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The Making of Patricia by Patricia Anne The year was 1950 and the month was July. On the 4th there were two babies born just after midnight. One was a very bouncy boy who was named Patrick. The second was a beautiful baby girl an identical twin who was named Patricia. Life was good for the two babies but soon the little girl started to develop complications and had to stay in the hospital for three weeks. The little boy was happy and not prone to the problems of his twin sister. The two went through life as close as they could ever be, they were never apart. Soon Patricia developed a cold and it turned into pneumonia. The two were 5 years old and Patricia died from the pneumonia . Patrick was not too young to know what had happened and he was very sad. He had lost a part of him that could never be replaced. Or so he thought. Chapter I I was 7 years old when two of my older sisters wanted me to do something with them. My sister Mary who was 10 wanted me to come to my sister Elaine's bedroom where she said they had a surprise for me. I went to Elaine's bedroom to see what she wanted. Elaine was the oldest. She was 13. She told me to come into her room and sit on the bed. I did as I was asked and then as I watched in amazement she took out one of her old party dresses and laid it on the bed. Then she went to her dresser and took out some panties and a slip and laid them next to the dress. I had no idea what was going on and I just stared at her dumbfounded and not knowing what to expect. She then took out some shoes from the closet. Little Mary Jane shoes that she used to wear. She also took a pair of ankle socks out and laid them on the bed. "Well little brother would you like to play dress up with us?" All I could do was shake my head, I didn't know what so say. I was speechless. " Well you gotta get undressed sweetie" said my sister Mary. I looked at her in amazement as I had never gotten undressed in front of them before. But I loved my sisters and I did as they asked. I took off my shirt and then my trousers. I was standing there in front of them in just my undershorts. " Ya gotta take them off too honey." said Elaine . I slowly took my undershorts off and was standing there naked in front of my sisters. They both smiled and Mary picked up the frilly panties and handed them to me. They were the kind that had lace all over them and I again looked stupefied at them. " Here. Let me help you put those on." said Elaine. She took the panties and held them up and told me to step into them. I did as I was told to do and when I had them on they kinda felt nice. Then Mary told me to sit down and she put the ankle socks on my feet and turned down the lace as I had seen them do many times. " Come here Trish." said Mary. I stood up and went over to Mary and she picked up the dress and told me to step into it. I did and she zipped it up the back. Then she went to the closet and got out one of her petticoats and told me to step into it. I stepped into it and she pulled it up around my waist and fluffed the dress back down over it. Then she had me sit on the bed while she put the shoes on my feet. The shoes were a little tight but looked nice. They were the color of the dress, pink with a little bow on the toe. I looked at them and was wondering what next. " Come over here little Trish." Said Elaine as she pointed to her vanity dresser with the big mirror. I walked over to the chair and as I did the petticoats rustled as I walked and they felt nice on my legs. I sat in the chair and Mary started to fix my hair, which was rather long, as she put hot rollers in it. Then Elaine started to put some make up on me here and there. When I looked in the mirror I saw a pretty little girl looking back at me. "That's not me !!!!!!!!!" I said in astonishment. "Oh but it is you little sister" said Mary as he laughed. I felt strange dressed as I did but I also felt good at the same time and I didn't want it to end. When it was time Mary took the rollers out of my hair and combed it out. I couldn't believe it, I was really pretty. "That is what Patricia would have looked like if she had not died." said Elaine. Mary nodded her approval and I had to admit that I looked very much like my twin sister. We played all afternoon with Mary's dollies and stuffed animals. We played tea party and then they gave me a dolly of my own to play with and I had to dress the doll. The game lasted all afternoon until it was time for my Mom and Dad to come home from work. I didn't want the afternoon to end. That night my sister Mary gave me a nightie to wear to bed. It was like nothing I had ever felt and I would find out that this would be a game that would go on daily for a long time. I was in heaven because it made me feel closer to my twin sister. Chapter II When I woke up the next morning I felt a little strange. I was still wearing the nightie that my sister had given me. I put on a robe and went to the bathroom to take a shower. It was Saturday morning and I didn't have anything planned but my sisters did. As I was coming out of the bathroom my sister Elaine met me and said, " Good morning little sister," Now normally I would not have caught the little sister phrase but this time I did. I looked at her puzzled. " Did you have a restful night honey?" she asked. " Why of course I did sis, why do you ask?" " Well because you are still wearing the nightie I gave you." I blushed and looked down and I sure was and then I remembered the night before. I smiled dispite myself and went into my room. There on the bed was a pretty pink sun dress. My sister Mary came into the room carrying several items of clothing. She laid them on the bed and there was a pair of pink panties, a pink satin and lace bra and some sandals. " Here this is what you will wear today little sister," said Mary as she left my room. I looked at the clothes laying on the bed and was puzzled yet curious so I picked up the pink panties and slid them up my legs. They felt really nice and cool against my skin as I pulled them up around my waist. Then I picked up the bra and put it on like my sister had shown me the night before. I put the silicone false breasts in the bra to give me the look of having small breasts befitting a 7 year old girl and that wasn't much mostly all nipple. Then I picked up the sun dress and put it on over my head a I had seen my sisters do so many times. The dress felt nice against my body as I slipped it down over my hips. It was knee length and fit very snugly. I looked in the full length mirror and couldn't believe what I saw. With my shoulder length hair falling down I looked very much like a little girl. I then put on the sandals that were open toed and the polish my sisters had put on my toes was very visible. I opened the door to my room and headed for my sister Elaine's room with a little smile and lots of anticipation. My heart began to flutter when I saw that they were dressed in similar sun dresses. " Well little sister are you ready to go out and play?" asked my sister Mary. I just stood there with a blank look on my face. I didn't know what to say. " We aren't going out with me dressed like this are we? I asked. " Why of course we are little sister," said Mary. " But would if someone recognizes me?" " Oh I wouldn't worry about that Little Trish," said Elaine. She took me by the hand and let me through the house and out into the back yard. The yard was enclosed with a 6 foot wooden fence so I wasn't worried about being there. I just didn't want to go outside the yard. We played in the doll house that our dad had made for my sisters. I was really feeling like a girl. My sisters and I played there for hours and then Mary suggested that we go to the park that was two blocks down the road and outside the back yard. " But I don't want to go to the park today sis, there will certainly be some of my friends there." " Don't worry honey they won't recognize you any way," said Mary. " I think we will have fun there," said Elaine. " Well OK, " I said very nervously. When we left the back yard sure enough there was my friend Tom and he asked if Patrick was gonna come out to play later. " Oh Patrick is away at our Aunt and Uncles this weekend Tom and Trish came to visit. Patrick will be gone all weekend." Said Elaine. " Oh and is this your cousin ?" he asked. " Yes Tom, meet Patricia Anne." " Well hello Patricia," Said Tom as he took my hand. I was afraid to speak in fear that he would recognize me but took his hand all the same. Then I remembered something my sister told me that I sounded like a girl any way as my voice had not started to change yet. " Hello Tom, " I said as I shook his hand. " Hello Patricia, or may I call you Trish?" " You may call me Trish if you like Tom," I said as I blushed. I didn't know it but later in my life Tom would figure in and not in a nice way. We all walked to the park as Tom kept asking me questions. I answered them as best I could. He asked me where I lived and I told him in the next town and that I come to visit my cousin's often. He said that was great because he liked me and would like to play with me and my two sisters. I agreed reluctantly as he followed us to the park. When we got there I saw several of my other friends. Tom quickly went to get them and he brought them over to where we were. " Trish I would like you to meet Terry, Bill and Frank, they go to the same school as Patrick and me." " Hello I said," Trying to hide my face. We went over to where the swings were and I sat down on one and Tom started to push me. I could feel his hands on my rear end as he pushed me on the swing. I wondered why he was pushing me by my rear end and not my waist as I would do to a girl. Then I realized that Tom liked me and my sisters were smiling and giggling. I began to wonder just how far this would go. We stayed at the park for most of the afternoon and then said our good bye's to the boys and walked home. I was still puzzled by the attention that the four boys were giving me. My sister Elaine would tell me later but not soon enough. It would take another 6 years before she would explain things to me completely. When we reached home I noticed that the family car was in the driveway. I was scared knowing that our Dad had come home from work and Mom was probably home too. As we walked in the door my Dad gave me and my sisters a weird look. "Well what do we have here? Come here little girl and let me have a look at you." he said. I was reluctant to go any closer just knowing that he knew what was going on. I walked over to his chair and stood in front of him shyly. Then he reached out and took my hand and pulled me closer to him and sat me on his lap. "Well, well, I can see that you are remarkably just like your sister Patrick, who's idea was it to dress you like this?" Elaine was the first to speak up. "Well Dad we wanted to see if he would look like Patricia if we dressed him like a girl and he sure does." Dad laughed and I had never heard him laugh like that in a long time he was very somber most of the time. He stroked my hair and smiled and then kissed me on the cheek. I didn't figure on this and was really surprised. I thought I might get a real beating for this. But Dad really liked it as I sat there on his lap he hugged me. "Well I can't see any harm in it right now, he said. You girls go and play." I got off his lap and as I did he pinched my rear end and smiled. I didn't realize what that implicated but in the years to follow I would find out and in a most peculiar way. My two sisters giggled as we went upstairs to my sisters room. We played the rest of the day with my sisters dolls and things and they were teaching me how to put on make up. The door opened and in came Mom and Dad. "See what I told you Eloise, he looks just like Patricia would have at that age, isn't she just adorable?" "Well, I don't know, she really does look like Patricia doesn't she?" said Mom. "Come here Patricia," said Mom. I walked across the room slowly, not knowing what to expect. My Mom took me in her arms and hugged me and smiled. I had never had her hold me like that before, not as a boy anyway. It surprised me. "Elaine bring her down to the kitchen. I think it is time I taught her how to cook dinner, don't you, dear?" She looked at my father who was simply beaming. We left the bedroom and I followed my mother to the kitchen and she began to teach me how to make meat loaf , which was my favorite. My hands got all gooey and Mom laughed as I was trying to get the stuff off my hands with a towel. "Here honey you have to wash your hands with soap and water to get the grease from the hamburger off of them." She led me to the sink and I washed my hands. Then she had me peel potatoes which was something I was used to, because she usually had me do it anyway, even as Patrick. Then she told me how to boil the potatoes and for how long. When they were done showed me how to mash them and make them really fluffy and good. I couldn't help but smile as she was showing me al these things. My sisters just stood by and watched because it was something they usually had to do. As dinner was being prepared my Dad stood and watched me closely and commented on how natural I looked. I was surprised that I didn't get a real beating for being dressed like a girl. As a matter of fact, both my father and mother loved it and encouraged my sisters to do it more often. Then they cautioned them that I was really a boy and that I did have friends and I was not to be dressed as a girl except on weekends. This surprised me completely; that Mom and Dad would go along with this at all. After all, my mother was a strict catholic. That night when I was getting ready for bed I was taking off the dress and was going to put on my flannel pajamas, but my mother and oldest sister came into the room and Mom was carrying a nice pink nightire and a pair of matching panties. "Here honey put these on, this is what you will be sleeping in from now on." said my mother. I took them from mom and put the panties on and they were made of satin with lace around the leg openings and on the back and top. I slid them up my legs and around my waist and had to admit they felt good. Then I pulled the nightie over my head and it was short only to the bottom of the panties and just barely covered them. It was a babydoll nightie that my mother had bought just for me. It felt nice and she pulled the covers back on my bed and I got in then she tucked me in and gave me a kiss on the forehead and said good night my sweet Patricia Anne. Later before I went to sleep my dad came in and sat on the bed and asked me if I liked what the girls were doing to me. I had to admit that I did and dad smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I fell asleep and dreamt of being a real girl, my twin sister as a matter of fact. The quiet years passed quickly and before I knew it I was 13. Things would change dramatically for me at this point in my life. The game I played with my sisters was a weekly one that I enjoyed and by now I was a full fledged Cross Dresser in private and at times went out with my sisters dressed like a girl. Chapter III One Saturday afternoon when I came home from a baseball game, my sister Mary met me at the door and told me to go to my room and put on what she had laid out for me to wear. I was anxious to do as she had asked me to do as I knew that we would be playing dress up again, as usual. When I got to my room; there on the bed were the things I was to wear that day. There was a pretty pink party dress with puffy sleeves and lace all around the sleeves and the hem of the dress. A big white bow in the back. Along with this was a white crinoline petticoat that I just loved to wear. There were also a pair of pink panties and a garterbelt with white silk stockings with lace tops. There was also a nice satin and lace bra and a pair of silicone inserts that had nice pert little nipples. With the silicone breast forms was a bottle of glue that would adhere them to my chest and make them look real. I sat on the bed and rolled the stockings up my legs and did they ever feel nice. I wrapped the garterbelt around my waist and attached the stockings to it. It felt wonderful as I stood there rubbing my hands up and down my silky thighs. Next I took the silk panties and put my legs into them and pulled them up around my waist. My what a wonderful feeling, it made my legs look so good. The panties had little ruffles of lace on the rear of them , which I figured was supposed to be like that. When the glue for the silicone breasts had dried and they were secured to my chest, I put on the satin and lace bra. It fit snugly and gave me the appearance of a beautiful cleavage. Then I picked up the party dress and stepped into it and zipped it up the back. It was so short that it only came down to just below the tops of the nylons I was wearing. It felt wonderful and I tied the pretty bow in the back. Next I picked up the three tier crinoline petticoat that they had laid out and put it on. As I pulled it up around my waist it made the skirt of the dress flow outward. When I walked I could feel the petticoat rub against my legs and it swished as I walked. Oh what a fabulous feeling it gave me to walk around my room dressed like that. I sat on the bed and put on the little pink pumps that were there. They had a white bow on the toe and an ankle strap with a two inch heel. It was a little hard to walk at first but I quickly got used to it. I sat at the vanity table and started to put on just a little makeup as my sisters had taught me. A base coat and then powder and then some blush and some eye shadow and a little mascara for my eye lashes. Then I put on the strawberry blonde wig that they had left. It was half way down my back and I secured it to my natural hair with bobby pins as they had shown me so many times. When I looked in the mirror there looking back at me was a girl of about 13. She was very pretty and would drive any boy her age crazy I thought to myself as I got up and walked out of my room to my sisters room that was just next door. When I got to my sisters room there was a surprise for me that I had not expected. There in the room with my sisters were three boys one of whom I recognized as Tom, one of my best friends from school, or at least I thought he was my best friend. With him were my sisters boyfriends Jerry and Dale and I recognized them. I wanted to turn around and run back to my room but my sister grabbed my arm and pulled me into the room and closed the door. Then Tom took me in his arms and kissed me. Not just a simple kiss either; it was a French kiss. He worked his tongue into my mouth. My sisters did nothing to stop what was happening as the other two boys moved in and as one was feeling me up the other was rubbing my pantied rear and just smiling. "My , my, you sure make a beautiful girl Patrick!" said Tom. "Yes he does, and a very sexy one at that," said Dale and Jerry. I tried to get away from them but I couldn't and as Tom kissed me again Jerry lifted the back of my dress and started to pull my panties down. I wanted to run. There was nothing I could do as I felt something at my small virgin asshole. It was one of Jerry's fingers and it was coated with some sort of jelly. By now I had been forced to my knees and Dale had taken down his trousers and there in front of me was his rather large penis. "Come on pretty girl take it in your hands, all girls love to suck cock and you are no acceptation, I want the best blow job from you I have ever gotten." I tried to pull away and Dale held my head steady as he pushed his penis closer to my lips. When it touched my lips I wanted to puke but then Dale held my nose so I couldn't breathe and when I opened my mouth to breath he stuck the tip in. "Now lick it with your tongue little bitch, all around get it nice and hard and I will give you a treat that you will never forget." I was so intent on not doing this I didn't notice that Jerry had also taken down his trousers and shorts and was trying to push his penis up my tight asshole. When I gasped as the head of his penis past the sphincter muscle of my asshole , Dale pushed his penis farther into my mouth. "Now suck on it you little whore, just like a lollipop" he said as he continued his assault on my virgin mouth. "Ahh there it goes in all the way," said Jerry as I felt him push his penis into my tortured asshole until I felt his big balls hitting my ass cheeks. By now the tears had started to flow as I was being used like a common whore by these two boys. Dale was now pumping in and out of my mouth with abandon as Jerry was my asshole. I couldn't help it but with every push of Jerry's penis, he rubbed my prostrate gland and my own penis started to dribble pre cum. "Look she likes it, her clitty is getting hard and leaking," said Tom " Damn she is tight," said Jerry as he continued to skewer me on his massive penis. " Ahhh yessss, I am gonna cum in her mouth," said Dale as he tried to shove his massive 8 inches of penis all the way down my throat. "Ahh me too said Jerry," as he pumped faster and faster in and out of my ashole which now was hurting like hell. I felt something warm and salty fill my mouth as Dale started to cum. I tried to swallow it as he shot spurt after spurt of the salty stuff in my mouth. I don't know how but I managed to swallow his whole load. Mean while I felt Jerry's penis expand in my ass and I felt the warm fluid of his juices fill up my bowels. He had quite a load and I felt like I was getting an enema. He grunted and ground his hips into me as he ejaculated. I felt a hand on my own hard penis as all this was going on and then I noticed that my sister Mary had reached down and was pumping my own hard penis. Then she crawled under me and took it in her mouth and I shot my load into her mouth. She did not swallow it but got up and kissed me full on the lips and spat my own cum into my mouth. I swallowed it willingly but was really crying now. When the two boys pulled out of me I fell to the floor in a heap and was crying. Tom immediately came to me and picked me up and took me to the bed and laid me on my back. Then as I laid there horrified, my sisters and the two boys each grabbed an arm and a leg and held me down. I didn't know what was going to happen but quickly found out. Tom had taken off his clothes and was getting on the bed next to me. I couldn't believe the size of his penis it looked like a big log a full 10 inches long and as thick as my wrist. He moved up on my chest and stuck that monster to my lips. "Suck it my little slave girl," he ordered. I was in no position to fight nor argue as I opened my mouth to receive that monster. I could only get half of it in as he tried to push it all the way down my throat. I gagged and he pulled it back and then went in again. He did this several times till I was able to take the whole thing in my mouth. " There ya go little girl, you are really gonna be a deep throat specialist after I get through with you," he was laughing as he did this. Then he pulled his penis out of my mouth and Jerry and Dale held my legs apart and up above my head as he positioned himself at my rear, getting ready to insert that monster up my already sore and tortured asshole. My sisters did nothing to help me, as a matter of fact Mary said that if I wanted to dress like a girl then I should be treated like one. Tom began his assault on my asshole and it hurt. He was way bigger than Jerry and the way I was positioned, it allowed him better access to my waiting hole. Meanwhile, my sister Elaine had positioned herself above my head and slid her sex down on my mouth and told me to eat her pussy like a nice little girl. I could do nothing and was subjected to this onslaught for it seemed like an eternity; as Tom's monster penis was working it's way farther up into my bowls. Then he started to go in and out and I didn't believe what I was doing but I was wrapping my legs around him and pushing up to meet his thrusts as his penis disappeared inside of me. My sister ground her sex down on my mouth and I used my tongue and lips to make her get off and soon my mouth was filled with her womanly juices. I could do nothing but swallow or drown. She was in pure ecstasy and nothing would make her stop till she had been sated. Tom by now was freely moving in and out of my ass as he began to stiffen, it seemed that his penis grew two sizes as he began to climax inside of me. When he was done he climbed off of me and again kissed me on the mouth and stuck his tongue in me. That afternoon I was used repeatedly by the three boys and my two sisters as their personal sex slave. I felt dirty and ashamed and wanted to hide. When it was all over and the boys left I swore to my sisters that that would never happen again and we never played dress up again as long as they were home. I didn't want to go to school because Tom, Jerry and Dale all went to my school. I started skipping school and my Dad wanted to know why. When I told him he called me a liar and I got a beating. That day I vowed to myself that no one would use me ever again and I started working and paying for martial arts lessons. It had been almost a year after that happened and I still was withdrawn and scared. But the Martial arts paid off. One day when Dale and Tom cornered me in the park and tried to get me to perform oral sex on them I tore them up. I had gotten my revenge, but still that part of me that was Little Trish had drawn deep inside me and hid. I went on with life as if nothing had happened and continued to take martial arts through high school, I got the reputation as a boy not to mess with because I could whip the hell out of the biggest boys in school. Jerry was one of those boys who in gym class started something and I beat the tar out of him. I wasn't very big, only 5' 3" tall and Jerry was well over 6 foot. We got into it one day and the other students went into the office screaming that Jerry and I had gotten into a fight. The instructor was afraid that I would get hurt but when he came out he saw Jerry laying face down on the floor with a broken nose and jaw. I had gotten my final revenge. Still, little Trish never came back out. Chapter IV Life went on from that point with no special happenings. By the time I was 16 I began to have a fancy for the young girls at school and being a normal 16 year old boy I was interested in a particular girl who was a year junior to me in school. I was a junior at this time and she was a sophomore but she was awfully pretty and she seemed to like me allot. I started playing baseball on a regular basis now and I was pretty good at the game. This was brought on by the need to please my father who always wanted to play professional baseball and never got to because of the second world war. At the same time I was working and making my own money to get what I needed. I met Lynn at a school dance and Kathleen another girl that I knew introduced us. It was like love at first sight and we hit it off really well. That night I asked her to go steady with me. She said yes and I was one happy camper, let me tell you! One day she told me that there was something different about me. She told me that she could not pin point it but I was different than most of the boys she had known and gone out with. "What do you mean Lynn?" I asked her. "Well you just don't seem to be as macho as most of the boys that I have known, you are so sweet and gentle." she said. I blushed and started to remember the past which I didn't want to tell her for fear of chasing her away. But something was haunting me and I had to get it out some how. We used to have long talks in the park behind the school. She thought it was strange that me, a guy, knew so much about girls and the way they acted. One day I just blurted it out and told her about my twin sister and what had happened to me when I was 7. " Lynn, I have been dressing as a girl secretly since I was 7 years old." " You've gotta be kidding me?" she said. " No, I am not kidding you Lynn." " Well we have to talk about this." She said. I didn't know what to say or do and I was scared because I really liked her and didn't want to scare her away. I began to fidget and she took hold of my hand and looked me straight in the eyes. " Patrick, we have to talk about this." " I know Lynn, I have been trying to think of a way to tell you now for a long time but didn't know what to say." She held my hand and squeezed it as we sat there in the park. I started to sweat and was surely afraid. She wanted to say something but instead stood up and took me by the hand and we started walking towards her house which surely surprised me. When we got to her house we went in and sat down on the couch and talked some more. " It will be quite a while till my parents are home will you come up to my bedroom with me?" She took me by the hand and we walked up the stairs to her bedroom; where she had me sit on the bed. I watched her as she went to her closet and took out several dresses and some petticoats. She laid them on the bed next to me. Then she brought out some old shoes of her's that were the Mary Jane type. She sat them next to me on the floor, then she kissed me and told me to get undressed. I was dumbfounded and just sat there waiting for this all to go away. " Come on now sweetie take off your clothes." She said. She went to her dresser and took out a bra and panties and a garterbelt and some stockings. She sat them on the bed next to me and then once again told me to get undressed. Slowly I got up from the bed and started to undress and when I got to my underwear she told me to take them off too. I did what she asked me to do and shades of my sisters came into my head. When I was completely undressed she took her electric razor and began to shave my legs and my pubic area. When she was done with that she put scented lotion all over me and handed me the pink panties she had taken out of her dresser. I took them from her and started to put them on. " No you have to put this on first." she said as she handed me the garterbelt. She helped me put on the garterbelt and hooked it behind me and then picked up the stockings and rolled them up my legs and attached them to the garter straps. Then she told me to put on the panties. Well being a boy all this frilly stuff started to give me a terrible hard on and she looked at me and smiled. " Here I will take care of that for you hon." She immediately went to her knees and proceeded to give me a blow job right there. My mind was in a tizzy and I came really quick and she, to my surprise swallowed my whole load. Then she tucked my testicles up inside me, which hurt like hell at first, and then pulled my penis back between my legs. The panties she had given me were very tight and they held my male parts in rather well. Then she put the bra on me and attached it in back and had me put my arms through the straps. To My surprise I almost filled up the size 32A bra completely. What wasn't filled up she stuffed with tissues so that the bra cups would be full. She stood back to admire her handy work and smiled. She took me in her arms and kissed me. I was starting to get excited again and my penis was straining to get lose but the restrictive panties held it in place. Next she had me step into the dress and she zipped it up the back and it fit really well. Then she handed me the petticoat and told me to step into it and pulled it up around my waist and then smoothed the dress back down over it. I loved the way it felt as I walked when it rubbed against my nylon encased legs. She sat me back down on the bed and put the shoes on my feet and smiled. She took me by the hand and led me to her dressing table and sat me in a chair. She began to put makeup on my face and lipstick. Then she put pink nail polish on my fingers. The current hair style for boys at that time in my life was long and mine was no acceptation. She put rollers in my hair and sprayed it with some sort of holding spray. I sat there for about half an hour and she took the rollers out of my hair and styled it into a pageboy look. Then she turned me around and let me look in the mirror, and boy was I surprised. There staring back at me was the prettiest girl I had ever seen even prettier than my sisters had ever made me look. She once again kissed me and we walked around the room holding hands. " There you will be my special girlfriend from now on." " I Love you Lynn." I said " I Love you too Patricia." She said. For the rest of my time in high school when I wasn't playing baseball or working, Lynn and I would play our game. I would be dressed like a girl all the time if she had her way. I was once again happy and no one ever suspected a thing. We planned on getting married when she graduated from high school. That period of my life was very fun and I loved this girl very much. She and I shared things that only two girls would. When I graduated from high school she was still a senior and we dated off and on and continued our little game. Then one day I got notification that I was being drafted into the service because there was a war going on in South East Asia. I did not want to leave her but I went down and enlisted in the Marine Corps. We kept in contact while I was in basic training and my dressing was almost all but forgotten. When I got through with all my training I got orders to a unit that was on the East Coast at Camp LeJeune, North Carolina. I didn't want to leave. When I got to Camp LeJeune, I was given orders to report to training camp for transition to the war in South East Asia. I called Lynn and told her that I had orders to go to war. She didn't like this a bit but I said it was my duty and that I would go. This was the beginning of the end of our relationship. When I got to the war zone I wasn't there a month and I got a "Dear John" letter from her saying that she had found someone new and that she couldn't wait for me and that I might not come home. I was crushed but wasn't really hurting either I had too many other things on my mind, like staying alive. The game and the cross dressing had disappeared from my existence, or I thought it had. Chapter V The next two and a half years I spent at war. I was wounded twice and cross dressing was the last thing on my mind. I had been turned into the Macho man that my father expected me to be. When I came back from the war I was lucky enough to get stationed at a Naval Ship Yard close to home as a Marine Gate Guard. Six months later I met my wife through a blind date my sister had set up with the cousin of one of my friends girlfriend. Life as I knew it changed from that point on. I was 21 and was a combat veteren and also a drunk. It had been that vicious war that had turned me into someone that no one liked. I was sitting at a bar just up the road from my sisters house when I got a phone call. Tim the bartender handed me the phone and told me that I had a phone call. I took the phone and my sister was on the other end of the line. " Ralph says you had better get over here right now." she said. " Now what does Ralph want?" I asked. " I don't know he just said you had better get over here." " Oh ok sis I will be right there." I finished my drink and went over to my sisters house from the bar. It was my weekend off, so I was dressed in an old tee shirt and jeanes. I hadn't shaved in two days and had been drinking since about 11 that morning. My sister said I smelled like a brewery. We sat and talked for almost an hour and Ralph hadn't shown up yet. " Well what was the big emergency?" I asked. " I don't know. He said he would be here." Ralph was a good friend that I had met in the war and he was stationed at the Army Post close to home, so we got together quite often. He used to kid me that I was a dumb jar head and I used to call him a stupid doggie. But we were best of friends and had gone through alot. I met him in the hospital after I got wounded. He was in the Army and I was of course in the Marine Corps. I sat there for another half hour and looked at my sister and told her that I was gonna go home and get cleaned up. I left and went home and took a shower, shaved and put on a clean shirt and a pair of slacks. My mother asked me where I was going this time. I told her that I was going out with a friend. My mother shook her head and looked at me very sternly and asked: " What happened to that sweet little boy girl that was my little darling?" " Mom that was in the past and that person no longer exists, he/she died in the war." My mother just looked at me and shook her head. I said good night to her as I walked out the door. I was begining to sober up by now and was starting to wonder what Ralph wanted. But knowing Ralph, we were gonna go drinking some place and pick up some girls. I didn't mind this at all because at this point in my life I realy didn't care and didn't want any lasting relationships. The war had soured me against life and I didn't really care about anyone or anything. When I got to my sisters house I noticed that Ralph's car was there as I walked in the door there was this little girl sitting on the couch. Ralph came out of the kitchen with his girlfriend Karen. " Hello Pat it is about time you got here." said Ralph. " Well I was here a while ago and you didn't show up so I went home and took a shower and changed." " Well this is your date for the night, her name is April." said Karen. I looked at the pretty little girl sitting on the couch and said "April, well I don't like that month." That realy got the ball rolling. I looked at Ralph and Karen and told them I wanted to see them in the kitchen. When we got there I was a bit pissed at them both. " You want me to go out with that girl, she can't be a day over 13," I said. " Well she is older than me, " Said Karen. Now I knew Karen was 18 and if she was older than Karen then some one was lieing I thought to myself. " No really she will be 19 in January," said Karen. " Really?" I said. " That's right, she is Karen's cousin." said Ralph, with a smile. " Well I guess so" I said; as we went back to the living room. I think I got off on the wrong foot with this girl but I did like her and she was very pretty. So they introrduced us and we said good night to my sister and we went out to Ralph's car. April and I got in the back seat and we sat talking. I appologized for what I had said and told her she was very pretty but that is as far as it went at that time. Ralph suggested that we go to a drive in movie. It was halloween and their was a good movie playing down the road at one of the local drive-ins, so we headed there. Ralph was driving funy, taking corners fast and trying to get me and April to sit closer to each other. But I wasn't about to do that. " Ralph I think we should go back to my sisters house so I can get my car. I don't like the way you are driving." " Fine,: Said Ralph with a silly grin. We got back to my sisters house and April and I got into my car and followed Ralph and Karen to the drive in. The movie was a good one but as far as sitting together and even holding hands April and I didn't do that. Not at that time anyway. Ralph and Karen were parked right next to us and I could see that they were making out. I looked at April and asked her if she wanted to leave. She said yes and we left the drive-in in the middle of the movie. It was almost 9PM and I suggested that we go someplace and talk because I wanted to make up for my bad attitude earlier. April said that was fine and we went to a local place that overlooked the bay. I parked the car and we started talking. I let my whole life roll out before her and told her that she was a very beutiful girl. She smiled at me and said thank you. She told me that I was a very handsome young man. Then she started to tell me about her recent experience with her ex boyfriend. I sat and listened and she seemed a little sad. I took her hand and held it and it felt so small and soft in mine. By this time I was completely sober and had my whits about me. " What would you do if I tried to kiss you?" I asked " I would slap you" She said. Well that was the end of that. I found myself falling for her. I could sense that she felt something for me too. We sat talking and talking, telling each other about our lives. I never mentioned the cross dressing nor the rape that I had been through. Mainly because I had burried that part of me so deep that it would not come out for years to come. The next thing I noticed is that it was 3AM and we had been there for almost 4 hours. I asked her if she wanted me to take her home and she told me that she was staying with her cousin for the weekend. She told me how to get to her cousin's house and I took her there. When we got there Ralphs car was parked out front and I got out first and like a gentleman, I opened the car door for her. I didn't notice that Ralph and Karen were watching from Karen's upstairs window. " Where have you two been?" asked Karen with a smile. " Oh I took her over to the point," I said " Ah hah," Said Karen with a smile. " We didn't do anything but talk!" said April. " Uh huh," said Ralph with a smile. " We didn't!" I said very sternly. " Oh ok" said Karen and Ralph together. That was the end of that conversation and we all sat down to play cards. Ralph suggested that we play strip poker and I said I don't think so as I leered at him. Karen was talking to April and asked her what we talked about for almost 4 hours. April told her we just talked about things. Karen didn't press the issue any farther. By this time it was 6AM sunday morning and I was getting tired. So was April. I took her hand and looked at her and asked if I could give her a good night kiss. She loked at me with those beutiful blue eyes and said yes. I took her in my arms and kissed her and at that time something snapped in my mind and I found myself in love with her and I knew I just had to have her as mine. I asked her if she was seeing anyone and if I could come to visit her at her house. She told me she lived in Seattle which was north of where we were and would be quite a drive for me. I told her I didn't mind and that I needed her address. The only thing we had to write her address and phone number down on was a chewing gum wrapper. She wrote her address and number down and gave it to me. I folded it neatly and put it in my wallett so I wouldn't lose it. I kissed her one more time and then said good night and went home. Well, to make a long story short I asked her to marry me 10 days later and 3 months after that we were married at the post chapel. Yes I do believe in love at first sight and this certainly was the case. We were made for each other and loved each other very much. But there was one thing that she didn't like and that was my drinking. She put up with it because she loved me but one day, after we had our first child was born, she sat me down in the living room and gave me an ultimatum. She told me it was the booze or her. I had to make a decision, one that was fairly easy to make. I dumped the two bottles of alcohol that I had down the drain and I didn't touch a drop again after that. The years flew by so quickly and I had gotten out of the Marines and tried my hand at civilian life for a while and decided to go back into the service. So, I enlisted in the Army. For the next 15 or so years nothing was said about me cross dressing when I was a child. As a matter of fact, I thought I was over that part of my life. Oh how so very wrong I was! Chapter VI I was now 38 and on my way to Germany for the second time. I had to go by myself this time and wait til there were quarters for my family. I would be there for almost 7 months by myself. While I was there one of my NCO's was married to a Gernam girl who helped me to find a car so that I could get around. I was now a senior NCO and was the Battalion Supply and service representative to the Division Commander. Ron, was one of my NCO's and he was a Staff Sergeant. I met his wife Marryanne and I liked her. I could speak fluent German and she liked that because we could talk back and forth in her native lanquage. She introduced me to her mother and it was like we were brother and sister. I fit right in and even her two boys liked me. One day in October, Ron came to me with a problem and asked if I could help him out. We sat and talked and he asked me if I knew about Faushing the Gernam festival. I said of course I did and he told me that Marryanne wanted to go to a Faushing party and he had duty that night and seeing as how my family wasn't there yet, could I please take her to it. Of course I agreed. What was to follow would again change my life forever. The night of the party I got dressed and went over to their apartment to pick up Marryanne. When I walked in the door she immediatly told me I wasn't dressed. " What do you mean I am not dressed?" I asked. " Didn't Ron tell you that this was a costume party and we have to go as opposites?" At this time I noticed that she was dressed as a man and it immediatly clicked in my mind that I was supposed to dress as a female. I was at a crux right then and there. I didn't know what to do, I had promissed to take her to this party so I was stuck. " Well Marryanne do you have something I can wear?" " Of course I do," she said with a smile. I followed her into the bedroom where she took out several items of clothing, ladies of course. She took out a dress that looked like one that my sisters had dressed me in when I was a child. Then she took out a petticoat and some underclothes that included a garterbelt, nylon stockings with the lace tops, pink panyies and a matching bra. I just looked at her and smiled. " Do you need some help Pat?" she asked. " No I don't think so Marryanne, just go out in the living room and wait for me. It will take me about half an hour." She said ok and closed the door behind her. I went to the bathroom and turned on the shower and took some shaving cream and razor and shaved my legs and my chest. It wasn't very hard as I didn't have much body hair anyway. I never realy did. When I was done with that I put sweet smelling lotion all over me and powdered myself. Then I put on the foundation and the rest of the make-up, to include blush and red lipstick. I went back into the bedroom and picked up the garterbelt and smiled to myself. It had started to come back to me, the cross dressing and how much I had enjoyed it as a child. I went about dressing myself and put on all the underclothes. Then I picked up the dress and put it on and zipped it up the back. There was something missing. Ah yes breasts, I needed to fill out the bra with something. I didn't want marryanne to see me yet so I cracked the bedroom door and asked her if she had anything that would double for breasts. She handed me a couple of pink balloons. I filled them with water enough so that they would fill out the bra. They even bounced like real breasts would have. Now came the last item. I asked marryanne if she had a wig for me to wear and she handed me a blonde wig. I put it on and used a brush to fix it the way I wanted and then sat down on the bed and put on a pair of her high heeled shoes. They were a bit tight but fit pretty good. Now I was ready to go out of the bedroom. When I came out Marryanne nearly fainted! She couldn't believe that I had done all that myself with no help. All she could do was just stare at me. So did her cousin who was there to watch her two boys. Even the two boys were astonished. " Mein Godt Herr Patrick, you are wonderbar" she said, where did you learn to do all that?" " Well Marryanne that is a long story", I said. " We will have plenty of time on the way to the party you can tell me all about it" She said. We left the apartment and as I got on the elevator there was another couple there who were also going to the party. The guy who was dressed like a girl, thought I was the real girl. He asked why we weren't dressed for the party. Marryanne told him that we were and he just stared at me. As we left the elevator and the building the guy made the remark that I didn't look like a man dressed as a girl but that I looked like a real girl. Marryanne smiled and winked at me as we headed for the car. She asked me if I wanted her to drive and I said yes because it was hard to drive in heels especialy because the car had a standard transmission and I didn't think I could deive in heels. Marryanne just laughted and told me that it is something you have to get used to. On the way to the party I told her about my childhood. I told her about my twin sister and how two of my older sisters had dressed me as a girl and they did it till they left home. I had foregotten about the incident when I was 13. That part of me was still burried afraid to come out. Marryanne couldn't believe what I was telling her. She wanted to know how long it had been since I had done anything like that. I told her it had been a long time but like riding a bicycle you never foreget. She had to agree with me because of the way I looked. When we got to the party Marryanne took out the tickets and handed them to the doorman. " I am sorry Miss but your friend has to be accompanied by a male and she has to be dressed as a man!" said the doorman. " Oh but she is a man!" Said Marryanne. " Yes I am," I said. The doorman was in complete shock. He couldn't believe that I could look so convincing. He took the tickets and let us in and stared at me all the while. Marryanne told me that I even walked like a girl and that made me smile. That whole night I got compliments on how I looked both by males and females. Marryanne was jusy beaming as we danced and had a good time. I didn't drink but she did so I knew I would have to drive back home. Then came the awarding of prizes for the best looking couple and of course by unanimous decision of everyone there Marryanne and I won first prize which was a beer stien and the equivalent of 50 dollars a piece in German deuitchmarks. Everyone was congradulating me and Marryanne and I was realy feeling good about myself. I didn't realize it but my section officer was there with his wife dressed like a girl also. When he came up to me to congradulate me I almost died but he was smiling and said that Marryanne had done a good job on me. Then I smiled and said thank you major Clark. Little did her know that Marryanne hadn't done a thing accept let me wear her clothes. The memories were back and this night would change my life completely forever. The cross dressing was back and with a vengance the urge to dress was stronger now more than ever. After that night in my tiny apartment that I lived in while waiting for quarters I dressed as often as I could. I went out dressed as a female to different clubs in Gernamy that accepted cross dressers and Transvestites. I fit in again and I was usualy accompanied by Marryanne who just loved it. Oh how was I going to explain this to my wife and children. I decided to keep it a secret and I became a closet cross dresser. The only one in my unit who even knew that I had dressed like a girl was the Major and he didn't know that I kept it up. Marryanne was very supportive of me and offered to let me come over and dress at her house anytime I wanted to. We became like two girlfriends and were very close. I hated to see her and her husband leave Germany when he got orders to go back to the states. My best friend was leaving and I actualy cried when they left. My wife couldn't understand why I cried. But unknown to me my children had found the pictures that Marryanne had taken of me in various stages of dress and they knew long before my wife did about my secret. My wife would not find out till after I retired from the service some two years later. Chapter VII It is now two years later and I had been to another war in the Gulf with my devision. I wasw stationed in the capitol city of Saudi Arabia so I never saw any action. But for an occasional scud missle flying over us I was never in anu real danger. I knew quiyt alot of the high ranking officers from all the vranches of the service because I just happened to be the main supply point manager for that reagion. Thrtr was one battalion commander that I knew quite well from one of the Army units there. He used to come and visit me quite often and we would talk about the party that we attended in Germany. We both got a big lick out of it and he had confided in me that it wasn't just a lark but that he in fact was a closet Cross Dresser and loved to look like a woman and loved the feel of the clothes. Well to his amazement I confuideded in him also and we were and still to this day are good friends. One day I got a red cross message that my father in law was in the hospitol suffering from cancer and that he wasn't expected to live vrey long. I went to my commander, who happened to be a female captain, and requested emergency leave. I was of course denied that by her with the excuse that he wasn't my immediate family. Naturly I went balistic and then went in and told the General that I was requesting retirement. Naturaly he asked me why and I told him. I told him that what was going on back home with my wife being a baskett caese and having to take care of 3 teenage children wasn't easy and that she needed me. The General then asked me what my commander had said and I told him. General Anderson was livid and was about to have a captain for breakfast. But by now the damage had been done and I had already put my paperwork in for retirement. The Captain of course after getting chewed out by the general said I couldn't retire because of the war. I took out a regulation and quoated a seldom used clause in that regulation that would let me retire unfer acception to policy bcause I had over 20 years of service and could request retirement at any time after such period of time. There was nothing they could do. Within a week I had orders and was sent home on emergency leave to be with my family. While I was there I got a call from a Col. Bradshaw at the Department of the Army Special Actions Branch. We talked on the phone and he asked me if I wanted to go back to Germany because by thus time the war was almost over and I didn't need to go back to Saudi Arabia. Of course I told him that I didn't want to go back to Germany because of the prrsonnel there would have it in for me because i had gotten my way and was ablr to come home. So Col Bradshaw sent me a telex cable gram to report to the nearest military facility and request retirement under acception to policy due to length of service. I of course went to the nearest military facility being Fort Lewis and reported in for duty. I was assigned to the Logistic's center in charge of all warehouse functions. While there I also went to the special actions branch and requested retirement. I was there for nearly a year and my retirement paperwork came through. When it came time for my retirement cerimony General Anderson and a few of the senior officers from the division I was with in Germany came to the cerimony. It was nice to hear them say all the nice things about me and I nearly dried. The one that realy struck me was when General Elvin Schofield Commander of the 90th ARCOM spoke at the retirement and presented me with a brass belt buckle that he had designed. When the cerimony was over one of the speakers a first sergeant that I had at Fort Carson Colorado came over to me and shook my hand and said good bye. He himself was retired by now and he qouted from General McAurthers saying " Old Soldiers never die, they just fade away". That in itself realy got to me and I wanted to stop everything and go back in the service. But to me the Army had let me down, when my family needed me the most I wasn't there. Thus ended my military career. Chapter VIII Now it wasn't long after that that I told my wife about my cross dressing and it realy hit her hard. "Honey does this mean you don't want me anymore, am I not fulfilling the role of your wife good enough?" " No babydoll, that isn't the problem, I have been cross dressing since I was 7 years old. My two older sisters dressed me up to se what my twin would have looked like. And they did it regularly and I began to like it. This is by no means a reflection on you as a woman and your fulfilling your wifely duties." " Does this mean you are gay?" she asked with a puzzled look. " No hon I am not gay, I am still the man you married and want only you. It is just that I feel like a woman at times and like to look the part." We talked for hours and I explained to her that not all cross dressers were gay nor did most of them like sex with a man. They were just men who loved to dress in woman's clothes because they liked the feeling and it put them in contact with their female side. We did alot of crying and talking and my wife was certainly upset and asked if I would ever stop cross dressing. My reply to her was no I wouldn't but that didn't mean I didn't love her anymore. In fact I loved her more because i could view life from her prespective as a woman. She looked at me and told me she had to leave for a while and I was afraid that I had lost her. There goes 19 years down the tubes I said to myself. She will never understand. But to my amazement two hours later she came back and handed me a package. In the package all wrapped in a pink ribbon were two boxes marked his and hers. I opened the boxes and inside were a matching pair of blue babydoll nighties, One for her and one for me. We went to bed that night and made love like never before. Life was good for a while but soon things started happening that were realy telling on my brain. Chapter IX That was the begining of my new life but still there was something missing. I was still lost and in turmoil inside myself. I wanted the cross dressing to go away and not come back but it was there again and with a vengance. There wasn't a day that went by when I was alone in the house that I wasn't dressed. My wife realy didn't like it and I knew it but there was nothing that was going to stop me. My three children now all teenagers and in highschool. Didn't realy like it either with the exception of my son. Being an only boy in a family of females I had my suspisions that he too was swinging towards the cross dressing side as I did. The years went by and I steadily got more and more complacient. I had a hard time adjusting to civilian life. The anger that was welling up inside me was strong and not even my dressing could stop it. I was begining to get cruel and senceless and uncareing about anyone in my family or around me for that fact. I was not eating and had lost almost 30 pounde in weight. I was having nightmares of things from the past. Things that were terrible, troubles that I could not understand. I took all my female clothing and tried to throw it all away. And in fact I did and thought that I was free of the bane of the cross dressing. But something still wasn't right. I was having trouble holding a job because of the anger building up inside of me. I hated everything and everyone including myself. Then one day while I was sitting alone in the house something crept into my mind that would send me spinning down a road where there was no escape. Suicide had crept into my mind, I thought it was the only way that I could escape the self made prison I had been put into. I went to the closet and took out my 45 automatic target pistol and sat in my easy chair and carefully loaded it. As i cocked the hammer back and put it to my head I had every intention of ending my life. At that moment my son came into the house and saw me sitting there with the gun at my head and I had begun to pull the trigger. I didn't want to live anymore. It must have been insantanious but my son flew across the room and the gun went off putting a hole in the celing. I was still shaking and my son called 911 and asked for an ambulence telling them that his dad had just tried to kill himself. I was still sitting in my chair with a blank look on my face. My son had the pistol and unloaded it and took all the ammunition and where he put it I did not know. When the ambulance got there my wife and two daughters drove up at the same time. My wife was scared and thought I had had a heart attack or something because they were taling me out in a gurney. " What is going in here?" she asked puzzled. " Dad tried to kill himself mom," said my son. " Oh my god," said my oldest daughter. My wife asked where they were taking me and followed the ambulance to te hospitol where they took me to the psychiatric ward in the hospitol. I still had a blank stare on my face. I was still not aware of what I had attempted because my mind would not let me. I spent the next 3 days in the hospitol being evaluated by some psychiatrist. When they released me they told my wife that I had a clinical case of depression anfd that they had made arrangements for me to see a doctor at the VA hospitol. What I found out was that I was suffering from something called Poat Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Something from the war that was still in my mind. I was totaly unaware of it and when I was told this they put me on some antidepressants. It would still be a long time before I could deal with the whole thing. Two more attempts at suicide would make me see the light and I would finaly be straight. Chapter X I had gotten a computer and subscribed to a local on line service and started searching for people like me. Other cross dresser's who would be able to help me with my problem. Well it wasn't a problem I was just looking for companoinship and someone who knew to help me understand. I did find such people in a chat room and they helped me emensly some were males that were cross dresses's like me and others were males that wanted to be females and were going through what is called SRS. Sex Reassignment Surgery that would turn them into perminent females. The life style is called Transgendered. I was in an eleme