A Shy Guy s Notebook Part Two Following the Book s Commands
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My Journey - Book 1: CollarsChapter 5 free porn video
I was pulled out of my thoughts by a hand closing on my shoulder gently. “Hi Matt,” my father said, coming around the table and taking the seat across from me.
“Hi,” I greeted him with more warmth than I had all week. I figured if I was going to give him a chance to explain, I could at least be civil while we were talking it out. “Look, before we start, I just want to say I’m sorry for how I spoke to you the other night. I’m reacting a little better now. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I didn’t mean any of it, but I didn’t mean all of it. Some of it I meant, but probably shouldn’t have said.”
He gave me a grim smile and nodded. “I suppose that’s as good as I can expect for now. Your sister not ready to talk?”
“Actually, after we talked, I decided that I wanted to speak to you alone first. I’d encourage you to talk to her soon though. Be warned, she’s got her own opinions and you’re likely going to get no more gentle treatment than you got from me on Tuesday.”
He nodded again. He was taking this stoically, knowing that he’d hurt us all. “Okay. Would you rather talk first or would you like me to get dinner and we can talk while we eat?”
“That’s fine. We can eat and talk.”
“What would you like?” he asked, starting to get up.
“I think Taco Bell. If you’re getting it too, you can just get the party pack and a couple of drinks. It’s ten tacos, fries and nachos, but the nachos are nasty.”
He nodded and said he’d be right back. He hurried over to the kiosk and placed an order, paying for it and waiting. They weren’t all that busy tonight and he was back relatively quickly for ordering Taco Bell. We sat and dug in, each finishing our first taco without saying a word before he broached the subject.
“I’m sorry I hurt you the other day, son,” he said softly, sounding like he meant it.
I shrugged. “It hurt me more the way you said it,” I told him truthfully. “I had no idea it was coming and you didn’t prepare me for it. It happened and in the long run, being gentle about it wouldn’t have changed the reality of it. I’m more interested in hearing the whole story. I want you to tell me. ALL of it. I’ll be very clear, I know a lot more than you’ve told me or that Mom’s told me. I might know all of it, but I certainly know a lot. It’s time for you to fill in the blanks and smooth out a foundation we can build on going forward.” I picked up another taco off the tray and unwrapped it while he considered his answer.
“Well, what do you know? We can go from there and I can fill in the blanks,” he offered.
I shook my head. “That’s not how this works,” I said simply. “Consider it a trust-building exercise. I have pieces of the picture. Which ones and how many are for me to know right now. When you’ve told me your story, If there are pieces that don’t match up, then I can decide if they’re important enough that you’re hiding things or if they could have slipped your mind. Like I said, this conversation is about creating a foundation to build a relationship on. One of the things I meant was that you stopped being my father. If you want that title back, this is how you do it.”
I’d spoken without heat, explaining it to him as if I was explaining the rules to a game we were about to play.
He nodded and composed himself, mulling over the things he wanted to say. “I’ll try, but some of it is ... difficult to explain.”
“If that’s your way of telling me I might be to young to understand, I’ve had to do a lot of growing up in the last two days. When we get to those points, tell me and we’ll talk it out to make sure we’re on the same page. To put it in perspective, I’d rather you told me the stark truth than sugar coat it. You didn’t sugar-coat it on Tuesday. I’d rather be revolted by the things I find out today than walk out of here with half the truth. If I don’t feel like you’ve told me everything, then it means that we don’t have anything to talk about in the future. I’ll ask questions if things start going over my head. And if there’s anything you want kept secret, tell me. After this week, I hate secrets, but I understand that in the middle of a divorce, information is power. I’m not going to sell you out any more than I’d tell you anything Mom’s said or done. This conversation is about you and me and it’s for our ears alone. That help you out some?”
He nodded, chewing on a mouthful of fries thoughtfully. “Alright. Everything. This is gonna be a long talk. First, what I told you about your mother, that I didn’t love her any more, it’s true and it isn’t. I still care about her, but I’m not in love with her. The passion that two people should have for each other has been gone for a long time. We’ve stayed together because you kids needed us, needed a stable family. We didn’t want to spring this on you when you were 9 or 10. We didn’t feel like you’d be emotionally mature enough to handle it so we put it off. Or more to the point, we just avoided the topic.”
I nodded, interrupting him. “I remember. You and mom shared precisely 5 public kisses per year. Your birthday, her birthday, your anniversary, Christmas morning and New Years Eve. Beyond those, you never showed affection that I can remember.”
He nodded. “Exactly. We were passionately in love when we were younger and went from that to being comfortably friendly and it slid downhill from there. Eventually we were so distant that I was spending more time in my office than our bedroom. It was no marriage. It was a play we put on for you and Lilly so we wouldn’t break your hearts. Your mother and I started talking about it about a year ago. She wanted to wait until you were 16. That would have put you at driving age and she wanted us to stay together, get you a car and have her ready to go back to work.”
“So what threw off the timetable?” I asked, taking a drink from my cup.
“I met someone,” he said simply. “She’s someone I work closely with and she and I are very compatible. I’m sure you’ll find out about her sooner or later. If we’re still moving forward, I’ll want you and Lilly to meet her eventually. We fell in love and I felt alive in a way I hadn’t in years. I don’t hate your mother and I felt terribly about the whole situation, but in the end, it was only a matter of two years and I felt you and your sister were old enough to deal with it. Maybe not as well as you would in a couple of years, but enough to grasp the basics and pick up the rest along the way.”
“What made the two of you so compatible?” I asked, knowing I’d get around to the rest of the conversation sooner or later.
He looked uncomfortable but tried to answer as best he could. “Common interests,” he said slowly, picking his words carefully. “She works closely with me and we spent a lot of time together.”
“You’re sanitizing your answers,” I scolded him. “Truth. ALL of it. What made the two of you so compatible?” I repeated the question, driving it home.
He made a sour face and sighed. “You want me to go into all the gory details? Really?”
I nodded. “I’d rather hear every filthy kink she fulfills than the vague dodge of ‘common interests’. I want to understand. I know it’s difficult, but if you get off on pissing or something and mom couldn’t or wouldn’t get on board, I’d rather know that’s the deal breaker than what I was left thinking on Tuesday. I thought I’d done something to cause it and you didn’t stop to tell me any differently. Now’s your chance to lay it out, man to man.”
He looked down at the tray between us and nodded. I noticed he’d flinched at the mention of kinks. “Alright. This is one of those things that’s hard for me to talk about. You’re right. Miranda and I are very sexually compatible. We’re both into types of sex that your mother wasn’t comfortable with. Sadomasochism, bondage, yes, water sports and other things. Miranda’s much younger than I am and she’s adventurous in ways that your mother couldn’t bring herself to embrace. That caused a lot of stress on our marriage. I wanted those things and she didn’t, so she resented my desire, thinking that I was telling her she wasn’t good enough and at the same time, I’d shared my innermost desires and she’d rejected them. It felt like she was rejecting me. That pulled us apart. She couldn’t handle sex with those conditions and I couldn’t handle sex without them.”
I smiled and decided that it was time to unnerve him. “Are you a top or a bottom?” I asked casually, biting into another taco as if I’d asked if he preferred baseball or hockey.
“What?!!?” he asked, shocked. “How do you even know those words?”
“A smart boy doesn’t tell his parents every book he reads,” I said dryly. “I also have that thing that comes on computers now, the Internet. You may have heard of it. It was a big deal a few years back.”
“Jesus wept!” He said, running a hand over his face. “A bottom,” he said, blushing furiously. “I wanted your mother to be more controlling in the bedroom. She balked and the more I pushed, the more she refused. It was important to me and it was important to her to not do that.”
“And it never occurred to you that she might have a submissive streak too and she was simply uncomfortable with taking the dominant role?” I’d finished my taco and had my fill. I slid the tray toward him an inch to let him know it was all his.
“No. I never thought- WHY?!!?” he blurted out, wondering if I knew something else on the subject.
I shrugged. “Nothing’s happened,” I assured him. “It’s just a thought that occurred to me. When two doms end up trying to make it work, it usually goes bad. One of them has to bend neck to the other or it’s a fight that escalates until someone gets hurt. I can only imaging two subs trying to pass the whip would be end up the same way. Someone has to take control or someone gets hurt. In this case emotionally. You never talked to her about it?”
“Obviously not the kind of conversation you’re talking about. What part of the internet have you been going to?”
I shrugged. “The same sites you go to. When your computer is on the network, I can access your hard drive to see your videos and pictures. Some of them are watermarked by the websites you got them from. Magic!”
“You can do that?” he asked, stunned.
“It’s a checkbox in Windows. Then you can access the whole thing,” I told him simply. “I told you I knew things. So Miranda’s your Dom and I’m guessing she put some pressure on you to devote to her 24/7 or at least give her more time than you could while living at home. Are you her only toy?”
He blushed again and shook his head. “There’s three of us. Two girls and me. Just don’t tell anyone?” he pleaded with me.
I nodded graciously and told him I’d already promised not to betray his confidences. I didn’t tell him that Lilly had pictures of him and Miranda together. “Do you have a picture of her?” I asked, having never been shown the ones Lilly had downloaded. He pulled out his phone and started scrolling through them for an image that wasn’t pornographic. “Just show me. I’ve combed through your porn. Another pair of tits isn’t going to scar me for life.”
He blushed even deeper and slid his phone across to me. I swiped through all the photos on his phone, admiring her figure and her face. She was young as he’d said and beautiful, but there was something about her that I didn’t particularly appreciate. Maybe it was the imperious look on her face or maybe it was an emotional response to knowing this was the woman that had ended my parents marriage years early.
I looked up when I was done and stared directly at him. I took a chance on what I now knew about his behaviour. “You’re not to tell her I’ve seen these,” I said. It was a command and we both knew it. “Nor are you to let her know by word or deed that I am aware of the nature of your relationship. Only that she’s your girlfriend and that is all.”
For a wonder, he bowed his head meekly and said he understood and would obey.
I realized that I’d been right. He’d stopped being my father. I was in control here. It was unnerving, but like I had with my mother earlier, I knew that showing anything less than complete confidence would break the spell.
“Now you can explain why you lied to me earlier about where the key to your office was,” I told him evenly. “I know you keep it on your key chain. You wouldn’t have taken it off there unless you were leaving it at the house, like you’d been commanded.”
He lowered his head and gulped. “That I cannot tell you,” he said and I knew that I was up against the control Miranda had on him.
“Miranda has ordered you to keep this thing secret,” I said. It wasn’t a question, but a statement of fact.
He nodded imperceptibly.
“And she’s commanded you to deny me the key until you can retrieve what she has you hiding in your office,” I said, getting another nod in return. “It just so happens that I don’t particularly need a key to access the office. Miranda is about to be greatly disappointed when she learns that what was hidden in your office chair and the hollow beneath your desk are no longer secret.”
His head snapped up and his eyes were wide with panic.
“What other hiding places do you have in the house and the garage?” I demanded. “Remember, I knew those. Assume I either know the others or I will find them. Miranda commanded you not to reveal that she had you hiding things in our house and you have followed her command because I already know that. Now you will reveal all of it to me. The things you left there put us all in jeopardy. This is what you must do to protect your children. You will do it.” I didn’t give consequences, I didn’t raise my voice, I didn’t give him a choice.
“There’s a nook behind the furnace and three bags hidden in the rafters of the garage. Those are the only ones,” he swore.
“When we’re done here, you are to go home and act normal. If she notices anything bothering you, you are to tell her that our talk was strained, but that I tacitly agreed to another meeting at some unspecified time in the future. You’re worried about me and feel like I may have been more hurt by the news than you’d anticipated. If she broaches the subject of the hidden items, you will tell her that I still have not agreed to let you come to the house, that I stood by my original declaration that you could submit a list of items and we would gather them. Tell her that we agreed to a compromise of you being able to pick up the prepared boxes at a time we can both agree to.”
He gulped and nodded.
I continued, hammering home as much control as I could in a short span. “Remember always that Miranda’s chief concern is Miranda. She has endangered your children by having you store these things for her. She continues to endanger your children every time she commands your agreement to things that harm us.” I leaned forward and stressed the next four words drilling my gaze into his eyes. “DO ... WHAT ... IS ... RIGHT!” I growled.
He nodded, his face white. I nodded to the exit and he got to his feet, hurrying away. I somehow figured he would excel at the task I’d set before him.
I put my head in my hands and stared at the table top for a long time. I felt sick to my stomach. I knew what I had on my hands now and it was up to me to deal with it. Not just because I’d promised him that I’d keep his confidences, but because I was the man of the house now. Even if he left Miranda, even if he somehow fixed things with Mom, I’d just taken ownership of him. I’d used every weapon I could think of sitting there frantically scrambling to stay ahead of the fire that was still threatening to burn me alive.
I flinched when Mom put a hand on my shoulder and looked up at her. Her face immediately fell and she took my face in both of hers. “It was bad?” she asked, concerned as she searched my eyes.
I took a deep breath and shook my head slowly. “It was ... It was what it was,” I said with a sigh. “He was honest with me. I had to push him, but eventually he told me everything.”
“Everything?” she asked with emphasis as I slowly got to my feet.
I held her gaze and nodded. “Everything he knew. There are things he didn’t, but it’s going to take me some time to get everything straight in my head.”
She looked a little uncomfortable, but nodded and led me back to the car. I managed not to throw up what I’d eaten, but I wanted to.
I could tell that she wanted to ask, but she held her piece. “Mom,” I said softly. “I promised him I wouldn’t share his confidences. He told me things about himself and how things went from his perspective, but I can’t talk about them. Just like I’ll never tell him anything that we talk about. You can tell me anything and it goes no further than me. I just wanted you to know that. I also think it would be best for all involved if I wasn’t called to testify if this sees the inside of a courtroom.”
She was clearly mortified, guessing at what he might have told me, but nodded. The rest of our drive was silent and when we got home, I went to my room, searching for something in the back of my closet. I finally found the large gym bag and pulled it out, turning toward the door.
I was startled to see Lana standing there. Her pale skin framed by her raven hair made her look angelic and I stared into her deep blue eyes before I recovered. I grinned at her, my bad day starting to get a little easier to handle. “Hey Tiger!” I said, dropping the bag and taking the two steps to join her, slipping one arm around her waist to pull her to me. I put my head down on her shoulder and breathed deeply, filling my head with the scent of strawberries and vanilla. I could feel the tension oozing out of me and for the first time today, I felt truly right. “I am SO happy to see you.” I said softly against her neck, not realizing till that moment how much strain I was under.
She wrapped both arms around me and hugged me tight. “Mom said you went to see your dad. Are you okay?” she asked stroking the back of my neck with one hand.
I marveled to myself at how lucky I was to have this angel care for me. “I am now,” I said, letting calm wash over me here in her arms. “I wasn’t before, but I am, now that you’re here.”
She squeezed me tighter and I could feel her lips on the side of my neck.
“Geeze, get a room you two,” my sister was standing in the hall, smirking. She was holding her phone and angling it like she was going to take a picture of us. “I want one to send to dad,” she teased.
“Scram, Blue,” I told her with a chuckle. “I’m not interested in tormenting him right now. Maybe some other day.”
She stuck her tongue out and went into her room, slamming the door behind her, but she was skipping when she went.
I looked at her door and shook my head. “I swear, sometimes she acts like she’s still 4.” I pulled back and kissed Lana deeply. “Come with me,” I said with a smile.
She let me lead the way, putting a hand on my shoulder on the stairs to help me keep my balance. I was silently grateful because I was still getting intermittent concussion symptoms and I’d been ignoring doctor’s orders on bed rest today. I resolved that tomorrow would be a slow day once I got everything from the hidey holes in the garage and the house. She was curious as I led her down to the basement, having never been down here before.
“Oh, you have a rec room!” she said, obviously thinking that this was what I wanted to show her.
“Yep, but that’s not what I wanted to show you,” I told her, stopping in front of the office door. I fumbled with the gift card that I used to open it and her eyes widened when she saw me pop the lock like a pro.
“Don’t you have a key for that door?” she asked, confused, following me inside.
“Not yet,” I admitted. “My father still has it for the moment.”
She nodded. “So this is his office?” she asked, looking around.
“Nope. We’re going to move my room down here. Mom’s going to turn my room upstairs into her office. I’ll have my own bathroom, there’s a mini-fridge in the rec room and the big-screen and couch for watching movies.”
“That’s great!” she gushed, bouncing on her toes and clasping her hands together. “When are you going to start moving?”
“Probably in a day or two. I want to take some extra time to rest tomorrow. I haven’t been keeping my foot elevated or been putting ice on it like I should. The bandage is keeping a lot of the swelling down, but not enough.”
She frowned. “And WHY haven’t you been taking better care of yourself?” she asked, crossing her arms over her breasts and tapping her foot expectantly.
“I was poking around the office most of the day and then I had the meeting at the mall. Now I’m showing you where I’m going to be spending my nights dreaming of you. That seemed important.”
She was trying hard to look stern, but her smile started to peek through. I was suddenly struck that this was the face she’d use to scold our children when they were misbehaving. Something new that I learned that made me love her even more. I loved that face she was making. I couldn’t tell her that in that moment, but I knew I would eventually. I’d never thought about having kids before and in that moment, I felt it was a certainty, not a possibility.
“Alright,” she said firmly. “Back upstairs. You’re going to lay down in bed for the rest of the evening and I’m going to get you an ice pack for your foot.”
“Yes Ma’am,” I chuckled. “You don’t have to order me to bed twice.” I started toward the stairs and waited for her to join me before trying to climb the two flights to my room.
To my surprise, she gave my ass a swat, making me jump. “Take better care of yourself or I’ll take up a permanent post as your nurse,” she warned me.
“All my naughtiest dreams come true,” I teased back and chuckled as I pulled myself up one stair at a time. She stopped in the kitchen to ask my mother for an ice pack and informed her that the swelling in my foot was bad.
That, I hadn’t needed. It was one thing for my girlfriend to take care of me. If my mother got the impression I was getting worse, I’d spend two weeks in bed and I had things to get done.
I was halfway up the stairs to the second floor when Lana joined me again carrying an ice pack and a towel.
She got me settled and slid a pillow under my foot before carefully unwrapping the bandage and setting the ice pack in place. Her face was concerned when she looked at the condition of my ankle and she slid into bed next to me and lay on her side, watching me. “I wish I’d been here today,” she said softly. “If I had, you might have taken it a little easier and your foot wouldn’t be so bad. Tomorrow I will be here and that’s not up for discussion.”
“I wasn’t going to argue,” I said defensively. “Who in their right mind would turn down the chance to lounge around in bed with you all day?”
She smirked and swatted my chest playfully. “Charmer,” she said before moving closer and kissing me. “Mom said that you two had a long talk. She asked me what really went on last night. I told her and she said she still didn’t believe it.”
“I think it was the first part that she finds hard to imagine,” I pointed out. “It’s not exactly the kind of thing you hear about in common discussions of sex.”
“Where DID you learn that?” she asked curiously. “I mean in all the movies and stuff they do that, but it’s more like a handshake than what you did.”
“Well, I picked it up a little bit at a time. I’ve read so much on love and dating and sex that it all blends together after a while. There were a couple of books from the Victorian era that talked about the ways to kiss a lady’s hand to convey different meanings.”
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