The Double Bass
- 3 years ago
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I grew up in one of those towns that's not quite a city, not quite the
country. Not a whole lot to do for a young guy, especially for one like
me.
Let me go back a bit. I'd grown up here, thinking of myself as something
of a city kid. When I started at highschool, I fell in with a few good
friends. Two in particular, Jessie and Amy. We did the normal kid stuff,
grew up together in this town. Things were pretty normal until we
discovered Iceberg, the local rock club.
We were young when we first went - Amy had a crush on a girl who went to
the local college, and this girl has mentioned the club as the best
thing in town, so of course we all had to go. The bouncer vaugely knew
my dad, so of course we got in after waving our awful fake IDs. And the
club...
Well, that was when it started. I'd never really been into music beyond
enjoying the radio, but Iceberg changed that. Jessie told me she'd
flirted with an older guy till he bought us all a couple of bottles of
some alcopop, and we guzzled them after she'd lost him in the crowd, and
we went to the dancefloor. And it hit me... The speakers, as tall as me,
pounding out notes deep enough to hit me in the crotch, the beautiful
people moving to the beat... I was lost. I don't remember the rest of
the night until Jessie towed me away to the taxi.
We went again the next week. Amy's girl hadn't showed last week, she
said, so we had to go again. I'd barely stopped aching from last time,
but after another one of those horrific drinks, I was glued to the
dancefloor till they hauled me away.
The same happened the week after. And the next... At some point, I
stopped even noticing if Jessie and Amy were there. When I wasn't there,
I tried to convince them to go more often, but when I was dancing, I was
just glad that I wasn't being interrupted. It wasn't even the dancing
that I enjoyed, it was losing myself to the pounding rhythms that shook
my soul; if I danced, it was only because I couldn't imagine another way
of reacting. People danced with me sometimes. I can't remember who, they
were just tools, a pole to dance on.
The rest of the week was muted now, just a pause in the music. School
was irrelevant, and the teachers had gotten used to leaving me alone as
long as I didn't turn my headphones up too loud. Amy and Jessie had
become a couple. I hadn't really known they were gay, but I was too
distracted to notice when they came out. My life was a perfect looping
drum track for those months, and I would have been happy for things to
stay that way forever. The world had no use for me, and I was content to
leave it alone, as long as the music didn't stop.
But although I was content to repeat myself, the world wasn't. Iceberg
had been losing money for months, I heard, and the owners decided to
sell. I heard the news, like every regular, but I didn't really pay
attention - the new owners were keeping it as a club, the music wouldn't
stop, so what did I care? The music changed some, I couldn't tell you
what genre it was, the decor changed, but the pounding bass was still
there, so I didn't care. I'd dropped out of school, some other
meaningless things had happened. I barely noticed, it was all white
noise to me.
As it happens, the new owners were even less competent than the old
ones... The music paused for a few bars as the place changed hands, was
redecorated, rebranded. Those weeks were hell. There was nowhere else to
go in this town, nowhere with speakers big enough to fill the need. My
setup, good as it was, was just a way to tide me over, it couldn't cope
with my needs for more than a few days.
It felt like years, but finally Iceberg re-re-opened. I was nearly the
first in line. I was usually first, but the cheap drink offers had
brought in quite a crowd. As if I cared about the bar. My headphones
were just warming up my ears when the impossible happened. A bouncer I
didn't know stepped in front of me. I didn't hear what she said the
first time, had to take out my ear buds before I heard: "sorry, love, no
blokes."
What?
"No guys. Girls' club now."
It took me a few seconds to work out what she was talking about. I mean,
I heard what she said, but... She was keeping me from my beloved
basslines, and my brain took a minute to work out why. I was a guy... I
suppose so, but why was that important, I just wanted to grind to the
music? I looked back at the queue.. All girls, now I came to look... Did
it really matter that much? I pleaded, tried to explain myself, but she
didn't care, just assumed I was drunk, even offered to call me a taxi.
All that mattered was how to get back in. The weeks without had been
hell, but now I could hear that delicious thumping an inch from my
grasp, and she was keeping it from me. She didn't let me into the club
that night, but let me stay by her side, closer than I could get
otherwise, and she offered to help me get in next week. I don't know if
I could have resisted, because resistance didn't even occur to me. I
needed the pounding rhythm, that grinding bass, and I'd do anything for
it.
I suppose that's how I came to be at her house on tuesday afternoon the
next week... She'd teased me by keeping me by her side that weekend,
wound me so tight that I'd instantly agreed when she offered me a way
into the club. It wasn't the usual way in, she'd said, but I'd get to
dance.
At her house, there was a woman I recognised. The bouncer was familiar,
too. It hadn't really occurred until I saw them together, but they were
definately familiar. It didn't really matter, they weren't music, but
they could make the music happen again. The new owner, I was told. I
could barely concentrate to nod, I didn't care, but she was the one who
held the keys to the music, so I had to please her.
The bouncer, I think she said her name was Amile or something, gave me
her amazing headphones, and I sank into a happy daze, watching them talk
about something, pausing briefly to kiss, then get back to business. She
had a really good music collection, and her amp was definately top of
the range.
I tried to concentrate when the headphones were taken away, I really
did. Apparently, my ragged jeans weren't what the new owner wanted,
wasn't right for their idea of a dancer. But Jenny, the owner I think, I
didn't really catch that bit, I was humming a good loop, was a good
person, she knew how much I wanted to dance. She offered to let me into
the club if I wrote my name on some paper, wore what they thought a
proper dancer should wear.
I wore what they'd given me, and it was easier to move in than what I'd
worn before. The music was so loud, and I danced like I'd never danced
before. Annie thought I'd done so well that she let me crash at hers for
a bit. Handy, because my parents had wanted to get rid of me for a while
now. My life became dancing, just as I'd wanted. I was dancing against a
pole now, Janie had it installed for me, she seemed to know how I danced
until I was exhausted. I danced so hard that no-one even tried to
compare to me anymore, they all stopped and watched whenever I danced.
They even gave me money, I danced so well, although I had to give it to
Anny to cover my rent.
Another good night tonight. I danced as well as I could, and I'm happy
and tired now. My room isn't big, but it's got a great sound system, and
Amy soundproofed it for me. Jessie's over, and they've been talking
about business in her room for a few hours now. It doesn't bother me, I
have my music, and tomorrow I get to dance again. If I dance well
enough, they've said, they'll make it so that I'm not just allowed in
the club as an exception...
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