Home Is Where The Heart Is free porn video

At the sound of the alarm going off, I groaned and shoved the pillow over my head. I hadn't fallen asleep until the assholes next door had stopped blasting their music at three am, and I was nowhere near ready to wake up. Not that waking up was any great thrill these days, but as my grandfather used to say 'Any day you're on the right side of the dirt is a good day'. I remember always thinking when grandpa said that, that who knew if it would be better beneath the dirt? By the time you found out, you wouldn't be able to tell anyone.

Well as of five years ago grandpa knew, but of course wasn't telling. On that cheery note, I thought that it really couldn't be any worse than what it was for me now. No, that was the way a quitter would think, and my Aunt Marie didn't raise a quitter. She may have raised a couple of assholes as I had found out the hard way, but I wasn't one of them. Reaching out, I found the cheap plastic alarm clock and thumbed it off. Tossing the pillow from my face, I looked up at the yellowed cracked plaster on the ceiling and repeated the mantra I had started every day with for the past few months.

"It will get better than this."

I said it loudly, if not confidently and sat up on the cheap cot that passed for my bed these days. I shivered despite the fact I had a blanket wrapped around me, and was wearing two sweatshirts. I could feel a draft and looking over saw that the small piece of plastic I taped over the broken window had fallen off. Getting off the rickety cot, I walked over to the pile of clothes in the corner, and picked up a grey hooded sweatshirt. It was stained and dirty even by my standards, but I only had a few dollars and would have to wait again to go to the Laundromat.

I thought about going down the hallway to see if the shower were free, but quickly changed my mind. I had to get going in a few minutes to catch the beginning of the morning commute and had no way to dry my hair. The weather was calling for the low teens today, and I didn't need to get sick again. Besides, the last time I tried the shower the water was so brown I would have ended up dirtier then when I had started. Oh well, what did I expect for a hundred a week, heat and clean water?

Pulling the filthy sweatshirt over my other two, I found the least dirty of the three pairs of jeans I owned and slipped them on over the sweatpants I was wearing. I glanced down at the worn pair of sneakers on the floor and shook my head; it was too cold and wet for those. Going over to the narrow door less closet, I picked up my latest prize possessions, a pair of semi decent work boots someone had thrown in the dumpster around the corner. I sat down on one of the two mismatched chairs at the small table, and pulling the boots on, looked into the closet.

Hanging there were the three decent things I had, a long sleeved blue dress shirt, black Dockers and a pair of fairly decent looking black shoes were there. Those were my interview clothes, and sadly I hadn't had a chance to wear them in close to a month. Not for lack of trying, I had put in dozens of applications in that time, but no one was hiring. Well at least they weren't hiring people who had no real work history, no car, lived in the worst part of town, and had no phone number to give them. I usually gave them Gino's number, but if he didn't answer they would hear his voice mail and know it wasn't my phone.

A couple of months ago when I had caught a break and been able to work under the table for a week unloading trucks, I'd bought a go phone, but the minutes ran out and things had come down to having a phone or a cracked plaster roof over my head. During that time all I'd had for work was the two nights a week Gino got for me, bussing tables at his father's restaurant. I made fifty a night in cash. which was just enough to pay for my posh dwelling. Silly little things like food, laundry, and the occasional treat of a haircut, were paid for by my 'day job' as I referred to it.

Looking into the old mirror leaning against the wall on top of the dresser, I finger combed my sandy brown hair. I was looking a little scruffy, but figured I didn't have any hot dates lined up in the near future and shaving in the cold water in the community bathroom gave me razor burn anyway. I looked over at the alarm clock and saw it was close to six thirty, I had to get going. Just because I didn't have a job didn't mean that other people didn't and this was the best time to catch them. After all, in a way their livelihood was my livelihood these days.

I slipped on a pair of fingerless mittens, then after grabbing the six dollars that I had to my name off the table, shoved it in my pocket, before putting on the pair of bulky gloves I had gotten from goodwill. I walked over to the door and removed the chair I had wedged under the door knob. Several times lately I'd heard the door being tried and never took any chances. For the life of me, I couldn't fathom how anyone who lived here could think that anyone else who lived here would have anything else worth stealing. For that matter I never understood why the crack head prostitute down the hall constantly solicited me. Even if I was interested in going where everyman had gone before, I couldn't afford a peck on the cheek, let alone sex.

I started to step through the door, and then caught myself. I had almost forgotten my advertising. Reaching back down to the table I picked up the cardboard sign and looked at what I had written there. "Down on my luck, anything helps." I closed my eyes, fighting back the tears of frustration that somehow after months of this still hit me on a daily basis. Taking a deep breath, I whispered, "It will get better than this" and went out to swallow my pride yet again.

*****

I walked quickly down the street, partly because I wanted to get to the the off ramp before someone else claimed the spot, but also because it was only fifteen degrees outside. Then again I usually walked pretty fast anyway on this street, especially anytime it was dark. Once I crossed the intersection and headed down Broad Street the neighborhood became better and I slowed up. The clock outside the bank read six fifty which meant I was making good time and could spare a couple of minutes to stop into Cumberland farms for a quick breakfast. The brief stop would also give me a chance to catch a little heat before I spent the next couple of hours shivering outside.

Entering the store, I immediately went over to the small bargain rack and looked over my options. The rack contained mostly pastries that we're all under a dollar. For the last six months, things like this as well as the fast food dollar menus were my means of survival. For eight to ten dollars I could manage to eat three times a day, and occasionally even splurge for a coffee or two in between. After a few seconds debate, I grabbed a cheese Danish and looked over at the coffee pot. I could get a large for a dollar which would really help with the cold.

I began to walk over and stopped myself. People were pretty much jerks and once when I'd been standing there with a coffee, a guy had made a crack that seeing I had one I must just be one of those con artists he'd heard about. I hovered near the pot indecisively then with a shrug decided to pass; besides it was pretty cold, maybe Paula would bring me one today. At the thought of her I felt a smile briefly touch my lips. Paula was usually the highlight of my day, and had been for awhile now. Our conversations were brief, usually only a couple of minutes while she pulled over and gave me a coffee and a couple of dollars, but they gave me something to look forward to.

Turning from the coffee, I made my way towards the counter. Seeing I was passing on the coffee I grabbed a small pack of mini donuts to go with the Danish. Oh yeah, I was living large today for sure. I headed for the counter and stopped in my tracks when I saw a Providence cop waiting in line to pay for his coffee. I recognized him as the same one who had chased me off the corner several times, and hung back. Unfortunately he picked that moment to turn around and seeing me nodded,

"Morning Jamie, you staying out of trouble?"

"Yes sir." I said.

I turned away embarrassed, as the couple of other people in line turned to look at me. Cops were such pricks. Then again he was doing his job, and had never taken me down to the station like he could have, just told me to get walking. Deciding to wait until he left to get in line, I wandered down the central aisle. I passed the guy stocking the shelves and felt his eyes on me. Glancing up in the round mirror in the upper corner of the store, I saw him staring at me. Most likely waiting for me to try to shop lift something. This was another of life's little frustrations, I had never stolen anything in my life, but I suppose it's easy for people to make assumptions.

A sea of red caught my eye, and I noticed the entire left side of the aisle was dedicated to Valentine's Day. I narrowed my eyes, the days were a little hard to keep track of sometimes, but as I thought on it, I realized today was the f******nth. What a difference a year makes. At this time last year, I was living with Aunt Marie, in my second semester at URI and had spent Valentine's Day at a cozy little hotel with Tammy. Now my aunt was living in a nursing home and on a good day kind of recognized me, I had no money, had to quit school and as for Tammy?

I looked down at the floor, of all the things that had happened to me in the last few months that was still the most humiliating. Tammy's family had money and she was always a bit better than. Even when I had my shit together, her family wondered what she saw in me. Once things got rough however, she began to change as well. When I was living with a roommate she was constantly asking me when I would get a job and have some money, or when would I be going back to school. Her Daddy was riding her about me and heaven forbid she be inconvenienced in anyway, or have to defend me.

When my roommate unceremoniously tossed me out because his girlfriend had to move in with him, I had ended up where I was now. Soon after that I lost my job and had gotten desperate enough to start panhandling. One day I heard my name called and looking up, wanted to crawl into a hole. It was three k**s I had gone to URI with including one of Tammy's best friends. They said a couple of things along the lines of "Hey how's the new job going' and took off.

The next day Tammy came by herself. They had told her and she hadn't believed them. Once she saw me she pulled over and began yelling at me, how dare I embarrass her? Here I was a step away from homeless, my life in ruins and I was upsetting her. I lost it and told her to go fuck herself. That had been five months ago and since then fucking myself is pretty much what I'd been doing. I certainly couldn't think about asking a girl out, and after all, my hand did have pretty low expectations.

I guess in a way I should be happy I saw Tammy's true colors so I wouldn't waste my life trying to make her happy, but the way it happened still bothered me. It was funny how life had a way of changing your perspectives and quickly. Not too long ago the thought of being alone on Valentine's Day would have upset me. Now that every day was a fight to keep eating and existing I could care less. Although it was a shame that so many decent people were alone, and pieces of work like Tammy, or Aunt Marie's k**s for that matter, would always have someone.

My Aunt always claimed that what came around went around, and if you were good to people you would get it back, if you were bad you would get what you deserved. Sad to say Aunties theory pretty much worked in reverse from what I'd seen lately. Seemed to me the people that deserved something good in their lives were being shit on. Paula was a perfect example. She was an attractive, sweet, caring person who had given of herself her entire life. Yet here it was Valentine's Day and she would be staying home alone as she usually did.

I started to walk towards the counter, but stopped and looked back at the cards. Maybe I should get her a Valentine. No, that would look funny, not to mention the cards were three to four dollars and who knew if I would get any money today. Right now those four dollars would guarantee I ate lunch. I took another step to the front of the store then stopped again. What was wrong with me? The woman had been far better to me than anyone else in my life right now including a girl who allegedly loved me. Now here I was with a chance to make her smile and I was hedging.

I went back to the cards and frowned as I looked them over. I didn't want one that was actually romantic or leading so to speak, just something thoughtful. I picked one up that had a picture of a red heart shaped box with a ribbon on it. Underneath the box it said 'You are a gift to my heart'. Opening the card I read the short paragraph inside. It spoke of how true gifts were not the ones we received in boxes, but those we received in our hearts, our blessings.

Well I didn't feel like I had too many blessings right now, but if I had one it was surely Paula. I flipped the card over and saw it was three dollars so within the budget. On the way to the counter I found myself in a better mood and smiled at the guy who had been staring at me the entire time. He gave me an odd look, and I gave him a wink and pursed my lips at him.

"Like what you see?" I asked.

He turned redder than the card in my hand and quickly went back to stocking the cat food. I was still grinning when I got to the counter. That was more like the old me, always looking for a chance to bust someone's balls. While I waited for the guy in front of me to check out, my eyes fell on a small plastic bucket on the counter that contained artificial roses. I saw a purple one, which was Paula's favorite color. The sign said they were a dollar, and doing some quick math, I put the donuts on the rack next to me and picked up the rose. The Danish would be enough, and I figured the rose would be a nice touch.

Once I paid, I stepped to the side and using the pen next to the credit card machine went to sign the card. I was just going to put my name, but after thinking for a moment wrote; For a woman who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. Thank you for everything you've done, you've truly been a gift to me. Happy Valentine's Day, Jamie

As soon as I finished, I frowned. That was a little strong, but it was how I felt, and from what I had seen of her she was pretty, maybe not lights out, but I always had the feeling she held herself back. Paula's hair was always up, and she wore very little makeup. The couple of times I had seen her out of her car she was dressed not only proper, but almost unflattering. Besides, standing here in my stained clothes and second time around boots, who was I to judge? Main thing was I meant what I said and hopefully could get her to smile. She had done that for me plenty of times and as Aunty said I should treat people the way they treated me.

I slipped the rose inside of my sweatshirt so I wouldn't look like an idiot standing there with it, hurried down the street. Choosing the card had me running a little behind and hopefully that weird old bastard that always wore the army jacket hadn't gotten there first. Usually I beat him to it, but occasionally he would arrive first, and I had learned the hard way, by taking a beating one time, that street etiquette dictated it was only your spot if you claimed it first that day. The wind kicked up and pulling up the hood, I put my head down and made my towards the industrial park exit. In order to keep my mind off the cold and to try to hold onto the first good mood I'd been in all week, I thought about Paula.

Over the months I'd been doing this, I had found some regulars I guess you could call them. It made sense, seeing that I worked the corner of an industrial complex and people went to work that way every day. Although random people would give me a buck here and there it seemed like mostly the same people would give me something, and sometimes more than money. Last month a guy named Rob gave me two sweatshirts his son was going to throw out, and there was a woman who had brought me a bagel a couple of times.

Paula was my first regular, or at least the first I recognized. She had given me a dollar a couple of days in a row, then the next time I saw her, she had given me a five. I didn't make that corner for a few days, due to getting a chance to work a little at the restaurant in the morning, and when next I saw her she asked my name and said she had been worried when she hadn't seen me. I was surprised and asked why, and she said I seemed so young and she had been afraid something happened to me. I was touched, no one had worried about me in a long time and I think I had a lump in my throat when I thanked her.

The next day, Paula pulled her black SUV partway up onto the island and after handing me a coffee spent a few minutes talking to me. She told me her name and that she worked as an office manager at one of the companies on the far side of the park. She then gave me five dollars and after an awkward pause, asked me why I was out there. I gave her my standard answer of I was living with a family member who had gotten sick and I had no one else. She had tried to ask more, but after being vague with my answers, she took the hint.

From that point on any morning I saw her she would pull over and talk to me for a couple of minutes. Asking if I had any luck finding a job, and how I was doing in general. More often than not, she would give me at least five dollars and brought me coffee quite a few times. She was so nice to me I started feeling bad taking that much every day from her. One day when I was upset because I had run out of time on my phone she showed back up a half hour later with a ten dollar phone card.

A couple of weeks ago Paula and I had gotten to know quite a bit about each other. It was a Friday, and the night before it had snowed like an absolute bitch, over twelve inches of heavy wet shit covering the ground. I had trudged out to my spot, hoping the weather would gain me some sympathy and a few extra dollars. Paula had pulled up and asked if I wanted to make some money. I said I would be thrilled to, I would much rather earn something then just take handouts. Paula told me she had a huge driveway and walkway, and certainly wasn't going to shovel it. She normally paid a couple of neighborhood k**s twenty bucks apiece to shovel it, but figured why not ask me this time?

I initially felt a little weird and asked if she cared if I knew where she lived. Paula had smiled and said she could tell I was a good guy who was just having it rough, not a criminal. I still felt weird, but she was offering forty dollars, which meant I could get some more time on my phone and maybe buy a couple of small things I needed. I agreed and she asked where I lived so she could pick me up. I didn't want her to do that, I hated where I lived and although I'm sure she knew I lived in a pit I did not want her to see it. I told her that it was a rough neighborhood and I didn't want her driving through it.
Paula had given me one of her huge smiles that always got me to smile back and said things like that were why she knew she could trust me. She then added that someone had raised me right. My smile faltered as I thought of Aunt Marie and where she was now. Paula seemed to sense she had hit a nerve and backing off the subject, offered to pick me up where she always saw me. I told her to get me further down the road at a seven eleven instead. When she asked why I shrugged and told her that she worked here and it would look bad for her if someone saw me get in her truck.

Paula gave me another smile, but this one different, not quite as big and almost a little sad. She told me how thoughtful I was and made a comment that she wished the other men in her life were that way. Feeling as if it were now me who had unwittingly hit a sore spot, I said thank you and told her I would see her the next day. When I went to bed that night, I felt oddly excited. If I had been thinking about the money I wouldn't have found it odd, but the fact I was excited about going to her house was what got me. I didn't think for a minute anything funny was going on, hell she was twice my age with a great job, and I highly doubted she was the type to go slumming.

I think what I was happy about was that I was going to get a chance to spend time with someone who genuinely seemed interested in talking to me; I would get to feel human for awhile. Paula picked me up right on time, with a coffee for me of course, and we drove to her house. She lived in Warwick in a fairly well to do neighborhood and she had not been k**ding, her driveway was massive. In fact her house itself was pretty damn big, especially for someone who lived alone.

She invited me in to sit for awhile, but I told her I wanted to get started right away. Paula shrugged and pointing at a shovel propped up against the garage, told me to feel free to come in and warm up if I needed to.

While she was talking I tried to nonchalantly check her out. Up to that point, I had only seen her sitting in her truck. She was normally wearing a leather jacket, and scarf, and her brown hair was always up. I was disappointed to notice that I couldn't really notice anything. Paula was wearing a pair of jeans that were pretty loose fitting and a heavy shapeless grey coat. Although her hair wasn't up, it was pulled back in a pony tail, which at least gave me an idea of the length, but that was it. She wasn't wearing any makeup, and I had to say, she looked pretty good for her age, which I was guessing was early forties.

All in all she looked like the everyday woman next door. Well not completely, Paula did have two exceptional features, the first that amazing smile, and then the biggest brown eyes with the longest lashes I'd ever seen. I'd always had a thing for doe eyed brunettes, and caught myself staring as she spoke to me. Either she didn't notice, or was nice enough not to mention it; as she simply smiled and headed into the house. I shoveled my ass off and spent over three hours clearing the driveway as well as the front walk and a path to her garage. She hadn't asked for me to do the last part, but I wanted to do a good job, and it felt good to work hard.

By the time I was finished, I was tired and numb from the cold, but felt satisfied that I had done something worthwhile for someone who seemed like they would appreciate it. I went to the door and rang the bell, when Paula answered I told her I was all set and was going to go up the road and catch the bus home. Actually, where I was going to go was to see Aunt Marie. The home she was in was located in North Kingstown, three buses from Providence, but only one from here. Paula shook her head and said that she would take me home. Before I could start to argue, she added that she would only do that after I came in and had lunch.

I tried to hedge, but with a sly smile she reminded me that she hadn't paid me yet, and she forgot to mention lunch was part of the deal. I stood their uncertain, and trying to look upset, but her smile kept growing wider and eventually I gave a mock sigh and agreed. Paula hadn't made anything fancy, grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, but it was the best meal I'd had in a long time because it didn't come in a wrapper. Paula sat across from me at the kitchen table and had a bowl of soup while making small talk about the weather and how bad the Sox looked and it wasn't even spring training yet.

Paula was doing most of the talking as I was concentrating on scoffing down the food. She asked if I wanted another sandwich and as I hesitated, she laughed and got up to make me one. While Paula stood over the stove I looked around the house. The kitchen was good sized, but the living room that was visible through archway was enormous. I didn't know much about wood and furniture in general, but nothing in the house looked cheap. I could see a hallway across the living room and several closed doors that I assumed were bedrooms.

As my eyes wandered across the furnishings I saw a mantle that had several pictures over it. They were all of two boys, one was blond, but the other had dark hair and was the spitting image of Paula. They looked around my age and were obviously her sons. I heard a phone ring, and turned to see Paul take her cell from her pocket. She turned away from me as she spoke and continued to cook. Taking advantage of her being distracted, I turned in my chair so I could see more of the living room. There were several framed photos on the wall of her boys; High school graduations, proms and a couple of nice ones with Paula posing with them.

My eyes lingered on one them in which she was wearing a black dress that was just a touch on the short side. I leaned forward, to get a better look and from what I could see, she had some nice legs. Her brown hair was down and I was surprised at how curly it was.

"You can go in there if you want." Paula had said behind me, scaring the shit out of me.

I turned around quickly and muttered something along the lines of I was just looking. I felt stupid; although I'm sure she didn't think I was checking her out in a picture. Paula put a plate with two more sandwiches down for me and again sat across from me. She looked into the room and told me that the pictures were indeed of her sons Josh, and William. They were a little older than me, and both were attending the University of Florida. As she spoke she sounded proud, but there seemed to be a hint of sadness there. In fact she looked the exact way I felt when I spoke of my mom or my aunt.

She had trailed off, and I was unsure if I should change the subject or not. Taking a chance that maybe she wanted to talk, I asked if they were close, and if they called often. I felt like an ass when she shook her head and said that they had not been close since the divorce two years ago. I had kind of figured she was divorced seeing I hadn't seen a picture of the father anywhere. I decided at that point that the only way my lips should be moving is if they were chewing and went back to eating and feeling like a jerk.

Paula however, kept on the subject. She told me she had married her college sweetheart, and had gotten pregnant within a year. Her husband was a successful architect and made excellent money, and wanted her to be a stay at home Mom. Paula had a business degree and by the time both k**s were in school went back to work. She was still with the same company and pretty much ran the entire office. She also made good money, and the divorce agreement was that she kept the house in exchange for not pursuing alimony, and that they split the boys tuition.

I figured she would stop there, but to my surprise she continued by telling me that she hadn't been happy with him for years. He worked constantly, traveled for work and even when he was home they never went out and after a sigh she added that he pretty much neglected her in the bedroom too, leaving her feeling as if something were wrong with her. The bedroom remark had caught me off guard and I swallowed my food hard and fought not to choke. My first thought was that was information I didn't need to know, the second was why he would ignore her, she looked pretty good in that picture and was certainly nice enough.

Mercifully, Paula didn't notice me almost spitting out my food and went on to say that after his hours got longer, and he traveled even more, she started getting suspicious. Sure enough, she discovered quite a few restaurant charges on his credit card and found out he was not only cheating on her, but that it had been going on for years. I spoke up saying that, that was shame, but it was his loss. She told me I was sweet, but went on to say that the affair hadn't upset her as much as I would have thought. After all they had just been going through the motions for years.

What had crushed her was that Paula had found out that her sons knew, and had even met the woman. They had covered for him, and then seemed upset when she filed for the divorce. Paula said that at the time of their separation, both of the boys stopped calling as frequently as they used to and neither had come home to see her for Christmas even though they had come up to see their father who lived an hour away in Boston. With a bitter smile, she added that their feelings never stopped them from cashing the checks she sent them to help with their books, and they had no problem letting her pay for half their education.

I asked why she bothered, and with a shrug she said they were still her sons, she loved them and just because they were doing the wrong thing didn't mean she should as well. I nodded, although I didn't completely agree, that was definitely something Aunt Marie would say. As Paula began to tell me what her sons were going to school for, my mind wandered. I could care less what those ungrateful spoiled little pricks were studying. I found that I was as upset as she seemed. Over the last few months I'd seen more than my share of the crap that people could offer, and it disgusted me to see this woman being mistreated by her own k**s. Never mind some asshole who obviously didn't appreciate what he'd had in her.

I guess I had gone a little too quiet and she asked if she were boring me. I gave her a smile and said that I could never be bored, listening to a beautiful woman. Paula laughed loudly, it was an infectious one and I found myself having a hard time trying to keep a straight face while I asked what was so funny. Paula told me I must be pretty good with the girls, because that was as smooth of a line as she had heard. I countered with the remark, that with her looks I was sure she'd heard her share of lines. She laughed again, but then shrugged and said she really hadn't. She'd dated one k** through high school and met her eventual ex husband her freshmen year at PC.

I pointed out that her divorce was a couple of years ago, and I was sure she would have made up for lost time so to speak. Paula rolled her eyes and said she'd had maybe a handful of dates since then. She wasn't sure where to meet someone, and she still felt a little nervous about the whole thing, having spent over twenty years with one person. I told her that was a shame, that a pretty woman like her should be having some fun. She told me that she had already fed me and would pay me, so I didn't have to keep flattering her. I responded with Aunt Marie's classic line of

"I don't have to do anything."

Paula laughed and said okay, she would accept the flattery. I told her that I was sorry for what happened, that someone like her deserved to be happy, and that wasn't a line I meant that. I took a chance and told her that I thought what her sons were doing was terrible, that they should appreciate her. I felt bad after I said it, but she nodded in agreement. Paula then looked at me and asked if I had any family. I hesitated, not wanting to get into it, but after looking at her, and realizing how much she had shared with me, I figured what the hell? If anything, it might make her feel better about her k**s, after all they were nowhere near as bad as Aunt Marie's. Besides, at the end of the day when was the last time someone had seemed interested in my life?

Taking the last sip of my coffee, I began at the beginning, but made it as brief as possible. My father screwed when I was around five, ran off with his secretary was what my mother would later tell me. So I guess right off the bat Paula and I had something in common. Mom worked full time and did the best she could, but had a hard time making ends meet and we were constantly moving from place to place because she kept falling behind on rent. After we ended up staying with friends for a week, with no idea where she was going to live next, Mom's aunt Marie invited us to live with her.

Aunt Marie was Mom's godmother and had always been close to her. Aunty had two sons', who were a little older than Mom, but had both gotten married and moved to Connecticut. Aunt Marie had been widowed years ago when her husband died of a heart attack, and with the boys gone she was alone and told Mom she would love the company. Much like Paula's spawn, her boys barely called and only came to visit if they needed something. Aunty wasn't loaded, but her huge house in East Greenwich was paid off and she had a line of credit that she used to borrow off the equity. Also like Paula, she was generous despite her son's ungratefulness and helped each of them by their houses.

My aunt would baby sit me while Mom worked and we grew close. When I was thirteen Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was stage four when they found it and Mom went downhill quickly. With the exception of a couple of cousins Mom had no family and asked my Aunt if she would take care of me. Two weeks after Aunt Marie's lawyer filed the papers for her to become my legal guardian, Mom passed away. I was devastated, but Aunty was great and got me through those tough times.

For the next five years life was pretty good, I did fairly well in school, and did everything I could for Aunty around the house and ran all of her errands, while her k**s may as well have been pictures on milk cartons. When I graduated high school my grades were not quite good enough to qualify for a scholarship, but Aunt Marie told me not to worry. Using some money from her house she paid for my first year at URI and told me that as long as my grades stayed good, she would continue right up to graduation.

The beginning of my freshman year was when things began to go to hell. Aunt Marie's memory had been slipping and she was starting to have periods of time that she could not recall what she had been doing. When I came home from school one day to find her half dressed wandering around the neighbor's yard I called her doctor. The doctors told me that she was in the beginning stages of dementia and things most likely were not going to get any better. We had nurses start to come during the day, but she was becoming progressively worse, some days not even recognizing me.

When my aunt had first started slipping I had called both of her sons, neither of which was too concerned. I got 'well take her to the doctors and let us know how you make out'. When I told them what the doctor had said they said to 'keep them in the loop' and they would try to make it down when they could. One day I came home to find the nurse cleaning up some glass, she told me my aunt had lost track of who and where she was and had gotten violent, throwing a plate at her. The doctor said it was time to call her sons and get their asses down there.

In retrospect, I would have been better off not even telling him she had k**s. Hell, Aunty didn't remember them, and it's not like they cared about her. Instead, as she had raised me to do, I did the right thing and called them, telling them they needed to come and help out. They showed up and after talking to the doctor, decided the best thing for their mother, who had taken care of them their entire lives, was to stick her in a home. The doctor seemed to have the impression they were scum, but they were next of kin, and she really did need around the clock care.

With their mother now in a home, with no chance of getting better, the bastards decided that she no longer needed a house. Within a month they had sold it, leaving me with no place to live. They were sporting enough to let me stay while the house was for sale, if for no other reason then I mowed the lawn and kept it looking good, but when it sold I was told to leave.

Knowing the answer, but trying anyway, I asked them for a little bit of the money, so I could not only get a place but pay for at least another semester of school. Aunt Marie had told me many times she was going to leave me something, but right now she was still alive and not in her right mind, leaving the pieces of crap that had somehow been born to her calling the shots. The oldest, Brian, told me point blank that like a son, and being a son were two different things. He thanked me for helping his mother and gave me a check for a whopping thousand dollars. I would later find out the house had sold for over three hundred thousand and even after paying off the equity they had each walked away with almost seventy five thousand.

My aunt had not wanted me working too much while in school and I was only getting twenty hours a week at Stop and Shop, so no way could I afford my own place. Tammy still lived at home and most of my friends either lived on campus or home as well. I found a roommate through a friend and that lasted until he knocked up his girlfriend and she was in and I was out. I found a small efficiency apartment that I could barely afford, and continued to try to find full time work to no avail. Knowing there was no way I could afford to continue and heartbroken over my aunt's condition, I quit school and just tried to find a job. The Toyota that Aunty had given me as a gift for my high school graduation blew its transmission and unable to get to work on time, I lost my job and the rest as they say was history.

I had been looking down into my empty soup bowl as I spoke, not wanting to see Paula feeling bad for me. When I finished I felt her hand on mine and looked up to see her looking at me with tears in her eyes. Again I felt like an asshole, but had to admit that her hand over mine felt nice. Squeezing my hand hard Paula said softly, "Thank you Jamie."

Confused I asked her what for, and shaking her head she had answered;

"First of all for trusting me, but mainly for making me appreciate what I have. I sit around at night feeling sorry for myself that I'm lonely, and how unfair things are with my k**s. Hearing what you've been through makes me see how much I have to be thankful for." She'd paused and added. "Your Aunt did a great job Jamie, because you're a hell of young man considering all you've been through."

As she spoke she hadn't moved her hand, and I was enjoying her touch. It had been a long time since I'd had any real human contact. I had the urge to turn my hand over so that I could hold hers, but figured that would look wrong. Instead I took a minute to fight back the emotions talking about my life had started to bring out. Paula asked where Aunt Marie was living and when I told her, she said that she knew where it was, and it wasn't far from her house. At that point, I told her that I was planning on seeing her from there, and should probably get going.

A disappointed feeling went through me as Paula removed her hand from mine, and said that sounded like a good idea. I thanked her for lunch and stood up, preparing to leave, when she told me to hold on so she could grab her coat. I told her she didn't have to walk me out. Paula rolled her eyes at me and said that she was going to grab her coat, because she was going to take me to see my aunt. I immediately told her no, I couldn't impose like that. Paula told me not to be ridiculous and not to be embarrassed; she would drop me off and go grab a coffee while I went in for a visit.
I tried to refuse, but Paula told me she would not take no for an answer, it was cold and I would have to take three buses to get home. She also winked and said she still had my money, and wouldn't give it to me until she dropped me off at home tonight. I lost any desire to continue to argue. A ride in a warm truck, a chance to see my aunt, and more time with a woman who was being nicer to me than anyone had in a long time. I agreed to go and with a big smile, that made my decision worth it even more, Paula left the room to go grab her coat.

Slipping my sweatshirt back on, I followed her into the Parlor and saw her go down the hallway to the closet. While she had the door open, blocking her view of me, I took a minute to look at the picture of her in the black dress. Upon close inspection, not only was my initial impression of her legs confirmed, but I couldn't help but notice that her chest was not exactly small. The dress wasn't too low cut, but I could see more than a little cleavage. I focused on her face, trying to guess how old the picture was, she looked pretty much as she did now, and I thought that she more than looked good for her age, she looked good period.

I turned quickly away from the picture when I heard her footsteps, coming towards me and saw she was again bundled up from head to toe. I found myself wondering if I was still seeing her come the warm weather, what she would dress like. As we left the house and got into her truck, I rolled my eyes at myself. This woman was being damn good to me, and I was wondering what her body looked like. Never mind the fact she had k**s my age, and sure as hell would never think of me in that way. In my defense however, it had been months since I'd broken up with Tammy and Paula holding my hand was the first time a woman had touched me in any way since.

Paula dropped me off at the home where the best day I'd had in a long time continued. Aunt Marie called me by name as soon as I entered her room. Better than that, she even hugged me back when I hugged her. She seemed fairly lucid and asked about me and the house. I fought to keep a smile on my face as I told her that I was doing great in school, and was keeping the house in good shape for when she came home. Aunty asked how Tammy was and I said fine. I had to stifle a laugh when she shook her head and said "I have to tell you Jamie, I really am not fond of that girl, she's quite the phony."

Aunty stayed with me for another few minutes, long enough to break my heart by asking me if I knew when her k**s were coming to take her home. I was almost relieved when she started fading out, looking at me as if I had just come in and asking me who the hell I was. I told her twice, then gave up and simply nodded as she started talking about people I'd never heard of before. After a few minutes of that, she fell asleep and I sat by the bedside holding her hand with my head down, crying in frustration at how wrong all this was.

Taking a few minutes to pull myself together, I went outside to see Paula sitting out front in her truck. I got in and she asked how my visit was. I told her the truth, that it was up and down, and she left it alone. We drove to Providence in silence. I felt bad, but seeing Aunty drained me, and the heat, which was a treat for me, was making me drowsy. When we were within a few blocks of my house, I told her to pull over and I would walk. Paula stubbornly insisted on taking me all the way to my door and a couple of minutes later we pulled up in front of the run down four story building with the tacky rooms by the week sign over the door, that I called home.

I thanked her for everything and as I started to get out, I felt her hand press into mine. Looking down I saw she was handing me a fifty. Before I could say anything she said she didn't have two twenties so I would just have to take that. I started to thank her again, but stopped in mid sentence when she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. She told me again what a great guy I was and how wonderful it was the way I cared about my aunt. Taking my hand, she told me to hang in there, things would get better.

Since then things had gotten a little better, but only because of Paula herself. I saw her just about every morning and it gave me something to look forward to. She had started coming by a couple minutes earlier so we could talk a little before she had to go. One day she said she felt bad because while I was talking to her I might be missing out on making some money. I told her not to worry, that I looked forward to seeing her. I was amazed at the smile she gave me, and as she looked down I swore she was blushing. Of course, she made it worth it anyway, always giving me a few dollars.

It had gotten to the point I tried not to take it from her. She asked why, and I told her that I felt like we were friends and I wouldn't take advantage of a friend. Paula had shaken her head and told me that I really was something. She pulled away and just as she did, dropped a five on the ground before driving away laughing before I could give it back to her. Over the last few days I found myself thinking of her more and more, especially at night. During the morning I just thought about seeing her and what we would talk about. At night however, my thoughts were becoming very different and weren't exactly the purist.

Lying there shivering on the cot, I would find my mind drifting in her direction. I always envisioned her in that black dress from the picture, her long hair down and a different kind of smile on her face. She would kiss me on the cheek as she had done that night she dropped me off, but in my thoughts her lips strayed to mine. I imagined we were in her bedroom and the kissing would lead to her pushing me onto her bed. Paula would start to slip the dress off and...

I jumped at the sound of a horn barely getting out of the way of a red Toyota turning the corner. I took a deep breath and stood on the curb for a minute until my heart slowed down. Carefully looking both ways, I crossed the street and shook my head at the fact I was thinking about her that way. I wasn't just thinking about her, I was talking about her as well. A couple of nights ago when I was washing dishes with Gino in the restaurant, I mentioned her several times. The last time I did he laughed at me. When I asked him what was so funny, he slapped me on the shoulder and said, "Man, you are crushing on this woman!"

I tried to deny it, but could feel myself getting redder by the minute. He had picked the right word; a crush was exactly what I felt like I had. Well I guess I couldn't blame myself. Paula was damn nice to me and attractive, I think her being older was exciting as well, but a crush was all it was. Like most crushes I had no doubt it was one sided, and would run its course. But for now, she was fun to think about and it gave me a pleasant distraction from the rest of my pathetic existence. Speaking of which, I had reached the route ten off ramp and as I always did, looked up and down the street for cops before crossing partway and standing on the island.

I closed my eyes and removing my sign from my sweatshirt held it up in front of me. It always amazed me that after several months of this it hadn't gotten easier. Every day I felt like I lost another piece of myself as I stood there begging. I focused straight ahead as the cars went past me. The light turned red, and as the traffic stopped I looked around at the people in the cars in front of me. I did this quickly, long enough to maybe gain some sympathy, but not long enough to make them feel awkward.

The guy in the ford pickup in front of me rolled his window down, and put his hand out. I quickly stepped forward, took the dollar from his hand, and said softly, "Thank you sir."

"Anytime k**," he replied. "You try to get some coffee with that okay, its cold out here."

I nodded and turned to go back up in the island. As I did I was just in time to catch the sight of two young k**s in the back seat of a Lexus, pointing and laughing at me. The light changed and as the cars drove by I heard someone yell, "Fucking pathetic, get a job you lazy bastard!"

I put my head down, in shame and frustration. This would go on all morning. For every decent person there was an asshole. Most people seemed to be in between. They would make eye contact with me, then quickly look away and stare straight ahead until the light changed. I could tell they felt bad, but either couldn't give anything or thought it was wrong to do so for some reason.

The first half hour went by quickly and I made ten dollars, so lunch and dinner were in the bag at least. The next goal was another ten for the luxury of haircut, so if I got an interview I could look decent. The time began to drag as traffic thinned out and standing still allowed the cold to catch up to me. I didn't have a watch, but my well developed internal clock told me I should have seen Paula by now. Once in awhile if she knew she had to work late she would go in later in the morning. When that happened I usually missed her, as I didn't stay more than an hour for fear of the cops. Figured this would be the day she wouldn't be around.

I looked up excitedly at the sound of a horn, expecting to see her truck. It wasn't her, but I knew who it was. I quickly jumped back a couple of feet as the red mustang came racing towards the light. It was driven by a k** around my age and the two girls who were with him were laughing and pointing. As he always did, the k** swerved the mustang close enough to the island to hit the slushy snow in front of it and splash it up at me. I dodged most of it, but some hit my legs, instantly soaking my pants. He yelled something and I heard the screech of breaks.

I saw that the traffic had backed up and he was stopped not twenty feet from me. I felt a surge of rage flow through me and stepped off the island. After weeks of doing shit like that to me, the little mother fucker had finally screwed up. I was never much of a fighter, but at six feet was not a small guy. I used to work out when things had been good, and although I'd lost weight with my limited lifestyle I was still pretty solid. Wandering the streets had also taught me how to handle myself, and I'd gotten into enough scuffles with other panhandlers and street people to know I could kick this k**'s ass.

I took another step towards his car and saw to my amusement he was looking behind him and saw me coming. I smiled at the image of yanking him out of his car in front of his little girlfriends and bitch slapping him. I was halfway across the street when I heard Paula's voice behind me,

"Hey Jamie, hold on!"

I stopped and stared at the mustang, still wanting to go over there, but hesitated. Would I want Paula to see me act like that? She thought I was a sweet guy who did the right thing. Right behind Paula was a vision of my aunt Maries shaking her head in disappointment. I turned around and walked back onto the island, thinking I would get another chance with that prick some day. I admit I was a little ticked off, that I had lost this chance, but when I looked over to see Paula smiling at me, from her truck, I quickly forgot about it.

"Morning Paula, how are you?" I asked as I reached the side of her truck.

"I'm good Jamie, how you doing this morning?"

I shrugged.

"Okay, I've had worse days."

"I'm sure you have." She nodded, looking at me sadly.

I hated that look; pity was what I relied on from the people who donated to my cause. I wanted Paula to see me differently.

"Well any day I see you can't be a bad day now can it?" I asked, giving her a wink.

Paula laughed and gave me the smile that I had been living for lately.

"You are smooth Jamie, you should teach classes."

I shrugged and didn't reply right away. I was content to just look at her. As always her hair was up and she was bundled up tight. I did notice that her usual black scarf had been replaced with a bright red one.

"So who said it's a line?" I asked to keep her smiling or to keep up my lame attempt at flirting, either way it worked as she laughed again.

"Oh, please, I have k**s your age and I doubt I'm one of those..." She thought a moment. "Mif's?"

"Milfs." I corrected her, laughing.

"Oh yeah that's right." she nodded. "Not one of those."

"Yeah you're right," I began as I made a show of looking closely at her. "I was thinking more like a cougar."

"Good thing I wore my boots today." Paula said rolling her eyes.

Reaching down next to her she handed me a Dunkin Donuts coffee.

"Here you go hon, it's really cold out here."

I took the coffee and holding up the cup, turned it around in my hand, last week she had taped a five dollar bill to the side of it. I didn't see anything, which was fine by me.

"Thank you Paula." I told her. "Hey, I like that scarf, is that for Valentine's Day?"

"It is as a matter of fact." Paula said with a shrug. "Probably all I'll do to celebrate the day, but hey it's something right?"

I nodded, thrilled that my little segue had worked. I was reaching into my sweatshirt for the rose, when Paula surprised me first by reaching out and handing me a small heart shaped box of chocolates.

"Speaking of, happy Valentine's Day Jamie."

I took the box from her and stared at it for a minute. I felt a lump rise in my throat; I couldn't believe she had thought of me.

"Thank you Paula," I said quietly.

"No worries, "she winked at me. "Just some sweets for a real sweetheart." She laughed. "I know that's not as good as one of your lines, but I'm pretty rusty."

"Well, this makes me feel even better that I did this then."

Pulling out the rose, I handed it to her.

"Happy Valentine's Paula."

If I'd had any doubt that she would enjoy the rose, it was erased by the look on her face. Her all ready big brown eyes widened, and as she took it, she swallowed hard, and I recognized that she felt the same why I did.

"Oh Jamie, thank you." She whispered. "This is..." she shook her head. "So beautiful."

"Well I don't know about that," I said, after all it came from Cumberland farms. "But you said purple was your favorite."

"Twenty years of marriage and my ex thought my favorite color was blue." She said softly, more to herself then to me, then shaking her head said, "I say it once to you and you remember."

Reaching out, she took my hand in hers and flashing me her trademark smile said, "Thank you, you don't know how much this means to me."

"Well you taking me to see aunty meant a lot to me," I said then reaching back into my shirt gave her the card. "Here, this is for you too."

"Jamie, this is too much..."

"Nah, it's only a card." I told her, but was thrilled with the look in her eyes as she held it.

"Yeah but, a few dollars is a lot for you Jamie! I mean...." She sighed. "You didn't have to do this."

"I don't have to do anything, remember?" I asked.

Paula looked at the red envelope and then again at the rose. Putting the card down, she reached out, put her arm around my shoulder and tugged me towards her. Caught off guard, I felt like an idiot as I all but fell against her car. That feeling quickly faded as she wrapped her arm around my neck and hugged me. My face was buried in her neck and between the scent of her perfume and the sensation of her soft hair against my cheek I felt as if I were in heaven. I frowned at the thought that I was pretty sure I didn't smell anywhere near as nice, and my own hair probably felt kind of nasty.

Again thoughts were pushed away by the thrill of her lips grazing my cheek. Still hugging me she whispered in my ear, "You made my day Jamie, you really did."

"You make mine all the time." I told her quietly, and risking it, gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Hey lady! Make sure he showers first!" a voice called out, ruining the moment.

I pulled away, looking angrily in the direction of the voice, but the light was green and the cars were whipping past.

"Ignore them," Paula said quietly. "They're just assholes."

She looked at her watch and sighed.

"I'm sorry Jamie, but I have to go. I'll look at the card later okay?"

"No problem," I told her. Part of me was relieved, I would rather she read it without me in front of her, just in case I had gone too far with what I had written. "You have a good day," I winked at her. "And don't do anything wild tonight."

"Oh, please." She laughed. "Wild for me these days would be using my left hand."

"I..." I stopped speechless, trying to fight off the visual that remark conjured up. I could my face getting hot and Paula laughed.

"I got you to blush! How cute are you?"

"Cute," I managed to get out. "Yeah that's me."

"Sorry, Jamie, but you're so nice all the time I couldn't resist."

"Glad I could get you to laugh." I said rolling my eyes.

"You always do." She said, and then turning serious added. "You go get warm soon okay?"

"I will."

"And thank you again Jamie, this was very thoughtful."

I simply nodded and smiled, as she pulled away she called out, "Enjoy the candy."

Looking down at the box in my hand, I shrugged and untying the ribbon, opened it to grab a chocolate. When I removed the lid I laughed, there was a ten dollar bill folded on top of the candy.

I spent another half hour on the corner. By then I had finished my coffee, and eaten most of the chocolates. I also made another ten dollars so not a bad day all in all. Although I certainly didn't mind the money, the morning couldn't have gone badly after seeing the smile on Paula's face. I was proud of myself; I had made someone who deserved it, happy today. By this time most people had arrived at work and there wasn't much traffic coming through. Between that and the cop I spotted several blocks away harassing my buddy in the army jacket it was time to leave.

I figured I would walk downtown, get a haircut then swing by the restaurant and see if Gino had gotten any calls from the jobs I had applied to. Slipping my sign under my sweat shirt, I crossed the street and started walking. I made it about three blocks, when I heard a horn behind me. I turned and was surprised to see Paula pulling up next to me. She had rolled the window down and called out, "Hey Jamie, wait a minute!"

I walked over to the truck and frowned as it looked as if she either was upset or had been recently.

"Hey Paula," I began as I stopped in front of the door. "Everything okay?"

"Jamie, get in the truck for a minute, I want to talk to you."

I felt my stomach flutter, that didn't sound good. I started to open the door, then stopped and started looking around. "I don't think I should get in. What if..."

"Oh, for God's sake!" Paula rolled her eyes. "Just get in."

I quickly got into the car, wondering what was wrong. Then it hit me, she must have...

"Jamie," Paula cut into my racing mind. "I just read the card a few minutes ago."

Oh shit, I thought. I'd gotten carried away and she was going to say something about it. I could feel my face already starting to flush. I'd made myself look like an idiot.

"Umm, look Paula..." I stammered not even sure what I was going to say. "I..."

I stopped as she reached out, and putting her hand on my shoulder said softly, "That was the sweetest thing anyone has said to me in longer then I can remember." She paused and I was shocked to see that her eyes were misting up. "Thank you Jamie, that card means more than you know."

Before I could speak, she leaned forward and hugged me. Unlike last time, she got both arms around me and pulled me close to her. I hesitated, before awkwardly putting my arms around her shoulders. Again my face was nestled into her, but this time it was the soft skin of her neck that I felt my face against. She smelled and felt amazing, and I had to fight off the insane urge to kiss her neck. Paula released me, and sitting back in her seat looked at me as if she were embarrassed.
"Sorry, I... well that card was just what I needed today." She shrugged. "Valentine's day has always been tough for me."

"Since the divorce?"

"No, much longer than that." She shook her head. "I was lucky if we went to dinner and most of the time I'd get candy of flowers, and only because his secretary would send them." She paused then added quietly. "The one he'd been seeing for years."

"I'm sorry Paula." I said.

"Don't be," she smiled. "You turned a bad day good Jamie, what you wrote was perfect." She looked away for a minute then turning back put her hand over mine and asked, "Did you mean it?"

"Of course I did!" I exclaimed. "Paula you are the best person I know, I meant everything I wrote."

"Even the part about me being beautiful?" She smiled. "On the outside?"

I immediately blushed and unable to look her in the eyes said, "You're very pretty Paula."

Paula laughed and I felt like a fool. Pretty. What was I a k**? Well of course I was, at least to her anyway, and apparently I was trying to enforce that view by acting like one. "No one has called me pretty in years." She said. "Or beautiful for that matter."

"Well you are." I told her. "You have gorgeous eyes."

"Thank you," She smiled. "Your baby blues aren't so bad either you know."

I didn't reply as I was too busy wondering if she really meant that.

"Jamie," Paula began. "Would you do something for me?"

"Anything." I said quickly, a little too quickly I thought.

"I want you to go out to dinner with me tonight."

"I..." had I just heard that right? "Dinner?"

"Yes dinner." She nodded. "I'll pick you up and we can go to my favorite restaurant."

"I...I don't know Paula." I put my hands out. "That, ummm... well it wouldn't look right."

"To who?"

I found I didn't have an answer to that, and just sat there, staring like an idiot.

"Look Jamie," Paula said squeezing my hand. "I haven't gone out on Valentine's Day in years and I would love a chance to dress up and go out."

"But with me?" I shook my head. "I mean come on Paula I'm sure there's some guys who would..."

"I don't care about other guys, I want to go out with the guy who gave me such a beautiful card and who made me happy today."

Oh boy, this was starting to get awkward. I kept telling myself this meant nothing, but it seemed like it did. I should keep saying no, it was the right thing, I had no business going out with someone like her, hell she had k**s my age. Then again, the thought of finally seeing her dressed up, would be...

"So what do you say Jamie, you want to go out with me tonight?"

"You mean like a date?" I blurted out.

Oh, you fucking moron, I thought as soon as the words left my mouth. What a first class boob.

"I mean like two people going out and having a good time together." She shrugged and said. "But you can say it's a date if you want. Tonight can be anything you want it to be."

Anything? Slow down Romeo, she's just playing along with me.

"Well jeez I can't be as special as you say I am if you need this much time to decide." Paula said shaking her head. "So much for my confidence."

"It's not that," I said quickly. "I just, I can't pay and I..."

"Don't worry about money, I have plenty, what I don't have is someone to spend Valentine's with." She sighed. "Not even my Valentine."

"Well I..."

"You don't have to worry about dressing up," she pointed out. "We can..."

"I have something nice I can wear." I told her.

"Really?" she smiled. "I'd love to see you dressed nice."

That makes two of us, I thought. I was running out of ways to say no.

"Come on Jamie," she said, "It would make me sad to be alone tonight."

Paula put her head down and looking up at me though her eyelashes with those huge brown eyes pushed her lips into a pout and whispered. "You wouldn't want me to be sad tonight would you?"

I shook my head; there was no way in hell I could say no to that look.

"Okay." I told her. "I've always been a sucker for big brown eyes."

"Really?" She gave me a sly smile. "That's good to know."

Was she flirting with me? No, don't be...

"I'll pick you up at seven and at your house; I don't want you walking around all dressed up tonight okay?"

"Okay," I told her as I opened the door to get out. "I'll see you then."

"Thank you Jamie," she said. "You've really made me happy today."

"Good," I nodded. "I'm glad you're going to have a good day."