The Secret Of An Empress free porn video

The Secret Of An Empress By Sylvia Who? 1 A Confrontation in the Gallery The year is 1867 at the second Great Exhibition in Paris and in one of the galleries a crowd of foreigners and Parisiennes are studying the 'Winterhalter' portrait of the Empress Eugenie with her Ladies, while an elderly curator explains the finer points of the picture to his attentive audience. "Such beautiful creatures and such wonderful dresses," said a woman, "surely they are not true likenesses?" "I saw them at about that time," said another "The picture is too flattering, they all looked like cart horses." But the crisp voice of a man cut in, "My Ladies certainly did the portrait more than justice." All eyes turned to the slightly built, middle-aged gentleman in a faded afternoon suit and top hat, a pince-nez straddling his nose, standing to one side of the picture as he calmly announced, "What is more, I know, because I am also one of the sitters in the picture!" The crowd were momentarily stunned by such an outrageous claim by an otherwise ordinary-looking middle aged gentleman. "Ha-Ha-Ha" came the belly laugh from a portly German. "He was one of THEM." The crowd readily joined in the laughter, jostling and ridiculing this idiotic interloper as he stood his ground in the face of a barrage of abuse. "Which one were you, dearie?" "Perhaps the artist painted 'her' out afterwards." "The man's insane - get the doorman to throw him out!" "Such a nerve - ridiculing our Empress!" "Did Monsieur park his crinoline outside?" "It's a disgrace - he should be guillotined." So the curator now had his say as he tried to calm things down. "Please ignore him, he is harmless, he has been coming here the past month with his idiotic claim. He has become something of an interesting sideshow for visitors to the gallery, so let us proceed and leave our friend to his aberrations." But the man just smiled grimly and having bowed to his detractors, calmly turned and walked away as the clamour behind him continued unabated. As he made his way to the entrance of the gallery, he was followed by a demimonde in a 'Worth' black and white striped satin dress, generously flounced in the fashion of the day, her raven hair arranged in ringlets beneath a petite hat of the same material as her dress - very chic - with black lace elbow-length gloves and parasol and a cute 'dolly-bag' hanging from her arm. She had to hurry to catch up with him, and halfway across the square, as he half-turned to face his pursuer, she breathlessly called out: "Excuse me Monsieur - may we talk?" as the gentleman doffed his hat to the divine creature before him. "Certainly Mademoiselle, a cafe-au-lait perhaps, in the Cafe Druon?" and she took his proffered arm as they sauntered over to the cafe at the corner of the Square, avoiding the workmen's' rubble littering the square and seating themselves at an outdoor table to enjoy the late afternoon sun, while the waiter bustled off for their order. Monsieur had by now removed his top hat and placed it under the table and then wiped the perspiration from his brow. "I presume, Mademoiselle, that you were in the gallery, and that you would like to hear more of my extraordinary claim?" His keen eyes brought a blush to her cheeks as she lowered her long lashes and replied huskily, "Your claim Monsieur, was so unbelievable as to be believable, like Monsieur Eiffel's dreams of building an iron tower three hundred metres high." "True - true, and I must admire the courage in your reasoning, since you are the only one out of hundreds who have passed through the gallery over the past month, to even consider that what I say may be true, but to have one possible convert is better than none, and such a pretty one as you is an added bonus, and I have to start somewhere, but perhaps, Mame'selle, before I begin, please permit me to introduce myself, I am Jacque Peron, and a corsetiere by trade." She then looked up and smiled, "I now have you at a disadvantage, Monsieur, knowing that you have such an unusual occupation for a gentleman - but my name is Charlotte du Bois and I am a writer from Monmartre, so naturally your claim intrigues me." The waiter brought their coffee and then slipped quietly into the background again, as they stared out across the unkempt square, which the gentleman felt worthy of comment. "So much for Eugenie's pet scheme to help Louis placate the workers by creating spurious 'jobs' having gangs of men digging holes in the boulevards and then filling them in again. It has echoes of the seventeen nineties famine and Marie Antoinette's crass remark 'Let them eat cake!'" The young lady looked troubled, "Ssh. Monsieur, with so many of the Emperor's spies around, is such talk wise?" His laugh was hollow. "I care not a jot for such people, since I feel the Emperor's days are now numbered, but I have more to fear from Eugenie's spies, so maybe my days are numbered as well. But I am determined to reveal the truth about my past come what may, so they can all go to hell! I will accept what happens to me afterwards as a penance for my jealousy and spite, so seeing you are a writer you may be the ideal listener." "Quite! And now that the formalities are over I would be most interested to hear your fascinating story." She continued crisply, "You appear to claim you were a Lady-in- Waiting to Eugenie at the time the Winterhalter portrait was painted which you must agree sounds rather far fetched?" It was now his turn to lower his eyes under her intense gaze, and he coughed nervously, "That is perfectly correct, Mademoiselle, and the circumstances surrounding the story are - as you have already stated - unbelievable, and I can consider myself fortunate that someone still resides at the Tuliures who can substantiate the truth of what I am now going to tell you if you wish me to proceed?" "Please begin, M'sieur, I'm all ears," she demanded pertly, as she shifted forward in her seat as far as her corsets would allow, - hanging on his every word. "First of all, Mademoiselle Charlotte, there were two gentlemen in the picture you were admiring, I am the Lady in the off-the-shoulder green satin and lace dress with a full spreading skirt, my neck encircled with a black velvet ribbon, and a red satin ribbon decorating my hair. I am in the foreground of the picture, while Jean, my poor unfortunate twin brother - God rest his soul - he is the Lady in the foreground to my right, wearing a pale oyster lace and tulle flounced dress, his hair cascading in ringlets about his neck and clutching in his hand a corsage of roses." 2 A childhood to forget! - Or to remember? In order to trace the extraordinary circumstances by which we came to be so portrayed, please permit me to retreat into our childhood, when we were first breeched at the age of nine - which was quite late thanks to the indomitable spirit of our French Mama, who successfully reared eight children - courtesy of our Spanish Papa who during this time was Ambassador to France. My brother and I were the babes of the family, and the only boys, and from the age of eight we were in the care of a French governess who we knew as 'Miss Jenny' together with four of our older sisters, the eldest two being away at convent school in Spain. Jenny was a strict disciplinarian but scrupulously fair to all of us, although her method of punishing miscreants was unorthodox to say the least. Corporal punishment was forbidden, Miss Jenny preferring more subtle methods, such as public humiliation to shame her young charges into more reasonable behaviour, with the choice of punishment being meted out by a third party, usually the person who claimed to have been wronged. Even though we were the youngest, and what is more, of the male sex, and probably naughtier than the girls - while we were in dresses we did not receive any more punishment than the others - until that is, we were breeched. Naturally we were both very proud of our promotion to knickerbockers so late in our childhood and strutted about importantly with an air of superiority to our older sisters who, for some unaccountable reason, seemed to bitterly resent our change of status, an attitude we suspected was openly encouraged by the governess. At the time we were totally unaware of the subtle change in our sisters' attitude towards us, but we found our share of punishment increasing, both of us being carpeted was almost a daily occurrence, for misdeeds which were not of our making, and our persecutors always chose the same punishment; to be deprived of our boys clothing more and more frequently. Our knickerbockers being replaced with frilly pantaloons, and flowery high-waisted girls dresses in place of our smart jackets, while our Governess seemed to connive in making this the only form of punishment meted out to us by the girls, especially since we were both burning with resentment at being falsely accused and not having the wherewithal to prove false witness to our alleged crimes. But we both tearfully accepted our fate and the derogatory remarks from other boys and girls in the neighbourhood, and made the most of our boys clothes whenever we could which seemed to be less and less frequently; and what is more we were in a no win situation. If we were better behaved as girls all the more reason for us to remain thus dressed, and conversely, the more we rebelled against our feminine finery we were condemned to remain thus dressed until our behaviour improved. At this point the gentlemen paused in his narrative and took a pinch of snuff from a silver-gilt box in his pocket. "I trust Mademoiselle I am not boring you?" The young Lady replied eagerly, her eyes ablaze "Please go on, please go on, it is a fascinating story which I must hear." So the shabby gentleman resumed his story: We usually only saw our Papa at the breakfast table as Jean and I sulkily rustled into his presence and sat side by side mutely pleading through tear-stained eyes since he had no qualms about giving us a thrashing if needs be, and he always viewed our pretty dresses as 'quaint'. He liked to see us wearing white ankle socks contrasted with black slipperettes decorated with black satin bows, and with lovely white satin ribbons in our hair, which had been allowed to grow to match our sister's hair. We were always photographed wearing such fripperies, although we were allowed to play with toys suitable for boys on such occasions. But otherwise even horse riding was banned since he left our management in the capable hands of Madame Jenny who always insisted we also avoided climbing trees and rough and tumble boys games such as tag or hide and seek so that we didn't get our dresses dirty, made sure we used our lace parasols to keep out of the sun and thus avoid ruining our soft complexions, aided by the various creams we had to gently rub into our faces twice a day and a foul smelling and tasting concoction we also had to take from the age of ten onwards. We were encouraged to practice skipping and other girls games, and play with the girls dolls and all the other girls toys, practise our needlework, learn how to dance the way a lady does, and since we were twins learn duets on the forte piano as our contribution to the regular afternoon teas and soirees that we were regularly invited to attend - and woe betide us if we dared to refuse! But Father was much more demonstrative towards us than Mama, who had always favoured the girls, and on the final occasion when the two of us were sitting on his lap enjoying a cuddle, and pulling his beard while he playfully pulled our long satin ribbons, he suddenly remarked: 'Of all my girls, you two are my favourites, and not just because you are twins either, I am sure when you grow up you will turn into beautiful ladies.' He then made us get down from his lap and never cuddled us again, although we both knew he sincerely meant every word of what he had just said, I remember we were ten at the time. Even on our Sunday outings to Church, to the Zoo or to house parties, we were normally dressed in exactly the same dresses as our sisters, condemned to wearing our best satin and lace confections and flowered bonnets covering our long curly ringlets, while carrying our despised lace parasols in our gloved hands to shield us not only from the sun, but from the offensive gaze of the street urchins and similar low life, but even so if we did dare venture to strut, or walk deliberately in a slovenly manner, we soon found we drew attention to ourselves from such creatures, who would promptly take great pleasure in drawing our humiliating state to the attention of others, thereby bringing down abuse, spittle and even a fusillade of rotten vegetables upon our heads - it did happen once, but never again! We soon learnt to glide slowly and daintily along and adopt the airs and graces of our sisters even to the extent of unconsciously copying their speech patterns and thereby avoid unwelcome attention from strangers, although such training gradually took its toll, and although we despised the regime being imposed upon us, we had learned to accept our fate with fortitude, and thus developed acting and musical, needleworking and conversational skills which otherwise would never had seen the light of day, and we were well liked, and even in our feminine frills we were never short of friends of either sex, who readily accepted us as rather special. 3 Our early days with Eugenie "We had known Eugenie Montijo as children, she was a year younger than we and she always took great delight in picking us out as her regular playmates, and since our Papa had no wish to offend her powerful uncle and legal guardian, Count Alain, we were required to comply with her wishes. However, we did have one common interest, namely the novels of Alexandra Dumas, and since she was a lover of dressing-up games she felt we made ideal clothes-pegs for her to experiment with, and despite our bitter protests at being made to play with a girl younger than ourselves. What made it worse was being arrayed in her older sisters' dresses in order to play a female version called 'The Three Pantalooneers' which she had dreamed up, I was Athenos, Jean became Arabissia while she was 'Porthosa'. Sometimes she even dressed herself in some of our boys clothes, which she had taken from our house telling us we 'wouldn't be needing any of them much longer', and she would gallop round and round us on her horse and despite our pleas, deny us the opportunity to go riding ourselves saying: 'Delicate creatures like you need to be shielded from such risks to your clothes and your complexions, and to leave horse riding to big strong men like myself' We cowered away; not wishing to get our lovely dresses dirty from her horse's hooves. But although she mocked us in our sissy clothing, she never disclosed while we were with other children that we were 'only boys dressed up as girls' the way our sisters did - she kept that secret all to herself. On one occasion, - we were twelve at the time, she was eleven, and she dressed herself in a beautiful white gauze crinoline, while we were helped into palest pink tulle dresses by her personal maid and handed posies of flowers to celebrate her mock wedding to Victor, an older boy cousin. He was a son of her guardian and posed as Louis Napoleon who she had recently seen at a party following his return to Paris from Strasborg when she boldly announced: 'I have been told that one day Louis will be my husband, and I will then be his Empress!' She turned nasty when all three of us hooted derisively at such a pronouncement, as she fixed Victor with a conspiratorial smile but addressed her remarks in our direction. 'When I was small, I was told what was being planned for you two boys as you grew up, and how our lives would be intertwined - and so far everything is going to plan. Madame Jenny was specially chosen as your governess when you were eight and all this time has been in the pay of my Uncle, deliberately schooling you for your vocations when you are fully-grown. Even my dressing-up games which you willingly took part in were pre- planned, but I have enjoyed the fun we have had together - especially today - getting you to dress as my bridesmaids was also someone else's idea, am I right cousin?' Victor nodded his head. 'Hence the emphasis on keeping you confined to your dresses, not an idea your Mama ever favoured while your Papa just has to agree its all for the best, and this is only the beginning.' - Her face then softened as she took us both by the hand - 'Somebody up there has mapped your future out, in the same way as they have planned mine, and there is nothing we can do about it, we are just pawns in a game which is just about to change, although I will miss you when you go away.' We soon found Victor was quite attracted to us twin 'girls', so when we went into the garden he told us how pretty we were and tried to steal illicit kisses, and despite our protests to Eugenie, he managed to enjoy a certain amount of success in his enterprise. And so, dear Lady, this situation continued until our thirteenth year, when just as Eugenie predicted, we were sent away to a military academy in Toulouse until the age of eighteen where we soon tried to make up for our lost years shackled in our petticoats and despite some of our more effeminate traits which initially led to some bullying, we soon established reputations as out-standing officers and cadets who our peers rarely crossed as our physical and mental skills with weaponry were exceptional, and we had little time for drink as we both successfully wooed an endless stream of divine creatures as we passed through our adolescence. The next time we met Eugenie was at our passing-out parade, - her brother-in-law the Duke of Alba was the guest-of-honour and she accompanied her sister the Duchess to the ball that evening. As we were introduced she curtseyed and with a twinkle in her eye complemented us upon how smart we looked in our dress uniforms, but whispered quietly that she wished we were still clutching our posies in our hands instead of the hilts of our dress-swords, and appropriately dressed to do so, as she gave a wistful smile, 'but that, - gentlemen is all in your future!' I felt my face redden perceptibly at this pointed reminder of our days of perpetual penance in petticoats and since this was the third year of Louis Napoleon's incarceration, we desisted from reminding her of her childish claim to the heart of the French pretender now imprisoned for life in Ham Castle. In any case we were both infatuated by this precocious seventeen-year-old pearl and took turns at wheeling her round the ballroom to the strident sounds of the orchestra, so we had no desire even to mention a third potential rival to her affections, but she quit the ball early with a stomach upset, which also laid low my brother. Thereafter we renewed our acquaintance with Eugenie and found ourselves among her many devoted followers, keen to conduct her to the nuptial bed and I must grudgingly admit that she appeared to favour my brothers suit. 4 Two delightful ladies at King Phillipe's ball At this point in the story Monsieur noticed his young listener stir slightly, but a glance at her face confirmed that she was still concentrating on every word, and so he continued with his narrative. Eugenie later confessed to us in private that she still had designs on the unfortunate Louis, but it was also common knowledge that the pretender was still indulging in the sins of the flesh despite his incarceration and had a ready supply of maidens, keen to spend their nights in gratifying the sexual needs of a Napoleon, and in some instances bearing his illegitimate offspring. Within three months we were required to return home as Papa was ill, but when we went to say fond farewells to our sweetheart, she had already fled, but no-one knew where. It was to be another two years before we were to see her again during a brief visit we made to Paris, and we were both surprised at how drawn and pale she had become, which we assumed was due to her continuing pre- occupation with Louis who she was visiting on a regular basis in Ham Castle. She was pleased to hear we had also been invited by King Phillipe to attend a ball at the Tuileries Palace, and when we offered her our services as joint escorts to this prestigious gathering, she condescended to take up our offer only on condition that we accompany her suitably disguised as her 'sisters' and although we glanced uneasily at each other that she should make such a suggestion to two dashing young men in their prime, twas but a moments hesitation before we consented in order to be close to our beloved. Afterwards I admitted to my brother I was quite looking forward to wearing female clothes once again, but Jean's disapproving look prompted me to add that it was just to see if they still held the same terrors for me as when I was a child. On the day appointed we attended her chateau where she took great pleasure in fussing over the pair of us, supervising her giggling excitable maids as they helped us remove our men's clothes. As children our female clothes were light and airy, but now we found ourselves subjected to the horrors of tight lacing, as they set about squeezing us into elaborately decorated corsets and stays, and much to Eugenie's amusement, tightening the ribbon laces at the back to such an extent that we cried out in pain as the horrors of these instruments of torture sunk in! But we only began to experience real torture when they coated our facial stubble with warm beeswax, allowed it to cool, then ripped away huge areas of follicles attached to the surface of the wax, the pain was excruciating and brought tears to our eyes but a look in the mirror at the finished result made it all worthwhile, while our faces felt so smooth to the touch that we determined never ever to use a razor on our faces again, and it was more than a week before any sprigs of new growth began to re-appear, hence, dear lady - from that day onwards, I have never sported a beard. After they had fitted us into our pantaloons and other underthings came the sheer pleasure of being decked out in magnificent ball-gowns in shot silk with beautiful raven wigs decorated with tiny rosebuds and ringlets cascading about our powdered shoulders framing our chubby, if somewhat ruddy complexions thanks to the facial wax, but they were soon masked by a dusting of French chalk, so with beautiful gold necklaces clasped about our throats and matching earrings hanging from our pierced ears, elbow-length gloves to flatter our long, delicate hands, I confessed later to my brother how much I had been aroused being thus dressed by such fragrant and lovely creatures as Eugenie had in her employ, and even he confirmed to the same feelings and stirrings as I had experienced. As to the evening, thanks to Count Alain's efforts it was a great success, since with a constant round of introductions, our dance cards were soon fully booked with some of the most handsome gentlemen present, which tickled our vanity, although the way we were dressed deprived us of the opportunity to take a turn on the floor with our lovely Eugenie, so we had to content ourselves with joining her and the other ladies present in small talk. I even found myself dancing a waltz with a fellow officer in my regiment at the military college, who paid us the compliment of saying we were the two most delightful ladies at the ball, but since he was the worse for drink he spoilt it all, as my feet suffered badly in the skirmish, and I was so incensed, that but for my glorious plumage, I would have challenged him to a duel on the spot! We were pleased to remain incognito throughout the evening, our invitation cards having been suitably 'doctored', although we had expected Eugenie to disclose our true identities to the assembled company, as had been the fate of another unfortunate gentleman similarly attired, who was promptly set upon by some boisterous young men, - but thankfully this was not to be. After the ball, despite offers from would-be 'Beaux' of safe passage home, Eugenie's coachman drove us back to our modest residence, where, giggling gaily together and somewhat the worse for the quantity of Madeira we had consumed, we banged loudly on the door since our keys were still in our greatcoat pockets, and safely closeted in Eugenie's chateau, but eventually we were admitted by our faithful old servant, Carlos, who assumed we were 'house guests', while we were so immersed in our roles that we were pleased to keep up the pretence, boldly dismissing the fellow and telling him we would await the return of his errant masters in order to do their bidding! 5 We are unmasked! The next morning we were woken by Carlos who announced that someone was waiting outside in a carriage, and in view of the continuing absence of his masters, wished to see 'the two young ladies' instead, and therefore would we kindly step outside. Thanks to the half-light in the drawing-room where we had both fallen into a deep sleep still arrayed in our finery, Carlos still failed to recognise us, so despite her novel garb Jean sleepily stepped onto the terrace only to excitedly come rushing back and announce, 'She is outside in a carriage!' I am never at my best in the morning so I sleepily shuffled along behind my sister to the front door, then down the stairs and out to Eugenie's carriage where she promptly rebuked us for failing to have the hems of our dresses pinned up by the servant before venturing into the street and dirtying our extremely valuable costumes, although she observed we had the good sense to be carrying our parasols to shield us from prying eyes. To add insult to injury we were shocked and embarrassed as she introduced us as Jean and Jacque to her three male companions as they alighted from the coach, but my brother and I had the good sense to curtsey and received a respectful bow from each in return, as we recalled we had both danced with the two younger Italian men at the ball the night before, while we both knew and recognised Count Alain, their older companion who had shadowed Eugenie for most of the previous evening. Eugenie informed us that both the young gentlemen had been made aware they would be partnering two spurious 'ladies' some time during the ball, and were set the task of identifying the impostors, so it was pure chance that one of them had also danced with our rival fraudster, who was so humiliatingly exposed, but they had failed to penetrate our disguises. All this time my brother and I had been studying intently the frosty flagstones underfoot, but Claudio coughed nervously, and as he became the focus of our attention he gallantly knelt on one knee and made a touching little speech: 'My friend and I feel we should address you as Jeanette and Jacqueline, since you both do the female sex great credit, and we applaud your mistress for her consummate skill in training and transforming you in such a delightful way, tis a pity you must soon resume your usual dress now that your charade is over, but rest assured, that I will always be your most loyal and devoted servant irrespective of what you may be wearing, should the need arise or should you need a protector in the future.' My heart was beating madly at his extraordinary confession of fidelity, and without hesitating I stepped forward taking him by the hand drawing him to his feet, and as he gazed down at me, he gently cupped my face in his hands, but I panicked and stepped back in astonishment and disbelief as I croaked 'Sir, you are most kind, and I would welcome such an opportunity' as my knees seemed to buckle in my borrowed weeds and I felt an urgent need to go indoors and relieve myself. 'Perhaps you two "ladies" would like to show us inside!' Eugenie's sharp tongue cut through my reverie like a knife, her eyes were twinkling merrily at my quite unexpected, but apparent conquest, and looking over to where they were standing half concealed by the coach, I was most surprised to find that Jean and Roberto were also engaged in a semi-private, but earnest conversation. We escorted our unexpected guests indoors, while Carlos, who had been privy to our conversation, eventually realised who we really were, and having been sworn to secrecy by Count Alain, ordered him to go and prepare breakfast, and as he limped out of the room, his shoulders drooped more heavily than ever before. The Count informed us that since we had survived the evening completely undetected in our female roles, we would be ideal in assisting Eugenie and her plotters in an attempt to free Louis Napoleon from Ham Castle after six years of incarceration. 'Jeanette' and 'Jacqueline' were given little chance to object when we were told by Eugenie that arrangements had been made for us to spend the next few days as her house guests, in preparation for a visit to the prison in the guise of 'demi-mondes' ostensibly to amuse Louis, or 'the Prince' as he was now popularly known, and while there to assist in his escape, since her spies had learnt of a plan to murder the prince in prison, so there wasn't much time in which to effect a rescue, therefore our feeble protests fell on deaf ears. So after breakfast, having informed Carlos accordingly, we found ourselves transported back to Eugenie's where the maids happily changed us into flowered morning gowns, pinning up the hems of our dresses before we re-joined Eugenie and her houseguests for a game of croquet on the lawn. But after twelve hours of continuous wear, we had discovered our corsets were devices designed to restrict its wearer to the minimum of physical movement as you are well aware Mademoiselle, so even a simple game of croquet became a penance for the two of us... He suddenly noted the pained expression on his listeners face which puzzled Jacque, and having hesitated for a moment, he just continued with his story: Umm, yes, - We also found that standing astride behind the ball in order to make a strike with the croquet mallet was also impractical - Our billowing crinolines soon saw to that, and any competitive edge we had acquired practising the game at college was lost as we tried to adapt our game to suit our quaint attire, but then Claudio had the temerity to come up behind me, place his arms round my shoulders, and putting his hands over mine, demonstrated how to strike the ball with the mallet from the side, while Eugenie looked on in amusement as I felt the rough stubble on his face rub gently against my smoothly beeswaxed skin. Needless to say, we were soundly beaten even by the ladies present. Much to our horror and their delight, Eugenie insisted that Roberto and Claudio should be our constant companions until we departed for Ham Castle, apart from several shopping expeditions with Eugenie's maidservants to buy provincial style ladies wardrobes and suitable accessories for our long journey to our meeting with the prince. Our two doting lap-dogs treated us to outings to the ballet at L'Opera, and accompanied us to numerous house parties, which we were required to attend to firmly establish our female personas in view of the risks we were taking during our forthcoming enterprise. We both found our young admirers did not suit our taste, although they were totally smitten and treated us in the same manner as any gentleman would treat a lady, and had happily respected our wishes without question most of the time, until that is, they insisted on taking us to see Offenbach's sensational new 'can can' dance, the most 'risque' musical in Paris. This we found nauseating, with the constant reminders on stage of the way my brother and I were dressed, as our absinthe swigging companions' sly sniggers were accompanied by impudent glances at our slender ankles as they may have wondered what pleasures lay above and beyond the pale. But when the pair began to clumsily fondle and paw at our clothing, I was so incensed that I poked Claudio in the ribs and hissed 'what's up there out of sight is for you two to guess and Jeanette and me to know!' and we promptly rose and glided imperiously out of the establishment, summoned our carriage and returned to the safe confines of Eugenie's chateau. In the face of such experiences we welcomed our brief moments in the company of the lovely Eugenie as we were shown plans and drawings of Ham Castle, and discussed the basic strategy in preparation for the main event, although life was not all serious, since Eugenie still possessed that special fun-loving streak lacking in our sisters, and the serious gentlemen playing croquet on the lawn, as she indulged us in more boisterous long forgotten childhood games, demonstrating that not only little boys should run, jump and climb trees! 6 The escape from Ham Castle The trip to the castle took two days by carriage, stopping at safe houses on the way, during which time my sister and I were constantly chaperoned by Eugenie who was always on hand to prevent us from innocently disclosing our true natures either by accident or error. Implementation of the first part of the plan went without a hitch, with brother Jean entering the castle early one freezing morning in a cart disguised as a member of a gang engaged in essential repairs to the fabric of the castle. Later the same afternoon I arrived at the castle gates, and having with difficulty alighted from my carriage in my capes and bulky crinolines, roused the guard and was conducted to Napoleon's secure, but private apartments for the Prince's 'amusement'. Louis was expecting to be assisted in his escape by someone who could also feed his insatiable appetite for carnal knowledge, so he was furious when I told him I was ill- equipped to satisfy that desire on his part - while I was most unhappy at the prospect of an unwelcome 'grope'- 'Prince or no Prince', since he only half-believed I was merely a man. Thankfully he kept his hands to himself and I was relieved when my brother was admitted by a friendly guard who kept watch outside while the three of us hurriedly changed clothes - Napoleon changing into my brother's filthy workman's outfit and shaving off his tell-tale moustache and goatee beard, while I peeled off one of the two capes and my outer crinoline for Jean to wear, while from under my second crinoline Jean was able to retrieve a lady's wig and bonnet and a furry muff as well as suitable undergarments, and having helped him into his corset, crinoline and outer garments I powdered his face and placed a corsage in his 'd?colletage'. "How do we look your highness?" I enquired as I flattered him with a curtsey. The Prince nodded "You are a credit to your supposed sex my Dears," he replied fondly. "You are true sisters to my Eugenie." We blushed at his compliment. "Umm, you had better start", reminded Jeanette since we were now ready for the final part of the plan. Unseen by the others, our guard escorted the Prince and the two 'ladies' out into the courtyard and having checked that the original guard had been changed, left Jeanette and myself to make our way to the front gate where we flirted outrageously with the man, who was quite happy to engage us in a prolonged conversation. Meanwhile our guard had placed a heavy plank across Louis's shoulder, so instead of instinctively marching, he staggered across the courtyard, and shielding those piercing eyes from any other guards who may have been about, passed unchallenged a few feet from the guard house and out through the gate. Having discarded the plank he quickened his pace, continuing past our carriage and a safe distance along the track away from the castle. We kept the guard occupied for a further five minutes, while he suggested we met him at the local inn after he came off duty, and having bid him fond adieu resumed our walk back to the carriage, but were confronted by the original guard, coming back on duty. Unfortunately the poor fellow could count, but the warning shout never left his lips, as I quickly stepped forward and slid a blade between his ribs, while Jeanette also withdrew a knife from her muff, dashing back to the guard post to silence his talkative companion. A shout went up from one of the upper windows overlooking the courtyard, and that was when I froze, as my sister rushed forward to where I was standing, the blood-stained knife clutched to my bosom as the horror of my crime sunk in. 'This way Jacqueline, you can't dwell on it now!" And grabbing my hand my sister half dragged me towards the gate. The shot that rang out and passed between us brought me back to my senses, and in sheer terror I overtook her, rushed past the carriage and onwards down the track as blind panic set in, my headlong flight only to be brought to a halt when I reached Louis who had stepped out from behind a tree and threw his arms around me as I sobbed with grief even though he knew his escape bid must have seemed doomed to failure. 'There - there child, it's all over now, we will soon be whisked away to safety,' and I stood cradled in his arms hoping and praying it would be the carriage that caught us up, after which we made good our escape. Fifteen minutes later we reached the spot where petite Eugenie was waiting in her carriage to be re-united with her handsome Prince before the two drove off to the nearest safe house to celebrate his first moments of freedom, while Jeanette and I continued to comfort each other in our bloodstained dresses as a natural reaction to our dreadful deed, our coach following on behind the Prince's at a safe distance. We had originally planned to change our identities once more, and return to Paris, but after we had recovered overnight from our ordeal, Count Alain, who had mysteriously appeared on the scene convinced us we should throw the prince's pursuers off their hunt for three male fugitives and one female, by utilising the generous purses and wardrobes with which we were now endowed to make a more leisurely journey back to Alba, and he commanded us to continue to wear our female wardrobes for the foreseeable future, and he smirked with obvious satisfaction as he praised us for thus fulfilling the prophecy made by our Papa when we were quite small! Such a demand from a powerful man was unnecessary since we both agreed that we hardly needed any prompting from anyone to reclaim our right to adopt the mantles of our feminine personas on a permanent basis when we arrived back home, in deference to our Papa's wishes all those years ago, but we wondered how the Count came by such private and personal information - we had certainly told no one. 7 Pistols at daybreak! At this break in his narrative Charlotte interrupted "Tell me, Monsieur, so that I may picture my - your brother more accurately, - were you very much alike?" Monsieur Jacque's eyes narrowed perceptively, "Presumably you must infer in temperament, since no doubt you have already studied our portraits back in the salon; but temperamentally we were different, and although I was the more hot-headed, deception and guile were unfortunate traits in my brother as you will shortly discover." Jacque resumed his story, but he appeared impervious as the young lady showed signs of emotional arousal as her breast perceptively heaved in turmoil: As you well know Mademoiselle, their meeting was brief as Louis made his escape to England in voluntary exile to await his summons from the French people, and in 1848, having been elected a deputy, he returned in triumph to France, accepting the Emperor's crown three years later. Meanwhile Jeanette and I were safely back in Spain, helping in the running of our elderly Father's vast estates, and leading celibate lives, while the unmarried female members of our family were delighted to accept our gracious surrender to years of petticoat penance which had, up until now, blighted our lives, but now seemed the most practical course of action to take while the hue and cry died down, much to Papa's approval. So we happily embraced once again our roles as privileged provincial ladies and glad to still be alive to do so. It was only when Eugenie sent us a suitably inscribed invitation to her forthcoming wedding to her Emperor that we returned to Paris and renewed a fond acquaintance with one we both loved and revered, although for this occasion with the Count's blessing, we had good reason to resume wearing our trousers! Persuasive as ever Eugenie tried to insist that after her marriage we stay in Paris close by, but we soon fled back to our beloved Spain and our recently widowed Mama after another unfortunate confrontation with our former admirers who previously had only seen us 'en femme'. We had gone to a party at Count Alain's, and were soon taking advantage of our trousers to make up for months of abstention from sexual encounters by resuming our pursuance of the more desirable ladies present, as we prepared to dance the night away. But it was not to be, since despite our male clothing, Roberto and Claudio had half recognised us through the alcoholic haze, but having been reminded of our involvement in the Ham Castle episode and been sworn to total secrecy over the affair, they stood in the crowded ballroom loudly relating names and intimate details of the plot to which they had been privy. At such a sensitive time, and despite the forthcoming wedding which the citizens of Paris were eagerly awaiting, the Emperor's political enemies were closing in, so this was not the time or place to mention such matters, so having exchanged glances with the Count and my brother it was obvious they had to be silenced forthwith, since my brother and I had no wish to inspect the workings of Madame le Guillotine. An accidental spillage of wine was all that it took for us to demand satisfaction from the pair, and in the ensuing melee, seconds were appointed and time and place were agreed, and we all returned to our lodgings to prepare for an early start the next morning. The duelling was a somewhat one sided affair, and at our behest was conducted simultaneously, I took on Roberto, Jean's former beaux, while my brother tackled Claudio. Jean and I stood our ground as our protagonists lifted their duelling pistols, aimed and fired. When we returned their fire, we both inflicted the same injury upon both Claudio and Roberto, and as the pair lay on the grass howling in agony while their seconds tried to comfort them. Count Alain remarked dryly - 'At least our friends won't be able to tittle-tattle in the 'Pink Peacock', the gentlemen's club they own until after the political situation has stabilised, thanks to your efforts, and I am sure you will be of further assistance to Eugenie's cause in the future.' So saying he went over to be told that the two were wounded just badly enough for them to need some nursing care in one of Count Alain's country retreats until after the wedding celebrations had ended, thus the threat to the Second Empire was over. Since we had no wish to be arrested for illegal duelling, we didn't stay for the wedding, and it was only during the course of our hurried journey back to our home in Spain and another change of clothing at an inn, that I realised Jeanette had sustained a flesh wound to her arm which turned septic, and she was confined to her bed with a fever for all of two weeks. 8 Mademoiselle Charlotte gets personal. It was the attempted assassination of the royal couple by a mysterious maidservant in their private quarters at the palace a year later that drew us back to Paris, and it was fortunate that the woman's revolver had jammed, but she still managed to elude the guards and somehow make good her escape. But despite his endless 'amours' Louis was still concerned for the safety of his consort and had been most impressed by the way we had acquitted ourselves at Castle Ham, and during the unfortunate incident at Count Alains, although more than a decade had elapsed, and since we were both still infatuated with Eugenie we soon found ourselves cast in the role of personal bodyguards to the Empress. So having been summoned at short notice by a messenger, and despite my brother's forebodings, we travelled to Paris dressed in the only suits of gentlemen's clothes that now fitted us and were treated to a private audience with the their Majesties while the Count stood lurking in the background. Louis snorted distastefully at our appearance, 'This won't do at all! - We understood you had been ordered by Count Alain to live the lives of provincial ladies? Where are your ladies clothes?' We shuffled awkwardly and uncomfortably, unused as we were to rough Harris tweed rubbing against our skin as the Emperor tut-tutted with displeasure and with an aside to Eugenie remarked: 'Can't get decent servants these days, none of them seem able to obey a simple order!' Count Alain came to our rescue and assured Louis that it wouldn't happen again, and after further consultation we were commanded to resume wearing ladies clothes in order to fulfil our duties to the Empress. 'Jeanette and Jacqueline' stayed with Count Alain during our 'kitting out', having been provided with the necessary funds in order to replace our provincial ladies wardrobes and acquire the trousseaux as befitted Ladies- in-Waiting to the Empress, since our dearest friend had evidently arranged for our appointment as 'Ladies of the Bed-chamber' and even called to personally supervise the choosing of suitable wardrobes for us both, and even dipped into her own purse to meet the additional expense of jewellery which had not, apparently been budgeted for by the more miserly Prince. Our vast array of crinolines in silks, satins and lace were designed by the Englishman Worth and included concealed pockets in which we could safely store our Berettas and spare ammunition, and capes and muffs with sewn in sheaths in which to conceal our trusty stilettos, while the handles of our lace parasols concealed lightweight rapiers more in keeping with our role as bodyguards to Her Highness, and naturally our entire wardrobes consisted of female garments, such impedimenta as bonnets and chignons, curling irons, crinoline cages, corsetry, hooped petticoats, stays, pantaloons and so on, in order to avoid arousing the suspicions of laundry-maids and the like. So on the day appointed we attended upon the royal couple, and on this occasion Louis beamed with pleasure, hardly saving our blushes as he remarked dryly: 'Much prefer you two as 'gaels' you know, - at least you won't try any hanky-panky with the young ladies dressed like that!' Having got that off his chest, we were personally introduced by the Emperor to our fellow 'Ladies-in Waiting' as Mesdames Jeanette and Jacqueline, and since we were older than our 'sisters' we became depositories for their romantic and emotional problems, filling the role of 'maiden aunts' to our beautiful young charges, and of course at times it was difficult to suppress the irrepressible stirring in our loins which resulted in moments of sublime ecstasy when a zealous embrace with our young compatriots could have led to our discovery but fortunately our romantic longings remained carefully concealed beneath our voluminous petticoats, and so only our darling Eugenie, with whom as Ladies of the bedchamber, we took turns to sleep within hailing distance, was aware of our true condition. We even up-dated our childhood game but we now called ourselves 'The three Crinolineers' more in keeping with our raison d'etre', armed as we were with pistol, rapier, and stiletto, but it was all meaningless, but innocent fun away from the glare of the more formal occasions, and she was such a wonderful tease, always leading us on, so we enjoyed many intimate moments in her company - both in, and out of bed, since Eugenie never enjoyed anything as much as a good romp, but always on such occasions we were both present, and so as far as I was aware there was no excessive impropriety with either of us! Charlotte had now focussed her attention upon Monsieur's chest and waist as she begged her next question. "But surely Sir, you would have experienced difficulty in displaying some of the basic aspects of the female anatomy, such as a total lack of body hair, since I do have it on good authority that the Empress used to enjoy such pleasures as exotic bathing with all her ladies present and participating without exception, so you would have needed more than a handful of wadding to be at all convincing, and as I recall from the portrait, there was plenty of spare flesh 'up there'- and even now you appear to take your work home with you, as you are obviously tightlaced, but you still display the tell-tale attributes of a pair of breasts, - am I not correct?" He suddenly looked flummoxed and ill at ease in the face of such questioning but she was determined to get an answer, and for someone so young, she had seen through the apparent flaws in his story, so he had no alternative but to prove his case in the only way he could, as he tried to smile benignly at her through his glasses. "You are quite correct Mam'selle, my brother and I had been taking a medicine made from the urine of pregnant mares, proscribed by Eugenie's personal physician, and as you can see, the treatment definitely worked, and fortunately we had very little body hair." A smile of triumph crossed her face as her eyes now focussed on the area of his anatomy half hidden by the table. "I am also convinced, that other aspects of the female anatomy may also have come in for a cursory examination from time to time with so many ladies, ladies maids, and other female servants always on hand in the Empress's household, so how did you overcome that problem?" Jacque coughed awkwardly then plunged in the deep end. "As to the other matter, Japanese sumo wrestlers had developed a method called 'tucking', which with practice permitted the genitalia to be concealed within the abdomen, and gave the impression of a hymen, so on the frequent occasions we shared bathing facilities with Eugenie and our younger sisters, we were never unmasked despite the attention of busy little fingers out of sight beneath the bath water, a rousing, but harmless activity even my sister and I indulged in with our younger charges, when the opportunity occurred, and should an accident occur, which we both suffered from time to time, there was a frantic struggle to roll away from our companions and tuck everything back into place before quitting the bath." His frank admission received a brief response. "Yes M'sieur, that is always a problem, but please tell me whether you socialised with the gentlemen?" "Oui Mam'selle, as part of Eugenie's retinue we were always taking an active part in the more informal social activities and frequently called upon to participate in the more lighthearted side of court life, so we played games with the children, amusing our friends, chatting, dancing, and even flirting outrageously with the gentlemen just as far as common decency would permit and not just there to be taken out, dusted down, and put on show for the big state occasions!" "But we did travel extensively as part of Eugenie's retinue, including their Highnesses' state visit to England on the yacht Pelican, which started badly, since another ship carrying staff and luggage arrived late due to fog in the Channel, and Eugenie was waiting expectantly at Windsor with nothing to wear. Fortunately my sister and I had arrived a day early together with our luggage to familiarise ourselves with the surroundings and ensure their Highnesses safety during their three day stay in Windsor Castle." "Jeanette was slightly smaller than I, so she suggested Eugenie should wear one of her dresses for the state dinner that evening, and since Felix, her hairdresser was also absent, she would also dress the Empresses hair, an offer which was eagerly accepted without hesitation. After much feverish trying and discarding, it was quite a plain dress which they agreed upon, but although it looked wonderful on my sister, it was quite stunning on her Highness, but the piece de resistance was the dressing of her hair with the addition of some chrysanthemums taken from a flower vase on the bedside table." "The Queen, - Victoria was most impressed by her crowning glory and it was a fashion Eugenie adopted for a number of years thereafter, and featured in many of her portraits, while the two conspirators did seem to be enjoying a private joke over the affair for some time afterwards, which I assumed was because poor Felix did contemplate suicide as a result!" Charlotte looked thoughtful and then parried with another observation, " But obviously M'sieur, lovers of either sex were out of the question for either of you?" Another thorny question which Jacques was not expecting to be asked. "You are very forthright Mame'selle for one so young," "Yes M'sieur, remember I am supposed to be a writer!" He glanced at her face but she was giving nothing away. "My moral conduct in such circumstances was beyond reproach, although we both had several tempting offers of wedlock, which could have proved interesting to say the least! But my attention was focussed on serving my Empress even though I was aware that in the past she had many lovers, until family commitments appeared to curtail further ventures in this direction, and as far as I was aware, excepting the demands of Louis, she maintained a celibate lifestyle following the birth of her son, the Prince Imperial." Monsieur Peron suddenly stiffened and in undertones, huskily continued, "But how wrong- Mam'selle - I was proved to be." Although he didn't notice, his reply was greeted with a stony stare. 9 Blind jealousy brings its just desserts. The two were now sitting in semi-darkness as Monsieur's trembling fingers rooted inside his jacket for his fob-watch, and having glanced at the time he rose to leave. "Apologies, Mademoiselle, I have rambled on too long - tis almost dark already and I must go." As he picked up his hat, he noticed the gaslight reflected off his companion's tearstained complexion as she sat, trembling violently. He crouched down to her. "Are you ill my Dear? Shall I call a physician?" Her glazed eyes smiled at him weakly as she breathed in deeply to steady herself. "Thank you, Monsieur, but I am alright now and feeling much better," and she leaned forward and gripped his wrist, "And I must insist you finish your story." The strident ring to her voice struck a distant chord as Jacque straightened up again, and nervously cleared his throat, "So-be-it, but I must return to my lodgings first, and then perhaps we may meet again later - another day?" Charlotte was on her feet in a moment. "No, No, No, Monsieur Peron, I must accompany you." For a young woman to thrust herself upon a middle aged man in such a way and so late in the day gave Jacque some cause for concern. "But child, is that wise?" Her agitated state seemed to carry more meaning than Jacque could comprehend, as he shrugged his shoulders resignedly at her apparent impropriety. "Very well, then let us go," and arm in arm they returned to his Spartan apartments off the Bois de Bolougne, closely observed by two men in the shadows. Monsieur was greeted eagerly by his two spaniels and after they were fed, he and his charming companion settled down to a light snack washed down with a glass of Chablis and while they supped Charlotte pressed her host to continue with his story. His brows darkened perceptibly. "Hmm. since you insist Mademoiselle;" Hmm. yes,- my Brother and the Empress - it was nearly two years before I discovered the truth - shortly after the Winterhalter picture was painted. Eugenie had retired to bed early with a headache - accompanied by my Brother in his role as Lady Jeanette. It was half an hour later that news came through of insurrection in the Empress's birth place and since her Mama was in some danger, unannounced I went directly to Eugenie's bedchamber to make my report. Monsieur's voice trailed away as he turned his head aside and noisily blew his nose on a handkerchief. "Umm, pardon me my Dear" Umm. I - I burst in upon Eugenie and my Brother languishing in each others arms, their shifts carelessly thrown aside as they shamelessly sated their lust for each other and all thoughts of delivering my message evaporated as from the thin veil of Jeanette's raven curls Eugenie's guilty face stared back at me and I closed and locked the door behind me to prevent others becoming privy to this revolting scene. By now the gentleman was totally absorbed in reflecting on his own grief and was unaware of his companion's anguish, her slender frame heaving with emotion as the tale unfolded. ...My selfless devotion had been betrayed by my nearest and dearest, and any respect for the pair of them dissolved in a spontaneous feeling of envy and hatred. I returned to my quarters as fast as my skirts would permit me, wanting and wishing that it had been Napoleon who had burst in upon the pair so that I would have been rid of my brother forever, and I remained incommunicado for over two days, despite Count Alain's demands for me to continue my duties backed up by veiled threats for my future safety should the impasse continue. To my eternal shame and damnation my indisposition meant that my sister accompanied Louis and Eugenie to the opera alone, even though I was well aware that the Italians planned an attempt on the Emperor's life and thus it was she that foiled the attempt upon the lives of the royal couple by throwing himself in her voluminous skirts upon the grenade tossed from the crowd and although the reinforced cage of her crinoline contained the blast she was critically injured in the process while the bomber and his accomplice made their escape through the crowd. Monsieur had now turned his red-rimmed eyes upon his beautiful young guest and was perturbed to find she was trying to hide her obvious grief behind her fan. "Forgive me monsieur," she croaked, - "but your description is so vivid, please go on." Jacque frowned thoughtfully but took her tiny hand in his. "Certainly I will, Mademoiselle,- but it is very difficult for me - I have borne this tragedy inwardly for many a year, and you are the first to whom I have bared my very soul, so please excuse my emotional scars." Umm! Within the hour Count Alain was once again hammering at my door to tell me the terrible news, and that Jeanette was unlikely to survive the attack, so I rushed over to her bedchamber where her bloodied body lay, and although the upper part of her body was completely unmarked, the lower part of her clothing was completely cut to shreds and her stomach and sexual organs ripped away by the blast as she lay semi-conscious groaning with pain. Eugenie's doctor took me aside 'I have given your sister a cursory examination and made her as comfortable as possible but the lady's injuries are inoperable and there is little hope and she is unlikely to survive more than a day at most.' After the doctor had departed she came round sufficiently to look down at the gaping hole below her breasts and whispered 'It would seem sister, that without even trying, I have achieved our ultimate goal.' She smiled weakly at her little joke, then lapsed once more into semi-consciousness while I covered up her terrible injuries with a sheet in readiness for the stream of concerned visitors who called to pay their last respects, although I understand from Maria, one of the Ladies in Waiting, Eugenie was conspicuous by her absence although she did attend the funeral. With her life ebbing away my sister tried to whisper a confession of her long and torturous affair with the Eugenie, which had begun when she came to our passing out parade, when unbeknown to me the two lovers had spent their first night together, the first of many over the years, even risking the wrath of the Emperor, but I told her to desist - all was forgiven. 'Who did this to you, my Dear?' I asked myself aloud. I realised Jeanette had moved her head slightly, so I leant over her body and heard the faint whisper of two names, and since the priest, Count Alain and several others were within earshot, in order to make sure I had heard her correctly I wrote the names down, and with one glance at the paper she nodded her head with relief. 'Are you sure?' I asked again and she nodded more vigorously this time, so now I knew who I was seeking and possibly where to find them, but I had more pressing matters on my mind as I telegraphed Mama and my sisters to tell them the sad news before returning just in time to hear the priest conduct the last rites before leaving me to my lamentations. I was so distraught at my sister's earlier jest that armed with a bottle of Cointreau I rushed back to my room and having choked down as much of the sweet tasting liquid as I could stomach, attacked myself with my knife and had hacked away most of the surplus flesh before lapsing into unconsciousness through shock and loss of blood. But despite my attempted self mutilation I survived, and the surgeon was quite impressed by his efforts when my wounds had healed. 'What little remained of your manhood, Jacque, I was able to sew back up inside your abdominal wall, and although penetration is out of the question, at least you will be able to cavort in total freedom with the other ladies at Court without any more fear of discovery because Jacqueline is undoubtedly who you are from now on, and Jacqueline you will always be!' And he candidly suggested that in future , my amours with the gentlemen of the Court might be rather more adventurous than they were before! 10 Carnage at the 'Pink Peacock' My indisposition meant I missed my sister's funeral, so when I was fully recovered I began to plan my revenge, deciding to confront the guilty parties where they would expect to be most secure and at ease, which was at their club, close to the Arc de Triumph. I knew the gentleman's club I was visiting would rely upon non-members to provide the bulk of its non-solicited 'entertainment' so on the night I disguised myself as a male prostitute about to meet a client in order to infiltrate the 'Pink Peacock'. I still had some dated provincial dresses in my wardrobe, so with a cheap wig, a generous dusting of rouge, and brightly carmined lips, I was ready to do battle. I arrived at the chateau by horse-drawn cab at about midnight and with one hand resting on my loaded pistol, and the other holding the fan in which my knife was concealed, I sauntered unchallenged through the reception area, on past the revellers and into the ballroom. As well as a number of ladies of my like, there were also several ladies who were beautifully groomed and expensively gowned, and as far as I could tell, of both sexes, but there seemed to be a strict code dividing the two groups from each other, the same as in any other social gathering, and despite the gaslight being dimmed for the benefit of the dancers, my quarry were easily identified by the bar as they laughed and babbled away in Italian surrounded by their sycophants, but I abandoned my original idea to fall upon the pair there and then as my natural instinct for self preservation took over, settling instead for a more appropriate response and one for which I had come prepared. Down each side of the ballroom were a number of ante-chambers where the 'gentlemen' could amuse each other or their ladies if they so chose, and so I looked in a number