Sociopath versus Psychopath
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I’ve often been called an arrogant bastard with psychopathic and megalomaniac tendencies. That’s not very flattering. I’m a free-spirited visionary who lacks a conscience and inhibitions. That’s what I call myself. In the eyes of the world, I am Paul Jackson Billings, a student at the Alabama Institute of Technology. The world is mine. Nothing you or anyone else can do to change it. This is the story of my most fulfilling adventure.
I enrolled at the Alabama Institute of Technology as a freshman in August 2004. The following September, I moved into the dormitories on campus. Alabama Tech had two campuses, one located in the city of Alabaster and the other in the city of Athens. I chose to attend the Athens campus. It was the biggest campus anyway. The Alabaster campus was a commuter campus. Athens is where the dorms were located and where the fun stuff kept happening. As a student-athlete and a man of action, it suited me just fine.
Alabama Tech had a twenty-thousand-person student body. It’s a fairly large private school with strong programs in engineering, technology, computing and programming. The student body was fifty two percent male and forty eight percent female, another factor which suited me just fine, especially in an age where female students outnumbered males at many colleges and universities. Alabama Tech was a promising school. When I saw the number of varsity sports they sponsored, I was amazed. The Alabama Tech Department of Athletics, in the capable hands of former NFL legend James Hawkins, had beefed up its sports programs to the point of becoming an athletic powerhouse. Alabama Tech student-athletes competed in Men’s Varsity Baseball, Basketball, Rifle, Pistol, Cross Country, Volleyball, Gymnastics, Golf, Tennis, Bowling, Lacrosse, Rowing, Ice Hockey, Swimming, Soccer, Football, Squash, Wrestling and Rugby along with Women’s Varsity Softball, Basketball, Cross Country, Volleyball, Gymnastics, Soccer, Golf, Tennis, Bowling, Rifle, Lacrosse, Ice Hockey, Field Hockey, Swimming, Pistol, Rugby, Squash and Rowing. All of the sports teams competed in the National Collegiate Athletic Association’s Division One.
I met with my advisor and selected my civil engineering classes. Then, I tried out for the Football team the first day I was on campus. One of the kickers passed away in a tragic car accident, so I got chosen. As a six-foot-three, 250-pound black man, I didn’t look like a kicker. However, I’ve played virtually all positions in high school, so I didn’t mind. The Alabama Institute of Technology offered me a full athletic scholarship. That’s what’s up! I began my college career quite enthusiastically. As I did before in high school, I ran into quite a few haters. People will hate you just for being who you are. Such people get on my nerves. They’re usually petty and small-minded. I’ve come to despise the breed.
I asked for a single person room and I got it. I can’t stand people. There are many reasons for that. People are wicked and naturally petty. They can’t leave well enough alone. They must bother you. They want to abuse you. They want to take your money. They want to take your trust. They want to betray you. They want to mess you up. I can’t stand people. I’ve never been the trusting kind, but lately, I’ve developed a special animosity towards the men and women I meet. I’ve given up on things like love and friendship. Everyone is after everyone. The man or woman you meet always wants something from you. Or you want something from them. It’s not about friendship, love or loyalty anymore. It’s all about people and what they want. In this universe, why should I bother with trust?
I don’t know a single person who hasn’t been betrayed. Women betray men. Men betray women. Men betray men. Women betray women. Self-interest is the guiding light of all human beings. People want things and they will do anything to get what they want. For some, it’s power and wealth. For others, it’s sex, influence, fame or recognition. That’s the way people are. I’m no exception. I have done things, including evil things, to get what I want or to satisfy my needs. I’m not a saint or an angel. I wouldn’t even know how to be such an entity. I do have one rule, though. I don’t hurt people or destroy innocent lives. Now, if some random man or woman has the misfortune or gall to hurt me, or go against my best interests, they’re going down faster than the Titanic. That’s not a threat, it’s a promise. That’s just the way I roll.
In my old life, I left quite a lot of unpleasantness behind. I was raised by an emotionally abusive aunt and a verbally abusive uncle in the Boston Area. They were very bad people. I learned early on to identify friend from foe. Basically, a friend was just an undiscovered foe in my sincere and honest opinion. There was no such thing as a true friend or loved one. You had to screw over other people before they screwed you over. I kept these lessons in mind while attending Boston Latin Academy. I graduated with honors and won a partial academic scholarship to Alabama Tech. I left Boston and never looked back. That being said, I began my new life at the Alabama Institute of Technology.
Although it seemed idyllic at first glance, Alabama Tech was far from a nice place. Like every other place in this cursed planet Earth, there were psychopaths and sociopaths around. People without conscience who get their kicks by destroying the lives of others in any way they can. I can spot these people easily. To me, everyone is a potential sociopath. Remorseless individuals have come after me throughout my existence. It’s because I don’t scare easy. I’m not like normal people. Normal people are sheep. They’re easy prey for the cold-hearted and ruthless sociopaths of the world. I’m not a normal guy. I’ve had to do some really ruthless and at times astonishingly brutal things all in the name of living to see tomorrow. I wasn’t easy prey for those without conscience.
I ran into all kinds of unpleasant things on campus. From the man-hating feminist professors to the passive-aggressive staff members and the mean-spirited and sycophantic female students to the horny and dim-witted male students. I played football and I went to class. I kept to myself. I didn’t attend football team parties. Why? Because that’s where greedy and horny, manipulative bitches who are prone to making false accusations of rape tend to go. I hung out in the city of Athens. I didn’t bother with the campus. I went to class, played ball and stayed in my room. That’s all I did while on campus.
A lot of people tried to approach me. I’m a tall, good-looking and educated young black man. I’m also a college football player. Lots of women threw themselves at me. Black women. White women. Asian women. Latin women. Middle-Eastern women. One by one, these hussies walked up to me. Sometimes, they were waving their tits in my face. Some of them mailed me their panties. I turned them all down. You see, I’m not a dumb jock. I’m not a weak-minded man. I am smart and going places. I didn’t date any of the campus women. They were all bitches and losers anyway. I ignored them and focused on the things that mattered to me : Getting good grades in class. Playing football. Staying out of trouble. I did this for four years.
On a glorious day in June 2008, I had the privilege and the honor of being the First Black Male Valedictorian that the Alabama Institute of Technology had seen in five decades. People couldn’t believe it. The media had a field day with it. There were reporters from BET there as well as a couple of popular African-American Magazines. This was my moment of glory. And I enjoyed every minute of it. After graduating from Alabama Tech, I started working for one of the top engineering companies in New York City. They even made for me to get my master’s degrees. I now live in a big deluxe apartment in a skyscraper while making a six figure salary. That’s what life is all about. Accomplishment.
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