Amy 10: Amy And The Blue Devils free porn video

Amy 10: Amy and the Blue Devils by Amy Komori The original characters and plot of this story are the property of the author. No infringement of pre-existing copyright is intended. This story is copyright (c) 2010 Amy Komori. All rights reserved. Chapter One: In the Valley of the Shadow of Heidi The rest of the day was just one long smear of confusion. I couldn't concentrate and mostly just replayed my confrontation with Heidi while staring at blank pages in my spiral-bound notebooks or into space while my teachers droned away about things I didn't find interesting in the least. After classes, I carefully avoided Sarah and the others so I wouldn't have to explain the situation to them. That's how horrible I felt about it?I wanted to keep the news from my friends for as long as possible that I was now a disgusting cheerleader. I sneaked out one of the side exits and made my way to the gym, telling myself just to run, to go find my real friends and face the consequences later. Instead I took the long way around the gym and crossed the senior parking lot to the practice field, which was a huge open area with dry grass. Heidi and the other stupid cheerleaders were already waiting there with some practice uniforms meant for me. You know, the white t-shirt with blue block letters reading "Delacroix HS Junior Varsity Cheerleader," as if I were proud of it, and blue shorts with the school logo. Which was a devil, appropriate and the only thing I liked about the whole mess. "Here, you can use Julie's old stuff until you buy your own. Change fast and meet us out on the field," Heidi said. She threw the practice clothes at me. I frowned and wore my toughest facial expression to make the girls think I wasn't intimidated and tried not to show I had the shakes too much. I sprinted to the girl's locker room and changed, then put the spares in an open locker. The practice uniform was one size too large, but it wasn't that noticeable and actually made it more comfortable and easy to move around in. I jogged outside to where the squad waited. The varsity cheerleaders were milling around by now, too, ready to start their own practice. I didn't know any of them. Mrs. Blake, the girl's multi-purpose P.E., tennis and cheerleading coach was with them. She grinned broadly at me and came trotting over. She was this super-tanned blonde woman who was in her early 40s and was still built like an athlete, all hard-bodied and actually kind of alluring in a sweaty way. "Amy Komori," she said. "I was really surprised when the girls voted you onto the squad, to be honest. You don't strike me as the cheerleading type somehow." "Well, yeah, my mom taught me don't judge a book and all that." "So young, so wise," she said and laughed. Actually, I kind of liked Mrs. Blake. Her husband was a football coach at Lee High, our crosstown rival school, and she was known for making jokes about him a lot. She had me sign some forms on a clipboard, and gave me others to take to Mrs. Komori, my substitute mom. Then she put her arm around my shoulders and introduced me to the squad, the girls I didn't already know. Tara, Kimmy, Saffron (What the hell?) and Monique (the token black girl... now with me, we actually had become a regular Benetton ad, just as predicted) all exuded wholesome normalcy and regular girl friendliness. Lauren, Abby and Heather, on the other hand, were Heidi's back-ups and obviously shared her dislike for me. They were all taller than I was. "We really don't have a large enough on your squad at present to compete in the regionals, but we will. I like to think of your group as our flagship, or our model squad," Mrs. Blake babbled. Blah, blah, the future. Blah, blah, school spirit. School spirit? The two dirtiest words in my current vocabulary. I wanted a clove cigarette. I wanted my friends. "All right, I'm gonna leave you girls with it, now," Mrs. Blake said. "Heidi, put them through their paces. I'll be in my office. All that work won't do itself!" "Yes, ma'am," Heidi said, then she had us line up in a double row. So she was a suck-up, too. She didn't see my nasty smile. Then I realized without pockets in my pants and no book bag or anything like that, I had no place to put all the stupid papers Mrs. Blake had given me. I folded them, then shoved them under this weird tire thing with a metal pole sticking out of it, like part of a volleyball net that had died and left its fossil there for us to marvel over. "Are you finished?" Heidi asked. "Oh I'm finished all right," I told her. She had no idea what I was talking about. Ready? Okay! The first thing I learned was to ball my fists on my hips and keep my legs together and be so completely dorky and lame I wanted to shoot myself. And I was missing band practice. That morning, before this massive shitstorm broke, we'd been talking about it and trying to come up with a name four ourselves. Instead of drinking cold sodas and tearing up my fingers on nickel- wound bass strings with my real friends, I was working on becoming a Barbie-doll phony, a parody of something out of "Clueless", which is like being a double parody. The stupid rhymes, the slow-mo dance routines to terrible songs. I mean, I listened to 80s music in an ironic, campy way with Sarah?although we both genuinely loved the Go- Go's and Prince-- but here I was playing air guitar and clumsily swinging my hips to "Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins blaring out of a CD player. And we were freakin' serious about it! We also worked on a show stopping number to "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls. Monique, Kimmy and Saffron were nice, joking around with me and trying to make me feel welcome, but Ashleigh Bodine took every opportunity to bump me and cross me up. Because of my amazing Amy-agility and Komori-grace, I kept bouncing off her and frustrating her until she finally stuck out her foot as we went into this little spin and tripped me. I ended up face down in the grass. Heidi shouted at us to stop. She got right in Ashleigh's face and demanded she stop messing with me. Ashleigh Bodine went pale. "I-I'm not." "I just saw you. You tripped her." "It was an accident, Heidi. She's so clumsy she was stepping on my feet a-and?" "Clumsy? God, she's picking this stuff up faster than even you did. I'm not stupid. I just said I saw you do it. You've been all over her. How is she supposed to learn the routines if you keep knocking her down?" "I'm sorry..." "Look, there's no way I'm going out there and have her stumbling around and making the whole squad look bad. So you either start helping her or I'll get like her little friend Sarah or someone and replace you." "Okay! I said I was sorry, Heidi." After brushing grass off my shirt and shorts and checking my knees for damage?nothing-- I got back in line next to Ashleigh Bodine. I knew better than to even look at her. But the tension we all felt?the other girls and me?was electric. For Heidi Fleegleeman, this cheerleading stuff was serious business. Monique, to my left, gave me a supportive little hip bump and we smiled at each other, but it took effort. "Okay, let's do it again," Heidi said, and she took her place in the line. This time we got through the entire number without any serious mishaps, but I was a half step late on some of the footwork and Heidi shouted at me a couple of times. When the song ended and we all sighed with relief. "Amy, up front," Heidi said while we shook out our arms and legs and cooled off. My heart skipped and I had to tell myself she wasn't going to punch me or anything. "Chop, chop Komori!" Heidi demanded. She clapped her hands. I stepped up to her. "Okay, is there anything you can do?" "Do?" "Yeah, do, Miss Stupid. Splits? Tumbling? Cartwheels, back flips, front flips, handsprings?" I looked back at Monique for more clarification, but she just shrugged. "I can do like this back end-over thing," I said. "Show me." I took a deep breath, feeling almost as much on the spot as I had when Lena got me to play guitar in front of everyone in the garage. I spread my legs and leaned back, arms outstretched and caught myself. My shirt popped up and showed off my bellybutton as I stretched out my right leg skyward then rotated until I went over completely then came up standing. A couple of the cheerleaders applauded and I smiled in spite of myself. Heidi just kind of started at me. "Okay, back walkover. Not the worst I've ever seen. That's something, at least." "Look, if you think this is such a bad idea," I suggested. But inwardly I was thinking, Holy shit, I didn't even know it had a name! "Get back in line," Heidi said, with a disgusted expression. "Let's do this again and then we'll teach Amy here how to do 'Two Bits.'" "That shouldn't be too hard for her," Abby said and some of the other girls snickered. In my mind I was jumping up and down on Abby and she looked kind of like a chewed-up wad of bubble gum. Monique tapped my shoulder. "Hang in there, baby sister," she whispered. "From the top, girls!" Heidi shouted and hit the button on the CD player, then ran back to her position. We did both our dances a few more times, then worked on some basic cheers, with Heidi demonstrating to me the moves. Lots of arm thrusts and punches, all angular, one movement flowing into the next. I learned "Two Bits," which was incredibly simple, just easy footwork and arm positions with a chant that went: Two bits! Four bits! Six bits a dollar! All for the Devils! Stand up and holler! We ended with this kind of pogoing jump, one arm up, one bent, fist on hip, shouting, "Hey HEY hey hey hey! "We used to end this with a mount," Abby said. "My old cheer team at the Y did, anyways." Some of the other girls agreed. "I'd love to do a stunt," Heidi said. "We could put you and maybe Amy up. Monique, you and I could be bases, Ashleigh and Kimmy, too. Saffy and Heather as spotters. But that leaves Tara and Lauren." Tara said, "We can tumble. I can do a handspring. Something like that." "That sounds pretty good. It's too late to start it for this game, but maybe next week? Lemme work it out with Mrs. Blake," Heidi said. "'Two Bits' one more time. Fists, girls. I wanna see fists." Actually, a lot of our moves involved making fists, which was fine with me because I could imagine mine going into Heidi's nose. We spent a huge amount of time working on these chants with really lame- ass rhymes like "Blue DEVILS... are... ON THE LEVEL!" and "Now you've got that Devil beat, let me hear you stomp your feet!" that made me feel fucking embarrassed to even say. Heidi kept screaming for me to yell from the gut, always demanding more volume, louder, louder, more spirit. At one point, Heidi said, "Damn, I wish we didn't have Delacroix as our name. It really throws off the meter. Delacroix... BLUE DEVILS! God, that sucks." "You suck," I said under my breath, but Monique heard me and started laughing. I gave her a nasty fierce look, teeth showing. I was starting to kind of like her. The hardest part wasn't doing the movements; it was remembering them in the correct order and giving them the kind of snap and life Heidi expected. She was like the meanest drill sergeant ever, only pretty. Finally, after the longest, driest, most annoying afternoon of my life, Heidi released us from cheer servitude. I had to go to the office and call Mrs. Komori to come pick me up. Emily showed up in her big Bronco II instead. She immediately took quite an interest in my newfound activity. "Cheerleading? What's up with that? I feel like I'm raising you wrong!" "I don't want to talk about it, okay?" "Oh, bullshit, Amy. Why are you doing this? You'd be more at home joining the Bank Robber's Club." "Or one devoted to babysitting. Anyways, Kim Deal was a cheerleader in high school. Being a cheerleader has always been my big dream. I just never told you, but it has. I kinda got the idea when you encouraged me to go for being a girl. This is part of it. Hi, I'm Amy, a girl. Eek, a mouse, school spirit, blahdy blah blah and all that." "Your big dream used to be banging Angelina Jolie on a beach in Tahiti." "That's my other big dream." "Well, you look cute as a kitten in your little practice outfit. The J-V jocks are gonna be on you like stink on shit." Any other time having Emily call me cute might have turned my heart into fluffy cotton candy, all fluffy and pink and sweet and easily melted, but now it just aggravated me. "I'm not after jocks. I'm doing this to broaden my horizons and try some new experiences!" "Okay, keep telling yourself that." Another entry for her Amy Journal, I thought. Then I remembered something. "Oh shit!" "What?" "We have to go back. I left my practice uniforms in the locker room." Emily pulled into a driveway so we could turn around. She didn't have much to say to me after that. Chapter Two: Your Friends Are People Who Understand You As I'd expected, Gina was pissed at me. Beyond pissed. After I'd showered the cheerleader stink away (Get it off me! Why won't it come off?) and put on my usual clothes, I walked over to Gina's and found the girls out in the garage. When I explained to them what I'd been doing, they completely freaked. Gina even called me a traitor. Her exact phrase was, "You're nothing but a Benjamin Arnold," but I knew who she meant. Lena didn't really say anything, just kept shaking her head sadly, as if I'd died. Which I'd rather have done. "I can still hang out sometimes," I told them. "Like any of us trust you now," Gina said. "What the fuck, dude? I missed one stupid practice!" "It's why you missed it! You can't be with them and with us at the same time! Why can't you understand that?" There was no reasoning with Gina. She was too hardcore, too caught up in this idea we were going to have a band or be some kind of opposition party to Heidi and her ilk. "God," she said. "That bitch kicks your ass and now you're like her lap dog or something." "I'm not! You don't know what it's like!" We were shouting at each other, our faces red now, close enough to spray each other with spit. I was pretty sure I swallowed some of hers. Then Sarah dashed out of the garage, her hair a red steak of flame; I think she was crying. My hands were in yellow-knuckled fists now. "There! Are you happy? You made Sarah cry!" "You made her cry! With your stupid... stupid... I don't know! Like you suddenly want to be popular!" "That's not why." "Then why?" "I?" I couldn't tell her. So I just muttered, "Fuck this," and left. Behind me Gina was suddenly pounding her drums, just beating them savagely, mercilessly. My heart skipped. Kim Deal sang in my mind, "He's like the dark/but I'd want him," and I knew it was my own subconscious telling me secrets about Gina. When I finally got home, I didn't have much appetite for Mrs. Komori's baked chicken and stir-fried veggies so I barely picked at my food, actually relieved for once not to have Emily around. After dinner, I hade a half-hearted attempt at my homework, then I tried to call Sarah a few times that night, but her mom kept telling me she was out. But I knew what was up. School the next day was extra lonely because my real friends weren't speaking to me, even when I had them in classes. In second period, I kept whispering, "Gina. Gina. Gina." "Amy!" the teacher snapped, so I gave up. I guess that was Heidi's little plan all along. Now I had no one except the girls on the cheerleading squad. Monique especially kept me sane. She was really good at all the cheers, but she had this ironic detachment from it, too. That meshed with my own sour feelings about the ordeal and made her encouragement more effective in a way. I got the feeling she wouldn't be joining Heidi on the varsity squad. Saffron and the other girls were as doctrinaire as Heidi and really seemed to want to please her. We practiced again after school while the boys behind us hit each other in their pads and stirred up great clouds of dust. I watched them sometimes, with this kind of wistful nostalgia I couldn't really understand. I'd never played football in high school when I was a guy, never really considered it. But I couldn't look away. There was just something compelling about this whole atavistic display of aggression and testosterone. You could almost smell it wafting on the air over towards us girls. It really hit me hard just how different I was now. At a distance the football players seemed large and it made me feel really small, tiny even. The coaches all seemed to have pot bellies, but they were all solidly-built guys and looked almost like professional coaches with their baseball caps on and all. But the boys?wow, we were truly tribes apart from each other now, our expectations and desires so different?ran around smacking into each other. They were running plays, so I guessed one squad or the other were supposed to be the enemy team and? "Amy!" Heidi was shouting at me. I turned to face her. "What is your damage, Amy?" Heidi asked, this disgusted look on her face. She was shiny from perspiring in the fall heat, but it looked kind of good on her. I had to admit she was actually kind of hot in a sportacular, girl-next-door way. "She's checkin' out some fine boy-bods," Monique said, and some of the girls laughed. "You were totally staring," Heidi said. "If you wanna play football, go try out for the team. Otherwise, get your mind on work, okay?" There was no point in trying to explain how I felt, so I just nodded, smiled at Monique like I thought her joke was funny?under other circumstances, on another day, it might have been?and got set for another run at our "Wannabe" dance. Heidi hit the button on the CD player and the Spice Girls started bleating that they'd tell us what they want what they really really want. Monique and Saffron really put effort into it, speeding up the moves, just rocking to the beat and looking like they were having a blast, so I tried to imitate them and we really started swinging our hips and shaking our asses and then it got out of hand?also, I started to find it really fun despite myself?so Heidi made us stop and lectured everyone about clowning around. "Just trying to give it some flare," Monique said. I could see Ashleigh Bodine rolling her eyes. Ashleigh was a good dancer, too, but in a dance class way that was a little stiff. Saffron, on the other hand, was the best among us, just loose limbed and practically made of rhythm. She threw her body around in a liquid way that-- "Amy! Stop staring at Saffron!" Heidi screamed. She was about on the verge of blowing her stack big time. After practice, Monique, Saffron and I walked over to where their parents were parked. "Little Amy likes to shake that money-maker," Monique said. I shrugged. "Not really." It never occurred to me I even had a money-maker. "I saw you. You were eating that shit like candy and you know it." "Okay, I liked the dancing part," I admitted. "Heidi really dislikes you, dude," Saffron said, shaking her head, her honey hair swishing, dripping sweat. "It's pretty mutual," I said. "Don't let her get to you," Monique told me. "She's actually fun to be around sometimes, but she takes this cheer stuff way too seriously. She wants like a scholarship or something out of it." "But why do you do it?" I asked. "I mean, you and Saffron? You're actually cool." They laughed and I blushed. "I do it 'cuz it's fun," Saffron said. "This might sound stupid to you, but also... it's a great way to make friends." She and Monique bumped fists and then Mrs. Komori pulled up so I told them I'd see them the following day and went home feeling confused. They did it because they enjoyed it? I couldn't wrap my mind around that concept. And the football team running through their plays and all just out of reach. Wednesday was the same-- only by then I pretty much knew what I was doing-- but Thursday afternoon's activities consisted of an extremely quick run through of our cheers and dances, then making spirit signs and whatnot. Heidi so very kindly volunteered my artistic skills to draw caricatures of our team mascot, the Blue Devil, murdering the other team's mascot, a tiger on a huge sheet of white paper for the football team to smash through before the game. "Make it like really vicious," she said. "But not bloody. Mrs. Blake said last year some parents complained about that stuff." From the logo on my shorts, I knew how to draw the Blue Devil, but I'd never free-handed a tiger before so I wasn't sure how to go about it and end up with something that looked really tiger-ish, even a dying one. It was kind of peaceful not being screamed at, not having to watch the football team, just doodling away. While the rest of the squad went to help the varsity cheerleaders decorate the players' lockers, Saffron, Monique and Kimmy helped me, the paper larger than a rugon the floor in the gym, fat markers and little cans of acrylic paint lying around us. They also worked on smaller signs on poster paper to hang in the hallways and inspire the student body somehow. "Got the dances down, Amy?" Kimmy asked. She'd taken over the tiger drawing. Kimmy was was your standard issue nice girl, blond but not as striking as Heidi. I had the idea she came from a super-stable home life and hadn't learned insecurity. "I think so," I said, sighing. "You learned that stuff pretty fast," Saffron said. "Did you ever take dance?" "Nope." "I took six years of jazz and tap," Saffron said. "Dance is fun. It should be, anyways." "That's cool." "Um... you really like the football players, don't you? Who are you interested in?" "I..." "Saffy's got a crush on Trey Masters," Kimmy said and Saffron snapped at her to shut up. I had only the vaguest notion who Trey Masters was. Some jock, probably stupid. I felt bad for Saffron for liking him. But who did I like? I was still crushing on Gina, which seemed even more ridiculous given our current relationship. Beyond that, I wasn't even sure if I liked boys or girls, wasn't really sure if my Gina-crush was really a crush or just this desire to be her. Plus, I had no idea what being attracted or excited by someone even felt like anymore-- not with girl chemistry anyways, and life had left me clueless about what to do in the event something did happen. But I was beginning to suspect I might be into girls, which, to be honest, was something of a relief. So many other things about me were rapidly changing so there was at least some consistency there. I guessed it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if I ended up being a het-girl, but even so, I was hoping that wouldn't happen. I wondered if any of the other girls had slept with anyone. Then I put all those thoughts out of my head and went to work on the sign's lettering. "Hey, Amy," Monique said. "Hmm?" I asked, my tongue out as I bore down with a marker. "Heidi kicked your ass about a week before you joined the squad. Didn't she?" I stopped drawing and felt my face flush hotly. "Yeah..." "Just... just kinda weird. I was thinking about that last night." "Things between me and Heidi are a little complicated right now," I said. "I don't really wanna talk about it." "That's cool. I just thought it was kinda weird. After that, she was really insistent we get you on the squad. I mean she supposedly hates you and stuff, so I'm kinda?" "Yeah, she wouldn't shut up about it, but everyone was like, 'But you beat the snot out of her and now you wanna hang out with her every day?'" Saffron added. Wow, it really seemed it was on their minds. But rather than indulge their curiosity, I just said, "Let's just drop it, okay? It's really a sore subject." "Do you even wanna be a cheerleader? You really don't seem the type." "Neither do you or Saffron or Kimmy for that matter. Let's make fun of the Spice Girls instead." Monique shrugged and we talked about all kinds of other things while we worked, including how much we all four really hated football. Chapter Three: We've Got Spirit! The J-V football team played its games right after school on Friday afternoons, so they wouldn't interfere with the main event, the varsity team's game that night. My squad had to wear our uniforms to school all day and help the varsity cheerleaders with the big morning pep rally. Sarah, Gina and I had skipped the first three; that seemed like years ago, although it had been only a week since the last one. Because Heidi told me it was a pep rally requirement, I wore a practice uniforms to school that morning, new cheer shoes (With extra arch support!) on my feet courtesy of the ever-generous Mrs. Komori. I went straight to the gym (we were excused from homeroom on pep rally days). All the other cheerleaders, varsity and J-V were already there looking sharp and bright. Mrs. Blake presented me with my cheer uniform, borrowed from the same person who'd donated the practice togs: blue and white sleeveless shell top with BLUE DEVILS stitched across the front (the varsity girls' tops had DELACROIX and a more complicated color scheme), little pleated skirt that was also blue and white but with double white stripes along the hem, bloomers and even socks with a little blue and white bonbon ball on the back. And pom- pons, as I'd already learned they were really called, "pom-pom" supposedly being Hawaiian for knocking boots. "This must be a proud moment for you, Amy," Mrs. Blake said. "You have no idea." "I understand you're quite the cheer prodigy. Maybe after next year you can join the varsity girls, huh?" "Yeah, I look forward to those halcyon days and hope my efforts will speed them hither," I said. Mrs. Blake looked at me as if I'd completely lost my mind, then went away quickly. "Dude," Monique said. "You made it. You are officially a Blue Devil cheerleader. Junior varsity, but hey!" I thanked her unenthusiastically. "Amy, you don't have any spirit ribbons," Heidi said. "What are spirit ribbons?" I asked. Heidi held up some blue and white ribbons, kind of satiny and shiny. "These are spirit ribbons. They go in your hair." The other girls were pulling each other's hair back into ponytails and tying the spirit ribbons into bows. Saffron was painting a little blue devil figure on Kimmy's left cheek, or at least that's what I thought it was supposed to be. It looked kind of like an emaciated smurf running around naked to the world. I bit my lower lip. "My hair's too short." "Don't be a pain," Heidi said and got behind me and starting tugging and pulling the shit out of my hair. "Ow, dammit!" I shouted. "Hold still." "You're pulling my hair out! You can't pull it longer!" "I know! I'm trying to figure something out." Ashleigh Bodine said, "Can't you just tie a bow in your hair, Amy? God, you're useless!" "You know what? Fuck you!" I snapped before I could stop myself. Everyone went silent. Then Heidi started tugging again and I felt her pulling the ribbon up behind my ears and tying it down tightly on top then futzing around with it. I stood there steaming. When she was finished she grabbed my shoulders and said, "Turn around, bitch," and tried to whirl me about. I shrugged her off and turned around in the opposite direction just to show her I could. "Yeah, that's cute," she said, satisfied with her work. I had no idea what was up there, but the other girls evidently approved. I mean, I guessed it was a bow of some kind. I just didn't want to dwell on it. "Okay, go get the chairs," one of the varsity girls told Heidi, and Heidi put us all to work setting up folding chairs on one side to of the gym for the football team to sit in. It didn't take too long. The first bell rang and kids and teachers started filing in for the big pep hoe down. The football players were in their jerseys, but with jeans. They sat in their special section and some of the cheerleaders talked with them, everyone loose and happy except me, the little black storm cloud on the horizon. The marching band warmed up and the whole place was buzzing to the rafters. We J-V sistas warmed up the crowd for the big team. Kids were still filing in and trying to sit in the bleachers while we danced to "Danger Zone" and "Wannabe." Every once in a while, some smart ass would shout "Buttercup!" for some reason-- and there'd be a general roar, teachers craning their necks to catch the various smartasses in the act. "Amy," Heidi hissed at me. "You better step it up, bitch." "Your mom steps up." "You wish, baby. I wanna see some spirit. Show me some hustle. Aren't Japanese like hard workers or something?" "Yes, ma'am," I sang in sarcastic imitation of her from the first practice and her face flushed darkly so I knew I was courting disaster. We sat cross-legged with our pom-pons in our laps courtside while the "real" cheerleaders led the students in various cheers, and the coaches introduced the team while everyone screamed. The cuter boys and more popular players got the loudest cheers and sometimes people would even shout out their names: "NATE!" "TUCKER!" "TREY!" (biggest cheer of all, and I looked over at Saffron, who was blushing and looking down) and now that I was getting a good look at them up close, I'd never seen so many heads without necks. They still made me feel weird inside. Just by existing, they super-emphasized how different my body was now compared to theirs. Guys. Dudes. But I couldn't dwell on it too long because we J-V girls had supporting roles to perform and Heidi made me run back and forth in front of the stands carrying a spirit sign. I was supposed to shout some encouraging shit, but I didn't. I just made my passes looking sour and then threw myself back down on my ass next to Monique. Finally, the principal told us all how he hoped the Blue Devils would whip the Riverside High Patriots and the coach and one of the teachers asked him to say something about the Colbyville High Tigers?that's who the J-V were up against?so he added them in, then exhorted everyone to show sportsmanship and to be safe and sound after the game. Then he led us in the singing of our school song, which was hand-lettered on the high wall opposite the main doors to the gym: Delacroix, Our Noble High School Devoted we to you Noble hearts we pledge hereafter All classes here renew Blue and White will never falter Through the coming years We offer you, our dear Blue Devils Our blood, our sweat and tears! The gym shook with the mighty roar of the brainwashed masses. Now I knew what the Nazis probably felt like. I wanted someone to say that to, but even Monique wouldn't have appreciated it. Gina, on the other hand, probably would have laughed her ass off. Afterwards, we hit the locker room and changed into our proper unis. My ears still ringing from the pep-noise, I held my top up, just dying inside. While I certainly didn't mind wearing and kind of crazy outfit for Emily's paintings, this was right on the edge of what I considered acceptable. To put it on was to brand myself one of the jock caste. In some schools, cheerleaders were considered athletes. I wasn't sure what the cheerleader status in Delacroix High was, except the varsity girls were generally considered the most popular in school. Ashleigh Bodine looked at me while I was changing and said, "Amy, you have the body of a little boy." "Leave her alone," Monique said. "No, I'm serious. My little brother has bigger boobs." "You look at your brother's boobs?" I asked and that shut Ashleigh Bodine up for the duration. My uniform was a little large and the skirt came down closer to my knees than it did on the other girls. Monique and Saffron came over to check me out, but I blew them off and got out of there as quickly as I could. I was super-jangled! Outside the gym, I ran into Sarah and I felt my heart practically shatter. Her green eyes widened and she lowered her head and started to brush past me. Monique and Saffron came out at the same time and moved away quickly to give Sarah and me some room. "Sarah, don't run off," I practically begged. "I-I have to go to class." "Fuck, dude, please talk to me," I said, trying to keep my voice low. It was hard not to let desperation edge into it. I missed Sarah so much. Sarah finally looked at me. She let a little smile cross her lips. "You... you look cute in your cheer costume." I blushed. "It's a uniform." "You have bow in your hair!" Sarah blurted in this wild, accusatory tone, and suddenly scurried away as if she could no longer take the horror of being in proximity to me. I turned around and Heidi was standing just outside the gym door. Just staring with her mouth a little open. I lowered my head and took off running, too. Chapter Four: Friday Afternoon Lights The day went by so slowly. I felt like a complete ass in that cheer uniform all day. People who ordinarily wouldn't have spoken to me when I was a nobody asked me my name and chatted me up. It gave me this feeling I was some other girl, some girl I didn't know anything about, that Sarah was completely right about it being a costume... and my self-confidence was on the wane. I ran into Sarah again in the hall between classes and I could barely look her in the face. I started to tell her why I was doing this, but she teared up and dashed off, bumped into some kid and dropped her books. Poor Sarah. At least Gina shot birds at me. I could handle that. We cheerleaders got out of sixth period early to get to the stadium. Monique and Saffron were a little pissed at me for my little locker room scene that morning, but idle chat sort of smoothed it over. We walked across the parking lot together and an old guy held open a side gate for us. The stadium was pretty unremarkable. Just some concrete block buildings and steel bleachers that weren't even covered in case of bad weather. Tall light standards that would be bright that night, useless for our purposes. Some of the players were already on the field tossing footballs and jogging around. Mrs. Blake trotted up. "Okay, ladies. This is the first game of the season. Let's do our best, keep spirit levels high and have a lot of fun, okay?" No one said anything, so she repeated herself, "Okay?" "Okay!" we all shouted and Mrs. Blake clapped her hands and huddled with Heidi for some final plans. Abby had the big roll of decorated paper and said we were supposed to take it out onto the field as soon as the players finished their warm-ups. "Amy, you and Saffron hold the left side and Ashleigh and I will hold the right, okay?" Abby asked, but it was more of an order than a question. "Okay, cool," Ashleigh Bodine said. "We'll take it out right after the National Anthem." "You nervous?" Saffron asked me. "Oh, just very." "Me, too. I couldn't sleep last night. Butterflies!" "You're that excited about this?" "Oh yeah." Kids and teachers started finding their places in the home stands while a few small figures sat across the way on the visitor's side. The Cobyville High Tigers from a few counties over, in red and gold?formed up along the far sideline. My stomach broke out in butterflies as Heidi hollered for us to gather around her, gave us our last minutes, and game time came way too rapidly. The school band played a slightly out-of-tune "Star Spangled Banner," and then I went out with the other girls and took my place alongside Saffron. We unfurled the giant banner and when the band struck up a barely recognizable version of what I finally realized was Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" (I silently cursed Mike Myers for repopularizing it), the stadium announcer screamed into his mic, "HERE THEY ARE! YOUR 1998 DELACROIX HIGH JUNIOR VARSITY BLUE DEVILS!" and the whole team in full pads with their helmets on came charging out right through our sign. It scared the fuck out of me, actually. I mean, I'd seen it happen at games before; I just wasn't prepared to be standing right there this small as these padded monsters crashed into something I was holding. I felt about as flimsy as the paper and Monique almost got her head taken off when?in her excitement?she stepped into the stampede's path. I stood stock still and silent while the other girls jumped up and down and cheered, then Heidi popped me on the ass and shouted, "Cheer, dummy!" "Hooray for our team!" I shouted in a faltering voice, leaping around, one fist in the air, the other on my hip. "Hooray for the sports contest that's about to begin! We beseech thee, O Our Satanic Overlord and Unholy Master to allow us unworthies to feast upon the blood of?' "GET YOUR ASS TO THE SIDELINE!" Heidi shrieked, her face dark and I ran as fast as I could to get away from her before she jumped me in front of everyone. We did our little kickoff chant, our voices rising as one with the few students in the stands as our kicker booted the ball and it went about 20 wobbly, weak-ass yards before bouncing along the ground as bodies crashed into each other. As thunderous as they seemed up close, the junior varsity team wasn't as large or intimidating as the varsity, and they sucked even worse?Delacroix High being famous locally as everyone's favorite Homecoming opponent for a quick and easy victory. After the first quarter, we were in the hole 17-0. Despite the ass whipping going on before our very eyes, we cheerleaders did our routines, our cheers. We held hands for luck whenever our team attempted a field goal, which wasn't often. If we'd held them whenever our team punted, we would have had to get married. "Eww, Amy!" Ashleigh Bodine said, disgusted, pushing my hand away. "Why are your hands always sweaty?" About that time, I heard the first boo's. Who the hell was booing from the home seats? I looked up at the sparse turnout and saw Gina, Lena, Sarah, plus our friends Dallas and Michelle Cho. Gina put her hands to her mouth. "BOOOO!" she jeered. The others joined in with "CLAUDIA SUCKS!" and "SEE YOU LATER, CLAUDIA TRAITOR!" "Those are your friends, right?" Monique asked me with this look of utter disbelief. "Yeah." "What's that Claudia stuff? Are they calling you Claudia?" "You know. Babysitters Club." She laughed. "Oh my God! I hated those books! And anyways, I thought your name was Buttercup. Did you see that on Car--" "YOU SUCK, CLAUDIA!" "?toon Network? They're gonna have a regular show pretty soon. I watch that with my little sister. 'Dexter's Laboratory' and stuff." "GOOD BYE, CLAUDIA!" Thanks, guys. Thanks for the support. God, why'd they have to show up? Oh yeah, because they fucking hated me now and wanted me to die. One of the teachers approached Gina and started bitching her out while Lena and Michelle died laughing. And what the fuck was Monique talking about? She was into cartoons, too? Powerwhat? Is that why people were shouting that at the pep rally?calling me Buttercup? Thoroughly unnerved now, I fell apart on the next routine. I turned right when everyone else turned left and shouted nonsense syllables when I blanked on lines from the chant. Ashleigh Bodine suddenly knocked off six back flips in a row and end up with her arms up and her chest out in a perfect finishing pose; even I was just fucking gawking in amazement. Captain Heidi told me to try a cartwheel and my attempt was deemed barely acceptable. If only we'd been on inline skates and had a portable Blue Devil vert there I'd have kicked everybody's ass, even in that worthless pleated skirt. Mrs. Blake shouted encouragement at us collectively, all this New Age pop psychobabble from the stands about self-esteem and the reward of positive effort. You know, bullshit. Just to show something to someone, I did my back walkover, arching my back then touching the ground with my hands and lifting one leg until I could rotate over and come back to a standing position. As a finale and to kind of parody Ashleigh Bodine, I gave them a ballerina pose. "Weirdo," Heidi said with a funny smile, a kind I hadn't seen on her face before. Then she did one, which got the whole squad doing them while I watched, hoping for a lightning to strike me dead. The only parts I halfway enjoyed were the dances. I wished I could have picked the music?not that I had any idea what I might have chosen?but trying to match Monique and Saffron for enthusiasm almost made me forget where I was. Why had I never really danced before, I asked myself. Shaking it was physically liberating and made me want to do it more... in some other context. Like a party or something. And actually, I discovered something new about myself: I liked performing in front of people. I could feel the teensiest smidgen of show-offiness. It blossomed despite the poison soil of cheer squad and the open mockery of Gina and the others. God, if our band had worked out, I thought sadly. Four quarters, just over an hour and a half. At halftime, Mrs. Blake brought us Cokes and the other cheerleaders went up into the stands to watch the band play and hang out with their friends. I didn't dare, so I sat against the fence and crunched ice cubes between my teeth, then talked into my empty cup, mostly saying, "Fuck you, Gina. Fuck you, Heidi." My voice sounded like a robot's. By the end, our Blue Devils were completely annihilated by a total of 40-3 and I was tired. The breathable polyester/Lycra blend of my uniform was soaked through with sweat. And what the fuck good did a sports bra do me? I barely had any breasts. As the Blue Devils went sullenly out to congratulate the victors, we had to hug the other cheerleaders and tell them how great they were, then pick up our pom- pons and go home for a dinner break?our night wasn't finished. "I've got your ride, Amy," Heidi said. I followed. As we left the field, I saw my ex-friends still giving me the ol' stink-eye. Gina had her arms folded across her chest, Sarah looked kind of glum and gave me a hesitant wave, Lena said something I couldn't hear and both Michelle and Dallas laughed. I wanted to run over there and confront them, start something. Alternately, I wanted to leap up into the sky, catch the wind and blow somewhere far away across time zones and longitudes where no one had ever heard of football or Blue Devils. Instead, I walked a step behind Heidi out to her mom's car with its key scars still plainly visible, my head down the whole way. The idea was she could get a last few minutes to enjoy my misery. I sat slumped in the car seat and stared out the window at the other cars while Heidi's mom tried to make small talk. She gave up after a few weak efforts to which I never said a word. At my house, Heidi got out with me, telling her mom she wanted to walk me to the door and discuss some squad business in private. But out of her mom's earshot, she told me to look at the key damage on the passenger door. Then, one last stab: "I own you. You know that, right?"