FACE THE STRANGE by Crazy Baron
Chapter 8: Out of Time
"Yes?" Rupert Giles prompted me. "What is it?"
I was tongue-tied and could only stare him in the eyes. He was
standing right in front of me, gazing at me with an extremely
concerned expression on his face.
"Uh, I---" I stuttered and looked around, disoriented and thoroughly
confused. I had been preparing to fight a demon in the forest outside
of Greensville mere fractions of a second ago. The fiend was charging
at me with its mouth hanging open, and I had my axe ready to give it a
fatal blow. The monster had inexplicably morphed into the neatly
dressed, friendly British man.
My legs threatened to give way, and I lurched dizzily forward. Giles
opened his arms and reached out to catch me, but I managed to steady
myself in the nick of time and remained on my feet. As before, I was
outdoors and surrounded by a forest, but the air was warmer and softer
than in Greensville. The bright daylight was gone as well.
For some reason, seeing the black sky and its innumerable little stars
above me was the crucial perception that helped my addled brain to
straighten itself out for the most part. I had returned to the
Buffyverse and was once more in the shoes of the heroine herself. This
was the druidic retreat in Breakers Woods, I remembered; we were at
the top of a hill, in a small clearing, where a pitched battle had
just been fought. The revolting smell that issued from the carcasses
of the slain Sathir'na demons littering the ground suddenly registered
in my mind, and even though my sense of balance didn't threaten to
fail me anymore, the stench was almost equally effective in
incapacitating me as the dimensional shift had been.
"Can we go home?" Dawn's tired voice begged. She was right beside me,
a foot or so away, and she closed the distance, took my hand and
pressed herself gently against me in a bid for both affection and
protection. I was briefly confounded to see her again as a thirteen-
year-old as opposed to the somewhat older and more mature girl Scott
had become, and a wave of endearment, mixed with acute concern for her
safety, washed over me.
"Yeah," I said and swallowed hard. "We're going. We'll leave for
Sunnydale immediately."
"Not quite immediately, I'm afraid," Giles corrected me in a
sympathetic and apologetic tone. "There's still the matter of finding
and destroying the Angronok talisman."
"So this was all because of some stupid old amulet?" my sister moaned
in exasperation. She was fortunately as good as unhurt after her
kidnapping and captivity at the hands of the Sathir'na, but that half
a day of her life had to have been extremely harrowing. Since she
naturally had no clue as to what the talisman was and what powers it
held, her embittered and disbelieving reaction was perfectly
understandable. "What have you gotten me into, Buffy? Why is this
happening?"
"It's a bit difficult to explain," I replied. She hugged me and sobbed
quietly against my shoulder, and I held her and stroked her hair.
"I'll tell you the whole story when... when we get home. The
talisman's extremely important. We have to find it, because if it
falls into the wrong hands, somebody could use it to summon a super
demon and end the world. It's a big deal, Dawnie, and you didn't
suffer for nothing, but I'm so sorry you got involved. We didn't take
that possibility into account. I was worried sick when I thought... We
were all worried for you."
A few dozen yards away, steadily radiating its faint bluish shine and
completely unperturbed by the events around it, was the round outline
of the transdimensional gateway. My heart sank at the sight. The spell
"Willow" and "Tara" had cast in Greensville had not had any visible
effect on the portal, much less closed it for good. Maybe their magic
simply hadn't worked, or perhaps Tara, the former Bucko Griffin, had
not recalled the invocation correctly; or maybe the demons who had
attacked us had routed and killed our counterparts there, at the other
end of the portal, before the spell was finished.
As soon as this thought had occurred to me, I spotted Willow out of
the corner of my eye. She was holding a half-burnt, blown out candle
and, giving a wince of slight pain, showing both the candle and her
hand to Giles. Since she was alive and well in this reality, Jake
White's consciousness had most likely not yet passed irrevocably over
to the great unknown. I couldn't help but smile at the happy thought.
This relief aside, it was not as if everything were straightforward
and clear now. The monsters that had come out of the gateway in
Greensville hadn't entered the portal here, that much was obvious; we
had seen no signs of demons or vampires other than the Sathir'na and
Spike's gang--fortunately, as they had been challenging enough for us
to beat. Although I had no real understanding of the mechanics of the
portal, my observations strongly suggested that it had more than two
ends. The invading demons had to be from a place other than Breakers
Woods, possibly from an entirely different plane of existence. If that
was true, then barging heedlessly into the portal with Dawn and
holding out hope we would miraculously end up in Greensville instead
of some unimaginable hell dimension was plain idiotic.
Dawn let go of me slowly and wiped a tiny tear off her cheek. Making
an attempt at a brave smile, she said, "I'll live, I guess. I never
doubted you were going to find and rescue me."
"And you never should," I told her emphatically. "You'll have me
looking after you as long as I live, whether you want it or not."
"Uh, guys?" Xander spoke up. He and Oz had been walking over the site
together, presumably searching for the talisman, but they had stopped
near the first trees on the far side of the clearing. "What do you
think that thing over there is?" He gestured at the light ring.
As Giles turned to look, his eyes widened for a moment, but he rapidly
regained his perfect composure and he concentrated his attention on
the strange phenomenon. Wearing a keen, matter-of-fact expression, he
made his way intently towards the portal, stepping across two large
Sathir'na bodies in the process. True to his diligent and prudent
character, however, he didn't touch the light circle, keeping a
distance of a few feet between it and himself. He studied it intently
for quite a while, taking his glasses off and then putting them back
on.
"Astounding," he commented. "Absolutely astounding. I haven't
encountered anything like this ever before."
"What is it?" Angel asked him.
"It, um, appears to be an aperture of some kind," the Watcher
explained. Despite his thorough education and expertise in occult
topics, he was clearly struggling to find the suitable terms to
describe what he was seeing. "If I'm not mistaken, I-I believe this is
one end of the dimensional gateway that the acolytes of Angronok are
attempting to create."
Xander was the next to speak. "It's already open? All our favorite Old
One has to do is wake up and say, 'Oh look, the cell door's unlocked
and the guards are on vacation'? Must be his lucky day!"
"No, I shouldn't think so," Giles replied without taking his eyes off
the portal. "We'd be dead by now if that was the case. It seems to me
the gate is not fully active and whoever tried to open it wasn't
entirely successful."
"Who could've done that, anyway?" Willow wondered. "The demons?"
Giles rubbed his temples, as if suffering from a headache, and finally
turned his back to the wormhole. "Perhaps," he mused. "I would've
thought it unlikely that they possess the requisite knowledge and
skills to perform the ritual, or even the interest to do so, but I
must admit I can't come up with a plausible alternative explanation.
This place has intrinsic properties that amplify magic, and that could
have facilitated their spell."
"Or," Xander added, "in plain English: bad guy still locked up, good
guys still breathing, good guys happy."
"Something like that, apart from the last part. We're certainly not in
the clear yet. The talisman must be recovered and destroyed
immediately, and then---"
"Will that shut down the portal?" Faith interjected.
"I'm not positive, but it should do the trick. Angronok's power is
what sustains the gateway, and in his absence the sole source of that
power can be the talisman."
Oz had apparently deemed this exchange less than captivating and had
resumed searching the ground. Poking around near a couple of the
fallen demons, he suddenly bent down and picked up something small. He
held the object in his fingertips, turned it around and inquired in
his trademark understated and unexcitable tone, "Is this it?"
Giles wasted no time. He almost ran to Oz, who handed his discovery to
the older man without delay. As it rested on Giles' palm, I could see
that it was a flat disk, not much bigger than a large coin and
reflecting the light of the fire in shades of gold. It was precisely
identical to the item I had witnessed the Sathir'na boss handle just
before the previous battle against the demons in the abandoned
factory.
The talisman was seemingly as harmless and plain as anything, an
object that might hold the interest of a devoted numismatician but
scarcely anyone else. Giles perused it much in the same manner he had
examined the mouth of the gateway, with little apart from the glow in
his eyes and his concentrated expression revealing his awe at
encountering something that he had so far only seen mentioned in
obscure books, and then in passing or with the qualification that the
thing in question may not actually exist.
Xander broke the reverent silence. "We're going to destroy it now-ish,
right?"
"What?" Giles snapped out of his trance. "Destroy? Ah, yes, of course.
We must carry on with that, forthwith."
"I'm glad to hear you say that," Xander commented. "For a moment
there, I was starting to fear you might go all Gollum on us and claim
the itsy bitsy world-dominating trinket for yourself."
"No danger of that happening, I can assure you," the Watcher retorted
dryly. "Faith, do you have the Gromoth gem?"
"Yeah, right here," she replied and approached Giles. She dug into her
jacket pocket and pulled out an item wrapped in brown paper. Faith
peeled the wrapping off and revealed a round, smooth gemstone or
pearl, milky white in color and about the size of the egg of a small
bird. She handed it to Giles, who received it with utmost care, making
sure not to drop it. He had the talisman in his other hand so the two
couldn't come into direct contact. The scientist in me, who had been
semi-permanently banished to passively lurking in the background,
might have imagined him as a nuclear physicist handling two barely
sub-critical masses of plutonium, but to the Slayer me, Giles was my
Watcher, preparing to perform a vitally important magical ritual.
"It's been a while since I last saw one of those," Angel said.
"They're not easy to come by."
"My boss is pretty well connected," Faith commented smugly and gave a
smirk. "That can pay off sometimes."
"What is that, anyway?" Oz inquired in his turn. "A jewel?"
"Um, not exactly," the Watcher said.
"But it's called a gem nevertheless?"
"Yes."
"Intriguing."
"So, it's a gem but it's not a gem," Xander recapitulated. "A fine
statement, if you're into quantum mysticism and subjective realities
and that kind of stuff, but I have to admit you lost me."
"I'm inclined to believe you don't want a detailed description," Giles
told him.
"You know, maybe I do. It'd be nice to have a basic understanding of
at least something that goes on around you, for a change."
"Very well," the Watcher sighed. "The gem originates from the parallel
dimension inhabited by the Gromoth demons. It's highly priced because
it is both difficult to obtain and effective in canceling the magic of
other inanimate objects. For example, if you have an enchanted blade
and press a Gromoth gem against it, the metal will lose its magical
properties and become just ordinary steel. In this case, the talisman
is crafted with such powerful spells that the gem alone is not enough
to make it inert, but we can use the gem to weaken the binding forces
in the talisman so that it'll be vulnerable to destruction by ordinary
means, such as heating."
"See? I'm still listening and moderately interested. Learning really
is cool, folks. So, what's the gem made of?"
"It's crystallized biological material that's secreted by the spongy
upper gonads of the male Gromoth. It builds up inside their secondary
seminal ducts, rather like pearls, and the gems are harvested by, uh,
killing the demons a-and... cutting off and dissecting their
genitals."
A stunned and somewhat disgusted silence followed Giles' summary, with
just Angel (and, to a lesser extent, Oz) more or less undisturbed.
Even Faith briefly grimaced out of revulsion.
"Am I the only one who gets the queasy vibe around here?" Xander
finally piped up, evidently oblivious to the reaction of the others.
He came casually a little closer to me. "I mean, it's not like I
haven't run into some pretty weird and gross things before, because
it's pretty much a given by this point that I have, but..."
"Men, albeit demon men, getting their balls torn off so we could have
nice magical amulets? Kinda makes you wonder if the Creator God of
your home universe is actually a balding male feminist with daddy
issues," I said to him flippantly and added a subdued chuckle at the
end.
"Huh?" he blurted out, nonplussed. "Say what?"
"Um, nothing. Just a joke."
Giles apparently felt that we had better get on with the rest of our
mission, and so he initiated the ritual. Closing his eyes and holding
both of his hands in front of him, with their palms up, he recited a
short spell in a muttering voice and a language that I didn't
recognize. He stood unmoving and quiet for a few more seconds,
presumably to focus his willpower, until he opened his eyes and
started to rub the gem against the talisman.
There was no external indication of anything out of the ordinary
happening. Neither the talisman nor the gem emitted sparkles of light,
strange sounds or mysterious smells that my senses could detect.
However, I noticed that the gem was breaking up. It was obviously
softer than the material of which the talisman was made, and little by
little it crumbled into fine dust that fell through Giles' fingers.
Soon, just a tiny piece remained, and then that disappeared in a
matter of moments. I had no idea if the gem wearing out and being
obliterated in this manner was the expected outcome or not. However,
Giles didn't express any surprise or dismay, even in his typical
restrained manner, and I took this as a good sign.
With the last of the gem gone, Giles held the talisman up again and
looked it over. He didn't say anything, but there was an air of very
cautious satisfaction about him, according to my interpretation. In
any case, I was unable to see a difference in the talisman, compared
to how it had appeared before the gem was applied to it. For all I
could see, the gem had left no mark whatsoever on the disk.
"I'm ready, the 'Eww!' factor aside," Willow announced eagerly. "How
do we do the destruction spell?"
"There is no actual spell to be performed, as such," Giles explained.
"We have the demons' campfire at our disposal, and if I have so far
managed to avoid any grievous, uh, cockups, we just need to toss the
talisman in. Combined with the effects of the Gromoth gem, that should
be enough."
"Oh," she said with a crestfallen look. "I was under the impression
we'd do an incantation a-and sprinkle some powder on the amulet and
call on the forces of Higher Beings and... fun things like that. But
apparently not."
"The simpler the ritual," Giles remarked, "the less likely it is to go
wrong."
"I guess. Hey, is there anything else I can do to help? Can I throw it
in the flames?"
"I'll take care of that. If I'm not mistaken, there is a small chance
the talisman's energy will dissipate explosively, and I'm unwilling to
expose anyone but myself. If something does go wrong, I may well
require your assistance and medical attention. Your offer is at any
rate very much appreciated, Willow."
"Okay," she said and managed a faint smile, but it failed to hide her
disappointment completely.
We, the others, retreated some distance away from the fire, while
Giles remained standing close to it, still holding the talisman. No
one could say what the magical explosion might be like and what its
effects would be, so we had no idea whether or not we were safe.
Regardless, leaving the opening altogether was equally unpalatable as
staying too near when the talisman and its forces broke up, since that
would have essentially meant abandoning Giles to face the hazard
alone.
"Infectum fias!" the Watcher exclaimed as he swung his arm back and
lobbed the talisman carefully and accurately into the fire. It landed
in the middle of the burning pieces of wood and caused a little shower
of sparks.
I stared at the fire, held my breath and waited, but nothing happened
for several seconds. The talisman was so small that it easily
disappeared in the glow, making it impossible to see if it was in any
way affected. The campfire itself was nowhere near hot enough to melt
bronze, let alone gold, so whatever occurred would be the result of
the magical forces alone, Angronok's power bound in the amulet and our
ritual that was intended to undo it.
Just as I was wondering if the talisman was simply going to vanish
unceremoniously, or if the magic in it would fizzle out of existence
without giving us anything to see or hear, the light show began. A
loud crackle burst out, and brilliant tongue of blue-green-white flame
shot up from the fire, grew rapidly in height and reached for the sky.
I closed my eyes when a wave of intense heat hit my face.
The moment of truth had arrived. The talisman was being destroyed.
Angronok would forever be barred from entering our world, and with any
luck, the reality changes would also come to an end. Perhaps I would
soon be back where I belonged, as myself. I braced for another abrupt
shift in my surroundings and prayed silently that it would be the
last.
Almost at once, the heat began to wane and the dazzling light died
out; the vast forces once contained in the amulet had been drained and
released. I opened my eyes, only to see the fire burning in front of
me as before. I spun around to look at the portal. The glowing ghostly
ring seemed to dim and flicker very briefly, and then it disappeared,
exactly as though someone had powered it off by flipping a switch. Now
there was nothing where the circle had floated seconds ago, except for
the backdrop of trees standing as quiet, dark figures in the calm
night.
"It's done," Giles declared in a low voice. He was thankfully
uninjured by the blast, as were the rest of us. Someone let out a
relieved sigh.
It would be an understatement to say that my feelings were mixed. We
had won, that much was virtually guaranteed, but if my sensations were
to be trusted, I was still firmly planted in the Buffyverse. No
reality warp had whisked me back to Greensville or my city apartment.
The people around me were a collection of TV show characters, albeit
in the form of flesh-and-blood, living and breathing actual human
beings (Angel partially excepted). What was more, the dimensional
portal that could theoretically have offered a way home for me and my
friends had been wiped out.
The apprehension soon began to change into a devastating certainty,
and it dawned on me that I might after all be doomed to live as Buffy
Summers until I, or she, died. I had once been resigned to this fate,
but then temporarily reprieved and taken to an unhinged future
reality, next to Greensville for a few days, and eventually back here,
probably to stay. The disappointment was overwhelming.
A few moments of such reflection was sufficient to have me on the
verge of crying openly, but I knew that breaking down wouldn't have
done any good. I had to wait until I was back in Sunnydale and alone
before I could allow the tears to flow. The will that was toying with
me might easily have more surprises in store, and one day it could
conceivably release me and let me continue with my own life, but it
seemed foolish to trust it to take pity on me, considering how it had
treated me so far. Even if did leave me alone at some point, the
mental wounds I had suffered might never heal entirely.
Where I found the reserve of strength I needed to pull myself together
again, I have no clue. Perhaps I had my own streak of intrinsic
fatalism to thank, but the recovery was much more likely due to the
Buffy personality and its unarguably brighter outlook. We had stopped
the Big Bad and saved not only this world but all the others as well;
that was a fantastic triumph. My personal sacrifice was ultimately
insignificant in comparison to what we had achieved. Even if I had to
stay in Sunnydale for the rest of my days and go through innumerable
nightmarish experiences in Buffy's place, I could at least take solace
in the fact that Angronok would never again be able to threaten my
family and friends in Greensville.
So be it, I said to myself. Bring it on. I took a deep, slow breath
and felt reinvigorated, once more ready to deal with whatever was to
come. Despondency was beginning to fade out and to give room for
determination and defiance. I had bounced back from the doldrums much
as I had in Greensville, before the battle in the woods, as though
someone had given me an unspoken reassurance that I would win in the
end. The enigmatic force responsible for my adventures would not have
the sadistic pleasure to see me crumble. The last laugh was mine.
With the bleak emotions and thoughts mostly set aside, my mind
gradually returned to the present. There were practical problems that
we had to tackle right away. Given that Dawn was safe, no issue was
more pressing to me than the question of Faith's loyalty. The
destruction of the talisman had removed our common interest, and if
she were to stay true to her character, she would resume her role as
the sidekick to the Mayor of Sunnydale, a major bad guy in his own
right. While Richard Wilkins III was luckily not as powerful as
Angronok, he was hardly any less evil than his hellgod competitor.
"Faith?" I addressed the brunette Slayer. "Can I have a word with
you?"
"Sure thing, B," she replied in a conversational tone and stepped
closer. "What's on your mind?"
"I was thinking that maybe we should talk in private."
"Fine by me."
She joined me, and we walked across the clearing to the shade of the
tall trees, not far from where the portal had hovered. The others gave
us a few intrigued looks but were too tactful to offer any comments.
"Okay," she prompted. "Lay it on." She didn't bother to lower the
volume of her speech much, and we understood that we were not fully
out of earshot of the rest of the Gang, but in the name of politeness,
each party acted as though it couldn't overhear the other.
"I have a question," I began and punctuated the sentence with a short
pause. "What happens now?"
"What do you mean?" she asked back. "We go home, and that pretty much
wraps things up for the night. Or do you have, like, other plans I
should know about?"
"No, it's not that."
"I was kinda hoping for you guys to give me a ride back to town. Don't
feel like walking all the way to Sunnydale, though the weather's
alright."
"I'm talking about us," I clarified, a little annoyed at her feigned
obtuseness. "What's going to happen between you and me?"
"Oh, didn't really see that one coming," she chuckled, reacting with
mock, poorly faked surprise. "Are you about to reveal something big
about yourself?"
"You mind cutting that out and being serious for a moment?" I chided
her. "Our work here is done, and Angronok's world domination is off
the table. Where does that leave us?"
"Right where we started, far as I can see," she replied without
hesitation, giving the impression that the whole matter of her
allegiance and the ongoing conflict between her and the Scooby Gang
bordered on irrelevancy. "You go your way, I go mine. We both do our
own thing and see how stuff turns out in the end. Nothing to it."
"That's all well and good in principle, but I hate to remind you there
are a couple of speed bumps up ahead--or actually head-on collisions.
Your boss is preparing to become a demon, he's looking to eat half of
the population of Sunnydale for his first dinner, and you and I have a
death match marked in our planners. That doesn't exactly spell out
'nothing to it' to me."
"You're way overthinking this," she retorted. "Loosen up, Buffy. Worry
about tomorrow when it's here. We're not doomed to some prescribed
destiny that was carved in stone when the world was made. It doesn't
work like that. We can choose for ourselves and pick the path we want
to travel."
I looked into Faith's expressive brown eyes, trying to penetrate her
armor and catch a glimpse of her hidden feelings, but I could detect
nothing except relaxed confidence combined with contentment that
almost bordered on full-blown arrogance. She was genuinely unfazed by
the grim prospects of our future in this world, or else she concealed
her misgivings and insecurity perfectly, outdoing her fictional
counterpart in that respect. Larry Simmons, a dedicated Buffy the
Vampire Slayer fan, had eagerly embraced being Faith, and despite
having to come to terms with her tragic side and her perilous calling,
he had undeniably achieved a form of happiness and fulfillment as her.
I would have to start striving for the same goal if I were to adapt to
my new life in this world.
"That may be what Faith's thinking," I remarked, "but I'd like to hear
Leslie's insights. Or Larry's."
"Don't you remember what I told you? Leslie and Larry don't exist
anymore, simple as that. Gone for good. There's just me, like it or
not."
I glanced to the side and sighed quietly. "You know," I went on and
gave her a wistful smile, "I really wish we could talk completely out
of character, if only for one last time. It would be so much easier
for both of us if we didn't have to keep up this... this charade.
Besides, there were things I wanted to say to Larry. Unresolved stuff.
I guess I'm never going to get the closure I was hoping for."
"I feel you," she responded, "but I wouldn't let it bother me. Larry
Simmons is no more, and the same goes for Mike Caldwell, so whatever
bad blood there was between those two is none of our problem. And
while we're at it, you'd better strike out the crapola about this
being a charade. It's not; it's the reality now for you and me and our
friends. This is who we are. I don't understand why you can't get that
through your head."
"I'm still Mike," I said. "Or a big part of me is. I think like him
and I act and talk like him, most of the time."
"No, you don't," she corrected me in an exultant tone. "You're totally
out of it if you honestly believe what you just said. Nobody looks at
you and goes, 'Hey, there's the dorky guy from the next dimension
over', 'cause that guy has left the building. He's not around anymore,
B. Maybe you don't notice it yourself, or maybe you refuse to, but
everyone else sees you're Buffy, through and through. It's plain as
day. So stop giving me the bullshit about being a man at heart and not
wanting to let go. That got old long ago."
I uttered a tired, dry laugh to conceal the disturbing effect that her
words had had on me. "Seems like we start going in circles every time
we talk about this stuff."
"And you wanna know why that is?" she shot back, not missing a beat. I
didn't mistake her rejoinder for anything other than a purely
rhetorical question and also an ultimatum of sorts. I was supposed to
concede her point and admit that I had indeed become one with Buffy,
or alternatively close my mouth on the topic.
Before I could humor her in either way, though, a blood-curdling
screech pierced the night and gave everybody a start. It was a high-
pitched, drawn out scream of unspeakable agony, one that could have
come equally well from an animal, a human or a demon. Faith and I fell
back on our instincts and looked around, scouring the shadows with our
eyes for movement and immediate threats, but could see none.
"A pretty creditable voice acting performance," Xander quipped when
the sound had faded out. As was usual for him, the wisecrack served
both to hide and to vent his fear so that he was able to maintain his
composure. "It's been great fun, but I'm picturing us packing the
picnic up and going home. Who's for some late night snack and a bit of
cozy winding down?"
He had barely finished speaking when another terrific scream cut
through the air. While the first one had caught me completely by
surprise, I was far more alert by this time and expecting something to
happen. The source of the sound had to be in the heavily wooded area
to our left, I estimated, and not very far.
Faith had evidently drawn the same conclusions. "Stay here," she told
the non-Slayer members of our group. "We'll go and check it out."
"Be careful," Willow advised, but Faith had already taken off and was
racing through the thicket roughly in the direction where I thought
the howls had originated. I ran after her, ignoring the mild protests
by the muscles in my limbs, which had been denied the opportunity to
recuperate properly from the combat against the Sathir'na.
Neither of us had any idea of what we would find. A couple of
possibilities flashed through my mind during our sprint: an escaped
demon, who was severely wounded and attempting to save itself by
hiding in the woods, might have been in its death throes; or perhaps a
few vampires from Spike's scattered posse were nearby and fighting
with someone else or among themselves. I would much rather have
followed Xander's suggestion and quit while we were ahead, but we had
to ascertain there were no more enemies lurking around and poised to
strike when we left the place at long last.
The undergrowth was not very dense and the side of the hill sloped
very gradually down towards the valley below, which was fortunate for
us, considering how little light there was. Even so, I needed every
advantage my sharpened vision and instincts could provide me to be
able to speed through the woods without losing my footing or tripping
over.
In a short time, we reached another round grassy clearing, not more
than about a hundred yards from the ritual site and much smaller than
it. The spot appeared as though someone had, in an extremely
deliberate manner, cut down a handful of trees to make a tiny opening
in the otherwise undisturbed forest and then tended to it regularly
for decades to prevent it from growing over. There, in the middle of
the clearing, kneeling on the ground and leaning forward, was the
haggard form of Dan Lee.
I stopped in my tracks and assumed a ready stance, cursing under my
breath that I had forgotten to bring a weapon with me. A scant second
or two later, however, I grasped the fact that Dan no longer posed a
threat, his previous demonstrations of fighting skills
notwithstanding. His entire body was shaking violently, and the
formerly meticulously clean green suit was stained by brown dirt and
bits and pieces of vegetation. Dan was bareheaded, having dropped his
fedora when he had fought against me at the ritual site.
"What do we have here?" Faith spoke in an evilly pleased manner and
started to circle closer to Dan, sizing him up. "You're the jerk who
tried to buy the talisman from the Sathir'na, aren't you? You've been
a bad boy, Danny, a real bad boy. You're gonna get a bit of
disciplining because of that, you know."
Her presence had not registered with Dan, who abruptly raised his head
and bellowed again. I was tempted to plug my ears as another hellish
scream burst out of his mouth. The inhuman screech raised in pitch
until his voice cracked, and it changed into a series of loud, deep
growls, intermingled with breathless sobs. Dan collapsed, and his
whole body was wracked with spasms.
"Something tells me you're a sore loser," Faith stated in her
trademark sneering style, but I noticed that she was nonetheless
slightly taken aback by the intensity of Dan's suffering. "Lemme
guess. Your boss doesn't cut any slack for people who screw up, is
that it?"
"I think you're right, Faith," I said softly. I had figured out that
her observation, though little more than an off-the-cuff taunt, must
have hit the nail on the head. Angronok had sent Dan on a mission to
get the talisman, and now the demon lord was cruelly punishing his
servant for the failure to see the all-important task to its
successful completion.
The grass and bushes rustled behind me, and I tore my eyes off the
convulsing Dan and spun on my heels to face the approaching shadow. As
it emerged from the shade of the trees and came onto the clearing, I
could see that it was Giles. He walked slowly and cautiously up to me,
keeping his attention on the wretched man in green clothes. Giles had
a flashlight, and he pointed the beam at Dan. It revealed that the
young man's plump and homely face was twisted into an awful, gruesome
grimace and his eyes were sunken and bloodshot. His hair, which had
been covered by his hat until this point, was a collection of uneven
patches of thin, frizzy black curls, which looked singed, downright
charred in places.
Meanwhile, Dan was being assaulted by another seizure. "No!" he yelled
and slammed his fists against the ground. His voice was reduced to a
hoarse whisper. "No! Don't... Don't leave me! Don't leave me now! I
don't... I can't... I'm sorry! I don't want to go back! Don't make me
go back! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
"Did you do something to him?" Giles asked me quickly and in a subdued
voice.
"No," I replied. "We found him like this."
Dan's cries and anguished pleas devolved into wordless gurgling, as
invisible hands were apparently throttling him. He rolled and quivered
on the grass, his arms wrapped around his torso and his mouth gasping
desperately for air. His master was certainly making him pay, I mused
and to my amazement felt a smidgen of pity towards Dan Lee. I would
have liked to save him from the clutches of the demon's power; on the
other hand, considering what he had done and attempted to do, I would
also have enjoyed nothing better than giving him a good, thorough
beating. He had deserved it, and richly. In any event, we could do
little besides watch.
Unexpectedly, Dan went absolutely quiet and his movements ceased in a
heartbeat. He lay on his stomach, with his head twisted to the side
and his half-open, unblinking eyes reflecting the rays of the
flashlight. I was convinced that he had died, but then, after at least
ten seconds had passed, his hand twitched. He closed his eyes, opened
them again and began to clamber to his feet stiffly and laboriously.
Giles, acting out of spontaneous compassion and proper manners,
stepped forward to help him, but Dan managed to get up and stand on
his own, however barely.
"How do you feel, Daniel?" Giles inquired considerately. "A-are you in
pain? Can you breathe normally?"
There was no answer. Dan, literally dumbstruck, stared at us with his
mouth agape. The confident dandy persona had been ripped apart,
leaving behind only vestiges and ruins of the retarded young man whom
I had first seen walking on the road outside of Chesterton a small
lifetime ago. The determination and persistence in his eyes had
evaporated, and a dull, empty gaze, devoid of the smallest sign of
intelligence, emotion or purpose, had taken their place. This change
in him was no less shocking than the torment he had suffered. After
scourging his body, Angronok had completed the punishment by crushing
Dan's mind.
I shuddered involuntarily when the extent of Dan's miserable fate
started to become clear to me. Somehow, Angronok had lured the stupid
and trusting Dan into his service and used him as long as the boy was
useful, spoken through him and made him into a puppet that ran the
hellgod's errands. Dan had been imbued with mystical powers and
temporarily elevated above most mortals, but when the thrall could
serve his function no more, he was thrown away like a torn, dirty
shirt and broken up.
"Daniel?" Giles addressed him again. "Are you---?"
Dan, with his face frozen in the slack-jawed, blank state, paid the
Watcher no attention. Instead, he turned slowly around and began to
walk off with shaky, robotic steps. If he was aware of us, he regarded
us as mere background noise to be filtered out. He was going directly
forward, headed for an unknown fate and destination.
"His mind has been irreparably damaged, I'd wager," Giles said when
Dan's figure was almost completely out of sight. "Angronok probably
takes greater pleasure in making him a hollow shell of a human than in
simply killing him. I don't believe Dan can fend for himself,
especially out here."
"I hate to play the bad guy," I commented for my part, "but I say we
let him go. What becomes of him is out of our hands. I gave him a ride
once, and I'm not about to make that same mistake a second time."
"Okay, whatever," Faith said brusquely. "He got what was coming to
him, anyway."
I pretended not to notice the quizzical look Giles aimed at me. Of
course, neither he nor Faith had an inkling of the history that I
shared with Dan's counterpart in one of the other realities, and I was
at any rate too tired to explain the whole thing to them.
"What was it?" Angel inquired as we returned to the clearing, Giles in
the lead with his flashlight. Willow, Dawn, Xander and Oz had
meanwhile gathered around the gradually dying fire to stay warm, and
they eyed us expectantly.
"Our acquaintance, Daniel Lee," the Watcher replied. "He, um, was in
quite a lot of pain."
"What happened to him?" Xander asked in his turn. "Did he attack you?"
"No," I said. "He was too busy getting spanked by his boss, and when
that was over, he walked away. It seems not getting the talisman
before us cost Dan his magic and charisma, and now he's an average
Joe, if that."
"Yeah," Faith confirmed. "Not a factor anymore. By the looks of it, he
pretty much got lobotomized by Angronok. The guy's spaced out and off
to parts unknown."
"Should we, like, go get him and take him somewhere?" Willow chimed
in. "Or are we just leaving him behind?"
"I'm not sure there's anything we can do for him," I said, cutting off
Giles, who had opened his mouth to offer his views on the topic. I was
beginning to have second thoughts about abandoning Dan, and so in
truth, my statement was intended to justify my decision to myself as
much as to the other people present. "Dawn is our first priority. If
and when we bump into Dan again, we can take him in and care for him,
but I'm not going to start combing the countryside for him tonight.
There are people and houses a few miles down the road. He's bound to
find help if he needs it."
The expressions of Willow and Xander signaled a trace of dissent, and
Oz, while maintaining his deadpan face otherwise, made a point to cast
a questioning look at me. Nevertheless, none of them disagreed openly
with my stance.
"Our work here appears to be done," Giles observed. "If everyone is
ready, I think we should make for the vans."
"Hey," Dawn interjected. "First Priority speaking. In case you haven't
noticed, I'm missing a shoe. I'm not walking back to the road in this
condition. It's several miles!"
"No, it's not," I corrected her. "We parked just below this slope. It
can't be more than a couple of hundred yards."
"A hundred yards or a hundred miles, I'm not walking anyway." She
pouted, and I understood that we would never get to the vans unless I
yielded to her demand.
In the end, I carried her piggyback down the footpath. Dawn enjoyed
every second of the ride, and she babbled about her plans for the next
weekend. I replied mainly with short grunts. My curtness was not
because of the exertion, which was next to negligible for my stamina,
nor due to any kind of annoyance with her, as I was overjoyed to have
her back safe and sound, but because of the environment. Even after
what had transpired, we couldn't simply presume that no more enemies
were hiding in the shadows.
We arrived at the roadside without incident. Our means of
transportation, the two vans, were in sight not more than twenty or
thirty paces away. I was finally able to breathe a little more easily
when we gathered on the grassy road shoulder, none the worse for wear.
I stopped to let Dawn land on her feet and told her, "I bet Mom's
going to feed you all the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches you can
eat as soon as we come in through the front door, but in case you
can't wait until we get there, we brought a few emergency rations.
There's some food and spring water for you in Oz's van."
"Thanks!" the girl said. "That sounds fantastic. I'm starving."
The side door of the black van slid open, and Cordelia and Wesley
stepped out. Although they appeared to be in good shape and no damage
to speak of was visible on the vehicles either, they had been
seriously rattled by something. Their eyes were wide, and Wesley's
movements were distinctly skittish. In fact, I thought I could see his
arms trembling a little.
"W-what happened?" he asked with a stutter. "H-how did it go?"
"Good," Faith announced. "Got to kick some ass."
"We had a clash with a group of vamps on the trail," I explained for
my part, "and a biggish fight with the Sathir'na at the ritual site,
but we came out on top. Everybody's in one piece and Dawn's here."
"And the talisman?"
"Not existing anymore," I said.
"I performed the ritual and destroyed it," Giles elaborated. "After I
rubbed the Gromoth gem against it, I cast the talisman into fire, and
there was an intense burst of energy as its powers unraveled. Nothing
remains of it that we could find."
"I'm relieved to hear that," the young Watcher commented and cleared
his throat. "Good show. Absolutely marvelous."
"Unlike some other shows," Cordelia spoke up sharply. Her whole being
exuded annoyance and irritation. "Four vamps attacked us while you
guys were gone! It was really nice of you people to leave Wesley and
me here alone to fight for our lives!"
"You volunteered for the job, remember?" Xander cut in. "And you also
wanted to come on this trip, even though you didn't have to."
She was not swayed by these remarks. "There were four of them! I mean,
I can understand one or two, but four? And they were way bigger than
the ones you usually run into in Sunnydale! What's up with that,
anyway?"
"How'd you deal with them?" Oz asked.
"I was outside when they attacked," Cordelia explained in an animated
manner. "It was a total surprise, mind you. I kinda freaked out at
first, 'cause I had no weapons handy, but Wesley threw me a couple of
holy water bottles and a crucifix. Then he told me what to do when I
held the vamps off and backed to the van. Two of them got pretty badly
burned by the water. I would've been drained, if it wasn't for Wes."
"Some timely material support and solid tactical advice made a big
difference," the man noted with a touch of pride.
"So, in other words," Xander summarized, "you stayed inside the van,
threw stuff out for her and gave her pointers while she did the dirty
work?"
"I wouldn't go that far," Wesley defended himself, but his expression
betrayed his shame. "I... um, covered her retreat by bombarding the
vampires with water bottles, and, uh, quite effectively, I might add."
"Can we pass on the pleasantries and debriefings and go already?" Dawn
interrupted in a weary and impatient voice. "I'm so fed up with this
place."
"Certainly," Giles said. "Let's get a move on, shall we?"
Nobody needed further encouragement. We loaded the weapons and other
items in and climbed aboard the vans, with Dawn inserted in the Oz
Mobile as it had more space available, and buckled up. Although our
trust in Faith had been largely restored (for now, at least) and she
was allowed to keep her knife, we nonetheless repeated the seating
arrangement from the outbound part of the trip. She was again crammed
between Angel and me in the back of the black van, a situation that
seemed to amuse her. She flashed me a mischievous smile and squeezed
my knee with her hand suggestively. Wesley manned the driver's
position and Giles sat down on the other front seat.
The engine woke effortlessly from its slumber and began to purr on
idle. With precise and methodical maneuvering, Wesley had the nose of
the van pointing in the direction we had come from in a very short
time. His physical courage may not have been irreproachable, but his
comment about his driving skills had not been an empty boast.
In contrast, Oz was in for a struggle, first to get his van to start
and then to turn it around. The starter whined continuously for
several seconds and went quiet before Oz made another failed attempt
and then one more. At long last, the engine rewarded him by firing and
then settling on reasonably steady, if noisy, running. The bulky and
boxy old wagon wobbled on its suspension as it wrenched itself
sluggishly onto the gravel, accompanied by audible complaints from the
clutch and gears.
A good minute went by until we could embark on our journey home, but
eventually Oz was ready, and his van began to roll forward at an easy
pace. Wesley followed, careful to maintain a safe distance. Oz's dim
red taillights shone in the dark in front of us, veering left and
right, rising and falling as the road wound through the hilly terrain.
He was carrying a precious cargo, I mused. Dawn, Willow, Xander and
Cordelia were his passengers and depending on him to find the way.
Wesley had mastered the fright that the skirmish with the vampires had
given him, and he was unruffled and composed once more. Indeed, as he
sat at the wheel and steered the van with relaxed confidence, he gave
off a vague air of self-approval. He had no doubt somehow convinced
himself that he had filled a pivotal role in the battle and had earned
praise for his performance. Giles, on the other hand, had taken his
glasses off and was leaning back in his seat with his eyes closed. The
lack of proper rest that had accumulated over several days was
beginning to catch up with him.
"Chin up, old man," Wesley said playfully to his colleague. "You seem
rather more pensive and brooding than the outcome of our mission would
warrant."
"I'm tired, that's all," Giles responded and rubbed his eyes wearily.
However, he went on to add, "And... It's probably nothing, and I'd be
foolish to give a vague hunch more weight than it deserves, but to
tell the truth, I suspect the danger might not be completely over
yet."
Wesley raised his eyebrows. "Oh? What makes you think that?"
"It's only a hunch, like I said, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was
totally baseless. Maybe I have developed a tendency to fear the worst,
even when there's no reason to assume it has any chance of happening."
"I should think so. The talisman was destroyed, was it not? The texts
are perfectly clear on the point that Angronok has no other means of
regaining his freedom, and therefore we have nothing more to fear from
him. Absent the talisman, he'll remain contained until the end of the
Universe."
"I don't want to be a contrarian, but you'd do well to bear in mind
that our knowledge about Angronok and the workings and limits of his
magic is sorely lacking in many respects. Not much was ever written on
the topic."
"If there really existed another feasible way for him to break out of
confinement, why would his acolytes bother with the talisman? Why even
create such a thing to begin with and put his power in it? It would be
a liability to Angronok, not an asset."
"You make a good point, and I'm not prepared to argue it with you
right now. Just file my forebodings under 'Ramblings by a Jaded and
Exhausted Watcher', if you will."
The discussion between the two gradually drifted into prosaic and
practical matters. I soon lost interest in what they were saying and
became immersed in my own thoughts, to the point that I was hardly
more than peripherally aware of the world around me. There was plenty
for me to process.
Giles' misgivings were one thing, but although I had great respect for
the man's sheer knowledge and sound judgment in these matters (in and
many others), I was inclined to write off his bad feelings this time.
The portal was closed and the talisman vaporized, with the result that
Angronok couldn't find his way into our dimension anymore. I was far
more bothered by the fact that I was stuck in Buffy's world, albeit
the low point of my emotions had passed. It had felt perfectly logical
to assume that after this threat had been eliminated for good, I had
nothing further to do here and the flow of events in Sunnydale could
resume its normal course. Then again, that was something I had simply
expected to be true. The favorite saying of one of my weapons handling
instructors in the Guard re-emerged from some deep recess of my brain:
"Always keep in mind, 'ass' is part of the word 'assume'!" He was a
man who knew what he was talking about.
It was no use nursing lost hopes and dreams. Wallowing in them would
do little besides adding to my depression, so the best course of
action was to look to the future. As a good place to start, I had to
accept wholesale that being a Slayer was my immutable destiny, and
that meant I had to be prepared.
But prepared for what? A fair number of the episodes that I had seen
had left some mark in my recollections, at least on a general, non-
detailed level, and every scrap of that knowledge could be invaluable
in the coming weeks, months and years. For instance, the Mayor would
eventually be killed by being lured into the booby-trapped high school
library after he had morphed into a huge snake-like demon during our
graduation ceremony. However, for that to succeed, I needed Faith's
knife to taunt him and bait him into following me there through the
school building; and to get the knife, I had to fight Faith and wound
her nearly mortally with that very same weapon. With the changes that
the Angronok debacle and the hunt for the talisman had caused, the
original chain of events might not take place at all and my
foreknowledge would be useless, or even worse than useless, if I gave
the others bad advice based on it. The same applied to dealing with
any crisis and major enemy that had yet to enter the stage.
All the same, I made one firm decision. As soon as I got home, I would
take a notebook and a pen and write down everything I could remember
happening in the show's story arc from this moment on. When the
situations actually occurred, I would share the information with the
Gang, careful never to reveal any more than was necessary. We could
then go over it together and consider what to do.
The troubling question of my identity had also resurfaced, thanks to
Faith's bluntness, and I was constantly turning that over in my head.
I did feel that I was not yet mentally one with Buffy, even though the
opposite was true for my bodily form. While I had been occasionally
worried that Joyce, Dawn, Giles, Xander, Angel and the others might
sense something seriously wrong with me and that they would start
asking me difficult questions, they had never once truly caught on.
They had accepted me as their daughter, sister or favorite Slayer
without reservations. I had to be playing the role far better than I
had thought, and nothing in the manner I spoke and carried myself gave
me away--or else the role had become my real self, regardless of what
I wanted to believe.
Maybe that point was drawing near. One morning not too many days from
now, I would wake up and find that the last remnants of Mike had
withered away during the night. His memories would stay with me, but I
would no longer identify as him or miss him. I could look back,
hopefully without pain, to what he was and what he did in his life,
but his legacy would not define me. I would only be Buffy Anne
Summers, and the conflict of personalities inside of me would forever
be put to rest. Joyce and Dawn would be my only family and the
Scoobies my actual friends, while Gail, Tony and Kate Caldwell would
be relegated to a fuzzy, poorly defined existence on the borderline
between dreams and faded recollections.
"Let's see if the radio is in working order," Giles said and reached
for the controls of the tuner, "and if I remember the frequency of
that oldies station." The system came to life, with a male announcer's
voice on the speakers. Giles turned the volume up in time for the next
song, whose energetic string intro promptly filled the cabin. I
recognized it well before the lyrics started and smiled to myself. It
was as though the disk jockey had telepathically connected with me,
with Mike, and chosen the song to lift my spirits. Buffy wouldn't have
thought much of the tune, but Mike certainly enjoyed it.
"What's this?" Wesley interposed. "I don't believe I've heard it
before."
"Not familiar with the Rolling Stones?" the older Watcher reacted with
plain amusement.
"I daresay I'm familiar with them. What I meant is that this version
of the song---"
"It's from the Allen Klein compilation album, 'Metamorphosis'," Giles
explained. "If memory serves, he lifted the orchestra track from Chris
Farlowe's cover and then combined it with Jagger's vocals. Of course,
there are some, or actually many, who feel that anything done by or
under Klein turned into a travesty, but I appreciate this version for
its vibrancy."
My smile widened at Giles' matter-of-fact expounding of rock trivia.
Moments like this, seamlessly combining the sensible with the funny,
did a great deal to endear me to the Brit and his company.
"There's still the odd surprise from you every once in a while,"
Wesley said with a restrained little chuckle. "I always imagined that
you leaned more towards classical music, perchance even to the
exclusion of all else."
"You do remember I was born in the 20th Century, I trust," Giles
needled him in return.
"Ah, but that wasn't intended as an insult. A varied taste in music is
never a bad thing. In fact, while we're on the topic, I might confess
that personally, I'm partial to Cat Stevens."
"I don't intend to insult either, but I think that makes two surprised
Watchers in this cabin."
The song had reached its final chorus when, without any kind of
warning, the car was hit by an extremely strong jolt. We were thrown
against our seatbelts so hard that the air squeezed out of my lungs,
and then the vehicle rolled sideways. It rose into the air for a split
second and then slammed down in a fierce impact of crushing metal and
breaking glass.
Everything happened too fast for me to have time to be scared, apart
from a flash of fright and confusion. My head struck against something
hard and my eyes blacked out.
*****
The first thought to form in my brain after the unconsciousness let go
of me was that we had driven off the road and that the van was wrecked
somewhere in the woods, likely upside down. There was not a second to
lose. I had to get out and help the others if I could.
I opened my eyes, but the darkness remained. It was like a veil
pressed tightly against my face, without a single ray of light
anywhere. I tried to turn my head, but to no avail. There was nothing
to see in this vacuum, and nothing to hear either.
As my mind gradually cleared, I realized that I had to be weightless.
I had no way of telling any directions apart or how my body was
oriented, except for the impression that my legs were stretched and my
back was straight, meaning I was either standing upright or lying
down. Regardless, I was in no pain or actual discomfort, aside from
not being able to see and not knowing what had happened.
Was I dead? My neck could have snapped as the van careened off the
road, tumbled and hit a tree or a rock. Such a trauma would have been
immediately fatal, even to a Slayer. My seatbelt was fastened, but
that alone might not have saved me if the impact had been violent
enough. For a brief while, the idea of my life having ended felt
soothing and downright heartening. I had done everything I had been
destined to do, and this was my reward. I could finally rest and be
forever at peace.
Nonetheless, I grasped almost instantly that I couldn't possibly have
died. I was able to think somewhat coherently and I still had a body
(or I believed I had). The next notion was accompanied with abject
horror. Had I gone blind? Had I hit my head and suffered some sort of
neurological damage that had destroyed my vision and most of my other
senses as well? If that was the case, I'd have to come to terms with
being severely disabled for the rest of my days, become accustomed to
an existence where I would depend completely on others--and that in
Sunnydale and in the midst of its various dangers. A painless death
was a merciful and desirable fate in comparison.
Being enclosed and trapped in the black void was suddenly unbearable.
I had to get in contact with another person and break out of this
maddening prison at any cost. I drew air into my lungs and cried out,
"Giles! Angel! Can you hear me? Anyone?" I listened for a response and
waited to feel someone touch me, but the silence and solitude remained
unbroken. "Angel! Wesley! Giles! Anyone?" I repeated in anguish. "Are
you there?"
The sound of my words was immediately swallowed by the night around
me. No one reached through to me. I was not even certain if anything
audible had come out of my mouth. Perhaps I had only yelled and called
the names in my mind, which was trapped in a broken, comatose body.
I knew that my brain would react to this kind of isolation by
compensating for the lack of sensory input with internal images and
impulses. My mental health would deteriorate, step by step, and I
would go quietly mad inside my head. To be sure, there was a small
chance that the reality changes had not ended yet and that I would at
some point be transplanted into another world where I possessed a
healthy physical form, but I couldn't put my faith in that.
As if on cue, right after this thought had come and gone, I did detect
a change. I had a vague but unmistakable perception that something, or
rather someone, was present in this space with me. It was precisely
like the feeling of having someone else's eyes on your back, a notion
of being observed, although there is nothing to prove it and the
observer is unseen. I intended to write the whole thing off as a
hallucination or wishful thinking, but the impression quickly became
more definite and more certain. In fact, I was soon convinced there
was not one, but multiple persons nearby, try as I might to discard
the mental picture or to put it down to the early symptoms of my
terminal insanity.
While those others reminded me of the one that had stopped and studied
Gunner Bill, Dan and myself in the vicinity of the burning nameless
town, my intuition told me that these beings were not of the same
kind. I was virtually positive they were not malevolent, or at the
very least not decidedly so. Instead, they were interested in me
merely because I was there and they were curious. Their thoughts
probed me unobtrusively and without a keen desire to know my every
secret. They were much more distant than the demonic light spirit,
maybe existing on an altogether higher level. I was like a toddler
walking across a ballroom full of serious, smartly dressed,
intelligent grownups. Some of them would give me a quick glance or a
friendly smile from their lofty heights before carrying on with their
business and socialization, while others ignored me completely as I
waddled past.
In the midst of the bafflement, another explanation for this state
occurred to me. Maybe I was having a near-death experience, wandering
somewhere in the uncharted wilderness between being fully dead and
fully alive. I had once read a collection of accounts by people who
had recovered from what amounted to clinical death, and although I had
no definite opinion on the meaning of those stories, either from a
scientific or a metaphysical viewpoint, I had regarded them as
engrossing all the same. If I ever regained consciousness and the
ability to interact with my surroundings, I would have a story of my
own to tell.
A dim blotch of diffuse blue light, no larger than my thumb, flickered
into view in front of me. It remained still for a moment and then
began to drift towards me slowly until it passed me to my left. An
orange one followed, then a green one, and promptly many more in every
color. The little lights floated leisurely in the air, came closer,
gave off a tiny amount of warmth and disappeared behind me. None of
them touched me; they always swerved to the side to make room.
Courtesy of them, I now had the impression that I was moving forward
instead of staying fixed in one place.
As I was admiring the strange but tranquil and calming light show, my
ears began to pick up a low sound, not unlike the buzzing of insects.
It appeared to be coming from every direction, and I assumed at first
that it had something to do with the lights. The sound became
gradually louder and clearer, however, until it resolved into a
multitude of human voices speaking, muttering, whispering, shouting
and even singing or chanting off in the distance. I was certain that I
could hear words, but they were too garbled to be intelligible since
the voices overlapped and, most likely, spoke in strange languages.
The lights continued to appear and float past me.
Sadly, the agreeable sense of wonder was not to last. There was a
perception of danger: I suddenly noticed that a distinctly malicious
and powerful presence was close by. Its thoughts searched for me
incessantly, trying to pin me down. Although the being to whom this
consciousness belonged was one of the many around me, or similar to
them in nature, it was also different from them. Unlike the others, it
was plainly hostile. I wanted to run from it, to get away from it, but
I had no control over my movement. The enemy entity followed me
constantly and homed in, weaving deftly through a crowd of unwitting
or neutral bystanders.
I didn't know what the being was, why it was after me or what it would
do if it caught me, but its attitude was not in question. My sole
weapon against it was my own willpower and determination to resist,
and I was painfully aware that those were too weak to give me any real
protection.
In desperation, I tried to reach for the lights with my hands and grab
a few of them so I could put them between my enemy and myself in order
to hide behind them, but I was unable to touch them. They slid through
my invisible fingertips. Even so, the small flickering orbs did
eventually react to me. A number of them stopped in mid-air right in
front of me and began to grow and consolidate into one large, brightly
glowing multicolored sheet. A gleam of hope awoke in my mind as I
watched the sheet of light form. From a rational point of view, I had
absolutely no reason to assume that I was being protected, that the
lights could deter my enemy, or indeed that the phenomenon had
anything to do with me in the first place, but I was distraught and
willing to grasp any straw.
The confirmation came without delay. I floated into the unified, mixed
brilliance of the sheet and it engulfed me, banishing the darkness and
blinding me temporarily. It had been like an open door leading into a
well-lit room from the night outside.
I closed my eyes tightly and reopened them to try to adjust to the
change in illumination, and then to take in my new amazing
surroundings. I was, it seemed, standing on a flat sandy beach next to
a dark ocean. The water was completely calm, as was the air, and the
only thing that broke the silence was the gentle chirping of birds. A
small, silvery crescent moon shone high in the sky that was blazing in
shades of red and orange. The sun had just dipped below the horizon.
I had found a tailor-made paradise. I would have liked nothing better
than to stay here and forget about my worries. However, I also
comprehended that the place was not real. I didn't feel the air on my
skin or the sand against the soles of my feet. It was nothing more
than a vision or a hallucination without substance, conjured up by
either my own mind or that of someone else for the purpose of
comforting me, and it would not last longer than a fleeting moment.
Another realization, or more accurately an intuition, followed on the
heels of the first. If this imaginary world had been intended as my
new home, it would have been built to be solid and tangible, as
opposed to an ethereal dream scene. Perhaps it was actually a shelter
to shield me, temporarily, from the force that was hunting me. Sure
enough, I felt the predator's presence yet again, but this time the
sensation was muted and transitory. With any luck, the evil being had
lost track of me and had gone to look for me somewhere else.
The daylight began to fade rapidly. Darkness, moving in and thickening
like drifting black smoke, enveloped me and obscured the vision. I let
out an instinctive groan of disappointment, but that emotion shifted
to quickly mounting fear when I plunged into the black hole again. The
shimmering orbs that had kept me company were nowhere to be seen, and
if the mysterious beings were still present, I couldn't sense them
anymore.
What I had seen, no matter how incomprehensible or unnerving, was
fascinating and infinitely preferable to the nothingness in which I
had found myself at the start of this journey. In truth, anything at
all, including being chased by a non-corporeal demon, would be better
than being forever cut off from the rest of the Universe and being
denied the faintest stimulus. I didn't mind if I was on my way to
Hell; as far as I was concerned, I had experienced it already.
For a short while, I was back in the void, fighting my anxiety and
dread to try to stay focused and prepared for what was to come. Then,
the light returned, and I was utterly stupefied by the sight before
me.