Classic Massage Seduction of Friend 8217 s Sexy MILF Mom
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Introduction: Kim fell asleep with her son and awoke in an entirely different heaven stretching her milf pussy! It had been years since I was roused from a sound sleep by the feel of a hard cock pressing into my pussy. My eyes didnt want to open but my pussy didnt have a problem allowing the invading dick to slide deep inside my cum filled pussy. When the deep thrusts jarring my entire body finally roused me my breathing was Lamaze like. Each deep stroke of the cock filling me caused my entire...
Chapter Ten: Futa-Mommy and the Hot MILF By mypenname3000 Copyright 2020 Note: Thanks to Alex for beta reading this! Madeline Marlow I stared in shock at Lupita Reyes, the math professor, staring with horror and disgust at us. She had caught me getting ass-fucked by my futa-daughter while I licked out Aoi's pussy, making the student cum on my face. Her cream dripped down my chin. “Madeline Marlow!” Lupita gasped in shock. “You're fucking the students. What is wrong with you? And one of...
I went over my girlfriend’s house to pick her up for our prom date. Her MILF mom Jackie met me at the door. She told me Becky was still getting ready but she needed to talk to me in private. She led me through her house and down to the basement. I enjoyed the trip since I could watch her marvelous ass sway as she walked. Jackie is in her early forties. She is shorter than Becky. She is 5’ 3” tall and curvy. She has great tits, 38DD cup and her ass is remarkable. She has piercing green eyes and...
MILFI went over my girlfriend’s house to pick her up for our prom date. Her MILF mom Jackie met me at the door. She told me Becky was still getting ready but she needed to talk to me in private. She led me through her house and down to the basement. I enjoyed the trip since I could watch her marvelous ass sway as she walked. Jackie is in her early forties. She is shorter than Becky. She is 5’ 3” tall and curvy. She has great tits, 38DD cup and her ass is remarkable. She has piercing green eyes and...
My hands gripped the edge of the mattress tightly as my back arched, hips pressing my pussy back into the rapidly pistoning dick as I cum intensely. “Yeah, that’s it baby, give it up, cum on this black dick”, I heard said to me. I couldn’t prevent the loud moan that escaped me as I recognized Tim’s voice and realized that he was fucking me, pounding his black cock deep in my white milf pussy while I cum repeatedly. I lost it, I mean completely came undone and began ramming my pussy back...
Hi ISS readers! My name is Urvashi (20 years old). I have a boyfriend!. I love sex. I seem to have picked up this amazing passion from my naughty milf mom Urmila (43 years old), an insatiable woman. I helped her get better cocks inside her pussy, starting from this one! One lazy summer afternoon, my mom and I were lying on the bed. I was wearing a big cotton t-shirt that reached my thighs. Since my body is slim, a big cotton t-shirt is what I need to cover my curvy body when I am at home. My...
LesbianIntroduction: Kim was a normal milf soccer mom until her husband got promoted and neglected her growing sex urges. Hi! I am writing this as a means of trying to figure out what forces in my life compelled me to become a woman with unsatiable desires, desires so taboo and forbidden that I shall assume a hidden identity to enable me to write this. I will use the name of Kim for myself, Joel for my husband and our children will become Rick, 19 yrs old and Mackenzie, 18 yrs of age. I believe our...
Linda arrives home from work one evening and the question had been burning on her lips all day. She waited until serving dinner to ask her husband Brian 'The new guy at work told me something today' Linda said 'He told me I looked like a soccermom. Do you know what that means?'Brian almost chokes as he is just taking his first fork of food. 'Well I can tell you what he means or what he is thinking, or both' he says. Lindas look means she needs a prper answer. Brian continues, well he either...
Chapter Five: Latina MILF's Futa Delight By mypenname3000 Copyright 2020 Note: Thanks to Alex for beta reading this! At the same time, Kayleen Harland was finishing up with the next batch of her miracle substance, her daughter, Jolene, was hurriedly dressing in Mrs. Morales's living room. Jolene pulled her baggy skirt over her big futa-dick, still wet with MILF juices. She left Mrs. Morales swimming in jizz. As she rushed to the front door, she pulled on her top. Kayleen hummed away as...
My name is Batsy, I am 25 years old and I live in Mumbai. I work in a multinational company for a living. I am not married as well as not in any relationship. Well, I don’t want to love or marry someone. I just want to have sex with no relationships. My hobby is having sex with random ladies. I am good at attracting ladies because I am well-built and handsome and also good at flirting. I don’t just have sex with young ladies but I do fuck milfs too. Well, I prefer milfs to younger women because...
Daddy tells mom that the pool guys should be here sometime today, to fix the pump. Mom said that will be good, so we can have that pool party we have every year. Daddy slapped mom on the ass as he gave her a kiss before going to work.I came up stairs with just a tshirt and my thong undies on, mom told me I needed to get dressed cuza the pool guys were coming over. I told her that I was just getting a drink, then in the shower for work.Mom came downstairs to put a load of wash in and seen me...
Hi friends, this is my first story, and I hope you enjoy it. This story is in between my stepmom, Molly, and me, Jitu. My mom is fair looking and her age 51 but looking like 35, having 34B sized boobs and 35 butts. She is really a milf mom. I think her belly area will be around 30. Her height is also good – 5ft 6in. You can think she looks like Malayalam actress Asha Sarath. We are staying in Kerala. My family consists of me, my mom, and dad. My dad is a businessman, and he continuously travels...
Incestmilf Mom I'd Like to Fuck, or Mature I'd Like to Fuck A MILF is any woman with children who has men that want to have sexual intercourse with her. The term is also sometimes used to describe women above a certain aged (30 or 40+) who are not mothers themselves, but are deemed to be sexually attractive, and also have men that would like to partake in sexual intercourse with them. PICK A STORY BELOW
MILFChapter Six: Futa-Mommies Love Their Daughters By mypenname3000 Copyright 2020 Note: Thanks to Alex for beta reading this! Jolene Harland had a great time with her new futa-dick, but she was eager to see what her sexy mother had gotten up to. She wanted to compare notes with mommy dearest. Humming to herself, she left eighteen-year-old Ingrid Morales to scamper upstairs with a tummy full of cum. That girl was eager to see what her futa-mother was up to. Dressing quickly, Jolene Harland...
Note: Thanks to Alex for beta reading this! Madeline Marlow I stared in shock at Lupita Reyes, the math teacher, staring with horror and disgust at us. She had caught me getting ass-fucked by my futa-daughter while I licked out Aoi’s pussy, making the student cum on my face. Her cream dripped down my chin. “Madeline Marlow!” Lupita gasped in shock. “You’re fucking the students. What is wrong with you? And one of them is your own daughter!” “This ... I...” “We have to seduce her, Mom,”...
Hello, guys, I am pretty much new to Indian Sex Stories. Came on it when I searched the net for something hot. This is my real sex story. I was starving for sex and was tried of masturbation. I wanted a milf pussy. I had a friend Anu, my bestie, my angel. Her mother Megha. She was hot doll quit modern for her age. I was dumbstruck when I got to know she was just 39, her husband was in the army and passed out 4 years ago. That’s when she moved here with her daughter. She had a wheatish...
My Mom the Milf I was always curious about sex with my mom. She was drunk a lot and it was easy to look. I'd look at her shapely breasts and shaven pussy and jerk off while she was passed out nude on her bed. I was eighteen and had sex with girlfriends but sex with mom was burning me up. I got home early on a Friday night since she'd come in loaded around ten o'clock and get naked a pass out. I heard her walking up the stairs to her bedroom and popped out to ask if she needed anything. She was...
Hello everyone, my name is Avinash. I am 26 years old with an average body, a height of 5 ft 10 inches. Today, I am going to narrate to you the most exciting sex encounter that happened with my friend’s mom. Her name is Nikita (name changed), age 46 and she is a perfect MILF with a chubby body, thick thighs, and ass, along with big melons. She has a sharp nose and she is fair in complexion. She has waist-length long hair. Her son and I are very good friends since childhood. His name is Dikshit...
Carol’s mom had moved in with her then Lover, and now husband. Bill lives in a very nice house, about an hour outside of the city, with a huge yard, and really not to many neighbors near him. Now these two have known each other for years, even before Carol’s dad died. They were all nudists and swingers, and after about a year, Susan and Bill started dating. Bill is around 52 now, and Susan is 50, and by looking at her, you would think she is maybe 40. She is about 5’ 4, 120 lbs, with auburn...
Chapter Four: Latina MILF's Futa Discipline By mypenname3000 Copyright 2020 Note: Thanks to Alex for beta reading this! Christine Holt I opened the door to the house, eager to get in, get changed, and get out before I ran into my mom. I didn't see her in the living room. A lavender scent filled my nose. One of Mom's dumb scented candles she was trying to sell on the internet. She thought she'd be the next Martha Steward or some dumb shit like that. Though, it did smell good. I took...
As a commissioned story, I initially didn't plan on uploading it on FM. However, since it's related to my previous MILF machine story, I thought I might as well. Thanks for reading! The MILF Machine: A Day in the Life By Dr. Beaubourg Commissioned by Jwargod Hello again. It is I, Marty Campbell, your ever humble narrator. I thought you'd want to know a little bit more about my life after I stumbled upon...
Finishing up your school day you wait outside with your friend for your moms to pick you up, your mom calls you and asks if you can ask very nicely and get to stay overnight at Ethan's house since she cant pick you up You turn to Ethan and ask if you could please stay at his house overnight, "sure man, we dont have any guests and will be happy to have you" "Thanks man i dont know what i would do without you" His moms car pulls up and Ethan tells his mom about you staying, Sharon puts her head...
MILFThe remainder of that day I spent in a Sexual and speculative frenzy, for after accepting the invitation from Kerim to stay the night in their house adjoining the Slave barn, my first act had been to go back into the ‘training room’ and ram my rock hard cock into the inviting cunt of the young girl who, all the while we had been next door, had continued to kneel face down on the dirt floor. She’d certainly been trained very well indeed. Having dispensed with the idea of using any of the...
Note: Thanks to Alex for beta reading this! Christine Holt I opened the door to the house, eager to get in, get changed, and get out before I ran into my mom. I didn’t see her in the living room. A lavender scent filled my nose. One of Mom’s dumb scented candles she was trying to sell on the internet. She thought she’d be the next Martha Steward or some dumb shit like that. Though, it did smell good. I took another deep inhalation. A tingle rippled through me. I could see lighting one of...
POV Sandra "Hey, Sandra," she said, coming towards me. "I think we should talk," she muttered, sitting next to me. "What's up, London?" She stayed silent and couldn't make eye contact. I wasn't sure what she had on her mind, but I waited her out and even placed a hand on her leg. "I love Keisha and Gia, I think at worst, they love our sons. Best case scenario, they're in fact ready to take the next step. It’s been a year now, and we've been sharing our sons with them. I know...
IncestChapter One: MILF's Throbbing Futa Surprise By mypenname3000 Copyright 2020 Note: Thanks to Alex for beta reading this! In the basement laboratory, Jolene Harland held up the glass vial staring at the reaction happening in the solution. What had started out as a deep blue liquid was now transforming into a bright, almost hot, pink. The twenty-year-old girl pushed up her glasses with her free hand as she waited for the reaction to come to an end. The solution settled into that pink hue....
Why do MILFs give me such a rock hard johnson? Is it because they're so stressed they always need a good pounding to get the kids off the mind? I have no idea since I'm not a fucking woman and no goddamn parent. No, I think that MILFs are fucking sexy, refined, know what they want and because they're such good parents… goddamnit, they deserve a fucking that they can finger themselves to for years to come, okay?Show me a MILF that's too busy making shit work, and I'll show you one that's ready...
Mature Porn SitesThis is my second story here at FM, and my first written in first-person perspective, so feel free to leave some constructive criticism. Thanks for reading! The MILF Machine By Dr. Beaubourg Hey, how's it going? My name's Martin Campbell, although my friends call me Marty. Some people call me Mrs. Campbell. If I like them, I let them call me Helen. This is the story of how I came into the possession of the magnificent MILF machine, and how it changed my life. Stick around...
All was now ready and early and that evening, after the heat of the day had subsided, Jane Richards was driving down the quiet winding country road, toward the small nearby coastal town on a regular late afternoon visit to purchase her groceries. In doing so our MILF spotted the figure of a lone female, standing beside a stationary car with its hood raised, signifying an obvious breakdown of sorts to the tall slim Blonde Englishwoman. Realising the young woman appeared to be alone and in...
Introduction: Having committed herself to performing multiple acts of donkey sex in Tijuana next weekend, an enterprising MILF turns to performing in porn movies to whip herself into mental and physical sex shape for the beastly event. As a part of the deal, she has to pass out some freebees to a Senator and several of his horny young relatives. The Donkey Solution, Part 2C MILFs Porn Movie Sex, Plus Freebees A DREAM BLOWJOB: As Michelle slowly came awake she attempted to lick her lips but...
Chapter Six: Futa-Daughter's MILF Rebellion By mypenname3000 Copyright 2020 Note: Thanks to Alex for beta reading this! Sky Marlow I stood frozen at the sight of Natalie. Water spilled down my bestest friend's big tits. More gleamed on her wrist and ran down the outside of the glass she held. She had almost run into me at the base of the stairs. Her question hung in the air. “What are you doing?” she'd asked. Going to fuck that MILF across the street, I thought. But it was really...
What is it about hot fucking MILFs that makes your dick stop whatever it's thinking about and turn its attention to these refined, sex beasts? I know I'm not alone, either! These little pricks you see around college campuses wearing their stupid fucking hats and chasing young freshmen with fuck-all pick-ups lines can keep the inexperienced teens whining that they, 'have to put their mouth on that.' Give me the goddamn cougar that, 'yes please,' and, 'how deep you want me to blow it?'...
Mature Porn SitesThe Do-gooder MILF The Do-gooder MILF -2 The Do-gooder MILF -3 MILF Meat The Do-gooder MILF -4 BASTARDS The Do-gooder MILF -5 She is Mine Oh this is so sweet, my Tommy has her tits in his hands and I am grabbing them too. Oh shit, we are working together. I can actually feel him throbbing inside her. I can feel him cumming. Ah the Bitch is moaning. She likes it. Tommy shot his load in Joan’s ass. Come on, one of you guys, fuck my ass. It was hard to tell if she really...
First off, to get an idea of me, I work downtown and most of my wardrobe is mostly slacks, button-ups, polos, and proud of my dress shoe collection lol. So when I go out I am dressed well, and clean cut. Anyway, I managed to swing a night with a woman through the suaveness at the blackjack table. She obviously knew what she was doing and was up about $700. I sit down with a Anyway, this milf was stacked with a short black skirt on that kept riding up exposing he lingerie.. Which was a...
"Hey, Amy," I said, walking into her room."Hey, Ben," she responded, turning to me. "How have you been?" she pondered before kissing me.I failed to answer and just checked her out for a moment in silence."Does that mean you like the top, Ben? Is it all the colors?""And the black pants too, they perfectly match your hair," I answered, feeling a few strands. 'I just want to see it off you though, with me not wearing anything either.'"You're staring again, dude, what's going on, and...
MILF"Hey, Amy," I said, walking into her room. "Hey, Ben," she responded, turning to me. "How have you been?" she pondered before kissing me. I failed to answer and just checked her out for a moment in silence. "Does that mean you like the top, Ben? Is it all the colors?" "And the black pants too, they perfectly match your hair," I answered, feeling a few strands. 'I just want to see it off you though, with me not wearing anything either.' "You're staring again, dude, what's going on, and please...
MILFChapter Six: Blown by the Fertile MILF A Belt Buckle Mind-Control Story By mypenname3000 Copyright 2020 Notes: Thanks to WRC264 for beta reading this! Things changed at school rather quickly. With my older sister's help, I started dividing the girls up into different categories. Some became whores. Literal prostitutes. These were the hottest girls that I would sell to the boys who attended my college. The twins, Rosalita, Janet the lesbian, and others were sold to the boys for $50 for a...
(An Incestuous Harem Story) Chapter Seven: Sisters Tease the MILF By mypenname3000 Copyright 2019 Note: Thanks to wrc264 for beta reading this! The Armstrongs would be here in an hour for their second lesson from my brother, Clint. It was two weeks since that wonderful Saturday morning when my brother showed Mr. Armstrong what sort of wife he had. Two weeks since she was spanked and fucked and shown to be a cuckold. Clint was having fun teaching Mr. Armstrong to control his wife. The...
There is a thing with mature women that I am sure we can all agree with. They are all grown in a ridiculously sexy way, and they fucking know what ticks for them as well as how to get it ticking. In fact, I must admit that those who are into the MILF kind of porn are mostly freaky assholes who want something close to real. Also, there is the fun in seeing some massive load of porn experience thrown into the mix.From the handjobs, blowjobs all the way to lengthy cock rides. It'sIt's almost as if...
Mature Porn SitesNote: Thanks to Alex for beta reading this! Sky Marlow I stood frozen at the sight of Natalie. Water spilled down my bestest friend’s big tits. More gleamed on her wrist and ran down the outside of the glass she held. She had almost run into me at the base of the stairs. Her question hung in the air. “What are you doing?” she’d asked. Going to fuck that MILF across the street, I thought. But it was really Spice, the futa-demon who’d given me my girl-dick. I was better at recognizing her...
Practicing to make the MILF List AirtightAuthor's note: It is time to share. This begins the process of sharing the MILF List. The MILF List was made in the previous series, "Making the MILF List". If you like, you can read that first and this may make that much more sense. The characters are the same and the origins of this story are there. Thanks to everyone who commented on the previous installment. I stayed in bed late Sunday morning. My three sisters banged around and giggled and talked,...
Chapter Three: Futa's First MILF By mypenname3000 Copyright 2017 April 17th, 2047 “So, your boyfriend's mom walks in on you naked on her living room couch, your new futa-dick hard and thrusting before you. That sounds... interesting,” said Adelia Tash, the talk show host sitting beside me on the couch before her studio audience. The cameras rolled, the lights shining down on us, illuminating us for the entire world to watch as the interview was streamed across the internet. “Yeah,”...
Chapter Three: Alyessa's Afternoon of MILF Delights By mypenname3000 Copyright 2018 August 21st, 2036 – Alyessa Howards Three days after Ms. Evans revealed that Mrs. North, the reverend's wife, was eager to fuck my futa-cock, I was trembling. I had an appointment to work in the Norths' yard, mowing the lawn and trimming the hedges. I did it once a week for them to earn money to help buy college supplies. I was leaving for college next week. This was my last chance. I couldn't believe...
Who else remembers the time when hanging out at their friend’s house was the highlight of the day? Well, I know you used to turn up at their home because you enjoyed watching your friend’s extremely hot mom walk around the house half-naked. There is actually no shame in that at all. Everyone has that secret MILF; they’d give anything to get between their legs. Personally, the thought of an aged woman flashing her tits across my face and spreading her thighs to show a set of thick vaginal lips...
Mature Porn SitesThe male love of milfs starts at a ripe young age. Basically, the moment we get our first ball hair, we begin having wet dreams about teachers and friends' moms. We can't help ourselves.From Ball Hair to Ant HillsWhile young men are certainly still attracted to their peers, when you're a kid, your peers aren't fully developed women like moms and teachers. The evolutionary urge to reproduce takes over, and women of obvious mating age become sexy as fuck.The human mind is a strange beast,...
Premium Mature Porn SitesWe’re at it again, boys. About to dive into some random ass MILFs from across the world right here on CamSoda. I’m reviewing the MILF section in specific because you know I like to get really nitpicky with my smut. Plus, I know you guys appreciate the extra narrow categories. I’ve been covering a lot of live cams lately, and I think that CamSoda is doing its best to stick out ahead of the competition with some unique design choices that distinguish them from other similar websites. But, then,...
Live Mature Sex CamsChapter Three: Cassandra's Futa Party By mypenname3000 Copyright 2017 Lana's accusation echoed up the stairs to the second floor where I was. Her mother's pussy clenched on my futa-dick. I groaned, trembling, staring down at my best friend as she stared up at me, the other nineteen-year-old girls attending her slumber party arranged around her at the stair's vase. They were all only wearing bras and panties, their eyes wide at seeing my naked body pressed against busty Mrs. Teller's...
The Do-gooder MILF The Do-gooder MILF -2 Her legs were untied. Now what? They left her there a little while. Then hands grabbed her ankles and her legs were lifted up They were spread wide and lifted up and tied next to her wrists with ropes to the top bar. Joan was bent like a pretzl, trussed up. She was wide open. In full panic Joan screamed, begged threatened. You pigs, stop, you will pay for this. What is wrong with you. You can’t do this. She could see the bright lights...
Chapter Two: Blown by the Married MILF A Belt Buckle Mind-Control Story By mypenname3000 Copyright 2020 Notes: Thanks to WRC264 for beta reading this! My mom, older sister, and little sister all ducked their heads down and licked my cock. All three of them were mad to suck my dick, willing to do anything for that privilege. I had fucked them all just now. Popped my eighteen-year-old sister Lisa's cherry, then pumped away at Mom's snatch and flooded her cunt, and then just pounded my...
Hi, friends. I am Raj, age 22, from Mumbai. I am an avid reader of this site. Today I am sharing my real-life experience, which happened a few days back. To start with, I am into older women, mostly bhabhis and aunties. Due to some reason, I had to shift to Pune for a couple of weeks. So I decided to stay with my college friend Avinash and his family in Pune. Avinash lived with his mom Radhika. She was a 45-year-old woman but looked younger since she used to go jogging daily. Also his...
Note : This story is completely fictional! *HEADNOTE* This story is pornographic, focusing more on sex that story. Enjoy... Danielle came home from the computer store disappointed. She had not been able to find the equipment she had been looking for. Dropping her car keys on the small table near the door, she began walking up the stairs with a heavy sigh. She thought of calling out to her nineteen year old son, Jason, that she was home, but decided against it. Since her husband had died serving...
IncestIntroduction: With sisters help on New Years Eve, he fucks his MILF Neighbour. BEST PRESENT EVER: MILF NEIGHBOUR Summary: With sisters help on New Years Eve, he fucks his MILF Neighbour. Note 1: This is the third part of the Best Present Ever series. In Part One (Bitch Sister), Matthew turns the tables on his bitch sister making her his personal sex slave. In Part Two (Cheerleader Orgy), Matthew has a fun foursome with his sister and two other cheerleaders. Of course, I suggest you read the...
Remember being a young man and going to a friend’s house for sleepovers? So many people harbor fond memories of staying up late with their best buds, playing video games, eating candy, and drinking Mountain Dew. It’s the epitome of youthful fun. Here’s the thing, though. I never had sleepovers with my best friends. Why? Well, it’s simple. My best friends’ moms were ugly sacks of shit.How much I liked someone had nothing to do with my urge to sleep over at someone’s house. For me, it was all...
Mature Porn SitesChapter Two: Cassandra's Futa Problem By mypenname3000 Copyright 2017 Tears fell down my cheeks as I stared at my new cock sprouting from where my clit used, the folds of my pussy wrapped about its base. It was still wet and shiny with Mrs. Teller's hot pussy. The MILF, mother of my best friend, had rode me so hard, so eager to cum on my dick. I thought, finally, that I had her. After lusting after her for years, I had the MILF in my arms. Yes, I didn't imagine I would grow a cock at...
The Do-gooder MILF The Do-gooder MILF -2 The Do-gooder MILF -3 MILF Meat All fucking smiles for the boys. Barry was next. The bitch was shivering, quivering. She realized she was not only being raped, she was going to be gangraped. Fucked one at a time. Slowly. Hard. Brutally. The cunt hung wide open ready for the next cock. Barry had a gruesome mask. A Vampire mask. The face of death. He had a little surprise. A tittie surprise. He grabbed her left breast and tied a...
Hi, all horny Indian sex stories readers.Greetings .The unsatisfied 29-year-old guy with lots and lots of fantasy, decently fit and fair.Passionate and nice guy.Life started to become monotonous.I all most was updated with all latest porn movies, sex stories and masturbating with vr glasses.I did not have a soul to spill my sexual appetite and try all the amazing things about sex.Life was so boring.The same old position sex with my girl was getting really boring.I was really looking for my...
"Why are you smiling, London?" Sandra asked, coming towards me. "You're cheesing, and I know you didn't screw Josh, but you look like you had sex," she pointed out before she grabbed my hand. "What's going on, woman?"I peeked at the side of her and saw our husbands coming towards us."So, what's for dinner, babe?" Will pondered, coming up behind her.She sighed and leaned back. "Burgers, hun, I made sure to make enough for everyone," she replied before she turned around and kissed...
MILFWhat’s so prime about MILF Prime? Are they claiming to be the very first free MILF tube, or just the best one? Maybe the Prime designation is referring to the women, which certainly suits me as a connoisseur of top-quality cougar meat. Perhaps they mean Prime in the sense that we’re living in what just might be the golden age of dirty movies starring Mothers I’d Love to Fuck. Honestly, give me any or all of the above and I’m bound to show up with my dick out and a bottle of lube at the ready.I...
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