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3. Sussex Wife [A]
It was a Friday, nothing special, the weather girl on telly had said that the weekend would be wet, turning worse on Saturday night and Sunday to a full blown Gail.
That ruled out a roll on the downs then she thought sadly, knowing her hubby`s love of outdoor sex, Holly knew it would mean it would be a painful weekend again as his indoor hobby was BDMS!
She awaited his return from work, with a heavy heart, she enjoyed a little bondage, mild pain was fair enough but lately he had been adding a tweak here and a tweak there so that it had taken her a full week last time for her bruises to fade and the marks to vanish.
She was definitely not looking forward to the winter!
She loved him that was fact; would never leave him or cheat on him with another man, but she had found some relief on the computer where she could chat to others, flirt, become aroused to the point of climax, but never need to meet.
She had one who had a way of exciting her just simply by a series of one line private messages, he was into the unusual, had a thing about writing sexually based stories, and about dogs, none of your Phil Drabble ‘one man and his dog’ series, or ‘Lassie’ for him but the full blown K9 erotic stuff.
Holly had found these so erotic that she had a desire to try it for herself. However when she had mentioned it to Ken her husband he had laughed, saying that he thought it was all in imagination and would you want to share your wife with a mangy old pooch.
She had stewed on that for nearly a month, before overcome with the desire to try something new she had contacted someone near a friend’s home who she knew from the internet had a dog that would do as she wished for a small fee. She had taken a few days away with her friend, and bravely gave herself to the chap`s dog, afterwards she contacted her writer friend told her details to him and asked him to write a story based on her notes. He needed no persuading, nor did the story take a lot of cleaning up, just the change of names and location to protect the guilty, and the thing was soon on hamster as ‘advance to the a****l’ nothing earth shattering but 1,500 hits in 3 months, and an 80% like rate was quietly satisfying.
She knew she needed to tell Ken and she had done so to his great displeasure, since which as she had expected the S&M weekends had been a little stronger and he had not mentioned K9 again till the week before last when suddenly, to her surprise he had brought the subject up.
She had shown him the story on hamster, he read it then re-read it, said it was a good story, asked if it was the real facts looked at the couple of pictures the dog man had taken, and then fell silent on the subject for the next couple of days.
That weekend they had visitors so nothing was said or the subject opened at all, he was obviously mulling it over.
When they were in bed on the Monday evening he suddenly began asking about the experience, she answered his questions honestly and to the best of her ability, telling of her need for something more without hurting their marriage, the feeling of being filled, the joy of the urgency of the coupling, he heat of the dogs discharge, and the effect of the knot. The effect was that he became as a stallion, sex was soon happening and the night was one of hot passion.
This weekend was the first since then and she was expecting him to use her badly it being wet outside and she her having in effect gone behind his back having been with the dog.
In the evenings since that night, He had been building something in the cellar, she knew not what, her mind went to pillories, racks, stocks and other bondage machinery though it could have as well been a bird table he liked to keep her guessing and he had locked the door so that she was unable to find out.
Hence butterflies were forming in her stomach as the clocks hands remorselessly ticked away the minutes to Ken`s normal home time of 5pm he was hardly ever late. The hour past and she realised he was late tick, tick, tick that dammed clock marking off the time; it was 6.15 then his key turned in the door. His voice on the stairs announcing he was home. Her intake of breath said she was apprehensive of his arrival. She heard the overcoat shaken in the hall, and muttering under his breath about the weather, at last he appeared in the doorway, blocking the light from the stair-well as he lurched into the living room dragging a border collie behind him.
He grunted a greeting and introduced the a****l as “Fred`s old dog who were going to look after as he`s in hospital for a week.” From a plastic bag she had not noticed before, he produced the dogs bowl, some tins of food and some biscuits.
She fed man and b**st, he with the overcooked remains of the meal that would have been perfect 1 hour ago. The ‘old dog’ she found was a sweet natured a****l, named Tim; he was about 3 or 4 years old, a fit and healthy energetic dog. Ken said the dog had “crapped on the way home so he would be ok for a bit” then he sat at the table reading the paper, saying not a lot.
Their tiny garden was enclosed so she would be able to let Tim run out , though for now he was happy to flop on the sofa with his head on her lap, the dog had taken the edge of her previous nervousness, and she sat watching the TV and getting to know the a****l.
“It`s got bollocks” the voice behind the paper grunted, “Fred`s having an op then ‘it`s’ going back so you had better make the most of it!” Holly somewhat taken aback, answered that she thought he was not into K9 sex so she was surprised he even suggested it, the voice behind the paper replied that, as they had the opportunity he wanted to watch and see if he was happy, so he could make up his own mind.
There was a longish silence, and then he got up and went through to the bedroom, returning with a thick pair of socks which he threw at her. She realised the significance of these socks, it meant that he had been doing a little research, as she had never mentioned the socks worn to save the claws scratching her in her explanation and there was no mention in the story. She placed the socks on the forepaws, and he motioned her to follow him to the cellar two floors below. She did so with the dog at heel padding along in, what she hoped she hoped were unfamiliar socks.
He was a fair carpenter and it was his hobby so he had converted the place into a workshop, whitewashed the walls, fitted new lights, power sockets that sort of thing, and he built wooden items for sale, bird tables, chairs, both garden and indoor chairs, stools and cupboard`s . His latest creation stood in the centre of the workshop under the spot light, A table about 7 feet long, straps dangling at each corner and at the centre each side and two cushions one at the far end and one much higher in the centre. Various items lay on the surface of the thing, a rubber bone, and some tissues and a whip being the most obvious. She shuddered when she saw the bench her eyes asking the silent questions. He smiled disarmingly then told her to “strip off those clothes”.
She began with the shapeless old work jumper, revealing the black platform bra he liked so much on these wet weekends, she slid down her slacks, old now but serviceable around the house, they peeled away like a second skin she kicked them under the bench, sliding down her blue knickers before finally standing defiant before him.
The dog began sniffing the air, nuzzling her leg, and licking her hand.
She nervously stroked his soft head and then slowly as if by some unspoken command she opened her legs to allow his nose accesses to her wet sex.
His tongue slathered the area in a way that suggested he knew his way around.
Ken moved the loose items from the top and told her in a voice that brooked no arguments to “get up here and lay over the cushions” Silently she did as bid, finding herself with her face on the far pillow, her hips raised and her body though not uncomfortable in a most vulnerable position. He quickly attached the straps to her ankles, wrists and knees.
The dog by now was worrying to get to his bitch so Ken lifted him between her heels noting the purple red and angry looking prick now protruding from the sheath. With a single lunge the dog was on her, obviously no newbie, his feet either side of her back on the cushion, his prick stabbing at her wet sex, jabbing at her soft lips stabbing her like a pointed stick causing her some pain. Ken was quick to position the tip so it slid into her completely and the a****l was rapidly home deep inside her body. His thrusts urgent and with a stiffness no man could copy.
She moaned more than screamed a long drawn out wail reverberating of the windowless walls, Ken thrust the bone into her mouth saying she was to “bite on that it will get worse yet”
Her teeth clamped tight on the rubber bone stifling her cries as her doggy lover increased his pace, his rear legs scrabbling for a purchase, his hips pistoning his thick prick pushing ever deeper into her body its tip stabbing at her cervix in a way no man has ever managed. It was a mixture of pain and joy, past explanation, it hurt she could not deny but she knew she wanted more, and that she would allow herself to be used in any way if she could get the climaxes she craved.
This dog was more skilled than her only previous mount; he was deeper, more thrusting, and more urgent, her jaws hurt from the subconscious bite into the rubber bone , she could do nothing but surrender to the assault on her body, she began to climax, she knew it would not be her last and she also knew she would pay for her joy at her husband`s hands latter, but at that moment she did not care, this was something else, something way beyond the normal day to day sex they had had together and she was going to thoroughly enjoy the experience.
She knew he would have himself in hand, his eyes missing nothing of the pain and joy she was suffering. She felt the knot beginning to form the swelling beginning to stretch her in a way nothing else would ever do, pain shear white pain as her body stretched to accommodate the intruders swelling. Her scream of ecstatic bliss as the first splash of his scalding jism entered her, the pulse of the whole prick as each pulse passed along the tube adding still more to her already bloated womb, inflating the area like a balloon about to burst.
Her whole world was centred at that moment on her sex; there was nothing else, no sadistic husband waiting with his whip, no dinner to cook, no house to keep, no parents to look after, nothing, Just that all filling knot and the hot content that was now all hers and that her body was still receiving in ever smaller doses. She slowly became aware of the dogs weight along her back, heavy and soft, the humping had stopped now, though they were still joined tightly and she was in pain. Had she passed out she wondered, her senses telling her it had all been just too much, the throb was still there in her overfilled gut, the pain of his knot his hot smelly breath on her neck.
They lay conjoined for some while till the knot began to slacken
The a****l ripped himself from her body, pain again roaring through her stretched sex, cum cascading onto the wooden slab that she was lashed too, her sex hot and stinging as his spend ran free at last. She became aware of his voice chiding her, telling her she was going to be severely chastised for not having let him watch this epic performance before and for doing it without inviting him.
He told her to brace herself as the first of the blows fell, she was expecting it, she knew he would have to use some excuse to use that whip, it struck her backside leaving red stripes. He was laying it on more than ever before. No time to think or react before the next blow fell on her leg backs, she could not see, but could imagine how her legs would look, red lines on white skin. The next curled round her leg to strike at her sex, that stinging area now tender from her K9 friend receiving the blow in a sheet of pain such as she had not known, she blacked out mercifully before the next landed.
She came too again the room silent, no dog, no Ken, her sex throbbing like it had never before hurt, and she knew she was going to suffer for a day or two just with the bruises. She tried to get up, muttered “the bastard” as she realised she was still attached to the fiendish bench, realising also that he had not finished with her, she fell forward in her bonds. Her knees hurt, her neck from the unusual angle of the pillow, but most of all her fanny, her sex, her seat, call it what you will it throbbed and that throbbing pain was oh, so fierce, tears ran from her in rivulets, soaking the cushion, the bone having long since fallen out of her mouth.
Ken re-appeared she was not over sure how long she had lain here; her bladder was filling she knew, her body stiff from the bruises, and the unusual position.
He asked how she felt, and did she enjoy her doggie friend?
She said she needed to pee, but he asked her again was k9 sex worth the penalty he had made her pay? Past caring she groaned that” it had been the best sex ever she could remember.” Even as the words left her lips she knew it was the answer he least wanted to hear.
He raised the whip as if to strike her again then thought better of it and threw it down, his voice barely understandable he grated at her “if that be so you can have some more”, then he bent and placed the dog on the bench again.
The a****l needed no telling assuming the position he began to strike again fiercely stabbing at her, unable to find his target for the swelling of her misused labia. Her cries were pitiful as the stiff point stabbed at her bruises. Again Ken helped though this time with a chuckle he pointed the tip into her pink virgin anal passage.
Her screams of no, no please not that were music to his ears, the a****l forced himself forward, fully engaging himself and adjusting his feet to get more purchase. She could feel her back passage filling with his hot member, her screams tinged with enjoyment but her mind and someone else`s voice she could not recognise screaming “the knot it will kill me the knot.” Ken placed his hand to prevent the knot filling her and splitting her stretched sphincter, a small mercy, as she felt her bowel begin to receive the hot seed.
Again that feeling of a balloon about to burst, this time pressure on her bladder from a different quarter, the dog thrusting away fiercely still she was unable to stop her flow and with a sigh she emptied her water under the dog and against Kens naked leg. A small relief as the filling of her bowel was now nearly at its maximum, ken stepped back releasing the knot as he did, laughing now as the dog began to withdraw. Turning itself the b**st stepped on his bitches back as he jumped down his tool receding as he slunk away to clean himself.
Ken released his wife helping her down and away to the toilet the seed working like an enema on her bowels, her inner legs a mat of dry doggy cum from the first assault seemingly hours ago. He showed little remorse, returning to his paper and leaving her to clean herself as she would.
The morning dawned grey wet and windy, Saturday, she felt drained, and lay abed till dinner as was their norm, her sex was still sore, her arse red striped, and her guts both back and front bruised.
He slumbered on as she crawled from their bed, the dog must be desperate for the garden she thought; as she called him and opened the back door, on went the kettle.
Two cups of strong British tea brought her stiffly to life. As she threw some bacon into the pan, and started on their breakfasts, they were soon sat abed the breakfast now a memory.
She asked him if he wanted to go on with the k9 thing, and he answered it was up to her and how she felt about last night. She said she “didn’t know”, she was in a lot of pain but that was from his whip and not the dog, had she passed out? He said that she had and he had then got carried away, giving her a lot more strokes than he should have as he was mad that the dog could have evoked such high reaction in her, he never having managed to make her swoon in such a fashion he had been jealous. She kissed him, softly muttering that “he was sweet”.
Did she like his bench? He asked. She said “it was very secure and that she was unable to move, and did he expect to use it often?” His answer was surprisingly that “he would only use it at her request from now on, so it was up to her when she wanted either a dog or to be punished, and from now on it would be known as her office.”
He had read a lot he said about the k9 thing and also the BDMS side and from now on he wanted her to ask for whatever turned her on and not for it to be of his making as he knew she loved both scenarios. However she was to be mindful of the fact he needed to use her as well and not to forget his needs. Again they kissed her wincing as he felt for her clitoris mid embrace.
Tim sat waiting expectantly she was his bitch now.
“Fred`s coming out tomorrow” the statement came out of the blue, Ken in his usual uncommunicative way had sat with the paper for a while till coming out with what to Holly was a bombshell, she had grown to love Tim, Fred`s Dog, in the weeks since he arrived.
“Is he fit enough for looking after the dog yet?” She asked.
He replied that there was no hurry yet the old chap needed a day or two to get back on his feet. Relived she asked if there was no one at home would the old lad be able to cope? Ken said he would ask him and “did she want to offer him their spare room for a day or two, after all he has none else?” She agreed, for just a couple of days he could stay, but only a couple she insisted as they had never met.
The local hospital let Fred leave next day; Ken fetched him after work in a taxi, not having a car of his own, they arrived and Fred was helped up the stairs to the living room by Ken, he looked a bit pale was in his early 60`s grey haired, about 5 foot 6 inches thin, with eyes of blue that twinkled, his gaze quickly stripping her body in a most alarming way as they shook hands and went through the usual pleasantries.
Ken sat him in the armchair, she offered tea and he thanked her; the dog put his head in his masters lap, both showing obvious affection, happy to be reunited.
Holly asked what he had been in hospital for and he told her just test`s, and that though they were invasive, he would soon be back on his feet although he still did not know the results yet. He asked if the old dog had been any trouble and she replied that, that was far from the case, he had opened new doors for her. She was not going to enlighten him further but Ken insisted that she told him the full story. Her red face told of her embarrassment, as she haltingly began to say that “Ken had insisted that she took Tim as a sexual partner” and that “what first had been a chore had become a joy to her since Tim had become involved,”
Fred chuckled and said he would love to have watched that happening, as he`d always wanted to watch a maid and a big old dog. Then he chuckled again and that brought on a coughing fit. It was some minutes before he could continue and the gasps for breath and the blood in the handkerchief told their own story. Both Ken and Holly ignoring these signs in deference to his feelings, she fetching the tea`s Ken hiding behind his paper as usual.
On her return she exchanged glances with Ken as she delivered the cup to Fred`s unsteady hand. Fred was obviously very unwell, Holly offered to help him to the spare bedroom and with Ken`s help that is what they did, he lay back smiled weakly then asked Holly if she would be kind enough to fetch a glass of water. As soon as she left the room he took Kens arm and asked if he would mind if he watched Holly having sex with his dog, Ken laughed and said that Fred “would enjoy that but not to mention it to Holly yet, and he would think about it”, just to get some rest and he would “work on the problem”.
Fred lay back and after taking some pills from his bag, with the water Holly had fetched, he was soon asleep.
In bed that night Ken told Holly that she was to “look after his friend, and to keep him happy in any way he wanted, but no full sex and no dog” to which she submitted with a questioning smile. Fred slept a lot, ate a fair bit and regained some strength, copping a crafty feel of Holly whenever she came in reach, which she mostly skilfully avoided, and watching telly for a great deal of his waking hours.
Ken in one of his infrequent talkative moments the next evening began to chat about their sex lives, saying that he had always wanted her to wear his mark, which was something she already knew, but this time he was more insistent, saying she could pick where on her body she would wear it, in exchange she could have a doggy companion of her own when Tim left, but only if she agreed, and that she must think about it. For a few days the subject of either the dog or the mark was not mentioned.
On the Wednesday old Fred asked Ken “while he was out on the works van could he pop in home and collect his mail please” he gave Ken keys and instructions on how to find the house. A sure sign he was feeling at least a bit better.
The mail duly arrived via Ken on the Thursday after work and Fred sat reading each piece very carefully, bills for most part but one stood out and he shuffled off to his room to read that.
It was from the hospital and it was not good news.
After he had composed himself he returned for the meal Holly served up, the letter not mentioned till after washing up and they were sat with coffee. Fred started the conversation with a few seemingly innocent questions about his stay, he then asked if He owed them for his keep, which they refused, despite not being well off they felt it was what friends do, he then went on to say he was a loner now his wife having passed. He had no family left when she died two years before, and his house was all he had in the world, oh he did have a bit of cash, what was he to spend his earnings on?, there was only him and his dog he said. He wanted to be sure the dog was well cared for when he was gone, so he would be leaving his loot to the dog!
Ken assured him that was not why he was looking after him, he had been a good workmate for the past few years and had covered his back a few times when he had made the odd mistake, knowing he was a lonely old chap he felt that he would hate for Fred to be on his own when he was so unwell, that was all. Fred mumbled his thanks obviously embarrassed and overwhelmed by the words of perhaps his only friend in the world.
To change the subject Fred turned to Holly and asked if she had thought about moving ever? Holly`s answer was to look around the flat and to say that though they were fairly happy here the place was all they could afford to rent, it was warm and dry, and better than nothing, but, with a laugh she said, if she won the lottery she would be gone in a trice! Ken and she would be on the beach front somewhere nice. He did not comment, but then went on to his sex life, saying that Mary his wife had been a very active woman and into the BDMS scene, they had a little dungeon under their home in the cellar, he would have loved to use Holly in their one day, if Ken would have allowed it, but that he doubted it would ever happen. Ken said, “Never say never matey!” which sparked a fleeting smile perhaps of hope, across the pallid face.
Holly said nothing, this leering, wandering handed, old codger who she hardly knew, a friend of her husband had just told her he would like to do unspeakable things to her in some cellar, and he was not saying it was beyond happening. It was a step outside their usual lifestyle, yes Ken was a sadist, yes they did have BDMS style sex but so far it had been between them and only them, their shared secret, their bond, this was something new.
“Before we get carried away” Fred said, “I must tell you that the news I had today was that I have only three months left on this earth at maximum, I am not afraid of death, we must all face that at some time, but I need to put my affairs in order, would you both be willing to help me as I don’t have a family as such and I wish to leave things tidy.
Shocked silence greeted the announcement as they both knew that he was unwell but didn`t know it was this serious, there was an icy silence, broken by first Ken, saying that they would help but there was little in their kitty to deal with a funeral and the like. Fred assured them that he would take care of all that and they would not be out of pocket at all, he wanted Tim taken care of most of all, and he knew it would be a drain on their finances long term so he would pay all expenses for the dog for at least a year or two, would that be exceptable?
Ken said that he had promised his wife that she could have a canine lover if she would wear his mark permanently and so it was up to her as to if she wanted Tim enough to bear his mark, and that as she was thinking of having his mark at the moment, where would Fred be inclined to place it if its location was up to him.
Fred smiling said he could not be sure if he couldn’t see the whole of the sites on offer how could he tell. Ken chuckled then told his wife to stand and strip off so his friend could see where he would choose to mark her. Holly hesitantly stood her redness of face telling its own tale, but fearful of disobeying her husband and master, her fingers found their way to the buttons of her dress.
Ken turned to his friend and suggested perhaps he would rather take the ladies clothes off as it had been a couple of years, Fred was surprisingly quickly up to assist her, bony fingers shook as the dress was opened, and slid from her shoulders, she stood passively waiting his next move her white bra and panties stark against her pink flesh. Ken sat back in his chair coffee in hand, revelling in his wife`s humiliation and the joy it was causing this terminally ill friend.
The bra soon fell to the now shaking hand of Fred freeing her breasts which Ken always said were ‘not huge but handsome.’
Her nipples, brown and stiff now from the attention of this outsider, whose gaze was one of deep concentration as he bent to remove her panties but the motion was too much, his body racked with a deep cough he sank back into the armchair, motioning her to remove them herself, which she soon accomplished, standing a couple of feet from him and waiting for his breathing to return to a manageable state.
He motioned her to turn slowly and his eyes running over every crease, every dimple, every curve, nothing was missed twix her slippers and her hairline. After a while he spoke to Ken asking what sort of mark he wanted to place on the lovely if matronly form in front of him. Ken replied he was not sure yet, he could put a tattoo, or perhaps a piercing with a disc, or even a brand if it took his fancy either one would be a permanent mark of his personal property and he wanted it where it could be seen by anyone.
Fred turned her again slid his finger into her sex and held her with his free hand caressed her sex lips, saying his wife had had a disc, but the disadvantage was it could not be seen easily though he had known it was there it was not visible to others. His face had a wistful look as his memory drifted back over the years and he sat for a moment, Hollies labia gripped gently but firmly twix his knuckles she suspected just where Mary had had hers. The moment passed, and he said to Ken that if it was to be a tattoo it should be round the nipple, and if a brand (the mere mention of which made her shudder) it should be large, on her rump and in full view of the world.
He felt her shy away from his grip at the thought of the pain. He said “ho my beauty, not keen on that are you? I believe that`s the way to go then, as it would show you are willing to take any amount of pain for your master!” The remark was met with a lip chewing silence, to which Ken smiling said he believed Fred “had something there.”
“Tomorrow after tea” he added “she was to give them both her answer about Tim and her mark.” She asked what sort it would be, but he said “she should wait and see but that would be his decision and if she expected the worse then it could be better!”
He then told his wife to get down and afford his friend the honour of a blow job and to take his in hand at the same time, tomorrow being Friday and a working day we don’t want to knock ourselves out do we. He said it in a most matter of fact way as if ordering her to make tea. She knelt and began to undo Fred`s fly, Ken undoing his own, getting his tool out himself for her hand.
Ken was surprised when she stepped back in alarm as Fred`s near blue prick came into view, it was both huge and it was tattooed. Fred chuckled to himself as he apologised that he had not warned her, he explained that Mary has had the disk he mentioned before which neither had really felt adequate, so they had decided to go one step further and that she would have a brand for him, but in exchange he would have his tool and balls tattooed. Mary it seemed had been a tattooist by trade and had done the work herself, though it took 3 long sessions and he had to be secured to the bench for most of the time. He stood and dropped his trousers and there along both sides of his manhood was a python, entwined around the ever growing vine of his prick, his ball sack covered with a design of a cobweb.
Holly remarked that it must have been agony to have done and he explained that it had been, but that in exchange his wife had had not one but two initials on her rump, which she proudly displayed whenever she was swimming, It had been a real talking point amongst her many friends and she had swum until a year before her death.
Holly asked about the branding, how was it done, where, was Mary under sedation, all that sort of thing, he refused to answer saying he would show her the pictures if they would take him out to his home on Saturday, and help him sort his paper`s Ken suggested that his wife could perhaps take Fred home the next day if that`s what he wanted and as long as they were home by tea, they could do as they wished though no playing in the dungeon without him, that would make a start on the paperwork which she was better with anyway.
He then told his wife to get on with the job in hand as he had told her. She bent to her task taking the blue tattooed now stiff penis into her soft mouth, and working on her husband’s tool with her hand as she did so. There were just a few moments of blissful sucking, and then Fred climaxed, filling her mouth with his cream the cream of celibate months, the sight of his wife dribbling cum round the huge blue phallus was just too much and Ken began to eject his own tribute, hitting his wife on the breast and neck. There was a pause before they regained their breath, Fred coughing again and gasping for precious air. His composure regained he asked if he could “put holly out of her misery, and Ken said he could “be his guest but with his hand only today, though tomorrow he could do as he wished in his own home.” A gesture much appreciated by Fred who to everyone`s surprise, called Tim, the dog forgotten in the moment, who obediently came, sniffed at her sex experimentally, then at Fred`s word of command began licking at her in earnest so that she came almost immediately. They soon departed to their bed`s Fred no doubt to come to terms with his news, and Holly and Ken to discuss the turn of events.
Ken began by telling her that Fred was the perfect partner for her for a day or two , he had always wanted to watch her with another man, but had been forever mindful of their reputation and this one would not only not blab, he would be grateful of the last chance he would have of happiness. He went on that he would have a stiffy all day just thinking of them alone in Fred`s house and that she needed to report all that went on to him next evening. She licked her lips as she happily agreed, slipping away into sleep to dream of blue stiff penises and tomorrow.