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When I was 7, I decided I was going to marry a man with black hair and green eyes. His name would be Edward, and he would love me more than anyone else in the whole wide world.

Now, a childhood and the first shaking steps of adulthood later, aged 18, I lay awake at four in the morning, feeling the warmth of your smooth ochre skin and silk thread hair, streaked lightly with grey. It’s dark and the light from the balcony illuminates you in a weary monochrome, sending shadows streaming from the branches outside onto your sleeping face. I had never known it possible for a man to be so beautiful, so unutterably perfect that my chest swells to bursting knowing that I love you. I lean closer, allowing my hand to trace the cool line of your brow.

You don’t stir, your lids heavy with the exhaustion of making love to me. Every muscle in my body wants to pull you to me and wrap you in my arms so closely you wake to my touch, but I dare not rouse you so late at night. I feel tears in my eyes at the thought of you. What had I done to deserve a man who loves me so much? Who cradles me like an infant when I breakdown, who teaches and shows me the world through eyes so much brighter than my own? You restored my faith in men, the upstanding goodness in humanity, the vulnerable beauty of the smallest of things.

In the morning you will mutter in a newborn manner, and reach for me across the sea of sheets with two long, ape like arms, longing to be held, and I will hold you as you hold me. I love the smallness of your hands, the neatness of each fingernail, the crease of your beautiful eyes as you wince at waking. You call me dear, or beautiful, as if it was as much my name as my birth certificate. Every time you do I feel my soul curl like a leaf in the blessing of light, and I reach for you, full point, to kiss the lips that spoke to me.

You are a secretive man with no secrets. I know everything and nothing and sometimes I wonder why. I have seen you fall to the ground, broken, and weep in my arms with all the sorrow of the world. I have seen you laugh so hard you are reduced to gasping and coughing, so much so I am concerned. I have seen the best and worst sulks and tantrums echo from your being, met with both my hidden smile and anger.

But to any other man who walks this earth you are mellow in your emotions, ever calm, ever stable. You do your best but I see the shadow shows, the man holding onto the only way he knows to row through his fears and sadness. Your formality in your high soft voice breaks my heart on hearing you. I cannot fight your battles or draw a sword on your behalf, but my arms are open, outstretched, always, and I will be the walls to the storm and keep you safe and strong. You are, behind your fifty years, still a child searching for answers in a sea of books and being.

I don’t mind. That’s the wrong phrase. I don’t mind because I love it, all of you, cantankerous, out of touch, snobbish and cold, because I know it is you behind your long hours and cruel bosses, it is you who will kiss me and hold me with the sweetness and love no one has ever come close to. It is you who will sit through my rages and tears and insecurities with the patience of saints and the wisdom of ages. We are not children, nor adults when we hold each other, just two frightened humans in a beautiful, wicked world. And I will love you, my dear, dear man, until the end of my being.

Outside, the world may demand the savage hatred of men for their brothers, bay like famished wolves for the blood of the followers of gods, but for now I hold you, and you hold me, in this great sinking ship at the breaking wave of a cold war. I will not hear the anger of the innocent dead, nor search in my fists for the cruelty to hit those who seek my fear, we are stronger than the bitterness of bullets or the sharpness of swords, we need no heads to stand tall knowing we are pure of all sins cast on us for our love, we need no limbs nor strength to be stronger than this viciousness, this age of terror, this aggression of the unnamed, the unloved, the unwanted.

I will draw no pistols and kill no man, for while their hatred may kill a thousand, love shall bear a million more, who will bring with them a brighter dawn. I hold you now. I will hold you then. I am yours, you are mine, one soul bound by the beauty of humanity.

Your name isn’t Edward. But yours is close enough for me.

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The Bar

Slowly approaching the door, the roar of the Coliseum still echoing in my head, ‘Maximus!… Maximus!… Maximus!’. I need my escape… I need Syds’. Opening the door in a wide arc, letting the initial scene wash over me… ah… my people. Frolicking in the tub, couples becoming intimate in the shadows, the usuals sitting at the bar, drinking and laughing… basically having a good time. Entering, I receive more than my fair share of greetings and kisses, even a few wanton leers, as I make my way to...

The Touch of a Man Part Three

They began to talk and Cassie Raye began to get even more comfortable with Dylan. She had gotten drinks and they began talking about everything they could possibly think of and the whole time they were, she was thinking of how she had missed being with a man. How long it had been since one had been inside her. Her pussy began to pulse at the thought and she had to think of something else to let the urge go by.She was happy that they talked and laughed with each other and shared things with each...

Straight Sex

Moving Day

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its...

Such Sweet SorrowChapter 20 Some Domestic Servitude March

16 Months, 506 Days Since Jenny's Disappearance A DOMESTIC SLAVE? I have organised a couple of day's annual leave, but I forgot to change my alarm. The alarm does not forget and erupts at 6.30 in the morning as it normally does. I look bleary eyed at the clock radio. I am about to get up. I have a hazy memory that I have a lot to do today but in the event, I switch the noise off, roll over and go back to sleep until 8am, when I am woken by the door bell. A messenger has a large letter for...

A story about a retreat that caters to the rich and powerful to satisfy their perverted urges

This story is about a place and not about a person. It involves persons of great power and influence and must be kept confidential. If you can’t keep this confidence then stop reading now and go elsewhere. The Chateau is located in Luxembourg, and tucked away between Belgium, France and Germany. It is in a wooded area, isolated, but in a place of great scenic beauty. The Chateau is a converted castle dated back to the 12th century that has been tastefully enlarged to accommodate a...

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