My secrete was not so secrete
- 3 years ago
- 13
- 0
My Story. My Secret. free porn video
I’m just your average American guy in his mid-50s. As average as they come—or so it would seem. On the outside, I look just like any other guy. I act just like most guys. I do things most guys do. I fit in. Actually, I’m pretty damn boring.
Growing up, I always had a feminine side as well as a feminine look. In the mid-70s when I became a teenager, I grew my hair long. Shoulder-length blonde hair, coupled with a lanky scrawny body, meant I usually was mistaken for a girl at a distance. I was a very late bloomer, too. As all my friends entered puberty, I lagged behind. I kept my high-pitched voice and hairless body all throughout High School. I was often called “Ma’am” when I was on the phone, and actually called “young lady” (when I was facing away) by an older woman in a store when I was about 17 years old.
I was subjected to “horrific” humiliation by my older and younger sisters. Well, sort of. I was the semi-reluctant participant in dress-up/makeup sessions. Yes, I sat there as they braided my hair, put on all sorts of makeup, and just had their way with me. Sometimes I turned out to be a scary, freakish clown, and sometimes I looked pretty darn passable. I will admit, it was relaxing to be pampered as they giggled and did their thing.
There were a few times in my mid-teens when I went into my older sister’s bedroom and tried on some of her bras and panties. She was about the exact same build as me, so they all fit perfectly. Truth be told, I remember getting a massive erection by looking at myself in her bra and panties and smelling her scent on them. Yes, I know what you’re thinking: Sicko! I was a very confused 15 year old, to say the least. No, I was never sexually attracted to my sister, but she was quite the popular, good-looking “fox” as they used to say back then. Those undergarments felt good and smelled good, and I was hard as a rock.
And so life went on. I got an average job and did average things with my life, and not once did I ever think about crossdressing or have homosexual thoughts. Decades went by. Then came the internet. The corrupter of all. I honestly think that the internet could be what causes humanity to destroy itself. Oh sure, it is one of the best things that humanity ever created, but it can be used wrongly and it can cause a lot of damage. I’ve been on the internet since day one and I’ve seen what it’s capable of—the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.
Anyway, it was just a matter of time until I discovered shemales and transsexuals and crossdressers and gays on the www. My internet searches transitioned from “Lesbian strapon” to “sexy crossdresser.” They went from “Mature mom seduces teen girl” to “Tranny cum compilation.” My corruption was complete.
Finally, I began watching gay movies. I loved watching twinks being fucked. I admired their slim, smooth bodies. I loved watching them being manhandled by some muscular stud or older man and envisioned myself in their place. I was once the epitome of a twink. Throughout high school, I had a milky white, hairless body. I was a scrawny beanpole—but my body was quite defined. Don’t get me wrong, I was never muscular. There was never one ounce of muscle on this body. The definition came from having very little body fat. I was often teased at the beach. I was ghostly white with pronounced ribs, jutting hipbones, and if I flexed, you could count my abs and see my tendons and veins. Ha! What I would give to see those abs again!
As the 2000s came around, I was having kind of a mid-life crisis. I was pushing 40 and long gone was my “twinkiness.” I was exclusively watching gay or transsexual videos/pictures. I became obsessed and confused. I’m not sure if I was being brainwashed, but my feminine side was clawing its way to the surface and my thoughts were changing. I knew there was zero chance of ever following through with a transition. Of course I wouldn’t get breast implants. Of course I wouldn’t take hormones. Of course I wouldn’t leave the house dressed like a woman. First off, I’m just too damn shy and self-conscious about that. Secondly, my family is very conservative and I’d be disowned—written out of the will. Guaranteed. Third off, my girlfriend, who is also very conservative, has expressed great disdain for “those types of people.” She would, without a doubt, leave me. If those things happened, I would most likely grab a 12 pack of beer, go out in the garage on a 20 degrees-below-zero February night, start up the car, put on some Pink Floyd, and slip away into eternal sleep.
Whew! Well, I began shaving my body on a daily basis. I lost a bunch of pounds that men seem to gain very easily in their 40s. I’d wear some of my girlfriend’s lingerie both around the house as well as out in public. I made purchases of girlie things on Amazon. I masturbated exclusively to gay/shemale/crossdresser videos. And so it went.
Present day: My thoughts and actions are shifting a bit. I still consider myself a heterosexual. I still shave and wear women’s lingerie, underwear, etc. but the frequency is getting less compared to a few years ago. There’s nothing sexier than a woman, to me. Perhaps that’s why, if I could, I’d become a woman. But when I watch straight videos, I put myself in the place of the woman. I identify more with her. I’m not wishing I were that guy nailing her, but wishing I was her getting nailed. I’ve always been submissive and very eager to please.
I’ve never had an encounter with another man. I’d love to some day and hope it will happen, but I would have to be fully dressed as a woman and play the part to its fullest. And it wouldn’t bother me if it was a manly man or a crossdresser—I just want to have a homosexual encounter and not be in control. I’m not getting any younger. So many years have passed me by. It’s all perspective, you know. Looking ahead, 10 years down the road seems like a long time away. Looking back, 2008 seems like yesterday.
The kind folks here who gave me such beautiful comments have really inspired me. I’ve only made 4 videos so far, but I get so happy when I see that there are others who would honestly like to have a sexual encounter with a guy closer to 55 than he is to 50, who likes to dress in women’s lingerie and women’s panties. I never would have thought that.
It’s not like I need to have this encounter in the next month or two. This is no solicitation. In fact, I’d refuse any encounter in the near future. I’d like to hang around here for a lot longer than I have, post a bunch more videos, and maybe, someday, put on a wig and makeup and see what the hell happens. Who knows where this’ll go?
Anyway, that’s my story. There is not one soul on this earth who knows any of this about me. There is not one soul who even suspects this of me. It feels good putting it out there, the same way that I think it feels good to someone who “comes out.” This is no coming out. Nope. I’ll remain safely hidden in the deep, dark closet. But now, YOU know.
Growing up, I always had a feminine side as well as a feminine look. In the mid-70s when I became a teenager, I grew my hair long. Shoulder-length blonde hair, coupled with a lanky scrawny body, meant I usually was mistaken for a girl at a distance. I was a very late bloomer, too. As all my friends entered puberty, I lagged behind. I kept my high-pitched voice and hairless body all throughout High School. I was often called “Ma’am” when I was on the phone, and actually called “young lady” (when I was facing away) by an older woman in a store when I was about 17 years old.
I was subjected to “horrific” humiliation by my older and younger sisters. Well, sort of. I was the semi-reluctant participant in dress-up/makeup sessions. Yes, I sat there as they braided my hair, put on all sorts of makeup, and just had their way with me. Sometimes I turned out to be a scary, freakish clown, and sometimes I looked pretty darn passable. I will admit, it was relaxing to be pampered as they giggled and did their thing.
There were a few times in my mid-teens when I went into my older sister’s bedroom and tried on some of her bras and panties. She was about the exact same build as me, so they all fit perfectly. Truth be told, I remember getting a massive erection by looking at myself in her bra and panties and smelling her scent on them. Yes, I know what you’re thinking: Sicko! I was a very confused 15 year old, to say the least. No, I was never sexually attracted to my sister, but she was quite the popular, good-looking “fox” as they used to say back then. Those undergarments felt good and smelled good, and I was hard as a rock.
And so life went on. I got an average job and did average things with my life, and not once did I ever think about crossdressing or have homosexual thoughts. Decades went by. Then came the internet. The corrupter of all. I honestly think that the internet could be what causes humanity to destroy itself. Oh sure, it is one of the best things that humanity ever created, but it can be used wrongly and it can cause a lot of damage. I’ve been on the internet since day one and I’ve seen what it’s capable of—the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.
Anyway, it was just a matter of time until I discovered shemales and transsexuals and crossdressers and gays on the www. My internet searches transitioned from “Lesbian strapon” to “sexy crossdresser.” They went from “Mature mom seduces teen girl” to “Tranny cum compilation.” My corruption was complete.
Finally, I began watching gay movies. I loved watching twinks being fucked. I admired their slim, smooth bodies. I loved watching them being manhandled by some muscular stud or older man and envisioned myself in their place. I was once the epitome of a twink. Throughout high school, I had a milky white, hairless body. I was a scrawny beanpole—but my body was quite defined. Don’t get me wrong, I was never muscular. There was never one ounce of muscle on this body. The definition came from having very little body fat. I was often teased at the beach. I was ghostly white with pronounced ribs, jutting hipbones, and if I flexed, you could count my abs and see my tendons and veins. Ha! What I would give to see those abs again!
As the 2000s came around, I was having kind of a mid-life crisis. I was pushing 40 and long gone was my “twinkiness.” I was exclusively watching gay or transsexual videos/pictures. I became obsessed and confused. I’m not sure if I was being brainwashed, but my feminine side was clawing its way to the surface and my thoughts were changing. I knew there was zero chance of ever following through with a transition. Of course I wouldn’t get breast implants. Of course I wouldn’t take hormones. Of course I wouldn’t leave the house dressed like a woman. First off, I’m just too damn shy and self-conscious about that. Secondly, my family is very conservative and I’d be disowned—written out of the will. Guaranteed. Third off, my girlfriend, who is also very conservative, has expressed great disdain for “those types of people.” She would, without a doubt, leave me. If those things happened, I would most likely grab a 12 pack of beer, go out in the garage on a 20 degrees-below-zero February night, start up the car, put on some Pink Floyd, and slip away into eternal sleep.
Whew! Well, I began shaving my body on a daily basis. I lost a bunch of pounds that men seem to gain very easily in their 40s. I’d wear some of my girlfriend’s lingerie both around the house as well as out in public. I made purchases of girlie things on Amazon. I masturbated exclusively to gay/shemale/crossdresser videos. And so it went.
Present day: My thoughts and actions are shifting a bit. I still consider myself a heterosexual. I still shave and wear women’s lingerie, underwear, etc. but the frequency is getting less compared to a few years ago. There’s nothing sexier than a woman, to me. Perhaps that’s why, if I could, I’d become a woman. But when I watch straight videos, I put myself in the place of the woman. I identify more with her. I’m not wishing I were that guy nailing her, but wishing I was her getting nailed. I’ve always been submissive and very eager to please.
I’ve never had an encounter with another man. I’d love to some day and hope it will happen, but I would have to be fully dressed as a woman and play the part to its fullest. And it wouldn’t bother me if it was a manly man or a crossdresser—I just want to have a homosexual encounter and not be in control. I’m not getting any younger. So many years have passed me by. It’s all perspective, you know. Looking ahead, 10 years down the road seems like a long time away. Looking back, 2008 seems like yesterday.
The kind folks here who gave me such beautiful comments have really inspired me. I’ve only made 4 videos so far, but I get so happy when I see that there are others who would honestly like to have a sexual encounter with a guy closer to 55 than he is to 50, who likes to dress in women’s lingerie and women’s panties. I never would have thought that.
It’s not like I need to have this encounter in the next month or two. This is no solicitation. In fact, I’d refuse any encounter in the near future. I’d like to hang around here for a lot longer than I have, post a bunch more videos, and maybe, someday, put on a wig and makeup and see what the hell happens. Who knows where this’ll go?
Anyway, that’s my story. There is not one soul on this earth who knows any of this about me. There is not one soul who even suspects this of me. It feels good putting it out there, the same way that I think it feels good to someone who “comes out.” This is no coming out. Nope. I’ll remain safely hidden in the deep, dark closet. But now, YOU know.
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