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I missed practice again while Dad had called the office and I was told to go to his gym. When I got there he still had his class going and I darted into the dojo and he nodded to me to take a seat on the ground. His other students were sitting too and it wasn't a practice but rather some talking about self-defense and street fights. "So ladies, when someone attacks you on the street, forget words 'honor' and 'pretty," started Dad and I looked around the dojo and actually all his students were women. It was too much all this girly stuff for me so I stood up and went to Dad's office to wait for him here. There was a poster on the wall in his office with me cheerleader on it. I didn't want to stare at myself so I left to Dad's side room where he could take a break or even take a nap. I was flipping through one of his yoga magazines when Dad came to his office with someone. "Oh, what a cheer!" said that someone. "Who is she that she's found a place on your wall?" "Andy, my daughter." Arghhh, Dad, don't forget to mention your daughter is a boy. And again, have I not a say in it? ~~ I thought we were attending a different doctor today but apparently, we went to the same because she had got already results of my blood tests. "You have an overall quantity of estrogens/androgens similar to an adolescent girl with very clear expressed prolactin maximum," Doctor said. "That means?" Dad asked. "That means that Andy develops more like a girl rather than like a boy," she replied. "What vitamins are you taking?" "None," I replied. "Supplements?" "Only remedy against acne." "And that is?" I told her what I knew. "Isn't it Pueraria mirifica?" she asked. "Yes, it is. I just can't pronounce its name." ~~ Long story short, that anti-acne remedy had caused the development of my breasts - nobody to claim but me. The Doc wasn't sure if giving me male hormone shots will induce male puberty or will cause only partial development of some manly attributes. Then she had called another Doc endo-something and that endo-something came into her room and after a short talk he, Dad and I went to his office. There he made me undress completely nude and examined my breasts as well as my dangling bits. Then he took a picture of my willy and balls with his phone and at last he let me dress up. He asked us to wait in the corridor while he needed to call his colleagues. "So..." he started after we were invited into his office again after some more than thirty minutes. "My colleagues and I are sure we need to wait for psychiatrist's decision. Will you discontinue taking Pueraria mirifica or not your breasts will develop steadily at a low pace. Giving you testosterone shots will give no results because testosterone is blocked by prolactin. Experimenting with higher testosterone doses would be irresponsible." ~~ I was the only one to blame. I did want to cry but I didn't want because it would be too girly. The only choice was to remain stoical and... "Andy, we'll never blame you for what you've done and we always love you no matter what decision you'll make," Dad said putting his arm over my shoulders. I sniffled and nodded. If I'd tried to speak I'd burst into tears. I decided to remain stoical. "Home?" "Mall," I said and sniffled again. "I need a new bra that's not so enhancing my tits." "Breasts," Dad corrected me. "Well, breasts. Please." This time it was another store and another saleslady and I wanted plain white or tan colored sports bra. I got both in three packs each. Saleslady tried first to encourage me into small talk but I wasn't interested and her chatting died instantly. ~~ Two days later I went to that psycho-shrink. She, her name's Melody on the name tag, was younger than Mom. After introductions, she talked with me alone a little and then with Dad a little. Afterward, I was in her office alone again and I was given a tablet to answer the test. I got to know on the internet that there were some questionnaires about one hundred questions to determine how much female or male the person was. What I got was much more questions and I was sitting there for almost three hours. Good, we didn't need to wait for test's results to be evaluated. Probably my answers were analyzed by special software on-the-fly. "Well Andy, you've shown yourself as a girl, maybe slightly on the tomboyish side but definitely the girl." "So what now?" I asked. "You say," Melody replied. "I don't want." "Let be positive. OK?" "Do not!" "Andy!" Dad interrupted. "You aren't a kid anymore." "OK. I want to be normal and I want a normal life. Normal like a normal boy or like a normal girl while now I am neither. I'm not a boy and I'm not a girl and I'll never be. There is no positive in my situation at all." "I'll help you to transform your situation into positive from what we have," Melody stated. "Not in a day and not even in a month but I'm sure few months later your attitude will be completely different and you'll be a much happier person." ~~ "The positive thing is you don't need to be afraid of getting manly if you decide to be more girly," Dad stated when we were in the car. "Don't understand..." "You've said more than once you are afraid to be seen as a girl while you may develop into a bulk young man in nearest future. Don't be, you will not." "What?" "Don't be afraid to dress as the girl while you will not develop into the man." "Oh... Really... I didn't think this way." "So try it." "Well... But there're some people who know I'm a boy and..." "Your squad?" Dad asked. "No, those three teachers, but they are not so threatening. That's Al and his..." "Are you sure?" Dad interrupted me. "Do you remember the case of Al's girlfriend?" "What she has to do with me being a boy?" "Cause you are Al's girlfriend." "ME? How... Why..." "That young woman..." "Erica," I said. "Yes, Erica questioned Al's sis to ask Al's girlfriend to babysit. Now think about it. What time it takes to call someone and explain that not you but a friend of yours needs some help and you are intermediating and asking for something?" "About ten minutes I guess." "So you heard about Al's girlfriend and no less than ten minutes later Al's sis turned to you for help," Dad recited. "No, no. It was almost immediately," I replied. "Oh... Really... But Al..." "When you inquired Al about his new girlfriend what was his reaction?" "He denied everything," I said. "As Melody has said you are definitely a girl so you don't know how two boys would talk about girls." "DAAAD!" "I'm serious. When a boy asks another boy about a girlfriend, a real or just imaginary, the first boy's reaction is manly macho, kind of 'Oh, she's hot' or at least 'I'd like it was true'. Now another situation. Boy's girlfriend is asking about his new girlfriend, no matter imaginary or real. The boy will deny everything. He will be even reluctant to discuss this question at all." "Are you sure?" "I am a man and I was a boy," he said, "so this is the first-hand knowledge." "What if you are not right and Al really has a new girlfriend and..." Dad raised his hands to interrupt me. "Listen. You are talking like a girl again now. For another boy, there is no problem at all has his friend a girlfriend or not if that girlfriend isn't his girlfriend too. Boys don't discuss their emotions or love. They brag about it." ~~ So Dad had proved I was thinking like a girl. That made me more positive about my future. And that had consequences. Endo-something doc decided I needed testosterone blockers to prevent me from becoming like other boys hairy and everything. But I was too young to get female hormones so he recommended taking the same remedy against acne I was already taking and start using herbal progesterone supplement. They were not certified like hormones or even like medicine but they were certified dietary supplements. Doc said those were better than nothing because without any hormones at all development and growth stops almost completely and to my eighteenth birthday I would be like I was now. And now I looked like twelve years old girl. Not only hormones were reserved for my eighteenth birthday. No reassignment surgery could be done but Dad said that there was a treatment that helped to look like a girl without cutting anything off. This way I could use girls' restrooms and changing rooms at school. Now I was using faculty rooms instead and for my practice, I was changing in Ms. Nors office. Another change was that psycho-shrink Melody despite she said earlier I was a tomboy tried to trick me into being more girly, like to go to school in a skirt. Maybe she was right and it wasn't a big deal. I, on the other hand, was afraid there was someone in the school who knew me as a boy and they will stone me the same day I'll appear in a skirt. Maybe I was wrong but I dreaded a lot. ~~ Girls were attending our school in jeans mostly, like me. Their jeans sure were girly hugging their butts tightly and with some embroidery and their shirts were girly too. Some girls were in skirts and those were cheerleaders mostly. I was one too. But I wasn't a girl. Mom had promised to bring me to the mall one day but she was busy all the time. So it was Dad and the same store and Leila again. This time I needed something girly but not too girly as it was right for the girl to wear but not like things her brother's hand-me-downs. "Andy needs jeans that fit her better than those she's wearing now and maybe some shirt or two," Dad explained. "Hipsters?" Leila asked. I didn't know the word so I looked at Dad for an explanation while he looked at me then we both looked at Leila. "Low rise," she said. I knew that it was low rise houses. Was Leila referring to me as a short one now? Dad and I looked at each other and then at Leila again. Leila sighed audibly. "It's about the waistline," she said. "Most girls like a lower waistline because they like their belly button showing." "Maybe not," I said. "Not what?" "I mean I want normal waist," I said. "So high waist jeans then," Leila confirmed. "Some skirts?" "I have one already," I said. "An average girl usually has ten skirts in her closet," Leila said. "I don't have a closet," I replied. "Andy has a dresser," Dad explained. "Oh, I see..." Leila trailed off. "I remember you've bought skirt weeks ago. Are you talking about this one?" "Uh, huh... Yes." "How do you like it? Do you wear it at home or to school?" she asked. "Eh... Neither," I said. "It's too short." "WHAT?" Leila shrieked. "It's miraculous. You are the first girl to say the skirt's too short." "Er... It exposes too much." "Keep your knees together and..." "I know, I know..." I interrupted her. "But there is that triangle of the flat hem and my thighs here that is showing everything." "Haven't you tried to cross your legs?" "At school? Isn't that impolite?" I wondered. "Well, no... And it helps with your posture. I mean to sit straight," Leila explained. "Well... OK... I'll give it a try. But I'd prefer something longer and maybe something not so tight..." "And what tops?" "Tops what?" I looked at Dad. "Shirts," he explained. "Blouses," Leila said. "No frills?" I asked. "No frills," Leila sighed again. "No tomboy gives in without a fight." ~~ When we started moving to the racks it downed to me that I actually didn't want a skirt. Any. Pants were OK for me so why bother with skirts, short or long, tight or lose? Maybe jeans will be the first stop... No such luck. The first stop was the shirts. They were anything but normal. The first I was given was obviously too small. It was tight short and the sleeves were too short too. It was stretchy too. Not that stretching to the normal but stretchy that clung to my body like the second skin. It showed a lot of my bare skin and what it covered was enhanced, that's my tits were enormous. I turned to Dad with a hope he will rescue me. "You look good in it," he stated. "I'd say even hot." "I don't need 'hot'. There're already some idiots that are drooling over that stupid poster." I replied. "Language..." Dad started. Why 'Language' when I wasn't cursing. 'Stupid' is a very normal word. "What poster?" Leila asked. "Moment..." Dad said and started scrolling his Smartphone. "This one," he showed his phone to Leila. "Oh!" She looked at the photo attentively. "I see your face is familiar for me. My son has this poster on the wall in his room." "Oh..." I managed to respond. "So... Do you take this crop top?" Leila asked. "Crop?..." "Cropped tee." "We take it," Dad said. "But..." "It's OK, it's not so extreme as it may look at first sight. We take it." Sure... Dad's word was the last one. I'd tried. I'd tried hard, but I was alone and they were two of them and Leila was professional and Dad was with money. We got more like that. Actually not like that one last but like that not normal. If it was a white shirt it was almost see through. Another was like normal but its sleeves were puffy and it was something ruffled and loose and was called a poet shirt. Another one was almost normal but all edges were rounded and the collar had no button but a little bow instead. At last, there was a shirt that looked like a regular flannel shirt and it felt the same but it had only two buttons on top and no buttons at the bottom while it was supposed to be tied in a knot at the bottom. All those things were called tops, not shirts or tees but tops because they were neither shirts nor tees. I'd noticed the plain tee in dark lavender but when I took it from the rack there were the words 'Bad girl' stenciled on the front and it almost made me cry because otherwise, it was excellent plain tee I could wear every day. I had my tees all plain without images or text on them. I wanted one like that but there was none. Dad had noticed my frustration so he found and bought me another one plain in coral color with almost invisible (his words) 'Daddy's princess' in gold on it. Thank you Dad(dy)! ~~ The 'tops' part was over with a bunch of them. When and where I will wear them? With tees and shirts is so much... Next stop! Bottoms. Why bottoms, by the way? Jeans were almost the same instead they were extremely tight, especially around my butt. Or was my ass really so fat? "My butt looks too fat in it," I complained trying to use only proper words. "Don't think so," Leila replied. "Say a word, sir," she turned to Dad. Those two had become conspirators recently. "Leila is right, Andy," Dad said. What else could he say? "Even more, another inch would make your bottom look better I guess." And another two pairs almost the same as the first one in slightly different color to have a change. I was ready to move on but no such luck. Skirts! "I don't need them! I have one and it's more than enough!" "Just try it on," Dad said, "if it doesn't look good we don't take it. OK?" It was a trap actually and I realized it too late. I'd tried some and most of them ended in the same bunch of purchased items. There was a full circle skirt, then a pleated one, then the tiered one which I actually liked though I didn't know when and where and for what occasions to wear it. Another was an ordinary skater skirt. Why skater, I didn't know. I had no skates and even if I had I would be like a cow on the ice. The next stop was shoes and socks or rather hosiery. This part was OK and went through it quickly. They both agreed I was too young for high heels so I ended with some trainers and ballet flats - nothing special, nothing fancy and almost no glitter. "Jewelry?" Leila asked when she was almost ready to scan all purchases. "Why?" "To be pretty." "Dad," I turned to Dad and found him studying something on the accessories rack. "Am I pretty?" "Definitely you are," he stated. "See?" I turned to Leila. "I am already, so don't bother for more." "Hey, you're playing dirty!" Leila complained as she turned to Dad, "What about some jewelry for your princess, sir?" Who's playing dirty now? ~~ Next day I went to school all girly. I'd fought hard and my defeat was only partial because of my fight. I was in my very first girly outfit. That's the straight denim skirt, lavender tights, amethyst sneakers, and burgundy turtleneck. I sure had a bra and that cami-thing on me too. And I had a new jacket on because it was December and it was cold outside. The jacket was girly too, not extremely girly but anyway, buttons were on left and there were no pockets just claps where usually pockets were supposed to be. Because there were no pockets I had the purse Dad had bought me. There I was at school all colorful and girly waiting for the bell to ring when Al approached me. He will laugh at me now because I actually was stupid and allowed this to... "Hi. You look sooo good," Al said instead. He looked at me up and down and then fixed his gaze on my tits and then licked his lips. "You are so hot really." "Look, I'm the same Andy inside," I felt uncomfortable under his stare. "Ah... OK... What I wanted to say... Look, I'll have another sis..." "Wow! I didn't notice your Mom's pregnant." "She's not," Al confirmed. "Look, Mom's sis my aunt passed away all of sudden and her daughter's the only kin relative is my Mom so she's coming here today. Terry is busy with Cassie and her studies so if you could come to my place and help Miranda to adapt to a new place..." "Randy?" I gasped. "Isn't your aunt's name Tiffany?" "It was. Did you know her?" "We were at the same yoga camp this summer with Tiffany and Randy. And now... she... sob... Tiff..." What was happening to me recently? Was I turning into a sissy with all those girly things around me? This time I couldn't keep tears from falling and I couldn't do anything with myself as I started sobbing and weeping. ~~ Now we both, that's Al and me were in VP office because some teacher thought Al made something terrible to me and that teacher came to my rescue and had brought us both into the VP office. Here Al managed to tell the story two times and explain why I was weeping and I confirmed that Al was innocent and that it was me who couldn't keep from crying. It couldn't be worse. Mrs. Gordon was one of three teachers who knew I was really a boy. Now I was in her office all in tears and Al was comforting as I was his girlfriend. It was so wrong that it made me cry even harder. Al eventually was given a pass and sent away. I, on the other hand, was still in Mrs. Gordon's office and there was My drama teacher too and she was working with my face and eyes after I finally stopped crying. "It's OK for us girls to cry after we get to know someone we have known has passed away," Mrs. Sablotzki said. "But you know I'm really not and I have no right to behave like I'm behaving now," I said and sniffled back some tears. "I guess or rather I'm sure you really are one of us just you don't know it yet." "Your friend will attend our school," Mrs. Gordon interrupted our girl talk. "She's grade ten but I guess you'll see each other during practice. She'd mentioned she was squad captain at her old school." "She's on dance squad," I said, "while I'm on stunt squad." "Oh," VP managed to say. ~~ Drama teacher had applied some makeup on me and I was not only dressed girly now but I was painted girly too. It didn't go unnoticed though. Almost everyone had complimented my good looks. I did my part too: I blushed and thanked, I thanked and blushed. I guessed my face was permanently red to the end of the day. I was excused from practice to go to Al's home and comfort Randy. There were a lot of hugs and some crying and some sniffing. I thought that practice actually was much better than self-pity sulking and crying. I dragged Randy back to school while cheerleading practice was about to start actually. The stunt was practicing in the gym while dancers in the auditorium so I lead her to drama class where dancers were changing and introduced her to dance squad coach Ms. Miles and their captain Allison. After some pleasantries and some hugs and some tears again they were bubbling about what they usually did. Randy was accepted without try-outs so I left her in the auditorium and went to Ms. Nors office to change myself. "Haven't I excused you to comfort your friend?" Ms. Nors asked. "I have already," I replied. "I guessed practice was better than sulking." "So where is she?" "In the auditorium." "Why not here? We could use another flyer. Sarah and Liz are graduating this year." "Yeah, I know. But Randy is... Keep it secret, please! So she's like fearing heights. Working on the beam that was lying on the ground was a real challenge for her," I explained. "It's acrophobia," Ms. Nors said. "Ah, thanks, I'm confusing it with arachnophobia, I guess." "That one is about spiders." "Yeah... I know." ~~ After the practice, Randy and I went again to Al's home as it was Randy's home too now. There I helped her to settle in her new bedroom that previously was Terry's bedroom after Terry moved to the first-floor guest bedroom with Cassie. Then we fussed with Cassie and then Randy and I cried a little again and then I went home. Only at home, it dawned to me that all day I was dressed as a girl, and not simply a girl but a girly girl while I was in a skirt. Randy's arrival helped me to forget that I was supposed to be sulking. I'd actually enjoyed myself. It was caused by Randy I guess. It's always good to reunite with friends. ~~ After the homecoming game, there was another important event coming - state competition. Stunts and dancers will perform together so practice routine now included dancing drill too. Only two weeks were left so we were practicing three hours a day and additionally on Saturdays and Sundays. The event was held in the state capital and as the state capital isn't the biggest city they even didn't have the squad to compete. The competition was planned in Community College gym as it was bigger than in the school and it had bleachers for the public to sit. Intense practice actually was a pain but at the same time, it was good for Randy. She was thinking less about her Mom and crying less because she was too busy with homework and practice. Now with Randy here and with intense practice and everything I was spending even less time with Al as before. I was spending a lot of time with Randy but she liked more to come to my place instead of being at home. With me, at my home, she felt as everything was as previously while at home even the fact of her being there reminded her about the loss. When we were together she taught me some girly things like makeup and nails and hair. I wasn't about to cut my hair or die it another color. I learned to put it in different ponytails and into special high tail when the hair was actually tied and raised up and then left and looked like it was loose but actually was tied and didn't get into the face. The next thing to do with my hair was to braid it. The single braid I liked the most. With a ribbon braided in it, some color could be added. My hair was very long so the braid was long too so I could roll it and twist it and tie it and raise it and then tie in the knot. Possibilities were almost endless but a single loose braid with a ribbon in it I liked the most. Makeup? I wasn't ready for it yet. It was good looking on others but not on me. Even when Randy painted me so carefully I didn't like it. No. It was not my thing. The only thing make up related I really liked were nails. I liked them dark with some blue shades in the color. I was good at matching them with the color of the things I was wearing. Anyway, any other makeup wasn't good for cheerleading. Anything painted on the face was steadily converting into combat paint during practice or at the game. Only waterproof mascara and eye paint worked. When we went to the state capital for a competition I was even more girly than when I came to school in a skirt. My hair was braided with a ribbon in it and my nails were painted and I even had some mascara. The place was two hours away by bus so we didn't need to stay overnight like other girls. The only bad thing was I couldn't get the same privacy for changing and showering as at home. Ms. Nors interceded for other girls to let me use the far end of the changing room and to use the only available semi-private showering cubicle because I was very shy (her words). I was showering after the competition already. By the way, we got second place. So I showered in that semi-private cubicle and reached with my hand for the towel where I'd left it before entering the cubicle and there was nothing. There was the hook but no towel. I looked at the floor for it may be dropped down and there was nothing on the floor too. I could hear other girls in the changing room. What could I do? I covered my groin and breasts with my hands and scooted to my locker. There was my towel hanging on the locker door but it was shut and I needed me both hands to open the door and grab the towel. I had to uncover myself. That I did indeed. At the same moment, I heard the changing room door open and instinctively turned around. There was Ms. Nors standing and she was staring at me and she was turning as white as a sheet of paper. "At last!" I heard Lucille say. I turned around and there were all girls here in various stages of undressing while Sheila and Liz, another flyer, were completely nude like I was. "At last we've proved you are a girl like any other girl in this room, cause we all are tired of your constant 'I'm not like you' nonsense," Lucille said. "Don't be so shy around us girl, we are the same." There I was the nude girl standing in front of other girls and our coach. I'd to admit Dad was right again. That very simple procedure made me look like any other girl. The Doc was reluctant at first but then, after I'd told I had no erection more than a year, he conceded and made what Dad was asking for. Despite my change, I was still shy around girls and not only girls because I had boys' parts hidden and I felt like a pervert with undressed girls around. ~~ Back at home, we were honored at school by the principal during a gathering in the auditorium. To be the second in the state isn't bad anyway. The squad had got a trophy from the state and it showed that the squad wasn't less important as the football team or girls' volleyball team. Both teams had more events and eventually they had more trophies but only cheerleaders had won the trophy in the state competition. Christmas was nearing with its dance events but those were for seniors and juniors while freshman like me and Al and sophomores like Randy were still too young for dating. Rami, on the other hand, was dating Alice and they were spending a lot of time at our home while Rami said they were doing their homework together. I'd caught them a couple of times with Rami's hand groping Alice's breast so they maybe really were studying human anatomy. Otherwise, Alice was cool to talk and she offered to take me and Randy with them to Kennebunkport to Christmas prelude fair. I liked the idea and Randy was eager to go too. There wasn't much snow for skiing yet and the weather wasn't suited for hiking or just walking either. So Alice's offer came rather pat. We got to Kennebunkport less than in an hour and there we separated. That's Rami and Alice went one way while Randy and I another. We went through the main street with shops and booths. There was a pooch parade and that was great fun to watch dogs in fancy costumes. While strolling from booth to the booth we met Chris and Sean. Chris said they had met Rami with Alice first and they'd said we were here too. So that wasn't pure accident while boys were looking for Randy and me. After some reshuffle, Randy ended with Sean while I with Chris. It suited me. I liked Chris the most of all boys on squad. Like at any other fair there were booths with various competitions and boys had an opportunity to show off. I was a boy too so I'd tried too there was something wrong with my aim. So I left it to Sean and Chris. The boys were aiming while Randy and I were cheering. And boys had aimed a few times. "I've got to know your great secret," Chris suddenly said so... so out of the blue. Yeah... I had to know before agreeing to go out as a girl that eventually someone may and will to reveal my secret. The time had come. "I was suspicious from the very first day we met," he said, "and now Rami and Randy confirmed it." How? Randy had never said she really knew. How Rami could... "Now I know for sure you have not a single stuffed animal. So let it be the first," and Chris presented me a huge Teddy Bear. Yes, it was that classical Teddy Bear the boyfriend Chris wins for his girlfriend Andy, me.