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Catherine Lawrence free porn video
CatherineLawrence
ã CarmenicaDiaz
The story of Catherine Lawrence is in 15 parts and I apologisefor such a long story but it got out of hand. All 15 parts are completedand for those who like to print the story so you can read it in bed, Iwill have all 15 parts posted soon.
Carmenica
Part 1
Ithink this was the 575 th auditionI had attended since I moved to London three and a half years ago. At leastit felt like it. To say I had been an overwhelming failure in launching myacting career was being kind.
Ihad always wanted to be an actor. Of course, I had used the drama studiesas a way to escape the constant teasing from the boys at school, the jokesand the terrible stunts they used to pull on me.
Thankfully,I was sent to a co-educational school and I thought the pranks and the teasingwould finish but I was wrong. In fact, it became worse. Some of the girlsused to egg the boys on and make cruel comments themselves while offeringme lipstick.
Likea lot of children, I used comedy and humour to try to make friends. I usedto mimic teachers, I could get their voices down perfectly but that soonwore thin and my fellow pupils were soon back at throwing stuff at me, callingme 'Marylyn' which was pretty stupid as I had dark hair but I think you getthe point. Every day there would be a move against me, such as suddenly pickingme and dropping me in the garbage bins. God, I hated that!
Iwas a loner right through to university and I tried out for many roles therebut was rejected for every one I attempted to win.
Therewas one role I thought I had, though. Jeremy was directing and he encouragedme, asked me to work through the lines with him and then he tried to kissme. After that, I decided to pack university in, travel down to London andbecome a real actor.
Therewas no doubt in my mine that I was a capable actor, in fact, in my privatemoments, I daydreamed I had the potential to be a great actor. Unfortunately,directors, producers, casting agencies and theatrical agents all disagreedwith me.
'Youhave excellent skills, my boy,' Martin Handley, the famous theatrical directorsaid one day when he was in an expansive mood after rejecting me once again.'Great skills, of that there is no doubt. Unfortunately,' he said with agesture at my appearance, 'you don't have it ,you don't have a presence.'
Isighed, I had heard it many times before, perhaps not as kindly put as Handleyhad said it but heard it I had, over and over again. I didn't have it ,the indefinable thing that automatically draws the eyes of the audience tothe actor. Some call it charisma;others just call the mysterious ingredient it .Whatever it is, I didn't have it!
Itappeared that no one could see me as leading man material and I also didn'thave enough other qualities to be an outstanding character actor. I usedto stare at my face and wondered why did I have to take after my mother andnot after my father? I had her eyes, cheekbones and hair as well as her build.My father had wished I had taken more after him; he had the height, buildand determination – everything I appeared to lack.
'Christopher,'Martin soothed, 'you have an excellent voice, an extraordinary ear for accents,why not radio plays? You'd be an enormous success.'
Idid one or two radio plays but there weren't enough to keep a person fedand watered in an expensive city like London and, of course, there was thequestion of working in real theatre. I'm not a snob or I don't think I ambut I wanted to work in real theatre, in the West End or, dare I dream, Broadway?
So,I was a sucker and kept coming back for more. I wasn't ready to give up onmy dream just yet. The audition for SilkenMemories was being heldin a small workshop theatre in south London, hidden away from the hustleand bustle and I lined up with the other actors.
SarahWright wrote the play and that guaranteed an instant success but the materialwas excellent as well and really tore at my heart. The strong lead was thefemale, a woman who goes from rags to riches while enduring emotional painalong the way but I was auditioning for the role of Tom, the husband whodeserts her and then faces his own retribution as she blossoms.
LucyRichards waved at me, really just wriggled her fingers as she passed andI nodded. I had given up trying to persuade her to represent me, she wasthe best agent in London but she was very selective.
'Christopher,I'm sorry,' she said after I had bothered her for the tenth time, 'I can'trepresent you, you don't have the qualities.' Lucy was a hard woman and spokefrankly. 'Take a look in the mirror, you will never be a leading man, you'retoo pretty.'
'JudeLaw is pretty,' I said defensively but she just shook his head.
'Judeis masculine and he is a spectacularly handsome male. Chris, you are pretty.Why don't you get Mark to teach you and go on the cabaret circuit? I'll representyou if you want to go into his act but you are really too pretty for a man.'She let the words sink in before she squeezed my arm and said, 'I'm sorry,'before walking away.
Atleast she didn't mention my height. I had been rejected many times becauseI wasn't tall enough. It's a cattle call and we all go through it but I wonderif the directors even care about the feelings of the actors? In my case,I knew they didn't.
Thedirector of Silken Memories wasRichard Hawkins, a director whose work I admired but personally could notstand. He exhibited all of the bad qualities of a Cambridge graduate andnone of the good.
Hewas talking to Henri Profert, the producer when I sidled onto the stage toread. 'The roles of Tom, David and the others will be easy to fill but Iam concerned we haven't got our Simone.'
'Wewill find her,' Henri soothed. 'It is a difficult role. Ah,' he said witha smile, 'here's Sarah at last.' Sarah Wright stepped onto the stage andsat on the vacant chair next to Richard.
'Simonehas to be perfect,' was all she said before rifling through the script. SarahWright was such a famous playwright; everyone knew she had the power of vetoon any actor selection.
Icleared my throat and Richard nodded as his assistant whispered in his ear.
'ChristopherRedden,' I announced. 'I'm reading the final scene between Tom and Simone.'They nodded and I began. I was just getting to the crucial part when Richardwaved and said, 'Thank you, next.'
Sarahwatched me as I slowly walked from the stage. A tall handsome man boundedpast me. 'Wade Thompson,' he announced and began to read the same part Ihad just attempted to perform.
'Wait,'Richard called and I turned around. 'You,' he said pointing at me. 'What'syour name?'
'ChristopherRedden,' I murmured, brushing my hair from my eyes.
'Canyou read the Simone part so we can get an idea of how Wade would go, geta real feel for the scene?'
Ialmost told him to get stuffed when Sarah said, 'You seem to understand whatlies behind the words.' Her voice was quiet and she smiled wryly.
'Ok,'I said and waited for Wade to begin.
Itwas a great part and I loved it.
Tom: I don'tthink you understand my difficulties, Simone.
Simone ( sharply ):Don't you Tom? I think I've had enough difficulties of my own, I think I'vehad experience! Don't you? Don't you Tom?
Tom: Simone,don't…
Simone ( anguished ):Don't what Tom? Don't embarrass you, or is it you don't want to remind you?Remind you of what you've done, done to me?
'Thankyou,' Richard called. 'That was excellent, Wade. Are you still representedby the formidable Lucy Richards?'
Wadenodded with a big grin and I walked slowly off the stage, feeling sick.
'MrRedden, wait.' I turned around hopefully but saw it was Sarah Wright walkingquickly across the stage. Richard was deep in conversation with Henri andWade was talking to Lucy.
'Yes?'I waited politely.
'Ijust wanted to tell you that you conveyed so much in those lines, you seemto know the play?' She cocked her head and looked me up and down.
'It'sbrilliant,' I said simply. 'I think the play is your best and the part ofSimone is superb. A real challenge to any actor.'
'Thankyou but that is also the problem for us. I'm afraid I'm insisting on an unknown,I want Simone to really speak and not be subdued because of the fame of theperformer.'
'Iunderstand completely. Good luck.' I began to turn away but her next wordsheld me.
'Thisplay is important to me,' Sarah said. 'Really important and luck is whatwe need, I think.' She laughed a little harshly. 'I think we have just fiveweeks to find Simone. Otherwise they,' she said with a jerk of her head backat Richard and Henri, 'will insist on Emma Thompson or someone. I've nothingagainst Emma but she's not Simone.'
'No,'I agreed
'But you werein just those few lines. Thank you, Mr Redden, you've given me hope thatSimone is out there somewhere, we just have to find her.'
Iwalked out and bumped into Wade and Lucy in the lane where they were waitingfor their taxi. 'Chris,' Lucy said with a smile. 'Thanks for helping outin there, Wade got the part.'
Hegot the role on ten words ?With a sick feeling in my stomach, I realised he got it solely on the wayhe looked. Granted, he was tall and handsome but I didn't think he couldact that well. To be fair, I hadn't seen much but it had been enough forHawkins to pick him.
'Congratulations,Wade,' I said woodenly, trying to push past.
'Thanks,old man,' he said, slapping me on the back and I half fell to the ground.
Lucyhelped me to my feet as Wade walked to the end of the lane to search forthe taxi. 'You were great,' Lucy said as she helped me up. 'How do you getso much feeling, so much emotion in those few words?'
'I'man actor,' I said stiffly.
Sheadjusted my coat. 'Have you thought about sprucing yourself up a bit, gettinga haircut or something?'
'I'mtrying to get rid of my prettiness!'
'Youstill mad at that? I'm sorry but it's the truth. Sometimes I think you'dmake a better girl then half the female actors around.'
'Thanksa lot,' I said grumpily, walking off.
'Youjust look scruffy, Chris,' she called after me. 'Get a haircut and stop withthe beard thing! Three wispy hairs on your chin don't make a beard!'
'Getstuffed!' I muttered walking towards the tube station.
Iwandered the streets, my head reeling with the injustice of it all. It wasso unfair, so fucking unfair!
That'swhat I told Mark after another wine. We were in his flat and he had listenedpatiently to me for over an hour. Mark was, I guess my best friend, if notmy only friend which is telling as we weren't that close. We attended a methodacting class together for a while until he proclaimed itwas boring crap, darling, andleft.
Ibumped into him one afternoon and we had a coffee. I found out that Markwas a female impersonator in one of those posh shows that toured the WestEnd and other places. He had even been to Las Vegas and New York and wasrepresented by Lucy Richards so he must be making squillions!
'Whatabout real acting?' I asked self-righteously and his eyes narrowed.
'Whosaid this isn't real? Let me tell you, my dear,' he said with a smile, 'thepay check is very real, very real indeed.' I could see that was the truthby the opulence of his his flat.
'It'sfucking unfair,' I moaned again.
'ForGod's sake, dear,' Mark said with rolling eyes, 'will you leave it alone?'He poured himself another glass of champagne. 'It's not meant to be.'
'Mark,'I said miserably, tipping the empty bottle into my glass for the last remainingdrops of wine. 'What am I going to do?'
'Giveup the acting rubbish, dear, and join me,' he said sipping his champagneagain.
'You?'I was flustered. 'As a female imp…'
'Exactly.'He winked dramatically. 'You'd be positively gorgeous with those eyes andcheekbones. You'd knock them dead.'
'Lucytold me to work with you but…'
'Butnothing my boy.' He pulled me to my feet and to the mirror. 'Look at youreyes, I'm so jealous.' He pulled my hair away from my face. 'You'd be beautiful.'
Irritably,I pulled away. 'I'm tired of people saying I'm pretty.'
'You'dbe a beautiful woman, Chrissie,' he said with a smile, calmly sipping hischampagne.
'Stopcalling me Chrissie. Pity I'm not a woman,' I said as I sunk into the sofa.'I'd get the part of Simone if I was, I just know it.'
'Sobe a woman,' Mark said with an airy wave.
'What?'I looked up and I think we both thought the same thing at the exact sametime. 'You mean go to the audition as a woman? Do the Tootsie thing?'
'Ithink you'd look a little better than Dustin Hoffman, Chrissie,' Mark saidwith a wink. 'I don't think he's got your legs.'
'Bea woman?'
'Whynot? I do it two shows a night, five nights a week.'
'But…'
'Butwhat? I could teach you a few things, help you. Anything,' he said with aroll of his eyes, 'to stop you constantly whining about how unfair everythingis. God, I thought I was the drama queen!'
Ithought about it, really thought about it and then dismissed it. 'I'd lookridiculous.'
'Idon't think so.'
'It'dbe obvious that I was a man.'
'Ohfor heavens sake! Why don't we see?' His eyes were twinkling and he pouredmore champagne.
'Youmean?'
'Whynot, I have all the gear. It'll be fun. And it'll stop you wallowing. Areyou game?'
Ithought for a moment and then shrugged. 'Ok, let's try it.'
Lookingback, I could see we didn't put much effort into it or so I thought. Markmade me up, crammed a wig on my head and I stared miserably at the mirror.
'No,'Mark said slowly, lips pursed for a moment as he thought. 'It's not there.I'm afraid I'm useless at doing some one else's face and I only do make upfor the stage. I know,' he said pointing at me, 'we need a stylist!'
'Mark,'I said weakly, taking the blonde Marylyn Monroe wig off and throwing it ontothe dressing table, 'this is not going to work.'
'Hush!We're not giving up after one setback!'
"We?' Whendid it become we , I thought, whendid I lose control ?
'Youknow Belinda Morrison, don't you?'
'Belinda?Yes, of course I know of her, I met her once.' She'd been the stylist toseveral big names and then she wanted to begin her own business. They actorsshe had worked with for so long had promised to follow her but, of coursethey didn't. Last I heard, she had a beauty school at Notting Hill and wasa little bitter about actors.
'She'sa good friend of mine.' Mark picked the phone up, thumbed through his bigaddress book and punched in a number. Mark was a big man, over six foot whichgave his act an extra element of comedy as he was obviously a man but performingso well as a woman. The exaggerated winks, pouts and wriggles always broughtpeals of laughter from the audience.
'Belinda?How are you darling, it's Mark?' He listened for a moment and then turnedto me. 'Go into the bathroom and get rid of that face,' he said with a smileand I took the hint.
WhenI came back, he was waiting with his coat on, a bag over his shoulder anda grin over his face. 'It's off to Notting Hill. A horse, a horse a dildofor a horse,' he chanted, bustling out the door. He paused at the doorway.'Well, are you coming?'
'ButMark…'
'Forgoodness sake, have a big of dare in you, please! It's a bit of fun, that'sall.'
Webundled out of the taxi at Notting Hill and Mark led the way into the buildingwhere Belinda's school was. It occurred to me he seemed to have this arrangedthis all so quickly but that was typical of Mark. He had spontaneously decidedto get a tattoo after seeing a lead singer of a boy band with one. Nothingwrong with that except he flew to New York to get it from the same tattooistthat the singer had used.
Markand Belinda kissed and then Belinda stepped back, staring at me, eyes runningover me. 'It's Christopher, isn't it? I think we've met before?' She wasreally examining me and I felt as if I was under some sort of professionalscrutiny.
Mostwomen never remembered me but I remembered her. Belinda was tall and thin,hair dark and cut short with at least three hoop ear rings in each ear lobe.
'Yes,that's right.'
'So,you want to fool Richard Hawkins? And that little prick Henri Profert?'
Ilooked at Mark who winked. 'I guess so,' I said weakly.
'Youguess?' Belinda asked sharply.
'I'msure, I want to win the audition.'
Shenodded, all business like. 'Ok, this will take a while,' she said, lookingat us both. 'We have to be serious here to see if it'll work.'
'Wehave all night, o dark one,' Mark said with an exaggerated bow and a smile.
Belindarolled her eyes, muttered something about queens and focussed back on me.'Last chance Chris, are you committed to this or has our camp friend persuadedyou against your better nature?'
Ithought back at all the rejections I had endured, the times I had been dismissedwithout even a word, just a wave and those dreaded words, Thankyou. Next !
Iwanted to do something different, my life was grey and horrible. The onlyfriend I had was Mark, I had no girlfriends, my parents were dead and I hadno other living relatives. With a blinding stab of reality, I knew I waslonely and miserable, a failure.
'Hehasn't persuaded me,' I said softly and Mark looked at me quietly with asmall smile and a nod. 'I want to do this.'
'Really?It won't be easy, you know,' she added warningly.
'Let'sdo it,' I said, more bravely than I felt.
Belindaled us in and I had a shower and then under her and Mark's instructions Iremoved all my body hair. I was initially embarrassed by Belinda's presencebut she brusquely dismissed it. 'Forget it, Chris,' she said, 'try to thinklike a girl,' Belinda said with a wink and Mark giggled.
'Godknows I do,' Mark said with an exaggerated pout.
Belindadisappeared to make some coffee so she said while Mark introduced me to thegaff. "This keeps Mr Happy well and truly hidden,' he explained as I blushinglyput it on. I couldn't live without it,' he said dramatically and I suppresseda giggle.
Thencame the corset. It was excruciating but Belinda and Mark showed no mercy.I could hardly breathe as I sat in the chair so Belinda could shampoo, cutand style my hair. 'I'm using hair extensions so we can get them out laterif this doesn't work,' she muttered, working away.
Timemerged into an endless void, I just flowed along, getting up when she said,moving to a new position and just being a piece of plasticine for her tomould. I was so numb I didn't blink an eye at the two large blobs of skincoloured plastic she thrust into the bra cups of the corset. Blankly I stareddown as she arranged the breasts, mybreasts! 'If this works,we'll get the ones that glue.' She glanced at Mark. 'Didn't you have anysmaller?'
Heshrugged. 'I'm a big boy, dear and now she's a big girl.' He winked at butI continued to sit in a daze, waiting for what she was going to do next.
Markdrank champagne, he forced a glass on both Belinda and I and he twirled aroundand around to music while Belinda patiently worked.
Sheworked on my hair, my eyebrows and my make up including eyelashes. Finally,I slipped into the black dress Mark had magically produced from his bag alongwith the pair of shoes that, also magically, fit me. I had struggled to putpantyhose on but had avoided ladders and I stood in the centre of the roomas Belinda teased my hair out of the rollers and fixed it. Clip on earrings,a necklace and perfume.
Markstopped dancing around and stood stock still, staring as Belinda steppedback.
Istood there nervously, tasting the lipstick on my lips, breathing in shallowbreaths because of the stupid corset and waited. They were both open mouthedand staring and glumly, I knew I must look stupid.
'Atleast,' I said, blinking, 'I tried.' Whatnow , I wondered, whatdo I do now that this was a failure? Ithen realised just how much I had hoped this would work.
'Didyou see that?' Belinda asked Mark softly and he just nodded.
Belindawalked slowly around me, hand to her chin as she studied me. 'It was a rushjob, there's so much more to do but…shit!' It was said softly andI turned to her, puzzled.
'Iknow,' Mark breathed. 'It's amazing. I mean, I always suspected but to seeit. That's why I planned this, got the shoes…' He suddenly lookedat me.
'Whatare you two going on about?'
'Canyou try a girls voice?' Belinda asked.
Idid have a good ear for accents and I closed my eyes as I remembered. Afterclearing my throat, eyes still closed, I softened my voice and made it higher,speaking from the throat and not the chest. 'How does this sound?' I askedand then opened my eyes. They were staring again. 'Do I sound acceptable?'I asked shyly.
Belindacleared her throat. 'Yes,' she said strangely, glancing at Mark, 'perfectlyacceptable.'
Isaw the looks and stood with my hands on my hips. 'Will you two tell me whatis going on, please?' Their eyes bulged and then Mark smirked while Belindastifled a giggle.
'Oh,'Mark screamed, 'she's a natural.'
Belindaand Mark each took one of my arms and steered me to the mirror where I couldsee. 'Oh my god!' I exclaimed and the gorgeous woman in the mirror look shockedas well. She was beautiful. Dark hair to the shoulders, big wide violet eyesthat beguiled, high elegant cheekbones and full red lips. I couldn't helpmyself, I smiled and the woman in the mirror smiled back, eyes twinkling.
Istepped back and inspected myself, the figure was curvy, compliments of thepadding, the largish fake breasts and the corset.
'That'sme,' I said in wonder, turning and inspecting myself. 'Is it really me?'I kept the female voice as it seemed appropriate somehow.
'Yes,'Belinda said gruffly. 'It's you.' She shook her head. 'I don't believe it,but it's you.'
'CouldI get away with it?' We all knew what I meant. Could I get away with appearingat the audition, could I persuade them I was a woman? Suddenly, it all seemedpossible to me.
Markshook his head. 'No,' he said quietly.
'What?"
'No,dear,' he said, resting his hand on my shoulder. 'It takes more than dressups.'
'Oh,'I said, head bowed, blinking.
'Stopthat,' Belinda said grumpily.
'What?'
'Youknow dam well. The pouting, sad face thing.'
'Now,Belinda,' Mark said gently. 'She's a natural, that's all. She doesn't know.'
'You'venever done this before?' Belinda asked me suspiciously and I shook my head.
'No,never.'
'Never?'She looked at Mark.
'Never,dear, I've tried to talk her into it many times but she wouldn't listen.You can see she's a natural.'
Belindastudied me. 'She could pass, it would take a little work but she could. Howlong do we have?'
'Ithink Chris said Sarah believed she had five weeks to find some one?' Marklooked at me and I nodded, still staring at myself in the mirror.
'Fiveweeks, that will have to do then.'
'Ifthat,' Mark said, 'time is getting away'.
'They'llfind someone by then,' I said miserably.
'Notif Lucy Richards calls them and tells them she has an outstanding personwho is out of the country and will be back in four weeks.' Mark said it withglee and I looked at him, shocked.
'WouldLucy do that?'
Markwinked. 'Leave it to me.'
'Doyou want to do it, Chris?' Belinda asked quietly. 'Give everything up forfour weeks?'
'Givewhat up?' Mark said cattily as he sipped champagne. 'Eating junk food, readingscripts and getting rejected at auditions?'
'Idon't know,' I said quietly.
Marksuddenly became serious and squatted down so he could look me directly inthe eyes. 'Look, Chris,' he said with real affection, 'look in the mirror,that's you. You have a chance here to do everything you've ever wanted, towalk a West End stage, to read the reviews to experience it all. It's whatyou wanted, isn't it?'
"Yes,'I whispered and the woman in the mirror also whispered yes.
'Youonly have to do it once, just once and then you can let the world, all thosearseholes know that you not only acted brilliantly as Simone you acted asa woman acting Simone.'
Myeyes bulged at that and the woman in the mirror looked pretty excited. 'Youthink?'
'Chris,'Mark said softly, turning my face away from the mirror. 'I know what I am.I dress up in frocks and mime DancingQueen and I love it. Butit's obvious I'm not a woman, that's my whole act but you, can't you seehow stunning you are? I mean, dear Kylie Minogue would be jealous! Seriously,you have a god given talent to act and now,' he said turning my face to themirror, 'you also have it !'
'Whatdo you think, Belinda?' I asked slowly. 'Tell me the truth.'
Sheran her fingers through her hair. 'The scary thing, Chris, is that with alittle bit of work and practise, you'd be much better. I know you find thathard to believe but fingernails, piercing, plucked eyebrows, waxing and electrolysis,you'd be bloody gorgeous.'
'But,'I said shakily, 'would I be real?'
'Youwouldn't be a drag queen, Chrissie,' Mark said quietly, 'you'd be a woman.It could be your greatest performance.'
'Ok,'I said softly.
'What?'Belinda and Mark asked in unison.
'I'lldo it. It could be fun,' I said with a weak smile as Belinda kissed my cheek.
'Now,'Belinda said, all business. 'You have to stay here, we will work every day.'
'Stayhere?'
'Ilive upstairs and there's a spare bedroom. You'll live as a woman for theentire time so you're used to it. We'll need money for clothes and things.'
Ihung my head. 'I'm broke.'
'I'llcover you,' Mark said. 'It's just a loan, my dear.'
'You'ddo that?'
'We'refriends aren't we? Of course I'll do it, Chrissie dear. I can say I'm a friendof,' he paused. 'What name are you going to use, I'll have to tell Lucy aname?'
'Idon't know.'
'Icould come up with one.'
'Idon't think Marylyn Mansfield is quite what we're looking for,' Belinda saiddryly.
'Letme think about it,' I said quietly staring at my reflection. I had quitea lot to think about.
End of Catherine Lawrence Part 1 by Carmenica Diaz
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