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AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a story I've wanted to write for some time. Many of us who feel that we were born on the wrong side of the gender divide have felt at some time or other that womanhood is all about high heels and fancy clothes and becoming a woman on this basis will solve all our problems. From my own experiences and those of other members of the trans community with whom I've interacted, I know that this is not the case and the transition process is full of ups and downs. I therefore wanted to write a story that reflected not only the absolute joy & elation felt when, at last, the true woman emerges but also the insecurities and setbacks encountered along what is a long journey to that point. Most of all, though, I wanted to convey my admiration for those who are brave enough to travel that path and I hope you enjoy the story. AJ x CHAPTER 1 Joe took one last look at the woman standing opposite. She was everything he'd ever wished for in a woman her black stiletto high heeled court shoes showed off her nylon clad legs to perfection. Her dress, ending just above the knee was elegant without being tarty and emphasised her womanly curves. Her dark blonde hair cascaded onto her shoulders framing her beautifully made up face. For one last time, he looked deep into her smouldering eyes and wished he could take her in his arms and kiss her full ruby red lips. Feeling a slight arousal at the thought, he closed his eyes, just for a moment. "Come on Cinderella, it's nearly midnight." Joe turned away from the mirror to see Colette, his companion for the last four hours holding out a packet of makeup wipes. Five times in as many months he'd visited Colette for a makeover into the girl of his dreams and five times he'd heard her Cinderella joke although calling it a joke was probably too generous; jokes are supposed to be funny. It wasn't midnight, there was no carriage magically created from a pumpkin and no glass slipper was left behind but Colette's comment meant that it was time for him to turn back into boring old Joe. He took the wipes to the bathroom and removed as much makeup as he could before removing the clothes, neatly folding them and placing them on the chair. After putting his male clothes back on, he went back to Colette who did her final checks and removed the final traces of makeup that Joe had missed before declaring him fit to face the outside world again. After giving Colette a hug and thanking her profusely, he was on his way back to his flat and reality. On the train going home, Joe's thoughts turned to Colette and the last few hours. At ?200 per session, his five makeovers had now cost him ?1000 but he was still confused. His gender had troubled him for as long as he could remember and he had hoped that the makeovers would help him understand who he was but, if anything, he had more questions than ever. He knew that he adored becoming his female alter ego and Colette, who was a transwoman herself (and, in Joe's view, one of the most beautiful women he'd ever seen) was a genius when it came to transforming unattractive men into stunning women. However, try as he might, he could never imagine himself becoming Josephine or Josie or Joanne (or any of the other names he'd called himself over the years) on a full time basis. Did all of this mean that his discomfort with his gender was driven by a fascination with transwomen (was Colette so attractive to him because he knew she'd been male?)? Whatever it was, he knew that his discomfort would never go away and he would soon be back at Colette's starting the whole cycle again. At this point, the train reached his station and he left the train for a short walk to his apartment block. As he reached the front door, a woman who he'd never seen before was coming out. She smiled and said, "Hello," before heading off in the direction of the station. Joe went up the two flights of stairs to his flat, opened the door, sat down and started looking at the photos from his makeover which Colette had, by now, uploaded to his Flickr account. Once again, he was mesmerised. Was the beautiful woman in the photos really him? One by one, he studied the photos wishing that nature had been a little kinder to him when he was conceived. The shoes, the clothes, the makeup, the jewellery - why did women have all the fun? But there was a nagging voice in his mind - the voice that told him this was a fantasy world, a world entirely confined to Colette's flat - and try as he might, he could not shake off the thought that he was looking at someone else in the photos. He went to the kitchen to make himself a coffee but realised that he'd run out of milk. The supermarket was only a few minutes," walk away opposite the station so he grabbed his coat and made his way there. After picking up the milk, he made his way to the checkouts where he was surprised to see the woman he'd bumped into outside his flat earlier. Seemingly in her mid to late 30s, she was casually dressed in jeans, a simple blouse, a long cardigan and flat shoes but, even so Joe couldn't help noticing how attractive she looked. "Hello again." "Oh, hello," she replied. Noticing that she had far more shopping than he did, he asked if she was going back to the flats and would she like a hand with her bags which, in view of the amount she'd bought, she gratefully accepted. As she took her purse out to pay, Joe noticed the absence of any rings on her ring finger. On the way back to the flat, Joe found out that her name was Teresa and she'd moved into the flat a couple of days earlier after returning home from living abroad for a few years. She was single and worked as a self-employed book illustrator from one of the bedrooms in her flat which was on the floor below Joe's. As they arrived at her front door, Joe put her bags down and asked if she'd like to come up to his flat for a coffee. Teresa hesitated. "Er, I don't really think...." Joe wasn't giving up that easily. "-oh, go on, I won't poison you." "OK then, I'll be up in a few minutes." Joe went up to his flat, tidied it as best he could in the time before the doorbell went. Opening the door, he invited Teresa in and showed her into the lounge and soon joined her with a cup of coffee for each of them. "So, tell me more about yourself," Joe started. Teresa had that same uneasy look on her fact that she'd had when he'd invited her up for the coffee. "You look troubled," he continued. "I suppose I am," she replied. "I was in a long term relationship in Germany but that ended a couple of months ago and I decided to come home to start afresh." "I'm sorry to hear that. How long were you with him?" "Her, actually. I was with her for five years and it's really hard adjusting to being on my own." Joe tried hard to hide the crushing disappointment he was now feeling but could see that Teresa needed support. "Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear that. It must have been very hard for you coming back alone?" "It was, and it still is to tell you the truth. I hope me being gay doesn't change anything as, more than anything, I need friends now. I normally steer well clear of single men for obvious reasons but you seem like a nice guy who I can trust. Anyway, enough about me, tell me about yourself." "Well, I'm 45 years old, single and have worked as an administrator in the local hospital." "Single?" Teresa looked puzzled. "I would have thought that a guy like you would have had women queueing up!" Joe thought for a moment. He'd never told anyone other than Colette about his gender issues but here was someone who may understand and give him advice. Joe took a deep breath. "For as long as I can remember, I've wished that I had been born a girl. Possibly as a result of this, I've always found it difficult to form relationships and have tended to walk away on the few occasions when things start getting serious as this is not a good basis for a long term relationship." Teresa smiled. "It's OK, I met a few transgender people in the LBGT community in Germany and they were all normal people. It's nothing to be ashamed of." Then she asked the "big" question. "Have you ever thought of transitioning to female?" "All the time but, to be honest, I can never imagine myself as a full time woman. I've had makeovers and the results have been spectacular but, when I look back at the photographs, it feels like I'm looking at someone else, not me." Joe handed his iPad to Teresa and she looked through his photos from his earlier session. "I have to say that you look absolutely amazing in these photographs but I know what you mean. I'd feel the same way if it was me in the photographs." "But you're so feminine, surely you'd want to dress up once in a while?" asked Joe, slightly confused. "Of course I do," laughed Teresa, "but that doesn't mean that I want to dress like that every day. It's just not me. Apart from anything, I just don't have the time or energy for that level of maintenance! But, as a woman, I do have the choice." Teresa continued. "Being a woman isn't just about high heels and lipstick. It's about being who you are and being comfortable being who you are. Of course, some women choose the heels & makeup but many don't and that doesn't make them any less female. If you see someone else when you look at your photos, then that facet of womanhood isn't for you and you need to look elsewhere. Those people I've met who've successfully transitioned have always said that their transition was evolutionary, a gradual change at a pace that they felt comfortable with. Try to run before you can walk and you may end up replacing one set of problems with another." "So what should I do?" asked Joe. "Well, I think the first thing is to stop being afraid of entering the community. A friend has told me about an LGBT-friendly club about 20 miles away so we could go there on Friday to meet her if you've got no other plans." "I'm not sure." "What have you got to lose? It's 20 miles away and so the chances of you seeing anyone you know are low and, if you do, you can just say you're with me. Is that a date then?" "OK, it's a date." And with that, Teresa finished her coffee and made her way back to her flat. CHAPTER 2 Friday came and, at 7:30, Joe went down to Teresa's flat to pick her up. Once again, she was casually but femininely dressed and Joe had to remind himself that she really was off limits for him. On the drive to the venue, Teresa quizzed Joe about his transgender feelings and since they were so strong, why he had never ventured outside the confines of either Colette's or his own flat "en femme." Soon they had arrived and, as they pulled up, Teresa waved to her friend Julie who was waiting outside. Joe reckoned that Julie was in her late 30s or early 40s. Like Teresa, she was dressed casually; ankle boots with a low heel, jeans, and a blouse unbuttoned to show her ample cleavage. Her dark hair was tied back in a ponytail and her makeup, whilst not excessive, enhanced her femininity. As with Teresa, Joe quickly found himself attracted to her and had to remind himself that this was the LBGT community so, like Teresa, she was off limits. The three went inside and sat down. Julie turned to Joe. "So, Teresa tells me that you're struggling with your gender identity." Joe went a bright shade of crimson, embarrassed at the directness of Julie's question. "Er," he stuttered. "It's OK," continued Julie, "it's a difficult thing to come to terms with but it's far more widespread than you'd think." Joe started to relax a bit as Teresa carried on talking, "Teresa also mentioned that you've been for makeovers and make a very convincing woman but although you become the woman of your dreams in these sessions, you're having difficulty seeing her as you. As a result, you've never felt confident to go out dressed, the frustration builds so you go for another makeover and the whole cycle starts again." Joe nodded in agreement. "Your problem is that you're making the fundamental mistake that many like you have also made. Being a woman isn't just about high heels and hairdos. Of course, we can go down that route if we want to as we have the choice but we don't have to put on a pair of heels and a short skirt to feel feminine. We just enjoy being who we are and what we are." By this time, Joe had relaxed enough to reply. "I accept that but don't you think that if a guy wants to become female, he has to try a lot harder to hide his 'maleness'?" "Of course but take a look at that table over there. What do you see?." Julie pointed to a table where two women were enjoying a drink. Joe turned to look. "Well, I can see two women, one dressed smartly and one casually having a drink together." "OK. Go to the bar to get some drinks and have a closer look as you walk past them." Joe complied and when he returned with the drinks, Teresa asked him what he'd seen. "Well, I think the smartly dressed woman is actually a man. They're quite attractive but the outfit doesn't seem to fit with the general 'vibe' of the place and when I looked closer there were other tell tale signs such as her hands and some facial features." "What about the other woman?" asked Julie "To tell you the truth, I didn't really pay much attention but I guess that she's probably their wife." Julie laughed. "You're half right. They are actually both males transitioning to female. My point is that you were drawn to the one who looked out of place and started looking for signs but completely overlooked the other one who blended in to her surroundings even though, if you look closely, you can still see that she's a transitioner. She's also taking things at her own pace - maybe one day she'll put on a pair of heels and a dress but, for now, she's happy as she is and that doesn't make her any more or less of a woman than her companion." Joe was slowly starting to understand Julie's point but still had concerns. "But how can I get past the fact that I'm unable to imagine myself as a woman?" "By taking it one step at a time. You could start by wearing female underwear under your normal clothes. If that gives you the right feelings then you could wear other androgynous items such as plain women's trousers or blouses. No-one apart from you will know." "OK, I get that," said Joe, "but I'm still going to look like a guy to the rest of the world." "That's where hormones help. Once you decide that you're serious about transitioning, you'll have to see your doctor for a hormone prescription. The hormones will gradually give you more feminine features and curves but it you decide it's not for you, you can stop in the early stages with no lasting effects. If you do continue, though, there will come a point where you will no longer pass as male and you'll be ready to socially transition to female - in other words to live your life as a full time woman from that point on." "But I'm in my mid-40s. How can I ever hope to become a convincing woman at my time of life?" he asked. Julie looked at Teresa, they both laughed and then Julie turned back to Joe. "I managed it." The look of shock on Joe's face was a picture. "You're transgender?" he asked incredulously "Yes. Until I was 41, I was John, a married man with two children. Like you, I'd always struggled with my feelings and, by the time I reached 40, things had finally got too much for me to carry on. I confessed all to my wife and, while she tried to understand, she could not cope and left with the kids. I miss them all greatly but, of course, then had the freedom to be who I really was so I started my transition. That was 10 years ago." "But, you look amazing and so young," stuttered Joe whose eyes had now become fixated on Julie's chest. "Thank you," replied Julie, "the hormones assisted in rolling back the years but, to help things further, there are some very clever surgeons around who can reshape facial features, augment breasts and generally provide a feminine body." "But how did you come to terms with your new identity?" "Nothing really changed as I took things gradually. As I've already said, there came a point after about a year taking hormones when I realised that I was more female than male and making the social transition just seemed obvious. It was becoming increasingly difficult to hide my growing breasts and my face had become more feminine. However, there was another dimension too and that was how I felt - it's hard to put into words but I suppose the best way of describing it was as everything started to feel right and how it should always have been." "And what about your friends and family?" "By the time I went full-time, most of my close friends and family knew what was happening; I lost a few along the way but most stuck with me. The hardest thing was losing my marriage as I loved my wife dearly but I have a new partner now and she accepts me for who I am." "So, have you had the...." Julie knew what Joe was about to ask and stopped him in mid-sentence "Look, I wouldn't dream of asking you about your genitals so please don't expect me to talk about mine. What I have or haven't got down there is my business and doesn't affect my ability to live as, and be accepted as, a female in my day to day life." "I'm so sorry," said Joe realising the inappropriateness of his question "It's OK, you're not the first to ask and you probably won't be the last. Tolerance of the transgender issue has improved greatly over the past few years but we've still got some way to go before we've well and truly buried 'sex changes,' and all of the sensationalism that goes with that term. But let me tell you one thing. Transition isn't easy. You'll lose friends along the way, your family will find it difficult to come to terms with the fundamental changes you'll go through, you'll be subjected to hurtful and sometimes hateful comments from strangers, you'll be at risk of assault and, if that wasn't enough, transgender surgeries are very, very painful. However, if this is truly what you want, it's worth all of that and more besides to feel happiness and joy to a degree that you never believed possible." And with that, the conversation moved to other things for the rest of the evening. As he lay in bed that night, Joe found it difficult to sleep. On the one hand, everything was starting to fall into place and he was starting to see that there could be a better future for him; on the other hand, he knew that transition wouldn't be easy and, as Julie had stressed to him, it wouldn't be cheap. However, as he finally drifted off, Joe knew what he had to do and started planning his next steps. CHAPTER 3 Joe woke up late as he usually did on Saturdays and, after getting dressed and having breakfast, he went down to Teresa's flat and rang the doorbell. Teresa opened the door and, without waiting to be invited in, Joe entered her flat and exclaimed excitedly "Teresa, thanks for last night. I now know what I need to do. Will you help me?" "Calm down, Joe! Come and sit down and tell me what you want." They sat down and Joe explained that what Julie had told him had really resonated with him. He loved the idea of taking small steps to see how he got on but needed Teresa to help and guide him. He then also confessed that he was still too scared to buy female underwear for himself. "OK, I'll help. Meet me outside in 15 minutes." 15 minutes later, Joe and Teresa were walking towards the supermarket which had a large clothing section. Joe loved browsing with Teresa, safe in the knowledge that if he bumped into anyone he knew, he had the perfect excuse for being in the ladies," section. Of course, Joe forgot about the small steps and wanted to buy a pair of high heeled stiletto sandals that he saw but Teresa stood firm and, every time Joe looked like wavering, she shouted him down with two words "SMALL STEPS." They were soon on their way back to the flats with a small selection of panties and tights for Joe to wear under his male clothes without risk of discovery. They went back to Teresa's and she told Joe to go into the bathroom to put the items on. Joe went to the bathroom and shut the door. Of course, he had experienced the joy of wearing lingerie at Colette's but, as he put on the silky panties and then carefully pulled up the tights, he felt a rush of sensuality once more. Tucking his male parts away, he put his trousers and trainers back on and went back to Teresa. "Come on," she said, "I forgot to get bread so we need to go back to the supermarket," and led Joe into the open air, a place he'd never been before while wearing anything female. As they walked along, Joe loved the feeling of his tights which clung to his legs in a way that male clothes never did. His trousers felt different too - the smooth nylon of his tights was such a contrast to the normal roughness of his legs as he walked. Feelings of femininity washed over him in a way that he had never felt before - this wasn't the rushed "out of body" experience at Colette's'; for the first time, this was him, it didn't have to come to an end and he liked it. "So, how was it?" enquired Teresa when they got back. "It was just wonderful," replied Joe who went on to describe his feelings in more detail before adding "what next?" "Whoa, slow down," replied Teresa, "small steps, remember. There's a big difference between a trip to the supermarket and going to work like this so let's see how you get on over the next week." A little disappointed but seeing the logic in what Teresa had said, Joe agreed not to let his impatience overcome him. Then Teresa added "But if it goes well, there's somewhere else I'd like to take you next Saturday if you're free." "That sounds intriguing. Where are we going?" "That's for me to know and you to find out! Just be ready for 9:00am. Now I'm sorry but I really need to be somewhere else so I need to break up our little party." CHAPTER 4 During the week, Joe continued to wear the panties and tights under his work clothes and his love of the feel of the clothes never subsided. Although feeling slightly apprehensive at first and he had to take great care to ensure that his secret was not revealed, he increasingly became comfortable with his feelings and what his next steps would be. More than everything, he wondered where Teresa was taking him on Saturday. Saturday arrived and on the dot of 9:00, Joe's doorbell rang. He opened the door to Teresa and they both walked down to the station where they got onto a train. "OK, this is our stop," said Teresa and they both left the train and walked down a road that Joe knew well. It was the road that Colette lived on and, as they approached her apartment block, Joe realised that Teresa had set something up. "How did you know where Colette lives?" he asked. "Google is a wonderful resource," came the reply. And with that, they entered the block where Colette was waiting for them. "Colette? I'm Teresa and I think you already know Joe!" "Pleased to meet you," replied Colette, "I'll do what we agreed and see you in one hour." By now, Joe was very confused. What had Teresa and Colette agreed and why was the session one hour rather than the usual four? As usual, Colette asked him to remove his clothes and, after putting on a pair of panties and silk dressing gown in private, he went back to her so that she could help him with his foundation garments. His confusion mounted when Colette set to work on his makeup straight away without asking him what "look" he wanted. 20 minutes later, Colette had finished Joe's makeup; he got up and started walking towards her spare room where she kept all of the clothes but she stopped him and said, "Go to my room. Your clothes are on the bed." Puzzled, Joe did as he was told and went to Colette's bedroom where he was confronted by a pair of skinny jeans, a simple white blouse, a long trench coat and a pair of ankle boots with a one inch heel. As he emerged from the room Colette asked him to sit back down where she fitted a shoulder length wig almost identical in colour to Joe's brown hair and attached false nails to his own less than perfect ones. "There, you're finished," she said at which point the doorbell rang. Colette excused herself and Joe looked around for a mirror before remembering that Colette always kept the mirror hidden behind curtains until she was ready for the big reveal. Before he had chance to take a sneaky look, Colette had returned, followed by Teresa. "What do you think?" asked Colette. "Perfect," replied Teresa. Colette then turned back to Joe. "Joe, are you ready?" Joe nodded and Colette pulled back the curtains over her mirrors. Joe stared in disbelief. As usual, he was confronted by a woman looking back at him but, this time, she was different. This was not a woman who lived in a fantasy world created by Joe; this was a woman who Joe could have walked past thousands of times without giving a second thought. Gone was the over the top glamorous makeup and, it its place was understated femininity. Joe stared at his reflection for several minutes before staring deep into the reflection of his eyes as he had done last time but now, instead of seeing a woman he wished he could spend the rest of his life with, here was a woman he wished he could spend the rest of his life as. He turned round to see Colette and Teresa smiling and hugged each in turn, thanking them over and over again for what they had done. "Come on sister," laughed Teresa, "it's time for us to have some girl time. Oh, I almost forgot. What do you want us to call you?" Joe thought for a moment. "Well, this is the first time I've ever truly felt like me. My name is Joe so let's make it easy so I'll be Jo without the e." "By all means drop the 'e' but don't lose it as you'll be needing plenty of 'e' from now on," laughed Colette who remembered her own transition and prescriptions for "e" as the trans community commonly abbreviated estrogen. "OK, Jo it is. Let's go." And after saying goodbye to Colette, Jo stepped out in the world as a woman for the first time. CHAPTER 5 As he and Teresa browsed through the shops, Joe couldn't believe his good fortune. Whilst only a week ago, he would have been embarrassed to be seen in ladies," clothes shops, here he was working his way through the rails and discussing what would look good with Teresa. And when an assistant approached them and asked "are you ladies looking for anything in particular," he thought he would burst with joy. Time out for a coffee and things got even better as the waiter called him ma'am and insisted on helping him on with his coat when it was time to leave. More shops and then Joe stopped in his tracks. In front of him on a mannequin was the most beautiful dress he'd ever seen - a jewelled black shift dress that sparkled in the light and sat just above the knee. Teamed with the dress on the mannequin were matching pointed court shoes with a four inch heel. "Don't even think about it," said Teresa sensing what Joe was thinking. "Why not? I can see myself as a woman now and I know I'd feel fabulous wearing it," he pleaded. "Look, this is all very new to you. It's not long since you were telling me how wearing clothes like that left you frustrated and, whilst you may feel comfortable in what you're wearing today, that doesn't mean you're a complete woman. Remember SMALL STEPS." "But...." "But nothing. You asked for my help and I'll give you my help but it has to be on my terms. Otherwise you're on your own. So me or the dress and shoes - which is it to be?" "OK, point taken," said Joe, more than a bit disappointed, "they're very nice, though." "I know," replied Teresa, "and there will be a right time to get them and you'll know in your heart when that time is. It's just not yet." And off they went to look for clothes more in keeping with what Joe needed for now. As evening started to fall and the shops started closing, they walked to a restaurant on the edge of town. Joe was still lost in the euphoria of his day out when, all of a sudden, he heard, "Cooee Caitlin. Over here, Caitlyn." He looked up to see three teenage girls pointing at him and laughing. "Ignore them," whispered Teresa, "they've been watching too much "Keeping up with the Kardashians."" They carried on walking but the mocking carried on. "Aw Caitlyn, don't go, can't we have an autograph." As they turned the corner and walked to the restaurant in front of them, Joe turned to Teresa. "I'm sorry, I can't do this any more, let's just go home." "No," said Teresa, "you've come too far today to give up now. Julie told you it wouldn't be easy and think how many hundreds of people you've walked past today. None have said anything and, even if they 'read' you, you didn't notice. Are you going to let three stupid girls spoil your day because I'm not? Coping with this sort of thing is part of your journey and, next time it happens, you'll be ready for it. Now, I'm hungry, let's go and eat." They walked to the restaurant and after being greeted with, "Good evening ladies," by the front of house manager, Joe started to feel a little better. They sat down and sensing that Joe was still a little upset, Teresa leaned over and squeezed his hand "Don't worry, everything's going to be fine. Trust me." And Joe did trust her and, as Teresa promised, everything was fine. CHAPTER 6 Over the next few weeks, Joe became increasingly comfortable in his new life - panties and tights under his clothes in the daytime and casual female clothes in the evenings and at weekends. True to her word, Teresa continued to guide and advise him and if there was any negative in his situation, it was that he knew he was falling for Teresa. However she was showing no signs of reciprocating his feelings - why should she, regardless of the journey he'd set out on, he was still a guy and she was still gay. However, he did like the fact that, as Jo, he could enjoy a closeness with her that was strictly off limits to Joe and, if that's how things had to be, that was fine for him. Joe continued to take small steps under Teresa's supervision. He let his hair grow long and had his ears pierced. He knew this was a bit of a risk and came under a fair amount of ribbing at work "mid life crisis, eh Joe?" was typical of the comments he had to endure but, as his colleagues got used to it, the comments subsided. Out of work, he was becoming more comfortable with overtly feminine clothes and he was now walking confidently in two inch heels. Joe and Teresa continued with their regular girls' outings and would meet up once or twice a week in one or other of their flats. One evening, when they were sharing a bottle of wine together, Teresa raised the subject of transition, "So, you seem pretty comfortable as a woman now but you're still only a part time woman. Have you had any thoughts about the future?" The question took Joe by surprise. In accordance with Teresa's small steps mantra, the issue had never been discussed before and whilst it had crossed his mind, he felt that any thoughts of permanently becoming female were a long way off. "Gosh, that feels like a huge step. What happened to small steps?" "On the one hand, yes, it is a huge step but if you think about it differently, it's not a big issue." "I don't understand." Joe looked perplexed. "Look, if you think you've gone too far, then you can turn round and go back to how you were. If you're happy as you are, then fine and nothing has to change. But if you want to go further, then you really need to start thinking about getting medical advice and hormones. But remember, taking your first hormone pill doesn't mean you've got to carry on this path. The hormones will just help your body and your mind become more aligned with each other and, if you don't like what's happening, you just stop and have a rethink." "But where do I go for this sort of advice? My doctor is a family friend and I just don't feel comfortable talking about this with him." Teresa produced a piece of paper on which she had written the name, address and phone number of a doctor. "Here, try this practice that Julie recommended. They specialise in trans issues and can advise you how to proceed." Joe took the paper and promised to think about it. A couple of weeks later, Teresa asked Joe whether he'd contacted the doctor yet. Joe said that he hadn't but had thought of nothing else since their conversation. The problem, he said, that he still wasn't sure whether he could really function as a full time woman or whether all of this was just a game that he enjoyed playing but that he could walk away from. Teresa thought for a moment "Only you can answer that question and, in fact, it would be very wrong for someone else to answer it for you. However, professionals who've seen many similar cases in the past can help guide you to make the decision that's right for you. Why don't you just make an appointment for a chat and see how it goes?" Joe promised that he would and made an appointment for the following Tuesday. CHAPTER 7 After a short wait in the clinic waiting room, Joe was called in to Dr Campbell's office. Dr Campbell was not what Joe was expecting; for starters, Dr Campbell was Dr Jane Campbell and not the male that Joe was expecting. She was also smartly dressed - more banker than the slightly scruffy doctors he was used to seeing at his local practice and, immediately, Joe felt at ease. "So, what can I do for you?" she asked. Joe told her his whole story, from his earliest inklings that things didn't feel right, his experiments in cross dressing, his visits to Colette and the past few months pushing the boundaries with Teresa. "So that's where you are now. But where are you going?" "I don't know. Part of me wants to carry on the journey all the way to the end but another part is scared stiff that I'll regret it." "Those are completely normal concerns. After all, leaving 45 year of being a guy behind is not an easy thing to do but what we need to do is to help you get to the right answer. I'd like you to see my colleague who is a gender therapist and he'll help you understand what you need to do." Dr Campbell then turned to her desk and started writing before handing Joe a piece of paper. "This is a prescription for female hormones. It's a low dose for now, not enough to irreversibly change your body but enough for you to understand whether it's something you want to continue with. Come back and see me as soon as you've seen my colleague." Shaking with excitement, Joe took the prescription, thanked her and made his appointments on the way out. He then stopped at the local pharmacy to pick up the drugs before making his way back to the flat. Hearing his footsteps on the stairs, Teresa went to her door and invited Joe in to find out how he had got on. He told her all about the appointment and the next steps and then produced the box of pills. "Please could I have a glass of water?" he asked. "I'd like you to be with me when I take the first pill." Teresa brought the glass of water and, as Joe swallowed the pill she said "this is one small step for a man, one giant leap to womankind." And Joe laughed so much he spilt the rest of the water. CHAPTER 8 One month later, Joe was back in Dr Campbell's surgery. "Well, I see you've talked to my colleague John and his view was that you're an ideal candidate for transition. He's seen many people before you and, through experience, could see that your case is similar to many other patients he's seen in the past and who are now living successfully and happily as females. How are you finding the hormones?" Joe thought for a moment. "To be honest, I'm not sure. I've had quite a bit of discomfort in my nipples and cried quite a lot when watching a film the other night but, to be honest, I've thought far less about transitioning than I had done before taking them. In fact, I'm starting to wonder whether I need them at all." Dr Campbell explained "Well, the discomfort in your nipples is the result of you starting female puberty. Unfortunately, there's little we can do about that. As for the crying, that goes with being a woman, I'm afraid. But the fact that you feel you don't need the pills because your transgender thoughts have subsided is not a reason to stop taking them; in fact it's the exact opposite as it shows that your brain is having a far easier job accepting female hormones in your body than male ones. Stop taking them and I guarantee that you'll feel worse than ever." Joe thought for a moment. "So what you're saying is I have a female brain trapped in a male body." "That's a bit of a clich? but, basically, yes." "OK, then, so what do I need to do?" "Well, you now seem to have two choices. We can leave things as they are and you can see how you get on or I can put you on a full transition dose of hormones. Obviously, that will accelerate your breast development and you'll start to see redistribution of fat around your face and body to give you a more feminine appearance. For a couple of months, the effects will be reversible but you will soon get to the point of no return where you'd either have to continue or accept a life of androgyny." "So, to be absolutely clear, I can go onto a transition level dose and still turn back in a month or two if it doesn't feel right? If so, then that's what I'll do." Dr Campbell handed him another prescription and asked to see him in a month to check on his blood hormone levels. Once again, he rushed home to tell Teresa the news and to start the next stage of his journey. CHAPTER 9 Over the next few months, Joe continued to take the pills each day and loved the experience of seeing his breasts develop to the point that, after six months, he had to buy binder to keep them hidden at work. Other parts of his body were also changing; his hips were enlarging and he could see the beginnings of a small waist. He was, however, a little disappointed that his face looked as masculine as ever despite Teresa reassuring him that changes were happening but if he persisted in looking in the mirror every hour, he'd never be able to see the changes. The main thing, though, was that he felt great. His friendship with Teresa was blossoming and he loved to visit the clothes shops and cosmetics counters with her and despite his concerns about his face, he was finding his makeup quicker easier to do and more satisfying, not only because his skills were improving but also because, despite his concerns, the hormones had softened his features. The turning point came after Joe had been on hormones for about a year. He was coming home from work and, at the station, the tickets were being checked by a new ticket collector who Joe had not seen before. Although Joe was in his normal male working clothes, he was shocked to hear "thank you ma'am," as he walked past. He rushed home and went straight to Teresa's flat to tell her what had happened. "I think you've reached the doorway between your old male life and a new female life," she said, "and the question is are you going to go through it and lock it behind you?" "Lock it behind me?" he asked, slightly confused. "Absolutely. Going through that door will mean telling all of your friends and colleagues what you're doing and getting rid of the few male clothes you've got left. Of course, you can go back if you want to but are you really going to turn round to everyone in a month or two and tell them you got it wrong? You really must only go through that doorway if you're prepared to lock the door behind you." "To be honest, I feel like I've already been through quite a few doorways and lost the keys. I know this one is the big one but, if I turn back, I've still got these to remind me," he said looking down at his now well-developed bust. "So you're going to go through?" "Yes." Teresa smiled and then went to her bedroom, returning with a large gift wrapped parcel. "Take this to the bathroom and I'll see you when you're ready." Joe took the parcel to the bathroom and quickly unwrapped it. When he saw the contents, he could hardly contain his joy. There, in front of him, was the black dress and shoes he'd wanted to buy on his first outing with Teresa. As he lifted the dress up, he caught sight of a set of lingerie, a small but expensive selection of cosmetics together with a pair of earrings and matching necklace and bracelet. He didn't waste any time in putting on the clothes before setting to work with the cosmetics. When he'd finished, he looked at himself in the full length mirror on the back of the door. As he had done when visiting Colette, he looked deep into his own eyes but, this time, knew that he was looking at his own reflection, not a fantasy. The smouldering eyes, the ruby red lips, the dress to die for, the high heels; that was who Joe was now. "Are you ready yet?" he heard through the door. "Coming," he called back and opened the door to see Teresa, but this was not the same Teresa he'd known for the past year. This Teresa was wearing a dress and shoes identical to his and with identical makeup shades and jewellery, they could have been twin sisters. "But.....wow!," exclaimed Joe. "Surprised?" giggled Teresa. "You look amazing," replied Joe still barely believing his eyes "And so do you! But don't look so shocked. If you remember, when we first met I told you that, whilst I don't want to dress like this every day, as a woman I have the choice and, tonight, I have made that choice. I also told you that you could have the dress and shoes when the time is right and it now is. Now, come on sister, get your coat, we're going out." Joe smiled to himself as he remembered that Teresa had said that to him the first time they had gone out together as girlfriends. There was more to come though. They got into the taxi that Teresa had booked and were soon pulling up outside the restaurant they had gone for their first meal together. This time, there were no teenage girls shouting insults but as they walked in, they recognised the front of house manager who greeted them with "good evening ladies, how nice to see you again and may I compliment you on your outfits, you both look stunning." Walking to their table, Joe sensed a lot of admiring glances and as they sat down, a waiter brought over a bottle of champagne and two glasses. "To the future!" toasted Teresa as their glasses clinked together. After a delicious meal, and much talk about how far Joe had come and what the future held, they made their way to the waiting taxi and were soon back at their apartment block. As they arrived outside Teresa's door, Joe turned to face her and thanked her for the wonderful evening and everything she had done for him to get him to this point. "That's OK, it was my pleasure," she replied and as Joe turned to walk up the flight of stairs to his own flat she said, "Oh, sorry, come back, there's one more thing." Joe walked back to Teresa "What is it." Teresa took Joe's hands into hers, looked into his eyes and said, "I love you." Teresa pulled Joe towards her. Their lips met in a passionate embrace, caressing each other with their tongues dancing excitedly and their eyes closed to heighten the passion of the moment. Eventually, their lips parted but they continued to hold each other tight. "But...." started Joe. "But what?" replied Teresa playfully. "But I thought you were gay." "I am!" "But I'm a...." "You're a woman and I like women. It's as simple as that. Now, are we going to stand here all night or are you going to come in?" Teresa led Joe through the flat to her bedroom for a night of passion that Joe had dreamed of ever since he'd met Teresa but never believed could possibly happen. The following morning, they overslept leaving Joe little time to remove all traces of the previous evening and get ready to go to work where he had an important announcement to make. As he was leaving, he turned to Teresa and asked, "What was it you said to me outside your door last night?" "I love you?" "Yes, that was it, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't dreaming. And, by the way, I love you too." This time, there was no passionate kiss, Joe was dressed as a guy so to avoid any complications, just gave Teresa a gentle peck on the cheek and set off for work. CHAPTER 10 Joe worked in a small marketing company. Sue, his boss had started the company about 20 years earlier and there were now 30 staff working there, 20 of whom were female and the rest male. Arriving about 10 minutes late, Joe bumped into Sue, apologised for his lateness and asked if he could have a quick word with her. They went into her office where Joe set out his plans to transition and, after Sue had reassured him that he had her full support, the two went out to the open office and Sue asked everyone to gather round. "Joe has something he wants to tell you and I hope that, when he's finished, you'll give him your full support. Over to you, Joe." "Thanks Sue," said Joe, shaking with nerves. He took a deep breath then continued, "For as long as I can remember, I've felt uneasy with myself. When I was young, I didn't understand why. As I got older, I thought I had some form of perversion not to be talked about but, over the past couple of years, I've met someone who's helped show me that, whilst my feelings are by no means normal, they're also not abnormal and just define who I am. You see, I'm transgender and have always felt that I should have been born a girl. Thanks to Teresa, I've been taking small steps towards transition to female and I'm now at the point where I'm starting the final journey. Today, you'll say goodbye to Joseph and tomorrow he will be replaced by Joanne but don't worry, you can all still call me Jo - without the e!" There was stunned silence in the room. The handful of men seemed to be in a state of shock but the women just smiled to themselves. After what seemed like an eternity but was no more than five seconds, Tracy, the office loudmouth piped up "We wondered how long it would be before you told us. We've been looking at the tell-tale signs for months. Female hormones are wonderful things aren't they and I bet those boobs of yours can't wait to be set free!" Everybody laughed and as Sue wrapped up the meeting and thanked everyone for their understanding, everyone clapped and cheered and crowded round Joe to congratulate him. This had been much easier than he thought it would be. The following day, all eyes were on Jo as she walked to her desk. The women all took to her straight away and were soon inviting her and Teresa to join them on their girls," nights out. The men took a little longer but were soon completely comfortable in Jo's company and Jo couldn't help smiling when one of her male colleagues confided in Tracy that he thought Jo made a very attractive woman. But as with anything told to Tracy, it was never going to remain a secret for long and Jo took every opportunity to playfully tease her admirer when she walked past his desk. That weekend, Jo updated all of her social media accounts. Unsurprisingly, there were a couple of "unfriends," and "unfollows," but she received overwhelming support from her friends and family. But, best of all, she wasn't just happy, she was ecstatic with how things had turned out. EPILOGUE Jo always knew that her transition would be long and difficult and, as she underwent a series of operations to feminise her face, body & voice and give her the breasts she'd always wanted she knew that the pain and expense were worth it. Within a couple of years, no-one who met her could ever guess her past. To them, she was just a professional woman in her mid to late 30s and that was fine for Jo who was, by now, approaching 50! But the best day of all was when Jo and Teresa faced each other in front of their friends and family to hear "Do you, Teresa Anne take Joanne Louisa to be your wife?" "I do."