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A wonderful gift by Sylvia Wechsel Chapter 1 - The beginning I was then a bored wealthy man, maybe this is the reason I was attracted to that small store in the mall, which advertised selling "magicware." Who would believe in such a thing? But as I explained, I was bored, and the idea somebody believed in real magic amused me, so I entered the store. The old man behind the desk looked like the host of that old horror magazine, I guess the name was "Creepy." Inside the store looked disappointing. It was a magician's store. Old tricks, like glasses with tiny holes which would make you look like slobbering if you try to drink something in it, tainted dices, or old card tricks, where on display. Anyway since I was inside I decided to chat with the old guy. I ended up buying some harmless saloon magic tricks, just for fun. When I was about to get out, the old man said, "Hey, I liked you, I want to give you a gift." I found that very funny, how the old man expected to earn money giving away his products for free, anyway, who was I to refuse a gift? He gave me a small box, inside there were a pair of clip on earrings and a female ring, they looked made of silver, but could be made of cheap stainless steel, as well, I couldn't say. He told me: "These pieces are bewitched, if you wear any of them, you will turn into a woman." I almost burst into laughter, the guy really believed what he was saying. I controlled myself, took the box out of his hands and said: "Thank you." Later, when I was alone at home (I was divorced already for five years and since then I decided to live a bachelor's life, very far away from either my ex-wife or my parents) that box kept me intrigued, finally I decided to give a shot. I took the ring, but it was small. I was able to insert it only in the tip of my annular finger. The moment I put it in my hand, however, I felt like I was changing. It was weird, the transformation is very slow and I couldn't perceive any physical change, but I sensed right away that something was happening. The first visual signal of the transformation was a swelling in my breasts, but as I sensed it, I looked in a mirror and noticed my hair had already grown about five centimeters and was changing color: from the dark brown color I have as a male, I was turning blond. After this point I decided to undress and get totally naked, then I watched mesmerized as my penis got smaller and smaller, until it retreated totally inside my body, my breasts' slowly growth was also fascinating, as well as the other changes in my body and my in my face. After I perceived the first changes it became easier to identify all small things happening in my body. About in the middle of the transformation I was able to fully insert the ring in my annular finger, showing my hand turned smaller. The whole transformation takes about 53 minutes to complete, although in minute 49 I already look totally female externally, the rest 4 minutes are needed for the sensation of change to vanish. I guess it is also the time needed to finish the interior body transformations (the growth of my uterus, or the migration of my tested-turned-into-ovaries to the right places). I become a female version of myself. My height, for example, is not changed. My overall bone structure is also more or less the same (except of the pubic bones, which, as I later discovered, changes to the female shape). Another interesting change is that I look about 5 years younger when I am in my female configuration. This makes me about 23 years old, which is a good age for a girl. Of course I played with myself in the very first transformation. I masturbated and even inserted one finger in my new vagina. Anyway, after some time (I guess it was one or two hours) I took out the ring. As it happened before, I immediately sensed that I was changing, and I observed how the transformation reversed itself. Again, 53 minutes later, the sensation of change ceased and I was back in my male body. I still remember how I felt that first day, I was amazed. I tried to find that store again, but in the place there was a women's clothes store. I asked the vendor about the old magics store, but she claimed that clothes store existed since the mall was founded 10 years before. What would I expect from a store which sold "magicware"? As amazing as the transformation was, I quickly realized I needed to do more than just transforming into a girl. There were practical problems, however. As I transformed, some parts changed, my hair grew, for example, or if I had facial hair, it receded into my skin, others, however, kept the same. Body hair, for example, remained as it was, as the size an shapes of my nails. I realized I would need to shave my legs, arms, armpits and torso permanently. I could not let my fingernails grow too much, as well. Since I could not go to a beauty salon as a male, and since it would be really strange if I appeared there so "hairy" as a female, I would need to shave everything myself. I decided also to let my fingernails grow as much as I could without being weird in my male form. During this initial period I was scared about the possibility that someone would discover my "clandestine" activities, therefore I started to swim, to find a plausible explanation for my "shaving." In the beginning I was shy. I spent mostly one or two hours everyday as female. First I bought some lingerie to dress. This was easy, any large supermarket has a section of clothes and nobody finds strange when a man buy panties or bras for a girlfriend. Of course, I had to guess the size, and bought some wrong sizes, until I learned what I had to buy. Calling all the courage I had, I bought a make up kit and asked the vendor to wrap up as a gift. I bought some clothes on line as well, skirts, blouses, and dresses, as well as shoes. I started dressing up at home, practicing how to walk in high heels, and experimenting with that make up kit. I found a lot of information in blogs which helped me to learn how to apply make up correctly. I also painted my nails sometimes. Of course, I always removed all make up and the nail polish before turning back to my male body, it would be really awkward to turn back wearing lipstick, eye shadows, mascara and red fingernails. These initial activities made me feel satisfied for one or two months, until, finally, I slept a whole night as a female in my bed, wearing a nightgown I purchased on line. Buying clothes on line was an efficient way to avoid getting caught, but sometimes I got disappointed when I compared what had been advertised and what was delivered. There was also the problem of the delay, a given piece took about one week to be delivered and, of course, I wanted to dress the things I bought the same day I bought. This overcame my fear and I started visiting women's clothes stores. Once I was careless and visited the same store three times in a row, one of the vendors approached and, discretely, said: "I know your secret." I froze in the place, holding a skirt in my hand, I asked: "What do you mean?" "Don't get shy, I know many men who dress up as girls in hiding, you don't need to feel ashamed." "I don't know what you mean." "Sure, have a nice day," and she went away giggling and blinking an eye to me. Needless to say I never returned to that store, and even to that mall, anymore. Chapter 2 - Lena Now I realize I was acting like a junkie getting "hooked" into some new drug. Every time I used it, I had to use more! Soon, dressing up at home was not sufficient anymore. I started some short excursions outdoor as a female. For safety's sake I always worn both the ring and the earrings. I used to clip the earrings in the side of my ears, and pierced the lobes to wear regular earrings. To justify this, my male self started wearing (male) earrings as well. I adopted a metrosexual style as male, which allowed to explain my shaped eyebrows, which I kept in a unisex style. It was nice to be able to buy clothes without the fear of getting busted, but once I ran into trouble, one of the cashiers found strange that I was using my bank card (in name of my male self) to pay the products. I escaped this trap saying I was using my husband's card, but this showed I needed to create an identity for my female self. One of the advantages of being wealthy is that we know criminals and have means to hire them, as well as to bribe officials. So it was not difficult to find a way to buy fake documents. As one of the pleasant aspects of the process, I had to choose a name for myself. I chose Lena, based on a character of a movie I was watching at the time I decided this. With the documents I started to build a life for Lena. I bought a small apartment downtown in her name, opened a bank account and started depositing regular amounts of money. To justify this I made her a blogger and told everybody these transfers were on the "advertisement budget" of my own company. Of course, to anybody else it would appear I was simply maintaining a mistress. About that time people in the office started gossiping about me, after some digging, discovered they were wondering if I was turning gay. I could use my apparent affair with Lena to crush these suspicions, but I didn't care. In the beginning at the new home I learned what was menstruation. I was puzzled about why this happened just at that time, then I decided to calculate how much time I had already spent as Lena and came up with a figure around 28 full days. This showed that my time as Lena was cumulative. Of course, one of the first things I wanted to do as I started to live as Lena for the weekends was to have sex. This was not as easy as it looks, though. I began spending time in bars and dance houses, but I got cold feet anytime a guy approached me flirting. They were all handsome, and of course, I wanted casual sex only, and not a permanent relationship, but I could not bring myself to go through to the final consequences with any of them. It didn't help either that their "discourse" was so lame (and, of course, being a male myself, I knew all those prefabricated phrases were empty). I began hanging out with the ladies. Of course, I did those things very far away from my office or my male life, to anybody who knew myself as male it would really appear weird how I looked so close to my female form. It was nice to have "girlfriends" and be one of the girls. I found many interesting subjects to talk to them (fashion, make up and so on), but what I really wanted was to get a dick inserted in my vagina. The ladies taught me how to dance, and so I could get closer to the boys, but dancing, nowadays, is a no contact activity, so this didn't help me either. Finally, one day, the brother of one of the ladies joined our clique. From the first time we met, he couldn't take the eyes out of me. We danced, exchanged smalltalk, drank some beer together, and, I don't know how, started kissing. I was wearing a light sleeveless dress that night, and, no bra. I was so horny for being kissed by a man that my hard nipples appeared even through the fabric. After some time of this, the guy (I didn't even asked his name, his sister told me, but I forgot) offered to drive me home. Of course, we went straight to the motel. I was so horny that day that I acted as a bimbo. I couldn't wait to get naked in front of him, but being a male myself, I instinctively knew I should let him "in charge." It took and awful lot of time, but finally he "ordered" me to undress. I obediently complained, of course. He undressed himself and as I saw his hard dick I got insecure. Should I do a blow job? Should I lay myself over the bed and wait until he climbed over me? I decided to let him lead, if he asked me to suck his dick I would obey, if he asked me to go to bed, the same. Finally he asked me to lay myself over the bed. He approached me crawling over the large bed and I opened wide my legs inviting him. There was no word about using a condom, neither from him, nor from myself. I acted really as careless as a brainless bimbo. The moment he inserted his penis inside me I saw stars, not from pain (although I sensed some discomfort in the beginning). I saw stars out of pleasure! His rhythmic movement in-and-out made me moan and I sensed the pleasure building up until I exploded in a mind blowing orgasm. I had already experienced the female orgasm before, in my masturbation experiences, but it was sooo much better to have one with a dick inserted inside me. A few more movements and he had his own orgasm, filling my vagina with his cum. I was smiling as this happened. We spent a little bit more time in the motel, played in the jacuzzi, kissed a bit more, had a second round in the bed and then we went out of the motel. I asked him to bring me to a taxi, I didn't want him to know where I lived. He was not interested in a permanent relationship either (I guess he was married or had a girlfriend), but I decided to be careful (strange to think about this after I played the sex thing so careless). I never returned to that dance place again, and shut down the ties to those ladies completely. After this first experience I became more confident and started to accept those brainless flirting men for sex. By that time I had already spent something like a full year in these activities. Soon, however, spending the weekends as Lena was not enough. It became increasingly more difficult to turn back to my male self and go to work on Mondays. By that time I could hardly wait to go home at night, and I transformed into Lena as soon as I arrived there, changing back only to go work. Soon I decided to spend my nights in Lena's apartment, instead of mine. As entrepreneur I could build my work hours as I wished, but I was not ready to abandon my male life completely. The urge to become Lena, however, grew, and I devised a plan: I would have vacations. Chapter 3 - Vacations I announced in my company that I would spend one entire month in a distant beach, away from civilization. My company is not very big, but I have trustworthy employees, and I could leave my affairs in their hands (and, of course, I "hired" Lena as part time home office assistant to one of these employees, so I could discretely supervise them). It was a wonderful time. Spending one entire month as Lena allowed me to do things I could never do when I had to turn back to my male self regularly (for example, visiting a beauty salon). I had also sex more often, since I could visit other "hunting grounds", like a fitness academy, for example. As pleasant as that time was, it had an end. The time runs like hell when we have fun, and soon I had to resume my male life. I was entering already in the second year of these activities, and by then I spent all available time as Lena. Weekends, long holidays, even a business trip I invented, in which I inverted the procedure. I spent all time as Lena, and turned back to my male self only for a couple of meetings and formal lunches/dinners. If time ran like a fox when I was Lena, it looked to crawl like a slug when I was my male self. That year of regular work was a nightmare. I dreamed of a new vacation and the possibility to be Lena for another full month. Finally the time arrived. I was keeping track of my menstruation, in the whole time I had spent already as Lena I went through five events and the next one was scheduled for the beginning of my second vacations, then I got surprised as nothing happened. I was also feeling ill, and had already even vomited once in a morning, after a night spent as Lena. Therefore I decided to visit the gynecologist. I used a private practice and payed in cash. The physician, a middle aged guy, heard me describing my symptoms, and he looked amused. At the end he told he had a pretty good idea of what kind of illness I had, but he wanted to confirm with a blood test. He refused to give me any clue and scheduled a new consultation for a week later. This was the worst week in my life I spent as Lena. I did the blood test the physician asked so it would be ready for the next appointment and when I met him again, I was very anxious. Now I know he made some theater, but at the time he looked worried as he read the results of my blood test, and still with a sober face, he said: "This is the confirmation of my diagnosis." Afraid, asked: "Doctor, please, tell me what I have!" Then he opened a smile, and said: "Congratulations, you will be a mother!" I did not really understand what he was saying. I kept there, looking at him, without saying a word and with my mouth wide open. I guess, he decided to confirm the diagnostics using different words: "You are pregnant, based on your hCG levels, you are already in the third week." I tried to articulate something, but what came out of my mouth was: "Pregnant, how?" Of course this was a stupid question, and I had already the answer. I had practiced careless sex since I started, so there was no mystery on how I got pregnant, the problem was that "three weeks before", in my calculation, was located in reality some four to five months a go. I couldn't even remember with whom I slept then, I was sure it was more than one male in the period in question. The physician, probably regretting the prank he played on me, said: "Oh, you were avoiding, sorry, you know, all these anti-conceptional methods have a small possibility of failure." By then my shock had sufficiently diminished and I decided to use that answer not to appear the total fool I was: "Yes, I understand." "You know, abortion is illegal in the country, but if you look closely, you can find someone to do it for you.." I'm not sure if he was offering me his services, or if he was trying just to comfort me, but my spontaneous answer was: "No, I want to have this child!" "OK, then I will schedule an appointment with the obstetrician for the first available, do you have contact with the father? He should be with you in this appointment." "No...." He looked puzzled. I answered: "I wanted to do this as a solo project." "I understand." His face showed me he didn't understand at all, since I implied before I was avoiding a pregnancy. Finally he gave me the document to settle the appointment with the obstetrician, and a prescription of vitamins, to help the formation of the fetus. I went out of his office still a bit in shock, I went to the nursing station and asked for an appointment with the obstetrician, the nurse said: "Congratulation Mother! What a happy news!" I tried to smile and said: "Thanks." My head was spinning in reality and I am surprised I didn't fade in front of her. Finally my first appointment with the obstetrician was scheduled for 10 days later, it would be the first appointment of my prenatal care. This changed all my plans. It is true that the pregnancy could survive the transformation, it was evident that I was pregnant only when I was Lena (seems obvious, but dealing with magics everything could happen), but if I kept transforming forth and back this pregnancy would take more than one year, perhaps two, to come to term. I could do this neither to the baby, nor to me. So, I had to find a way to justify my male self's disappearance. My first providence was to communicate to my employees by e-mail that my male self would take a long leave of absence to spend an year in an Ashram in India (it was an efficient way to tell everybody that I would be unreachable). I said my assistant (Lena) would forward the needed documents to give power of attorney to my most trustworthy personal. Then I transferred a considerable amount of money to Lena's account. If someone asked, I could always say my child was from my male self. The appointment with the gynecologist had been in the morning, by the end of the afternoon I had already solved the exile of my male self. When I arrived home at night, probably recovering from the adrenaline rush that followed me most of the day, it finally hit me: I was pregnant! I had an inner child in me, and this was not metaphorical. Then I felt something I could only describe as joy. It is interesting that after this day, my interest for sex with strangers vanished. Today I speculate that my interest for sex was just a way to reinforce my femininity. When I learned I was pregnant, this became a much stronger way of feeling female, so having sex lost its appeal (at least while I was pregnant). Next day I bought a book: a pregnancy guide for first time parents. Of course, I learned the basics about pregnancy in the school, but when I was married, neither me nor my wife wanted children, and we stayed married only two years, so no accident occurred (and, as strange as it seems based on my careless behavior as a girl, when I was male I always used condom, even with my wife). After I became Lena I jumped into sex without care. Indeed, once or twice I thought about getting some STD, but it never crossed my mind I could get pregnant. Finally, regular girls have the whole childhood, teenager years and even young adulthood to think about the subject, I had been Lena (cumulatively) only for something like seven to eight months (and most of the time I was worried about which clothes to wear or how to find a man for sex, I was really a bimbo). So, it was everything new for me. I read especially the description of what I should expect from my first prenatal care appointment. I wanted to be prepared. I didn't want to appear to the obstetrician a greater fool than I already was. I learned, for example, he would ask me about the date of my last menstruation. I had, of course, the precise day (as I already told, I recorded this, but for other reasons), but this was useless, since this was more than four months before, this would not match the third week I was in. Fortunately the book contained a formula to calculate this date and I applied it to my case, the result was September 24th (two and a half months after the true date). The obstetrician would ask also details about my previous health history, and the father's previous health history. I had no clue on Lena's previous health history, but I assumed it was the same as mine. For the father, I though about inventing some, but then I decided to be honest and tell the obstetrician my child was the result of an one night stand, and that I had no information about the father. He would see me as the idiotic fool I was, but I deserved it. The consultation ran as I predicted. He asked for another blood test, this time a complete blood screening. If he had some criticism about my careless sexual behavior he didn't say, after all, I was paying the consultation, and a lot. He asked in which hospital I wanted to deliver my baby and I asked back for his suggestion (I was sure he would chose the most expensive option, and I was right, he suggested a fancy hospital in which he worked part time, I didn't care, I had money). I asked when I could do my first ultrasound, and he gave me a cold shower, only in the eighth week (five weeks ahead). After the consultation, when I was in the nursing station scheduling the return appointment, the nurse said: "Mother, we have a support group for young parents meeting on Wednesdays, why don't you join us?" I hated when she did that, did it hurt to call me by my name (even if it was the one I invented)? On the other hand, the idea of meeting other people was appealing. You see, my social circle belonged to my male self, and, of course, I couldn't meet them as Lena (I already explained, it would be very hard to justify how close we looked). I had Lena's girlfriends, but they were party girls and since I discovered I was pregnant, my desire to party vanished, and, anyway, they were brainless bimbos as I had been when I was with them. So, I spent the most solitary 10 days in my life since that last appointment with the gynecologist. I decided to gladly join the support group, it was an opportunity to meet other mothers-to-be. Chapter 4 - Motherhood As I arrived in the room where the support group was meeting, I was received by that same nurse: "Mother, how nice you could come! Is the father also coming?" "No, he is not" I bluntly answered. "Oh, I see, anyway, welcome, take a seat." The room was already half full, in most cases couples occupied the seats, but there were also some lonely women, I chose an empty place and seated. There were some women which already showed small signs of being pregnant, but most were as normal as me. Guess this was a group for new mothers. After some 5 minutes when other couples arrived, the nurse closed the door, she started asking us to present yourselves and tell the probable delivery date. When it was my turn, I said: "July 1st." The obstetrician calculated the date for me in the first appointment, using the same formula. My fellow "mothers-to-be" would deliver in a period of two months of this date, and I was in one of the last dates. The talk was useless, I read everything that nurse said in the book I bought, but the meeting was good to find friends, as I predicted. I ended up making friendship with a couple, John and Mary, and with a teenager, called Sara. She was, or better, would be, a single mother, like me. We would all be first time parents. First we met in the weekly meetings, but soon we started meeting up also for lunches and dinners. Sara's history was sad. She had a school boyfriend, a teenager like herself, who got her pregnant and ditched her as soon as he learned from the pregnancy. The boy even changed school, so there was no possibility he would assume his responsibility. Sara's father neither expelled her from home, nor he beat her, but he did worse, he changed. He turned cold on Sara and she felt that very hard because before they had a good relationship and this was gone. Once she said to me she wished he would beat her, at least so he would regret this later. Her father was paying her treatment and all her expenses, but this distance made Sara suffer. The worse thing was that he forced her to go on with the school, she was in the 2nd year of the secondary level and there where only two months more before the summer recess. It would be sufficient, however, to turn evident to all her colleagues that she was pregnant. She felt extremely humiliated because of this. I grew vary fond of the girl and "adopted" her as the sister I never had. The history of John and Mary was not so complex. A young couple, he has a good job, which affords him to pay the health insurance plan which allowed them to use that fancy hospital. Although we four usually met, I have more sympathy for Mary. The best time we had was when only we girls were together, as in the time we went buying child clothes. Being with the girls made me feel like I had been a woman all my life, and not only intermittently for about three years. Another advantage of socializing with Sara and Mary was that I could have an idea of what would happen to me in advance, since Sara was supposed to deliver June 1st and Mary on June 24th. For example, while I still had to wait about four weeks for my first ultrasound testing, Sara had just done hers. She showed us (me and Mary) the results. At first we couldn't identify anything, but the ultrasound technician had surrounded a region in the apparent mess and we saw a small indistinct feature with the form of a bean grain. That was Sara's baby. Sara was moved by that, but I was more impressed. If her baby was so small with an eight week, mine was surely even smaller. Then the day arrived and I was called to the ultrasound lab for my first examination. The nurse said I should go with a full bladder and I did the best not to pee before going to the hospital (this was very hard). The technician asked me to undress and lay myself over the gurney, opening my legs. Then she inserted a long tube inside my vagina. I had inserted thickest things in my vagina, but that operation made feel discomfort. I did ultrasounds when I was male and they placed then some transparent gel over my skin and came with a plastic transducer over the skin. I asked the technician why this was not done so, and she said this was would be the case for the later exams, but it was normal to do a transvaginal test in the beginning. I controlled my discomfort and tried to concentrate in the image which appeared n the monitor. First I saw nothing only noise, but then the technician skillfully located my baby and placed the image in the center of the screen, she said: "Here is your baby, see this pulsation, it is her heartbeat." The moment she said that the image moved slightly, it was my baby moving inside me! This was overwhelming. My eyes filled with tears and I almost cried out of joy. Up to that moment, I had only an abstract notion that I was pregnant, this was however a strong proof that I had a living being inside me. The technician made some measurements in the image and then removed the tube and told me I could dress again. She said: "As far as I saw, everything is normal, your fetus is well located in your womb, the size is consistent with your estimated timeline and you have only one fetus, but, of course, the final word belongs to the obstetrician." "Is it possible to know the gender?" "Not yet, dear, this will be possible only in the second exam, in about 12 weeks." I was disappointed. I wanted to have so I could buy appropriate clothes for the baby, but I was already expecting this answer. I read that in the book, but, as the popular wisdom tells, "it doesn't hurt to try." Let me tell you something. Everybody who writes about a pregnancy, describes this as a blissful experience. It is, in fact, an awfully slow process. My God, nine months is three quarters of a year! Changes happen very sluggish, then when they happen, they keep happening for a long time, so the news becomes quickly a discomfort. At first nothing happens, then you get confronted with the increased weight of your breasts, strange desires to eat weird food combinations and pains in joints and in the hip bones. In the end you feel like a balloon ready to explode at any minute and, of course, you have to pee every five minutes. Of course, there are pleasant experiences, as, for example, feeling your baby moving inside your belly, but most of time you are simply bored and anxious that labor comes soon, so this can have an end. This pregnant experience was also very solitary to me. I had my meetings with Mary, Sara and even John, and, of course, the weekly parenting meetings, but most of the time I was alone. I had my company activities, but this was a home office activity, in the best cases I talked with my former employees, now running the company on my behalf, on the telephone. I caught myself eating too much once and got some extra kilograms in the next obstetrician appointment, getting a reprimand of the nurse, I decided to control myself after that. In the parenting meetings I started to envy the mother which came together with their husbands. Wouldn't be nice to have someone to share the experiences? When my baby grew, would she or he miss the father/mother? At this time I had only a vague idea of what would do after my baby was born, but in any case I realized I could no longer transform forth and back at will, I had decided I would chose to stay permanently as a male or as a female, for my baby's sake. What bothered me at most, however, was the fact that I could not tell my history to anybody. Nobody would believe in me! I could, naturally, transform in front of someone, but I had decided I would not endanger my baby, so I rejected this idea. This is why, back then, I decided to start writing this report. I was not alone in these feelings, Sara and Mary had also to cope with the pregnancy in their own way. Sara kept sad all the time and was developing very slowly. She is a skinny girl and the lack of appetite made her gain weight very slowly, to the point that her obstetrician was worried. Mary, on the other hand, had trouble to control her weight. By the third month she gained 22 kilograms in excess to what would be expected and, worse, she started to develop high blood pressure and was put on observation for the risk of pre-eclampsia. As she received this news, she cried and I tried to give her consolation, John, however, was deeply worried, both for his wife and for his daughter (they had already confirmed the sex of the baby). I felt sympathy for him. For the first time. So, the month went slowly by. Sara had her second ultrasound and discovered her baby was a girl. By this time she had already recovered a bit her weight and looked more healthy. The protrusion of her belly was less evident than Mary's and even of mine, but she looked pregnant and, since she was already in the school recess, she didn't need to feel ashamed about her condition. She didn't tell me, but I had the impression that her father was behaving better. Then it was my time to do the second ultrasound, I was anxious. This time the test was made by the external transducer. My eyes filled with tears as I recognized the form of my baby. The technician was taking measurements and I asked her if it was possible to know the gender. She played with the transducer and soon we recognized the legs, which were crossed, of course. She said: "It is a pity, the view is blocked." When she was saying that, my baby moved and opened the legs, and there it was: the unmistakable proof that my baby is a boy. When I told this to the girls they cheered, but I sensed Mary was a bit jealous. Probably she expected to have a boy as a first born, this is deep encoded in our culture. Talking about Mary, after the first scary news, her blood pressure stabilized, but she was still in the risk pregnancy list. The fact that she closed her mouth surely contributed, but she confided to me once that it was very difficult to control the hunger. She was still more than 20 kg heavier than normal for her pregnancy phase and she was, from us three, the one with the largest belly. From this time I remember the days were OK, I spent most of time buying things, or meeting with the girls. The nights, however, were difficult. I cried almost every night, I missed someone to be with me. I wished a boyfriend, simply to be on my side. This was news to me, for the first time after I transformed into Lena, I though about men as company and not as sex toys. In the beginning the time crawled like a slug, but as the delivery time approached things seemed to accelerate and suddenly, Sara had her last appointment before labor. She was nervous, and we were as nervous as her. She entered in labor 3 a.m. in a Saturday, she sent me a SMS, but I received it only in the morning. I went straight to the hospital, but, of course, I was not allowed in the room, had to wait in the waiting room as everybody else. There was a middle aged man in the waiting room as well, as the nurse appeared, she addressed to this man. I went to talk to him, I already suspected this was Sara's father. I presented myself as a colleague of Sara's and he confirmed my suspicion. He was visibly upset, according to the nurse, he would not be allowed to be with Sara during the labor. The nurse gave an excuse, saying it was against the Hospital's policy, but I suspected the veto came from Sara herself. He was anxious and at some point he said: "My little girl, there, alone...." I thought "now he worries." We continued chatting and, at some point, I discovered I was sympathizing with him. I could understand his behavior, he was also hurt, and the distance he showed to Sara was a way to protect himself from this feeling. Now it was clear that he loves Sara and was deeply in trouble, and wished her back. The only question was, "will Sara forgive him?." My baby had already turned upside down and his head, now placed in the space formed by my hip bones. In fact this happened the night before Sara entered in labor, and I sensed it as a large movement inside my womb. One of the consequences was that I needed to go to the toilette every 5 minutes to pee. When I returned from one of these pauses I saw the nurse was talking to Sara's father again. I approached and heard the woman saying: "Sara is already in the Labor room, soon it will be over." Half an hour later the nurse returned and said: "Sara gave birth to a beautiful healthy girl, she will be moved to her apartment and then you will be allowed to visit her and the baby." I intervened: "I am a friend of Sara's, will I be allowed to visit her tonight?" "Sure, Sara asked specifically for you, after they are installed in the room, you will both be allowed." After what seemed to be an eternity, we were called to the elevator and led to Sara's private apartment. We met her smiling, giving her breast to her daughter, who suckled eagerly. Sara's father entered the room and immediately said: "Forgive me, my dear." And he approached her, kissing her head. Sara answered nothing, but continued smiling, I talked to her a few minutes and then left, they had to work a lot to heal the bad blood of the last nine months. This experience showed me that my time was coming. My belly was enormous and I felt tired all the time. At least it was winter and the temperature was not too high, but I felt fat. The obstetrician explained to me in the last appointment before labor (a dreadful concept) that this was due to liquid retention and was normal in the last stage of a pregnancy. My legs ached, my back ached. I had to sleep sideway not to choke with the the weight of my belly. In fact, I should be eager for the end of this torture, but I was deeply scared. Mary delivered in the due time. I didn't come to the hospital, because I was too tired, but I visited her the day after. She was radiant, as well as John. Their daughter was gently sleeping in the bassinet. Mary told me how important the presence of John in the labor room had been and I realized I would not have this. I would deliver completely alone. Five day after this visit, I was walking in the kitchen from one side to the other at night, to ease my back pain, when my water broke. I had already been feeling sporadic contractions during the day, so this was no surprise (I read that book many times during those nine months). I made a mess in the kitchen floor, but I could not care about that. I sent a message to the cleaning lady to come next day, called a Taxi, picked up the bag with the clothes and material I would use in the hospital and went there. The taxi driver noticed I was nervous and finally confided I was in labor. I should not do that, because after this he increased the speed and started driving carelessly. I feared my life would end in a traffic accident. We reached the hospital unharmed, though. I checked in, the nursed took measures of my vital signs and I was led to a room in the delivery area. The nurse attachment many instruments in my belly and the IV access in my arm. I was left alone hearing the comforting sound of my baby's heartbeat. Few minutes later the obstetrician appeared. It was not the same I consulted during the whole time, he would be in the hospital only by morning. Unceremoniously he inserted a hand in my vagina, to measure my dilatation. He confirmed I was in labor, but said my dilatation was very small (he said 1 cm) so the actual delivery would take longer to happen (he said I would be led to the delivery room only when I was 6 cm dilated). I was left alone again and tried to sleep, but woke up many times either by contractions or by nurses checking on me. By the morning, tired, the obstetrician appeared again, inserted his hand in me, and came with the disappointing diagnostics of 3 cm. I was tired, sleepy, and had to do go peeing every five minutes, carrying my IV bag with me every time. Needless to say I was in a very bad mood. The night shift ended and new nurses and a new obstetrician came in. This time it was "my" obstetrician. Since I had more intimacy with him, I asked whether this torture would take much longer. He said he was expecting that I would be led to the delivery room by lunch time. After what seemed an eternity, the lunch came in. Just a watery soup, as I had received since my entrance in the hospital. The nurse said this was a low residue meal, and added another discomfort: hunger. By this time I was feeling contractions almost every five minutes. Something like one hour after lunch the obstetrician appeared again, measured my dilatation and came to 5 cm, but then he said: "It is a bit too low, but we will proceed, the nurse will come to prepare you and bring you to the delivery room." Short thereafter, the nurse came in, and asked me to remove all my jewelry. I entered in panic as she asked me to remove the magic ring and the clip-on earrings. I had no wish to turn back to my male self while in labor, especially in front of everyone. I started to argue with the nurse, cried, said I feared I would die if those pieces were removed and after a lot of time, I got the concession to continue with one of the earrings in the left ear. Then she asked me to go to the toilette one last time and then tied my hairs very thigh. She transported me in the gurney to the labor room, which was, by the way, across the corridor outside the preparation room. While there I changed the gurney to one in which I had to put my feet in stirrups, so to keep my legs wide open. The anesthetist applied the epidural in my back and then the obstetrician ordered the nurse to add some medicine in my IV bag. Almost immediately I felt the contractions becoming stronger and at a shorter period. The nurse started directing me to push when the contractions came and to breath in the pauses, as I trained many times before in the support group. Even considering I could no longer feel down of my waist, the contractions were painful and I started cursing myself and the old man in the magic shop, for letting me in this situation. In spite of all the effort I did, it seemed that no progress was occurring in the labor. The nurse kept monitoring my vital signs, blood pressure, heart beat and, of course, my baby's heartbeat. I thought I would explode any minute, and then entered in panic, as I remembered a baby would pass through my vagina. I wondered why not simply cutting my belly and removing my baby through the cut, but the lectures in the support course already discussed this, telling the present tendency on medicine was to allow for a natural birth. Another strong contraction came and a pushed so hard I though my lungs would explode, then I felt dizzy and the labor room started spinning, I thought, "Am I dying?" Then I heard the nurse giving the alarm: "Blood pressure in 9/5, the baby is also in distress." Just before fading, I saw the nurse practically jumping over my belly and pushing it hard down, and then, everything went black. *** I woke up again in an apartment similar to those in which I visited Sara and Mary before, feeling like and emptied balloon. A nurse was on my side watching over me. She said, as she realized I was awake: "Keep calm, it was just a low blood pressure crisis due to exhaustion, but now you are alright." "My baby?" "He is fine, you are the mother of a beautiful 3.6 kg son, he is being cleaned and prepared and will soon be brought to you." Then she completed: "Your earring is in that table, we had to remove in case you needed attention for CPR." I was without my magic items, I asked: "How long since you removed it?" "About 40 minutes." I saw my body and it was obvious that I was still Lena, if the transformation were to take place, I would be already almost in my male body right at that moment. Later I tested the ring and the earrings again, but with no effect, they are now just the useless pieces of junk they look like. It is evident that now I am permanently Lena. I considered why this happened, perhaps it was the pregnancy, or perhaps I spent too much time continuously as Lena, or perhaps the magic items simply "understood" I wished to remain being Lena deep inside me. This, however, solved one of my big questions I had. I spent the whole nine months of the pregnancy wondering whether I would return to be my male self or whether I would continue being Lena after my baby was born. I could not decide myself, so the ring took this in charge for me. Since then I made my "male self" write "from" the Ashram in India to communicate he discovered God and would never return. Of course, my secretary Lena would hand over the papers to change the company in the names of my trustworthy employees, with a generous provision for a new cash sum in name of Lena and her newborn son. Of course, all this happened afterwards, since after the nurse answered my last question, the door opened again and my son was brought to me. The first nurse helped me to half seat, saying: "This is the safest you can get, due to the epidural." and the other nurse placed my son in my lap, with the head close to my left nipple. I said: "I don't know what to do." The second nurse, giggling, said: "Don't worry, he knows." And, in fact, soon his mouth found my nipple and he started suckling. The nurse completed: "You know you will produce the colostrum for a couple of day, this is normal." I knew about this since I read that book many times during my pregnancy, and there it was explained how my first milk will be light, almost transparent, but still very important for the development of my son. The same book also said many women went hysteric after learning her first milk was not white, thinking it was not nourishing the baby, so I answered: "Thank you for reminding me." "What will be his name?" Then I realized I gave no thought about this during the nine months, even when Sara and Mary discussed the subject. Of course, they discussed options for Girl names and I would have a boy, but every time they asked for my choice and I kept saying I would later decide. Then it was time. I decided to name him after my male self: "His name is Michael... Junior." On impulse I decided also to tell everyone that my male self was the baby's father. It was a lie, but it was better than writing "unknown father" in his birth certificate. After this the nurses left the room and left me alone with my son. I looked down at him, who was, eyes closed, still eagerly suckling my left nipple, then I said aloud: "What a wonderful gift!" THE END