Joans Introduction to Her Sapphic Side
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Joan's Room Chapter 23 free porn video
Chapter 23
Wouldn't It Be Nice?
Thursday morning. Was it really Thursday already? I marveled that my
entire life had been turned upside down in the span of a few days. I got
up and made myself ready for work. I had two jobs scheduled for today and
one for tomorrow. I'd have to start pushing harder to find more work.
There would be no more "toys" for me.
In the back of my mind I thought that my "savings" would provide me with
a certain amount of freedom. At the very least, I'd be able to get a
decent car when I turned sixteen. Now? Well, now I knew that every penny
would go to support my family. Could Sam and I handle this transition?
Hell, I'd all but promised to care for the kids 24/7. Still, if I did
that when would I work? When would I go to school? Never mind the idea of
being a rock star.
OK, so I was scared shitless as the reality of the situation hit home.
What under the right circumstances could be the most fantastic thing to
happen to two people could simply turn out to be a total disaster to my
own existence. Still, a part of me found a new reason for living in all
of this. I'd never felt so alive.
I turned on the cold water in the shower in an attempt to shake myself
out of my reverie. Daydreaming wasn't going to accomplish anything. A
lone thought kept popping into my head. Perhaps it was time to put away
thoughts of actually becoming "Joan". My new responsibilities were of
enormous proportions and I wasn't sure that being "Joan" was in their
best interests. Could I be that selfless even if it was true?
I finally calmed myself down when I realized something. My babies needed
a mother. Despite the fact that Sam would be giving birth to them there
was no way that he'd ever fill the bill. I vowed to be the best mother
that the world had ever known. I greeted myself in the mirror with a
forced smile. I put on a minimal amount of makeup and headed downstairs
for some breakfast.
The Reyser job turned out to be a big one. It always amazed me what
people thought sixty dollars would buy. I guessed they were just trying
to see what they could get for their money. No one ever balked at my
price estimates. I'm not sure if it was the way I was now carrying myself
or what, but people seemed to be treating me with more respect than they
had in the past. I guess I no longer had that "little girl lost in the
woods" look about me. I was a shrewd businesswoman.
I finished up the second job and made my way back home. As it turned out
it wasn't critical that I get that "fourth" job for the week, but I was
going to do my best. I had to put at least two hundred a week away for
the kids. Could I keep up that pace once school started? I started
thinking that I shouldn't have bought the Martin. I knew Mom would never
come across with the two hundred and fifty she promised. Under the
circumstances, I certainly wasn't going to ask her for it. My plan to
acquire toys was abandoned before it'd ever hit full swing.
I found myself wondering what was going through Sam's head. Was his only
concern whether or not he'd get to play on Saturday? Was I turning into a
resentful shrew before our journey had even begun? I made my way into the
house and went upstairs to put my money away. Two hundred dollars for one
day's work. It would have taken me almost two weeks of sanding to earn
that much money. Mr. Ferris had done me a favor.
I hit the shower and removed the bits of latex that had adhered to
various parts of my body. I had to find some way to clear all these
thoughts from my head. I was beginning to go into overload on all the
events taking place in my life. The warm stream slowly brought me back to
life. I was making myself presentable when I began to worry about my
meeting with Aunt Vivian this evening. So far, she hadn't said a word to
me.
Aunt Melissa was busily involved in making dinner when I went downstairs.
It smelled out of this world. She was making orange flavored chicken. At
least, that's what it smelled like. I thought I'd take a new tack with
her and asked, "Auntie M, is there enough food for me to invite Sam
over?" She laughed at the "Wizard of Oz" reference and told me there was
more than enough for Sam and Aunt Alice. I made a quick phone call and
invited them both for supper.
The entire setting was just a bit bizarre. Sam and Aunt Alice arrived
just as I was finishing setting the table. Everyone was acting like it
was just another day. How was that possible? I ran up to Sam and gave him
an "extra-special" hug. He smelled so fresh and perfect. How he could not
have known that he was pregnant was beyond me. Wishful thinking perhaps?
I wished that I was better prepared for all that was about to happen. Sam
was about to make himself a gin and tonic when I stopped him dead in his
tracks. "Sam, the babies!" I screamed. He looked at me like I was nuts
but thankfully poured himself a diet coke instead.
Mom came sauntering in the door and seemed genuinely pleased that
everyone was there. She began her normal routine of a drink and a smoke
when I told her that smoking was no longer allowed in the house. I wasn't
making any friends here. For a moment she looked like she was going to
challenge me, but in the end she gently stroked my face with her hand. I
decided that I'd do my best not to be a total nut case about the whole
thing.
Maybe Sam's appetite had finally been explained? He was eating for three!
I waited till everyone had taken what they wanted before selecting a few
pieces for myself. Sadly, money was an issue. Sam seemed in high spirits
that evening. He'd thrown from the mound that afternoon with no ill
effects. "I'm sure I can pitch Saturday if they need me," he said. "But
coach won't use me again in another position. He said I'm too valuable to
the team as a pitcher."
For a while I guess I'd been a bit jealous of Sam's success at baseball.
Now, well now I was just worried for my family. I did my best to block
out thoughts of him getting injured during a game. At least he wasn't
into football, I thought and laughed aloud garnering a few curious looks.
Dinner was over and Sam offered to help me with the clean up. I insisted
that he remains seated. I guess I was turning into a bit of a nut case.
The conversation continued until it was time for us to leave. I felt a
knot begin to form in the pit of my stomach as we made our way to the
Raspberrys. For some reason I felt as though I'd let Aunt Vivian down. I
had no idea WHY I felt that way, I just did. Mom dropped me off and left
when she saw that I was safely inside. Aunt Vivian ushered me into the
kitchen.
She poured us some coffee and sat down across from me. I removed a
cigarette from my purse, lighted it, and inhaled deeply. "So, a lot has
happened to you over the last few weeks," she began in an attempt to draw
me out. Talk about an understatement! My entire world had been turned
upside down in the past several days. "You know, for awhile there I was
worried about you and Fred. I guess I don't have to do that anymore?" She
eyed me intently, looking for clues.
"Aunt Vivian, Fred is just a friend. Besides, I don't really know him
that well," I finished.
"It seems you know him well enough to kiss him passionately?" she stated
in an inquisitive mode. So, Darla had discussed our goings on with her
mother. Great! I sighed aloud.
"Aunt Viv, what happened between Fred and me was a mistake. If I thought
it was going to happen again, I'd quit the band right now. I'm not really
sure why I kissed him. I've never been kissed by a boy before. It was a
strange, but not unpleasant feeling. Still, it will never happen again,"
I said authoritatively.
"And what do you plan on doing about Sam?" What was with her this
evening? Usually she'd just let me ramble in any direction I chose to go.
This evening she seemed to have an agenda.
"Sam!" I could feel my eyes light up. "No one or nothing is more
important to me in this universe," I said.
"And just how do you plan on supporting your family?" Why did I have the
feeling that she was attacking me? I couldn't see any reason not to
respond, so I did.
"Aunt Vivian, I know I'm only fourteen years old. I know that these
aren't the best of circumstances. Still, this is probably the only chance
I'll ever have to become a genetic parent. I know for a fact that I can
earn a few hundred dollars a week at my job," I finished.
"And you think you can support a husband and two babies on a couple of
hundred a week?" I was near tears. I thought she was here to help me? Did
she think I was unaware of the extreme challenge that lay ahead? For a
moment I considered running away. Maybe she'd been right initially? Maybe
we were too close to have a "Doctor/patient" relationship.
"Aunt Vivian, would you prefer it if I sought out another therapist?" I
asked as the tears burst forth. I began wondering if my therapist needed
a therapist.
"Joan, you make me so proud of you in so many ways. You handle most
situations like an adult. And then, you do this..." Her voice trailed off
and we both lapsed into silence.
"I can't go back and change the past. What would you recommend; an
abortion? That was a rhetorical question. I'm not seeking your opinion.
Those are my babies and god help the person that gets in the way." I felt
truly righteous. I may not be able to give my children all the "things"
that money could buy, but I'd give them more love than they could handle.
"I'm sorry if I seem a bit abrupt with you this evening. I had to make
sure that your head was on straight and that you had your priorities in
order. I'm sure you'll make an excellent mother," she said as her voice
began to warm. I heaved another sigh of relief. She certainly had a
strange way of showing me how much she cared.
I found myself wishing that I was the one that was pregnant for another
reason. I knew I could handle the whole experience better than Sam could.
Still, he was smart, and he was strong. I wasn't really worried about
him.
"I was doing a bit of research earlier. Did you know that you and Sam can
get married with parental approval?" I looked down at my wedding ring. I
felt like telling her that Sam and I were already married. Part of me
found the idea attractive. Would Sam marry me for real? Hell, I'm only
fourteen! I felt like screaming. Would he and I wind up like our own
parents in another twenty years? Hell, in less than that time I'd have
two children thinking about their college education. My cool facade was
developing some serious cracks.
"I'm not sure if Sam would marry me," I said sadly.
"Well, don't you think you should ask him?" Why was she pressuring me so?
I thought I'd come over here and find a bit of release. Now, I felt more
wound-up then I had been when I woke up this morning. Our hour ended and
Mom came waltzing into the kitchen.
"Well, did you manage to talk any sense into her?" Mom asked. So that's
what this was about? And here I thought I'd had Mom's support. I finally
felt defeated. There was no way we could do this without the support of
all of our loved ones.
"Clara," Aunt Vivian began. Addressing her that way caught Mom's
attention. "Joan and Sam need all the help we can give them." Every
moment brought with it a new surprise. Half an hour ago I thought that
Aunt Vivian was my worst enemy.
"Mom," I thought aloud. "There's no way we can do this without your
help." Had I been kidding myself thinking that I had my mother's support?
"I'm so sorry Mom. But, don't you see? It's a blessing in a way. This is
the only way that I'll ever be able to have children," I said thinking of
a time when the hormones would leave me sterile.
"Joan, that's not necessarily true," Aunt Vivian opined. "You could have
your semen frozen for later use." OK, so I already knew that. Was I the
only anti-abortion person that I knew?
"Sweetheart, we could bank your sperm and then when the time was right
you could have a family with the right person," Mom said. How could
rational people even have this discussion? If we couldn't keep our own
babies at the very least we could offer them up for adoption. And, that
would happen over my own dead body. I had to maintain control. If I
crumbled now it would just be a further indicator that I was in no way
ready to become a parent.
"Mom, Aunt Viv, I'm aware of sperm banks and the possibility of
artificial insemination. However, my babies are alive and well and
growing inside of Sam. I have no idea how we could do this without your
help. I don't even know if Sam would be willing to try. I can promise you
this though, if you insist on an abortion, you'll lose me forever. This
is not a joke. I'm not overreacting. This is plain and simple: life and
death."
I lit another cigarette and walked outside. I thought about waiting for
Mom, but realized that I had to get away from there. Halfway home I threw
the cigarette away and began running. I had to get to Sam. Minutes later
I was pounding on his front door. It took awhile, but finally he
answered.
"Sam, you're all right!" I screamed and hugged him tight. He looked at me
like I'd gone round the bend.
"Why wouldn't I be alright?" he asked seriously.
"Sam, will you marry me?" I blurted out of nowhere. I knew if I stopped
and thought about it that I'd never have had the courage to ask him. He
nuzzled my head into his shoulder.
"Shhhhhhh, Joan baby, it's all right," he said smiling. "We're already
married, aren't we?" he asked and held me tighter. I felt myself totally
losing control. "Joan, of course I'll marry you. If you hadn't asked me,
I was going to ask you.." I felt my pulse begin to soften. He loved me as
much as I did him. We'd make a fantastic family. Our children would be
perfect!
"Joan, I already have my mother's written permission, do you have yours?"
He was full of surprises this evening. Hell, I didn't even know it was a
possibility before hearing Aunt Vivian explain it all. "No Sam, not yet,"
I said. "But, she'll sign the forms or lose me and her grandchildren
forever," I said with all the conviction I could muster.
Hopefully Mom was just overwhelmed with everything. Perhaps Aunt Melissa
could help. How would I have ever handled any of this if she hadn't been
here. And, what would happen to everything when she left. She seemed to
have a way about her. Mom was so much more relaxed when she was around. I
had to get this all worked out and soon.
Sam and I hugged for a few minutes more. This time I did manage to rub
his belly. I couldn't get over the fact that there were two babies inside
of him. We kissed goodnight and I headed back home. Thankfully, Mom
hadn't made it back yet. I needed to talk to Aunt Melissa alone. She was
sitting in the living room petting the dog and watching the ten o'clock
news when I walked in.
"How's my favorite niece this evening?" she asked me with a smile.
"I'm fine Aunt Melissa, but I'm worried about Mom. I thought she was OK
with Sam's pregnancy, but now I get the feeling that she'd rather we went
the abortion route." A sudden silence ensued. She turned off the
television and went and poured herself a drink. A thick plume of smoke
filled the air as if out of nowhere.
"Well, what did you expect her to do? Dance a jig? Her fourteen year old
son wants to be a girl and now 'he' wants to be a mother as well. Don't
look at me like that. I'm not saying this to hurt you. Your mother just
wants what's best for you. You have to have an inkling about how hard it
will be with two more babies in the household? I'll grant you I've never
in my life met a youngster as responsible as you are. It almost doesn't
make sense that you would have been so careless when it came to sex.
"Joan, I know for a fact that your mother is not in favor of abortion.
She never has been. She was a major supporter of mine when I gave birth
to your cousin. And yes, she was exactly the age you are now. Perhaps she
just needs a slight reminder. I've never been a Great Aunt before." She
laughed.
"Aunt Melissa, Sam and I can get married with Mom's written approval. Sam
already has permission from Aunt Alice. I know it sounds crazy, and I
know we're only fourteen, but I want our kids to start out on the right
foot. Besides, if I was older, I'd marry Sam in a heartbeat if he'd have
me. This obviously isn't a puppy love kind of thing. I've loved him all
my life. Everything about him is magic. And the way he makes me feel. He
makes me feel like there's nothing that I can't do. When he's around I
feel this extra strength well up inside of me. I wish I could find the
words..."
"You've done pretty good with the words there kiddo. Believe it or not, I
know just how you feel. Now you stop worrying about everything, I'll talk
to your mother." She laughed. "Besides, I kind of like the idea of her
being a grandmother before me. Holy Cow! She'll be a thirty six year old
grandmother. Speaking of your mother, where is she?"
"I left her at Darla's and walked home. I guess she'll be along soon. You
don't think she's going to call my father to tell him, do you?" Something
else to worry about. I was pretty confident of the relationship that I
was establishing with Doreen. Perhaps Dad wouldn't be such a problem
after all. Besides, this would give him grandchildren that he'd otherwise
never have.
"Don't worry about your father, Joan. Your mother has things all worked
out with him." I had no idea just what that meant. I went upstairs and
got myself ready for bed.
It was closing in on eleven o'clock when Mom came through the front door.
I only had the one job lined up for tomorrow. I wondered how Sarah was
doing with sawdust in her pores? I'd bet she only took that job cause she
thought she was taking it away from me. An evil smile crossed my face.
Aunt Melissa's voice snapped me back into reality.
"I think you should let the kids get married," she said. Fourteen years
old and married. It almost seemed silly. Like we were two kids in a
science fiction novel whose job was to repopulate the earth. Mom seemed
just a bit confused by everything that had been happening lately.
"Is that what you want, Joan?" Mom asked and waited. "Do you have any
idea how expensive it will be to transition into womanhood? And now here
you are on the verge of becoming a parent. Does all of this strike you as
somewhat absurd?" Mom may be walking a fine line of sanity, but at least
she had a good grip on what was going on.
"Mom, I wouldn't have chosen to have kids now. I realize that in a lot of
ways I'm still one myself. I won't lie to you though and tell you that
I'm not excited about the prospect of sharing my life with Sam and the
twins. I love him, Mom. I'm pretty sure that Aunt Viv will back me up
with regard to my maturity level. We can do this, but it will have to be
a team effort. Sam and I will need everyone's support. I know it won't be
easy. Are you ready to welcome the son into the family that I never could
be?"
"Joan, I've always thought of Sam as my own, you of all people ought to
know that?"
We lapsed into silence. I made my way into the kitchen and decided to
make hot chocolate for everyone. I smiled as I thought that Aunt Melissa
would be attending two weddings during her visit home. I poured the mix
into the cups while I waited for the water to boil. I heard Mom's voice
out in the living room. She was telling Aunt Mel that she wished her
mother were here. I knew Grandma would be here in a few weeks for
Melissa's wedding. It would be a rare visit home for her. I don't know
why she and Granddad had never been a bigger part of our lives.
I brought out the hot chocolate and the ladies accepted it
appreciatively. Mom lit a cigarette and looked up at me challengingly. I
smiled at her and lit one myself. Funny, she never asked me where I got
them from. A few weeks ago smoking had been one of the most important
things going on in my life. Yes, it was all just a bit absurd. I sat
there and tried to assimilate all of the information that had been
presented to me in the last week. I needed to start formulating a plan.
"And here I thought I was just coming home for Melissa's wedding," Aunt
Mel said and laughed.
"So much has changed in the last few months I don't even recognize my
life anymore," Mom said and started crying. Aunt Melissa and I did our
best to comfort her. I wasn't ready to examine Mom's words too closely
though. She was right.
We stayed up for another hour or so and talked of another wedding. A
simple civil ceremony. One that would raise more than a few eyebrows in
the community. I went to sleep hugging Josam and Teddy. One for each of
the twins.
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