Jennifers New Life
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December 28th, 1984, Indianapolis, Indiana
We parked the car and I went to the hospital while the others went back to the hotel. It was past visiting hours, so even though Ed could go in, he decided to stay with my sister. I showed my license to the guard and went up to Bethany’s room. Her dad was there with her, and she was asleep.
“How was her day?” I asked.
“Uncomfortable, I suppose is the right way to put it.”
“I believe it,” I said. “Anything new from the doctors?”
“Not really. I’m fairly certain she’s been poked and prodded by half the doctors in Indianapolis at this point. After her surgery on Monday we’ll have a good idea as to when she can come home. She’s been asleep most of the day. She said to wake her when you got here.”
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“She insisted.”
I went over to the side of the bed.
“Hi, Sweetheart,” I said, close to her ear.
Bethany stirred a bit so I tried again.
“Bethany, it’s Steve.”
Her eyes slowly opened and she blinked a few times.
“Hi,” she whispered.
“How are you?” I asked.
“Everything hurts. But I told them to reduce the pain killers because I want to be able to think.”
“As long as you’re able to sleep, Sweetheart.”
“I am. Do you know what happened on Christmas morning?”
“Your heart stopped,” I said.
“I saw Birgit. And your baby. The one you were supposed to have with Becky.”
“What?!” I gasped. “How?”
“I don’t know. She said I should come back because you needed me. She said I should help you.”
“Bethany, what are you talking about?” I asked.
“I saw her Steve. Birgit.”
“I don’t even know what to say about that.”
“She told me to come back to you. So I did. I had a choice and I came back to you.”
“I love you, Sweetheart, and whatever happened, I’m glad you came back.”
She smiled with a weak nod.
“How’s Jennifer?” she asked.
“She’ll come see you tomorrow. I think I’ll wait until you see her to try to get to the bottom of what happened with Josie.”
“Remember what I said, she’s brittle. One push is going to cause her to shatter. You need to be ready to pick up the pieces.”
“I know,” I sighed, feeling her comforting squeeze on my hand. She! Comforting me!
I smiled and turned to her again. “I talked to your professor. He said to call him after the first of the year to work things out. I think he might come see you, too.”
“Thanks, I appreciate that,” she said with another light squeeze. “I’m tired and need to go back to sleep. See you in the morning?”
“Of course, Sweetheart!” I kissed her and she closed her eyes and was asleep almost instantly.
“I’m going to get some sleep,” I said to her dad. “Remember, I’m staying with her tomorrow evening so you and your wife can go out!”
Harry smiled, “Yes, I remember. Thanks, Steve.”
“You’re welcome. See you in the morning.”
I headed back to the hotel and went to Stephanie’s room and knocked on the door. She let me in.
“Hey. Tomorrow evening I’m going to sit with Bethany so her parents can go out. Can you guys manage without me?”
“We’ll be fine,” she said.
“OK. Good night, Squirt. Good night, Jennifer. See you both for breakfast at 8:00am.”
Stephanie hugged me but Jennifer didn’t get up so I just turned and left to go back to my room and get some sleep. Before I turned in, I called my dad to let him know that everything was fine with the car and that Bethany was doing as well as could be expected. He said Stephanie had called him to arrange to be picked up on Sunday and had filled him in on the Krajicks’ plans.
“You can borrow the Lincoln when you’re in town. I’m not sure how Mr. Krajick plans to get you to and from the airport, but I’ll talk with him once Bethany is released and we’ll work it out.”
“Thanks, Dad. For everything. I guess that I’ll see you Sunday.”
“You’re welcome, Son. See you Sunday.”
I hung up, arranged for a wakeup call, and then climbed in bed and quickly fell asleep.
December 29th, Indianapolis, Indiana
I got a good night’s sleep, and I realized that I must have been tired because I didn’t wake early as I usually did. I took a leisurely shower, dressed, and met Jennifer, Stephanie, and Ed for breakfast. After we ate, we walked over to the hospital and went upstairs. Visiting hours hadn’t started, so Jennifer and Stephanie sat in the lounge while Ed and I went to say good morning to Bethany.
“Hi,” she said when we walked in.
“How are you this morning?” I asked, giving her a careful kiss.
“About the same. I just finished breakfast. I’m not looking forward to the surgery on Monday.”
“Have you talked to Melanie? She went through it.”
“No. She called, but I was asleep. I guess she and Pete are coming to visit at some point today or tomorrow.”
“I’d think that you’ll see Kurt and Kathy and maybe some others today or tomorrow as well. My sister has been calling to give them updates and they’ve spread the word. Can I do anything for you?”
“Climb in this bed and cuddle me,” she sighed.
“I don’t think that’s going to work, Sweetheart. Not with all the wires and tubes, not to mention you’ve had three major surgeries.”
She grinned, a bit uncomfortably, and sighed. “Are you talking to Jennifer today?”
“Yes. Let me go get her. If I just walk her past the nurses’ station, I doubt anyone says anything.”
I went down the hall to get Jennifer and walked her back to Bethany’s room.
“Hey,” Bethany said, weakly.
“Hi,” Jennifer said walking over to the bed.
“Thanks for coming to see me,” Bethany said.
“How do you feel?”
“Like shit. What do you expect?” Bethany asked, forcing a smile.
Bethany’s dad chuckled. He was quite tolerant of Bethany’s swearing and teasing, unlike her mom who seemed more uptight than usual. I suspected that had to do with the situation more than anything, because I hadn’t seen that behavior before. It had been her dad who had been very protective when we were in High School.
“I can imagine! When do you think they’ll let you out?”
“In a week or so, I guess. There haven’t been any complications since the surgery to fix my diaphragm and ribs and I have one more surgery - on my arm. Then I start rehab.”
“What about school?” Jennifer asked.
“I might be able to graduate. Steve called yesterday to let my professor know about the accident. I need to talk to him and the administration in January.”
She closed her eyes and I put my hand on Jennifer’s arm.
“She sleeps a lot,” I said. “We can come back later.”
We walked out of the room and went to find Stephanie and Ed. I told them that Jennifer and I were going to take a walk and talk, and that we’d meet them for lunch around noon. I took Jennifer’s hand and led her to the elevator and we rode down, and then walked outside.
“It’s time to talk,” I said.
“What’s there to talk about? Josie and I broke up. End of story.”
“Bullshit!” I said. “You would never let me get away with an answer like that!”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said.
“Too bad. We need to talk. Now, tell me what happened with you and Josie?” I insisted.
“We had a fight,” she said, and started sobbing.
“Maybe we should we go someplace more private. Is it OK to go to my room?” I asked.
She nodded. I led her back to the hotel and we went up to my room. I put the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign out and then we sat in chairs by the small table.
“What was the fight about?” I asked gently.
“You. We had a fight about you,” she sobbed.
“Me? I don’t understand,” I said. “Everything was great from the start until the last time I talked to you before school was out! What happened? Why would Josie suddenly have a problem with me?”
Jennifer was silent. She sobbed quietly.
“Jen, talk to me!” I said. “What was Josie’s problem with me?”
She continued sobbing quietly.
“Damn it Jennifer, what was her fucking problem?” I said sharply.
“It wasn’t her!” she screamed. “It was me! It was me!” she wailed, collapsing back in the chair, her entire body heaving as she sobbed uncontrollably.
I was stunned and rocked back in my chair. Jennifer and I had made tremendous progress and now, suddenly, something had gone disastrously wrong. And I had no clue what it was!
“Jennifer,” I said softly, once I’d regained my composure.
She covered her face with her hands and continued sobbing. I thought about going over and putting my arm around her, but if I was the problem that might make things worse.
“Jen, please talk to me,” I said.
She didn’t respond so I got up and got some tissues from the bathroom and set them on the table by her.
“Jen, please?” I said, almost begging now.
She lowered her hands and I saw utter despair on her face. Bethany had been right. Now I just had to find out what it was so that I could help her. If I could, that is. She picked up one of the tissues and blew her nose, and took another one and dabbed her eyes and blew her nose again.
“Tell me what happened with Josie,” I said gently.
“We had a fight,” she said, sniffling. “And she went home early.”
“That much I know. And you said the fight was about me. And that it wasn’t Josie who was the problem. If you don’t tell me, we can’t fix it.”
“I don’t think we can fix it,” she said, sobbing softly.
“We’ve been through so much at this point and we’ve solved so many problems. There’s nothing you can say to me that we can’t work through. Look how far we’ve come! We planned a future together based on mutual compromises. We agreed to have a baby together.”
“I can’t,” she sobbed.
“Can’t what?” I asked. “Have a baby? Why?”
“I can’t be with you that way,” she whispered, and put her face in her hands again.
“And Josie broke up with you over that?” I asked.
She lowered her hands, “Sort of. I couldn’t tell her why and she got angry.”
“Tell me why, Jennifer.”
“I can’t,” she sobbed.
“You can’t because you don’t know or because you don’t want to?” I asked gently.
“I just can’t,” she said.
“What can I do for you?”
“Just be my friend.”
“I’ve been your friend for a long, long time. I would hope you could tell me anything, and that we could work through it together. Could you talk to my sister?”
“No. I can’t talk to anybody.”
“Yes, you can. Me, Stephanie, Bethany probably in a few weeks, your counselor. You need to tell somebody.”
“No,” she said with an air of finality.
If she wouldn’t talk to me, there wasn’t anything I could do. I’d thought about calling Josie, but if Jennifer was telling the truth, I didn’t think Josie would have any insights to share. Perhaps giving Jennifer some time would make a difference.
“Are you still going to come to Chicago?” I asked.
“Yes. I really do want that job at Nuvatec. Will you still let me live in the house?”
“Of course. I want to help you, Jennifer, but you need to let me help you.”
“Just let it go, please.”
“How? We’ve gone from having a kid together to a place I don’t understand. I can’t just let that go without some kind of explanation. I’ll give you some time, Jennifer, but eventually, we have to talk about this.”
She shook her head. I decided to give up for the moment, but only for the moment. I was going to enlist my sister and if they came today, Melanie and Kathy. I really wanted Bethany’s help, but there was just no way that was going to happen, and I wasn’t even going to discuss this with Bethany at this point.
“Fine,” I said. “For now. Let’s go see what Ed and Stephanie are doing. I want to hang out at the hospital. Some of our friends might come see Bethany, and if they do, I want to see them. Kathy and Kurt and Melanie and Pete are supposed to be here at some point, and there may be others.”
“Sure,” she said. “I want to take a shower.”
“Do you have a key for your room?” I asked.
“Yes. Just wait here and I’ll be back soon.”
I sighed and nodded. She got up and left the room. I grabbed my address book from my bag, looked up Josie’s number and dialed it. A man answered and called Josie to the phone.
“Hi. It’s Steve.”
“Is Jenny with you?” she asked.
“She was. She just went to take a shower. Can you shed any light on what’s going on?”
“I don’t think so. I was hoping that you could. Did something happen between you two?”
“Not that I know of! I have no clue other than she says she can’t be with me and have a baby with me. Do you have any idea what that’s about?”
“Not really. We were at her parents’ house talking about the future and I mentioned the baby and she started crying and said that wasn’t going to happen. I tried to get her to tell me what was going on, but she clammed up and just refused to talk to me. Eventually, I couldn’t handle it and I told her if she didn’t want to talk to me then I was going to go home. That didn’t do anything except upset her even further, so I called and changed my flight and came home.”
“Wait. You didn’t break up with her?” I said.
“No! I tried to call her but she wouldn’t talk to me at all. I tried to call you but I just got your infernal answering machine and I didn’t leave a message. Where are you?”
“Oh hell! You don’t know what happened. My friend Bethany, my best friend in the world, almost died in a bad car crash when she was driving home. I’m in Indianapolis. Jen flew here from Chicago.”
“Oh my gosh! How’s your friend?”
“In bad shape, but recovering. She needs another surgery and a lot of rehab, but it looks like she’ll be OK in the long run.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Did Jenny say that we broke up?”
“Yes. She said you guys had a fight and broke up and it was because she couldn’t be with me.”
Josie sighed, “I only left because she wouldn’t talk to me. I hoped she’d tell you and we could work it out.”
“She won’t,” I said.
“This is nuts! I love her. You love her. She loves us. What the heck could the problem be?”
“I have no clue,” I said. “And it sounds like you don’t, either. I’m going to try to enlist my sister and a couple of friends to talk to her. I don’t know how much success I’m going to have, but I’m sure going to try.”
“I could probably come down to Indianapolis if you think it would help,” Josie said.
“I have no fucking clue what’s going to help,” I said, exasperated. “Sorry, I’m just on edge. I promise to call you as soon as I know something.”
“Thanks, Steve. I hope you have some success. I really do love her.”
“Me too,” I said.
We said our goodbyes and hung up. I knew these calls were costing a small fortune, but with everything that had happened, I simply didn’t care. I called Tatyana and filled her in on Bethany and told her my plans.
“This is OK. I just wish to be with you, so it does not matter if it is in Indianapolis or Chicago. Shall I change my flight?”
“No. Jennifer will be here until Wednesday. My plan is to come to Chicago on Tuesday to meet your flight, and then come back to Indianapolis on Wednesday after Jennifer leaves.”
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October 1978 School was moving along well. I was working on straight A’s now that I had escaped the clutches of Mrs. Thompson. All the teachers I had asked for a recommendation for the exchange program had written them and sent them in. I met with my guidance counselor, Mrs. Barngrover, early in October, and discovered a possible glitch in my plan for going to Sweden — I might not graduate with my class. I could not receive any credits from the school I would attend in Sweden because the...
October 1981, Chicago, Illinois I arrived back at the apartment just before 10:00pm and saw the address for the party. I decided I wasn’t particularly interested in going so I put on some music, poured myself a glass of wine, and started reading more about Russia. I was alternating between the history and culture book and the Communist Party book, decided on the history and culture book for this time. I didn’t get much reading done because I was thinking about Tatyana, which led me to...
August 1978 I woke up on Sunday morning refreshed. I swam my usual laps, showered, dressed and made breakfast. Following Jennifer’s advice, I made waffles, sausage, and eggs. Stephanie came into the kitchen while I was preparing everything and asked if I’d make her breakfast as well. We ate together, then she went to get ready for church. I put on jeans and a polo, and grabbed my fedora. I was sitting on the couch wondering what Jennifer had in mind when I saw Melanie pull into the...
She stood before the judge, head down, and remorseful hearing his words, his question. “Ms. Starkey, would you like to explain why you did it? Why did you let it happen?” She collected her thoughts. She wanted to explain herself, but how do you do that with your dad, your mom, and your bigoted brothers in the courtroom with you? “Ms. Starkey why did you do what you did?” the judge asked again. His tone was more forceful. Her dad, a judge also, probably didn’t want to hear her explanation. She...
InterracialJuly 1978 Monday was the start of Summer school. I had arranged with Andreas to start work at 1:00pm and work until 5:00pm, and on Tuesday and Thursday I’d go straight from work to Doctor Mercer’s, because she had made special arrangements for me. I had been looking forward to this class for months. There were twelve of us in the class. Larry, of course; Ralph and Ken from the chess team; Napoleon McCallum, who was a jock, but also a great student; Beth Pater, one of the smartest girls in...
November 1978 Thanksgiving week had only three days of school, but a lot happened. On Monday, Brent asked Beth out on a date and she accepted. When she told me about it, I was happy for her. She was a bit disappointed that it meant the end of our physical relationship, but she knew my rule. On Tuesday, Petra Johansson asked me if I was interested in coming to a St. Lucia party on December 13th. She would be making «pepparkakor» (‘ginger cookies’) and «Lussekatter» (‘saffron buns’) and...
March 1985, Chicago, Illinois The rest of Sunday, the last day of March, was calm and relaxing. I had wanted to watch the NASCAR race at Bristol on ESPN, but it had rained all afternoon in Tennessee and the race was postponed a week. It wasn’t usual for NASCAR to race on Easter weekend, but they would this year, though on Saturday instead of Sunday. Bill Elliott had won his second race of the year in Atlanta two weeks previously, and was looking strong. Most of my housemates left for home...
July 1978 I awoke Sunday morning having slept well. That was a good thing, considering what I thought Jennifer had planned. But I did have my own ideas of how we should handle our first lovemaking since we broke up. I swam, showered, and ate breakfast, then did my chores and wrote in my journal. I was still missing Birgit, even though the feelings were not as stark as they had been. It seemed each passing day I was having more positive thoughts about her and less emotional pain. As much as...
November 1978 During my usual morning routine of swimming, shower, and breakfast, I mulled over my thoughts from the previous day. I saw three very distinct futures with three very distinct lives. If I had to characterize them simply, Joyce represented stability, Jennifer adventure, and Becky passion. Each girl had a mix of those traits, but each one was dominant in one of them. I had no doubt that each of them would make a wonderful wife and mother, but each represented a far different...
June 1978 Saturday morning was tough because of the previous night’s dream. I took a long shower and ate breakfast. I tried to talk to Mom at breakfast but she was still not speaking to me. Something had to give. I’d go to church again the following day as a ‘peace offering’. Maybe that would help. Dad drove me to the deli because Joyce would be picking me up there for our date. Work was better because we were catering a Knights of Columbus lunch. That meant that I spent time doing things...
July 3–4, 1978 On Monday I woke early, as usual, and ate breakfast. I did my chores and swam, and just before lunch, I called Pete to see if I could put a plan in place to see Anna. Pete was glad to hear from me. “Pete, you remember my friend Anna?” “I do.” “She has a sister. Would you be interested in a double date with them?” “What’s her sister like?” “Your age, not seeing anyone right now. She seems OK to me, but I don’t know her too well.” “Ah, you need a way to see Anna and can’t...
November 1978 I woke up Monday morning feeling uneasy about everything. The last week had brought to the surface some kind of problem with Jennifer. I couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong. I knew she was unhappy with Melanie. Her visceral reaction to Melanie was similar to her original reaction to Becky. It made me wonder if the same would come for Joyce at some time. What would I do in that case? I could understand better if Jennifer hadn’t refused my offer of a promise ring. I had...
July 1978 I woke early as normal on Wednesday, swam my laps, showered, and ate breakfast. Stephanie and Vickie were up just before I left. Vickie gave me a big smile and Stephanie just shook her head. I got my bike from the garage and pedaled to the deli. As soon as I walked in, Andreas called me to his office. This only happened when something was changing. “Steve, we’re going to start opening an hour earlier. And I will have more things for you to do. Do you have a friend who would like a...
June 23, 1994, Oguni, Yamagata Prefecture, Japan My first week in Japan flew by, and a routine developed. Sakurako would wake me; I’d exercise and run, then shower and have breakfast, and share tea with Sakurako. After breakfast, I’d meditate, and then have my training session. After lunch, I’d work in the garden, or, as I had this day, wash the floors in the house. Hiroshi would accompany me back to the cottage and we’d talk while I washed up and dressed for dinner. After dinner, I’d spend...
March 1979 Melanie got the cast off her arm the first week in March. She had several fairly ugly scars on her forearm where the surgery had been done. Her arm was pretty weak, and she’d need quite a bit of physical therapy. She still tired easily, but otherwise seemed to be doing well. Kathy Will continued to be nice to me, but I wasn’t doing anything more than being nice back. She made it very clear what she wanted, but I wasn’t interested. I asked Jennifer about her thoughts on a date...
May 1979 On Monday afternoon, Kent and Jennie picked me up to get my tux fitted for the wedding. I was very happy to see that they had selected traditional tuxedos rather than some of the gaudy colored ones. All the groomsmen would wear black with light purple cummerbunds and ties and Kent would wear black with light blue. Jennie wanted me to wear black and yellow. I thought the offsets were interesting. Jennie explained that she was wearing light blue and her maids of honor were wearing...
July 1978 Friday was a completely normal day at the deli, and Jennifer and Melanie joined me for lunch. When they found out I didn’t have plans for that evening, they suggested dinner. I agreed, and after work we went to a diner and had a great time, renewing our mutual friendship. It was clear that the girls had spoken about what they wanted, and I was reasonably sure what they had decided. I planned to talk to Jennifer about it after dinner on Sunday. On Saturday, I left home a few...
Jennifer was really a sweet catch, and an older woman to boot. I had been working a Real Estate office for 2 years in sales, and she joined the company in May of 89′. I immediately liked Jennifer a lot, not only because she was older but had a very sweet and kind air about her. I was 27 at the time, and Jennifer was a bit older than me (closer to 40 I guessed). I have always enjoyed the company of older women since my mid twenties. The have their act together, know what they want, and are at...
July 1980, Milford, Ohio I was happy when Stephanie joined me to swim laps and eat breakfast on Friday morning. When she hadn’t done those things with me, it had made me feel incomplete. I didn’t understand how the connection between us worked, but I knew that I didn’t want to be without her. “Steve,” Stephanie said while we were at breakfast, “don’t do anything stupid today.” “I have no plans to do anything stupid.” “You’re a boy. Boys always do dumb things without thinking or...
June 1979 On Friday, my grandparents came to visit for dinner, so I couldn’t spend any time with my friends. I would see all of them on Sunday, and Jennifer promised to be at my house at 6:00am on Monday to say goodbye. My grandparents didn’t stay late, and I set about making phone calls to people I wouldn’t see. I spoke with Anna, Elyse, and Jennie Sanders. Elyse was thrilled that I had called again and promised to write and said she was really looking forward to seeing me when I came...
November 1978 The next week went along quickly. I was making A’s in Spanish along with all my other classes, so missing my tutoring with Melanie wasn’t really causing any trouble. We’d reached a point where it usually just involved her checking my homework and helping me study for tests. I talked to Beth and told her I wasn’t able to keep our programming date for Sunday, and she accepted an invitation from me for a make-up day a week from Saturday. The Student Council had agreed to our...
January-February 1979 At lunch on Monday, people started getting their sheets and there was chaos as many people discovered that their boyfriend or girlfriend wasn’t on their list, and some rival of theirs was on their boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s list. I found it amusing. I saw Melanie laughing hard when she got her list. I walked over to her. “Steve, I love you. Thanks!” “You’re welcome.” “Did you run a real sheet for me?” I pulled it out of my pocket and said, “Your first match is a...
November 1978 I woke up on Saturday before sunrise. I read for a while, and once I heard my dad up, I went for my swim. I showered, got dressed, and went to get breakfast. I was sitting at the table and Stephanie came in to get her breakfast. She sat down and smiled at me and winked. A wink that conveyed a novel full of words. I just rolled my eyes. She crossed her arms and stared at me. I stuck my tongue out at her, knowing she was waiting for that. I’d let her have her thrill. “Do I get...
June-July 1978 On Tuesday I had my appointment with Doctor Mercer. I gave her new pages from my journal, but not the one from the previous night. I’d give that to her next week, after she spoke with Bethany. I didn’t want the fact that I had sex with Anna to color Dr Mercer’s opinion of me. We spent most of the session discussing my emotions, after I’d explained I’d moed from sadness to anger. After that discussion, it seemed to me that she was OK with a shift to anger. She asked about...
September 29, 1991, Milford, Ohio “Thanks for everything, Steve,” Bethany said after I’d buckled Jesse into his car seat. “You’re welcome. And thank you, as well. I very much enjoyed last night.” “Me, too!” she giggled. We hugged tightly, I kissed her, and then got into the car. I started the engine, put the car in reverse, and backed out of the driveway. With a wave, Jesse and I began our drive back to Chicago. “I thought you and Aunt Befany weren’t kissing!” he protested. I suppressed...
January 1979 Tuesday started wonderfully because Stephanie joined me in the pool. As we walked down the hallway to shower, she dropped one of her shoulder straps, looked over her shoulder and smirked. I just shook my head and went into my room. She was going to push the limits every chance she got. But I’d keep her within them. At school, things quickly got back into routine. Melanie was still in her wheelchair, hoping to get her walking splint in a week or so. Her arm was really bothering...