This Is Me Pt 4 (Diary) free porn video

On Wednesday, February 28, 2018, 11:55:15 PM GMT, Kirsten Clarke wrote: Wednesday 28th February. My period started tonight, just before going to bed, so I'm lying here wearing one of the black, lace trimmed underskirts I sleep in, wearing a bra as a treat for an hour or so - lemon, Chloe by Boux Avenue. It's a touch tight, but I'm hoping to lose a little weight one day. Besides, when I've been fitted in the past the women have always said to wear my bra tight as my B-cup boobs are cute but not enough to prevent a bra from riding up. Anyway, this is 38b, and I like it, but I'm probably a 40b these days (like my white work bra). And I'm also wearing the first of what.....twenty, thirty panty-liners. This time inserted into a pair of full briefs from Debenhams; soft and blue and flowery. The last few days have been typical of any before my period. I've doubted what I'm doing, questioned if I'll go through with it again. But I always do.....I feel I have to. It's a part of who I am. This should have been the first of two pre-period days (where I carry a panty-liner and tampon with me just in case). But, as I always do on this day, I rolled four dice and they came up with a total value that was odd, which means my period started. Two days early. That means it will last a minimum of seven days. On the seventh day I'll roll the dice again: if the total value is even my period will last an extra day. And the same the day after.......... Seven days......with the possibility of the worst case scenario: nine days! Even today, after rolling the dice, I wondered if I would go through with it. I've been thinking of my seven year old son, Robbie, a lot today, wondering what kind of Dad I am, knowing what might be about to happen. Somewhere, deep down at the moment, I sometimes believe what Maggie, my wife, tells me: that I'm pretty great with him.........But at times like this, I can not muster those feelings. I only wonder how I can do this, and be a good father. Before coming to bed I realised I was in a kind of limbo. Not strong enough to stop having a period --- not sure if I wanted them to stop. I asked Maggie and she made the decision for me. "Go get your panty-liner on and come to bed. Your insomnia normally keeps you awake. Now you'll have a reason to be up." ********************************************** There hasn't been much bedroom activity over the last few years or so. Over the last couple of years, when I was at my most open about dressing, going out, wearing women's clothes and accessories at every opportunity, I wondered if I was perhaps turning Maggie off. She has always been supportive of my dressing so long as I didn't go too far (which for her is wearing a thick layer of make-up; she's not girly-girl at all). After the purge I thought things might change, but they haven't, and now I'm dressing again she's as supportive as ever. Now I think maybe Maggie is reaching (has reached) a point in her life where sex just isn't important anymore. A few days ago we were sleeping on fresh sheets and I woke with an erection. From Flo's surveys when I was using the period tracker I know my size is above average (you'll be amazed the things women talk about on Flo, and what they are asked about; what you can learn)..........But I also know that when I'm flaccid, I'm not particularly big, and that when I'm on my period, wearing panty-liners almost constantly, I'm very, very small. That morning it was a nice surprise that Maggie found me in my dreamy state with her hand, and started to work my shaft. It felt great, feeling so big, and Maggie recognising my manlihood again. But then, close to orgasm- "Wait," I told her. She kept her grip, but stopped stroking me. For a moment I pushed up, enjoying the feel in her palm. I felt like a man in her hand. A real man. "We changed the sheets last night," I said. "Let's not mess them up. I'm on my period in a few days." There was a moment I wished she continued. I didn't understand why I had said what I said. But she let go. "Good idea," she smiled. "That way your mess will all be in your panties." She left me to tease myself. I was so close. But I refused to let myself cum. I used to masturbate a lot. This month, it was a fight, but I decided I would not play with myself. And I haven't, except for one occasion when I gave in a couple of weeks ago. I wanted to be on the brink for my period, eager for release, ready to fill my panty-liner regularly and become as uncomfortable as possible. Writing this, my flow already light because of my thoughts, and the fact that I'll be sharing them with somebody, I'm now regretting holding out and teasing myself. I thought it would be more fun to have a heavier period than usual, but it will also be more emotional and extremely uncomfortable. Like the real thing? I don't know.......I doubt there's much pleasure in a genuine period, but any I feel is quickly balanced out by the tightness of being tucked between my legs, the almost constant leaking and the mess after any medium or heavy flows. And the conflicting emotions I'll feel. If Maggie remembers my suggestion I know what has happened in the past. She's massaged my little clit (as it always is during my period), rubbing me to orgasm within my panties, hand finding me between my legs, fingers only touching me like a woman........And then leaving me in a right state when she tells me I can not change my panty-liner. Despite my eagerness, I'm not sure how quickly I want her to play --- or how soon I want my period to become heavy. This is only my first night and already my little clit is twitching away. Another limbo. I can't wait --- but need to hold out. Maybe this will be the period I get through without heavy flow. But after not entertaining myself for a couple of weeks......... It's going to be a long week. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Sent: Thursday, March 01, 2018 at 8:20 PM From: "Renata Mayer" To: "Kirsten Clarke" Subject: Re: Period Diary Dear Kirsten. Thank you for sharing your period diary with me. I really enjoyed reading it and it made me reflect on my own life. I know what you're talking about when you refer to quiet bedroom activity. I wonder whether that is common for people like us. Probably it is. Speaking of bedroom activity. I hope you don't mind me saying this but I found your description of Maggie inducing a heavy flow while you're wearing panties with a sanitary pad incredibly erotic. What kind of panty liners do you use? I googled Chloe by Boux Avenue and I was very impressed! Have a nice evening. Please take it it easy since it is the start of your period. Wear something comfortable and treat yourself with hearty food. All the best, R. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ On Friday, March 2, 2018, 11:48:03 AM GMT, Kirsten Clarke wrote: Hi Renata, Thank you for your supportive email. I loved your closing lines, and the fact that you grasp what I do. I don't mind you commenting on Maggie and her playfulness. She's really great. I just wish she wasn't losing interest so much in love-making and sex. Maybe it's an age thing.....thinking menopause. For a while we were talking about having another child, but her age put her off that. I'm enjoying writing these diary entries, but I'm also sending them unedited so sorry if they read a little raw. Please let me know if you want me to continue through my period, or if they are too long or not what you expected. I'll stop sending them if you prefer not to read them. Anyway, here's the next entry. Hope you enjoy it, and have a great day. Kirsten ------------------------------------------------------------------------ - Thursday 1st March This morning, missing having a period tracker on my cell phone, I suddenly realised there may be an online equivalent. For now, I have found one called My Monthly Cycles and set it up with email reminders for three days before my period and when I need to shop for supplies (the subject lines are set for: Your Period Is Due Soon' and 'Don't Forget To Shop For Your Panty-liners and Tampons', so hopefully nobody else will ever see the contents of this private email address). As well as tracking flow, etc, you input what protection you use and the times you change. I used to love getting the text reminders from Flo, always sent a little tremble through me, and I hope this creates something similar. To be honest, the tracker iteself seems a bit clumsy and cumbersome so I might research any others tomorrow if I get a few minutes spare. My flow has been fairly light, except for when I drove home after taking Robbie to school. I guess then it edged towards medium. I tried something new. In the story Flo I had the lead character induce heavy flow while driving.......I'm not that reckless, but I do want my periods to be more unpredictable. So, I've decided that when I'm driving alone and stopped at a red light, so long as it is clear, I'm going to gently tease myself through my clothes. This morning I fantasised about shopping in a week or two and maybe trying on an outfit or two. It sure made for a happier drive home. Regarding that, if you have any suggestions on how to make my period and flow more unpredictable I'd appreciate them. I always like my time to spring a surprise or two. Also, on how to mark ovulation so that I'm experiencing a more complete cycle (I have absolute no desire to be pegged like the character from Flo). There's one more Flo reference. The shopping I fantasised about was the scene where Kirsten in the story is looking for a blouse to match a particular skirt. I'm really in that predicament, as I only have the one skirt and blouse to wear at the moment and the blouse doesn't really work with the skirt. I've learned quite a bit over the last few years, and as I get a few more items of clothing I don't want to just grab stuff off the rack just for the sake of it, even if it means waiting and saving a little. I do need shoes, though!!! My preferred panty-liners: Always Infinity. ****************************************************** When I woke this morning I teased myself a little. It was a pleasant half an hour or so, again just bringing myself to the edge. A little leakage of actual cum, but no orgasm. I was going to be changing my panty-liner and secretly, I think I'm hoping heavy flow occurs naturally in a fresh one. We've done a lot of decorating on our recent days off together, so today we decided to relax and watch some TV and a movie while Robbie was at school. Maggie said I could dress if I like so I spent the day wearing my one outfit. I love snuggling with her on the couch in this mode. It's just nice and natural, with me sometimes taking the more feminine position, head on her shoulder, etc. And, it goes without saying, obviously when I'm dressed I sit with my legs together to the side, or crossed above the knee. My body language is much more feminine. Although, when I'm not with Robbie, my body language and posture is feminine most of the time anyway. While the blouse doesn't quite work with the skirt (I think it needs something lighter to match the flowery colors and really bring them out), I like it, and it looks great with jeans. The next time I'm out on my own (probably shopping in a week or so), I intend to wear it out. Because of the cut, especially on the lower sides, and the buttons and pattern there's no denying it's a woman's blouse. But I'm convinced everything will be fine if I go out in it. It's been a nice day and evening. I've changed my panty-liner regularly, stayed fresh, although I each time I reached for a new one my box of tampons seemed to beckon me closer. Another limbo: I wonder, with a little excitment, if this is the period I'll try one, slipping it inside --- even as my fingers teased me, picking one out earlier, I hope it is not. Scaredy cat! The day was tarnished slightly when Maggie got a call saying she would have to go into work early the next day. So when Robbie went to bed, she also went up. I spent an hour or so watching TV, reading and teasing myself. And writing this entry, feeling more desperate than ever for my euphoric heavy flow to begin, despite the conflict and shame that moment will bring. A few worries on the horizon, but mostly small ones: I'm back at work tomorrow. When Robbie is with me in work (to save babysitting costs) I obviously can't dress or think about these things. But I'm mostly alone tomorrow so that means I'll be wearing a bra and tights, as well as my panties and panty-liner. If I do anything like this or Fictionmania (I'm toying with a quick new story) or if I do check out other online trackers, I'm likely to get some flow in work. I've been through heavy flow before in work and it's not the most pleasant time to be on and experiencing such a mess. And tomorrow night I have to visit a client after work so I must remember to take socks. Occasionally customers have asked me to take my shoes of, and thankfully it has been on days when I was wearing socks (admittedly one time they had little pink hearts on them). Over the weekend I'll have Robbie in work with me, so anything girly orientated will be at a minimum, and these entries may be shorter; also on Saturday evening we'll be popping in to see my Dad after work.......Very blue collar and conservative, old school. I can't imagine what he'd think of me if he knew the truth of my dressing and this. As open as I've been in the last few years, I do wish I had been stronger when I was younger and let my family and close friends see who I was. I can't do that now I have my own family, even if I was brave enough. My worst fear this period is Monday (and maybe even next Thursday if I'm still on) night. I have a snooker match. During my past periods, that was the one time I took a break, wearing a pair of the few boxer shorts I own instead. I have this irrational fear I'll be reaching over the table for a shot and the top of my panties will peek out (I incorporated an extreme version of this fear in the Humiliating Kirsten story). Over the last few weeks I've worn panties to my matches to prepare myself for this: I recently decided I shouldn't cheat out on my period for a snooker break because a woman would not be able to do that. So this time I plan to play my snooker match(es) while I'm having my period, wearing panties and a panty-liner. Oh, boy. They are not a forgiving bunch. Typically I keep my body shaved when I'm dressing (except for my pubic area which I just trim a little). Last summer I turned up for several matches in shorts with shaven legs. It took a bunch of nights before one of them, my best friend since childhood, called me on it. The ribbing for the next few weeks, however friendly, was merciless. An aside that I need to get out of my system: they also mock me for being a writer and it really pisses me off; throws my whole game off. I don't mind them making fun, but when I was 19 I had the first of four books published and made a little money, but I always wanted to work in films. I'm currently on my second manager in LA and we've had great feedback about my work (for reasons you know she's not marketing my new one) even though we haven't made a sale yet. So, I see this as a failure. When they make fun of my writing, even though I know it's in good spirits, I just feel like they are shitting all over my childhood dreams and it just reminds me that I didn't make it. Geez. These periods really are emotional. I guess I best try to get some sleep before I decide to use my body as a theme park. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Sent: Saturday, March 03, 2018 at 9:47 AM From: "Renata Mayer" To: "Kirsten Clarke" [email protected] Subject: Re: Period Diary Dear Kirsten. Thank you once again for sharing your period experience with me. I feel really special being allowed to read such private thing as your period diary and as usual many things to reflect upon. I'm glad to see you're using a quality brand of sanitary pads considering you're dealing with such heavy flows. Simple black (or pink) top or blouse I'm sure would go well with the skirt you've described; and the blouse would look lovely paired with trousers or a skirt in brighter colour. I think either cream or burgundy would be wonderful. Pair of classic black heels will go perfectly with these outfits and you need to get those soon. I know you're a bit strapped financially but try to invest in quality shoes. They tend to be much more comfortable and of course prettier and since they're good quality you'll have them for long time, meaning in the long run they're cheap. Which size do you use? Of course you should wear the blouse out! Have you thought about getting yourself a handbag? It's fun to have one even if you don't use it outside the house. It's actually quite practical to use to keep your bits and pieces in one place, e.g. phone, keys, pantyliners and tampons, lipstick and other stuff us girls have to use. When you go out you can simply take these things from the bag and put them in your pockets. Or if you're feeling brave you can simply carry it out! As we have discussed, there are so many women's bag that look quite unisex. It sounds like you're mustering up courage to use tampons. What does Maggie think about the tampons? If you feel you need one you should try it. Just be careful and wear it only for a short time. And I agree with you that you should wear the pantyliners throughout your period, even if it means you have to meet your friends in padded panties. Genetic girls don't have that choice so why should we? Anyway, since you are prone to having flows during your period you need to wear some protection. It would be embarrassing to stain your trousers in the presence of your friends. What is your job that involves you have to take of your shoes around customers? Regarding that, if you have any suggestions on how to make my period and flow more unpredictable I'd appreciate them. I always like my time to spring a surprise or two. Also, on how to mark ovulation so that I'm experiencing a more complete cycle (I have absolute no desire to be pegged like the character from Flo). This is a difficult question. Regarding the build-up to the period it sounds like you're abstinent in the days before. Have you thought about setting up some kind of chastity regime, either by yourself or with Maggie's help? I don't know if you're into chastity but in this context it might be fun for you to wear a chastity device (you can find really cheap ones on aliexpress, I have a CB6000s knock-off myself) over the last 2-3 days before the period starts. You get frustrated and annoyed when you don't get any sexual release, perhaps feelings similar to PMS. When your period starts you are released from the chastity device and with your testicles full of fresh semen you're ripe for the flows. Since you're at your most fertile when the ovulation takes place you might want to mark that with something that makes you excited. If you're interested in some backdoor fun but don't want to be pegged, wearing a small butt plug (perhaps designed to stimulate the prostate) might be the answer. You can also wear something exciting that you don't normally wear, e.g. a firm control girdle. You're always aware of it which should make you excited. I'm glad to hear that your flows are still light but be prepared when they get heavier. It's not a question of if but when. Always keep extra panty-liners close to you and wear comfortable clothes. Do you have special period panties? I recommend nice cotton panties with high waist. Have a nice day. Warm baths are excellent if you're suffering from cramps. With love, R. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ On Saturday, March 3, 2018, 11:26:56 PM GMT, Kirsten Clarke [email protected] wrote: Hi Renata, Without further delay, here's what happened yesterday. Also: as I have Robbie in work with me over the weekend, I'll just send the one entry covering the whole weekend on Monday. Thank you so much for all your help, support and advice. It's nice to not feel alone in this. Have a great weekend. Kirsten ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Friday 2nd March Before I begin sharing my experiences today, let me answer some of the questions you have asked, and also comment on your kind reply. I used to have quite a few matching sets, but for now I just have one other bra (a white Marks & Spencers lacy underwired one......no padding so I can wear it in work under my white shirt), and quite a few pairs of delightful satin panties in different styles. High end for my budget (Boux Avenue, Ann Summers, Debenhams......My absolute favourites are Floozie by Frost French from Debenhams). But yes, after having had a wonderful wardrobe for a couple of years, all I have at the moment is the skirt and blouse I've mentioned. Thank you for all your advice on what might set them off. Shoes.......I miss my shoes. I agree it's better to buy a quality pair, so for that reason, unless I see a sale they will have to wait. Curse our debt, but my family has to come first. Typically I wear size 9 wide or 9.5 wide (or extra wide depending on the fit). I had a great experience at Clarkes (no relation, unfortunately) once when I went in with the courage to say I was looking for a pair of heels for myself. There was nothing in store, but the colleague and myself searched online and ordered several pairs in. A week later I was trying them on in store, taking in her advice as she instructed me to walk in each. The store was at a retail park I used to visit on my way home from work at Argos. There were two young women at Boots who for a while helped me with make-up quite a bit (they were the first two to ever convince me to sit down for a make-over, which over time I did several times with them and learned quite a lot), the woman in Clarkes, and a woman in Accessorize who helped me choose hair bands and grips and a make-up bag (a holdover from the purge, thankfully) with whom I had some interesting conversations about dreams and ambitions. I used to own three pairs of shoes, and wore them quite freely, inside and out. When I had an unlimited cinema pass I attended quiet day-time screenings just a few times dressed in a skirt and blouse; but often wearing heels or court shoes and carrying a handbag with male clothes on. I agree with you about having a handbag, even if you don't go out. Having one is invaluable. The one you shared looks very nice, and, like shoes, I hope to have one again soon. Maggie knows there is a box of tampons with our hygiene supplies, and since she doesn't use them I'm pretty sure she knows who they belong to. However, I think she believes they are only there for show, for me to have and enjoy their presence. Their allure. I doubt she'd be impressed if she knew I was considering actually using one in my pussy. My job? I work as part of a successful company selling and designing garden buildings. These range from basic dog kennels and sheds to luxurious log cabins, and everything inbetween. We're on about eight garden centres which --- after the high street experiences I've had in management --- makes for a wonderful work environment. I see visitors throughout the day, some simply browsing the wendy houses with their grandchildren, others more interested about our standard designs or bespoke services. Some days I'll see one person and it will be very quiet; other days it can be quite busy. It was a financial risk when I quit management while we're fighting the debt, but so far I earn similar, if not more, here in this peaceful place. And I also have time to write. And, most importantly, I have much, much more family time. The reason I sometimes have to remove my shoes for work........Often, I'll visit a client's house to complete a sale, or finalise a design, check access for our fitters, etc. Some of these clients, for whatever reason, prefer people to take their shoes off when in the house (eg, when it's happened it has been raining, so I guess they don't want wet shoes on their carpets). Luckily, I've never been wearing tights or stockings when that's happened. Because I'm by myself for some of the time in work I tend to wear lingerie more often than not. I was caught once by an old sales manager, who saw I was wearing knee highs one day. He was quite the pig about it on his future visits to my site (asking to see my socks). Turned out he was a bigot, a racist, sexist and homophobic and when his bullying behaviour on other sites came to light he was soon dismissed by the company owner. While I supported my colleagues and advised them, from a former management point of view, on how they might move forward and handle their own situations, I am ashamed I was never brave enough to speak up myself, but it would have meant exposing how I prefer to dress. I like all styles of panties, prefer satin and tend not to wear a thong during my time. But I don't have anything like the cotton ones you mentioned. While I don't mind a little self-imposed chastity, I don't think I like the idea of actually wearing a chastity device. I'm not sure Maggie would buy into the idea either. Regarding ovulation, I've thought about a butt plug from time to time. Maybe one day I'll actually bite the bullet. But like the idea of inserting a tampon into my pussy, I'm just not sure something should be going in through the exit. We'll see. Thank you for the suggestions, though. *************************************************************** Today has been the most difficult day of my period so far. The only solace I can take is that Saturday and Sunday will be easier due to circumstance. I'll be in work, as I was today, but I'll have Robbie with me. So my clothing will be to a minimum (panties and panty- liner), and anything that happens will be purely natural. We usually have fun together, so there won't particularly be time to think about my girly nature. But today.......... I dressed as discretely as I could. I take Robbie to school so after we'd had breakfast and chilled out (he built lego while I soaked and shaved), once I knew he was downstairs, I quickly put on my panties and panty-liner, put tights on, and my white, lacy work bra. Hurrying in case he came upstairs, I sprayed myself with Impulse Tease body spray -- - body and legs; I love the slight cold tingle of the spray through tights or stockings --- and put on my trousers and shirt. I quickly headed down and slipped my shoes on so he wouldn't see the tights. This covert dressing and dodging of Robbie is the first indication the day won't go well. I hate sneaking around when he's in. Just another conflict within me, but I have to be so careful around him. He once asked why I had Mommy's socks on when he caught my feet in knee highs. I've got to be super-careful. After dropping him at school I headed to work, enjoying my knew game at red lights, aware I was just tormenting and teasing myself closer and closer to the brink. I was having a sulk because when I was at my most open I sometimes used to go to work wearing women's trousers. I had a couple of really nice pairs. I wore them most often when I was on my periods for this reason: because my clit was tucked back, the front of the trousers had a smooth, flattering appeal. Much like they would on a woman. When I wore them outside of my period, the fit was obviously not quite right. So here I am in my boring man-trousers. I spent a little time catching up online, and checked the reviews of the finale to my story, Flo, on Fictionmania. The odd tingle in my panties as I thought about what I'd written. Around lunch-time I went to change my panty-liner in the restrooms of the garden centre. I always use a cubicle when I'm on my period. I don't mind a stall if I'm just wearing panties, but there's a subtle difference between somebody noticing panties and somebody seeing a panty-liner. So, in the stall, generally feeling down anyway, for reasons you know, beating myself up a little, I removed my sweaty panty- liner and inserted a fresh one and........well, let's just say my flow got heavy fairly quickly and in that burst of excitment, having deliberately filled my clean panty-liner with hot flow, I felt such shame and guilt.........And then even more as I pulled my panties up, tucking my clit into the warm, wet mess. I spent the afternoon in that state, occasionally heading out of the office to speak with a customer, conscious of what had happened; and just before leaving for a customer at the end of the day I changed again into a fresh panty-liner. There was no way I was remaining in that sweaty panty-liner, regardless of my personal period rules, that said I shouldn't change immediately. It had been a few hours already, and that was more than enough. However, following my idea of teasing myself at red lights when it was safe to do so, when nearing the customer's home my body bucked and tensed and I experienced heavy flow again in the fresh panty-liner; my juices exploding out all over the panty-liner, on my skin, towards my pussy. I tried to adjust, shifting my clit to a more natural, frontal position, but this only meant the dry part of the panty-liner started to get soaked. It was so uncomfortable in both timing and the fact that I was so wet. When the client answered the door I asked if I could use the toilet before we began. Once inside their bathroom, my initial guilt-ridden plan was to get rid of the soiled panty-liner. But if they discovered it in their waste, what would they say or do? So, instead, I tucked my clit away into the Always Infinity panty-liner that was doing a good job of absorbing my flow, back into the warm, wet, mess that was so uncomfortable yet somehow soothing. And then I spent about an hour with the husband and wife, occasionally fidgeting awkwardly. I looked at the woman. She was older than me, pleasant but not particular attractive. There was no way she could know what I was doing, what I was experiencing.......But I wondered what she would say if she knew, and more flow leaked out as I chatted to them and wrote up their workshop garden building order. Outside in my car, I was almost breathless for a moment. And then, driving home, after all that had happened, I still continued my game at the red lights. **************************************************** The evening, like most, was largely uneventful from a feminine point of view. When I got in I quickly, and again covertly, undressed and enjoyed a shower. My clit felt free after the day and as well as carefully washing it, and my pussy, I took the time to soak under the hot spray and enjoy a little shower head stimulation. I realised that was a mistake when I towelled dry and, wearing a fresh panty-liner, started to leak a little pre-cum. We had dinner and played games, watched a little TV. A typical night in our household. When we went to bed I changed panty-liners again and slipped on a little knee length underskirt with black lace trim. After Maggie fell asleep I lay next to her and watched an average action comedy. Nothing special and I found myself day-dreaming about a couple of outfits the female lead was wearing. But after the exhausting, uncomfortable day I was determined not to experience more heavy flow that night, and was grateful that the next couple of days, in theory, would be fairly light. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Sent: Monday, March 05, 2018 at 2:38 PM From: "Renata Mayer" To: "Kirsten Clarke" [email protected] Subject: Re: Period Diary Hello Kirsten. Many thanks for your period diary. I loved reading the descriptions of your clothes, shoes and accessories (which, alas, you have mostly gotten rid of). Again, you trying on heels, having a make-over at Boots and going to the cinema dressed up as a woman, either partly or fully, is something that I find very courageous. Reading this made me a bit jealous but mostly proud for you. Clarkes is a lovely shoe brand, their shoes tend to be both practical and elegant. The classic black Clarkes court shoes are usually dubbed "flight attendant shoes", due to their popularity within that wonderful profession. Thanks for sharing about your work. I hope I wasn't being too nosy, I just got curious to know why you needed to take of your socks. I think we're on the same line panty-wise (do you use that word, instead of the wonderfully British "knickers"?). Most women I know have designated period panties, normally made of cotton and quite stretchy due to the bloating the period brings. My poor Kirsten. I really feel for you reading about your heavy period. Reading about your heavy flows was quite moving but at the same time immensely exciting. It sounds like you had a very difficult day with your panty-liner more or less soaked. While it was probably wise not to dispose of your panty-liner at your customers house, I am pretty sure that the lady of the house knew what you were going through. Women tend to know these things, no matter how discreet you try to be. She was undoubtedly concerned about you and would have let you borrow panty-liner or tampon, or even fresh pair of panties but out of politeness she did not mention anything. Please be careful during your red-light game. It would be very embarrassing to be pulled over by the police in the throes of a heavy flow. I am actually amazed how many heavy flows you got during the day! You must be absolutely spent! Thank God that your period is getting lighter. You must be relieved yourself. And do you know what? I started my period today as well! As luck would have it, it started during a flight. During the stopover at the connecting airport I managed to buy a pack of sanitary pads at and fortunately I had a fresh pair of panties in my hand luggage. The woman at the pharmacy gave me a comforting look when I paid for the panty- liners (Always Comfort Ultra Long) I wonder what she thought about me. I was feeling brave after this so I went to the makeup department of the duty-free and plucked up the courage to buy myself a lipstick. I told the woman working at the Loreal stall that the lipstick was for myself and asked her to recommend something for my complexion and she gave me a choice between a soft coral and red lipstick. I chose the former. She was really nice and professional. I can't wait to put it on tonight. You need to make yourself feel a bit pretty when you're on your period. I feel very secure and incredibly feminine now, wearing fresh panties and a new sanitary pad, knowing that I have a spare pad and a new lipstick in my bag. Completely in the feminine mindset. While I don't think I will experience as heavy flow as you do, I'm still afraid that I must change my pad during my second flight. I hope the flight attendant won't notice when I go into the toilet cubicle carrying the pink envelope. That would be embarrassing. Before I say goodbye, just briefly about terminology. I see you always talk about panty-liners. I thought panty-liners were used between periods for discharge and odour control while sanitary pads/napkins/towels were used to catch menstrual blood. As English is not my first language, I would be interested in getting a clarification. I'm slightly confused! Have a nice day. R. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ On Monday, March 5, 2018, 4:22:07 PM GMT, Kirsten Clarke [email protected] wrote: Hi Renata, Let me ask this: will this be longer than usual, or your standard flight period? Either way is fine, I'm just curious. Your choice of lipstick sounds great, and such a nice name: soft coral. Congratulations on getting advice at the counter. It's always nice to freshen up a little throughout the day. I've occasionally worn soft colors to work, but not often. It's a little too tempting, so occasionally in work I'll have a little stubble because then the lipstick would look ridiculous. Speak soon. Kirsten ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Saturday 3rd March/Sunday 4th March As anticipated the weekend was largely uneventful from a period point of view. I was mostly with Robbie, either in work or at home, so I just soldiered on with a minimum of flow to distract me except for a couple of occasions. It was generally more of an emotional time, as I started to once again question what kind of father I was with him in my company.......while enduring a period. That was really difficult mentally, and while I'm still here, times like that do make me question what I'm doing. Meanwhile, there were only two instances of stronger flow. The first was on early Sunday morning. I can't remember what I was dreaming about, but I woke incredibly stimulated and couldn't stop my flow bursting out. I did my best to roll over and go back to sleep, and I was soon dozing despite the warm mess engulfing my little clit. The second wasn't heavy, but equally uncomfortable. I had a couple in on Sunday afternoon enquiring about our log cabins. The woman was about my age, but with a face shape I have always found stunningly attractive. Robbie was outside playing with their children in the sheds and summerhouses, so I allowed my mind to wander with thoughts similar to the ones I'd had at the customer's house earlier in the week: did she know? How could she? But what if she did? What was she thinking? What would she do? Would she punish me? Humiliate me for being so feminine as to follow a cycle? Needless to say, as we chatted and I designed their cabin, it was incredibly difficult to concentrate. I could feel pre-cum oozing out, enough light flow to occasionally make me squirm in my seat and fidget. You said the previous customer, in her home, would know what I was going through, and now possibly this womon, too. How embarrassing and humiliating if that is the case. And yet, my period and cycle continues. With tomorrow's snooker match on the horizon, I am worried. My flows are so unpredictable. I had a nice warm bath as you suggested. I obviously bath and shower regularly, but during my period I do love soaking in the tub or standing under the hot spray, free of the constrictions of my panty-liner. Moments of bliss amidst such a pleasurable torment. ******************************************************** Please don't be jealous of how I have dressed in the past outside. I haven't for a while, although as you know, and with your encouragement, I do plan to wear my blouse out. Perhaps with a little make-up and nail polish. While it is nerve-wracking at first, if you know of a nice, safe environment that is relatively quiet I would suggest you try. Just don't push yourself too far, too fast. Talk to me if you need more advice, but common sense is a huge part of it. As your own period is starting, I hope it is one of your typical short ones. But if not, heed all the support and advice you have given me, and if you need any support you know I am here for you. Relax, plenty of feminine protection and a little pampering. A great idea to treat yourself to a new lipstick. You'll be fine, I'm sure. Regarding the police and the red light teases, I related this in the 'This Is Me' articles, I think. But one time I was pulled over wearing a nightie (my wife had me finishing a shift at the cinema where I worked wearing it as a game --- everybody else had gone home but one or two colleagues could have returned at any time). The night was scary enough, but then, just as I thought I was free, to be pulled over by a woman police officer was so embarrassing. She was cool, though, and I even saw her a few times in the cinema in the following months. She only ever mentioned seeing me dressed once, asking me if I still did it and told me to be safe and careful. My bad on panty-liners. They are what I use because I've always had absolute confidence in Always Infinity. They're for between periods and light flows. Perhaps I should wear pads for heavier days, but as my flow is so unpredictable I'm not sure how that could be decided. Stay well. Thank you for your kind support. I'm off to get some rest now in preparation for my daunting day (evening) tomorrow. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Sent: Monday, March 05, 2018 at 10:40 PM From: "Renata Mayer" To: "Kirsten Clarke" [email protected] Subject: Re: Period Diary Hello my dear. Thank you for your reassuring email! Great read as always. Let me ask this: will this be longer than usual, or your standard flight period? I'm afraid it will be slightly longer than my standard flight period. I'm lying in bed at my hotel wearing my nightie, panties and sanitary pad with my new lipstick on. The flow is still rather light but who knows what will happen later. I'm at least bracing myself for a heavy flow later on. My gut feeling tells me the period should finish later this week, perhaps on my flight back home. It's quite amazing that we're experiencing our periods simultaneously but then again it seems to be common that women are in synch with their girlfriends, sisters, roommates etc. The flight was mostly uneventful but I had to change my pad once. I had to wait in front of the toilet for a minute or two and I'm quite sure that the flight attendant saw the pink envelope with the sanitary pad. At least she gave me a knowing smile when she passed me. To make things worse, she was extremely attractive, a bit older than me, quite tall, with immaculate makeup and of course wearing a lovely costume and heels. Just before the landing when she was checking if everybody had their seatbelt fastened she stopped and asked if I was feeling alright. I blushed and then felt slight flow coming from between my legs. It was so weird and embarrassing. I was absolutely mortified, which again only made the flow continue. I can only wonder what she thought. It felt like she was saying to me: "Don't worry. Mommy always knows." When I left the aircraft she was standing by the door to greet the passengers and of course she gave me a big smile. From the look on the face of her colleague, she knew too. I'm glad to hear that your period was not as heavy today as earlier in the weekend. Soon it will all be over. Just to touch upon some of the things you wrote: I started to once again question what kind of father I was with him in my company.......while enduring a period. Don't be hard on yourself. You can be a great dad and still do things like that discreetly. I'm sure your son didn't notice a thing. Your lady customer seem to be entirely different thing. The way you describe your fidgeting and squirming there's absolutely no way that she didn't figure out what was up with you. Let's just hope she is sympathetic but not gossiping about this to her girlfriends as I'm pretty sure the flight attendant today did. I'm surprised to hear you don't wear proper sanitary pads during your heavy flows. You should always carry some with you in case the flow gets heavy. I recommend Always Ultra Secure Night. They are quite large and should therefore be ideal to contain your heavy flow. I need to go to sleep. Thanks for your advice regarding my own period. I'm feeling quite a lot better having written to you. All the best R. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ On Tuesday, March 6, 2018, 12:29:56 AM GMT, Kirsten Clarke [email protected] wrote: Hi Renata, Briefly. That flight attendant, and her colleague, so had you made. But better to change a pad and stay hygienic, even if it does mean a little embarrassment for you. Maybe they'll be on your return flight. Yikes! One I missed from last time: panties for me is American terminology. I was basically born American, but in the wrong country. Don't know if you've heard the joke I make about myself..........Wrong country, wrong body..........Yeah, that's funny. Okay. I was going to make some notes to type up tomorrow but I might be busy, so instead I'll dive in, so here's today's entry. Kirsten ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Monday 5th March Today felt terrible. My emotions are all over the place and I had a terrible mood swing. I feel awful at the moment. I wish this period was over. While the diary has been a helpful and good idea, I believe such an internal exploration may not have the results I was expecting. We'll see by the end. Firstly, though, I'm so sorry you feel your period is going to be longer than usual. Yes, we seem to be in sync, but you're normally the breezy kind of girl who escapes her flow in a day or so. I'm not sure how you'll cope. At least it sounds like your new flight attendant friends may be on hand for your return flight. I'm sure they will offer you advice if you need it. For now, find time to relax in your hotel. Do they have a spa? A nice treatment might perk you up. I hate that you feel the two women I've had close encounters with recently have known about what I'm enduring. I went through a similar experience tonight, and because of your implications and suggestions I absolutely knew the women I saw were aware of my time. It's not your fault, but I always thought I was sneaking by, but now I realise and understand that women I meet during my period must sometimes know about it and my cycle. ************************************************** You know of my job, how relaxed an environment it is. Today was the first day in the nearly two years I've been there that I got angry and frustrated. Our log cabin mill, who normally excel, has built one of my client's cabins to the wrong size. I still haven't heard back from him, but he may cancel the order, accept the cabin, or choose to wait for the correct version. They also did a quote with the wrong windows, so a client who had been waiting for his price is now delayed. And another quote came in that was so far off the mark I queried it with my manager and that opened a whole can of worms. All in one late afternoon. After about an hour on the phone, after I was due to finish, I was no further forward so it will have to be picked up again tomorrow. Grrr............. My flow has been light all day, and while this kind of thing --- that happens rarely --- doesn't normally phase me, today I felt quite stressed. Then, to top it all, Maggie and I had been missing each other's calls all day, and when I finally got a hold of her I snapped. By the time I got home everything was fine, but I don't shake things easily and even now I think I behaved awfully. Where's that stick to beat myself up with? ************************************************** Tonight was as bad as I expected. When I got home, with no time for dinner and barely time to apologise, I showered and dressed in fresh panties, panty-liner and jeans and a T- shirt. I deliberately chose a long one to hide that possibility of the back of my satin panties peeking out. I thought everything was going to be fine. I arrived. Graeme, our normal Monday bartender was off and Karen was filling in. She's nice, but she calls me 'Sweetie' sometimes, and tonight that got me thinking it was because she could see my feminine nature. Then, because of our previous discussions, I became convinced she knew about my period. I made a quick getaway from the bar as a little light flow began. The team we were playing had one female member, Lyn. There were no other women present, which meant I breathed a sigh of relief. I was grateful none of the spouses and partners who sometimes attend to watch had appeared. Nor the other Lyn in my snooker world; the woman who looks after the accounts for our club. She featured a little in 'Humiliating Kirsten', and I have a sweet spot for her. I was so grateful she wasn't here. I don't know what I would have said or done, or how I would have acted if she was.......Things were bad enough. I referee'd one game, between our captain and Lyn (their player). Being so close to her, again, suspecting she knew what was happening, that little light flow became quite steady, edging towards medium. I was distracted, but tried to concentrate. When the game was over I couldn't sit down quick enough. My game was at the end of the night. The table I was playing on was near the bar. Karen was watching between pouring the occasional drink. I wasn't playing great, more fixated on controlling my flow, which suddenly became a solid medium as I lined up a shot when this ridiculous thought occurred to me: what if my panty-liner got loose from my panties and dropped down my jeans leg for all to see? I missed the shot. "Come on, Sweetie," Karen called from behind the bar. I felt my clit in the tight, moist darkness. Another leakage at the feminine term........I had just cum on, I thought, all over myself. My clit beginning to buck, I did my best to talk it down in my mind, thinking of nothing feminine, and definitely not a renegade panty-liner that would suddenly drop out of my jeans.....and in doing so, putting that wall up, I managed to prevent heavy flow despite the medium flow that continued to leak out unabated........as I tried to play my game..........on my period......in front of about twenty people. It was not a good idea to do this, but, a woman could not take a break as we've said, so why should I? I continued on, so uncomfortable, occasionally trying to find an unseen angle in the room to adjust my panties, but people were all around. They had to see. Which made that steady, medium flow continue. Spurts that would randomly, unexpectedly shoot out. Even though my flow wasn't heavy, my panty-liner felt full. I couldn't concentrate at all on my shots, and even though I was playing badly, it was a close finish. My captain queried what was wrong. What was I supposed to tell him? I murmured I was on an off (on....ha, ha) night. I just wanted to get out of there, but first had to sit through a little team review of the night. If I'd been on form the other player wouldn't have stood a chance, I was assured, but I missed so many easy shots. I have another match on Thursday night. Tonight's was a league match. The upcoming one is a quarter-final cup match which means there will probably be a handful more people watching. So long as I don't have bad luck with my dice rolls that decide if my period continues for an extra day or two I'll be fine. But if they say my period is running long...........I'm dreading it. Today has been so stressful. Tomorrow in work won't be much better. I'll probably go in early to get a few things sorted (I'm writing some segments for the website that I've not finished yet) before I have to deal with the log cabin woes. After that I have eleven days off. I had intended to go shopping, but money is seriously short because of the debt. I can't justify buying something frivolous at the moment, despite my longing for more to wear. It all just seems a bit crap really in my small, selfish world. And then the question, as the days become short, of whether to try a tampon hangs over me, as it has the last period or two. Maybe wearing a tampon might cheer me up? Or induce another heavy flow when my time is nearly over? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Sent: Tuesday, March 06, 2018 at 11:01PM From: "Renata Mayer" To: "Kirsten Clarke" [email protected] Subject: Re: Period Diary Dear Kirsten. I'm sorry to hear you had such a difficult day yesterday and I really hope today was better. What a dreadful experience you had last night. Regarding fears about the panty-liners coming loose. Although the changes are very slim that this might ever happen, this is yet another reason to wear proper sanitary pads with wings. They stay firmly in place and catch your flows better than the panty-liners. I'm sure Maggie would agree. Or maybe you should consider period-proof underwear? I hope your flows are getting lighter and your period is getting near the end. This one seems to have been particularly difficult for you, both physically and emotionally. I don't know if you've tried the tampons yet but I hope you've been a good girl and taken the plunge. As for my own period, I fortunately had very light flows today. Which was good since the day was particularly busy because of the meeting I was attending and social events related to that. However, any hopes that the period was finished were dashed when I arrived back at the hotel. The flow has started full force again and will undoubtedly get heavier, judging by way I feel right now. Therefore I'm back in bed in my nighty with a fresh sanitary pad in my panties - and some lipstick to make me feel slightly prettier. Due to the field I work in, the meeting room today was full of alpha males brimming with testosterone. There were also some women and of course me. Tonight I realized that I had almost only spoken to the women during the day. Most of these women had approached me for small talk during coffee breaks, not vice versa. I then spent the lunch with a lovely woman from Thailand who was eating at the canteen with her small child. She even asked me to mind the child (and her handbag) while she went to the bathroom. There is no way these were interested in me as a man; rather they seemed to have found my polite and almost demure disposition very non-threatening. Almost as if I was one of them. Does this ever happen to you? I going to sleep now. Another busy day tomorrow, which I hope will go well for both of us. I look forward to read your diary for today. Good night! R. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ On Wednesday, March 7, 2018, 11:19:41 AM GMT, Kirsten Clarke [email protected] wrote: Hi Renata, Hope you enjoying your work trip. Never fancied period proof underwear. The panty-liners I use do have wings, so I guess they won't fall out for definite then. Because of the extra absorbency, I reckon they probably land somewhere between a panty-liner and a pad. Sounds like you're having a great trip. Just remember to get some work done. I'm sure it's not like mine where on quiet days you can relax. Anyway, on with the period diary. Kirsten ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Tuesday 6th March Thank you so much for your kind, ongoing support, Renata. It has been both physically and emotionally draining, largely because during my past periods I have not been as focussed on my feelings. This diary has been like a laser-pointer, emphasising and magnifying everything I think. I know I'm prone to too much self-analysis sometimes, and this diary has made that quite daunting over the last week. In honesty, it has been quite challenging to continue, but this is who I am; and I strongly believe that if we are to enjoy the finery of a feminine life, we should also burden ourselves with some form of discomfort to show respect for what women go through, often on a daily basis. I know this doesn't come close to what actually happens, but for me this is far more than a physical inconvenience. I'm actually writing this from my notes on Wednesday morning. As you know I roll the dice to determine when my period ends, and, even though the end was in sight, I have just skittered the dice and my period will carry on until at least Thursday afternoon. I'll roll again then and it will either be over, or finish on Friday. This means there will be two or three more entries. Thank you so much for sticking with me. I hate when my periods run long, but equally, because after the first day or so I find my pleasure centres, I also enjoy them. But I do wish this one was over....... The fact that I will be on during Thursday morning has created a very new and real fear. In all my worries over snooker matches, I forgot that Robbie's new carpet will be fitted on Thursday morning. For the last hour or so I've had lots of frightening thoughts and fantasies around what may happen which I'll share in my next entry. I know I'll give in to some of them. But for now, on with the Tuesday show........... **************************************************** Your suggestions about products have all been welcome. I will use pads during future periods, but just to reassure you, the panty-liners I use (Always Infinity) have extra absorbency and they do have wings. So the fear of it falling out was very irrational, but try telling yourself that when everybody in a room is watching you. Regarding your thoughts about the women in your meeting.......yes, I have had that happen. Non-threatening is a great way to describe it. Not only in a stereotypical macho fashion, but also from a romantic position. Once they sense, or in the case of when you're more obviously dressed, even when it's just hints of femininity, who we are, their guard comes down a little and they are more open (if they are understanding). And yes, because you obviously desire their clothes, their manner, even more depending where you sit on the gender spectrum......I think they, generally, welcome who we are because they can see we respect them. **************************************************************** I'll delay no more. Yes, I was a good girl and for the first time on a period I used a fully inserted (at least, I think it was) tampon. As I have never put one into my pussy quite so far, it was a little fiddly to get right. And I said just now 'I think' because I expected that deeper insertion to be more painful. In stories you read about things tearing back there and cries of pain.....It was uncomfortable, for sure, but nothing seemed to rip or anything. Maggie was taking Robbie to school, so I had plenty of time to get ready for work. After inserting the tampon I dressed in panties and panty- liner, my work bra --- white, underwired and lacy from Marks & Spencers, but not padded. After a spritz of perfume on my neck and wrists, and body spray, I put on my trousers and white work shirt. I deliberately chose to wear the tampon when I did for two reasons. Firstly, having just woken, my clit excited by the idea, I didn't have a chance to back out. I wanted to try for real more than ever. If I had gone to work I would have found excuse after excuse not to insert it. Secondly, I would then have to drive for half an hour, sitting with that unfamiliar presence putting pressure on my pussy. I thought that would be sweet, agonising torture as I would not be able to remove it until I got to work. Instead, my pussy, despite the discomfort, seemed to embrace it. And when I got to work I already knew that for the rest of my period and future ones, I would be using tampons (in moderation). I left this one in for about three hours (around lunch-time) and was surprised that my flow was only light. Happy, too, because I didn't want more messes to contend with. When I removed the tampon I realised I had indeed been successful during insertion, going deeper than I had ever dared in the past. There was a little pinch of sharp pain as I took out the bloated tampon. Fatter and bigger than it had been when it went in. Excuse the details, but as a warning, my poop this morning was quite dry, so I think tampons should be used sparingly by girls like us. I'll probably stick to one a day when I'm on (I currently have one in now as I type, the pressure making me fidget occasionally). Work was largely uneventful. I was mostly picking up the pieces from the day before and after today I am off for 11 days. I always take a little time off around my birthday, and as you know I was hoping to shop a little. It would have been a nice treat after this period, but I doubt I'll go. I'm not sure yet. The last thing I want to do is spend some money on what is essentially a frivolous treat, and then feel guilty that I didn't put it towards our debt. ******************************************** The evening was quite quiet. We were going to watch the Oscars, but have had to delay that until tonight. Maggie and I are both big film fans, so we usually enjoy the show. It will be Robbie's first. Secretly (as I normally would with Maggie before Robbie came along) I'll have a day- dream about some of the gowns and outfits, about walking the red carpet in high heels and glamorous make-up. I suppose all of us girls dream and have our own special fantasies. As you know we're on the same page regarding flight attendants. The movie premiere is just an outlandish fantasy, but if my dreams of becoming a successful script-writer ever come true, who knows? Maybe instead of a tux.................. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Sent: Wednesday, March 07, 2018 at 6:24 PM From "Renata Mayer" To: "Kirsten Clarke" [email protected] Subject: Re: Period Diary Dear Kirsten. Thank you for your daily update. I'm sorry to hear that your period is going to be longer than you expected. I just hope it will be light for the next two days. But you're right, being a girl isn't only about wearing lipstick and heels, we have to accept the disadvantages of womanhood as well - and even then our periods are just a walk in the park compared to that of most genetic women. I like to hope that by trying to emulate and understand periods we are paying women respect and empathizing with them. I'm glad to hear that your sanitary pads have a wings and are thus more secure. I still feel that you should wear larger pads since your flows are so heavy (and use panty-liners when you're not on, or at least when you're ovulating) and it sounds like you've taking this recommendation into consideration. And I was delighted to read that you were a good girl and took your medicine by using a tampon. Seeing the blue string between your buttocks for the very first time is an exquisite feeling. I'm surprised to her that the tampon didn't make your flow heavier, but then again it's supposed to be a protective measure. Therefore it makes sense for you to continue using tampons but please be careful to leave them in only for short time because as you point out yourself they are so absorbent. As for my own period, it has been incredibly light today, almost non- existent. I hope it is finished but I'll wear a pad tonight anyway just to feel safe and secure. Thank you for your thoughts on me and the women. This continued today, one of the ladies at the meeting even asked me to hold her handbag while went back in the room for her phone. I really enjoyed holding it for the minute or so she was away (but slightly awkward too). Of course none of the alpha guys at the meeting had any interest in chatting to me. Instead they grouped themselves together and had loud conversations with a lot of laughter. I hate these kind of guys. Fortunately, I don't think there is any chance I will see the two flight attendants again since I'm flying with a different airline back home. However, I had a dream last night after I had replied to your message. I dreamt that I was on a plane. I was on my way to the toilet when I realized I had lipstick on. The flight attendant noticed too and ordered me to sit in her seat while she would get the other cabin crew. The seat was one in the front with the four-point seatbelt facing the front rows. While she buckled me in I felt that I was having a heavy flow and a stain was forming between the legs of my trousers. All the people in the front were looking at me and laughing but I couldn't move due to the