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"It's difficult to know where to begin," Mark said.

Victoria grinned. "I could quote Lewis Carol at you," she said.

Mark smiled back. "All right," he said. "I'll start at the beginning."

He paused and then started. "The explosion, even though somewhat expected, was still a huge shock. There was also a screaming pain in my leg. There was also a panicky feeling of not being able to do anything. And then bang. I hit my head and knew and felt nothing until you were there holding my hand and talking to me. I can't tell you how wonderful that was and I was terrified I was dreaming."

They smiled at each other.

"The second time I came to and you told me what had happened it all came back to me and I started to feel guilty on two counts: first that I had, at least indirectly, been responsible for Hudson's death, second, and this was the big one, that I should have refused to obey Robert and then physically restrained him if he had been so foolhardy as to lead the platoon himself."

Victoria nodded. She was not going to disturb his train of thought.

"Despite everything that the CO, James, Corporal Skinner and the lads in Benghazi said that guilt persisted. The kind and understanding letter I had back from Hudson's parents helped a lot but the main guilt persisted. The Board of Inquiry exonerating me also helped but then the Defending Officer at the Court Martial confirmed what I still felt."

"What exactly did he say?"

"He said, 'I put it to you that your Commanding Officer had tasked you with preventing Major Johnson from doing something dangerous.'

"Yes," I answered.

"To which he said, 'and you failed to do so.'

"I said yes again and he very pointedly said, 'I have no further questions.' He had a go at the CO on the same subject and Colonel Peter came out strongly in support of me. But he had said the same thing as I thought and it reinforced it."

"Darling, I think that's awful."

"It was but he was only doing his job. He knew Robert was guilty of both charges but was trying to produce excuses or mitigating circumstances.

"So that's how it went on and this nagging feeling of guilt sapped my energy and I just didn't want to do anything even with you who never stopped being loving and patient. Then I got another thing to be miserable about."

"What was that?"

"That in my short time in the Army I had caused the end of two officers' careers. Serena took me to task on that. She got me to admit I didn't have any regrets about Fitzmaurice and then argued me round on Robert when I said I felt I had kicked him when he was down. She pooh-poohed that by saying that he was down when I arrived in Benghazi and that it was entirely his drinking that had caused Janet to leave him. Then, in addition to all that, I blamed myself for Peter Instead being removed from command early. That wonderful letter from your father did much to assuage that."

Victoria nodded in agreement.

"Anyway the original guilt feeling was still there and I was trying to come to terms with it. Furthermore, despite Serena, I still had this feeling about messing up two officers' careers. However she had got me thinking and I slowly began to realise that our logical mind can rationalize anything when we are in mental pain. We're each the centre of our own universe and we want to take the one thread that connects us to some horrific event and construct a chain that puts us at fault for what has happened. There is just enough truth in that to make it seem logical. (Author's note. This paragraph was lifted almost verbatim, but with his permission, from JimWar's Wally World Delight. I am most grateful to him.)

"When you came in with those photos I realised that I had been quite right in ruining that beggar's career and that made me realise in a flash that what I'd been doing was indeed using one thread to make that chain. I think too that the inner fury and shock that Fitzmaurice was still out to harm us wiped out the shock of the explosion. I'm sure you can't go through something like that without it having some effect on your mind if only temporarily. Does that all make sense?"

"Yes, darling, it does. Thank you for telling me. It's made me understand better the inner torment you've been going through and I'm jolly glad you didn't hit the bottle like a certain somebody."

Mark reached across the table for her hand. "And I didn't bash you up either," he said. "If I'd done that I'd never have been able to live with myself."

"So what are you going to do with Toby? I can't believe that he's in this willingly. I think he's quite keen on Serena and I wouldn't want to mess that up."

"Oh, he is, is he? Maybe I ought to become the heavy brother."

"Don't you dare!"

Mark chuckled, delighted at the rise he had got out of her. "No, darling, I won't. The couple of times I've met him he seemed a reasonable chap. I thought that what I'd do is face him with the letters and photos and ask him for an explanation. We may even be able to get him on our side and get him to lead us to Fitzmaurice."

"What'll you do then?"

"Try to get Fitzmaurice to incriminate himself further. In the meanwhile I'm going to have a word with Dad. He's a buddy of the Chief Constable and I hope I can get the police involved in a supporting role. The one thing that has me worried is that I might need to use you as bait."

"Don't worry about that one bit. He's not going to be able to hurt me."

"I hope not and will do my best to make sure he doesn't."

"Darling, I must go. I've got a girl coming at twelve for an hour of jumping."

"Is she good?"

"No, but she thinks she is. Would you like to walk Patch?"

"Of course."

Mark was delighted that Patch walked without a limp. He held a loose halter as they plodded round the paddock. Mark talked as he walked. Patch seemed to respond with puffs and nudges. Mark had never been so close to him and he marvelled at this horse's sensitivity to humans. No wonder Victoria loved him so much.

At one stage Mark exploded with "Bloody Fitzmaurice!" Patch snorted. Was it a reply or was it a reprimand for swearing? If nothing else it made Mark laugh which caused Patch to toss his head. He reported this later to Victoria who laughed.

"He's a great conversationalist," she said.

Mark collared David as he got up from the table at lunchtime.

"Could you spare me twenty minutes or half an hour, Dad?" he asked.

"Of course," said David. "How can I help?"

"Well, Dad, I don't know how much you've heard but that bloody Fitzmaurice is after us again."

"Ah! The photographer?"

"Yes."

"So?"

Mark told him the story.

"So what do you want me to do?"

"I've got enough on him from the original to take him to court for attempted rape, doctoring someone's drink and, in addition, I've got written evidence of his threatening me and by implication Victoria."

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Chapter 80 Videos

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Mark checked the diary before he rang home. Elspeth answered the call. "I'm glad I got you, Mum." "Mark, darling! Two nights in succession? It must be important." "It's two things actually. They're both important but one's easy; the other isn't." "All right. Start with the easy one." "General Anthony's given me a week's leave so that I can come to Serena's end of term do." "Oh, darling, that's marvellous. She'll be thrilled. Now, what's the problem?" Mark gave an...

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Victoria arrived home with her car laden to the gunwales. The family and Sergeant Roberts helped her unload it and carry everything up to her room. "I'm not going to sort it all now," she announced. "I want to settle down with my family and have a drink before dinner and rejoice that London is over. Is that all right?" "Of course it is, darling," replied Frances. "We've got a head start on you." "What would you like, darling?" asked Anthony. "Could I have a half of lager...

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The week went uneventfully. Victoria came to see him on Tuesday evening to tell him that she was exhausted but really enjoying herself. "Jean Whitty is a real sweetie," she said. "She's funny and makes me laugh, she tells me everything about the horses and how she runs the place and she treats me as a friend. Her children are super: full of fun but so well mannered." "But she also has a slave driver's whip." "No! She drives herself and you're just carried along with her energy. I...

Craig HillChapter 25

Serena's family arrived at the school at a quarter to eleven. She met them and led them to reserved seats in the school hall. "I can't sit with you," she said. "All the leavers have to sit together in the front row." Promptly at eleven o'clock Mrs Protheroe appeared on the stage, welcomed everyone and then gave an account of what the school had achieved this term. The leavers were then called forward in alphabetical order, shook hands with Mrs Protheroe who gave each of them a peck...

Craig HillChapter 26

The family gathered for pre-dinner drinks. It was comfortable and relaxed. The dogs lay around them only disturbing things when a terrier needed to let off steam. "Don't you have a Summer Ball at Tidworth?" asked Elspeth out of the blue. "Yes," said Mark. "It's on August 14th." "Are you taking Victoria?" "Shit!" exclaimed Mark. "Oops! I'm sorry." Everyone smiled. "I'd totally forgotten. Oh Lord! What am I going to do now?" "Ring her this minute," said Serena. Mark...

Craig HillChapter 27

Serena came to Mark's room that night. She was wearing a nighty under her dressing gown. Mark held up the bedclothes and she slid in beside him. They hugged, gently and lovingly kissing each other. "Do you know, Mark darling, I don't feel like doing anything sexy tonight. I just want to be with you and love you." "Same here. Perhaps it's because we are brother and sister." "Mmm," then she giggled. "Did you see Dad's face when I called you darling?" "No." "His eyes nearly...

Craig HillChapter 28

Mark drove back to Bulford Manor on Sunday afternoon. Despite a loving kiss from Serena and an admonition to be a big brave boy he remained apprehensive of his meeting with Victoria. He did not have to wait long. He had hardly let himself into his flat when there was a loud knock on the door. "Hello, Mark. You are summoned to supper." "Come in, Victoria. Please." She did so without a word closing the door behind her. Mark bit his lip, tongue-tied for a moment. "I'm so sorry,...

Craig HillChapter 29

The evening came to an end. Mark said he should go. He had a busy day tomorrow. General Anthony grinned. "I'll see you home," said Victoria and then shrieked with laughter. The others joined her. Mark said his thanks and the two of them set off to his flat. At the door Mark turned to her and said with mischief, "I can hardly ask you in for coffee because we've already had it. What are we going to do?" Victoria smiled happily back. "I'm coming in; invitation or not." Mark closed...

Craig HillChapter 30

That evening Victoria did not go in through the front door as she normally did but came straight across the yard from the garage and banged on Mark's front door. He let her in and they hugged each other and exchanged a warm, loving kiss. "Pouf!" said Mark. "You smell." For a moment Victoria looked crestfallen then she grinned at him. "We manual workers can't always smell like roses," she retorted. "Not like you white collar people." "Khaki collar." "Hides the dirt." Mark...

Craig HillChapter 31

Victoria repeated her routine of yesterday and came straight to Mark's flat after putting her car away. No words were said as they embraced. Mark's stomach turned over at holding this delicate but muscular little nymph in his arms. She smelt like she did yesterday, of horses and sweat, but her own personal aroma came through. It was warm. It was animal. It was Victoria: soft, feminine but with a sharp tang. He looked down at her. Her face had lost the pallor of a town dweller and there was...

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