stepson becomes mom s sissy
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My name is Barbie. Everyone calls me Barbie because I am small and I have long blond hair. I am the smallest in my class. My real name is Ashley. Before you ask, I do not like Barbie's. I never played with them. I suppose when you have hair down to your shoulders, then people think you look like a girl and call you Barbie. I am eleven years old.
I got this diary today. So I might as well write in it. It is a purple one with a bear and heart on the cover. It has a lock on it. I might as well use it. It could be fun reading about it a year after. It does look like a girl’s diary. Maybe boys don't write diaries.
I got the diary from my new step mum. My mum died when I was young. Now dad has got married again. He didn't ask me. We have to move to step mums new house. She has a daughter that is 9 and a son that is 16.
They got married today. It was OK. I sat there thinking that I had a new mum. But I'm not going to call her mum. I have one mum. It’s not my fault she’s dead. After the wedding and party we came home to their house. It was now going to be my new family and house. I was no longer the only c***d. I even had to share a room with Isabella, who was 9. I would much prefer to share a room with Alex, but Stepsie (I call step mum that) said it would be better with Isabella.
The room was pink with some red. The ceiling was cool though. It has clouds and a rainbow. Otherwise everything was pink. There were 2 beds and her toys were all over the place. Mine was still in boxes. Her bed was a girl’s bed too. It had Hannah Montana on it. At least I had my Spider man sheets. Anyway, I was too tired after the long day, and I didn't care where I slept. Wow, see how much I wrote. If my teacher seen this, she would think that I could write any essay. I will say goodnight.
September 11
Hi Diary,
Last night was strange. I like Isabella. She speaks a lot. Last night I could hardly sleep because she kept on talking and talking. That's the good thing about writing to a diary. You can't talk back. She put her nightie on and looked at my pj.
"Those are so ugly," she said, "my nightie is much prettier."
"It would look ugly on me," I tried to say. It was a joke.
"No I don't think so."
I thought she was weird. Who ever heard of a boy wearing nighties? I bet you think that was weird diary. But wait to I tell you what happened next. As we lay in bed, I looked over at Isabella. I couldn't believe my eyes, she was sucking a pacifier. She was too old to be using a baby’s thing.
"Isabella, why are you sucking that?"
She looked at me and if it wasn't that dark, I suppose I could see that her face would have been red. However I did notice a smile and she said,
"Because I like it."
"Yeah, but you look like a baby."
"It helps me to sleep. I'm not a baby and don't call me that anymore."
I just lay in my bed and thought she was weird. Then she came over to me with a dummy and placed it besides my pillow. "Try it; you will also fall asleep much easier." She also gave me a fluffy care bear. No way was I going to use a dummy. I was 11 years old.
As I looked around the pink room, I thought why Dad didn't tell them that this was also a boy’s room, and boys shouldn't be in pink rooms. Then I thought of my Mom and needless to say I started to cry silently. I don't know why I did it, but I hugged the care bear and sucked on the pacifier.
Maybe it reminded me of when my mom was there. Isabella was right, I slept so well.
September 12
Hi Diary,
The next morning I woke up, something was wrong. I wet the bed. I couldn't believe it. It has been years since I wet the bed. I was sitting in the wet bed thinking how I was going to sneak everything out when Stepsie (step mum) came in. She told us to get up. Isabella was as chirpy as a bird and told her mum that she helped me go to sleep by giving me one of her pacifiers. I was so embarrassed. I wished that the ground would swallow me up. Still I hid under the covers while Stepsie found clothes for
Isabella.
"Now it’s your turn, Ashley."
"I can get dressed myself, I can wait to you go out"
"Nonsense," she said as she pulled the bed sheets back. She noticed that I wet the bed and despite the fact that I tried to explain it never happened, she just was silent as she started to undress me. Isabella couldn't keep her mouth shut, "Mum, he called me a baby last night because I use pacifiers."
"I-I-I didn't call you a baby. I said that only babies-"
"Well, who looks like a baby now?" said Stepsie as I layed there in a wet bed and a pacifier in my mouth. I quickly spat it out.
Stepsie gave me a hug and said it was probably because of the changes in the family and maybe it was just for one night. "If it is the same tonight, we can use Isabella's old protection so you won't be so embarrassed."
Protection, what could that be?? I got dressed and didn't think about it all day until I went to bed. After saying my prayers, I layed in my bed thinking about this new family and then I thought of my Mum. I started to cry silently. Stepsie came in and noticed I was crying and didn't say a word, she just put a pacifier in my mouth and kissed me on the forehead.
"I bought you six pacifiers today, as you shouldn't be using Isabella's."
I layed in my bed and starting writing this. It's a good thing that you have a lock on because I am about to write a secret. I really don't mind pacifiers. They sooth me. Make me sleep better. To tell you the truth I am getting to like pink too.
September 13
Hi again Diary,
the next morning was the same. I woke up with a wet bed. Isabella was nice about it but I could see that stepsie was annoyed. She took of my wet pj. I stood there naked and I must have gone red all
over. "Mum, isn't Barbie a boy?"
"Yes sweetie, why?" Stepsie asked Isabella.
"Look at his thingie, it's so small," she laughed
"Yes," Stepsie said, "He could nearly be a girl. Who knows?"
The she put me over her knee and started spanking me. This hurt like anything. It was more embarrassing that I lay over her knee half naked while Isabella could just see me. And Isabella thought I looked like a girl. As I screamed and cried, I thought that it would never end. The stepsie told Isabella to slap me 5 times. I didn't understand why my new half-sister also should spank me. Even though she has a small hand, it hurt.
I was then told that I shouldn't wet the bed. As I layed on her I cried.
Stepsie put the pacifier in my mouth and calmed me down. I noticed that the pacifier was pink and white!!!
Then Stepsie said that we will have to do something with the bed wetting. Maybe a plastic sheet would help I thought. I knew that a girl from my class used them when she was younger.
That evening when I came home from school, Stepsie called me into my room. Or should I call it the pink princess room. She told me to lie down on my bed. I thought I was going to be spanked for talking in class that day.
However she told me to lay down on my back. Isabella came in and she knew what was going to happen. I could see it on her face, and let’s face it, she knew her mom better than I did.
Stepsie started by taking my trousers down. This was embarrassing, once again my privates was shown for everyone to see. I should have fought it and ran as far as my 2 legs would take me. But I just layed there. Then the surprise of my life came when Stepsie came with a diaper. A pampers baby diaper.
"We have to protect the bed and you will find it easier sleeping in the with a diaper on."
"I am not a baby!" I protested.
"Well, only babies wet their beds. It makes no difference. Every day when u get home you will wear a diaper."
"Why can’t I wear it just before I go to sleep?"
"Because this is the rules, as your new mum, I decide."
By the time we finished arguing, I had a diaper on. It was big and I felt like an 11 year old baby. They put my pj on and then I started doing my homework. After a bit I forgot that I was wearing a diaper.
That was until I came down to watch TV. Isabella was very nice about it and didn't tease at all. But then John, my new step brother came in and noticed my big bum while I was lying down on the floor.
"Are you wearing a diaper?" he asked
"Sod Off. None of your business," I retorted
"OMG, we have a baby in the house. A Diaper boy. This is so weird."
I hated being teased, and could feel a tear flow down my cheek.
Isabella ran out of the room and just stuck a pacifier in my mouth again.
I started sucking. What was happening to me?
September 16
Hi Diary,
Sorry I didn't write to you sooner. I have no excuse. I am wearing the diaper every afternoon when I come home from school. The funny thing was that I started to wet the diaper. I don't know why, but I think it's because I waited for the last minute and when I tried to get to the toilet, then it was too late. Maybe I was lazy. I most likely was. Today when I came home from school and I was getting the diaper on. As my legs were pointed in the air, I started thinking that it is not that bad. My heart started to beat faster when I had to admit that I liked having diapers on. I no longer minded them. What was happening to me? Am I now a baby? I was no longer a big boy. I was lying down getting a diaper on and I didn't care.
When the diaper was finally fastened, Stepsie came with a nightdress. It was new with white and pink arms with a picture of the Little Mermaid. Again she just slid it over me and did I put a fight up? No. I just accepted it as if it was normal. Then the thought hit me. I was wearing a girl’s night dress!!!
"This is for girls," I said.
"I know, however it will be easier to change you before bed."
"But I look like a sissy!"¨
"Maybe, but a cute sissy."
I hate being called cute.
September 18
Dear Diary,
when I was doing my homework, I started to think that I felt like a girl. With my hair down to my shoulders, I mostly looked like a girl. This was strange. You know what the problem is, I sort of liked it. It made me feel different than the others. Here I was a 11 year old boy sitting doing my homework dressed in a girls nightdress and a diaper, and I allowed it!
Stepsie shouted up if I was wet. I was of course wet, but I didn't want to get changed. I wanted to get my homework finished. She came up and asked was I sure that I was wet and I said no. I really hated her.
She came up to me and lifted my nightie and seen the wetness. She lifted me to the bed to change me. This was embarrassing. I know I was small for my age, but I could walk.
Then she said, "Since you can't tell me when you're wet, you will be checked. Otherwise you will get a rash. What are you afraid of; I will see your thingie? Let me tell you this much, there is not a lot to see."
I told her to shut up. She went out with a smile on her face. I know that my thingie was small, but she shouldn't tease me about it. She shouldn't even talk about it!!!
Later that night, I got a shock. Isabella came in when I was playing a computer game. She asked if I was wet. I didn't answer. Then she pulled up my nightie. She said that she will tell stepsie that I was wet. I sat there in shock. I felt like a baby.
September 21
Dear Diary,
Remember when I told you that I didn't play with Barbie's. Well that is not true now. I have started playing with Isabella's things. Her dolls and dollhouse. It is actually fun. I like it. I like when I play with her. We have become very close friends, even though she calls me sister. I suppose when I am sitting in a nightdress that I do look like a girl.
Isabella still checks to see if I'm wet. I don't mind that anymore. I think she likes it as sometimes she does take her time checking me.
Anyhow tonight Stepsie came into our room when we were playing and said, "It's time girls for your bath." Isabella jumped up and ran out to the bathroom. I just sat there; she did say that it was a girl’s bath.
Then stepsie came up and took my hand and dragged me out to the bathroom. It was now that I was certain that stepsie was starting to consider me as a girl. Isn't this against the law???? I suppose it didn't matter. It was only a nightie and a girl’s bath. It was only girl’s toys and long hair. I am still a boy. I think.
It was strange sitting in the same bath as Isabella. I know she has seen me before, but this was freaky. What if my mates at school heard? They would think that I fancied Isabella. All these thoughts went through my head while stepsie was washing me. What would my friends say to that? My step mum was washing me. They would think I was weird. At the end Isabella and I played in the tub until we were told to come out because our skin will be wrinkled as an old man. While Isabella put her big girls clothes on, I was put in my nightie and diaper with a Pacifier in my mouth.
September 23
Hi Diary,
let's hope that no one can read this. If people knew that I was an eleven year old that wore diapers at home and nightdresses. If they knew that I liked pacifiers and girls toys. Then they would lock me away for life. They would ask why I don’t say no. It would be hard to explain that I really don't care. I kind of like it.
I was now bed wetting every night. I could not control it. Every morning when I woke up I would have a wet diaper. The same when I was wearing a diaper after school. I started noticing that I could not get to the toilet on time.
Today at school, I just made it to the toilet. But as I was taking my trousers down, I started to pee. Some of it could be seen in my trousers.
It wasn't very wet, but I got scared. I told Stepsie that when she was putting me in a diaper when I came home from school. She said that she had thought that this would be a problem and it would be better tomorrow.
I smiled as she found my pacifíer. Things were going to get better. Maybe she would give me medicine or potty train me.
September 24
Dear Diary,
When I woke up, I was of course wet. Stepsie came in and started changing me. She had my school uniform ready. Then she took pull-ups and explained that it was underwear but it had padding in it in case I had
the same accident as yesterday. She said she bought pink and white ones with Minnie mouse as a fairy because she thought they were so cute. It looked like girls panties, just a lot thicker.
As she started putting it on me, I started thinking if I should protest.
One thing is being a baby at home, but wearing diapers to school could ruin my life. And if they found out they were pink, then I might as well hide myself.
I didn't protest.
The Pull-up made my butt look very big under the trousers. I was sure that someone at school would notice.
However no one did and it was good that I had it on, because the same think happened as it did yesterday. I didn't make it to the toilet on time. No one noticed, but I was afraid all day that it would leak, that someone would see it or something else.
Stepsie told me that she had a solution to that.
September 25
Dear Diary
Today is the second day where I would be wearing a pull-up to school. Stepsie told me that she had bought me something that would keep me warm. I wasn't cold. I just wanted to make sure that my friends didn't find out about the diaper. Now I had something else to worry about.
After Stepsie put the pull-up on me, she put an undershirt. But it was obviously a girl’s one. It had straps around the shoulders and a little pink ribbon. This was not the worse. She started putting tights on me. They were white and not that thick. They felt funny against my legs.
Lucky I got my uniform on. I was a boy on the outside and a girl hidden under.
September 26
Dear Diary.
You are now my best friend. There is no one else I can write about the weird things that is happening to me. I told you about yesterday. Step put me in Pull-ups and tights and a girlie undershirt. When she did it, I didn’t care. I mean my school uniform was over it, and that was still a boys uniform. No one would know, would they? I didn’t even think about until I came to school.
But when I was in school. I went past a trophy case. I could see my refection in the glass. Oh my gosh, my butt was so big. I stared at the reflection for a few minutes thinking if anyone else could see the big butt. My best friend Philip laughed and told me that I look nice, even with my long blond hair.
We had maths afterwards. I hate Math’s. I really do. In the middle of the class, I could feel that I was getting wet. I could feel a tear coming to my eye. I tried to wipe it away and control myself from crying. I didn’t want Philip or anyone in the class thinking I was crying like a little girl.
But I was a little girl. Look at my hair. It was down to my shoulder, I always had long hair. I was wearing tights and a girl’s undershirt. I was even wearing a pull up because I could no longer get to the toilet on time. What was happening to me? It can’t be normal. It can’t be normal that I didn’t even say no to these things that Stepsie was putting on me. It can’t be normal that I didn’t tell her that I wanted to be a boy.
But do I want to be a boy? Maybe I like the attention that Stepsie is giving to me. I miss my Mum so much that I really don’t mind her fussing over me. I don’t mind being treated like a little girl. Well, I didn’t when it was at home. But now I am slowly turning to a girl at school.
Dear Diary, when I started writing this, I could feel the tears once again. Now I am crying like anything. Without even knowing it, I have put the pacifier in my mouth. I have decided that I will no longer be a girl. I am a boy. I will say no to Stepsie and I will get dad to help me. But how, he is always at work.
Did he just get married so someone will take care of me? Does he really love me? Does he not see what is happening?
I have to go to sleep now.
September 27
Hi Diary
Sorry about last night. I went on and on didn’t I? I am so sorry. Just who else can I tell about these problems to? A lot has happened today. I don’t know where to start.
When I got up I was wet. Stepsie (StepMum) came in and started changing me. I actually stood up to her and said that I can change myself. She is so strong and she hardly even listened to me. I kept on shouting that I could change myself and I didn’t want to wear girls’ underwear or tights. To be honest I was in doubt about the pull up. What’s best, having a big butt or wet trousers? I suppose a pull up is.
Stepsie didn’t listen to me. She just struggled with me as she started putting the undershirt with the stupid ribbon on. However this undershirt had a drawing of a princess on it. I started to panic and thought what will happen if my mates could see the drawing through my shirt. I was not going to take any chance.
When she went to get the tights, I took off the princess undershirt. I was screaming that I was not a girl and that I didn’t want to wear girly clothes and that I can put my own clothes on. As usual, I was crying like anything. That’s so embarrassing.
Step then got mad at put me over her knee and started spanking me. “Listen. When I first moved in here, I didn’t want a son. I hate boys. However I loved you because I could see that you were a boy trapped in a girl’s body. For God’s sake you have long hair and you are so fragile, you have a girls head. Even your thingie is so small that you look like a girl. I also seen the way you looked at Philip (my best friend) and even your step brother Alex. You look at them with girls eyes. So get this in your head. You are a girl. You are a sissy! A Sissy that pees in her own trousers. You are a pissy sissy and I am only helping you. I hope you now understand baby barbie!”
My head hurt when she said this. Maybe it was because I was crying so hard. My head was spinning. She called me a sissy. She thinks I am a sissy. She said that I was a girl in a boy’s body. She thinks I was a girl even before she met me and she was just helping me.
I couldn’t believe it. She called me sissy. And She called me baby Barbie when my head was starting to go around and around in turmoil. I hate when she talks about my diapers. It’s so embarrassing and it’s not my fault.
Then it hit me. What did she mean the way I looked at Philip. How did I look at him like a girl would? Did I look at him like I fancied him? Do I fancy him? I think he is hot and I like when we wrestle. But do I love him. Did Stepsie think I was a gaybo? Am I?
I snapped out of my thoughts. Stepsie dressed me in my clothes. I was once again a boy, but if you took off the clothes, I had girl’s tights and undershirt on with a pull up.
Step said Go to school Baby Barbie. I said nothing. I was mad and confused.
September 30
Dear diary
it’s been a few days. But there was nothing to write until today. I tried a few times to stand up to Stepsie, but every time I spoke to her that I am a boy, she spanks me and calls me names like diaper Barbie, sissy, girl, baby and once she said I was gay. I am afraid of her and I couldn’t decide if she is a witch or not. I wanted dad to come home from his business trip. I needed him.
Nothing happened in school. At least that’s good that no one knows that I am a sissy and I can’t go to the toilet like anyone else.
However today I came home from school early, as I skipped PE (gym)
I entered the house quietly and heard Stepsie on the phone. Here is what I heard. I will write it as I could remember it, and then you can decide Diary if I should be worried…
“… everything is going fine…. Yes he has a boy who is eleven years old… He is strange… long hair and he is small and not very developed. He’s a weakling and he cries over the smallest things… he started wetting the bed after I moved in… I think he misses his mum…. She was a bitch in school, she teased me because she thought I was a tomboy… No, I told my husband that we were at the same school and didn’t know each other…. If she could see what I was doing to her son now she would be sorry for the way she treated me at school…. Revenge is sweet, fun too… well where do I start. I am turning him into a sissy…. He wears night dresses and tights and undershirts… I have just bought him clothes, but he never noticed they were indeed girl’s clothes…. Soon he won’t be a sissy; he will be a girl….. I can’t wait to his first dress…. That sounds like a good ideal…. The diapers weren’t part of the plan but he wears them all the time at home, otherwise he wears cute girl panties…. And uses pacifiers… yes maybe he should get a bottle more….. A crib, that’s going to far….. Maybe….. His dad? He is always at work. He seen him in his nightdresses and didn’t say a word. The only thing he said is to take him to the doctor for his bladder…. Yes the bitch can watch all this from her grave….. Yes I never thought about that Ashley was also a girl’s name….. Well I got to go.”
After I heard this conversation on the phone, I went to my room and after Stepsie put me in a baby diaper and nightdress I looked at my clothes. She was right they were all new clothes. Tights as usual. However there were socks with ruffles on them. There were trousers with no zips in the most geeky girl colours. They were red and light blue and some were even pink. Even the jeans had flowers sewn in them. My old clothes were gone.
What was the phone call all about? Was it my mum she was talking about? Did she used to know her? Did my mum tease her and this was now revenge that I was going to be made into a girl. Things couldn’t get worse, nor could they???
October 1
Dear diary
I still can’t help thinking about the telephone call with Stepsie and whoever it was. It sounded like she was trying to turn me into a girl. At the same time she told me already that I was a girl inside. Maybe I was meant to be born as a girl but somehow came out as a boy. I mean when I have these new clothes or nightdress on you would really think that I was a girl. I am so confused. Am I really a girl or am I a boy?
Today when I came home from school, Stepsie told me not to put my nightdress on. I was still to wear the big diaper with some plastic panties, but I was to put on some other clothes. I put on the jeans with the flowers and a white ´top with strawberries and some lace. My butt looked extremely big with the diaper and anyone would have to be a blind bat to see that it wasn’t a diaper under it.
Then Isabella came in the door, with her best friend Maria. She was going to sleep over. My heart started to beat faster than anything it did before. How was I supposed to survive this?
Maria looked at me and started smiling. I smiled a bit back and said I will go up to our room. I really wanted to hide. Here I was wearing girls clothes, although Stepsie called them unisex or something like that. I just wanted to hide in bed until Maria went home the next day.
However it didn't last that long. Isabella and Maria came up to the room. Maria looked at me and said. "Why are you wearing girl’s clothes"?
"I'm not"
"You are"
Then the worse thing happened that I could imagine. Isabella started telling Maria that I had a small thingie and that is why she thought I was really a girl. Not only this, but she told her that I peed in my pants so I had to wear diapers.
"Even though Ashley is older than me, he is a baby because he wets himself. He also uses pacifiers and sometimes bottles."
Maria laughed so high that she fell on Isabella's bed. I wished that the ground would swallow me up.
Isabella continued, "He’s really like my little sister"
Maria couldn't believe her ears. She laughed and laughed then stopped with a confused face. She just sat on the bed and looked at me with a funny face. It was obvious that she didn't believe a word of what Isabella told her. Then again she could see that I was wearing strange clothes and this confused her. I think she also looked at my bum and could see it was a bit big.
"You’re a sissy?" she said
" NOOOoo." I said
"You’re a diaper boy?"
" Stop"
"Sissy pissy" she said and started laughing. I started walking towards the door but Isabella was in the way. The next ten minutes must have been the two girls teasing me. I just sat down pretending to do homework, but of course I couldn't.
Then Maria told me she wanted to see my diaper. I of course said no way, but she kept on asking. Then Isabella told her that she was allowed to see if I was wet,
Maria asked how and Isabella explained while showing, "I don't ask Barbie, because he lies. So I just look. It’s fun when I have cold hands because Barbie goes red in the face. Oh he’s wet. I better tell Mum"
Maria laughed that I was wet. She said it proved that I was a little baby girl. Anyhow the next humiliating part came when stepsie came in with Isabella and said that I had to lay down on the bed while she changes me. I expected her to tell the girls to get out, and when she didn't, I reminded her.
"We are all girls here" she said.
For the thousandth time today, I wished that the ground would just swallow me up. As Stepsie started to take off my clothes, I could see Maria's eyes becoming bigger and bigger. As I lay there as the day I was born. Tears started to come to my eyes and after Isabella stuck a pacifier in my mouth, I just closed my eyes. I know it was stupid of me. If I couldn't see them then they couldn't see me. Although I could hear them laughing, I just thought of everything else besides what was happening. At the end Stepsie put me in a nightie, add I think it didn't even shock Maria. I suppose after all she seen until now she couldn't get any more shocked. I felt like a right sissy in the nightdress.
But dear Diary.... it wasn't over yet. Isabella went out into the kitchen, letting me and Maria stare at each other. Isabella came back with a bottle. She expected me to play the baby and drink the bottle. I of course said no. Then Isabella waved her brush and boasted that she spanked me a few times. I wasn't going to be spanked by two girls so I just decided to be part of their baby game. I laid my head on Maria's lap and she started giving me the bottle.
The I could feel my heart beating faster. I could hardly breath. I asked Maria to promise to tell no one about this. I know it was a big promise because if it was me I would probably tell the whole world. She said she would think over it,
I didn't know whether to believe her or not and I didn't want to be anyone’s slave. But I begged her not to tell a living soul. Deep down I knew that this meant everyone will start thinking that I am a girl and not a boy
October 4
Dear Diary
it was a lot that I wrote last time, wasn't it?
Anyhow today was another strange day. It started as usual as Stepsie dressed me and all that. As usual I was a girl underneath and a boy on top.
I got used to this. I was very careful to make sure that my school bag was closed so no one could see the extra pull ups that were hidden at the bottom. I also make sure that my shirt was tucked in and tied up to the top so no one could see who was hidden below it. By now I thought that my secret was safe. Even after Maria's visit, no one teased me about being a girl the day afterwards, so I didn't think that she told her. I suppose who would believe her
however today my best mate Philip found out. I’ll tell you how it happened.
It was during break. I took my bag and went to the toilets to change the pull up. He asked me why I don’t leave the school bag in the classroom. I went sort of white. I felt a bit like I was going to faint. I pretended that I didn't hear him. I pretended also not to hear him when he asked what was staking so long.
After we ate, I forgot the whole thing. We were in the playground in the shelter area. We were sitting on the ground eating our Lunches. After lunch we were joking about how much we hated Math’s. I suppose I should say that we only had our coats on, and the ground was a bit cold for Philip. Not so much for me. Pull ups is good for something like that.
Anyhow we started wrestling. I love wrestling. I don't know why. Then after a few minutes when I was on top of Philip, he went totally silent and still. I could feel his hand rubbing my butt. I knew the secret was out. I mean he would have to be a total idiot to know that the butt was well covered. His arm started felling my butt and to tell the truth a part of me didn't want him to stop.
"Are you wearing a diaper" he asked. What was I going to say? I didn't want my best friend to start hating me.
"I can explain. I have problems. I can’t get to the toilet on time and I started wetting my bed."
"Oh" he said as he continued as he rubbed my butt. "I thought you looked strange down there and you haven't been to PE in a few weeks, but I never guessed that-.... I never guessed this."
Once again I started to cry. My secret was out. I started telling Philip about it all. The nappies, the nightie, the tights and underwear. He asked what My Dad said to all this and I said that he was never home. But he probably didn't love me anymore anyhow. The tears flowed out. I felt like a baby, but I was so afraid that Philip would hate me from now on.
Then we sat up and he gave me a hug saying that we were still friends and always will be. He didn't know what else to say so he just kept hugging me for ages. I stopped crying and just let him hug me. I thought it was nice. I had sort of butterflies in my stomach.
The one of the older boys shouted that we were Gay. So we stopped. He just started pointing at us and called us gay and he seen us kissing, which wasn't true. After he went away I told Philip that everyone will think that we were Gay
" So we know the truth. Anyhow if we were in love, we wouldn't be Gay, because you look like a girl and you dress like a girl."
I didn't know if that was an insult or compliment
Then I thought of what Stepsie told me, that I had feelings for Philip.
No, I'm not in love with him
am I?
October 9
Hi
I mean dear Diary
I suppose I can say hi.
Today Dad came home. He knew I wet the bed but he got in a fight with stepsie. I suppose I better start at the beginning.
When I came home from school dad was there. I was so happy that he was home. I really missed him. And this time he would be home for a week and even more. You can understand why I was so happy.
Stepsie then gave me a present. I thought at first that she was just being nice because Dad was here.
When I opened the package it was a leotard. It was black. Step mum told me to try it on. I did. Dad was outraged.
"He looks like a girl."
Stepsie said that she bought me the leotard because I was going to start dancing. While I felt like fainting. Dad laughed as if he did not believe what he just heard. Maybe he thought it was a joke.
I shouted at the top of my voice that I was not going to start ballet. Step said "You wear diapers and like girl’s clothes. Do you think you are able to decide? I don’t think so"
Dad looked at me asking me was this the truth. He must be blind if he didn't know. But maybe he didn't think I liked it. I bet he must have thought I was a lost cause because I liked it.
I ran out into up to my room. I supposed it was good that my dad didn't know that in the middle of the argument that I wet myself. As I sat up in my room I heard that Dad and stepsie argued for some time. At the beginning I was happy that he was doing it. Maybe now I will be treated normal. But then I was afraid. Could I get my bladder under control? At the end it didn’t make any difference, as I could hear that Stepsie was putting her foot down, telling him that she knew what was best for me. Dad just became quiet at the end. He came up to my room and looked at me and rolled his eyes towards heaven. "You’re a lost Cause." he mumbled.
October 12
Dear Diary
After I spoke to you the last time, nothing has gone well.
The day after Dad left on a business trip again. Stepsie was mad at him and that meant she was mad at me. She told me that I won’t be seeing him much more because I was a "puff" and "sissy". I disappointed my dad because he wanted an all football star and he will get a ballet dancer that pees in his diapers.
I am now under Stepsies control. She decides what I wear and when I wear it and what I do. I am confused. I don't know if I like it or not.
OK. I will be honest. I like it. I like the girl’s clothes and even the diapers. I just don't want anyone to know that I like it. I don't want anyone to know anything about it.
That changed today. We had PE and were supposed to change in our gym clothes. We had PE in the afternoon, so you can imagine what panic I was going through all morning. How was I to change my clothes? They would see my diapers and tights. All morning I thought that this would be the end of my life. When people found out that I wet myself and wore girl things, then I would be teased and hated and laughed at by everyone.
When PE came. I walked slowly into the changing room. I didn't know what to do. I could tell that everyone was looking at me, although I knew deep down they were not. Then I got an ideal. I would get changed in the toilet.
I rushed into the toilet and took off my clothes and left the pull up on. I quickly put shorts over it and a tracksuit. OK, I had a big butt, but this if anyone didn't-t notice that, then they must be blind. Anyhow, a big butt is better than a wet butt.
I came into Gym class. Disaster hit me straight away. The Coach told me just to have shorts on. So reluctantly I took of the bottoms. Now the big Butt was there for everyone to see.
Everything went fine until we sat in a ring at the end to discuss how everything went. Then I could feel people were staring at me. Without thinking I say with my legs apart so they can see up them. I could see that some were in shock and others just started laughing. Something funny happened, I liked them looking up the shorts even though it was embarrassing.
Oh My, I was becoming an exhibitionist.
After PE, it’s like they all wanted to look at them. I didn’t notice them teasing. I just noticed a few that were trying to feel them. Especially Philip, that somehow managed to put his hand down them on my butt. I never felt so many butterflies in my stomach as I did now.
I didn’t even mind the teasing, as I thought I would.
I am Changing
October 13
Dear Diary
Today stepsie kept me home from School. She said that we were going out to buy clothes. I knew what this meant. What I did not expect was that when she came in my room and started changing me, but this this time they were not pull ups, but taped baby diapers. Great now my but will look bigger. But what I saw next shocked me. She bought out this denim spaghetti dress; you know them with the straps over the shoulder. It had a heart on the front. Then she put tights on me and Mary Jane's. You know what the strange thing was, it was that I just sat there and let her dress me like a girl. I should have kicked and screamed, but in my head I was starting to think that this was normal now. I was no longer a cool normal boy. I wasn’t even a sissy anymore. I wanted to be a girl and that was why I was letting her do this to me. Maybe stepsie, who I once thought was an evil witch, seen this in my eyes because she smiled and gave me a kiss on my forehead.
Then it stroke me. She was taking me out as a girl. I started thinking of everyone that would see me. Would people recognize me? It is good that my friends are at school. But what would happen if people really knew what I had between my legs. It is almost like Stepsie could read my mind, because she said that I would just have to be as girlish as possible. That wasn’t hard. I have been girlish since she came into our house.
Luckily we went to a mall far away. It was hard getting out of the car. But once we walked around in the mall, I forgot everything. It was so fun looking at everything.
After a while I got tired of walking. We sat on a bench. Everyone smiled at us when they walked by us and then some boys started pointing. Then Stepsie told me to close my legs because they could see my diaper. Believe me when I say my face went totally red. No wonder they were laughing. I suppose a few weeks ago if I was there, I would be laughing as well.
Then was Lunch time. As we sat and ate Stepsie asked me, “Are you a girl or boy”
“I feel like a girl” I responded slowly. I was afraid others would hear what we were talking about.
“ You are a girl. Well from today you will be a girl. I will tell you about that later.”
“ What will Dad say? He hates me because he thinks I am a sissy.”
“ Don’t worry about your dad, Soon he won’t be a problem.” She said. I didn’t quite understand that.
“ Now we are going over to my friend. He makes clothes and promised me he will make clothes for you”
“Why can’t we just go to a clothes store?” I hoped she wouldn’t get mad at me
“Because we need you in little girl clothes. And they are hard to buy.”
“ Does he know… you know?”
“ No, he does not know you need diapers or that you are a sissy puff at the moment. It will be interesting what he does if he does know” I was very confused to what this meant, but I knew now not to complain about what she had plans for.
When we came into the designers shop, I heard stepsie tell him what I should have. Dresses and clothes that a 4 year old would wear. This shocked me as I am 11, not 4! Taylor was a puff. You could see it on him. You know his hands wave all over the place and he speaks with a weird voice. To him I was just another girl with a step mum that should be locked in a padded cell.
He told stepsie that he would have to measure me up and led me into a small room. I was shaking. What would he do when he seen the diaper and what would he do when he seen I was a boy. He started caressing my chest before he took off my dress.
“Oh I see you are flat. That’s good for the type of clothes you need.”
I just went red.
“And what have we here. The poor girl wears diapers. Do you wee yourself?”
“ I suppose”
“That is OK. So these clothes are like a punishment so"
Once again I went red. Then I saw him staring at me. He could see I was a boy, or a sissy. He measured me saying nothing but had a weird smile on.
That was a long day. My first day wearing a dress and even into town. And the day where I accepted that I was more girl than I thought I was.
When we came home Dad was very sick. He was vomiting.
I got this diary today. So I might as well write in it. It is a purple one with a bear and heart on the cover. It has a lock on it. I might as well use it. It could be fun reading about it a year after. It does look like a girl’s diary. Maybe boys don't write diaries.
I got the diary from my new step mum. My mum died when I was young. Now dad has got married again. He didn't ask me. We have to move to step mums new house. She has a daughter that is 9 and a son that is 16.
They got married today. It was OK. I sat there thinking that I had a new mum. But I'm not going to call her mum. I have one mum. It’s not my fault she’s dead. After the wedding and party we came home to their house. It was now going to be my new family and house. I was no longer the only c***d. I even had to share a room with Isabella, who was 9. I would much prefer to share a room with Alex, but Stepsie (I call step mum that) said it would be better with Isabella.
The room was pink with some red. The ceiling was cool though. It has clouds and a rainbow. Otherwise everything was pink. There were 2 beds and her toys were all over the place. Mine was still in boxes. Her bed was a girl’s bed too. It had Hannah Montana on it. At least I had my Spider man sheets. Anyway, I was too tired after the long day, and I didn't care where I slept. Wow, see how much I wrote. If my teacher seen this, she would think that I could write any essay. I will say goodnight.
September 11
Hi Diary,
Last night was strange. I like Isabella. She speaks a lot. Last night I could hardly sleep because she kept on talking and talking. That's the good thing about writing to a diary. You can't talk back. She put her nightie on and looked at my pj.
"Those are so ugly," she said, "my nightie is much prettier."
"It would look ugly on me," I tried to say. It was a joke.
"No I don't think so."
I thought she was weird. Who ever heard of a boy wearing nighties? I bet you think that was weird diary. But wait to I tell you what happened next. As we lay in bed, I looked over at Isabella. I couldn't believe my eyes, she was sucking a pacifier. She was too old to be using a baby’s thing.
"Isabella, why are you sucking that?"
She looked at me and if it wasn't that dark, I suppose I could see that her face would have been red. However I did notice a smile and she said,
"Because I like it."
"Yeah, but you look like a baby."
"It helps me to sleep. I'm not a baby and don't call me that anymore."
I just lay in my bed and thought she was weird. Then she came over to me with a dummy and placed it besides my pillow. "Try it; you will also fall asleep much easier." She also gave me a fluffy care bear. No way was I going to use a dummy. I was 11 years old.
As I looked around the pink room, I thought why Dad didn't tell them that this was also a boy’s room, and boys shouldn't be in pink rooms. Then I thought of my Mom and needless to say I started to cry silently. I don't know why I did it, but I hugged the care bear and sucked on the pacifier.
Maybe it reminded me of when my mom was there. Isabella was right, I slept so well.
September 12
Hi Diary,
The next morning I woke up, something was wrong. I wet the bed. I couldn't believe it. It has been years since I wet the bed. I was sitting in the wet bed thinking how I was going to sneak everything out when Stepsie (step mum) came in. She told us to get up. Isabella was as chirpy as a bird and told her mum that she helped me go to sleep by giving me one of her pacifiers. I was so embarrassed. I wished that the ground would swallow me up. Still I hid under the covers while Stepsie found clothes for
Isabella.
"Now it’s your turn, Ashley."
"I can get dressed myself, I can wait to you go out"
"Nonsense," she said as she pulled the bed sheets back. She noticed that I wet the bed and despite the fact that I tried to explain it never happened, she just was silent as she started to undress me. Isabella couldn't keep her mouth shut, "Mum, he called me a baby last night because I use pacifiers."
"I-I-I didn't call you a baby. I said that only babies-"
"Well, who looks like a baby now?" said Stepsie as I layed there in a wet bed and a pacifier in my mouth. I quickly spat it out.
Stepsie gave me a hug and said it was probably because of the changes in the family and maybe it was just for one night. "If it is the same tonight, we can use Isabella's old protection so you won't be so embarrassed."
Protection, what could that be?? I got dressed and didn't think about it all day until I went to bed. After saying my prayers, I layed in my bed thinking about this new family and then I thought of my Mum. I started to cry silently. Stepsie came in and noticed I was crying and didn't say a word, she just put a pacifier in my mouth and kissed me on the forehead.
"I bought you six pacifiers today, as you shouldn't be using Isabella's."
I layed in my bed and starting writing this. It's a good thing that you have a lock on because I am about to write a secret. I really don't mind pacifiers. They sooth me. Make me sleep better. To tell you the truth I am getting to like pink too.
September 13
Hi again Diary,
the next morning was the same. I woke up with a wet bed. Isabella was nice about it but I could see that stepsie was annoyed. She took of my wet pj. I stood there naked and I must have gone red all
over. "Mum, isn't Barbie a boy?"
"Yes sweetie, why?" Stepsie asked Isabella.
"Look at his thingie, it's so small," she laughed
"Yes," Stepsie said, "He could nearly be a girl. Who knows?"
The she put me over her knee and started spanking me. This hurt like anything. It was more embarrassing that I lay over her knee half naked while Isabella could just see me. And Isabella thought I looked like a girl. As I screamed and cried, I thought that it would never end. The stepsie told Isabella to slap me 5 times. I didn't understand why my new half-sister also should spank me. Even though she has a small hand, it hurt.
I was then told that I shouldn't wet the bed. As I layed on her I cried.
Stepsie put the pacifier in my mouth and calmed me down. I noticed that the pacifier was pink and white!!!
Then Stepsie said that we will have to do something with the bed wetting. Maybe a plastic sheet would help I thought. I knew that a girl from my class used them when she was younger.
That evening when I came home from school, Stepsie called me into my room. Or should I call it the pink princess room. She told me to lie down on my bed. I thought I was going to be spanked for talking in class that day.
However she told me to lay down on my back. Isabella came in and she knew what was going to happen. I could see it on her face, and let’s face it, she knew her mom better than I did.
Stepsie started by taking my trousers down. This was embarrassing, once again my privates was shown for everyone to see. I should have fought it and ran as far as my 2 legs would take me. But I just layed there. Then the surprise of my life came when Stepsie came with a diaper. A pampers baby diaper.
"We have to protect the bed and you will find it easier sleeping in the with a diaper on."
"I am not a baby!" I protested.
"Well, only babies wet their beds. It makes no difference. Every day when u get home you will wear a diaper."
"Why can’t I wear it just before I go to sleep?"
"Because this is the rules, as your new mum, I decide."
By the time we finished arguing, I had a diaper on. It was big and I felt like an 11 year old baby. They put my pj on and then I started doing my homework. After a bit I forgot that I was wearing a diaper.
That was until I came down to watch TV. Isabella was very nice about it and didn't tease at all. But then John, my new step brother came in and noticed my big bum while I was lying down on the floor.
"Are you wearing a diaper?" he asked
"Sod Off. None of your business," I retorted
"OMG, we have a baby in the house. A Diaper boy. This is so weird."
I hated being teased, and could feel a tear flow down my cheek.
Isabella ran out of the room and just stuck a pacifier in my mouth again.
I started sucking. What was happening to me?
September 16
Hi Diary,
Sorry I didn't write to you sooner. I have no excuse. I am wearing the diaper every afternoon when I come home from school. The funny thing was that I started to wet the diaper. I don't know why, but I think it's because I waited for the last minute and when I tried to get to the toilet, then it was too late. Maybe I was lazy. I most likely was. Today when I came home from school and I was getting the diaper on. As my legs were pointed in the air, I started thinking that it is not that bad. My heart started to beat faster when I had to admit that I liked having diapers on. I no longer minded them. What was happening to me? Am I now a baby? I was no longer a big boy. I was lying down getting a diaper on and I didn't care.
When the diaper was finally fastened, Stepsie came with a nightdress. It was new with white and pink arms with a picture of the Little Mermaid. Again she just slid it over me and did I put a fight up? No. I just accepted it as if it was normal. Then the thought hit me. I was wearing a girl’s night dress!!!
"This is for girls," I said.
"I know, however it will be easier to change you before bed."
"But I look like a sissy!"¨
"Maybe, but a cute sissy."
I hate being called cute.
September 18
Dear Diary,
when I was doing my homework, I started to think that I felt like a girl. With my hair down to my shoulders, I mostly looked like a girl. This was strange. You know what the problem is, I sort of liked it. It made me feel different than the others. Here I was a 11 year old boy sitting doing my homework dressed in a girls nightdress and a diaper, and I allowed it!
Stepsie shouted up if I was wet. I was of course wet, but I didn't want to get changed. I wanted to get my homework finished. She came up and asked was I sure that I was wet and I said no. I really hated her.
She came up to me and lifted my nightie and seen the wetness. She lifted me to the bed to change me. This was embarrassing. I know I was small for my age, but I could walk.
Then she said, "Since you can't tell me when you're wet, you will be checked. Otherwise you will get a rash. What are you afraid of; I will see your thingie? Let me tell you this much, there is not a lot to see."
I told her to shut up. She went out with a smile on her face. I know that my thingie was small, but she shouldn't tease me about it. She shouldn't even talk about it!!!
Later that night, I got a shock. Isabella came in when I was playing a computer game. She asked if I was wet. I didn't answer. Then she pulled up my nightie. She said that she will tell stepsie that I was wet. I sat there in shock. I felt like a baby.
September 21
Dear Diary,
Remember when I told you that I didn't play with Barbie's. Well that is not true now. I have started playing with Isabella's things. Her dolls and dollhouse. It is actually fun. I like it. I like when I play with her. We have become very close friends, even though she calls me sister. I suppose when I am sitting in a nightdress that I do look like a girl.
Isabella still checks to see if I'm wet. I don't mind that anymore. I think she likes it as sometimes she does take her time checking me.
Anyhow tonight Stepsie came into our room when we were playing and said, "It's time girls for your bath." Isabella jumped up and ran out to the bathroom. I just sat there; she did say that it was a girl’s bath.
Then stepsie came up and took my hand and dragged me out to the bathroom. It was now that I was certain that stepsie was starting to consider me as a girl. Isn't this against the law???? I suppose it didn't matter. It was only a nightie and a girl’s bath. It was only girl’s toys and long hair. I am still a boy. I think.
It was strange sitting in the same bath as Isabella. I know she has seen me before, but this was freaky. What if my mates at school heard? They would think that I fancied Isabella. All these thoughts went through my head while stepsie was washing me. What would my friends say to that? My step mum was washing me. They would think I was weird. At the end Isabella and I played in the tub until we were told to come out because our skin will be wrinkled as an old man. While Isabella put her big girls clothes on, I was put in my nightie and diaper with a Pacifier in my mouth.
September 23
Hi Diary,
let's hope that no one can read this. If people knew that I was an eleven year old that wore diapers at home and nightdresses. If they knew that I liked pacifiers and girls toys. Then they would lock me away for life. They would ask why I don’t say no. It would be hard to explain that I really don't care. I kind of like it.
I was now bed wetting every night. I could not control it. Every morning when I woke up I would have a wet diaper. The same when I was wearing a diaper after school. I started noticing that I could not get to the toilet on time.
Today at school, I just made it to the toilet. But as I was taking my trousers down, I started to pee. Some of it could be seen in my trousers.
It wasn't very wet, but I got scared. I told Stepsie that when she was putting me in a diaper when I came home from school. She said that she had thought that this would be a problem and it would be better tomorrow.
I smiled as she found my pacifíer. Things were going to get better. Maybe she would give me medicine or potty train me.
September 24
Dear Diary,
When I woke up, I was of course wet. Stepsie came in and started changing me. She had my school uniform ready. Then she took pull-ups and explained that it was underwear but it had padding in it in case I had
the same accident as yesterday. She said she bought pink and white ones with Minnie mouse as a fairy because she thought they were so cute. It looked like girls panties, just a lot thicker.
As she started putting it on me, I started thinking if I should protest.
One thing is being a baby at home, but wearing diapers to school could ruin my life. And if they found out they were pink, then I might as well hide myself.
I didn't protest.
The Pull-up made my butt look very big under the trousers. I was sure that someone at school would notice.
However no one did and it was good that I had it on, because the same think happened as it did yesterday. I didn't make it to the toilet on time. No one noticed, but I was afraid all day that it would leak, that someone would see it or something else.
Stepsie told me that she had a solution to that.
September 25
Dear Diary
Today is the second day where I would be wearing a pull-up to school. Stepsie told me that she had bought me something that would keep me warm. I wasn't cold. I just wanted to make sure that my friends didn't find out about the diaper. Now I had something else to worry about.
After Stepsie put the pull-up on me, she put an undershirt. But it was obviously a girl’s one. It had straps around the shoulders and a little pink ribbon. This was not the worse. She started putting tights on me. They were white and not that thick. They felt funny against my legs.
Lucky I got my uniform on. I was a boy on the outside and a girl hidden under.
September 26
Dear Diary.
You are now my best friend. There is no one else I can write about the weird things that is happening to me. I told you about yesterday. Step put me in Pull-ups and tights and a girlie undershirt. When she did it, I didn’t care. I mean my school uniform was over it, and that was still a boys uniform. No one would know, would they? I didn’t even think about until I came to school.
But when I was in school. I went past a trophy case. I could see my refection in the glass. Oh my gosh, my butt was so big. I stared at the reflection for a few minutes thinking if anyone else could see the big butt. My best friend Philip laughed and told me that I look nice, even with my long blond hair.
We had maths afterwards. I hate Math’s. I really do. In the middle of the class, I could feel that I was getting wet. I could feel a tear coming to my eye. I tried to wipe it away and control myself from crying. I didn’t want Philip or anyone in the class thinking I was crying like a little girl.
But I was a little girl. Look at my hair. It was down to my shoulder, I always had long hair. I was wearing tights and a girl’s undershirt. I was even wearing a pull up because I could no longer get to the toilet on time. What was happening to me? It can’t be normal. It can’t be normal that I didn’t even say no to these things that Stepsie was putting on me. It can’t be normal that I didn’t tell her that I wanted to be a boy.
But do I want to be a boy? Maybe I like the attention that Stepsie is giving to me. I miss my Mum so much that I really don’t mind her fussing over me. I don’t mind being treated like a little girl. Well, I didn’t when it was at home. But now I am slowly turning to a girl at school.
Dear Diary, when I started writing this, I could feel the tears once again. Now I am crying like anything. Without even knowing it, I have put the pacifier in my mouth. I have decided that I will no longer be a girl. I am a boy. I will say no to Stepsie and I will get dad to help me. But how, he is always at work.
Did he just get married so someone will take care of me? Does he really love me? Does he not see what is happening?
I have to go to sleep now.
September 27
Hi Diary
Sorry about last night. I went on and on didn’t I? I am so sorry. Just who else can I tell about these problems to? A lot has happened today. I don’t know where to start.
When I got up I was wet. Stepsie (StepMum) came in and started changing me. I actually stood up to her and said that I can change myself. She is so strong and she hardly even listened to me. I kept on shouting that I could change myself and I didn’t want to wear girls’ underwear or tights. To be honest I was in doubt about the pull up. What’s best, having a big butt or wet trousers? I suppose a pull up is.
Stepsie didn’t listen to me. She just struggled with me as she started putting the undershirt with the stupid ribbon on. However this undershirt had a drawing of a princess on it. I started to panic and thought what will happen if my mates could see the drawing through my shirt. I was not going to take any chance.
When she went to get the tights, I took off the princess undershirt. I was screaming that I was not a girl and that I didn’t want to wear girly clothes and that I can put my own clothes on. As usual, I was crying like anything. That’s so embarrassing.
Step then got mad at put me over her knee and started spanking me. “Listen. When I first moved in here, I didn’t want a son. I hate boys. However I loved you because I could see that you were a boy trapped in a girl’s body. For God’s sake you have long hair and you are so fragile, you have a girls head. Even your thingie is so small that you look like a girl. I also seen the way you looked at Philip (my best friend) and even your step brother Alex. You look at them with girls eyes. So get this in your head. You are a girl. You are a sissy! A Sissy that pees in her own trousers. You are a pissy sissy and I am only helping you. I hope you now understand baby barbie!”
My head hurt when she said this. Maybe it was because I was crying so hard. My head was spinning. She called me a sissy. She thinks I am a sissy. She said that I was a girl in a boy’s body. She thinks I was a girl even before she met me and she was just helping me.
I couldn’t believe it. She called me sissy. And She called me baby Barbie when my head was starting to go around and around in turmoil. I hate when she talks about my diapers. It’s so embarrassing and it’s not my fault.
Then it hit me. What did she mean the way I looked at Philip. How did I look at him like a girl would? Did I look at him like I fancied him? Do I fancy him? I think he is hot and I like when we wrestle. But do I love him. Did Stepsie think I was a gaybo? Am I?
I snapped out of my thoughts. Stepsie dressed me in my clothes. I was once again a boy, but if you took off the clothes, I had girl’s tights and undershirt on with a pull up.
Step said Go to school Baby Barbie. I said nothing. I was mad and confused.
September 30
Dear diary
it’s been a few days. But there was nothing to write until today. I tried a few times to stand up to Stepsie, but every time I spoke to her that I am a boy, she spanks me and calls me names like diaper Barbie, sissy, girl, baby and once she said I was gay. I am afraid of her and I couldn’t decide if she is a witch or not. I wanted dad to come home from his business trip. I needed him.
Nothing happened in school. At least that’s good that no one knows that I am a sissy and I can’t go to the toilet like anyone else.
However today I came home from school early, as I skipped PE (gym)
I entered the house quietly and heard Stepsie on the phone. Here is what I heard. I will write it as I could remember it, and then you can decide Diary if I should be worried…
“… everything is going fine…. Yes he has a boy who is eleven years old… He is strange… long hair and he is small and not very developed. He’s a weakling and he cries over the smallest things… he started wetting the bed after I moved in… I think he misses his mum…. She was a bitch in school, she teased me because she thought I was a tomboy… No, I told my husband that we were at the same school and didn’t know each other…. If she could see what I was doing to her son now she would be sorry for the way she treated me at school…. Revenge is sweet, fun too… well where do I start. I am turning him into a sissy…. He wears night dresses and tights and undershirts… I have just bought him clothes, but he never noticed they were indeed girl’s clothes…. Soon he won’t be a sissy; he will be a girl….. I can’t wait to his first dress…. That sounds like a good ideal…. The diapers weren’t part of the plan but he wears them all the time at home, otherwise he wears cute girl panties…. And uses pacifiers… yes maybe he should get a bottle more….. A crib, that’s going to far….. Maybe….. His dad? He is always at work. He seen him in his nightdresses and didn’t say a word. The only thing he said is to take him to the doctor for his bladder…. Yes the bitch can watch all this from her grave….. Yes I never thought about that Ashley was also a girl’s name….. Well I got to go.”
After I heard this conversation on the phone, I went to my room and after Stepsie put me in a baby diaper and nightdress I looked at my clothes. She was right they were all new clothes. Tights as usual. However there were socks with ruffles on them. There were trousers with no zips in the most geeky girl colours. They were red and light blue and some were even pink. Even the jeans had flowers sewn in them. My old clothes were gone.
What was the phone call all about? Was it my mum she was talking about? Did she used to know her? Did my mum tease her and this was now revenge that I was going to be made into a girl. Things couldn’t get worse, nor could they???
October 1
Dear diary
I still can’t help thinking about the telephone call with Stepsie and whoever it was. It sounded like she was trying to turn me into a girl. At the same time she told me already that I was a girl inside. Maybe I was meant to be born as a girl but somehow came out as a boy. I mean when I have these new clothes or nightdress on you would really think that I was a girl. I am so confused. Am I really a girl or am I a boy?
Today when I came home from school, Stepsie told me not to put my nightdress on. I was still to wear the big diaper with some plastic panties, but I was to put on some other clothes. I put on the jeans with the flowers and a white ´top with strawberries and some lace. My butt looked extremely big with the diaper and anyone would have to be a blind bat to see that it wasn’t a diaper under it.
Then Isabella came in the door, with her best friend Maria. She was going to sleep over. My heart started to beat faster than anything it did before. How was I supposed to survive this?
Maria looked at me and started smiling. I smiled a bit back and said I will go up to our room. I really wanted to hide. Here I was wearing girls clothes, although Stepsie called them unisex or something like that. I just wanted to hide in bed until Maria went home the next day.
However it didn't last that long. Isabella and Maria came up to the room. Maria looked at me and said. "Why are you wearing girl’s clothes"?
"I'm not"
"You are"
Then the worse thing happened that I could imagine. Isabella started telling Maria that I had a small thingie and that is why she thought I was really a girl. Not only this, but she told her that I peed in my pants so I had to wear diapers.
"Even though Ashley is older than me, he is a baby because he wets himself. He also uses pacifiers and sometimes bottles."
Maria laughed so high that she fell on Isabella's bed. I wished that the ground would swallow me up.
Isabella continued, "He’s really like my little sister"
Maria couldn't believe her ears. She laughed and laughed then stopped with a confused face. She just sat on the bed and looked at me with a funny face. It was obvious that she didn't believe a word of what Isabella told her. Then again she could see that I was wearing strange clothes and this confused her. I think she also looked at my bum and could see it was a bit big.
"You’re a sissy?" she said
" NOOOoo." I said
"You’re a diaper boy?"
" Stop"
"Sissy pissy" she said and started laughing. I started walking towards the door but Isabella was in the way. The next ten minutes must have been the two girls teasing me. I just sat down pretending to do homework, but of course I couldn't.
Then Maria told me she wanted to see my diaper. I of course said no way, but she kept on asking. Then Isabella told her that she was allowed to see if I was wet,
Maria asked how and Isabella explained while showing, "I don't ask Barbie, because he lies. So I just look. It’s fun when I have cold hands because Barbie goes red in the face. Oh he’s wet. I better tell Mum"
Maria laughed that I was wet. She said it proved that I was a little baby girl. Anyhow the next humiliating part came when stepsie came in with Isabella and said that I had to lay down on the bed while she changes me. I expected her to tell the girls to get out, and when she didn't, I reminded her.
"We are all girls here" she said.
For the thousandth time today, I wished that the ground would just swallow me up. As Stepsie started to take off my clothes, I could see Maria's eyes becoming bigger and bigger. As I lay there as the day I was born. Tears started to come to my eyes and after Isabella stuck a pacifier in my mouth, I just closed my eyes. I know it was stupid of me. If I couldn't see them then they couldn't see me. Although I could hear them laughing, I just thought of everything else besides what was happening. At the end Stepsie put me in a nightie, add I think it didn't even shock Maria. I suppose after all she seen until now she couldn't get any more shocked. I felt like a right sissy in the nightdress.
But dear Diary.... it wasn't over yet. Isabella went out into the kitchen, letting me and Maria stare at each other. Isabella came back with a bottle. She expected me to play the baby and drink the bottle. I of course said no. Then Isabella waved her brush and boasted that she spanked me a few times. I wasn't going to be spanked by two girls so I just decided to be part of their baby game. I laid my head on Maria's lap and she started giving me the bottle.
The I could feel my heart beating faster. I could hardly breath. I asked Maria to promise to tell no one about this. I know it was a big promise because if it was me I would probably tell the whole world. She said she would think over it,
I didn't know whether to believe her or not and I didn't want to be anyone’s slave. But I begged her not to tell a living soul. Deep down I knew that this meant everyone will start thinking that I am a girl and not a boy
October 4
Dear Diary
it was a lot that I wrote last time, wasn't it?
Anyhow today was another strange day. It started as usual as Stepsie dressed me and all that. As usual I was a girl underneath and a boy on top.
I got used to this. I was very careful to make sure that my school bag was closed so no one could see the extra pull ups that were hidden at the bottom. I also make sure that my shirt was tucked in and tied up to the top so no one could see who was hidden below it. By now I thought that my secret was safe. Even after Maria's visit, no one teased me about being a girl the day afterwards, so I didn't think that she told her. I suppose who would believe her
however today my best mate Philip found out. I’ll tell you how it happened.
It was during break. I took my bag and went to the toilets to change the pull up. He asked me why I don’t leave the school bag in the classroom. I went sort of white. I felt a bit like I was going to faint. I pretended that I didn't hear him. I pretended also not to hear him when he asked what was staking so long.
After we ate, I forgot the whole thing. We were in the playground in the shelter area. We were sitting on the ground eating our Lunches. After lunch we were joking about how much we hated Math’s. I suppose I should say that we only had our coats on, and the ground was a bit cold for Philip. Not so much for me. Pull ups is good for something like that.
Anyhow we started wrestling. I love wrestling. I don't know why. Then after a few minutes when I was on top of Philip, he went totally silent and still. I could feel his hand rubbing my butt. I knew the secret was out. I mean he would have to be a total idiot to know that the butt was well covered. His arm started felling my butt and to tell the truth a part of me didn't want him to stop.
"Are you wearing a diaper" he asked. What was I going to say? I didn't want my best friend to start hating me.
"I can explain. I have problems. I can’t get to the toilet on time and I started wetting my bed."
"Oh" he said as he continued as he rubbed my butt. "I thought you looked strange down there and you haven't been to PE in a few weeks, but I never guessed that-.... I never guessed this."
Once again I started to cry. My secret was out. I started telling Philip about it all. The nappies, the nightie, the tights and underwear. He asked what My Dad said to all this and I said that he was never home. But he probably didn't love me anymore anyhow. The tears flowed out. I felt like a baby, but I was so afraid that Philip would hate me from now on.
Then we sat up and he gave me a hug saying that we were still friends and always will be. He didn't know what else to say so he just kept hugging me for ages. I stopped crying and just let him hug me. I thought it was nice. I had sort of butterflies in my stomach.
The one of the older boys shouted that we were Gay. So we stopped. He just started pointing at us and called us gay and he seen us kissing, which wasn't true. After he went away I told Philip that everyone will think that we were Gay
" So we know the truth. Anyhow if we were in love, we wouldn't be Gay, because you look like a girl and you dress like a girl."
I didn't know if that was an insult or compliment
Then I thought of what Stepsie told me, that I had feelings for Philip.
No, I'm not in love with him
am I?
October 9
Hi
I mean dear Diary
I suppose I can say hi.
Today Dad came home. He knew I wet the bed but he got in a fight with stepsie. I suppose I better start at the beginning.
When I came home from school dad was there. I was so happy that he was home. I really missed him. And this time he would be home for a week and even more. You can understand why I was so happy.
Stepsie then gave me a present. I thought at first that she was just being nice because Dad was here.
When I opened the package it was a leotard. It was black. Step mum told me to try it on. I did. Dad was outraged.
"He looks like a girl."
Stepsie said that she bought me the leotard because I was going to start dancing. While I felt like fainting. Dad laughed as if he did not believe what he just heard. Maybe he thought it was a joke.
I shouted at the top of my voice that I was not going to start ballet. Step said "You wear diapers and like girl’s clothes. Do you think you are able to decide? I don’t think so"
Dad looked at me asking me was this the truth. He must be blind if he didn't know. But maybe he didn't think I liked it. I bet he must have thought I was a lost cause because I liked it.
I ran out into up to my room. I supposed it was good that my dad didn't know that in the middle of the argument that I wet myself. As I sat up in my room I heard that Dad and stepsie argued for some time. At the beginning I was happy that he was doing it. Maybe now I will be treated normal. But then I was afraid. Could I get my bladder under control? At the end it didn’t make any difference, as I could hear that Stepsie was putting her foot down, telling him that she knew what was best for me. Dad just became quiet at the end. He came up to my room and looked at me and rolled his eyes towards heaven. "You’re a lost Cause." he mumbled.
October 12
Dear Diary
After I spoke to you the last time, nothing has gone well.
The day after Dad left on a business trip again. Stepsie was mad at him and that meant she was mad at me. She told me that I won’t be seeing him much more because I was a "puff" and "sissy". I disappointed my dad because he wanted an all football star and he will get a ballet dancer that pees in his diapers.
I am now under Stepsies control. She decides what I wear and when I wear it and what I do. I am confused. I don't know if I like it or not.
OK. I will be honest. I like it. I like the girl’s clothes and even the diapers. I just don't want anyone to know that I like it. I don't want anyone to know anything about it.
That changed today. We had PE and were supposed to change in our gym clothes. We had PE in the afternoon, so you can imagine what panic I was going through all morning. How was I to change my clothes? They would see my diapers and tights. All morning I thought that this would be the end of my life. When people found out that I wet myself and wore girl things, then I would be teased and hated and laughed at by everyone.
When PE came. I walked slowly into the changing room. I didn't know what to do. I could tell that everyone was looking at me, although I knew deep down they were not. Then I got an ideal. I would get changed in the toilet.
I rushed into the toilet and took off my clothes and left the pull up on. I quickly put shorts over it and a tracksuit. OK, I had a big butt, but this if anyone didn't-t notice that, then they must be blind. Anyhow, a big butt is better than a wet butt.
I came into Gym class. Disaster hit me straight away. The Coach told me just to have shorts on. So reluctantly I took of the bottoms. Now the big Butt was there for everyone to see.
Everything went fine until we sat in a ring at the end to discuss how everything went. Then I could feel people were staring at me. Without thinking I say with my legs apart so they can see up them. I could see that some were in shock and others just started laughing. Something funny happened, I liked them looking up the shorts even though it was embarrassing.
Oh My, I was becoming an exhibitionist.
After PE, it’s like they all wanted to look at them. I didn’t notice them teasing. I just noticed a few that were trying to feel them. Especially Philip, that somehow managed to put his hand down them on my butt. I never felt so many butterflies in my stomach as I did now.
I didn’t even mind the teasing, as I thought I would.
I am Changing
October 13
Dear Diary
Today stepsie kept me home from School. She said that we were going out to buy clothes. I knew what this meant. What I did not expect was that when she came in my room and started changing me, but this this time they were not pull ups, but taped baby diapers. Great now my but will look bigger. But what I saw next shocked me. She bought out this denim spaghetti dress; you know them with the straps over the shoulder. It had a heart on the front. Then she put tights on me and Mary Jane's. You know what the strange thing was, it was that I just sat there and let her dress me like a girl. I should have kicked and screamed, but in my head I was starting to think that this was normal now. I was no longer a cool normal boy. I wasn’t even a sissy anymore. I wanted to be a girl and that was why I was letting her do this to me. Maybe stepsie, who I once thought was an evil witch, seen this in my eyes because she smiled and gave me a kiss on my forehead.
Then it stroke me. She was taking me out as a girl. I started thinking of everyone that would see me. Would people recognize me? It is good that my friends are at school. But what would happen if people really knew what I had between my legs. It is almost like Stepsie could read my mind, because she said that I would just have to be as girlish as possible. That wasn’t hard. I have been girlish since she came into our house.
Luckily we went to a mall far away. It was hard getting out of the car. But once we walked around in the mall, I forgot everything. It was so fun looking at everything.
After a while I got tired of walking. We sat on a bench. Everyone smiled at us when they walked by us and then some boys started pointing. Then Stepsie told me to close my legs because they could see my diaper. Believe me when I say my face went totally red. No wonder they were laughing. I suppose a few weeks ago if I was there, I would be laughing as well.
Then was Lunch time. As we sat and ate Stepsie asked me, “Are you a girl or boy”
“I feel like a girl” I responded slowly. I was afraid others would hear what we were talking about.
“ You are a girl. Well from today you will be a girl. I will tell you about that later.”
“ What will Dad say? He hates me because he thinks I am a sissy.”
“ Don’t worry about your dad, Soon he won’t be a problem.” She said. I didn’t quite understand that.
“ Now we are going over to my friend. He makes clothes and promised me he will make clothes for you”
“Why can’t we just go to a clothes store?” I hoped she wouldn’t get mad at me
“Because we need you in little girl clothes. And they are hard to buy.”
“ Does he know… you know?”
“ No, he does not know you need diapers or that you are a sissy puff at the moment. It will be interesting what he does if he does know” I was very confused to what this meant, but I knew now not to complain about what she had plans for.
When we came into the designers shop, I heard stepsie tell him what I should have. Dresses and clothes that a 4 year old would wear. This shocked me as I am 11, not 4! Taylor was a puff. You could see it on him. You know his hands wave all over the place and he speaks with a weird voice. To him I was just another girl with a step mum that should be locked in a padded cell.
He told stepsie that he would have to measure me up and led me into a small room. I was shaking. What would he do when he seen the diaper and what would he do when he seen I was a boy. He started caressing my chest before he took off my dress.
“Oh I see you are flat. That’s good for the type of clothes you need.”
I just went red.
“And what have we here. The poor girl wears diapers. Do you wee yourself?”
“ I suppose”
“That is OK. So these clothes are like a punishment so"
Once again I went red. Then I saw him staring at me. He could see I was a boy, or a sissy. He measured me saying nothing but had a weird smile on.
That was a long day. My first day wearing a dress and even into town. And the day where I accepted that I was more girl than I thought I was.
When we came home Dad was very sick. He was vomiting.
India
- 20.05.2020
- 23
- 0
