The New Job
By Kelly Ann Rogers
This is a story about becoming. It's also a story about learning
how to love, both yourself and others. As our heroine progresses
through the most tumultuous year of her life, she must deal with
a variety of challenges, some ageless and others thoroughly
modern. Some of theses challenges are mundane but real, others
are more unusual, difficult, and intense. As she deals with each
challenge, our heroine learns an important lesson, some about
being a woman and others but about being a person, a full-fledged
adult person who can stand up for herself and make her own way in
the world.
The characters are all fictional and if you believe you see any
resemblance to you or anyone you know, this is simply a
coincidence.
Although this is not a story about sex or one designed to set up
sex scenes for the sake of sex scenes, it is a story for adults
because it does contain scenes of explicit sexuality. There is no
gratuitous sex, violence, or sexual violence, and I believe each
of these scenes is an important part of the story and that they
help us to understand our main characters. Because this is the
story of a young T* girl discovering herself, there is sex
between people of the same and opposite sexes. This is therefore
X-rated. But because the sex is presented in what I hope is a
realistic, but necessary way, I don't believe it crosses to XXX.
Some of you with more sensitive sensibilities might disagree,
although in the end I hope you will agree that each scene
containing sex is an integral part of the story. Acknowledgments:
This story was first posted on Storysite between March and
November of 2001. If have edited it only to remove mistakes and
for clarity. The story is the same. Writing it was a year long
journey that I could never have pulled off by myself. So, I would
like to thank the people who helped me. To each of you named
below, thanks for your continued conversation, friendship, and
support. Writing is hard work, but being able to share that
effort with you made it more like a joy.
Specifically I'd like to start by thanking Elaine, to whom I owe
my deepest appreciation for being a wonderfully supportive and
insightful friend and editor. I would like thank Lesley, who
undertook the usually thankless task of proofreading much of this
very long story, and who I repeatedly undermined by going back
and rewriting parts she had already finished. Ellen Hayes and I
had a long-running discussion about writing and I would like to
thank her for helping me keep my eye on my target and finally
allowing me to bring the story to life, instead of making it a
parody. Vickie Tern read an early version of this story (and then
parts of a later one) and identified many of the discrepancies
and inconsistencies that drive readers crazy. More importantly,
however, she identified some of the key strong points so I could
build on them. Finally, I'd like to thank Dawn DeWinter, who
worked hard to help me understand what was important and what was
not in the early parts of the story. Thanks girls
Kelly Ann
----------------------------------------------------
Chapter I: In which our hero is discovered for what he is
Her hips bucked. She moaned several times. Then she clamped her
legs around my head so tightly that I was pulled off balance and
immobilized. When she went limp I fell to the floor, out of
breath. As I fell, I smacked my mouth on her bedside table. Blood
started to run into my mouth and I had to keep sucking and
licking to keep it from falling on the carpet.
When I caught my breath and looked up, she was staring at me with
a satisfied look on her face. From a distance, you might think
her features plain, in a Midwestern sort of way. But after
looking at her for a moment, you could see that she had a big
full mouth and large dark eyes that glistened out at you over
prominent cheek bones. Her hair was a glossy black, soft and
straight for several inches, with the ends permed into soft curls
that framed her face and neck and floated softly around her as
she moved her head. To me she looked like some kind of tigress
who knew she ruled over everything she surveyed. She carried
herself with the confidence of a soldier and her body was trim
and athletic. Taller than I, with taut muscles under the sleekest
layer of feminine body fat, she now threw a lean but curvy hip
into the air alluringly as she lay on her side. Her breasts were
not large and barely sagged at all from her small chest. I was
beginning to get lost in her when she spoke.
"You're hairless. Why?" It was a simple question, without any of
the derision or cruelty I expected. She reached down, took my
hand in hers, and pulled me up to my knees. Then she stared at my
crotch. "Roll onto your back and spread your legs," she said
calmly, her voice full of innocent curiosity. My prick was rigid,
bobbing from side to side as I moved. I kept sucking blood back
into my mouth. I was beginning to taste bad memories.
Though I expected her to humiliate me at any moment, she didn't.
"You've shaved your body and your pubic hair is shaped into a
sexy little triangle. I've never seen that on a man. I'll bet you
could wear a pair of high cut panties and not a hair would show."
Her eyes widened for a second as understanding flooded into her
face. "That's it, isn't it? You wear panties."
My breath was caught in my throat. The enormity of what had
happened to me in just one day simply overwhelmed me. I curled
myself up into a fetal position and tried not to sob. My soul was
torn apart. I felt totally defeated, angry, and helpless.
There was something about those feelings, combined with the taste
of blood that loosed a chaotic torrent of memories. Suddenly, I
was sitting in an alley, my legs splayed out in front of me and
my back propped against a filthy garbage can. My head was
exploding with pain, I was gasping for breath, and blood was
filling my mouth from the hole that had been punched through my
lower lip when my teeth had been driven through it. I was with
Ginny, my first real girlfriend. We had just been robbed and I
had been beaten to the ground. Ginny's face was flushed as she
yelled down at me from what seemed very far away. Her hands
jerked around in the air like a crazed puppeteer was controlling
them. "Why didn't you protect me?" she shouted. "Why didn't you
do something?"
I looked up at her in wonder. What was her problem? I was the one
who had been beaten. I was lying in garbage and my mouth was full
of blood because I had pushed her behind me to protect her.
Ginny's hands weren't even dirty and it was obvious she had no
intention of getting them bloody by even helping me get up. So I
sat there on the filthy pavement, impotent with rage and
humiliation. What was her problem? We had been jumped by three
guys. It wasn't my fault they took her purse. So what, she
probably has ten more anyway. How dare she blame me? I was the
one bleeding and in pain. I was the real victim here. Why was she
blaming me? Why couldn't she just shut up?
Her inane but poisonous accusations, "Why didn't you protect me?
Why didn't you do anything?" rocketed around inside my head. I
didn't need her yelling that at me as I sat trying to suck the
blood into my mouth so I wouldn't drip all over my carefully
aged, leather bomber jacket. I thought such a classic war hero
jacket made me look more like man, but how masculine can you look
if your tough-guy coat is covered with blood? But as I looked at
her, I began to understand. In a strange way, she was right. She
had been robbed. I hadn't been able to stop that from happening,
and I could feel the guilt boiling up inside me. Oh God, not
again, I knew guilt far to well. It had been my constant
companion since my eleventh birthday. That was the day I first
tasted blood. I don't know what it tastes like to other people,
but to me it is the taste of impotence, of abject failure.
I learned that lying on my side in a wrecked car, blood all over
me. My birthday had been the day before, and my father had
promised me a double scoop Baskin and Robbins Rocky Road ice
cream cone. But he had gotten drunk and passed out instead. He
was drinking today too, but he was always drinking; a few more
shots downed as quickly as they could be poured didn't mean
anything to me. Still, I had finally nagged him into taking me
out. I didn?t>t really understand what whiskey did to people,
except that sometimes it made him angry. And then I knew enough
to hide.
My father was fiddling with the radio and our car started to
drift left into the opposite lane at the same time another car
rounded the bend just ahead of us. I screamed and we abruptly
careened back to the right, and then the left, and then right
again. The brakes screeched for the longest time, bushes and
shrubs rushed passed us madly, and then there was a monstrous
crashing sound. I was thrown forward hard against my seat belt
and shoulder harness. Glass shattered all around me.
When I came to, I was lying on my side against the passenger side
door, still held by my seat belt. The side window had been
shattered and dirt and leaves were in my face. The car was on its
side.
"Please help me," my father whispered. I looked up. My father was
hanging above me, held up by his seat belt, the steering wheel,
which pinned his chest to the seat back, and the dashboard, which
was all the way up in his lap. He was bleeding so much that his
blood was spilling down onto me, and then into my mouth as I
gasped for breath. I could taste my father's blood.
I tried to get free to help him, but couldn't. The dashboard was
in my lap too and pinned me in place. Under the dashboard, my
legs throbbed, but the only movement I could make was to wiggle
my toes. I don't know how long we were trapped, but my father
begged me to help him for the longest time. "Brad, help me. Brad
please help me." He even got angry. "Goddamn it Brad why won't
you help your own father?"
Sometimes if I've had too much to drink, he comes back to haunt
me in my dreams. "Brad, why didn't you help me? Brad, why didn't
you help your own father?"
"Dad, I'm trapped, I can't get out. I'm trying as hard as I can,
but I can't move."
"Brad why won't you help me? Why won't you help me?"
"I'm trying to get free put I can't move my legs, they're stuck,
and they hurt." I desperately tried to get free to help him, but
I couldn't. I cried the whole time from pain and frustration and
a sense of failure. He cursed my weakness and reverted to his
favorite taunt, calling me a sissy. "If I had a real son instead
of a faggot sissy, he'd have gotten me out by now."
Finally, he fell silent. I had already stopped struggling to get
free; the pain in my legs had overwhelmed my awareness and I
simply lay whimpering in the now bloody leaves and mud that had
covered my head and puddled under my face.
By the time the rescue squad got to us he was dead and I was
completely covered by his blood. I remember thinking that he must
have no blood left in him. It was all on me. There was so much
blood the paramedics thought I was seriously injured as well and
frantically looked for my wounds. They were in a panic about
losing me. They made me think I was about to die. In a way I did.
The child in me died that day in my father's whiskey-soaked
blood.
That child might have been revived at the hospital by a caring
mother. She could have consoled the child and told him that his
father had broken both his legs and almost killed him because his
father was driving drunk. She might have told the child that a
skinny little 11 year old couldn't possibly drag a 220 pound man
from a wrecked car. She could have told him that no one could
have saved his father, because in truth, the rescue squad had
been called almost immediately and gotten there as soon as they
could. Instead, my mother arrived at the hospital drunk and out
of control, shouting her grief to everyone who crossed her path.
When she got to my room she turned on me and accused me of
killing my father. "If you hadn't forced him to go out to get you
a stupid ice cream cone this wouldn't have happened," she yelled.
"You killed him!" And she burst into tears. I still haven't been
able to rid myself of the guilt that was thrust upon me that day.
It wasn't just that I couldn't help my father; I had killed him.
In my mother's eyes I was to blame. My mother was so unforgiving
she never let me celebrate another childhood birthday. She either
ignored the day altogether or used the occasion to humiliate me.
Years later I finally understood, intellectually at least, that I
had not killed my father. He had killed himself by drinking and
then driving. He could just as easily have killed me or someone
else. But that particular combination of feelings, the
helplessness and frustration and rage that I felt while trapped
in that car blasted their way into my memory. Those feelings were
back now, fueling my tears. I can't always predict when these
dreadful memories will invade my consciousness, but I do know by
now that the taste of blood will almost surely summon them. And
here I was with blood filling my mouth, overwhelmed by feelings
of impotence and helplessness and anger. I started sobbing. I was
so distraught that I didn't even notice Cynthia lying there
watching, witness to my weakness.
***
Cynthia knew nothing of the boy or the man who couldn't protect
the people he loved. She must have assumed I was weeping from the
humiliations of the day. She moved back from the edge of the bed
and languidly turned onto her side again, staring down at me,
completely unaware of the tumult inside my heart. I'm not sure
what she saw, but I just knew it disgusted her. But she simply
reached up and turned off the lamp. "You can tell me about
yourself and then get dressed and go home or you can lie there on
the floor naked until you do. I've got all night."
For a while, there was nothing but the sound of my intermittent
sobs as I tried to compose myself. Finally I pulled myself
together enough to whisper, "What do you want to know? You've
uncovered all my secrets today. It's not just my body that's
naked now; it's my soul. Do me a favor, shoot me. My life might
as well be over anyway, the way things are going." Again, there
was a prolonged silence as I recovered a half step, from sobs to
ragged breathing. Then softly out of the darkness I heard, "I
used to like your soul. You used to be a sweet guy; you cared
about other people's feelings. Cute too ... smart, sweet, and
cute. A few of us had crushes on you."
I was stunned. She liked me? Others liked me? How could anyone?
"Then you started acting like an asshole. I still can't figure
out which one is the real you. The sweet guy who first came to
work in my office four years ago, or the total asshole who's been
working there for the last year. You've done stuff that makes Bob
Thornton look like a good boss."
Sweet, smart, cute? She couldn't have meant those as terms of
endearment. She was putting me down, right? After all, she just
compared me with Bob Thornton, that shit. He's the most
destructive man I've ever met. I never really understood the
meaning of psychopath until he was thrust into my life.
I couldn't take it. I started to sob again. "I'm so sorry. I'm an
asshole and I hate myself for it. I've treated you and everyone
else so badly. I just can't control myself. Thornton makes me so
angry and I feel so helpless because I can't do anything about
it."
Then, after another pause, "Keep talking."
I tried to take a deep breath, but a sob caught in my throat and
sparked a coughing jag. Even after I had gotten myself under
control I didn't know what to say. "I don't understand." I forced
out. "I don't know why I do it. It's ... it's comforting somehow.
No, that's not true, it's more than that, it's me. I've always
done it. My mother dressed me as Tinkerbell for a school play
when I was four or five. I loved it, I just loved it. I danced
and twirled and skipped around in my short, pink chiffon dress,
white tights, and white Maryjanes.
My mom had curled my hair, made up my face and painted my nails
silver. I was totally in love with my nails. Of course, after I
had gone on and on about how wonderful it was for a few days.
Both my parents made it clear to me that it was not okay to feel
like that. After that, I could never admit my feelings to anyone.
Then, when I got older, I started dressing in her clothes. When
she caught me, she dressed me herself to humiliate and punish me.
This went on through high school. Yet I loved that too. I had a
girlfriend in college who dressed me all the time. We even went
out clubbing together." "Are you gay?"
"N..N..No." I stammered, "I just like women's clothes ..... and
women. I like women a lot, that's why I came to work for Abigail
in an office full of women. Then she left and Thornton showed
up."
Another long silence was ended by her voice, "Get dressed and go
home. I need to think." She said it softly, but with finality. I
got up and left her room.
"If you're not at work tomorrow, the police will be the first to
know," she said it coldly, without compassion, but then added
more gently, "Go on; get out of here."
When I got home there was a message on my answering machine from
Cynthia. It was only two words, "Wear panties."
I couldn't sleep. I spent the hours after midnight trying to
figure out how I had gotten myself into this fucking mess. I had
never been real good at accepting responsibility for my own
actions. I was much more comfortable having others make decisions
for me. So I searched for someone to blame. Was it my parents?
Why not? They had done nothing but harm to me. I left home
emotionally scarred and psychologically screwed up. Or maybe it
was Cynthia? She didn't have to do this to me. She could have
been my ally against Thornton.
Yes, Thornton, my mind kept coming back to Bob Thornton. He had
been the bane of my existence since he first arrived in our
office 18 months ago when Abigail Harrison left to have a baby.
So I lay awake with Thornton plaguing my thoughts as I recalled
the events that led to the awful humiliations of this evening, to
the final shame of lying naked on Cynthia's floor, bawling like a
little girl as my freshly trimmed, femmy little triangle of pubic
hair made a joke of my erection. I had bared my soul to her and I
had no idea what she would now do with all that information.
I couldn't really blame Cynthia, I guess, even though it looked
like she would be the instrument of my imminent destruction. I
blamed Thornton for this happening at all. I now knew that I was
destined to be another in Thornton's long line of victims. Only
with me, Cynthia was to the instrument of destruction. He only
got to set the stage, I laughed bitterly. Thornton would be
really pissed if he knew he wouldn't get the chance to destroy me
himself. He so savored the pleasure of doing that personally. He
was a real hands-on manager.
***
"Melissa! Where the hell have you been? Get over here." I should
have buried my head back in my monitor, but I looked up as I
always did when I heard Bob Thornton yell at one of my hapless
office staff. This time it was Melissa Grant, a 28 year old
single mother, who was an administrative assistant in our office.
She was bright and capable, but working and taking care of her
child kept her on the run. Since she had divorced her abusive
husband, however, she had no choice. And lately, the child
support checks had become unreliable and she was under a lot of
pressure just to make ends meet.
None of that kept Thornton from beating up on her. He was on her
case all the time, especially if she was late or had to leave
early to care for her little girl. This morning she had called to
let us know that Carly was sick and the day care center wouldn't
accept her. So Melissa had to enlist her mother, and the time it
took to get all that straightened out made her late again. It was
just her bad luck that Thornton was in the office when she
arrived. I could see her shudder at the sound of his voice, but
she dutifully trudged over to him, knowing what was coming.
She tried to mollify him, hoping to avoid his wrath. "I'm sorry,
Mr. Thornton, but Carly was sick and I had to get my mother to
take care of her because the daycare center won't take sick
kids." Thornton could have cared less. He had already decided to
get rid of her, even though her work was excellent. There was
something strange about his attitude, we already knew he didn't
think much of women, but there was something about Melissa's
situation that really got to him. He and I had discussed it
privately just a week ago.
"Who do these women think they are," he had said to me. "First
they get rid of their husbands and then they expect men like us
to rescue them and coddle them at work." He was so smug I wanted
to puke. For him the workplace hadn't changed since 1960. "I'm
getting rid of her. She's a bad influence."
"But Bob," I tried to counter, "she's a good worker and her
husband abused her."
"I know her kind," he sneered, "I can just seeing her baiting him
until he doesn't have any choice but to get physical with her.
Women like that want to be roughed up. They love it." He snorted.
"And then they turn on their husbands and suck them dry."
What century was this guy from, I thought yet again. I had never
heard such Neanderthal attitudes before I met him. Still, I tried
to protect her. "But Bob, what good will getting rid of her do?
She does good work and think of all the time it will take to
train someone new. And then there's the unemployment compensation
we'll have to pay. It's just not worth it."
"I'm fed up with the bitch. If you weren't such a wimp, you would
be too. I don't think I'll ever be able to make a manager out of
you. You're too afraid of hurting people's feelings to put your
responsibilities to the company first."
What could I do? Now he'd made it my problem, just like every
other time I'd tried to intervene when he was dumping on one or
the other of us. Right then I knew Melissa didn't stand a chance,
and now I could see Thornton acting on his threat.
"I'm getting tired of your little problems, Ms. Grant. We have
work to do here and you're not pulling your weight. I've got my
eye on you. I know what you're up to." You arrived 20 minutes
late so you'll have to stay late to make it up."
"Yes sir," she sighed. At least Carly was with her mom tonight,
and she wouldn't have to face the wrath of the day care center,
and their extra fee, by retrieving Carly late.
I tried to intervene. I hated to see people humiliated in front
of the entire office just because Thornton enjoyed it.
"Come on Bob, Melissa knows what she has to do."
"Just shut up, Miller, this is none of your business. You've
already proven you haven't got the guts to take care of real
problems." He didn't even bother to turn around to look at me; he
just continued to glare at Melissa. Then he said to her "Get to
work." Once he had stalked out of the office, Melissa burst into
tears. Some of the other girls gathered round to comfort her. I
just sighed and went back to my office. Once again I had failed
to protect one of my friends and had been humiliated for trying.
Yes, there were lots of reasons to hate Thornton, but I hated him
most of all because of the way he treated people. He sucked up to
his superiors and clients, and shit down on the rest of us. We
were things to be manipulated towards his greater glory, and his
greater income. There was no evidence that he had any empathy for
other human beings. We were simply there to be used to make him
look good.
He tried never to give his superiors or clients bad news, even if
the bad news was the truth. He left that to people like Cynthia
and me. Yes, Cynthia. How ironic it was: the woman who was poised
to destroy me was on Thornton's shit list as well. For some
reason she seemed to escape the worst of his wrath, but no one in
the office was immune.
In return for our efforts, he gave us stingy bonuses and
cost-of-living raises, along with vague promises that if we kept
up the good work, we too would be "getting what we deserved" at
some unspecified future date.
But we could both count. It wasn't hard to calculate that Bob
Thornton couldn't live long enough to keep that phony pledge,
even if he had sold his soul to the devil. Yeah, Cynthia and I
can definitely count. We are both financial analysts.
Cynthia is really good at it; she's one of the best in the firm.
But I>m a wizard. I don't want to sound conceited, but everyone
agrees that I am amazing with numbers. I have always excelled at
math. For me, solving quadratic equations has always been as easy
as adding up a restaurant check. According to my mother, I had an
easier time learning calculus than learning to walk. In business
school I developed the knack for using my math skills to perform
magical feats with financial analyses. Spreadsheets aren't simply
rows and columns of numbers to me they are musical scores. I can
hear them sing. I see trends, flaws, and implications that are
invisible to most other people.
But more importantly, I've always been innovative in the way I
organized and used numbers. I even created three new analytical
approaches, which earned me large bonuses from the higher ups at
North State. With tools like these, we routinely waltz around our
competitors as if they were flat footed bumblers. We make even
more money as a result. Yes, I loved spreadsheets. I could hear
the music of the spheres in them.
With all that ability, you might think that I would have
progressed further by now. I certainly did. In fact, I had been
progressing quite well until Thornton arrived. I then discovered
what it's like when a dominant alpha male comes barging in to
your troop, and bellows that he has no tolerance at all for
anyone who might challenge him. He had no qualms about insulting
us, or making us look bad in public, or repeatedly undermining us
in front of each other at staff meetings. The consensus in the
office was that he probably pushed old ladies out of his way to
get to the front of the supermarket checkout line. And then he
expected them to apologize to him for being in his way in the
first place!
So, even though the way Thornton treated me hurt, when I saw how
badly he treated the people who worked for me, that hurt even
more. I couldn't protect them and this just proved to me (yet
again) how weak and ineffective I was. I did try for a while to
point out to him how his behavior was hurting people, and how
that couldn't possibly be to his benefit (figuring he would at
least understand his own self-interest), but he rebuffed me
easily. He just turned my argument back around on me, so that the
problem was mine, not his.
After awhile, I just gave up. Failing to be brave or assertive
enough to do anything about Thornton's behavior was a burning
symbol to me of my own inadequacies. I longed to take care of
others, but in reality, I needed them to take care of me. Because
I couldn't do anything directly about Thornton, I struck out at
him in the only way I could, through our books. That's how
Cynthia was able to trap me.
Chapter II: In which our hero is hooked
"Oh shit." I hadn't meant to say it out loud, I was just supposed
to think it in my head. But, I was so stunned by the material
laid out before me on my desk, that it just slipped out. Now I'd
blown it and the wide grin that appeared on Cynthia's face the
second she heard me just proved I was right. She knew she had me.
My pulse began to pound in my head, bile rose up in my throat,
and a feeling of dread began to overtake my entire consciousness.
Sweat started to drip from my armpits and I could feel my
camisole starting to stick to my skin.
I just love the feel of slinky lingerie against my skin. I wear
it almost every day. But when it gets wet, it's uncomfortable. It
gets clingy and soggy and just plain yucky. I guess that's why
most women wear cotton most of the time. It may not be as sexy,
but it's sure more practical. I even wear cotton when I'm
cleaning my apartment. But I never wore cotton to work. I mean
the whole point was to feel sleek and sexy, and cotton just
didn't do that for me. So now I was sitting at my desk with my
rayon tap pants stuck to the backs of my thighs and the matching
camisole clinging uncomfortably to the small of my back. And it
didn't look like things were going to get any more comfortable
for quite a while.
Arrayed on my desk was a set of spreadsheets and canceled checks
that revealed my entire scam. I had been writing out bogus
invoices from phony Internet companies for products and services
that were never supplied. The invoices got paid as a matter of
course, and I pocketed the proceeds. Well, I didn't exactly
pocket them. Instead, I was depositing them in bank accounts that
I had set up to launder the money I was fraudulently "liberating"
from my boss. I had set up one account for each of the women who
worked in our office. Getting money for me to spend was not my
goal, reducing Bob Thornton's income, and making sure our staff
got their rightful bonuses was.
Our company, North State financing is remarkably profitable. It
manages and finances large corporate takeovers, and as a Vice
President, Thornton pulled down big bucks like the other senior
execs. Bob was different though. The other VPs shared their
generous bonuses with their employees, keeping them quite happy
and productive. In my division, however, Thornton, kept it all
for himself. He ran the tightest division in the company. Our
expenses were always the lowest and his bonuses among the
largest. He ran big profit margins and kept the payroll small. He
traveled first class, but the rest of us went steerage. And he
never let anyone transfer out. The only way to leave Bob's
division was to leave the company altogether, and in my office at
least, many of us had been together for years. We had been like a
small family and didn't want to split up.
***
When I first arrived at North State, four years ago, I thought I
had found the nearest thing work could be to heaven. We had a
woman VP then, Abigail Harrison, and she was a peach. The whole
staff loved her and we all worked very effectively under her
nurturing hand. Our division was a top performer then too, and
she made lots of money, sharing it cheerfully when bonus time
came.
I was the last person she had hired and the only one with an MBA.
Based on credentials, I should have been the number two person in
the division, but I quickly discovered two things. First, I was
much happier being an analyst than managing an office, and,
second, the other analyst, Cynthia Morrison, already had the
office in the palm of her hand. Cynthia was at least as good with
people as I was with numbers. So while she marveled at the way I
could coax information from a balance sheet, I sat in clueless
wonder as she got other people to do things for her, and for me.
Cynthia was as attractive as she was effective, and she was very
effective at her job. Even though she was six years older than I,
we hit it off right away and worked well together. Unlike me, a
whiz kid straight out of school, Cynthia had worked her way up
and became a good analyst even though she "only" had a Bachelor's
degree. She had bucked male dominated hierarchies at virtually
every step of her life, but everyone knew that if it hadn't been
for Abigail, and one or two other senior women who acted as
mentors and protectors, the good old boys would never have
allowed her to become a senior analyst. All the other analysts
had MBAs, but not many were as good as Cynthia.
Compared to Cynthia I was a babe in the woods. I had no
experience in the world at all. I was not yet 17 when I entered
college, and after four years at North State, I was still only
26. Really, I felt like a helpless teenager with her, but she was
smart enough not to over play her obvious social superiority. In
retrospect, it was easy to see how much in charge of things she
really was, but because I mostly squirreled myself away with my
computer, I didn't understand that at the time.
My position had authority, but I didn't. Cynthia, by contrast,
had earned authority because of her strong personality and her
willingness to accept responsibility. I fostered friendly
relations with the rest of the office and they liked me, but they
would die for Cynthia. As a result, I was dependent on Cynthia to
get almost everything done. And she got it all done with apparent
ease. We were a good team.
But Cynthia was more than a teammate. I was deeply, almost
painfully, infatuated with her. She represented pretty much
everything I admired in a woman. She had looks, personality,
brains, and assertiveness. I didn't really know what she thought
about me, although it was clear that she liked me. I remember one
time when we hugged each other, warmly and without embarrassment,
while we congratulated each other after a particularly good job.
At that moment I felt very close to her and desperately wanted to
ask her for a date. But I was too timid, and rationalized my
timidity by saying that personal involvement might threaten our
professional relationship. So I hesitated. The moment was lost,
and I never got the courage to do it again. If I had to guess, I
would say she saw me as her little brother. She took pleasure in
seeing me do well, but that never translated into any kind of
intimacy. I was too in awe of her as a woman, and too insecure
with myself as a man to think about any other kind of
relationship, even though I longed for one.
After I had been there only 18 months, Abigail left to have a
baby and Bob Thornton arrived. Our happy little world began to
disintegrate. No one liked Bob Thornton, but everyone respected
him. His success allowed him to live the high life on the company
expense account, but he nailed me and his other underlings if we
even had a light beer at company expense while on forced travel.
"We must maintain fiscal responsibility," he gloated the last
time he cut my travel reimbursement to the bone. "The
shareholders demand it."
Well, within a year of his arrival, I quit doing my best as I
started to slip into a state of angry resentment. He expected us
to be on call 24/7 and gave us nothing in return. Then, we had a
particularly nasty staff meeting. He sent our youngest and
emotionally most vulnerable research assistant, Heather Wilkes,
home in tears when he reamed her out for making a mistake that he
had made.
"If you hadn't given me those figures, this wouldn't have
happened," he ranted.
How absurd. He asked for those figures specifically. She even
tried to tell him that he needed additional data. But he accused
her of making his mistake anyway.
"But Bob," I objected angrily, rising to my feet, "Heather didn't
force those numbers on you. She couldn't do that. None of us
could." "Shut up Miller! Your opinion isn't worth the hot air
that carries it out of your head. You've failed at every
management responsibility I've given you. You haven't earned the
right to an opinion."
As I was sitting down, feeling humiliated and shamed yet again,
Cynthia Morrison was rising to her feet. "Well I have," she
said." This is not Heather's fault. You were the one."
"Oh for God's sake," he blustered, fluttering his hands around
his head, clearly frustrated by her interruption. "None of you
ever want to take responsibility for anything. It's always my
fault. Well, you'll learn." He waved Heather out of the room and
ended the meeting a few minutes after that. Cynthia was the only
who could stand up to him, the only one he didn't try to
intimidate. Everyone knew that the senior women in the
organization were looking out for her, and Thornton apparently
decided that it wasn't worth bucking them to crush her like he
crushed the rest of us. It must be nice, I thought enviously, to
be protected by a guardian angel.
As my co-workers and I became increasingly demoralized under
Thornton's hand, my personal relationships with the rest of the
staff started to deteriorate. Frankly, I was pitiful. As I became
more depressed about myself and the way Thornton was treating me
and the others, I began to treat them just as badly as Thornton.
They certainly didn't deserve it, but I was just too immature to
know how to handle all the stress Thornton created. Even at 26, I
wasn't much more mature than your average high school
cheerleader.
So I hated my situation, I hated myself for being too cowardly to
deal with it or leave it, and I hated myself even more because of
the miserable way I was treating my co-workers. Like the guy who
gets home from his lousy job and yells at his wife and kicks the
dog, I let them have it whenever Bob treated me badly. Everyone
knew what was going on and they were pissed at me as much for my
cowardice as for my poor behavior.
I remember one particularly bad day in late December when
Thornton had us working like dogs on financial projections that
just didn't need to be done then. No one would need them until
well into the new year. We all figured he was doing this just to
punish us for having the bad luck to work for him. Late one
afternoon as we were getting ready to leave, I just lost it.
"Marci! What the hell is this?" I yelled at Marci Richardson. She
was a 30-something administrative assistant who always seemed a
lot smarter than her job title would suggest. "This is not what I
asked for. Can't anyone do anything right around here?" I was
really yelling now, behaving just like Thornton would have. "I
work my butt off and you can't collect a few sets of numbers so I
can use them?" "Excuse me, MR. Miller," she interrupted. "This is
how we always do it."
"So what? MS. Richardson." I returned her insult with one of my
own. We never used Ms. or Mr. around the office. "Who cares how
we always do it? You need to figure out the best way to do
things, not just do it any old way. What the hell do we pay you
for?" I could see in her face that she was getting really upset,
but I had lost control of myself. I kept after her. "Any 18 year
old twit right out of high school could have done it this way."
"Brad! What the hell is going on here?" It was Cynthia. She had
heard me shouting and came to investigate. She didn't like what
she found. "How dare you yell at someone in this office like
that. You just apologize.
"Apologize? You must be crazy. She takes hours to do something
that could have been done in half the time and then does it
wrong."
"If he had told me what he wanted, maybe I would have done it
differently. I'm not a mind reader you know." Now that Cynthia
was here, Marci wasn't going to back down. Worse, I now knew that
she was right. I hadn't told her exactly what I wanted. I was too
wrapped up in my own thoughts at the time and just assumed she
knew what I was thinking. But I wasn't backing down now either.
Without those figures, I was in for a long night. I stayed on the
attack. "Well, one of us is in for a long night and it's
certainly not going to be me," I insisted.
"Oh, grow up Brad," Cynthia cut in again.
"This has nothing to do with you, MS. Morrison. MS. Richardson
will get this job done," I turned to face her, "and then she can
go home, but she better get it done." Even though I was looking
right at Marci, I was talking to Cynthia. Marci's face was now a
mixture of anger and fear. Before anything else could happen, I
turned and walked into my office, slamming the door behind me.
Two days before the end of the year, when almost every office in
the building was virtually shut down, I had one of my staff
working late to produce something no one needed.
Stuff like this fueled a nasty downward spiral in my relationship
with Cynthia. She was angry for the way I treated her and let me
know it. She was even angrier for the way I treated the staff and
let me know that too. For my part, I was so ashamed of the way I
was behaving that I began to withdraw. I became more abrupt and
thoughtless in my dealings with her and everyone else. She got
even angrier, and so it continued.
I was sick about the whole situation and after awhile, I turned
my hatred on myself. I became ashamed of myself, and my shame
paralyzed me even further. Shame..., that's anger turned inward
isn't it? Too weak and immature to deal with the real sources of
my anger, I started to let my shame consume me. I was ashamed of
the way I let Thornton treat me, I was ashamed of the way I
treated Cynthia and our staff, and I was ashamed because I didn't
do anything about any of it.
Once upon a time, everyone in the office found me kind, pleasant,
and funny. The older women pampered me, the younger ones pursued
me. Some even caught me for awhile. People would actually smile
when I showed up. They asked me to do things with them. I had
been a source of comfort and confidence to them because they knew
I would never hurt them and that I would understand when they
were down. Now, no one wanted anything to do with me.
My only outlet, feeble as it was, was to embezzle money from
Bob's profits - his bonus was going down because of it. That's
why I did it and that's what I enjoyed most about it. I had even
set up the separate accounts with the office staff in mind. There
was one for each person except me. Thornton may not have been
giving them bonuses, but I was. Whenever one of the staff did a
particularly good job, I added some money to her account. Marcie
had gotten a particularly nice contribution after our little
altercation just before the new year.
But even stealing Thornton's money wasn't working the way I had
hoped. Sure, I liked the idea of shrinking his take home pay and
helping the women in the office, but the very fact that I had to
resort to such a passive form of resistance to Thornton's rule
just emphasized my own weakness.
***
"I knew it," Cynthia said triumphantly. "There's nothing on the
desk that ties you directly to those transactions, but you
admitted to them anyway."
She stood back, fists on her hips, shoulders back, pride
radiating from her face. I was such a jerk. She bluffed me
without saying a word, and I fell for it.
Now she was watching me the way a cat watches a mouse that has
wandered unaware into striking distance. Her head was slightly
cocked to one side and her attention was focused on me entirely.
I nearly melted from the intensity of her gaze.
"You're screwed, buster. Just wait till I tell Bob."
"You wouldn't!" I blurted out.
"He'll have the cops here so fast, you won't have time to pee."
Her laughter sounded like fine crystal shattering.
Shit! I can't get arrested today! I mean, I can't get arrested
any day, but certainly not today. A man just doesn't go to jail
wearing lingerie, and shaved all over. I'd been keeping myself
hairless for quite a while, and last night, just as I did every
few nights, I had shaved my legs, chest and underarms. Then I
spent an hour lounging in a warm bath filled with a deliciously
strawberry-scented oil. It felt just delightful, and my hairless
skin was soft and smooth. I was so infatuated with how I felt
that I had even shaved my pubic hair into a narrow triangle so it
wouldn't show under the French-cut panties I preferred on most
evenings. If I ended up in a cell tonight, I was going to be
screwed all right, literally, by every guy who was in there with
me. I would be the answer to their dreams.
"I'll cut you in," I whispered, without looking up.
"No way," she replied, without hesitating. "I'm not getting
involved in this penny-ante shit. I have more ambition than that.
And you're going to help me realize my goals. From now on, I own
you." I finally looked up. I needed to see her face. I needed to
see if she was for real. She was. Her glare never wavered,
instead, it nearly knocked the wind out of me. I cast my eyes
down quickly.
"What do you want? I'll do anything."
"That's good," she said, obviously pleased with me. "I like it
when you know to keep your eyes down, like a good little
submissive." "What?" I sat up straight and looked right into her
face.
"I don't think you want to challenge me, Bradley." Her eyes
narrowed and her voice had a hard edge. "Let's see," she went on
in a more teasing way. "What's the number for the 6th precinct?
Doesn't matter, 911, will do." She dropped a finely manicured
hand to the phone on the corner of my desk and started punching
in the numbers with one glistening, elegant nail.
"Hello, yes, I want to report.... I slammed my hand down on the
switch, cutting off the call.
"NO!!" I shouted.
She erupted with an anger I had never before seen from her.
"DON'T you ever say no to me again! You little bag of shit! I'm
in charge here from now on. Lower your eyes and apologize."
She started dialing again.
"I'm sorry ... Cynthia?..." I struggled to say the words. "I need
time to ... to learn."
"You certainly do!" she cut me off. "Figure this out fast. You
cross me and you go to prison. As little as you are (At barely
5'7" and a skinny 130, I was smaller than Bob Thornton. I think
that's one of the reasons he liked having me around), you will be
thanking the guys in your cell block for raping you before the
first day is over." I quailed. Did she know what I was wearing or
just insulting me because of my size? I could hardly defend
myself in a pillow fight. She was right. I would be getting it up
the ass by the first guy who decided he wanted me. And the next,
and the one after him too, and on down the line. Oh shit. I might
like to wear woman's clothing, but I had never wanted to be raped
by some big hairy man. I'd been there, sort of, but...
"Get out from behind that desk and get on your knees in front of
me."
I hesitated for just a moment.
"Now!" I jumped up and stumbled from behind my desk.
"Down, now!"
I fell to my knees and dropped my eyes to her feet. She was
wearing dark panty hose and black suede heels. They must have
been 3 inches. Despite my humiliating position, I started to
imagine how I would look in them. I seemed to spend much of my
day wondering how I would look in the clothes of one woman or
another. That didn't last long this time.
"Repeat after me!" She barked. "You are my Mistress. I will do
your bidding willingly. Your needs and pleasures are my life....
Your wish is my command."
Something deep inside my groin started to tingle. I didn't know
where this was going, but it was somewhere I had always wanted to
explore. I started to look up with wonder.
Smack! She slapped me across the face.
"Don't you dare look at me without permission."
I threw my eyes down so quickly I almost hurt my neck.
"Say it!" She hissed. "You are my Mistress. I will do your
bidding willingly. Your needs and pleasures are my life.... Your
wish is my command."
"YYyYyou are my Mistress. I..I will do your bidding. Your wish is
my c..c...command."
The room was absolutely still. My voice was barely a whisper. I
thought I would throw up. As I started to retch, Cynthia pushed
me over with her foot.
"You're pitiful."
She stalked out of the office and I got up after awhile and went
to the men's room to wash out my mouth and catch my breath. Just
as I got back to my desk, the intercom buzzed.
"Get out here," Cynthia commanded.
Her office was just down the hall from mine. It was part of what
had been a much larger office that had been divided up so two
people could have cramped, but private work areas. This was a
measure of the inequality in the office. She was senior to me in
experience, but my academic credentials, and no doubt my sex,
landed me the nicer office. I used to visit Cynthia frequently
because I just had to share some exciting finding with her. Her
door was always open to me or anyone else in the office. But over
the past year, as I had withdrawn, I rarely went out there.
Lately, I had kept my door closed instead of open. Most of the
staff had simply concluded that I was a stuck up, obnoxious
little twerp. So as I left my office and headed for Cynthia's
desk, I drew some curious stares from the administrative
assistants and secretaries. The hair on the back of my neck stood
up as I noticed them. I felt like I was in a fish bowl. I knocked
on Cynthia's door and stepped around the corner.
"What took you so long?" Contempt dripped from her voice. "Get me
a cup of coffee. You know how I like it don't you?"
"B..Black?" I queried. "No, you idiot. We've been working
together for four years and you still don't know how I like my
coffee? Well, you'll learn that, and lot's of other things I like
as well," she said leering at me in the strangest way. "One
cream, one half packet of Equal."
I turned for the coffee room to fetch Cynthia's coffee. The pot
was almost empty so I started to refill it. Then I realized that
I didn't really know where everything was. As I was looking
through the drawers, Marci Richardson came in.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
Startled, I turned around and stammered, "I..I'm l'm..looking for
the coffee filters. I was going to refill the pot."
Her eyes widened in amazement. "You..? You're going to refill the
coffeepot? You haven't touched it in.., in, I don' t know how
long." And then, even more sarcastically, "What's the matter,
don't you feel well?"
I blushed under her scrutiny. "Well, it was almost empty so I
thought..."
She snorted in derision. "Third drawer on the left. Make sure you
clean up the counter when you're done."
A few minutes later I was on my way back to Cynthia's desk and
all the secretaries stopped working and looked up. When I turned
into Cynthia's cubicle they broke out in giggles.
"Here you are Cynthia. I'm sorry it took so long, but I had to
make a new pot."
She eyed me suspiciously, tasted the coffee and turned her glare
on me. "Don't you ever keep my waiting so long again. And if you
ever call me Cynthia, or even refer to me that way to someone
else, you'll regret it. In the office I am Ms. Morrison. I can
see you have a lot to learn. Get out of here. I'll meet you in
your office at the end of the day. Don't you dare leave before I
get there."
The rest of the day dragged by as I alternatively hated myself,
got angry at Bob Thornton, and had horrible fantasies about what
jail might be like. Cynthia showed up at 5:15.
"Alright, your training starts tonight. Because I am your
mistress you will take care of me and my apartment. Go home,
shower, shave, change into a pair of black pants and a white
shirt, and be at my apartment at 7:00. Here's a shopping list and
my address. If you're not there on time, I'm calling the cops."
My mouth was still hanging open as she left, but I really had to
hurry if I was going to get to her place on time. At least I
would be able to change out of my lingerie. I shuddered to think
what might happen if she discovered I was a cross-dresser. I
would have to be very careful to hide that from now on.
Chapter III: In which our hero is subjugated
So I raced home, showered, shaved (my face, just my face),
changed, and raced to the market. I picked up the food and other
supplies she had listed as fast as I could, and on a hunch
grabbed a decent bottle of red wine. Then I remembered that
Cynthia adored Pouilly Fuissee. I put the first bottle back and
found the most expensive Pouilly Fuissee this market carried. It
was $35.00, but it would be stupid to insult Cynthia with a gift
that she might find cheap. I got to her apartment at 7:05. I rang
the downstairs buzzer and waited. No answer. I rang again and got
a sharp reply. "Who is it?
"It's me Ms. Morrison, I'm sorry I'm late. I went as fast as I
could. I brought you a present to make up for my failure. It's a
bottle of your favorite wine. It's chilled. I'd love to pour you
some. Please let me in?"
"Hmmmph... Get your sorry ass up here." She buzzed me in and I
took the small elevator to her fourth floor apartment. Her door
opened as soon as I appeared in front of it.
"Put that stuff in the kitchen. Pour me a glass of your pitiful
wine and get back here." I was back in less than three minutes.
Cynthia was sitting on her sofa still in her work clothes. I
stood in front of her and offered her the wine with an expectant
look on my face. "Down on your knees."
I knelt carefully, making sure not to spill the wine and then
lowered my eyes before I held the glass out once more. This time
she took it. I stayed on my knees, eyes studying her not so clean
carpet for many minutes.
"You're so very clever to bring me my favorite wine, from a good
vineyard too."
I started to look up, but managed to stop myself. "That's right,
you keep your eyes down when you are in the presence of your
Mistress unless she tells you otherwise." Cynthia finished her
glass of wine over the next few minutes and then handed me the
glass. "Now, go get me another glass of wine and then cook my
dinner. There's an apron in the kitchen. Wear it."
I went into the small kitchen area to cook while she showered.
Sure enough, there was a cute little white cotton apron lying on
the counter. I tied it around my waist and fussed with the bow,
trying to get it just right. Then I realized that if Cynthia
realized what I had done, it my reveal that I was familiar with
how to wear an apron. I quickly, though with some regret, pulled
out my knot and retied it carelessly. I cleaned up her small
dining area and set the table for two. When the preparations for
dinner were finished I called her. "Miss Morrison, dinner is
ready."
My eyes almost fell out of my head as she entered the room and I
gaped at her openly. She had changed into a stunning floor length
black nightgown with matching robe. The skirt was sheer and I
could easily see her panties and garter belt beneath it. The
bodice was very low cut and shirred in a way that gave me
glimpses of her breasts without ever leaving them fully exposed.
The black high heeled mules on her feet left her lovely polished
toenails to glisten in the lamp light as she walked.
As soon as she entered the living room she posed with one hand on
her hip and the other flat against her thigh. She eyed me
imperiously, but it took a moment for me to look down. I stood
frozen next the dining room table with my eyes on the floor. I
heard her move towards me and then her feet entered my line of
sight. "How dare you look at me!" I startled and then cringed
because she was shouting right in my ear.
"I'm sorry Miss Mor...." I stammered.
"That's Mistress to you," she shouted right in my face again.
"You may call me Miss Morrison at work, at all other times it's
Mistress, or Ma'am."
"Yes Mistress."
"Don't interrupt. From now on you have no life. You are going to
spend your time caring for me and meeting my needs. I have plans
for you. I'm going to get even with you for the way you have been
treating me and the other staff. And I'm going to use you to get
even with that little shit Thornton as well. It will be risky for
you, but that's not my problem; you're the embezzler. Now serve
me dinner." "Yes Mistress."
I pulled her chair out and helped her get settled at the table. I
brought a fresh salad, some crusty bread I had picked up after my
stop at the supermarket, and poured Pellegrino water.
After I served Cynthia, she looked up at me and asked, "Why are
there two place settings at this table?"
"I thought..."
"You don't think! Haven't you figured that out yet? Clear that
other place setting and go stand by the side of the table in case
I need anything while I eat."
I carried my dishes and flatware into the kitchen, chastened by
the way I was being treated. I stood there silently for a few
moments trying to understand what was going on. She was treating
my like a damn maid! That's why she had me wear an apron! God, if
she learned I like women's clothes, she'd probably have me in a
French maid's uniform by the weekend.
Then I heard Cynthia's fork clank on her plate and realized I had
better get back into the dining area. I went to my appointed
station and stood there silently while she ate, apparently
unaware of my existence.
As I watched her eat, I couldn't keep the image of myself in a
short, frilly French maid's uniform out of my mind. My
imagination embellished that enticing vision until I was fully
dressed in a black satin uniform with white petticoats that held
the skirt far out from my legs and showed prettily at the hem.
The bodice and short, puffed sleeves were trimmed in white lace
and I wore a bright white apron tied with a big bow at the back
and a cute little lacy cap pinned to my hair. I twitched slightly
where I stood trying to feel the garters that would be holding up
my sheer black stockings and I even imagined that my feet were
starting to hurt as I stood in my black three inch heels waiting
for my gorgeous mistress to summon me for my next task, perhaps
in her bedroom.
That little fantasy came to a crashing halt when Cynthia finished
her salad. Because I was so focused on what was in my mind, I
wasn't paying attention to her, and she let me know in no
uncertain terms what she would do to me if that happened again.
My face burning with embarrassment, I ran to bring the pasta I
had prepared for the main course, refilled her wine and water
glasses and returned to my station.
Standing with my hands folded in front of me and my eyes down, I
wanted to continue my enjoyable French maid fantasy, but couldn't
if I was going to avoid be chewed out by Cynthia yet again.
Instead, I grew angry about the way she was treating me. I felt
myself start to rebel, but then got scared about what might
happen if I defied her. I could just see myself on my hands and
knees in a prison cell somewhere thanking the six guys who had
just raped me and begging them to do it again real soon. Having
forced me to be their little whore, they were now laughing as
they forced me to thank them and beg them for more. I knew that
would last until I got AIDS and died a slow, lonely death in the
prison hospital.
No, I was going to do what ever it took to stay out of prison. I
had to play along with Cynthia, even if the humiliations she was
forcing upon me fed the fires of shame that already burned so
intensely in my heart. And despite my conscious revulsion at what
was happening to me, deep off in a corner of my psyche, I was
getting turned on by the humiliation, and dreaming about ways to
turn this into a sexual escapade.
"Clean up and then meet me in the living room. You may eat in the
kitchen, but you have to be finished with everything in 30
minutes." She moved to stand up and I rushed to pull her chair
back. As she stood, she turned, and gently stroked my cheek with
her hand. "That's sweet." And then she slapped me for the second
time. As I stumbled back, more in shock, than pain, she began to
shout at me. "Why have you been such an asshole for the last
year? You think a few courtesies now will get you out of this?
I'm so angry with you I could tear your eyes out!" And she
started to sob.
Again, I was clueless. What could possibly be going on in her
mind? Her moods had been so mercurial today that I was completely
lost. Angry one moment and in tears the next? I wanted to comfort
her, but was scared she would get even angrier. "Mistress?" I
mumbled, "I don't understand."
"Of course you don't, you dolt. You've never had a clue. Trying
to be friends with you is like having a relationship with a two
year old." She sobbed again and then said somewhat hopelessly,
"Just clean the kitchen and get back in here. I have things for
you to do." She spun her head away from me, turned on her
gorgeous heel and strode away.
My "Yes Mistress" was drowned out by the sounds of her heels
hammering the floor as she stalked to her bedroom. So I cleaned
the kitchen until it was spotless and hurried into the living
room. Cynthia wasn't there, "Mistress?" I called out.
"Get undressed, and then crawl into my bedroom," she replied. Oh
shit, I thought, this time keeping my lips sealed. This was
getting real weird. I was in big trouble now. I undressed slowly
trying to figure out what to do. How could I explain my lack of
body hair? She was sure to notice.
"Hurry up you asshole," she shouted from the other room. "If
you're not in here in one minute I'm calling the cops."
Despite my fear, I crawled as quickly as I could towards her
bedroom. I felt like a total fool, my penis and testicles
flapping back and forth as I crawled. When I got inside the
bedroom door I was startled to see her sitting on the edge of her
bed naked except for her garter belt, stockings, and heels. She
had her arms up, running her hands through her shiny black hair.
Her breasts were stunning, riding high on her chest, the nipples
turned slightly upwards. I looked down as quickly as I could, but
she had already seen me looking at her.
"Look at me." she demanded.
I looked up with both fear and lust in my heart. Naked, she was
just gorgeous. Her breasts weren't very large, but they were
beautifully shaped and jutted out from her chest like gravity
didn't exist. Her body had no spare fat on it, but was toned and
slightly muscular, with a small waist and gently curving hips. As
I looked down at her legs, I thought that her smoky black
stockings with their lacy tops and her high black heels were just
about the sexiest things I had ever seen.
She peered down at me haughtily for a second and then asked,
"Like what you see? Of course you do. What man wouldn't? Well,
enjoy the view, because for you, it's look but don't touch." I
realized instantly that she was purposely teasing me with her
fabulous body. If I did something aggressive, she would be sure
to call the cops. If I submitted to her, it would be a sure sign
of her dominance over me. I guess she wanted me to understand
that clearly.
She stared at me carefully for a moment, chuckled to herself, and
very carefully leaned back on the pillows she had stacked behind
her. She thrust her hips over the edge of the bed.
"My pussy needs some reverential attention. Start by sucking my
toes, lick your way up my legs and then give me the best head you
ever imagined."
I groaned without thinking.
"Oh, and don't you dare touch me with that thing." She poked my
hard-on dismissively with the toe of her shoe. "Now, get to
work." I had never sucked anyone's toes before, although I was
quite experienced inside a pussy, one of my tongue's favorite
places. That was another skill I had perfected in college.
"Get to work, I'm getting impatient."
So I bent down and carefully slipped the shoe off her right foot.
I nuzzled her instep with my cheek. I felt like such a fool,
pretending to adore her foot. Then I started to lick and suck
around Cynthia's stockinged foot. The feel of the nylons in my
mouth was really rather erotic, although they were kind of dry.
My cock really started to throb as I sucked her big toe into my
mouth. As I circled it with my lips, I couldn't help but notice
the bright red toenails that glistened under her smoky stocking.
I wondered how that color would look on me.
It was a good 15 minutes before I got anywhere near the tops of
her thighs and it wasn't until I put my lips on the bare skin
above her right stocking that I heard a sound out of her, and
then it was only a whispered gasp. I then worked fairly quickly
to get near the now glistening lips of her vagina. At least she
was excited. By now my mouth and tongue were aching from all the
effort I had put into licking and sucking just her legs and feet.
But I had a goal: to stay out of prison, and this was certainly
preferable to getting fucked up the ass by some hyped up serial
rapist.
As I moved up her soft, sweetly smelling thighs (she had
obviously perfumed herself after she showered) towards her
vagina, she began to become more active, and was now squirming
around as I started to stick my tongue into her pussy. After who
knows how long, I finally reached her clit. As I licked it for
the first time, she lifted her legs and clamped them around my
head.
I lost my balance and the full weight of my body forced my face
into her pussy.
"Hurry," she gasped, "you've teased me long enough. Bring me
off!" I did, and that's how I ended up with my head trap