dick all the way down to his throat without gagging.

I'm not sure I had ever had a better blowjob as he would remove the cock and then lick the shaft and my hairless balls with his tongue.

"Oh fuck, I'm cuming," I heard Randy groaning behind me.

I turned to see Randy move Sandy away from his dick and then spurt stream after stream across her face, aiming at her titties and unloading his sperm on her chest.

"Fuck, that was good. Yea, I don't know who sucks better cock. You or your boyfriend over there," Randy said looking over at me before he took another hit off his beer.

Larry was still working my cock over, cupping my ass in his hand as his finger snaked closer to my hole, teasing, toying with my anus.

"Come over here sweets," Ann said looking over at Sandy, her chest covered in Randy's fresh load. "Damn, you are a pretty, pretty girl," Ann said softly as she reached out and touched one of Sandy's tits. There was a load of cum moving slowly down the breast as Ann took her fingers and moved the sperm in circles around Sandy's nipple. The nipple hardened under her touch as she pulled the little nub, pinching it, as her fingers slid over the cum covered nipple.

"Bend down angel," Ann intoned as Sandy scooted closer and Ann drew her lips to the nipple. She covered the tip with her lips, sucking, licking, and biting as Sandy's head rolled back on her shoulders, her eyes closing as her tit was sucked by another woman for the first time.



Larry was still sucking expertly on my cock as Ann released Sandy's nipple and stared into my girlfriend's eyes. They gazed at each other for a minute before Ann started closing in on Sandy's mouth. Their lips met and Sandy tilted her head. I saw Ann's tongue snake into Sandy's mouth and thought I saw Sandy return her tongue to Ann's before I felt Larry's finger probe deeper in my ass.

"Unbutton my shirt and suck my titty. Suck me angel, " I heard Ann instructing Sandy. I looked over to see that Sandy had unbuttoned the shirt and was easing it off Ann's shoulders. She wasn't wearing bra and her golden breasts were in plain view. She appeared to have some type of Asian symbol on her tit which Sandy immediately took into her mouth.

"I want to fuck you. I want to fuck your ass," I heard Larry moaning as he removed my cock from his mouth. He shifted me to a sitting position on the couch as he stood, kicked off his shoes, removed his socks and lowered his trousers leaving him in a pair of boxers.

He slipped off his shirt and I was startled to see he had piercings in both nipples. A gold little bar bell went through both of his nipples. I had seen pictures of women with their nipples pierced but had never seen a guy with piercings. I looked up at Larry and he was smiling seeing how entranced I seemed to be with his jewelry.

"Take them off," he said with his hands on his hips, directing me to lower the boxers, exposing the member that would soon be in my mouth.

I lowered the boxers and Larry stepped free exposing Larry's own hairless crotch. Like me, he shaved his cock and balls. I cupped his heavy balls, much bigger than either mine or Randy's. I bent down and kissed them. I kissed his dick, still hanging limp as it began to grow little by little.

I took the soft member in my mouth marveling at how soft it was. Unlike Randy who was rough and commanding, Larry eased his cock in my mouth, appreciative of what I was doing. Much more a partner, a lover, than what I was accustomed to with Randy.

I looked over to see Ann standing up and removing her skirt, easing it off, then her panties, stepping free of both. She had a tattoo on the small of her back. She had a beautiful ass and really pretty legs. Sandy seemed to be gazing at her first pussy. She looked up at Ann, almost as if asking for her next move.

"Lick my pussy angel, I want you to eat my pussy, your first pussy," Ann instructed as I focused on my task - sucking Larry's cock which moved back and forth in my mouth. I wanted to do as good a job on him as he had done on my cock. I knew I couldn't deep throat him but I was determined to make up with enthusiasm what I lacked in experience.

I must have been doing good because Larry was groaning, his head rolling back on his shoulder as he stroked my hair in his fingers, caressing my head.

I heard Ann groaning as she collapsed to the couch beside us, Sandy still attached to her cunt with her mouth. Sandy was going at Ann's cunt, licking and sucking madly, using her fingers as Ann moved her legs up on the couch and buried her heels into the couch. She moved her ass off the couch just barely giving Sandy more access to both her cunt and ass.

Sandy seemed to be licking both as she ground her face into Ann's cunt. I looked over and could see that Ann too shaved her pussy completely bare and there seemed to be writing tattooed just above her pussy but I couldn't read it with Sandy's head blocking my view.

"I'm gonna' fuck you now. I'm gonna fuck your ass," Larry growled as he pushed me off his cock and back onto the couch. He bent down on one knee and threw both my legs over his shoulders as he positioned the head of his cock to my hole. He guided the tip in and it slipped in effortlessly as he moved slowly at first and then more deliberately. His cock was much larger than Randy's, much like the cock Sandy had used on me, as he sawed back and forth in my hungry hole.

He let my legs slip down from his shoulders and moved closer to my face. He looked as though he was going to kiss me..and then he did. I had never kissed a guy. Even though I had been sucking and fucking Randy for several weeks, he had never done anything like that. I felt like a teenager kissing my first girl. Only Larry's lips were much harder than Sandy's.

His tongue pushed into my mouth which yielded under him. I was unprepared for what he was doing but it didn't upset me. Actually I liked it. I liked him kissing me, fucking me. I returned his kiss. Moving my tongue into his mouth which he sucked.

Larry wrapped his arms around me and we slipped off the couch onto the floor, his cock buried in my ass. He continued to kiss me, his arms wrapped tightly around me, as he moved his cock slowly into my bottom.

I had never been more turned on. We weren't fucking. Larry was making love to me. Making love only like lovers can. I opened my eyes to see Sandy still glued to Ann's cunt, eating her first pussy with complete abandon. Just as I was hooked on cock, I knew Sandy would be eating lots of pussy in the future. She went at it like an experienced lesbian. A hunger which always wants more and she would likely get it.

I couldn't believe how our roles were reversed. Here was my girlfriend eating another woman's pussy while a stranger I had just met was fucking me like I had fucked Sandy so many times before. Me with my legs wrapped tightly around his back, sucking his tongue, grabbing his ass and trying to pull him deeper inside.

"I'm going to cum baby," Larry groaned as he moved his mouth from mine and sucked on my neck, pulling on my hair, "I'm gonna cum."

I couldn't believe he had called me baby. But I liked it. I felt warm and wanted as he held me tightly in his arms.

"Cum in me, cum in my little pussy," I said back in his ear. Here I was referring to my ass as a pussy. That's what Sandy had called it earlier in the week. My little pussy.

I felt his cock twitching in my ass and then I felt it. I felt his warm cum filling my chute. I loved it. I wanted it. I turned my head and sought out Larry's mouth. He kissed me passionately and I attacked his mouth with my lips. I stuck my tongue deep in his mouth. He sucked on it as he rose slowly up and down, thrusting his cock deeper and deeper into my ass...his pussy.

Finally he came to a rest. As he eased out of my hole, I stroked my dick which seemed to be leaking cum. It already seemed covered in cum which had been oozing out and with just a few brief pulls on my cock, it spurted hitting both Larry and myself in the chest.

In just moments I heard Ann crying out in orgasm as well as Sandy ground her face into her twat. Ann bucked up and down and eventually her cries subsided as Ann collapsed on the couch and Sandy's head came to rest on Ann's quivering thigh.

It was then I noticed the tattoo from earlier. Tattooed just above her pussy was the word's "Mark's Cock Slut". It was small but distinctive in black letters and I wondered who the hell was Mark. I was pretty sure Larry's middle name wasn't Mark.

We all took a long break laying exhausted on the floor, when Randy announced he wanted to get a little bit of Sandy's hot pussy.

Larry asked if I would be interested in going back to my apartment with him. Maybe leave the girls and Randy and come back later, or even in the morning. He said he wanted me to fuck his ass. But before I could respond, he moved in and again placed a wet, passionate kiss on my lips.

I had never fucked another guy in the ass before and nearly jumped at the chance.

"You okay leaving Ann here?" I asked back.

"She's a big girl. Besides, I'm sure she's just getting started with your girlfriend. I suspect it's going to be a long night for Sandy," he said with a smile.

We informed Ann, Sandy, and Randy that we would be back later. We were going to head over to my place for a little while. We dressed and walked the short distance to my apartment.

"So, who's Mark," I asked wondering if the tattoo predated their relationship.

"Mark? You saw that huh?" Larry smiled as we walked back through the courtyard area.

"Ann and I started out sort of like you and Sandy. Sort of experimenting. Like Randy, we ... actually I, met a guy who was much more dominant. He seduced me and then later Ann. He showed us a side of us we never knew existed. For a while we were his, we belonged to him. I mean Ann and I were still husband and wife, but sexually we belonged to Mark. He marked us both as his property. He had those tattoos placed on Ann and he had my nipples pierced. A reminder that I was his slave," Larry said telling a story that had me in awe.

"We're both left with permanent reminders we were his slaves. That tattoo on her titty actually is the Chinese symbol for 'Slave'. I guess my nipples could close over but Ann will always be reminded of where her journey began."

"So do you guys, are you still his property, his slaves?" I struggled to get my question out.

Well, it's different now. We still see him but he's in a relationship with my sister in law. They're a couple. Not married but defiantly a couple. Maybe you should meet him. You and Sandy both."

I swallowed hard. Randy had made Sandy and I his slaves but he had never suggested getting tattooed or "marked" as Larry referred to it. I wondered what kind of person Mark must be to have that much influence over another couple. That much dominance that they would permanently mark their body for him.

We reached my apartment and went inside. Larry and I spent the rest of the night together. We took turns sucking each other and I fucked my first man in the ass. We fucked and sucked well into the night until we finally fell asleep in my bed.

Not before I thought about Mark. Meeting him as Larry suggested. Kneeling naked before him. Perhaps he would have me swallow his load as he played with my hard little nipples. My nipples that had been pierced by him. Pulling on the little gold piercings that he made me get. He would mark me because I was a slave, a little slut. That's what I had become.