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Christmas Wish By Trish Shaw December 2000 Thank God for the end of term I exulted as I packed my briefcase in the quiet of the now empty staff room. "Going anywhere for the holidays John?" Mary Nags grinned at me as she walked in with her arms full of her class work. "Nope, nothing planned Mary." I said still feeling a little self-conscious around her even though I had 'owned' a classroom of my own for the last school year. It had definitely been a shock when I found out last Easter that my new head of department was none other than Mary Nags. My problem with her was that only five years earlier she had been my class teacher and I never would have dared address her so colloquially then. She may have only been a 22-year-old probationer fresh from university at the time, but by God she ruled her classroom with a rod of iron. The teacher/pupil relationship is a strange one and the habits ingrained into me during the two years as her pupil were hard to lose. Especially when you take in to account that at the time? Just about every other sixteen boy, at the school had fancied her like mad! "Me neither." She grumbled giving me a speculative look. "Where are you living? Still in a grotty student bed-sit?" Blushing faintly I nodded. "Yes, but now I've got most of my debts paid off I'm looking for something a little better." Laughing at my expression she said. "Isn't it your birthday next week?" "Yeah." I nodded. "Tuesday. I'm surprised you remembered." Her eyes danced with amusement as she smiled and said. "Want to come round to my flat for dinner? I hate to think of you alone in a bed-sit on your birthday." Her eyes suddenly glittered, "And I want to know why you have been avoiding me socially, at staff get-together nights and the like?" I blushed even more brightly before admitting. "I guess in my mind you're still my teacher, and I don't feel that confident about addressing you as an equal." "And you fancied me... If I remember correctly?" She laughed. "Here's my address I'll see you anytime after six. My number's there too, give me a ring if you fancy going out for a beer over the weekend. What with getting a handle on the new job and everything, I've not found my feet down here socially yet." "Sure! I'd love to." I replied surprised at her offer. "If you're interested Kula Shaker are playing the university tomorrow night? I've got a spare ticket." Giving me a long speculative look she mulled over my question before smiling and saying. "I've nothing planned, meet you where?" "Do you now the union bar, on Walkworth Road?" "I can find it," and the deal was done. Wow what a night that was! I had a great time discovering that Mary was wonderful company, and totally different to the prim, proper person she appeared to be in school. I'm not much of a drinker but Mary was and being a fool I tried to keep up with her. By the end of the night I was nearly paralytic and even she was more than a bit merry, giggling as she told me that I should drink something less potent than pints of strong larger. Thank God she shepherded me in to a Taxi and even helped me into my rather dingy but immaculately clean and tidy bed-sit otherwise I never would have got home. Next morning when I got up with my head and guts on fire I saw a note written in her familiar hand and red pen. I'll bet you've got a bad head! Thanks for a lovely night John. See you Tuesday if not before. Mary. XX. Telling myself that I was never going to touch Stella Artios again I spent the rest of the day vegetating in front of the telly, watching crap. Having planned to spend the Monday house hunting I duly set out on a fruitless search for somewhere better to live. I was tempted to skip my Thi-Chi class but after a day of frustrations the physical and mental well being that the class always left me with was too appealing to miss. The following day, I was not quite sure how to approach my 'date' with my former teacher and agonised about what I should wear before plumping for the good old jeans and a check shirt. Feeling like a right bag of nerves and clutching a bottle of Hardie's Chardonnay I rang her doorbell at 6:15. "Come in, John. Happy birthday." She kissed me on the cheek, which rendered me momentarily speechless. "Here let me take that." She lifted the bottle from my unresisting hand. "Go and make your self comfy, I'll be back in two ticks. Drink?" "Please." I eventually spluttered still embarrassed by my reaction to her gentle kiss. Telling myself to calm down I took in her upscale ground floor flat. It was lovely, tastefully decorated and furnished in a way that echoed Mary herself. The room was smart and bright with telltale feminine touches here and there, the teddy bear on a shelf, a stuffed furry Bagpuss laid by the fire. "I like your house." I said with a hit of envy in my tone. "I like it too." Mary walked in and handed me a cool glass of sparkling wine before tucking her legs under herself and sitting opposite me. She was wearing a short flared black skirt, a pale blue hockey shirt, and on her bare feet were a pair of leather flip flops which highlighted her metallic yellow polished toenails. To my mind she looked incredibly sexy. "I've been meaning to ask for weeks." Her eyes glittered over her wineglass. "What happened to your lovely long brown hair? You really suited long hair, and after all the trouble you went through at school to keep it long, it surprised me to see you with it so short now." "Surprised my mum too! I did it because of peer pressure, at college." I grinned at her sheepishly. "I'm actually trying to grow it again but I had it all off, number two all over just before my final teaching practice." "Silly bugger!" "Yep, I hate my hair like this, I wish I'd never done it!" "Somehow I thought you might." She grinned and lifted a small wrapped parcel. "Here I got you a birthday pressy. Catch!" She lobbed the parcel into my lap. "Thanks Mary. I don't know what to say?" I said surprised and ripped open the wrapping to reveal a small blue velvet box. Flicking open the lid I saw a Celtic cross pendant and matching earrings. "I saw them the other day and recalled that you used to have a similar pendant." Mary laughed as I lifted the pendant from the box in amazement. "You shouldn't have. This is lovely. Thank you." I gushed. "Want me to fasten it for you?" Her face broke in to a wide grin as I eagerly accepted and handed her the necklace and turning away from her. Her hands felt electric as she brushed what little hair I had away from my collar and slipped the gold chain about my neck. "This really is lovely." I said examining the pendant now hanging about my neck. "Glad you like it!" She laughed confidently. "Pity my ears aren't pierced." I laughed lifting one of the earrings to my lobe before putting it back in the box and asking. "So why did you leave QE2? I thought you were settled in Preston, weren't you involved with Mr. Masters?" "For a while." She nodded, "But he was a little old for me." Giving me another sly grin she added. "Although I liked working at QE2 there was no chance of promotion and when I saw the head of department job advertised in the Times, I thought what the hell and applied for it." After a sip of wine she laughed. "My turn! Now tell me how did you land up here?" "I guess you know I went to Uni down here?" She nodded. "Well when I graduated I didn't want to move back North as I like it down here and Lindy Carter? Your predecessor was one of my college tutors. She pulled a string or two and got me an interview." I shrugged. "I got offered the job." "You seem to like teaching John," She said. "Have you got your notification of passing your probationary year yet?" "This morning in the post." I replied with a smile playing with the box containing the earrings. Bouncing upright she said. "Wonderful! Let's eat, I'm starving, the spaghetti should be ready by now." The food was fantastic and when I commented on it, she admitted that her parents had owned a hotel. For most of the meal we just chatted in a friendly lighthearted way. I telling her of my time at university and hearing about all the little school scandals at QE2 that she thought might interest me. The first bottle of wine evaporated and by the time we started on the second she was on about my once long hair again. "Want to know a guilty secret?" She giggled once we were comfortably ensconced on the settee back in the lounge. I nodded, feeling the effects of the wine. "I really envied your hair and I would have paid a fortune for such lovely thick hair." She said. "Sorry." I laughed, feeling a blush colouring my face, and self-consciously opened the box to look at my earrings again and escape her teasing eyes. Laughing she changed the subject and shocked me to the core by telling me an off colour joke! Burying my face in my wineglass to hide my discomfort I emptied it and set the glass on the low table in front of us. Her whole demeanour was so different to the strict and prim person I recalled. She grinned comfortably at my surprise and said in a teasing tone. "If you keep playing with your earrings you'll wear them out before you get a chance to wear them!" My face was just beginning to cool down and her comment set me blushing all over again. Relaxed she kicked off her flip-flops and poured me another wine. "Why didn't you get your ears pierced?" I admitted with an embarrassed laugh. "My dad would have killed me!" "Mr Davis (the head teacher) told me about your mum and dad, John." She said kindly. My mum and dad had died in a rail accident just before Christmas last year. "They were nice people and I always liked them." She added. "Yeah." I said shortly. I tried not to think about it, as losing them had been very painful. "Not being funny, mind if we change the subject? I still get a bit upset about if I dwell on it." "Oh God I am sorry." She said. I could tell from her tone that she meant it so I said more cheerfully. "Do you still have your bike?" (Just after she started at my old school she had all the boys lusting after her when she appeared one morning in skin-tight motorcycling leathers and riding a huge motorcycle.) "I've got a new one but it's at home for the winter." She laughed. My eyes must have given me away because she said with an amused little smile. "The bollocking I got when I came to school in my one piece leathers that time! Big mistake that... Still?" She laughed. "You lot were very attentive that day!" "Was I?" I laughed playing with the earrings again to hide my embarrassment once more. She let lose a peal of rude laughter. "Yes, you were. Actually I kind of liked it. Having 200 boys lusting after a girl gives her a nice feeling." Watching me carefully her eyes twinkling with amusement as I squirmed. Giggling she said in that firm teacher-ish tone that yanked me five years into the past: "If you don't stop playing with your pretty earrings? I'll make you wear them John!" "How? My ears aren't pierced." I muttered having to stop myself from adding the Miss Nags honorific. "Give me five minutes and they can be!" She laughed at the confusion on my face. "It's dead easy, my sister and I did each others years ago." Being a total coward I said. "It hurts?" "Not really." She said standing her eyes glittering with a challenge. "Come along and I'll show you?" "Oh? I thought you needed a special gun and the like." I muttered after a mouthful of wine. "Good heavens no." She said shaking her head and walking out. Only seconds later she was back in the doorway holding a yellow first aid pack and a bowl of ice. Confidently she eyed me up and said, "Come on, and don't forget your earrings." "But what about school?" I said anxiously standing and walking up to her. "Oh they'll be long healed by September." She said in a dismissive tone taking my hand and firmly pulling me into her untidy and very girlie bedroom. "Sit!" She said pointing at the dressing table and opening her first aid kit. "Give?" She held out her hand for the earrings and dropped them into a saucer full of pungent antiseptic lotion. Very unsure of this I did as I was told and watched as, with a strange look on her face, Mary laid out two sterile needles. Quickly followed by two wound wipes, which she opened and a tube of antiseptic cream. Snapping a pair of latex treatment gloves on to her hands Mary lifted an ice cube and said. "Hold still," pressing the ice cube to my right earlobe. It did not take very long before the cold numbed it and after cleaning the lobe with an antiseptic wipe she carefully opened one of the needles. Checking the needle she dipped it into the cream then said with a laugh. "Ready? Now don't move," and forced the needle though my ear lobe. I felt sure I heard a faint pop as she pierced my ear. Leaving the needle in place she repeated the operation on my left ear and stepped back with a 'damn it' look on her face. "Bugger! I've not got them level, the left is much higher than the right." "So, what does that mean for me?" I asked not liking the mischievous look in her eyes as she lifted two more needles from her first aid kit. "Well you can either, look a little silly with wonky earrings or let me balance you up with two more piercings." She tossed her hair to one side and laughed. "That's why I've got four in each ear." "Do whatever you think best Mary." I said trying to look relaxed and mellowed out. "Whatever I think eh?" She laughed. "I can think of lots of things to go with piercing your ears!" "Whatever." I said. Hoping she would not hear the tension in my voice. "I'm rather curious to see what they look like." "Two ticks? Let me find some studs, to pop in your upper holes." I should have got suspicious when she produced a pair of gold studs set with sapphire that were still in their box, but I didn't! Five minutes later I looked at my reflection. The weight of the crosses pulled seductively on my ears as I turned my head from side to side and the pale blue glint of the sapphire studs matched my eyes exactly. "Like them?" Mary laughed. "I think they make you look quite sexy! -Pity you don't still have your hair though." "Why?" I asked, tentatively touching the cold metal fixed in my earlobes. She ignored my question and smiled cryptically saying. "Perhaps you can have something like your old hair back? Here." Her eyes went distant as she handed me a wipe and motioned that I should clean my earlobes. Lost in thought Mary walked over to her wardrobe and began to root around inside, letting out a whoop of delight when she pulled a long brown wig from its depths she said holding it up. "I told you I was envious of your hair. Can I tempt you?" I laughed and attempted to say. "Go on then." The look on her face was one of total delight when she heard me. "Turn around from the mirror. I want to surprise you." Obligingly I turned away from the mirror and sat as still as I could. Laughing all the time Mary quickly brushed my own hair back and commenting that I should use a little moisturiser on my skin, she positioned the wig on my head. "No much longer." She laughed quickly brushing the long hair into place, the delighted look still in her eyes. I could feel her doing something else as she kept pricking my head with the back of her comb as she fussed with the wig. "Wow you look really cute!" She laughed stepping back and examining my appearance more carefully. "The style's somewhat different to how you had it, but it really does suit you." Her eyes sparkled as she laughed. "Go on take a look." When I had my hair long it had no style other than being long and I didn't understand the comment until I faced the mirror and gasped. The wig was cut in a very feminine layered style that framed my face in a mass of wavy brown curls. "Jesus, I look like a girl!" "With a bit of makeup and a change of clothes? You'd be quite a pretty one." Mary grinned and suddenly kissed me smack on the lips. I felt my mind turn to mush as her lipstick covered lips pressed eagerly on to mine. Eventually she broke the kiss and laughed. "Come on let's go and have some more wine." Feeling strangely comfortable in the wig I followed her out without commenting on its continued presence or the faint taste of her lipstick on my lips. Giving me an approving nod Mary asked as she filled our glasses. "Didn't you play Rebecca Valentine in that school play one year?" "Yes." I replied blushing again. "I got the role because of my hair. That Mr Masters was a real bastard about my hair. Now what was it he said?" I cast my mind back and recalled the moment. "None of us would volunteer to play Rebecca, so he told me in front of my whole class." I mimicked my former teacher's tone. "'Since Jones here has his hair long like a girl he can play the girl!'" "He's a wanker!" Mary spat. "I went out with him for a while and he really messed me around." She grinned brightly. "You do mimic him well though, who else can you do?" "From school? Let me see." I have always had a knack of verbally mimicking people and I started with her. "You." I laughed saying in her distinctive posh Merseyside accent. "Class settle down otherwise you will all regret it! Do I make my self clear gentlemen?" "I don't sound like that do I?" She looked at me in amazement. "Sort of, I have to emphasise your accent to hide the pitch of my voice. But yeah sort of like that." For the next five minutes I swapped from voice to voice explaining how I was able to alter the tension in my throat. To finish I did our school secretary. "It's one of the reasons dear, why I opted for drama as one of my supporting modules on my PGCE." Before laughing in my own voice. "I don't know why people think it's out of the ordinary. I've always been able to do it!" "Can you still do the voice you used for Rebecca John?" I looked at her and hummed in the back of my throat finding the pitch and then said. "Oh yes!" Almost finding the educated accent, which I had used, for the role. I hummed again in my throat and said, getting it right this time. "I've not done this in years?" I started to find the character and tossed my hair from my face. "Is this the one you mean?" "Yes!" She laughed. "That's the one, how long can you hold it for?" "Dunno?" I said reverting to my own voice again. "As long as I have to I suppose. I've never really thought about it, why?" "Just curious." Mary grinned. "It goes so well with your hair." "Does it dahling?" I said reverting to Rebecca's voice. "Yes!" she said and kissed me again. Giggling. "Rebecca." I was shaking all over when she lifted her lips from mine. Not quite able to keep up with my former teacher giving me all the indications that she was trying to seduce me. I was already beginning to feel the effects of the wine we had drunk and combined with Mary's come on behaviour I was blasted! "More wine!" She laughed and filled the glass that I don't remember emptying. Jerking me in to the present she laughed. "How do you like you like the look of your hair and ears?" "Scary and nice at the same time." I mumbled wishing she would kiss me again. Laughing she said." You're far too pretty to be a boy, you know?" "Am I?" I was surprised by the hunger in her tone. "Oh yes, a total waste!" she laughed again. "You look much more suitable as a Rebecca." "I do?" She had lost me. "Yes." She grinned and kissed me again. As she lifted her lips from mine she looked deeply into my eyes and said with that hungry look. "And would Rebecca like to stay the night?" "Rebecca, would love to." Mary giggled seductively but cautioned me. "The invite's for Rebecca, not John." "Oh I think he's just left." I laughed altering my voice and playing along with her. Abruptly she stood and took my hand. "Shall we find something a little more suitable for Rebecca?" My agreement was instantaneous and with that delighted laugh I was getting to love. Mary led me back into her bedroom and in a giggling but firm tone told me to undress. Suddenly embarrassed I looked at blankly. "No need to be shy Becca we're all girls here." Mary laughed and pulled off her top revealing her small but perfectly formed breasts. "See!" My dormant cock went rigid in my jeans as she displayed her boobs to me. "You like Becca?" "God yes!" I said in astonishment as she slid her skirt and her knickers down her legs. Proudly naked in front of me she giggled. "Would you like a body like mine Becca?" "God yes!" I repeated myself as I hurriedly tugged at my clothing. "If you do then all this will have to go." She ran her hand over the hair on my arms before turning away and opening a drawer. Not realising fully what she had in mind I said eagerly. "Please do whatever you want Mary." Lifting a lady shave with a flourish she gracefully swayed up to me and ran her free hand on to my throbbing cock. "But I'll let you keep this." I nearly came there and then. Jesus Christ and all his angels, this was like one of my schoolboy wet dreams come to life! Mary must have known what she was doing to me when she switched on the shaver and began to run it's vibrating heads up and down my legs and body. Leaving no part of me unshaven from the neck down even to the point of trimming my pubic hair to match her small triangle of fluff. Splattering my body with a sweet scented lotion she paid particular attention to my groin before letting out a nasty laugh and holding up ice cube. "Calm down Becca, not yet honey!" Taking the ice cube she giggled and pressed it against the base of my shaft shrinking it almost immediately. "Ow shit!" I breathed in shock as I felt my testicles hit my kidneys! Catching my breath I whispered. "What did you do that for?" Dancing away with her breasts hypnotically bouncing about Mary laughed. "Just a little pain before the pleasure and as I don't need it yet? Best to hide it away." Tossing rejected garments on to her bed Mary winnowed through her wardrobe like a woman possessed until she cried. "A ha!" Spinning towards me and holding up a pair of little dresses she laughed. "See your self in the red or black Becca?" I blushed and stuttered. "You choose. It's your idea Mary." "You can have the LBD then." She crookedly looked at me and said. "You don't mind playing do you Rebecca?" That stopped me in my tracks! So far this evening she had been like a steamroller pushing me and now she was asking me what I felt? 'Well?' I told myself. 'What do you think?' I don't know what she must have thought, as I stood there, silent and still considering my emotional state. I had never considered wearing women's clothes before unless you took my stage role as a heroine in a play at an all boys' school into consideration. I felt a little embarrassed of course but in the main my mental state was one of frustrated sexual longing and curiosity about how good a woman would I make now? Even though I could still remember the misery of all the taunting that I took because of how successful I had been in my role as Rebecca. And how the misery had been counter balanced by how pleased I had felt when I read the local paper reviewers, raving about my performance and the clapping and cheering of the audience. I heard Mary ask. "What's up?" But I ignored her. My mind suddenly filling with my mother's flushed and delighted expression when I came off the stage on the opening night. Her voice was in my ears and from the past I clearly heard her tell me once again. "I always wanted a daughter love." "John? Hello?" Mary's voice this time shattered my memories and I looked about me in surprise. "Oh God? Mary sorry, for a moment then I heard my mum..." I shook my head again clearly seeing my mother's approval. "What was she saying?" Mary asked in a kind but curious tone reluctantly tossing the dresses on the bed. Obviously thinking she had upset me. I laughed lightly and said back in Rebecca's voice. "That she always wanted a daughter." Strangely the pain I usually felt when I talked about my parents was absent and I added quite happily reminiscing. "She took loads of photographs that night and..." "Why?" Mary asked carefully. I laughed aloud in my own voice. "I think she preferred the ones of Rebecca to the ones of me!" Mary laughed and said lightly. "I feel that your mother and I had more in common than I thought!" In Rebecca's voice I said. "Well shall we show her what the adult version would have looked like?" "Yippee!" Mary giggled. "I've another secret to tell you, one of the reasons why I took the job here was seeing your name down as a probationary teacher in the departments roster. I've always wondered what happened to you? You were one of my few star pupils and..." She giggled lightly. "QE2 Boy's didn't produce that many university teacher training applicants so I kept an eye on your progress." That surprised me sending a 'warm' feeling of companionship through my body. "And?" She cackled in an inordinately naughty tone. "You make a lovely girl!" "So my mum said!" I laughed and said. "Well?" "Let's make her proud of Rebecca shall we?" "Do your best then." I laughed enjoying her naked form prancing about in front of me. Perceptively Mary asked as she absently sorted through a mass of lacy underwear. "Did your mother have another name in mind for you?" I shook my head. "She never said anything about it to me until after she saw me as Rebecca in the play." I laughed. "Although she often embarrassed the hell out of me when she'd had a sherry to many at Christmas. Wittering on about how nice it would be if Rebecca came to dinner sometime." "Play your cards the way you are playing them Becca and that's a distinct possibility." Mary chuckled and held up a pair of matching underwear sets. "What do you think?" "Black to match my dress?" Mary nodded and advanced towards me enjoying the moment as much as I was. Her nimble hands slipped the Suspender belt about my waist and clipped it shut. Laughing she said. "Hold out your arms please." I raised my arms and let her slide the black satin bra up to my chest. By the time the straps were over my shoulders and her hands were busy at my back, her lips were firmly fixed to mine and her tongue was trying to reach my lungs! Lifting her lips from mine when the bra's band was clipped she whispered. "Stockings," and pushed me beck on to her bed. Surrounded by the mass of rejected feminine garments I laid back and felt her tuck my right toe in to the fine stocking. The sensations my head received as she sensually rolled the stockings up my legs sent my semi-dormant cock pointing skywards again. "You like then?" she teased clipping the stocking tops on to the suspender belt. "Oh yes!" I whispered, wishing that I had plucked up the courage to wear stockings when I had been in the play rather than the itchy uncomfortable thick tights I had worn. Mary giggled and lifted a towel from the pot, which contained the mostly melted ice. "Brace yourself! You're not coming until I'm good and ready!" I did brace myself but still gasped. "SHHHIT!" When she pressed the freezing cold towel on to my eagerly rampant cock. If you've ever jumped in to very cold water you know the sensation! "There we are!" Mary laughed removing the towel. Drying and sprinkling my now shrivelled and frozen nub of a cock with talcum powder she tickled it ever so gently whispering. "That's little John asleep for a while." Briskly she pulled a pair of black lacy knickers up my legs and stuffed the cups of my bra with cotton wool before stepping back assessing my shape. "You could do with losing some of your waist Rebecca but you'll look all right in the dress." Her face crinkled in to an excited look. "Once I've done your face!" Makeup! Shit! I had hated the stuff in the play! "Sit down by the dressing table facing me." Mary absently commanded me as she went hunting though the cosmetics scattered about the room. Her tone was full of excitement and I thought, 'What the hell - let her.' Smiling tolerantly at my feminised reflection in the mirror before I turned to face her and sat down. The suspender straps felt a little uncomfortable pressing in to my bum but the feeling of the stockings on my legs more than made up for it! It felt like Genghis Kahn and his horde had descended over my eyebrows. When to my relief she put down the pair of tweezers with which she had attacked them giggling. "That's the eyebrows sorted," and started to rub my face with a strong astringent smelling lotion. "Cleanser." Mary informed me when she noticed my nostrils twitching. "It gets all the crap out of your skin." Putting down the cotton wool she had been using she lifted a bottle and said. "Toner!" Sitting back it felt very, very nice to have her pampering my face. The horrible feeling I had always associated with makeup was not there and I asked, as she carefully worked a foundation on to my skin. "This feels totally different to what I wore in the play. How come?" Laughing lightly she said. "That was stage makeup, this is cosmetic. Didn't you ever try any of your mother's as a child?" "Nope." I Replied, "Why should I?" "Not even when you were practising for the play?" "No." I laughed and said with a blush. "I didn't tell them I was playing a girl." "Ah!" She laughed and started to paint something on to my eyes. "Wanted to surprise them?" "Nope. Too chicken." I admitted which made her laugh. Still chuckling she spent what felt like an age on my eye makeup. It was more to fill the silence as she worked, than in any real interest. I simply asked what the difference between stage makeup and cosmetics was. "Density." She answered before launching in to an explanation, of why ordinary make up would just fall off my face if I were under the hot stage lighting. Waving a mascara wand around my face she told me. "That's why it felt like a plaster cast on your face. That's much better." She commented dryly. "Than those awful false eyelashes." The large brush she used to colour my cheeks tickled when she brushed it over my skin. Mary had her tongue stuck comically out of the side of her mouth. Blusher completed she lifted a pot of colour and pencil. "Liner first." Taking the pencil I felt a pulling on my skin as she drew round my lips. It was a very odd sensation, which was compounded when she lifted a much smaller brush and painted my lips dipping the brush in to the colour at regular intervals. "Almost done Becca, just another coat of mascara and lip colour, a dash of powder and you're done." She wasted no time in repeating my eyes and lips before with another large soft brush she powdered my face. "Oh, almost forgot!" Mary lifted a tiny bottle and worked the stopper free. The scent reached my nose even before she finished removing the stopper. "Pong!" With a happy aroused giggle she pressed the stopper against my neck just behind my ear. "So you smell as good as you're starting to look." She perfumed my ears, lower neck and wrists before holding up the black dress saying. "Let me help you in to this beauty. Hold up your arms." I held my arms up as she lifted the dress over my head. Telling me as she manoeuvred the dress over my head. "Mind you don't brush your face on the material Becca." Then it was over my head and sliding down my body. Fussing Mary pulled the skirt down and shifted the soft shiny black fabric about my back before she started to pull the zip up. Taking her time she worked the zip up to my neck. Pushing me back on to the stool again she quickly brushed and patted my hair in to place. Reaching over my shoulder she lifted something off her dressing table and slipped it over my head. Stepping back with a delighted expression on her face she indicated I should stand. Telling me excitedly. "I'm going to have to get you a pair of heels in the morning love, go on have a look?" Nodding and itching with curiosity I slowly turned to face the mirror enjoying my anticipation. The figure that came in to view only faintly resembled my normal appearance. "Bloody hell!" I said gobsmacked. Mary's scintillating laughter sounded in my ears as she said. "I'll take that as approval shall I?" My reflection, the girl in the mirror was slim and narrow hipped with shiny long brown hair held off her pretty, made up face, by a metallic silver headband. Once again I could see my mum smiling at me, as I stood amazed at the adult Rebecca. I felt a wave of gratitude go out to Mary as I stared at her. I could hear her moving around behind me. "'Scuse us," and lifted something from the table before I turned back to face her with a broad smile on my face saying simply. "I think my mum would have approved Mary. Thank you." Mary was half-dressed and in the process of making up her own face looked at me laughing. "Your welcome Rebecca. I've never been looked at before with quite the expression I just saw on your face a moment ago and I kind of liked it..." "Did Brian Davis tell you anything about the crash?" I asked with my eyes glittering with unshed tears. I smiled at her bleakly. "When the police phoned he was a real friend and drove me home to Preston." Surprised at my sudden shift of emotion Mary said in that kind friendly voice of hers I remembered so well from school. "No... Should he?" My voice was shaking as I recalled that awful evening. "My dad was killed outright but my mum was still alive when I got to the hospital." Mary moved towards me and took me in to her arms and whispered in to my ear. "This is obviously important to you. Carry on please." I gestured at the mirror half heatedly and croaked. "She hung on, only God knows how, until I got there?" The tears were now cascading down my cheeks and I felt Mary press a tissue against my tears. "I walked in and she reacted looking up at me. Her eyes were all dull and glazed and I had been told not to expect her to come round?" "But mum to the end was a fighter and she said, 'I still miss your hair.'" "Oh God Mary! She was wired to all these machines, barely conscious and she was trying to cheer me up?" My voice broke and I began to sob as I forced myself to tell Mary what happened that night. "When I took her hand? It was like she could go now, and as I stood there she started. But just before all the machines started buzzing and bleeping she looked up and said. "I always wanted a daughter?" I could feel my voice burning as I sobbed. "And then she died Mary." Mary did not comment she just squeezed me in a hug as I let loose all the emotional baggage I was still carrying in my mind in a flood of tears. Ever so slowly my sobs declined as my sense of loss slowly receded back in to my subconscious again. Eventually I lifted my head from Mary's shoulder and said shyly. "Sorry... All of a sudden my mum was looking at me in the mirror and she had a massive smile on her face..." "Don't be!" Mary said with a cheer up tease in her tone. "I think you needed to let that go." She saw that I did not understand her comment and said reaching in to my bra and taking out a cotton wool ball. "That was the first time you've had a proper cry about it wasn't it?" "Yeah." I muttered. She shook her head and smiled at me with a 'stupid bugger' in her eyes, which actually cheered me up, and I sniffed and said, "Perhaps you're right Mary... I don't know?" I laughed feeling a little more normal now. "You're the first person I've ever told about that." "Perhaps it was because, like your mum, I always wanted to have another look at Rebecca?" She giggled and said. "You've made a mess of your eyes love." Making faint tut- tut noises she repaired the damage my tears had done to my face. A little later once Mary was dressed and made up. We were back in the lounge and as she handed me hot cup of tea she said. In a strange strangled voice that sounded like she was sniffing back what sounded like tears of her own. "I set you up tonight John. I intended from the start to see you dressed as Rebecca by the end of tonight." Her tone wavered and then she said in a rush. "If I've upset you? I'm truly sorry. That was never my intention." The worried look that flickered in her eyes vanished when I laughed. Seeing it all falling into place in my mind now - how she had manipulated me from the start. "Don't be worried please Mary. I was upset yes, but not because of anything you did." My voice wavered again. "I should have at least offered her the chance to see me off the stage as Rebecca, but I didn't." "And your mother would not ask you. Want to know why?" Mary asked kindly. I nodded confused what was she talking about? "She phoned me up at the school about a week after the play. She was very worried because you were taking a lot of teasing over playing a girl." "Oh yes!" I laughed, recalling the look on my mum's face when I had come home with a black eye. "After me and that Allen? Andrew Harris had a fight. She never did believe me that he looked worse than I did." "Yes, Rebecca." Mary laughed. "She thought the world of you -both as a boy and as a girl." Philosophically I shrugged. "Well there's nothing I can do to change the past, but I know she would have loved seeing me like this." And that dear friends is why this Christmas it will be Rebecca who visits her parents grave. Leaving a small bouquet of flower's and a photograph. A photograph that Mary took of Rebecca the day after that first night. On it I've written. I miss you mum. Love you, your daughter, Rebecca. And I know that when Mary and I go to her very understanding mothers for Christmas dinner, somewhere my mum will be drinking too much sherry and wittering on about her lovely girl! The End Copyright Trish Shaw 2000 [email protected]