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She said it softly like she was mystified not angry, so I stopped and turned toward her. She was wearing one of her shorter skirts and a tight sweater top. At least she didn't have a bare midriff. Looking up I saw her hair was streaked. It was her natural brown interspersed with streaks of a very white blond color. She liked to do things like that with her hair when she was Passing.

I said, "I'm going home. It looks like you don't need me here."

She looked puzzled so I said, "Since you're living with your lover I... ," that was as far as I got when she interrupted me.

"I'm not living with John or anyone else. I told you I have my own place. And he's never been there. I never told him where I live."

"That is not what some of your fans think."

"I don't know how they got that idea. It might be because I stayed with him for a week after moving out. It took me that long to find a place of my own. I slept in a guest room not with him."

She said that last a little fast so I wasn't sure if I believed her or not.

Just then someone called her from the stage, using her DJ name. She ignored it until the person got louder.

She turned and looked at the stage but turned back to me, "I would like to see you on my birthday ... to spend the day with you."

I started to say that it was a workday but she continued. "Please, it's my birthday I want to spend it with you."

She was almost begging which is unusual for her.

Someone closer, maybe the same person who yelled earlier, said, "It's time; we need to get this started."

She turned and took two steps toward them but turned back and said, "Please, I want to be with you."

She sounded like she would start crying if I said no. That too was unusual. To my surprise my heart tore at the tone of her voice.

I said, "Okay, I'll met you at the Dancing Garbage for lunch, at 11:30. I'll buy and ... Afterwards I would like to see your place."

She smiled one of her most radiant smiles. Then let her self be led away back to the stage. I left thinking about how beautiful she looked when she smiled like that especially when she smiled that way for me.

I had chosen the Dancing Garbage for two reasons. It was her current favorite restaurant and I wanted her to enjoy herself. We had never been there together but I still knew it was her favorite at the moment. I also wanted to send a message. I wanted her to realize that I wasn't as unobservant as she thought I was. I did miss some things like a new hairstyle or a new sweater she had bought, sometimes, but I also saw more then she realized.

On the way out to my car my good feelings were deadened when a question came to mind. How many times had she been there with John? Some of the times might have been innocent, just a couple of friends going out to lunch but after that first time they had sex was there anything innocent about their relationship even during the periods they weren't having sex? I couldn't answer that question.

Not that evening or when I thought about in the next few days. On her birthday I arrived at the restaurant early. I had made reservations but it was early enough that it wouldn't have mattered.

While I waited for her I realized that maybe I should have met her at her place earlier. I wondered if John was giving her a nice birthday present in private. A few minutes later she came in, significantly early. She smiled when she saw me. Today she was wearing a more modest knee length skirt with a nice looking blue blouse. And her hair was all brown. I wondered if she had dyed her hair or if there was some way she cheated to make it different colors. I knew she had two wigs that she wore when she was Passing, but I had seen her with pink hair that went down the middle of head like a Mohawk and I had seen her with wide blue streaks on both sides of her head. Even though at times I've watched her get ready I still didn't know how she did those colors.

She looked nice in this outfit and to tell the truth she looked very nice in her outfit the other night. That was one reason I didn't like her dressing like that. I knew more than a couple of men would be aroused while looking at her.

She sat and we talked for a moment before ordering. She was nervous and being honest again; so was I. We had been married a number of years and had been on a lot of dates but it was almost like a first date.

After the waitress left she opened her purse and took out the box with her rings in it.

"You forgot these were in one of the pockets of the coat you gave me."

"I didn't forget, I placed them in the pocket on purpose. I thought about giving them back to you. That was before I decided not to stay."

"Because of what you overheard at the party?"

"Not directly because of what I overheard. Those conversations made me realize my emotions were more confused than I thought. As I left that night I was feeling so many emotions I didn't know what I wanted."

Joanne looked sad for a moment and I said, "We can talk about that later. Let's celebrate."

She looked at me for a long moment before her expression turned very serious.

A second later she said, "Thank you for the check to the Home. I saw it and it was very generous."

"I always thought it was a worthy cause even when I complained about how much money you gave sometimes."

"I know, but it was still generous. Thank you again."

I wasn't sure what to say so I just nodded.

I asked her what she was going to do now that she had quit. She explained that she wasn't sure. She would have to get a job but the only thing she had experience with was being a DJ. There had been two offers by other stations in town but she wasn't sure if she could deal with it. She would have to make a decision soon though.

We ate and talked some more, much of our conversation was just as if everything was fine between us and we were just out on a date. I supposed that lunch could have been considered a date but I didn't think of it that way.

Finally when she finished eating I asked, "Do you want desert here or after we get to your place?"

She looked startled but said, "I would love it at my place but are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. This is your birthday and after we get to your place we can spend it naked if you want," I answered in a very low voice.

Her eyes went wide and smiling that wonderful smile of hers she said, "Yes, I would love that."

I stared at her smile lost in its beauty. She said something and I said, "What?"

"I said we need to go if you're done."

"I'm sorry; I was lost in your smile."

She looked pleased and shocked.

"You haven't said that to me in ages, way over a year," she said in a small voice.

I wasn't sure why she sounded ashamed when I should be ashamed if that was true.

I said, "I'm sorry in that case."

"Let's go and you can tell me how the rest of me looks."

I caught our waitress's attention and paid for the meal. Once outside the restaurant she gave me directions on how to get to her place. She lived in an apartment complex not far from the radio station where she had worked. The building was a nice place that was what I thought of as in the mid-range for apartments. Hers was small: one bedroom, with a bath and a kitchen and small living room. She had decorated it and it looked nice.

As we walked into the bedroom she said that the manager had given her a deal in one area but not in another. When he found out who she was he had said she would only have to give the first month's rent instead of first and last. She figured he liked the idea of being able to advertise that someone who was sort of famous was staying at his complex. However, once she talked to some of the other tenants she found out he had charged her a higher deposit than usual. She figured that was because he expected her to have some wild parties and there would be more chance of damage to the contents. She still paid less then usual so she was happy.

I had stopped and was looking around the bedroom. It was larger than I expected from the size of the living room. The bed was unmade which mildly surprised me. I looked at it for a moment and it wasn't until my wife spoke with an angry voice that I realized why.

"You won't find any stains on the bed and yo won't smell anything but me. Not any sex, I told you he has never been here and I haven't been to his place since I moved in here nor have we met any where else."

I looked at her puzzled for a moment as I recalled that I had been sniffing the air. That was when I realized that I had been looking for stains on the exposed sheets.

"I'm sorry," and I really was, "I guess I couldn't help myself."

She sighed and said, "I guess I'm going to have to live with things like that after what I did."

She sat on the bed and motioned to me to sit alongside her.

"Speaking of living with things before we go on with any thing else, I have another confession to make. I lied to you when I talked to you at my birthday bash."

She looked at the expression on my face and quickly said, "No, he has never been here. I told the truth about that. I've never told him where I live. I guess he could find it out at work if he really wanted, but I haven't told him and I wouldn't. And no I didn't go see him this morning. I haven't been to his place since I left it. What I need to say is that the first night I stayed at his place I slept with him, with all that implies. I don't know why I did it. The next day I woke up to find him gone. He was probably at work. I sat up, pulled my legs up, with my chin on my knees and thought about the night before. I wanted to hit myself for doing that and sleeping with him after what you said. The only reason I could come up with is that I was on autopilot after I drove away from our--your house. I remembered that I tried a couple of hotels but they were filled so I drove to his place for the night. The rest of the evening was a blur. I'm sure I didn't drink or anything because I didn't have any type of a hangover. I guess I just went along with what was expected of me. I'm sure we didn't make love but we did do something more than a quickie.

"As soon as I realized what a stupid thing I had done I got dressed and moved my bags to one of the guest rooms. From that point on I did sleep in there. And there was no more sex anywhere. I told you the truth about that I just left out the one day. When he came home and saw where my bags where he must have realized why I moved for he never asked me why or tried to talk me out of it. I think I heard him whisper something about the good times ending when he saw my bags but I wasn't sure.

A pause, then, "If you want to leave I will understand."

She looked like a puppy that knew it had done wrong and was expecting the worst in punishment. I thought for a moment, trying to get a reading on my feelings. A minute later I blew a gust of air through my nose. I was angry but the sadness on her face got to me. I had all but promised her that we would have desert and I needed some of that type of desert ... she was still my wife after all.

As I examined my emotions I found that I wasn't as upset as I thought I should be. Maybe because she confessed it when she didn't have to, maybe it seemed small compared to some other things she had done--well smaller anyway.

After blowing through my nose again I stood and paced back and forth three times. I stopped and looked at her. She was beautiful sitting there. All of a sudden I wanted her badly. Maybe it was all the tension from the last few weeks, maybe it was that deep down I still loved her and desired her, on top of that I hadn't had sex for over a month, I wasn't sure exactly how long. Whatever the reason, I felt like tearing her clothes off and throwing her on the bed as I tore off mine. She must have seen the desire on my face because for a second she looked nervous like she wasn't sure what I was going to do. I wasn't quite sure myself. I knew I wasn't going to rape her even if I felt like it, but beyond that I wasn't sure.

She stood and moved a step in my direction putting her arms out like she wanted to hug me. No matter what the look on my face this act said she trusted me.

Her reaching for me was all it took, I grabbed her and smashed my lips against hers. It was so hard I'm surprised I didn't bruise both of our lips. She was stiff for a second like she was still wasn't sure what to expect before she relaxed into the kiss. I broke the kiss and took a deep breath calming myself and getting myself under control again. I hardly ever lost control like that. There had been a couple of times during our marriage when I had; she sometimes had that affect on me., Usually, she didn't mind because she was as horny as I was.

I began nuzzling her neck. After a few seconds, I moved my lips up to her ear and whispered, "I'm not sure why I'm doing this except that you are so beautiful and sexy. You're so desirable I want to rip your clothes off." I took a couple of deep breaths because I almost lost control again.

She smiled and said, "I wouldn't mind right now, but I want to hear more of that ... I need to hear more of that."

I felt my ears burn in shame. I hadn't been carrying out my part of being a husband. I had let my hurt feelings interfere with the way I treated her for way too long. That didn't excuse her doing what she did but I had done wrong also.

I started to lick her ear and after a few seconds whispered, "I'm sorry. I held onto my anger and hurt too long. I should have been making love to you with my words."

"I shouldn't have done things to make you angry and to hurt you. I'm sorry."

The way she said it I thought she meant she was sorry for a whole lot more than what we were discussing.

I started to say something else but she said, "We need to talk about this but later. Right now, I want to hear how beautiful and sexy you think I am ... and I need to feel you inside me. As much as we need to talk about our relationship I want you on top of me and inside me more."

She took a shuddering breath and said, "God, I want your hard cock in my pussy so bad."

I don't know if she said it that way on purpose or not but I heard an emphasis on the word "your".

That's something I want to give you for your birthday." I said with a smile.

I started to lick her neck and her ear. As I did I moved my hands up the back of her blouse. I stopped though, for some reason I didn't understand, I almost always started with undoing her bra first. I remembered how she wanted some spontaneity. I dropped my hands to her waist instead. Slipping my hands down her waist I started kneading her butt cheeks. It took me a few seconds to realize that she was either not wearing panties or was wearing a thong. I moved my hands to her crack where I felt cloth.

She said, "I wore them for you, I thought about flashing you but I didn't get the chance."

"Your butt feels nice, but you don't need to wear them to turn me on. You can do that anytime wearing anything."

I think she whispered something that could have been, "Except when you're angry or when you are ashamed of me." But it was so low I wasn't sure.

I started nibbling on the top of her ear. She let out a sigh followed by a groan. It was one of her top erogenous zones; sometimes I had been able to able to convince her to have a quickie even when she was busy or a little angry by nibbling there. I realized that I hadn't done it in ages, as she liked to say. I let out a mental sigh. There were so many things both of us had let slip in our relationship.

Now she let out another sigh followed by a groan. I removed my hands from her butt and started undoing the buttons of her blouse. For a second I had a mental image of her wearing the outfit from her Birthday Bash with John removing the top she wore that night. In my image she wasn't wearing anything underneath it. I wasn't sure why I thought she hadn't been wearing a bra that night, except perhaps that sometimes, when dressed as Passing, she hadn't. In either case, I quickly quashed that image and continued undoing her blouse.

Once I had the blouse buttons undone I slipped it off her shoulders. I always liked undressing her and from what she said, she liked it when I did it. As I reached around her to undo her bra she smiled. It was a joyous smile mixed with desire. As quickly as I could I undid the bra, which was an almost sheer blue that went well with her blouse. As I pulled on it, she leaned forward to allow it to slip off her shoulders and down her arms.

As her breasts came into view I gasped. I stared at them just like I did the first time I saw them. They were still so wonderful to look at. I loved just looking at them.

She said, "Do you like them?"

It was a routine we sometimes carried out. She had asked me that the first time I saw them when I just stared and whenever I undressed her she would ask.

My response was always the same. I would either keep staring at them or look her in the eye, I wasn't sure what I had done the first time as I said, "I love them, they are so wonderful, so beautiful, desirable. I love them."

I recalled that I hadn't said that in way too long a period of time. So many things we hadn't done for so long. I sighed.

She said, "What's the matter?" "I was thinking it's been too long since I've said that. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to be that long." "I'm glad you feel that way but..."

I interrupted her with, "But you want my hard cock in your pussy and I very much want my hard cock in your wonderful, beautiful pussy." Her eyes widened for I didn't usually use those words. Neither did she, but she used them more than I did especially when she was Passing. She didn't use obscene language a lot when she was in her DJ persona but she didn't mind so much when they slipped out either.

I looked back down at her breasts. They were wonderful, they were what I thought of medium size with a certain sloping look that I've heard described on other women as a pear look but I wasn't sure if I agreed. The nipples were at the bottom of the slope. Most breasts I had seen in person or in pictures had the nipples in the center of a bowl shaped mound of flesh. But these were different and so arousing.

She said just like the first time, "You can touch them."

I looked into her eyes with an eager look on my face.

"Go ahead."

I reached up with both hands and gently squeezed them. I then caressed them getting the feel of them just like I did when I first saw them. It was another routine of ours that she loved. This time though, before I knew I was moving, I was sucking on one.

She threw her head back and groaned.

"I always love it when you do that ... ohhhhh uh more please."

As if I was planning to stop I thought. I played with her nipple with my tongue before gently nibbling on it. I alternated between the two for a quite a few seconds. Another stray thought popped unwanted into my head. I wondered if John was rougher with her breasts and if that was one thing that attracted her to him. I shook my head to clear that thought before sucking on the other nipple. I bit a little hard and she said "ahoo" definitely a pain noise not a pleasure groan. She liked very gentle chewing.

I licked around her aureole and alternated that with flicking her nipple hard with my tongue three to six times in a row.

I knew she was enjoying what I was doing even before she said, "I've missed that so much, oh, oh, oh."

I felt her bend her head down so she could watch me flick her nipple with my tongue. She watched me for some time before I reached around her and unzipped her skirt. I let it fall to the floor then, thinking about her thong I turned her around.

The sight that greeted me was so sexy I almost threw her on the bed and tore off my clothes. She leaned forward to make her butt stick out. I knelt down and started licking one of her cheeks, she groaned and wiggled her butt to tell me she liked it. I gave the whole cheek long sweeps with my tongue. I switched to the other one with the same results.

Finally I couldn't stand it so I moved the thong to one side and stuck my face into her crack. I licked the crack making my way down to her anus. When I reached it and started licked that cute brown puckered opening she groaned big time.

She said something that may have been "too long". I chewed on her anus and she bucked in pleasure. I stuck in the tips of two fingers and pulled her brown opening open. I licked inside; she moaned and bucked again.

This time I did hear her say, "It's been too long."

I licked more as she ground her butt into my face wanting more. I gave it to her. At one point a thought crossed my mind of something I had never done while licking her butt. I moved one hand between her legs and worked my fingers to her slit. She gasped and wiggled her lower body. I worked two fingers into her slit and started gently massaging one side of her pussy.

Her breathing got louder and she said "Ahhh, ohh, ohhhh, yes more please. Lick and use your fingers. Ohhhhh."

I did as she instructed.

Finally her back must have gotten tired for she said, "Let's move to the bed." I didn't say anything but I stopped what my mouth and fingers were doing and sat back.

She turned around and put her hands on her thong. "You want to take it off?"

I nodded and slipped my hands into the waistband, As I slowly slipped them down she said, "I bought them just for you."

I almost asked, "How many did you buy for him?" but stopped myself before I got more than "How" out of my mouth.

She made a noise that wasn't pleasure and I think she had an idea of what I stopped myself from saying.

I told myself that I had to stop doing that or it would ruin the day. If it had been just for her I may not have worried about that so much, even though I wanted her to have a good birthday, but this was for me too. I needed it.

I slipped the thong down enough for her to slip out of it. When she stood I stood also and grabbed her. I pivoted us and pushed her onto the bed. She landed and bounced once before I climbed on top of her. I kissed her hard again, chewing on her lips and forcing my tongue into her mouth. I say forced but she wasn't fighting me. I grabbed her tongue with my teeth and sucked on it. She fought back with her tongue before grabbing mine and sucking on it.

Finally we came up for air.

She said, "You're still dressed. I want to feel you and we can't fuck with you in clothes."

Actually we could because we had done it a couple of times but I stood and hurriedly undressed. She scooted to the edge of the bed and helped me. Finally with my pants and briefs around my feet she grabbed my hard cock and placed it in her mouth. She sucked and licked it making happy noises as she did.

I usually didn't like it when she did that because I still had to take off my shoes and my pants. Twice over the years she had pulled me on top of her with my pants still around my shoes. She had grabbed my cock and placed it in her slit. I had shrugged my shoulders and fucked her hard like she wanted. It was harder because I couldn't get my legs separated very much and my feet were weighed down but I managed it.

This time after sucking me, licking up and down my shaft while fondling my balls, she finally let me take off everything I still had on.

As I threw my pants in one corner I was more than ready to do what she wanted. She didn't surprise me when she said she wanted to be on top. She liked it when I sucked her breasts while she stroked up and down on my shaft. Usually she would rub her clitoris on my shaft first. She seemed to have more intense orgasms while she was straddling me. I don't know if that was because she could push me in deeper, or if it was her rubbing her clitoris like that or me sucking on her breasts or all three, but she enjoyed being on top.

I just nodded and laid down on the bed. She climbed up watching my shaft the whole time. She had the glint in her eye that said she was almost lost in lust. I say almost because she still managed to have some control. She usually sucked on my shaft for a few seconds before climbing on top. This time was no different; it was as if she couldn't get enough of the taste or the feel of it in her mouth. Sometimes I felt that way about her clitoris.

Finally she maneuvered herself on top and grabbing my shaft she guided it into her as she slipped down around it. I gasped from the pleasure. As she leaned forward I lifted my head and captured one of her nipples in my mouth. She moaned as I sucked and she bounced. I licked her nipple and sucked as her groans grew louder. I switched my mouth to her other breast after a few seconds.

She said. "That's it. I missed that. I missed you ... I love youOHHHHH." I stopped sucking for a moment as I wondered if she ever said that to John. She didn't seem to notice as I felt my expression turn hard. I felt myself get angry. I had to stop thinking like that.

To distract myself I started humping back into her and grabbing her butt just like she liked me to do. I pictured her slit in my mind to get me going again. Soon her head was back and she was panting with her mouth open. That was a sure sign she was close. I let her direct the speed of her bouncing so I wouldn't interrupt anything. I had evidently done that a couple of times when we were first married. I grabbed hold of her breasts and squeezed slightly because she liked that. She let out a moan followed by a long loud gasp. She increased her speed for a few seconds before relaxing. She went "ohh" again but this time it sounded like the same type of moan you let out when getting an itch scratched.

"That was good," she said as she looked down at me smiling.

She didn't stop her bouncing though trying to get me to come.

I said, "Get off," as I slapped bare butt.

"Why?"

"I want to be on top, I want to feel your body against mine."

She bounced a couple of more times and said, "Are you sure?" in a playful voice.

We had done this before and sometimes she wanted to see if she could get me to stay under her long enough to have an orgasm. At times she succeeded.

"Yes, I am."

She got off and lay next to me. I moved around on my knees, in between her legs. I looked her over. After a moment she looked at me as if asking me a question.

"I was admiring the scenery."

She smiled that bright smile of hers and put her arms out inviting me to lie down. I did. My shaft slipped into her without having to be guided, she gasped as I did. I lay there for a moment before starting my thrusts in and out. It didn't take long for the buildup to start and I slowed as I neared my release.

I enjoyed the feeling of my shaft slipping in and out of her wet slit. I had missed that feeling and not just for the sex. I missed her underneath me - feeling her breasts against my chest and watching her enjoy what I was doing. I liked it when she got as much out of this as I did. Many times I made sure she got more out of it than I did. I liked giving her the same pleasure I was feeling. Now was no different even though my need was more than usual.

I'm not sure how long it took but I finally felt my orgasm building to the point of no return. I put my arms around her to feel more of her body and slowed a bit so I could enjoy the experience longer.

Finally I let out a grunt scream that she smiled at as I started pounding into her harder. It felt so good to finally release inside her. I grunted as I shot my load but grunted louder as the feeling intensified for a second. I managed to look at her and her smile grew as I finished my grunts.

Sometimes I didn't like the noises I made during my orgasms. They sounded too much like a caveman. The screams were okay, but the grunts were too undignified. But I couldn't help it so I usually lived with them.

We rested for a moment with her hugging me before I slipped off. She loved to snuggle afterwards, which I usually didn't mind. This time it was only a minute or so before I started caressing her breasts. I slipped my hand down her stomach and through her pubic hair. I ran my hand over her clitoris feeling it with the skin of my hand before slipping the tip of one finger through and down her slit. I moved my hand back up to her breasts.

"Ummm, that feels good but what were you thinking of a few minutes ago?"

"Uh? I would have been thinking of you and how good you feel."

"I mean when you almost lost your hard-on. That isn't very nice to go soft while I'm fucking you."

"Oh" I had forgotten that. "Um, I was thinking of other things. I'm sorry." I turned my head when I said other things, for I almost said someone else.

She must have realized it for her voice turned serious and sad, "I have never told John that I love him even ... even while doing that. And I have never told him I missed him. Well, once I told him I missed the sex, that was at the start of the second affair but I never said I missed him ... I do miss you."

Many responses went through my mind, but I decided this wasn't the time. We could talk more about it later, and we would talk more about it.