Mommy Me Series Justina Pt 2
- 3 years ago
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[Could this night get any stranger?]
Thankfully it didn’t, at least not right away. When our ‘gang’ re-entered the campgrounds, the campers that sat gathered around the bonfire seemed oblivious that anything out of the ordinary had happened earlier that night.
But, after parking our bikes, as they watched all of our group excitedly sprinting over to the campfire they must have suspected something was up. They were all but dragging a giggling Sarah with them. Since everyone began hollering their stories all at once, it was comical to see Roy stand up, put his fingers between his lips and let out a shrill whistle, “Okay everybody, let’s calm down and how’s about just one person talks at a time!?”
For about two seconds our entire little group stood dumbfounded.
Steve was elected to tell the story.
He began, “Well okay, let’s see. There we were ... sitting peacefully having a drink when all of a sudden this gang of Hells Angels came busting in the bar! The leader was threatening to shoot everybody if Sarah didn’t give him the keys to her bike. Then, the next thing you know, the ‘Invisible Man’ shows up and they all start flying out the door!
“I’ve never seen anything like it. Then the FOOL who is like the head honcho had his gun out and told one of his cohorts to start shooting up Sarah’s bike! The next thing you know all of the gang’s bikes started flying through the air all the way across the parking lot before smashing to smithereens. This was followed by all the biker guys flying through the air like they were trying to chase their bikes. Then the cops showed up and arrested all those assholes. At least that’s what it looked like to me.”
Several others were then given a turn and give or take a few ‘colorful expletives’ here and there, added to the story. It seemed like everyone wanted to give Sarah a hug. It took about the third or fourth story before it came out that Sarah was ‘Jonah’s’ girlfriend. And that Jonah had assigned a lady, Invisible Man or ‘Invisible Woman’ to guard Sarah.
Finally, everyone begged Sarah to tell her version and it was pretty much exactly what happened.
When Roy pointed out that Sarah was going to be playing with our band tomorrow, every person there vowed they couldn’t wait to see her play with us.
I’ll give it to Roy, always the businessman!
Needless to say, a SERIOUS case of inebriation ensued.
Everyone felt like they had to give our family, ‘the band’, a drink. When Sarah said she could only drink soft drinks because she might be pregnant, the rumors really started swirling around! Everyone wanted to know if the ‘Invisible Man’ was the father!
The story was spiralling out of control.
Trying not to laugh TOO hard, Sarah did explain that it was NOT going to be the ‘Invisible Baby’!
By the time everyone finally decided it might be time to go to bed, our four girls were the only ones left sober in the entire campground.
Even Bob, Greg and I were bombed out of our minds. Greg had even choked down a triple scotch that he was told was bourbon! (He slugged it down so fast, only his grimace afterwards gave it away.)
Jamie was giggling wildly, trying to help guide Greg back toward the RV.
She kept asking him if he was still going to be able to do his part to create a ‘little Greg’ tonight. Linda was nearly carrying Bob, who was apologizing pitifully, that he may not be able to fulfil his husbandly duties tonight.
Mary and Sarah were lovingly assuring me I could have the night off and that they would be happy just to cuddle with me.
Such is the life of a superhero!
I’m certain that all three of us, ‘guys’, were asleep before our heads hit our pillows.
It’s nice to have such loving women in our lives. I was just hoping I’d be able to remember half of what went on in the morning.
I did seem to recall that Sarah said she needed to use my cell phone. I vaguely remember her telling me she would try to get a hold of Joshua to let him know what happened tonight.
I was too far gone to even think about it.
***
BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. My head felt like the inside of a bass drum! After standing at the throne for nearly a minute I went out to start some coffee.
I DIDN’T make it that far. I spotted a half empty bottle of Maker’s Mark, and took a huge swallow. I then heard a gruff, “Ahemmm”, and with only the slightest amount of movement, handed the still open bottle to Greg. (Jamie, who had been sleeping on the converted table just winked and grinned at us.)
Greg looked as bad as I felt.
That process was repeated when Bob moaned similarly.
We heard soft giggles coming from the bedroom area.
We looked over to see that Linda, Mary and Sarah all had their hands over their mouths trying to stifle their uncontrolled giggles. At just above a whisper Mary said, “Why don’t you boys throw some shorts on and go outside in that nice fresh mountain air. As soon as we get dressed we’ll bring some fresh coffee out for you.”
We just nodded. While looking like zombies, we slowly trudging out the door. The ladies could’ve been cruel this morning but instead showed us an unmitigated level of mercy. We all flashed our deep gratitude and love for them before gently closing the screen door behind us.
For the next 15 minutes the three of us just sat there pleading with the alcohol gods to take away our pain. The “hair of the dog” wasn’t working all that well this morning. There’s never been a more welcome site than watching our four sweethearts coming out with our travel mugs full of hot coffee and a bottle of aspirin.
Mary whispered, “We’ve got another pot brewing. We figured you guys might be needing it.”
All four of them began giggling as quietly as they could.
Sarah flashed, “Would it be better if we talked this way?”
The three of us were still stupefied but thought about for a second before Bob replied, “Oh yes, this doesn’t seem to hurt at all.”
Mary flashed, “I think we have enough eggs and bread to make some French toast. We’ve also got a whole big package of sausage links how does that sound for breakfast?”
The three of us flashed in unison, “Heavenly!”
The seven of us just sat in relative silence relishing our early morning cup of mud. After a bit Mary and Jamie got up and went inside to begin fixing breakfast.
Bob flashed, “I know we need some practice this morning, but I’m sure not in a big hurry to make that kind of noise. I’m also thinking that a bike ride wouldn’t be any better. How does everyone feel about just kicking back today and vegging until later this afternoon?”
Linda smirked, “I wish the three of us could hurry up and get pregnant. I kinda miss being with my other two lovers. I’d also hate having to use rubbers.”
Greg was rolling his eyes as an unusual smirk came over his face. He kept grinning at Linda and desperately tried to stifle a laugh.
“What’s gotten into you there, Huggy Bear?” She grinned, “You look like you just remembered a funny joke.”
Greg was now laughing out loud, “Um, well, you see it’s like this. Actually, you and Sarah are back on the market!”
Sarah and Linda were just staring at each other when suddenly a loud shriek of joy caused Bob, Greg and I to put our hands over our aching ears.
Sarah gasped, “Do you think I’m pregnant?”
Bob was quietly stifling a laugh, “With Greg, he doesn’t THINK you’re pregnant, he KNOWS you’re pregnant!”
Sarah put her hands over her mouth before squealing again, “Do you know what it’s going to be?”
By now Mary and Jamie had their heads poking out of the door.
Greg winked at Jamie then said, “Sarah my love, you’re going to have the second most beautiful little girl the world has ever seen!”
As Sarah shrieked again, she got up and jumped into Greg’s lap, smothering him with kisses.
I flashed to Sarah, “Hey sweetheart, don’t I get any credit? I did all the HARD work!”
After shrieking for the third time she jumped into my lap, “You’re gonna be the best daddy in the world Charlie! Oh God I’m so excited. I’m going to be a Mommy!”
You could see the light go on in Linda’s head, “Okay, my hunky camp-mate, will I have a boy or girl?”
Greg motioned for Bob and I to cover our ears as his hands went over his own. “Both!”
Linda’s eyes got huge, “What exactly do you mean by BOTH?”
Greg chuckled, “I mean you’re going to have twins Linda. One boy and one girl!”
Bob and Linda intoned, “TWINS?” It was in unison, but with nearly opposite vocal inflections.
Greg and I were both squeezing our aching heads as we all broke out laughing. As the realization set in, Bob gently took Linda into his arms.
Linda asked Bob, “Aren’t you happy about this, Spinner Bear?”
Bob took a deep breath, “No sweetheart, I’m happy, trust me. It’s just kind of a shock to think about having two babies right off the bat.”
Mary and Jamie hustled out to join Sarah, surrounding Bob and Linda with hugs.
Mary said, “Not to worry my turgid Tangomeister. We’re all here to help you. Just imagine how happy Ray and Iris are going to be! I have a feeling your mom and dad are going to be happy too.”
Mary excused herself saying she had to finish making breakfast and that it would be ready in just a couple minutes.
Jamie was looking at Greg. She had a hopeful but unsure look on her face.
Greg knew what she was thinking, “I’m sorry sweetheart. I’m afraid in a few days you’re going to have your period again. You told me you were afraid this might happen.”
Jamie sighed deeply, “Yeah I know. I wasn’t on the same kind of birth control pills that Linda and Sarah were on. Silly me, I insisted on the ones where if I accidentally skipped a day I wouldn’t get pregnant. The problem with those was that it could take two or three months when I stopped taking them to get pregnant. So how long is it going to take?”
Greg smiled, “Shortly after the middle of next month you’re going to get pregnant for sure.” Greg was grinning like a loon, “And we’ll be having a son!”
Now all three of the girls were in our laps kissing us furiously.
Mary flashed, “Breakfast is ready guys, come on in!”
Over breakfast it was discussed whether or not we still needed to use condoms before having sex with anyone but our mates. After everyone looked at Greg and he smiled widely, we all knew that our period of forced abstinence was over. At least for the next two or three weeks until Jamie would be fertile again.
We also discovered that slow passionate sex was a suitable antidote for a hangover!
Sometime in the middle of the afternoon, whilst basking in the afterglow of our round-robin lovemaking, we heard a knock on the screen door.
A tentative, chuckling Carl asked, “Are we still going to try and practice today?”
I called out, “I think our hangovers have just about ended. How about if we meet you over there in like 20 minutes?”
He laughed, “Sounds great. I had a heck of a hangover this morning too. Next time I’m gonna have to check out y’alls method of getting rid of one!”
We were all blushing and chuckling.
We must have been a little noisy!
By the time we got to the clubhouse, Carl already had everything turned on and was tuning his bass. He also had a rhythm guitar that he was tuning up. Greg told him, “We should see if Bob has a microphone that we can set up for you. Your guitar will get picked up better. What songs are you thinking of using that for?”
He grinned, “I was thinking for “Duelling Banjos”. The girls have the bass part covered so well that I think it would be more fun to play this.”
Greg smiled, “It’s too bad we don’t have a banjo. The problem is, even if we did I don’t know how to play one. It’s a little different than a guitar.”
Carl said, “You’re right, it IS a little different. I used to play my grandfathers. As a matter of fact, that’s what I learned on. “Duelling Banjos” was the first song I learned how to play.”
We had all just finished tuning up when I noticed Roy standing in the corner. He was talking to Anita. I noticed him playfully giving Anita a shove toward us. She was blushing when she came up to me and asked, “I was just talking to Roy. I don’t know how to say this but, do you think maybe I can sing a couple songs with you guys? I’m pretty good with harmony and I would love harmonizing when the girls sing.”
Mary said, “Bob, why don’t you get our new friend a microphone. Let’s see what she can do.”
I asked Anita what songs she knew. She noticed our tentative playlist and began looking down the list pointing to “The House of the Rising Sun” and said, “I really like this song.”
That was one of the songs I knew we needed to practice. We really hadn’t picked out anyone to sing it other than Bob, who could basically sing anything, so we told her to give it a shot.
Mary and Jamie started us off and after one false start, (we had started WAY too fast), Anita commenced singing. She was very nervous at the beginning but when she looked around and saw we were all smiling at her, she loosened up and asked if we could start again.
Oh my gosh! When we restarted, she began singing in a beautiful yet raspy, nearly tenor voice that was dripping with emotion. When she finished we all knew she could sing with us anytime she wanted. Bob was thinking for a second, then he asked Anita, “Do you know any Sonny and Cher stuff?”
Anita smiled, “Oh yeah, I love doing “Half Breed” and “I Got You Babe”, I just need somebody to sing Sonny’s part on that one!” Giggle.
Bob grinned, “If you can sing Cher’s part, I can do Sonny’s and it’ll be great!”
We discussed more of the playlist and wanted to pick out something that would feature each of us. For Linda and I that would be Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass’s: “This Guys in Love with You”, “A Taste of Honey” and “Mame”. Bob suggested a couple of Louis Armstrong songs that he knew I liked to sing, using a very deep, husky ‘Louis Armstrong’ accent. We decided on: “Hello Dolly” and “What A Wonderful World”.
For Greg we decided on Eric Clapton’s, “Cocaine” and “I Shot the Sheriff” and possibly “Layla”. I asked him about Lynard Skynyrd’s, “Free Bird”.
He just grinned and said, “That would be fun if we have the time and everybody wants to take a break. All I’d need for that one is a little keyboard backup.”
The way Jamie smiled and winked at him I figured that was definitely going to be on the menu.
We practiced a little ‘Beach Boys’ stuff, figuring on their “409”, “Fun, Fun, Fun” and their “I Can Hear Music”. We DID have to work on harmonizing though. After several times through, we had all three sounding pretty decent. We did a quick run through of everything. After that, since we had to play later tonight, we called it an afternoon.
When I looked at the clock I realized it was already suppertime. We needed to be back here by 8 o’clock to get set up for our 9 o’clock show/dance.
The nervousness that I had earlier was almost gone.
Steve and Brenda suggested we try a little Mexican place for supper that was just up the road. We all mounted up and rode over. The food was authentic and not the stuff you get at Taco Bell. I found it was much different tasting than anything I’d ever tried before. Some of it was MUCH hotter. I was told you needed to specify how hot or mild you wanted. Bob, Linda and Greg went for really hot, while the rest of us stuck with mild or medium. The tamales were delicious.
As we were setting up, shortly after 8:00 pm, people were already filing into the clubhouse. They were reserving seats at the different tables that Roy had setup all around the outermost walls of the clubhouse. I felt he had an awful lot of tables and I counted 30 just like the ones we had at our wedding which could easily seat 8 to 10 each. I didn’t figure there was any way we would fill that up.
We had one more surprise.
Just as we were finishing getting our instruments tuned, Roy came over with an 80-year-old man carrying a banjo.
It was a very old banjo but it was obvious to me it been very well cared for.
Roy introduced his grandfather, Kenny. Kenny looked at Greg and Carl, holding the banjo out, “Would either of you young fellers have a use for this? Roy tells me you might be playing “Duelling Banjos”?”
Greg and Carl looked at each other. It was obvious to me that Greg was nervous.
Carl smiled widely and said, “Sir, I learned on my grandfather’s banjo that was just like that one. He showed me how to play. When he passed away I was hoping to get that banjo but nobody seemed to know where it went. I would love to try to play it for that song.”
There was a twinkle in the old man’s eyes as he gingerly held the banjo out to Carl. Kenny said, “Young feller, if you could make my sweet ‘Betsy’ sing like I used to be able to, I’d be much obliged to ya.”
You could tell that Carl was touched. He nodded to Kenny, “I’ll do my best, Sir. I haven’t played one of these in a while but I’m sure it’ll come back to me. Thank you for allowing me to use sweet ‘Betsy’ here.”
The serene smile on Kenny’s face and resultant smile on Roy’s face said it all. Tonight’s concert was going to be interesting, if not special, to say the least.
We had to figure out how we were going to do “Duelling Banjos” now.
Since Carl now actually HAD a banjo, we decided to give him the lead and instead of the ‘free-for-all’ that we originally planned, we decided to turn it into a duel with him and Greg. The rest of us would just add embellishments and jump in on either side as needed.
We still had one more surprise that got sprung on us. Carl was calling a nervous Anita to come over to Greg and me.
“Go ahead Anita, ask them.” Carl pleaded with her.
That’s when I noticed Anita was carrying a small case. She looked at Greg and me nervously, “After supper, Carl said you guys were thinking about doing “The Devil Went Down to Georgia”.”
She opened her case revealing an old violin, “I got this from my grandma. She taught me how to play it in a style she called ‘fiddle playing’. I’ve been practicing the fiddle part for the last few years. I’ve just never found anyone who knew it enough to play with me. I would sure love to play Johnny’s part!”
She got it out and tuned up. When Carl badgered her to give us a sample, she blew us clean into next week!
Greg was grinning wildly and said, “Jamie, Mary and I will play the ‘devil’s’ part with everyone else filling in around the both of us. You go ahead and just let it wail on the Johnny part Anita. Just make sure you change the words because YOU’RE going to have to sing the Johnny part!”
Anita squealed and gave Greg a kiss on the cheek, “This is going to be so much fun! I just hope I don’t get nervous and screw it up!”
We all just smiled at her, Mary giggled, “Don’t worry Anita, we’re just doing this to have fun. It’s not like this is gonna pay us anything. Just throw caution to the wind and let it all hang out. Let’s just have fun tonight!”
About 10 minutes before we were set to start we all noticed the place wasn’t just full, it was already packed!
Since Steve and Brenda had come over with us and helped us set up, they had reserved the table right in front to our left (that’s stage left in theatre terms). Only because of that, Sherry and Barry along with a few of the other people we’d come to know had good seats. The front table to our right had people that none of us had ever seen here before. As a matter of fact, most of the closest tables weren’t even people from our campground.
What was bothering me wasn’t the crowd, but that we hadn’t even started before the 10 people seated to the right of us were already starting to chant, “Invisible Man, Invisible Man”!
I noticed Roy standing at the concession tables further over to our right. I flashed Greg and the rest of the gang that I was going over to ask Roy what the heck was going on.
Mary pleaded with me not to get too excited but that we needed to figure out what had been said.
I walked off the stage and headed over to Roy. He saw me coming and cowered a little as he could see I wasn’t happy. I asked him, “Just HOW MUCH advertising did you do for this little soirée, Roy?”
He said sheepishly, “Well I might have put a few flyers up.”
I looked at him sternly, “And what EXACTLY did they say?”
He let out a long defeated sigh, “I might have mentioned that our band tonight featured the Invisible Man’s girlfriend, Sarah. That’s all. I didn’t say anything about any kind of a demonstration or anything I swear!”
When I looked back at the band, Sarah had her head in her hands. I saw her whispering something to Mary and Jamie. I knew what she was saying but I also knew we hadn’t practiced the song she was asking for. She was asking if they remembered the song they played at home, when Greg, Melody and I were driving back from Florida.
Mary and Jamie were grinning as Sarah flashed, “Guys, this afternoon I told you I didn’t have any special songs and that I just wanted to play along with everything. This is the one song I would LOVE to sing. If those idiots make a scene, just give me the microphone and follow my lead okay?”
She didn’t need to say anything more as I already knew what she was thinking and agreed wholeheartedly.
Right at 9 o’clock I motioned for Roy to light up the stage.
A restrained cheer went up and I could tell it was almost entirely from our group of friends that we had gotten to know over the last couple days.
This afternoon we had decided to start out with Chicago’s, “25 or 6 to 4”.
Bob led us off with four rimshot’s and we were off and running. We hadn’t even played eight measures before everyone at the table to our right was standing up and screaming that they wanted to see the ‘Invisible Man’.
It wasn’t just the 10 at that table either. Five out of the nearest eight tables were all chanting the same thing. When I looked over at our friends sitting at the table to our left, I could tell they were embarrassed and they felt bad for us. That’s when Sarah flashed, “Okay I want one of you guys to pick me up about 8 feet and hold me there while I talk on the microphone.”
I chuckled when I noticed that Bob had added a 12-foot extension cord to the mic she had in her hand. We decided I would hold her up while Greg and Bob prepared to follow her instructions.
We stopped suddenly and gave the crowd a look so they would know we weren’t happy.
The five tables of hecklers were now completely out of control.
That’s when I picked Sarah up as she requested.
Suddenly the room went silent as gasps were heard from nearly everyone. Sarah said, so everyone could hear, “My protector, Jackie the ‘Invisible Woman’ wants you to know that she is EXTREMELY upset right now. She wants me to tell you that she is NOT a circus act. Now that you know she is here would you please quiet down so that my friends and I can play for you?”
The quiet lasted for about 10 seconds before a few drunks at the table to our right began hollering, “show us more, Jackie, show us more!”
Sarah just flashed, “Okay boys, ‘Showtime’ take two or three of those clowns and stick them up in the rafters!” (The clubhouse had a 20-foot ceiling with rustic beams and cross-supports.)
Without warning, the three loudest knuckleheads found themselves perched up in the rafters hanging on for dear life. They started screaming to be put down. Sarah said into the microphone, “Okay Jackie, pull ‘em down!”
Everyone in the place began cheering and laughing hysterically as all three of their pants were now around their ankles! Sarah was laughing so hard she struggled with the next line, “You all see what happens when Jackie gets upset?”
Our friends and fellow campers were still cheering wildly. Sarah continued, “Jackie wants to know if anyone else would like to join our friends up there?” She was pointing to the three miscreants who were now nearly sobbing, begging to be put down.
She added, “My friends and I were asked if we would play tonight. We said yes out of the kindness of our hearts. I would strongly suggest that if any of you still here want anything other than to hear us play, you should leave right now. Jackie is NOT happy and said that the next demonstration will end with somebody getting very badly hurt. I think she may try to throw that person through the door on the far end of the clubhouse and see if she can get them into the pool on one bounce!” (The pool was at least 200 feet beyond the doorway.)
Bob, Greg and Mary then put the three clowns back on the ground. As fast as they could pull their pants up they, along with about 40 others, scrambled out the back door. A massive cheer went up before one of our friends kindly asked if we would play some music for them now.
Sarah said, “We’d like to play this song for Jackie!”
There was a brief applause as Mary and Jamie led us in to Abba’s,” Thank You for the Music”.
By the time Sarah got to the second chorus there was nary a dry eye in the house.
Deciding we needed to get the party rolling, after our friends gave us a nice, albeit subdued, round of applause, we broke directly into “Cocaine” by Eric Clapton.
The party was on!
People flooded the dance floor and occupied the tables that were vacated by the group of rabble-rousers.
Next we played “You’re the One That I Want” and “Greased Lightning” from the “Grease” soundtrack. Linda sang Olivia Newton John’s part while Bob sang John Travolta’s part. They were amazingly good. Everyone was dancing and having fun.
After that we slowed things down with Mary singing “Desperado” and “Evergreen”, sounding very much like Barbara Streisand. All of the girls sang a beautiful harmony behind her.
I noticed Kenny sitting next to Roy over by the concession stand. He looked tired. I flashed that we should do “Duelling Banjos” now before he got too drowsy.
I took the microphone and got everyone’s attention. “Our next song,” I said smiling at Kenny, “was made possible when Roy’s grandfather, Kenny, allowed Carl to borrow his beloved banjo, ‘Betsy’. Carl, why don’t you start us off?”
Carl climbed up on the barstool we had for him. He motioned Kenny to come up and sit next to him on the stool we set up right beside him. Roy nearly had to drag a blushing Kenny, but the old guy was smiling widely. As soon as Kenny was seated, Carl started picking out the first phrase. When he finished, old Kenny was grinning at Greg, who played the second phrase. As the intensity grew so did Kenny’s looks and smiles.
It was like he was watching a tennis match. When everyone else kicked in, the place went nuts! Kenny would just grin at whoever was playing. Whenever someone really jammed, he’d chuckle and point his old crooked finger at them. When we really got crazy, he’d be alternately counter slapping his knee in time with the music, then point at the soloist! When the song ended the crowd went crazy.
When Carl tried to hand the banjo back to Kenny, Kenny just shook his head. “Young feller, I’m afraid my sweet Betsy has done found herself a new Beau. If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like you to keep her and make this old man happy. Betsy don’t need to be kept in no closet collecting dust no more. She wants to sing! Will you keep her happy for me? Please?”
You could hear a pin drop, as everyone wanted to hear what Kenny was saying. Roy was in tears. Carl was wiping away his tears as he said, “Thank you. I promise to take care of Betsy and let her sing as often as I can. This is a very special gift that I’ll treasure for the rest of my life.”
He and Kenny hugged, just as Steve, Brenda, Sherry and Barry started slowly clapping. We all joined in as a thunderous applause filled the room.
Carl then took ‘Betsy’ and started playing “Mr. Bojangles”.
We scrambled, but found it in our fake books. On the second verse we gradually filled in behind him. Old Kenny even joined Carl, harmonizing with him. They were both beaming. Steve and Brenda started dancing and Steve was doing ‘the old soft shoe’ right on cue. It WAS a very special ending to the first half of our concert.
Roy even broke out some booze and between that and what other folks brought with them, we took a 20-minute break. The girls were all smiling, holding up their Pepsis, while Greg, Bob and I drank our Bourbon and Vodka tonics.
Our new friends soon began teasing as to what we planned on playing next. I grinned at Anita, ‘You ready with that fiddle?”
“I was BORN ready! Let’s hit it!”
Anita started “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” then quickly Greg and the rest of us jumped into the Devil’s part with Anita making cute faces and gestures at all of us. The grin she gave as Greg sang the devil’s challenge threatened to derail him. (He was fighting back total laughter!)
When Anita fired up her part, the place went crazy. Between her grinning, playing and singing her part, it was amazing. This was even better than when we played it at our rehearsal dinner with the pixies. I briefly wished they could have heard us. I could just picture them giggling and joining in. When Anita brought us to the close there was a momentary stunned silence. It seemed like everyone’s mouths were open. Then the applause erupted like a volcano! We’d made several mistakes, but you’d never have known by the response we had gotten. Sometimes enthusiasm and having fun trumps overall precision and skill.
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Motherless. A one-word website title that says everything it needs to say. This is a site where the rules are, more or less, completely thrown out the window, morality means absolutely nothing, and there is nobody to save you from it. Hedonism is God here.The site likely is also called this due to the fact that the girls who end up on motherless.com likely have no positive female influence in their lives to keep them from it. Motherless is the place parents spend their whole lives fearing that...
Porn Pictures SitesI always considered Motherless the “4chan” of porn. Not only because Motherless was somewhat popularized there, but because Motherless also encourages users to share their own content in a very open way. This means minimal bullshit like moderation and censorship, and a strong “anything goes” attitude that leads to free and extreme content. It encourages people to create and upload their own homegrown content, like videos of their girlfriend pissing or spycam videos of their cousin....
Amateur Porn SitesWhat is it about Motherless that makes me fucking cum every time? Maybe it is how raw and amateur the porn on the site comes across as, or the content is just that fucking hot. Perhaps it is the fact that there is an astronomical amount of pornography just waiting for a dumb fuck like you to beat off to! I really don’t know, and frankly, I’m not going to pretend that I do.But what I do know is that if you love BBWs, the Motherless.com homepage will not be of much use! Preferably, head on over...
BBW Porn SitesHave you ever heard about a website called Motherless? Home to all kinds of kinky porn niches, with a side of the mainstream crap? If you are into some questionable fap content, you might want to check this website out. Plus, Motherless is a free porn website, so you can browse as much as you fucking want. Now, I am not really here to talk about the website in general… I am here to tell you about their amazing category, called voyeur porn.The world of voyeur fucking is a rather interesting one....
Voyeur Porn SitesThe Five Kingdoms of Arstoria had been embroiled in the Great Ancient War for centuries. The war came to an end when Kalace, the Wizard King conquered the five lands and brought them under his rule. Kalace, the Wizard King of Arstoria, conquered all of his opponents who were unable to deal with his overpowering magic. When Kalace had united the five kingdoms, he brought peace to the warring kingdoms and was revered and celebrated by his later generation. Kalace, however, had a dark weakness in...
FantasyWoah, did Motherless.com get a facelift? I know I suggested it in my review, so I guess they listened to me! Well, I’m not going to brag too much about it, and instead, I’m going to focus on what I’ve set out to bring you today. We’re looking at an amateur website, and I just know that many of you are begging for amateur creampie content, so that’s what we’re looking at. I know how much you think Motherless can look sickening and pretty gruesome at times, but the creampie content can be quite...
Creampie Porn SitesNo matter what type of porn you may be in the market for, Motherless has an ample supply of it, and cucking is no different. Actually, this might help to explain how you ended up being such a pussy little cuck.The journey that brought you to my website reading cuck porn reviews started in your childhood. A fair portion of my readership is actually motherless. Why, you ask? Your guys' moms chose a life of cucking and riding cock instead of raising you fucks properly.Don't worry, gents. I'm in...
Cuckold Porn SitesI browsed the horror stash at Motherless all morning, and now I don’t know if I should jack off or go hide in the closet until the danger has passed. Then again, hiding out might give me the perfect opportunity to rub one out in the peace and safety of the dark. Who knows who—or what—might be peeping in the windows with nefarious intent if I sit at my desk and shake my dick at the screen. Just like when I masturbate at the local Starbucks, I’ve got to be sure to balance the potential pleasure...
Extreme Porn WebsitesIncest porn has been a staple of pornography since the very first incel caveman realized that he couldn’t find fresh pussy out and about. He resorted to sniffing a whiff of his mother’s loincloth when she wasn’t looking, and beating his old cave meat into a leather sock.Now personally I’m not into the whole mommy-son dynamic – I’m a classy guy. But it’s no secret people like to get freaky when the lights go out, and if you’ve got a stiffy in your hand and you’re on Motherless, you gotta go...
Incest Porn SitesThanks to my usual cast and crew of Editors and Advance Readers, most of whom prefer to pretend that they don’t know me and wisely wish to take no responsibility for any part of my addled writings... Il n’est rien de réel que le rêve et l’amour - Nothing is real but dreams and love (from Le Coeur innombrable, IV, Chanson du temps opportun by Anna de Noailles) She was my one true mistress and ever faithful lover, my Green Lady and guardian of my dreams and now that I was back home...
When the car with Jake in it became a dot on the horizon, Thea turned to go back in the house. Suddenly Floyd appeared. “Mrs. Thea, how you be?” Smiling, she knew immediately what he wanted. He had that look and a glance at his crotch confirmed it. The imprint of his cock was prominent as it pushed against the material. “Looks like everyone is gone.” Floyd said. His eyes looking out over the farm. “Yes, I am by myself for at least the next few days.” She replied in an...
“Well, hell,” Thea said as she wiped the beads of perspiration from her face. “I guess ‘spring’ is here, huh?” “Yeah. It’s supposed to be cooler at higher elevation,” I replied. We took a few minutes in the shade by the rocks before rejoining our boyfriends. The four of us had driven up into the pass to hike. According to the weather report, the last coolness of a fading winter was supposed to continue through mid-week, but they were wrong. Actually, from our view from Eagle Point, where we’d...
Motherless.com! What an original name for a porn site, don't you think? The title doesn't fuck around: your mother would never allow you to watch the kind of filth they’ve got on tap. They pride themselves on being a moral-free zone for sick fucks, where you can find damn near anything. I’m talking about desperate chicks fucking anything that resembles a dick and crazy bitches literally eating shit. When you’re done fapping to the weird vids, you can even find "normal" porno to pass the time....
Free Porn Tube SitesAh, motherless, here we are again. A site known for offering such a variety, that no matter how fucked up your needs are, there is a high chance that you will fulfill them here. However, I am not here to blab about the site in general; I am here to talk about one particular category, interracial. As for those who want to know more about the site, there is a whole different review on my website instead.As for those who came here to learn more about that interracial lovemaking, I got your back....
Interracial Porn SitesTheo had been changing into the squirrel too much, he knew that now... as a pulse of heat raced through his body from his groin. He realized that he shouldn't have come to the office.He had been spending most of his days at the squirrel in his home deep in the countryside. Teleworking most of the time, as the squirrel he felt no need for clothes, his heavy furred balls resting between his thighs as his paws raced over the keyboard. The sharp claws on his paws clattering loudly as he typed,...
Fantasy & Sci-FiIt’s time to go to the land of chocolate fountains and golden showers. That’s right. Scat, piss, shit, and every fluid in between. Ever fuck a chick in her ass and freak out when you see that little bit of shit on your dick? Then I’m sorry to say that scat isn’t for you buddy. Were you the only one of your friends that saw two girls one cup and didn’t get grossed out? If so, it’s time to celebrate it! Don’t get pissed off, get pissed on! Scat porn has the craziest, kinkiest chicks and dudes...
Scat Porn SitesI’m not saying anything controversial when I say men love seeing women naked. It’s a fact of life as fundamental as gravity. It’s a force of nature that cannot be stopped by beast, man, or God. It’s an eternal truth and a divine mandate. As sure as the sun will rise, men will attempt to view as many women naked as they possibly can. Any man not doing so is either a sad or a gay one.This means that any woman a man sees regularly is mentally stripped down during every interaction. If any women...
The Fappening‘To me it’s not really a green. When I think green, I think of grass. That’s more like lemonade color.’ Erica’s nose was far too close to the glasses for my taste. Pouring the nearly clear absinthe over the rough-cut, cane-sugar cubes I favor, I tapped my spoon for a second to get her to back up. I wished I had my full setup here like I have at home, my Absinthe fountains water drippers are missed when I began to try and slowly pour water over the sugar cube. ‘Don’t you light it on fire?’ she...
Have you ever heard about a wonderful site called “Motherless”? I have a feeling that was a dumb question, of course, you fucking have. Well, I am here to talk about Motherless, but I shall also pay special attention to their Arab category. If you think Arabian sluts are hot, well you are in for a tasty treat, believe me.First, I should probably warn you that the name of this place comes from the fact that their content might be a bit too hardcore or questionable for some of you. Back in the...
Arab Porn SitesFuck yeah, life’s a bitch! So here I am, awake at 3:45 AM, after dreaming I was fucking this freaking hot MILF neighbor with heavy boobs, a flat tummy, a nice bubble butt, and sexy long legs. It was all hot and steamy, up until when she was sucking me off and just as I was about to obliterate her cute face with hot cum canon, my dream cut right off and I woke up with a tent on my pajamas.That dream ain’t coming back, but damn it! I sure gotta cum, so I boot up my laptop and type “cum facial” in...
Facial Cumshot Porn SitesUnd draußen schallte wieder Punkmusik aus dem Ghettoblaster – von der Eisenbahnunterführung bis zu seinem Haus! Punks und Skater hingen da ab. Das war diese Art von Jugendlichen, die ihren Eltern das Leben schwer macht , die von Arbeit nichts hielten, sich an keine Regeln hielten, ständig auf Party machten. Die soffen viel zu viel und kotzten dann in irgendeine Ecke. Denen bedeutete doch nichts und niemand etwas. Wahrscheinlich nahmen sie auch Drogen und trieben weiß-Gott-was mit...
BDSMMotherless is the mother of all porn sites. Motherless has no conscience or moral guide. Motherless will show you the stuff that all other porn sites are afraid to put up. Motherless will do this for free. This is seriously one of the nastiest and raunchiest sites out there and Motherless/Fetish is perhaps one of the dirtiest places on the web that are well within reach. Sure you can scan the dark web and find something even more naughty or puzzlingly gross, but why do that when you’ve got...
Fetish Porn SitesAbsinthe 2: The Absinthe of Malice By Morpheus The flight from Seattle to Boston had been extremely long and uncomfortable, even with the two hour delay in Chicago where I got to stretch my legs and change flights. My book had given me something to do during the countless hours in the air, though admittedly, Collin had been my largest savior from boredom. The two of us had ended up talking for over half the flight, and by the time we finally landed, I was even starting to consider...
After tea on the Friday evening Thelma stopped me as I was going into upstairs to my room. Her eyes looked wild and her breathing was heavy. “I’m going to a party,” She said in a low voice, “do you want to watch me getting undressed?” I nodded like a puppet. “Wait in my room…I’ll be up in five minutes.” I skipped up the stairs two at a time! I nervously let myself into my sister’s bedroom. I’d been in many times before – borrowing her dirty knickers and stuff to use...
Harry and Rob sat in the local pub in their usual spot in the corner by themselves. They were having a discussion about what to do with Ethel. Rob has been adamant that he wants to hang Ethel by her ankles and butcher her. Harry strongly disagrees with him. Harry is convinced that if he talks to Ethel he can persuade her not to go to the authorities and they will be able to use her the same way the other men. Rob agrees to try Harry's way first but he says" if she wants to argue I'm going to...
kEthel sat with her tits nailed to the work table. Her tits were swollen to twice their normal size from the beating they had received from Harry and Rob and the axe handle. Ethel sobbed both from the pain and the feeling of despair and hopelessness. She knew she would not be able to sweet talk the men into letting her go without anymore abuse. Harry and Rob arrived and again Ethel begged and pleaded with them to let her go. The men laughed and told her they still had a few more things they...
Note : This story is completely fictional!In nineteen forty six Thelma Lou Anderson was married with three kids. Linda was the oldest. She was sixteen. Guy and George was ten and Guy seven. Thelma owned a beauty shop in Kansas City. She suspected her husband Lawerance was cheating on her again. She followed him one day when he thought she was at work and saw him go into a house. A woman opened the door and he went in. That was all the proof she needed. She went home and packed her suitcase and...
IncestThelma was 22 and like all of the young women at that time was still living at home with me and our parents in rural Kent; even though she had a good job in local Department Store. I was 15 and had just left school. The summer of 1965 was particularly fine so it wasn’t uncommon for me to sit around our secluded garden reading a Detective novel when my parents were at work. The difference today was that Thelma was on the first day of her annual holidays and had joined me wearing a very...
Ethel hung by her wrists while Harry and Rob left to get some rest. She nodded off from time to time but the fog of her mind cleared she realized that other than when they punched her she actually enjoyed the way they that fucked her so hard and so brutally. She enjoyed the helpless feeling as they ravaged her body. She believed that she could talk to the two men and they would release her without too much more abuse. She was wrong.As Harry and Rob drove back out to the warehouse they talked...
Ethel hated her name. She was born during the tenure of I Love Lucy. The beloved Ethel Mertz from the television show was the bane of the real life Ethel's existence. There were the jokes about her having to marry Fred. There was only one Fred in her high school class. He wasn't her type; not even if he was the last man on earth. Ethel was every bit the epitome of her name. At five feet even her looks, dress and vocabulary mimicked the character she despised. Although she fought to break the...
Ethel's Pa was telling a story. "A man comes into the garage wanting a new horn for his Dodge. The old bulb was torn. Well, we have horns; but they don't fit his brackets..." "What did he want with a horn?" Ma asked. "Dodge cars don't need them. They have 'Dodge, Brothers' written clearly on the front." "Oh, Nellie," Pa said, but -- at least -- he dropped the story. Ethel couldn't decide which was worse, Ma's jokes or Pa's stories. Pa was fascinated by anything mechanical,...
Damn Katherine and her classy fashion sense... Once again my Mother-in-law had a new skirt suit which would work for brunch, mother-of-the-bride or some other fancy occasion, it was simply lovely. Tonight was one of those other occasions. The suit was perfect for the work awards dinner that my wife Veronica has dragged me too. Katherine, on the other hand, who was looking just so, was all too happy to attend. Katherine's suit is simply irresistible to me. The color, the style,...
Let me say right up front that Gunther was definitely not a young man.I knew he had been around the Santa operation at the North Pole long before I arrived with my bright ideas for cost reduction. I was called in to promote increased toy production by the easily distracted Elves. Those little imps preferred being silly rather than busy little workers focused on their quotas like dedicated employees. As a small-sized human male, I was able to relate easily to the female Elves because they liked...
Fantasy & Sci-FiChapter 5 - Riley The months that followed were a misery for me; I loved Evan, and I was sure he loved me, but I couldn’t reconcile that against the secrecy of his God-damned club. There was something going on at that terrace in Potts Point, something sexual, I was sure, and I felt that Evan had in some way been cheating on me, all the while giving me the best sex I would ever experience. I felt jilted and wronged and completely justified in my actions; but I also felt petty and small and...
SupernaturalJenny's Recollections (Day 44): The photo session is possibly one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. Worse than having Jo watch me on the toilet back at Inward Bound. Worse, maybe than when Jo showed me the video of me masturbating. At least, then, I felt I was still a person. This time I just felt like so much meat. It is one of the heavies that comes in to do it. He doesn't even speak, just waves the camera at me like I am supposed to understand what he wants. He pulls me...
from my supernatural~romantic novel set in Regency England from the diary of Betsy Corning, Darlington, England, September 1815 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I am undone! I have given into temptation and trod the left-hand path. I did not tarry there long, I yet have a semblance of a conscience. But little good will it do me – I will be punished for it sooner or later. But oh, should any ladies read this, perhaps you, at least, will understand what provocation I had endured and grant me some...
When we entered the dining salon, all conversation stopped. I had changed from my travel clothes earlier, but was still in black. Esther was in a peach colored evening gown. As I said before, she was ravishing. Martha and Hatty walked behind us in their evening gowns. It was plain that everyone wondered who this girl was with the Royal Executioner and the Guild Master for companions. Certainly most of the apprentices and the other Guild members had not met, or been introduced to Esther. None...
It was Friday morning when the commander informed us the house was ready for inspection. He transported us down to the house and spent a few hours with us making small changes; but it looked great and for the most part was perfect. We walked outside for a bit, it had been a while since we had fresh air. We had about 10 acres of land around the house with a small wooden fence around the 10 acres - this was our border, which we couldn't pass. I was not sure what would happen if we did but I...
“Are the statements, that the Lord Executioner made, true?” the Village Chief demanded sternly. “Yes, Un ... Uncle,” the young man finally answered very quietly. “A week in the stocks,” the Village Chief pronounced, “and the same for those two friends of yours.” The Village Chief then turned to me to apologize. “I am sorry I doubted you, Lord Executioner. It would appear that I need to pay closer attention to what is going on with the workers in the fields.” “An excellent idea,” I replied,...
"Language Theresa!" "But Mrs. Bradshaw, I only said..." "Hush Theresa, I will not have such rude vernacular spoken in my boarding house! Also, kindly remove your elbows from the tabletop. More over, the fork was placed on the left side of your plate for a specific reason." Theresa blushed as she looked around at the other five girls, some of them putting on airs. "I never ate before with my left hand Mrs. Bradshaw." "You are a student now in the most prestigious Ladies College in...
Esther III ? by: TamarainRubber Even though we knew we were going to be late for Lisa's party, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. For the next hour or so we grabbed each other like wild cats in heat. Her breasts heaving and her lungs gasping for oxygen, Esther still found the energy to warn me not to cum. At some point she did pull my cock out from behind my rubber bloomers and shoved every inch into her mouth. The clothes she had dressed me in only made me harder and,...
the Meeting (Part 2)"Come in," Michael commanded. He looked up as the door opened, pleasantly surprised to see Meredith. "Good morning, Chancellor.""It's Meredith, Michael. No need to be so formal when we aren't in front of the students." She smiled at him.He watched as she walked over to the chair in front of his desk, his eyes gazed down at her legs as she crossed them, her short skirt rode higher on those gorgeous thighs, a quick glimpse between her legs making his cock hard. "So good to see...
Long before Sam handed over the domination of Suzy to Annie, becoming Her slave, she was patiently waiting to make tea for her son Mikey, idly watching porn when she stumbled across one of the many ‘MILF catches son and girlfriend’ videos.The sound of heavy petting and Suzy’s vibrator, covered the sound of Mikey (17) and Rachael (15) meeting up at his house after school: “Hi Mom - this is my new girlfriend - would you like to watch us fucking?”Rachael actually blushed, which was rather cute -...
The next day I was in full Katherine mode from the moment I unlocked her door. I greeted Sunshine just like Katherine did, using the same tone of voice and gestures. Of course Sunshine reacted just she would with her female owner. As soon as I took her for a short walk and fed her, I went straight to my bedroom, well after the prior day I felt so much more comfortable there, I wanted it to be my bedroom. I took a shower and shaved everything again. I didn't know how I was going to...
Michael rubbed his hand over her inflamed back, the skin already warm, turned a light pink."Now that you know what to expect, let's try a more intimate part, Justine. How about if I flog your hanging breasts?" His hands reached down to one, grabbed it in his palm, squeezed it harshly before he moved on to her nipple, pulled and yanked until it began to harden, not sure if it was pleasure or pain that brought it about, Michael had not really cared, just wanted to give himself a bigger target to...
Hope you like Esther's latest installment! ESTHER FOUR By TamarainRubber I obediently followed Esther down the long narrow hallway that led into an enormous room filled with the sounds of clinking glasses, soft whispers and a bevy of leather-clad women and men dolled up as maids, rubber babies, and crossdressing sluts like me. Strangely enough (and very much to my pleasure), there was little if any evidence of the S&M parties I had only read about, but never...
Madame JustineDo not read this when you are under age. This is for adults eyes only. Many people enjoy the adventures of Indiana Jones. Very few of those same people would actually enjoy things like running for their lives in front of a crushing boulder, or gewtting kicked into a snake pit. Sometimes fantasy is just fantasy, no prelude for reality. Take this story as it is: Fantasy. Now read on. SLUTS ‘N SLAVES FAMILY BDSM BROTHEL A painful joy for all?Harry looked at the little business card...
The front door opened and again Frank came in, a little less dramatically than the day before but no less intimidating to me as I felt timid and weak dressed in my mother-in-laws things. Frank was half expecting me to be dressed as my normal slouchy male self, ready to put a stop to all this, but he was happy when he saw I didn't have the fortitude to do that. He actually smiled at me, "There's my little wife. That dress looks nice on you." I smiled back not knowing what to do, it...
?Graymangazer2014-03-20 Justine pays. By Graymangazer Although this is a non consensual story, it’s not in any way cruel or heavy. It’s based on a simple idea from slave Kandi (you know who you are) and not to be taken too seriously. Please feel free to comment or email to [email protected] walked into the deserted country park, at least she hoped it was...
Caroline dumped her books so loudly on the table that it caused Mike to look up momentarily from his laptop.“Hi, Caroline, I take it the tutorial didn’t go so well?”Caroline slumped onto the chair opposite him.“The pompous bitch basically told me to start again.”“Look I know nothing about art, I don’t even know what I like, but I do know that you know your stuff. Why don’t I get you a drink and we can talk about something else.”As Mike placed the two pints of beer down on the table, Caroline...
Fantasy & Sci-FiJustine had always known she was strange. She was diminutive, only four feet six tall, but her tits had always looked too nig for her. 36D on such a small frame always made sure she got started at. She had dated. Many times. But never dated the same man more than three nights. If they wanted sex, they could have it, if they didn’t, it didn’t matter to her. She never got anything from it anyway. Her only orgasms had come at her own hands. She even let men arse fuck her, as that was supposed to...
Esther sat on the side of the road, freezing, she feared that if she didn't find a place to stay soon, she probably freeze to death.Lately life had been pretty fucked up for Esther, both her parents had die before she could barley talk, and this year she had run away, because her foster parents were abusive.She had no one now, and was stranded on the side of the road. Esther picked herself off of the ground and started walking again, until a huge house came in sight. "Warmth." She said, she was...
Chapter 7 – Evelyn “Aleeeeeeeeex.” I looked around, startled from my contemplation of the idol by the voice, a female voice, whispering my name; soft, sweet and enticing. “Aleeeeeeeeex. Come to me.” Breathy and sexy, it seemed directionless; all I knew for sure was that it wasn’t any of the men around the table calling me; they couldn’t even hear it; they all remained absorbed in Johanssen’s narrative. He had closed out his Bridge night adventure with Evelyn and was now explaining how Adley...
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