The Girlfriend (part 1) free porn video

*********************************************************** THE GIRLFRIEND by Deane Christopher Copyrighted 1999 *********************************************************** "What the f'...", Jake Eagers exclaimed in frantic disbelief as he felt the strange and unnerving sensations beginning to infest the subcutaneous layers of skin in and around the immediately vicinity of his groin and, to a somewhat lesser, though still troubling degree, his superfluous male nipples. "This is ridiculous! Absolutely ridiculous! "Is it?", Vicki Langstrum, grinning away to beat the band, impishly inquired. "Is it really... "Tell me something, Jake. Is your skin all prickly? Are you experiencing a strange... shall we say... internal churning sensation... y'know, that's seems to be emanating from deep inside the epicenter of your loins? And, is that libido-driven prick of your's developing a first class boner..." "Yes! Yes! And yes!", a frantically bemused and clearly agitated Jake Eagers retorted harshly. "This is ridiculous! Absolutely, no holds bar, ridiculous! I mean... What you're suggesting, Vicki! It's ludicrous! Absolutely ludicrous! "Look, Jake! I'm not going to sit here and debate it with you!", Vicki countered calmly. "The proof... as they say, Jake... is in the pudding. And whether or not you accept the reality of what is happening to you is - I guess you could say - rather immaterial at this particular point in the precedings. What's done is done! I've set things in motion and now, all we have to do is wait for the physical transition process to run its' course..." "But, Vicki!", a somewhat distraught Jake Eagers endeavored to lodge a protested, as he unconsciously raised his hand to knead first one and then the other of his oddly pulsating, male sculpted, non-functional mammary glands. "But nothing, Jake!", Vicki's retort clearly conveyed the fact that she was becoming a tad bit vexed. "Look! As far as I'm concerned, you've more than ample time to pop the question and there by make an honest woman out of me, Mr. Jake - I'm not the marrying kind - Eagers! "But have you? "No! "By your own admission, Jake, you made it quite clear to me tonight that you're not in the market for a wife! You just want a friend of the female persuasion! A lady friend you can go out with! A woman who will, when the mood strikes you, share your bed and there by, assuage that macho, over testosteroned, God's gift to women, self-centered, anal retentive, I've got to get my rocks off sense of surging horniness of your's! "Well... so be it, Jake! What it comes down to is this: you don't see yourself as a marrying kind of man! "You say that you care for me, Jake... and that, come what may, you don't want to loose me. "Well... though I'd rather become Mrs. Eagers... since I don't want to loose you - You big, hard-headed lummox you! - y'know, given how much time I've invested in this on-again, off- again relationship of ours... I guess you leave me no other choice than to go for this perpetual girlfriend option of your's... "However, Jake... knowing that it might come down to this... I took out a little insurance policy. "A couple weeks ago... when you were out of town attending that anal weekend of drunken debauchery with those old neighborhood cronies of your's... I went to see this old Gypsy woman that a concerned friend of mine put me in touch with awhile ago... who... for a lack of a better way to put this, Jake darling... dabbles in the mystical arts of metaphysical manipulation. "In other words, Jake... I went to see a witch." "Yeah... Right!", Jake sarcasm punctuated his retort. "And now you're going to proceed on to tell me that you went and purchased some sort a love potion from this magical charlatan that'll somehow coerce me into getting down on my knees and begging you to marry me! Right?" "Wrong, Mr. Know-it-all! Though I could have gone that route, I didn't purchase a love potion! "That would have been far to trite and hackneyed for me. "Feeling fairly certain that you pull this 'girlfriend' shit on me sooner or later, I opted for something that was a wee bit more creative, while being outlandishly diabolical all in one neat little package. "You want me to continue on as your girlfriend? "So be it, Jake! "If I can't be your happily wedded wife, being your girlfriend is just peachy-keen with me! "I'll be your happy to remain your girlfriend, just as long as you don't mind becoming mine!" "What!", Jake incredulously clamored. "Just what in the hell are you talking about, Vicki? "I mean... you're not seriously suggesting that that unintelligible, damn near inaudible mumbo jumbo that you were just muttering a moment or so ago is going to actually change me into a girl... now are you?" "No,", Vicki coquettishly admitted, "not in and of itself, Jake - dear. "However,", she added after a poignant pause, "that so called mumbo jumbo that you heard me uttered under my breath a few minutes ago did trigger a very craftily constructed spell that is even now beginning to do just that..." "Bullshit!", Jake, unhinged by Vicki's outlandish assertion, vehemently countered. "What you're suggesting, Vicki... is sheer and utter nonsense! "I mean... while it is true that you can cosmetically bringing about the change you're suggesting through a good bit of re-constructive surgery and the ingestion of a whole kit and caboodle of female hormones... nothing - And I do mean nothing! - can nullify the fact that a Y Chromosome is a Y Chromosome is a Y Chromosome..." "True enough...", Vicki, in an effort to sidestep what would, in due course, prove out to be a fruitless, albeit futile argument, acknowledged the validity of Jake's assertion. "However, Jake... be that as it may be... you do have an erection, don't you?" "Yes! Damn it to all hell and back! I do... "But - Tell me, Vicki!", Jake fearfully demanded, "Just what in the hell does my having an erection have to do with anything?" "Semen, Jake! Semen! "Before those testicles of your's can undergo conversion into a pair of female ovaries, that body of your's has to expunge itself of all it's residual semen. "In other words, my dearest darling... in the next several minutes or so, that soon to be vagina supplanted penis of your's is gong to start mimicking the legendary Mount Vesuvius as it begins to experience a series of massive, doppler-like ejaculations... y'know, that will completely deplete your reservoir of stored-up semen." Jake, though rattled down to the marrow of his bones by Vicki's incredulous assertions, boldly, if not sarcastically countered, "Yeah! Right! And I'm the King of Siam!". However, even as he was attempting to put on the sham of a false-front to assuage that grossly assaulted male ego of his, Jake felt the advent of the first of several mind-riveting, orgasmic, semen- surges, gushing frantically up along the bore-tube of his manly insemination rod. "Holy shit!", Jake, in utter disbelief, frantically exclaimed, even as his body was racked by a second, third and fourth unsolicited ejaculation of massive amounts of semen. "My shorts! My jeans! They're soaked with cum!" Countering, in a very serene, matter-of-fact voice, Vicki offered comment, "That... my darling... as you will soon come to realize... is the least of your problems..." "Vicki!", Jake, in a voice that was both choked and pained, tersely demanded, "What the hell did you do? Did you spike this soda of mine with some sort of new, fast acting, male-targeted aphrodisiac or a super strong dose of Viagra when I was in your bathroom taking a leak?". "Jake... Jake... Jake...", Vicki teasingly chided. "I already told you what I did and exactly why I did it. "You... on the other hand... seem to have a problem accepting the reality of what's about to happen to that manly body of your's. "Remember... my dearest darling... it was you who initially set the parameters for this ongoing relationship of ours.", Vicki continued. "You... by your own omission... don't want a wife. You want a fall-back girlfriend... y'know, who's at your beck and call... so she can service those carnal needs of your's from time to time... "Well, Jake the soon to be former Snake! Guess what! If I can't be your wife, it's like I said before: I want the same damn thing you do! I want a girlfriend... a lesbian lover if you will... y'know, who can service my own carnal needs from time to time! "And guess what, Jake! Before the hour's out, we'll both have exactly what we want! "Now...", Vicki continued as she got up off the shoddy excuse for a sofa that she and Jake had been residing upon, "knowing fully well how icky you must feel with all that sticky cum of your's splattered all over that lower abdomen of your's, Jake... why don't you take a minute or so and climb out of those semen soaked jeans and shorts. And, while you're busy doing that, Jake... I'll go get you a towel and a moisten washcloth... y'know, so that you can clean yourself up a little before you're no longer capable of attending to such matters on your own." "What! What the hell do you mean about me and my not being able to attend to such matters on my own, Vicki?", an enraged Jake Eagers vehemently demanded of the retreating figure of his girlfriend. From the hallway, Vicki Langstrum cheerfully intoned, "Patience, lover boy. I'll explain it all to you right after I get you the towel and the washcloth I just now promised you." Returning from the bathroom, Vicki took note of the fact that Jake was feebly struggling at the rather simple and mundane tasks that she had suggested he undertake. While he had managed to un-zip his jeans, he had achieved little more. Setting the towel and the washcloth on the makeshift coffee table for the moment, Vicki, with a "Here! Let lend you a hand with that, Jake!", proceeded on to remove first, her boyfriend's shoes and socks and then, his semen soiled garments. Then, in a dismissive, off-handed manner, Vicki. picking up the washcloth, stated the obvious. "Feeling weak, are we?" "Yes...", Jake meekly managed. "I'm so fagged out; I feel utterly exhausted. "That's to be expected, Jake.", Vicki pointed out as she knelt alongside the sofa and deftly began to address the globules of cum that were even then being to congeal on Jake's lower abdomen and groin areas. "You see, lover...", Vicki matter-of-factly continued, "the catastrophic changes that are occurring - even as we speak - throughout your whole, entire body, requires a whole hell of a lot of energy. Though you are unaware of it, you are burning one hell of a lot of calories just laying there. Doing nothing. "Fact is, lover... were you to try to beat feet right now - y'know, and shag that tight little and as yet manly rump of your's out of here... given how beat and discombobulated you look... I doubt that you would be able to make it even half way to the door before these legs of your's would give out. "Hell, Jake! Given the way you look right now, you're probably to weak to even stand up! "A word to the wise, Jake. Don't try. Y'know, because you might fall and end up bruising the beautiful new body that that you're going to end up with when everything is all said and done. "You see, dear... right now, every single, solitary cell of your body is undergoing a genetic re-structuring of its' DNA that will... when complete... transmute all those pesky, male defining Y Chromosomes that you were going on and on and on about and turn then into X Chromosomes." Trading the semen-soiled washcloth for the dry towel, Vicki continued on to say, "And when that happens, Jake... when your cellular structure has a double X Chromosome pairing... which, by the way, it's a safe bet to assume that such has already occurred... given the fact that your penis has... shall we say... atrophied into a pre-pubescent state... of - I would guesstimate - a seven or eight year old's... though the rest of your still manly body may tend to belie the fact... genetically speaking, you... my dearest darling... are already a female." Knowing that her boyfriend, weakened by the transsexualization process as he was, couldn't even muster the were-with-all to make any sort of lucid comment or, for that matter, intelligible inquiry what-so-ever, Vicki, anticipating some of his probable concerns, directed her dialogue in that direction. "Oh! If you're wondering if there's going to be a lot of pain involved in this sexual retrofit that you're undergoing, Jake... the answer is: no. You should experience no pain what-so-ever. "However... you may experience some transitory physical discomfort. Y'know, like when your skeletal frame beings to go through the gyrations and compressions and hip splays necessary to re-adjust itself to the all new, fully feminized physiognomy that you are being fitted out with. "Jake!", Vicki was jubilant. "Look! Look at your penis!" Obediently, Jake, though it took a considerable effort on his part, did as directed. "See!", Vicki enthusiastically exclaimed, as she took her hands and, placing them on Jake's knobby knees, spread his legs so as to gain a much better view of what was transpiring in and around the area of her boyfriend's loins. "It's regressed to a point where it's no bigger than a toddler's! "Plus! Though I don't know if you can see this particular little nuance from your vantage point, Jake dear! But be aware that there are several crescent-like ridge lines beginning to evidence themselves... y'know, that will... in the next several minutes or so.... become the multiple lip-folds of your own nifty little vagina! "Wow! This is something to see, Jake! "Damn! I wish I had my camcorder handy! I would have loved to have caught this all on tape! "Trouble is, Jake: were I to go get it out of my bedroom closet; locate a blank tape and find a battery with a full charge on it, given my run of bad luck here of late, by the time I got back here with it, I'd probably miss the most intriguing facets of this extremely fascinating, if not mind-blowing transsexualization your undergoing. "Okay! This is great! We've got an indentation! Y'know, nestled within those developing lip-folds of your's! Y'know, that will... in the next couple of moments... transmogrify into the outer orifice of your own handy dandy vaginal canal, Jake! Oh! I almost forgot to mention that fact that your penis is quickly approaching the size of a newborn's! "Jake! While I know you can't begin to appreciate what's going on right now... given all the ignominy and anger you must be contending with... but I'm here to tell you that what's happening to your body is the most amazing thing I have ever seen! "I mean... it's really neat! Your skin... it's really, really strange! Jake! While I know this is going to sound as crazy and absurd as all get-out... your skin has a most uncharacteristic fluidity to it! "Alright! This is great! We've got an orifice! "Jake! Guess what! Though I know this is probably the last thing that you would ever want to hear, you - my darling - are now the proud - albeit, most likely pissed-off and thoroughly humiliated - owner of your very own vagina! "Plus! As an extra added bonus, that former schizoid mat of unruly, ill kempt pubic male hair of your's has been tamed and re-sculptured into a tidy, characteristic veed swath of a young woman's pussy! "Just think... Jake dear! You've gone from being the humper to potential humpie in something under fifteen minutes! "And that's saying something! Y'know, because from here on out, Jake... casual sex will be rifled with a whole shitload of unintended consequences! Y'know, that can... if your not very, very careful and take all the proper and persnickety precautions that we women have to take... show up on your doorstep nine months later... If, you know what I mean... "No longer will you be the carefree swinging dick, out on a lark, indiscriminately sowing those wild oats of your's! Now... now that you got your very own secret garden... so to speak, Jack... y'know, nestled down here in between these soon to be re-vamped and emasculated legs of your's... it's a fairly safe assumption on my part that you aren't going to want some horny-assed bastard messing around with you... cramming his manly you- know-what down inside this clitoris equipped new little you-know-where of your's! "Now don't go getting these newly developing titty-whitties of your's in an uproar... my soon to loverboy turned lovergirl! "The likelihood of you ever getting your herified self involved in a heterosexual, male-female relationship is somewhere within the realm of slim and none. "You see, Jake... for some strange, inexplicable reason or another, the transgendering spell that I triggered earlier only interacts with your - I guess you could say - physiognomy. That's to say: it only engenders a purely physical change. Not... as one might think... a mental one. "Once this male to female makeover of your's is a done deal... while I assure you that you'll body will be as feminine as feminine can be... and then some... that poor beleaguered, incensed and no doubt befuddled mind of your's will be as manly and therefore, just as lewd, crude and lecherous as it ever was. "In other words, my dearest darling... tomorrow afternoon... after you finally wake up from the hours and hours of recuperative sleep that this body of you're is going to require once this nifty little feminization process has run its' course... once you get past all the ire and ignominy involved in coming to terms with what you've become... you're going to find that: one, every blessed bone in that new and bodacious body that you're in the process of being fitted out with will be a narcissistic one; and two... with respect to your sexual orientation... it's a pretty safe bet to say that you'll find that you're a lesbian dyke of the First Water. "So... given all of that, Jake... there's absolute no need for you to get yourself in a tizzy worrying about the improbability of you ever becoming a willing participant in a sexual tet-a-tete with some macho asshole out looking to get his rocks off by way of a quick, roll in the hay with you... "But enough of that!", Vicki quipped briskly. "Now that that ugly old pecker of your's has gone the way of the dodo, Jake... I'm curious to see how those secondary sexual attributes of your's are coming along. Reaching over, Vicki grabbed the belt concealing hemline of Jake's sweater and proceeded, without any assistance or resistance on his part, to draw it up and over his head, in effect, disrobing him completely. "I'm sorry if it might be a tad bit cool for you, Jake... and I promise... in a few minutes... I'll turn up the heat and go get a throw out of my bedroom to drape over your shoulders... but for right now... I just want to sit here and watch as you get fitted out with your very own set of boobies! "Just so you know... right now those soon to be chest melons of your's have reached a stage reminiscent of a thirteen or fourteen year old's. Y'know... as in they've just being to mound up a little! "The areolas... y'know, areolas... as in the darker brownish ring of knobby skin encircling those soon to be super sensitized titty-whitties of your's... have... I would say... gone a bit further along in their development. Y'know... as in... they're at least twice as large as they were before! "Wow! This is absolutely fantastic, Jake! "Your boobs! They're inflating right before my very eyes! "They're getting bigger... and bigger... and bigger... and bigger... almost as if these new boobs of your's were a pair of balloons and somebody was blowing 'em up! "Oh, yeah... I mean to tell you, Jake... they're developing into a jim- dandy set of jugs... "Not to small... but not grossly over large either... "Tell you what... let's call 'em ample and leave it at that! "Oh! And take it from me, Jake! You are going to make a lot of your fellow women as envious as all get-out when they get a load of you and those new attention garnishing tits of your's. Plus, with a rack like you've just now been fitted out with, you might as well resign yourself right now to the fact that you are going to be turning heads both left and right! "Fortunately, it looks as if you will be able to wear my bras... and... if everything else goes according to plan... you should be able to avail yourself of the rest of my wardrobe as well... "You see, Jake... when I was discussing this gender realignment business of your's with that Gypsy woman who I got the spell from, she gave me the option of helping her in the design parameters of this new, feminized bod of a body of your's. On her suggestion... and a very prudent and cost efficient one it was... we ensured that these new vital statistics of your's will more or less dovetail with my own. "Meaning... this new body of your's will be damn near a carbon copy of my own. Which... as you have pointed out on numerous occasions yourself, Jake... is about as drop dead gorgeous as a woman's body could ever hope to be! "Don't worry though! While we will bear a strong... to be almost striking resemblance to one another... y'know, in so far as our size and stature is concerned... I've take measures to ensure that we both retain a degree of individuality. "For instance, while I have green eyes and auburn hair... knowing how much you like blondes... I took the liberty of having you - as a female - become one. Also... if everything goes according to Hoyle... those brown eyes of your's will become a very engaging blue. "We also dickered around with your complexion... darkening it just a tad or two. Y'know, so you'll look as if you have a perpetual bronzish cast to your's skin. Y'know, sort of lifeguard like emulating tan... "In other words, Jake... when everything is all said and done... you should look like the embodiment of the quintessential California Baywatch beach bunny. "Oh! And I hope you don't mind the starter hairdo I've arranged for you to have." "I mean... I didn't want you to have to go through all the hassles involved in managing either long hair or maintaining some fancy-smancy hairdo... y'know, like right out of proverbial starters gate... y'know, given all the other girl-shit that you're going to be contending with on a day in, day out bases... "So... and I really think that you're going to like it... y'know, once you accept the irrefutable fact that you have no other option available to you but to give being a girl your best shot... I went with what you might call a sort of pixieish shag cut. Y'know, reminiscent of the style that Markie Post had... y'know, Markie Post, is in the actress - when she played the part of Ms. Sullivan... the spunky... though somewhat naive... legal advocate on the TV sitcom Night Court." "Also... before I forget... there is one aspect of this new girlhood of your's that I think you are really, really going to like, Jake! Shaving - for you - has become a thing of the past! You won't have to buy any more razor blades or shaving gel for the rest of your whole entire life! "Yeah... I know what you're thinking! And yes... it's true! Girls do shave! Y'know... their legs, armpits and sometimes, even their pussys... y'know, depending on the particular style of bathing suit they might want to wear... "However, Jake... my dearest darling... as a girl you won't have to... y'know, because we - the witch and I - on her suggestion... put the kibosh on you're every having to go to that time consuming necessity of shaving your legs, pussy or underarms by empowering that male to female transmogrifying spell of your's with... what you might call... a magical sub- routine that... in so many words... eliminates the need for shaving, body waxing or the ever popular, electrolysis! "Oh... before I go and do what I promised you I do...", Vicki said as she stood up, "...y'know, in so far as my turning up the thermostat a few degrees and getting you a quilt or blanket or whatever's handy... let me tell you something that you are already pretty well aware of, Jake dear. "That stomach of your's... y'know, that was beginning to develop into the paunch of a regulation and... if I may say so myself... well earned beer belly... is becoming as taught and trim as any Playboy Playmate of the Month's. Also, that waist of your's is beginning to constrict, while your hips have begun to noticeable splay somewhat..." With a, "Patience, love...", Vicki sarcastically chided, as she strode over to her apartment's wall mounted thermostat and nudged it's little nub of a temperature setting lever a smidgen or so to the right. Then, as she made her way to her abode's rather truncated excuse for a hallway, en route to her bedroom beyond, she said, "I'll be back in a jiffy! So please, Jake! I implore you! Don't go anywhere... ya'hear!". Then, under her breath, as if speaking to herself, she continued on to quip, "As if you could... in that whimped-out, damn near comatose condition of your's... ever muster the physical where-with-all to do so, my dearest darling..." With a pair of pillows and a crochet quilt in hand, Vicki quickly returned to the living room. Moving directly to the sofa, she arranged the pillows at one end, saying as she did so, "I thought that since you won't be going anywhere for the remainder of this evening and... unless I miss my guess here... most of tomorrow as well... that you'd be a whole hell of a lot more comfortable laying down, lover..." Basically, since Jake was in no condition to either help or hinder her, Vicki took it upon herself to more or less manhandle him into a head propped-up, semi-supine positioning across the run of her sofa's three threadbare and food stained seat cushions. Then, once she was satisfied that she had done the best job she could maneuvering Jake into what she hoped would be a more comfortable positioning, Vicki, though she was somewhat loathed to do so, given that she really would have liked to be able to monitor the entire process of her boyfriend's - soon to be girlfriend's - magically induced transsexualization, picked up the quit that her grandmother hand lovingly crocheted for her when she had headed off for college and gentle laid it over Jake's soon to be fully feminized physique. "There... there! Are we a little bit more comfy-cozy now?" Aware that she wasn't going to receive an answer from Jake, other than a few lucid and ire laden flickerings of his eyelids, Vicki parked her own rather fetchingly formed derriere on the adjacent coffee table and took up her one-sided conversation somewhere in and around the point at which she broke off from it but a moment or so before. Taking advantage of Jake's utter inability to interrupt her in any way, shape or form, Vicki took a deep breath in order to reinforce her resolve. Then, having done so, with trepidation mounting with each and every palpitation of her heart, she launched into something she had been mentally rehearsing from the very first moment she seriously began to toy around with the notion of seeking out the old Gypsy woman's services and there by, acquire the magical where-with-all to change the man she loved into the physical embodiment of a fully functional young and extremely attractive woman. "Jake... I know you're mad..." 'Mad!', Jake's, who's mind - enraged as it was - was as lucid as lucid could be, reeled; his ire ricocheting off his anger, with both re-bounding fiendishly in upon his fervent sense of billowing and self-sustaining rage. 'Mad don't begin to cut it... You! You! You! Bitch!' "...and... believe me, Jake... you have every right to be mad..." 'Damn straight, I do!', Jake fumed in direct counterpoint to Vicki's remarks. "...and you have right to hate and despise me for doing this... this... this dastardly and despicable thing to you..." 'Yeah... you've got that right, bitch!' "...but I was desperate, Jake! Desperate and afraid! I didn't want to loose you! "Why! I don't know! But I love you, Jake! With all my heart! With all my soul! "And... though that damnable manly pride of your's keeps you from admitting it... you sorry son of bitch... I know you love me... as much - if not more - than I love you! "You've said it yourself, Jake! On numerous occasions! We were made for each other! "Hell, Jake! We're not just lovers! We're friends! The truest of truest friends! Y'know, like the proverbial two peas in a pod! You complete me and I complete you! And you know it! Y'know, just like I know it! "I mean... we're more compatible than any couple I know! "Hell, Jake! We're more compatible than even my parents are! "And let me tell you something, Mr. Know-it-all! That's saying something! Y'know, because they're the most compatible couple I've ever - in my whole entire life - known! Y'know, prior to you and me getting together! "I mean... we share damn near all the same interests! You like outdoorsy things! For instance, you like camping... bicycling... hiking... climbing... canoeing - both whitewater and flatwater and shit like that... "Well... so do I! "Fact is... if you remember correctly... you and I first met on that weekend trip down the South Fork of the Shenandoah that the university's canoe and kayak club sponsored. Y'know, when you and that big, red headed lummox friend of your's... Paul What's-his-name... plowed into my kayak with that beat to shit, dented-up old 17' shoe-keeled Gruman that the two of you were so ineptly trying to maneuver into that up-river eddy I was playing around in... "Hell, Jake! When you suggested that the two of us take up scuba diving... if you remember... I was all for it! I even wen so far as to suggest that once we were certified... we ought to look into a taking a diving vacation... y'know, somewhere in the Caribbean... hoping that maybe you'd take the hint and ask me to marry you... y'know, so that we could turn this proposed Caribbean Vacation of our's into a full blown honeymoon... "But did you take the hint... however un-subtle it was? "Oh, no! "While you have absolutely no problem with making this dilapidated, off-campus, Goodwill Store furnished apartment of mine your convenient home away from home... Mr. Jake - I'm-not-the-marrying-kind-of-guy - Eagers.. y'know, when ever the mood strikes you... you - by your own omission - have no intentions of making an honest woman out of me anytime in the near or foreseeable future! "Tonight... when you pulled that perpetual girlfriend crap on me... y'know, with the 'I really like you, Vicki.' bullshit... and, 'I think the two of us are really something special.', platitude... something snapped. Though I never thought I would actually go through with it... y'know, and get up the gumption to trigger the transmogrifying spell that's doing a real number on that soon to be formerly male body of your's, Jake... I reached the point where I had had enough! "As far as I was concerned, you have been in the driver's seat of this on-again, off-again relationship of our's for far to long, Mr. Jake - the Former Snake - Eagers! Incorrectly... as I have just here and now come to realize... I thought that if I were to turn the tables on you... y'know, by fitting you out with your own little clitoris equipped bolt-hole... I would be in control... "Truth is: that was an idiotic and erroneous assumption on my part... y'know, because... after everything is all said and done... irregardless of the fact that you will live out the rest of your life housed in a female body that's... as they say - whomever in the hell 'they' might just happen to be - to die for... you... due to these damnable and admittedly irrational feelings I have for you... are still in control of the situation! "I... the big dummy dunderhead that I am... have succeeded in only exacerbating the situation! "By turning you into a girl... all I've succeeded in doing is pissing you off royally..." 'Yeah...', Jake mentally concurred, 'You sure as hell did! Bitch! 'And... though I'm not what you'd call a violent man... y'know, that's physically abusives toward women...', Jake continued with his vengefully couched thoughts, '...in your case - Bitch! - I'd be happy to make an exception! Y'know, as in if I could muster the where-with-all... you'd best believe I'd be on you like stink on shit! Throttling you up one side and down the other! Y'know, until you couldn't see straight...' Vicki was well aware of the fact that if she didn't play her cards right, she might alienated Jake completely. He might be so mad at her for doing what she had so nefariously gone and done to him, that once he - as a she - felt fully recuperated from his make-over ordeal, he might give her a good piece of his mind (most likely both frontal lobes) and high-tail it out of her life for the dreaded forever and a day! However, Vicki, thoroughly coached by some of her friends and cohorts as she had been, had a trump card yet to play. "Like I was saying, Jake... as ludicrous as it might sound... y'know, given that new, sexual retrofitted body that you're being fitted out with... you - Not me! - still maintains control of the situation. "You... should you elect to do so... once you're once again in possession of all your facilities... can simply get up and waltz out of my life forever... y'know, without so much as a 'Have a nice life!'; 'Go fuck yourself!'; Mother may I?'; or anything... "Though I wish there was someway to stop you from doing something like that, Jake... there's isn't... "And... even if there was a way... I wouldn't... "I want your love, Jake! But even if there was a way to coerce it, I wouldn't! Y'know, because love is only love if it is freely given... "However... before you go that route... y'know, and give me the Big Kiss-off... there's something you need to consider, Jake. "As a woman... you are... shall we say... a non-person. You no longer have a bonafide identity. "Jake Eagers did! You... the new you... unfortunately do not..." "For all intent and purposes, Jake... you are a nobody from nowheresvile... "And... while you might look like a woman... and sound like a woman... y'know, given that... for all practical purposes... you will be a woman... y'know, in... shall we say... a purely physical sense... I think we can both safely assume that you won't know how to act the part of a woman for sometime to come. "In other words, my dearest darling... without a lot of coaching... it's a safe bet that... left to your own devices... you are going to screw up royally... y'know, unwittingly getting yourself embroiled in one mell of a hess after another... y'know, until you learn the ropes... via... shall we say... the school of hard knocks... "And speaking of hard knocks, Jake... I sure as hell wouldn't want to see you getting yourself knocked-up... y'know, because you didn't know how to extricate yourself from a sticky wicket involving you... some lout... and that new, nifty little maidenhead of your's... "Trouble is... without any identification... for all practical purposes, Jack... you're screwed! Without ID, you can't get a job... And without a job... what are you going to do about money? "True... you can get a job that pays you under the table... so to speak... but that's about it... "Of course...", Vicki offered thoughtfully, "...there's always prostitution... "I mean... given this new body of your's... you could make a pretty good living as a prostitute, Jake. "I mean... if you could somehow finagle your way into becoming one of those high paid escort slash call-girls... y'know, who's clientele consist of the movers and shakers of this old world of ours... y'know, as in the guys who rake in the mega bucks... you could... in the matter of a couple years or so... set yourself up for life... "Hell, Jake! Should you elect to go that route... there's no doubt about it! You are certainly going to have the looks for it! Trouble is... you're going to need quit a bit of seed money... y'know, to set yourself in an apartment that's suitable for entertaining that sort of high-profile clientele. And then there's all the high fashion apparel... such as evening gowns and cocktail dresses... not to mention, a fairly substantial assortment of both jewelry and cosmetic paraphernalia... that you're going to need to function as a female escort slash paramour... y'know, that provides custom tailored sexual services on the side... "Maybe... if you're very, very lucky, Jake... you'll find yourself a filthy rich sugar daddy... y'know, who will set you up as his mistress... "I mean... who knows! Six months from now you could be living in... as they say... high cotton at the infamous Watergate Apartments... y'know, servicing a Supreme Justice of these here United States of I've Got Mine and to Hell with the all the little people who scrimp and save to pay this hellacious tax burden that the hoi polloi and their anointed, money grubbing, step-and-fetch-its have... in their infinite wisdom... magnanimously seen fit to impose upon us - the grossly miss-represented ne'er-do-wells of the working underclass... "And Jake... after what I've so ignominiously and underhandedly gone and done to you... if I had the money to set you up as a high class hooker... make no never mind about it... I'd give it to you! Y'know, with no strings attached! Y'know, because I feel I owe you at least that... if not so much, much more... "I mean... now... in lieu of what I've done to you, Jake... I feel totally responsible for you. And because I do... the last thing I want is for you to go off half-cocked and try and make it on your own... y'know, and get desperate and there by run afoul of some low-life street pimp... y'know, who doesn't take kindly to some free-lance whore cutting in on what would otherwise be his profit margin. "You could end up getting hurt... or strung out on drugs... y'know, and find yourself in some prick's stable... doing tricks in exchange for your next heroine high and a couple of pennies on each and every dollar you take in for the nefarious scumbag who... out of the kindness of his heart... has so magnanimously provided for all your earthly needs... y'know, just as long as you don't mind returning the favor by providing for his rather obsessive needs and wants... y'know, like that new candy apple red Jaguar convertible that he's got his eye on... "But that's all nothing more than hypothetical bullcrap, isn't it, Jake? "Knowing you the way I do... I can't conceive of you every willing spreading these developing long and lovely legs of your's... y'know, so some anal retentive son of a bitch can take his manly outty and shove it up inside of this cute and cozy new little inny of your's... y'know, so he can get his rocks off by humping the livin' shit of you! "And then there's the lip and a promise business to consider... "Jake! Can you envisions yourself - as a girl - going down on some hairy assed bastard's you-know-what... y'know, and giving it... shall we say... lip service? "I know I can't conceive of you ever engaging in something like that. "However... as despicable, degrading and repugnant as such an act might be for you to perform... we both know that desperate times call for desperate measures... Just then, just as Vicki finished with that last little quip of hers, a strange - to be almost eerie - gurgling noise escaped Jake's still very manly puckered lips. Responding, Vicki pointed out, "That sound, Jake... signifies that your larynx... y'know, larynx... as in your vocal cords... are undergoing their own custom tailored brand of feminization... "And once that's accomplished... y'know, and that former nice rich baritone of your's has been supplanted with the timbre of what I hope to be a very throaty contra-alto... y'know, that makes those soon to be girlish intonations of your's as sexy as all get-out... for all intent and purposes, lover... you've rounded the last turn and are on the last few furlongs of the home-stretch dash of this simply mind-blowing sexual make-over of your's... "So... that means... if I'm going to cover everything I want to cover... y'know, before you're to zonked-out to hear what I have to say and you're off to beddie-by-land... I'd better get crackin'! "Now just where in the hell was I? "Oh! I know! I was going over your options! "Okay! We've tackled the street walker option fairly well... now haven't me? "Moving on... "As I see it, Jake... you could go to the authorities. Y'know, as in you could go to the police or the local offices of the states attorney... y'know, and tell them what I did to you. "Maybe... if - and you've got to admit that it's a big 'if', Jake... you could somehow get the authorities to believe... what they would almost surely perceive to be... your farfetched assertions... y'know, about how you were somehow magically transformed into a girl... they might be able to find a loop hole in the law that would allow them to bring charges against me... y'know, under... shall we say... the auspicious of some little known codicil tucked away somewhere within the ever expanding Civil Right Laws. "However... I would caution you against doing so... y'know, because who - in their right mind - is going to believe you in the first place, Jake? "I mean... you go to the authorities with this fanciful story of how your former girlfriend got pissed off at you... y'know, because you wouldn't make and honest woman out of her... and how she got her revenge on you by going to see a witch... y'know, to procure a magic spell that... after a lot of who-struck-john... ended up changing you from a guy into a girl... and they'll think your absolutely... no holds bar... crazy! "Either that or that you're whacked out on some hallucinogenic! Y'know, like LSD or something... "Hell, Jake... you go this route and who knows! They might think that your crazy! And because they do, you could well end up with that man- beguiling new tush of your's decked out in a straight jacket, doing a stint in some looney bin's padded cell! Y'know, until you contritely convince a psychiatric review broad that you're you were merely delusional... and that you've seen the error of your ways... and that such will not happen again... and that from here on out you promise to be a good little, law abiding girl... not to mention... an asset to society... y'know, so that you can secure your release! "Remember, Jake! You won't be able to use a DNA test to confirm the validity of your assertions! Your present DNA bears little or no resemblance to what it was formerly! "Neither... I should point out... will those new fingerprints of your's be a help. "While it is true that your new fingerprints will evidence a most striking resemblance to what they had been when you had been a swinging dick of a man... y'know, that would... were they ever to be meticulously examined alongside of one another... baffle and confound top-notched forensic experts for years and years to come... y'know, because they will clearly show that they bear a striking... to be an almost uncanny resemblance to one another... y'know, given the irrefutable similarity of their swirl and ridge-line patterns. However... be that as it maybe, Jake... when push comes to shove... the size difference... y'know, between your soon to be former male fingers and the delicate and dexterous, long and lovely feminine fingers that you are soon to be fitted out with... will quash anyone actually believing that your fingerprints support... or for that matter... give even a smidgen of credence to your seemly absurd claims of once having been a man... y'know, who was somehow magically turned into a woman by his vengeful girlfriend... y'know, just for the spite of it! "Oh! And if you're thinking that an evaluation of your handwriting will add validity to your claims of having once been Mr. Jonathan - Jake, the well endowed Snake - Eagers, my dearest darling... you can forget it! "You see... while a sample of your handwriting might look the same... y'know, to a casual observer... y'know, for sometime to come... a handwriting expert will declare the new and bodaciously feminized you to a first class forger. "As I understand it, Jake... it all has something or other to do with muscle texture... hand/eye coordination... minute and subtle changes in your grip... and a whole kit and caboodle of other aspects... y'know, that are to numerous to mention or... for that matter... even remember... that goes into a person's distinctive writing style. "Also... and I find this absolutely fascinating... as time goes on... and that libido driven male mind of your's becomes more and more in tune with that female body that it's so fetchingly housed within... unless you diligently keep in practice... y'know, by trying to duplicate the way you use to write each and every day... your handwriting will... in the days, weeks and months to come.... become more and more that of a bonafide woman's... Lifting the her grandmother's quilt to sneak a peek at Jake's body, Vicki whimsically proceeded on to commented, "Jake... Jake... Jake... I must say... as of this very moment... you, lover... are the strangest conglomeration of a human being I ever... in my whole entire like... saw! "I mean... here you are! Save for your hands and feet... which are as manly as they ever were... you've got the body of a uncontested temptress... which... bye the bye... still supports that rugged... to be almost craggy... outdoorsy, mustached face of your's! "That means... I haven't got time to shit around... y'know, before the change you're undergoing has run its' course and you fade off into the recuperative oblivion of nighty-night land. "That being the case... I better get crackin'! Y'know, and say what I have to say... y'know, before I have to bid you a goodnight, sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite... "Alright! "Since I think it's pretty much a given that you don't want go the hooker route, Jake... or end up locked away in a mental institution somewhere... most likely playing a game of backside rules the Navy with horny-assed members of the inadequately supervised night staff... here's what I propose. You move in here with me... in effect becoming my roommate and I... for my part of the bargain... will do everything I can to help you make the transition to this new womanhood of your's as easy and as non-threatening as possible. "All I ask in return, Jake... is that once you had your say... y'know, and lambasted me up one side and down the other... y'know, as I no doubt deserve to be... y'know, for doing this dastardly and despicable thing to you... you do your best to ride rough shod over any - admittedly justified - animosity you feel towards me... y'know, so that you and I can establish a modicum of peace between us... that will... in turn... allow us the ability to interact with one another... "I mean... while I freely admit that you have every right to be thoroughly pissed-off at me, Jake... having psyched myself out on numerous occasions in the past... I know that my having to cope with you and any pent-up anger you may harbor towards me... will have a negative effect... y'know, on my being able to help and console you... y'know, in this time of need of your's... "So... what I'm suggesting is... once you feel up to it... which... I would wager... won't occur until sometime around midday Sunday... we allot some time for you to vent your anger... y'know, so we can be done with it and get on with what we have to get on with... "Look, Jake! While I hate to be so infuriatingly practical and antiseptically about all of this... the truth is... while that mind of your's will remain as manly as it ever was... the rest of the world is going to accord you as the woman you've become. "So... my suggestion to you is: get over it! You're a girl now! Or... soon will be! So... like it or not... it's like they say... y'know, about the sheer and utter absurdity of crying over spilt milk... You need to get a life! Or... in your rather ignominious case... given that you're starting over from scratch... you need to create one! "And, Jake... that's where I come in... "First off... with me here acting as... shall we say... your femininity coach... I can help you reduce... if not down right eliminate all the trial and error bullshit that you would otherwise have to go through... y'know, in order to learn the ropes of what it's like to be a girl! "For instance... you don't know the first thing about women's make- up, Jake! "I do! "I can teach you how to apply it correctly... y'know, to enhance that angelic face that you are even now in the process of acquiring! "And then there's your very own little, messy monthly visitor... y'know, that you'll be contending with just a short twenty eight days from now... "Well, Jake... if you move in here with me... guess what... I'll be on hand to help you get through it... "Furthermore... though I want you to know... y'know, like right from the get-go... that I won't putting up with a lot of your shit... when it comes to you and your bouts with PMS... I'll do whatever's necessary to make life as hassle free for you as humanly possible... "Time's short! So let me stop pussy-footing around and get down to the nitty-gritty of what I'm offering you with this roommate option of mine! "You need an identity, Jake! Y'know, that dovetails with this new body you're almost finished being fitted out with... "Well... guess what... my dearest darling... I can be the prime mover and shaker in obtaining that very thing for you! "While you might not think so... I've got connections... y'know, as in I have friends... who have friends... y'know, are in position to furnish you... through me... all the necessary legal documentation to make the new, feminine you a card carrying member in good standing of these here United States of our's! "Though it might take up to six months to fully accomplish... given that this shit has to be surreptitiously attended to... y'know, on... shall we say... the sly... given the legality of it all... I think that I can safely guarantee that I will be able to provide you with a birth certificate, Social Security card, voters card and even a verifiable educational history... y'know, extending all the way back to you... in this new girl motif of your's... attending kindergarten... and so on and so on... "Also... as an extra added bonus... working through a good friend of mine over at the registrar's office... I think you'll be able to resume your educational pursuits... possible even as early next semester... y'know, as... shall we say... a female transfer student... y'know, who applied and received a full scholastic scholarship in order to ease the financial burden that goes hand and hand with attending a top-notched and highly accredited graduate school. "I know! I know! That wasn't a slip of the tongue! I said graduate school and I meant graduate school! "While it's true that Jake Eagers hasn't as yet earned his BS degree in paleontology... you... or should we say... that new you could have... y'know, through an erroneous, though well calculated keyboard entry... should you elect to go that route and take me up on this... shall we call it... roommate offer of mine... "Oh! And that bring up something else that I want you to start to think about, Jake! "As a female... you're going to need a new name... "So my suggestion is... start thinking about a new name for yourself... y'know, because it isn't often that a person gets the opportunity to choose his or her own name... "Jake.... Jake...", Vicki soothing intoned, as she took note of the fact that those newly retrofitted, compelling, baby blue orbs of her former boyfriend - turned bodacious girlfriend - were fluttering somewhat sleepily within the sensually sculptured eye-sockets of that most beguilingly angelic and becomingly alluring new countenance that had been so sublimely and magically bestowed upon him in his thoroughly new and brazenly resplendent fully feminized physique. Maintaining her vigil, as she hope and prayed that Jake would - in the passage of time - come to realize that what she had done to him was nothing less than a desperate act of love on her part and that he would eventual find it in that newly herified heart of his to grant her the forgiveness she so ardently sought, Vicki sat there, on that makeshift coffee table of hers, looking on, as Jake, physically done in as he - as a she was - slipped serenely into the waiting and recuperative arms of an untroubled slumber. * * * Rousted from the oblivion of his(f) slumbers by an urgent and compelling need to beat feet to the bathroom and there, empty his(f) filled to the brim bladder, a very groggy, semi-conscious and extremely disoriented Jake(f) Eagers threw the quilt aside and, though it took some doing on his(f) part, awkwardly clamored, in a very un-lady-like manner, into a sitting position on Vicki's dilapidated and threadbare sofa. Keenly aware that something was terrible amiss, but due to the pressing and mind riveting needs to relieve himself(f), the blonde bombshell that Jake(f) had been magically cold-cocked into becoming was unable to spare the mental resources necessary to ascertain exactly what that elusively ambiguous and eerily troubling something was. Spurred on by his(f) need to urinate - A.S.A.P. - Jake(f), in a very Chinese fire drill sort of ungainly and uncoordinated manner, shakily, after several failed attempts, made it to those daintily re-sized feet of his(f); triggering in the effort a damn near debilitating bout of dizziness that in turn, precipitated a dry-heave inducing, stomach churning sense of gut wrenching nausea. Clamping those newly re-sculpture and erogenously upgraded feminized inner thighs of his(f) together so as to reinforce the Herculean effort that those loin based hold-it-in urination muscles of his(f) were so fervently engaged in, Jake(f), who, on a subliminal level of his(f) groping sense of male attuned consciousness, was increasingly, though befuddlely, becoming aware that his(f) center of gravity had somehow undergone a significant shift, began a quick, duck-like waddle towards the hallway and the bathroom it granted access to. As he - as a newly embodied she - began the arduous and persnickety task of gingerly maneuvering to the apartment's truncated hallway and the bathroom beyond, Jake(f), here again on a subliminal level of his(f) severely hampered and therefore, limited manly entrenched perception, became remotely cognizant of the fact that his(f) chest, which in a whacked-out, surrealistic sort of way seemed to him(f) to be a whole lot more pronounced and area-intensive then it should have otherwise been, jiggled and jostled in a very troubling, unaccustomed, independent suspension sort of swishy- swashy, mind-bemusing and befuddling manner. Upon reaching the bathroom, though full cognizance of his(f) change in gender affiliation was still in the offing, Jake(f), on some intuitive level of that newly imposed being of his(f), became keenly aware that sitting was no longer an option. Sitting had become mandatory. And so, with a conscious effort to re-galvanized his(f) hold-it-in efforts, Jake(f) turned about and parked that scrumptiously re-sculpture derriere of his(f) down upon the toilet's horseshoe emulating, white painted yoke-seat; ever thankful that he(f) hadn't had to go through the hassle and delay involved in raising the lid prior to parking that man-troubling new tush of his(f) down upon the toilet's seat. Releasing those newly re-configured, feminized hold-it-in muscles of his(f), Jake(f) felt damn near instantaneous relief, as the flood tide of his(f) disgustingly icky, liquified bodily waste, aided by gravity's pull, gushed, in a rude, fizzling, omnidirectional, helter-skelter like manner, out of those newly re-configured and sexually reclassified loins of his(f); spraying little, ignominious engendering droplets of urine all over those emasculated inner thighs of his(f) in the humiliating, male ego-affronting process. Instinctively, Jake(f), feeling extremely disheartened by the whole ordeal involved in relieving his herified self, wadded up a whole handful of toilet paper and began to use it to dab those urine besprinkled inner thighs of his (f). Then, just as Jake(f) dropped the droplet moistened wad of toilet paper into the recently yellow hued waters of the bowl below, realization impacted on his(f) manly attuned mind like your proverbial ton of brick. "Holy shit!", Jake(f), in a choked off shriek of those throaty, new, contra-alto intonations that he(f) had been magical saddle with, frantically and agonizingly clamored. "My pecker! My balls! Their gone! "They've been replace with a... a... a... girl's stupid cunt!" "Shit! Shit! Shit!", Jake(f) fumed, his(f) thoroughly girlish voice, grating on those delicately fashioned ears of his(f), only served to compound in upon the sheer and utter absurdity of the situation he - as a newly ensconced she - found his magically herified self so ignominiously embroiled within. Then, having taken a quick, albeit frantic moment out to make a hand- groping, cursory survey of that new body of his(f), Jake(f) continued on to vehemently exclaim, "Damn! Not only have I been pussified! But, I've got a jim-dandy pair of women's jugs to boot! "Vicki!", Jake(f)'s ire was damn near malleable. "How...", he(f) plaintively shrieked. "How could you do this... this... this god-awful, despicable and deplorable thing to me, Vicki?", Jake(f) angrily fumed, as he(f) cupped the underside of both of those new, ample breast of his(f) and jiggled them in an all out effort on his(f) part to ascertain if those new tits of his(f) were the genuine articles or not. Needless to say, to Jake(f)'s utter chagrin and abject consternation, those new knockers of his(f) were undeniable the real thing. Just then, just as Jake(f) was about to get off the toilet and scope his herified self out in the wall mounted medicine cabinet's mirror surfaced door, he(f) caught sight of a note tapped - eye level - on the wall right smack dab in front of him(f). Jake, I'm sorry I'm wasn't there when you woke up. Regrettable, I had some pressing matters to attend to. Hopefully, I'll be able to see my way clear to stop in from time to time throughout the day to check up on how you're getting along. However, given my run of luck here of late and the way that persnickety Law of Mr. Murphy's works, it's a fairly safe bet that I won't be there while you're up and about. So, since I won't be there to see that you do what you need to do, I'm leaving you this list of things you need to attend to before you find that you need to lay down and go back to sleep. 1) Get dressed. I've left you a set of sweats and a pair of socks on the coffee table. Put them on. 2) Eat. The transsexualization process has depleted your energy reserves and you need to replenish them as quickly as possible. So eat till you can't eat anymore. I've left you a whole box full of high energy protein bars on the kitchen table and if you finish them, there' a couple more boxes of them in one of the cabinets. You can also help yourself to anything else that you find appetizing. Also, there's a bowl of fruit on the kitchen counter and I strongly urge you to eat some, especially a banana or two. 3) Drink. The transsexualization process has caused you to become a tad bit dehydrated. You also need to get your body's electrolyte level back up to snuff. So drink as much orange juice and water as you can while you're awake. Caution! Stay away from coffee, tea or soda. 4) I left you several vitamins tablets on the kitchen table. Take them. 5) Bush your teeth. You need to get rid of the halitosis breath that generally accompanies a full blown male to female transsexualization and you'll find a new, never used toothbrush, still wrapped in its' plastic tube, that I bought for you on the bathroom sink, right next to a new tube of that gel toothpaste that I know you like to use. 6) Rest. Take it easy. Sit on sofa. Read one my books or watch the boob- tube. Don't tax yourself by trying to do a whole lot of physical shit. You'll tire quickly and even if you would like to take a shower, I'd advise against it. Doing so would only tucker you out all that much quicker. Let the shower wait until I'm there with you. Y'know, just in case you might need my help. Love, Vicki P.S. Don't be an obstinate bonehead. Follow the instructions I've left you! P.P.S. Though you might not think so, I do love you, Jake and, while I know that there's no way in hell that you are going to believe me, in time, I personally guarantee that you are going to love this new body of your's. "Yeah... right... In a pig's eye I will...", Jake(f) sarcastically mutter in direct counterpoint to the last assertion on Vicki's note. Having vehemently crumpled Vicki's note and deposited it in the room's plastic trash receptacle, Jake(f), using the sink for support, got shakily to those markedly down-sized feet of his(f). Turning, so as to face the sink, Jake(f) was rendered flabbergasted as he(f) caught sight of his(f) reflected visage in the medicine cabinet's mirrored door. "Holy shit!", Jake(f) bemusedly exclaimed. "I'm beautiful! I'm no holds bar - beautiful! "No! Beautiful doesn't begin to cut it! "I'm not just beautiful... I'm gorgeous! Simply and unequivocally - gorgeous! Hell! I'm almost as gorgeous as Vicki is!" Then, after another bewildering moment of incredulous riddled self- appraisal, Jake(f) felt compelled to correct his(f) prior assertion. "Forget that 'almost' crap! Damn if I not as drop dead gorgeous as she is! "And that - pal! Is saying something... "I mean... Vicki's got to be - hands down - as gorgeous a woman as gorgeous can be! "Why she ever condescended to going out with me in the first friggin' place has always mystified me... "Hell! When you get down to the nitty-gritty of it... the big bug-a- boo that kept me from getting up the gumption to ask her to marry me in the first friggin' place was that I figured that she'd eventual wise up; get tried of me and drop me like a hot potato. Y'know, and go out with a guy who was more in her league in the looks department... "I mean... other than the fact that she and I share a whole lot of the same interests... I never - Ever! - understood what she saw in me... "Damn! I wish to God that I had known that I wasn't merely a passing fancy in her book! Y'know, and that she really would have loved for me to have asked her to marry me! "I mean... am I the biggest damn fool that ever there was... or what! "Damn it to all hell and back! Just look at me!", Jake(f) chided his herified self. "Damned if I'm not in that bitch's league now! Y'know, with this