Thalia the Muse of Comedy
- 3 years ago
- 18
- 0
Kissing Comedy free porn video
When I was 13 I was totally un-kissable. I had big hair and big glasses and a lisp-causing retainer and I had neither boobs nor trendy clothes to compensate for my awkward misfortunes. My friends would talk about the guys they had kissed, or the guys they had held hands with at those skate-nights where all the cool kids would go and skate around in circles for hours, but I had no such tales of middle-school debauchery. And before I knew it, high school had swung around, I was 17 and thoroughly convinced that when I died at the age of 110 my obituary would read something like: Jeannie Hernandez. The only non-Nun in the history of womandom who went her whole life without getting kissed in that way ONCE! Congratulations Jeannie!
Even though I felt completely resigned to such a fate, I never completely lost hope. I would practice kissing in the mirror – lean in close and smother my lips and my breath all over the dejected image that pouted back at me.
By the time I was a senior in high school I had blossomed into quite a hottie, but I was still in a slump: not only was I the Un-Touched Virgin Queen, but all around me were people – people less attractive than I, getting kissed and holding hands and making out. Where was my queue of suitors waiting to kiss me, or at least walk me to class? Of course, I wasn’t about to go searching desperately for anyone to kiss, but I wasn’t getting any younger, and, I concluded, it was time for me to get aggressive. Be gone, passive crushes, for no longer shall my mouth sit idly and swell painfully with unrequited lust!
So I started liking this guy Jeff, who a lot of my friends had liked or gone out with at one point or another, and I decided that I would shamelessly make apparent my affections for him. We started hanging out a lot, and though I wasn’t particularly attracted to him in the physical sense, he was really smart and pretty nice. Regardless, I worked myself all up into a heap over how I could get him to kiss me. One night he convinced me to go to his house so we could “study” for a Spanish quiz. I took my mom’s car – it was 11 o’clock on a Tuesday night and the thrill of sneaking out of the house was dwarfed by the sensations running all thorugh my body, I was fluttering, I was shaking in my seat, checking my face in the rearview mirror to make sure I didn’t have anything in my teeth and that I looked somewhat kissable because something told me that this would be the night – the night that my mouth would finally pucker up to someone other than myself, and I’d finally assume my position among the ranks of Kissed Peoples of the World.
I got to Jeff’s house and his parents were just calling it a night. We went and sat on the New Mexico styled couches in his cluttered living room and took out our Spanish papers, and when he put his arm around me I thought I was going to pee my pants – uncontainable excitement as the kiss lingered in the very near future and oh how my mind was swirling in the chaos of this potential! My perceptions had run askew, the words on the paper in front of me had turned into one big blur that faintly read “KIIIISSSSS.” As my world slowly entered hysteria, Jeff sat twirling my hair with a finger and before I knew it we were sort of sprawled across the couch. He put a hand on my hip and turned on the TV and then I looked over at him and blurted, without the slightest twinge of embarrassment, “When are you going to kiss me?” He opened his mouth to answer but didn’t say anything, he just sort of blinked as the images on the television screen reflected off his Georgio Armani glasses. So I just sort of leaned over and put my lips on his lips.
And then, 17 years of curious agitation resolved: “Is that it?” I thought. That kiss… wait, was that a kiss? It was lame!? It was pathetic!? It was everything I thought it wouldn’t be? Maybe I had gone about the positioning of the kiss all wrong, maybe I let my lips fall too heavily upon his bottom lip, or maybe I should’ve slightly let my tongue slip into his mouth. And then there was the issue of his mouth… it unmistakably conjured up sensations of clammy rubber.
Oh! Frustrations! Had all those years of desperate yearnings been for this? Things just had to be better than that, so I licked my lips and, determined, went at it again. Jeff opened his mouth a little this time, a little more receptive, I supposed, and I saw his lips curled back like some sort of repugnant suction cup and I was totally appalled, but trudged forth anyways, only to face more disappointment. I didn’t feel anything – no rush, no gush, no butterflies. I knew I wasn’t gay, and wasn’t this a KISS? Everyone I know talks about kisses like they’re the most radical things on the planet, next to the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, and yet there I was, feeling no different than I had four years ago as an awkward junior high schooler. In fact, I felt more awkward than I’d ever felt in my entire life, especially with Jeff gazing into my eyes as if we had just shared together a most magical moment.
Surely there had to be so much more than this! Would this night every make for a good tale of late-night, high school debauchery? Would it remain forever encased in the annals of the Best Kissing Comedy of the Centuries? And what about poor, disappointed me? Would I remain eternally imprisoned in the aftermath of the most horrid of all anticlimactic finales of my life, never wanting to kiss anyone ever again until I died 93 years later?
Well I couldn’t just break things off with Jeff, he was a decent guy. So he inevitably became my boyfriend within the next month. He gave me my first hickey and I obligatorily grew more accustomed to kissing him and even became more fond of him, until we broke up about a year ago. I did learn a few things from Jeff, however: that for me, my first kiss was just a geeky precursor to better kisses that would grace me later on in life. Since that break up I’ve kissed countless guys and actually enjoyed myself more often than not. But every first kiss with a new boy always brings back memories of my very first kiss on an awkward high school night that finally exonerated me from a dismal, kiss-less fate.
Elouise
- 29.02.2020
- 45
- 0
