Unwanted Attention - Part 3: The Game free porn video

Unwanted Attention - Part 3: The Game By MindlessPath Rajan sat down beside me, he was rubbing his hands excitedly. I looked his way and noticed that he was staring at my breasts. I gave him an angry glare and he stopped staring. Earl and Danny were seated across from us and Fred was seated on the side. We started to play the role-playing game. Apparently the others had already made their characters. They had a rule about making characters, though. You could not make your own character. You could only gain attributes later based on choices you made. The others had to create your initial character but they also had to take into consideration your requests. This helped to prevent making the characters too strong and to keep them somewhat balanced. This time around Fred was the storyteller, or "loremaster" as he liked to call himself. He would not have a character himself. Instead he would move the storyline forward using materials he had previously prepared and his own creativity. "Ok, so first off we're going to have to decide on the basics for Jack's character." "How about a big titted assassin? She would wear tight leather pants and a revealing leather top." Rajan offered, his heavy Indian accent making the sentence sound even more ridiculous, all the while he was staring at my breasts, again. I just sighed. "I'm not so sure I'll play after all," I told them. "No, wait. Rajan was not serious. We have a storyline ready where there is a very powerful main hero. You could be that hero.... You would be the most powerful of us..." I had never been the most powerful hero yet. I was suddenly more tempted to play the game. "I guess if that's the case I could play," I said. "Very good! I'll introduce your character then along with the story. We'll bring in the other characters shortly as the story progresses," Fred said facing me. He then faced Earl and said, "Earl be so kind to hand everyone their character sheets." Earl was really good at drawing. He drew in some kind of comic or manga style. He handed me a sheet where there was a lean muscled man with pointy hair. The character was male and looked rather strong, I was pleased. Below the sheet were all sorts of spaces where I could fill different stat gains, item gain, experience points and so on. Fred turned his gaze forward and started a monologue: "In the land of Turfdar evil and good have always battled for supremacy. Having no corporeal bodies themselves, they've kept acting through manipulating and influencing others. The balance has always leaned towards good because it has always had an edge. A particular bloodline in humans produces a powerful incorruptible male heir once every century to act as an avatar for good. Evil has not yet found a way to deal with these heroes. In the year 533, however, that balance becomes endangered. The hero of the century gets his destiny rewritten, perhaps breaking the balance forever or at least until the next century. The evil wizard Zoarg had read the prophecies concerning the heroes of house Hiser thousands of times and he had found a loophole in them. The prophecies warned that any that would lay a hand against the hero's life, directly or indirectly, would soon perish. So the evil wizard Zoarg did something else to the hero. The hero had been physically the most powerful man the world had ever seen. He had great power and coordination. He could best any opponent in combat. He had trained from early childhood and his body had a memory of its own. Every movement the hero made was instantaneous, precise and powerful. The evil wizard changed the hero. He weakened his body and trapped him into a body the hero was unused to - he turned the hero into a woman. When the change happened, the hero was battling a huge troll. Just as the hero moved in for a final blow, he felt his sword turn incredibly heavy and he dropped it. The troll had a stupefied look on its face. He seemed to be confused about something. But being a stupid creature, it couldn't think very hard, and its thoughts returned to smashing that tiny human, no matter if it looked different now. It started to rise its club to take a good swing at the hero. The hero had dropped his sword. He felt really weak suddenly. He suspected he might have been poisoned because he felt a heavy weight on his chest and his whole body felt so weak and weird. He saw the club coming but he could move his body fast enough. The club barely missed the hero as he stumbled backwards, leaving him helplessly on the ground as the troll raised its club for a second swing. It was then that an eccentric wizard appeared. He was pretty powerful but his way of doing magic was very chaotic and the results were often unpredictable. "That would be me. Oh and Jack turn your hero chart around," Earl said to me. I turned it around and there was a picture of this hot babe drawn there. It was the hero with his gender changed. I sighed. It seemed like they had tricked me into playing a female character after all. Fred continued his monologue. "The wizard thought of three different spells that would be useful in dealing with the troll. The first spell was that of binding. It would look rather boring after casting but it was the safest spell out of the three. It created wines that would trap the troll, making it harmless as it could not move around any longer. The risk of failure was extremely low on this spell. The second spell was a decoy. It would create an image of whatever the troll hated the most, distracting its attention away from the victim, making the troll chase the decoy instead. It tended to work on only the most stupid monsters, but the troll was probably one of them. The third spell was a flashy fireball spell that would blow up the troll. It was a skill for high level wizards because it was risky to use. Which one did the wizard choose?" "The third one of course, the others are for pussies," said Earl. Fred had said that Earl's character was pretty powerful so I didn't argue with the choice. I soon found out I should have as the story progressed. "Roll the dice then," Fred told Earl. Earl rolled the dice and got a 1. "Oh no! The fireball misfires! It isn't nearly as powerful as it should be and it even hits the wrong target! The hero is hit by the spell! Surprisingly, the spell does no damage to the hero. Instead it eats away at the hero's armor, creating a big hole in the front, revealing the heroes bare breasts for everyone to see!" announced Fred. At that announcement I saw everyone in the room gulp and turn their eyes towards my real breasts. Luckily these were still covered. But their shape was visible enough, there was no hiding that. The story was kind of retarded but I knew that their stories always had something perverted in it, so I was used to it. I really didn't like them staring at my breasts though so I made a really angry face at the geeks and they diverted their eyes... Fred continued with the story: "As he stared down at his new breast, the hero realized what had happened to him. He had been turned into a woman! However, a loud bang and slight shaking of the ground made him look up again. The troll was laying on its back, unconscious from a heavy nosebleed. The hero gains extra intelligence from defeating the troll in a clever way!" I grudgingly made a note on the paper I was using to scribble down the details of my hero. Fred also told me what loot the troll had and I added 2 silver coins and some troll fat to my inventory. Fred resumed the story: "While the wizard and hero were inspecting the troll, a brave knight rushed to the scene, his sword drawn. He saw that the troll was defeated. He then noticed the indecent state of the female and offered her his cape." "Which she gladly accepted," I interjected. "The hero pulled the cape around her, saving her nipples from the harsh touch of the cold breeze that had just started to blow. The brave knight was impressed that an old man and a young woman were able to defeat a troll so large. He introduced himself as." "Sir Earnest," Danny provided, confirming my suspicion that it was Danny's character. I thought that Danny should have been a priest or healer or something, considering his nature. I didn't really see him as the brave type, but it was just a story, not a reflection of his true self. "He went on to say that he was a young knight that was travelling the wilds to battle the monsters and to help the common folk. He also asked for the identities of the old man and young woman, who so impressively had defeated the troll." I tried to come up with a name. I decided to use the one I had used on one of the MMORPGs I used to play. "Kaze," I provided and I heard Earl name his character Dyuup. Fred continued the story: "The brave knight, Sir Earnest, seemed to recognize the name Kaze and told the woman so. The woman replied that he was actually that very man, the one considered strongest in the world just a few moments ago. But somehow he had been turned into a woman. Kaze told the knight that he suspected that the evil wizard had something to do about it. He told the knight of how he had just been on his way to go defeat the evil wizard Zoarg and to retrieve the most powerful item ever - the ring of Yardghur. The ring has been stolen by a group of monsters who had managed to break through the defenses of the monastery where it had been hidden. With the ring the evil wizard could summon countless more evil creatures and perhaps even awaken the forgotten one. The evil wizard had to be stopped at all costs! However the weakened body posed a problem for the hero. The knight believed everything the hero told him and told the hero to worry not. That he would help the hero however he could. The old man said he was bored so he would tag along too. And so the trio went to the nearest town to get a new armor and a lighter sword for the hero." "They reached the town of Aururia shortly and went straight to the trading center of the town. But as they reached for their purses to check how much gold each had, they discovered that their purses were gone. A figure was silently creeping away from them suspiciously." "Oh, that must be me!" Rajan said, beaming. Who would have guessed... "The trio catches up with the creeping figure and they notice him carrying their purses. They confront the figure, a thief named..." "Goldfinger!" Rajan proudly announced. I sighed at what had to be the lamest name ever. "The thief Goldfinger has 3 choices before him. He can: A. Keep the gold and try to escape. The thief has bad equipment and with the gold he could buy new items that would at least double his stats. Moreover, he is in debt to a local bully that will break his fingers if he doesn't pay him back the very same day. Broken fingers would cripple the thief's stats horribly. B. He could make an offer of giving the gold back on the condition that the companions used half of it to buy him new equipment and offer him protection from the bully and his goons. Or C. He could give all of the gold back, hoping the companions would see the thief in a new light and would kindly help him as thanks for returning all their money." Fred said. "Ooo, I am rich now guys! I pick a! I will keep the money and run away swiftly like the wind!" Rajan gloated. 'Why am I not surprised?' I thought to myself while rolling my eyes. "Then use your dice to see if your escape is successful," Fred said. Rajan rolled a 1. "Oh dear god!" he commented his throw, looking nervous. That meant his escape was not successful, I grinned. "The thief Goldfinger tries to escape but stumbles and gets caught by the trio. They beat him up and take their gold back. But behold! The criminals that lent money to the thief notice how gold is being taken from the thief. They want it to themselves and attack the companions," Fred said. We fight the goons, we all throw the dice and we are victorious. My character gets a little stronger again and I update my stats. We even get some gold from the criminals. We go spend the gold on a few items. I get a new armor and new sword. Earl gets a better robe. Lastly we all buy some trinkets and potions. We end up spending all of our gold. "Hey guys, what about me!" Rajan complained as we left the marketplace. "Goldfinger ends up following the party around, begging them to let him join up with them. He is afraid the bully will send more goons once the party leaves the town. What does the party decide? Do they take him along or not? If they leave him behind, he will most likely get killed by the goons and it will be game over for him," Fred said. "Guys... please! I am an awesome party member. I got some good skills you might need: pick pocketing, lock picking, sneaking around, you name it!" "Useful... right... useful in getting the party into trouble. I say we leave him," I voiced my opinion. "Oh noo, don't do that, guuuys!" Rajan pleaded, now desperate. "We can't really leave him behind, I say we let him join up with us," Danny said. "Yes, we might find the lock picking useful later on," Earl rationalizes. It's two versus one so Rajan joins the party. He is super excited. "Oh yes, you will not regret it. Now give me gold so I can buy myself good stuff." "We don't have any left," I say smugly. "Oh no! Why did you have to make me so poor!" Rajan complained. Fred continued with the story: "Goldfinger joins up with the party. Having spent all the gold in town and acquired new gear, the hero now wants to go defeat the evil wizard but he doesn't know where he is. Neither does anyone else in the party. They ask questions around town, hoping to find any clue. An elderly man informs them that he sighted monsters near the sacred tree in the southern forest. The party makes their way over there. They don't encounter any trouble along the way. Soon they reach the area where the tree grows. Sure enough, the whole area is crawling with monsters. There are goblins all around the area, some are asleep and others seem to be gambling or just loitering around. Once they notice the party, they start yelling aloud and grab their weapons. Some goblin shamans are surrounding the tree, seemingly casting some kind of spell on it and they ignore the party. The tree is shouting for help as the shamans continue to mumble some kind of spell aloud." We take turns rolling the dice as we fight the goblins. They are pretty weak so it doesn't take too long until we have defeated all of them. "But it is too early for the party to celebrate! The goblin shamans are still alive, they are far more powerful than simple goblins. However, as the party starts moving towards them, they suddenly flee. What course does the party take next? Do you pursue the goblin shamans or do you go inspect the sacred tree?" Rajan's character is nearly dead from the fight because his gear is pretty bad. "No chasing, it's too risky! Let's get to the part where we loot the goblins already!" he insisted. "Well, we should check on the sacred tree since it was crying for help earlier," Danny voices his opinion. I agreed with Danny's choice and so did Earl. "You hear someone crying. As you step closer to the sacred tree, you are sure that the sobs are coming from the tree. You notice that it has a face in the middle of the trunk. The eyes look so sad and hurt. You all step closer to it. The hero puts her hand on the side of the trunk to comfort it. Then everything shifts. Where there was a beautiful tree just seconds earlier stands now a TENTACLE MONSTER! It grabs everyone with its numerous tentacles, lifting everyone in the air and restricting their movements. You can make a try to escape it's slippery grasp!" Fred said. We all roll and fail, expect for Rajan, who is saved because of his sneak ability. But instead of rescuing me or the others, he decided to go to loot the goblins, safely away from the tentacle monster's grasp. This meant that we were left at the monster's mercy... "The monster starts seeping strength from your bodies. First it targets the wizard, but because the wizard has such chaotic energy, it doesn't manage to drain anything worth mentioning. He tries to corrupt the wizards mind but it works such insane ways that it's unable to grasp at it. He moves on to the brave knight. After sampling him, he becomes disgusted with how pure hearted the knight is and starts corrupting him right away. It seems to work and the knight is hit by 3 points of corruption," Fred said. "I started with -15 points of corruption so I'm still safe for some time," Danny said. "The monster then moves on to the third target. He had thought it was a man at first for some reason but when it realizes it's a girl, it goes crazy. It swirls its tentacles around the girls armor, unfastening it and slipping it off. It also rips her shirt open and the heroines breasts are revealed once again. The tentacles swiftly swirl around her breasts, squeezing them firmly." "REALLY FRED, REALLY?!" I shouted at him, protesting against the twist the story had once again taken. "Hey, I can't help it. It's not up to me really. It's in the almanac of the game. It clearly states how Tentacle Monsters behave around female heroes, so just bear with it," Fred explained. "I guess it can't be helped so just try to ignore it," Danny said to me. "You can't go against the almanac!" Rajan declared fanatically. And Fred just nodded in agreement. So I just clenched my teeth as Fred continued his juicy descriptions. "The tentacle monster keep slithering its tentacles around the female, it slips its tentacles into places that are best suited to draw energy from. As the thick round tentacles forced their way in..," Fred paused after I gritted my teeth loudly enough the whole room could hear. "...into all the right places..," he continued, probably censoring what he was about to say just a little bit. "It began to draw energy from the woman. The hero is overcome by sensations of bliss and carnal pleasure. Her face is flushed red and her arms and legs start trashing around wildly." I thought about saying something again but considered it best to let him continue so we could get it over with as quickly as possible. Fred continued: "So entranced was the tentacle monster from observing the trashing woman that it failed to notice the nature of the energy it was drawing. It was pure good energy. There was not a single drop of corruption in the hero. The energy kept flowing into the tentacle monster, gradually changing it. After a few minutes the monster had changed back into the sacred tree. 'Oh what have I done?' asked the tree surprised at its own actions. It let the party members down onto the ground using the branches that had turned back normal from their tentacle states. The tree apologized to the party for the horrible actions it had just committed. Seeing the exhausted hero lying almost breathlessly on the ground, it offered her a golden fruit that had just grown on its branch. The hero accepted the fruit, took a large juicy bite out of it and felt life and energy flow back into her, restoring her completely. The hero got up, found her armor and reattached it around her body. Her shirt had been torn so she felt her nipples touch against the cold metal. It..." "WHAT THE FUCK FRED? How is that even relevant to the story?" I cut him off again. "Oh, but I liked it!" Rajan said eagerly, once again staring at my breasts. I punched Rajan on the side this time and he yelped like a girl. Instead of apologizing Fred reprimanded me, "Do I really have to remind you that while I wear this hat." He pointed at his silly hat. "I am the loremaster of this dungeon. If you interrupt me again concerning how I build up the story, then your character will regret it!" he finished making his point. I just gaped at how shameless he was, unable to rebuke him, and silently watched as he continued on with the story. "As the adventurers recuperated from the recent assault, they had a chat with the sacred tree. It told them about other victims that the monsters would target. The targets were hidden but the monsters had managed to force the tree into giving up their locations," Fred said and then changed his voice in order to imitate the voice of the sacred tree. "'Deep in the mountain of Loneliness, lives a hermit who is in possession of the cloth of power. You must hurry before the monsters get it! There is no telling what kind of horrors they will be able to summon if they manage to get possession of it. It is imbued with ancient powers, the likes of which are rarely seen nowadays.' The tree said and continued on to tell them about the other target. 'The other target is the legendary blacksmith YYYYY. You have probably heard of his incredible forging skills. He is the only person alive that is able to craft armor and swords out of nanonium! He was forced into hiding because of the incredible power that his equipment possessed. Too many bad people were interested in his wares. He now lives in the Northern swamps, past the mountain of Loneliness. You must save him, for his creations are too powerful to fall into the wrong hands!'" Fred said, finishing his imitation of the sacred tree. "What course will the party take now? Will you go to rescue the targets? Who will you rescue first?" Fred asked us. "Let's go rescue the hermit first since he's closer," Danny offered. We all agreed on that. Well, almost all of us. Rajan, having gathered gold from the goblins, while we were dangling from the tentacles of the tentacle monster, had now some gold to spend and wanted to go shopping. Since neither I, Danny nor Earl had any money, we decided to ignore his request and head straight for the mountain of Loneliness. We found the hermit's cave easily enough. The sacred tree had left us quite exact instructions on how to find it. "As you step into the cavern, you hear a scream coming from deep within the cave. You think you can make out the words 'Not the beard!' and you assume that the hermit is being tortured. You rush towards the location the sound came from and soon you find yourself in an oval room. You can see a short figure cradling something in his hands while lying on his side in the middle of the room. He is surrounded by 2 goblin shamans and 4 big blue goblins. One of the shamans is holding a pair of scissors. The monsters have not noticed you yet. You hear the shaman with the scissors lower its head and whisper loudly enough for the sound to carry over to you. 'Tell us where you have hidden the cloak of power, or it won't be your beard we cut off next.' You hear the other shaman say 'It will be your little finger we cut off next, kekekekeke.' And you hear both shamans start to laugh. 'Little finger, kekekekeke, good one!' You hear the first one complement the second one. The monsters have still not noticed you yet, how will you proceed? Will you scream loudly and rush at the monsters to free the victim? Will you let the wizard try a big spell? Or will you, perhaps, try a sneak attack, hoping to take some of the monsters out without them even noticing you?" "Sneak attack!" Rajan immediately shouts. "We should shout before attacking, it's braver to face your opponent head on!" said Danny, probably just acting out the nature of his character. And Earl said eagerly "Let me nuke them!" For once I agreed with Rajan's course of action, I wasn't too eager to see Earl try another one of his spells and I saw no merit in shouting out loud before attacking. "Let's do the sneak attack. I don't want to get hit by friendly fire from Earl again and it would just be moronic to shout before an attack," I told them, casting the final vote. We all rolled to see if the sneak attack would succeed. Rajan, who had the highest sneak bonus was the only one to fail the roll, his character stumbled, alarming the monsters and they got a jump on us instead. We then rolled the dice numerous times in order to defeat the monsters. The fight was a bit harder this time as the shamans were quite strong and even the other goblins were stronger and bigger. My character was not nearly as strong as I was promised. I complained about it and Fred told me that my character was with insane stats, just not at the moment. The insane stats disappeared along with the main characters manhood. The hero had been turned into a woman and was not accustomed to it. This had caused the stats to plummet down. Oh great, my character had been super strong before I got to really play it, that sure was really useful to me. My character almost ended up dying. It was essentially a 3vs6 fight because Rajan ran away behind a large rock when his character got to half life. He was, however, the first one to ask about the loot after we had defeated the monsters. But we let Fred continue with the story before any looting. "You gather around the figure you just saved. He is lying still on the floor, trembling somewhat. He resembles a dwarf so you assume him to be one. You can see him only wearing a loin cloth. He doesn't seem to have any other clothes at all, he doesn't even wear any shoes. You try to talk to him but he is unresponsive. You see him rocking his body back and forth on the floor while cradling what appears to be a 10 meter long beard in his lap. You can hear him mumble endlessly a single phrase '...my precious, my precious, my precious...' He is unresponsive to your voice, so what do you do?" "Poke him with a stick," offered Rajan. "Help him up?" Danny offered. "Let have Rajan poke him," I said, sealing the decision. "Goldfinger picks up a stick and starts poking at the figure. The dwarf is still unresponsive, no matter how much the thief pokes at him," Fred said. "Let's just glue back his fucking beard!" Earl said now, unhappy at not being allowed to offer an option earlier. "Hey, that might even work!" I said, surprised that such an idiotic plan held such promise. "The wizard takes out a tube of glue made after his secret home recipe. He applies it to both the dwarfs shaven chin and to the end of the cut off beard and presses both ends together. The lying figure doesn't notice at first but as a few minutes pass, his fingers find it's chin and he discovers that the beard is back. He scrambles to his feet, in amazement. He tries slightly pulling on his own beard to check if it is real. Earl please roll to see if the beard holds or not," Fred said. Earl rolls a 20. "The beard holds! The wizard's recipe turns out to be super strong. The hermit starts crying tears of joy. He starts mumbling something silently to his beard. You realize that he's talking to his beard. Before his mind wanders completely off, you have a chance to ask him questions," Fred announced. "I want to ask it where the cloth of power is," Earl said. We all agreed it was what we should ask him about. "You ask the hermit dwarf about the cloth of power. He smiles, points at his stained loin cloth and says 'It has been serving me for 300 years, it's the sturdiest cloth I have ever seen!'" "Aww, disgusting," I said. "Yes, 300 years with the same underwear is not good. You really should change your underwear once a month!" Rajan commented. Once a month? I pretended to not have heard Rajan speak that last comment. "Well, I still want that power to amplify my magic. I want to ask the hermit to give me the cloth as it'd be safer with a powerful wizard such as myself," Earl said. "The wizard asks for the cloth of power. The hermit just shakes his head and says 'Never!' But he soon notices that there is a woman in the party. His eyes lit with fire and he says 'I will not give you the cloth freely, but I might trade for it if you offer me the correct thing.'" Fred imitated the hermit. "Maybe he wants a sword so he can defend himself," offered Danny. "I think he wants gold, I'm not giving any of mine!" said Rajan. "I want to use my wizard powers to find out what he wants," said Earl. I saw him roll a 15. "The wizard does a spell. A bright snake made out of red light appears, it slithers through the air, looking for something. It then slips into the pants of the hero. It makes the hero squirm around because of the intense feeling she is getting from it. Soon the snake reappears, there's something between its teeth - a pair of panties." "Wait, how did the hero get to wear panties?" Rajan asked, confused. "Simple, when the evil wizard changed the hero into a woman, it also changed all of his clothes along with him, only the sword was left intact," Fred explained to him. "Oh, ok that makes sense," Rajan said, nodding his head. LIKE HELL IT DOES. I thought to myself, holding back from starting another argument. "The snake delivers the panties to the hermit, who is now beaming with delight. The hermit quickly removes his loin cloth, tossing it to the wizard. He takes the panties from the snake and puts them on. Because of the more bulky build of the hermit, the panties are really stretched out, causing the skin to bulge at the edges. 'Ohohoho, this is the greatest day of my life' the hermit exclaims out loudly as he makes his way deeper into the cave on his tiptoes, imitating a ballerina's graceful walk. The heroes are left alone in the cave room," Fred said. Earl got the cloak of power added to his inventory. He gained the 'stink' ability along with it. The cloak's stats were nothing impressive. Fred told that the constant misuse of the cloak had caused it to deteriorate, but it was still better than nothing. I assigned the experience points I got from fighting the monsters and so did the others. We also split up the loot. We excluded Rajan from the loot this time because of how he took it all at last time while we were immobilized by the tentacle monster. He complained a lot about being left out but he stopped as I was about to punch him again. We left the cave and started towards the swamp in order to rescue the other target. Since it was a blacksmith, I hoped I would be able to get some good gear from him. "As the heroes make their way through the swamp, getting closer to the blacksmith's home, they notice that the path ahead is swarming with monsters. There are hundreds of them out there. They are all green, slimy, stinking ghouls. They are too far to notice the party so the party is still safe. But with the road being blocked, what will the party do?" Fred asked us. "Easy," said Rajan, "we just sneak by them." "The sun is high up in the sky and the swamp has almost no cover, the steam coming from the few stinking ponds in not enough to hide the party members. The chances of you successfully sneaking by are extremely small. Do you still wish to try to sneak past the monsters?" Fred responded to Rajan. Rajan gulped and shook his head. "Well, we could always try going around the monsters..." I offered. "The ground of the swamp is extremely treacherous. There are green oozing ponds everywhere, they are easy to spot but there are also hidden mud ponds that grab your feet and don't let go of you until you've sunken into their depths. A single misstep could turn out to be fatal, especially when wearing armor. Do you really wish to go around what seems to be a sturdy path going straight towards the blacksmiths residence?" Fred asked me. "I guess not..." I said, giving up on my plan. "Let's just walk right past them," said Earl and we all looked at him like he was a moron. He continued before any of us could call him a moron out loud: "I have the almanac of monsters memorized. I know that the ghouls have really bad eyesight. We just have to disguise ourselves. It's easy to fool them. I think I have a spell that might help with that. The real challenge is to trick the sense of smell of those creatures. They are really keen at picking up anything that doesn't stink. So you'll have to either rub some sticking green ooze over yourself or stick really close to me, as I have the stink ability now. It's pretty strong too, so it should affect my immediate surroundings too." Damn, that was pretty clever, who'd guessed that the stink ability would ever amount to be of any good. Earl rolled the dice and his disguise spell worked. We made our way through the monsters without any problems. One of them waved at us as we were passing and we just waved back. Nothing else happened. I wondered if Fred had planned something for the case if we hadn't waved back. "As the party makes their way down the path, they notice a wooden log cabin. There are screams coming out of the cabin. What do you do?" "We rush to rescue whoever is in trouble!" Danny said quickly. The rest of us agreed so Fred continued. "You run towards the house and enter it through the open doorway. The sight you see before you strikes deep horror into your bones. A man, who appears to be the blacksmith, is tied to a chair. A really ugly, like, really really ugly female monster is in front of him doing a lap dance. She has half her hair pulled out, she has deep sunken eyes, a few, if not most of her teeth are missing, her tits are bare and they're sagging all the way down to the floor. As if the sight isn't enough, you also hear her voice as she is chanting some kind of cheap stripper song. 'My tits are like co~ords of pass~ssion...' She interrupts her song to pick out a worm that's wriggling out of her nose. She inspects it promptly and eats it, resuming her song. You feel your sight and hearing begin to fade. You all get crippled senses penalty. How will you proceed?" "Aaaaah, we slay the bitch as quickly as possible," Rajan shouted, holding his hands over his eyes, as if the creature was really right in front of him. We all agreed and soon enough, the creature was hacked so thoroughly that only little pieces remained of her, spilled all over the place. The fight alerted a few more monsters that were waiting behind the back of the building. We managed to defeat them too as our sight returned to normal after getting rid of the first monster. "You have slain all of the monsters. You move towards the seated figure and untie the knots that bind him to the chair. 'I cannot thank you enough kind strangers! I am Rayu the legendary blacksmith. That creature almost robbed me of my sanity. I have never been tortured so cruelly. Even the other monsters could not stand the sight of that dancing abomination and were waiting outside instead. Ooh my poor eyes, I fear I will not be able to forge anything for months to come.' The party heard the blacksmith say as he got out of the chair. You see him walk towards a large chest next to the fireplace. He opens it and resumes speaking: 'I wish to reward you for your trouble. Feel free to choose any one of the three most powerful items I have crafted, they all have magic properties but they all serve different purposes so choose wisely.'" Fred said, imitating the blacksmith. Fred described how the blacksmith took out the three items from the chest. The first one was a big sword, it was crafted out of nanonium, making it extremely light and extremely durable. It had been enchanted with the properties of fire, giving it an attack bonus against certain creatures. Danny was really interested in the sword, while I found it a bit lacking. I preferred ice and water based swords myself. The second item was a pointy cone, it was supposedly a revolutionary new wizard armor helmet, also made out of nanonium. It would supposedly increase the power level of the wizards spells. The only drawback was that it made channeling the spells slightly more chaotic, raising the risk of them misfiring. Earl was really interested in that one but I hoped he would not get it as his spells were already too chaotic as it was. The third and final item was a pair of gloves, called the gloves of seeking. They were also crafted out nanonium. They had really good stats. Their seeking properties were supposedly good for travelers as they were able to locate fresh water sources. Rajan wanted these gloves as they had 5 times better stats than his own. I also decided to try to get the gloves, just to spite Rajan. We all rolled to see who would get to pick a legendary item. Danny won the roll and he got the sword. Before we left the blacksmith's house, he suggested that we should go to the town of Elanur and talk with the mayor for further clues about our quest. "After leaving the house Goldfinger gets three options. Option one, he didn't steal anything. Option two, he stole some gold. Or option three, he stole the gloves of seeking," Fred said. "Ooh yes, I knew maxing out my stealing skills would pay off! Of course I stole the gloves!" Rajan answered with an overeager voice. "Now roll, to see if the theft goes unnoticed by the blacksmith," Fred said. Rajan rolled a 3. "Oh bummer. The blacksmith discovers that the gloves of seeking are missing. He is shocked by the betrayal of the trust he put in the party. Luckily he has put in place measures to prevent to usage of his equipment by thieves and other scum that associate with thieves. He activates the hidden curses that he previously placed on the items. With the curses activated, the properties of the items change completely. The fire sword turns into a giant dildo, since it is still made out of nanonium, it retains good properties but it is now a blunt weapon, like a club," Fred said "Oh no, I have 0 skill in using blunt weapons!" Danny exclaimed. I remembered Danny selling his old sword to the blacksmith just a moment ago as it was marginally weaker than the new and I didn't see the blacksmith selling us anything anymore so he was stuck using the giant dildo now. "The gloves of seeking turn red from their previous green color and all the stats become question marks. A warning appears on the item. 'Danger! Cursed item! Cannot be removed once worn and actively seeking'," Fred said. "Oh no! Not my gloves!" Rajan whimpered. Danny losing his weapon was a heavy blow to the team's strength. We would either need him to train his bludgeon skills or collect more gold for a new sword. We decided to go to a nearby town to see what kind of jobs they offered. Danny, as a medical student, didn't really mind wielding a huge dildo shaped club. The clubs stats were still top notch. "The party reaches town and goes looking for a job. They see three offers available. One of them is exclusive and pays extraordinarily well. A group of rich noblemen is looking for a big breasted prostitute for their bukkake party. The pay is extremely generous for only one evening of work," Fred said. "Ooh, we should take it! We should pimp her out for the money!" Rajan jumped at the offer. I hit him again, harder this time. He yelps again and starts complaining but quiets down as I lift my fist again. I hoped he'd give me a reason to hit him again but he stayed silent. Earl's eyes went a bit vacant at the mention of the bukkake offer, but he didn't say anything favoring that option. "The second job offer is to escort someone and his valuables to the next town, it's more risky as you might be attacked while guarding him. And the third is to do odd jobs around town, they don't pay too well but they have little risk involved," Fred said. "We should take the second option, it pays well and might give me an opportunity to train my bludgeon skills." "I agree," I said, glad to have someone almost reasonable playing the game besides me. "I vote for option 1!" Rajan said, holding his hands out for protection towards me, but there was an odd sense of determination in his eyes. "I vote for 1 too," Earl said, his eyes still half vacant. Oh shit. Not this kind of storyline again. We all rolled to see which option would win. I rolled a 1, the worst possible number. Things weren't looking good. Rajan rolled a 11 and was pretty satisfied with his roll. Danny rolled a 18, I felt a flicker of hope return to me. I watched as Earl took his dice, kissed it on the side for luck and sent it rolling. It seemed to roll forever but it finally landed on number 9. Oh no, I had lost. I would no doubt be the victim of Fred's juicy sexual stories once again. But the disappointed looks on Rajan's and Earl's faces made me look at the dice again. It wasn't a 9, it was a 6 instead. I was saved from another humiliating retarded story. "You decide to take the second job. The man you need to escort turns out to be a rich fat nobleman, one who is famed for using nifty legal moves to rob people of their gold. He is the most hated man in town and is likely to have many enemies. Many other guards have turned him down deeming the man either unworthy of being escorted or have considered the job of escorting him and his valuables too risky. But you have already signed the contract so you will have to escort him. The fat man has a big carriage with 4 horses and a grumpy driver. The nobleman also provides three horses to the party. Two of the guards have to ride behind the carriage and one has to scout ahead. The fourth has to sit inside the carriage with the fat nobleman to protect his life and his valuables. Earl and Rajan end up riding on the back of the carriage and Danny takes the point. The heroine rides with the fat man in the carriage," Fred said. "Of course I get to ride with the fucking ugly fat man in the carriage. No doubt something juicy is about to happen," I said. "Everything in its due time," Fred said and launched into what would certainly turn out to be a bunch of juicy descriptions. "As the carriage rolls towards the next town, everyone is forced to jump out of the carriages path as it's too wide to pass. Many peasant carts end up in the bushes besides the road, among other things. The fat man smiles a smug smile every time he sees someone being forced out of the road. His eyes soon fall on the pretty female warrior seated next to him. His hands find their way to her tights. Slowly he slips his fat fingers over to grab her busom. He acts as if she is her property, he knows no shame! How does the female warrior react to this surprising new development! Does she try to talk with fat man, trying to convince him to keep his hands to himself? Does she get really angry and just kicks him in the groin? Or does she try to make her escape out of the carriage? She does not have a horse so she would need to run the rest of her way, leaving her exhausted thereafter." "I'll just fucking kick him in the groin," I said. "After being kicked in the groin, the man seems to slump on the floor. But only second later he bolts up, a whip in his hands. He turns out to be an extreme masochist 'YESS, THAT FELT GOOD, DO IT AGAIN, USE THE WHIP THIS TIME!' What does the female hero do now? Kick the man again? Use the whip? Or escape from the carriage?" Fred asked me. "I jump out, screw it, I can run the rest of the way," I replied. "You manage to jump out of the carriage. The fat man, however, is not happy with how events turned out. He squeezes his head out of the carriage window and starts shouting insults at you as you jog alongside the carriage. He threatens to leave you out of your commission amongst other things," Fred continued. "The carriage abruptly stops and the fat man turns his attention towards the driver instead. But it is not his fault. The road ahead seems to be blocked. Earl, Rajan and Danny are sent to clear up the road ahead. The hero stays behind to try to calm down the fat man. The fat noble just keeps throwing insults, until an arrow shot between his eyes silences him. The hero starts turning around to see where the arrow came from but is knocked out cold as she is turning. Danny, Earl and Rajan return to find the driver shivering under a blanket, hidden. They also find the body of the fat man and see that all of the wares have been stolen. There's no trace of the hero anywhere, the driver admits seeing a bunch of thieves knock out the hero and put her inside a big sack, taking her along with the stolen goods. The thieves seem to be really skilled as they managed to steal everything quietly and fast. How will the three companions undertake the rescue operation? Will they use the knights game tracking skills? Will they have the wizard cast a spell to locate the hero? Or will they have the thief try out his cursed gloves of seeking, hoping they would somehow help with this current situation?" Fred asked the other geeks. The three geeks all thought their own character had the best means to seek out the hero. I watched them roll to see which one they would ultimately use. Sadly, Rajan won the roll. "Oh goodie! I get to use my new super gloves," Rajan said. "Which happen to be CURSED because you STOLE them.... I really have no faith in you guys rescuing my character now. Fred is going to write me off as the bandit chiefs bride or something equally retarded," I said. "Noo, I will pull on my super gloves and I will rescue the damsel in mistress! OUCH!" Rajan said excitedly. "Who's the damsel?!" I asked him angrily after punching him on the side again. "The thief pulls on the cursed gloves. They begin glowing slightly with a red glow. The thief starts to panic and he shouts 'Guys, I can't move my arms! My arms are moving on their own.' The gloves appear to have a life of their own. They lift the thief's arms straight ahead and open up all the fingers, forming a cup like shape with both arms. Then all of the party members hear a deep voice coming from the gloves 'HOOTERS, MUST GET HOOTERS'. And the thief shoots past everyone, an invisible force pulling him ahead. The thief must roll to see how accurate the gloves are." I saw Rajan sitting beside me, his hands were in the exact position Fred had just described and he was staring at my breasts. "Roll," I told him, in a venomous voice and he quickly picked up the dice and rolled, before I could hit him again. I saw him roll a 3. "The thief zooms around the forest, his hands outstretched and his fingers ready to grab at big hooters. The party sees him plunge head first into a deep undergrowth. They hear the deep voice cry out loudly 'BIG HOOTERS' but a second later they hear another low growl and see the thief flying out of the undergrowth and crashing into a tree. The thief loses half his remaining life. They see a big bear emerge from the undergrowth angrily as the gloves silently say 'wrong target, resetting'. And a moment later the thief is once again being dragged through the forest." "Ughh, bear hooters," Rajan said with trembling fingers that were still in cupping positions. "The thief keeps being dragged around the forest, the gloves are picking up speed and this causes the thief to have his feet dragged behind him. The gloves start glowing more brightly now and are occasionally shouting 'HOOTERS! HOOTERS!'" "Soon enough, they find the bandit camp. The hero seems to be unconscious and tied to a tree. The thief with a big bear still chasing him, shoots straight through the camp at the unconscious hero. Before any of the bandits have time to react, the thief's hands find their targets - the hooters of the hero. The gloves start purring as they find themselves around the breasts," Fred said. I heard Rajan purr beside me, cupping imaginary breasts and for good measure I punched him again. "OOOH YES, HOOTERS," Rajan shouted, not even noticing my punch as he was probably in his little dreamland of big hooters. "As the other party members enter the clearing where the bandits are, they find the bandits scrambling to their feet, drawing out their weapons. A fight is about to start. The odds are really bad, about 2 against 20 because Rajan seems to be unable to fight because the gloves refuse to let go of their targets. The hero wakes up, feeling someone maul at her breasts but Rajan is unable to free her because his hands are too occupied. How do the other party members deal with the situation? Do you rush the bandits or do you perhaps try to do a spell on them, using the cloth of power as an amplifier?" "2vs20 is too many for a fair fight, blast em Earl!" said Danny. "Sure thing, I'll try casting chain lightning," Earl said. "I sense our impending doom, and Rajan, stop that!" I told them, adding the last part to Rajan who was still using his hands to cup invisible breasts, no doubt imagining mine. I saw Earl roll a 9. It wasn't the worst roll but it still seemed risky. "The wizard gathers up his powers and pours them all through the cloak of power. Because of the years of misuse of the cloak, the spells intended nature seems to change to something unpredicted as it shoots out, hitting every bandit and even the bear that is standing at the edge of the clearing. The bandits blink their eyes, some kind of luminescent green dust has settled over them but nothing else seems to have happened. They begin laughing. It seems the spell had no effect at all!" Fred said. "At least I die a happy man!" shouted Rajan, twitching his fingers. "Just as the party is about to lose all hope. The spell finally kicks in. It turns out to be some kind of homoerotic spell. All the thieves drop their weapons and rush at each other, embracing each other. The bandits roll on the ground, kissing and mauling each other using their unwashed mouths big dirty hands. One of the men seems to be embracing the bear. Do the companions free the hero and get out of the camp as fast as possible? Or do they stick around to try to salvage the gold from between the big men rolling on the ground?" "Get the gold!" Rajan said immediately. "The thief is unable to collect gold because his hands are still stuck!" Fred told him. "Let's just get the fuck out of there before something sinister happens. Let's get to the nearest town and get this fucker off from me!" I said referring to Rajan. "The party makes its way to the nearest town without anything happening. What does the party do once in town?" Fred asked us. "Well we still have almost no money so I guess we need new work, we also have no information on the main quest, we were supposed to talk to someone in the last town about that. Maybe we can find someone to escort back to the previous town?" Danny offered. "Ah, but I need to use the bathroom first, please excuse me," Danny added as he made his way out of the "dungeon" to the dorms bathrooms. "Let's go see a tailor or blacksmith or whoever to get the thief off from me meanwhile," I said. "The bandits removed the hero's armor, so the thief's gloves are on the thin fabric of the cloth the hero is wearing. The party makes their way to the local tailor figuring he would be the best to deal with the situation at hand. The tailor is a short middle aged man. He listens to the party's request and says that he has a solution. However, he demands a price that is too expensive for the party to be able to pay. After the party tells him that, he offers another solution: he asks for a favor in return for his help. He tells the party the sobbing story of his wife's passing and how he has not been able to put his head between breasts ever since his wife passed away. He asks to be able to put his head between the hero's breasts for a short moment once the thief's hands are removed from them," Fred said. I start to refuse this retarded offer but Rajan is quicker and shouts "No way! I'm going to be groping these babies forever!" all the while wearing a self-satisfied smile. This pisses me off to the point I agree with the blacksmith's offer. My character can endure anything to get rid of Rajan. "The bald tailor cuts off the hero's upper clothes from the back. The thief's hands find themselves holding empty clothes. The power of the gloves suddenly disappears and they stop glowing. They seem to be asleep as they begin snoring. This leaves the hero with bare breast again. At the sight of those big breasts the tailor launches himself at the hero facehugging her breasts. He licks at the bare breasts, squishing his head between them, flapping his tongue around, the warm velvet skin of the breasts surrounding his whole face," Fred described another juicy episode of the quest. He was interrupted by Danny coming back from the bathroom. Danny looked oddly relieved. I looked at my clock. It was already 4pm and I felt really hungry. I had only two hours left until I had to be back at the apartment. I figured I'd rather stop playing this game before Fred could finish his juicy descriptions. I decided to go grab something to eat instead. I would try talking to the geeks about the machine after my meeting at the Director's office. "I'm going to go grab something to eat," I announced to them. "Oh, I'm rather hungry too, mind if I tag along?" asked Danny. Since he had been the most decent player during the whole game, I didn't mind him coming along, so I said, "Sure." "Anyone else?" I added, hoping someone else would offer so I could reject them coming along. But nobody made a move to come. They only shifted weirdly in their seats and mumbled some kind of excuses as to why they wouldn't come. After a while I understood why they couldn't stand up. Those juicy descriptions of Fred's had gotten to them... I got mad at them, and rushed out of the "dungeon" with Danny tagging along behind me.