I did not know I had a disorder
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Seasonal Affection Disorder free porn video
Chapter One – Spring
The phone rang, jolting me out of my sleep. I looked blearily at the alarm clock. It was 8:19 on a Saturday morning. Who the hell could be calling me? I cleared my throat and picked up the phone. ‘Hello?’
‘Steve. It’s Jessica.’ Jessica. Just hearing her voice brought back vivid memories. I walked over to the coffeemaker, thankful that I’d had the presence of mind to brew a pot of coffee last night. I was going to need some caffeine to work my way through this conversation.
‘Jess. I didn’t think I’d hear from you, well, ever again.’
It really hadn’t been a bad break-up, just a sudden severance that I should have seen coming.
I was pouring myself a cup when she said, ‘Well, I’m allowed to be wrong, right?’ She sounded a little timid, almost like I did when I first asked her out. ‘Sure, and you’re allowed to be right wrong. Or even left.’ I wasn’t able to resist. I’d always been a sucker for wordplay.
I heard her chuckle, a mellifluous sound that had always set my heart racing. ‘Alright, so you’re as silly as ever,’ she replied as I took my first sip.
‘That’s me, baby. Silly to the last drop.’
‘You’re drinking your coffee, aren’t you?’
‘You know it, Jess. It’s the breakfast of champions. But can I ask what inspired this call? Is this just an apology? I’m not trying to end the conversation, just curious.’
‘Well, I really did want to apologize for my behavior a few months ago. But I also wanted to know if you were free tonight?’ Her pitch rose at the end of the last sentence turning it into a question. I probably could’ve blown her off and said that I had a date or something like that, but the memories of our better times together kept bringing themselves to the forefront.
‘Yeah, I’m free tonight. What say we meet at The Silver Diner at seven o’clock tonight?’
There was silence on the other end of the line. ‘That’s where we had our first date,’ she finally said. ‘I know,’ I replied. ‘I figured we might as well start over from the beginning.’
‘Okay. I’ll see you at seven, then.’ She hung up the phone and I sat down at the kitchen table with my cup of ambrosia to think things through.
**********
I was sitting at a table in The Silver Diner at six fifty when she walked in and my heart skipped a beat. She was just as I remembered her. I knew it had only been a few months since I had seen her last, but for some reason I expected that I had been fooling myself about her beauty. As a smile crept across my face, I knew I hadn’t been.
She was a little taller than me, with raven black hair, and coal black eyes so deep that whenever I looked into them I felt like I could just fall in. All of this on brilliant alabaster white skin. As the hostess directed her to my table, she saw my stare and blushed, making me think of peaches and cream.
The whole thing felt like the cheesiest scene from a bad romantic comedy, but I didn’t care. All that mattered to me was that she was here.
‘Jess, how are you?’ I asked as she slid into the chair opposite me.
‘Oh, feeling better,’ she replied. ‘I love the spring. The weather’s warmer, the rain doesn’t last too long, and when it’s gone, there’s the smell of life in the air.’
I nodded, still smiling. I couldn’t help but feel the same way. ‘So what’ve you been up to?’ I asked, setting the menu down. I already knew it by heart, and she knew it.
‘Well, I kinda shut myself away for a little bit when I wasn’t at work. I didn’t really do much in my free time other than sit around and watch TV.’
‘Well, you look great.’ I eyed her up and down, at least as much as I could see above the table, that is.
‘Well, I wasn’t doing much, but I didn’t pig out, either,’ she said, a smile twitching the corner of her lips. ‘What about you? I see you grew the beard again.’
Unconsciously, I rubbed the bristles on my cheeks. ‘Yeah, I figured it was good to have some more protection from those winds we had in January. Felt like knives cutting into me.’ Just the thought of them made me feel colder, and I wrapped my hands around my coffee cup, taking some of the heat in that way.
‘I went on a date or two, but nothing really came of them,’ I continued. ‘One was cute but couldn’t hold a conversation without diverting it to pets, and the other thought I was weird for reading books for fun.’
She smiled and shook her head, her hair falling about her like a willow tree dressed in sable. ‘None of them compared to me, huh?’
I smiled. ‘Not even close, Jess.’ As I took a sip of coffee and gazed into those bottomless black eyes, I figured that dating her was definitely worth another shot.
Chapter Two – Summer
We were lying on a blanket in the park. My arm was around her, and her head was resting on my chest. I was holding Patrick O’Brian’s ‘Desolation Island’ and reading to her.
‘So they ran another glass, and at the striking of the bell Jack moved to the poop: there, crouching with his telescope behind the taffrail, he inspected the Waakzaamheid.’
Here I made sure to give it the proper pronunciation of ‘Vok-zem-hide’. Abruptly she giggled and rubbed the ear that had been lying on my chest. ‘What’s so funny?’ I asked.
She shook her head as she controlled her laughter. ‘That tickled,’ she final got out. I raised an eyebrow. ‘A seventy-four gun ship of the line hardly tickles, my dear,’ I intoned, trying to give my voice the Irish lilt that Stephen Maturin, one of the book’s heroes, would have given it. She laughed and laid her head back down on my chest.
I continued until the end of the chapter, no mean feat when reading a book by Mr. O’Brian. Marking my place, I set the book down next to me on the blanket.
‘You said there were twenty of those books,’ Jessica said dreamily. I nodded while stroking her hair. ‘Yeah, twenty and an unfinished one. Apparently he died at his writing desk.’
‘What a way to go,’ she said. I had the feeling that she was doing the same thing that I was, namely staring off into the sky and just saying whatever came to mind. ‘Definitely,’ I replied. ‘But it might not be so bad. I think the worst part would be knowing that you hadn’t put all of your ideas down. Like there was still more that had to be done. You know?’
I felt her nod. ‘Steve?’
‘Yeah, Jess?’
‘I love it here. The sun’s out, the shade’s creating wonderful patterns, the breeze is delicious, and my favorite man is holding me.’
‘I understand what you mean, Jess. The only problem is my favorite man isn’t holding me.’ I knew I was being a smart-ass, but I decided to chance it. All I got in response was a lazy backhanded slap on the chest. ‘Be nice, you,’ she said.
I chuckled. ‘Fine, fine, if you insist. I do love it here. The sun’s out, the shade’s creating wonderful patterns, the breeze is… What did you call the breeze?’
‘Delicious.’
‘Right, the breeze is delicious, and my favorite woman is pressed against my side.’
We lay there for another few hours, contemplating life and enjoying the feeling of each other, watching the sun go down. It was the nicest day so far, and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend it.
**********
We ran into The Silver Diner, soaked almost to the skin just from the short dash between the car and the restaurant’s front door. We grabbed our normal table and Christine took our order like usual. A coffee and ham sandwich for me, water and a grilled chicken sandwich for Jess. The drinks arrived, quickly followed by the food.
We ate in a companionable silence, the kind that you only get between people extremely comfortable with each other. No need to get a thought out immediately, let it bubble and mature. It’ll wait a few more minutes.
Thunder rumbled overhead as the sky grew darker. ‘Glad it rained,’ I said, taking a sip of coffee. Jess nodded, still staring out the wi
ndow. ‘We needed it,’ she replied after what was probably a few minutes.
I looked down and saw that we were holding hands across the table. I wondered how long we had been like this. We both used two hands to eat, so it must have been after we had finished, probably shortly after.
Christine came around and refilled our drinks. We kept staring out the window. Lightning flashed outside and I felt her hand tighten. I chuckled. She turned her head to face me and raised an eyebrow. ‘Why’re you laughing?’
‘You squeezed my hand when the lightning flashed.’
‘No I didn’t. You squeezed mine.’
This time it was my turn to raise an eyebrow. ‘Oh? I’ll have you know, little miss, that I’ve enjoyed thunderstorms since before I could walk,’ I said, smiling.
She shrugged, also smiling. ‘People like going to horror movies, even though they know they’ll scream. Liking something has nothing to do with not being frightened.’
‘Touché, mademoiselle,’ I replied, looking out the window. ‘That doesn’t mean you didn’t squeeze my hand as well, though.’
Jess didn’t reply. She too was gazing out the window. I let the topic drop. It was an insignificant point. As I started in on the new cup of coffee, my thoughts began to wander.
Sure, the weather wasn’t as pretty as that time a few weeks ago in the park, but the experience was just as lovely. I was sitting inside my favorite restaurant, drinking coffee, contemplating the mysteries of life, and holding hands with an awesome woman.
Chapter Three – Fall
The leaves were changing color, and along with them so was Jess’s mood. As the cooler weather started to blow in, she became more withdrawn. Several times I called her to try to get together, and each time she had begged off, saying, ‘Maybe another time.’
I decided that enough was enough. I was going to spend some time with her and she was going to enjoy it, whether she liked it or not.
As I reached for my keys, I paused and ran through that thought again. Shaking my head and chuckling, I grabbed my keys and my coat and headed out the door.
**********
She hadn’t had any objections to me coming in when she opened the door. As I stepped in, I saw that she’d had the news on and that her couch bore a pretty distinct outline of her body.
‘Well, I can see I’ve come at a busy time,’ I said, forcing a smile and mugging like crazy.
She sighed and looked at the TV. ‘No, not really. It’s been kinda dull here. I just haven’t really felt like going out and doing anything.’
She turned and looked at me, those dark eyes almost looking lost, searching for something.
‘Tell you what,’ I said, still smiling. ‘Why don’t we head on out to The Silver Diner and see if getting out is the cure. If it is, we’ll go do something afterwards. If not, well, at least we’ll have spent some time together.’
She nodded, almost as if she was just going on automatic. ‘I’ll get my coat.’
**********
We were sitting in The Silver Diner. The ever-mindful Christine had cleared our empty plates away a little while ago. Both Jess and I were looking out the window but neither of us was seeing what was going on out there. Our minds were miles away, thinking about anything and everything.
I was trying to think of a way to bring up her increasing distance from me without actually mentioning it. I could see that she felt a little bad about it, or at least regretful. Calling it by its name would probably just make it worse. The problem was that I was drawing a complete blank.
I made a squeeze with my hand, thinking hers was in it. I felt no resistance until my fingers touched my palm. I looked down. I was prepared to believe that our hands had just drifted apart, but hers wasn’t even on the table. I mentally sighed. It was going to be the same thing all over again.
Chapter Four – Winter
I was sitting in The Silver Diner at our normal table, but no one was sitting across from me. The last time that I had even talked to Jess, she’d been more distant than usual. Wanting to be a gentleman about this increasing gap, I had said that she’d sounded a little sick, that she should get some rest, and to call me when she was better.
That was three weeks ago. Not an email, not a phone call, no contact from her whatsoever.
I wrapped my hands around the coffee cup, grateful for its warmth. It was sleeting outside and the winds were whipping ice all over the place.
Christine came over and topped off my cup. She gave me a sad smile, as if she knew what had happened and I wasn’t just waiting for Jess to arrive.
‘Christine, I gotta ask you something. I’ve heard that the weather can mess with people’s emotions. Is that really true?’
She nodded. ‘Yeah, everyone gets at least a little of it, but most just think it’s the cold or worrying about slipping on ice or whatever that’s bringing them down a little. It’s actually the fact that they’re getting less sunlight. Most people call it ‘the blues’ or something like that, but it’s technically called Seasonal Affective Disorder.’
I wondered how she knew that. It wasn’t like she was suffering from it, certainly not to the extent that Jess was, so that wasn’t the answer.
She’d set the coffeepot down by now and was stretching her heel against the outside of the booth. ‘You know the old saying along the lines of ‘In spring a young man’s thoughts turn to love,’ right?’
I nodded. I’d heard it in one form or another since I could remember. ‘Well,’ she continued, ‘that’s because people are coming out of their winter depression and realizing that life doesn’t actually suck.’
I took a sip of my coffee. She seemed done, and I decided to pop the question. ‘Christine, how the hell do you know all of this and yet you’re stuck pouring coffee for minimum wage plus tips?’
She smiled at me. ‘I’ve got a bachelor’s in psychology. I’m saving up to go back for my master’s.’
I nodded and went back to my coffee as she walked off to attend to a couple sitting in one of the booths on the other side of the diner. So, Jess probably had Seasonal Affective Disorder, huh?
‘More like Seasonal Affection Disorder,’ I thought to myself, and then chuckled at the hideous word play.
Chapter Five – Spring Again
The phone rang, jolting me out of my sleep. I looked blearily at the alarm clock. It was 8:11 on a Saturday morning. I reached for the phone and picked it up. ‘Hello?’
‘Steve. It’s Jessica.’ I smiled to myself and walked over to the coffeepot. Ever since the weather began warming up, I’d begun making a pot of coffee the night before just in case she called.
‘Jess. It’s good to hear from you.’
I could almost hear her nod over the phone. ‘You too, Steve. I was thinking maybe we could go to The Silver Diner tonight?’
I chuckled as I took my first sip of coffee. ‘You’ve been reading my mind again, haven’t you?’
This time it was her turn to laugh. ‘Seven o’clock, right?’
I swallowed my drink and nodded before realizing she couldn’t see me. ‘Right,’ I said. ‘Just like old times.’
There was silence from her end. ‘Steve, I’ve been thinking. I hate being alone over the winter, but I just don’t have the energy to do anything then. Could you maybe help me get through next winter?’
I sat down on the edge of the kitchen table. ‘Of course, my dear. But why don’t we deal with that when it comes up?’
‘Alright. I’ll see you at the Diner at seven.’
‘You know it, Jess. I’ll be there with bells on. And Jess?’
‘Yeah?’
‘I love you.’
‘I love you too, Steve.’
I hung up the phone and sat down at the kitchen table, sipping my coffee. Maybe this time it would work.
Lianne
- 18.09.2020
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