The Secret Life Of A Pretty Blonde Waitress free porn video

The Secret Life of a Pretty Blonde Waitress by Rohmer Fan ~ "Hit me, babe," Candy said. I smiled and let my fianc? see me jokingly flex a bicep as I poured her an after-shift beer, a nice thick porter, her favorite. This was my third night of bartender training and I'd done just about everything by myself, which meant that my training was mostly finished. "Jake said I'm good to start picking up shifts," I said, trying to hide my excitement. Bartenders made a little more money than servers because of the better hourly pay and tip out, along with taking care of lounge tables. Plus, we'd just hired another waitress who was going to pick up a couple of my nights so getting bar shifts would help with that hit on my income. Such was the way of things in fine dining. Just when you think you're getting comfortable bringing in the high-rolling regular request tables, a sexy blonde girl steals the show. I spent a ton of time working on my wine knowledge though, so I still had some tricks up my sleeves. "Nice," she replied, taking a deep first gulp, then winked at me. "I slipped a couple extra bucks into the tip out, y'know. Can't let my husband-to-be go without." I smiled. Candy, short for Candice, was the kind of girl that while laid back and "one of the guys," was still super-hot. We'd started dating when I first got a job here and had been practically living together for the last year. I officially moved in with her a couple months ago when we got engaged. She was 27 while I was only just now turning 22, but she still looked my age despite being older. She was cute, and a "reformed- punk," her words not mine, with a short black pixie haircut and a ton of tattoos, which were mostly quotes from books she liked, a passion that we shared. My passion ended before the level of "getting tattoos of quotes," but Candy joked that she "was more dedicated, being an English major and all." I was taking online courses for an education degree and because I only did it part-time, it felt like it was taking forever. I wanted to be a teacher. There was something that got me really excited about teaching young people about the world. I especially wanted to teach middle school kids or earlier. That time of my life had been really difficult for me because I'd been bullied constantly. That time of your life can be so confusing and painful, and I just know kids that age want a sympathetic ear or smile to get them through the day. That kind of thing really made me happy. "Hey, wipe down the coolers and you're free to go Jody," Jake said from the other side of the bar, turning his attention back to training me because of a commercial break in a baseball game. He walked over to me, then leaned over and said, "Take $20 from the tip out. I know you're training, but you earned it. Don't say nothin'," then patted me on the shoulder. "Thanks, Jake!" I loud-whispered, then did as he asked and clocked out. Jake, the bar manager, was probably the nicest guy here, while the others were either old and pretentious or stuck-up and bitchy. On top of the money reasons, I was looking forward to working with Jake behind the bar because he was a pretty cool guy. I think his family was from Jamaica. From what he said, they had a laid back attitude about everything Americans got a stick up their butt about. Candy turned up the porter finishing it and said, "Grab your stuff and let's go, stud." Candy never liked sticking around work too long after her shift was over and she'd had a drink or two. That was how we got together, actually. Both of us were always itching to leave and hit a bar or party after work. We were both into a lot of the same authors and saw eye to eye politically, so we started spending more and more time alone together. I developed a crush on her, but was too shy to make a move. Then one night Candy confessed she wanted me and we started making out in my Mazda, after that things moved pretty fast. For transportation, she only had a bike, a black Honda Street CB1100, which was awesome but she only used it when the weather was clear, like tonight. I didn't mind "riding bitch," on it. It was cool. Candy's house was built in the 40s in an old neighborhood, but it looked a lot older. She owned it outright because it was left to her by her Aunt Roselle in her will about seven years ago. Our only expenses were upkeep and utilities, which meant it was incredibly easy to pay the bills. Candy relished that level of financial freedom and I had to admit that it was pretty addicting after I'd gotten used to not living paycheck to paycheck. We still didn't have much money, but while I was going to school, we weren't in any trouble. As soon as we walked into the front door, Candy immediately pushed me onto the couch, stripped, pulled my pants down, and mounted me. We were always sexually keyed up right after a shift. I loved this position, with her riding me while I sat on the couch watching her from below. She looked so beautiful when she slowly slid up and down with me inside her. Candy always got a faraway look in her eyes like she wasn't with me but instead on another plane of existence. My fianc? loved sex, but it seemed like girls always got into it more than I did. Just the way we're built, I suppose. When we made love, Candy was at her most vulnerable and feminine, which made me feel relatively powerful and masculine, a heady concoction. I'd always been small and weak compared to most guys, but it was impossible to feel that way watching a girl as hot as my fianc? moan from my penetrating her. From this vantage point, I also loved kissing her neck and breasts. In this position, if I could hold back long enough, it was easy for us to cum together. ~ "Uncle Jody!" I smiled and picked up my twin niece and nephew, both excitable toddlers, wearing plaid jumpers and the little white tennis shoes I bought them for last month. The two of them were getting a little heavy for me, but it was our routine that I pick them both up every time their mom brought them over for me to take care of. I wasn't ready to stop feeling that close to them yet just because it took a little extra effort. "Thanks, bro," said my sister Karen, collapsing on a chair near the front door, looking relaxed in jeans and a t-shirt. I looked at her and thought, "Since having kids, she'd done a really good job of staying in shape." She was only a few years older than me, and still pretty slim, but having twins made her already generous hips even wider. All the women in our family had thin shoulders and wide hips. I was pretty narrow myself, not that Candy seemed to mind. "I love these guys, Karen. My pleasure." I always watched the twins on nights Karen asked me to so she could have a date night, at least when Candy was working but I was off. Lately, that had been almost every Wednesday. It was getting to become routine. I held up the twins and said, "You guys ready for some Miyazaki?" "Totoro!" they squawked in unison. Despite their being different sexes, they both had the same curly blonde hair and wore the same style of clothes. Karen said it was cheaper that way and she'd only start dressing them differently when they went to school. "Why don't you guys go get your TV watching blankets and pillows out of the closet? Don't forget to take your shoes off!" I grinned at them while they awkwardly and obediently followed my instructions, and then Karen stood up and gave me a hug. "Seriously, thank you. You are such a huge help. Rick is useless, and I know he's not even worki-" "Ugh, Karen. Don't let that jerk get you down, okay? You can't depend on him. Just have fun and let me help." Rick was her ex-husband and the kids' father. He was perennially unemployed and so far behind on child support it could easily mean jail time if Karen wanted, but she had a soft heart and didn't want her kids' dad to go to jail. He still did nothing but play video games all the time. He had no interest in being any kind of father. I couldn't understand that mindset at all, probably because I loved the twins so much. Thankfully, our parents supported Karen financially and supplemented the her income enough so that she could still take care of the kids, and not have to get a full-time job. They wanted her to be comfortable, short of letting her live with them, of course. Our parents are extremely religious and still didn't approve of her divorce, but they knew she was still trying to find a new father. Date nights like this were her way of saying, "I'm fighting to give them a better life, mom and dad." Karen smiled at me and hugged me harder. "You are seriously the best little brother on earth." She released me and headed for the door, "Bye Lilly, bye Lincoln!" "Bye Mama!" They called back, already dragging pillows into the den. I had some juice cups ready for them for after they got settled as a reward for being good. I smiled at them and thought about how much I was looking forward to finally becoming a teacher. I loved working with kids. I wanted to have some of my own sooner than later, and Candy said she'd be open to talking about it after we got married but she "didn't want to rush." I guess I didn't want to rush being a dad either. I mean, I at least wanted to graduate first. It was really up to Candy though. The mother's life would change the most, especially with all that pregnancy would require of her. I doubt her carefree motor-biking around and waiting tables lifestyle would fit too well with an expecting mother, not to mention the smoking and drinking. But I loved her and we would figure something out. "Totoro! Totoro!" I heard squealing from the den. "Okay, you two! I'm getting you some juice." "Juice! Juice!" I walked in and handed them their sip cups then sat cross-legged between them and started the movie. My Neighbor Totoro was perfect for the twins. The children in the movie had just as much energy as Lilly and Lincoln. Halfway through the film, my mom called me. She usually called me for two reasons: to complain about Karen's situation or mine. She didn't approve of me living with Candy before we got married, and she wasn't a big fan of my fianc? in general because of the tattoos and general "I don't give a fuck" attitude. I think she suspected that Candy wasn't very religious (she wasn't, but she didn't make a big deal about it). My mom knew that I was agnostic but didn't mind too much since I said I'd still uphold family traditions and go to church at least a few times a year. "Hi mom." I got up and walked a few feet away so the kids' movie wouldn't be interrupted. "Hey honey. Are the twins over there tonight?" "Yeah. Well-behaved as always. Kids, say hi to grandma." "Hey grandma!" they shouted, and then went back to watching. Then my mom said, "Jody, your father and I have been praying for you...," she had a stern tone in her voice so I could tell this was going to be another lecturing conversation. "We want to trust you that you and Candice have a blessed future ahead, and you know we both love your dedication to a career in teaching, but we are concerned..." "What's wrong, mom?" "I'm glad that you are able to help Karen with the twins, but we want to make sure that they're exposed to a proper... environment." I walked into a different room so the twins couldn't hear and said, "Right mom," this had come up before. They weren't big fans of the kids being around people 'living in sin' even if we're engaged. "They only come over when Candy's working. I think they still only see her at family stuff. As far as they know this is just my house. OK?" I heard my mom sigh and could imagine her frown. "They're very impressionable at that age. Please keep that in mind, Jody." "I will mom." She sighed again. "All right honey, well goodnight. I hope Karen has told you how much she appreciates your help." "Yeah, she does. But I love taking care of the twins. It's no big deal at all." We said our goodbyes and I went back to the den. I hated how I had to walk such a tight rope with my parents to make them happy. They were so judgmental and demanding of me and Karen, and it seemed like every Sunday after church they'd get a fresh burst of self-righteous energy. I wish they could be a little more flexible. It would make things less stressful for everyone if they would relax. ~ I stayed a few bicycle lengths behind Candy on our ride to a local coffee shop, enjoying the view of her butt tightly wrapped in her Spandex biking shorts. The look was super sexy and, from a cycling perspective, much more professional, and aerodynamic, than my jeans and polo shirt. If I was in something like 'good shape,' it was mostly because of Candy keeping me riding like this or our regular hiking trips. She looked back and smiled at me with a wave. Sometimes it felt like she only smiled for me, and everybody else got a stern or sarcastic frown. She was "like a guy" in that way. In fact, our relationship was filled with atypical gender roles: she liked to mow, I liked to clean house; I cooked, she did the dishes; she initiated sex, I tried to keep up; I wanted marriage and children, she was just along for the ride. Of course, all those stereotypes were a joke, but there was a pattern and I liked knowing how things worked between us. Bikes locked up safely, we entered Randy's Coffee and waved at the owner, who was steaming up some milk. "Hey Jody! Candy! The usual?" He called out. Randy was an aging ponytailed hipster, covered in tattoos and gray hair, who Candy knew from her college days. She never said, "ex-boyfriend" but I always suspected it was something like that. I didn't get judgmental over big age differences, and I knew that before me, Candy's relationships were all doomed to fail. We fit like a glove, but it was a rare glove. "Hola, Randy. I want an extra shot. The BF here rocked my world last night, so I need to get my head straight," she elbowed me and smiled. "My insides are still goofy-tunes." Randy and I rolled our eyes at each other, more than used to Candy's openness about bedroom activities. I was a shrinking violet in comparison, along with the rest of humanity. After getting a table, we talked a little about what books we were reading lately, with me getting back into Eco and reading The Name of the Rose for the fourth time, while she was going through a modern short story phase, hunting down recent obscure award winners. When she got excited about short stories, it was usually when she was happiest and also when she felt like writing for herself as well. We could have just talked about books for our entire coffee trip, but today I wanted to bring up a few "relationship" things. "Hey, you have a date in mind yet?" She knew I was talking about our eventual wedding. She'd put off giving me a hard date for a few months after she said 'yes.' She took a deep breath and said, "How about next spring? That's when people get married, right?" "Some people. We can do it whenever we want though. No rules." "True." she sipped some espresso and said, "Early next spring, then." I smiled and nodded. I had to push a little because I knew she would procrastinate forever. She wanted to marry me, however, she was also perfectly happy with the status quo, but I wasn't. If I didn't think she was willing to move forward with me, I wouldn't push, but I knew she did. I'd always thought of myself as "mature for my age," or "a romantic." Even when I was in elementary school I'd have play marriages. I just liked the idea of it, if not white picket fences and dinner parties, then at least a family, comfortable and happy. I looked over at a couple sitting on the other side of the shop. I noticed that the girl's belly was sticking out a little bit and started wondering what Candy would look like pregnant. The thought kind of turned me on. She didn't hate kids, but she wasn't enthusiastic about the idea. That was something I wouldn't push for too hard. She'd have to be 100% on board, not guilted into it even slightly. Anyway, right now we didn't even have fucking health insurance. ~ The diarrhea started at about 6 am in the morning. Karen had come by to pick up the twins a couple of hours before Candy got home, but I fell asleep before she got back. The twins usually wore me out and last night was no exception. I could tell that whatever hit me was viral. I hoped that I hadn't given Lilly and Lincoln anything, but I was pretty good about washing my hands when I took care of them. Between them being around other kids at their daycare and my waiting tables, we were a recipe for spreading disease. I hated to think of the kids getting anything like this, though. The cramps were brutal and I was running a serious fever. I hated working lunch shifts, so this would probably be a good enough reason to call out. I would rather have painful diarrhea than run my ass of for two hours just to make practically nothing in tips. "Ow ow ow!" I actually teared up a little at the jagged pains working their way through my abdomen. I'd never felt anything like this, no matter what kind of sickness I'd gotten. It felt like my guts were being torn out. I flushed again, my third time since I started. A large drop of sweat fell off the tip of my nose and I wiped it away with the sleeve of my shirt. My hair was slick with sweat and I was even having trouble getting traction on the toilet seat. I felt like I'd been standing out in the rain for half an hour, not having diarrhea in my bathroom. The sweating was bizarre. "Wait," I said out loud. I felt a nervous something caught get in my throat and grabbed some toilet paper to wipe with, then looked at it. My jaw shuddered. I turned on the overhead light to get a good look and it was bloody with white, gray, and brown "matter" in it, looking nothing like normal excrement. "Oh shit." I tried to catch my breath. This was either some crazy kind of flu or... the Oatmeal Switch. The disease that changed your sex. But I hadn't been exposed to anyone, not since that time in high school, that was years ago. It was supposed to hit you within six or seven hours of exposure. I grabbed my phone with my wet fingers and started googling "oatmeal switch how to get it" There was a FAQ on the CDC website that said you can only get it through contact with someone that has it, nearly any exposure to saliva of an active carrier in the early stages and you had to be under 21. I was 22, so I should be immune, right? I kept scrolling until I found, "I have the symptoms but I am over 21." For that subsection it said, "If you are exposed but do not immediately show symptoms, you can still be affected by the disease in a hibernating form, which could take years to start showing symptoms. Immediately contact the CDC if you think this applies to you." A carrier. I'd been exposed in high school to a guy that had it. There was an outbreak but I thought I was okay. But... "It was just hibernating," I said out loud. If this was the Switch, then... I was going to become a girl. Candy and I were done. My parents were going to... oh god, my parents. They thought people who got the switch were freaks or heathens or worse. "The work of Satan, using perverts to confuse Christians about traditional values," I think that's what my dad said one time when someone in their church got it. They thought that when people caught it, abstinence was the only truly Christian way to dealing with the disease. Unless they had a change of heart, I couldn't be with Candy even if she still wanted to, as far as they were concerned. I closed my eyes and prayed to whatever god or gods were out there that it wasn't the switch. ~ Wrapped in a blanket, I shivered as the county CDC Switch official repeated what he'd already told Candy earlier when he came by and I was still out cold. "After three weeks, I'll drop by and do some blood tests, then you'll be issued new documentation and be given a pass to leave the house. Until then, you're not to go past the ticker tape barrier and preferably not to walk outdoors at all. Do you understand, Mr. McAllister?" I shuddered and said, "Right." He gave me a forced smile. Alvin Stiller worked for the county health dept. and was one of their local designees to be first responders for the Switch. They ranked me as very low on the concern for spreading since I had no previous record of breaking the law. They would just take me at my word that I would stay in the house. I had no plans on going anywhere in the state I was in. I'd already dropped a significant amount of body weight since last night. "This isn't my first rodeo, Mr. McAllister. I've left a number of pamphlets which you can feel free to use as a resource. There are a number of local switch counselors that I highly recommend for your transition." My jaw shook as I replied, "No, don't have any insurance." He frowned and said, "Well, luckily there are almost never any complications from the switch. It's just a very stressful life change. Usually conversations you've had during the first week, like this one, will blur in the memory, so I'm leaving my card with you. Feel free to give me a call if you need any of this information repeated." I could tell he wanted to leave. I wanted him to leave, too. Unless he was going to give me help, or pay for a counselor or pills, what was the point of him sticking around? "I'll be okay. I need some sleep." He gave me an even bigger fake smile and said, "Well I'll be going then." I didn't watch him leave. Instead, I turned my head towards my pillow and buried my face in it. I was sleeping on the couch in the den so Candy wouldn't be drenched in my sweat from sharing a bed. I swallowed some saliva and heard Mr. Stiller get up and walk toward the front door. Candy had taken this pretty hard. I couldn't remember all of it, but when she finally got up and I was still on the toilet freaking out, she was pissed off at me like I'd done something wrong. She calmed down after that and apologized, but not after saying a few things I'll never forget like, "I'm not a fucking lesbian, you know," and "if you think I'm marrying a chick, you're crazy." When she settled down her tone changed to her best attempt to be more supportive with "let's wait and talk about it after you've switched" regarding the engagement. Candy could always be a little selfish and this was bringing out the worst in her. To be honest, it was hard for me to think or care about anything other than shitting, pissing, sweating and sleeping right now. I also got occasional bouts of the spins, which would make me throw up if I had anything left to throw up. The pills were supposed to help with some of that, but I couldn't afford a doctor visit or a prescription. I was going to be a girl. Every time I thought about it, it made my heart beat fast. I was so scared and nervous. "Jody!? Are you here!?" I heard my mom calling. I guess Mr. Stiller let them in. "Damn," I thought. "This is the last thing I need right now, them freaking out on me too." I groaned loud enough so that she could hear me, then turned to face where they'd be coming in. My mom and dad were both here, and they both looked incredibly upset. My mom walked over to me and felt my forehead. "Jody, you're burning up." I nodded and closed my eyes in response. "Well thank the lord you didn't give it to anybody else, son," said my dad, with a tone that said he considered the switch an STD. "Would have gotten in the damned news if you did." "Candy said that it was from when you were in high school, when that poor Miller boy got it and gave it to about a dozen other kids." My mom was huffing and puffing over this. I could tell that they were both taking it hard, but they were both overweight and in their 50s, so it didn't take much to get them huffing and puffing anyway. My mom always wore a dress and had her blonde hair in fake curls, heavily hairsprayed, while my dad, also dirty blonde, was always clean-shaven and tanned from his job as a construction supervisor for a big-time local developer. I tried to nod and said, "Seems that's what happened. It hid in my system... didn't show up 'til now." "Damn," was all my dad seemed capable of saying. "Damn." He sat down on a loveseat on the other side of the room and continued grimacing, vein bulging on his forehead like he wanted to lash out at something or someone for this. "The CDC man, what was his name again?" My mom asked. "Stiller," my dad replied. "Right, Mr. Stiller, he said that in four years you can apply to transition back to male." "Damn government regulations! Some bullshit about suicide rates. Hell, son, changing back won't be perfect but it'll be a step in the right direction." My mom sat down near me and said, "Have you thought about what this means, Jody?" I groaned. "Yeah, just... I'm a little out of it right now." There was silence then my mom continued, "We just want to make sure that you'll be on the right path..." "What your mother's trying to say son is that you ain't gonna be trying none of that queer nonsense. Now hopefully Candy'll understand, but for Pete's sake, just try to restrain yourself, y'hear." They were worried about what I'd do, of course. I knew exactly what they thought about people who got the switch. Perverts, unless they remained celibate. My dad had apparently got it into his head that I could change back after four years, but he probably didn't realize that I would still be mostly female no matter what. At least, genetically and physically. All the hormones in the world can't grow some things back. "Carl, please... Jody, we want you to know that we'll be here for you. We're going to pay for a medical specialist to get you some pills for the nausea and other things." "Thank you," was all I could say. That was nice of them, but I knew that they never gave anyone anything without strings attached. And I knew they'd be fine with helping with "pills" but the only counselor they knew I needed was Jesus. "...anyway, we'll let you rest, right Carl?" My mom began walking back towards the front door. My dad grunted and stood up, then before leaving said, "Son... you know how we feel about the switch. That don't change just 'cos you got it too. We ain't that kind of people, to just bend and break like some liberal pantywaists. You're gonna have to man up and get right with God or... well, just pray to Jesus and find strength, now. He won't lead you astray." When the door closed, I suddenly realized that I'd need to pull myself out of my makeshift 'bed' and use the bathroom again. Between Candy and my parents, this was already turning into a nightmare. ~ I wrote out a new post under my anonymous screen name "call_me_male_ish" onto the Switch subreddit, r/beSwitched, titled "A Child's Body is a Strange Thing." It went: "A child's body is a strange thing. I walk with a wobble and my limbs feel barely strong enough to prop me up. The first four days of the switch were a blur of bathroom breaks and sleeping, with the occasional "Fianc? talking about work and pretending like nothing is different' session, that I remembered absolutely nothing of. The home visitation doctor that my parents paid for was a woman, and she left some medication with me, but those are the only two things I remember about that visit. I don't even remember her name. But yesterday I could feel that the weight the virus wanted to get rid of was gone. No more sweating, no more diarrhea. "Great," I thought, "now comes the fun part." I can't use sleep as an excuse and have to deal with everybody's issues with me now. UGH. My mom brought me a duffel bag with all my old kids' clothes still in it, stuff that was in their attic. Most of it still didn't fit, but a few things did, like sweatpants. My cock is gone. As well as my balls. All that's left is a misshapen pink knob, about an inch long, and below that a crease in my skin that would be a vagina in a few days. I didn't even realize it was happening while it happened. Any advice?" About ten minutes later I had a few replies, one from "Harrietspark" saying, "don't worry about other people's issues. be true to yourself." and the other from "DarkNightZero" with, "Four days is fast for phase one, two days and slit is also fast. your lucky! should be done pretty soon then you'll be fine." The rest were pretty typical for the subreddit like, "don't be stupid, get a switch counselor" and requests for pics from perverts. I found myself nodding to DarkNightZero's post. According to what I'd read, I was going through this relatively quickly. It usually took a full week and a few days on top of that for most people to get where I was, while I was only just now hitting the end of my first week. Being a little kid was weird, but I didn't have time to think too much about myself. I was navigating the strange waters of friends and family, all with their own annoying and stressful issues related to my disease. Thankfully, my boss Mark was fine with leaving me off the schedule for a few days and said he'd be happy to have me back "even as a girl" after it was finished. That he was the most easygoing and open-minded person I'd spoken to about the switch tells you a lot about how things were going. I put my tablet away and headed to the shower. Candy had just finished in there. We didn't even speak to each other as I passed around her to go in. I could sense a vague disgust when she looked down at me, not even pity. It was a painful expression to have to see, so I mostly avoided eye contact with her. Even though I wasn't sweating anymore, we'd kept the same sleeping arrangements with me in the den. It felt like an unsaid thing that I wasn't allowed to sleep in bed with her while in my awkward child form. I was just to "know" that I was "gross." The shower was absurd in this body. I might as well be under a waterfall. The nub between my legs was still large enough for me to feel like there was "something there," but it was an odd and "wrong" feeling. As I lathered up, I heard our front door open. I didn't think we were expecting anyone, so it must be Candy walking outside for some reason. When I finished and turned the water off, I heard women talking somewhere in the house, and one of them sounded upset. It sounded like Candy. I sighed heavily and got out of the shower, drying quickly as the talking died down, clearly indicating that they heard me finishing up and didn't want me involved in the conversation. Candy didn't have any female friends and it sort of sounded like my sister Karen, so I assumed she'd dropped by to see how I was doing. We'd spoke on the phone at some point during the first week, but I didn't remember the conversation. I put the sweatpants and shirt I'd already been wearing for the day and walked out, seeing that my suspicions were correct and that Karen was in the front living room. Candy's eyes were red. "Hey Karen," I tried to make my voice deep but failed. It was a kid's voice. "Oh Jody... I can't believe..." she was looking at me like I'd been shot. "I'm so sorry about this." Candy glanced at me then looked away. "Is everything okay?" I asked, knowing it wasn't. Karen frowned and said, "Candy called me over. She wanted me to be here for this. Please sit down, Jody." My heart was sinking. I knew what was coming. I thought I had a little more time, but I guess I didn't. I found a spot farther away from the two of them and awaited my fate. "Go ahead Candy," Karen said. Candy cleared her throat and said, "Jody, this is really hard for me. I mean, I was really looking forward to getting married and," she was fighting back tears, "but I can't marry you like this. I just can't." I just nodded and said, "I understand. I hate it, but I understand." Karen smiled at me while Candy continued. "It's not just the kid thing, I mean I know you'll be a girl but the thought of doing it with a girl is just... it's disgusting to me. I'm sorry. You probably hate me..." I wanted to console her, I still had that intense desire to, but I stayed put. "I don't hate you, Candy. I still love you, but I understand. I mean, I don't think... My parents were already telling me that they'd disown me if we still got married anyway. Karen, did mom and dad say anything to you about me? Like, 'keep the twins away from him', that kind of thing?" She hesitated then nodded. "Yeah, well they said they'd understand if you wanted to spend time with them, but yeah they... threatened to cut me off if you didn't stay celibate and I still let you spend time with the twins." She rolled her eyes. "See? I couldn't be with you anyway like that, so don't feel guilty. You know how much those kids mean to me." I was starting to tear up. The idea of not being able to spend time with my niece and nephew broke my heart. "Well yeah... but they're such assholes about that stuff. I hate that you always do what they say like that..." Candy seemed to be calming down. "I hope you don't think I want you to move out or something, god, I'm not a bitch..." At this point, I would say anything to comfort her. "No, no. I understand. We can... we can be roommates. I mean, there's a good chance I'll turn straight anyway." Candy laughed, but I could see how red her eyes were. "Yeah, you're right. But ugh, that's even freakier..." If I was straight, it might let her off the hook, at least. "When will you find out?" "I don't know. I read online that sometime after you finish changing it hits you like a ton of bricks, sexual attraction." I looked at Karen and said, "But if I have to choose between being part of the twins' life and any kind of relationship, I choose the twins." Karen frowned. "Don't say that, Jody. Maybe mom and dad will change their mind someday." "Maybe." It didn't matter to me. I couldn't imagine every wanting to have sex again at this point. It was so far away from my current reality, it might as well be like imagining flying a giant cat-shaped bus to the moon. I did have things that I wanted now, though. Like privacy. I hated being out in the open in the den while my ex-fianc? looked at me like a freak every day. "Candy, can I make one of our study rooms into a bedroom then?" She half-smiled at me for the first time in a while and said, "That's a really good idea. Maybe somebody at work or on Craigslist has an extra bed or something." I smiled, feeling my feet dangling off of the seat and thought, "Well, there goes my marriage." ~ "Damn, Jody. You're really a little kid." I nodded and frowned. The bar manager Jake told Candy the night after we had our breakup that he had an extra futon he'd give us and offered to deliver it using his truck. I thought about hiding from him the whole time, but then immediately changed my mind. It would be rude since he was doing me a favor. "Yeah. It sucks," I replied, feeling even more awkward about my little kid voice. "I bet, buddy." He frowned then asked Candy to help him bring it in. I watched from the window while they worked together. He made a joke and she laughed, about what I couldn't tell, but it sent pangs of jealousy through my heart. She would be over me and with another guy in a split second. Candy was super-hot and had a raging libido. I knew every guy that met her found her attractive. It was just a matter of time. I'd have been pretty lucky to have her stay faithful in the long run, actually. Then again, maybe I was just selling her short. Jake offered to stay long enough to move some of the furniture around in the study. I didn't need Candy's computer desk since I preferred my tablet PC, so she moved that into her bedroom, which would be cramped but still better than having it in here. The futon had more than enough room for me to sleep on as a kid, and when I 'grew up' and became a girl, probably plenty then too. Even though I got it when I was 22, the re-aging process would still stop at 17-18 in body development. I read that when younger kids get it, they only develop to around their age, but when older kids got it they all stopped around the same time. It was weird like that. After Jake left, I opened up a new self-post in r/beSwitched and titled it, "My New Room and Prison." No need beating around the bush. ~ The intense hunger started a week and a half after the Oatmeal Switch manifested itself. According to r/beSwitched, I was going through the changes much faster than almost everyone else. I didn't post how old I was when it hit me, but I suspected that my age had something to do with the changes being so fast based on some googling. Then again, I wasn't a doctor. Thank heavens for Candy's rice maker, a really fancy imported Japanese one. My mom bought me a few huge bags of rice at the Asian food market, and all I had to do was put salt, water, and rice into the thing, push a button, and twenty minutes later I had a meal. It was only lunchtime and I'd already filled, emptied, and then refilled the machine three times. I was already shoveling plain white rice down my throat with abandon when I heard a knock at the door. My mom was "in the neighborhood" and thought she'd "drop by." "Is Candy here?" "Nah, she's working a lunch shift today." I walked back to the kitchen saying, "I'm in the stage where I'm crazy hungry, so I have to keep eating. Sorry. You can keep me company if you'd like." I tried to sound nice, but I had to admit that I thought so much less of both my mom and dad right now. That they were holding the twins over mine and Karen's head was despicable, but I knew that nothing would change their mind until they decided it was their own idea to do so. Also, I knew they "meant well." Ugh. "Hmm..." She said. While I took my seat back at the kitchen table, my mom was looking in the den. "Are you washing your blankets, Jody?" I ate a few spoonfuls of rice then replied, "No, I'm not sleeping in there anymore." She thought I was back to 'living in sin' with Candy. For fuck's sake. This was just too much. I wanted to scream at her and say, "Do you not understand how hard this is for me?!?!" but I couldn't. She was still nosing around without sitting, so instead of making her be more obvious with her detective work I informed her that, "We set up a separate bedroom in our old study for me. I'm staying in there now." "Oh!" She smiled, clearly pleased. I gritted my teeth as she continued, "Well, that works out well, then doesn't it? So Candy will let you stay even with your body issue?" "Yes, she said I can stay as a girl." My mom couldn't even say that I was turning into a woman or a girl. She had to refer to it as a "body issue" or "disease symptom." My dad was referring to it, without any sense of irony, as "a devil's trick." He thought the doctors were wrong and that if I tried really hard I could make myself be a man somehow. He just told me to pray. My mom wasn't that stupid, she was just passive aggressive. "We're praying for you, Jody." "Thanks. I really appreciate everything you've done for me." That was true. I did appreciate it. Candy has been almost useless, she was never much for a motherly 'bedside manner.' I caught the flu once when we first started dating and she plainly texted me, "call me when you get better." Me on the other hand, I'd made her soup, changed her wash cloth, taken her to the doctor, and a hundred other things when she'd caught strep throat last winter. At the time I thought that it was just one of those "funny differences" between couples, but now it seemed ominous in retrospect. At least my parents had done things for me like helping with medication and buying rice. I read online that I should eat protein as well, so I should ask her to pick me up some cans of beans. Meat would probably be too expensive. I didn't want to be a bother. "Jody..." "Yes, mom?" I couldn't tell if she was about to guilt me about something or if she was genuinely curious. It sounded the same with her. "I was always so proud of you. Proud of my son." She smiled. "I want you to be happy." I nodded but had no idea where she was going with this. "Thanks mom." "This all must be so confus-hm stressful for you. I can't imagine what you must be going through... changing like that." Ah. I read about this on r/beSwitched. Some of your greatest allies in switching could start with an empathetic moment like this. I had a good chance with my mom at this point. They always recommend that you emphasize that it's like starting over as a new person. The people that can't let go of who you used to be are often the ones who have the hardest time dealing with the switch. "I know, it's weird, but mom... something that gives me a little hope that I can be happy is that it's forcing me to be a new person. Maybe I can be happier than I ever was before, boy or girl." "But... no, it's just too much to think about. My poor baby." I smiled and said, "Mom, I will find a way to love the new me." "Of course, Jody," she replied. I could tell in her voice that whatever shot I'd had at making an impact on her way of thinking about the switch had come and gone. Hopefully I got through to her. ~ Once I had a real vagina, everything changed. When you're in the womb, what question is asked about you? "Is it a boy or a girl"? I'd been so focused on other people: Candy, work, Karen, my parents, thinking about the twins, etc. that it only just now hit me how much I was going to change. My own perspective. Who I was. Such a central question in our identities, and here I was being thrown to the opposite team and only now did it fully hit me how different life would be. Now that I had a vagina, I feel like my whole view of the world had been radically altered. Suddenly I saw society in a new light. When I watched TV, I noticed how the women were treated. When I watched movies, I thought, "The women never get to decide things for themselves." Every song on the radio by a woman was about a man, while men could write songs about whatever they wanted to. I was going to be relegated to a second class citizen in many ways, some I could only imagine at this point. But women were freer than men in other ways, more capable of openly showing their emotions. As a guy, I'd always held everything in, but maybe that would change. Also, at least now I could take the twins out for walks in the park without being suspected of kidnapping or worse. I was fascinated by my mound, the flatness of it was surprisingly... nice. I liked it. It was simple and clean. I would never admit this to anyone, but I didn't miss my penis at all. No matter how frustrating all of this was, or how miserable everyone had treated me, I wouldn't graft a penis back on to make it go away. I felt like I'd been shown some kind of secret, how wonderful not having a penis was. It made me feel bad for every guy on the planet who still had to have theirs. They didn't know what they were not missing. I slept naked the first night staring down at my body, trying to feel the organs changing inside me or the female hormones now raging. I couldn't actually feel them, but I liked pretending that I could. When I got up to eat the ten midnight snacks I consumed between dusk and dawn, each time I felt all over my body for any changes. I could see them in the measurement the next day when I checked my hair growth and to see if I was taller against the wall, so I knew it was happening, but I couldn't feel them while I was changing. I wish I could. Still, I stared. I stared at the empty space between my legs. No, that's wrong. I stared at where my cock used to be, which wasn't an empty space at all. There were pussy lips down there. Smoothness and future possibilities. My sister Karen came by the second day after my feeding frenzy started and brought me plastic trash bags filled with all her old clothes, anything she didn't want anymore. Candy did the same and hauled anything she didn't want and a cardboard box of things out of the attic. They both told me I was starting to look, "cute." I felt like I mostly looked the same. When I woke up the third day, I felt tiny buds under my nipples, which were hard from being exposed to the cool air. I'd kicked off the sheets in the middle of the night. I had a desire to be exposed. I was getting taller and I had the figure of a middle school girl, but clearly a girl. My hair had gotten long, down to my neck. I felt... excited. When I wasn't eating rice, I mostly hid in my room and organized all the clothes that had been given to me. Nothing fit yet. Candy's only comment on the third day was, "Your hair is longer." It felt like the more girly I became, the more awkward, yet curious, she became around me. A large part of me didn't really care any more about her reaction to anything, though, at least not like I used to. There were major changes the fourth day. Pubic hair, major breasts growth, and I had a much bigger ass and hips. My waist was more defined. My shoulders were staying ultra-thin, just like my mom's and sister's and my hair was down past my shoulders. I was already five feet tall or 5' 1" even. Candy was only 5' 6". I still spent most of my day naked in the bedroom, staring at myself in a mirror, or just lying on the bed looking down at my new body. I was already starting to fantasize about being screwed by a man. That wasn't supposed to happen yet. What was wrong with me? I spent all night looking at pictures of penises on the internet, imagining what they'd feel like or taste like, wanting to feel them inside of me. The very idea of it made me lightheaded. I chalked it up to hormones, but wondered if there was some aspect of my own personality that had made me open to the idea of it without reservation, practically overnight. I was 5' 5" on the fifth day, funny coincidence that. I woke up immediately noticing huge breast growth. I could barely get my hands around them. In fact, each one took two hands to completely hold. My nipples were thick and my areola were wide with little bumps. When I measured my height, I also noticed that my hips were huge and so was my butt, which felt like two large hams strapped to my lower back. Porcelain hams with an attractive jiggle, that is. My hair was halfway down my back. Staring at my naked body, I fell in love with it. I loved being a girl. When I was a guy, I just was. But now... God. I wanted to shout to the world, "Being a girl is great!" But then I remembered the weight of the world, and sank back down to earth. I couldn't tell Candy how much I loved it, because it would be like shitting all over her feelings. I'd torn her life to pieces just a week ago and now I was happy about it? I didn't know why she was being weirder and weirder about me being a girl, but she'd also been jumping to confrontation in the beginning, and had wasted almost no time in breaking things off with our engagement. She didn't even have the patience for me to get through the emotionally sensitive final stage. She was touchy and defensive. I couldn't tell my parents, they'd disown me on the spot. Could I tell my sister? Maybe I could drop hints. Start with, "this isn't so bad," then move on from there. I somehow knew deep down that she could be a strong ally and we could have a stronger connection as sisters than we'd had as siblings of different genders. I could really open up to her. No. I loved Karen but she might have enough of my parents in her to feel weird about someone who just caught the switch and then absolutely fell in love with being a girl in a few days. Weird enough to keep them away from her beautiful twins. I wanted to see them again so bad. Even if there was a chance she could react that way, I couldn't risk it. And what about my name? "Jody" could be a guy or girl's name, but I'd always been Jody so it was a 'guy's name' for me. An ugly name I wanted to get rid of. But... I couldn't, could I? Even changing my name would smell like I was starting to think like a girl. I had to play their game. Hallway through the fifth day, my appetite completely died. I measured exactly 5' 6", the same as Candy. ~ I was walking a few steps behind my mom, my sister, and ex-fianc? who all decided to go with me for my first clothes shopping trip. They each seemed to have different agendas. Candy was pretty concerned with my job and made a lot of comments about, "looking the part" when it came to waiting tables. "Jody will need to wear makeup, period. You can't get by in this job without it." Neither my mom nor Karen were thrilled with that. Their agendas did not match the idea of me ever wearing makeup in a million years, but they couldn't argue with Candy. It made me happy, though. I wanted an excuse to wear makeup but hadn't thought of one. She also made me buy a few pairs of thong underwear because "visible panty lines were out of the question" and the tight black pants that were part of the uniform would be easy to run afoul of that problem in. My 28 C bra size was slightly bigger than hers, which I could tell made her feel uncomfortable. She was still deeply upset over losing me, and realities like, "my ex-fianc? has bigger boobs than me" would be the kind of thing that would drum up hurt feelings. I wanted badly to reach out to her and thank her for making excuses for me to get makeup and cute underwear, but I had to keep it to myself. But still, she blew their mind when it came to bras. She made sure I got a pink one so that customers could see the band through the buttons of my shirt if I bent over. Like a cartoon trio, they all announced their opinions, ignorant of their biases. Candy, huffed and sighed saying, "I know it's weird, but it's an old trick, and it helps with the tips." Karen rolled her eyes and said, "Men are disgusting." My mom clenched her jaw and said, "It's bad enough he has to wear a bra at all." My sister's agenda was to have me looking as boring and unsexy, or male, as possible. She still needed me to help with the twins, and we had our first play date set for later that day, but she wanted it to be as easy as possible for them to understand the that I was their uncle but "different." I was already thinking of a good way to explain it to them. They were almost four, which was old enough to understand that I could be the same person that they once knew if explained correctly. Much younger and they'd have a harder time getting it. "Can't you just wear guy's jeans and a t-shirt?" she asked. I frowned and said, "I tried on my old jeans. It actually made my butt and hips look bigger. There's no hiding it. A loose t-shirt like this," I was wearing an old black Radiohead one of mine, which didn't hide my chest but didn't' show it off either, "will work up top, though." She didn't' look convinced, but didn't argue. I had to try hard to make my voice sound masculine in any way. My voice was light and perfectly soprano. The only time I didn't draw attention to it was when I mumbled, so when I was around these three that's what I did. Mumble. When I finally finished the switch, I sorted through all the clothes that I'd been given and found that Candy's stuff fit me better. However, my butt and hips were tighter in Candy's stuff than on her, because was a little wider down there. I was shorter and thinner than Karen, so while her dresses fit me, Karen's jeans were too big. I think both of them preferred walking in front of me because I kept catching them staring at my butt, otherwise. I didn't tell any of them that I had been trying on the dresses and skirts that Candy and Karen had given me. I wasn't even sure that they knew about all the stuff that had been in those bags and boxes. Karen's old things were church-nice while Candy had some pretty weird skater dresses. I loved how I looked in both. Truthfully, I fantasized about wearing the girliest clothing possible. If it was socially acceptable, I'd probably dress like a mix between Shirley Temple and Scarlett O'Hara. Or Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, who I thought I kind of looked like a really young version of (or Elisha Cuthbert or Naomi Watts, or a few dozen other pretty blonde actresses). My mom was there to frown and look grumpy over any remotely feminine thing we bought, but otherwise didn't say much until the end. "Now we need to do something about that hair." I felt sick to my stomach. That morning when I'd gotten out of the shower, I shaved under my arms and crotch to look even smoother, and had taken a long time with my long hair. I liked having long hair. It was fine and naturally blonde, with a slight curl. The feeling of it flowing down my narrow back made me giddy. But on this, all three were against me. Candy, with the short pixie haircut said, "Yeah, short hair is easier to work in." My sister agreed and said, "Something sensible is the Jody way, right?" My mom folded her arms and said, "We should just go to a barbershop. There's one in the mall, right?" When I'd started becoming obsessed with cocks and sex as a girl, there was a part of me that thought it would be a vague feeling or desire, never translating into the real world. My first trip out as a girl to the mall today had blown that out of the water. I was sizing up and checking out almost every guy within sight. So far the best looking dudes were this one really tall teenage guy who was at the food court with his girlfriend and an older buff fella working behind the counter at the jewelry store wearing a vest. And I wasn't just looking at them, I could tell that they were looking at me. These three guys at a kiosk stopped us on the way to the barbershop and their eyes were glued to my butt, like I had a superpower back there. I pretended not to enjoy it, and hoped the rest of the ladies were convinced, but I could tell they knew something was up. Candy, whose jeans I was wearing said, "You certainly fill out those jeans." My sister agreed and said, "I hope you're starting to understand how gross men are, Jody." My mom picked up her pace and said, "The barbershop is just over this way, I think." The 50 something year old barber did a double take and raised his eyebrows at me when I said I was there for a haircut. As he chopped everything away, I stared into my eyes in the barbershop mirror, watching my mom, sister, and ex-fianc? chatter between themselves. "They don't care about me," I thought. "This is all about them." I'll get my long pretty hair back one day. ~ For my reintroduction to the twins, at Karen's request, I wore some of my old clothes despite them being huge on me. I looked stupid. Even with a boy's haircut I was clearly very much 'a girl' and looked nothing like my old self. On top of that, the short hair made me look even younger, and I already barely passed for 18. I was sure some people wouldn't believe I was 22 years old even with the new Driver's license that Mr. Stiller had given me when he dropped by to officially release me from isolation. I was antsy. I had a story ready, but if they didn't buy it then I would have to rely on my backup plan which might not work (showing them before and after pictures, ugh). I watched Karen pull up in front of our house with a strange sense of excitement. The twins meant a lot to me before, but now they were my only lifeline. I was sacrificing letting my family know the truth for them, not that it would have been easy to be honest anyway. I wanted to trust the twins, if not with the explicit truth, then the truth of feeling, that I could smile and be happy with them. They burst into the front door after Karen opened it yelling, "Uncle! Uncle!" then stopped when they saw me. I sat down on folded knees in front of them. I was pretty flexible in this new body that way. "Where's uncle? Mommy said he was sick." Lilly said. "Lilly, I have a secret. If you can figure it out, I'll give you a piece of candy." I had a Reese's cup for both of them for after I told them. Karen relaxed and smiled watching me with them. Lincoln piped up with, "Reese cup! Can I guess the secret too, lady?" "You can both guess. I'll give you a hint: it's about me and your uncle." Lilly got excited and said, "Are you uncle's friend?" I smiled and said, "Closer than a friend." Lincoln looked like he was trying to think hard and said, "Are you... best friend?" "Nope. Even better. You see uncle got sick as a boy, but when he got better he turned into... a girl." They both opened their mouths wide and their eyes got big. "Uncle turned into a girl!" They both looked at their mom and she nodded, confirming. Lincoln said, "Ew, gross!" "Yep, he turned into a girl... with short hair." I ran my hands through my disappointingly boyish haircut, but kept a smile on my face. Lilly cautiously took a step toward me and said, "You have short hair. Are you... uncle?" I smiled and said, "That's my secret! You win a Reese's cup!" I gave her one and she hugged me. Lincoln stared at me and said, "Uncle! You're pretty now. I want candy too." Karen covered her mouth to hide her smile at all of this. I wonder if she felt embarrassed at how easily they had taken it compared to her and everyone else. I hugged him and gave him some candy, then said, "All right you two, give your uncle a big happy hug, then go throw your candy wrappers away and take your shoes off, ok?" "Ok uncle!" "Kids," Karen said, grabbing the twins' attention while they took off their shoes, "Uncle is what you call your mommy or daddy's brother. Aunty is what you call your mommy or daddy's sister." Lilly smiled and said, "Oh, you're a sister now, like me. Aunty!" Lincoln followed this with his own "Aunty!" Karen and I smiled at each other. Maybe I really would have an ally down the road after all. All that night with the twins while we watched movies and played with stuffed animals, my eyes kept watering because of how overwhelming the feeling of happiness I was getting from spending time with them. I thought about having children of my own, what it would feel like to be pregnant and have another life growing inside me. It usually took three or four months after the switch before you even got your first period and could get pregnant, but I was already getting intense maternal instincts, probably because I was already predisposed with my affinity for children, even as a guy. I would be a mother someday. The thought made my head buzz. ~ I smiled after a guy in a truck whistled at me while I biked by myself down to Randy's coffee shop, my first time out on a bike since the switch. It felt good. I had on a pair of Candy's old Spandex biking shorts, a pair she didn't use anymore because she didn't like the brand, something about unethical "sweatshop" production. They were mine now and they fit nice and tight, like a glove. I'd never worn anything this tight in public before in my life, but I found the constant reminder of having a flat crotch invigorating. Between my strappy workout camisole with bra support and the shorts, I was showing more skin in public than I ever had when I was a guy. I was fine with it. Actually, I liked it. My nice figure and smooth skin weren't worth hiding, and the cool air felt nice as I biked, especially in the humid summer weather. That it was perfectly socially acceptable for me to be out like this, as long as my parents or their hateful church folk didn't see me, was merely icing on the cake. I scoffed thinking about biking as a guy, wearing long jeans and missing out on the breeze and sunlight. Of course, 'the Spandex wouldn't have done my old external genitals any favors,' I chuckled at the thought. "What can I get you miss?" Randy asked, sporting a dazed look in his eye. I sometimes wondered if he toked up on the job. It would suit his image if he did. Then again, it could just be the look of a man who's burned out a bit. "I'll have the usual, triple espresso. Might come back for a second," I grinned at him. Something about Randy told me that I could have a little fun with him before telling him about my switch rather than be paranoid he'd freak out and go apeshit-religious on me. "Oh, I'm sorry. My memory isn't what it used to be young lady. Uhh, could you give me a hint?" He leaned over the counter toward me. "Oh, I usually come in with Candy." He brightened at this and said, "You're a friend of Candy's! She usually comes in with her fianc? Jody. Do you know him? Haven't seen either of 'em around in a while." "Ex-fianc?, actually. He caught the switch." He looked shocked and said, "No freakin' way, man. That is loco as heck. Jody's a girl now? I bet Candy's pissed. Heh. What does he look like?" "Me!" I laughed. "I'm Jody," and smiled while he looked me up and down, taking special notice of my flat crotch. "You don't have to stare, Randy." "Right, sorry. Oh wow, Jody. I swear I just saw you two in here, like, the other day. Or week. How's Candy taking it?" "Kinda pissed, you were right. Could be worse though." I shrugged. "So, like, are you, y'know, okay?" I smiled and said, "Things are a little complicated." "Yeah, man, or lady, sorry. Well your triple espresso's on the house this time. Don't be a stranger." "Thanks for that and I won't." I took my time finding my seat, enjoying the few glances sent my way by the businessmen or students on laptops or reading newspapers. I thought about all the times I'd leered at Candy while she wore clothes like this. I didn't mind being objectified a little bit. It was better than having to hide my enjoyment of this new body. There was a table with a handful of older ladies, all thin and wearing interesting dresses and outfits. Probably the resident "retired ladies arts council" enjoying tea and conversation while their husbands golfed (or were in the graves). That's how I wanted to age, gracefully. I thought about some of the older women I waited on who spent far, far too much effort trying to look young, with copious amounts of makeup and even plastic surgery. One of the ladies sipping tea had a little bit if a turkey neck, which she probably felt self-conscious about, but her eyes were bright and intelligent. I wouldn't be young and pretty forever, but maybe I could keep that youthful energy. When, and if, I lived to that age, I wanted "bright and intelligent" eyes and fun clothes, too. I didn't want to be dull forever. Interesting dresses and outfits would be within my grasp someday. ~ "One sec, Jody." "Thanks, Jake." I patiently watched him make the two Grey Goose martinis I'd rung up. He'd already apologized for training a new person to pick up bar shifts in my place, Anton, but he'd probably apologize again. He put the drink down and said, "Again, y'know, sorry..." "It's okay, really. I talked to Mark and I'm going to pick up some host shifts to make up for it." I fake frowned, but inside I was giddy. Screw bar shifts. I was trying to play it off for Candy's benefit, but I couldn't wait to hostess. It meant that I could wear a nice dress. No, it meant that I HAD to wear a nice dress and there was no excuse to get out of it, per the manager's orders. I'd get a decent hourly rate and a few bucks tip out, but the real payment would be getting to be as girly as was acceptable for a few hours. I'd almost forgotten what I was doing a few times on my first shift back waiting tables because I'd been lost in thought about what to wear. I took my drinks by tray back to the couple who'd ordered them, knowing that without a doubt Jake was checking out my butt as I walked away. I knew watching my bubble butt and hips walk away would be irresistible in the tight black pants I had on, and if he got a really good look he might be able to make out the lines of my thong at the very top. I'd fallen into my role of "pretty blonde waitress" very easily, and was relaxed at my tables and confident with the rest of the staff. Everyone had been incredibly cool with my switch. It was like night and day compared to how Candy and my family had reacted. The older women all had the attitude of, "If you need anyone to talk to, let me know," while all the older male waiters complime