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My inspiration for this spoof (am I giving too much away? ) is any one of the excellent nasty stories written by C.D.E. A good example is, "Accidents Will Happen" (YW638)

Read C.D.E. for fun, even though you don't have to have read his to enjoy this one (I hope).

We open on a typical scene of newlywed domestic bliss. A well-endowed, thirty-something woman, wearing a sexy nightie and four inch red pumps is resting on one elbow looking down into the eyes of her new husband, a muscular hunk with square jaw and funny blue and red tights. As she whispers words of love into the ear of her life's mate, she has her hand between his legs, working at putting a nice bulge there Apparently, she has something in mind and wants hubby in a VERY good mood.

In addition to her sexy attire, the woman is wearing a very self-satisfied smirk -- and why not? Looking more closely we detect a still small, but unmistakable bulge in her tummy. Like many brides her age, she hadn't wasted any time between the altar and getting that first bun in the oven. Who knows, might she even have jumped the gun? Only one thing mars this otherwise paradisiacal scene -- the man looking up at the woman does not look nearly so happy as does his newly-pregnant wife.

"Oh, shit, Lois! I love it when you do that to me. You don't know how much I'd like to roll you over and cram it in you right now. It's just so frustrating! Why did you have to be so precipitous?"

"Oh, darling, do you have to keep torturing yourself with that? Lots of men have trouble getting it up on their wedding night."

"I didn't have any trouble getting it up. I was fine until I put it in you. Why did you have to line your pussy with Kryptonite?"

"I'm sorry, dear, but I was just taking precautions. I'd read Larry Nivin and I was afraid of what could happen to me if you came in me full force. I figured the Kryptonite would just make you a little more ... human."

"Shit, Lois, it doesn't work that way at all. I can ... er, could ... control how hard I come, otherwise I would have blasted holes in the walls when I masturbated."

"I never would have believe that YOU masturbated. O, my darling. How was I to know?"

"Well, you could have asked someone -- Nightman, for example."

"Darling! How can you suggest that I would discuss something so intimate with another man!"

"Well, there is Fantastic Female or Nightgirl."

"And just HOW do Fantastic Female and Nightgirl know things like THAT about you? You told me that you...

"It's true, Lois, so help me. I was ... er am ... a virgin. But they are Justice League of America; they've been briefed."

"Harumpf! I'm beginning to think you're sorry you married me."

"Of course not, Honey. You know I've always wanted to marry you. You just kept turning me down until after that last rescue."

"It's true, My Love. I was such a silly girl to have waited so long for this," Lois said and slightly increased the tempo of her massaging. "It was while I was being held captive by that awful CLOWN person that I realized that if I were married to you and had you to protect me full time, I wouldn't be suffering the way I was."

"I'm glad you came to that conclusion, Lois, but I have to say you didn't really seem to be suffering that much when I rescued you. As I recall you were in the middle of your umpteenth orgasm, riding CLOWN's cock like a bronco. When I flew in, you tried to push me away, screaming, 'Fuck me, you bastard! Yes! Give me more cock, you stallion!'"

"That was what was so awful about it, Sweetie. He had been bombarding me with those terrible Libido-rays for a week. At first it was awful the way I responded to the disgusting advances of him and his henchmen. I just hated the way my pussy got wet every time CLOWN would fondle my titties or lick my nipples or play with my clit. It was embarrassing the way he made me orgasm over and over again on his fingers until I couldn't stop, begging him to slam me with his repulsive salami. It was mortifying to come like a cheap whore every time he dumped his vile jism in me."

"Then why were you smacking it off your lips?"

"Sweetheart, you have no idea how they had tortured me. There were four of them. They came at me one after the other, fucking me unmercifully for perhaps a half hour at a time. Then, when they'd barely given me five or six good comes, they would lose it, dump their load in me, and leave me to stew. No matter how much I pleaded or insulted their manhood, none of them could ever fuck me more than three or four times a day. Well, you do the math; I was left in torment for over 16 hours a day with no schlong in me. I begged for a dildo or at least for then to uncuff me so I could cram my hands into my hot horny twat to get off, but CLOWN refused, claiming I would injure myself."

"It was during those long tortured hours I knew I could never be satisfied by anything less than a Cock of Steel. Lord knows another week of that kind of frustration, the villain might have made me his sex slave."

"Nightman told me to be careful of you, that the experience with CLOWN might have 'turned' you already."

"Don't pay any attention to him, My Pet. He's just jealous because I wouldn't give him a 'Thank you' fuck for helping you rescue me. You know it's only you I love. You were the one I wanted to marry and make a baby with."

"Well it didn't work out. Why did you have to put so MUCH Kryptonite in your pussy?"

"Look, I've said I was sorry, OK?"

"You're 'sorry' but I'll through life never able to get hard it again. And as for getting pregnant..."

"Now don't be that way Honey-poo. We've discussed this several times already. I told you before we married how much I wanted a baby and you promised me I'd be knocked up before the honeymoon was over."

"Well, sure, Lois, but..."

"And after your little accident..."

"'Little accident!?'"

"Whatever."

"And did you have to go down to the bar that very night to pick up that guy ... What was his name?"

"Kerr, Joe Kerr. And I've explained that, too, Angel. I had our honeymoon planned very carefully to coincide with my most fertile period and I got my gynecologist, Dr. Jekel, to give me those fertility drugs to be on the safe side. All I needed that night was good hard dick in me to pump me full of hot thick baby juice so I'd be well and truly preggers. I was heartbroken, of course, that you weren't able to give me what I needed, but it only made sense for me to find someone else who could. You have to admit, he did a good job," the woman smiled and patted her expanding belly.

"Lois, how can you expect me to be pleased that my wife is having triplets by some stranger!"

"Well he's not a stranger to me!

"Do you have to remind me?! That's another thing. He's already knocked you up. Why do you have to keep going out with him?"

"Sometimes you surprise me, my dear. Don't you think it would be terrible for our precious child to be merely the result of a sordid one-night stand with a man I picked up in a bar? I'm doing this to establish a permanent bond to the father of our baby. Besides, don't I always let you suck as much of their ... er, his ... his cum out of my juicy twat as you want? And don't try to tell me you don't enjoy putting your head between my legs and licking clean my fresh-fucked pussy!"

"Well, of course I do, but it just kills me to see you dress up in those sexy little mini-skirts and high heels the nights you meet him at the club. And why can't you at least wear panties?"

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The first e-mail I got simply said "Listen white boy, you are a racist woman hating pig and I will make it my mission in life to own your ass!" "Wow that was kind of harsh" I thought, "I will put that with my others." I get a lot of that shit. A few days later there was another one. "White boy I have been reading your stories and don't you know any black women who are true and faithful?" Ok that was not too harsh, but how the hell do I answer a question without a return address?...

Billionaire and the SisterhoodChapter 46 Games At House Site Catching the Stalker

Mark Melanie worked the bank transfer for me, and suddenly I was the owner of 640 acres in Dillonville, about eight miles southeast of the city airport. A commute into the city outside of rush hour would take about twenty to thirty minutes. Moreover, I expected we’d use the condo in Worthington Towers on weeknights, and the ‘farm, ‘ as we’d started to call it, on weekends. I didn’t like the name ‘the farm, ‘ but for the time being it was an apt description of the place, although no farming...

Cougar Stalking

Cougar Stalking by edintx99I run five miles in an isolated park every day. It clears my head, lets ideas and fantasies seep into my brain. Little did I know fantasy would turn into reality?It was a typical hot, steamy August afternoon. Running shoes, socks, and shorts were the attire of the day with my t-shirt gripped in my hand, not worn.Pound, pound, pound…the cadence of my running feet hitting the winding dirt path. With the sun directly overhead, the woods on either side provided no...

Office Stalking

I really never thought I would be one of those people... the kind that would turn into a virtual stalker. But Erica brought that out in me. Turns out she brought a lot more out in me that I ever imagined. Allow me to explain. Erica started working for me about a year ago and from day one, I found myself fantasizing about her. I had never really had bi-sexual tendencies before, but there was something about her that filled my dreams. She was perfect, the kind of perfect that can't be properly...

Lesbian

Pillow Thoughts Next Morning

There we are… satiated with sex… just lying content and enjoying each others nearness. I feel the softness of your breasts against me and the smoothness of your legs crossing mine. I feel the moistness and warmth of your sex as you rest your pussy against my thigh. I feel your hair drifting across my face and your soft and sweet breath on my neck and shoulder. I feel wonderment at the moments we had… the growing excitement as we kissed and caressed. The feeling of a deep shared intimacy as...

Eve Walks in the Garden and Talks

Eve Walks to the GardenIt was a warm summer evening with a reddening sky as John escorted Eve out the front door of the Foshay Hotel. John had saved her from embarrassing both of them.It was a short walk to a green oasis south of the hotel. Not a garden by any means but it had grass, trees, and benches. Eve clung to John’s arm for stability.Eve was unstable and she was angry. John could feel her tension in the way she grasped his arm. The clicking of her high heels on the cement bore audible...

Wife Lovers

Danielle Harris the shape stalks

Danielle Harris was enjoying the annual convention for Fangoria, it was a group of horror fans not unlike herself that loved showing their appreciation of all things horror. She tried to make it to one every chance she could get. She was flattered at the girls that would dress like her character of Jamie Lloyd from Halloween 4 & 5, and a little creeped out by the guys that would dress like Michael Myers/The Shape. She was signing autographs and talking to the fans in the Halloween area of...

My ExFiles pt1 The Dirty Talker

Names have been changed to protect the guilty. The innocent can count on God. I dated Alec for a few months when I was in my twenties & we fucked a few times either side of that, just as buddies. He was a sweet guy, maybe a bit too sweet for me. The kind of sensitive new man who would send me links to feminist websites with emails saying “thought you might be interested” and who would worry about sexually objectifying or exploiting me when, truth be told, that was exactly what I wanted him...

Stalker

I watched her from the shadows, unseen, unnoticed. She has grown up in the four years since we first met. Then she was a skinny twelve year old with braces, now a beautiful young adult. Four years ago I was homeless, sleeping on park benches and begging for handouts. Unless you have been homeless yourself you have no idea how demoralizing it is. Dirty and hungry all the time, people either ignore you or are openly hostile. You become a non-entity, at the time when you are most in need of a...

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