Sublimation
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"I usedto always catch you staring at me," my friend said casually.
I took a sip of the margarita Ihad ordered, gulping it nervously. Of course he had constantly caught me,and though my face would grow hot with embarrassment each time, he'd onlysmirk nonchalantly and continue on with his activities.
"I liked you, even then," I quietlyoffered.
He grinned. "Well… I likeyou, too. Do you like your food ?"
"It's very good. How's your shrimp?"
"Too bad you're allergic to them,they're great."
Returning his smile, I wonderedwhere our little supper date would end up. Even though I knew it wasn't tobe romantic, I had still done some special preparing for it. That afternoonI went to a local lingerie boutique to purchase some exotic underwear justin case we ended up together in a bedroom.
I browsedthe aisles for something that would flatter my body; I had been kick boxingfor a couple of months but was still unhappy about my skinny, unshapely legs.I chose some black garter stockings to enhance them and a lacy red bra thatunlatched from the front.
I wasnear the panty rack when I noticed a mannequin wearing a dominatrix costume.Fascinated, I took in her leather mask, her satin bustier, tight black skirtwith riding crop stuck into the waistband, and her thigh-high boots. I feltan unusual desire emanate inside of me and momentarily thought about buyingat least the boots and crop. I licked the corners of my mouth as I continuedto marvel at the statue. Then, instinctively, I looked to my left at a manin the bikini section. He was grinning sleazily at me, baring a snaggletooth,tobacco-stained grin. With that, I hurried to the checkout line.
The meal with my friend was goingpleasantly. We talked about the same things we always did and our platonichonesty remained intact. I asked him, "You have any other hobbies?"
As he explained them to me, I studiedhis face, which was quite unremarkable. I couldn't understand why I was sovery attracted to it. He had dark brown hair cut into a nondescript styleand boring brown eyes that finished off his average appearance. I smiledagain as I thought of how perfect he'd fit in the lawn care department ofLowe's. As he returned my grin, I wondered what his true opinion of me was.
I focused on finishing my food.More than his looks, though, I liked his sociable, down-to-earth personality.He liked to act as a teacher to those around him and had an unmistakableauthority to him. It intrigued me. Being a teacher was like being in controlof the person one was talking to and that was what initially turned me onto him. It was easy for our friendship to develop once he began to assistme with my tasks.
A couple being led into the eaterypassed our table and as they caught sight of us, their eyes widened in momentaryshock. I'm sure that my friend noticed it along with me.
He took a pregnant pause and confirmedmy assumption by asking, "Have you ever done this type of thing before?"
"Donewhat?"
"You know.Go out somewhere with a white guy."
I wipedmy mouth with a paper napkin and softly said, "I've done just about everythingthere is to life at this point."
His eyebrows lifted. " Every thing?"
"Well, everything vanilla ."
He onlyresponded with his smirk. I wondered if he knew what vanilla meant in thecontext I was using it in. Soon, I'd get the answer.
"What about the type of women you'vedated?" I asked.
"I've been pretty conservativein my life about that."
"Oh."
"I've had… experiences,though."
I absently stroked my bottom lipwith my thumb and perked. I felt comfortable enough to ask, "With who?"
His demeanor didn't change. "Afew black prostitutes I picked up when I was serving in the military."
"Really?"
"Yes. But they weren't anythingspecial. Most of them just laid still underneath me and kept asking if Iwas almost finished."
"I see."
"It's so much better when a womanis with me to enjoy it, not for any other reason."
"That's very true."
He eyed me for a while, and I thinkhe was being so straightforward to test me. I just suppressed a beam, enjoyinghis candor as much as a juicy piece of gossip.
By the time we entered his homethat evening, the sun had all but lowered and the moon was out in the grayingsky.
"Do you date a lot?" he asked,locking his door behind us.
"Not a whole lot, like once a month."
He prepared mugs of coffee forus while I looked up at the early stars from his slide door.
"What about relationships? Haveyou had many?"
I sipped the cappuccino he handedme. "No. The ones I've always been in have been short. And unhappy."
"I'm sorry to hear that. What'sbeen the problem?"
"I don't know," I answered whileremembering how I got no joy or real sexual satisfaction from any of them. "Howabout you?"
"I've had some good relationshipsover the years. When I found the kind of woman I like."
My cheeks warmed. I didn't thinkto ask him what kind of woman he was speaking of. I nursed my drink and mulledover how hard sex and relationships were for me, though I regularly achedfor them both. I didn't think that this night we were sharing would be anydifferent. I was just obsessively drawn to him and wanted to consume as muchof him as possible, even in the ultimate way. I hoped I wouldn't get so nervousthat I'd be uptight and not able to do or experience anything. I had drunkquite a bit of tequila so I was feeling bold, but I knew one frown from himwould destroy my augmented self-confidence.
We werein his home office, near his desk. He kissed me for the first time there.His cologne danced into my nostrils and relaxed me more. His arms were aroundmy waist and my breasts squeezed against his chest. I hesitated for a second,drawing back, but he held me tighter and slipped his tongue inside my mouth.
"Feelsgood?" he asked, his face but an inch from mine.
"Yes."
Then hesuddenly loosened his embrace and shoved me roughly into the desk. I gapedat him, frozen. His expression was dark and my heart leapt curiously. I glancedat his front door.
He yankedmy shirt and bra up, then carefully bit my right nipple. I gasped while myhands clutched the shoulders of his shirt in case I had to keep him at bay.But to my relief, he remained gentle, and I found the slight pain from histeeth was actually making me aroused. My chest heaved as he switched to lickingand sucking my breasts. He undid and lowered my pants and with the sightof my garter stockings and naked pubis, his face lit up. He propped me onhis large desk and slid himself inside of me. I was surprised and pleasedwith how easy he pushed it in.
He movedin me with good even strokes which were slow at first. I squeezed and caressedhis smooth buttocks while feeling heat and contractions between my legs.Moans escaped my throat and it all caused me some embarrassment. He heldme tightly around my shoulders and pumped away, then quickly took a holdof my buttocks and we thrust together until our climaxes.
He kissedme once more then withdrew and untangled himself from me unceremoniously.He went to finish off his coffee and I was left in the office feeling spentbut awkward. My heart was also still slamming from the initial terror ofhis mood swing. I didn't know what to do next. I felt like a slut that hadjust been fucked in a back alley.
"Comesit with me," he said from his sofa.
I rubbedmy lips together thoughtfully and obeyed him. We lounged there together fora while. We watched TV. Then he said, "Come closer to me."
I meekly sipped from my mug anddid so. He embraced me and drew back to press his lips to mine. I savoredthe sensation as he repeated the action again and again.
He cupped my rear and writhed hiscrotch into mines. Feeling his penis pulsate against me, I gripped his backand parted my legs more. His living room was dim and quiet except for theTV, and I found his couch to be quite cozy and perfect for lovemaking. Butthen he took my right hand and pulled me up and towards the back of the house.
Once inside his bedroom, he gaveme a playful smack on my backside. I broke into a smile and he peeled offhis shirt and dropped his pants. Without asking he stared into my face andtugged off all my clothes. I was glad that he was being aggressive, dominant,and take charge with me. Like the biting it was giving me a euphoric adrenalinerush.
We kissed some more in his bed.My heart still thumped and I felt inadequate, but thrilled. He nipped atmy nipples again and stuck three fingers inside of me. When he attemptedto do four, I silently stopped him. He climbed on top of me and I held ontohim and thrust upward in pleasure with my eyes squeezed shut.
"Look at me," he said.
I made myself gaze into his faceand it heightened my arousal. He felt larger inside of me that time. Andhe fucked me much rougher, smacking his skin into mine and knocking the headboardagainst the wall so hard that I wondered if he was trying tohurt me. When the passion was over, he rolled his body from mines and thingswere quiet for a while.
"You liked it when I bit you," hestated it in question form.
My eyes opened and for the firsttime I noticed that his ceiling was stucco. "You scared me half to deathat first."
His voice was gentle. "I'm sorry.That was the was last thing I meant to do."
"It's okay."
"Did my teeth hurt?"
"Not too much."
"Did you like the pain?"
"It was… okay," I answeredwith carefulness. I didn't know where he was going with the conversation.
The fact that he had shoved mewithout reason was still on my mind, but I decided not to bring it up ifhe didn't. There was something more important that was bothering me, anyway.
"You know…" I started.
"Yeah?"
"I've never done this before. Imean, going home with a guy for the first time, and jumping into bed withhim. This the first time I've ever doneit."
"Why did you?"
"Well, we've already known eachother for a while now. It's not like we're strangers. We're friends"
"That's right. So why are you explainingyourself?"
"I justdon't want you to think that I'm a slut or anything."
"You'renot a slut," hestroked my hair, then added, "But I wouldn't mind if you became my slut.My obedient black slut."
He strokedmy hair once more then laid back in bed while I digested his last words witha furrowed expression. Then before long I was drifting off into a light,brief sleep.
*
Webecame closer over the next month. He craved intimacy and was very demandingof it. He often did whatever he wanted to me without asking while givinga pinch, nip, or shove to my body. Otherwise he'd give me orders to follow.I liked what he was doing and wasn't freaked out by it. I enjoyed followinghis commands, it turned me on. His treatment inspired me to one day reminisceto him about times I had asked past boyfriends to spank me and get kinkyduring sex.
"Well, I didn't ask them straightout," I told, "but I implied to them that it was what I wanted."
He peered at me with narrowed eyes. "Andwhat did they do?"
"They didn't take me seriouslyat all. Some even laughed." I blinked my eyes impishly.
"You… everthought about me spankingyou?"
"Mmmm,not really."
"Do youlike the idea now?"
My cheekswarmed and I smiled. I wouldn't look at him then.
"Yes or no. Does the idea turnyou on?"
"…Yes."
He leaned back, then suddenly gotpensive. He interlocked his fingers and was silent for long moments. I watchedhim expectantly.
"Whatif I told you that I'm a Dom?"
My mouthparted and I fumbled for words.
"Do youknow what that is?" he asked coolly.
"Yes."
"Whatis it?"
"A… dominator."
He smiledslightly. My friend was very confident, controlling, and straightforward,especially behind closed doors, and yet at all times there remained his easygoing,mentoring demeanor. Therefore I stayed relaxed, though still surprised thatI actually knew someone who was into such a thing. I mean, spanking and pinchingwas one thing, but was he talking about extreme stuff like whips, chains,and piercing needles?
"That'sright, basically." He nodded. "Are you familiar with play?"
"N-no,not personally. I've seen things on TV about it, though," I answered witha quick shrug to appear sophisticated.
"Wouldyou like to have a session with me?"
"You mean… here? Now?"
"Sure. I want to. And I have everythingwe need."
"Well, I don't know you that well.I just couldn't…"
He placed his hand on my knee. "Youcan trust me. I'm sane, I'm safe. I was formally trained to be a Master andtake it very seriously."
I shot him a look. "Why didn'tyou tell me all this before?"
He stood up thoughtfully. "I didn'twant you running away from me screaming."
"I wouldn't have done that."
"I know."
"I'm notjudgmental."
He was staring directly down atme and I felt the pressure to make up my mind. I looked up into his eyes.
"Whatdo you want to do to me exactly?"
"I'll keep it light, okay? Youdon't have to worry," he replied in a soothing voice and started massagingmy shoulders. Warm goosebumps flooded my upper body.
"You've trusted me so far, haven'tyou?"
"Yeah," I admitted.
"And I mean, if I were a psychopath,I would've done something bad to you a long time ago. Why would I wait solong?"
I remained silent and thought thatover. He began to fondle my nipples through my clothes. Stirring began betweenmy legs as my mind was struggling with ambivalence.
"Let's just try it once. If youdon't like it, I'll stop right away and we can go back to the way thingswere before this conversation, okay?"
He took my hand and pulled me up.I found myself walking with him to the bedroom. My heart was racing and stomachfluttering.
"Comeon, we'll pick out some things together ," hewas saying.
He went into his closet and beganlaying out his equipment, which I had never seen until that time. All ofit was high quality and I felt a little hurt that he had kept this side awayfrom me. My faith in him was shaken.
But I continued to go along. Hestood behind me and I felt like he was my father guiding me through somethingthat was unknown but ultimately beneficial and wonderful. He chose a leathercollar for me, a thick one that was black and had decorative steel chainslining it.
He placed it around my neck. Itfastened just like a belt and clung to me securely. In the middle of it wasa metal ring that he then attached a leash to. With that, I was already beginningto feel like his personal property. I got the same sensation as when I sawthe dominatrix outfit in the store.
We looked over his collection ofspanking tools: there were leather slappers, hand paddles, and small whips.He picked up a paddle that had a leopard-print surface.
He asked, "How about this one?Do you like it?"
I nodded. I was hesitant to counterhim even if I didn't agree. He grazed the surface of it along the right sideof my face while smirking.
"Take off your clothes."
I silently obeyed him and was leftstanding in my blue bra and panties. He chose a gray blindfold and placedit over my eyes. Sight taken away from me, my other senses got more acuteas did my anticipation of what he'd do next.
The paddle brushed across my faceagain, then traveled down the middle of my chest and belly. I swallowed hard.
"Do you like the way it feels?" heasked.
"Yes."
Abruptly it smacked against myleft buttock and I gasped as rapid stinging spread over the surface of myflesh.
"Yes, what?" he asked.
"Yes, Sir ?"
"Good, bitch," he praised, thenslapped my backside once more. "And don't forget it. Now put your hands behindyour back."
I waited to hear the clinking ofhandcuffs, but never did. He secured my wrists together with leather bandsthat linked with metal rings.
That'swhen my heart started to race faster. Tethered and without my sight or hands,I was totally vulnerable to him. I prayed that he indeed was trustworthyand sound.
"How doyou feel being so helpless right now?" he asked.
"Okayso far."
"What'sgoing through your mind, slave?"
"I'm wonderingwhat you're going to do next."
He tugged on the leash and I jerkedforward. "Come sit a while."
As I sat in his bedroom chair Icould hear him changing some of his clothes. I heard zippers zipping andlaces being pulled. Then he removed the restraints from my wrists. He yankedon the leash and I stood up.
"Get on your hands and knees likea good bitch… Good… Now kiss my motherfucking feet."
I reached my hand out to find them,patting the floor. He yanked the leash and slapped my buttock with his barepalm.
" Withyour lips ."
I puckered them and after somefumbling, found one of his feet. My lips pressed against the toe of his shoeand discovered that he had changed out of his sneakers. I felt and smelledleather as I kissed both of his feet silently, feeling like an exploitedpiece of garbage. But it was vaguely gratifying me. Amazed, I tried to decipherwhy I wasn't as offended as I should've been. Meanwhile, my crotch was stillstirring in pleasure.
"You like the way it tastes?" heasked huskily.
"Yes, Sir."
He stepped away from me and I paused;he tugged me towards him. I crawled to him and resumed kissing his boots.Again he stepped away and began to lead me around like a dog through thehouse. We came to his living room sofa.
He had me climb up on it. My elbowsand knees sunk into the plushness with relief. My backside was in the airand facing him. He took hold of my panties and pulled them upwards so theyacted like a thong. My cheeks fully exposed he began to lightly massage andcaress them with his hand, then thrash them each with the paddle.
The burn was intense. A moan escapedmy throat and he smacked harder as if to get a stronger response. I bit downon my bottom lip and relished whenever he paused to soothingly graze my buttockswith his fingertips.
"You like the way this feels, don'tyou?"
I winced and breathed hard. "Ithurts."
He whacked harder. "This can bejust the beginning. Do you want it to be?"
Right then I was smarting, butthe punishment was still satisfying a hunger somewhere inside me. I had beenright to ask for past spankings.
"Answer me, cunt."
"Yes. I would."
He hit me harder than ever beforeand I yelped out.
" Yes,what? "
"Yes, Sir ."
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