June 1993 London
The Hammersmith Apollo Theatre
'She's the one, she's the one,
she's one that I want,
She's the one, she's the one
The one that I need,
She's the one, she's the one
The one that I choose
She's the one, she's the one
Baby come with me.'
Our song was roaring along. I was on the right of the stage playing my heart out. My candy apple red custom Fender Stratocaster seemed like a part of me as the music flowed from it. Nigel on the drums was laying out the now familiar beat to our hit song. Mick on the left of the stage was playing his bass in the measured way he always did, controlling the direction of our music. Pat was out front, singing the tune we wrote together some 20 months earlier in his parent's garage.
The crowd were singing along and the place was rocking. Even though we were just the support act to the extremely famous, very notorious LA 'hair metal' rockers, our music had started to get some traction over here. We were finishing our set with our song 'She's the One'. This song was our second hit back home in Australia, and was starting to rise up the charts here. Even though the crowd weren't there to 'see us', they were rocking along to our mixture of Aussie Pub rock sounds (think AC/DC, The Angels, Cold Chisel) and good times hair metal vibes.
I looked back at Nigel and he was starting to wrap the song up. I continued playing along, moving towards the centre of the stage. Nigel was now standing up behind the drums, playing slower, exaggerated beats bringing our music to a rapturous conclusion. As we hit the final chord, flash pots at the sides of the stage went off with a loud bang. The crowd roared their approval, clapping and cheering. Smoke moved across the stage as Mick picked up the microphone from Pat. Even though Pat was our front man, Mick did our onstage talking.
"Thank You London. You have been a great audience. The big boys will be out shortly. We are 'Highly Zen'. Thank You. Good Night."
We all waved to the crowd, accepting their cheers and headed off stage, with our roadies collecting our guitars off us to be packed away for the long trip back home. Tonight was the last night of the tour and we were having a couple of months off to recharge a little before getting back in the studio to do our second album.
Waiting near our dressing room were Nikki and Tommy from the headliners. They congratulated us on a great show and getting the crowd warmed up for them.
"We are having a party tonight at a club in town. You should come and hang out with us." Nikki said to me.
"Yeah mate, we'd love too." I replied still buzzing from our own performance.
"Just go and see Doc and he will organise to get you all in. Good show tonight guys. See you later on." Tommy said, as he and Nikki headed back to their dressing room to get ready to go on stage shortly.
We were all still on the adrenaline high from our show as we got changed out of our sweat saturated stage clothes. Nige, Mick and I were talking excitedly, wondering if the parties our headliners had were as good as they were said to be. Pat was changing and he turned on our ghetto blaster. He was playing Nirvana's 'Nevermind'. AGAIN!
"Turn that shit off Pat. It's fucking depressing." Mick shouted over the noise of Kurt Cobain living out his angst.
"You guys don't know good music." Pat shouted back. "This is genius. This is the future."
"Doesn't sound like he is having a good time to me. Unlike us tonight. How good was that crowd?" Nigel piped up.
"I have never heard a crowd go off like that, particular for an opening act. We really rocked tonight." I said.
"Yes we did play well. In a couple of days we will be back home to normality." Pat said, bringing everyone back to Earth slightly.
Mick grinned and grabbed a beer from the ice tub. "Well we have to make the most of tonight then." He said popping the top off the bottle and proceeding to spray us all with his beer. Somehow we all managed to get beers and were doing the same to each other, having the time of our lives.
After the shenanigans, I quickly showered and got changed. I headed out backstage to see the headliners go on stage and play their opening few numbers. I was at the side of the stage when their manager, Doc, came over to me.
"You boys did a hell of a show tonight. Keep doing that and you won't be an opening act for very long."
"You think so Doc?"
"Hell yes. Keep doing what you are doing, you will be huge."
Just then the curtain rose and the headliners began pounding out the first of their many hit songs. The roar of the crowd was incredible. You could feel it in your chest. The roar...
*************
January 2018
The noise of the waves crashing on the shore reminded me of something. What was it? Oh yes, that's what it is. The roar of the crowd.
The weather was warm, the sun was shining and the beach was very inviting. It was summertime in Australia. As it was late in January most regular people had finished their holidays and were back to work. Some of us though were still on holidays. Being a primary school music teacher I was one of the lucky ones still enjoying my time off.
Even though I had lived only 15 minutes away from many beautiful beaches for nearly all my adult life, I didn't go there very often. However, after I made a few 'New Year's Resolutions' this year I decided to do a few things I normally didn't do.
So I found myself this beautiful Tuesday morning floating in the cooling blue waters for the first time in a long time. It was so relaxing I couldn't believe that I hadn't done this more often. I was feeling very calm, very philosophical as the motion of the waves seemed to relax my soul. As I floated around memories of my life came into my mind; my son Andrew graduating high school and now in his second year at University, my daughter Gemma growing up and in her final year of school, the gradual decline of my marriage and our subsequent divorce, some of the classes and students I had taught while being the music teacher at the school. Thoughts about the band and our fast rise and even faster demise raced through my mind. Being in a band felt like a lifetime ago.
I stepped out of the surf feeling great. I felt refreshed, I felt relaxed, I felt revitalised, I felt... I felt sand in my crack. I laughed to myself as I headed up the beach to my towel.
As I dried myself I noticed that I was starting to get a bit of a 'Dad-bod.' Not surprising given that I was 45 years old and a Dad of 2 wonderful k**s. Well ... actually a part time Dad given that I had been divorced from my ex for just over 2 years now. Apart from a bit of extra 'insulation' around my middle I wasn't in too bad shape. 5'9" tall, blue eyes, I still had my hair, and it was mostly dark, and I did have some added 'character' lines on my face. Not too bad I thought to myself. It might be time to get out there and start dating again. Hmmm...
Walking up the beach back to where I had parked the car, I felt great. This year was going to be good. Work was starting back in a few weeks and I still had some time to myself. Life was looking up...
**************
The first day of school is always a shock. Having to get up with the alarm, getting ready and heading to school for the first day of the year should be something I'm used to, particularly given that I have had 13 years practice as a student and now another 21 years as a teacher.
It was actually good returning to school, seeing my colleagues and friends, sharing stories of our holiday adventures. I was regarded as one of the 'senior' teachers as I had been teaching for 15 years at Smith Street Primary School, which is about 2 hours south of Sydney. As usual at the beginning of the year there were new teachers to meet and to get to know. Every year we seemed to get at least a couple of new teachers and they all seemed to be getting younger.
While catching up and meeting everyone in the staff room, there was an air of anticipation. The school was getting a new Principal as our previous principal retired at the end of last year. None of us had met the new Principal yet. Word around the traps was that she had come from one of the Sydney schools and this was her first time being Principal.
As usual in these situations, everyone was a little worried as to how this change would impact on their role at the school. I had concerns as a music program could be seen as a luxury for a school, and some overzealous 'bean-counter' types don't always see the value in teaching 'creative' subjects.
I was chatting to a couple of my colleagues when the door to the staff room opened. The first thing that struck me was the way she walked into the room. She held her head high, smiling with a look of quiet confidence. She had stunning red hair that looked to be quite long, but she had it tied up. She was wearing a very smart blouse, which didn't disguise that she was busty, and a black skirt which also didn't hide that she was a curvy woman. She wasn't tall, probably 5'4" without the modest heels she had on.
Looking around at all of us she smiled. "Hello everyone, I'm Donna Silk and I'm the new Principal." She said.
A round of applause came spontaneously from me and my colleagues. Donna blushed slightly as we did this.
"Thank you so much everyone. What a nice welcome."
Donna had an English accent, from the south of England I thought. It wasn't a posh accent, but you could tell she was a teacher from the way she spoke.
"I should let you all know a little about myself. I came from Bradford Primary in Sydney, where I was Vice Principal for the past 3 years. When the opportunity to become Principal here at Smith Street, a school with such a fine reputation, and a great standing in the community, well I jumped at the chance to come here.
"It will take me a little while to get used to how things work at a school outside the city, so please be patient with me as I 'learn the ropes' here." She said with a smile. All my colleagues seemed to relax a little as she said this, realising that Donna was not going to tear the place apart.
"Over the next couple of days I will meet with you individually so I can get to know you all a little. You all know your room allocations for the year, so please keep an eye out on your emails today as I will send you a timetable of the meeting schedule. Please bring your planning for the year with you so I can have an idea of what is going to happen this year." With that she called the vice principals in so they could have a meeting.
I headed out of the staff room, across the quad, to the music room. My room was away from the other class rooms, on the far side of the school hall. This was strategic so my classes could make noise and not disrupt the other classes, and it also allowed ease of transportation of instruments to the hall for performances.
Opening the room, I opened the windows to air it out and proceeded to do some checks of the instruments, making sure they were all still in working order. I was doing this when my computer 'binged' with an email. It was from Donna, with the timetable for the meetings. I was to meet her tomorrow after lunch.
Even when there are no students at school, every one still sticks to the routine of having recess and lunch breaks at the same time. Talking over lunch, some of my colleagues who had met with Donna all said how nice she was. They also stressed that she was very switched on, and wanted to know everything that was happening in the school.
**********
I met with Donna for the first time the following day. At my allotted time I arrived at her office. Her door was open and as I was about to knock she looked up from her computer and smiled at me.
"Please come in Jack. It is nice to finally meet you." She said as she got up from behind her desk. Her smile was very genuine and she looked me in the eye as she shook my hand. I was smiling too. It was there that I noticed her eyes were a captivating greyish green colour and she had dimples when she smiled. As we sat down and exchanged pleasantries, Donna looked at me in a curious way.
"Jack have we met before? I get this feeling I know you from somewhere?"
Out of nowhere I replied "I don't think so. I would definitely remember meeting you." Smiling as I said this. This was entirely unlike me to be so 'confident' around someone new. There was just something about Donna that had struck something in me.
Donna giggled and smiled at my comment, before we got about the work at hand. I showed her my lesson plans for the year. As I taught all of the c***dren at the school, seeing the classes once a week, my plans were specific to each year; from teaching basic rhythms and songs to the Kindergarten class's right through to teaching recorder and ukulele for the year 6 classes. I also looked after the 2 school bands, did the music for the school musical that we did each year, privately taught some k**s at the school, as well as all the other regular teacher activities like playground duty, helping on sports days etc., etc.
My colleagues were right. Donna did pay attention and wanted to know all the details. She had heard good things about my music program and definitely wanted it to continue to grow and flourish. I asked if she played an instrument and she didn't but she said she really liked music.
As our meeting was coming to an end I noticed a picture on her desk of her and a girl. "Is that your daughter?" I asked.
Donna smiled as she looked at the picture. "Yes. That's my daughter Mackenzie. She's 13 and in Year 8 at Ravensfield, boarding there. She will be here every second weekend."
"My daughter is in Year 12, doing the HSC this year."
"You have a daughter?" Donna asked.
"Yes and a son who is going into his second year at University, studying Mechanical Engineering. He gets his brains from his mother." I replied with a laugh.
"Is your wife an engineer?"
"No. My ex-wife is a school teacher, not a 'creative arts' teacher like me." I said with a little self-deprecating humour. "We have been divorced for just over 2 years now. I have my daughter 3 weekends out of 4..."
Donna was looking at me with an empathetic smile, before she said quietly. "It is tough being a single parent..."
"Are you divorced too?" I asked, trying not to sound like I was prying.
Donna looked me straight in the eye. "No. My husband passed away 3 years ago. Cancer."
"Oh Donna. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to pry or anything..."
She smiled and said "It's ok Jack. It was a while ago now. But it was another reason why I wanted to take a job away from the city."
"I can understand that." I replied sympathetically.
We were looking at each other, when Donna's office phone rang. She offered me her hand and we shook. "Thank you Jack. It was wonderful to meet you properly."
"My sentiments exactly. Great to meet you too."
She was smiling and I was smiling too, not really wanting to let go of her hand. I did eventually let go as Donna did have to answer the phone. I left her office as she took the call. Looking back as I left the room Donna looked at me and smiled too.
*********
The school year got under way and I was very busy with all the classes. Donna was warmly welcomed into the school community and her presence had a really positive effect on everyone. She was involved with everything and would often come into class and see what was going on. I found it very easy to talk with Donna, and we often chatted about many things, mostly about school, but also about our own k**s and how they were going. She also encouraged everyone at the school and it wasn't a surprise to see an email from her thanking you for your efforts with a particular happening at the school.
One Monday evening as I was preparing my dinner at home I had the radio on. Out of the blue 'She's the One' came out of the speakers. I hadn't heard our song in ages and I found myself singing along. It still sounded fresh and alive. My already good mood was only improved hearing our song from all those years ago. Pat's lyrics about the girl he was chasing and my music made me smile.
After dinner, I went into my office. My office was the only room in the house that indicated that I played music and was in a band previously. My gold record was on the wall for our album, there were a few pictures of us playing on stage, and a couple of old gig posters. My bookshelf was filled with tapes, CD's and DVD's of our performances, as well as a few demos of songs that never saw the light of day. I got my old Fender Strat out of its case. I hadn't played it in ages but it felt good in my hands. I tuned it up and started to play 'She's the One'. It rocked along just like I wrote it.
It was then that I just started to just play. When I usually played now it was always to work out things for musicals or for the school bands to play, but this was different. This was playing for me. I was just noodling, playing along when I began to play something. It sounded good. The chord patterns began to flow. My fingers felt alive.
Quickly I fired up my computer and started 'AudioScore', plugged my guitar in and started to play. After a couple of hours I had the bones of a song, the first song I had written in 25 years. I added a rudimentary drum track before swapping my guitar for a bass, and playing this to fill out the song. I was buzzing, feeling the excitement of creating something completely new for the first time in ages. I looked across at the clock and seeing it was 2:16am, I realised I had to go to bed.
I took the file with me to work the next day, and in breaks between classes I worked on the song. As I did, ideas for other songs started to flow, so I got these down as well. I was so busy but so happy. I had playground duty that lunchtime and it was difficult to concentrate with song ideas racing through my head. I kept thinking how the songs needed lyrics, but I had never been a lyricist.
As the bell went to go back into class, I stayed back a little, making sure all the stragglers headed back to their classes. I looked across the quad and I saw Donna talking to some students. She saw me and she smiled her gorgeous smile at me. She looked amazing, the sun beaming down turning her red hair an almost flaming red, her dark skirt blowing slightly in the breeze. She was smiling her full smile, dimples and all. I smiled back and waved, and she did the same.
Back in my classroom I began to write words to my song. The words initially didn't really fit the song, but I liked them and I knew I could use them later. I did come up with some more lyrics, about rocking again after a long time away. Being a novice lyricist I could only write about what I knew.
By the end of the week I had 3 songs with lyrics and 3 further music tracks. My daughter Gemma was with me for the weekend and that Friday night I played her the songs. She was taken aback that I had written the songs and she liked them.
"Dad those sound great. A bit like your old band songs, but different. A bit more modern."
"Thanks Gemma. I haven't written anything for years."
"You should play them for 'Uncle' Mick and 'Uncle' Nige when they come over on Sunday."
I had forgotten all about that. I was still great friends with Mick and Nigel, even all these years later. We all grew up together in this area, went and played our music together, went through the breakup of the band, and still remained the closest of friends.
Mick had taken over his family's car dealership and Nigel went back to University and became a successful Lawyer. Our families were all very good friends and we caught up regularly. It was my turn to host a Barbeque this weekend.
The barbeque on Sunday was great and it was wonderful to catch up with my oldest and closest friends and their families. We hadn't seen each other since before Christmas so we caught up with all of what was happening. Our k**s had all grown up together and they all got along really well. Mick and Nige were happily married. I was the only one who was single. Their wives, Brooke and Cara, were both lovely, great friends and a great support to me during difficult times. During the afternoon they could apparently see a change in me and they started plotting to find a single friend for me to date.
As the afternoon wore on, I took the boys aside and asked them to come to my office as I wanted to chat to them. I was a little nervous as Mick and Nige had been there through all of our music, and the band break up.
"So Jack, what's up? Why did you drag us into the 'Highly Zen' shrine?" Mick asked, laughing at his joke.
"Guys take a seat and have a listen to this and tell me what you think. Honestly." I said, heading to the computer and playing the first song.
Nige and Mick sat there and after the initial shock of hearing me singing a song, they listened intently. Nige was moving his head along with the beat, getting into it. Mick was absorbed, almost taking the music in. I was watching their faces, but they weren't giving anything away.
The song finished. "Well what do you think?" I asked, getting even more nervous as they hadn't said anything.
They looked at each other and Nige smiled. Mick just slightly nodded his head, smiling as well. Nige stood up and came over to me. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight. I hugged back, surprised. Nigel let go and said quietly "Welcome back Jack."
Mick got up and hugged me too. "We have waited ... 25 years ... to hear you write again. We didn't think it would happen, but it has. That is so good Jack. Really good. Did you write the lyrics too?"
Slightly embarrassed by the attention I replied "Yes I did. Is it really 'good'?"
"Oh yes mate. It is a great song. It might need to be a little quicker in tempo, but it is great." Nige replied
"Yeah and the bass line could do with a little working over, but it is good Jack."
I sighed with relief as my oldest friends; my former band mates liked it. I went on and played the other tunes I had written. Again their enthusiasm for the tracks was infectious. The three of us in the little room, talking music, working on arrangements was just like old times. Mick had my bass and was playing along, adding his own touches like he always did. Nigel was tapping along, indicating flourishes and fills, suggesting tempo changes that always seemed to improve the songs.
Before we knew it Brooke and Cara were looking for their husbands and they came in and heard us working together. They dragged their reluctant husbands away as they did have to return to their homes for the working week to start the following day. As they were leaving the boys were excited to have a jam and play the songs I had written. So we teed up to have a play at school on Friday afternoon at 3:30pm for a couple of hours. We could play there and make some noise without disturbing too many people.
As they left I was as excited as I had been for a long time.
***********
The week at school was busy, and I had a lot on. After hours though I continued to write and I even made that staple of the metal industry, a power ballad. I didn't have the lyrics for that but I kept the song as a work in progress.
Friday afternoon arrived and Gemma joined me after school finished. Her high school was not far away and as she usually did on a Friday she came to my school to meet me so we could travel home together. Today though, she was tasked with running the computer to record our music as we played. Mick and Nige both arrived a little early, Mick carrying his trusty Fender Precision Bass that had played on all of our tracks. Nige was carrying his favourite snare drum and a few sets of sticks. Always the perfectionist he spent the next few minutes manoeuvring the school's drum kit to suit him, while Mick and I tuned up.
We started on the first of the new songs and after about an hour it was ready to get down. We ran through it a couple of times, mostly because of my vocals than anything else. After listening back to the results, feeling quite pleased with our efforts, we started to work on the second track. The great feeling of us all playing together was palpable. While we were more than a little rusty, the camaraderie we shared got us through.
We knew we had to wrap up by about 5:30, so we finished playing around with the new track. I said to the boys "Why don't we play an old one, just to finish off?" before breaking into the opening chords of 'She's the One'.
Nige played the drum intro with a huge smile on his face, Mick and I both chimed in and the song began to rock. We were all facing each other, rocking out. When it came time for the lyrics, Mick and I looked at each other, before I stepped to the mike and sang our most famous tune. It was a little different singing and playing the song, but Mick helped out, backing my vocals up automatically, so the vocals kept going even when I was soloing. We rocked out like it was 1993 again, playing like we were back at the Hammersmith Apollo, our very last gig.
As we brought the song to its conclusion Nige was standing up behind the kit, I was soloing out facing him and Mick had his foot up on the bass drum. As we finished together we could hear clapping from the back of the room. Gemma was clapping happily and standing next to her was Donna, her face beaming with her beautiful smile.
"That was brilliant Jack. I haven't heard that song in ages. You guys are good. Nearly as good as when I saw 'Highly Zen', when they played at the Hammersmith in '93'." Donna said with great excitement.
Hearing Donna say this Nige began playing a familiar drum beat and Mick played along. I spun around to face them and instinctively played along. It was the music we used when introducing ourselves individually to the audience.
Mick spoke into the mike, just like he always used to. "At the back, the engine room of the band and now very successful lawyer, Nigel Anderson."
Nigel then spoke "On the bass keeping us locked in together, the 'Rockingest' car dealer I know Mick Hazelton." He was now laughing at the introductions.
Mick laughed and spoke again "And on lead guitar and vocals now apparently, the music teacher extraordinaire, Jack Larson... And we are, or we used to be 'Highly Zen'".
The look on Donna's face was priceless.
"Really!... 'Highly Zen' here at my school. My music teacher the lead guitarist... I knew I recognised you, but I couldn't for the life of me work out from where."
I had put my guitar down and walked over to Donna. "Yes Donna we used to be 'Highly Zen' and today was the first time we have played together since ... when was it Mick?"
"October '93 Jack, in the studio." Mick said, with an ironic grin that said so much to me, but would have meant little to anyone else.
I took Donna and introduced her properly to Mick and Nigel. She had transformed over the space of a couple of minutes from 'mild mannered Principal' to 'gushing fan girl'.
"I saw you play that night at the Hammersmith and you guys were brilliant. I hadn't heard your music before but you blew me away. The songs were rocking, but catchy. 'She's the One' was the perfect finishing song... Wow! I can't believe it."
We were talking about that show when Donna's mobile phone rang. She looked at it and said "It's Mackenzie. I have to go and get her from the train station. Jack we will need to talk more about this. See you next week?" Donna reached out and ran her hand down my arm, our fingers lightly touching as she moved away.
"Yes Donna. We will definitely catch up."
"See you then. Bye Mick and Nigel. Nice to meet you too."
"Bye Donna." They both said.
As she headed out of the room she said goodbye to Gemma as well.
I watched Donna walk outside, past the windows in the music room when I noticed Mick and Nigel were laughing to themselves.
"What's so funny? I asked
Nigel shook his head and said "We play together one time and you already have a 'groupie'."
"Just like the old days. The girls always go for the lead guitarist." Mick said laughing.
I was about to respond when Gemma piped up. "That's a good thing. The guitarist is single and you guys are married."
We all laughed at Gemma's comment before packing everything up to leave. I told the guys I would mix the song a little and send them copies during the week. They liked that and we agreed to have another jam next Friday.
As Gemma and I headed home, she was talking enthusiastically about our music. She had never heard us play together and couldn't believe how good we were. I was listening to her speak, but my mind was on Donna.
"Gem, how long was Donna watching us play?" I asked.
"She came into the room just after you started playing 'She's the One'." Gemma replied she looked across at me and smiled what I can only describe as a knowing smile.
"Did she speak to you? What did she say?"
Gemma had a big grin on her face now. "Well Donna came into the room with a ... surprised look on her face. She saw me at the computer and said hello, saying how I must be your daughter and introduced herself. I introduced myself and Donna said how good you were playing. I said yes you were playing well. We listened along and you finished the song."
My daughter knew me so well. She could see that I was fishing for information about Donna and she was making it as difficult as possible.
"The look on Donna's face when Uncle Nige and Uncle Mick started to play your intro music and introduced themselves was hilarious. That was when she realised who you were Dad."
I looked at Gemma and smiled, continuing our drive home. We drove in silence for a while as I was deep in thought about Donna. After a short while Gemma spoke up. This time she sounded serious. "Dad you SHOULD ask her out."
"Really Gem? I... like Donna and I don't want to make a fool of myself." I confided.
"Dad, I think she likes you too." Gemma said putting her hand on my shoulder.
As we had stopped at some traffic lights, I turned my head. Gemma had a beautiful look on her face. She just knew that I was interested in Donna and she was doing her best to reassure me it was the right thing. I leant my face down and kissed Gemma's hand.
"Thank you sweetheart." I said. Gemma squeezed my shoulder and we continued our journey home.
************
The following week at work was strange. I was on edge wanting to ask Donna out, but waiting for the right opportunity. I couldn't just barge into her office and ask her. I also wanted to avoid scrutiny from our colleagues, because news of us going out, if she did want to go out with me, would spread like wild fire as gossip is like gold in workplaces like this. On Monday I was really busy and missed seeing her. On Tuesday and Wednesday Donna was away from the school at meetings with the two other schools in our region we worked really closely with, Lachlan Vale and the school where my ex-wife is the Principal, Roberts Park.
Thursday came and I only had 1 class after recess, so I headed to the offices and staff room to grab a coffee before heading back to my classroom to keep working on arrangements for the school musical. As I walked through the offices I noticed Donna's door was open. I looked inside and Donna was typing on her computer. She looked so good. She was wearing glasses which I hadn't seen her wear before, their red frames complementing her hair, and framing her face beautifully.
I knocked on the door and said "Hello Donna."
She looked up from her computer with a little surprise, but her smile spread wide across her face. "Oh Jack hi how are you?" she gushed. "Come in, close the door and sit down."
I did as she asked as Donna quickly finished typing.
"There... Done and sent. Wow Jack. How are you? I still can't get over having a rock star at the school."
"I'm good Donna. And you don't have a 'rock star' at the school. You have a music teacher who played in a band over 25 years ago."
Donna was reaching into her desk drawer and got something out. "When I got home on Friday afternoon I went looking and found this." She handed me a CD. It was our 'Highly Zen' album with the UK cover. Just looking at the picture of us we looked so different. I looked so young and the long hair we had back then was hilarious. As I looked I could see my reflection on the CD case. I could see the last 25 years of my life right before my eyes.
"I played it and it still sounds great... Last Friday I could hear you playing after school and I didn't recognise the song you were working on, but it sounded good. I went across to see you before I left and you started to play 'She's the One' and I couldn't believe it. I hadn't heard it in years... You all played it so well. I just didn't realise that you wrote it and played it originally.'
"Yes that was us. Guilty as charged... Did you really see us at the Hammersmith?"
"Oh yes. My boyfriend at the time wanted to see the headliners and he dragged me along. We were quite near the front. I remember seeing you play. You were so good that night... You could tell you were all playing ... with real energy, trying to make it. The headliners were a bit blasé, just another gig. Was it really your last show?"
"Yep. We broke up trying to record our second album and we hadn't played together till last Friday." I replied. Looking at Donna she looked so happy talking with me, so relaxed with me. Now was the time.
"Donna, how long have you lived here since coming from Sydney?"
"Jack it would only be...ummmm... 6 weeks. I moved down here the week before we came back to work. Why do you ask?"
"Have you had much of a chance to have a look around the area yet?"
"No not really. I'm still trying to get my house set up and get my head around the job here."
I took a deep breath. "Donna... Would you like to go out with me on Saturday? I could show you around the area, have lunch together, a nice day out."
Donna bit her bottom lip and broke out her beautiful smile. "Jack Larson are you asking me on a date?"
With all the bravado of the 'rock star' I used to be I said "Yes Donna Silk I am."
Donna was just beaming when she said "Oh Jack I'd love to. That sounds really good."
We briefly arranged for me to pick her up from her house at 10am on Saturday. I then said "I had better get your number from you." As I got my phone from my pocket. I set up to create a new contact when Donna took my phone.
"It will be quicker if I do it." She said with a smile. When she finished her mobile rang. "And now I have your number too, as 'you' just rang me." She said laughing.
Just then her office phone rang and Donna answered. She spoke briefly before excusing herself from the call. "Sorry Jack, but I have to take this... I can't wait to see you on Saturday."
"Neither can I. I'll talk to you before then... Bye Donna.
"Bye Jack."
As I left her office I was on cloud nine.
************
It was an overcast day with a cool wind blowing when I arrived at Donna's house that Saturday morning. I was wearing my jeans, nice shirt and boots, wanting to look casually good. Our houses were only about 5 minutes apart, so it was easy to get to her place. We had been texting each other a little over the previous couple of days, and I was well and truly excited about going out with her. On my way there I took a slight detour to a florist and picked up a bunch of daisies to give to Donna. I remembered seeing that she had a daisy charm on a necklace she wore and I thought she might like them.
I knocked on her door and Donna answered straight away. She looked amazing. The first thing I noticed was the beautiful smile on her face as she looked happy to see me. Her stunning red hair was out and around her shoulders. She was wearing a black jacket over a white shirt, with tight black jeans and black knee high boots.
"Hi Jack." Donna said, sounding both a little excited and nervous.
"Hi Donna. You look great." I said at my eloquent best.
She giggled and moved her hair with her right hand. "Thanks Jack. You look great too." She replied, seemingly a little embarrassed by my compliment.
I then pulled the flowers out from behind my back. "Oh these are for you. I hope you like them."
"Oh Jack they're gorgeous. Thank you so much. How did you know I liked daisies?"
"I remembered you had a necklace with a daisy charm on it, so I thought you must like them."
"I do Jack, they are my favourite. Come in while I put these in some water."
Going inside, Donna's house looked really nice. It was quite new, bright and airy. "Sorry about the mess. I'm still getting everything where I want it."
"It looks great Donna. I love the pictures."
"Mackenzie painted them. She is so artistic, not like me, or her father either for that matter... There the daisies are done. Thank you again Jack." She said as she put them in pride of place on the dining table.
We left her house and drove 20 minutes to a nice little beachside town. Our conversation in the car had been about work, nothing too deep. On arrival we found a little café and grabbed a couple of coffees. As we sat down I asked "Well Donna what brings a beautiful English woman out here to our little town?"
Donna blushed a little as I said this and laughed. I really liked that Donna is quick witted. She flicked her hair back with her hand and said "Hi I'm Donna. I'm 43, single and originally from Surrey." Playing along like we were on a 'speed date' or something. She laughed as she said this and I was laughing too.
Calming down a little she said "I came out to Australia because my husband was from Sydney. We met at the school where I was teaching in London. James had just graduated over here and wanted to work in England... We met, started going out, fell in love..." she smiled.
"We got married in 2002, and I had Mackenzie in 2005. When Mackenzie was 3, we decided to move out here permanently. I had been here visiting his family before and thought it would be a good move. And it was. We love it in Australia..." Donna's voice then changed a little.
"James and I wanted more c***dren and we weren't having success. He was getting tired very easily and really bad migraines ... we had tests to find out why we weren't falling pregnant and found out that he had a brain tumour."
I reached out and held Donna's hand. "Oh Donna, that must have been terrible." I said, not really knowing what to say. She smiled at me and then continued on.
"James had chemo and radiation, and it took ages, but he finally got the all clear. He was off work for nearly 12 months as he needed time to recuperate. I was working and Mackenzie was now at school. He was well for nearly 2 years before the tumour came back... This time his fight was just for time. He passed away in October 2014..."
I was still holding Donna's hand and looking into her eyes. She was blinking a little more than usual, and a few tears were rolling down her cheeks. She let go of my hand, took a tissue from her handbag and dabbed her eyes dry.
Donna looked at me and sighed, a look of concern came across her face. "I struggled for a long while Jack... I knew he was going to 'go', but it was hard, really hard to keep it together, especially for Mackenzie... I looked after her and she looked after me... James' family were really good, as were all my friends who I taught with, so that helped me greatly... I actually thought about going back to England, but decided against it as being out here felt like home.
"I buried myself in my work and looking after Mackenzie. These things kept me going... I worked hard and made Vice Principal at Bradford. I enjoyed it, but I was feeling... 'Empty' at home. Mackenzie and I talked so many times about moving away from the city, away from our old house and all the sadness in its walls... The job came up here and I am so glad I applied for it. A completely new start for Mackenzie and me." Donna said, her face now back to its usual happy countenance.
"You have had so much happen Donna. How does Mackenzie feel about boarding school?" I asked.
"She actually wanted to stay at the school, as she has so many friends there. Her father went to the boy's school associated with Ravensfield and he wanted Mackenzie to go to that school. She knows he wants her to be there and I think that is another reason why she chose to stay there."
I smiled "Sounds to me that Mackenzie is a 'mature' 13 year old."
"She is amazing Jack. So smart, and so wise for her age. But she is also cheeky and can be a pain too, but she is everything to me."
"I can see that." I said smiling at the pride Donna had for her daughter.
"You seem to have a good relationship with you daughter Jack?"
"Oh yes. Gemma and I are very close. Even though she lives with her mother, she talks to me regularly through the week and she spends 3 out of 4 weekends with me. We do have our ups and downs, but as she has grown up our relationship has only gotten better. My son Andrew and I have a great relationship too, but he now lives in Sydney, close to University. I don't see him as much as I'd like to, but we do talk regularly and we do catch up when we can. " I smiled thinking about my wonderful c***dren and how much they mean to me.
Donna could see the look of pride on my face and was smiling at me. I then realised I hadn't told her anything about my past.
"I have been divorced for a little over 2 years now, when I found out my ex was cheating on me."
"Jack that is awful. I'm so sorry." Donna said, looking at me with concern written all over her face.
"Thank you Donna, but our relationship had been gradually declining for the previous few years... We met at Uni, in our final year. When we graduated we went out to the country to work, getting jobs in schools close to each other. We fell in love, got married in '97, and had Andrew in '98 and Gemma in 2000... In 2003 when we moved back here, she took a job at another school and I started at Smith Street, where I have been ever since.
"Our relationship broke down slowly, deteriorating in a way I didn't even realise... Thinking back about it now, we got together when we were young and spent so much time together out in the country and when we moved back here. We were our first real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and I think we stayed together longer than we should have because... We didn't know how to express our negative feelings to each other... Anyway I learnt a lot about myself from that experience and I am now happier in my life than I have been for a long time." As I said this I looked into Donna's eyes.
Donna was smiling too as I said this. The look we exchanged together said so much, probably more than I think either of us wanted to share at that stage in our relationship.
The rest of our date went so well. We explored the beachside town, had a beautiful lunch and talked and talked, sharing stories about our lives, working, and our k**s. It felt so great to be with someone who actually wanted to be with me, who was interested in me and I was interested in her. I hadn't laughed so much as I did that day for a long time. Donna and I seemed to 'get' each other and it felt to me like we couldn't get enough of each other.
As the day turned into evening I held her hand for the first time. Donna giggled as we held hands, before she stopped walking and turned to face me. She placed her hands on my waist and looked up into my eyes, before leaning in towards me. I did the same and we kissed. The kiss lasted a few seconds before Donna leant back.
She bit her lip before breaking out into her beaming smile. "Sorry Jack, I just couldn't help myself." She giggled.
I placed my hands on her face, drawing her close and kissed her again. Our kiss soon turned passionate, her tongue dancing with mine. I slipped my hands down and we cuddled close as we kissed.
When we came up for air, I could see that Donna looked so happy. "Don't ever be sorry for kissing me Donna... You can kiss me anytime you like." I said laughing.
"Ok Jack... I think I might just have to take you up on that offer." She said cheekily before we kissed again. I could feel Donna's beautiful curves under my hands and against my body as we cuddled close. The little moans we shared indicated we both wanted to be together.
Breaking apart we continued to hold hands, walking close together. We ended up sharing a pizza at a little Italian place before we headed back to Donna's house. Sitting in the car we kissed again, before heading to her door. Donna asked me to have lunch at her house the following day and I of course accepted the invitation.
Kissing goodnight at the door was so difficult. I had experienced the best day in a long time with a beautiful, intelligent, cheeky, funny woman and she liked me too. It was difficult because I was already falling for her and I really didn't want to say goodnight.
We did eventually say goodnight and see you tomorrow, both with longing in our voices. As I got to my car I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I looked at her door and I could see Donna looking at me, smiling happily. She saw me looking and waved to me, before blowing me a kiss. I grinned and did the same, driving home as happy as I had ever been.
*************
Seeing Donna for the second time was even better. While our first date was amazing, seeing her at her house for lunch was so much more relaxed. Donna was wearing blue jeans and a very nice pale blue 'bohemian' style shirt. This shirt was very pretty and showed a very attractive amount of cleavage. I too had jeans on and a dark blue polo shirt.
After a very warm, cuddly and passionate greeting at the door, we moved into the kitchen. Donna cooked a beautiful lunch and as we ate we talked about many things. After lunch we cleaned up before moving to her lounge room, sitting close together on her large lounge. It was here that Donna wanted to talk about the band again.
"So Jack you have never said what happened when the band broke up? Was it like they said in the music papers at the time 'creative differences' between you and Pat???"
I laughed a little as Donna said this. "Shouting matches, pushing and shoving, throwing instruments... Yeah you could say 'creative differences'."
"Really?"
"Yes really. We fought so much in the studio trying to make that second album. Actually thinking about it, all our differences started when we began to have success..." I hadn't spoken about this for a long time and I still found it a little difficult to talk about. Donna reached her hand over and held mine.
I took a deep breath. "Success came so quickly for us Donna. Pat was studying music and had studio session time as part of his course. We went in with him and recorded our songs... Well the first album really, over 3 weekends in the middle of '91. Someone from Pat's course heard the songs, then a record label then heard them and by the end of the year we had a manager and had signed a recording contract. I deferred Uni and we were out on the road. We played clubs, universities, were a support act many times, went anywhere to play our songs. By mid '92 we were getting radio air play, recorded our video and were starting to 'make it'.
"In the summer of '92/93 we were headlining our own shows, working really hard. Other bands, established bands, were taking notice and we were becoming known to our peers. We played a couple of festivals that summer and while we were on minor stages, they were still by far the biggest crowds we ever played for..."
I sighed and looked at Donna and she looked into my eyes. I could see she was being supportive and wanted me to share.
"We were just suburban k**s Donna. We definitely were not prepared for the lifestyle and the journey we experienced. We had never had that much 'attention' before. Touring gave us a very strange lifestyle. We also had money like we never had before. We were drinking way too much and dabbling in other substances. We had girls chasing us, a record company pandering to our every need... We were in over our heads." I shook my head as all of these memories came flooding back.
Donna moved closer and put her arm around me, holding me close, kissing me on the cheek in a really loving way, almost reassuring me it was ok.
I sighed and continued "Before we went on the England tour someone tipped Pat off to the 'sound' coming out of Seattle. He loved it and insisted we listen to the 'grunge' music that was coming out; Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Nirvana... I didn't like the music at the time because I never felt that ... Sad. The music initially made me feel down. I had no reason to feel down. I was living my dream. Nige and Mick didn't like that music either at the time. I appreciate it now, some is pure genius, but it didn't strike that chord with me at the time. Pat loved it though. He started to become very introspective and encouraged by some of his 'entourage' he started to write in this style.
"After the tour, we had some time off and being home was great. I wrote so much music. I even had ideas for lyrics to work on with Pat. Songs about girls wanting to be with us, being away from home, having a good time, all the things that we were experiencing in our lives. When we got to the studio to record, I came armed with these new tracks for us to record that were in our style..." I said with a big smile on my face. Donna was smiling too.
"Pat then starts playing us the demos he had done that were all very 'down', minor key, very introspective. I thought they were depressing... We tried them out as a band and they sounded awful. I could not get my playing right to fit these songs... I actually don't think I wanted to get them right. We tried the songs I did and they sounded like us. But Pat didn't like them at all, saying they were juvenile.
"It was on. Pat and I shouted at each other like never before. ... It was all too much. Pat complained about Nige and Mick's playing, and my songs. I lost it, threw my guitar at Pat and left the studio, saying I was done. I wouldn't play his 'depressing grunge' songs...
"That night I was at home, still living with my parents, when Mick rang and said he left the band too. We got together and commiserated over too many drinks. As we talked together he told me why he left. Apparently after I had stormed out, Mick went to talk with Pat to calm him down and talk sense with him. One of Pat's 'hangers on' he had started to have around him said that it wasn't a big deal that I had left as my guitar playing wasn't that good. Mick then said that Pat agreed with the comment. Mick fired up about it, and Pat said 'Well you can leave as well'. So he did."
"Oh Jack that was awful. If it wasn't for your songs together you wouldn't have been there." Donna said.
"Well at the time he didn't think like that. His 'people' were trying to make Pat the next 'Dylan' or something. He wrote good lyrics, but only lyrics he knew about. He started to try and write these 'meaningful' songs and they were just rubbish...
"Nige called me the next day and said that he had left Pat as well. The three of us got together and got completely wasted... I woke up the next day, well after noon, feeling sicker than ever. I was so over music, the bullshit and fighting. Nige called and said he was done playing music as he didn't want to fight with his best friends. I agreed saying I didn't want to play music anymore. Mick went away for a month and when he returned he went to work for his family in their car dealership. He is still there, but now he owns it. Nige went back to Uni and finished his law degree, and I went back to finish my teaching. I cut my hair and was unrecognisable. Back at Uni I was just Jack Larson another aspiring teacher."
"Umm Jack, did you ever speak to Pat again?"
"It wasn't until... ummm ... early '97. He was touring country venues in his latest incarnation as a country singer. He was playing the town we lived in and my ex made me go to see him. I watched him play and it was 'ok'. He was still trying to be the great singer songwriter and country did seem to suit him. But to me he wasn't enjoying himself and to top it off he didn't look well.
"After the show I waited and spoke to him. He was stand offish at first, but after a couple of minutes he was ok. He said he was sorry for what had happened and I believed he was sorry. We did make up somewhat that night, but we had both moved on. We were different people. ... I never spoke to him again. He od'ed 18 months later in country Queensland after a show... We all went to his funeral and it was sad to say goodbye to my friend, but in all honesty I think I had actually said my goodbyes when I saw him play that last time. "
Donna looked so sad as I said this and she wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. It felt so good to be cared for again. I cuddled Donna tight and we were really close, physically and more importantly, emotionally. Moving apart we kissed, briefly. Donna looked right into my eyes, and I got lost looking deeply into her beautiful grey green pools. She leaned forward and kissed me again.
"Umm Jack can I just ask you something else?"
"Of course Donna. What is it?" I replied feeling better.
"In all of the times you have mentioned your ex-wife you have never said her name? Why is that?"
I smiled. "There is a reason for that... She is still in Education and at one of our regional schools we work with. I won't mention her name as you will probably have to work with her at some stage and I wouldn't want my previous relationship with her to ... ummm... Cloud your judgement of her. She is good at what she does for work, just not good at having a relationship with me."
Donna's curiosity seemed to be piqued with this information. "Have I met her already Jack?"
"You might have. But I'm not going to say anything more."
"Ok Jack." Donna replied, looking deep in thought, wondering who it could be.
We got comfortable on the lounge and Donna put on a movie. As we sat there, I had my arm around her and she was snuggled up close to me. I moved my hand along her arm, grazing my fingertips gently over her beautiful soft skin. Donna sighed a little, scrunching even closer to me.
I leant down and kissed her hair, smelling the flowery fragrance of her shampoo. Donna turned her face and kissed me.
"Jack, you make me feel like a 'teenager' again, holding hands, cuddling and kissing." Donna said as her tongue snuck out and moistened her lips. She adjusted her position on the lounge and she was partly lying on top of me, her face really close to mine. Her gorgeous grey green eyes looked deep into mine as she said "I really like you Jack."
I whispered my reply "And I really like you Donna." Before leaning forward and kissing her.
She responded, kissing me with passion. Arms went around each other and we 'made out'. Donna's kisses were so intense, so filled with emotion. The chemistry between us was amazing, particularly for people who had only known each other for such a short time.
Donna's soft curves felt amazing so close to me, under my hands. Her hands were wandering, feeling and exploring me. She squeezed my bum and pulled me close to her. I did the same, holding her full derriere in my hands.
Our actions began to get a little steamier. I slowly began to move against Donna, as my excitement was becoming more 'prominent'. Donna groaned and began to do the same against me. Things were getting very hot and heavy when Donna broke away from my kisses sitting up a little.
"Jack...Jack please stop... Stop."
"Are you ok Donna?" I asked, hoping I hadn't upset her
Donna was looking flushed, her hair all over the place. "Jack this is great... amazing, but if we keep going I... I don't think I would be able to stop. And I don't want to do 'that'. Not yet." Donna replied looking coy. "Is that ok?"
"Of course it is. I don't want to rush things either. I really like you Donna ... And I never want to make you uncomfortable."
"You are so wonderful Jack." Donna said before she kissed me lightly, running her hand down my cheek. "It isn't that I don't want more. I definitely want more of you." Donna said with a giggle, like I noticed she did when she was a little nervous.
"It's just that... Rrrrgh... It has just been Mackenzie and I for so long and she means everything to me... I ummm... I think I would like her to meet you before we 'go further'. I know she will like you, but I just want her to know you Jack. ... Does that make sense?"
I moved my hand up and caressed her beautiful face. "It makes perfect sense to me. I would really like to meet her too."
Donna smiled as I said this and she kissed me again.
The rest of the afternoon was great. We had set a boundary and while we both wanted more, we knew how far we could go. We relaxed and finished watching the movie, cuddling close on the lounge. We shared more stories about our lives. I could listen to Donna talk all day. I tried to take in every detail about her. It was the little things about Donna that I liked most; when she smiled how her dimples blossomed, the sparkle in her eyes when she looked at me, the way her hair fell down around her face, the softness of her womanly curves, the few lines around her eyes, the smattering of freckles on her arms. I loved feeling her soft hands on me and the way she bit her bottom lip when she was excited.
If it had been difficult leaving the previous night it was even worse now. I didn't want to go, but we both knew it was the right thing to do. We arranged for Donna and Mackenzie to come over to my house for dinner the following Saturday night. Gemma was going to be with me for the weekend as well, so we thought this would be a great opportunity for our girls to meet and get to know each other, and for them to get to know us as well. We also agreed to keep quiet at school as we didn't want word of our 'going out' to spread throughout the school.
We kissed passionately as we said goodbye. Driving back to my house I felt so happy. I hadn't been with anyone since my divorce. Whether it was destiny, fate or just dumb luck, I felt I had found the woman for me. I had fallen for Donna and I was going to do everything to make sure I wasn't going to lose her.
**********
The following week at school was the toughest I had ever experienced. Not because of the school work, the k**s or the parents. It was because the woman I had fallen for was so close to me and I couldn't do anything about it. We did our best to keep our successful dates a secret, and to keep our relationship professional at school, but it was very difficult. I just wanted to go to Donna, hold her in my arms and kiss her. We messaged each other constantly after working hours, but we agreed not to see each other again until Saturday night.
Nige, Mick and I rehearsed again on Friday and we had now worked through 4 songs, getting them all recorded. All the excitement and 'sexual tension' with Donna did give me a lot of creative energy and I continued to write even more songs. We now had 15 song ideas to work on, and Mick and Nige liked working together again. We didn't take my ideas as set in stone, but rather a template to begin and create from. They often changed things in the songs and helped to improve the lyrics as I was still very much a novice lyricist.
I loved having them help with the music. As we were all now 'grown up' the songs we created, while still being close to our style, were a lot more mature than just the 'party and chase girls' songs we used to play.
Saturday evening finally came around. Gemma had been such a great help in getting things ready for the dinner. She even gave up going out with her friends to stay in with us for the night. She too wanted the night to go well as she could see how happy I was with Donna.
Donna and Mackenzie arrived and both looked pleased to be there. Donna gave me a kiss as she came inside. Oh how nice it felt to kiss her again. Mackenzie surprised me with her confidence. She is a beautiful girl, dark hair like her father, and a slimmer build than her mother. But she did have her mother's captivating eyes. After introductions and a tour around my house we sat down and began to get acquainted. We talked school, work, boarding school, exams; all the things the girls were into.
It was all going very well when Mackenzie then asked me "Jack, Mum said she saw you play with your band years ago in England? Do you remember the show?"
"I sure do Mackenzie. It was the last gig we played together before we split up... Actually I was going to show you all this later, but now seems to be a good time. Just give me a second."
I raced to my office and picked up a DVD from my desk. Coming back to the living room the ladies were all talking together and I went over and put the DVD on.
"Donna, Mackenzie you are about to see something that hasn't ever been shown before. I don't think you have seen this one either Gemma. ... I found this in my office. We had that show at the Hammersmith filmed for the potential live release at a later date. Here is our set from that night."
I pressed play and we watched as 'Highly Zen' played our set. I watched with great interest as the ladies saw me playing in full flight. Thankfully the show was as good as I remembered. Donna was smiling and enjoying it, making comments here and there. Mackenzie and Gemma liked it, but had giggles as our 'rock star poses and moves' were very 90's and not like anything today, apparently.
About half way through the show the camera panned around showing the audience. Donna yelled "Stop it Jack, stop it there." I did and we backed it up a little. "Oh my god Jack! That's me, right there." Donna was pointing at the screen at a young woman with dark hair. Freezing the picture you could see her face and yes it was Donna.
"Mum you had dark hair then." Mackenzie said, sounding surprised.
Donna laughed "Yes sweetheart. I was going through my 'rebellious rocker' stage and I dyed my hair. I look a bit like you don't you think." Donna laughed.
Mackenzie, who has dark hair like her father had, laughed too.
"See Jack, I told you I was there." Donna said, in a sort of mocking way, like I hadn't believed her.
"I never doubted you for a second. You knew too much about us to have not been there." I replied smiling happily at her. Donna was smiling back at me.
We watched the rest of the show and then had a very nice dinner together. We were all getting along very well. Gemma and Mackenzie got along like a house on fire, and even exchanged phone numbers to keep in touch.
As the night drew to a close, we all said our goodbyes. As I said goodbye to Mackenzie I thanked her for coming over and how pleased I was to have finally met her. She smiled and said "It's great to meet you Jack too. I can now see how come Mum likes you so much."
"I like her very much too." I said.
Mackenzie said "I'm glad."
Donna and I kissed goodbye, both of us very happy with how the night went. We promised to call and talk as soon as we could.
**********
We spoke briefly the next day and Donna was very excited. She and Mackenzie had talked about me and apparently Mackenz