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I celebrated my 18th birthday over 25 years ago. For me this is a sad reality, but even worse is the fact that it has taken me this long to become an adult. This is not something that I declare proudly, it’s just an observation. It is an observation that I can make dispassionately since I can see maturation and growth, so I know what things were before. I have you, my friends here at Literotica, to thank for this progress since before joining this community I may have been over 18, the age at which Lit allows members to join, but I did not know what it was like to be an adult.

Why would I say that I wasn’t an adult? I feel that this is true because there were many things that adults did that I wasn’t doing. Chief among these are the fact that I did not make my own decisions about how I wanted to live my life and I did not know what it was like to enjoy my sexuality. I thought that my sexuality was something to be kept under wraps because I was smart and so I was expected to use my brains to get by in life, and sex and brains don’t really mix in Jamaica. Of course, this is not true, but it is what I was raised to believe, along with other ideas like I had to get married before having sex at all and that I definitely had to get married before having a child.

Can you imagine my shock then when I woke up one morning to realize that I was a part of the statistic that said that women over 35 who weren’t married were going to have a hell of a time changing that? I had some serious thinking to do. Do I grow up on my own, or do I chance it and continue to wait for Prince Charming? Well, not being accustomed to making my own decisions meant that I hadn’t mastered that skill and so when faced with making a decision about my future, it should come as a surprise to no one reading this that I made the wrong choice.

Can you blame me though? The Prince and I knew each other well. We’d been friends, and lovers for years so why not give him a little more time and impress him with my coolness by not nagging about getting married? I’ll tell you what’s wrong: I was the only one doing any waiting, time was not waiting for me.

I’ll be honest. I did not want children when I was younger. I thought that I would do something good for humanity to not procreate and add to the depletion of the Earth. I felt that I was morally superior to all those women who wanted, and had, their two point six children. The fact that I, honestly, did not look my age facilitated me in this delusion. The fact that I have had no illnesses beyond the occasional cold led me to believe that I had time and good genes on my side.

Well, guess what, I was wrong about all of those things. I decided one day, about two years ago, to eschew the Nazarite vow that I made as a child (fodder for another essay I suppose) and have a child myself. I have written about broken vows in this forum already so I won’t linger on this, but suffice to say that things have not gone as planned.

My IVF failed. In truth, I FAILED. I was the one who had no eggs in my two follicles — six short of what the doctor wanted, but at least two gave me the chance of twins. It was a nasty shock. I had to face facts for the first time. The doctor, my third opinion, said that my issues were age related and that my real options were donor eggs or adoption, neither of which would result in me having a child of my own.

Now I know the objection that some of you are raising: a baby girl to whom I’ve given birth would be mine even if the eggs were harvested from another woman’s body, the young boy whom I adopted would be mine since I raised him. Believe me, my friends, relatives and Prince Charming have all raised these arguments and chastised me for being so selfish as not to see these truths for myself. The truth is that the children would not be mine. It would be me doing what I have always done: sending someone else’s child to school, helping someone else’s child with his or her homework, encouraging someone else’s child. The difference is that it would be my permanent responsibility to do so rather than the ad hoc way in which I interject into the lives of others at the moment. I have recognized that while I am willing to be kind to the children of others I am not willing to make the great sacrifices that I would be willing to make for my own children.

There is bound to be someone who will get angry at my attitude about this and believe that I do not deserve to have a child if this is how I really regard them, my former Dom told me as much. I have seen my friends become livid at me, but the truth is that I do not believe that feeling this way and not talking about it helps anyone, because if I do that then the people around me will never understand why it is that I just haven’t taken their advice, if I don’t pay them the courtesy of telling them how I feel… in any event, I suppose I thought that that was what one did with one’s friends and relatives.

This piece has been hard for me to write for many reasons. I know that it is a ‘journal’ of my thoughts about my IVF. When I mentioned my upcoming IVF last year to some of my friends in The Playground one of them suggested that I blog about it and I thought at the time that that would have been a good idea. I was so excited about the prospect of sharing my battle (and I was arrogant enough to believe that it would ultimately my tale of triumph) with infertility with the world. I recognized then that I would need courage to go through this, but the truth is that I need much more courage now as I contemplate what will happen to me emotionally if my next attempt at IVF fails as well.

So, what have I learned in the past year from this experience that I will take into the next phase of this challenge? I have learned never to allow others to make my decisions for me since I am the person who will live with the consequences of these decisions. It is the true message that I want to pass on in this piece. It is also for this reason that I will NOT be accepting donor eggs or adopting a child. I have decided that if my IVF fails again I will likely do the tummy tuck that I’ve wanted to do for years and then, when the swelling goes down and the pain subsides, go on a holiday to end all others since ‘responsible’ living would have just made way for having fun on the beach in my new string bikini.

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Hello Everyone. Again I want to thank all the kind women that have written me and said that they liked or have gotten something out of my stories. I can’t begin to tell you how happy it makes me to get a letter from you. A Genny Story…. The Tease I am Genny 11 years after graduation Melly decided to go back to school to get her masters degree. I am 100% behind her in this and I have to admit that I am very much enjoying being the ‘Bread Winner’ of the family for right now. In our sex life we...

2 years ago
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BackroomCastingCouch Madison 09282020

18 year old Madison has quite the story. Well it’s probably safe to say what’s interesting is actually her initial LACK of a story. You see sweet Madison is actually a virgin. Yes, you read that correctly, a VIRGIN!! This young lady has never seen an erect penis in real life and here she is sitting on our couch wanting to get involved in the adult industry. Now when it comes to special cases like this, I had to talk to her quite a bit before we got her here. Turns out her parents...

xmoviesforyou
3 years ago
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Savagely Sexed in School6

My butt hole was so sore and tender that with every little movement of Daniel's huge cock my thighs and legs trembled and shook violently and uncontrollably. Daniel's huge cock head, slowly and deliberately, inched painfully further into my anal cavity. I could not take full breaths due to the pain of my anal muscle being stretched wider than it ever had been. I found my self clawing at the air, since Bruce and Charlie firmly held my wrist, I could only claw at the air. Daniel painstakingly...

2 years ago
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Tahiti the utopia of Gauguin becomes a nightmare

Paul Gauguin has been one of the leaders of the post-impressionism movement. At the end of the nineteenth century. He has been gone through a difficult time. His friend, Vincent van Gogh had cut a piece of his ear off and was dead. And Gauguin himself had tried to commit suicide. Gauguin has always been different then others in his time. He hated the realistic world with sadness, poverty and ugly industrial influences in daily life. Gauguin lived in his own world, created his own utopian world...

3 years ago
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Robert The Randy Married Bobby Part Nine

As I marvelled at the huge cock head nestled inside my warm wet mouth, I realised that I was still a novice when it came to sucking another man's cock. I had no problem with someone sucking my manhood of course, licking it gently until my hot warm juice flooded a greedy throat. For now, my soft lips encircled the engorged cock head while I ran my tongue under the shaft, testing the sensitive area, putting myself in his position.Martin's hips jerked up, I stopped him grinding into my virgin...

Gay Male
4 years ago
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Fill Er Up

Liam tossed the empty bag in the garbage can, having filled the windshield wash buckets for the last time. He checked his phone, and saw that he only had five minutes left in his last day. He took his time walking back from the diesel fuel island, burning up one of those five minutes. Tomorrow, his evening would be free. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to do with it, truth to be told. He had plans for the weekend, but everyone would be busy on a Thursday night. There were only a few...

4 years ago
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sweet little angela

She almost bounced upon the bed and began to pull me on top of her small frame work. Her smal hands eagerly undid my belt, loosened my jeans, and unzipped them in an easy fashion. "Please, let me do all the work, baby," she said as I gave into her desires. "My pussy is very small and very tight, even when it is wet," she said. I don't usually let too many men close to me because they have hurt me too often, but I really need to be fucked, and my girlfriend is in the joint still. We both...

3 years ago
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Wash Away the Blues

“So, where are you? How soon will you be home?” his wife asked with bubbly anticipation. Brad’s features tightened into a wince. No matter how little he had wanted to hear the news, it was far more difficult to deliver it. “Baby, the office called.” Cathy groaned and all the joy left her voice. “You’ve already been gone a week. They can’t be sending you someplace else.” “They need someone in Chicago tomorrow, and I’m the only one close enough to get there by car. The weather is delaying flights...

Quickie Sex
1 year ago
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AssParade Vivian Taylor The Happiest Ending

Sean Lawless is very serious about his job but he knows Vivian Taylor has a tendency to request that he preform all types of lewd acts when he visits. Although he tries his best not to give into his “Lawless” ways she won’t make it easy. Before he can leave the house Vivian proves that the customer is always right and gets exactly what she wants. She even shows him how to deliver a happy ending herself. Once he saw how sexy her ass was all in his face there was no turning...

xmoviesforyou
2 years ago
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Some Lust

That feeling of lust is something that is rather hard to compare to other feelings. Some have delusionally compared it to love. Granted, that comparison can be made quite easily; after all, your heart races, you get butterflies in your stomach, your palms get a little sweaty and all you can think off is how you want that person.The big difference is, in my opinion, between two very different organs; your heart and your genitals. When lust happens, it's all fire and passion. That wild, crazy,...

Quickie Sex
4 years ago
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A Surprise for my Man

After a busy morning together, you left me home while you ran some errands. I potter around the house for a while, a bit bored with the sudden lack of attention, but then I remember that you had swimming practice tonight. A thought popping into my head, with a smile I pack my bag and grab my phone before heading out of the door. It’s already dark outside due to the English winter we are in the middle of. As I walk down the street I notice there is not much activity around the swimming complex....

2 years ago
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Recollections of Losing our Virginities Part 1

School in 1971 was a sea of hormones, full of horny teenagers struggling with puberty. Girls giggling at the slightest mention of sex and boys with uncontrollable erections launched by the merest glimpse of underwear and often by no more than a passing breath of air.Quiet and shy I was no different than anyone else, half listening to lessons while my eyes scanned for bare legs as I prayed for a blouse to gape and reveal the glimpse of a bra.We lived in the same neighbourhood and our paths often...

First Time
2 years ago
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Im a CockHero

I've just discovered the best video game ever. It's kinda like GuitarHero... only different. It's called CockHero... it's a video game for your wiener and it's awesome! Has anyone else played it? I'm addicted. It's not actually a video game... it's porn.The game is simple enough. Each game (usually around an hour) is made up of several shorter rounds... the rounds are sexy music videos set to a thumping, good stroking beat. The early rounds usually start slow... a pretty girl or two... dressed...

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