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The Office Clown Belladonna "So, if I win the bet, we can let the cleaning lady go for a year?" Herschel asked with raised eyebrows and a growing grin. Joey nodded at her boss as she replied, "That's the deal. I'll clean this place once a week, top to bottom." "Intriguing," Herschel replied with a growing smirk before he inquired, "Will you dress for the part?" "The part?" Joey inquired. "The cleaning lady...or the maid," Herschel explained, barely able to keep from laughing. "He wants to see you in a kinky French Maid outfit," Penny, the junior accountant in Herschel's firm chimed in. Herschel blushed as he shook his head, trying to deny the undeniable. "There, he can't even deny it with a straight face," Annie, the other administrative assistant in the office interjected while the girls shared a laugh at his expense. "Okay, you dirty birdy, I'll wear a French maid's outfit while I clean, however, it will be tasteful." "They make tasteful one's, where's the fun in that?" Annie inquired. Joey glared at her coworker before she answered, "They do, but you won't see one." "Why's that?" Herschel asked. "Because I'm going to win!" "Getting over confident already?" Herschel replied as he crossed his arms. "It's not over confidence if you know it's a sure thing," Joey countered. "But I know I'm going to win," Herschel responded as he put his left hand over his heart. "So, if that's the case, why aren't you taking me up on it? Are you scared?" Joey replied in a playful tone. "Well, for starters, what happens, if by some miracle, I lose?" Herschel retorted. Joey grinned as she answered, "Then, you have to come to work as one of the girls." Herschel stared blankly at his grinning secretary. He leaned back on the heels of his feet and shook his head. After a pause, he found himself forced to inquire, "Why do you want me to come in dressed like a girl? What's in that for you?" "Why do you ask?" Joey asked. "It's just an odd request," Herschel answered, flabbergasted by the proposed term of the bet. "Because you should have to go through what we have to go through for once," Joey replied. "Oh, I see. You're doing the old girl on the cross routine." "It's not a routine. It's true. It's a pain in the ass getting ready each morning." "Nobody says you have to wear makeup and do all that other stuff." "Oh, yah...that would go over real well." "It's a sexist society," Penny interjected. Annie and Joey nodded in agreement with her take before Joey added, "And I want no loopholes." "What's that?" Herschel asked, raising his eyebrows. "You heard me. You're not going to copout if you make the bet." "What's that supposed to mean?" Herschel inquired. "You always find little loopholes in everything. You're not finding one here! If you take the bet, and lose, there's no just throwing on a dress and wig and showing up. You have to go through what we go through." "And how, pray tell, am I going to do that?" "You have to wear makeup. Noticeably! I have to be able to see it." "At least on the eyes, lips and cheeks," Annie interjected. Joey nodded before she added, "And no pants. Dresses or skirts only." "With heels," Annie said, prompting a glare from her boss. "Yah...at least two inches too," Joey said as she nodded her head while Penny looked at Herschel's bemused face and snickered. "And hosiery," Annie added. "And a bra," Penny interjected, stifling her laughter for a second. "Okay. I get the picture," Herschel replied. "So, we've got it all?" Joey asked after turning towards Annie. Annie nodded while she answered, "We've agreed that he has to wear a skirt or a dress, a bra, and fill it out too, hosiery, heels and some makeup." "I think that covers the bases," Penny replied. Joey nodded in agreement, feeling that the outfit would make him sufficiently understand what she and the other girls had to deal with each morning. Joey turned to Herschel as she asked, "So, what do you say?" "You really want to risk it, just to get me into skirts for a day." "When you put it like that," Penny interjected before she added, "How about you also take us all out to dinner afterwards?" "And no changing," Annie interjected. "I'd have to go out as a girl?" Herschel inquired with raised eyebrows. "That's right," Joey answered. Herschel smiled, sure that he would win or, at least, find a loophole that would make the girls reconsider making him leave the office in drag. His smile turned to a smirk as he held out his hand and said, "Deal." Joey gave him a wary look, wondering if he knew something she did not. She was well aware that it would hardly be the first time that he had outsmarted her. She hesitated before she shook his hand on the bet. With the deal struck, they each got back to work. Herschel spent his evenings intently following the playoff series they placed the bet on. He was certain that the Cubs were far better than the Mets. He could not conceive that there was a chance that the Mets could win the series given the Cubs dominance of the Mets during the regular season. As the first game was played, however, Herschel began to realize that his perception was far from accurate. "It's just luck, they'll turn it around," Herschel found himself rationalizing as the Cubs dropped the second game. As he went to leave work to go home and watch the third game, he saw his smirking subordinate. He shook his head and said, "Don't get cocky, Joey." "I'm not," Joey said with a laugh, before she added, "Don't get nervous." "Do you think the sports gods are really going to make liars out of the writers of Back to the Future II?" "Well, the Cubs aren't going to win the World Series in 5 games, so..." "We'll see," Herschel replied before he stepped out the door. Herschel waited anxiously for the third game to start, desperately hoping that the tide of the series would change. As his team lost once more, he hung his head, dreading the premature gloating that Joey was going to indulge in the next day. When he returned to the office, Joey smiled and said, "How about them Mets?" "They still suck!" "Murphy, baby, he's the man, now, not just every other teams' good luck goat." "There's no curse." "You like to say..." "I'm sick of this! The curse thing is so stupid. It's a cute little story, but it's all bullshit. The team's just pretty much sucked for the last 106 years." "Make it 107!" "Boston came back." "Yes, but people from Boston know what real pizza is, so I don't think that Boston and Chicago is a far comparison." "Those are fighting words," Herschel rejoined before flashing a smile. "Second City is like born to be runner up." "We're going to win!" "Born to be second best," Joey countered. "You just wait," Herschel replied as he went into his office and began to look at that night's pitching match up. The numbers did not leave him confident as he spent the day waiting for the start of the game. As the final game began to play out, however, Herschel felt like he was on the eve of his personal destruction. He rocked back and forth while the game unfolded before him. With the last pitch thrown, Herschel saw Joey's team celebrating on the field. Herschel clutched his head and exclaimed, "Who takes a called strike three in an elimination game? Mother Fucker!" The ringing of his cell phone caught Herschel's attention. He reached for it. He was unsurprised to see that it was Joey placing the call. "Calling to gloat?" Herschel asked upon answering the phone. "What kind of person would I be if I did?" Joey replied with feigned outrage. "Did you do a touch down dance?" "More of a celebratory booty dance," Joey retorted. "Well, you won..." "How could I not? Who bets on the Cubs to win?" "I was raised in Chicago." "And your parents didn't face child abuse charges for bringing you up a Cubs fan?" "It was Cubs or White Sox, and they both sucked then." "Tell me, do they make Cubs' dresses in your size?" Joey asked to kid her boss as she tried to turn the conversation to the consequences of their bet. "Probably, but you won't see me in one!" "Don't try to weasel out of it," Joey retorted. "I'm not going to. A bets a bet," Herschel answered before a smile came to his face. "No loopholes. Remember," Joey responded. "Certainly," Herschel replied with a smirk before he said goodbye to Joey and went over to his home computer. As he adjusted himself in his seat, Herschel brought up his web browser and began searching for a skirted Halloween costume that would conceal his identity. As Herschel looked over the various costumes he found online, he kept shaking his head. He grabbed it as he muttered, "Do they make any non-slutty costumes for women?" That thought stayed in Herschel's head as he stared at the slutty zombie costume next to the equally whorish Rainbow Brite costume. Herschel shook his head while he continued to look for a costume that would hide his face and still satisfy the terms of his deal. The fact that few of the costumes had any sort of masks or allowed for any type of identity concealing makeup made him despair for a moment before one caught his eye. A grin came to Herschel's face while he clicked the link to take a closer look at the last costume on the web page. Herschel clicked on the picture and stared at the Clown Girl costume. He laughed to himself while he looked it over. "Perfect," Herschel muttered before he ordered the hoop skirted, yellow, short sleeved dress that was decorated with polka dots in a myriad of colors and sewn on pompoms. The costume was soon completed with white bloomers with a rainbow trim, yellow gloves, rainbow stripped tights, a clown makeup kit, a red foam nose, rainbow eyelash extensions and a lime green, longhaired wig with pink highlights that was styled in teased up pigtails and bangs. Herschel was certain that the makeup would conceal his identity. The only problem he thought that he would have would be getting to and from his home en femme, but he was sure that his garage would mitigate both problems. Herschel stared at his cart before he went to add a pair of shoes to it. Herschel searched the three pages of shoes the website offered and looked over the various heeled pairs of shoes. He disregarded any heels that were too narrow, remembering statements from girls that it was easier to walk in pumps with a thicker heel. He settled on a pair of red Mary Jane heels with a 2' inch platform and a wide 5' heel that were adorned with a buckle strap over the instep before he added the shoes to the cart. He laughed to himself while he looked over the contents of his online cart again and thought that he would unrecognizable. The outfit would conceal any hint of the masculinity of his body. The bangs would obscure part of his face, the makeup would hide his skin coloring and the red clown nose would hide the shape of the real one beneath it. Herschel felt that it was almost perfect before he decided it needed one more thing to finish it off to hide his identity. Herschel added a pair of color contacts to his cart before he paid for his online purchases and headed to bed for the evening. With his costume set, Herschel went to work the next morning. He checked his calendar and saw that no meetings or visits were scheduled for Halloween. Herschel sent out an email to his staff to ensure that it stayed that way. Herschel made sure to advise his staff that none of their clients were allowed to know about the bet since it could result in lost business. The girls all acknowledged his email and agreed with the strict confidentiality measures he was taking. As the rest of the details of his day en femme fell into place, Herschel only had one other issue to take care of, keeping his girlfriend at bay for the day. Herschel called her and explained that he was not going to be able to see her on Halloween or the day before it. Kelly was less than thrilled by her boyfriends statements, but she agreed to give him space for two days. Herschel felt relieved that she did not inquire more about what he was doing. She seemed understanding of his lie that he had to handle a big client those days and needed to focus solely on that. As Halloween approached, Herschel's purchases were dropped off at the office by special delivery. The girls wanted to know what he purchased, but he told them that his Halloween costume was a secret. "It better not violate our deal," Joey retorted. "Oh, it won't," Herschel replied, laughing at the thought of what the girls would say when they saw it. Although Herschel was embarrassed about having to go to work in drag on Halloween, he found that he was oddly excited about it. He wanted to see how much the girls would laugh and what they would think of his way of his way of making good on the bet. On Halloween morning, Herschel woke up a full two hours earlier than he normally arose. Herschel hopped into the shower and ate before he went back into his bedroom to put on his costume for the first time. After placing on his undergarments and padding out his bra, Herschel took hold of his rainbow stripped tights. Herschel remembered the directions he found on online for putting them on before he sat on the edge of his bed and gently unrolled the tights up his legs. The feelings of the tights felt strangely good to him. He felt that they felt almost like a woman's smooth, soft skin pressing against his as they came up his legs. Herschel was aghast by how good they felt to him. His shook his head, disgusted by his body's natural reaction to them. He tried to convince himself that it was only the reminder of what they felt like on a woman that was making his manhood engorge. Once the tights were pulled up to his waist, Herschel reached for his bloomers. He pulled the white bloomers up to his waist before he slipped the hoop skirted, dress over his head. He pulled it down over his body and adjusted the dress over his faux bust. Herschel caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. He saw the male head over the clown girls dress and padded out body. He smiled and laughed at his reflection, feeling that he looked ridiculous before he went to get his color contacts. Herschel carried them into the bathroom along with his makeup before he placed them down on the top of the vanity. Herschel removed the first contact from the case before he stuck it into his right eye. Herschel blinked as he stared at the cat eye looking back at him that looked nothing like his natural eye beside it. Herschel grinned at the effect as he put in the second contact, feeling that the yellow cat eyes gave his outfit an extra freakish look that would help to conceal his identify even further. With his contacts in place, Herschel reached for the clown makeup kit he had ordered. Herschel opened the box before he used a makeup sponge and brush to apply white makeup all over his face. Once the white base covered his entire face, Herschel reached for his eye makeup. Remembering the tutorial he found online, Herschel dipped his makeup brush into the blue face paint before he draw a half circle over each eye following the brow line. He then blended the blue into the white base coat before turning his attention to exaggerating his eyebrows. Herschel used a black eyeliner pencil to make a half circle over his natural brows before adding a line along his natural brow. He then filled it in to make two full black, arched streaks over his eyes that tapered out to the sides of his face. After finishing with his brows, he dressed up his cheeks with makeup by making one big red dot on each side of his face. After adding some dark, squiggly lines extending down from the corners of his eyes, Herschel turned his attention to his exaggerating his lips. He took hold of his red lip liner and lined the outside of his lips before he filled them with a red color. He extended the lines of his natural lips to the sides before adding little circles at each end. He added black liquid eyeliner to outline the lips as a finishing touch before he pursed his lips to check his reflection once more. Once he finished with his makeup, Herschel washed his hands and placed on his red foam nose. As he wiggled his nose, he took hold of his rainbow eyelash extensions and carefully affixed them to his natural eyelashes. Herschel batted his eyes to ensure that they stayed affixed and smiled at the effect all the cosmetic changes had on him. He could not recognize himself beneath his clown makeup, clown nose and color contacts. As his eyes fixated on his hair, Herschel remembered the last thing he needed to truly throw people about who he was. He went back into his bedroom and grabbed the wig he had ordered online. Herschel carried it back into the bathroom before he placed the lime green colored wig onto his head. Herschel straightened out the longhaired wig before he secured the wig in place with bobby pins. Herschel smiled at his reflection again before he pulled at his pink highlighted pigtails. He laughed to himself while he muttered, "Wait until they get a load of me." Herschel walked back into his bedroom and took hold of his shoes. Herschel slipped his rainbow colored tights covered feet into his red Mary Janes. After buckling the straps over the insteps, Herschel stood up. He felt off balance while he moved about his room with his feet in an unnatural position that made him feel much taller than usual as he took hold of his gloves and makeup. Herschel's heels clicked on the floor beneath him. The sound reminded him of the way his girlfriend's shoes often sounded on the floor as he walked out of his bedroom with his gloves and makeup in hand. Herschel worked his right hand into a glove first before he switched hands while he made his way towards the garage. He clasped the makeup kit in his right hand as he brought the almost elbow length glove up his right arm. After Herschel finished putting on his gloves, he put what was left of his clown makeup into his briefcase. Herschel then grabbed his keys and wallet. Not having any pockets for a change, he placed them in his briefcase before he stepped out the door into his garage. Herschel got into his car and started it up. His heeled foot pressed against the brake, but slipped off. He cringed as he cursed. His eyes soon widened as he understood the significance of the slip. He knew he could not afford to have it happen while he was driving. With a sigh, he unbuckled the shoes and slipped his feet out of them. He placed them on the passenger seat before he pressed his tights covered foot against the brake pedal as he went to shift the car. The pedal felt harder than he could ever remember it as he pressed against it. It was uncomfortable, but the wiggling of his toes in the tights was making his manhood strain against his tights and bloomers. A smile came and left his face as he realized how his body was reacting to his hosiery again. Herschel collected himself before he affirmed, "I'm not that guy. I'm not a freak!" Herschel eyes glanced into the rearview mirror for confirmation of his self-affirmation. The clown girl staring back at him gave him little comfort. "You're all man," Herschel reminded himself as he shifted the car into reverse before he pulled out of the garage. Herschel checked the neighborhood as he directed the vehicle out of his driveway. To his relief, there was no one on the street he could recognize. It took a few blocks before he saw someone outside their home. Herschel's eyes briefly caught the man's. Herschel blushed at the man's fit of laughter. Herschel gave him a wave, hoping that the man did not recognize his car. Herschel pulled off his block and made his way towards the highway. As he drove down the local streets, Herschel caught a few people laughing at the sight of him. Herschel grinned and pantomimed a few things as he tried to play up and off his look while he continued to make his way to the office. After pulling into the parking lot of his suburban office, Herschel stared at the building. He was the first to arrive, which was typical. He got the key out for the front door of the converted ranch house before he slipped his feet back into his heels, stepped out of the car and rushed towards the door. Herschel let himself inside and rushed to close the door behind him. He turned on the office lights before he stepped into the office kitchen and turned on the coffee maker. After making a cup for himself, Herschel walked into his office. Before sitting down at his desk, Herschel closed the door to his office behind him, wanting to make his reveal to all the girls at once. Herschel heard the girls each filing into the office. Joey was the first to knock on his door. "Herschel, can I come in?" "Are all the girls here?" Herschel replied. "We're just waiting for Annie," Joey answered. "Tell me when she gets here," Herschel responded. "Oh, come on..." "No. I'm only revealing my rocking bod once," Herschel replied with a smile. "Oh, I'm sure you're such a hottie," Joey replied with a laugh. "Totes. Ariana Grande can eat her heart out," Herschel retorted before laughing a little himself. "I'm sure your girlfriend will like to know that you've got a thing for a 12 year old," Joey replied with a laugh. "She's not 12," Herschel rejoined before realizing how defensive he sounded for acknowledging that he had admitted that he found the much too young for him celebrity attractive. Joey laughed at his response before she said, "At least you're hotter than a 12 year old." "I'm hotter than a 22 year old," Herschel replied, trying to regain even footing in the through the door conversation with his subordinate. "Don't let it go to your head," Joey cautioned in a high-pitched tone before she returned to her desk. Herschel smiled as he went back to work at his desk. Joey and Penny began their own work before Herschel heard Joey scurrying towards his door with hurried footsteps. A loud knock caused Herschel's eyes to veer towards the door. He smiled as he asked in a falsetto, "Who is it?" "It's Joey." "Joey, who?" Herschel answered in a higher pitched falsetto. "Josephine, Miss Jacobs," Joey replied with a slight laugh. "I'm a Miss now," Herschel inquired. "Yes, ever since you made your Miss-take," Joey retorted. "Is that so?" "Yes, and Annie wants to meet the new Miss," Joey replied with a laugh. "Very well," Herschel replied, groaning a little as he forced himself to his feet. He slipped on his heels before he moved towards the door. His heart raced while he wondered what the girls would say once they saw how he looked. Herschel took a deep breath before he pulled the door open and yelled, "Surprise," while he held up his arms and did jazz hands. The girls gawked at him in silence. They took in every inch of him in stunned silence, each unable to formulate the words to respond to what they were seeing. "A clown...how apropos," Joey said, breaking the silence once she collected herself. The girls began to laugh, which Herschel joined in on as they continued to look him over. "What did Kelly have to say about this?" Penny asked after regaining her composure. "She doesn't know," Herschel replied. "How does she not know?" Joey asked, unable to hide her surprise. "I just told her I wasn't going to be around today," Herschel answered. "I bet she doesn't know that you know Ariana Grande's age either," Penny interjected. Herschel's blushing cheeks were hidden by his clown makeup as he tried to explain himself, "I read the papers..." "Would you like us to start spitting on your food too?" Joey inquired with a grin. The girls laughed before Annie said, "I like you shoes." "Oh, these old things," Herschel deadpanned. "Did they just walk right out of the closet?" Joey asked. "Sure did," Herschel replied, unthinkingly. "Well, you certainly lived up to the deal," Joey added, taking in his appearance from head to toe again. "You've got better makeup skills than I would have thought," Annie interjected. "I, for one, expected him to look like a clown," Penny noted. "Not this much," Joey added, shaking her head at how Herschel went about satisfying each express terms of the bet. "Did you come in a clown car?" Annie cracked. "I saw the Mini Cooper parked out front, so I guess that counts," Joey responded. "Not nice," Herschel replied, not experiencing his first abuse from the girls for his choice of a car. "Did you drive here like that?" Penny asked. Herschel nodded, prompting the girls to laugh. "Did anyone notice?" Joey inquired. "Do you think at least one person wouldn't?" Herschel replied as he put his hands on his dress-covered hips. The girls laughed again before Herschel said, "Okay, we all have work to do, ladies." The girls stopped laughing, realizing that Herschel was reasserting himself as the boss, even as he was standing before them dressed like a clown girl. The girls stood up straight before Herschel went back into his office. After Herschel returned to his office, he got back to work. The workday began to go on as it usually did, with the exception of a few more laughs throughout the morning when Herschel stepped out of the office to get a file or talk to one of the girls. As lunchtime came, Joey called Herschel and asked, "Do you want to order in today?" "I think you know the answer," Herschel replied with a straight face. "I bet I do. Where do you want to order from?" Joey inquired. Herschel gave her the name of a nearby eatery before Joey took his order. She collected orders from the other girls before she placed them. The lunch was delivered and Joey set the food out in the conference room. Herschel was relieved to have avoided being seen by the deliveryman, but he ensured the same by keeping his door closed, along with his blinds. As the deliveryman left, Herschel joined the girls in the conference room for lunch. Joey smiled as Herschel walked in and said, "Look who decided to join us." As Herschel sat down, Annie inquired, "How's the nice little Jewish girl enjoying her first pair of heels?" "Oh, it's so great," Herschel replied with evident sarcasm that made the girls laugh. "You're assuming they're her first," Joey interjected, prompting the girls to laugh. After collecting herself, Joey noted, "It's not a lot of fun, huh?" "What do you think?" "Oh, I know. I know," Joey answered her boss with a grin. "I know you didn't tell, Kelly, but you seem like a natural in them...," Annie noted. Herschel gave her a glare before Annie added, "Did you ask your mother for some advice?" "Yes, this is something I admitted to my Mother. She can't even get over that my girlfriend isn't a Jew! How do you think she would take it if she saw me like this?" Herschel responded, throwing up his hands before taking another bite of his food. "Should we send her a picture," Joey inquired. "I'll kill you first," Herschel retorted. They soon finished eating lunch. After cleaning up, Herschel and the girls went back to work. Herschel continued to ensure the day went on like any other, not wanting to make more of his appearance than was unavoidable. Once the workday came to an end, the girls gathered and approached Herschel's office. Herschel looked up at them and asked, "What can I do for you?" "It's time to go, Herschel," Joey said. "I want to finish something up," Herschel replied. "We'll wait for you," Joey responded. "Why?" Herschel asked. "Because you're taking us out," Joey answered. "Tonight?" Herschel shrieked. "That was part of the deal," Joey retorted with a serious look. "Can't I take you girls out another day?" "Where would the fun be in that?" Annie asked with a smirk. Herschel gave the girls a blank look. He never expected them to hold him to that part of the deal after he had gone forward with the first part. Herschel shook his head before he replied, "Girls, I don't have a purse." "So?" Penny interjected. "I'm carrying my wallet and keys in my briefcase. I can't bring that into a restaurant," he reasoned, trying to convince the eager girls that he was right. "No problem. I've got an extra bag in my trunk," Annie replied. Herschel stared at her in silence before Joey said, "Come on, Herschel. Get moving. We have a reservation." "Where?" Herschel nodded at the name of the restaurant before he asked, "They're going to seat me like this?" "It's Halloween, and they're not the most upscale joint. They don't turn people away," Joey answered. Herschel shook his head as he got to his feet. He clutched his briefcase before he saw Annie rushing towards him with a new pocketbook. "Here you go," Annie said as she presented it to him. "Thanks," Herschel replied with thinly veiled sarcasm. Joey motioned for Herschel to get moving before he said, "I have to check my makeup." "You like fine. No stalling," Annie retorted before she and Joey each took hold of one of Herschel's gloved hands. Herschel feet hurried to keep up with the girls' pace before they led him out of the front door of the office. They locked it behind them before they went to their cars. Joey smiled as she said to her boss, "You can come with me. I'll drop you back off at the office when we're done." "I can drive..." "No. I don't want you driving in heels." "I slipped them off when I drove," Herschel admitted. "I don't want you driving barefoot. It's against the law," Joey responded. "I will be regardless," Herschel noted. "Well, I want make sure you get to the restaurant in one piece." "Oh, you're looking out for me, now," Herschel retorted as he got into her car, sure that she wanted to ensure that he showed up in costume. "Quite," Joey replied with a grin before they made the short drive over to the restaurant. Herschel started to shake as he got out of the car. His knees felt wobbly while he looked around the parking lot. He saw a couple sharing a laugh as they looked at each other. Herschel bit his lip, sure that they were getting a laugh at his expense. Joey looked back at her frozen boss and said, "Hurry up." Herschel nodded as he started towards her. He saw more people's eyes upon him as they laughed at his appearance. 'What have I done?' Herschel thought to himself as he began to wonder if dressing like a normal woman would have been less humiliating. He was certain that it would have attracted fewer stares. Herschel followed Joey into the restaurant and saw that Annie and Penny had already arrived. Annie smiled as she turned to the hostess and said, "The party's all here now." The hostess eyes widened as she caught a glimpse of Herschel. Her eyes fixated on him before she laughed briefly and asked, "What's with the costume, dear?" Herschel stared blankly at her before Joey answered for him, "She lost a bet to me." The girl started to laugh again as she said, "Right this way, girls." Herschel was relieved that the hostess did not seem to suspect that he was really a man while he followed behind the woman and the girls. They came to a stop at a table before they each took a seat and were handed menus. Herschel's stomach sank as he saw the amused looks on his fellow patrons' faces as they looked at him. He caught some sneaking glances, while others gawked without hesitation. The customers did little to hide their amusement with his appearance. Herschel sighed and decided that he should at least try to appear as if he was going along with the joke he had created. The girls talked between themselves as they perused the menu. Joey smiled at Herschel as she looked at him and asked, "Cat got your tongue?" Herschel grinned in silence before Annie added, "We should have made her dress like a cat girl." "That would have been great." "Next year. Next year," Joey replied. Herschel shook his head thinking, 'There's no God damn way there will be a next year!' The waitress then came by and asked "Are you ladies ready to order?" The girls looked at each other and nodded before the girls each gave their orders. The waitress smiled as she asked, "And for you, Binky?" "Binky," Joey squealed. "I like it," Annie said while Penny nodded and laughed. Herschel laughed a long, but was afraid of giving himself away. He refused to speak. Annie realized what he was doing before she said, "Binky will have a beet salad and a glass of Chardonnay." Herschel gave her an inquisitive look, knowing that Annie knew that he was not much of a salad eater. Annie smiled as she turned to the waitress and said, "Binky's watching her girlish figure." The girls laughed at the inside joke before the waitress nodded and walked away with their orders. Herschel glared at Annie as he whispered, "What was that about?" "If you wanted something else, you should have spoken up." Herschel pouted, prompting the girls and a couple nearby to laugh at the sad clown. Herschel blushed in response. He was happy, however, that his reddened cheeks were obscured by the thick layer of makeup that concealed his natural skin tone. Still, he shook his head as he thought, 'I would have been better off in a cocktail dress.' The waitress brought back their drinks before she asked, "So, why isn't our pretty clown girl speaking?" Joey answered, "Oh, the best was that she would be a mime for the day." "I thought she was a clown." "There's not much difference," Joey replied before she nodded at Herschel. Herschel smiled before he began to press at the air as if he was trapped in a box, playing along with Joey's explanation. The waitress laughed before Annie grinned and asked, "Can you get a group picture of us?" "Absolutely," the waitress replied as she took hold of Annie's phone. The girls crowded around Herschel. He wanted to shout at them over the picture, but he knew that he would break the character and possibly give himself away. He forced a smile to his face as the waitress took the picture before she handed the phone back to Annie. Annie thanked her while she and the other girls sat back at the table and began to sip on their drinks. Joey turned to Annie and asked, "You're going to forward us the pictures?" "Already done," Annie said as she put her phone down. The girls thanked Annie before they went back to talking while they waited for their food to come. Herschel did his best to participate in the conversation with facial contortions, body language and hand gestures. The conversation continued while the waitress placed their dinners down on the table. Herschel and the girls ate while the discussion turned to their personal lives. Herschel rolled with the complaints the girls had about their boyfriends and husbands, as well as the barbs they directed at female family members and friends. 'Why do girls hangout with people they hate?' Herschel found himself wondering, as he often did when his girlfriend complained about her backstabbing friends. Herschel felt relieved when the girls declined desert, sensing that his ordeal was coming to a close. Once the bill was dropped off, Herschel rushed to retrieve his wallet from his purse and paid the bill with cash, not wanting to let the waitress see the name on his credit card. Herschel wanted to stand up after he left the tip, but he saw the girls laughing to themselves as Joey passed around her cell phone. Herschel could not see the screen, which only served to make him grow even more worried. Herschel gazed at his giggling employees as he held his hands out to the sides with his palms up, trying to convey that he wanted someone to explain what was going. Penny grinned as she turned the screen of Joey's phone towards him before she handed him the phone. Herschel's eyes widened as he stared at the digital flyer for the local Fair's Halloween Celebration. Herschel shook his head forcefully before Joey said, "We are so going!" Herschel wanted to shout, but he could not before Annie said, "Come on, it's better than me emailing that picture to Kelly or Mommy, right, Binky?" Herschel stared at his employee, dumbfounded by her assertion while he wondered 'Is she really trying to blackmail me?' The girls all stood up in unison before Herschel got to his feet, not wanting to be left behind. He followed them out of the restaurant before he went to Joey's car with her. As he got into the car, he shouted, "There is no God damn way that I'm going to the Fair like this." "Why not?" Joey inquired. "It's humiliating. All those people in there were laughing at me. You must have heard them!" "I did." "So, do you realize what you're doing to me?" "It won't be that bad." "What's your basis for thinking that?" "There's a lot of people in costume at the Fair on Halloween. I was there last year. They have staff and kids and adults there, and most of them are in costume." Herschel thought about it and shrugged as he realized that the Fair would not be a bad place to be in costume. He assumed that it was likely the best place they could take him, other than a Halloween party, under the circumstances. He then glanced at Joey and said, "Is Annie really trying to blackmail me?" Joey shook her head as she pulled out of the parking spot and said, "She's not that stupid." Herschel laughed before he decided to play along with the girls and said, "All right, let's go to the Fair." "That's a sudden change of heart." "Were you really going to take me anywhere else?" "No," Joey admitted with a laugh. "That's what I thought," Herschel replied shaking his head. As they drove over to the Fair, Herschel began to rub his legs. The soft feeling of his tights being rubbed against his legs made his member stir before he pulled hands away from his legs, horrified by what he had done. Herschel was relieved that Joey had not noticed his distress as she focused on the road leading into the Fair grounds. As they parked at the Fair, Herschel caught a glimpse of a bevy of costumed girls. He smiled, realizing that the non-costumed patrons were in the minority of the people at the Fair. 'This is perfect', Herschel thought, feeling no longer exposed by his costume. He was just another costumed girl when he got out of the car and met up with the rest of his employees. Herschel followed them around while he looked over the scantily dressed girls that paraded through the Fair grounds looking like hooker versions of the various characters and tropes they were portraying. Herschel grinned as he saw some costumed girls and guys causing some playful mischief. He turned to Annie and whispered, "What are they doing?" "They probably work here," she explained. Herschel gave her an inquisitive look before she added, "The Fair has some staff that goes around in costume with the others just to play around. It's so that the people that come here have to guess who's really just another patron and who's a performer." Herschel nodded as one performer grabbed him as he walked past a dark corner. Herschel jumped away from the man as his heart raced. The demon-masked man then retreated back into the darkness to scare someone else. The girls laughed at Herschel before Penny walked away from the group as Herschel, Joey and Annie made their way to a ride. They got on line and paid their way onto the ride. After Herschel and the girls rode it, Joey smiled at Herschel and said, "This is fun, isn't it?" Herschel nodded as they walked off the ride and spotted Penny talking to another woman. Herschel's eyes widened as the girl standing next to Penny turned his way. 'Kelly', Herschel thought as he began to panic and turn away from her. He started to walk away before he faintly heard Kelly ask, "So, is Herschel here too?" "He's around here somewhere," Penny replied truthfully, struggling to keep a straight face. "Well, if you see him, let me know," Kelly replied while Herschel reached for his cell phone to turn it off before his girlfriend thought to call him. Herschel turned his head over his shoulder and saw the disappointed look on Kelly's face as her call to him went straight to voice mail. He felt bad about disappointing her, but he was sure that their relationship might not survive her seeing him in his clown girl costume. The costume seemed ever more ridiculous to him as he scurried away from her, hoping to find somewhere to hide. He turned around the corner past a booth. He came to an abrupt stop as a large woman said, "There you are?" "What?" Herschel said, shocked by her grabbing his hand. "Get out there," the woman said as she pushed him through a crowd. "Huh?" Herschel replied before he saw two male clowns stop and look at him. 'Oh, dear God', Herschel thought while the two clowns rushed over to him, each holding their hearts. The two began to playfully fight over him before one knocked the other down. While the reeling clown did a pratfall, the other came up to Herschel and grabbed him by the waist. Herschel felt violated as the Clown smiled and showed him his flower in a mock attempt to woe him. A kick in the butt by the clown that had been knocked down made the other male clown spray the water in his flower into Herschel's face. Herschel recoiled from the cold water sprayed into his face. He stumbled backward in his heels, barely stopping himself from falling down. He wanted to shout at the two clowns, but kept his mouth closed for fear of giving himself away. The other clown moved close to Herschel and began to bat his eyelashes as he nuzzled up close to Herschel. Herschel grimaced at the man, unsure if his displeasure could be seen through his makeup. To Herschel's relief, the clown's attention was drawn away by the other male clown, giving Herschel a moment to relax. He scanned the crowd and saw his employees laughing together as they watched him being fought over by two male clowns. 'This can't get worse', Herschel thought before he fretted over how he could ever face his employees again. Herschel's eyes fixated on the audience. The only relief he felt was that his girlfriend was nowhere to be seen. 'Thank God', Herschel thought as he began to inch his way away from the dueling clowns. One male clown separated himself from the other and grabbed Herschel by the hand. Before Herschel could pull back, he pulled Herschel forward by the hand and dropped to a bended knee before he hugged Herschel's waist. "Oh, ladies and gentleman, I believe Bonga accepted the proposal," the woman who corralled him shouted into a microphone. Herschel shook his head while he saw his employees laughing before the other male clown stormed his would be suitor. The male clown at his knee jumped to his feet and ducked away from the clown's slap. The clown's hand landed firmly on Herschel's check as he stumped back, arms flailing before he fell to the ground, landing square on his rear. Herschel groaned before covering his mouth. The crowd focused on the act, however, largely deaf to the tone of his moaning. They laughed, thinking it was all part of the show as Herschel struggled to get to his high-heeled feet. His ankle started to bark worse than it had all day as the two clowns continued to fight. Herschel's eyes glanced at his employees who were in hysterics. 'Screw this, I'm getting out of here', Herschel thought as he began to limp away from the two, battling clowns. Herschel winced as he felt the erection pressing against his tights as he tried to escape. 'How can I possibly be turned on by this?' He thought, angry with himself and on the verge of tears while the crowd cheered around him. Hobbled by the pain in his ankle, Herschel did not make it far before the two male clowns were upon him again. One was hugging him close bringing them near to nose-to-nose. 'Dear, God, no!' Herschel thought, struggling not to scream as the clown brought his lips close to his. A tap on the shoulder drew the other clown's attention away from Herschel. The clown turned and ducked, letting the whipped cream pie in the other clown's hands fly directly into Herschel's face. "Ah...," Herschel shouted as he wiped the cream out of his eyes while the crowd cheered. He could hear the voices of his employees laughing while he stumbled, swiftly away, thinking, 'I'm never going be able to show my face again.' As Herschel continued pulling the cream away from his eyes, he stumbled and fell forward. 'Oh, shit', Herschel muttered before he felt the splash against his face. The water surrounded Herschel's body as he flopped around the fountain he had fallen into. Herschel shrieked from the feeling of the cold water against his skin. The decidedly masculine tone of his loud yelp brought gasps as he wondered, 'How can this shit can't get worse?' "Holy shit. She's a dude," Herschel heard someone yell, prompting Herschel to hastily try to push down the skirt of his dress to cover the quickly retreating erection in his tights. "Just shoot me now," Herschel muttered as he threw his gloved hands back into the fountain water before he stood up, sopping wet, shivering from the cool autumn air. "Herschel?" Kelly shrieked. "There's the other shoe," Herschel muttered as he shook his downcast head.