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Staff Sergeant Earnest Levinson never considered himself a professional Soldier. Staff Sergeant Levinson joined the United States Army on September 12th in the year 2001. He did this because the day before he watched two 767 jet airliners fly into the two tallest towers of the world trade center and learned they had been part of a deliberate coordinated attack on the United States. Ten years later, the man who ordered the attack was dead, the men who helped him plan it were dead, many of the men who thought it was a neat idea were likewise dead. They had all been killed by the U.S. and Allied militaries as a part of the war on terror. Staff Sergeant Earnest Levinson was tired. He felt a bone deep soul, deep weariness. Now, he was "The old man", "Sarge", "The boss." He did not want to be any of those things, but he knew with a sick resigned fatalism that there was no one else in the Platoon as good at this as him, and these kids needed him if they ever wanted to get home alive much less in one piece. Staff Sergeant Levinson and his less than full strength Platoon were once again on patrol in Kunar Province. Their Lieutenant was, as usual back at the Fire Support Base in yet another conference. (Read: hiding in the HQ building to keep from having to get his own sweet hide perforated.) Levinson's troops advanced slowly, almost laboriously against a Taliban position in a nest of foothills and micro valleys, it was a bloody costly fight that was almost not worth it, and given the lives, it was costing and the essentially worthless nature of the ground. Staff Sergeant Earnest Levinson saw one Militant aiming a rocket propelled grenade at the main body of his force and charged forward, just as the round left the launcher. Levinson threw a live grenade at the impact trigger of the warhead, because he knew that would detonate the device before it reached him, and, he had high hopes doing so would save him. Those hopes seemed to have been in vain. The blast wave knocked him back, the concussion threw Levinson's brain back and forth inside his skull, the fire, and heat from the explosion cooked his flesh and caused pain that was excruciating until the pain receptors in his body burned out and stopped transmitting. The last thing Staff Sergeant Levinson felt was his own body hitting the ground in a clatter of weapon and gear. At that point, everything stopped, as if the whole universe stopped. Levinson's last thought was that he was dead and the Atheists were right. There was a light. First, a mere pinprick of light, and then as if it were an old-fashioned television picture tube warming up, the light expanded into a full visual. With that, came a full set of sensations, Earnest felt himself lying on a padded couch, not a proper bed. The couch was upholstered in vinyl and covered by a paper sheet. At first, Earnest Thought it was butcher paper, then, he realized it was the paper used in doctor's offices to cover examination tables when different patients sat or laid on them. Earnest knew immediately from long, almost vanished memories that he was lying on a patient couch in a public school nurse's office. The acoustic ceiling tiles, he saw above him and the smell of disinfectant confirmed that assessment. Earnest was lying on a patient couch in a school nurses office. What was he doing here and why did the couch seem larger than he was? Earnest looked down and saw something that shocked him even further, skinny legs and small feet sticking out from under the hem of a little girl's dress. The feet wore open topped white shoes with a buckle fastening them and frilled ankle socks. The dress was light green with white accents and dark green ribbons at the short sleeves. Earnest lifted a hand up to a throbbing head and felt a cold compress resting there. Earnest also felt long brown locks of hair that were quite a bit different from the military brush cut he wore as a matter of course. Something was wrong, very wrong, and terribly sickeningly drastically wrong. Earnest closed his eyes and took a physical inventory. It only took a moment for biological sensor data to come in from the now fully functional central nervous system, Earnest possessed. Earnest Levinson was according to, at this point incontestable data, in the body of a little girl. If this was the work of a god or some other celestial entity then this had to be some kind of sick, perverse joke. Earnest sat up, and then overcome with dizziness laid back down again. Clearly, this little girl had suffered some kind of head injury, one that did not even break the skin, but was nasty enough to put her on this couch and keep her there for the time being. The couch was six feet long. That meant that giving how much, or how little of it Earnest now occupied, HE or at least the body he now occupied, was two feet nine, or two feet and eleven inches tall. The body was slim and that put his probably body weight in the low fifties, Maybe fifty-five pounds. A healthy adult would be able to pick this body up and carry it around with little difficulty, and the body's own lift and carry abilities would be negligible at best. That realization infuriated, Earnest, but not as much as the realization of his lost adulthood. Earnest had never been one of those over macho jerks who acted as if their sex organs were the sum of who and what they were, but the utter reality of the powerlessness of childhood fell on Earnest with a sad finality. This body could not be more than five or six years old, that meant Earnest was without even the most elementary self determinatory powers. Children this young did not even have the legal power to choose for themselves what they wore or ate. The body was clean, decently dressed and felt healthy. That meant that it was well cared for by someone. A parent or family structure was highly probable, but that was no indicator of the details of life in such a household. Earnest knew from his own experience as a Sergeant that some of his men had families and he had disciplined a few men for abusing their own children via physical violence despite how well they were fed and dressed. Given Earnest's current social level, his implied powerlessness frightened him greatly. That was when it occurred to him to ask, how this had happened, who was responsible, and more importantly WHY had some cosmic prank-loving villain elected to place a dead Soldier in the body of a little girl. Then Earnest wondered, what happened to the little girl? If he was now in her body, where had she gone, what fate had befallen her soul? Earnest certainly hoped she had not been sent to live in a male body broken battered and burned by a rocket-propelled grenade round. That would be a great deal worse and more sadistic than placing him in her healthy body. Suddenly, Earnest found his mind filled with a cold fury at the idea of this little girl who's name he did not know cursed with a short life of terrible pain in his mangled ruined body. If that were what had happened, SOMEONE would answer for it, somehow. Earnest closed his eyes to have a moment to think and to in part close off the perplexing and almost alien sensations he was feeling. When he did so, he found himself in a blue and white place of disembodied ethereal mystery. He had no body, and there was some one or some thing else here, a powerful presence that seemed to surround him. (Where am I?) (You are in-between.) (What is happening?) (We are communing with you.) (Who is 'we'?) (That witch is beyond.) (That is no answer!) (It is an answer; it is just not the answer you wanted.) (What did you do with the girl?) (You are wise, to ask this.) (Don't push me off, answer me!) (The girl is at peace, she has gone beyond to her good place.) (Why should I believe you?) (You know I do not lie.) (What happened to her, how did she die?) (You would call it a 'pulmonary embolism.) (Did you fix it?) (Before you were placed in your new shell, but after she went on to her peaceful place.) (Why did you-) (Wake now.) Earnest opened his eyes and looked up at a kindly older woman in a school nurse's uniform who was leaning over the body he inhabited. She was checking the compress on his forehead and asking, "Do you feel better, Becky, or do you need me to call your parents, perhaps we should call the hospital, yes/" Earnest checked the internal sensations and told her, "No,...ma'am, I feel a lot better, I think I'll be just fine, I can go back to class now." "That's wonderful, sweetie, Do you think you can find your way back?" "Yeah-I mean yes, Ma'am. I can thank you." That seemed to please the older matronly woman and Earnest was released to return to class. That was easier said than done as Earnest realized he had no idea where he was going. Earnest stood up, and then, almost as an afterthought, straightened the hem of the dress. This was going to be the start of a very strange journey. Earnest then looked around as he walked and took in every detail he could observe. He could see no lockers in the halls, which meant that this was an elementary school. No lockers meant the student spent all day in one classroom with one teacher for all subjects. The doors were all brightly painted wood with large windows to give onlookers a good view inside. Earnest had no clue where he was going and finally a woman, who was, to Earnest's new perspective a giant stopped and asked, "Becky, where are you going, did you forget where Mrs. Frobisher's class is? Here, I'll take you there." The woman who was a goodtwo and a half feet taller than Earnest took the body's left hand and almost pulled him along by it, causing him to have to quicken his pace or lose his footing. Earnest had to walk quickly to mach the woman's longer stride and that only made him feel smaller and more powerless. That feeling infuriated Earnest. He hated feeling like this and desperately wanted to say something, but did not. Earnest held his tongue as the two reached the bright green door and the older woman, perhaps a teacher, opened it and led her in. "Mrs. Frobisher, I found your lost lamb wandering near the office. I think she's still a little woozy from her playground accident." "Oh, that's alright, Ronald just feels terrible about hitting her in the head with his ball, Becky why don't you just take a seat, and we can do our first reading practice, O.K., Sweetie?" Earnest watched her and walked slowly down one row of seats, until the woman's eyes showed that he had reached the correct seat, Earnest sat down when her eyes indicated 'jackpot'. Sitting at the desk, Earnest looked around at the assembled children as the unknown woman left the room. They all seemed a little worried and scared. Earnest quickly realized why. When the projectile in question hit her, it must have been at the same time as the embolism or near enough so as to not matter. She must have fallen where she stood and then lay there, not moving, looking literally dead. That must have frightened all who witnessed it very badly, and that explained the solicitous concern on all of their faces. Seeing someone their own age give every appearance of almost having died had to be a shocker. Earnest decided to play it off and try to 'act normal' Earnest felt along the desktop to see if it opened and when it did, he took out the obvious reader workbook and opened it, saying, "O.K., let's get this going, what are we reading here?" The teacher Mrs. Frobisher, looked relieved for the most part, but a little curious as she answered, "Page one of our letter drills." "Awesome, let's do this." Earnest's apparent enthusiasm seemed odd and he realized it might have been wildly out of character for a child that might not be able to read yet. For a person who could read at a graduate school level, pretending to not know how to read at all was a great deal harder than it looked. While Earnest pretended to have problems with the letters and basic grammar on the pages, he thought hard about the situation. A little girl dies. She cannot be more than six or seven years old. Her family and friends would have been devastated and the death of a child so young on school grounds could have had major repercussions for the school. A man is killed in combat in a war of national self-defense. He dies in an act of extreme self-sacrifice but in the final analysis, he can be replaced. The soul of the dead soldier is taken by some cosmic entity and used to bring back the life of a child. Alternatively, to at least spare her contemporaries the heartbreak of such a seemingly pointless death. Result: The adult soldier receives a new life at the cost of having to pretend to relearn everything and live in a state of social powerlessness for a minimum of 12 years. That was when Earnest realized that there had not been any computers in the nurse's office. Nor had he seen any signs that they even existed. In addition, the clothing on all of the adults and children had been very retro. Not even 80's retro, but looking as if they dated from the 1970's at the latest. These were the thoughts that busied his mind as he pretended to only just be learning how to read. After the basic reading lesson at witch Earnest seemed to do very well for the body's age, there was a math lesson followed by the bell that meant the students were released from class for the day. Earnest closed the books and handed the reader to the student in front of her. then he followed the crowd out to the front of the school. There were a few school buses, but most of the students were climbing into cars of various styles. This was good news for Earnest as it gave give more clues as to just what year this was supposed to be. Several large station wagons, many with wood paneling, several more four door sedans, and obvious 'family cars.' All varying from 'mom-mobiles to land yachts of a very definitive era specific style. One imposing four-door land cruiser had a harried looking brown-haired woman in the driver's seat. She parked the car at the curb and dismounted walking over to Earnest, once again, Earnest had the body's hand grabbed and used as a handle to pull him toward the car. The woman told him, "Honestly, Becky, where is your head, don't you know your own mother when you see her?" Earnest was flabbergasted, this woman was nearly twice his current height and was displaying complete familiarity with him, and no one was even blinking an eye at the goings-on. Then in addition, this woman smelled a little like his new body pheromone output. Obviously, this body and the woman share at least some genetic make up. Earnest followed her to her car and let her put him in the BACK seat. After that, Earnest was belted in and asked in a brighter tone, "How was your first day of school, honey?" Today had been this girl's first day of school and her LAST day of everything. Earnest reflected that THAT truly sucked hard. He still owed this woman an answer and paid up as best he could. "It was fun,...mom-" Then Earnest realized that was not how six year old girls addressed their mothers. That form of more distant and nonchalant address would not be appropriate for years yet. It was vitally important that Earnest not draw undue attention to himself, not yet at least. "It was fun ,...Mommy, they taught us all kinds of -" Earnest was about to say 'shit' then he censored it to 'crap' then he censored it a third time to ""Stuff, I can't wait to get back tomorrow." The woman driving the car was obviously and effusively relieved, Earnest was as well, overcoming the 'Boonie rap' would be one of his hardest tasks. "Oh Honey, I'm so glad, and to think you were worried about it, well now you see, there was no reason to be afraid at all, was there?" "No, ...Mommy, It was neat." "Well, I'm glad to hear that, Pumpkin, you can tell Daddy all about it when you get home, he'll want to hear all about it." "O.K.,...Mommy." As Earnest sat in the back seat buckled in he watched the suburban houses and trees and streets pass by. As he did so, the reality of this new situation sank into his thick skull. Earnest watched the scenery for every detail he could see, no satellite dishes, no small cars, or at least not many. Every house had an old-fashioned television antenna on the roof, and almost every house had at least one car parked in front of it. There would be no Cable, no Internet, no Digital satellite channels, no XM radio, no nothing, not even any DVD, or VHS tapes. No video games. Not even Pac Man or Space Invaders or Asteroids. To Earnest who grew up in the 80's and 90's this looked more and more like the dark ages. Earnest had been 28 years old at the time of his death in combat in 2008 and now at least in body he was six years old and had just had a little girl's first day of school. The girl's mother seemed more than all right, she seemed a prototypical mother. This boded well for the rest of the domestic situation. Upon arriving at the two story suburban 'goober domain' that would be his home for the next twelve years, Earnest was relieved, having to live in crushing poverty was one thing he did NOT need on top of everything else. His relief at that was tempered by the mother coming around and telling Earnest, "Come on, Sweetie, get inside and get changed and washed up, I'll be in, in a moment." Earnest walked up to the door at the top of the five steps of the porch, and then hesitantly he took hold of the doorknob and twisted it. The knob turned easily and Earnest was able to push the door open with almost no effort. This was apparently the sort of neighborhood where people did not yet lock their doors. It was a very nice upper middle class two story home. Earnest made his way up the stairs that were just this side of being too big for him, and walked to the door with the most juvenile seeming door decorations. It was a pastel yellow sign that read, "Becky's Room." In green letters and had a simple graphic of a cartoonish drawn brown haired girl on it. That last was presumably for the occupant's benefit, as she did not yet have the power of literacy. Earnest could read at a college level, do math well enough to pass any state college board and had a very clear grasp of several general sciences and history. Letting on that any of the above was true would, of course, probably put him in a government lab somewhere. Earnest turned the knob and pushed the door open looking inside with morbid anticipation. It was not as bad as he feared. The bed had a head and footboard, but it was not a canopy or four-poster bed. The walls were light green and the trim was white, the same color as the door. That was where the good news ended and the bad news commenced. A large dollhouse in the corner, a large collection of Barbie and Ken dolls to inhabit it and several other obvious and mentally humiliating girl's toys. There were several books on a shelf along one wall but they were young children's books and Earnest doubted if Becky had ever read one herself. Every article in the room was more dismaying than the last, coloring books, crayons, very simple games and books and a Fisher Price record player. Earnest sat on the edge of the bed and sighed heavily. He finally spoke aloud to himself and said "How the hell am I going to live like this?" Earnest would never get used to the higher timber of this body's voice. The adult language of the words he just spoke sounded almost freakish when spoken In that voice Earnest would have to clean up his act in front of people. Language such as that could have him sucking on a bar of soap as if it were a cheeseburger. The parents would have books, but Earnest dare not let himself be caught reading them. They would have magazines, same deal. Earnest changed out of the school dress he was wearing and into a set of green overalls and a long sleeved turtleneck shirt with multicolored stripes. He traded the fancy shoes for a set of sneakers and after washing up headed down stairs to see what he could see. The first thing to check was the kitchen; it would have a calendar and would let him surreptitiously check the day, and month and year. The floral calendar on the wall gave the present year as 1976. The present month was September; the day was the second, a Thursday, the first day of school. The American participation in the Vietnam War ended three years ago. The North Vietnamese conquered South Vietnam last year. If memory served, the Apollo program ended four years ago, and the Skylab program was in progress. None of that meant anything in practical terms to a six year old girl in,...Earnest scanned the top of the newspaper on the kitchen counter, and saw it was the Los Angeles Times. He was in L.A. or a suburb of L.A., probably Ojai or Davis. This was an election year; the contest would be between incumbent president Gerald Ford and challenger James Carter. Not that it mattered to a six-year-old girl. Inflation was ramping up and the gas crisis was still something about witch to worry. Not that such things mattered to a six year old girl. The Cold war was on, the draft was off, Muhammad Ali was the champ and Disco was all the rage. None of the above facts held the slightest bit of relevance to a six year old girl in Los Angeles California in 1976. Suddenly, Earnest felt as if he was going to vomit. He ran as fast as he could to the nearest bathroom and did just that into the toilet as he hugged the bowl. After the dry heaving stopped Earnest felt dizzy and sick and hot and over all sad. Nothing made any sense, he could not do this, how was he supposed to live the life of a six year old child, what did that voice expect him to do, was he expected to jump rope, or play with dolls, or take part in children's games with the girl's contemporaries? This was madness. Becky's mother, or Earnest supposed, she was his mother now, after a fashion, was in the bathroom with her arms around him only a few seconds afterward telling him, "Baby, are you Alright, what happened do you need to go to the hospital are you sick? Then she put her lips to Earnest's forehead and said "You don't have a fever, but I'm putting you to bed just in case, o.k. honey?" Earnest was numb. All of the events he had endured finally fractured the camel's spine. He was numb and staring dumbly at the passing landscape of the interior of the home as the taller stronger adult carried him upstairs, then into the girl's room and undressed him, bathed him after his sick and dressed him in bedclothes consisting of panties and pajamas decorated with clouds and rainbows. The mother put him into bed and she told Earnest, "You rest now, sweetheart, O.K., maybe later I'll bring you up some soup. Mommy loves you, Sweetie." Then she left, obviously rather worried. Earnest did not blame her; the prospect of the immediate future certainly worried the wits out of him. Earnest laid there in bed for what seemed to be hours, but was probably only a few minutes. He fell into a fitful troubled sleep and found himself back in 2008 in the 'Stan. The problem was the weapon he held was a brightly colored super soaker water gun and the behavior of both his platoon and the enemy combatants was, to say the least, alarmingly childish. Even after one side or the other shot someone, that person would stand up with a bloody water soaked wound shouting, "Yoo Dint git me, yoo dint git meeee!" Earnest woke from that bizarre dream and looked around at the dusk showing through the window. The child's room and the articles it contained were now bathed in a dull grey light that heralded evening. Earnest could smell the meal cooking downstairs and rose to dress and take part when the mother entered and asked in a worried tone of voice, "Sweetheart, are you sure you feel well enough to get up?" "Yes,...mommy, I'm O.K., I think I just got a hold of some bad beanie weenie at lunch." The woman was visibly relieved and left to resume fixing the family meal, leaving Earnest to get dressed in ankle socks, shorts a short sleeved pullover with a flower decal on it and did the best he could to comb his hair into a pony tail and pin it back with an elastic hair tie. The end result was a haphazard job at best, but it was the best Earnest could do. Earnest then washed his hands and made his way downstairs to see the rest of the family. A man in his mid 30's with black hair wearing a pair of slacks, socks and slippers and a short sleeved button down striped shirt. An older girl that seemed to be either fifteen or sixteen and the aforementioned mother. The older girl and the mother were in the kitchen getting the meal ready. Earnest inhaled sharply to get a whiff and detected Italian, lasagna if his guess was correct. The veggies smelled like either broccoli or Brussels' Sprouts. Either way, Earnest could deal with that. Earnest absent mindedly walked over to where the father sat reading the paper and picked up the discarded front page. He then sat down on the couch and stared scanning the headlines. Earnest had always enjoyed reading a newspaper far more than he enjoyed watching news on television or hearing it on a radio. Earnest was pleasantly surprised at learning things about daily life in L.A. in this decade he did not know and was very much enjoying the stability that the presence of the active and powerful U.S.S.R. represented. Terrorism would get a great deal worse when they were gone and that would be the war he would,... Earnest stopped thinking about that as he realized how cold and fearful that thought made him. It distracted him so much that he did not notice the father looking at him with genial bemusement. The father then turned to address the mother and sister and told them in a smiling voice, "Honey, look, Becky's reading the news, or pretending to at any rate." The older daughter answered, "She's probably just looking at the pictures, she's only had one day of first grade." The father told her, "Cindy, don't be such a killjoy, let her have her game, she's not hurting anything." "But she can't read, her pretending she can is just dumb." Earnest folded the paper and said in a clear, but still disturbingly childlike voice, "I don't know HOW to read. That is not the same as not being able to read, don't make it sound like I am developmentally disabled when I'm just unschooled." The mother reacted with shock but not horror. "Becky, where did you hear words like that?" "Uhm, the teachers at school, and the councilors, they talk like that all the time." 'Cindy' chimed in, "How would you know, squirt, you been there one day." The father interrupted, "Cindy, leave it alone, you're turning a little girl playing into a federal case, knock it off." That seemed to be the end of the matter, until dinner. Earnest stayed quiet and surreptitiously watched the other three people so he could ape what they did at least well enough to blend in and avoid problems. That was what Earnest had done all his life previous to this, blend in, be like the others, do what everyone expected of him. Even when he joined the army in 2001, it had been because he felt it would have been strange for him not to. The family did not say grace before they began the meal, and so, Earnest did not. The mother dished up Earnest's plate, but everyone else served themselves from the various food dishes. The mother placed a plate of a three inch square serving of lasagna, two tablespoons of Brussels'' sprouts and two tablespoons of scalloped potatoes. Earnest's mouth was watering as he looked at and smelled the food. Despite his hunger and not knowing when this body had last been fed, Earnest did his best to eat at a measured pace and keep from making the body sick. Regardless of that, the food was good and filling and Earnest ate all he had been given. He took care to see what the body could handle and waited for the food to hit his stomach before asking for any more. The mother looked at his plate, now bare of food and exclaimed, "Good girl, you ate all your vegetables, do you think you have any room left for some ice cream?" Earnest thought about it and answered in the affirmative, "She who eats her veggies has earned her some ice cream, yes ma'am." Earnest ate his dish of chocolate ice cream and thought about his situation. As of now, it did not seem so bad, it even seemed to be something he could get through, if he buckled down and did his best. He was oblivious to the mother and father moving into the kitchen to talk as Cindy cleared the table and looked at him oddly. Earnest finished his treat and stood up carrying the empty bowl into the kitchen, then asked, "Should I help Cindy clear the Table, or would you like me to do something else?" The mother answered carefully, "Sure, honey, if you want to, but make sure to ask for help if you need it, O.K.?" As it turned out, things were heavier than Earnest expected them to be in this body and he had to make several more trips than he planned on. In addition, two trips resulted in broken dishes due to Earnest misjudging the mass of his load. In the end, Cindy just told him in an exasperated tone, "Oh just go sit on the couch, Fumble-Fingers, this will be easier without you." Earnest blanched at being dismissed in such a derogatory manner. To Cindy Earnest was a clumsy little girl that was far more hindrance than help and she ordered him to go and stop getting in her way. To Earnest, he could not help feeling as if he had just been told to go play hide and go fuck himself. Earnest just answered, "Have it your own way, Cindy, Chump don't want my help, chump don't get my help." "Sit on it and rotate, shortie." The rest of the evening passed as Earnest was ordered to wash up and brush his teeth and dress for bed. Earnest was happy beyond words that Becky was still young enough for pajamas and would be for at least the next two years. They were pink and had teddy bears on them but it beat wearing a nightgown. While brushing his teeth Earnest was again startled by the child in the mirror. Earnest had no idea if he would EVER get used to that. Earnest was about to climb into bed when an idea occurred to him. Earnest decided to kneel and pray, not in a spirit of thankfulness, but in a spirit of confrontation. He put his hands together and bowed his head and then whispered. (Our smartass who art in heaven, harrowed be thy fate, if you don't answer, me when I'm talking, you WON'T be able to hide in heaven.) Earnest once again found himself in that strange luminescent white ether. The disembodied voice asked, "What is it that vexes you, little one?" "Oh come on, 'little one', get real, do you REALLY expect me, a grown man to jump rope and play jacks, and get off on Barbie dolls and crap?" "Why can you not be grateful for your new life, when by all rights, you should be dead?" "Nonsense, nothing comes for free, you did this so you could make me do something down the road, so don't act as if this is some grand gesture on your part." Earnest found himself back in the child's body in the kneeling position. He glanced at the clock by the bedside, only a few seconds had gone by. Earnest muttered, "figures" Earnest then crawled into bed and lay awake thinking. This was just perverse. What was he supposed to do live like this for however long it would take to grow to adulthood? He guestimated it as the next twelve years. That is when it hit him that he would be growing to WOMANHOOD not manhood. When puberty hit, it would be the widening of hips and the development of breasts and the onset of a menstrual cycle. In addition, Earnest's mind would very probably become a boiling roiling churning stew of estrogen that would turn him into who knows what upstairs. It took Earnest another hour laying in the dark with that realization festering in his head. The next morning Earnest awoke just before dark, exactly when he always woke. He got up and padded barefooted to the hall bathroom and looked at his reflection, still not quite believing it. Then he said to his reflection, "Well, Troop you better get you ass moving, today is another school day so you better get your shit wired." Earnest brushed his teeth, washed his face, and then looked at his hair realizing it would need to be brushed and combed as well. Earnest went back into his bedroom and thought about how to do this. Combing his hair before he got dressed would just mean he would have to do it again. A better idea was to get suited and booted THEN comb hair. Earnest was happy that this girl had so many pairs of plain panties and undershirts, yes, they were a little frilly at the body holes, but at least they weren't TOO girlish. Earnest changed out of the P.J.'s and into the day clothes as fast as he could to keep from having to think about this new body. Earnest dressed in a light blue and white knee length dress, a set of white little girl panties with tiny blue flowers printed on them and white tights with white shoes. Earnest sat down on the child-sized chair in front of the little vanity and combing his hair He had to pull and tug at a few knots in his now long brown hair and occasionally it hurt, but it had to be done.. He was thinking about what day two of the first grade was going to be like from his perspective. Yesterday was just a half day for Earnest, but today would be the full deal, all the way. The rough part would not be the teachers; the real test would be interacting with other children. That thought stopped him short, and frightened him more than any other. It suddenly hit Earnest that he did not think, 'children' his mind characterized it as the OTHER children. Somehow, he now thought of himself as a child. This thought vexed him, tasked him, and made him realize in how much danger his elemental personhood was. After a breakfast of Lucky Charms, toast and O.J. Earnest was in the back seat of the Vista Cruiser headed back to the school building. It had been so long since Earnest encountered the Elementary school environment that his only memory of it was a faded hazy nostalgia soaked fantasy. This crowded cacophonous throng of children was almost like a Toilet paper sale in the Soviet Union. This was elementary school. That meant that there was just ONE class and Earnest would spend six hours off and on in it pretending to learn things he already knew, such as how to read, how to do math and how to write. During attendance, the teacher had to call a name three times before Earnest realized that 'Becky Mathews' was actually him. The first subject was letters. The teacher taught the class how each letter sounded and the difference between capital and lower case. Earnest sat where he was and pretended to go along with the rest of the class. He understood far more than was being taught, but feigned ignorance to avoid undue notice. That was until Mrs. Frobisher called on him. "Becky, why don't you read the next line of letters and see if you can tell us what they sound like?" Earnest was terrified, how could he do this without looking as if he was the class genius? He had no idea how to pretend to NOT know how to read. After long seconds of wondering if he should fake being slow, Earnest decided to go all in. He read the line of upper and lower case letters out loud and smoothly, just as if he had been doing it all of his life. He reached the end of the row and Mrs. Frobisher beamed at him and walked over to the class list on the wall near the door. The middle Age elementary school teacher placed a gold star next to the name 'Becky Mathews'. After a few more students read their rows, considerably less expertly than Earnest had, a bell rang and Mrs. Frobisher told the class, "Now come along after me, and we'll have some time on the playground, then we'll come back and do our numbers, won't that be fun?" Earnest had no idea what he would find to do with himself out there for the next forty-five minutes, but hoped he would think of something. Regardless he formed into the line with the others as the teacher herded her charges, of which Earnest was now one, out of the classroom, and onto the playground. There was a collection of play equipment in a basket off to the side. Balls, jump ropes, and other sundries. Earnest's body would need exercise and he remembered that jumping rope was a great form of aerobic fitness training. It was the favorite of big ugly prizefighters the world over. Earnest picked up a rope with green plastic handles and walked to a semi secluded part of the grounds. He would need a cadence to help him keep the rhythm and he chose one he remembered from his basic training. As Earnest began jumping the rotating rope going over his head and under his feet he chanted. "Here we are in the green machine Big and tough and lean and mean, We kick ass and there's no doubt, Bringin' the pain is what we're all about. If you want to dance just step ahead, You're gonna find out you're better off dead." As Earnest jumped the dress he was wearing bounced up and down in the skirt in a way he was NOT accustomed to and the black leather shoes were not the best suited for physical training. What was more, his now, long hair bounced and bobbed around his head. After a few more verses of his cadence, Earnest realized several girls were looking at him. He suddenly stopped as it hit him that they did not see him, they saw her. They saw a little girl jumping rope and that was all. Suddenly, Earnest did not feel like doing P.T. He stopped, left the rope on the ground and walked away. Earnest stopped when he hit the fence bordering the playground's perimeter. Looking out at the street, Earnest saw cars passing on the street. He did not want to be here. He did not want to be HER. He did not want to wear dresses and little girl's underthings and he most defiantly did NOT want to grow up to become a woman. Earnest spent the rest of the recess period road marching the perimeter in a prison yard walk meant to expend energy and time in a way that would let him think. Class time was easy, just sit in the desk and do the work, play dumb when he could shine when he could not. The rest of the time would be worse. He would be expected to play. He would be expected to spend hours on end in the company of people who were only just now growing up and developing their minds. Earnest would have to wear little girl's clothes, dresses, panties, ankle socks, and so many other things he found humiliating. It did not matter that his body now matched the wardrobe. It did not change how he felt. Earnest came out of his despair when he realized there was a ball headed at speed to his head. He brought his hand up and caught it in the air. Then he shifted stance and winged it back at the hurler. The boy did not expect the ball to come back at him and so the spherical projectile hit him square in the chest, knocking the wind out of him. Earnest walked over to him, and told him, "No, See, Whatcha wanna do is, CATCH the ball, not stand there watching it come in like a tourist." Earnest recognized the boy as Ronald Somethingorother from the previous day and resolved to keep an eye on him. Throwing a ball at a little girl's head once is a regrettable accident, doing it twice and expecting it to not be thrown back is something else again. One of the boys, a tow-headed little urchin in tan corduroys and a pullover turtleneck, told Earnest, "You don't know nothin' you're just a GIRL!" Earnest picked the baseball up from the ground and told him, "A girl, I may be,...but contrary to your supposition, I do know this.-" Earnest held up the baseball and told them, "Never, EVER take your eye off the ball. It doesn't matter if it's a football, or a baseball, or a basketball, or even a ping-pong ball, the minute that thing hits free air, you keep your eye on that ball." Earnest walked to a point several feet away from the boys and told them, "If you gentlemen wish, we can test your assertion that and I quote' girl's don't know nothin'. I propose that one of you stand, oh, say, twenty or thirty feet downrange, or father if you prefer, and I throw a few out there and we see what happens. Are you guys up for it, or would you just like to concede my point via forfeit right now?" Ronald piped up and told Earnest, "We're not gonna play ball with a stupid GHURL, are we guys?" Earnest counterpointed, "Aw, come on, Ronny, don't be a pussy, man up, and try your luck. What have you got to lose?" The four boys looked at her with disdain and walked away resolving to play some other game. They were perfectly willing to let Earnest stand there holding the baseball and disregard his challenge as meaningless, having come from 'a stoopid Ghuhrl'. Earnest was suddenly overcome with fury at being disregarded and hurled the ball in his hand at the back of the boys as hard as he could. Earnest shouted, "GOD DAMN YOU, DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME!" The ball fell short of his target, but his shouted curse reached everyone's ears, including those of the playground monitors. Mrs. Frobisher practically stormed over as if she were an oncoming tank and for a moment, to Earnest it seemed as if she was, then she grabbed Earnest's left ear and used it to drag him off the playground and into the building. It was just a short trip to the councilor's office. Earnest had been in hack enough times in his life to know that he was in some pretty deep trouble. Six-year-old girls did not talk that way, and when they did, it was time for a snack of delicious soap cakes. The counselor, the nameplate read "Miss Clavell" Earnest wondered if she knew of the author of those long turgid espionage thrillers written by her surname's sake. The woman seemed young for the trade, and Earnest pegged her for a recent graduate of 'the headshrinker factory.' "Becky, why don't you tell me why you cursed at Ronald, Did he do something to upset you again?" "No, Yes, Maybe, I don't know. Everything is all mixed up inside." "It's alright, no one is angry at you just now. All we want to do is help you." Earnest looked at the philosopher's degree in Psychiatric medicine on the wall next to the window and altered his address to the woman accordingly, "I am telling you, Dr. If I were to tell you what's going on in my head, you would either laugh or run screaming from this room in horror." Dr. Clavell chuckled in bemusement and then told Earnest Gently, I don't think it's THAT bad, Becky, why don't you tell me, you can trust me, I won't tell anyone. I promise." "I know, Dr. Clavell, you CAN'T tell anyone about this, due to Dr. / patient confidentiality. That is inviolate and can only be set aside if you learn your patient is planning on committing a crime." Dr. Clavell was surprised and more than a little taken a back as she looked at Earnest curiously, "That's right, Becky, how did you KNOW about that?" "The same way I know about a lot of things. Dr. I need you to bear with me and NOT freak out when you hear what comes out of my mouth, O.K., Can you promise me that?" "Dr. Clavell asked curiously, but not threateningly, "What if I don't give such a promise, Becky, what then?" Earnest set his shoulders and told the woman, "Then you get textbook answers. Right out of a text on childhood post traumatic stress and I give you a load of noise about being mad at Ronny for hitting me with a ball and then not wanting to play with me, and that is all you get." Dr. Miranda Clavell had in her 28 years, seen many strange things. She had seen an eight-year long war in a foreign land that, for the first time her country had lost. She had seen a culture of new ideas and experiences explode onto the country along with a revolution in Civil rights. Now, She sat at her big desk in an office littered with children's toys and books listening to a very strange little girl speaking in her little girl voice and using words and a manner that were freakishly beyond the six years her body represented. Miranda Clavell wanted to know. She wanted to unravel the mystery of a little girl that spoke and behaved as an adult. Miranda Clavell picked up her office telephone and dialed the three numbered internal connection that would lead to the office. "Yes, this is Dr. Clavell, I am with Becky Mathews, and we're having a talk. Why don't you clear the rest of her day and probably tomorrow as well? She and I have a great deal to straighten out....thank you." She then looked at Earnest and asked him, "If I give you this promise, what then?" "Then I tell you everything, and if you break your word to me, I do my damndest to make you out to be a lunatic abusing a little girl with you insane fantasies." "In that case, I accept. I agree to your terms,..." Dr. Clavell suddenly found herself at a loss and had to ask, "Is you name Becky Mathews?" Earnest thought about it and answered, "No, not with you, not in private. With you, my name is Earnest Julius Levinson. Sergeant First Class Earnest J. Levinson, United States Army. Out there, to everyone else, I am a little girl name Becky Mathews, but in private, in session with you, I would very much like it if I could use, and hear my name, my real name."