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So I was sitting in this bar. You know, one of the bars you just “have” to be at. One of those places where the truly beautiful and successful people are supposed to meet. Yeah, there were some of those present. Although a minority, they dominated the place in a relaxed way, floating around, hugging other cool people, being at ease with themselves. They seemed to know everyone, be best friends with everyone, to just love everyone. Well, not everyone obviously, but all of the other cool people at least. And then there were the other ones, the nobodies. The mildly attractive or at least not repulsive ones. They were gathered in small, static groups and weren’t flitting around like the well-connected truly beautiful ones were. And then there was the sad rest. The unfortunate ones that tried to cling to their seats in order not to have to mingle with anyone. Being desperate not to be noticed because they imagined everybody saw immediately that they didn’t truly belong here, that everyone saw their true insecurity. Their fears were unjustified, nobody noticed them anyway. They were just the obstacles other, more confident people could float around. They just made the place appear less empty.

Yeah, I was one of those. No, not the beautiful ones. Not even one of the invisible, mediocre group. I was one of those truly not belonging in here.

I had captured a seat at the bar and was busy trying not to embarrass myself and to look like I was having a good time. The problem was that in truth I had nothing to do apart from being insecure. Absolutely nothing, which was terrifying. You don’t sit in such a location and just do nothing. It would have been embarrassing if anyone noticed me doing nothing, which luckily wasn’t the case. A few friends had mentioned that they wanted to meet me here and like a lamb I had come, not being aware this was one of “those” bars and to make things worse, my friends hadn’t even shown up yet. So I desperately clung to the drink in my left hand and watched the crowd, trying to look like a sophisticated observer. Like a knowing man, keeping himself in the background. Not like the shy guy I truly was, afraid of being exposed.

I really wished I had the looks, the confidence or the charm to be one of THEM. The ones everyone wants to be like. Take this guy for example. Well over two meters tall, blonde, tanned, muscled like the Hulk, with teeth white enough to blind you temporarily. And he damn made sure everyone in here saw every single one of them all the time, including the molars. While I really liked the comic heroes he resembled, I already hated him. Mainly because I was unable to find even the slightest flaw on him. I mean, usually you can always console yourself with finding flaws. Yeah, sure, she’s beautiful, but you can already see she’s a selfish bitch. Sure, he’s muscled, but look at his teeth. Ok, he’s a hunk, but he looks dumb as a leaf of bread and his hair is already receding.

The real problem were the truly flawless people, like this guy. He was the total dream boat and he even seemed witty and nice. Asshole. Why couldn’t the genetic lottery be a little fairer, a little more even in the distribution of assets.

And let’s not even talk about the bombshell at his side. Every centerfold would curl up in shame and change jobs if she saw this woman. No, not a pretty girl. This was no girl at all. She was quite tall and built like an Amazon warrior. No, this was no pretty girl by all means. This was a gorgeous, beautiful goddess. And she hung at his lips like he was God’s gift to humankind. Damn. I really hated him. Hated them both. Shit, where were my friends? I still felt totally out of place in there, like I simply wasn’t qualified to be even in the same room with those people. I mean, look at that butt alone. What woman could righteously own and display such a butt in public? This butt alone was enough to drive lesser men insane, without ever having the remotest chance to touch it and surviving the experience. And she made things worse by wearing this ridiculously short pair of tight hot pants. Have I mentioned that life is unfair? I probably have. I looked around and saw that virtually everyone was looking at them, not just the commoners, but also the hip people. These two were the clear winners of the human genome lottery and I asked myself how life would feel to be one of them. Or at least if you were near one of them.

And then it got worse. Mr. Universe turned around and scanned the crowd. All nonexistent guys like me withered under the glance of the in-people. I felt the urge to disappear like a cockroach when the light is switched on. Surely he would immediately notice that I was uncomfortable around here. That I was totally alone. That nobody talked to me. That nobody noticed me. That I didn’t belong in here. Damn, and he would be right.

Now he looked me directly into the eyes, scanned my body with his light blue eyes and began to smile. Bastard. I felt like I was doing something illegal by being present here, by soiling this hip location with my nerdy, uncool presence. He tapped the Amazon goddess on her shoulder and the situation got worse immediately. He pointed in my direction and although I desperately wanted, I was unable to look away. God, was she beautiful. Breathtaking.

She looked at me, at him, at me again, and frowned. I had to agree with her. I would have frowned upon seeing me in here as well if I were her. Luckily she looked away from me soon and started talking to her god-like companion, shaking her head. They even seemed to get into some sort of mild argument, which surprised me a little. Olympian gods weren’t supposed to argue, were they? They were just supposed to watch the antics of us mortals with a contemptuous smile. The observation that their life was less than perfect, gave me a small, but definite feeling of satisfaction. But that feeling didn’t go as far as leading me to drop my dream of trading their life against mine.

I forced my gaze away from the model-couple and pretended to study the bottles behind the barkeep again. I thought that made me inconspicuous until my damn friends would finally deem to grace the place with their long-overdue appearance and we could just escape to a more suitable location.

“Excuse me.” Wow, what a nice, female voice. It was indeed so nice that I decided to give her the seat she was surely asking for before I had even turned around.

Shit. It was her. I felt my blood drain from the upper body parts and my ability to speak fleeing the scene.

“Ummm,” was the exceedingly eloquent result.

“My name is Tina.”

“Ahh.”

“And you are.”

“Ahh, sure. You can have it.” Now she looked confused.

“The seat. You can have it.”

“What seat? I was asking for your name.”

“What?”

“Your name. You surely have one, don’t you?”

“Thomas. Ahh. You see ... Tom. Everybody just calls me Tom. Yeah, Tom.” I was still a bit confused by her presence.

“Okay Tom. We’re making progress here, I can feel it. You even managed to remember AND vocalize your name.” She was giggling a little and it was surprisingly cute. It gave her a definite non-threatening quality. She seemed to be almost - well, human. Charming, even. Stop this, I thought. Don’t turn this into a ridiculous cliché by falling in love or something like it.

“You see, Tom, we have some kind of problem.” A deep and very manly male voice suddenly broke my trance-like state. Her companion had joined us, unnoticed by me. Hell, everything around me had happened unnoticed while she was talking to me. “I’m Ralph, Tina’s husband. You see, I love her very much. And she just had her 25th birthday.” Why was he telling me all of that, I briefly wondered. “And you certainly know how hard it is to find the right present for your woman.” Lacking the experience of a real long-term relationship, I had not much personal knowledge about this, but I wisely kept my mouth shut. “Well, I kind of failed at the task. I bought her - no, let’s just skip this. It was a ridiculous present. Aaaand, well, she was a little miffed.”

“Pissed.”

“What?”

“I was pissed, Ralph. Mightily pissed.”

“Yeah, okay. Pissed. She was pissed, mightily so. So I kind of made her a promise. She would get any present she wanted if I could make it happen. Well, financially, legally and so on, you know?”

“Hmm, okay.” That was my only contribution to the discussion so far and I desperately hoped I managed to conceal my growing confusion. I mean, why was this stranger telling me about his failure to choose the right birthday present? Why was she looking at me in an almost expectant way? Hell, was this even reality I currently was in? It sure didn’t seem so, none of this made even remotely sense. I expected someone to shout “CUT!” any time, exposing me as a prank show victim.

“And that’s where you come into play,” he said.

“What?” Could this evening get any stranger? Where were my buddies when I needed them? I was desperately looking for some kind of exit strategy now. I had finally found the flaw I had been looking for, these people were clearly lunatics.

“I chose my present. Sex with another man, just once.” I wasn’t drinking when she casually said that. Luckily. I would have evenly distributed my drink over the whole place otherwise. I was still coughing when she calmly continued. “Ralph had to agree, obviously. This was a wish clearly within the limitations he had defined.”

‘Defined limitations’, I thought? This woman was no brainless bimbo. But it was sure weird to talk like that about opening a marriage to extramarital sex.

“Yeah, I had to agree, but I didn’t have to like it. My condition was that I could choose the guy and that I could watch the whole thing if I wanted to.”

“Really?” My monosyllabic answers probably led them to believe I was a total moron by then.

“Sure, what did you expect? I will certainly not allow a man that could be a competition in any meaningful way to me to have sex with her.”

“Ah.”

“You know, this certainly isn’t easy for me. But I know that I’ve fucked up and this is part of my penance. But I’m not going to let this endanger my marriage. So what I need is a totally unattractive man. Unattractive, ordinary, no charmer, no keeper. All in all, no competition.”

What a weird story. But I finally had an idea why they were telling me this and to be honest, hearing the undeniable truth summed up this way was quite insulting.

“You know, Tom, I agreed to Ralphs conditions. I was even surprised that he agreed at all.”

“Well, I was in a mellow mood at the time. I’ve had a few drinks and really felt sorry about her present. As I said, this is my penance.”

“And you deserve it for that shitty present, honey. Anyway, I agreed that he’d select the guy and be present. But I also set a condition. The guy should at least not be blazingly ugly.”

“Okay, but what are you doing here with me then?” I blurted out.

She looked at me stunned and just started laughing. She really thought that was incredibly funny, but Ralph and I knew better. Ugly was just how I saw myself.

“Tina...”

She was still giggling.

“Tina...”

“What?”

“He’s serious.”

“What? Come on ... you’re not model quality. And I would have preferred if you were a little taller. But you’re at least not shorter than me, so that’s okay. And yeah, you could use a few extra muscles. But Tom, you’ll certainly do. I’m not too choosy, this is just for one time of sex. You’ll do. You’re not really that ugly.”

“Okay, but he’s no hunk either.”

“Obviously, yes, Ralph.”

“You wouldn’t normally fancy him, would you?”

“What? No way.”

Truth or not, this was really getting quite insulting. But I endured it and stayed nonetheless. Of course I did, I was presented with a remote chance of getting near that dream woman. I still didn’t let the picture of actually having sex with her enter my mind. That was too much, I would just have prepared myself for a huge disappointment. But just touching or even kissing her would be plenty of reward for this ongoing humiliation.

Their motivations were clear enough. She had every reason to paint myself as an ugly turd as it would placate the fears of her husband. His motivation was equally clear. He surely had no interest to praise the guy that was about to become some kind of competition. These thoughts helped me to keep some smidgen of self-respect.

“But you would have sex with him?”

“Well, he’s certainly no dream boat, but he’ll do.”

“Okay, little guy. Repeat after me: I’m an ugly, wimpy little dude that can’t satisfy a real woman.”

So sue me, I really wanted to get into this goddess’ pants, so I actually did it.

“I’m a wimpy guy that can’t satisfy a woman.”

He smiled smugly, while she had the grace to be a little embarrassed.

“That’s childish, honey.”

“Okay, Tina. I think I can live with Tom fucking you, although it’s still going to hurt. Just remember to use a condom, okay?”

“I know, and I really appreciate it. I know how much you love me and how strong you are.”

“Tina, I still don’t understand it. I should be enough for you.” Wow, this guy suddenly appeared surprisingly insecure, even a little whiny. I couldn’t blame him, being in his shoes would kill me on the spot. I still was a little confused though.

“Ah, guys...”

“Not now, my dear Ralph. We can talk about it later again, you have nothing to fear. I’m yours and I’ll stay yours.”

“Guys...”

“Yes, Tom?” Tina asked.

“What exactly does all of this mean?”

“That means that you’re going to fuck her, man. You’re not going to make love to her. You’re not going to romance her. No candlelight dinner. No cuddling, no making out, no kissing. Just a plain, quick, old-fashioned fuck. In, out, ready.”

“No.”

“What do you mean?” They were both clearly stunned by my reaction and to be honest, so was I.

“I’m not interested.” Are you completely insane, I was shouting at myself inwardly. But I wasn’t; this wouldn’t work.

“Are you nuts? Or hey, are you maybe gay?”

“No, Ralph, I’m not gay.”

“Have you looked at her recently? She’s as hot as they come.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed. But still it’s not going to work. At least not as you’ve described it. No kissing, no cuddling, no romance? Sorry, how is that supposed to work?”

“So you need this stuff? Candles? Kissing? Cuddling? Man, that’s disgusting. I offer you the fuck of your lifetime and you come up with such unmanly stuff? You’re sure you’re not gay? Sorry, I forgot, you’re some kind of wimp. Yeah, I imagine that you’re into that kind of thing.”

Actually, I didn’t know into which kind of thing I really was. Okay, I was no virgin, but at the age of 24 I surely was no Casanova either. My extreme shyness severely kept my male equipment from being used like it was intended to be. But I had read a lot about the issue and I - ahem - had watched quite a few “educational” videos on the internet. For research reasons only of course.

“He’s right, Ralph. I don’t love him and never will, but sex as you describe it won’t work.”

“Okay, do it as you want, but I’ll get her first. You get sloppy seconds.”

“Ralph, honey...”

“That’s the deal. It’s better for you as well. He can watch and learn.”

She just rolled her eyes.

“Okay, let’s just get over with this farce, okay? This little caricature of a man is no threat for me anyway.” It seemed a bit like he was whistling in the dark. But I was glad he was behaving like an asshole, it made everything easier, from a moral point of view. I was a bit uncomfortable about having sex with a married woman.

“Okay, I’m in. But I’ll take the lead sexually,” I boldly stated.

“Deal,” she quickly answered, keeping an even face.

“Great. Just great.” He was sarcastic now and it didn’t help to make him come across any nicer. “You won’t do it in our bed though. I would have to ritually burn it afterwards and it’s almost new. Now where do you live, wimpy man?”

“Just a few hundred meters from here.”

“Fuck.” Wow, talk about a totally unhappy man. I bet he wished he had thought of a better present for her. Whatever he got her, his punishment seemed unreasonable harsh. But on the other hand I didn’t know them well enough to judge them.

We went to my condo, which was quite close, in tense silence. I was leading the way while he grabbed her possessively all the time. For such a manly stud he was behaving a bit clingy. She responded in kind to him, probably to reassure him.

We spent about five hours in the elevator afterwards. Well, that was at least how it felt. The air was thick with tension, Tina and Ralph stood in separate corners. Nobody said a word, everybody looked at the floor or the ceiling, as is the unwritten law inside elevators. It was imperative to avoid direct eye contact with Ralph at all cost. I briefly looked into Tina’s gorgeous eyes instead and she smiled tensely. She didn’t seem to look forward to this at all, which didn’t help to calm my nerves. This situation was just plain bizarre.

After an eternity the elevator door opened and Ralph and I tried to exit at the same time. He used the opportunity to bump me roughly out of the way. I stumbled a little, desperate to keep a minimum of dignity by not falling on the floor. I barely managed it, but disgraced myself by performing a weird dance with my arms and legs. Tina looked at me in an almost pained way while Ralph was smirking. If everything went right, I would have fucked a dream woman by the end of the night, but at the price of the little self-respect I had anyway.

We entered my large living room, which provided a spectacular view over the city. The wall in question was one single, huge window, the whole room looked like it came from some modern furniture catalogue. I certainly wasn’t filthy rich, but I had a very nice income, a spectacular condo and I was able to work at home. Apart from the missing female companionship, my life was quite okay.

“Oh, wow.” They were both quite impressed, although I couldn’t understand why. Sure, this was a beautiful place, but it belonged to an unremarkable guy. They were the lucky ones, the beautiful people. They stood at the big panorama window, looking at the city lights, holding hands and sharing what seemed like a romantic moment. I almost felt like an intruder in my own condo.

“Would anybody like something to drink?” It was time to break them out of their reverie.

“Ah, what? Yes, Tom, that would be lovely. You have some white wine maybe?”

“Sure.”

“Beer.”

While I fetched their drinks, I tried to calm my nerves a little. I still had the impression that she was far too beautiful to even be around someone like me. I had the brief vision of the universe just collapsing if I touched her because certainly some law of physics would be violated. And to be honest, I was also a little intimidated by her presence alone. I just hoped the pressure wouldn’t stop my dick from working later.

“Quite a nice apartment. You don’t seem to fit in here.”

“Thanks.” I tried to ignore his crude remarks, which seemed the best way to avoid giving him any satisfaction.

“Okay, let’s start with me giving you a free lesson on how to properly please a woman.”

She didn’t seem to be happy with his behavior, but put up with it, probably because she was fully aware how difficult the situation was for him.

“Okay, please follow me to the guest bedroom.”

“No, no, boy. Not the guest bedroom.”

“What?”

“We’ll take your bed.”

He wanted to hurt me in any way he could, but I couldn’t have cared less. I was about to fuck his wife, the woman of my dreams, with his permission. I just had to keep that in mind and I was mostly fine.

“Okay, follow me.”

My bedroom was far more impressive that the guest bedroom, so that choice was fine by me. It had a similar panoramic window overlooking the adjourning park. As this was the top level of the highest building around, it still provided a bit of privacy. And the room had a huge clear ceiling window. In a cloudless night like this you could see the stars and the moon from the bed.

Ralph hardly noticed this and was casually beginning to undress, but Tina was absolutely in awe. She just pointed at the ceiling with an open mouth.

“This is so...”

“You like it, Tina?”

“Tom, I can’t believe it...”

“What’s up there? Honey, we can start now. I’m going to show him how to fuck my woman now.”

“This is soo beautiful, Tom.” She seemed to have tears in her eyes. I loved this window and I always had the idea that women would like it too. But I never really had one in here. The shyness, you know...

“Tina, hello! You’re here with me? We can start fucking now.”

“Oh, yes. Sorry, Ralph.” She started to undress without any noticeable anticipation. It almost seemed like she was preparing herself for a household chore. But boy, what a body emerged from under those clothes.

The thing is, whenever I see a woman, I envision what the parts I can’t see will look like. If I see a nice mane from behind, I envision a beautiful face on the front. If I see a nice cleavage, I already see the naked boobs in their perfect form. The problem is, the reality often doesn’t keep up with these images. When the owner of the nice mane turns around, the face often is less perfect than I had anticipated. And the body of the few women I had sex with had definitely looked more promising clothed than naked. So I tended to fill in the blanks with unrealistically optimistic visions.

In this case, for the first time, this strategy was completely justified. Tina’s body was nothing short of spectacular. Sadly, Ralph’s body was just as flawless and exceptional. These people belonged with each other, that much was clear. They both were at the top of the gene pool. Perfect toned and muscled bodies, good enough for any sportswear catalogue. Her physique and her muscles were intimidating me a little, although she wasn’t taller than me, especially now that she had shed her extremely high heels.

His cock was already erect and he came over to show it to me. I generally wasn’t particularly interested in other men’s dicks, but I felt compelled to at least pay a polite minimum of attention.

“Not bad, is it? I bet you can’t compete with that, wimpy dude.”

What was he talking about? It was just a normal cock. What was I supposed to say? ‘You, sir, have a beautiful reproductive organ?’ That somehow didn’t seen adequate. Luckily, he didn’t really seem to expect an answer.

He proceeded by beckoning her onto my bed. I expected him to worship this female miracle, to appreciate her perfect body, to please her however he could. That was certainly my first instinct. The reality was a little different. He unceremoniously rolled her onto her back and started to align his cock to her vagina. I was stunned. No kissing. No oral sex of any kind. No foreplay at all. She probably was as dry as the inner Sahara. What the fuck was he thinking? How was this supposed to work?

That mystery was soon solved; it wasn’t working. She was wincing when he roughly entered her. She tried to hide her pain, but in contrast to him, I noticed it. He didn’t stimulate her clitoris with his pelvis at all, he just started to pound her. Had nobody told him that many women can’t orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone? Obviously not, as he continued to ruthlessly slam his cock into her like a steam engine piston.

From an athletic point of view, this was surely impressive. His muscles were well defined and very attractive. His body control was brilliant. Overall, in any porn movie he would have excelled. But this was no porn movie, this was real life. The goal here wasn’t to look good, it was to please your partner. He was right, this was some kind of lesson, a lesson in how to not please a woman. The final touch was that he was looking around for a mirror. In its own narcissistic way this was perfect.

Tina was smiling encouragingly at him from time to time, but she was as far from a climax as she was from the moon. She briefly looked into my eyes and we had a sudden understanding. She was clearly desperate. She was maybe even questioning herself. She most certainly never had a climax, at least not with him and she was wondering if it was her fault. Probably wondering how it would be to have one. I pitied her suddenly, which surprised me. And I vowed to use my time with her to please her as much as it was humanly possible, at least with my limited knowledge of the subject. She deserved to experience this at least once, although I was unsure if I would be able to do it. A more experienced man would have been better, but her choices had clearly been limited.

Finally, Ralph began to grunt.

“Come, Tina, I’m almost ready!”

Seriously, he expected her to orgasm on command after this pitiful stimulation? In what kind of reality was he living? Tina made appropriate noises which might or might not indicate an orgasm. I had to admire her. She tried not to outright lie by openly faking it, but she also tried to indicate some pleasure. She obviously loved him and didn’t want to hurt him. I think she needn’t have worried because he seemed to be beyond such subtleties. He even increased his efforts, grunted after a few more strokes and collapsed on her.

“Ah, that was good.” She didn’t comment. “Okay, wimpy man, now it’s your turn for sloppy seconds. Let’s see how you can compete with this.”

He just rolled off the bed and went to the bathroom without paying further attention to her.

“I see your problem,” I quietly said while he was away.

“I love him, you know?”

“Yes, I can see that.”

She had tears in her beautiful eyes. “I don’t want to hurt him.”

“I know. But you need to know.”

“Yes. I need to know,” she said in an almost desperate tone. “It has nothing to do with this shitty present, I’m not that bitchy about such things. I just need to know.”

“I might not be your best choice. I don’t have that much experience.”

“You’re my only choice. I’m surprised he agreed anyway. And you surely have more experience than me, he’s been the only one so far.”

“Childhood friends?”

“Yeah.”

I gulped. A relationship like they had was something special and I was fully aware that it might be damaged by what was about to come, making me feel bad about my role in it. But there was nothing I could or wanted to do about it. She ‘needed to know’ and I desperately wanted to touch her, to kiss her, to worship her, to make love to her.

As soon as he left the bathroom, she got up to clean herself as well.

“Tina, you’ve got to take a look at this bathroom. It’s bigger than our apartment. Holy shit...”

He waited a few seconds until she was gone.

“Okay, man, I’m going to leave now. I’m not going to watch this. No real man should be asked to watch something like this. Remember, just once and with a condom. She’s totally mine and for the rest of your life you can dream about this night, wishing you’d get a repeat performance. But it’s not going to happen. She won’t like your scrawny body anyway. You know ... ah, fuck.”

He looked a bit upset, just turned around and left the condo.

“Where’s Ralph?”

“He suddenly decided to leave.”

She looked a little sad. “Yes, it’s probably better this way. I hate to hurt him like this. But I need to know, I really do.”

“I know. Come here, please.”

She obediently came towards me, with her head hanging down a little. I gently pushed it up by her chin and boldly placed a gently kiss onto her perfect lips. I caressed her body in reverie while simultaneously trying to get rid of my clothes without disgracing myself. Once both of my hands were available, she responded enthusiastically to my ministrations, which encouraged me a lot. For someone that had obtained knowledge about the subject mostly from the internet, I had the impression that I wasn’t doing too badly. As usual, thorough research helped a lot.

We ended up on my bed, where I finally could explore her body completely. She started to take care of me as well, but I firmly planted her on the bed to start kissing, massaging and worshipping every bit of her. I kissed her feet, her legs, her back, her neck, her anus, I turned her around and repeated this to her front. After a short while I concentrated on her clitoris, while sometimes briefly plunging my tongue into her vagina or licking her anus. Meanwhile I caressed her belly, her legs, but mainly her tits, which were irresistible. She was really getting into it, moaning, sweating, writhing and uttering nonsense like “oh my God” or “yes, yes”. This was good, I managed to please this woman like she deserved to be pleased and that gave me an incredible high.

After a while she forcefully turned me onto my back and lowered her mouth towards my dick. Although I knew what she intended to do and should have appreciated it as a man, I was disappointed to lose the scent and taste of her pussy. After a while we compromised on a 69 position with her on top and both totally enjoying what we were doing. I didn’t just lick her, I was also busy caressing her whole body.