Me And Sam Chapter 17 free porn video

Chapter 17 Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow? I awoke late on Sunday morning. Not a sound came from Mom's bedroom. I opened her door and peeked inside just to make sure everything was all right. She seemed lost to the world. I went back to my room and put on the clothes that I'd worn yesterday. It was time to mow the lawn. Thinking in some insane way that it might garner Sam's attention, I mowed the lawn using a different pattern yet again. I missed her more than my next breath. Nothing in this world was going to stop me from talking to her face to face this day. The lawn finished, I decided it was time for a shower and some fresh clothes. I stared at my visage in the mirror with my shower completed. The raccoon eyes were beginning to fade. I found myself wanting to put on full makeup and my new red skort, but I resisted the urge. I was going to be "John" if only for today. By the time I'd finished, it was closing in on 11:00 AM. I had no idea what time Mom had arrived home, but decided it was time she get up. I made my way downstairs and put on a pot of coffee. I'd never made coffee before, but the simplicity of the task bordered on the ludicrous. I filled Mom's favorite cup with the strong beverage, selected the cream and sugar, put everything assembled on a tray and marched purposefully to her room. "Good morning sleepy head," I announced myself as I entered. "Time to get up." Mom rolled over several times in bed groaning before acknowledging me. Her eyes met mine with a smile. "Just coffee, no breakfast?" she asked in a teasing voice. "If you want breakfast, you're going to have to come downstairs. What would you like?" "Hmmmm?" she thought aloud. "I'll have a western omelet, some bacon, and some fresh fruit," she said and began to giggle. "Consider it done. Breakfast will be ready in fifteen minutes. Just make sure that you are," I said before heading back downstairs. Mom arrived just as I was finishing up. I was glad to be able to perform this simple task for her. "More coffee madam?" I asked remembering the scene with my father just one week ago today. "Yes, kind sir," she said. "That would be wonderful." I poured her coffee and served up her food. What remained was more than enough for me. "Did you have a good time last night?" we both asked each other simultaneously and burst out laughing. I went first. "I went to the boardwalk. The sounds and the sights lifted my spirits. And then there was Sally," I added mysteriously. She giggled at my attempt at worldly behavior. "And how was your evening Mom?" I asked her directly. "Your Aunt Alice and I went out to a club," she said without including any further details. "And, did you have a good time?" I asked her. I wasn't sure which answer would make me happy. If she'd had a good time, it seemed it would have a negative effect on my life somehow. If she didn't have a good time, I reasoned that things would continue to spiral downward. "To be honest, it was better than I expected," she said at last. It may sound insane but her inability to provide a definite answer was probably the best news she could have given me. Breakfast finished, I cleaned up and put everything away. Mom sat there with her third cup of coffee and a cigarette while I performed my chores. "Mom?" I asked her. "I'm not sure how to say this, but I didn't get my allowance yesterday." "It seems you said it well enough," she replied. "Do you need the money right now?" she asked with mock sincerity. "No, that's ok. I just didn't want you to forget about it." She laughed and told me to go and get her purse. I really didn't need the money at the moment, but I didn't want to have to ask her again. I went and got her purse. "Now let's see," she said opening her wallet. "That's twenty dollars minus the cost of last night's dinner plus my labor for doing your laundry. I believe you owe me about $15.00," she said at last. I stood there staring at her slack jawed. She burst into a fit of giggles and handed me my money. The way Mom had been acting lately, anything was possible. I'd have to be careful with my cash reserves just to be on the safe side. It was just after noon and I'd made up my mind to see Sam today come hell or high water and that's what I was going to do. I had no clue as to what I was going to say to her when I finally got her attention. Still, this had gone on long enough. I honestly had no real reason to feel happy, but somehow I did. Sadly however, the feeling didn't last. The more I thought about Sam, the more I realized that I didn't know what to say to her. How many times was she going to tell me she loved me and then betray me before I'd finally get the message? The day was another hot one. It finally felt like summer was here to stay. I grabbed a pair of cut-offs and a clean tee shirt. I considered for a moment how funny it would be if I wore pantyhose with my chosen outfit. It was then that I remembered my shaved legs. Oh well, they go good with my pink fingernails, I thought and began laughing. I put my room back in order paying special attention to Jola as I placed her safely atop my pillow. It struck me as odd the way I'd become attached to that stuffed toy, but I was determined not to worry about it. As I'd done last night, I pulled my hair over my pierced lobes. My heart began to pound as I ran out of things to do in my room. I knew that if I was going to see Sam, I'd have to simply bite the bullet and do it. I made my way downstairs and went into the kitchen to tell Mom of my plans. She was still sitting there. I wished I knew how I could help her. Would there come a point where I could safely ask her about Dad? Why hadn't he contacted me? It felt like everyone in my life was abandoning me. I decided that if I hadn't heard from him by Wednesday, I was going to call him at work. "Mom, I'm going to go over to Sam's for a bit," I told her. I regretted saying it as soon as I had done so. What if she wasn't home or didn't want to talk to me? Then I'd have to explain to Mom why not and what was going on. "Are you sure you want to do that John?" Did she know something that I didn't? "What do you mean Mom?" "Well, just a few days ago she nearly beat you to death," Mom said exaggerating the scene severely. "Any other reasons?" I asked. She seemed genuinely confused by my question. I reasoned that she didn't know anything more than I did and with that, I bade her farewell. Sam arrived at my front door just as I was making my exit. She was carrying teddy in her left hand. If teddy could talk I'm sure he'd be screaming in agony from being carried in that fashion. I hadn't realized how angry I was with her till this very moment. I almost found myself telling her to go away when she asked me if I'd go for a walk with her. "You'd better put your teddy bear away first," she said and handed him to me. I ran up the stairs clutching the bear to my breast. I wasn't sure if I had the strength to go back down again. Time seemed to stand still. At length Sam shouted up the stairs "John, are you coming?" I gritted my teeth and went back down. "Let's go," I said pushing her out of the way as I made my exit. She followed meekly. We began walking towards the boardwalk. Anyone seeing us would think we were staring in a new Hollywood film: "Glum and Glummer". For the first time in a long time, I had no desire to hold her hand. She reached out for mine, but I withdrew them protectively. It wasn't going to be that easy. As relationships went, I found myself wondering whether there was anything left to save. How did we wind up here, I wondered? "Are you going to talk to me?" she asked. "I honestly don't know what to say, Sam." We walked on silently for a while before she added, "Well, do you want to be my friend, or don't you?" One day I was the love of her life and now she was asking me if I wanted to be her friend. I carefully considered what I was going to say before saying it. "Not if you're going to treat me the way that you have these past few weeks." We continued walking. It almost seemed as though our walk was purposeful. Two angry and sad teens on their way to a definite destination. "John, I'm sorry." It seemed to me that I'd heard this song before. "That's what you said last time, Sam," I informed her. I needed to feel the ocean. It somehow called to me. I made my way to the ramp leading down to the beach. Sam followed me yet again. The warm wind whipped the hair around my face. The soft salt spray assaulted my senses. Sam twisted me around to face her. Before I realized it, I was screaming at her, "What, are you going to hit me again?" Her body crumpled to the sand and she wailed as if she'd lost her only child. I couldn't bear to see her in such agony. I sat down next to her and let her cry. "How could you?" she asked me between sobs. Now I was getting curious. "How could I what?" "How could you make plans to go to 'her' party when I wanted you to be with me?" she said as the tears continued to flow. So, she'd known what my "other plans" were it seemed. "Sarah made sure to let me know that you were going to Darla's party," she screamed. My good friend Sarah. I should have known. "Sam, did you ever stop to consider that I'd have told Billy I had other plans even if those plans were to stay home and pop my pimples?" Apparently she hadn't as she continued crying. Still, I felt guilty. Sam was right in the first place. I did have other plans and those plans were to attend Darla's party. "You went to her party though, didn't you Joan?" "I may have, but that's not the point." "Isn't it?" I sat there silently. Through all of this I thought I'd had "right" on my side. Now I felt totally worthless and unworthy of anyone's friendship. "You should know," she said at length, "there are pictures of you dancing in a skirt on Sarah's home page. I didn't believe my eyes at first, but the more I looked at those pictures I realized it had to be you. You see, Sarah called me yesterday afternoon and suggested I take a look at her page." "Hang on a second Sam. On Wednesday you more or less told me you didn't want anything to do with me. On Thursday you beat the hell out of me and now I stand accused. Of what? Of having a life? It seems to me that whenever anything happens you're always siding with others over me. Somehow, I don't think lovers treat each other that way. Was I simply supposed to stay home and pick my pimples while you went to Billy's party on Friday night?" It's funny, for a while there I suffered a brain freeze and almost bought into her explanation of events. "The way I see things," I went on, "you went out of your way to push Darla and me together." "And how did that work out for you?" she asked with more than a trace of sarcasm in her voice. It seemed that Sarah had proclaimed her victory there as well. "It worked out fine Sam." Part of me felt that it had. Can't explain it, but for some reason I wasn't even upset with Darla. Sam looked me in the eyes and for a moment I thought she was going to hit me again. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I really had a wonderful time at her party. I've never been to a sleep over before and the girls with one glaring exception were terrific. How was Billy's party?" I asked her really wanting to know. She laughed as if I'd asked the stupidest question possible. "It was a disaster, is that what you wanted to hear? There were five boys and three girls and all they wanted to do was play spin the bottle. The highlight of the evening was when I spun the bottle and it landed on Maria. Her kiss was quite exquisite." She began laughing and I laughed with her. I'm still not sure if it was joyous laughter or something darker. "Where do we go from here?" I asked her. She looked about in every direction and said, "What's wrong with here?" I punched her arm playfully and we both began laughing again, but for real this time. "Come on, let's walk a little farther." I helped her to her feet, held her hand and we walked towards the lighthouse. It was still far off in the distance. We could make it there, but then we'd need a ride back. "Are you up for a walk to the lighthouse?" I asked her. "Sure," she said and smiled at me. We continued walking as the waves danced around our feet. The ocean's spray seemed to cleanse our spirits as we moved onward. Everything almost seemed as it once had been. Still, things had changed and I knew I'd never regain my former innocence. We walked for a long while and finally I found myself pulling Sam around to face me. I looked deep into her eyes. Two perfect blue orbs stared back at me. "I've missed you Sam," I whispered. She grabbed my head in both of her hands and kissed me for all she was worth. This was the person my heart ached for. She was the one who set my soul afire. We kissed and held each other close as if we were never going to see one another again. That sense of desperation added a touch of sadness to the entire experience. "I love you John," she whispered. I immediately felt my body tense. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Sam, every time you tell me you love me..." my voice drifted off into nothingness. "Just don't say anything," I implored and kissed her again. It seemed to take forever and my legs were quite sore when we finally reached the New Colony Lighthouse. "Shall we make a donation and climb up to the top?" I asked her. I'd lived here all my life, but I'd never been inside the lighthouse. "Absolutely," Sam replied as we made our way inside. We waited our turn and ascended the steep spiral staircase. The ocean view from the top was beyond explanation. It was absolutely magnificent. I found myself wishing that I had my camera with me. We made our way back down the tower and reality set in. "Ok, now how are we going to get home?" I asked her. "You're asking me? This was your idea, or don't you remember that?" she laughed. I saw the edge of the amusement pier far off in the distance and knew I lacked the strength to walk back. "Well let's go to the clam shack and get something to eat before figuring out just how to get home," Sam suggested. The food couldn't possibly have been as good as it tasted. I must have been starving. We checked with the counter person and found out that a bus would be by in about fifteen minutes to take us back. He pointed to the bus stop across the way. With each passing moment I felt closer to Sam. Things would never be the way they were, but I honestly found myself thinking that they could be better than they'd ever been. We sat on the bench at the bus stop holding hands and swinging our legs to and fro. I'm sure those that saw us assumed that we were "special children". The bus arrived, I paid the fare and we began the ride home. These days it seemed that I was the only one with money to spend. At this rate my allowance would never last till next Saturday. Sam reading my worries said, "It's ok Joan, I'll give you a few dollars when we get home." "Don't be ridiculous Sam, my treat." I was going to have to find another source of income. Twenty dollars per week just wasn't going to get the job done, I laughed to myself. It was a year ago when Mom had upped my allowance from $15 per week. I thought it was all the money in the world. I began to wonder if Aunt Viv would actually pay me to make a jewelry box for her. I'd have to do a cost analysis on the project and soon. The journey which had taken us over two hours on foot was a mere ten minute ride on the bus. "Will you come sit with me by the water?" I asked her pleadingly. "I can't think of anything I'd rather do," she said and we made our way back to the waves. We sat at a distance where at most our feet would be soaked. It was almost as if we were daring the ocean to come and get us. I hugged her and she hugged me in return. "Sam, don't ever let me go," I said speaking of time eternal and not the moment. "I won't if you won't," she replied. We both laughed at that. It seemed everything in life was a contest to Sam. "Samantha, I love you!" I shouted from the depths of my soul. Her eyes reached deep into my own before she replied "I'll always love you John." John! She'd called me John! Somehow her declaration meant more to me that way. I couldn't begin to explain my thoughts or understand them. She held me in her arms and kissed me. I wasn't sure why, but I liked the way it felt. Just letting myself go and having her take control. I only hoped that I could trust her not to hurt me again. I wasn't sure if those dark thoughts would ever leave me. "I'd really love to see you in your skirt." "It wasn't a skirt, it was a skort." She looked at me as if I was speaking gibberish. I attempted an explanation. "What I had on may have looked like a skirt, but it was really a pair of shorts with a panel across the front." "Well, whatever it was, you looked so damned sexy in it," she replied. I found myself wishing that I was properly dressed at the moment. "And those breasts of yours looked so real in the pictures," she continued. "How did you manage that?" she asked sincerely. I smiled at her. "We girls have our secrets." "I'm not sure I'll ever be able to forgive myself for what I did to your beautiful face," she said as the tears began to flow. "It's all right Sam," I whispered. "I'm fine, but I have to tell you something. I'll never let you hit me again. If you do, we're finished. And no, I won't hit you back. I think I made that clear already. It's one thing to play wrestle. Hell, I never even considered the sexual implications of our wrestling before. Still, I am nobody's punching bag." I hoped she understood and appreciated what I was saying. With wisdom far beyond my years I thought, time would tell. "I'm sorry Joan," she cried. "It's all right darling," I assured her. We sat there a while longer. "Will you get dressed for me?" she asked finally. It only took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about. I can be a bit slow sometimes. "Of course I will sweetheart," I told her. "Tonight?" she asked. "Tonight?" I echoed her statement. She smiled at me and said, "Yes Joan, I expect you over at my house at 7:30 this evening in full regalia." Ah, how could I get myself out of this one? "Sam, I'm not so sure that this evening..." She cut me off. "You said you would, please?" she begged. How could I refuse her? "Well, if I'm going to do that, we'd better get going," I replied. She jumped up and pulled me to my feet. "Let's go then Missy," she said. I was both elated and dismayed. I loved dressing up but, I thought perhaps John would find his way back into this universe. For the moment it seemed that was not to be. We made our way back home in just a few minutes. I had no idea what time it was, but was hopeful that I could make dinner and make myself ready for Sam by 7:30. I walked in the front door with a certain bounce to my step. "Mom, I'm home!" I shouted. "I'm in the kitchen Joan," she shouted in return. "Something smells fantastic!" I exclaimed. She smiled at me. "I figured with all that you do around here you deserve the weekends off." Hm? Had she forgotten that I'd made her breakfast? I laughed to myself and asked her when dinner would be ready. "What's the rush, have you got a date?" she asked me in a kidding manner. "As a matter of fact Mom, I've got to be at Sam's by 7:30!" "Well then, you'd better go and get cleaned up. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes." I made my way upstairs and washed my hands and face. The twins, Jola and Teddy seemed to be getting on famously. I toyed with the idea, just for a moment, of putting them in some suggestive poses. I giggled at the thought and made my way to the dinner table. Mom's pot roast was not to be believed. The meat was so tender it could be eaten by someone without teeth! "This is the absolute best Mom! You'll have to show me how you make it." "Don't worry sweetheart, I will, I promise." Her comment seemed to have a double meaning but aside from the obvious one, I wasn't sure what it could have been. As we ate Mom asked me about my day. She seemed incredibly happy that Sam and I had made up. "She's the girl for you," Mom said without explanation. As I considered her statement I found my thoughts drifting back to Darla. Was I fickle? Did everyone suffer such difficulties in their lives? OK, I knew that last statement made me sound like a spoiled brat. Even considering how difficult my life had become, I really couldn't complain. All of my needs were met and cared for. At last I said absentmindedly, "I hope so Mom. I think I'm in love with her." She gave me a knowing adult kind of smile. The one that says you have no idea about anything. I didn't let on that I'd read her look and I began clearing the table. It was ten minutes to seven. I knew I'd need half an hour at least to transform myself into Joan. I began running around the kitchen like a chicken with its head cut off. At seven on the dot with most of the work completed, Mom told me to just go. I was making her nervous, she said. I laughed and made my way upstairs. I laid my clothes out on my bed and went into the bathroom to do my makeup. I found myself wishing that I had a makeup table of my own. I knew I could build one and considered the possibility as I slowly yielded my face to Joan. Fifteen minutes later she smiled back at me. My eyes, instead of looking as though they belonged to a rabid animal, suggested sexuality. My ruby red lips smacked of sensuality. I was almost turning myself on as I continued to make minor adjustments to my face. Back in my room, I donned my navy blue pantyhose. They matched my pleated skirt perfectly. I smiled as I attached my bra with practiced ease. I was saddened at the need to fill the cups with silicone. It was closing in on 7:30 when I finished. A few sprays of "cool water" and I was on my way. I made my way gently down the stairs with my maryjanes softly clicking on the stair treads. "Joan! You look beautiful," Mom said. "I hope Sam appreciates all the work you've gone through to make yourself pretty for her." I wasn't worried about that in the least. I was confident in my appearance. "Do you have a watch I could borrow Mom? Mine just seems inappropriate." She ran upstairs and returned with a simple gold watch. The narrow wrist band oozed femininity. Hoping to be able to stay out till 9:30, I told Mom that I'd be home by 10:00. "You'd better be," was her reply. I slipped my bag over my shoulder and kissed my mother goodbye. Moments later I was knocking on the front door of the Peters' residence. Aunt Alice answered the door. "Yes?" she inquired. "Is Sam home?" I asked. "Who may I tell her is calling?" I couldn't believe it! She didn't recognize me! "Tell her it's her lifelong friend Joan Johnson," I replied. She stood there staring at me for the longest time. She ran to me and hugged me tightly in her arms. "I always knew it," she said mysteriously. Adults, I thought to myself. What strange creatures are these. "Sam, your friend Joan is here," Aunt Alice yelled up the stairs. Moments later a sound that replicated runaway elephants echoed down the stairwell. "Joan! I can't believe it! You're absolutely gorgeous!" I ran up to her and hugged her before she could continue. She stood there staring at me for the longest time. I began to feel self-conscious. "So, are we just going to stand here, or did you have something in mind?" I asked her. "Just give me one minute," she said and bounded back up the stairs. Moments later she returned with her hair set in a very low pony tail. I thought I understood the look she was going for. She was shooting for complete role reversal. I didn't have the heart to tell her how absolutely beautiful she looked. "I'll be home by ten, Mom," she announced matter of factly as we headed out the door. It seemed that Aunt Alice was easier to get along with than Mrs. Johnson was, I laughed softly. "What do you want to do?" I asked her. "I want to spend the evening with my best girl," she replied. I smiled at that. It seemed Sam and I got along better with me in girl mode and her in boy mode. "I am at your disposal kind Sir." Scarily, she took my statement seriously. How many insane people in my life could I juggle, I wondered? She proudly escorted me back to the boardwalk. I had to admit, I felt safe with Sam as my escort. It was similar but different to a feeling of parental security. I just knew that Sam would protect me from any situation that might befall us. This was entirely new territory for me. I had to admit, I liked it. I also knew in my heart that if push came to shove that I could take care of myself. In fact, I'd do anything to protect Sam herself. She held my hand protectively as we made our way onto the boardwalk. It was very busy for a Sunday night. These kinds of crowds were usually a few weeks away. The summer season had arrived early. We walked for a bit and she dragged me over to a wheel of chance. "Sam, what are you doing? I already have teddy! Save your money." "If I want to win something for my best girl, then that's what I'm going to do." Three losses later she began to look a bit dejected as she placed her fourth quarter down. "Put it on number two," I suggested. She changed her number as the wheel began spinning. The attendant eyed us suspiciously. His suspicions were realized when number 2 came out the winner. "You changed your bet from number 7 to 2," he started. "You didn't say anything when I did, so don't cry now," Sam said assertively. The huckster backed down and began his chatter of, "we have a winner!" Sam looked at me expectantly. I took that to mean that I had to choose. Could I actually pick yet another teddy bear? I began laughing maniacally as he handed me "Josam". It was my turn to utter thanks to my hero. "Thank you Sam, I'll give her the best of care," I promised. Her smile told me that she knew that I would. I held that bear as if my life depended on it. I began worrying that I wouldn't be able to tell them all apart. So far, with just Jola and Teddy, it was easy. Jola smelled of the sea. I decided that I'd have to mark Josam somehow so I'd always remember her special place in the order of things. I wish I could explain how special I felt that evening. I must have looked relatively attractive. I garnered more than a few glances from the males passing by. Sam kept them at bay with a simple stare. I found myself enthralled by her power. We walked down the boardwalk. She treated me as her queen. Before I knew it we were standing in line to ride the "wild mouse". I truly loved roller coasters, but this thing scared the hell out of me. The cars traveled individually on the tracks and at each turn almost half the car went over the edge before turning. The added danger was the ocean. The ride was on the edge of the pier and if a car fell off, it would fall into the ocean resulting in certain death. It may seem like I'm exaggerating, but two years ago a couple had died on this very ride. Their car went into the turn and didn't stop. I held Sam tightly as we went into the most dangerous turn. I could hear her laughing behind me as the car jolted in the proper direction. I hated this ride and would never willingly get on it again despite the euphoric dips and rises along the way. The ride over, we exited the car. Thankfully my panties were still dry. "Ok, the next ride is my treat," I said. The rides were also meant for the tourists. The cost of individual rides was prohibitive. I bought the tickets and we made our way to the Ferris Wheel. It so closely resembled the one in shop class that I began to wonder if one was modeled on the other. This was an atypical Ferris Wheel. It wasn't open seating. Numerous cages with a capacity of eight filled the wheel. It was huge! Since the traffic was still relatively slow this evening, Sam and I got to ride alone. She sat next to me. Every time we neared the top my heart was in my throat. OK, so perhaps I wasn't as brave as I pretended. Still, I sat there in awe at Sam's calmness as the wheel went round and round. I thought that our relationship was being redefined yet again. The ride ended and Sam thanked me for my generosity with a kiss. I kissed him deeply with a hungering desire. Did I say "him?" Yeah, I guess I did. He smiled at me and I melted in his arms. "I love you Joan," he said. My heart swooned. I couldn't imagine anything better than being Sam's girl. "I love you too Sam," I moaned softly. He looked at me as if seeing me for the first time and we made our way back to the main boardwalk. Sam had me standing in line with him waiting for an orange drink. "I'll have a large orange crush, and the lady will have a small twist." A twist being a soft serve ice cream cone with chocolate and vanilla intertwined. I was in a rapturous state. We just seemed perfect together. Was I simply kidding myself? God, I hoped not. I only knew that Sam made me feel special, in a way that no one else ever could. We sat down on one of the many benches that lined the boardwalk. The backs were adjustable. That is, you could flip them one way or the other choosing the ocean or the boardwalk as your focal point. Ours faced the crowd. I sat there in my pretty blue skirt and wondered just how all this had happened. "I love your earrings," he said. "They should be covered in diamonds." That statement sent my mind running back to Darla's party and the beautiful diamond studs that her parents had given her. "Why so sad?" Sam asked as I sat there in silence. "I'm just so damned confused," I replied. "Welcome to the club," Sam said at last. That hadn't been the real reason for my sadness, but it was true enough. I was surprised however, by Sam's response. It seemed to me that "he" had it more together than most people did. At least he lived his life with a confidence that I totally lacked within myself. "I love what you've done with your lawn," Sam said changing the subject. "I didn't think you'd noticed," I replied coyly. He laughed at that. "Well I don't ever remember seeing a diamond pattern on your front lawn before." The diamond pattern resulting from the cross diagonal cutting. I had to admit, it did look better than it had. As much as I just wanted to let go and allow myself to completely fall in love with Sam, I found myself thinking of Darla. Was there any way out of this maze? I stood with a purpose. "Come on Sam, we're going," I told him. I resolved never to refer to Sam in the feminine form again. Hell, he was far more masculine than John had ever been. I wasn't sure whether or not that was a good thing as my thoughts drifted elsewhere. "Stop pulling me Joan!" he shouted at me. Billy and Duncan seemed to appear out of nowhere. This was turning into my worst nightmare. "Hey Sam! Who's your new girlfriend?" Billy asked Sam in a taunting tone. I stood my ground frozen in place. My whole life could have ended right then and there. In fact, I found myself wishing that it would. "She's far too pretty for you Billy. Get lost! Oh, and I'll see you in school tomorrow," Sam laughingly said as he dragged me away. My knees almost buckled under me. It was all I could do to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. When we were at a safe distance Sam turned to me and asked, "Are you all right Joan?" Just moments ago I was lost in the fantasy of me being Sam's girl and Sam being my protector and hero. Thankfully, the latter part of my fantasy held true. As for the former, well that was another story. "I'll be all right. I need to go to the rest room." Sam gallantly led the way. "Don't be too long," Sam said before entering the men's room. I went into the ladies' and entered a stall. I carefully lifted my skirt up and sat down on the seat. My whole body began shaking uncontrollably. What the hell was wrong with me? I decided that I was in serious need of counseling. This confusion wasn't going to go away on its own. Simply having a plan made it easier for me to calm down. I took care of business and made my way to the row of sinks. It seemed the ladies' rooms were nicer everywhere. The walls weren't lined with rude limericks, lewd suggestions and girls' phone numbers. It was a safe haven unlike the men's room which could best be described as a war zone. I washed my hands and examined my face. I put on a fresh coat of lipstick and smiled at myself in the mirror before departing. Whoever I was, I felt like "me" again. I didn't think I'd ever want to let go of Joan. "I thought you got lost in there," Sam said as I made my exit. "Did you use the urinal?" I asked and began laughing out loud. Sam laughed with me and punched me on the arm. "Ow, that hurt!" I said truthfully. "I'm sorry Joan," Sam offered in an apologetic tone. I rubbed my arm expecting to see a black and blue mark there come tomorrow. How could I convince Mom that I needed help? I was certain that she'd be more concerned about losing her "daughter" than anything else. And Dad? What Dad, I thought angrily. Even if he was around I could never confess my need to him. Then again, if he'd been around, "Joan" for the most part wouldn't even be an issue. "Whatever's bothering you Joan, it's going to be all right," Sam said confidently. I looked up at him and muttered a cynical, "Yeah, right!" He looked at me as though I'd mortally wounded him. "I'm sorry Sam, it's nothing," I said hoping he'd let the matter drop. "You're worried about your father, aren't you?" he asked knowingly. "What do you mean?" I asked him in my best attempt at information gathering. "Well, I heard Mom and Aunt Joan talking," he began. "I think it's horrible the way your father left you." Though he'd lost his own father, he couldn't have any idea how I felt. He saw the look of disbelief on my face and beckoned me to come sit with him. "What's this all about," I asked at last. His voice choked up as he began to explain. "You think I don't understand cause my Dad died and yours left of his own volition," he started. I nodded in agreement. "No one is supposed to know this," he began. I looked at him and waited. "The guy I thought was my father wasn't. He's not dead, he just abandoned us when he found out the truth." I stared at him disbelieving. "That's impossible Sam," I said at last. "No, it isn't," he insisted. "About a year after Daddy "died" I got a phone call. It was for my mother, but she'd just run out to the store for a minute. The voice on the other end of the line sounded so familiar I found myself screaming, is that you Daddy? The party on the other end of the line hung up. He didn't call back." I looked at him skeptically. "Sam, that doesn't prove anything." Before I could say anything else, he interrupted. "Almost another year had passed before I found out the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth," he said sarcastically. I looked at him as though he was out of his mind. "You see, I'd run out of underwear and went to borrow a pair from my mother. There underneath her delicates laid the divorce papers. At first I had no clue as to what they might be about. Then, I began reading. The whole sordid story was laid out in black and white. The grounds for divorce were listed as 'infidelity'. It seemed my mere existence was proof of that fact. Dad for reasons unknown to me, had gone for DNA testing. The results in, he filed for divorce." "But the funeral?" I began. "What funeral Joan? Oh, you mean the weekend when Mom and I went away to visit my Aunt Bridget?" We both sat there crying. Sam for the loss of his father and myself wondering whether similar circumstances had sent my own Dad away. "Oh Sam, I'm so sorry!" I pulled him closer to me. He continued weeping furiously. I gently rubbed his back and shushed him with my best maternal instincts. "It's all right baby," I whispered soothingly. Sufficiently calm Sam said, "So you see Joan, I understand exactly what you're going through." This was almost more information than I could bear. We sat there for the longest time. Finally, I stole a glance at my Mom's beautiful watch. "Oh my god, Sam! It's ten thirty!" He looked at me as if to say "so what?" "Sam, I have to get home." I would have sat there all night long holding him if I thought it would help. But I knew that Mom would be worried sick and in her current delicate state, I just had to go. Sam stood up and pulled me to my feet. The look on his face made me wonder whether he'd fabricated the entire story. At length I figured that he was just better at hiding his emotions. "Boys," I thought somewhat ruefully. We made our way back home. Sam locked his arms around me as we stood in front of my humble abode. "Sam, I really have to get inside!" I insisted. The firm grasp of his hands on the back of my head as he kissed me made me forget my worries. "I'll expect you at my front door at 7:30 sharp," he said. I smiled at him and promised that I'd be there with bells on. He waited till I was safely inside before leaving. It seemed each new day brought with it a whole new set of emotions. I was in love. No doubts, no hesitation, just blissfully in love. I made my way into the foyer expecting the worst. "Did you have fun with Sam, dear?" Mom asked me as I entered. Did I just hear her right, I wondered? A surge of relief washed over me as I told her I'd had a wonderful time. "Come here for a minute Joan. I didn't really get a good look at you before you left. You make a mother proud." I knew that Mom had taken a trip at least part way around the bend, but her accolades soothed my soul. "Thanks, and if I may say so, you're the best Mommy a girl could ever hope for," I told her sincerely. I felt what was left of my own sanity slipping away. At the moment, I didn't care. I loved this woman who'd done her best for me with all my heart. I bade her goodnight and made my way upstairs. Staring at my image in the bathroom mirror, I was unsure as to what I'd become. Was I John, or was I Joan? I wondered whether I'd ever be sure. I couldn't tear my gaze away. No, it wasn't because I was in love with my own image. I simply stood there, not knowing what to expect next. In my own mind John and Joan flashed back and forth so rapidly that I couldn't make any sense of it at all. I must be going mad, I thought at last. At length I finished and made my way back into my room. I was now the proud owner of triplets. Teddy and Jola sat together happily atop my pillow. I attempted to introduce them to their new sister, Josam, but my introduction fell on deaf ears. "I am losing my mind," I said aloud. I lay atop my bedspread. I was aching for the return of my own sanity. My thoughts ran the gamut of emotions. I loved Sam, I loved Darla. I hated Sam, I hated Darla. My feelings went round and round and I found myself missing Sally. Sally! How did she get here, I wondered? Was my father really my father? My mind kept spinning. Before I could be swept away by my own insane thoughts, one drew me in and centered me. "I love you Sam," I whispered to no one. I held the triplets close. It wasn't long before I fell asleep in their embrace. I could almost swear that Josam had hugged me back. That was the last thought I had as sleep overcame me.