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Christmas in Indy Kelly stood on the driveway of her parents home, her bags piled about her feet where the cabbie had left them just moments ago. She felt no dread of what was to come. Instead, she blew out a purposefully long cloud of condensation from her cashmere-encased lungs and enjoyed the snow-capped wonder of oak trees in winter. She was home. And, this time, she had been invited. * * * The heavy front door burst open, ending Kelly's reflective moment. Adam and Peter hurried down the front walk to grab her luggage, both of them too lazy to cover their thin t-shirts with a coat. Neither of her younger brothers paused to greet her as they loaded themselves like pack mules and hustled back to the warm house. Kelly walked calmly in their wake, the hard soles of her flats tapping out a smart cadence with every step, feeling very adult in her business- casual attire And there she was. Her mom stood in the doorway, wearing faded pair of sweats and a loose t shirt. She looked thin, frail and just out-of-bed. She also looked a thousand times better than she had a mere three weeks ago in the hospital. Kelly hurried up the walk and hugged her mom with true abandon. Kelly bent down to kiss her mom's cheek then whispered, "I can never repay what you did for me." "Honey, just having you here...and happy...is all the repayment a mother could want." Rather than dissolve the in the tears that threatened both eyes, Kelly released her mother and hung her long coat on the brass stand in the entryway. Just as Kelly gingerly removed her leather gloves, taking care not to break her nails, her mom took her hands. "Let me look at you." Even though Kelly had already been through her mother's scrutiny in the hospital, she could not stop the anxiety that shot through her spine. Kelly had popped into the office to finish paperwork before she left Tucson, consequently she now wore "work" clothes. She tried not to squirm as her mother examined her cute-but-practical shoes, tailored wool slacks and cable-knit sweater. Kelly's 22-carat earrings pulled like barbells at her lobes as her mother's gaze moved to Kelly's day makeup and the long braid that dangled down her back. "You look very professional, dear. I wish I could take credit for it." Suddenly, Kelly realized a daughter's appearance reflected how well her mother had taught her the art of womanhood. No wonder mothers always pick at their daughter's fashion choices. I'm a walking billboard for her peers to judge. I guess its a good thing I turned down "Girls Gone Wild". Kelly cringed to remember that Jason had once desperately wished to be one of those girls. Thankfully, that desire had faded after she had transitioned. Now, with perspective, she understood she had wanted to be so unquestionably female that men could not help but desire her. Kelly looked into her mom's earnest face and said, "Oh God, Mom. I need all the help I can get." * * * Just because her family had made up their minds to accept Kelly, did not mean they knew how to talk to her. Her mom simply slipped into her "creature comfort" mode, offering drinks and left-overs. Meanwhile, Adam and Pete plopped themselves down next to her at the kitchen table and proceeded to devour slices from an enormous sub. "Sit down, mom. You don't need to wait on me," insisted Kelly, as she cut herself a piece from the sandwich. "I'll manage." Kelly took a dainty bite from the big sandwich, managing to keep her lipstick intact while she ate. She stopped when she noticed Adam and Pete staring at her. HELLO, you've seen me eat before. What's gives? Pete answered her glare with a shrug. "Sis, I guess you never watched the old you eat a sub. Trust me. Its different." "I'm just glad we missed out on her "bossy" stage," chimed in Adam. "Otherwise, she'd think she could tell us what to do." Mom HAD to have told everyone else about Brendan. By clowning around, her brothers filled the air with noise while avoiding questions they really did not want to hear answered. Still, forced interaction was better than none. "Hmmph," she snorted. "Maybe one of you pigs would have gotten a date by now if I had been around." Almost on cue, both Adam and Pete stopped mid-chew and glanced at one another. When neither of them could come up with a clever response, they simply resorted to silence. Great Kel, bring up sex. Just the way to put them at ease. Kelly's mom came to the rescue. "I doubt it would have made any difference, dear. They would have had to actually listen." Kelly histrionically rolled her eyes while Pete sputtered, "Hey, not fair! Five minutes, and they're already teaming up on us." "Can I help it if I get a little crazy? After more than twenty years, there's another oasis of sanity in this family, and I'm not missing my chance," retorted their mom, treating her children to a rare glimpse of the smart-ass sorority girl she had been more than thirty years ago. Kelly giggled. She abruptly stopped when she noticed Adam and Pete staring at her once more. Kelly suppressed a frustrated scream. A warped desire to whisper in her Jason voice, "Help me, I can't get out!" nearly made her dissolve into another giggling fit. Instead, she simply changed the subject. "Where's Dad?" "Working," chorused Adam and Pete. Kelly scrunched her nose and said, "On a Saturday?" "What else is new?" asked their mother. On that note, Kelly decided she'd had enough. "Mom, I'm tired. I think I'm going to hit the shower and take a nap, if its OK with you." Her mom nodded her approval as Kelly rose from her chair. "Of course. Tell me if you need anything." Kelly stopped, looked back at her mother and emphatically said, "No, mother. If I need anything I'll ask Adam or Pete. YOU just got out of the hospital." * * * The moment Kelly opened her bedroom door, she noticed her mother had replaced Jason's Chinese dragon comforter with the floral print from the guest closet. She had also rooted out every last stitch of "Jason" clothes from the drawers and closet. When Kelly had been home less than a month ago, her old room had been preserved like a memorial. She guessed the changes were her mother's way of telling her to make the room her own. Kelly heaved her largest suitcase onto the bed and removed her cotton bath robe. The bottle of Baghari underneath seemed to call to her. Impishly, she picked up her perfume and sprayed random squirts into the air. "Begone evil Spirit! Haunt this place no more!" she incanted before she lost herself in peals of laughter. Momentarily satisfied, Kelly unbound her hair, removed her clothes and donned the robe. Gathering her shampoo and conditioner in her hands, Kelly retreated into the bathroom. * * * Kelly woke some hours later to Pete's Coldplay ring tone blaring through the wall. Kelly groaned, looked out at the dying winter sun, and sat up in bed. Pete's phone blared again. Kelly resisted the urge to pound on the wall when she heard Pete make a vague reference to "party". Presumably, her brother had an upcoming social engagement. Kelly stumbled out of bed and pulled on a pair of white shorts under her voluminous Edgerrin James jersey. Without bothering to even look at her hair, she shuffled into the hall. Much to Kelly's surprise, her mother stood just outside her bedroom fully dressed in evening clothes. Before Kelly could form a question, her mom said, "Its the Youth Orchestra's Charity Auction. Since I was the Chairwoman, I really should make at least a token appearance." "Your Dad and I should be home before 10:30. Aunt Sara brought a roast over yesterday and its still in the fridge." "Mom..." "Don't start, honey. I'll be fine. I rested all day." Her mom then turned and stalked toward the stairs. Kelly looked daggers at her father, who plaintively lifted his hands in a "what can I do?" gesture before trailing after his wife. Left to her own devices, Kelly wandered into the den only to find Adam blasting online opponents on the WW2 battlefield "Medal of Honor".She recognized the game because Brendan liked it. Holy crap! The last thing I want to see is my brother playing my boy- toy's favorite game. Adam glanced up from the screen when she sat on the other end of the sofa. He studied Kelly's face for a moment and said, "Is there a show you want to watch? "Ohmigod, yes," began Kelly in her best bimbo voice. "Oxygen network is having a "Bridget Jones" marathon." Adam groaned. Rather than reply to her smartass remark, he shut down his game, popped the Madden disk into the X-box and tossed a controller in her direction. "Wanna play?" Its like he's trying to hang on to the only remnant of "Jason" that he can recognize. I guess sniping at him doesn't help. "Sure." Just after Kelly guided LaDanian Tomlinson across the goal line to take a 3rd quarter lead, Adam's phone began to play "I Can't Get No (Satisfaction)". Adam opened the phone, listened for a few moments then said, "No. No.", and hung up. Before he could unpause the game, his phone rang again. This time, Adam professed to being "busy" with "family stuff." Kelly suppressed the impulse to lay her hand on his forearm and said, "Listen. If you've got..." "I'm not going to leave my sister home alone the first night she's here. There will be other parties." He really IS trying. I guess I should give him some credit. Rather then express her gratitude, Kelly professed to be hungry, asked Adam if she could get him anything, and retreated to the kitchen. Dutifully, Kelly opened the refrigerator and spotted the rounded mass of aluminum foil that must contain the roast. Much to her surprise, the foil merely covered a few thick bones picked almost clean. Adam contrite voice sounded from behind, "Pete, Dad and I sorta got hungry last night." "Did you bother to tell Mom?" Silence answered her. "Of course not. That would mean you guys would have to actually think." "Well, we could always run over to Buffalo Wild Wings." Kelly looked up in surprise. She had presumed Adam would be reluctant to be seen out with her. Of course, he could have invited her to the party; but she was certain that "How to Introduce your Transsexual Sister" was one of the Great Unanswered Questions of contemporary collegiate etiquette. "Let me grab my purse." * * * Kelly, however, did a thing or two more than "get her purse" when she went upstairs. Adam glared when she unfurled her coat inside the restaurant and he saw that not only had she put on makeup, she had also changed into a pale yellow top that put a healthy amount of cleavage on display. Of course, the other girls showing even more skin did not bother him at all. Is it because I'm his sister, or because I used to be his brother? Or maybe both? Kelly looked right back at him and said, "I was fresh out of habits." "Cut it out, Kel." "Why? It's fun." She never dreamed she would use her hard-won girly skills to frustrate her brother, but she could not help herself. In a way, his censure flattered her. He had unconsciously reacted to her as a woman. Even so, who was he to pass judgment on her clothing choices? Rather than answer her, his gaze locked on a cluster of poker tables set up on the far side of the bar. Nodding to a 'Free Poker Tournament" sign, he asked, "What about it?" "I'm not much of a poker player." "C'mon, Kel. It's free. What can you lose?" Kelly nodded. Maybe her brother had simply latched onto a new method to avoid talking to her. And, maybe not. But, any kind of "normal" interaction would help. As Kelly and Adam took open seats at the same table, she wondered if her brother was ready to see what was about to happen. The moment Kelly sat down, she noticed male eyes light on her. While there were a few other women scattered around the room, poker is a "guy" game. Any half-way attractive woman draws attention. After the guys had a few drinks and the ice thawed a bit, that attention would progress to flirtation. Perhaps it will be good therapy for Adam. None of the guys, however, truly interested her. They were a mix of middle-aged barflies and college students. The guys not-so-covertly vied for her and the blonde's (one seat to Kelly left) attention. Kelly deftly evaded most of their sallies until a new guy got moved to the seat next to her. "Whoa, I have the best seat in the house! I'll call you beautiful woman no.1 and (turning to Kelly), you're beautiful woman no. 2" Without bothering to look up from her cards, Kelly scornfully retorted, "Why am I..." He was tall. Gorgeous chestnut hair glinted in the low light. Heavy muscles strained the easy confines of his shirt. "...no. 2?" He also had gone to Ellison Sr. High with Jason. Bradley Moore turned his killer smile on Kelly and said, "Because everyone knows blondes are more fun." Nice try, Bubba. But, I'm at least five years younger. And I'm the one you're giving a chest x-ray. Kelly carefully inspected his short, but thick, mane and replied, "You could always try dyeing it. But you would still need a sense of humor." The entire table hooted at Bradley's expense. The skinny guy across from Kelly laughed and began to sputter like a buzzsaw. Adam, meanwhile, maintained a rigid silence. Kelly busted out of the tournament a few hands later, when the skinny guy drew out a flush against her set. Undisturbed by her elimination, Kelly moved to the bar and ordered a Margarita. Less than 15 minutes later, Bradley slid onto the stool next to her. As the two exchanged measuring glances over the next few moments, Kelly desperately wished she'd had the good sense to put on a skirt tonight. There were just so many options that a skirt offered that jeans precluded: she could flash some thigh, cross and re-cross her legs or even wiggle her butt. Jeans simply failed to offer the same versatility. He leaned toward and murmured, "I can barely recognize you." In a fraction of a second, she went from happily toying with his affection to utter panic. He knew. She had no idea how. But, he KNEW. "How very observant of you. If you'll excuse me..." His right hand shot out and grabbed her left foreman just as she rose from her stool. Kelly glared daggers at his invading hand, but he did not budge. "Relax. I'm not out to embarrass you. I just thought you should know." The rigid muscles of her forearm softened to smooth jello as she perched herself on the barstool once again. Softly, she asked, "What gave me away?" "Nothing really. It's just that my mother is in the same prayer group as your father. And, I recognized Adam from Westside Soccer Club. I added two and two." "I see." She braced herself for a battery of questions that would reduce her to a set of body parts, psych theories and pop-culture social paradigms. Anything to prevent her from simply being Kelly. Otherwise, he might have to recognize her basic humanity. "You know, I couldn't stop looking at you. You're absolutely captivating." Gratitude, relief and pleasure warred in Kelly's forehead until they wiped away rational thought. Reflexively, she turned her chin away from Bradley, but looked up at him with her eyes. "Really?" "Yes," he said, using his right hand to rub Kelly between her shoulder blades. "Really." Just at that moment, a gaggle of people descended on the bar from the poker tables. Kelly belatedly realized the tournament had gone on break. She searched the crowd for Adam but did not spot him until he stood right behind her. "Uh. Adam. Hi. I...umm..." "Let me guess. You found a ride home." Warmth spread up her face. She knew she had turned red. "Uhhh...yeah." "Don't looked so surprised. I'm in a frat back at Northwestern. I've been to a few mixers." He held his face rigidly neutral. "Do you still have your house-key?' She nodded. "Make sure you're back before morning," he commanded, then stalked back to his table. * * * Whatever Bradley was doing since they were in school, he was pretty good at it. He drove a silver-blue Nissan Z car, he had tastefully furnished his house, and his couch was very comfortable as his body pressed Kelly against the cushions. She stretched in languid comfort as his hand found her swollen breast. Her high pitched gasps followed in rhythmic waves. She unbuttoned his jeans and plunged her hand into his maroon briefs. His hard length warmed her soft palm. Slowly, she began to stroke it. Now, he gasped in turn, deep primal groans which drowned out her sweet tones. She giggled as he lost more and more control of himself. She felt his arms tense, then he forcefully clamped his hands on top of her shoulders and shoved her back into the couch, kissing her savagely. Her lips parted and his tongue probed her mouth while she returned the favor. After a few pleasant moments, he lifted himself free of her then picked her up in his arms. Kelly wound her arms about his neck and uttered an emphatic "Ohhhh," of pleasure at his easy strength as he carried her to his bedroom. After he set her on her feet inside his room, she gracefully wriggled out of her jeans and pulled the yellow top over her head. She unhooked her bra, pushed her panties down her legs, then posed naked before him. "You like?" He grinned. "You've changed a bit since High School." Coyly, she answered, "For the better, I think." He answered by gently pushing her onto his bed. * * * Gwen Stefani stirred Kelly from sleep. Groggily, she carefully removed Brad's sprawled arm and groped her way to the living room in semi- darkness. Finally, she found her purse and opened her phone. "Get your ass home, NOW, Kelly," demanded a male voice before she could say a word. Belatedly, she recognized it as Adam. "Waa?" "Aunt Sara came this morning to make everyone breakfast and clean the kitchen." "Shit." "Yeah, shit. Kelly rushed to the next room, and shook Brad's shoulder until he groaned. "Wake up! Wake up! I need to go." "What time is it?" "Nearly Eight." "Can't it wait?" "NO! NOW," she insisted, stamping her foot and causing her bare breasts to bobble. "Christ. You're like every other damn woman in world." Great attitude. I wonder if he's always this charming in the morning. Then his disappointment registered. Son of a bitch, I'm an idiot! That asshole didn't want me, he wanted a curiosity. Her muscles spasmed with anger. She wanted to hit him and hit him and hit him until she had made him feel as low as she did right now. Unfortunately, her soft, futile arms gave her little hope of exercising that option. Of course, I could be wrong. Female hormones haven't given me the ability to read minds. As she hurriedly pulled on her jeans, she said, "Brad, if you don't drive me home, I'll drive myself." Which meant she would take his car. "Ok, ok," he grumbled, and rolled out of bed. * * * Fortunately, Brad's place was less than twenty minutes from her parents' house. Kelly issued terse directions then settled into the Nissan's passenger seat. Rather than look at Bradley's lying face, she stared out the side window. Her phone rang again. "Kelly, where are you?" "Five minutes. Is Sara still there?" "Yeah. I told them we were out really late. They think you're still sleeping. You're going to have to use the back way." Kelly could not get up the stairs without being seen from the kitchen. But, as a teenager, she had shown her brothers how to sneak into the house by climbing up the gutter that ran next to her bedroom window. "Uhhhh. Adam. I think I can manage the back fence, but climbing the pipe is another matter. "I've got that covered. A couple years ago, Pete broke his wrist. Anyway, he bought a rope ladder. I'll put it out your window when I see you." If it was just Mom and Dad, I'd walk in the front door. I'm an adult, after all. But, there's no way I'm giving Sara that kind of ammunition. Kelly directed Brad to stop one street west of her parents' home. As she opened the door he said, "Could I get your number?" She wondered if he really wanted it, or if he was just offering her a crumb. Perfunctorily, she recited the digits and marched off toward her house. Right now, she had bigger problems than Brad. The chain-link back fence gave her little trouble, even with her high- heeled boots. The rope-ladder, however, was a distinct challenge. Two- and-a-half inch heels were not made for climbing. Neither were her finger-nails. Her purse also bounced off her much bigger butt. "C'mon, c'mon," urged Adam in a hushed voice. "Fuck the nails, just get up here!" She hissed back, "Do you really think Mom wouldn't notice? Or Sara?" Minutes later, she managed to clamber over her windowsill with a little help from Adam. She noticed his nose crinkle when she stood next to him. "Kel. You need a shower." Rather than answer, she shooed him out of her room and locked the door. She quickly shucked off her clothes and put on her bathrobe. She almost forgot to clean her face, but thankfully, she had baby-wipes in her purse for just such occasions. She sprayed some deodorant over her body for good measure, but she knew she would not stand up to close inspection. There was nothing else to do but open the door and hope she did not encounter either her parents or her Aunt. Kelly's luck held; she made it to the bathroom without incident. She did not relax, however, until she felt hot water hit her back. * * * Feeling thoroughly clean, Kelly padded down to the kitchen after combing out her wet hair. She was glad she had the foresight to get dressed before coming down, because Aunt Sara waited for her in the kitchen. "Where is everybody?" "I sent your Mom back to bed. Your Dad went to church. Pete isn't up yet. Adam came down early this morning, but he went back to sleep after he had breakfast with your father and me." "I see." Sara carefully examined Kelly from head to toe. "You look more normal than I imagined." What were you expecting? Tentacles? Even though Sara had helped her brother considerably when Kelly's mom had been in the hospital, she had managed to avoid Kelly. "And your voice. You must have worked very hard." "Thank you." Kelly half-expected her to reply, "It wasn't a compliment, dear." But, I suppose, that's way too much honesty for Aunt Sara. Instead, Sara turned back tot he stove and picked up a bowl filled with batter. "Would you like a waffle?" "Please." "I understand you and Adam had quite a night last evening." "Not really. The guys clobbered your roast the other night and there wasn't anything to eat. So Adam and I went out. But then, they had a free poker tournament and Adam wanted to play." "You know, I'm just a simple Christian woman. I don't really understand why poker seems to be everywhere these days." "Of course, my husband used to play." Kelly had long thought that Uncle Rick's tragic death had not been so tragic. Kel, you're terrible. But that bitch deserves it. Kelly considered her options for a moment. I wonder if I'd establish my feminine credentials by answering spite for spite, or should I just ignore her? God, I'm too tired for this shit. Sara walked to the kitchen table and plopped a plate with a full-sized waffle in front of Kelly. Kelly frowned, then cut it in half with her knife and deposited the excess on the empty platter in the middle of the table. Satisfied, Kelly poured syrup over her waffle and began to eat. Sara turned back to the stove and began to scrub. Without turning around she continued, "Your Dad and brother left this place a real mess. I could really use some help." Wonderful. Either she gets to snipe at me all afternoon AND criticize everything I clean. Or, I turn her down, and prove to her I'm not a "real" woman. Too bad I don't know the number for a cheap hit-man. After weighing the matter for a few moments, she reluctantly concluded the first option would give Sara less cause to complain. Kelly forced herself to smile. "Sure, Aunt Sara. Let me finish breakfast and I'll give you a hand." * * * Late that evening, Kelly joined Adam in the jacuzzi. She had wanted to talk to him all day, but Aunt Sara had kept her busy cleaning the kitchen, then preparing a big late lunch, and then everyone watched the Colts game (including her mom). When Kelly had spotted him entering the patio by himself, she knew she had found her chance. She had changed into her aquamarine one-piece, pinned up her hair, and followed him before she lost her chance. Adam said nothing as Kelly slipped into the seat across from him. Instead, they looked at one another in silence, the rumble from the jacuzzi motors filling the enclosed patio. Finally, she used her sweetest little girl voice to ask, "Do you hate me?" He let out a long sigh. "No, Kel. I don't hate you. It's just freaky when your older brother comes home looking like one of Maxim's "Hometown Hotties"." "I can understand that." "No, Kelly, I don't think you can. Pete and I...we looked up to you. You taught us a lot. And now, what good is any of it? Was "Jason" just a big act?" Kelly thought about his question for a long time before answering. "There is a part of me that would like to answer, "Yes". Yes, it was all a big act because I've always been a girl. But, I wouldn't exactly be telling the truth." His facial muscles slackened and he almost imperceptibly shook his head.He did not understand. Kelly continued, "We all act to fit the roles society gives us, to a certain extent. Society subjected "Jason" to all the same pressures and privileges as any other guy. The things I learned, and the things I taught you...those things are real." "But this," she said, lifting both hands out of the water and gesturing to her body, "this is real, too. "Kelly" lives her life subject to the same rules as any other woman. And, for the most part, I want what other women want. That's why "Kelly" seems so strange to you." "Why do you want to live like that?" "I don't know," answered Kelly promptly. Gesturing to Adam's swimsuit- clad body, she asked, "Can you tell me why you want that?" He shook his head. "Well, I can't tell you either. But, I like being a woman. All of it." He stared at the steam rising from the water for a few minutes, then admitted, "I watched you all last night. You're very girly. I guess you've had plenty of practice." "Thank you...I think." Violently, he shook his head. "Despite what you seem to think, I have quite a few female friends back at school. You remind me of them." The sudden urge to hug him almost overwhelmed Kelly. But, she knew Adam was not ready for such a gesture. Politely he asked, "Did you have a good time?" Kelly doubted he really wanted to know, but she sensed an honest answer would surprise him. "Not really." "What?" "He didn't want me. He wanted a novelty fuck." "Son-of-a-bitch! Then why..." "I didn't figure him out until later. I think I was so overwhelmed a guy who knew about my past would want me, that I wasn't thinking straight." "He recognized you?" "Yeah. His mom is in Dad's prayer group." Adam began to laugh. Kelly glared at him until he explained. "Kel, can't you see the irony? I doubt our Dad or his mom ever considered this possible result of joining a prayer group." Kelly's sudden giggle filled the room. "I never looked at it that way! That IS funny." After their laughter had subsided, Adam gently asked, "Are you OK, sis?" "Yeah, I think I am." * * * The next morning, Mom informed Kelly that she had made an appointment to take a new family photo. Their Dad would meet them on his lunch hour. As they both climb the stairs after a late breakfast Kelly addressed her Mom's back, "Thanks for warning me." "You're welcome, dear." "Mommmm." She must have made this appointment before I even came home. Annoyed, Kelly demanded, "How did you know I would bring something to wear?" Her mom laughed. "Your father told me how heavy your bag was last time. I presumed you would have something." Moments later, Kelly found Pete in the bathroom preparing to take a shower. She did not hesitate. "OUT!" "What?" "You heard me. I said out." "Hey, I was..." "I don't care! All you have to do is rub your hair and throw on a suit. I've got a few more things to do. So, OUT! Resigned, Pete shuffled past her toward the door. "Sheesh. And Adam thought we'd missed your bossy stage." The moment he left, Kelly locked the door and turned back to her image in the wall-sized mirror. God, how many family clich?s can I play out in an hour? She hopelessly ran both hands through her limp hair. I guess its all part of establishing a new family dynamic. We're playing out clich?s because it lets us cling to something familiar. Kelly had confronted the same problem the first time she had gotten a job as a girl. She did not know how to be a woman in the workplace. There she had employed the simple expedient of silence until she had seen enough to know what people expected. The same strategy, however, did not apply to a family. Everyone here had known her for years. She could not sit on the sidelines until she was ready. Send me in Coach! I can play in pain. Kelly lost herself in the warm water of the shower. Clouds of comforting bathroom fog filled the small room. Kelly looked down at her naked body. This. This is what's real. Everything else is just a construct. Forty minutes later, her Mom burst into Kelly's room without knocking. Kelly looked up from her dresser, where she had pulled her desk chair to do her face in the mirror. She lost her hostility when she saw who it was and the lighted makeup mirror her mother carried under her arm. "I thought you could use this," her Mom needlessly explained. "Thanks." Her mother laid her hand on the shoulder of Kelly's sea-green bathrobe, then fussed with the spiral curls Kelly had had just finished steaming into her hair. "What do you plan to wear?" Kelly had been around her friends enough to know her Mom was not just asking an idle question. She wanted to know what Kelly would wear to make sure they would not look too much alike. Without speaking, Kelly walked to her closet and pulled out a little black Gucci dress that, thankfully, was not TOO little. "Expensive." "I bought it for a work event." "How are you accessorizing?" Kelly pulled out a heavy gold and black necklace, three bracelets and her Kate Spade pumps. "I haven't decided on earrings yet." "I've got just the thing. And I have a Louis Vitton knockoff that would be perfect. I'll be back in a minute." As her mom left, Kelly resolved not to show her the very real Chanel bag she had in her suitcase. Kelly knew Mom WANTED to share clothes with her. She was not going to ruin the moment. Kelly realized she dressed like typical fashion plate, almost to a ridiculous degree. She also knew her behavior rooted in style insecurity. All the right names provided a kind of insurance. Formal events were stressful enough. Throwing way-too-much money at the problem was an easy solution. Kelly had slipped on her hose, put on her dress, and was just stepping into her shoes, when her mom walked back into her room wearing a housecoat. Kelly could not recall a time when her mother had worn a housecoat in Jason's room. She held an earring against Kelly's neck and clucked approvingly, "These will look wonderful." Rather than hand the earrings to Kelly, her mom pushed back Kelly's hair and put the earring in Kelly's ear. She repeated the process for the other ear, then stood back to admire her handiwork. "You know, your grandmother would be gratified to learn that you spent your inheritance to make yourself happy. That's all she ever wanted for her grandchildren." "Do you really think so." Her mother nodded. "Mom was a humble soul. She never pretended she had everything figured out. That left her natural kindness free. I wish you could have known her better." "I do too." Kelly's mom set the Louis Vitton knockoff down on Kelly's dresser, right next to a model SR-71 spy-plane that she had built when she was 13. Her mom hurried out the door, presumably to finish getting ready herself. Kelly ran into the not-yet-dressed Pete in the hall on her way to the bathroom for some Q-tips. Pete goggled at Kelly's full feminine regalia, while Kelly noted she was slightly taller than him in her heels. "Damn. How did you learn to walk around in all that stuff?" "Practice, little brother. Lots and lots of practice." Kelly treated him with an impish grin, "I could teach you, if you'd like." "Uh...no thanks." Belatedly, Kelly realized he had never before seen her in a dress. Even so, his reaction seemed a bit extreme. She wondered if Adam had told him about her little escapade the other night. I suppose it doesn't really matter if he did. Though it would be nice if Adam had kept his mouth shut. A few minutes later, Kelly sat in front of her dresser touching up her nails. The pungent scent of undried nail polish filled the air as she considered the difference between male and female adventures. Jason would not have cared if his brothers knew he had gotten laid. In fact, Jason would have crowed to his brothers. For Kelly, confiding sexual encounters required far more trust. Of course, she did not want her family to think she was a slut. She sensed, however, something more fundamental at play. God, I'm going to break my brain. Kelly gave up trying to understand sexual dynamics and glanced at her clock. Seeing it was almost time to go, she grabbed her mother's purse and clumped out the door. As Kelly stepped into the living room, she saw her mother waiting on the couch. Neither Adam or Pete were ready. Kelly walked over to a wing chair across from her mom and smoothly sat down. Crossing her legs, Kelly shared a sardonic grin with her mom "What's taking them so long?" "I have no idea, dear." Sitting in silence in the living room, Kelly dearly wished she could tell her mother about Bradley. Since yesterday morning, Kelly had wanted to collapse in a puddle of tears. She knew, however, her mother would be very disappointed in her. Adam had been wonderful, but she did not want to tell him anything more. In some strange way, their birth-order had seemed to reverse since that day. Kelly's cell phone burned in her purse. She wanted to call Jenny so badly she could barely contain herself. Of course, then she would have to tell Jenny her big secret. Kelly could not bring herself to risk their friendship. What she really needed was a sister. But, unless Pete changed his mind about girl lessons, she had no way to acquire one. Adam walked in, thankfully distracting Kelly's train of thought. Pete followed moments later. Kelly stood and joined her siblings, as their mother inspected them. "Everyone looks good. Let's go." Her mom gave the keys to the Escalade to Adam, apparently because she did not feel up to driving. Her mom's action sent a shock-wave of fear through Kelly. Does she sense that I'm a wreck? Kelly glanced down at herself as she stood next to her brothers. This dress does a lot of things for me, but I hardly look like I'm in charge. I hope that's why I didn't get the key. Rather than complain, Kelly climbed into the back seat of her mom's SUV and primly sat with her knees together.