LIKE MOTHER LIKE SISTER 06
***************
DATE NIGHT
***************
Time slowed down to a crawl as I pulled the car into Mr. Edward's
driveway and put the car into park. I turned off the ignition and
checked my make-up in the rear view mirror.
Regardless of my mental preparation, a strange but beautiful woman
stared back at me. I placed the slim brown More 120 between my lips and
clenched it with my teeth as I rummaged through my purse for a tube of
lipstick. With lipstick in hand, I took a hands free puff from my
cigarette and allowed the smoke to spill from my nose.
This is what Mr. Edwards and his kids will see, I told myself. There's
nothing boy-like about me, except for the way I think. I can do this, I
thought.
Memories of my conversation with Dad rolled back into my head as I
balanced my brain for the task at hand. "30-70," I said out loud. 30
percent regret and 70% pure joy. Please God, let me focus on the 70
percent.
What was I feeling as I placed my hand on the cold metal door handle?
Was it anticipation or fear? Its just a date, I thought, but a look at
the overnight bag sitting beside me convinced me otherwise.
"To fuck or not to fuck?" I said as I pulled down on the handle and
pushed open the door.
Maybe Mom is right, I thought as I shifted in the seat and planted my
heels on the driveway. Maybe a good fucking is what I need. I moved my
hand up under my skirt and fingered my pussy through through the silk
of my granny panties.
I thought about what Mom would do as I stood up on the driveway and
smoothed out my shirt. Oh dear, I thought as I looked down at my
sweater covered chest. Cigarette ashes. I pinched and pulled at the
fabric of my sweater until I was clean of ashes. Such a messy habit, I
thought as I reached back inside the car for my overnight bag.
I hadn't taken but maybe ten or so steps up the driveway when the front
door to the house opened. Out stepped Abby, followed by Ben. Mr.
Edwards brought up the rear and left the house without closing the
door. I hate it when people don't close the door. I hate it when people
leave faucets running and they're not using the water. I hate it when
the refrigerator door is left open while someone makes a sandwich. I
guess I'm weird like that.
My feet continued taking me forward into a collision with Abby. I felt
the impact of her shoulder against my middle. The girl could have been
a football player because the collision was just shy of a tackle. I
rocked back on my heels and threw my arms around her for balance.
"You're finally here!" Abby shouted. "I've missed you so much!"
I told her I missed her too. "I've missed all of you," I said. I
watched Ben and Mr. Edwards as they circled around Abby and I. The
looks on their faces said they had missed me too. But why? How well did
they really know me? What in the hell was going on? Don't they know I'm
really a boy? Of course they don't know. How could they know?
Abby released her grip on me and Mr. Edwards took over where his
daughter had left off. His lips pressed up against mine. Oh yuck, I
thought as I tried to suppress the disgust of a being kissed by a 50
something old man. But its going to get worse than that, I thought to
myself, unless I can make it better. Please God, make it better!
"You look fantastic," Ken said as he backed away to take an eyeful of
my sweater encased rack.
I giggled nervously and asked if he was talking about me or my new
friends.
"Both!" Ken said enthusiastically.
I turned my attention to Ben, who was a yard or so away, looking down
at the driveway and shuffling his feet. What was going through his
mind, I wondered. Did he want to feel my new boobs as much as his
father did. He was only three years younger than me. And at 14, I knew
the only thing he was thinking about was boobs and pussy.
"I know its only been three months, but you look taller," I said to
Ben.
Ben locked his eyes on my chest and said, "I don't know about that, but
I did gain some weight," he said.
"Ben is tipping the scales at 150 pounds now," Mr. Edwards said
proudly.
"Oh my, you have got bigger," I said to Ken. "And so have you," I said
as I patted Mr. Edwards belly. Oh great, I thought. The man is going to
squash me.
"Yeah, I guess I did pack on a few," Mr. Edwards said as he patted his
ample belly. "I got so stressed while you were away. I guess eating was
my way of dealing with it."
"Let me take that bag for you," Ben said as he reached for the
overnight bag in my hand.
I released the bag and thanked him. He's a good looking boy, I thought
to myself. I bet he's going to get himself a lot of pussy before he
graduates. I felt a pang of pain as I recalled being his age and
fingering my first pussy. But now I can finger myself, I thought as I
followed Mr. Edwards and his family into their house.
It was Abby, who took first possession of me. "Want to see my room?"
she asked. "Dad and I painted it pink and I got a new bed spread," she
said. Her voice reeked of excitement and she was pulling me as she
asked.
"Nancy just got here, Honey. Give her a chance to catch her breath."
Mr. Edwards said.
I told Mr. Edwards that it was okay and that I had had three months to
catch my breath. I took Abby's hand and said, "I bet your room looks
beautiful. Let's go see it!"
Mr. Edwards took my overnight bag from Ben as I followed Abby up the
stairs to her room.
Abby's room was beautiful, pink, and fluffy. I thought that if I had
been born a real girl, I would have loved to have had a room like
Abby's when I was younger. But of course, that wasn't the case with me.
I had been born a boy and I had enjoyed being a boy was in a hurry to
be a grown woman.
"Your room is beautiful, Abby!" I asked her if she had decorated it
herself.
"My mom and I did it together," she said proudly, "but I was thinking
about changing it now that I'm getting older. Do you think she'd mind?
I mean, I miss her and everything, but..."
I tried to finish her thought for her without sounding harsh about her
late mother. "You're getting older, Abby. I really don't think your mom
would mind if you changed it. As a matter of fact, I bet she expects
you to. So what are you thinking about changing?"
"Its just that I think I'm tired of all the pink," she said. "And the
other thing is that I think I'd like to get some posters of Zac Efron.
But I don't know what my dad would say about it."
"I don't think your father will be bothered in the slightest, Honey. He
loves you and you'll always be his little girl, but he doesn't expect
that you'll stay a little girl for the rest of your life. So you like
boys, do you?"
Abby blushed and nodded. "The boys at my school are cute," she said.
"But they're still a little weird when it comes to girls. I just don't
think they're very mature."
"I think you're probably right about that," I said. "It takes boys a
little while to catch up with the girls."
Abby took my hand and said, "I'm glad you're here, Nancy. Because I
really like you a lot. All of us like you a lot."
I hugged her tight and said, "That's good to hear, Sweetheart, because
I like the three of you a lot."
"Are you and Daddy going to get married?" she asked.
"Well, I don't know so I can't say, but if your father and I did get
married, I'd love to have you as a daughter."
"Really?" she asked.
"Cross my heart and hope to die," I said as I hugged her tight.
With all her questions answered, Abby led me back downstairs to where
Mr. Edwards and Ben were waiting for us.
"I bet she talked your ears off," Mr. Edwards said with a nervous
smile.
"Abby and I had a fun and pleasant conversation," I said. "She's quite
the young lady, you know?"
Abby hugged my middle and squeezed me hard.
"So what do you want to do?" I asked. "Its too early to go to bed."
"It only 2:00," Ben said.
"I think Nancy was just kidding, Ben. She knows its too early to go
sleep," Mr. Edwards said.
Ben blushed.
"He takes things so literally sometimes," Mr. Edwards said. "I was
thinking we could go to a movie and then get some dinner out
somewhere."
"That's an excellent idea," I said. "So what do you want to see?
Believe it or not, I don't have a clue as to what's going on with
movies."
"I imagine you wouldn't," Mr. Edwards said. "You've been playing
Sleeping Beauty for the last three months."
Abby spouted that she had seen "Sleeping Beauty". "The charming prince
wakes her up with a kiss," she said.
*******
We got back to Mr. Edward's house at around 8:00. Every thing, the
movie and the dinner, had gone off perfectly. The only thing that
hadn't gone off perfectly was my dependence on nicotine.
It had been a while since I had experienced public smoking restrictions
and my three pack a day habit had gnawed at me the entire time. I had
to leave the movie twice to have a cigarette. Mr. Edwards had
accompanied both times, so it wasn't like I was standing outside the
movie theater alone.
Mr. Edward had seen me smoke my new More 120 menthols at his house, and
he had been excited about them. His excitement had spilled into the
night. I felt great about new cigarettes.
******
Being that it was only 8:00, the night was still young, so when Mr.
Edwards suggested we play a little game of Monopoly, I was all for it.
I figured the game would give me a chance to bond even more with the
family that seemed to be well on the way of becoming my new family. It
also gave me a chance to think about what I was doing and how I felt
about it, whenever I wasn't rolling the dice.
I was living by the phrase, "So far-so good". Up until now, everything
had not only gone swimmingly with Mr. Edwards and his children, but I
was also enjoying myself and my womanhood.
I am a woman, I thought to myself as I rolled a two and and three. I am
a middle aged woman, a 47 year old woman, I thought as I moved the
metal dog to St. Charles Place. And I wear granny panties!!!!
I shifted in my chair and felt the granny panties and my slip as they
moved gently and smoothly across my skin. I removed a skinny brown
cigarette from my case and placed it between my lips, knowing that Mr.
Edwards would immediately offer me a light as his children watched with
approval. I smiled at each of them as I removed the lit cigarette and
inhaled the mentholated smoke. I was the smoker of the house- the only
one who could do it with the family's blessing. Just like my mom! I
thought.
Thinking of being so much like my mom made me feel good and proud and
terribly sexy! But it was the good and proud part that caught my
attention. I lifted the cigarette and pulled hard against the filter.
Smoke circulated through my lungs and spilled out of my nose as I
smoothed my skirt with my hands.
It was true. I felt more sure and proud of myself as an older woman
than I had as a teenage boy. For better or worse, I was somebody now,
and I hoped to hell it was for the best. It would have made more sense
to me if my life as a boy had been but, but it hadn't been bad. As a
matter of fact, it had been pretty good.
Isn't it weird, I thought. So many guys I knew would have given
anything to be like me, yet I gave everything I had to be like my mom.
Why does it feel so good to be like this, I wondered?
I thought about the beautiful clothes I was wearing. I loved my outfit,
but there wasn't anything sexy about it, or was there? It was my
mother's blend of conservative, stylish, and casual. I looked nice and
attractive without looking cheap, and there was something definitely
sexy about that in my mind. Now if we were going to talk sexy, then
sexy would be the nightgown that I had brought for later tonight. That
nightgown had once belonged to my mother and had been the stepping
stone to becoming the woman I am today. As a boy, I could never stay
out of it and it was fitting that my mother had given it to me as a
gift.
The clothes were definitely wonderful and they defied emotional
description. Even as a young boy, I had migrated to my mother's closet
whenever the opportunity arose. But if it had just been the clothes, I
could have stopped there. Couldn't I have stopped there?
What had made me cross the line from crossdresser to post-op
transexual? I looked down at my arm and pinched a layer of fat on my
elbow and thought about the wrinkles and pudge that been added to my
body to make me appear decades older than I really was. It was the age
thing that had sealed the deal for me.
I looked across the table at Ben as he moved his board piece to Park
Place. If all I had wanted was to be a girl, I could have been the kind
of young girl that throws off shockwaves to a boy, Ben's age. But I had
never wanted to be a cheerleader. Had I? Oh no. Not me. I asked Mr.
Edwards if he could pour me another glass of wine? As I watched him
fill my glass, I thought, well...he never would have done that if I
looked like a 17 year old boy, would he? Of course he wouldn't! Mr.
Edwards was neither a pedophile or a homosexual. But how would he feel
if he learned the truth about me?
The first thing that came to mind was my age. Since I was over the age
of 16, there was no way he could legally get in trouble for having sex
with me. However, there was the fact that I had once been a student
under his care, and that might be another can of worms entirely.
There were rules against such things, weren't there? A doctor can't go
to bed with his patient. A pastor can't have a sexual relationship with
a member of his congregation. Or can he. I wasn't too sure about that,
but I knew teacher-student relationships were taboo at best. But still,
we weren't breaking any laws.
Yes, I suppose I was on the right side of the legal line, but I was
miles away from the ethical line. I am tricking him into believing I'm
a natural-born and raised 47 year old woman. That's not nice, I
thought.
No, it wasn't nice, but it was necessary. Without tricking him, I'd
never get what I had always wanted. And what had I always wanted? I had
always wanted to be a wife and a mother, just like my mother.
I looked across the board at Abby and Ben. I'm really going to be their
mom, if everything works out the way I think it will. How can I be a
mom to kids when I'm just a kid myself. I looked across the table at 55
year old Mr. Edwards. He returned my look with a lustful smile. How can
I be a wife to a man who who is old enough to be my father? That part
was even more sticky than being a mother to his kids, because that part
included sex.
The game ended, not because somebody had won, but because it was
getting late. It was getting late, but for me, the night had just
begun.
******
I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, standing in my mother's
nightgown with my make-up off. Only one more thing to do to get ready,
I thought as I picked up my cigarette case off the sink and lit a
slender brown More 120.
I thought the long brown cigarette between my fingers completed my
look. In my mind, I looked elegant, mature, sexy, smart, and beautiful.
Lets hope Mr. Edwards feels the same way when he sees me, but know what
I knew about him so far convinced me that he wouldn't have any problems
with my appearance.
I picked up my cigarette case and walked gracefully into the bedroom
where I found Mr. Edwards already in bed and under the sheets. "Did you
bring me a glass of wine?" I asked.
He pointed to the nightstand, "on my side of the bed" and smiled, and
then he he said, "I'm really happy you're here tonight, Honey. I'm so
happy and you look fantastic!"
"Really?" I asked playfully as I exhaled a plume of smoke into his
face. "And are you sure it won't bother you if I smoke in bed? I
haven't seen you have a cigarette all day. Have you quit?"
"Kind of, but not all the way," Mr. Edwards said as he rolled to his
side pulled a pack of Marlboros from his nightstand drawer.
"Not so fast," I said as I stopped him from lighting up. "I don't know
how I feel about you smoking in the closet, like this. I mean, you are
an adult and you shouldn't have to hide it from your kids."
Mr. Edwards shook his head. "I don't know, Honey. Its just that I'd
feel so weird about smoking in front of them."
"Why? I smoke in front of them and they seem to be alright with it."
"That's because they are alright with it. Their mother smoked too, and
she was a woman and you're a woman. I know that doesn't make much
sense, but that's the way I feel about it. Its real hard to explain."
A fun thought passed through my head and I decided to act on it. I took
the pack of Marlboros from his hand and laid them on my nightstand.
"Smoking is an adult habit," I said. "And if you're not grown-up enough
to smoke like a man in front of me and your kids, then I don't want you
smoking those Marlboros."
A worried look crept over his face, "But I'm hooked on them, Nancy. I
need to smoke, at least every now and then."
"I know you do sweetheart, but from now on, you're going to be 100%
dependent on me for your nicotine fix," I said as I blew a puff of
smoke into his face. His cock immediately sprang to attention and I
could see its shape as it projected itself from under the sheets.
"How's this going to work?" he asked.
"LIke this," I said as I pulled the cigarette away from my mouth and
smashed my lips against his. With my eyes open, I could see his eyes
open wide as he breathed in the mentholated smoke from my mouth.
He looked startled and in awe of what had just happened. "So did you
like it?" I asked.
He nodded his head approvingly.
"Then you might like this too," I said as placed the skinny brown
cigarette filter to his lips and told him to smoke from my hand. He did
so without having to be asked again. After he exhaled, I asked him if
he understood what I meant about him being dependent on me for his
future nicotine fixes.
"I think so," he said. "But what about when you're not around?"
"That's simple," I said. "If I'm not around to feed you, then you won't
smoke. What's so hard about that to understand?"
He raised an eyebrow and said, "Nothing, I guess." And then his eyes
got big with a thought. "But this is between you and I," he said. "You
know...in private, and not in front of the kids or anything. Right?"
I made a stern face and shook my head, no. "Everyone, including the
kids, is going to see you smoke this way for as long as we're together
or until you quit smoking all the way."
He grimaced. "I don't know. That's kind of embarrassing," he said.
I told him that I really wasn't giving him a choice.
"You're serious. Aren't you?" he asked.
I answered him by taking another puff from my cigarette and exhaled the
smoke into his mouth. I then laid back on the pillow and pulled down
the cup on my gown, exposing my generous breast to him.
He blinked and said, "Your breasts are so beautiful!"
"And they're all yours," I said with a cigarette clenched between my
teeth. I rubbed his head as he suckled.
Totally...totally weird, I thought as Mr. Edwards hunkered down on my
breasts. Oh Geeze, there's a grown man sucking on my boob! I think I
love it! But its so weird! And it feels so damn good! I mean...I knew my
breasts were sensitive and everything, but for crying out loud! Getting
my boobs sucked is the bomb! And to make matters even better, I was
smoking while Mr. Edwards was breast feeding from my boob. Ooooh, he's
circling my nipple with his tongue. That little devil!
The long brown More 120 was clenched between my teeth and I was puffing
on it for all I was worth. I'm smoking like a diesel locomotive, I
thought. No I'm not. I'm smoking like my Mom! Does my mom smoke while
my dad sucks her boobies, I wondered?
Smoke was pouring out of my nostrils and down into Mr. Edwards' face as
I squirmed and wiggled with delight. I heard him moan and he began
sucking louder as a cloud of my smoke encircled his face. "You're doing
that so good," I cooed. Mr. Edwards responded by sucking harder.
I looked at my cigarette and saw that it was nearing the end. That was
a problem because I didn't want to stop smoking. If I was going to do
this thing with Mr. Edwards, I wanted to do it while I was smoking.
Maybe that sounds weird to someone who doesn't have a smoking fetish,
but it was necessary for me. After all, it was my smoking fetish that
earned me my boobs and pussy. And when I really thought about it,
well...it wasn't like I thought Mr. Edwards would mind either. The man
was as sick about women smoking as I was. But should I ask him if he
minds if I have another one? Or should I just light up?
I made the decision to be be the boss in our relationship, as funny as
that sounds...a 17 year old boy being the boss over a 55 year old man.
As Mr. Edwards continued sucking, I leaned toward the nightstand and
put my cigarette out. And then without pausing, I picked up my
cigarette case and ceremoniously lit another cigarette. I wasn't
positive, but I'm pretty sure I heard Mr. Edwards moan with approval.
The man wanted me to smoke, so the feeling was mutual.
Mr. Edwards stopped sucking and began rubbing his hand across my soft
out-of-shape belly. I knew he what he was thinking because I'd been in
this position more than once in my life. He was wondering if it was
okay to eat my pussy. I replayed the words from the thought in my mind.
Eat my pussy. I have a pussy and Mr. Edwards is going to eat it. What a
nice man!
My thoughts raced and my skin blistered with goose bumps as Mr. Edwards
pulled up my nightgown and started kissing my belly. Don't stop, I
thought to my self. Keep going!
I gasped as his warm wet tongue made contact with my hairy pussy. I
have a pussy! And I'm not dreaming. My dick and my balls are gone and I
have a pussy and a man who is old enough to be my father is licking it!
So this is what my mom feels like when my dad licks her pussy! I
inhaled a puff from my cigarette and laid back for the ride.
Oh yes, he's good, I thought to myself. I wondered if I had been as
good of a pussy eater as Mr. Edwards back in my boy days. Probably not,
I thought. He's using his fingers. I never used my fingers. I just
licked and drooled all over the girls I had been with. That's the
difference of experience, I thought. I like experience. Experience is
good.
"Oh Ken," I said as I mashed his head with my fingers. "You're making
me feel so good. "Don't stop! Don't ever stop!"
Mr. Edwards replied with a grunt as he continued his all out assault on
my pussy. My pussy? Will I ever get used to the idea that I now have a
pussy?
I don't know how much time went by, but it must have been more than ten
minutes, because I was approaching the end of another cigarette
when....Oh my God! I'm coming! I'm having an orgasm in Mr. Edward's
mouth. Oh you beautiful man!
With the burnt down cigarette clutched between my teeth, I threw my
head back against the pillow and lunged my hips against Mr. Edward's
face. The feeling was familiar but indescribable. You know what an
orgasm feels like. I know too, and I was having one.
I inhaled a puff of smoke and held it inside my lungs as I climaxed.
Sweet mentholated smoke. My head was spinning and my pussy was
throbbing with pleasure.
And then it occurred to me, especially as Mr. Edwards rolled to his
side. He's going to expect me to return the favor. And why shouldn't
he? He'd just licked my pussy. Of course I should follow suit and suck
his dick. That only made sense. I mean it made sense that he should
expect me to do it for him. It didn't make sense that I was going to
really do it.
How could I suck his dick? I'm a boy and he's a man. But I'm not a boy,
or he doesn't think I am. Oh, its so confusing. I hate myself. I really
do! But this is happening and I can't run away. I can't get up and hide
under the bed or make a dash to the door. I'm stuck. And for better or
worse, I know what I have to do. I have to suck Mr. Edwards dick.
Oh no! He's making his way back on top of me. Is he really going to
kiss me with that mouth of his? Doesn't he know where its been? Doesn't
he know how gross that is? Oh shit. He's kissing me! I break the kiss
and go to take a puff from my cigarette but its finished, so I put it
out in the ashtray and reach for my cigarette case.
My head is still spinning from the orgasm as I pinch a brown filter
with my nails and remove it from the pack. I place the cigarette
between my lips but before I can light it, he takes the lighter from my
hand, flicks up a flame and holds it to the end of my cigarette. I
quiver with delight and wonder if he would have lit my cigarette if he
knew the truth. Of course he wouldn't. "Thank you," I said, following
the words with a blast of smoke to his face.
Mr. Edwards inhaled my exhale and smiled. "So you liked it?" he asked.
I moaned through the smoke and nodded my head. "You were wonderful," I
said.
"Wonderful enough to have a cigarette with you?" he asked. "I could
really use one."
"You know the rules," I said as I placed the cigarette to his lips and
held it for him.
He turned his head and exhaled. "And they're good rules," he said. "I
like them."
It was about then that I got a good view of his hulking naked body. It
was the body of a middle-aged man. Honestly, the guy could stand to
lose about 15 pounds and firm up. I thought that if I had remained a
boy and had grown up into a man, I never would have let myself go, but
who was I kidding. I mean...like how many ripped middle-aged men did I
know. My own father didn't even qualify.
As I was pondering the question of why men let their bodies go, my eyes
took a full shot of Mr. Edwards' erect penis. The man was still big and
hard! And oh God! Was it ever ugly! I mean, come on! Face it. The
genitals of both sexes are kind of ugly, but at the same time, they're
also fascinating. I thought about this as I looked down at my own hairy
pussy. My pussy. I have a pussy! Get over it dude! So you have a pussy.
So what? I have a pussy.
I turned my attention back to Mr. Edwards' penis and cautiously put my
hand on it and stroked it with my fingers. Just so you know, I wasn't
doing it because I was obsessed with his cock or because I wanted to
feel him up.
I was touching his penis because that's what he expected me to do. This
is what a real woman would do, I thought as I squeezed and kneaded it
with my fingers. "Its so big!" I said out loud. I sat up in bed,
surprised that I had said such a thing.
"Do you really think so?" he asked.
Obviously, Mr. Edwards was fishing for a compliment, but the truth of
the matter was that the man had an enormous cock and I was afraid it
might be too big. After all, it wasn't as if my pussy or my mouth had a
lot of experience. I didn't know what fit and what didn't. My mouth!
He was laying next to me and probably expecting for me to go down on
him. I wasn't surprised by the thought. It was more or less as if I was
resigned to it. I stared at his penis and sighed before making my
descent.
"You don't have to do this Nancy," Mr. Edwards said.
"But I want to," I lied. And then I began to think about something
else. What if Mr. Edwards really didn't want me to suck his dick? What
if he was afraid of shooting his wad in my mouth and not having
anything left for my pussy. I'd heard the women talk about things like
that. I asked him if that was the case, but chose my words tactfully.
"Oh no!" Mr. Edwards exclaimed with a laugh. "I'm taking Cialis." He
told me that Viagra and Levitra were one and done drugs, but with
Cialis, he could go again after a little rest.
"That's great!" I lied, but a part of me felt as if wasn't lying. A
part of me wanted to experience the whole ball of wax as a woman. It
was the other part of me that was repulsed, and that was the part I was
fighting with. Maybe I should have had more wine while we were playing
Monopoly.
I looked at the brown cigarette between my fingers. It made my hand
look so elegant. If I'm going to do this, then I might as well do it
right, I thought to myself. I turned to Mr. Edwards and and asked, "So
do you mind if I smoke while I do this?"
Mr. Edwards' grin stretched across his face as he laid back against the
pillow and spread his legs. Oh my! I thought as I worked myself down
and assumed the position. I'm really going to do this. Oh shit!
What would my mother do? I thought as I took a puff from my cigarette
and blew the smoke around Mr. Edwards' long, thick penis. That may
sound like a crazy question, but the alternative questions were what
would a girl do? Or even worse! What would a boy do? If I was going to
do this, which I was, then I wanted to do it right- like a middle aged
woman with experience would do. Like my mother would do!
I took Mr. Edwards' penis in my hand and inserted it into my mouth.
This is history in the making, I thought to myself. It was the first
time I had ever had a man's penis in my mouth. But something inside of
me told me that it wouldn't be the last time.
I felt a mixture of being grossed out that was tempered with respect.
All the words I had shared about sex with Mrs. Estes and Mrs. Jackson,
and even my mom, spilled out into my brain as I rolled my tongue around
the tip of Mr. Edwards' penis. Respect the penis! Take good care of the
penis and the penis will take care of you! Did I really want Mr.
Edwards to take good care of me with his penis?
Logically speaking, the answer was YES. Having surgery had changed my
life. I'd never have a penis of my own again. If I was to get any kind
of sexual relief it would be at the end of a penis or a dildo. I looked
up across his belly and saw his eyes staring lustfully down at me. Time
to put on a show, I thought as I took a puff from my cigarette and
returned my lips to his dick. Did he like watching the smoke spill from
my nostrils? I bet he did.
After about 5 minutes, my jaw began aching and I was willing him to
cum, just so I could get it over with. A thought of my father flashed
across my mind. What would Dad think if he could see me now? Would he
be proud? A tear fell from my eye as I thought about his complicated
emotions. I had once been a son he could be proud of. But for all
practical purposes, I had died as his son. I was his cock sucking
sister now.
I felt Mr. Edwards' body tense up and then he crushed my head with his
hands. Oh my God, I thought. He's cumming! Mr. Edwards is cumming in my
mouth.
It happened in an instant. My mouth was filled with yucky tasting goo.
Oh my God! I've got sperm in my mouth. What am I going to do? What
would my mother do?
I sucked harder because she would suck harder. And when I was sure he
had finished his business, I backed off so that I could swallow. I
swallowed another man's sperm. A big part of the boy inside me had just
died. How could I survive? I was now a cock sucker.
I pulled myself on top of him and reached for my glass of wine. The
wine mixed with the taste of sperm didn't taste good, but it did wash
the rest of the sperm down. And the taste of sour grapes was definitely
better than rancid taste of Mr. Edwards' sperm. "Was it good for you,"
I asked?
With his eyes still rolled back in his head, Mr. Edwards grunted his
approval and satisfaction. Victory for me! I had performed as a woman.
I put out my cigarette and pulled another from my pack and turned
toward Mr. Edwards, so that he could light it for me.
"How much do you smoke, Nancy?" he asked.
"Three packs a day. Why? Is that too much?" I asked.
"Oh no! Not at all. I was just wondering," he said. "I think you're so
sexy when you smoke."
"I know you do," I said as I held the cigarette to his lips.
We lay there together for the next ten minutes, cuddling, talking, and
smoking, while we waited for the Cialis to recharge his penis. Now that
the blow job was over, I was feeling kind of proud of myself. Imagine
that! Feeling proud because I sucked a man's dick and he came in my
mouth. Oh well. Its a brave new world, I thought to myself.
I smoked throughout the foreplay. Foreplay? What's foreplay? I thought
I knew what foreplay was, but Mr. Edwards taught me a thing or two or
three about it. As a boy, I had rushed into sex. As an older woman, I
appreciated the fact that Mr. Edwards knew how to take his time and get
me into the mood.
Mr. Edward's dick was as hard as a rock and so were my nipples! Mr.
Edwards fingered my pussy and sucked on my boobs like a mad man while I
smoked and kissed him. We were talking and I was getting on turned on
by the conversation.
"My boobs are big and old and saggy," I said. "Doesn't it bother you
that I'm not taught and perky like a younger woman?"
Mr. Edwards came up for air and said, "If you were a younger woman, I
wouldn't have anything to do with you. I'm a mature man and I want a
mature woman. Your boobs are great and so is everything about you. I
wouldn't change a thing about you. I love you, Nancy!"
My pussy tingled at the sound of his words. I was horny and frightened
at the same time. What would it be like to be fucked by a man-
especially an older man, like Mr. Edwards?
"Ken, can you reach the KY Jelly. Its on my nightstand. And hand me my
cigarettes too. That is...if you don't mind."
Mr. Edwards beamed as he complied. "Are you sure you don't mind me
smoking while we do this?" I asked.
"This may sound kind of weird," he said. "But you smoking while we make
love is one of my fantasies."
"I thought your wife smoked before she died," I said. "Why didn't you
ask her?"
"She was kind of funny about her smoking," he said as he withdrew a
long slender More 120 from my case and placed it between my lips. "As a
matter of fact, she hated being a smoker and was always trying to quit.
I don't think she would have been to happy if she found out that..."
I finished the sentence for him. "Found out that you like women that
smoke? That you have a fetish?"
Mr. Edwards blushed. "Yeah," he said. "And I can't believe you're so
cool with it."
"Well did it ever occur to you that I might have a smoking fetish too?"
"Really?" The look on his face said it all. The man was about to cum
before he even lit my cigarette for me.
"That's right," I said. "And that's the reason I started smoking when I
was a little girl. I wanted to look and feel like a sexy big girl."
Mr. Edwards kissed me on the lips and lit my cigarette for me.
I handed him the bottle of KY and asked him if he'd like to lube my
pussy up.
"It would be my pleasure," he said as he opened the bottle and squeezed
a dab onto his fingers.
I laid back against the headboard and arched my back as Mr. Edwards
lubed my pussy with the jelly. "That feels so good," I cooed. "I can't
wait to feel you inside me."
It was then that I began to question how we were going to do it. I
remembered what Susan and Margie had told me about laying on my side
and letting the man enter me from behind. I still couldn't quite see it
in my head, but I hoped that if I laid down, Mr. Edwards would know
what to do.
I laid down on my right side and raised my left leg and looked back at
him with the the cigarette clenched between my teeth. "I'm ready,
Sweetheart."
I don't know if Mr. Edwards had ever made love that way, or if it was
instinct, but the man knew what to do. I suddenly found his stiff penis
between my legs and I awkwardly took it in my hand and guided it to my
new pussy.
So many thoughts competed for space in my head as I felt Mr. Edwards'
dick begin to make penetration. Of course I questioned whether it was
really happening. After all, maybe it was a dream and I'd wake up as
Darren Peterman. Oh yeah, that could totally happen! I'd wake up and
get out of bed and go to school. But, no...those days were behind me. I
was a woman now and I was about to have sex with a man.
Another thing that pressed into my thoughts was whether or not I'd even
be able to get Mr. Edwards' dick inside my pussy. I'd seen a lot of
cocks in my life, in the the showers after football practice and
online, and it would be an understatement to say that Mr. Edwards was
well endowed.
I thanked God for lube as the engorged head of Mr. Edwards' penis
painlessly penetrated the lips of my pussy. It was painless in that it
didn't hurt, but I still felt the pressure as his penis stretched the
walls of my vagina to its limit.
I think my eyes rolled all the way back into my head as my pussy
absorbed his full length. He was inside me now and it
felt...........Marvelous! Fantastic! Awesome! ohhhh! It felt so good!
He pulled out and then pushed back in. Out and in. Out and in....And the
feeling got even better. Oh my God, I'm being fucked, I thought.
I ashes my cigarette in the ashtray and returned it to my mouth. Mr.
Edwards moaned and I wondered if it was because my pussy was making him
feel so good or because he could see me smoking from behind. I had
never had sex with a girl while she was smoking but I had thought about
it at least a couple million times. What was better, I wondered?
Fucking a woman while she's smoking? Or being a woman who is smoking
while she's be fucked? I'd never know the answer to one of those
questions. I took a puff from my cigarette and exhaled. I bet that
looks good to him, I thought.
Judging by the clock on the nightstand, I was three minutes into the
act when I had my first orgasm. My first orgasm? Does that mean there
will be a second one, I wondered? Mr. Edwards bucked from behind,
showing no signs of slowing down. I put out my cigarette and lit
another one, hoping that he'd appreciate my lust for nicotine and that
wouldn't make him lose his rhythm.
Mr. Edwards began to spasm and grunt and I knew he was cuming inside of
me. I felt his warm sperm spilling into my womb. Did I even have a
womb? Hell, I don't know. But the thing about it is that my insides
were swimming in his sperm. My lover had just had an orgasm inside of
me. A spurt of sadness swept over me as he went limp and pulled out.
I'm not sure if I was sad because the sex was over or because my life
as a boy was officially over.
I turned over on my side and faced him. He was breathing hard and his
eyes were wide open. I smiled at him and told him he was wonderful and
I wasn't lying a bit. I took a puff from my cigarette and pressed my
lips to his and kissed him.
Oh yes...I was kissing the man who had just fucked the boy right out of
my skin. I was kissing the man who had made a woman out of me.
I dress like a woman. I smoke like a woman. And now I fuck like a
woman. I'm just like my mom now, I thought as I finished my cigarette
and put it out in the ashtray. I wanted to cry and so I did...
"Are you okay?" Mr. Edwards asked. "Did I do something wrong?"
I smiled and shook my head. "No. Nothing is wrong," I said. "Everything
is perfect!"
Mr. Edward stared into my eyes and said, "Nancy. Can I tell you
something?"
I kissed him on the lips and told him that I'd like it very much if he
told me something.
"I love you," he said. "I love you and I want to marry you."
I wasn't shocked by what he said, because I knew he loved me, but it
was still a milestone in my life and one that I would remember for as
long as I would live. It was the first time a man, other than my
father, had told me that he loved me. "I love you too," I said. "And I
want to marry you too, but you can't say something like that to a woman
and not be prepared to offer her a ring."
Mr. Edwards grinned and said, "But I do have a ring."
"Then do it right," I said as he got out of bed and opened the drawer
to his nightstand. "I want to see and hear you ask me on your
knees....BUT NOT NOW!"
He looked confused and told me that he didn't understand.
I told him to relax and not be so worried. "I want to marry you too,
but I want to do it right. I think you should ask my brother's
permission...that's all. And ask him in front of his wife."
"And then you'll say yes?" he asked. "You'll marry me?"
"Maybe I will," I said. "Do you think Ben and Abby are okay with me
being their new step-mother?"
"Of course they are. They'd be thrilled out of their minds if you said
yes to me."
"In that case, the answer is Probably," I said. "I'll probably say yes
if you ask me me to marry you in front of Bill and Karen. Now lay your
head on my chest and go to sleep while I have another cigarette."
I think Mr. Edwards liked me telling him what to do, and I thought that
was pretty cool. I was in charge and he and I both knew it. I was the
woman and I was strong!
I think he fell asleep before I even finished my cigarette, so I guess
that what they say about men is true. His being quiet and asleep gave
me a chance to think about the things that had happened. I mean, it
wasn't like I didn't think about things while they were happening, but
after things are quiet and the thing is over with, well...that's a time
for reflection, and I had a lot to reflect on.
The first thing that came into my mind was that I had just had sex with
an older man and I had sucked his dick and he he cum inside my mouth
and I had swallowed it! Oh Geeze! But you know...it wasn't that bad.
I mean...sure, it had been a bit of a culture shock to say the least.
After all, it wasn't as if I had been born to do such things. The
things I had done had gone against my native nature, but it wasn't as
if I'd never imagined doing it before.
Back when I was a boy and dating girls, but dressing up in my mother's
clothes, whenever I had the chance, I had fantasized about things like
tonight. The thoughts and fantasies from those days had been a Catch
22. On one hand they repulsed me because it was so gay! But on the
other hand, well on the other hand, I wanted desperately to discover
the feelings of a sexual relationship from an older woman's side of the
bed.
I rubbed my hand across my mellon sized boob and pinched my nipple. A
feeling of ecstasy streaked across my groin. Can't hide these babies, I
thought as I pinched and rubbed them. If I really thought about it, I
could feel the extra skin on my breasts that comes with age and
sagging. I smiled out loud in the dark because it turned me on. I did
indeed look like a 47 year old woman and it turned me on to no end!
My thoughts turned to my mother. What will Mom say when I tell her what
I've done? Will she be proud of me? I thought of my father. Will he be
proud of me, I wondered? And what about Mrs. Jackson and Mrs. Estes?
What will they think the next time we get together to chat things up.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I needed to get
home as soon as possible to have a talk with my mom, because I really
wanted to share my adventure with her. The good thing was that I knew
she'd approve and be excited for me.
This is so crazy, I thought as I rolled over and put my cigarette out.
This thing with my mom and I, its out of control. I mean she's the
whole reason I did all of this! Was I living through her or was she
living through me, or was it somewhere in the middle, or was it even
like that at all. The only thing I knew for certain was that it turned
me on to think about lighting up a cigarette in front of her and
telling her what I did. I wanted my mom to see me smoking like her. I
wanted to see the look on her face when she heard I was sucking cock
and fucking just like she did. It was important to me to share these
things with her.
I need to go home tomorrow, I thought. I'll just make up something up
about needing to leave. I'll tell Mr. Edwards that I have loads of
laundry to do, which wasn't really a lie. There will be plenty of time
for me and Mr. Edwards to get together. We have the rest of our lives.
One day won't matter.
I'm getting sleepy. I'm getting real sleepy. I think I'll close my eyes
now. Sweet dreams, Nancy.
********
Mom and Dad were both home when I got back to the house. Mom shrieked
with joy when she saw the telling look on my face. "Did you have a good
time with Ken?" she asked.
"I think so," I said. "Oh yes, most definitely. As a matter of fact,
he's picking me up later this afternoon. We're going to have a kind of
early date because he's got to go work at the school in the morning."
Dad did his best to fill in the blanks of my story while reading my
face. Did he know I had had sex with Mr. Edwards? The look on his face
wasn't made of disgust. It was made of concern. Despite the way I
looked in my dress, the man loved me as his son.
"Do you want to talk about last night?" he asked. "Are you okay?"
I walked up to him and hugged him tightly. "I'm okay, Dad. Really. I'm
okay, but I am a little shook. Last night I did some things with Mr.
Edwards that boys aren't supposed to do."
"But its like we talked about," he said. "You're not a boy anymore.
It's okay for you to live your life as a woman and do the things that
women do."
I lifted his chin with my finger, looked him in the eyes and said,"
You're right and I'm dealing with it the best I can and its not as bad
as I thought it would be. As a matter of fact, there were a lot of
parts about it that were pretty good- maybe even amazing. But its not
me that I'm worried about. It's you. Are you okay with the things I've
done. I mean I'm not going to go into detail with you, but I probably
pretty much did everything you can imagine. Mr. Edwards made a woman
out of me last night."
Tears formed at the edge of my father's eyes and worked themselves down
his cheeks. "Did it hurt," he asked?
"It was just my pride that hurt," I said. "But after I got used to it,
well...I think it felt pretty good, if you know what I mean. I needed to
do what I did. You know that. Don't you?"
Dad wiped his eyes and shook his head. "I've known it since you began
this journey," he said. "You don't have to worry about me, Son."
"You called me Son," I said. "We're supposed to be brother and sister
now."
"Yeah, I guess I did. I guess its just a habit, but in a way, you'll
always be my son. And I'm so proud of you Darren. I'm proud of the
woman you've become. You look so happy and that makes me very happy
too."
"Thanks Dad. That means a lot to me."
"Okay," my mother said as she grabbed my arm and pulled me away from my
father. "Its time for a little girl talk. No men allowed," she said as
she glared at my father.
Dad laughed and told us he'd find something to do with Sammy. And then
it was just me and my mom, standing in the living room, admiring each
other's dresses.
"Lets go to the kitchen," she said, "and I'll make us some coffee. You
do want some coffee. Don't you?"
"Coffee and a couple packs of cigarettes," I said as I clutched at the
purse which was riding on my hip.
"Me too," Mom said.
*******
Mom placed a cup of coffee in front of me and sat down beside me and
picked up her pack of Marlboro Lights. "So did Ken notice you're
smoking More 120s now?" she asked.
"Notice is an understatement," I said as pulled a long slim brown
cigarette from my case and proudly lit it. "Judging by the size of his
erection, I couldn't tell if he was more turned on by me or my
cigarettes!"
Mom laughed and said, "Don't ever sell yourself short, because you're
beautiful, but I expect he saw the Mores as an added feature. Do you
like them as much as Virginia Slims?"
I blew a big cloud of smoke toward the ceiling and smiled at her. "I
like them even better," I said. "The menthol is strong and well...I just
feel more mature and..."
"Elegant?" Mom asked as she finished my sentence.
I inhaled as I nodded. "Definitely," I said as smoke poured out of my
nostrils. I watched as my mom smoked her cigarette and made a conscious
effort to imitate her mannerisms and style. I so much wanted to look
and be like her!
"So tell me about your night with Ken," Mom said. "How did it feel when
he made a woman out of you? And how do you feel about it now?"
I trimmed the ash of my cigarette in the ashtray and let the story
spill out of me. I didn't pause until I had finished.
"That's an amazing story! So incredibly sexy!," Mom said. "I love the
way you made him smoke out of your hand. That must have been a power
trip for you."
I agreed that it was a "Power Trip" and added that the whole thing
still seemed like a dream, "But a nice dream," I said.
"Its not a dream, Honey. For better or worse, and from where I'm
sitting, it appears to be for the better, this is your life. You're a
middle aged chain smoking woman now. And now that you've jumped over
the cliff with Ken, you really are...just like me. You're happy about it.
Aren't you? This is what you wanted? No regrets?"
I crushed out my cigarette and immediately lit another one as I
mentally built an arsenal of words that would answer my mother's
question while answering my own questions at the same time.
"I am happy, Mom. But even though I'm happy, its like sometimes I don't
know whether to laugh or to cry. The thing is that in my heart, as
weird as this whole thing has been, I know I'd do it over again if I
had it to do over again."
I paused to take a puff from my cigarette and said, "But you know? This
wouldn't be as cool or as sweet or as delicious if I had been born a
girl. Does that make sense to you? Because I know its true, but it
doesn't really make sense to me. You'd think that I'd just be happy
because I always believed I should have been born a girl, but its not
like that."
"I know it isn't, Honey. That's because you're really a boy who is
probably the biggest 'SISSY' in the world."
"A sissy? How can you call me a sissy? When I was a boy, I was strong
and tough."
"You were strong and tough on the outside, but deep down, you always
wanted to be a boy wearing a dress and pretending to be a woman. And
its nothing to be ashamed of, because you cant help yourself. If
anything, you should celebrate your sissy side, because it gives you
joy and purpose."
She continued by saying that she felt there would never be a time in my
life when I would feel like a real woman. "You'll always be a boy in a
dress," she said. "You'll always be smoking 'LIKE' a woman instead of
being a woman who smokes. You are a boy, who is a big sissy, who is
pretending to be a woman. Am I right?"
Her words hit me like a freight train. It wasn't an epiphany by any
stretch of the imagination, because I had thought the same thing many
times. The tremendous impact came from hearing my mother say the words.
And here's the weird thing...it turned me on to hear her say them.
"You're absolutely right," I said. "I am a big sissy and I love it!"
And then I added, "And I'm especially glad and happy that you know it
too."
"To be perfectly honest with you," Mom said, "I didn't know it until
the day I offered to help make you a woman and you accepted. I really
thought you would have put up more of a fight. It actually surprised me
that you jumped at my offer so eagerly and so quickly. You just
couldn't wait to slip your hairy legs into a pair of my panties."
"Does that mean you're disappointed in me?" I asked.
"Talking about disappointment is a slippery slope," she said. "The
important thing, and the thing I'm thinking you want to hear most right
now is that I'm not disappointed. I'm thrilled at what you've become
and what you're doing with your life, but it did take some getting used
to in the beginning. I guess there was a part of me that always thought
you'd slam on the breaks before it got this far. Never in my wildest
dreams did I ever expect you to go through with getting a sex change
and having your skin aged!"
My heart ached as I lifted the brown cigarette to my lips and pulled
daintily on the filter. Why did my mother feel the need to pull on my
heart strings the way she did? She was my Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde mom.
One minute she was sweet and supporting. The next, she was ... a monster!
Sensing my pain, Mom laid a hand on top of mine and said, "Its like I
was saying, Honey. I'm not disappointed. I'm surprised...but you know me,
and if you really know me like I think you do, then you know that I'm
thrilled about your becoming a woman. After all, its not like I don't
have another son to carry on the family name. And speaking of family
names, are you and Ken getting any closer to changing yours to
Edwards?"
"That's why I came home to talk," I said. "He asked me to marry him
last night."
"And you said...What?" Mom asked.
I laughed and said, "I told him that since I didn't have parents, he'd
have to ask for Dad's permission. "But I didn't call him my dad. I
called him my brother."
"I see," Mom said. "Well of course your father and I both support you
marrying Ken, so I know what your father's answer will be. Under the
circumstances, getting married to a man who can support you is the best
answer. I'm assuming you don't want to go to work, do you? Although
you've never come out and said it, I feel as if you have your heart set
on becoming a housewife. Am I right?"
"A housewife and a stay-at-home mom," I said proudly. "Why? Is there
something wrong with that?"
Mom laughed and said, "Oh no, Baby. There's nothing at all wrong about
that. That's what I am for the most part. You know I barely work at
selling real estate. I just do it to get myself out of the house from
time to time and to have a little extra spending money. My family and
home has always come first. Can't you tell? This place would go to pot
if I neglected it. But I'm more interested in talking about you! So are
you excited about being a housewife and a mommy?"
"Honestly?" I asked.
"Well...I was hoping you weren't going to tell me a lie."
"The honest answer is that I don't know, Mom. I mean I should be
excited about it and feeling like I was born for being a mother and a
housewife, but I don't. But at the same time...it turns me on and makes
me horny. You know...being a boy but being a mom to another boy and being
a boy and being a wife to a real man."
"And speaking about real men, what did you think about Ken's penis? Was
it impressive? Or was it a let down?" Does he have to take Viagra to
get an erection?"
"Cialis," I said. "And yes, I guess you'd say its impressive. I mean I
didn't take out a ruler or anything, but its really big! A lot bigger
than mine."
"Yours? I hate to be the one to break it to you, Honey. But 'yours' is
kind of in the past. Don't you think?"
I laughed somewhat painfully. "Yeah, I guess you're right. And that's a
weird thing to get used to too. Sometimes I forget I have a pussy now,
like when I have to go the bathroom real bad. I find myself hiking my
dress and standing in front of the toilet and reaching for nothing."
Mom laughed at the thought of me trying to pee while standing up. "All
kidding and cruel torture aside, I'm really excited for you Sweetheart.
I can't imagine what it would be like to have my fantasies come to life
and actually live them out."
"Fantasies? You have fantasies? What kind of fantasies?"
Mom smiled at me as she crushed out her cigarette and lit another one.
"I'm 47 years old, Honey. I want what every 47 year old woman wants- a
younger man!"
"A younger man? How young are we talking about?"
"Well...not young enough to go to prison for, but young enough to be my
son."
I laughed nervously.
"What? Does that surprise you?"
"Yeah, a little I guess. I just never thought of you like that. In my
mind you were always a saint. A saint that smoked and dressed pretty
and was a great mother and a super cool woman."
"Well wake up and smell the coffee, Sweetheart. I may be all those
things, but I'm a human being too, and I have dreams and fantasies just
like you do. We all do and for what its worth, this is just woman's
talk. I'm talking to you woman to woman and if I ever hear of you
telling your father what I said, I'll pull those stripper boobs right
out of your chest with a pair of pliers."
I laughed again. "You're kidding about the pliers right?"
Mom scowled at me and took a puff from cigarette. "So what were you
planning to wear to your wedding?" she asked.
Mom's face lit up when I told her that I was thinking about and wanting
to wear her wedding dress. "I guess it would have to be altered in the
chest department, but it would really mean a lot to me. You know, with
all the symbolism and everything."
"I think that's a fantastic idea and I was hoping you'd want to wear
it," Mom said. "Just promise me you won't burn any holes in it, because
I know you'll be smoking like a fiend in it."
LIke always, my mother had read my mind. I didn't want to admit it to
her, but when Mr. Edwards had asked me to marry him, the first thing
that popped into my mind wasn't about sex, or kids, of financial
security, or even love. The first thing that popped into my mind was
wearing my mother's wedding dress and smoking my More 120s in it. Gosh,
I'm such a sick bastard...or bitch! "What about the etiquette part?" I
asked. "I always heard a bride shouldn't be seen smoking in her wedding
dress."
"Relax, Honey. Its not as if you're a teenage bride. Well technically
you are, but as far as the world is concerned, you're a 47 year old
woman who is hopelessly addicted to her cigarettes from decades of
heavy smoking. People won't be shocked."
*********
Even though I had prepped my father on the reason for Mr. Edwards'
visit, he still looked as uncomfortable as an atheist in church.
Mr. Edwards cleared his throat and said," Bill...Karen. The reason I'm
here is that...well, I have something to ask. You see, I want to marry
your sister, Bill, and I was hoping you and Karen would approve and
give us your blessing."
My dad looked so pale and shaky as he nodded his head and extended his
hand for Mr. Edwards to shake. "Karen and I couldn't be happier," he
said.
My parents looked on as Mr. Edwards slipped a diamond engagement ring
on my finger.
How did I feel? Was I excited and happy or giddy? No. I'm not sure how
I felt because the feelings I was feeling felt like they were happening
to someone else. I was just along for the ride. However, the meaning of
what had happened was not lost on me. I was engaged to marry a man who
was old enough to be my father! The next thought that seeped into my
head was: Look at me Mom and Dad. I'm a woman now!
******
The next week passed by like a whirl wind. I hung out with Mr. Edwards
and his kids. I gossiped and chatted with Mrs. Estes and Mrs. Jackson.
I had a heart to heart talk with my father. I struggled with and
celebrated my engagement. I talked with Mr. Edwards about a date for
our marriage. Mom had her wedding gown altered to fit my boobs. I
cried. I laughed. I fucked Mr. Edwards like a rabbit. I prayed to God
to forgive me. I prayed to God in gratitude. I tried to make peace with
my situation.
********
Three months later...I was sitting in front of a mirror on my wedding
day!