When Jim Caught Pam free porn video

When Jim caught Pam. By Trish. As a child I had three passions, art, reading, especially about history, and wishing I was a girl. I did not hide the first two, but growing up in a pit village I instinctively knew that I had to keep the third one to myself. As I got older and started to progress through primary school this gender confusion about who and what I was supposed to be got steadily worse and made it a struggle to fit in with the other boys. My interests, tastes and sense of identity all said I was like the girls, which I knew was wrong because I had boy bits, but still something inside my heart said otherwise, and it caused me no end of angst and emotional pain throughout my school years. My saving grace was learning to read before school teachers did their best to take all the pleasure out of it, and books became my escape from the confusions and social anxiety that plagued my daily life. I could lose myself in the imaginary world of the printed page for hours on end. Words fascinated me and even as a little child if I ran into one I did not understand, I would get out my dictionary and look it up. The delight I took from discovering new words rapidly expanded my vocabulary to well beyond that of most boys of my age and class. Academically this was a benefit but it had a downside, because it signalled me out as different and contributed to my social isolation. My thirst for knowledge also set me on a different path to most kids from my background because much to my mothers amazement it won me a scholarship to the boys grammar school in town, where my love of words got me interested in drama and made me a regular performer in school plays. Going to the grammar also changed my outlook on life in two important ways, the first was it opened the door to a successful future away from the estate, something that most kids from my background never had. The second was discovering what was wrong with me, because just a puberty struck I learned what transgender meant. Knowing what I was did not solve any of my gender confusions, if anything they got increasingly worse as I got older. It was like the embarrassing part of me which told me I should have been born a girl was getting stronger and 'she' began to push me to be more feminine. This showed in my preference for wearing my hair long once I got into sixth form, and getting my ears pierced, both of which I hid behind a carefully constructed rock fan image. This taboo desire to be feminine was my deepest darkest secret, and the idea that one day someone would find out was mortifying. Well this is the story of what happened when someone did find out, and the person in question was called Peter Woodthorpe. Peter and I met on my first day at university when we agreed to share what the university called a two bed, self catered housing unit, better known as a two bedroom flat. I think given the choice Peter would have preferred to live alone but as all first year students under twenty one who did not live at home had to live in halls or approved accommodation he needed a flat mate, because all the approved self catering flats were two bedroom. I chose self catering because it worked out as the cheaper option, while Peter supposedly wanted the extra living space the kitchenette living/study space offered. We met and got chatting first in the registration line and immediately took a liking to each other. Since we had both put our names down for self catering we continued chatting when we joined the accommodation queue. Unlike me Peter had put his name down for one the largest and most expensive self catering flats, which were well out of my price range so I was very surprised when we reached the front to hear him say yes when the lady on the desk asked if we were going to partner up as flatmates, when she asked for payment details. With an airy wave he said, "Jim's down for a basic but I can afford to make up the difference, and I'd rather share with someone I've met and feel I'll get on well with rather than a total stranger," as he handed her his card saying, "Put the whole cost on that and I'll sort it out with Jim." It was clear from how he sorted out the flat that we were from very different backgrounds but Peter and I had really hit it off. I admired his easy public school confidence, and envied how he did not care if he came across as rather effeminate in a way that I never would have dared. Although he did not tell me, I felt sure he was gay, which did not bother me because my gender confusions and attraction to other trans people meant I never saw myself as exactly straight in the first place. I had unlike Peter learned to hide it reasonably well! More than once as we settled in to the flat I cursed him for not being trans because gender aside his personality was very attractive. Like me he was shorter than average, almost girlishly slender, and he possessed a wickedly witty, bossy sense of humour, which all combined to make Peter almost my dream flat mate. He was fun to be with socially both at the flat and in the Students Union bar. Sure there were times as we got used to each other, that I got a little frustrated with his upper-class air of superiority, and casual assumption of authority, but equally I am sure my bluff northern working class gender camouflage must have been doing the same to him. Although it should not have surprised me, I found it odd that his public school background meant that Peter was far more familiar with the compromises needed to live in shared accommodation than I ever was, but after an occasionally rocky first week we got used to each others idiosyncrasies and settled into comfortable coexistence. Or rather we did until I was meant to be out a visual research trip with my course mates about three weeks after we started. Unfortunately the weather turned nasty and trip was abandoned not long after lunch. As I was on a tight budget and not much of a drinker when we got back to the college I did not bother with the pub crawl that replaced the trip, and instead went straight back to the flat where I caught Peter dressed en-fem! He looked amazing, and as I stood there gawping at him from the door he screamed. "Oh shit!" And tried to leg it to his bedroom. I don't know who was more embarrassed him or me, but before he could rip his bedroom door from its hinges I gasped, "Oh my god, Peter! Wow you look great!" I guess there must have been something either in my tone or my expression that stopped him in his tracks, because he looked round at me and said in a scared tone, "Let me go change, please?" "You don't have to if you don't want to!" I told him blushing myself. Seeing him dressed for the first time, allowed the attraction I had felt for him all along manifest when realised that I did not just like him but actually fancied him! To cover my confusion as this revelation sucker punched me, I said the first thing that came into my head, "Oh you got your ears pierced," before I kicked myself and reverted to type saying, "Sit down love, and I'll make us a brew." He looked at me with an ashamed look in his eyes, radiating apprehension about me seeing 'her,' and said, "I thought you'd?" "What?" I said feeling my heart thumping as my attraction increased once he was looking at me. "Go off on one?" "Erm, yeah." His glossy lipstick covered lips fascinated me as he spoke, "You're so northern I expected you'd hate people like me?" "Trans people?" I said, walking to the kitchenette and putting the kettle on as I added with a half laugh, "You've clearly never been to Manchester?" "I've not." "It's very LGBT friendly," I told him. "There is a massive transgender pride event in Sackville Gardens every year." I could tell from how scared he was of me that the only way I was going to get him to relax anytime soon was to tell him the truth, and I forced myself to say blushing brightly, "As for going off on one, erm, no the exact opposite, umm, if anything I'm envious of how much better than me you're able to look." "You what?" Peter gasped. "But you're a metal head Jim?" "Erm no, regardless of the look I'm not," I admitted. "I like rock music sure, but equally I also like cheesy pop and dance music." I felt my face going though every expression in the book before I garbled, "The rock look however made great camouflage in sixth form for why I grew my hair long and got my ears pierced." Peter looked at me shocked, saying, "You mean?" I nodded blushing as much as he had. All of a sudden understanding bloomed in his eyes as his expression shifted from fear to one of delight as he gasped, "Then you want to be a girl too?" My blush got even brighter, as I said in an embarrassed tone, "Erm yeah, ever since I can remember." Although Peter had lost that trapped in the headlamps look of fear I could tell he was still feeling rather apprehensive about being dressed in my presence. I felt pretty sure he believed me when I admitted to my own transgendered nature but I still felt I need to show him a little more trust, and said with a half laugh in my voice, "You know I really should hate you about now." "Why?" He said shying away from me as fear began to flicker in his eyes again. "Don't look like that," I said, adding in a light humorously grumbling tone as I filled the teapot, "Looking at you I'm green with envy, because you're sat there dressed like I've always wanted to be and I can't, it's not fair!" That made him genuinely laugh. It was a little surreal the way our moods switched. As Peter grew in confidence and started to relax, it hit me that I had just told him my deepest secret, and it sent me into the sort of shame filled state he had been in when I got home. As I got embarrassed, Peter got excited and exclaimed. "Oh wow! This will be so cool, no wonder we took to each other almost instantly. It's got to be a sign! The odds against us meeting by chance, then deciding to share a flat and both being T must be in the millions!" He grinned at me excitedly and said, "This is going to be so great because I don't know about you but I dreamed of finding another girl like me to live with while I was at college!" He giggled and added, "And there was me worrying myself stupid about how you'd react when you found out about the real me." He sheepishly looked me in the eye as continued said, "Because I really like you Jim, and it turns out it was all for nothing." "Tell me about it... I've felt like that about my desire to be a girl all my life," I said carrying the tea to the table and flopping into a chair. "I'm Pamela or Pam by the way, have you found your fem name yet?" Pam asked. "Erm I've always used Jessica online," I said in an embarrassed tone. "Pleased to meet you Jessica." Pam laughed and added, "Great name for a northern girl as well! I've always had a soft spot for it. When I was a child before I went to prep school with mother working in the City and my father deployed I spent my life with my grandmother, and her maid cum housekeeper for almost forty years was a northerner called Jessica." She smiled reminiscing, "Who was according to family gossip my grandmothers true love." Eventually my feelings of embarrassment faded and over two pots of tea we spent the next couple of hours chatting our dressing histories and how we discovered we liked being feminine. We chatted about transitioning, and what it entailed. One thing that quickly became clear was that for all we came from opposite ends of the social scale our trans life histories shared many similarities. We both started in our mothers clothes, we both discovered what we were on the internet, we had both played female rolls in school plays, and the only major difference between how our trans sides developed was 'Pam' had both the money and the privacy to explore her girlish desires far more than my limited means had ever let me. As we spoke openly for the first time, I let Peter get behind the public 'blunt northern rocker' front I hid behind. Little by little my embarrassment faded to the point that I could talk openly about how circumstances meant that my Jessica side had mostly existed in cyber space and expressed herself by writing a couple of forced feminisation fantasy stories which I posted to an online transgender story archive. "That floats your boat, forced feminisation?" Peter asked curiously. I nodded, "Yes, kind of," and tried to explain, which got me telling him how the lack of privacy with living with my mother in a maisonette flat not much bigger than our student digs meant that the internet had always been the main means of expressing my femininity. The longer we chatted the more excited 'Pam' became, because the more 'she' learned about me, the more 'she' liked what 'she' saw. "You know Jess, I'd never in a million years thought that behind that bluff northern rocker guise, you're actually a rather sweet and sensitive trans-girl." She commented with a grin before adding, "Abet one in need of a shower you stink of sweaty waterproofs, cigarettes and damp university minibuses!" "Yeah, I know," I said. "God look at the time, it's almost six, what do you fancy for dinner?" "What have we got?" I asked. "Not much, I should have gone shopping today but decided to go in the morning because I had the flat to myself and wanted to enjoy having some Pam time. How do fancy running out for a Chinese if I phone it through?" "Yeah." I nodded. "That sounds good." While I was out getting the takeaway, Peter was busy. Unknown me while we had been chatting his agile mind had quickly realised, without knowing that I felt the same about her, that with us living together we had the potential to become just the sort of 'girlfriends' we had both dreamed of finding while we were at university. However well aware that if he did not push Jessica 'out', my northern working class inhibitions would cram her back into her mental box, and throughout the time we had been chatting 'Pam' had been quietly forming a plan to get me out of the closet, and more importantly keep me out. The moment I left 'she' sprang into action and grabbed the outfit from her wardrobe that 'she' intended to see me wearing before the night was out. Being a physics student Peter had a very logical and ordered mind, and as Pam 'she' was no different. Having decided 'she' wanted the Jessica version of me in the open 'Pam' meticulously arranged everything, including the line of conversation which she hoped would open the door to execute 'her' plan after dinner. Tactfully guiding the conversation as we ate meant that 'Pam' was able to say in the confident upper-class way of hers. "I'll wash up Jess." She jokingly held her nose. "While you grab that shower before you totally pong the flat out." "I'm going," I said, "Lord knows I need it." "You do, and make it a pampering one! Everything you could ever need is out in the bathroom now I don't need to hide Pam from you any more. Help yourself to whatever you like as I've a ton of depilatory creams, lady razors and lots of lovely body washes." She gave me a naughty grin and said, "Which I'd really like you to use." She grinned and reached behind her bedroom door to produce the outfit, "You said earlier that you were jealous because you didn't have anything to wear, well we're about the same size so now you can!" Her grin widened as she added with a hint of challenge in her tone, "It's time to put your money where your mouth is Jess, and let the real you out of her digital cage and wear this for me." I blushed and nodded trying to say, "Okay." Reading my expression Pam's face lit up with excitement as she said, "You will, great! Because now we've come out to each other, I think Jessica and Pamela deserve a girlie celebration!" I was not going to say no, even though I did go bright red as I admitted "Other than school plays Pam, I've never dressed in front of anyone before." "Discounting the day I dropped the bomb shell on the family, and a dressing service I went to in Amsterdam just before college neither had I until three hours ago." She giggled adding with that challenging note back in her tone, "I think its time we changed that Jess." I sheepishly nodded. "If you want." "I do!" Pam said confidently. Now that she was sure she had control of the evening she added bossily, "Now run along Jessica and start making yourself more feminine for me, and that starts with removing the jungle on your skin from the eye lashes down!" "What all of it?" I squeaked. "I want all of it gone!" Pam said firmly and pointed to the bathroom, grinning to take the edge of her command, but there was no denying that it was a command, "Now go and do as you are told, there's a good girl!" Normally if someone with her accent had ordered me in such a tone of voice it would have triggered a response and it did, but this time instead of it getting my working class hackles up, it made something else stand up! It was like she had found and pressed the obedience button in my head, because I was moving to the bathroom almost before she had finished talking. Giving me access to the enormous selection of expensive products that Pam had put in the bathroom had a similar effect to giving a junkie access to range of high class drugs. I had to try them all, and I'll admit I went a bit mad, which resulted in me leaving the bathroom totally hairless and very sweet smelling. "Once you slipped on the undies I've put out on your bed, do you want to try one these?" Pam held up a very sexy looking corset like waist clincher. "They are fabby for giving us a good figure." "I'd love to, but I'm not sure I know how to put one on?" I said looking enviously at black with red lace trimmed garment in her hands. "I'll help you." She giggled and lifted her top revealing a strip of dark blue material. "I'm wearing one too see." Giving me a silly grin she added excitedly, "It just hit me while you were in the shower that now I'm living with another trans-girl I won't have to hide what I'm doing if the college doctor refers me to a gender specialist." "You're going to transition?" I asked as I padded into my bedroom. On my bed were a matching pair of bra and panties. Shivering with excitement I picked up the panties, they were not overtly feminine, just plain red with black trim and like the bra, they obviously came as part of a set with the waist clincher Pam had just shown me. "That's the plan, I've been intending to transition at university since I was about eleven or twelve," she admitted, "I'm hoping to get a quick referral to the gender clinic because I don't have to rely on the NHS once I've got a doctors referral." She blushed as she added, "I'm lucky enough to be able to afford to go private and start HRT as soon as I can." "Wish I could?" I blushed admitting as I slipped on the panties and bra, "Transition had been a pipe dream of mine for years, and I've considered it loads of times but the cost has always deterred me from speaking to anyone about it until I know I can actually afford it." "It costs nothing to make an appointment Jess," Pam said, with a hint of a challenge in her tone. "I know, and its very tempting because I've dreamed about transitioning, going back to even before knew you could," I told her fiddling with the bra clips, before adding, "But then the reality that even if I got a referral I couldn't afford the extra expenses that you need to consider always rears its ugly head." I'm not sure if Pam heard me because she walked in saying, "Are you decent?" Only to laugh, "Not at all," as she looked pointedly at the bulge in my panties, "Given that unfeminine cock shaped lump in your knickers!" I blushed again which made her laugh as she handed me the clincher saying, "Here slip this round your body and fasten the clips at the front, then hold it in place at your waist while I lace you up." "Where did you get this?" I asked doing as she said, "At Axfords in town a couple of months ago." She told me pulling on the laces, "I bought three sets in their summer sale." "That must have been expensive days shopping?" I said loving the feeling of it contracting round my waist as Pam pulled in the laces. "It was, but surprisingly for Axfords these were not that expensive." She gave a blushing laugh. "I got them during a day of girlie retail therapy to celebrate getting the first payment from my trust fund after my birthday." She shrugged. "You've probably guessed I come from money." "You!" I laughed. "Never, can't say the same for my family though." I dryly commented as she readjusted the clincher, which made the lump in knickers stand up even more! "We've never had a pot to piss in." "To be honest I went a little crazy that day because I bought all the girlie things I'd dreamed of." She giggled lightly. "Didn't have much of a clue about how different female sizing was to male at the time so it was all a bit of a disaster, but I learned my lesson and worked out my real female clothing size for my second shopping trip." She pulled a face and added, "You'd think I'd have worked that out in advance since I'd been planning to transition ever since I found out that you could." Her tone rippled with sad amusement, "You should have seen my mothers face when I was about fourteen and I appeared wearing one of her dresses at a family gathering and announced that I was going to transition! Anyway after that first mad shopping spree, I calmed down I began to buy clothes and accessories I'd actually need to socially transition once I got here." "I wish I could," I said, "but like I said I've got barely a enough to cover the cost of university." Pam giggled and gave me a lewd grin saying, "Play your cards right Jess and if you're really nice to me, I might help you out with that!" The combination of Pam's words and the tightening laces had my cock almost painfully ridged in my panties! With a delightedly naughty giggle in her tone she quipped as the back of her hand 'accidentally' brushed my swollen panties while she was wrapping the laces round my now pulled in waist. "If that carries on doing unfeminine things like that my girl, I'll have to get you in a chastity cage, and make sure it doesn't any more!" I blushed brightly and said, "I'd probably enjoy it if you did." "Seriously?" Pam asked curiously tying off the lacing. "Erm, yeah," I admitted. "It's always been a bit of a fantasy of mine to be kept in one, and its a concept that has always figured in those stories I told you I like to write." "I hated it! I don't even like tucking that much. I've found the best thing for me is wearing a pair of the tight cache panties I got at the specialist shop in Amsterdam where I had my makeover day." After helping me fasten a pair of stockings to the suspenders attached to the clincher, and padding my bra out with socks, both of which did nothing to bring down the growth in my panties, Pam pushed me down on the edge of my bed and did my make up, commenting when she saw the effect it had on me. "Just as well I found you a lose skirt Jess, because we'd never hide that under a tight one sweetie." Humming to herself as she clipped and pinned my hair this way and that until she settled on a girlish style with a high pony tail commenting, "I'm going to have to get you an outfit that's the feminine version of your usual 'rock fan' look, because I want to crimp, or may be tightly curl this in the near future for that rock/hippy chick look." "I'd like that as well." I laughed, wondering if she was telepathic, because I've always had a yearning to look like a rock chick. "Thought you might," Pam said helping me dress in the girlie pink baby cut tee shirt and a short black skirt she had selected before I went to get the Chinese. "It's a pity I don't have a pair of heels in your size Jess," she said looking at me, "but my god girl you look smashing!" I did too and I would have liked to have told her so but I was struck dumb with delight at how good she had made me look when I saw my reflection in my bedroom mirror. "Like it Jessica?" She giggled after giving me a minute to gaze at my reflection. "Oh my god!" I eventually managed to get out. "Yes! I can't believe its me... I look amazing!" "Good, I hoped you'd think that," she chortled happily at my response. "Because I think you look hot!" "I love it!" I exclaimed and threw my arms round her. "Thank you, I've dreamed of looking like this for years." "You're welcome honey," Pam said, before somewhat reluctantly untangling herself from my hug saying, "Fizzy wine and a chick flick is called for I think?" I could not tell you what movie Pam put on, because I spent most of the evening on cloud nine as we chatted away about our dressing fantasies, and swapping feminine behavioural tips we had picked up from drama teachers at school. We were both pretty mellow when Pam hesitantly asked, "Can I ask you a personal question?" "Of course," I said feeling very close to her. "We like each other right?" I nodded. "Very much so." "Good." Pam hesitantly put her hand on my nylon covered thigh and added, "Erm there's no subtle way to ask this but I was wondering if my suspicion when we first met was right, that you're gay? And if you are gay, are you attracted to girls like us Jess?" I felt a rush of shame when she asked if I was gay and forced myself to admit, "Erm, yes to both I suppose... I've never really thought about it in terms of being gay, because I can't say I've been attracted to guys, or girls come to that, but I've always known that I'm not straight, if you follow me." "Actually I do, because it sounds pretty similar to my own sexual make up," Pam said in a pleased tone absently caressing my thigh, "I self identify as gay, but I'm not really that attracted to guys... I guess I'm trans-lesbian for want of a better word." She blushed as she added, "Because I like girls like you Jess." "I... I guess I feel the same," I admitted. Emboldened by my positive response Pam tentatively teased her fingers under the hem of my skirt and gently traced the welt of my stocking and my skin with her pink nails. I shivered her fingers felt electric on my nylon covered shaven thigh and gasped, "That feels so nice." "It's meant to," she seductively whispered. "And if I kissed you, would that feel nice too?" "I... I...Think it would," I admitted blushing. "Want to find out?" Pam said leaning forwards until her lips were just a few centimetres from mine. "Yes," I sighed as my lips moved to meet hers. The kiss was electric, and quickly turned into a long and very steamy snog that left us both breathless when we broke our first kiss and gasped almost simultaneously, "Wow!" Pam giggled lightly, and said daringly running her fingers over my swollen panties, "Someone was not lying about liking that?" "I wasn't," I whispered, and said in a rush, "Can we do it again please." "We'll be doing it all the time if I'm right about that kiss meaning what I hope it does for us?" "I hope so," I said quelling the voice inside of me calling me a poof for wanting her to kiss me like that again. "Good, because I felt something for you, and from you that I really liked when we were snogging!" She blushed and said sheepishly, "I kind of fancied you even as a guy Jess, but now I've met the real you I can't stop myself wanting more between us than just a good friendship, and," her blush brightened, "I'm hoping you'll feel the same towards me?" "I do!" I guiltily told her saying in a rush. "I've fancied you from the moment we met, but took seeing you as Pam to make me see why," Feeling more than a little ashamed of myself, I admitted, "More than once since we started sharing I found myself wishing you were trans." Pam half laughed. "Mm, we're even more alike than I thought Jessica because I felt that about you, and its really nice to hear!" She gave me a confident smile and added, "Because really like the idea of going out with you as my transgendered lesbian girlfriend?" I knew it was wrong on so many levels, but I could not deny the ripple of excitement that coursed through me as I said, "Yes," and added almost tripping over my words before embarrassment could overcome me, "I'd love to be your girlfriend Pam." "Marvellous I hoped you feel like that!" She laughed clapping her hands delightedly and added, "Another bottle of wine to toast our potential new relationship?" "Please," I nodded emptying my glass. Walking confidently to the fridge in her heels she removed a second bottle of fizzy wine and said opening it, "And when I say girlfriend I mean it. I've got to know you well enough since we started living together to know that with a little effort from us both we have a great chance of making a for real no holds barred transgender lesbian relationship work, if we want it to sweetheart." I must have been red with embarrassment, but I nodded and whispered, "I'd like that, but you might need to push me because I've never done anything like this before." "Neither have I," Pam said topping up our glasses, "unless you count a little fooling around at school." "Fooling around?" I asked as she sat back down beside me and casually put her hand possessively round me, which motivated me to put my hand on her thigh. "I gave the skipper of the first fifteen a blow job last year. He was playing Danny to my Sandy in the schools production of Grease," Pam admitted, sighing as I hesitantly ran my fingers over her panties, "That's nice!" "Oh!" I said daringly tracing her penis through her panties. "I've never had the chance, but I've always wanted to." "You will if you carry on doing that lover." She giggled. "Anyway as much as giving him head made me feel very girlie, I personally enjoyed it a lot more when I was the one being blown!" She blushed and giggled lightly. "It's about the only thing I'll miss about being male when I'm post-op." "Well you?" I giggled. "Could always stay pre-op many girls do," and kissed her. "True," Sshe mused, adding as we kissed, "I probably would if you promised to get pussy for me?" "I... I've dreamed most of my life of having one... I love to do that for you Pam." I gasped as her lips hungrily caressed mine. "Oh god, the thought that you'd give this up for me," she said kissing me firmly as she slid her hand up my skirt onto my silken covered cock, "And get a pussy turns me on so much." I wanted to say I would but before I could her lips were on mine for another long and steamy kissing session, with lots of mutual teasing caresses. Eventually our lips broke apart and Pam asked after a sip of wine, "You know you said you had a fantasy about being locked in a chastity cage? Is it tied into your liking of forced feminisation?" "Yes," I said blushing slightly, "it is and I do." "Erm I've got one." It was Pam's turn to blush again as she caressed my cock through my skirt. "And I'd love to lock this in it," her blush got brighter, "If you'll let me?" I almost tripped over my tongue as I said in surprise, "You have?" Before blushing as she nodded, and I admitted, "I'd really like that." I was not sure if she heard me as she was saying at the same time, "I bought it when I was in Amsterdam because it was designed to feminise a girls groin and I tried it, and although it worked great at hiding 'it.' It felt too restrictive for me, and then there was the image of it," She shrugged and added, "Wearing it just felt too submissive for my mind set, so I've never worn it again." "I will," I admitted, "willingly!" "Promise?" She giggled reading 'yes' my expression, and exclaimed, "You know I never in a million years would have guessed that behind that northern rocker guise that you're a total submissive!" Her grin went from ear to ear as she spoke, "And knowing that you have a submissive in you just makes you even more attractive!" "Why?" I asked. "Am I submissive?" "You like forced femininity, want to be locked in a chastity, and your general demeanour now I've really wormed my way behind your public mask is very submissive. Not that your public mask after a couple of ciders was very good by the way." She giggled. "One of the girls on my course after she found out I was gay asked if we were a couple when she saw us together the weekend we got a bit pissed in the Student Union bar at the end of freshers week." "Oh!" I blushed. "It's cool babe, I told her I was sunk to the nuts in you most nights!" Pam joked. I went bright red. "You didn't?" Oddly I was not upset about 'her' saying I was gay, but it did get me wondering if anyone from my course had seen us and thought the same... Which was both a scary and an exciting idea. "I didn't by the way, I'm just teasing," she laughed. "I just gave her a smile, a wink and said no comment, which thinking about it now was probably actually worse, but to go back to what I was saying about why your even more attractive because you're a submissive." She paused for a sip of wine and told me, "I'm told I tend to want to be dominant partner in relationships, or at least that's what both the cis- girls I went out with said when I was trying to be straight." She gave me a sheepish smile and carried on, "Not that trying to be straight was good idea, other than to finally prove to myself that real girls don't turn me." "Well I've always had a thing for the idea of being with a dominant t- girlfriend," I admitted with a wine driven giggle. "Just as well you do because you're going out with one from now on Jess!" Pam chuckled delightedly. "So tell me along with having my chastity locked on your girl cock what else would you like to wear? No need to be shy about it, slutty, demure, vintage, kinky anything?" "I'd love to grow a pair of real breasts, or be able to wear a false pair like yours, nothing excessive size wise just ones that look and feel right," I giggled. "Clothing wise, I really want a leather mini skirt and boots for that rock chick look, which you're right about me liking, and I'd love to wear some historical garments, especially restrictive Victorian and Edwardian dresses." Pam nodded. "Go on?" "I also love the 50's/60's secretary look, like you saw in that Madmen series. You know the high maintenance appearance with false eye lashes, the overly made up face and time intensive hairdos, with a pencil skirt suits that require a tightly corseted waistline," I told her. "And I know its a tranny clich? but I also love the idea of wearing a classic maids uniform." I shrugged. "Which is a bit twisted in today's world, when you think about the status that a maids uniform indicates." Pam grinned when I mentioned the maids uniforms and said, "That's your submissive side showing again sweetheart." "Probably," I admitted. "And when it comes to the modern dress, obviously I'd love to have a body that would let me wear the super skimpy and slutty club and fetish wear you see in shops and online, but most of all I guess I'd like to be able to look normal enough to pass in public without looking like a drag queen." Listening to what I was saying Pam's smile got wider and wider before she commented, "You don't look like a drag queen now!" Before adding with a kiss, "And I think if you're a good girl and see the doctor for me, Miss Pam can manage most of that sweetie." "Have you ever watched any T-girl porn?" Pam asked out of the blue after another kissing cuddle. "I've not seen much, but what I have I've liked," I admitted. "Why?" "It just occurred to me to ask if you identified with the sub girls, the ones doing the sucking and being fucked?" I nodded and said with a sheepish smile. "I supposed I did, yes." "Thought so! If you want we'll have a porn night some time," she giggled. "And we can see if we pick up some bedroom tips?" Pam said confidently. "Although if we do cute girl, I'm putting you in my cage first!" "You can," I said hurriedly. "I know, you've told me a couple of times that you'd like me to put you in one." She giggled excitedly. "And I guess the dominant side of my nature likes the symbolism of knowing I've got my T-girlfriends clitty locked up in one." "So do I," I admitted, before adding more thoughtfully, "I guess I like the idea of surrendering my masculine independence and how that would impose stereotypically feminine behaviours." "Being forced to sit and pee, having to wipe rather than shake and deal with the rigmarole of wearing pant-liners?" Pam chuckled as I nodded, adding, "See told you, you're a submissive Jessica, and in the same vein, how would you like me to see if I can find you a maids uniform or two next time I go home? So long as mothers not had a clear out we're bound to still have some in the old maids quarters up in the attic." "Do they know about Pam?" I asked. "My penchant for cross dressing has never been a secret in the family," Pam laughed. "I was about 14 when they first saw me in a dress when I announced that I was going to transition. My mother, and my two step brothers know I'm serious about it but whether or not Mother understands these days is a moot point." Pam pulled a face. "She went a little off her rocker after my step father, went the same way as my father and was killed in action. My father in Iraq before I was packed off to prep school and my step father in Afghan four years ago." "Sorry Pam, I shouldn't have asked," I said giving her a hug. "It's not a stress love, I hardly remember my father, and I never really got a chance to know my step father, because I was at boarding school or he was deployed most of the time they were married." It was something else we had in common. Pam had lost her father, while I never knew mine. "My step brothers are cool about me wanting to transition though, which kind of shocked me, since they are both straight arrow military types." "Did you never consider following your dads footsteps and joining the army?" I asked. "Lord no," Pam said. "Having to be in the CCF at school until I was sixteen erased any desire I had to be in the military." "It never appealed to me either," I admitted. "Though that might have been different if I had not got into the grammar and been streamed towards university." "No surprise that never appealed to you Jess," Pam chuckled. "Not they'd have taken us, the military don't want trans queers like us!" I laughed. "Fair point." She topped up our glasses and said with a throaty sensual giggle in her tone. "Would you like me to put you in the chastity cage?" I blushed and nodded. "Good girl," Pam chortled. "I can't wait to lock." She sensually ran her hand under my skirt and stroked the lump in my panties. "This away and put permanent stop to it marring your skirt line." She giggled. "There's only going to be one free girl cock in this relationship sweetheart and it is not going to be." She stroked my swollen panties again. "This one... Right?" "Yes," I said feeling a rush of desire. "Good girl!" Pam giggled and gave me a sheepish look as she added, "I almost got rid of it before I came to college, but decided not to, just in case I found the right girl I could make wear it," Her tone ripened with a hungry lustful tone. "And now I have, haven't I Jessica?" "Yes!" I said relishing the sensation of her fingers on my panties. "Good!" she chortled. "I guess I better tell you I have a bit of a thing for the accoutrements of a BDSM relationship." "Such as?" I said feeling my cock really swelling under her fingers teasing caresses. "Not the whips and pain thing, but I do like for want of a better word the symbolism of dominance that accompanies BDSM. I guess that's why I've always dreamed of having a naturally submissive T-girlfriend who'll get off on having me dictating her clothing and making her wear a collar, or being made to get my property mark to permanently symbolise her submissive role in the relationship," Pam said with a blush. "Sounds exciting," I said feeling very turned on. "I hoped you'd say that lovely," Pam said giving me a kiss before pulling me to my feet and leading me by the hand into her bedroom. "Because one day I'm going to marry you and put a property collar round that cute neck of yours, before having a mark of ownership tattooed on your hormone plumped arse!" Pushing the door open Pam giggled in a sultry tone. "Just think Jessica, it wont be long now before you'll be a my chaste submissive T- girlfriend... Your masculinity surrendered to my locked chastity cage, your sexual pleasure dependent on serving me... No longer being distracted from the important things by this-" She stroked my cock through my panties. "Little distraction." Her tone was incredibly erotic as she whispered in my ear. "Only getting release when I chose to milk or... fuck you... Would you like me to do that to you sweetheart?" "Yes!" I gasped feeling a hot erotic flush burn down my spine. "Giving me this." She teased my very swollen cock. "To lock away until I make you get a hot pussy for me.... Is that what you really want baby, to exchange your sexual freedom to serve mine?" "Yes!" I gasped as her nimble fingers released my skirt and slid it down my legs before doing the same to hers. "Good girl," she said kissing my neck as she eased me back onto her bed and pulled my panties down. Whispering as she teasing my hard cock. "Mm such a lovely little hairless little girl cock you have baby, it seems a shame to tame it with my cage." Her other hand reached under her pillow and pulled out the chastity. "But I will, and soon this," she dangled the device in front of my eyes. "Will be locked on you until I want to take it off," She lowered it to my lips. "Kiss it baby to show me you want it." Lost in the eroticism of the moment, I kissed the skin coloured device. "Good girl Jessica," Pam giggled and licked her glossy red lips saying, "Should I let you taste the delights that you'll lose once I lock you up?" "Oh god yes, you can do what ever you want," I gasped as she did something with her fingers on the crown of my cock. "Mm, what ever I like." She giggled. "I'll hold you to that darling... Because soon now this girl cock will belong to me," she stroked my cock. "But it looks so delicious that I'll just have to have a taste before I make it chaste," She sensually slid down my body and blew gently over my cock, cautioning. "Hands above your head baby," before sliding her lips over me. I had received a blow job once before and although I enjoyed it, my pleasure came more from me imagining I was in the girls place than actually receiving it. The same could not be said for the one Pam was giving me, because the feel of her mouth on me had stars exploding in front of my eyes! Stopping just before I reached the point of no return she sat up and gave me a long lingering kiss, and said, "Your turn!" She giggled. "I want my girlfriend to show me how much she wants to give me her maleness," Pam gently pushed me down and said, "Explore me baby, I want you to love my girl cock as much I will love trapping yours in my locked cage." With lots of gentle coaxing she taught me how to 'love' her cock, and I absolutely loved it! I felt very strange and very alive as I discovered the joy of being a cocksucker, and Pam clearly enjoyed it as she instructed me on how to lick, suck and basically worship her! I was a cocksucker! It's odd that a term which for many would have been one of abuse seemed at that moment the perfect title for me. The more I got into it the more Pam seemed to enjoy it, and when she said in a breathless tone. "You better slow down my submissive cock maid or I'll cream you." Her words just spurred me on until with a shuddering hiss of pleasure Pam gasped. "You asked for it," as she came in my mouth moaning. "Swallow it Jessica baby... Suck it back, I want my girlfriend addicted to my cream, oh fuck yes that's it, swallow it all my lovely cum slut!" I know it should have humiliated me, but instead her words just filled me with pleasure. Pulling me off her now softening cock by my pony tail Pam pulled me into a long lingering kiss and whispered, "I think you have just found your role in life as my cock maid Jess baby." "Mm," I sighed. "Did you like it?" "Yes... I loved it," I giggled. "Good girl," Pam said, "You're my cocksucker now, my cute submissive cock maid, and a cum slut from the way you guzzled my cream," She kissed me again, and said with her eyes sparkling with satisfaction. "Tell me what you are?" "Your cock maid." Lost in the moment I told her, "A cocksucker and cum slut," and it was one of the hottest things I have ever done. I sure my lack of inhibition must have had something to do with the wine, but the sensation of pleasing her as I made her cum was thrilling. "And I want to do it again and again." "Trust me you will my love, because I'll be using that talented mouth of yours again before the evening is spent." At some point we had both lost our tops, and as we lay on her bed cuddling, I could not keep my hands off her semi stiff cock. The padding that had stuffed my bra had fallen out and enjoying the closeness between us, I said idly running my finger over her bra. "How have these stayed in Pam?" "They're designed for mastectomy patients and have an adhesive on them babe," she said, "I'll get you a pair. There's a shop in Covent Garden that sells them." She chuckled lightly and added, "It's owned by a screaming drag queen called Sally, who caters almost exclusively to the transgender and drag queen market." I would have been content to spend the rest of the evening cuddled together like that, until Pam said, "Want to finish the wine, and then we better talk about what happens next?" "Okay," I said licking my lips as we sat up. Grinning down at me she shamelessly stood and held out her hand leading me back into our kitchen/living room wearing only our clinchers, bras and stockings. Cuddled on the sofa, Pam said after a sip of wine. "When I told you I wanted you to be my girlfriend Jessica, I meant it, but I'm not willing to accept a hidden relationship. If we're a couple, then from now on then we're going to be an out of the closet and in public couple." She pulled a face. "I'm sick of denying what I am or-" She kissed me. "What I want, and I want is you in the open as my girlfriend Jess." I nodded. "I know," hiding my red face behind my wine glass. "I won't hide it, and everyone will know we are a queer couple, and once I start reassignment treatment it won't take long before they know you're also transgendered, so don't you think its better to just get over with?" "I know." I nodded before blushing as I sheepishly half laughed and admitted. "After what you said about your course mate, I would not be surprised if some of my course mates already thought we were gay couple because its so common in the school of art." "I say that was a foregone conclusion lovely, after all when we first met in the registration queue I felt sure you were gay," Pam admitted. "Even after I got to know you a little better and you still weren't responding to the pretty blatant hints I dropped I never once considered that you weren't gay. I just assumed that you were still so deeply closeted that you weren't ready to come out yet." She laughed. "I guess the accent made me assume you were cut from the same cloth as the tough, blunt talking Northern gay blokes you see working the doors of some of the London gay clubs," She gave me a kiss and added, "And nothing could be further from the truth!" We chatted for about half an hour about where our fledgling relationship might go before I admitted, "With you talking about going to see the doctor about starting on the trans program Pam, I really wish I could afford to do the same." "From what you said earlier, I'm pretty damn sure it's something you're going to do eventually sweetie. I know it's bloody expensive but you can get the treatment on the NHS sure it takes longer, but even if all you can get is T blockers it's better to get on them now rather than have to handle the effects of growing a beard and all the rest?" She said perceptively. "I've read loads of bios and books about girls like us and the one common thread is they all regret not seeing the doctors as early as they could because they knew they were in the wrong bodies long before they knew what transgender meant, I certainly did and from what you've said so did you." "I can't argue with you there," I said musingly. "I've always known I'm wrong in my skin, and felt I should've been a girl Pam, but the difference is, for someone from your background anything is possible. While where I come from, any idea or concept that steps outside the narrow band of 'normal behaviour' was crushed," I half laughed. "You'd never believe the negative reaction many on the estate had when I got into the grammar, and then to make matters worse the grammar turned my head away from 'manly work,' and pushed me towards university." I laughed and told her, "When I first mentioned that I wanted to go and study art history rather than something acceptably manly like engineering it caused all kinds of eyebrows to be raised at home. You see where I'm from unless you fall in with the firm, lads have three basic employment choices, you either go down the pit or into the car factory, get a trade apprenticeship or you join the military." "What's the firm?" Pam asked. "It's the local criminal underworld," I said with a shrug. "Gangsters." "Blimey, I thought that world went decades ago?" Pam said. "May be that world did," I said, "but not the societies that provided the labour, and if you get away from the urban bubble into the older outlying traditional communities, you'll find that the mind set of boys do this and girls do that is still very much the norm, especially in the industrial north." "Where exactly are you from?" "A pit village estate on the South Lancashire coal field not far from Manchester," I said adding with a bitter laugh slipping back into the dialectic that had been educated out of my accent at grammar school. "Where th'men ah men, an' brag abo't 'ow many birds tha can shag an' ow many pints 'ale tha can sup, an al yak wi tha lads is footi or t'rugby leg an' out else is rampant poofery!" (Where men are men, and brag about how many women they have had carnal relations with and how many pints of beer they can drink and all you can talk about is football or rugby league with your mates, and anything else is rampant homosexuality.) Pam giggled, and said with a suggestive chuckle. "Well talking about rampant poofery want to go back to bed and indulge in some more of it?" "Yes!" I said, realising I had been fondling her cock the whole time we had been cuddled up chatting. "Go and warm the bed up while I top these up with the last of the wine Jess," Pam told me holding out her hand to pull me up. When I padded back into the bedroom I saw the chastity close to where Pam had been lying earlier and picked it up. Examining it I saw that the large ring at the base was hinged and made of a flexible soft feeling material which clipped on to three metal pins on the cage part, and when fastened together it both restricted erection and held the wearers manhood pushed tightly down between their legs. From the feel of it I realised that it was some form of semi flexible metal covered by a much softer composite rubber shell which would make it comfortable to wear, but with the parts locked together completely inescapable without resorting to some form of cutting tool. Curiously I worked out how it went together and slipped the ring round behind my balls, and gently manoeuvred the cage part into place. The pins looked like they just clipped in and out so I clicked them together and was enjoying how it forced my trying to swell cock down trapped in place when Pam padded back in with the wine and commented. "Oh god that suits you baby." She giggled and added with her eyes sparkling with excitement, "If you promise to be a good T-girlfriend for me I'll release button on the ring." Her eyes brightened even more. "To the lock, so this-" she gently cupped my caged cock, "stays like this for as long as I want." Her giggle filled with a throaty tease as she added, "Do you real want me to do that baby? Do you really want to surrender your girl cock into my locked cage until I force you get a hot pussy put in its place?" "Oh god," I eagerly said feeling like I was going to explode. "Yes I do please Pam." "Because I will Jessica... I mean it, you'll transition living with me, knowing that it won't be coming off until the day you go to get it converted into the cute slit for me. You'll be completely dependant on me, your dominant girlfriend for pleasure until I take you to get it turned into a pussy," she teased the locking ring for the chastity in front of my eyes. "Tell me you want this Jess, and I will." "I do... Please Pam I want everything you said," I gasped. "Please just do it." "Mm good girl, I hope you do, because I will!" She chuckled, and added, "Slip it off, and I'll switch out the quick release for the locking one. But!" She held up a finger as I eagerly released it. "Before I do, I'm going to treat you my sexy submissive T-girlfriend to a long sensual blow job just so you know just what you're going to be missing when I've got you locked and chastised, and to act as a reminder of why you'll want to become the girlfriend of my desires." She grinned and lewdly said, "Because pleasing me in every way will be the only way I'll let you out of my cage and give you another one." She giggled. "It will be a part of you until you have a pussy between your legs!" She gave me a big smile as I freed myself, and said swapping the chastity for a glass of wine. "Cheers," tapping the cage against my glass adding, "To our great future Jess." After a sip of her wine she pushed out the button and replaced it was a lock barrel, before kneel down between my legs where she blew my mind. Sparks were going off in my head when I finally erupted into her mouth. "Mm lovely." She giggled, giving me a long sensual kiss that shared my cum, and while I was still relishing the sensations she caged me! Working quickly while I was still on a post orgasmic high Pam cleaned me up with an astringent wipe and slipped the cage into place giggling. "Time to say good bye to owning a girl cock baby. I'll let her out and treat her to another one only after you've been to the doctors for a referral to the gender clinic." And with a giggle of delight she snapped the parts together with a permanent sounding click. Chortling to herself as she twisted the oddly shaped key from the ring and said in an ecstatic tone. "Now your really mine Jessica, and no more manly standing at the pot for you my submissive T-girlfriend!" With the locking ring in place the chastity was pulled closer and tighter into my body, and although it was not uncomfortable I soon found out it made any form of erection impossible. "Like it?" Pam said kissing me hungrily. "Because I think it looks lovely on you!" "Yes!" I gasped. "Good girl," Pam giggled. "And it's just as well you do, because you won't be touching what's inside it anymore Jessica my darling." "What you got planned for tomorrow Jess?" Pam asked languidly sometime later when we were cuddled up in her bed as she recovered from her second long blow job of the evening. "Nothing, I cleared my schedule and got ahead with my course work to spend this weekend getting my research file started." "Cool, how do you fancy a day of girlie retail therapy?" Pam said. "You need a whole new wardrobe, skirts, dresses, tops, lingerie and of course a few pairs of sexy heels!" She giggled and added, "Because once you come out I'm going to keep my girl in heels!" The giggle in her tone increased as she added, "I'll also want you to have some nice feminine clothes similar to mine that can pass as male for college until you've seen a doctor, because from now on this," she tapped my cage, "says you're my girl, and my girl does not wear boys things period!" "I'd love to, but I can't afford it," I said with a pout. "The only way I can afford to be a student is if I keep on a very strict budget." "Piffle, I've got more than enough money to dress my girlfriend to my tastes." Pam laughed. "And I'm sure you can come up with a way to pay me back in kind?" Her voice took on a teasing edge. "Especially if we pop home next weekend and have a nose in the old maids room." I laughed and said, "You just want a maid to look after you." "Erm guilty. I do." Pam blushed. "It's been a fantasy of mine for years!" Her blush brightened as she giggled and said mock buffing her nails on her bra. "But a girl of my station has a right to demand such comforts in life don't you think?" "True," I said enjoying how her words stimulated a delicious sensation of restriction from my locked cock. "I guess it's a something that I've wanted ever since I saw how my grandmother ruled the roost and still made it work with her Jessica. I told you the family rumour?" I nodded. "That they were lovers, yes." "When I first heard the rumour, I was not scandalised, but envious, and as an adolescent I dreamed of transitioning and finding someone I could have the same sort of mistress servant relationship with," She giggled. "Now we're going to transition, and if things work out between us as a couple I can't see why we shouldn't have something very similar, after all I told you I have a real soft spot for a personal maid with a northern accent, Jessica," She gave me an arch look and added, "So hush up about about money because the best thing about having money is being able to spend it on the cute tranny girl I've fallen for!" "Now-" She lightly spanked my backside and said, "How about fixing us a couple of hot chocolates, while I find us something to sleep in, and then I think you can thank me again?" Whether it was the wine, the sexual fooling around, or the sense of relief at finally unburdening myself of the secret I had kept for my 18 years, but almost as soon as we cuddled close in the dark I went out like a light. Next morning however I felt ashamed of myself! Waking up in bed with Peter's arm over me came as real shock and for a split second I wondered what was going on, and then like the sky falling in on me everything came back. I had sucked his cock! All of a sudden I felt myself burning with embarrassment, and that feeling was only amplified as I slipped out of his bed and realised I had slept in a short sexy night dress and frilly French knickers. Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I shuddered. After all these years my secret was out, and not only was it out, I had broken the penultimate male taboo and become a cocksucker! Looking at myself in the mirror I felt sick, seeing make-up still smeared on my face, which made my skin burn even more with self disgust, and then I felt the chastity locked over my cock! What had I done? I felt sick to my stomach, and yet at the same time there was the feeling under my self loathing of relieved elation, which just added to my confusion as I shamefully padded into the bathroom. Knowing that I had a chastity locked on my body I almost fearfully lowered my frilly knickers and saw it in the mirror. Swallowing dryly I tentatively pulled on it, and realised that just like Peter had said, I would not be standing at the loo any more... Blushing I sat and hoped for the best. Directly in front of the loo was a mirror and as I looked at myself I hesitantly let go to pee. The sound of it falling straight into the water triggered another wave of shame mixed with a twisted sensation of delighted humiliation, which got worse when I saw on my face dried traces of cum from the good night blow job 'Pam' had demanded as I was forced to wipe myself and the cage clean. Next to the toilet was a box of pant-liners, which I had little choice but to use... As I looked myself in my eyes recalling everything that happened the previous day I felt emotionally at sea. It was like my mind was a small boat caught between a storm of shame and a sea wall of twisted joy having finally surrendered to my taboo desires. I was jolted out of my shameful introspection when I heard Peter/Pam sleepily calling. "Put the kettle on Jess." Just the sound of his voice triggered a frisson of excitement, because something in me jumped at his call. It was a sensation I had never felt before, and it cut through my self loathing like a hot knife through butter. I might have been an emotional wreck with the jumble of feelings that threatened to overwhelm me when I recalled everything, but neither could I deny that what had happened between us had radically changed how I saw myself, and how I related to him because whatever we done had changed me, and I felt driven to do as he asked. As well as the mixed feelings I had about myself, I was also struggling to gender relate him. I knew he was male, and yet when he looked at me as I came out of the bathroom I felt this weird sense of giddy delight. Giving me a sleepy morning kiss as we passed, he lightly spanked my bum and said, "God you're sexy," and went to sort himself out as I made a pot of tea. It was like my mind kept on tripping up over the gender conflict between Peter and Pam causing the intellectual part of mind to clash with the emotional. Either Peter did not notice my confusions or he was still so deeply inside Pam space that he did not pick up on my mixed up emotional state, because he was raring to go. After a quick shower to remove the traces of the previous evenings activities we had a light breakfast and then he was chivvying me out of the flat. Although we were dressed as male there were feminine touches in both our appearances, the most obvious one for me was the pair of Star Trek Cochran delta earrings hanging from my earlobes. I got myself them as a girlie treat not long after I got my ears pierced but had never really had a chance to wear them, well now I did I thought to myself as I slipped them into my lobes after Peter/Pam asked me to wear a pair of girlie ear rings. As we walked out of the flat Peter completely freaked me out, because like it was the most natural thing in the world he took possessive hold of my hand as we left our building. Chuckling. "You're my lover Jess!" Peter said confidently. "We're queer, and we're going to be publicly out as queer couple. Get used to it! I told you what I wanted when we started our relationship last night, and with my cage locked on you, you can't deny that we're lovers any more than I can." His voice became a little more serious as he continued. "What happened between us last night trigged something in both of us that has radically changed how we see each other in best possible way and I'm going to make sure we embrace it." Expanding his comment as he led me hand in hand across the campus towards tube station saying. "We can either be ashamed of being trans and queer, or be out and proud about it Jess. I don't know about you, but I'm sick to death of trying to hide who and what I am!" "That's true I suppose," I admitted with a blush. "No suppose about it," Peter told me bluntly. "Hell Jess you said the same last night, when you were moaning about how much you hated having to put the Jim front on all the time, well now you don't, because to use an Americanism, we're pair of tranny fags and doing faggy things like holding hands and this," he pulled me round to face him and kissed me, "is the best way to show it!" "I guess?" I said feeling a little sick as I blushed even brighter. The look on my face made Peter impishly chuckle. "If you want that chastity off in the next six months you better kiss me properly this time," and kissed me again, only this time I responded. As we walked off the campus I realised that there was nothing spontaneous about Peter's decision to kiss me. His orderly mind had again planned everything, because we had been standing almost directly in front of the refectory window in full view of the undergraduates having breakfast. I could not stop myself feeling a sudden wave of shame when I realised that everyone I knew would probably know before the end of the day that we had come out and that I was living openly with my boyfriend! Strangely being outed as gay did not bother me so much when I thought about it. If anything it was a relief, and as that sunk into my head, it triggered the twisted gender identity issue I had between Peter and Pam to resolve itself. It all felt rather surreal because for all we were both dressed in male clothes, that kiss caused something of a shift to take place in my head about how I saw him, and myself. Although I knew he was Peter, my mind had settled on him being she and Pamela, and rather scarily as the day progressed I could almost feel my own sense of identity shifting as I started see myself more as Jessica than James. That sense of self identity which had always been conflicted between how I was expected to appear to how I felt about myself, was starting resolve itself, and I could feel it pulling me inexorably towards life as Jessica. "Where are we going?" I asked giving up on trying to untangle the mixture of feelings that went went like a pendulum from fearful self loathing to giddy delight. "To begin with that drag shop in Covent Garden, I mentioned," Pam giggled. "Someone told me that she wanted a pair of tits like mine and after giving up her masculinity to me last night the least I can do is get my girlfriend a good pair tits!" "Oh yeah!" I said blushing as tendrils of excitement about the day really starting to bloom in my mind. This also roused my cock until the chastities confinement stopped it in its tracks. It was not painful, but it did result in moments of discomfort, which amused Pam all day! I quickly discovered that people who have money do not consider prices when they go shopping because she was like a whirlwind, as we went from shop to shop, building the beginnings of Jessica's wardrobe. She even completely freaked me out by getting me to try on a leather miniskirt and a pair of girls bootleg jeans in a shop when without any hesitation she asked the shop assistant. "Can my friend try these on?" Thankfully she had told me the shop was T-girl friendly otherwise I would have melted into the floor with embarrassment. She bought both and I left the shop wearing the jeans. As the day progressed my old but comfortable bomber jacket, like my jeans was replaced with a purple ladies anorak. The change in jacket also led to my acquisition of a handbag over my shoulder because the pockets of my new anorak were for more for show than function. "You know hopefully one day soon we'll be able to do this dressed Jess," Pam said after a few hours of shopping, and hundreds of pounds later when we stopped for a Costa. "And rather than shopping in places that cater primarily to girls like us, we'll be free to just go into ordinary shops without any of that horrid sensation of wrongness." That was a very scary proposition, but one I already knew I'd surrender too. It seemed that what had happened the night before had given Pam the ability to short circuit my inhibitions and make want to do what she decided. I guess that is when I realised that she had been right when she said I was submissive, and wanted her to take dominant role both inside and outside of the bedroom. Until Pam proved me wrong I never thought that I could look convincing, and that made it easy for me to hide behind my northern rocker image, but now she had unleashed Jessica it completely altered my mindset. It showed as we, or rather Pam shopped for me because when I tried a few times to say that I could not afford to run up the enormous costs she was incurring instead of putting my foot down, when she told me to. "Hush up." I just blushed feeling my chastity making its presence felt. "Hush Jess! It's only money. I told you I can afford to keep you in the fashion I desire, and if you're insistent about paying me back I can think of a few ways." She giggled archly. "Especially as you have a proven talent for something I adore, and I'm sure I can teach you to like the other thing I'm really looking forward to doing." She gave me a lustful grin and whispered into my ear, "Which is fucking you into submissive femininity sweetie!" Aware of what was going on in my panties Pam gave me a naughty look and said. "Someone's looking forwards to that I see." Adding as she spanked my arse, "Anyway once I've got you a uniform or two, I'm sure you'll be able to come up with another away of working off the debit PDQ by pampering me in manner I intend to become accustomed whenever we're at the house." "House?" "My mothers house," Pam said effectively ending my complaints when she said, "Shoes next, and I know just the place!" After god only knows how many shops we were laden down with over a dozen carrier bags full of my new wardrobe. As we walked through Soho towards the Tube station Pam said, "Oh wow I almost forgot," and abruptly turned down a side street. "There's a shop down here I want to stop off at." It was a LGBT friendly sex shop! "Ever been in one of those before?" She asked as we walked towards it. "Never," I admitted. "You don't find shops like them in Lancashire." "You probably do, but in comparison to the ones in Amsterdam even the biggest in this country are more like corner shops. This place is good though because it is very LGBT orientated," Pam said keeping hold of my hand as she led me in saying, "I want to look over here Jess." On the wall was a display of pendants and badges, with a section dedicated to Pride. "I think we should get the matching trans love hearts, and a couple of friendship bands in the trans-pride colours Jess?" "What ever you fancy Pam," I said looking round. I had never been in a place like this in my life, and my curiosity more than got the better of my embarrassment. "I like these, what do you think." She tapped the matching love hearts as I nodded. "Fine," I said absently as I looked wide eyed at the array of toys on display. "Cool!" Pam said, putting two boxed necklaces, wrist bands and a couple of pride badges into her basket before looking at me adding. "These earrings are cute as well, I'll get them for when my ears have healed." She finally noticed I was not really listening as I looked round. "We can have a quick look round if you want love?" "How are we for time?" I said, pulling my attention back to her again aware of the cage restricting my 'clit' as I looked at the array of vibrators, dildo's, harnesses, cuffs, hoods, collars and things I did not recognise displayed on the walls and cabinets. However the thing that really attracted my eye was a mannequin wearing a tightly fitted black maids uniform and heels. Like the matching D-rings at the waist and neck of the dress, the rings on the heels were closed with matching black locks. "Early, it's only half three, so we have time," Pam said, putting a bottle of sexual lubricant, a vibrator and a box of condoms in her basket. Asking impishly perhaps fifteen minutes later as we walked out. "See anything you liked love?" "That maid's uniform with the locks and the matching heels," I laughed. "Thought you would," she said, "it's cute but very impractical as a working uniform, and is more the sort of thing you dress a submissive in to be seen at a club or similar." She laughed and added, "When we're fully out Jess, I'll treat you to it, or something similar for one of the kinkier Pride parties." Laden down with all our shopping, we walked slowly back to the tube. By now I had somewhat got used to having Pam holding my hand in 'Peter' mode, but every now and then we'd either get a look or I'd catch our reflection and again feel that sickening shiver of shame. Giving me a grin as we found seats Pam said, "I can't wait to get home and get you ready. I want to see what you look like with properly weighted boobs, really good make-up, heels and well fitting clothes Jess." "You must have spent a fortune today?" I said. "Not really, sure it was an expensive day but," she grinned at me, "worth it because I want you to look as good as me Jess, and in the grand scheme of things a day like today every few months does me good and barely dents my university fund." "You really are from a different world to me," I said, "because I lost track when you had spent more than I've budgeted for the whole term." "You're right." She nodded. "I am. There's not getting round it, but if you have money it's fairly easy to organise your finances so that real terms in you have very few overheads. Although I've no intention of doing it my trust fund means I'll never really need to have a real job. With my father dying on operations his military life insurance settlement covers all my college costs both tuition and living. Also as the insurance included a lump sum which mothers never needed so that all went to me." She shrugged. "My mother is independently wealthy in her own right from her old job in the City so has never need to touch what my father left." "Then we have the money my paternal grandmother left me, along with the house and her granny cottage in the Cotswolds. There's also a some land which is rented off to a local market garden which covers the costs of the houses the remainder goes into the trust fund that pays my monthly allowance. I sat down with the my mothers accountant before I started and if you work it out I'm in effect a student with an income in real terms equivalent to having a forty grand a year job, which means I'll graduate with zero debt, while someone from your background even with the grants, cost of living relief and everything else you're able to claim would still expect to graduate with student and tuition loans of around 30 grand. So when I say I can afford to keep you in the manner I desire Jess I mean it, so hush about money!" That was me told! We were most of the way back to our block when I felt my stomach lurch. Walking towards us was Claire, who I knew was in the students unions LGBT Society, and another girl who I recognised from my department. I knew Claire pretty well as she had been my mentor during my first week at university. As they came closer I recalled the other girls name was Samantha, or Sam as she preferred to known. Seeing Pam holding my hand, Sam lightly laughed and said, "Hey Jim you look happy!" She grinned and added, "I guess Claire's never fail gaydar was right about you, is this your boyfriend?" "Yes," Pam said with a smile. "I'm Peter, but call me Pam, Jess and I have been together since the start of term." As Pam spoke I wished the ground would open up and swallow me. Sam was one of the biggest gossips in my department, and I knew that the slim chance of my course mates not finding out about us quite so soon had just evaporated. "Jess?" Claire asked. Then as she took in our dress and the logo's on the bags in our hands, she giggled. "Oh wow, like that is it?" "Like what?" Sam said. "Pam and Jess are transgendered," Claire told her. "Aren't you?" "Yes," Pam said with a grin. "We are." "Cool!" Sam exclaimed, adding, "I'm Samantha by the way, but call me Sam." "And I'm Claire," Claire said, and added looking at my face, "I think you've just embarrassed the hell out of your girlfriend Pam." "She'll get used to it," Pam chuckled. "She'll have too, since we decided last night that neither of us felt comfortable about being in the closet any longer and made up our minds to come out together." "All the way out?" Claire asked. "As in transition?" "I will be fairly soon fingers crossed," Pam said, "I've got an appointment to see the docs about a referral." "You as well Jess?" Sam asked wide eyed. "I'm thinking about it," I said feeling very embarrassed, and a little pissed off with Pam about how casually she had just outed us not only as a couple but also trans. "It's a big decision Jess," Claire said, giving me a cock-eyed look of assessment. "But if you do, you should make a really good transition. Without your usual scowl your features are very androgynous to begin with and after a few months of HRT softening them I expect you'll look very feminine without FFS." Samantha who had been listening suddenly piped up. "Oh wow! Well if you do, you must let me give you a make over! I bet I can make you both look super cute." "We'd like that wouldn't we love," Pam said with a grin. I managed to give her an embarrassed smile and nodded. "Yeah." "Cool. Get Jess to give me a shout just before you start the what's it called, when you start living full time?" "RLT, real life test," Claire said knowledgeably. "Very good," Pam said, "most people don't know the right lingo?" "I'm a gay myself, and got elected by the LGBTQ Soc committee for the student council at the end of last term," Claire said with a grin. "So genned up on things like terminology, and trans issues. Hey you should come to a meeting sometime, we've got a trans support group that meets Wednesday evenings in the Students Union." "We'll do that," Pam said, "we've been meaning to for a while, but with us hooking up, and finding our feet both as a couple and on our courses we've not got round to it yet." "Great, it will be good to have a couple of first years come out as transgendered so early in the year to fly the flag. Hopefully your example will encourage other first years who are like you to come forward," Claire said. Pam asked her a few questions about the society, which she answered before adding. "Well if you're doing nothing this evening, why don't you come down to the Coopers Tavern on the corner behind the physics building round eight? It's a the hub of the local gay scene and is very trans friendly. The LGBTQ Soc have a social meeting in the back room most Sundays and tonight would be a good one to come along to as it's the first one of the year when everyone is back." Pam nodded. "May be." "Don't worry about safety its dead safe to come dressed," Claire said with a grin. "It's just inside the campus cordon's CCTV, and if its the walk you're worried about give me a ring, and my girlfriend and I will walk round with you. We've got to come this way as our flat is on the other side of the campus." Claire rooted in her bag and handed Pam a card before giving us both a grin. "That's my number and it would be great if you could come tonight, because the transgender group got thinned out with last summers graduation, and they could do with some fresh blood." "We might to do that," Pam said. "What do you think Jess?" I knew I was boxed in and surrendered. "Sure, sounds fun." Claire laughed. "Trust me Jess there is nothing to be scared of, and if any of the numb skulls give either of you any trouble or harassment let me know. I got suckered into agreeing to stand in for the LGBTQ rep on the ethics board while he is on his placement this term, and these days the university won't stand for any sort of harassment towards any minority group." "Claire seems nice," Pam commented as they walked away. "She is," I said as we carried on towards our building, complaining, "Pam, you outed us there?" "Yes I know," she said calmly. "But like I told you, our relationship is going to be an out and proud one from now on Jess, and that means if someone asks we're not going to shy away from telling the truth about us being transgendered queers." That was me told again! Walking in to our flat she said, "You know I think we we should go to the social tonight, Claire said it was safe and I think its better that we cross the hurdle of being in public dressed as our real selves sooner rather than later." I blushed and nodded knowing that if she said we were going dressed then I'd be going dressed. "If you think we should then why not, Claire would not have invited us if she didn't think we'd like it." Pam pulled a face. "And from a personal point of view I think I'll stand a better chance of getting a quick referral if I've passed that milestone of being out dressed before I see the doctor," She giggled and added, "And if I'm going dressed, you bloody well are as well Jessica my girl!" Giving me a smile her tone turned more serious as she said, "I know I'm being pushy but you did ask me last night to be pushy, and anyway I know you'll get a kick out of me forcing your feminine side out in public." She gave me a kiss and added, "Also if I go dressed and you don't love, you'll only regret it." The annoying thing was I knew she was right, and capitulated. "I know, but nothing over the top?" "I was not planning to," Pam said. "One thing about playing fem roles at school is at least we have an idea about how to dress to look convincing." "Never thought of it like that," I said. "I have," Pam laughed. "Anyway I was thinking classic undergraduate student girl looks. I've got a elastic waist calf length cotton skirt that I don't like, which you can have as it's just the sort of thing hippy rock loving girls wear, with your new boobs, those new two inch heel boots I got you in Evans, and that girl cut glittery Star Trek tee shirt we got in that nerd shop you wanted to look round in Notting Hill, worn with that denim jacket we picked up for you in Covent Garden. While I'll wear that slightly shorter skirt I got earlier, my comfy heels, a rose coloured tank top and my usual shorty jacket. We can both wear some cute lingerie for later and the body shaper clinchers we got this afternoon with tights." After a quick bite to eat, Pam told me to jump in the shower, only to appear a few minutes later and join me. Giggling as she ran her hand over my chastised 'clit' she said, "God I love knowing and seeing that I've got your masculinity all locked up down there baby," Her eyes flashed with glee as she said in what I was starting to recognise as her dominant tone. "Down you go my little subby T-girl, Miss Pamela's girl cock has been looking forwards to her girlfriends hot mouth all day!" There was something very erotic about the bossiness in her tone that really pressed my buttons and I shocked myself with how eagerly I obeyed her command. "Mmm!" she crooned as my lips touched her now very stiff cock. "I can't wait until I look down and see you doing that between my growing tits with rock chick hair and a pair of real breasts of sprouting from your body Jessica." Oddly so did I... After our shower, Pam was all business saying, as we dried and moisturised each other. "We better get our skates on Jess, Claire's meeting us outside the refectory at seven forty five," In short order she attacked my eyebrows with waxing strips and her tweezers before showing me how to do a discrete make up. It was rather fun to be girlishly sharing the bathroom mirror as we sorted out our faces and got dressed. "Sit!" she said, and set to on my hair with the crimping plates clipped in her hair-straighteners, commenting after my hair was done, "I knew this would suit you babe." She grinned. "It's the feminine version of the hippy rocker look you usually sport," as she gave my hair a blast of hair spray, and held it from my eyes with a hair band. While Pam fixed her hair I decided to leave my Star Trek earrings in. "They look good with the tee-shirt, geeky but cute," Pam said commenting on my earrings as she slowly clipped her extensions into place, commenting. "I've envied you for having your own hair since we met. School would not let us grow our hair bellow the base of our head. So I'm stuck with extensions until it grows out enough to get it styled." "It was the same at the grammar until sixth form," I told her absently as I tried to work out what she had done with the crimper's. "They relaxed the rules for the schools sixth form college because it accepted students from the comp who wanted to do courses that weren't offered there." After fixing her hair, Pam painted my nails sliver and I did hers in a glossy pink that matched her top. We both giggled as we waved our fingers round to dry the varnish, which made Pam comment. "You know I think next time we're in town we'll get our nails properly manicured." "Not bad," she judged, snapping a few selfies of us with our phones half an hour or so later, before handing me 'my' handbag and saying. "Ready?" "Not really I'm shitting myself," I admitted. Pam laughed. "Language Jessica!" Taking a deep breath she unlocked our flat door and taking my hand pulled me from our private space into a thankfully empty hall way. I'll admit I was terrified, and although Pam with her public school confidence hid it a lot better than me, deep down I don't think she felt any different as we tip-tapped our way along the corridor. Although we only lived on the first floor and usually took the stairs Pam said with a sheepish giggle. "We'll take the lift. I don't fancy stairs in these heels just yet." "Me neither." My boots might only have had a two inch heel but at that moment they felt stilts. Obviously from playing girls roles in school plays I had worn heels before so I knew how to walk in them, but I was not used to wearing them on real world surfaces, which meant until I learned to trust myself I could help but feel a little unsteady. Along with my Star Trek earrings, I was wearing a pink ladies Swatch I had bought on a whim before I came to university, the friendship band in the trans pride colours and the trans love heart necklace round neck. Pinned on my denim jacket was a pride rainbow and trans symbol badge. As well as the matching wrist band and love heart round her neck Pam was wearing a similar badge on her jacket, a couple of bangles, and as her ears were still healing from getting her ears pierced Saturday morning she had to settle for the plain piercing studs. If it was scary leaving our flat, then walking out into the October evening was terrifying, but undeterred Pam led me by the hand me towards the refectory where we could see Claire and at tall very butch looking woman waiting. "Wow!" Claire said recognising us. "Look at you two!" She nodded to the woman beside her. "This is Shirl, my partner. Shirl meet Jess and Pam, they're two of the first years I said we were meeting." "Wotcha!" Shirl said with a friendly grin. Shirl looked like the stereotypical 'bull dyke' with her short cropped hair, tight jeans, a university women's rugby hoody and big pair Doc Martins boots. Although she looked rather alarming she turned out to be a really sweet woman, with an evil sense of humour. "So how long have you been out?" she asked as we walked towards the physics building. "About twenty minutes," Pam said. "For both of us this is our first time in public." She laughed. "You could fool me, hell you nearly did because until Claire said, "That's them," I assumed you were a couple of cis girls when I saw you come out of your block. Most T-girls first time give themselves away immediately by dressing way too over the top." "I guess unlike a lot of girls like us, we'd both dressed fem in front of people before," Pam said. "We both went to single sex schools, and having to hide being trans pushed us to volunteer to play feminine roles in school plays, so we're starting our social transition with a reasonably good understanding of body language, vocal presentation and dress sense." "So did you know each other at school?" Claire asked. "No we met by pure fluke," Pam humorously told her. "In the registration queue of all places on our first day, and a spark of attraction between us got us chatting. Anyway when they asked if we wanted to partner up as flat mates I said yes." "That was bloody lucky!" Shirl said. "Wasn't it," Pam said with a smile. "So there we were chatting, and things were looking up thinks me. He's cute and with body language like that, he just has to be trans, but then Miss Dense here did not respond to my pretty obvious hints and come ons until she caught me dressed, cue awkward moment for yours truly. Anyway for a moment it was all really fraught and I thought I'd made a massive mistake until Jess defused the situation by saying I looked cute, before moaning that she had nothing as nice as my outfit in her wardrobe," She grinned naughtily. "Which was all kind of hot, and during the very wine soaked evening that followed, Jess admitted she was also gay but preferred other t-girls, which was great for me as I felt the same. Anyway that resulted in us fooling round, which with living together inevitably led to us becoming a couple." "So what brought you out so soon?" Shirl asked. "We were chatting in bed about the similarities of our trans histories and I mentioned that I had an appointment with the college doctor to see if I could get a referral to the gender clinic, Jess said she was thinking about doing the same, and eventually we came to the conclusion that we'd do it together." "I thought you were together when I saw you together in the Union bar the other weekend," Claire commented. "You had that only eyes for each other look going on between you." She chuckled, and added, "I've got a very sensitive gaydar, and guessed Jess was gay when we met on Jim's first day, and then when I saw you at the freshers party I knew for sure because neither of you seemed to bothered about hiding that you were together." "You're a quiet one?" Shirl said to me as we walked towards the pub. "Pam gabs enough for both of us," I said lightly. I was relishing the sensation of being outside dressed. I was fulfilling a long held ambition to go out in public as Jessica, and as their accepting company had quickly quashed much of my anxiety I was was content to just enjoy the experience. "I know that feeling," Shirl said, "Claire's the same once she starts yakking." Although I was scared when we left the flat we had a wonderful evening. I had walked past the Coopers Tavern a few times on the way to the supermarket, and always assumed it was a normal back street boozer and nothing could have been further from the truth. "What do you want?" Pam asked as we all walked in. "I'll have a pint of bitter and Claire will have a larger and lime," Shirl said, adding, "I know its a stereotype for a lesbian who plays rugby and looks like me to drink pints but I like a good beer!" "Bottle of cider Jess?" "Please," I said looking round and seeing that other than the odd exception there were only same sex couples in main bar. "We're through in the back room," Claire said waving at a couple guys who were walking in. "That must the other couple of newbies," Shirl said, "Claire told them she'd be in the bar, so what are you studying?" "I'm doing Physics and Astrophysics," Pam said, "and Jess is History with Art History. What about you?" "I'm a post grad, MSc in Biochemistry, and Claire's Fine Art and Art History." We both had a hoot in the pub, the LGBTQ group were incredibly welcoming, and friendly. There were about a eight or nine cross dressers and transgendered there. Although everyone said hello we spent most of our time chatting to the three other people there who were transitioning, two T girls, Liz a second year and Lucy a third year who shared a flat but weren't a couple and Dan a second year T-boy, who I thought was a feminine gay bloke until he told me he was FTM. "Claire said you've got a doctors appointment about getting a referral this week?" Lucy asked me. "Don't worry about it, for the college docs its fairly routine these days. Its how I started my transition last year, when I told the doctor I was transgendered he was really chilled about it, and after about five minutes of pretty routine questions he wrote me a referral." "Bloody wise of you to do it straight away though," Dan commented. "The earlier you girls get referred the sooner you get the meds, and with MTF, the earlier you start HRT the better the result." "That's Pam," I said, "I'm still making my mind up." "Bollocks!" Dan laughed and said bluntly. "If you're going to transition you all ready know it, and likely have done for years! All you are doing is delaying the inevitable because you've not got the balls to actually make the appointment." "My balls are why I've got the issue in the first place Dan," I quipped, making us all laugh. "He's right though I knew long before I did anything that I wanted to make the change but," Lucy said, "I dithered about it all the way though first year and ended up having to wait until last Easter before I got my referral." "I knew for as long as I can remember," Liz said, "and had made up my mind I was going to transition long before I came out to my parents when I was about thirteen. My mum's a GP and told me she suspected it already, and admitted that she had already discussed with my dad what to do if I was trans." She smiled and added, "I got lucky because my mum had experience of transgendered patients which meant she was really clued up about the process and took me to see a gender shrink mum knew. After the shrink confirmed I was transgendered they let me start on T blockers when I was fourteen and begin HRT on my sixteenth birthday." Liz smiled sheepishly. "Which means unlike most like us I came to college having already changed my name and got past the awkwardness of socially transitioning." "You two are couple right?" Dan asked me a little later watching Pam talking to Shirl and the two gay guys who were the other newbie couple. "Yes," I said. "Thought so," he chuckled. "You have the look." "Look?" "How you act." He nodded at Pam. "And she's the top?" I blushed and nodded. "That obvious?" "If you know what to look for yes." He laughed, watching Pam gregariously mingle her way back to the table and said, "Is it always this busy?" "First social of the year when everyone is back," Lucy said sagely. "So everyone who can come does to catch up with what everybody done during the summer. Although this place is primarily a gay pub most weekend you'll usually get groups of curious straight students coming in to see if the stories they have heard about this place are true." "What stories?" Pam asked. "This place has been a gay bar since the 1970's," Shirl told her. "And like most established venues it got a reputation for things like gay guys shagging in the toilets, the glory holes and all the other bollocks that straight society have hung on us." Liz who other than the comment about starting HRT before she came to university had seemed content to people watch and keep her own council suddenly piped up. "I guess a night with the 'freaks' in the Coopers is something of a rite of passage for all first years, pretty much every straight undergrad comes in here for a night at sometime in their first year." She nodded towards the group of first year lads, who were clearly from one of the residence blocks clustered together by the bar. "Like them." "That's Steve." I pointed out a blond lad. "Off my course." "We should go and freak him out Jess," Pam said with a giggle. "We're going to have to go to the bar soon, its our round." "I'll wait until I'm out at college," I said. "Hate to say this but if you're in one of accommodation blocks and someone on your course lives in a nearby block then in all likelihood you've already outed yourself," Dan said. "It's pretty much impossible to keep anything secret in the precinct because of the student jungle drums. If I was in your heels, which thank god I'm not because I hated all that sort of feminine shit, I'd just get it over with." "He's right," Lucy said, "everyone knew I dressed at least a year before I saw the doctor." "Come on Jess, same again everyone?" Pam asked. "I'll just have a coke please I've a 9am tutorial," Lucy said. "I've one at 9.30 so I best have a soft one as well," I said picking up our empties before Pam took my hand and led me towards the bar where Steve off my course was standing. I did not have to say anything because he was already looking in our direction and I saw his eyes suddenly widen. Shit he recognised me! With his jaw on the floor he said in a shocked tone as we approached the bar. "Jim?" I saw his eyes flick down to our clasped hands. "It's Jessica, or Jess, but yes, hey Steve, didn't know you were one of us?" He went bright red. "Oh, I'm not gay, some of the lads from my block asked if I wanted to got to a pub and they brought us here!" He looked at me again and I found his confusion rather amusing as he spluttered. "So you're?" "Transgendered, yes," I said surprise at how suddenly confident I felt. "No she's a very naughty boy!" Pam chuckled giving me a peck on the lips before she turned to the bar to attract the barmaids attention. "Ignore her Steve," I said when he did not get Pam's Monty Python joke. He had a very funny confused look on his face as he glanced at me, then Pam and then me again. I felt I had to give him a clue and really amazed myself when I said without any sensation of embarrassment. "I guess the best term for my sexuality is trans queer, didn't you guess I was gay?" "Oh... Well like everyone I heard the rumour that you were gay, and I suppose I assumed it was true, since we've all seen you in the union with your boyfriend... Well I assume he was your boyfriend, but no one said you were transgendered." He looked at me then Pam and blushed again. "But you look good?" I could see he was struggling not so much with me being gay but transgendered. During the get to know your course mates mixers in the first week we found out he came from a very sheltered religious community somewhere up in Scotland. When we heard I guess we all shied away from him a little, but he never gave anyone any earache about their lifestyle choices and although he never admitted to it I'm pretty sure he must have found it hard at first to get used the fact that gay, non binary and other assorted sexually deviant weirdo's were not unusual in an art school. To be honest I rather liked Steve he was a genuinely nice lad, and he was someone who until I came out had felt likely to become real friends with. I had to forgive his confusions because he probably still had not really got his head round the concept that regardless of what he had been told gay people weren't the spawn of the devil and he was now being presented with me being transgendered. A group of people he admitted he did not know even existed until the diversity lecture we all had to attend before our course formally began, and I could tell it completely confused him as I said with a smile. "Thanks," adding with a sheepish grin, "you're the first from the course to find out." I waved at the room. "This is my first night out as the real me." "Oh?" I could tell he was trying to formulate something and gave him space to work it out before he eventually asked. "How did you know that you were transgendered?" "I've always known," I said. "So what does it feel like?" "I don't know how to answer that." I half laughed and asked him, "How does it feel to be straight?" Steve blushingly laughed and said, "Fair point." "I guess the best way I can explain it is it's like never feeling quite like your mental sense of self conflicts with your assigned gender," I explained. "The technical term for people like me is gender dysphoric." "Oh?" He pulled a face. "That must have made your life hell at times?" "It did." I was about to add something else when Steve asked, "Will you be Jess all the time from now on?" "If the doctors say yes," Pam butted in passing me a tray of drinks. "We're waiting for our referrals." I think he missed the 'we are' as he asked me, "You're going to be taking the female hormones and drugs to stop male hormones?" "If the doctors say yes," I told him. "But takes time to even get that far, because I've not even had my appointment with a doctor to get a referral to a specialist yet." "And the operation?" he asked. "Eventually I suppose," I said admitting it to myself for the first time that even disregarding Pam's desire for me to have the operation it was something that I wanted. "But that is a long long way off. Because first you have to get on hormones, and then spend at least two years doing something called a real life test, where you have changed your legal identity and name, and lived full time as a girl, before they'll even consider you for the waiting list for surgery." Steve blushed, figuratively crossing his legs and said, "Oh right, erm thanks." I could tell he wanted to say something else and was about to ask when he hurriedly added, "Well I best get back to the lads, I'll see you in the morning Ji, Jess." "He's probably worried we're infectious or something," Pam said dryly as Steve retreated to his house mates. "He's just confused love," I told her. "Steve's a nice guy, whose had a very sheltered upbringing because his parents are full on nut job bible bashing Jesus freaks who brought him in one of those crackpot Christian communes somewhere up in Scotland. Until last month he probably believed gay people had forked tails and cloven hooves! Hell myself and Claire were probably the first gay people he ever spoke to, and he admitted after the diversity lecture that he did not even know trans people like us existed." Pam grinned, and said, "I like that." "What?" "They way you said you were probably the first gay person he had ever spoken to." She grinned and added, "And I really liked how you outed yourself as being transsexual to him." "I did, didn't I?" I said surprised at how relaxed I felt about him knowing. From the snatches of conversation we heard carrying the drinks back to the 'tranny table' Steve was obviously taking some ribbing from his mates about trying to 'chat up' one of the 'freaks.' He clearly did not look happy about it, and appeared to be giving them as much stick back. Even so it was a bit disconcerting for the rest of the evening because I was aware of them staring at our table through the doorway, only to look hurriedly away when one of us looked back, which strangely felt rather liberating. "I'm glad we did that Pam," I said a as we walked home hand in hand. "Told you, you would," she said, lowering her voice as she added, "And I hope you're going to be a good girl when we get home because I'm horny as hell!" "Oh I will!" I giggled and teasingly liked my lips. "Because, I'm hungry for your girl cock my love!" Pam's face was a picture as my unsubtle tease hit her, making me laugh triumphantly as she blushed like traffic light. "Yes! I've finally got you to blush for a change!" After a very pleasurable hour, we sat talking in her bed, about what Dan and Lucy had said about getting a referral. "Lucy thinks you'll see the doctor about transitioning before the end of term love," Pam said as we cuddled. "And I think you should. I know its the cost that puts you off but like I said last night it costs nothing to just see the doctor, and if they say yes being an undergrad from your back ground chances are the prescription might not cost you a penny, and even if it does it's still going to be under twenty pounds a month." "Dan said the same," I said, asking myself if I should. "Well speaking purely for myself, even if I don't get on the program I need to talk about my gender issues with someone," Pam said, "because I'm sick of feeling torn, and I think you really need to do the same. Sure you hide it better than me because of your background, but everything you've said about your gender issues echo's mine." "Tell me something I don't know," I told her, asking myself if I should as I dozed off for the second night in a row in her bed... Next morning in the cold light of day as I awoke beside her I felt different about everything. Perhaps it was knowing that everyone thought that Pam and I were gay long before we came out to each other which quashed the shame I felt the previous day. What ever the reason as I slipped out of bed I felt happy until it occurred to me that either Sam or Steve was bound to have told enough of my course mates about 'Jessica' for everyone to know before classes started at ten. Yet as much as my stomach was tying itself in knots about being 'outed' as Jessica to my course, at the same time there was something in me that wanted them to know, which meant that by the time I came out of the shower I was again in a very mixed up state of conflicting emotions. As I got ready my mood went from almost excitement to feeling like the condemned walking to the gallows, and back again, but Pam who had to be feeling the same nervous apprehensions deflected us from thinking about it too much about it by organising our outfits! "New life, new look!" Pam said cheerfully, clearing enjoying being able to 'tell' me what to wear. "Even though you have to look kind of male for now, I want my girlfriend to also look cute." She handed me my new pair of girls jeans, another geeky but somewhat feminine top, and a pair of girlish trainers that I had forgotten she had got me the previous day and a pair of hooped earrings. "This will do just nicely, just on the fem side of unisex but not so much that you'll stand out," Pam said with a pleased smile as she looked me over. "You've got your first one on one tutorial at half nine haven't you?" Pam said over breakfast. "Are you going to tell your tutor that you're coming out as transgender?" "I guess I had better," I reluctantly said. "After what you said to that Steve last night I would," Pam said, "I'm just over the road from the medical centre and I'm going to pop in and make you a doctors appointment," She grinned, and added, "Then the balls in your court, if you decided you don't want it then you'll need to ring and cancel it?" I blushed and said, "Do I have any choice?" "Not much, and-" she grinned over her morning coffee. "And you did say when we were talking after you busted me that you liked concept of being forced to feminise Jess!" "In the abstract!" I nervously laughed. "Not any more-" Her face broke into her bossy grin. "Because it gives me a bit of a kick to know that I'm forcing you to become my dream girl sweetheart." Since Pam had conveniently forgotten to get any nail varnish remover when we were shopping my nails were still silver which with my plucked eye brows and the traces of mascara still on my eyelashes, and my hair pulled back in a higher than usual pony tail I was looking androgynous feminine when she handed my handbag and said, "Don't forget your bag love, where you go it goes from now on!" Hand in hand we walked across the campus separating with a kiss by the physics building. Art student are notoriously late risers especially on Monday mornings so when I walked in at 9.15 it was still fairly quiet. Finding the right office I sat down to wait for my first personal tutorial, and after only a few minutes, Doctor Davis stuck his head out of his office and said, "You're James Edwards?" "That's me," I said. "If you've a 9.30 tutorial again and you arrive early just knock, and if the doors open come straight in. Anyway come on in and make yourself comfortable, I'm Brian Davis," he said waving at the chair next to his desk saying. "Unless you have a problem I don't like to make this first tutorial an academic one as such, and tend to see it as more of a getting to know each other session. We'll have lots of time in the future for the academics since I'll probably be your personal tutor for the next three years," He smiled making himself comfortable. "I think its only fair to start these things by introducing myself first." He spoke for about five minutes sketching in his academic background before saying. "So tell me a little about yourself, although I think I know part of what you'll be telling me-" He chuckled. "I arrived just as you were leaving last night, and Claire pointed you out to me, but I'm sure you were told last night that you can't keep anything secret in this place?" "I was." I blushed and gave him a summary of my background, and what stimulated me to want to study art history. As I spoke I could see him cataloguing my appearance, because when I stopped talking he asked, "I assume from how you dress that you're starting to self identify as transgendered?" I nodded sheepishly. "Yes Doctor." "That's fine, now there is no pressure but if you would you prefer to be known as Jessica according to Claire, it won't be an issue in terms of your course." "Erm I prefer Jess, and I guess it would probably be for the best since I'm hoping to transition while I'm here Doctor," I said blushing. He nodded. "Relax Jess, you're not my first student to come out as transgendered when they start college and I'm sure you won't be my last." "I'm hoping to get a referral to talk to someone about it first," I admitted. "You have to do that before you can start on the program anyway," he said knowledgeably. "However if you're sure it's the route you want to go, then you might as well as have the paperwork you'll need to inform the college that you're transgendered." He pulled file off a bookshelf and handed me a folder as I asked, "What are they for?" "Mainly your protection," he said. "It's just a couple of forms. One is an official notification to the university that you're transgendered so you can get a gender appropriate ID in your preferred name, which I'll sign before you leave." I nodded. "That makes sense." "You're saving yourself a lot of embuggerance by doing this at the start of your academic career. It means your file will list both names from the start and you won't have to do a load of paperwork to graduate as Jessica. The information pack with the college notification form includes a copy of the colleges policy towards gender recognition, non binary and FTM nominated female toilet locations and usage, along with the procedures in the event of any harassment. I assume you've made an appointment at the university medical centre to see a doctor about a referral to gender specialist?" "I'm going to make it today," I said. "That fine, because you need to get the medical waver signed by a doctor?" he said. "Medical waver?" "Its identical to the one your doctor signed before you came to university authorising us to release your medical records in the event of accident, with an extra section saying that we have your permission to inform any medical staff of your gender status if you're on supervised HRT and need an ambulance, or medical intervention when you're unable to give permission yourself." I was amazed at how un-fazed he was, and I left my tutorial feeling a lot more confident about how I was going to be received than I had been when I walked into his office. The first person I saw who I knew was Steve who fell into step beside me with a cheery. "Morning Jess," and immediately apologised for the behaviour of his house mates, which was very nice of him. Other than the odd look off some of the lads in my department to my surprise no one actually asked me directly about Jessica until lunch when Sandra one of the girls sat down beside Steve and I and said. "I've been elected by the girls to come and ask if the rumour that you're coming out is true?" "That I'm transgendered?" I said feeling my heart beating wildly. "Yes." "Cool!" she exclaimed. "Jessica right?" I nodded. "Jess." "Well if you need or want any advice all the girls are willing to help." She grinned. "Not that you'll need much from what Steve here said about you in the pub last night, can't say I'm surprised that you're trans though." She giggled and added, "You're much too pretty to be a boy!" Considering I had been worried about how I was going to be received when I came to college that morning, the day actually turned into one of the best days I had so far. Admittedly this was largely due to the fact that I had found a good friend in Steve, and how my female course mates adopted me into 'girls', and other than the odd exception went out of their way to make feel like one of them. "So what does your girlfriend think about you being trans?" Sandra asked when we were having a coffee in the unusually warm October sun. "I was really surprised when Steve said you had a girlfriend since we," she nodded at the girls, "thought from seeing you in the bar with your pretty flatmate that you were gay and had a thing going with him on the QT?" "I am seeing my flat mate, she's my girlfriend, we're both trans," I admitted. "Seriously?" "Yes," I nodded. "We met right at the start of term and its kind of hard to hide that you're transgendered when you flat share with another trans- person. Anyway it came out after I caught her dressed not long after we started sharing." "That was very lucky," someone commented. "And kind of sweet that you were also able to hook up." "We already fancied each other, and when it turned out we were both trans, it sort of just happened," I said. "It's really nice though as it makes things so much easier when you're with someone who's dealing with the same issues." I half laughed. "As I found with Steve last night trying to explain what being transgendered is like to cisgendered people is kind of hard. Cis people don't really understand the frame of reference because for most people their gender is not something they consider, it just is." By now I had a bit of an audience and one of them said, "It's a good point, your gender isn't something you think about other than moaning at school about how the uniform rules meant we had to wear a skirt in winter." "I'd have killed at thirteen to have that problem," I laughed. "Trust me you wouldn't," Sandy said. "That kind of highlights what I mean about the effect of being gender dysphoric, because a lot of what you moan about are things I'd have more than willing accepted to not have struggled with the social anxiety that comes from growing up feeling like a round peg trying to fit into a straight hole. I'm not saying that you can't understand gender dysphoria in the academic abstract, but unless you've actually had to live your life feeling it effects, its kind of hard to explain how socially isolating feeling wrong at that most basic level is." I shrugged. "God knows I've tried." "So will you be socially transitioning soon?" another of girls asked, she giggled. "After hearing Steve describing how you looked when he got back to our hall last night, I was kind of hoping you'd have come dressed today Jess." "I'm waiting until my application for a new is ID processed, and I can't get that or really start socially transitioning until I get my medical release signed by the doctors saying I'm being referred for gender reassignment treatment," I said. "I need the ID because of the bathroom issue. Without the ID I can't use the nominated FTM or non binary female toilets." "We don't care." Most of the group chimed in, which was very reassuring for me. As I walked back to the flat with Steve I thanked my lucky stars that my course was based at the Art College because I doubted if I had been doing engineering that I would have been quite so warmly welcomed. Unsurprisingly Pam was still at college when I got home, her practical lab sessions always ran late, and after switching my jeans for a skirt and heels (I needed the practice) I started making our dinner, while reading the papers Doctor Davis gave me. "Something smells as nice as you look babe," Pam said slipping her arms round my waist and kissing my neck. "What's for dinner?" "My mum's tatty ash," I said turning. "How did your day go?" "Better than I expected," she told me. "Surprisingly, most of my course had not heard, and those who had didn't seem bothered. The only person who really took any notice was a girl called Becky who is in my Lab group. She gave me a hug and told me she guessed I was TG when we met because I was just too feminine to be just a gay guy." "I got something similar from Sandy on my course," I said, adding, "She's on the same landing as Steve who told her about us when he got home last night, and she was not the only one who was disappointed when I did not come to college fully out as Jess today." Seeing the papers from Doctor Davis she asked curiously. "What are these?" "My tutor gave them me this morning. The top one is the college policy relating to transgender students, bathroom usage and the like, plus guidelines of what constitutes harassment. The rest are the forms giving the uni official notification of an intent to change gender to get your ID changed so you can use the nominated gender appropriate loos, along with getting you preferred name to linked to your academic records so you can graduate in your post transition identity, and finally a waver giving the college permission to inform medical staff of a students transitional status in the event of an accident requiring an ambulance. If and when I go to see a doctor the medical waver needs signing to say that you're under medical supervised transition, and a course tutor needs to sign the other one to get the trans appropriate ID." "Just as well I made you an appointment for Friday morning then," Pam said, adding with a note in her tone, "Which you're going to keep." "Even if you had not put it like that I think I better," I admitted. "Since everyone in my department, including my tutor seemed to think I was already transitioning." "Any flack about us?" she asked. "No, well not to my face. One or two of the lads who I was course friendly with blanked me but I think that was more fear of the freaky tranny rather than us." I laughed and added, "It turns out that after seeing us in the Union bar nearly everyone thought we came to collage as a couple to begin with." "I'd forgotten about the loo issue." Pam pulled a face. "I guess I better go see my tutor tomorrow. How long will dinner be?" "That or just ask at admin and they'll give you the forms," I told her putting the stew into the oven. "And tea will be about an hour." "Good!" Pam grinned,giving me a lingering kiss. "Make us a tea tray babe, I'm going for a shower, and then I want my girl to welcome me home," She took my hand and pressed on the slight bulge in her pants. "I've been dreaming of having your hot lips all afternoon!" Considering I'd never performed oral sex until forty eight hours ago, I immediately licked my lips and said, "Me too!" It was the start of very pleasurable evening, that resulted in me finding out why she had bought lube, vibrator and condoms in the sex shop because I was not a virgin any more when I went to college the following morning! It might have hurt when she first slipped a vibrator in me but after teasing me with that to get me used to the feeling I quickly discovered that even locked in the chastity once Pam got to the main event she was able make sex as pleasurable for me as it was for her! Yes it was embarrassing to have finally broken the ultimate masculine taboo, and get fucked, but that was overwhelmed by how pleasurable it felt to let her take me in such a way! As the week progressed, pushed by Pam my appearance each day got gradually more and more overtly feminine. It was just little touches but they added up and as I started to relax about where my life was going I found College going far better than I expected. I had made some great friends, and it seemed that accepting what I was improved my ability to study so I was feeling pretty positive about everything when I made a big decision. I was walking home with Sandy, who along with Steve was fast becoming my best friends at the art college, when her mother phoned, and it motivated me to call mine when I got home. I was trembling when I called and told her I was transgendered. I should not have been surprised by her response. My mum is in many ways a classic example of the strong minded, unflappable northern woman. "Aye well you always were a bit queer with dressing up and taking girls roles in school plays, so I can't say I'm surprised love," she said. "I just hope you know what you are doing, but when all said you usually do. Text thing me a photo will you, you've got me curious?" "You look like your nan." Was mums comment when I texted her a selfie, from Sunday night. "And who's girl?" "That's Pam, my girlfriend," I told her. "Girlfriend as in you're seeing and shagging her or just a friend?" Mum never minced her words, and had a very ripe turn of phrase "Girlfriend as in we're a couple," I told her. "And is she trans whatsit like you?" Mum asked bluntly. "Yes mum," I said. "You don't mind do you?" "Mind that you're a bit of a poof? No love," Mum laughed. "I don't mind, you always did like my dresses so I can't say you were ever a normal lad," Her laugh deepened. "So why the fuck would I expect you change now? So long as you're happy kid then I've nout to complain about." We were chatting for about thirty minutes about how I was finding college before mum said with a light chuckle. "Aye, well I better be off love, am working nights at the hospital this week, an if this girl of yours doesn't look after you right I'll come down there and fucking jowl her." "Okay mum, love you," I said ending the call, because I had been making dinner my phone had been on speaker and I had not noticed Pam had got home while I had been talking to mum. She was stood quietly by the door listening to our conversation with a strange expression on her face. "What?" "I envy your relationship with your mother," she said, "I've never been able to talk that openly or as lovingly with mine, and what did she mean jowl me?" "Not got a clue, As a kid when I was being a pain she'd always threaten me with a 'fucking good jowling,' but experience says it's probably a clout over the head." I laughed. Pam went for her doctors appointment after college on the following evening and came home buzzing with delight. "The doctors referring me and," She held up a new ID which showed her with longer hair, make-up and identified her as Pamela Louise Woodthorpe, Gender NB FA. "What's NB FA?" I asked. "Non Binary Female Appearing," Pam said. "The doctor said we can't have a straight F card until we've legally changed names, and been on HRT and RLT at least a year." "Good photo," I laughed. "Much better than the other one." "Yeah this one looks like me," Pam giggled. "I popped my extensions in before I went to the doctors and did my make up not that I needed to bother as she was totally chilled about it. Anyway since I was in an out in under a half hour and the admin office was still open, I popped in with my forms and the woman on the desk did my new ID there and then." I woke up early next morning, and was under the shower before Pam stirred. "Want me to do your hair before you go?" Pam said as I came out of the shower. "Then you can get your card done?" "Sure, I'd like that," I said, heading into the bedroom and getting dressed hearing Pam add. "Dress cutely Jess, because if I'm starting my social transition today, so are you!" "What are you doing about your morning lecture?" Pam asked as I walked with her towards the medical centre. "I told the lecturer that I'd be late as I had a doctors appointment yesterday," I said, for the first time feeling unconcerned about us holding hands, probably because I was feeling more than a little apprehensive about wearing a skirt, and an overtly feminine look to college for the first time. The doctors appointment went just like Pam said. "Well Jessica, it would appear that you have already decided your path," the doctor said with a wave at my appearance after ten minutes of clearly routine questions, and signed my form. "And I can't see any reason not to write you a referral. If you have not heard from the gender clinic at the hospital in the next four to six weeks to arrange an appointment with a specialist let me know and I'll get onto them. However unless you can afford to go private don't expect to actually get a date to see a therapist much before April next year. Well I think that's everything for now, and I'll see again for blood monitoring once you have started treatment, good luck young lady." I felt a shiver of delight as I walked over to the Admin office and joined the queue. Waiting to get to the desk actually took longer than I had spent in the doctors but two hours after I left our flat I had an ID hanging round my neck that said I was Jessica Anne Edwards, gender NB-FA. Although I had not attracted much attention in the Art College beyond my course group when it first got out I was trans, I did draw a few looks when I walked in wearing a skirt and dressed overtly feminine on the Friday. Fortunately I was not alone, because as I walked from the Admin office I bumped into Steve, on his way back from the dentists. "Everything went well with the doctors then?" he said falling in beside me. "Yep!" I said with a grin. "How's the tooth?" "A lot better now I've had it drilled and filled," Steve said. Like most people on my course when I found out about Steve's upbringing I had been a little wary about how he was going to take me if he found out I was trans. To be honest given his background I expected him to reject me, but nothing could have been further from the truth, because once he got his head round me being transgendered he had become incredibly supportive. When I asked him why Steve laughed and said. "When I saw you as Jim on our induction I found you rather alarming, anyway then we did that silly get to know everyone exercise and I realised that you were nothing like how you looked. I expected you to be one of those serious SJW lefty types, which you blew apart when you introduced yourself and had everyone howling with laughter at your dry very campy self mockery." He laughed and winced as his jaw complained. "I felt we were getting to be friends during the first week, even if I did struggle a little when I found out about your boyfriend I still felt you were a good person, and that's not changed now you're Jessica." He gave me a sly glance and added with a blush. "Prettier to look at well!" "Why thank you!" I said. "You're not bad looking yourself." Actually Steve was a very good looking lad. Tall, light brown hair, blue eyed, with the physique of a natural athlete and now he was coming out of his shell you could tell he was not going to be short of female company. "Jess!" Sandy said seeing us coming into the junior common room. "Wow you look great, I guess." She nodded at my skirt. "You're officially one of the girls now?" "Yep, even got a new card," I said lifting my ID on its lanyard. "Welcome to the better side of life," she said, and my day started, not that there was much left of it as our last lecture of the week was finished at half one. The response to my social transition was mixed but mostly good, some blanked me and small minority were decidedly unpleasant. It was nothing really overt and at times rather childish. A good example was when I walked out of college chatting with Sandy and the girls. As we crossed the car park there was a lad smoking a joint in his a car, and as we came closer he switched tunes to the Macc Lads song, 'Now He's A Poof.' Steve gave him a foul look, and looked like he was about to give the bloke a mouthful until Sandy put her hand on his arm and commented. "He's a Moron," as we walked past ignoring him. "Forget it Steve, I don't care." I laughed. "And what the hell, its a funny song." "Anything planned this weekend? There's a visual research bus going to Brighton for the day tomorrow if you're interested?" one of the girls asked. "I'm running down to the Cotswolds with Pam," I said. "She needs to pop home, and I'm tagging along with my camera and sketch pad as she's going to stop at Rollright Stones on the way back." It was rather nice being pulled into a group because up until university I'd always been something of an outsider. At primary school I had been an outsider because I was bright. At grammar school it was being a scholarship boy who was there on merit, and as a teenager on the estate it was because the other boys thought I was a poof because I'd rather read a book, so being accepted as one of them was something I had never felt before. I'm sure that it was being classed as 'one of the girls' by the girls on my course made a massive difference to my positive early transition experience. Walking back towards the main campus from the art college I felt for the first time in my life at ease with myself, and there was something very pleasurable about the sound of my heels and the swish of my skirt on my legs listening to the chat about celebrity, fashion, weekend plans and a myriad of other subjects that life as a male had left me woefully uneducated. "I'll see you Monday Jess," Sandy said turning into her block until I was walking alone towards mine. "Someone looks happy," Pam said when I got home. "I am happy," I said giving her a kiss. "I got my referral, and my new ID." I gave her a grin. "And now I'm twiddling my thumbs for a month." "Its the same for me," Pam said, pouring me a cup of tea and patting the sofa beside her. As I sat she pulled me close and said, "How did-" she tugged my skirt, "this go down?" "Other than the odd meat head male no problems, although I'm going to have to start taking an interest in fashion and celebrities, and god knows what else," I laughed. "Because there were times when I did not have a clue what the other girls were talking about." Pam giggled. "I know that feeling, and did you think about what you said just then?" "What?" "You said other girls!" she said delightedly as I noticed some changes. "You've been busy?" Both study desks now resided in what had been my bedroom, and my bed had been moved into Pam's room to create a double bed. "I liked sleeping with you lovely but the bed was a little too small so I had a rejigging to give us a big bed in one room and a study in the other after I got home at midday." She gave me a worried look and said, "You don't mind do you?" "Lord no, what a great idea!" I exclaimed, giving her a kiss before asking. "How was your new look received?" "No problem, a few people were a bit funny with me at first, but everyone I'm friendly with was very welcoming." She chatted away about her course mates for about five minutes and then said, I was thinking, what do you want to do? We can head off this afternoon and spend the weekend at the house, or do you want to just go in the morning and come back Sunday?" "I'd say go in the morning I've an assignment to draft, my notes to write up and a couple of papers to read from my missed lecture this morning," I said lifting my cup. "But more importantly I need to give the flat the once over, and do our washing." "Quite the little maid even before I've got you in a uniform aren't you Jess?" Pam laughed. "I owe you for last weekend, so the least I can do is our chores," I said. "Even so that's not good reason to miss out on two nights of comfort, I was going to take my college work home anyway, so why not do the same with the washing? You can do it there just as easy," Pam said. "Probably easier as there won't be anyone else wanting to use the washing machines and dryers?" "True," I nodded itemising in my head what needed doing in the flat, and saw that other than the bathroom needing a clean, and changing the bed linen on Pam's bed, the only other job was to hoover round. "How about we finish these and throw a weekend bag together? Then you can give the flat a quick once over and bag up all the washing while I get us the car." "Sounds good to me," I said, finishing my tea. "Not going to change?" I asked as she picked up her handbag. "No, we're going dressed." "What about your mother?" I asked worried. "She won't be there, she's still in the hospital," Pam said. "Not that things would be different even if she was because I'm done with pretending to be a male." "Which means so am I, correct," I chuckled. "Correct!" Pam said. "Where are you getting a car?" "From where its parked, its my car," Pam said with a grin. "I keep it in a secure car park on Falcon Avenue near the School of Education." I did wonder why Pam paid for private parking when she could have parked it on the campus precinct car park for free until I saw her cute Audi TT which would have been gone in thirty seconds if she left it parked at university over night! "It's my mothers old car," Pam told me as we put our bags in the boot an hour later. "It's ten years old but in mint condition, and although its expensive to run and insure, life is to short to drive a boring car." "How long has your mother been in hospital?" I asked as we waited in the traffic. "About three months this time," Pam said. "And its six of one half a dozen of the other if the doctors will ever let her out again. My Aunt Helen, her sister is likely to pop to the house if she finds out I'm there. She wants mother sectioned for her own safety, while I'd rather leave it up to her doctors." "What's actually wrong with her?" I asked. "My mother is mad as a bag of cats! She's a very bipolar manic depressive, with hallucinatory episodes and obsessive compulsive tendencies," Pam said. "The OCD element made her very good at her job, but according to Aunt Helen underneath that success mother was never exactly emotionally stable until she met my dad. Her theory is losing first my dad and then my step dad broke open all her underlying mental problems, and she came apart at the seams." "Any idea of the trigger?" "I've a theory, although my Aunt has never admitted it I think it happened when she was at boarding school. The convent school they both attended was one of the ones that was singled out in the child abuse scandal that rocked the catholic church. That's subjection on my part but based on the fact that both my mother and my aunt have never had a single good word to say about the catholic church, and are staunch atheists to the point that when I was at school mother insisted I was excluded from all forms of common worship and religious education." It does not matter if you are in a posh car or a banger, driving in London at anytime is a pain, and it seemed to take forever to reach the M40, but a little over two hours after we left, we were pulling up outside her family home on the outskirts of Chipping Norton. I knew Pam was from a well to do family, but her home really highlighted the difference between us and made me wonder what she saw in me? I grew up in a terrace maisonette flat in the industrial north, while Pam came from the world of pony clubs and grew up in a large four bedroom country house with large gardens and a garage bigger than the building four flat maisonette building I grew up in! "Wow!" I gasped. "You grew up here?" "When I was not at boarding school or at summer camp," Pam said pressed another button that triggered the garage doors roll open allowing her to park the car next to a dusty Range Rover. Telling me to grab our bags and press the button by the garage door when I came in, Pam hopped out and dashed to unlock the house. As I carried the bags to the sound of the garage doors closing I heard her disarming a burglar alarm, and say as I walked in. "Sorry to run like that but it occurred to me that I forgot to tell Mrs C's not to set the full alarm, if that's active you only have 90 second to punch the disarm code in here before the alarm goes off, and notifies the local plod," She nodded at the bags in my hands. "Is that everything Jess?" "Should be," I said, "unless you left anything in the car." "Great." She pointed to a door at the end of a corridor beside the very fancy staircase. "Want to take all that through to kitchen, and put the kettle on please. There should be fresh milk and a weekends worth of grocery's in fridge as I called Mrs Clarke this morning and asked her to send one of her girls round with them." "Mrs Clarke?" "Mother's housekeeping contractor. Even when mums not here she sends one of her girls in every week to give the place the once over." "This is lovely," I said looking out over a very well maintained garden when Pam came in. "It's really too big for mother, and if it was up to me I'd sell it and move into my grandmothers old cottage as its a money pit, but my grandmother's will specified that although both houses have to go to me, mother can live here until she wishes to move somewhere else, which she won't do because in her head she still thinks either my father or step father will be coming home," Pam said sadly. "Unfortunately my mother's pretty much gaga. If she comes off her medication she gets delusional, and on the meds she's barely functional to the point that she's not really totally lucid." "That must be hard for you?" I said. "It hurts, but nothing like as much as it would if I had the sort of relationship as you have with your mother. I was not really brought up by my parents. I was raised first by a nanny, and then at seven I was packed off to boarding school," Pam said joining me at the table and picking up her cup. "Can we change the subject, my childhood is just a little too maudlin for such a nice afternoon." "Okay, where's the washer, and I'll start the first load once we've had this?" "The laundry is in the scullery behind you," Pam said, "but leave it for now and enjoy the cuppa Jess," her sad smile suddenly brightened as her normal bossily naughty humour re-established itself. "Anyway you'll make better eye candy for me if you do it after we've had a look for uniforms in the housemaids room up in the attic. I rather like the idea of seeing you dressed as my housemaid doing our washing like a good little submissive as I laze in the conservatory, with my grandmothers bell to ring when I need you serve me." She giggled recognising the signs of the chastity imposing itself on my excitement. "I see that idea floats your boat Jessica." "It does," I said blushing like mad, which made her giggle all the more as she added. "I'm going to enjoy this weekend with my cutely uniformed submissive girlfriend to look after my every whim, both domestically and carnally!" Ten minutes later she was showing me round the house, which was to my eyes was palatial, with its large lounge, library cum study/home office, dinning room, back parlour, and her grandfathers 'smoking room' complete with a full sized snooker table. "When was the house built Pam?" I asked as she led me up the ornate staircase. "The original house and grounds were bought by my great great grandfather when he became the local vet at the turn of the last century, then my great grandfather who was also a vet wanted a purpose built veterinary surgery when he took over the practice. So he had this one built, and knocked down most the original house and built his veterinary surgery, which is now the garage. The final phase of building was done in the 1960's when my grandfather extensively modernised the house and added the extension to the scullery for a new kitchen. Once that was done he knocked down most of the surgery and built the garage in keeping with the look of what remained of the original farm house, which became their staffs accommodation and eventually my childhood playroom, and now bedroom. Anyway when dad came along my grandfather built the conservatory over the outdoor swimming pool in the late 1960's, and not much later dropped dead with a heart attack." Showing me round the upper floor she told me how the main house had four large bedrooms three with ensuite bathrooms, and the master bedroom had a large walk in closet cum dressing room, and the only reason why her parents never added one to the fourth was because that had always been the nursery and was next door to the main bathroom, before leading me up second flight of stairs. "The maids room's up here but its not been occupied since before Jessica worked for my grandmother, and it's been a store room for as long as I've known it as. Fingers crossed it's not been cleared out, because last time I was up here the closet was full of old staff uniforms." The room was packed with boxes and but with a cry of delight Pam opened the closet, and said, "Eureka, I knew it!" Hanging in sealed plastic laundry coverings were over a dozen uniforms of in varying sizes. "You're a twelve but sizes were smaller then, now let me see. We have, it says formal black," she pulled out a black dress with white lace trim on the collar and cuffs of the short puffed sleeves, and handed it to me, followed by a second one. "And a standard black according to the label, they are both 14/16 so should fit, and one marked day in grey, also in 14/16." She passed me a third dress. "There are might be few more further back, but these will do for now. Okay where will the aprons, and head dresses be?" "In the boxes labelled uniform accessories perhaps," I said looking over her shoulder holding the uniform dresses. The two black ones were both clearly from the 1960's, and the grey one looked 1950's ish, and just looking at them had my chastity making its presence felt as Pam handed me a white waist apron, and two full bibbed aprons, one rather fancy and trimmed with white lace, which made her chuckle. "I remember Jessica wearing an apron like this over a black dress when I was little and my grandmother was providing the hunt their stirrup cup." The second apron was utilitarian and clearly went with the grey dress as it had matching grey trim, and two white lace trimmed head bands and a plain grey one. "That will do us for now." She giggled with delight saying, "There you go Jessica, you said you wanted to wear a maids uniform and liked vintage clothing, well now you have three vintage uniforms to wear for my pleasure." Giggling as she led me down the stairs. "I bet your little clitty will be twitching like crazy in its cute little cage when you put on one of those uniforms for me love." I blushed brightly. "Oh it already is," Pam said cheerfully. "How lovely, hopefully one of them will be wearable with out a wash, because I really want to see you to spending this evening in one?" "Erm yes," I said with a silly smile on my face. "Great!" Pam exclaimed. "I know its a little decadent, but if its clean I think I'll have you in the formal black this evening, with the fancy white bibbed apron and those new black heels we got last weekend that you've been practising in. You can get changed in the scullery when we get down stairs, while I-" Pam giggled, "will this once sully my hands making us a pot of tea, before I show my maid where to put our bags in my room," Chuckling happily, she added, "How does that sound to you Jess?" "Fun!" I giggled. "Good," Pam said leading me into the kitchen. "Hopefully you'll feel like that once I'm wearing my swimming costume and enjoying being lady of the house lazing in the conservatory with my book, and able to watch my cutely unformed submissive maid doing our washing and preparing dinner." Reaching for the kettle, Pam said, "Go and try your uniform on Jessica." Two of the bags were damaged, the grey and unfortunately the formal black dresses smelt more than a little fusty, but the third one was in an undamaged bag. Hoping for the best I pealed the plastic free and excitedly giggled when it smelt as fresh as a daisy. The aprons, and head bands were also sealed and having been boxed completely undamaged. As I removed the dress from its packaging I found hung under the dresses skirt a plain full petticoat to shape the skirt and with a shiver of delight, I slipped off my student skirt and top. Feeling like I was quivering with excitement I eased the petticoat up my legs and on to my waist clincher before pulling the dress on. It was a bit tight on my shoulders and lose on my hips, but it fitted me fairly well. Zipping the back up was awkward, but after a bit of contortion I managed to get the fiddly thing all the way to the back of my neck and fasten the buttons that concealed it. Wishing I knew what I looked like I put on the apron and my black heels before holding my hair from my face with with one of the lace trimmed head bands. Taking a deep breath I rejoined Pam and said with a giggle and a bob of my knees. "Will I do Mistress?" "DO! Oh my god yes!" she exclaimed, looking at me with her eyes sparkling with delight. "You look fabby, just like I imagined, really sexy and clearly submissive! Give me a twirl Jess." I did as she asked, loving how the skirt flared out showing the petticoat as Pam crowed with delight and asked, "How do you feel?" "Marvellous and itching to see what I look like," I said, almost strutting towards the table to pick up my cup and taking a sip. "It's a pity the formal dress is a little smelly because it looks lovely, but this one is almost as nice." "I think so, and as for what you look like that's easy fixed," Pam said bouncing to her feet and taking hold of my hand led me to a large mirror in the downstairs bathroom. "God I love this!" I said looking at my reflection. "This is so cool!" I spun trying to see myself. Smiling at me via the mirror Pam watched, before asking, "Like it?" "Yes, I love it." I gave her a grin via the mirror. "You were right by the way!" "About what?" Pam said blankly. "About how my clitty felt in its cage." I laughed. "God I look sexy!" "I think so!" Pam said giving me a kiss. "Next time you're wearing stockings!" "Deal!" I laughed. As we returned to the kitchen I told her. "If you've got a sewing machine I can probably alter these dresses to fit me better as this is just a bit small on the back and bit lose on the hips." "I like it, it makes your boobs stand out," Pam giggled, before adding, "I doubt we have a sewing machine though, but I can get you one if you also turn one other black ones in the closet into a very short frilly naughty maids dress for the flat." "I can try, but I'd probably be better off starting from scratch since I'm sure I can find a dress pattern online," I said musing over the idea. Pam suddenly looked at me again, and said, "Are you saying you can really sew? As in dressmaking like on the sewing bee?" "I've never tried dressmaking but my mum taught me how to sew and drive a sewing machine," I told her as we sat at the table and finished our cups of tea. "The more I learn about you Jess, the more I love you," Pam laughed. "So if I got you a machine, with a little practice you could probably make all the nice things I bought before I worked out my size fit?" "Probably if its only a minor correction or just taking in," I said. "If it's anything more involved knowing how much you are willing to spend on clothes I'd want to practise on a few less valuable garments first," I mulled it over for a moment and then added, "But I do know how to do it because before I met you most of my fem clothes were things I'd altered by hand to fit me so I think I can probably do the same for you." Pam giggled with delight. "Marvellous, then that's another job I can enjoy watching my uniformed chamber maid doing when she's not cooking, cleaning and pandering to all my desires especially my carnal ones!" I laughed and said, "You say the nicest of things... Mistress!" "And talking of taking pandering to my desires. Grab our bags Jessica, I show you where to unpack them, and then you can get on with you chores, while I enjoy being the lady of the house." "Yes Mistress," I said with a bob of my knees. "Oww I like that," Pam said, "it's super cute and submissive," as she lead me along a covered path and up a flight of stairs at the back of the garage. "This has been my space since I was about 14," Pam said unlocking the door, and leading me into a rather feminine room with a bed set in an alcove. "Unpack our bags Jessica like a good submissive maid should for her mistress, and then you may get on with your duties in the scullery." A delighted giggle echoed in her tone. "Oh and when you are done unpacking bring a tea tray for one into the conservatory." "Okay Pam," I said, "will do." Pam laughed and said, "That's not the way you do it Jess!" Before adopting a more superior tone as she told me, "A maid like you responds with a nice polite with 'Yes Mistress' with one of your cutely submissive bobs of the knee." Her giggle ripened. "Now don't forget Jessica, I'd hate to put you over my knee and spank obedience into you." Unpacking did not take long, and only a few minutes later I found my way into the conservatory carrying a tea tray, which I almost dropped when I saw Pam wearing a swimming costume that by some magic had removed her usual bulge, grinning at me from a sun-bed next to a covered swimming pool. "Ah there you are Jessica," she said playing the mistress to the hilt. "I was about," she lifted a little bell and rang it. "To ring for you. Now don't forget what you have to do?" I giggled, and said bobbing my knees before I placed the tray on the table, "Your tea Mistress." "Perfect!" Pam said. "I won't have to spank you after all." "Pity!" I teased. "I was looking forward to that Mistress." The look on her face was brilliant, and before she could find her tongue I giggled. "Got you," before asking curiously looking at her groin. "What magic did that cossi do Pam?" "Uncomfortable magic," She said with a half laugh. "I was going to wear my normal one but I've been itching to try this one since I got it, as it's got a very tight gaff built into it. It's made specifically for girls like us to wear on beach holidays and not draw attention. I got it with my cache panties when I was in Amsterdam, when we're on the HRT and have our official gender ID cards we'll be able to apply to get our passports issued as Pamela and Jessica, and I'll take you to Amsterdam for a naughty weekend." "Sounds like fun!" I said adding, "Will that be all Mistress?" with a bob of my knees. "Yes Jessica, if I need anything-" She lifted the bell and rang it. "I'll ring." She did ring and often. Which was a pain as it kept interrupting what I was doing but at the same time it was also thrilling, for both of us. I'll admit I knew I shouldn't, but I had a ball playing Pam's maid for the rest of the day and she really thanked me when we got to bed as she released my chastity and after cleaning and insuring I was hair free treated me to another of her amazing blow jobs in appreciation. "That was for going to the doctors darling," she chortled. "I'll give you another one when you confirm your referral notification." Next morning started slowly, after being aware and yet unaware of the constant buzz of activity on the campus, the lack of disturbance meant we slept in. The Indian summer we had been having all week had finally broken and a look out of the window at the miserable weather made me abandon my idea to take a picnic to Rollright Stones before I made it, and said cuddled beside her in bed. "What do you want to do today Pam?" "Judging by the sound of that my homework I guess?" She nodded at the sound of the rain on the roof. "You all done with the maid jobs?" "Yes, other than the ironing," I told her. "Which I'll do after I'd got my notes written up and got a draft of my assignment written," I said refilling our coffee mugs. "In uniform?" Pam asked hopefully. "I really enjoyed watching you in it yesterday." "If you want," I grinned. "I'll try the grey day dress, it should be fresh smelling now, and that is the uniform traditionally worn for household tasks rather than service." "Didn't know that," Pam commented. "These days, grey is usually worn during the day when the maid is doing household chores, and then black when serving of an evening," I commented. "It comes from how there was traditionally a class system bellow stairs. Grey dresses were for the lower class maids who worked behind the scenes, while black was worn by the ones who were seen by the householder and their guests, and the fancier and less practical the uniform, the more intimate the contact they had with the master and mistress." "I like that idea. I could get you a really fancy uniform, like that one in the shop in Soho which was totally impractical," Pam commented with a chortle of laughter. "To indicate you're my personal maid!" "And probably scandalise polite society," I laughed. "Actually as its just me and you I'd be what was called a 'maid of all,' which was when there was just one servant who did everything." "Where did you learn all that?" Pam asked. I shrugged and laughed. "I'm an art history student dummy. I'm full of useless historical information, I collect it mentally like you do with those weird physics concepts, which I don't understand when you're arguing aloud while reading that journal you get." Pam laughed. "Guilty." Before adding in a mock haughty tone. "You lack of understanding is not a problem, after all my maid does not need to be intelligent, just obedient to my needs, and talking of obedient my needs, you've turned me on thinking about you in a really fancy slutty uniform, and I think mistress wants you to deal with it?" I giggled and burrowed under the duvet. "Now that is a good way to start the day," Pam sighed, an indeterminate time later, when I reappeared from under the covers for a kiss. After crawling out of bed at the indecent time of nine thirty, and then making the most of having a big bathroom where we could shower together without feeling crammed like in the flat, we settled down with our books and laptops in the conservatory, and got down to our homework. It must have been mid afternoon before Pam perked up and asked. "You about done Jess?" "I think so," I said absently, correcting something as I read through my notes, before looking up adding. "Enough for now anyway, why?" She grinned and said, "I'm hungry, and fancy having my maid serving some lunch before she does the ironing." "I need to iron the dress first," I laughed. "But if its fits I'll quite happily play eye candy for you again," I grinned and kissed her over the table. "I like being eye candy for you love." "So you should!" Pam said. It was a good weekend, and we got back to college feeling recharged and very satisfied with life. That night when we were back 'home' in our student flat after Pam fell asleep I was lay in the dark thinking about how my life had changed for the better over the last eight days. I grinned to myself because in the months leading up to coming to university I had made a list of things I wanted out of life, which I had broken into two columns. The first was things I knew I could accomplish, like graduating, finding a job and escaping the north west, and the second was things I wanted but never expected to happen. Top of that second column was transitioning into Jessica, and finding a girl like me to hold my hand through transition, both of which I had ticked off in less than a month! How did I get so lucky? The stars had definitely aligned right when I accepted my place here, and then to meet Pam on my first day. I was feeling very happy about my life until the fatalist in me sat on my shoulder and whispered in my ear that sooner or later the hammer will drop and my luck would run out. The news that we were transgendered slowly peculated through the art and physics schools, but it was something of a one week wonder. We were both first years and neither of us outside our course groups were particularly well known, and as we both passed fairly well from the start, the change in our perceived gender did not create anything like the stir it would have if we had come out later in the year. This meant we were able to settle into university life as a trans-lesbian couple without any real disruption other than getting used to being perceived differently. It was little things that struck me the most. The assumption that because I was now being seen as a girl by most of lads in my year at the art college they automatically assumed I knew nothing about football, or after I broke the plug on my laptop knew how to replace it. Sometimes these assumptions really got up my nose until Sandy pointed out that having the lads make them meant I was successfully socially transitioning. Obviously like any couple Pam and I had our disagreements and arguments, which at times got rather vocal, but they never came close to damaging the core of our relationship, and before we knew it the Christmas vacation was fast approaching. The fatalist on my shoulder was to a degree proved right about something going wrong, but it had nothing to do with my life at college or with Pam. Instead it was at home, and I found out a week before term finished when I was on the phone my mum and she warned me that it might be best if I didn't show my face for a while. Somehow or other the local firm who were notoriously homophobic had discovered that I had come out as transgendered. She told me that some of the younger lads looking to make a name for themselves and show the real gangsters they had the right stuff had put it round that they were going to sort me and my homo boyfriend out like they did with the last poof who came out on the estate. It was a notorious incident which happened not long after I started at the grammar. A lad from our estate came out as gay after he left school and made no secret of it. He was found beaten half to death just days later. Although no one was ever caught it was common knowledge who did it, and I could tell from mums tone that she felt it was not an idle threat. "What's up?" Pam said getting home. "It might be best if we don't go and stay with my mum. You know the type of place where I'm from, well its pretty much run by a gang of homophobic drug dealing thugs. Somehow or other they've found out about about me being trans, and us, anyway according to my mum the jungle drums are saying if we go on to the estate they intended to 'sort us' out." She look at me and was about to say something but I stopped her saying. "Listen Pam we're talking a world here different to anything you can imagine, and when that lot make a threat like that it's not an idle one. We're not talking the posing pretend gangsters you see round the college, these meat heads are the real deal who are looking to make a name for themselves with the blokes who really run things. The last time they sorted out one of us, the poor lad and his boyfriend were put in intensive care for three weeks and he now walks with a stick. Everyone who did it, but where I come from people don't talk to the police period." "You're really scared?" Pam said. I nodded. "I am yeah. Not so much for me, but my mum. So long as they don't see us she's safe but if they find out we're there or I've been there and no one told them they'd slap her around as a reminder to everyone else that they run the estate." "Shit, what do you want to do?" "I'm going to go and see her of course, but instead of going home mum suggested I booked into one of the hotels close to the Village for a night or two and she'll meet me in town," I laughed and I told her. "The way the various gangs operate under sufferance of the main Manchester firm means they don't tend to go into city and cause trouble unless its for the match because of turf rivalries. On match days there is sort of an unofficial truce because they are more interested in beating up the hooligans from who ever City or United are playing than each other. Also with the police presence and CCTV around the city centre and village, it's somewhere they won't go looking for trouble, so I'll meet her in town and treat mum to dinner." "By the village, I assume you mean the gay village?" Pam said. "I was going to suggest that we went while we were visiting your mum anyway. I've wanted to go since you told me about it." "I was planning to Pam. I've never really had the chance to spend anytime there, even though it was only 30 miles from where I grew up." "Still want me to come?" Pam asked. I nodded. "Of course." "My mother is still going to be in hospital," Pam said sadly. "And although I don't like it much, its looking like the doctors will section her, so if I am honest I'm kind of glad that you're not going to be staying with your mum for the holidays. I didn't much fancy being on my own at the house, because other than perhaps dinner with my aunt Helen and uncle Bill if they are here, I can't go anywhere sunny because of how I look in comparison to my official ID, which I can't change until I'm officially in transition." "Its only another couple of weeks, and then were both off to that clinic you got us referred to," I said with a grin. "Best Christmas present I ever got was those letters from GIC last week," Pam said cheering up, she gave me a look and added, "You're not still miffed at me about going behind your back taking your transition private as well are you?" "No," I said, "even though private health care goes against everything I believe in, I can't wait. I guess I just want to start on the girl pills now." "Me too love," she said with a grin. "So when do you want to drive up?" "Sunday week, and trust me it will be easier to take the train and probably quicker," I said. "Parking in town is an expensive nightmare, and Victoria is only minutes from the village and the city centre." "Okay I'll book us tickets tomorrow," Pam said, "because I'm really looking forward to meeting your mum she sounds like a hoot!" "She is, but I'll warn you now she does not do political correctness, so don't be surprised if she asks if you're a poof or worse," I chuckled. "She'll want to see if she can get a rise out of you." "I know." She giggled. "I've heard her on the phone to you. So go up Sunday and come back Tuesday, then goto see the gender specialist the following Friday and hopefully on HRT in time for Christmas?" "That the plan since my mum's off work on Mondays," I told her, checking dinner. "Great we'll go see you mum and treat her to a really nice meal, and then we can head to the house, see the gender clinic, and then a cuddly Christmas of mistress and maid?" "That sounds wonderful!" I said, giving her a kiss. The last week of term was a blast. We numerous nights out and to cap it all Pam sprung a surprise on me the day before we went to Manchester when she took us both to the hairdressers for a cut, colour and get our nails done. She even knew what styles she wanted, because I got a long fringed style that looked good with my hair dyed from its natural mousy brown to a muddy blonde. Pam still could not do much with her hair, but the stylist managed to give her a ladies cut that looked good both and without her extensions which needed to be replaced when she got her hair dyed a gorgeous chestnut brown. It was a lot of faffing but it was something that we had both dreamed of and I don't think either of us stopped grinning when we got our nails done. Although we loved how the extensions looked on our hands I think we both struggled with them at first. They were a pain to get used to but I loved how they made my hands look really feminine. Our new looks certainly made a splash in the Coopers that evening, and for once we even attracted some interest from the boys who normally would not look at anyone who looked remotely feminine. Much to my surprise Steve was in the Coopers when we arrived and he was with someone, a rather cute Indian looking lad who I had seen him with before, who I sort of knew because he was a regular face at the Sunday socials. Claire caught my eye and she gave me a knowing smile, and I realised that Steve must have pinged her gaydar when she met him. Seeing me looking Steve suddenly blushed and then said something to his friend and waved me over. He looked decidedly apprehensive when I said, "Hey Steve." "This is Raj," he nodded to his friend and swallowing dryly said, "My boyfriend." "Hello!" I said giving Raj a big smile. "I'm Jessica, Steve's tranny course mate, and you-" I prodded Steve with my manicured nail, "Why didn't you tell me you muppet," giving him a hug. "I knew there was a reason why I liked you." "I am telling you," Steve said. "I guess I was embarrassed. What with my parents it was kind of hard to accept that I liked boys even in the privacy of my own head." He gave me a sheepish look, and added, "In many ways Jess the only reason why I was able to admit it was because I had got to know you and Pam, which made it just a little easier for me to accept how I felt when I met Raj." Pam laughed and chipped in as I slipped into a seat beside them. "You know you're going to break the hearts a few girls by coming out Stevie, because a couple of the girls on my course had seen you with Jess in the Union at lunchtime and asked me to find out if you were straight and single!" I could see the curiosity in Pam's eyes as she said, "So come on 'fess up how did you meet?" I glanced at Raj and said sitting in the other free seat, "She always been nosey." He laughed and said, "I kind of noticed." Steve gave Pam a head shaking smile when he finally got the chance to continue. "It was a couple of weekends after you two came out and by then I'd got pretty friendly with Jess at college. Anyway my house mates were off out clubbing which is not my idea of fun, but I felt like company so I went to the Union for a pint, and I got talking to Raj at the bar." "He asked me about my Pride wrist band," Raj butted in holding up his wrist. "And said you wore a similar one in the trans colours Jess, which led me to tell him that my parents would hit the roof and probably disown me if they saw it." "Then I said, "Mine would do the same," Steve interjected. "Which got us talking about being brought up by devout parents." Raj grinned at Steve and continued. "Anyway as we chatted I just got that feeling that he was one of us and started to chat him up," He chuckled. "I could tell from how he responded to my chat up that he was interested, but was being held back the same religious inhibitions that held back when I started at college last year." Pam nodded as Steve butted back in. "When you're brought up in a religious family, breaking the taboo about homosexuality is really hard." "Since I felt 99% sure that Ste was interested in me, I spent the next few weeks chipping away at his inhibitions until the other night he suddenly kissed me, and bingo here we are," He gave Steve's hand a squeeze. "On what I guess is technically our first date as boyfriends." Raj was a hoot, and the way his sense of humour came from his Asian culture reminded me more than a little of a young Sanjeev Bhaskar. Althugh we had a fun evening, we had to end it early as Pam wanted an early start to have a chance to explore Manchester. Just before we left I gave Steve my phone number and said, "If you ever want to talk call me, anytime day or night." As we were going to the house Pam drove to Banbury and parked the car at the train station, before we travelled on by rail the rest of the way. We did not save much time as we would have if we had taken the express from Euston on the way up but it did mean we avoided coming back into London on the way back. We arrived in Manchester just after lunch and I was not surprised when Pam immediately wanted to head to the museum of science and technology. I had not been since a school trip years ago and although the subject matter was not really my thing, I did enjoy it. "Next time love, we're going to the Lowry," I told her, as we walked back to the hotel. "The guy who did the painting on the poster you have hanging on your bedroom wall?" "Yes," I nodded. "I love his work, it's so evocative of the area." "It's a pity London does not have an area like this," Pam commented later than evening as we bar hopped along Canal Street. "It's really cool, and we're going to have to check out that holiday place in the Canary Islands that T-girl barmaid was talking about with her friend in the last bar." Next morning I was beside myself with excitement, I was really looking forward to seeing my mum, and I took an age getting ready, because I wanted to look really good. "You never take that much care over going out with me?" Pam jokingly pouted as I did my make up and styled my hair. "She's not seen me in person as Jessica, and I want to look perfect," I said, before Pam put her foot down and told me we were going to be late. With just nine days until Christmas Manchester was heaving and as we made our way to the station I hoped to god mum liked the new me. "Well!" My mother said appearing out of the crowd. "Here's my Nancy-boy," and gave me a kiss. "You look bloody lovely, love, I suppose this poof is your bedmate?" I laughed. "Mam! Yes this is Pam." "Well she doesn't look a fright?" Mum said to me, giving Pam the eyeball. "Er, I hope not!" Pam said with a look of alarm on her face. "I'm Pam, Mrs Edwards," as my mum's beady eyes trawled over her. "Well at least she polite poof, and neither of you look like fucking drag queens, which is a result." My mum laughed, and said to Pam, "Ah do love, call me Maggie." As we wandered round the shops, my mum questioned Pam with a Gestapo like intensity. Who she was, where she was from, how serious 'we' were, and a myriad of other questions, in between making the sort of comments that had made her sharp tongue a legend in the clothing factory. In equal measure, mum shocked Pam with her ripe language and blunt comment on anything and everything that took her eye, including Pam herself. Who she described as, "Posh bird," when she was looking at a fancy skirt suit that cost more than mum earned in a week. At lunch in the Molly House, Mum said, nodding a the waiter. "That boy needs a looser pair of trousers before he crushes his knackers and turns into you two!" She also absolutely charmed the pants off Pam by treating her with exactly the same sort of open hearted love she showed me. While we were waiting for the car Pam had arranged to take mum home with a bag of presents we had got her during the day she turned to Pam and said, "You'll do lass," and gave her a kiss as the taxi arrived. "Look after that one kid," she said to me after a long hug. "You've got a good one there," and got into the car saying to the driver. "You know where you're going cock?" "I love your mum!" Pam said as we headed back into the hotel. "But my god she does not hold her tongue, or stop taking the piss. I thought I was going to choke when that guy walked into that bar after we had dinner wearing an obvious toupee and she said, "Jesus Christ, who sold him that rug! You'd think they'd 'ave enough sense to make his syrup in the right bloody colour!" "Mum, lord no," I laughed. "She spent her life working first in cotton mills and then in a clothing factory, and women like that don't hold their tongues. She likes you though love, even if she does think you're a bit la-de-da posh." "I am la-de-da posh darling, its what you love about me." Pam laughed as we walked into our room and kicked our heels off. "No," I giggled naughtily. "I love this about you and teased her through her skirt as I gave her a kiss. "Tart!" Pam giggled. An hour or later after sating our carnal desires sleep came quickly. "I wouldn't mind going back during the summer love," Pam said the following morning as we sat on the train down to Banbury. "There's supposed to be a big party called Sparkle tied in with Trans Pride." "It's in July," I told her. "I told you about it the night I caught you. I really wanted to go to the last one, but I had to work every hour I could get at the supermarket as I was saving up for university." "Well something for the calender for next year," Pam said, adding with a smile, "Since I'm sure I can find you more meaningful employment than a supermarket doing what you do best, which is looking after me sweetheart." I laughed. The train was busy so we could not talk as freely as we would have liked, and as was my habit when travelling on trains I retreated into my kindle and read my book. For once the train was on time and we got into Banbury just after midday. Knowing what Manchester was like I guess I half expected to find the car gone when we walked over to the car park but it was still there and a few minutes later we were on out way home. We could not however go straight back because we had to stop off first at Morrisons for a big shop owing to another demonstration her total incompetence when it came to anything remotely domestic. When Pam put a shopping delivery order in with Mrs. C she forgot all the the essentials. The other stop was at a Christmas tree suppliers to order a tree to be delivered the following day. Telling me as we drove on to Chipping Norton. "That will give us time to find the box of decorations." Stopping outside her house rather than driving into the garage, Pam disarmed the alarm and came to help me bring the shopping and our bags in before saying. "Can you start putting that lot away love," Pam called. "I'm just putting the car away and then I need to call Mrs C and tell her not to send one of her girls round the next two weeks." She grinned. "Since I'm sure with you here you'd not want someone else doing it?" "No!" I laughed. "I don't." "Also if the cars out of sight and Aunt Helen drives past she won't see it and come harassing me about the house before I've had a chance to relax and chill out after the travelling." "Does she know about us?" I asked. "Yeah," Pam said with a smile. "I told her that I had come out as Pam and was living with girl like me a couple of weeks after we got together." "How did that go down?" "She knew it was something I was going to do, so it was not unexpected. I think the only thing she was worried about was us going on to the black- market for medication rather than waiting to see a GIC doctor, which I was never going to do." "I thought about it last year," I admitted. "Even though I knew it was a bad idea. Why is your aunt so interested in the house?" "She's owns the estate agents who're currently holiday letting my grandmothers cottage, and she's been eyeing up this place since mum got sick because she knows it will both sell and make a fat commission," Pam said, picking up her phone and the car keys she swished out. Pam was not the only once who could plan, and giggling to myself as I put the kettle on and for the moment left the shopping on the table. Removing one of my black uniforms from my overnight bag I quickly changed, so that when Pam walked in I surprised her with me in my housemaid guise being all domestic! As we both had a lot of course work to get done, after a playful evening we settled down to bash the work out before we had to drive over to Buckinghamshire and our gender assessment referrals at the clinic. The clinic was on the edge of an industrial estate and I think we were both questioning the sat-nav until we saw the sign. "This must be it?" Pam said, pulling into the car park. Giving me a smile and a kiss before we got out of the car. "Shall we?" Hand in hand we walked through the entrance and found a nicely appointed reception with a pretty blond behind the desk, who said, "Hi I'm Leigh Anne. You must be Pamela and Jessica for your initial assessment, you don't mind me using your first names do you? We like to keep things informal and friendly here?" Pam said hello and added, "No, Pam and Jess is fine, and yes were here for assessment." "Great! You're a little early, would you like to have a seat, and can I get you a coffee or anything?" "I'm fine thanks, Jess?" Pam said. "I'm good," I answered looking round curiously. "Okay!" Leigh Anne said, handing us a clip board each. "If you would not mind filling these in for me please, and I have Jess seeing Doctor Rebecca, and Pam Dr Helen for your initial interviews, and medicals," She smiled. "Since you're both already out and living in roll and according to your referral paperwork that you've requested to proceed straight into treatment?" "That's right," Pam said, "thankfully I can afford to take us private rather than the having to follow the NHS program." "So I see," she said looking at her computer screen. "From the payment and insurance details you've already provided." "What's the procedure for today?" I asked. "You'll see the medical doctor and assuming everything checks out in terms of your medical records and the blood tests don't throw anything up, they'll pass you as medically fit. After the medical you'll have a chat with one of our gender psychologists who'll actually decide if you're ready to proceed into treatment. Since you're both already successfully living in role that chat should be a formality but it is one that government requires," She gave us both a smile and said, "But looking at you, I cant think of any reason why we won't be able to get you started in time for Christmas." A couple of minutes later a nurse came and took us into a treatment room and drew a blood test from each of us, before we were called a few minutes apart into see the doctor. The medical was not involved and took perhaps fifteen minutes before we saw the gender psychologist. Dr. Rebecca, was really nice and asked some good questions that made me think about what I was doing, but I was able to answer them honestly. As I spoke she took lots of notes and after about an hour she said steepleling her fingers as she looked at me over her glasses. "Well Jessica I have to say psychologically speaking you're pretty much the ideal candidate for transitioning. You've successfully been living in roll for almost three months. You've clearly thought about the downsides and risks, and weighed them up in relation to the benefits in terms of your mental well being. You're clearly comfortable living in role, and because of your age already able to pass reasonably convincingly without any hormonal treatment." "Thank you Doctor," I said feeling a rush of glee. "Well so long as your blood test passes you as fit, I really can't see any reason not accepting you directly into treatment because I have no qualms about prescribing you both anti androgen and hormonal treatment." She passed me another form, and said, "This next bit is a legal requirement which I'm sure Leigh mentioned." "Okay," I said with an ear to ear smile. "If you wish to proceed you just need this form in and sign where indicated with your birth name, and then fill in the following page making sure too sign where indicated with either your birth name or gender appropriate name. However I have to inform you that once signed, the first document is the legal notification of intent and it will go into your permanent medical record that you entered a gender reassignment program. The companion documents are first a deed poll to change your legal name, and the official notification to the public record office of both your name and gender status change, which when returned will allow us to change your personal documentation." "I understand," I told her eagerly filling in the forms. Handing them back she smiled, and said, "Hopefully you have brought your documents with you, if you give them Leigh on the desk and even with Christmas you should have the replacements back by this time next month." "That would be great thank you," I said feeling a little like I had been given a massive Christmas present. A moment later there was a knock on the door and the nurse reappeared and handed her a print out, which doctor Rebecca quickly read, and then said looking at me. "Well as expected your blood test came back clean so welcome to the program Jessica," She handed me a final form and said, "If you sign this for me, and by the time Leigh Anne has sorted out your documents, your first month of medication will be waiting at our pharmacy, along with a repeat prescription." She gave me a smile. "It's a two month script, and you just need to drop it in at the pharmacy when you get back to college. We'll contact your university doctor and arrange the blood monitoring to be done, and I'll see you again in early March," She smiled, and asked. "Happy?" "Delighted, thank you so much doctor," I said feeling like my grin was going to split my face. All told we were there for about three hours and we were both giggling like giddy school girls as Pam drove us home from clinic. We celebrated that night after taking our first dose of T-blockers and hormones. Having been warned about the side effects on over indulging on alcohol while our bodies were adapting to the hormonal medication we had been prescribed we just had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner. It was a very pleasurable evening and to my delight as promised Pam even let me out of my cage, and demonstrated her delight that we were both officially pre-operative transsexual women, which was amazing. It was just after breakfast the following morning when Pam and I were still giggling like school girls after taking our second dose of hormones when my phone rang, and our Christmas took a sudden left turn. I picked up the phone to find an emotional sounding Steve on the other end. "I got outed to my parents preacher and they kicked me out Jess." "Oh shit, how?" I said, adding, "I'm putting you on speaker so Pam can hear, you okay?" "Not really," he said sounding really upset. "They hauled me up in front of the whole communitym slapped me about a bit and gave me an ultimatum either repent my sin and go to one of those conversion therapy places or get out." "Shit," Pam exclaimed. "I guess you walked?" "Yeah." "What you going to do?" I asked. "I don't know, but I'll be fine, I just needed to talk to a friendly voice," Steve said sounding more upset than he was letting on. "What are you going to do?" I asked. "Get the next train to London and see if Mick will let me crash on his floor until the halls reopen." "Where are you?" Pam interjected. "Glasgow station, been here all night." Pam was looking at her phone. "The next train is the 9.40, have you got a ticket yet?" "No." "Great, get a ticket to Banbury, you'll have to change at Wigan and Wolverhampton, because you're coming to stay with us we've got loads of room at my mums house." "I don't know what to say," Steve said. "You're our friend Steve," I said. "And friends looks out for each other. Have you told Raj?" "I texted him but not heard anything back yet," he said. "Call him again, because if you've been busted, he might be in the same situation and if he has tell him he can come here. Hell tell him even if he's not been busted he's welcome after all he's only an hour or so away in Luton," Pam said taking charge. "Anyway enough of my chatting go and get a ticket on the 9.40 which will get you into Banbury at three o'clock, just wait by the main entrance and we'll pick you up." "Thanks Pam you're a life saver." He half laughed sounding a little more like himself. "If I was straight I could almost fancy you." "Steve what happened to your face?" I exclaimed when I saw his black eye as he climbed into the back of Pam's mothers Range Rover. "That was the preacher." He shrugged. "He gave me a thump when I refused to recant being gay and go to the gay conversion place." "Nice of him," I said feeling my blood boiling. "You going to go to the police, because that's assault in anyone's books." "Sod it, no I rather just forget about it," He looked close to tears. "If I hurt the community then they'll take it out on my parents," He half laughed. "The only person who knew because I told her was my mum, and I know she would not have said anything even though she did not like it. I've never seen her looking so angry when the preacher hauled me up in front of everyone and castigated me about my evil ungodly behaviour with a pagan at university." "Here." Pam handed him a small flask of coffee. "Get that down your neck, it got the good stuff in it." Sipping brandy laced coffee, Steve slowly told us how everything went down, and his rather hurried exit from the community the day before. "When I would not repent my sin, my dad was all for making me go with the preacher and dragged me back to our croft and locked me in the shed. I could hear him and my mum having a really bad argument, and eventually dad stomped off to see the preacher to tell him I was going to be converted like it or not. My mum was absolutely fuming with us both, when let me out of the shed. Anyway she gave me my rucksack and wallet and told me that she had called me a taxi from the village," He sounded like he was close to tears when he added, "Then she gave me a kiss and told me to go and never come back." He shrugged. "So I legged it as Jess would put it, and caught the last train to Glasgow last night." "Have you got hold of Raj?" I asked. "Yeah he's fine other than getting a bit pissed off with his mother trying to arrange him to meet one of her cousins daughters who's at Oxford," he chuckled. "I think he might well take you up on the offer of escaping because he's getting really pissed off with it. Hell I thought my family were wacko but his make mine look sane," He took a deep breath and then asked. "Well how did it go yesterday?" Both Pam and I giggled before she said, "We've started started on the meds." "Wow nice place," Steve exclaimed when we got back to Pam's house. "It's my mothers, but she's still in hospital so we've got the place to ourselves," Pam said. "Jess has made up the back bedroom for you, and we're in the front so if Raj does come to stay we won't keep each other awake if we're feeling frisky." As Pam put the car away I showed Steve in saying. "There's loads of hot water, is any of that clean?" I nodded at his bag. "It was but I got piss wet through last night waiting at Achnasheen station and I don't know if mum bin bagged it," he said as I led him into the kitchen. "You hungry?" "Yeah," he said, flopping down at the kitchen table looking exhausted and battered. "All I've had since lunch yesterday was a sausage roll on the train and a burger this morning." "How about egg, sausage and bacon?" I said putting a big mug of tea in front of him. "That would be bloody wonderful Jess," He looked up and said, "I really don't know how to thank you for doing this." "You don't have to," Pam said walking in and giving him a kiss on the head. "It's called looking out for your friends love." "This lot is all wet Steve," I commented opening his rucksack. "I'll put it on to wash with what you are wearing when you go for a bath," I giggled, and added in a joshing tone. "You'll look lovely in a skirt." "Worn them before, admittedly they called it a kilt but its a skirt!" He smiled over his tea and said, "Anything will do so long as it clean, dry and doesn't smell of railway station." Pam laughed and teased. "You want to be careful saying anything around me Stevie, last time Jess made that mistake I had her in a maids uniform." "I didn't need much tempting Pam," I laughed. "It's a bit of a tranny clich? that we all want to wear a maid uniform Steve." "True in your case darling," Pam chuckled pinching my butt. "I'd have paid good money to see that," Steve laughed starting to sound a little more like himself. "Where is he?" Pam asked about an hour later. "Crashed out in bed. Thanks for doing this Pam." "He's a nice lad." She giggled. "Now why don't you thank me properly sweetheart?" "I thought you'd never ask," I chuckled, slipping on to my knees before her. The End. Trish 2020. I kind of ran out of steam here for now and decided to call it day.