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The capacity for self delusion and denial in the human mind is surprising. It took what most would say was pretty damning evidence before I even became suspicious that my wife was up to something. Even then, I couldn't bring myself to really think that something illicit was going on. Surely there was a reasonable explanation for everything.

Then, when I had my suspicions confirmed, I heard ringing in my ears, my extremities went numb, and my stomach was wrenched and doused in ice water. I couldn't get a breath. The feelings of shock and betrayal were coupled with a sexual awakening and excitement within myself, and I was as shocked and confused by that excitement as I was by her activity. My brain was forced to do the equivalent of a reboot. My world had undergone a tremendous change in the course of a few moments.

Here is my story.

My wife and I both work. I do the computer nerd routine, playing sysadmin for a bunch of machines and company network. She teaches English at the local high school. For the last two years, she has also been going to night school to work on her masters degree. There isn't much money in teaching and she hopes that an advanced degree will help her get more money or a better position.

We met in college. We were both pretty focused on our schoolwork then and didn't really party too much in school. We dated each other exclusively for the last two years of school and were married six months after graduation. About a year later, we found out that Kim couldn't bear children. It was disappointing, but we adjusted our plans and expectations and moved on.

Kim is tiny little thing. Just five feet tall and a hundred pounds. She wears her wavy jet black hair just past shoulder length. Her emerald green eyes are large and innocent looking, even when she has her mouth full of my dick. She has dimples that reveal the imp in her when she is thinking naughty thoughts.

We were each others first and only lover. We had a lot of fun and great sex both in college and after we were married. Eventually things settled into a comfortable routine. After seven years of married life, sex was something that we worked in a couple of times a week. Nothing wild or kinky, just close and comfortable. We usually spend a little time cuddling, then we do some oral sex to fire the engines up, followed by pretty standard sex in the bed. She almost always cums when we have sex, and always seems satisfied and pleased that I show my desire and love for her.

Kim had classes on Monday through Thursday evenings. She also stayed late at the gym on Tuesday and Thursday nights, not getting home until after eleven. She might be small, but she works out like a fiend. Between the weightlifting and the stairmaster, Kim has a hard little body.

That schedule had settled into a pretty steady routine. Kim would come home after school and toss a meal together for us, change into jeans, and get her books and homework ready for class. I'd get home around five and we would eat and catch up on each other's day. Once she left, I would take care of household chores and maybe go for a run before zoning on the tube or the net. Kim would come in and hit the shower & we would crash. Weekend evenings we would eat out or catch a movie. We weren't big on going out to clubs. It was a comfortable routine.

After months of this routine, things started changing just a little. Kim started going straight from teaching to the college to work with her study group, leaving me to scrounge dinner for myself. I also noticed that she started coming home showered. She said it saved time to shower at the gym rather than coming home. I accepted these things at face value and gave them no thought.

I started picking up on little changes also. I just never attributed them to the right cause. We stopped having any sex on her school nights. I just figured she was tired. We still had plenty of fun over the weekends. I also noticed that she had a fair amount of sexy new underclothes in the wash. I just thought it was nice that she had sexy stuff like that and never really followed it up with her.

She also started getting real touchy about letting me play with her laptop. We had a nice home machine, but she needed a good laptop for her schoolwork. I found her a great deal on one from a guy at work who always had to have the very latest thing out on the market. He would go nuts if he was six months behind the tehno-curve. There were some nice games on the machine, and it was fun to be able to sit in the bed and play them or surf the net.

About the time she started with her study group, she told me she didn't want me playing on her laptop. She claimed that she had all her notes in there and didn't want me to mess anything up. It didn't matter how hard I tried to convince her that I wouldn't hurt her files, she wouldn't let me touch her machine. She even got so that she would close it up if I happened to walk up behind her. I wrote it off to the mysteries of the female half of the species and let the matter drop.

One day, about two months after her study group began, she called me at work to tell me she had a flat tire. Her car was in the school parking lot, but it had a flat & she wouldn't be able to get to the college if it wasn't fixed, and she couldn't fix it in her dress and heels.

Since we had planned on buying new tires for that car soon anyway, I told her that I would come by her school, throw on the spare, and go get the new tires in time for her to have her own car at class in the evening. My boss didn't mind me splitting out early once in a while, as long as I made sure to have my cell phone and beeper with me.

Lucky for me, I got to the high school during classes. That meant that there were only a couple of dozen kids wandering around campus instead of the hundreds that oozed out of the buildings for lunchtime. It took about twenty minutes slap the spare on the car and head to the nearby NTW for new rubber.

The place was, of course, packed. The guy at the counter told me it would be an hour and a half before they would get the job done. I went back to the car to see if I could find anything to read.

There was nothing but textbooks in her bag in the back seat, but her laptop was sitting there. I happily fired it up and started playing games. I got bored after forty minutes of goofing around and started looking around her hard drive. She did have a bunch of school notes in one directory - lots of dippy education gobbledegook that passes for higher education in that lightweight field.

She had another directory with a bunch of zip files and a lot of big.doc files. The names looked like dates. I tried to open the files and found them all password protected. Normally, that would slow me down for about ten seconds. But I did not have any of my slick little tools with me here in the NTW parking lot. Feeling sneaky, I copied a handful of the files to a diskette and dropped it in my pocket.

I decided to use the rest of the waiting time cleaning the car up a little. I put her 'puter back in the bag and cleaned the trash up out of the floors and from under the seats. I popped the trunk and started going through the stuff back there with an eye to cleaning and organizing it.

Next surprise! There was a bag with a bunch of clothes stuck in the trunk. There were nightgowns, lingerie, and a couple of racy dresses that I had never seen before. All of the clothes looked like they had been worn. A couple of the pair of panties were pretty crusty. In the bottom of the bag was a small camcorder. There were no tapes or anything, just one of those recorders with the little LCD screens instead of an eyepiece.

This was enough to finally furrow my brow and make me start wondering what was going on. I wondered if this belonged to a friend of Kim's, or if Kim had bought this stuff and had been afraid to show it to me. I couldn't figure it out. While I was standing there with a lacy half cup bra in my hand, the mechanic came to get the car. I put everything back in the trunk like I found it and let him take it away.

I took the car back to the school for Kim. That night I started thinking about all of the little changes and clues that I hadn't really paid attention to. From the big things I mentioned earlier, to a couple of little bruises on her neck, to some of the new things she was trying in bed once in a while. I started thinking that maybe my wife was fucking someone else.

I had just about convinced myself that she was cheating on me when she got home. She was dressed in her jeans and a nice white blouse, looking chipper and happy. When she came in, she gave me a big kiss and thanked me for saving her with the car. She seemed so happy and bubbly, just like the girl I fell in love with. I quickly wrote off my suspicions as total paranoia and felt guilty for even thinking of such a thing. The clothes in the trunk probably belonged to one of her girlfriends or something.

The next day, as I dressed for work I saw the diskette I used when I made the copies of those funny encrypted files on Kim's computer. I almost dropped it in the trash, then decided to take a peek anyway. I knew she wouldn't be fooling around on me, but I thought there might be something kind of interesting in the files anyway.

When I got to work I dropped the disk in my desk drawer and started untangling problems with our system. By the time they were fixed, the disk was forgotten. I had enough guilty feelings for suspecting something of my wife that I really didn't want to pursue the matter of her encrypted files.

Things moved on. The Christmas break came and went. A new semester started for Kim. She told me that her classes were really tough ones this semester and that she would have to spend a lot of time in the library doing research on the weekends. I told her that I hated that we would be losing the time together, but that I understood her education was important enough to her for us both to sacrifice some.

About a month into the new schedule, I was noticing that Kim seemed aloof and a bit withdrawn. She was not terribly interested in our dwindling sex life. Her work and her studies seemed to have consumed her. I decided to surprise her at the library on Saturday and try to lighten things back up for us. I bought a little heart necklace and planned to take her to a nice little restaurant for lunch.

The library is three floors and an uncounted number of little study carrels, nooks, and crannies for people to get lost in. I searched the library for over an hour and never found Kim. I couldn't find her car in the parking lot either. By the time I gave up looking for her, I was having to really be active to ignore all of the pointers that screamed "affair".

When she got home that afternoon, I told her I had a gift for her. Her response was to tell me to wait until she took a shower. She said she had been studying hard all day and that she felt sticky from when she was sitting in the sunshine by a window while she did her research.

I waited until the shower was running, then went to our bedroom. She had tossed her jeans and sweater on the bed, but there were no underclothes to be seen. The crotch of her jeans was soggy and smelled like very wet pussy. That was the point at which I decided to find out just exactly was going on. I knew that my innocent wife wasn't cheating on me, but all of the signs told me something was up. I wanted to find the rational explanation to all of it so that I could lay my suspicions to rest.

Monday morning I put the diskette with the files I copied from her computer into my machine. I have a handful of great password crackers that I pulled off the net; WFWCD will snap a MS-Work protected file open in no time, FCZ and ZipCrack will bust open those zipped files overnight. (Hint - get PGP and use a 128 bit key if you want to lock a file from viewing. The internal encryption protection that comes with most commercial software is about as effective as a screen door on a submarine.)

What I found was about 200 e-mails from guys all over the place who were responding to an ad. It showed up in a lot of the responses:

•

MWF Swinging Alone - Hi. I'm looking for discreet partners to

satisfy my newfound desires. I'm 26, petite, in shape, d/d free. I

love to get nasty with men, couples, and women. I just started playing

and can't get enough. I'll consider doing just about anything sexual

at least once. Write me, turn me on, and maybe we'll play!

Many of the e-mails were pretty crude, some had pictures, others sounded pretty pathetic. There were tons of them.

I felt shaky. My pulse raced. Then, I zoomed in on the age. That was three years younger than Kim. Maybe it was something she downloaded and kept copies of. Even if it was just her looking at the sexy stuff on the net, that would be quite a change from the Kim I thought I knew. My Kim loved sex and was open to things, but didn't get worked up over reading stuff or net surfing. However, I was a lot more willing to believe that Kim had tripped across this stuff and found it interesting than believing she was actually the one who posted the ad.

I decided to do a little investigating. I started trying to figure out how to get my hands on her laptop for a day. Monday night, while Kim slept, I put a little clear nail polish on the connections for her laptop's removable hard drive. I let the polish dry and then slipped it gently back into the slot.

Tuesday night she came home early. She was so upset about her broken laptop that I thought for a second that she had caught me out. She calmed enough to explain that she couldn't even boot her machine and that all of her school work was on there. I put on my sysadmin hat and said that in the worst case we could rebuild all of her applications easily enough, and that we could restore her school work from her backups.

As I said that, I could tell from the look in her eyes that she, like most everyone else in the world, didn't keep any back up at all. I told her to leave the machine with me and that I would see if I could do anything before she had to go to class the next day. I suggested that she blow off her study group and come home after work to see if I got the thing running. I got a strange look from her when I said that, then she grasped at the possibility that I might save all of her schoolwork.

The next morning at work, after dealing with my normal morning chores, I pulled out her laptop and a bottle of nail polish remover. It took about thirty seconds to get the machine running again. I spent the next half hour or so going through all of the history files and other footprints that are left on a PC that tell you all about what the machine has been doing lately. I found that most of her use of the laptop was her school stuff. Research notes, visits to the school library web and FTP sites, and boring papers.

There was, however, a pretty significant chunk of use that was completely unrelated to school work. There were lots of visits to various adult porn and swingers sites, she had opened a number of image files that had names that sounded like porn pictures. Her newsreader files showed that she downloaded from a bunch of alt.sex newsgroups.

I looked through her MS-Outlook journal and found that much of her sex related activity happened between the end of her work day and the beginning of her classes in the evening - when she was with her study group. The contacts file had lots of phone numbers associated with men's, women, and couples first names. There were hardly any last names at all.

Finally, I looked at her calendar. That is when that cold tingly feeling started in my belly. She had clearly marked classes on Monday and Wednesday nights, but on Tuesday and Thursday nights she had names and times written in. The location spot usually read "Ben. Mall", although a few times there were addresses.

I closed everything up and started thinking about my next step. After work I her laptop to back, telling her that I pulled the HD and straightened out a bent pin. I said that it booted right up, but that I hadn't done any checks to make sure her files were ok. She was visibly relieved at both the fact that it worked and that I hadn't been on her machine. She took off for her study group and classes.

As she pulled out of the driveway, I went into our files and pulled out the receipts from when she paid her tuition. Sure enough, all of her classes were on Monday and Wednesday nights. Her Tuesday and Thursday evenings were free. As much as I wanted to, it was hard to deny that something was going on.

I started looking through her dresser, finding lots of lingerie, but no more damning evidence. I went through her nightstand with an equal lack of results. Finally, in her side of the closet, I found a shoe box containing three unlabeled video tapes. The box was stacked with a few others in the back of the closet. It was the only one with any contents.

As I stood there in the closet, I knew down inside that looking at these tapes would change my life. On the surface, I dithered, wondering if I had the right to infringe on my wife's privacy by viewing the tapes. I made up some pretty darn good excuses to support just putting the box back and slipping into denial. I couldn't do it, though. I had to look.

I locked up the house so that if Kim came in I would have time to at least shut off the tube and VCR. I was shaky and dry mouthed as I pointed the remote at the VCR and hit play. What I saw in the next 20 seconds gave me the feeling of a skydiving freefall, without ever leaving the ground. It was like leaning over the guardrail on a high bridge. My arms and legs were numb. I was forced to finally accept what I had, up to then, so successfully denied. My wife was having sex with other people.

The scene on the television showed Kim, nude, straddling some guy's waist on a couch. She was fucking him with a slow rolling motion of her hips. She looked towards the camera and said, "Stop fucking with that and come here."

The camera rocked and steadied, then I saw the nude backside of another man walk towards my wife and the man she was fucking. He walked up to her and turned to the side, allowing the camera to catch the action as she grabbed his dick and lowered her head to it. She didn't slow down until his balls were on her chin and her nose was buried in his pubic hair.

I stopped the tape and just sat there in shock. Aliens at the front door would have been easier to take than this. As the initial rush from cognitive dissonance (I am seeing something I know can't be.) eased and some higher thought process began starting back up, I tried to examine my feelings.

Beyond the surprise, I was hurt. How could she do this to me? How could she be so deceptive and betray me while she acted so normal a close when we were together. Sex was something we had learned and explored together, something special between us. I also questioned myself. What had I done wrong? Was I not good enough to satisfy her? Was I somehow inadequate as a lover?

I turned the tape back on. Maybe I could find out what was missing between Kim and I. Maybe I could find an answer from the tape.

She continued to suck and fuck the two men in the same position for ten or fifteen minutes, slowly building up speed the whole time. Finally, she was slamming herself into the man under her and plunging the other guy's dick into her open mouth. She came first. Moaning and rolling her eyes as she stopped moving her body. You could see her tremble and flex as the orgasm rolled through her body.

Then she took her hands and stroked the balls attached to the cock in her mouth. The guy moaned and started clenching his butt as he approached orgasm. He grabbed her head and forced himself deep into her mouth and came.

It was at this point that I got my second shock of the night. I was turned on beyond belief at the debauchery of my wife with these two men. I was on the verge of cumming in my pants without having touched myself. I stopped and reran the tape. Then I put it back into its box and tucked the box back where I found it. I couldn't believe that I was still as hard as a rock. I couldn't understand why I was so excited at something that hurt so deeply.

I grabbed a beer, downed it in gulps, then I sat at the table with a second beer and tried, with little success, to sort out the confusion in my head. By the time Kim got home that night I had at least regained enough presence of mind to act normally, even if what I was thinking and feeling was so abnormal.

She came in dressed in her normal jeans and shirt. She had obviously had a recent shower. I wondered if she had taken it at the gym or some guys place. I looked at her innocent bright eyes and dimpled smile and saw the face buried in a strangers crotch. It was a good thing I was still sitting at the table. My hardon all but ripped through my jeans.

We chatted about normal stuff. She told me the 'puter worked great and gave me a kiss to thank me for "fixing" it. She smelled nice. She seemed normal, like the girl I fell in love with and had been married with for the last 7 years. But my feelings of anger, betrayal, and sexual arousal chased that image around in my head until I though I would scream. I told her I had a splitting headache and went to bed.

I called in sick the next day. Since Kim usually leaves for work before I even get out of bed, she had no idea that I stayed home to watch TV all day. And watching TV wasn't all. The more I watched the more my sexual arousal outpaced the other feelings. As I watched those three incredible tapes, I beat off six or seven times. I stayed at least half hard all day long. My cock was sore. By the end I wasn't producing any semen when I came.

I had watched Kim fuck five different men in various combinations, as well as two different women. I was riveted when I watched as a guy named Dan filmed, narrated, and directed as Kim and Dan's wife made love. It was, according to Dan, Kim's first time with a woman. He zoomed in and filled the screen as Kim put her tongue to this woman's cunt. I came right there. There was another scene where Kim and a different women kissed passionately as Kim rode a man's face and her partner rode his cock.

Another scene that permanently burned itself into my memory was the sight of my little tiny wife sandwiched between two men, one fucking her ass and the other fucking her cunt. It took a while for them to build up a rhythm, the guy in her ass slipped out once. I came when Kim groaned and begged him to hurry and put it back.

I saw her in all manner of sexual activity. In one scene, she was blindfolded and tied to an X frame while a man lightly slapped her cunt with the flat tip of a riding crop. What was really amazing about that was watching her wet juices sticking to the crop when he rubbed and stroked her cunt with the end of it. I saw film of her applying clothes pins to the nipples of one of the women she had made love to on another tape. There were even some scenes shot of her in the passenger seat of a car flashing other cars. The camera man was in the back seat filming as she played with her little titties and showed them to astonished onlookers in other cars.

Most of the scenes were incomplete, like edits cut from longer tapings. They never showed the entire event from start to finish. Some of them appeared to be taken from a camera that was hidden that no one knew was there. Others were taken by a third party or were fixed on a tripod near the bed, or couch, or floor, or table. By the dates on the films, this had been going on for over a year, but most of the scenes were from the last three or four months.

I watched my wife fuck and suck with total abandon. No pretense at love or any sort of emotional attachment. It was simply no holds barred physical sex. By the afternoon I was numb, except for my raw cock. I replaced the tapes and tried to figure out what to do next.

I took out the printout I had made of Kim's calendar. Today was a Thursday, no classes. Her schedule said "Dan & Joyce 5:00 Ben. Mall." Since there was only one mall around our part of the town, I headed over there. Once I got in the mall I stood in front of the directory for 15 minutes looking through every listing. There was no store named "Ben" anywhere in the place. It was 4:30, too late to try to get to the high school and discreetly follow her anywhere.

As I worked my way through the parking lot in defeat, I saw a Benigan's in the parking lot of the mall. Aha! Broke the code there! I bet she met people there. I backed the car into an out of the way parking place that let me watch the front door.

Sure enough, about ten 'til five, Kim went in. I was surprised at her clothes. She had a little short black skirt on that had a slit up the front of her right leg. The skirt was a mini skirt to start with. The slit ran almost to the bend of her waist. She had on big sunglasses and had her hair teased up. She looked very sexy... and very available. The guy that held the door for her just about tripped over his tongue.

She was alone when she went in. She came out thirty minutes later with three others. Dan and Joyce were obviously the couple from the tapes. Kim and Joyce were walking arm-in-arm and giggling about something. Dan and another man were walking behind watching the women in front of them. They all piled into a Cadillac and headed down the road.

I went home and waited. Thinking about what Kim was doing while I sat and waited was making my poor abused dick hard again. The feelings of betrayal and hurt were making way for lust. I felt guilty about being so turned on by my wife's infidelity. I couldn't believe that something so hurtful could also be so exciting. I went a little crazy.

Kim got in at the regular time, showered and in jeans. She looked like she always did when she just got back from the gym. We didn't talk much. It was pretty late and we just headed for bed. When she gave me a kiss goodnight, I couldn't help wondering where her mouth had been earlier. How many loads of cum had she had there. How much pussy juice had passed those lips?

I lay there for hours, listening to my slut wife sleep a sated sleep, debating with my self. I didn't want to lose Kim. I loved her. I considered confronting her with what I knew and presenting her with an ultimatum to stop. But I feared that she would decide that whatever she was getting outside of our marriage was better than what she was getting at home. I thought about trying to guilt her into telling me that she had done something and use that as an opening to convince her to stop. That didn't seem very likely, though.

I decided I needed to know more about what was going on. I would let things ride as they were while I did a little more investigating. Maybe I could figure this out. It would also give me time to reconcile the conflicting feelings running around in my head.

The next afternoon, I went back to searching through the closet. When I had found the tapes the other day, I stopped looking for anything else. The rest of the shoe boxes were empty, but I did find a small box with some pictures and receipts stuck in the corner. The pictures were all Polaroids that were similar in nature to the videos. There was one wrenching difference, though. Kim's partner was a very muscular black man.

He was tall and solidly built. His head was shaved smooth. His stomach rippled with a six-pack of abdominal muscle. He looked like he had no body fat at all. He also had an extra thick, uncut, cock. It looked about seven or eight inches long, but was as big around as a coke can.

It was obviously a start-to-finish series of pictures. I have no idea who manned the camera. The series started with Kim and her lover facing each other holding hands. Kim was wearing a skin tight black dress that barely covered her ass. On the one breast that I could see in the picture, her nipple was standing up like she had a pencil eraser in there. Her breasts are small, barely an a cup, with aureolae about the size of a quarter. Her nipples are prominent when she is excited, and she was obviously excited in this picture.

Of all of the pictures, the next in the series had the strongest impact on me. Kim had both arms wrapped around her lovers neck. He held her ass cheeks (the dress pulled up enough to show her pantiless ass) in his hands. Her body was pressed against him, and they were kissing. It was obvious that tongue and saliva were being exchanged. Kim's eyes were open and looking right at her lover. The look of total abandon I saw in her eyes was wrenching and exciting.

The next picture showed Kim, now nude, on her knees holding his ebony dick with her tiny hands. Her lips were pursed and she was kissing the tip of his thick pole. His clothes were on, and his pants were unzipped. The next three shots showed Kim undressing her black lover and continuing to suck his dick. There were a few shots of him bending Kim over and pressing his fingers up her cunt and ass. Her head was tipped back in obvious pleasure. The contrast between his large black hands with two fingers hidden in her little pink cunt surrounded by white skin was incredible.