The Remote
- 3 years ago
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Up until now, you've lived an unhappy life. Maybe it's because times have gotten tough, or because the people around you have been making your life a living hell, or maybe you're just stuck in a boring, aimless existence. No matter what the reason is, you want some change. And thanks to a special little remote you've come across, you finally have the power to make that change. Well... kind of...
This life-altering remote only comes with two buttons. The first is a green button, allowing the remote's user to lock-on to whoever they point it at. The second is a red button, a button that, when pressed, randomly gives the locked-on target a new identity. Whatever the assigned identity is, the target's mind will begin adjusting to it, until they eventually fully believe that it's who they are. These identities can vary from simple careers and personality types to less human states. But no matter what new identity a person ends up with, one thing is always true: that's the identity they're stuck with now. Once the remote is used on a person, there's no going back.
With a little bit of luck, you can finally have the life you've always wanted. It's just a question of whether or not you're willing to take the risk...
That fucking remote, I cant ever watch my television without getting a moist pussy. I am a very horny 19 year old girl and I just cant keep dry when I look at the shape of my remote. Where the hell is it? is usually said looking at the remote for more than one reason. Dont get me wrong, the shows I watch are definitely important to me, but my horny needs are much more important than True Blood. The curves and hardness of my remote just make me feel a lot better than any vampire show can! In...
Random Images by Deena "I thought they would never leave! God, don't these people ever sleep?" The blonde behind the cell bars groused loudly enough so that the female cop slammed the door to the holding cellblock and strode over to her cage. "What's the problem, babe? Didn't take your hormones today? You wanta wake up the computer geeks?" "Furthest thought from my mind. In fact, that's what I was griping about. You know, it's hard to have any fun out here in...
There is a saying up here in the Appalachians, ‘If you don’t like the weather, just wait a few minutes!’ Usually, like now, it will turn to something worse. It had been the wettest autumn in southwest Virginia that anyone could remember. We’d had rain virtually non-stop for the last two weeks up here in the Blue Ridge Highlands and the nearby Appalachian Plateau just to our west. My boss back at the knowledge house was getting reports of mudslides and track washouts faster than my maintenance...
Reddit Random Sexiness, aka r/RandomSexiness! Have you ever seen a random chick and just went, “Damn, she’s fucking hot!”… I am sure we all have. Well, as I have said many times before, Reddit has a section for everything and everyone, and r/randomsexiness/ is a place for just that. You have random images of sexy girls, in a variety of scenarios and a lot of random crap all around.I’d say that this is a specific niche, but it really ain’t. As long as you enjoy looking at cute and sexy...
Reddit NSFW List“Lucia, your brothers are coming home today.” my father told me.“They are not my brothers, they are your girlfriend’s sons.” I argued as I put my hair up.“Come on Lucia, I know that your relationship has been turbulent with Nancy but I’m asking you to behave.” he sighed.“Turbulent? This is all your fault, to begin with! You knew how I felt when you started seeing her and you didn’t care. I’m going to work out.” I argued.“Don’t stay out all day, we’re gonna have a family dinner.”“We’re not a...
Incest"Wait Haley, I don't understand," April said. "What about the remote?" "My dad bought this super fancy, touch screen remote control," Haley replied. "And my mom is so frustrated because she can't figure out how to use it. So my dad said he could teach me to use it, and if I could learn, why couldn't she?" "O.K. So, what happened?" "My dad spent like 20 minutes teaching me how to use the thing. It is pretty complicated. I'm totally not surprised that my mom couldn't figure...
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?”Anthea looked up at her mum as she sat down at the dining table. “Nothing is wrong,” Anthea responded watching as her mum hurriedly dried her hands with a tea towel.“Is the baby okay? Are you okay? Is Jack okay?” she asked as her husband came into the room and pulled up a seat at the table.“We’re all fine Mum,” she responded exasperated with her mum’s anxiety. “I have something to tell you.”“Sit down Helen,” her dad snapped. “Give the lass a chance to speak.”Anthea...
The bell rings and soon followed a sea of bodies all in close contact as they try to squeez through a set of double doors. All but one person at least... This person is Noah. Noah is a nerd. although he's six foot, he has no other attractive qualities about him. He has black hair and brown eyes and a face that has potential to be attractive but isn't. He usually wears trendy clothes not because he wants to be popular but he just likes the way it looks on him. He's 20 years old studying...
Me delhi me rhta hu aur yaha ka environment kafi open and friendly hai. Uss din ghar pr koi b nhi tha or me akela bore ho rha tha. Door bell baji or dekha ki sneha aayi hui hai. Sneha mere neighbour uncle ki aunty hai. Hum logo k family relation bahut ache hai or tbi sneha ko kbi uss nazar se nhi dekha. Although unki family ne muje bas padhte hue hi dekha hai to sneha ki family muje bht praise krti hai. Sneha kitchen ka kuch saman lene aayi thi or mene door open kia or kitchen ki taraf point...
Peter didn't realize his mistake fast enough. He was too preoccupied to notice. Unfortunately for him, his sister did notice. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? I CAN ALL HEAR THAT," she yelled as her fists slammed on Peter's bedroom door. "Oh fuck," Peter hissed as he rushed to pause the video. "UH, SORRY IT WAS A POPUP." He tore off his headphones and rushed to get dressed, silently cursing under his breath. "YEAH, OKAY Peter." Heather walked away wearing a pleased look. Even though her and Peter...
Mind ControlUther By Ellie Dauber (c) 2006 Introduction According to the legends of King Arthur, Merlin changed Uther Pendragon into a double for Duke Gorlois, so he could spend the night with Ygraine, the Duke's wife. Ygraine and Gorlois had three daughters: Elaine, Morgause, and Morgan le Faye. During their time together, Ygraine became pregnant with the child who was to become King Arthur. Uther's men killed Gorlois that same night. This is my TG (of course) version of what...
The the wind howled around the quayside as I stepped onto terra firma for the first time in weeks, the wind threw sharp shards of ice to sting our faces as we looked up at the sails as they were finally furled and stowed as our captain grinned at our discomfiture, "Au revoir!" he joked as if he knew we should soon be recalled. Those such as were left, and we were few enough, I shuddered. My best uniform packed securely in my Valise, awaited me, and just a few more duties before I...
Your name is Alex and you are 18 years old. And recently, there were big changes in your life, as soon as you got the swap remote. You were having breakfast in the kitchen this afternoon when you heard the doorbell ring. You got up and opened it, but when you looked around, all you saw was a box on the doorstep. You decided to take it home and examine it in more detail. You took it to your room and began to examine it, forgetting about breakfast. You sat and looked at the box in search of any...
Random Quotes compiled by Dov(e) Some time ago, I was toying with the idea of computer-generated stories. Since erotica does not always require a firm plotline (although it certainly can benefit from one), it seemed an obvious genre in which to experiment. In considering various approaches to computer-generated prose, I found that I needed a way to distill the very essence of TG fantasy stories. As an experiment, I created a simple program which would sift through the 1,300- odd...
Another tale in the Random Victories universe where two intrepid agents investigate some paranormal events in a small isolated town. Maybe they could make a TV series... Random Victories: The Mid Mountain File Chapter 1: Be afraid, be very afraid... Johnnie was petrified. It was going to happen to him, too, just like those other boys. Mom and Dad and his sister were no help. He shivered in his pajamas and looked around his room His basketball gear, his model cars, even...
Do you know of the porn site Motherless.com? You should. I’ve reviewed it a few times on my site, The Porn Dude, although it was for different genres every time. This time around, I’m going back to this place and looking at a specific and niche little category many of you are just begging me to cover. We’re looking at vintage porn today. While it doesn’t have the same resolution and quality as the porn you can find today, it’s definitely a genre of porn that has a lot of personality to it and...
Vintage Porn SitesI should have known better. I should have remembered that old saying, "If it looks too good to be true, it is." I was in love. She was damned near all I thought about with the exception of my studies and it didn't make sense to me. I prided myself on my intellect and my ability to think logically, but there wasn't anything logical about the way I felt about Althea. She was beautiful, smart and very popular and I was not. I wasn't a bed looking guy, but I was nothing exceptional. I was...
Motherless. A one-word website title that says everything it needs to say. This is a site where the rules are, more or less, completely thrown out the window, morality means absolutely nothing, and there is nobody to save you from it. Hedonism is God here.The site likely is also called this due to the fact that the girls who end up on motherless.com likely have no positive female influence in their lives to keep them from it. Motherless is the place parents spend their whole lives fearing that...
Porn Pictures SitesI always considered Motherless the “4chan” of porn. Not only because Motherless was somewhat popularized there, but because Motherless also encourages users to share their own content in a very open way. This means minimal bullshit like moderation and censorship, and a strong “anything goes” attitude that leads to free and extreme content. It encourages people to create and upload their own homegrown content, like videos of their girlfriend pissing or spycam videos of their cousin....
Amateur Porn SitesWhat is it about Motherless that makes me fucking cum every time? Maybe it is how raw and amateur the porn on the site comes across as, or the content is just that fucking hot. Perhaps it is the fact that there is an astronomical amount of pornography just waiting for a dumb fuck like you to beat off to! I really don’t know, and frankly, I’m not going to pretend that I do.But what I do know is that if you love BBWs, the Motherless.com homepage will not be of much use! Preferably, head on over...
BBW Porn SitesHave you ever heard about a website called Motherless? Home to all kinds of kinky porn niches, with a side of the mainstream crap? If you are into some questionable fap content, you might want to check this website out. Plus, Motherless is a free porn website, so you can browse as much as you fucking want. Now, I am not really here to talk about the website in general… I am here to tell you about their amazing category, called voyeur porn.The world of voyeur fucking is a rather interesting one....
Voyeur Porn SitesI just got back home after a day on the set of a movie. Feeling pretty tired, but I like my job for the most part. Im a casting director, one of the biggest in hollywood, Ive had meetings with pretty much any big actress. Its really fun working with them, but I wish I could do "more" with them. I return home and find a peculiar package, no shipping adress, just an unmarked box. I open it and find a remote control, similar to a tv remote. "Use it wisely, functions on the back" It read, I turn...
FetishThe Five Kingdoms of Arstoria had been embroiled in the Great Ancient War for centuries. The war came to an end when Kalace, the Wizard King conquered the five lands and brought them under his rule. Kalace, the Wizard King of Arstoria, conquered all of his opponents who were unable to deal with his overpowering magic. When Kalace had united the five kingdoms, he brought peace to the warring kingdoms and was revered and celebrated by his later generation. Kalace, however, had a dark weakness in...
FantasyWoah, did Motherless.com get a facelift? I know I suggested it in my review, so I guess they listened to me! Well, I’m not going to brag too much about it, and instead, I’m going to focus on what I’ve set out to bring you today. We’re looking at an amateur website, and I just know that many of you are begging for amateur creampie content, so that’s what we’re looking at. I know how much you think Motherless can look sickening and pretty gruesome at times, but the creampie content can be quite...
Creampie Porn SitesNo matter what type of porn you may be in the market for, Motherless has an ample supply of it, and cucking is no different. Actually, this might help to explain how you ended up being such a pussy little cuck.The journey that brought you to my website reading cuck porn reviews started in your childhood. A fair portion of my readership is actually motherless. Why, you ask? Your guys' moms chose a life of cucking and riding cock instead of raising you fucks properly.Don't worry, gents. I'm in...
Cuckold Porn SitesI browsed the horror stash at Motherless all morning, and now I don’t know if I should jack off or go hide in the closet until the danger has passed. Then again, hiding out might give me the perfect opportunity to rub one out in the peace and safety of the dark. Who knows who—or what—might be peeping in the windows with nefarious intent if I sit at my desk and shake my dick at the screen. Just like when I masturbate at the local Starbucks, I’ve got to be sure to balance the potential pleasure...
Extreme Porn WebsitesIncest porn has been a staple of pornography since the very first incel caveman realized that he couldn’t find fresh pussy out and about. He resorted to sniffing a whiff of his mother’s loincloth when she wasn’t looking, and beating his old cave meat into a leather sock.Now personally I’m not into the whole mommy-son dynamic – I’m a classy guy. But it’s no secret people like to get freaky when the lights go out, and if you’ve got a stiffy in your hand and you’re on Motherless, you gotta go...
Incest Porn SitesThanks to my usual cast and crew of Editors and Advance Readers, most of whom prefer to pretend that they don’t know me and wisely wish to take no responsibility for any part of my addled writings... Il n’est rien de réel que le rêve et l’amour - Nothing is real but dreams and love (from Le Coeur innombrable, IV, Chanson du temps opportun by Anna de Noailles) She was my one true mistress and ever faithful lover, my Green Lady and guardian of my dreams and now that I was back home...
Most people use the phrase, ‘the corners of my mind.’ There’s even a song with that phrase in it. It popped into my mind a while back and I thought about it. I don’t have any corners in my mind. There doesn’t seem to be some old box up there, with a lid on it. My thoughts feel as though they are in a whirlwind and random pieces fly out of the eddy at an amazing velocity sometimes. As though they were spewed out as debris is from the funnel of a tornado. A piece of roofing here, a piece of...
I live in the northern part of England in a small town not much happens here but i guess theres a lot i don't know about. Anyway fun is limited here so i do most of my searching for it on social media or websites and as i am bi i can enjoy and explore more, but i do only like older men as i find that more erotic. anyway I have met a couple of men pre arranged but have never had it come my way accidentally until recently. I had a free afternoon with nothing planned or any ideas what to do so...
What happens when a random teen kisses a random older man as he walks through a mall? What happens when he walks back to his car? Going to the mall will never be the same for you after you read this story!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~It was Thursday evening and I needed to get a fancy picture frame and have it engraved for my nephew’s high school graduation so I walked into the mall and went straight to the kiosk where the story directory was displayed and found the quickest path from where I...
When the car with Jake in it became a dot on the horizon, Thea turned to go back in the house. Suddenly Floyd appeared. “Mrs. Thea, how you be?” Smiling, she knew immediately what he wanted. He had that look and a glance at his crotch confirmed it. The imprint of his cock was prominent as it pushed against the material. “Looks like everyone is gone.” Floyd said. His eyes looking out over the farm. “Yes, I am by myself for at least the next few days.” She replied in an...
“Well, hell,” Thea said as she wiped the beads of perspiration from her face. “I guess ‘spring’ is here, huh?” “Yeah. It’s supposed to be cooler at higher elevation,” I replied. We took a few minutes in the shade by the rocks before rejoining our boyfriends. The four of us had driven up into the pass to hike. According to the weather report, the last coolness of a fading winter was supposed to continue through mid-week, but they were wrong. Actually, from our view from Eagle Point, where we’d...
Motherless.com! What an original name for a porn site, don't you think? The title doesn't fuck around: your mother would never allow you to watch the kind of filth they’ve got on tap. They pride themselves on being a moral-free zone for sick fucks, where you can find damn near anything. I’m talking about desperate chicks fucking anything that resembles a dick and crazy bitches literally eating shit. When you’re done fapping to the weird vids, you can even find "normal" porno to pass the time....
Free Porn Tube SitesAh, motherless, here we are again. A site known for offering such a variety, that no matter how fucked up your needs are, there is a high chance that you will fulfill them here. However, I am not here to blab about the site in general; I am here to talk about one particular category, interracial. As for those who want to know more about the site, there is a whole different review on my website instead.As for those who came here to learn more about that interracial lovemaking, I got your back....
Interracial Porn SitesColloquialism Vs. Lexical purity: A semantic showdown random / ran-duhm / adj. 1. made, done, etc., without method or conscious choice. 2. contemporary colloquial expression, used for variety of purposes to describe unforseen events, erratic behaviour, unpredictable personality traits, generally anything that is either beyond explanation or normality. (man, you are so random). As he was walking home, his iPod was not being random enough. Music was blaring in his ears and the setting was on...
It had been a long week. The latest project deadline was yesterday, but it wasn't finished until this morning. My boss was jumping down my throat even though the delays were caused a week ago by the customer (but that doesn't matter). Thankfully it was now done and it was the weekend. I turn off my phone, not wanting to be bothered at all. I head to the living room to find my upgraded cable system installed and waiting. I turn it on, grabbing the remote, I find the least offensive, most...
Theo had been changing into the squirrel too much, he knew that now... as a pulse of heat raced through his body from his groin. He realized that he shouldn't have come to the office.He had been spending most of his days at the squirrel in his home deep in the countryside. Teleworking most of the time, as the squirrel he felt no need for clothes, his heavy furred balls resting between his thighs as his paws raced over the keyboard. The sharp claws on his paws clattering loudly as he typed,...
Fantasy & Sci-Fiby Xafar on Fri 14 Aug 09, 11:15 AM another random… another random in another hotel room in another town… one from many… the serial abuser and his multiple victims and this one… naked… sat on the edge of a previously unknown bed just a half hours drive from her own home is crying and shaking and every now and then… her whole body heaving and giving the impressions that she is struggling to breath… that she is drowning on her own tears and snot and all the while… still suited and booted…...
by Xafar on Fri 14 Aug 09, 11:15 AM another random... another random in another hotel room in another town... one from many... the serial abuser and his multiple victims and this one... naked... sat on the edge of a previously unknown bed just a half hours drive from her own home is crying and shaking and every now and then... her whole body heaving and giving the impressions that she is struggling to breath... that she is drowning on her own tears and snot and all the while... still suited and...
It’s time to go to the land of chocolate fountains and golden showers. That’s right. Scat, piss, shit, and every fluid in between. Ever fuck a chick in her ass and freak out when you see that little bit of shit on your dick? Then I’m sorry to say that scat isn’t for you buddy. Were you the only one of your friends that saw two girls one cup and didn’t get grossed out? If so, it’s time to celebrate it! Don’t get pissed off, get pissed on! Scat porn has the craziest, kinkiest chicks and dudes...
Scat Porn SitesI’m not saying anything controversial when I say men love seeing women naked. It’s a fact of life as fundamental as gravity. It’s a force of nature that cannot be stopped by beast, man, or God. It’s an eternal truth and a divine mandate. As sure as the sun will rise, men will attempt to view as many women naked as they possibly can. Any man not doing so is either a sad or a gay one.This means that any woman a man sees regularly is mentally stripped down during every interaction. If any women...
The FappeningIt was a normal day for me, and my Mom had called me down. Yes Mom I ask what do you want? “Oh I wanted to show you this new Remote I got,” ok what does it do I ask curious as to what it did. “Well it does this” she says as she presses a button, and I start to take off my pants. Mom that is so not cool I say how is that thing controlling me, “I’ll never tell you” she said as she made me get naked. Please stop this Mom I beg please don’t do this to me, she then made me start to jerk Of with my...
IncestFriday, 5:25 PM You walk through the door like any other day when you see a package left on the coffee table. You sit down, laying your bag on the floor. The package is wrapped in brown butcher's paper and tied off with a frayed yellow string. Scribbled in thick black marker is your address, No return address listed. The top left corner of the package is covered in a mass of stamps from all over, many looking old and possibly expensive to those who collect such things. You roll it over in your...
Mind ControlYou, James Stern, sit in your room staring at the remote given to you by your uncle Rick for your 19th birthday. He's an eccentric man, pretty cool to hang around, but occasionally too much for your taste. The last time you saw him, he gave this to you. He said it was a gift from a friend of his, a scientist attempting to make a mind control device that was simple and efficient, but that the device was flawed. Instead of controlling anyone, it only controlled women. Even stranger, it only had...
Incest‘To me it’s not really a green. When I think green, I think of grass. That’s more like lemonade color.’ Erica’s nose was far too close to the glasses for my taste. Pouring the nearly clear absinthe over the rough-cut, cane-sugar cubes I favor, I tapped my spoon for a second to get her to back up. I wished I had my full setup here like I have at home, my Absinthe fountains water drippers are missed when I began to try and slowly pour water over the sugar cube. ‘Don’t you light it on fire?’ she...
Have you ever heard about a wonderful site called “Motherless”? I have a feeling that was a dumb question, of course, you fucking have. Well, I am here to talk about Motherless, but I shall also pay special attention to their Arab category. If you think Arabian sluts are hot, well you are in for a tasty treat, believe me.First, I should probably warn you that the name of this place comes from the fact that their content might be a bit too hardcore or questionable for some of you. Back in the...
Arab Porn SitesFuck yeah, life’s a bitch! So here I am, awake at 3:45 AM, after dreaming I was fucking this freaking hot MILF neighbor with heavy boobs, a flat tummy, a nice bubble butt, and sexy long legs. It was all hot and steamy, up until when she was sucking me off and just as I was about to obliterate her cute face with hot cum canon, my dream cut right off and I woke up with a tent on my pajamas.That dream ain’t coming back, but damn it! I sure gotta cum, so I boot up my laptop and type “cum facial” in...
Facial Cumshot Porn SitesUnd draußen schallte wieder Punkmusik aus dem Ghettoblaster – von der Eisenbahnunterführung bis zu seinem Haus! Punks und Skater hingen da ab. Das war diese Art von Jugendlichen, die ihren Eltern das Leben schwer macht , die von Arbeit nichts hielten, sich an keine Regeln hielten, ständig auf Party machten. Die soffen viel zu viel und kotzten dann in irgendeine Ecke. Denen bedeutete doch nichts und niemand etwas. Wahrscheinlich nahmen sie auch Drogen und trieben weiß-Gott-was mit...
BDSMMotherless is the mother of all porn sites. Motherless has no conscience or moral guide. Motherless will show you the stuff that all other porn sites are afraid to put up. Motherless will do this for free. This is seriously one of the nastiest and raunchiest sites out there and Motherless/Fetish is perhaps one of the dirtiest places on the web that are well within reach. Sure you can scan the dark web and find something even more naughty or puzzlingly gross, but why do that when you’ve got...
Fetish Porn SitesAbsinthe 2: The Absinthe of Malice By Morpheus The flight from Seattle to Boston had been extremely long and uncomfortable, even with the two hour delay in Chicago where I got to stretch my legs and change flights. My book had given me something to do during the countless hours in the air, though admittedly, Collin had been my largest savior from boredom. The two of us had ended up talking for over half the flight, and by the time we finally landed, I was even starting to consider...
After tea on the Friday evening Thelma stopped me as I was going into upstairs to my room. Her eyes looked wild and her breathing was heavy. “I’m going to a party,” She said in a low voice, “do you want to watch me getting undressed?” I nodded like a puppet. “Wait in my room…I’ll be up in five minutes.” I skipped up the stairs two at a time! I nervously let myself into my sister’s bedroom. I’d been in many times before – borrowing her dirty knickers and stuff to use...
Harry and Rob sat in the local pub in their usual spot in the corner by themselves. They were having a discussion about what to do with Ethel. Rob has been adamant that he wants to hang Ethel by her ankles and butcher her. Harry strongly disagrees with him. Harry is convinced that if he talks to Ethel he can persuade her not to go to the authorities and they will be able to use her the same way the other men. Rob agrees to try Harry's way first but he says" if she wants to argue I'm going to...
kEthel sat with her tits nailed to the work table. Her tits were swollen to twice their normal size from the beating they had received from Harry and Rob and the axe handle. Ethel sobbed both from the pain and the feeling of despair and hopelessness. She knew she would not be able to sweet talk the men into letting her go without anymore abuse. Harry and Rob arrived and again Ethel begged and pleaded with them to let her go. The men laughed and told her they still had a few more things they...
Note : This story is completely fictional!In nineteen forty six Thelma Lou Anderson was married with three kids. Linda was the oldest. She was sixteen. Guy and George was ten and Guy seven. Thelma owned a beauty shop in Kansas City. She suspected her husband Lawerance was cheating on her again. She followed him one day when he thought she was at work and saw him go into a house. A woman opened the door and he went in. That was all the proof she needed. She went home and packed her suitcase and...
IncestShe drank from her water bottle and as she put it back down his hand slid onto her stomach. She turned her head to look up at him and remarked ‘that’s very forward.’ He replied ‘so is this’ and kissed her. The jolt of electricity rushing down her body was all she needed to turn and place her hands on his chest and run them up over his shoulders to his neck and pull him closer. His arms circled her waist and ran up her sides brushing discreetly past her breasts to cup her face and gently break...
This is the third and last part of my random indian sex encounters related to ramya. You can read the last part in “random encounters – ramya’s cousin sister”. I met riya, ramya’s cute cousin sister in bangalore and she was well acquainted with me as I used to visit often. She apparently used to jerk off to hearing us fuck and it was quite a turn on to hear the pretty little thing talk dirty. As described in the previous story, I was at their place for a house party which ended with me and riya...
He's gone. He's camping with the guys.Know what I wish I was doing? Camping with the guys. "Why?" you ask? Because I wish everyone of those guys was rubbing his cock over my face, slapping my pussy, fucking my ass. Damn. I'm seriously so horny, I should not even be writing.I was going to try to write another story for Babble (the site I originally posted this story for). But it's not even worth it. I can't think about a well written piece of fiction. All I can do is think about cocks and...