The Name Not To Call Your Dog free porn video

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The last name you should choose is, ‘Sex.’

Everyone who owns a dog calls it by a sensible name, Like Rover, Boy, Trixie, or just plain, ‘Dog!’

Not me! I don’t know why. Maybe it was because I wasn’t getting any at the time and it was rankling. I will even go as far to say it was a sore subject. Dunno, maybe I should not have called my dog, ‘Sex!’

Little did I know then what an embarrassment it would be for my wife and I. Like when I went to the post office, in those days you needed a licence to keep a dog.

The lady behind the counter was nice, she called me, Sir!

‘Yes? What can I do for you, Sir?’ she said.

‘I would like a licence for Sex please.’

She seemed quite genuine when she asked, ‘Are you legally married? Is your wife over the age of consent?’

‘Yes, Miss! Why do you ask? I don’t see the connection!’

‘You do not need a licence to have Sex with your partner if you are legally married, Sir!’

‘But! You do not seem to understand! She’s a dog!’

‘I am not really concerned what she looks like! We all have our crosses to bear. You should see my husband!’

‘You still do not understand, do you? I have had Sex since I was nine years old!’

‘Really, Sir! Whoaweee! I don’t know whether you are bragging or complaining. I thought I was an early starter when I had it when I was fourteen! My Dad threatened to disown me, he did!’

Finally I gave up and purchased a book of postage stamps.

Then there was the time my wife and I went on honeymoon and we could not stand to see our Sex left behind.

‘Good Evening, Sir and Madame! Welcome to the Palm Beach Hotel! Have you made reservations?’

‘Eh! Yes we did. We have a problem though. The lady who usually had Sex, said she couldn’t do it this time, so we had to bring Sex with us which means we now require an additional room for Sex… Please.’

The hotel receptionist just did not know where to look, finally she looked at me and then my wife and back at me again. I could see she was doing her best to control her features. Finally she said, ‘You do not have to worry on that score, Sir! All our rooms are warm and sound-proofed. We have had no complaints although some of the ladies admitted to us that they were very loud in the bedroom. Personally, don’t say I told you, but I can tell you from experience that it is possible to get up to the kinkiest of goings on and not be heard.’

It was at this stage that, Gertrude, my good lady wife tried to help, Bless her. ‘You do not seem to understand, Miss. Sex, keeps my husband and I awake at night! I can put up with it, but my husband can’t, it makes him fractious, when he gets excited, sometimes he can be violent!’

I could see the receptionist was beginning to enjoy the conversation, she probably felt we were talent for the hotel variety show. She cleared her throat and continued, ‘Let me see if I can sort all this out for you, Sir, Madame. First of all, you do not like to have Sex in your bedroom. I can understand that! Some people can’t eat in the dining room. We all have our idiosyncrasies, don’t we? You want a special room for Sex. That could be a bit expensive. Our en-suite bathrooms are very spacious, my boyfriend and I often have it in the bathroom. The bubbles tickle, you see. plus the fact he has this thing for water sports. Can’t get any kinkier than that, can you?’

We gave up! We ended up having Sex on our bed.

You haven’t heard the last of it! There was the time when I entered Sex into the local Dog Show. We spent hours on Sex, getting her ready for the show, even teaching her to hold her tail up.

Amazingly, she went right through to the finals! We were proud of Sex!

Everything went fine until this nice lady Judge started to ask questions.

‘What is your dogs name?’

‘Sex, Marm.’

‘Excuse me? What did you say, Young Man?

‘I said, Sex, Marm!’

‘Now! Look here, Young Man! You have a very good show worthy dog here who can win prizes on her own merits. She certainly does not need you to bribe the judges!’

‘B-B-But, you don’t seem to understand Sex is…’

She did not give me time to finish, she walked Sex on her lead and placed her on the First Prize rostrum. Later, when she shook my hand formally she held onto my hand and passed me a folded note concealed in the palm of her hand. It read: I am very tempted by your offer. Phone me on this number at 7 o’clock this evening. Leave your wife and the dog at home.

We had a good laugh about Sex later on that evening. We both were glad that she misunderstood about Sex.

Finally, the arguments about Sex became overheated between my wife and I so that we decided to separate for a while. She just could not understand why I put Sex before her! I think it was because I had Sex long before I met her and Sex means so much to me that I could not possible be without Sex.

You have no idea how complicated it was to talk to a divorce lawyer! Needless to say he was more on my wife’s side than mine. He had the damned audacity to say that I should give up Sex! He went on to mumble something about me getting my priorities right! The nerve of the man!

I was in a fit of rage when I left his office, let me tell you! Me give up Sex, never!

When I got back to the car I found the Sex had got bored and chewed up her leash. No problem, I stopped at the pet shop on my way home. I did it again, didn’t I?

‘Good evening, Sir! What can I do for you?’ said the very nice comely young lady behind the counter.

‘Good evening to you too, Miss! I would like a nice studded collar and a strong chain lead for Sex, please, Miss.’

‘Certainly, Sir! Would you like sharp or blunt studs? Me and my boyfriend likes the sharpens! They scratch lovely, they does.’

‘I want them for my, Bitch!’

‘Oh! Sir! You are like my boyfriend! The things he does call me when he his aroused!’

I came out of that shop with a box of Bonios…!

The fat really did hit the fan when I got back to the car! Sex had only escaped through the window I had left open! It was already getting dark.

How do you get your dog back? You call her right? Sometimes you have to call real loud, don’t you? I was only calling when I felt this size fifteen hand on my collar!

‘I must caution you, Sir! Anything you say may be taken down in writing and used in evidence…’

‘B-B-But Officer! I w-w-was only looking for Sexxxxxxxxxxxxxx!’

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Motherless Fappening

I’m not saying anything controversial when I say men love seeing women naked. It’s a fact of life as fundamental as gravity. It’s a force of nature that cannot be stopped by beast, man, or God. It’s an eternal truth and a divine mandate. As sure as the sun will rise, men will attempt to view as many women naked as they possibly can. Any man not doing so is either a sad or a gay one.This means that any woman a man sees regularly is mentally stripped down during every interaction. If any women...

The Fappening
2 years ago
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The Minotaur

The MinotaurI polished the story a bit and finally finished it. This was written as a present to a very special (in a good way) girl here on xhamster. You know who you are. Enjoy ;-)Setting: Warhammer Fantasy, Dark Elf Kingdom of Naggaroth...Part 1: The AmbushThe coach was rumbling along the road going from the city of Ghrond, the northern seat of Morathi's cabal of Sorceresses, to one of the Witch King's Watchtowers in the far north, guarding the Dark Elf kingdom of Naggaroth from incursions...

3 years ago
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Absinthe Dreams

‘To me it’s not really a green. When I think green, I think of grass. That’s more like lemonade color.’ Erica’s nose was far too close to the glasses for my taste. Pouring the nearly clear absinthe over the rough-cut, cane-sugar cubes I favor, I tapped my spoon for a second to get her to back up. I wished I had my full setup here like I have at home, my Absinthe fountains water drippers are missed when I began to try and slowly pour water over the sugar cube. ‘Don’t you light it on fire?’ she...

1 year ago
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Motherless Arab

Have you ever heard about a wonderful site called “Motherless”? I have a feeling that was a dumb question, of course, you fucking have. Well, I am here to talk about Motherless, but I shall also pay special attention to their Arab category. If you think Arabian sluts are hot, well you are in for a tasty treat, believe me.First, I should probably warn you that the name of this place comes from the fact that their content might be a bit too hardcore or questionable for some of you. Back in the...

Arab Porn Sites
1 year ago
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Motherless Facials

Fuck yeah, life’s a bitch! So here I am, awake at 3:45 AM, after dreaming I was fucking this freaking hot MILF neighbor with heavy boobs, a flat tummy, a nice bubble butt, and sexy long legs. It was all hot and steamy, up until when she was sucking me off and just as I was about to obliterate her cute face with hot cum canon, my dream cut right off and I woke up with a tent on my pajamas.That dream ain’t coming back, but damn it! I sure gotta cum, so I boot up my laptop and type “cum facial” in...

Facial Cumshot Porn Sites
2 years ago
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Changed my opinion of dogging

Because I had been with Alan so long I thought that was it, so discovering he had got a girlfriend was initially devastating and it all turned a bit nasty. Anyway he did do the slightly honourable thing and moved out, allowing me time to buy him out of the house. I have a good job but I’m not prepared to share what it is that I actually do for a living. Soon after Alan moved out I happened to have a particularly bad evening with some alcohol fuelled self pity. The TV was crap and I ended up on...

4 years ago
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Hayleyrsquos first time dogging

So me and Hayley have been together for a good couple year now. Still happy and still her taking plenty of cock. One day she come back in from work with a big smile on her face. She comes out that she has finally found a place where a dogging spot is and that we are going this Saturday. I ask how she found that out and her reply is just from the delivery guy at work. My next question is why and how were you talking to the delivery guy about dogging? She looks at me with her slutty smile and...

4 years ago
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The Maiden and the Minotaur Part 3

The Minotaur got up off the bed, leaving the dazed Ariadne laying there, cum still oozing from her abused slit, too weak and wobbly to get up. He moved over to his chair by the fireplace, but looked over at her from time to time to check on her.Gradually, Ariadne came to her senses. Her moaning diminished and her breathing and heart rate slowed. She stirred, catching his attention and he watched, interested, as she rose to a sitting position. When she felt strong enough, she slipped off the bed...

Monster Sex
2 years ago
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sisters horny Dog

The beautiful young teenager sprawled wantonly on her bed, her entire body completely naked. She ran two fingers in and out of her dripping pussy, moaning with pleasure. Her lust-glazed eyes were fixed on the handsome German Shepherd who was sitting at the foot of his mistress' bed, his own eyes riveted on her wet cunt. "Oooh, you're really turning on now, aren't you, boy?" Babs Nichols groaned, laughing with delight at the sight of the huge hard-on visibly throbbing beneath the dog's...

3 years ago
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Thea

Und draußen schallte wieder Punkmusik aus dem Ghettoblaster – von der Eisenbahnunterführung bis zu seinem Haus! Punks und Skater hingen da ab. Das war diese Art von Jugendlichen, die ihren Eltern das Leben schwer macht , die von Arbeit nichts hielten, sich an keine Regeln hielten, ständig auf Party machten. Die soffen viel zu viel und kotzten dann in irgendeine Ecke. Denen bedeutete doch nichts und niemand etwas. Wahrscheinlich nahmen sie auch Drogen und trieben weiß-Gott-was mit...

BDSM
4 years ago
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The Maiden and the Minotaur Part 2

Ariadne felt the odd sensation of being whisked through the air. In her dazed semi-conscious state, she heard a thunderous beating. She could hear it through the soft fur under her ear. Pounding... rhythmic... strangely soothing. As she began to return to consciousness, she slowly opened her eyes. She was being cradled in the strong powerful human arms of the Minotaur. Carried across the room towards the bed she first noticed in the room. She could smell its musky animal scent strongly now - it...

Monster Sex
1 year ago
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Motherless Fetish

Motherless is the mother of all porn sites. Motherless has no conscience or moral guide. Motherless will show you the stuff that all other porn sites are afraid to put up. Motherless will do this for free. This is seriously one of the nastiest and raunchiest sites out there and Motherless/Fetish is perhaps one of the dirtiest places on the web that are well within reach. Sure you can scan the dark web and find something even more naughty or puzzlingly gross, but why do that when you’ve got...

Fetish Porn Sites
4 years ago
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I Caught My Mom Dogging

I got into the dogging thing in my mid teens thanks to an older neighbor guy who was into everything sexual big time. He had all kinds of videos and pictures, he and his wife were swingers. He took me out the first few times to show me the ropes. He even let me watch his hot wife dog a time or two. This guy always knew who would be where. My favorite woman was one older lady who would only fuck one guy but afterward would let all of us masterbate and blow our wads on her bush then she would...

4 years ago
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Lady Bee Callum

Earlier this summer I met up with some old friends, Sue and Anthony, staying at their holiday house. They brought their 18 year old son along, who I hadn't seen for a few summers. It shocked me. Suddenly Callum was a typical grumpy teenager, about to leave school and not sure what to do, talking about a gap year but not really sure. Sue asked me if I could have a chat with him and said that Callum had always looked up to me. I wasn't sure, I used to speak to Callum a lot when he was a young boy...

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