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I walked in and caught my wife with her boss
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I've always heard that most of us only use forty to fifty percent of our brain power. I'm not sure that's true. I think that for the most part we just wander through our lives on autopilot until something shocks us into awareness and then we process with almost awesome efficiency.

Let's look at my situation in particular: I had the day off and decided to do something nice for my wife, Natalie. I decided to surprise her at work with flowers and take her out to lunch. Nat and I work in the same law firm. I'm a paralegal and she's a secretary. I walked into the outer office and didn't see her, but I heard voices form the inner office. I quietly opened the door in case they were involved in a meeting with a client. I'd just stick my head in the door, the way I'd done a thousand other times to see what they were up to and whether or not Nat was even there. If they were busy, I'd just excuse myself and either wait for her or come back later.

I guess I was too quiet because they didn't even hear me. Our boss, Gunner Sterling, had his pants down around his ankles and he was thrusting his dick in and out of my wife as hard and as fast as he could. He was sweating and grunting with each thrust. Natalie had her legs spread and her hands on Gunner's hips. She was flat on her back on his massive desk lifting her pussy up to match his every stroke and hissing, "Fuck me, fuck me harder."

That was the part where I started using all of my brain power and it still wasn't enough. I stood there like a deer caught in the headlights watching them for a while. Finally, my shock wore off and anger took over. I threw the door the rest of the way open and moved into the room.

"Get off of her, asshole!" I screamed.

"Take your clothes off," he said. "You can go next. I've got enough left over for you too. I've been wondering what it would be like to have both of you." Surprisingly, neither of them stopped what they were doing. Gunner looked at me as he pumped Natalie, but Nat was too far gone to stop.

"I'm almost there," she said. I threw the flowers in her face and turned to walk out.

"Wait, don't go," Nat said. "We need to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about, Natalie," I replied.

"Baby, this doesn't mean anything; it's just sex," she said. "I was curious, that's all."

"Yeah," said Gunner. "It's no big deal."

"Gunner, I quit," I said. As I slammed the door behind me and ran out of the office, it was all I could do not to cry. I made it all the way out to the parking lot and got into my car before my emotions got the better of me and I let the tears roll down my cheeks as my body was wracked with sobs. As I cried, I wondered how Nat could do this to me. We'd been together for so long and had made so many sacrifices just to be together. Our wedding alone was a perilous and heartbreaking affair as each of our families had pretty much disowned us afterward.

My family and I had always been close and I guess I was probably my dad's favorite. I'd grown up in a middle class neighborhood as part of a fairly good family. I met Natalie in high school and we instantly became friends. Originally, there were three of us, but the third member of the trio, Melanie Wright, started dating and didn't have much time for us. That had been a blow because we used to always hang out at Mel's house back then. Her parents were everything I wanted mine to be like. Her dad and I were especially close. He often gave me advice on how to handle certain situations I found myself in with teachers or peers.

When high school ended, Melanie was already in love with Bobby Bradley. They were going to the same college and getting married soon afterward. I hadn't even had one relationship throughout the four years that separated c***dhood from adulthood and wondered why. I was very popular and had been asked out a lot of times but had never accepted. I'd even turned down some of the cheerleaders. They just seemed to be overly prissy to me. Besides, there wasn't anyone at that school that I'd rather spend time with than Nat anyway.

So when it came time for the prom and we showed up together, no one batted an eyelash. There were some "I told you so," expressions and a few weird smiles but no one really cared.

Our experiences in college were even less dramatic. Everyone was so busy experimenting, finding their own path towards adulthood and becoming a contributing member of society that no one really cared about us. After a few guys had asked Natalie out and been turned down people just accepted that we were together even though we hadn't formally announced anything. After college, we both got jobs to pay the rent while we tried to settle into our careers. Natalie had soon secured a job as a secretary, while I still had two more years of school in order to become a paralegal.

As soon as I got done with school, I started interviewing with different lawyers and firms. Of all the places I interviewed, I thought that I had the best possible future with Gunner. He was an associate with one of the biggest law firms in the city, was on the fast track to becoming a partner and was more ambitious than the law allowed. I saw Gunner moving from law into politics and beyond. If I could hitch my wagon to his star, I'd do well.

Six months after I started working for Gunner, his secretary just quit. Gunner wanted me to interview the potential candidates for her replacement. In our office, secretaries only did clerical work. They typed papers, made phone calls and made coffee. My job was to handle all of the things that required knowledge of the law, that Gunner didn't have time for. I did research, I looked up case files that might have a bearing on cases we working on and I drew up papers.

Hiring a secretary was technically outside of my job description, but it only went to show how much faith Gunner had in me. I wanted to do the best job possible. Did it hurt that the best possible candidate happened to be my own wife? Not to me. And Gunner seemed to like Natalie as soon as she walked in the door. He looked at me and said, "You made a great choice."

Natalie is tall, but very petite. She has short golden blonde hair and is always smiling. Her brown eyes seem to light up every room she steps into. She has a very outgoing personality and can usually be counted on to be the life of any party. Gunner and she became the closest of friends almost immediately. Maybe I'm just stupid. Maybe I should have seen what would happen between them from the beginning. Maybe all of this is my fault; if I'd never given Nat the job, she would still be mine.

I started the Jeep and drove back home. Almost as soon as I got the car moving my phone rang. I looked at the screen on my iPhone and saw that it was Nat calling. I didn't bother to answer it. As soon as I got to our apartment I started throwing my clothes and personal items into duffel bags, gym bags, plastic bags, garbage bags and anything else I could find. Every time I got a couple of bags ready I ran back downstairs and loaded them into my Jeep. I got all of my clothes, my toiletries and personal items into the Jeep. I still had room for electronics and my computer. I put my laptop on the front seat where it would be safe and went back into the apartment for another load.

I unplugged my flat screen from the cable box and realized that I'd either need help or a cart to move it. If I put the back seats down and put it on top of my clothes to give a soft surface to rest on I could easily get it in the back. I called downstairs and the building manager was only too happy to loan me a dolly to move it with. Unfortunately, he couldn't help me move it because of his bad back. I got the TV onto the dolly and rolled it down the hall and into the elevator in less time than it takes to talk about it. I gingerly tilted the TV onto the lip of the Jeep's rear section and grabbed the bottom to kick the dolly out from under it. I took a deep breath and tried to summon some of the anger I'd felt when I saw my boss fucking my wife. It worked. My rage gave me more than enough strength to lift the TV and slide it into the back of the Jeep. I decided to take one last look around the apartment to make sure I hadn't left anything I could do without. I grabbed a few more knickknacks and was doing a final sweep when she walked in. She took one look at me and burst into tears.

"So this is the way you handle our problems?" she screamed. "You just grab your shit and slink off somewhere?" I didn't say a word. I was too close to tears myself.

"What ever happened to loving me all the days your life, so long as you shall live?" she asked tearfully. That did it. The bitch was trying to use our marriage vows against ME, after what she'd just done?

"Whatever happened to keeping yourself only unto ME?" I shot right back.

"I was doing it FOR us," she said, trying to get closer to me.

"How is fucking Gunner doing something for us?" I spat.

"If you'd just calm down and let me explain this, you'd understand," she said.

"No need to calm down," I told her. "I'm calm now. I've had a chance to think about everything. You'd be surprised at how things click into place when you're going through someone's stuff while you're packing so you can get the fuck away from them."

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"Gunner wasn't the first man you've cheated on me with, was he?" I asked. She couldn't meet my eyes. "There's no need to deny it, Nat; I found your fucking birth control pills. We both know that you don't need them with me."

"But it was just curiosity," she parried.

"Bullshit, Natalie!" came my riposte. "You used that line on me when we were in college. You tried out a few guys back then because you were curious, remember? I was the one who came into our relationship a virgin. You had your chance to experiment. You said it was for both of us."

"It was and so is this," she said. "We've been talking about having a baby, right?"

I started laughing then. "Let me guess, you were only doing it for the baby, right? How the fuck is Gunner supposed to get you pregnant while you're on the pill? Tell me Nat, woman I've loved for most of my life. Do you know how it feels to hear the woman you love begging some guy to fuck her?"

"But..." she began.

"Save it," I said. "I'm leaving. I don't want to talk anymore. I'm too hurt and too angry. I might say something you'll regret."

"Gunner wants you to come back to work," she said. "He wants us to all sit down and talk about this like rational adults."

"Fuck Gunner," I countered. "Wait, you already did, that's why we're here. He's not the only lawyer in town. I'll call you tomorrow to let you know who I get."

"If you're getting a job with another law firm, let me know when they get an opening for me," she said. "I've liked us working together. I wouldn't like not seeing you for most of the day again."

"Natalie, you're not going to be seeing me at all," I said. "I'm getting another lawyer to handle my side of the divorce."

"We are not getting a fucking divorce," she snapped suddenly. "We are going to be together forever, just like we've always fucking said. This is bad, I know. I was wrong and I'm sorry, but this is not the end of us. I won't let it be. If I have to bankrupt both of us, I'll fight it."

I slammed the door and just walked out. She opened it behind me and ran screaming down the hall. "Jill, I love you! Please don't leave me!"

* * * * * *

Mason Wright

"Mason, your eleven o'clock appointment is here."

My secretary's voice over the intercom pulled me away from my thoughts. I shook my head and silently laughed at myself. It had been five years last week and I still found myself daydreaming about my wife. I'd taken two years off after she'd died. I originally wanted a year off, but found that even after a year, I just wasn't ready to resume life again. Three years later, I still found myself just going through the motions. Almost every time I ended up with time on my hands, I found myself wondering what she'd think about this or that. I also wondered why.

They always say that flying is the safest way to travel. I'd heard all of the bullshit statistics. The man from the airlines told me that last year alone there were over 34,000 deaths from auto accidents, but from 1982 to the present there have been only 364 deaths to people flying in airplanes. That's three hundred and sixty four people over thirty years for airplanes versus thirty four thousand every year for cars. It really doesn't matter, though, when one of those people is the person you intended to spend the rest of your life with. When your mind and all of your senses are used to a person, the numbers cease to hold any relevance. When your muscle memory is accustomed to wrapping your arms around a soft, warm form in the middle of the night, the numbers become lies. When....

"Should I send her in?" Anne's voice burst from the intercom yet again, preventing me from returning to my thoughts.

"Yes, Anne," I replied, "Send her in."

I tried to smile. I wanted to give my potential new client the sense that I could help her. It's a funny thing, no matter how much experience you have, clients tend to believe that you're a better lawyer or whatever if you're smiling when you first meet. Perhaps projecting sadness or unhappiness with your own life indicates an inability to help them with theirs.

The door opened slowly, almost cautiously, and my mouth dropped open immediately. "Good morning..." I began before the words found themselves stuck in my throat and I started to smile. I got up and rushed across the room to shake hands but somehow the friendly professional handshake became a hug and she started crying and hugging me even closer. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but when the person you're hugging is Jill Black...It's a problem. Well actually there were two problems and they were pretty fucking big ones.

"Jill, what's wrong?" I asked her. "I'm so sorry, honey; I didn't know that it was you. I thought it was just another client."

"I didn't know it was you, either, Mr. Wright," she sobbed, "but I am a client."

"What's wrong, Jilly?" I asked. "What do you need me to do?"

"I need a divorce," she said. She could barely keep the tears from falling. I could tell that she was really upset.

"Jill have you had lunch yet today?" I asked. She shook her head, sending a torrent of inky black waves falling over her shoulders. Her bottom lip stuck out like a petulant c***d's and again I thought about all of the frustration that she must have given hundreds of teenaged boys early on, not to mention full-grown men in later years. I stood up and grabbed her hand.

"We're going to lunch and you can tell me about it," I said. "Everything seems to feel better when you share it with someone. Plus it's harder to be miserable on a full stomach. Didn't I teach you that when you were sixteen and trying to learn how to drive?"

"You mean when I destroyed my neighbor's fence and scratched my dad's car and you helped me rebuild the fence because he wouldn't?" she asked, smiling. I just nodded. An hour later, after putting away an order of fillet medallions each at Texas Roadhouse, Jill was ready to talk.

"Okay, Jill, why do you need a divorce?" I asked. "Start from the beginning and tell me everything."

She told me a story that I hadn't heard. Jill and Natalie had been my daughter, Melanie's best friends before she got married and moved on with her life. My daughter and I were still close, so I'd have to tell her that I'd run into Jill. Of course I couldn't talk about the specifics or anything about Jill's case if there did turn out to be one. But I could mention that I'd seen her.

Of the three girls, Jill was the most unforgettable. My own daughter Melanie was the pretty girl-next-door type. Natalie was the tall, thin model type. And Jill was like something out of playboy, but she just didn't seem to understand what she had. Natalie's body was almost boyish with her slim hips and tiny breasts. It was her personality more than anything else that brought people flocking to her. Melanie was pretty much in the middle; she had a nice body and was proud of it. Jill, though, had to have worn a double-D bra in high school. She was slim but curvy and even my wife had commented on her body. She used to joke that Jill's boobs came into the room two minutes before she did and her ass was still there two minutes after she left.

Jill could probably have driven the boys crazy but she seemed to hold onto that tom boyish thing for a lot longer than you'd have expected. It wasn't that she went out and played football or anything – she was extremely feminine – it was just that long after she should have started chasing boys (or at least letting them catch her) she still preferred to hang out with Mel and Nat. There were a lot of frustrated boys back then.

I tried not to react when Jill explained to me that she and Natalie had actually grown up, stayed together and gotten married. Our state was one of the first to allow same-sex marriages and they'd taken advantage of it. Things had gone great except for a few run-ins with narrow-minded people. Sure, they'd had their ups and downs like most young couples, but until yesterday when Jill had walked in and found Natalie fucking a man, her life had been great.

"Jill, divorce is a really big step," I said. "Are you sure there's no other way to handle this?"

She shook her head. "I thought about this all night Mr. Wright. Natalie has been lying to me for a long time. There's no way I want to go back to that."

"What about counseling?" I asked.

"Won't work," she said. "Counseling is only good when both parties believe there's a chance to save the relationship and are willing to work at it. I'm not."

"I'm just asking the questions the way any lawyer would," I replied.

"And I appreciate it," she smiled, flipping all of that dark hair out of her eyes. "Most people act like we're some kind of oddities."

"Okay, we're going to have to go over your financials and decide what you'd like to have happen," I said.

"So you'll take my case?" she asked excitedly.

"Was there ever any doubt?" I returned.

"Mr. Wright..." she began.

"We're both adults now, Jill. You can call me Mason," I said.

"Mason, you were always special to me, but you'll never believe how many people turned their back on us when Nat and I decided that we wanted to be together. Her family, my family and a lot of our old friends won't have anything to do with us." She looked at me and lowered her eyes a bit.

"That was how I lost you," she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well towards the end of high school, some of the k**s had noticed that Nat and I were very close. They started to make comments and jokes about it. Melanie kind of distanced herself from us then. I can't say that I blamed her. High school was all about fitting in. But when she stopped hanging out with us, I didn't get to see you or ask you for advice anymore."

She put her head down as if she was trying to hide her face when she said, "I think I missed you more than I missed her."

* * * * * *

Natalie

The past three days have been hell. I woke up this morning feeling like spiders were crawling over my body. There were no spiders, it was only Gunner. He'd slept over with me last night since he didn't have to worry about Jill coming home. He was slowly trying to squeeze his fingers into my pussy. The problem was that I wasn't in the mood and what he was doing hurt. He didn't care.

"It might get wet if you were to lick it a little bit," I said.

"No chance, babe," he smirked. "I'll eat you out as soon as you start sucking my dick. So get out some lube."

Gunner knew that there was a bigger chance of monkeys flying out of my ass than me sucking his dick. For all that a penis came in handy when I was in a certain mood, there was no way I was putting one in my mouth.

"I'm not in the mood, Gunner," I said icily.

"I am," he said with the exact same amount of frost in his voice. "If I wanted to lie in bed with a woman who wasn't putting out, I'd go home and sleep with my wife. Now let's get to it. Usually these things resolve themselves in about a week. Jill will probably call you by tomorrow so the two of you can talk. By the weekend, the two of you will be back together and she'll have you on a tight leash. So we may as well get all of the sex we can in while her panties are still in a bunch."

I thought about it for a second and just looked at him.

"It's because we're guys," he smirked. "Although you're the prettiest guy I've ever seen. Usually, the woman in a relationship is the one who's always talking about romance and emotions and feeling and all of that bullshit. The guys are the ones who understand that you can have sex with people and not want to spend the rest of your life with them. Guys understand that sometimes sex is just sex. That's why you're the guy in your relationship."

"Doesn't fucking another guy make you a fag?" I asked. His face darkened for a brief second and then he smiled.

"Well between the two of us, I was hoping that we could get Jill involved in this," he smirked. "Her body is incredible. She has those huge tits and that juicy round ass. I get excited just thinking about putting a baby in that tight little tummy of hers."

"You're wasting your fucking time," I spat. "Jill has never had sex with a man in her entire life. You won't be her first and you're probably going to be my last."

"So what about our threesome?" he whined.

"I don't think it's going to happen," I said. "You should have seen how hurt and how angry she was. If you hadn't told me how to handle things with her, I'd probably have tracked her down and started begging her for forgiveness. I miss her a lot."

"Get real," he smirked. "You don't miss her. You just miss her tongue in your pussy. You don't really care who you fuck as long as you get off. And right now you're getting used to fucking me so you want something different, that's all. We're the same, that's why we get along so well."

I snorted my disagreement. He rolled over on top of me, pinning me to the bed with his weight. He moved up until his rapidly swelling dick was against my mound. "We're not doing it," I said.

"Why not?" he asked with a smirk on his mouth as if I'd said something funny.

"Because you just sat there and told me how much you wanted to fuck Jill, that's why," I spat. "You make it seem like I'm just someone to fuck until you can get her."

He leaned down and started licking my nipples. He smiled even more when they failed to rise.

"I told you, I'm not in the mood," I said.

"That's too bad," he said, smiling even more. He forced my legs apart and aimed the head of his dick right at my opening. Then he roughly pushed forward. It hurt badly, but he didn't seem to care.

"Oww, God damn it!" I shrieked. He pushed forward again and it felt like my pussy was burning. The friction of him pushing himself inside of me with no lubrication was torture.

"There's a tube of lube in the desk drawer," I screamed.

"We don't need no stinking lube," he smirked.

"I'll get it," I said. "It'll be better." He backed off and let me get the tube. I smeared it over both his dick and my vagina.

He pushed himself back inside me and then began fucking me. From the smile on his face he was enjoying himself. I looked at him and wondered what was wrong with him. My legs splayed open on either side of him and he just pumped away at me oblivious to the fact that I wasn't actively participating.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" I asked, thinking I'd shame him into stopping.

"Yep," he said. "I love fucking your tight little pussy. I could do this all day and I might."

"But don't you..." I began.

"Don't I care that you're not into it?" he asked. "Why should I? I don't love you. This is just sex. Isn't that what you told Jill? So I don't care whether you get off or not, as long as I do."

He grabbed my hands and roughly pulled them up over my head and started just pounding on me like I was only a piece of meat. I recognized the look that he got on his face when he was about to cum and figured that at least it was over with but he had a surprise in store for me. He hunched forwards until his knees pinned my arms to the bed.

"Come on Baby," I crooned. "Don't hold it back. You can cum in me."

"I know," he said. "But this is more fun." With my arms pinned, he grabbed my face with his hands and scooted up further. He pulled my mouth open and forced the head of his dick between my lips.

"If you bite me, I'll punch you in the face harder than you've ever felt in your life," he hissed. He kept roughly forcing his dick in and out of my mouth. I wanted to gag but couldn't. Then he shot his first blast of sperm into my mouth. He laughed and pulled his dick out and shot his second blast all over my face. It went everywhere. There was sperm in my eyes and all over my face. I wanted to throw up. I felt sick. I tried to wipe my face but he still had my arms pinned.

He reached over onto the bedside table and retrieved his cell phone. He took several pictures of my face covered in his sperm and then got up.

"Nice pictures, huh?" he said. "Next time you try to tell me no, remember what just happened. I could send these pictures to anyone, anywhere. You probably wouldn't care but I'm sure there's someone, somewhere that you'd be embarrassed to have see them."

I sputtered and tried to wipe his spunk off of my face.

"Wipe your face before you come in to work," he smirked. "You look like a whore. I wonder what all of those people who think you're not into men would think." His chuckles followed him into my bathroom where I heard him showering.

A few minutes later he was done and dressed for the office. "Remember if my stupid wife calls today, I'm still out of town," he said. "And get your ass in gear; you're going to be late."

I slowly got out of bed. My legs ached from him forcing them apart. My arms ached from him pressing his bony knees into them to keep me from fighting him off. My pussy was bruised and red. Suddenly, this wasn't fun any longer. I thought back to what he'd told me about how Jill would stay angry at me for a week or so and then we could talk. I'd say I was sorry a lot and suck up to her for a while and things would be fine. I believed him. Not because he'd said it, but because it was amazingly like what my dad had done to my mom over and over again when I was growing up. I loved my mom and my dad, but dad never had a secretary that he didn't fuck. Maybe that was why I was so messed up myself.

I guess I saw myself as being in the role my dad played and Jill as being like my mom. I'd go out and get all of the sex I craved and Jill's job would be to love me and forgive me. Our marriage was no different than anyone else's. At least I could say though that I'd never fucked any woman other than Jill. Every time I cheated on her, it was always with men. Maybe I was bisexual. I loved women and fucked men.

But Gunner was right about one thing. I was really missing Jill at that moment. Jill's gentle touch and soft caresses were really what I needed right then. I was getting wet just thinking about her giving me a bath and then putting me to bed and putting her head where it belonged, right between my legs while I did the same to her. She could wipe that asshole Gunner completely out of my memory. Just as I got into thinking about Jill and reached for my special place the doorbell rang. I grabbed a robe and opened the door. I started to pull the robe tighter but as I opened the door, I stopped. I let the sash drop from my fingers and the robe started to gape open. I smiled at the young woman standing there. She was beautiful, tall and on the thin side, just like me. She did have larger breasts, but who didn't? She had a clipboard with all kinds of file folders on it. She was chewing gum and she just looked bored.

"You, um, Natalie Perry?" she asked. I nodded.

"Got any ID?" she continued.

"Of course," I said. "Please come in." I was hoping to get her inside the apartment. "What's this about?"

"It's all, routine," she said. I let the robe fall totally open, as I turned and showed her my driver's license.

"Oh, God!" she cried. "I think I threw up on my fucking gum. Put some clothes on lady, shit, here," she said handing me a folder.

"What's this?" I asked.

"You've been served," she said. "And my eyeballs have been scorched. I'm gonna' have to go fuck some random guy just to get my equilibrium back. Gross."

I stood there in the doorway, stunned. I opened the folder and there they were; freshly minted divorce papers. Jill was trying to divorce me. She wasn't sitting somewhere crying over me, she wasn't working her way through her hurt and coming back to me, she was done. In a way that my mother had never been strong enough to do, Jill was moving on in her life without me. I'd never been one for emotional outbursts or anything like that, but this time was different. I slumped to the floor with the robe still gaping open and the door open and wondered where I'd gone wrong. Did Jill have someone else? Was she somewhere with another woman, even as I sat there trying not to cry? As I slumped there on the floor, a young couple from down the hallway walked past on their way to the elevator. The guy couldn't help staring at my nearly naked body, but his girlfriend quickly reined him in.

"Take your eyes off of that whore," she spat. "It's not going to do you any good. You know she's a dyke, anyway." She glared at me angrily.

It took me a while to pull myself together. It just goes to show you that no matter how confident you are in how you play the game, you can be beaten. It really doesn't take much to upset the apple cart. One bored looking woman had shifted all of the paradigms of my life just by getting me to sign for a folder of documents that I really didn't want. The worst part of it all was the fact that I'd caused it myself.

I'd gone through my life thus far always knowing that I was a step ahead of everyone I ran into. I'm young, I'm attractive and I'm hungry for everything I can possibly experience. I know that there's nothing wrong with that, but at the same time I was smart enough to know that I needed to be grounded and have something to fall back on when it all goes to hell, and Jill had always been that. I realized early on that most men are jerks; you simply can't count on them. I love my dad more than I can ever express, but he was and is a jerk. He cheated on my mom constantly. Even now that I'm grown up, he's a jerk. As soon as he found out that I'm a carpet-muncher as he called me, he turned his back on me.

I guess I got my sex-drive from my dad, but I'm a little bit more varied in my tastes. I like men and women alike. But no matter whom I'm having sex with, I know that there's a difference between love and sex. I love Jill. Sexually, she's kind of stunting. She isn't into toys or rough sex or role playing; everything with her had always been tender and loving. But sometimes I just needed more variety than that. Jill has always been my best friend, the kind of person that you could count on no matter what. She was always in my corner, right or wrong. And, when I think of my life fifty years from now, I like imagining us as those two little old ladies sitting on the porch in their rocking chairs. Of course, no one will ever imagine that those two old ladies aren't sitting there rocking away their waning years remembering their glory days with their husbands. Nor will they suspect that those two old ladies go inside their house and fuck like bunnies every night. But now that future was in jeopardy.

I'd known that Jill wasn't stupid and that someday she might find out what I was doing. I mean, she'd already found out shortly after we gave ourselves to each other on her twentieth birthday. We'd always been close up until then. We were best friends for most of our lives and got even closer when Melanie stopped hanging out with us. I really believe that Melanie started to feel like a fifth wheel and that the talk about us got to her. But after Mel moved on, Jill and I got even closer.

Lots of boys tried to separate us. They especially wanted Jill, even though I was the outgoing one. They all wanted to get their hands on her tits. Those things are like boy magnets, but they were destined to be mine. When we finally gave in to the tension that had been building between us for years and made love, there was no turning back. We'd both been struggling emotionally for years. I'd already made out with a few boys but found it unsatisfying, mostly because they were too rough, too quick and too selfish. I loved what Jill and I did.

Jill, on the other hand, was a mystery. She'd been telling me for years that there was a boy she liked, but she could never have him. Since he was off-limits, she'd tried to find someone else that made her feel as loved as he did, and I was it. So the two of us were together for clearly different reasons but we worked. Jill was with me for the love I made her feel and I was in it for the sex and the security, but we worked – until now. Now I had well and truly fucked up and lost her.

I had not one but two plans for handling this situation. The first was the same one I used in college when she found out that I'd had sex with a guy after we got together. She'd gotten angry at me and broken things off. We spent a little bit of time apart and finally we ran into each other and spoke. I cried my eyes out and told her how much I missed her. I told her that I'd only done it because I wanted to be sure. I told her that what we were doing was going to be a very long, very hard road and that we shouldn't start on that journey together if we weren't sure. I'd tried out a guy, just to handle my curiosity about what having sex with a man was like and it hadn't been anywhere near as good as what we did. That wasn't exactly true, I actually liked both. I actually just liked sex, men and women were simply different flavors.

At any rate, Jill, like my mother did with my dad, forgave me and we were back together without any problems until now. This time I ran the 'it's only sex' thing on her and she didn't bite. So I tried my other plan. I told her that I was only fucking Gunner so he could get me pregnant. We'd been – actually, she'd been – talking about having k**s, so I thought it might work. Unfortunately, the bitch had gone through my stuff and found my birth control pills so she didn't buy that either. For the first time that I can remember, I felt alone.

Gunner doesn't give a rat's ass about me. He just wants to fuck me. If he didn't have me he'd have to pay hookers. Gunner's sex drive is probably even greater than mine and his wife can't come anywhere near satisfying him. That said; he also needs his wife. Her family connections will pave the way for the political career he dreams of, so he gets what he needs outside their marriage. When we first got together, it seemed perfect. We both had a lot to lose so neither one of us could dare risk getting stupid. We'd only gotten together once or twice a month, usually if either Jill or I had the day off. If I took the day off, I'd call Jill and tell her how much I missed her and how much I loved her, then I'd meet Gunner in a motel. If Jill had the day off, then Gunner and I just did the nasty right there in his office. It worked really well, until it didn't and we got caught.

Since then, Gunner has been using me like his personal whore. He's made me do things that I just plain don't like. He's made me suck his dick and then shot all over my face. He's fucked me anally several times lately and I hate that. It's painful and I don't enjoy it at all. In fact, what he seems to enjoy the most is that I don't like it. The worst part is the fact that even at work, he expects me to pick up the slack caused by Jill quitting until he gets another paralegal. The firm has decided to choose his staff for him from now on. His last two secretaries have left mysteriously; they just quit like Jill did. I guess the firm is trying to discover why he has such a high turnover. I don't think they have a clue of why Jill left. Jill herself isn't talking and she hasn't been back to the office since she walked out. She hasn't even come back to collect her personal items. I packed up all of her stuff and figured I'd give it to her when I next saw her. At the time, I'd been sure that it would happen, but it's almost like Jill has disappeared from the face of the earth.

She didn't return my calls for the first week or so and I left her so many messages that I filled up her voice mail. Obviously, she wasn't listening to them if the mailbox was full. After that she changed her phone number and no one I spoke with knew the new number or if they did, they certainly weren't giving it to me. I finally managed to close the door and make it to the couch. I took a sleeping pill and just zonked out.

* * * * * *

Mason Wright

In the two weeks since Jill first walked into my office, we'd gotten together to work on her divorce three or four times. We hammered out a settlement agreement and scheduled a meeting with Natalie and her attorney, but hit several roadblocks along the way. The first came from the court system. No one, to my knowledge, had ever handled a divorce between two women. After all it had only been a little less than a year that same sex marriages were even legal in this state. No one really knew how to go about handling it, and I (for one) was grateful that there were no c***dren involved, because that would have been a nightmare.

It's strange, but whereas most divorces are settled without courtroom battles and all the judge has to do is rubber stamp a settlement agreement that has been approved of by both parties, everyone seemed to want to see this case go before a judge. Perhaps it was just the weirdness of it. Perhaps they were thinking of using this case as a template for what would happen in the future, but I didn't see it that way. My goal was to wrap this up as quickly as possible and to minimize the pain and emotional trauma that Jill had to go through.

Over the past two weeks it had been good to see her get over at least some of her pain. The most wonderful thing was that, when she came in yesterday to talk about what to expect at today's meeting, she smiled. It wasn't one of those 'I'm completely over my pain' smiles. It was even better. It was an 'I'm really glad to see you' smile. I have to admit that Jill and I have been recovering in parallel. As she works through her pain by focusing on moving forward, I've finally begun to get my head out of my ass over my wife's death and realize that she'd have wanted me to live and move on.

This morning, as Jill stepped into my office, she took my breath away. Despite trying to think of her as that little girl whose hand I held through so many of life's ups and downs when she was younger, I found myself staring at her and I was ashamed of myself. She had dressed for the meeting in a blue dress that should be declared i*****l. It stopped about six inches below her knee, so it was perfectly appropriate for the meeting; the problem was the body that the dress was wrapped around. The dress seemed to emphasize the size and fullness of her breasts then it got tight around her tummy and roared outwards to capture the sweep of her hips. The mildly plunging neckline wouldn't have been an issue with a person who was less amply-endowed, but with Jill, her cleavage became the focal point of not only the dress but the room. All eyes were drawn to and locked into the valley between those breasts.

"Does this look okay?" she asked.

I had to look away from her and take a few seconds to gather myself. Her smoky black hair was curled in ringlets that d****d over her shoulders. Her big innocent-looking blue eyes not only complimented the incredible dress but cut through the black curtain of hair startlingly. Her lips floored me. They were full and smiling and wore something I'd never seen before. Her lipstick was nowhere near a natural color, unless you were in a comic book. In fact, her lipstick was the same color as the dress. Those blue lips did something to me. Things only got worse below the neck. As much as I was trying to remain professional and remind myself that this woman was young enough to be my daughter, I couldn't look away from her breasts. There must have been a draft in the office though because I saw a shiver go through her and her nipples seemed to sprout out of nowhere. She reached down and pulled a tiny sweater out of the bag she was carrying. The sweater was waist length and very thin but it did offer another layer of coverage over her breasts and prevent her nipples from flashing everyone.

"You look stunning," I said.

"This old thing," she said, looking at me curiously. "Do I look stunning for the meeting, or stunning in general?" She held my glance and refused to look away. Luckily, Penny, my assistant came into the room and broke the tension. As we left the room to head for the meeting, I couldn't help but look at the incredible way that her waist tapered away from that sweater and formed an ass that was just mouth-watering. For the first time since my wife's death, I was looking at a woman as a woman. The problem was that the woman was my daughter's age and that she simply wasn't attracted to men. There was also the problem of professional ethics. In fact, if things went as planned, the ethics thing would probably come up very shortly.

* * * * * *

Jill

As we drove towards the building that I'd worked in for the past three years, I felt weird. I was also kind of pissed. I was sitting in Penny's car as she drove us toward the meeting, as I was too nervous to drive myself. The funny thing about it all was that I hadn't given Natalie a single thought. I hadn't seen or accepted any communication from Natalie in over two weeks. Every day got easier to be without her. All of my feelings were coming from a different source.

First, I was pissed because I was stuck in a car with Penny. Penny wasn't a bad person and she was really very professional. She kept asking me questions but skirting what she really wanted to ask me about. Penny is a legal secretary. She's very close to being a paralegal so she asked questions about classes, and so on, but from the way she looks at me I know that she wants to ask what it's like to be with another woman. She's curious about it. Since she's chunky and not very attractive, she's wondering – since her relationships with men aren't very successful – what it's like being with another woman.

The problem is that she's barking up the wrong fucking tree. I can't really tell her anything because I don't know. All of the terms they use for what they think I am don't really apply to me. I'm not bisexual. I'm not a lesbian. Those are names or labels that just don't fit. I just see myself as a person.

It's very complex. When I was a teenage girl, I fell in love with a person that I could never have, and I guess I just decided that if I couldn't have him, I'd follow his advice and wait for a person who made me feel the way that he did. Actually, he never knew it. We were talking about boys and he told me to wait for the boy who made me feel really special. He told me I'd know when I met him because I would just feel loved. He told me that teenaged girls fell in and out of love in a heartbeat but, no matter who I loved, I had to wait for someone who really loved me. The problem was that I vowed to wait for that man and I just never found him. So I settled for the first person who made me feel that way and HE turned out to be a HER.

So, now that I'm divorcing HER, HE wandered back into my life – or I wandered back into his – and I found out that he wasn't as unattainable as previously thought. To me it seemed like fate. The problem was that he hadn't given me even a clue as to whether or not he could be interested in me. He'd taken me to lunch several times and been the rock I'd turned to for advice and even for comfort during this difficult period. In fact, he treated me the same way he did when I was a little girl. It almost seemed like back in the old days, when I was nine and fell off of my bike and skinned my knee, and he'd clean it and give me a band aid. He'd kiss the tip of his finger and then press it gently on the band aid and I'd feel invincible.

I wished he'd kiss some areas on me now that I'm an adult and see if they felt the same way. So, even though it wasn't necessary for me to dress for this meeting, I bought a new dress. I was dressing for him. I needed to see if there was a reaction. When I walked into the room I could tell that he was gobsmacked.

It was so cute. He was trying his damnedest not to look at me. So I asked him if I looked okay. He had trouble answering. He finally told me that I looked stunning. That was when everything flipped. It was the look he gave me more than anything else. All of a sudden, I was that little girl, and he was my friend's daddy again and I wanted him just as much. He was my knight in shining armor and I wanted to be rescued. He was again that man that none of the boys could equal. It wasn't that I'd gotten over Natalie any faster. It was just that I'd realized that Natalie had only been a stopgap. She'd been someone to take the place of the person I really wanted. The problem for me was that there were too many things that I didn't know about the boy/girl thing.

Then Penny came along and cock-blocked me. She was cheerful and polite and thoroughly professional, but she was getting in my way. The worst moment was as we headed for the parking lot. I announced that I was too nervous to drive so Penny suggested that we should all go together. I could have hugged her for that, but then we realized that there was simply no way that all three of us could comfortably fit in Mason's Mustang. I already had my hand on the passenger door handle when Penny suggested that we could all fit into either my Jeep or, since I didn't want to drive, her Ford Explorer. Mason thought that was a great idea but said that he didn't leave his 'baby' anywhere. So he decided to drive there and let Penny and I go together.

"Great," said Penny enthusiastically. "We can catch up on our girl talk and give you a chance to relax."

I smiled brightly while wondering if she could tell that I was thinking about knocking her teeth out. If she hadn't come along, Mason and I would have been squeezed into that little leather car together right then. In fact, I wondered why he'd insisted on bringing her. Penny chattered on and on for the whole twenty-minute drive there. By the time we arrived, as nice as she was, I hated the sound of her voice.

It was weird walking through the building and back into the office the three of us had shared for so long. I put my hand out and Mason gently grabbed it. The contact between us set every hair on my body standing on end. We could have stood there forever holding hands and I wouldn't have minded.

"Let me," he said.

I smiled and nodded. He walked into the office and I followed him. Penny brought up the rear. Natalie was sitting at her desk and she got up as soon as we walked in. She had on a blouse and a skirt that didn't really look good together. Even though it had barely been over two weeks since we'd seen each other, she looked a lot worse. If it was possible, she looked thinner, with her face appearing drawn and her eyes puffy. The tattoos that covered her entire right arm had never really appealed to me, but suddenly they really set me off. Nat is a beautiful girl, but those tats made her look cheap and...stupid.

"We're going to be in the conference room," she said, ushering us into the room. She ran out and got coffee and a plate of pastries. "Gunner will be here in a few minutes," she said, upon returning. "Before we begin, could I please speak to you alone, Jill?"

"No," said Mason quietly. "We're here to work out your differences and keep this out of court, if possible. During the meeting, I'd appreciate it if we could keep things to just the issues at hand. After the meeting, if the two of you would like to talk, you may exchange phone numbers or agree to meet anywhere you choose. But, unless the two of you have decided that there's no need for this meeting, we should do this by the rules."

"Do either of you think that we should cancel or reschedule the meeting?" he asked.

"I don't," I said quietly but sternly. "Let's have the meeting." I looked away from Natalie and settled into a chair, with Mason on one side of me and Penny sitting near the opposite end of the table. Natalie's shoulders slumped and she left the room. When we were alone Mason asked me a couple of questions.

"Is Gunner the same guy she was screwing?" he asked. I nodded my head and barely contained my revulsion. Mason smiled and I wondered why.

"Looks like you may get a bit of revenge," he said. "Luckily, I brought Penny along."

"But..."I began.

"When did Natalie get all of those tattoos?" he asked. I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Do you have any?" he asked.

I smiled and started to come up with a flirty answer, but Gunner stepped into the room. As usual, he was all suit and bluster. He came over to me and reached for me as if he wanted to hug me. I started to cringe but there was no need. Mason leaned over across me and extended his hand.

"Mason Wright," he said.

I was excited for two reasons. The first was that, as usual, Mason had leapt in to protect me and I loved to see him going to battle for me, even if it was only to shield me from unpleasantness. The second reason was because the awkwardness of the position caused Mason's torso to rub against my breasts and the contact had me more excited than I would ever have believed.

"I hope you don't mind, but I brought along my own transcriptionist to record the proceedings," he said.

"No problem," replied Gunner. "I'll be acting on behalf of Natalie. Hopefully we can come to an agreement so there's no need to go to court. Even more hopefully these two young ladies can iron out their differences and get back together." Natalie was behind Gunner nodding her head.

"That's what I'd really like," she said. I couldn't hold back any more.

"It's easy to say that when you're not the one who was lied to or cheated on," I snapped. "It's easy to want to work things out when you're not the one who got hurt."

Mason grabbed my wrist under the table. I knew he needed for me to be quiet.

"Since it seems that we must proceed," said Gunner, "my client would like to propose that both parties attend relationship counseling in the hope of reconciliation."

"My client is not willing to reconcile and wants to move on with the dissolution of the marriage. Since they have no tangible assets except for their personal belongings, my client would like to simply walk away. She proposes no alimony or spousal support, and is generally willing to accept the divorce being filed for irreconcilable differences, instead of infidelity, so your client doesn't end up with a damaged reputation," said Mason. "Oh excuse me, where is my head? We need to sign a couple of papers first to indicate who we all are and what is going on." He passed a paper across to Gunner for him to sign. He also had Natalie and I sign it. Then he had us sign again that we all agreed to Penny recording the meeting.

"Isn't all of this kind of old fashioned?" asked Gunner. "We already know each other; most of this is just useless documentation."

"Yeah, I'm kind of old fashioned," said Mason, "but you never know." Under the table Mason bumped my leg with his and I realized that he'd just somehow put one past Gunner.

"Okay," smiled Gunner, "let's start out with the basics. I'm going to be honest and just put all of our cards on the table: Jill, Natalie is miserable without you. She wants to apologize and go to counseling to try to get back what the two of you had. To tell you the truth, I need to have you come back to work, too. The office and my practice just are not running nearly as smoothly as they were. Exactly what is it going to take to get that to happen?"

"It's going to take a time machine," I spat. "Mr. Peabody, you're going to have to have your boy Sherman crank up the way back machine and take us back to before Natalie first started cheating on me. Actually, that's actually not going to be enough. You're going to have to give me some kind of d**g or treatment to erase my memory, that way I won't be haunted by visions of the person that swore to love, honor and stay with me for the rest of my life rutting on top of a desk with the sleaziest lawyer I know. It's also going to have to stop me from having nightmares where I'm at home trying to make things nice for us while Nat is off screwing every random man she can find. I'm also going to need some kind of d**g to make me trust her again and another one to make me respect her as well, and all of that is just to get us even. If you're talking about making it up to me, then...." Natalie started crying and ran out of the room. Penny quickly ran after her.

"What's wrong with HER?" I asked.

"Don't you think you were a little harsh?" asked Gunner. He still had the smug look on his face and I got the idea that he'd actually enjoyed seeing Natalie hurt.

"The look on your face..." he said. "It was pure hatred. I can't believe you'd flip-flop from worshiping her two weeks ago to almost hating her now. I think that you're still in shock. I'm almost afraid to ask how you feel about me."

"I don't think you want to know how I feel about you," I said and his smile vanished.

"Are you at least willing to consider giving this a short period of time before you just write off the relationship?" he asked. At that point, Penny and Natalie were coming back into the room.

"No, I'm not," I said, my answer directed more towards Natalie than Gunner. "I think that I've just been hurt too badly by all of this to ever trust her again. The only chance we have is to be totally honest with each other and try to stay friends. If we make a clean break and are perfectly honest with each other, then maybe we can start over again, but this time before I'd commit to a relationship with her we'd have to have certain ground rules about what we each can and cannot do. The first step in that would be to get the divorce out of the way so we could have that fresh start. Maybe, after the divorce is final, we could talk and go from there."

Natalie had been listening to the whole conversation. Mason wasn't the only one who could play tricks. I had no intention of ever going back to Nat. As I said, she'd hurt me too badly, but I wanted her to think that if she went along with the divorce, there was a chance for us. As we sat back down, Gunner started again.

"I think that what you tried to do before was a bluff," he said to Mason. "You're only going for irreconcilable differences because you have no proof of infidelity. You have no photos or videos to prove anything."

"And how do you know that?" asked Mason.

Gunner quickly turned green with embarrassment. He gulped his water and cleared his throat. "Well in this state the reason for the divorce doesn't really..." he began.

"I did it," said Natalie quietly.

"Shut up, Nat," hissed Gunner. "Your admitting it is the same thing as their having proof. If you admit to the infidelity and we end up in front of a judge, you may get the worse end of the settlement."

"What settlement?" asked Natalie. "We don't have any money, we don't have anything expensive, our apartment is rented and right now Jill doesn't even have a job. What can any judge take away from us or make us split? She still has a few of her belongings at the apartment and some of her stuff at the office. I'd give her all of that stuff back whenever she wanted it. I just want this over so we can start again. Give me the papers and I'll sign them. Jill, do you promise that, when this is over, we can talk?"

I looked across the table and nodded my head. She took the pen and signed the papers.

"I know that right now you're so angry at me that you probably don't want to talk to me," she said, "but I need for you to know that I really do love you and I'm miserable without you. I guess I just didn't realize how important you are to me. I was just stupid and greedy. I wanted to have my cake and eat it, too. I guess I'm my father's daughter, after all." Then she got up and left the room. She did manage to leave the room before she started crying this time. Gunner looked across at me and smiled.

"Okay, where does that leave us?" he asked. "Your divorce is settled. After the papers are filed with the court, hopefully by tomorrow or so, we'll get a date to go before a judge. He'll rubber stamp the papers and sixty days after that you'll be a free woman. Of course, from the date that the papers are filed, you're legally able to go out and start courting another woman. So theoretically, you could be in some other woman's bed by tomorrow night. Since this is all settled, have you considered coming back to work for me?"

"We'll be in touch," Mason said, taking my hand as he stood. "Good luck with your career."

Gunner looked funny then he smiled. "So you've been watching my career?" he asked. "It is good to do research on your opponent. You're a smart man." Mason just smiled as we left.

"Grrr...." I started growling as we left the room.

"Shh," replied Mason, smiling.

"I hate that bastard," I snapped. "He got away with it again."

"Shh," said Mason, as he reached over and held my hand. The contact was enough to quiet me down. I immediately closed my mouth as I mentally regressed and thought about him holding my hand while I tried to master the dead man's float in his backyard pool. I'd tried to float both on my back and on my front and could never do it. My own dad loved me, but he just didn't have the patience to try to teach me. Mason, however, had just told me to relax and let it happen. I always panicked and worried about my face being in the water. Finally he just told me to close my eyes and he'd hold my hand the whole time. He told me if I got scared to just squeeze his hand and he'd lift me out of the water. I floated perfectly. I don't know if it was that I was no longer worried or just the magic of him holding my hand, but I was never afraid of anything after that. So to have Mason holding my hand in the elevator was magical. I'd much rather have him hold my hand than vent about Gunner any day. As soon as we cleared the building and got back to the parking lot, Mason started speaking.

"I have no idea whether or not their elevators have listening devices," he said. "I didn't want to tip our cards."

"But Mason, the divorce is settled," I said.

"And now the revenge begins," he smirked.

"Mason, believe it or not," I said, "I don't want any revenge against Natalie. I loved her for a long time and she hurt me badly, but it's over. I have an idea that she's going to pay for it in her own way, and maybe she already is, but I don't need to do anything to her. I just want to move on and live my life. The best revenge is a life lived well."

"You are even more special than the young woman I remember," he said. "For a while, back there, I really thought that you were just leading her on, when you were talking about just settling the divorce so the two of you could get back together."

"Um, I was," I admitted, smiling. "I have no intention of ever going back with Nat. She lied to me and cheated on me for a long time, and only stopped because she got caught. I don't need to punish her, but I'm never going to be with her again. So we don't need any revenge against her."

"I was never talking about revenge against Natalie, either," he said. "I don't handle a lot of divorces but, when I do, the person who gets cheated on usually wants revenge against the person who took their spouse away. Are you telling me that you don't want to see Gunner get a little comeuppance?"

"I would love that," I confessed.

"Penny, did you get everything?" he asked.

"Yes I did," she smiled. "I got names, signatures and everything."

"I'll meet you back at the office later," he said. "I'm going to have a last lunch with Jill to go over our plans." Penny got into her car and drove off, waving at me as she pulled out of the parking lot.

"Do you mind TRH again?" asked Mason. "Your dress really warrants a fancier place, but I do need to get back and put the papers together. I want to start the process as quickly as possible but, truthfully, I really am becoming addicted to those steaks. It's been five years since my wife died and I really haven't gotten out at all since then. I may overdose on Texas Roadhouse before very long. Maybe someone will take you out to a place worthy of that dress, though, after you've had time to properly get over Nat."

"Oh, any place you want to take me is fine with me," I said. I immediately wished I'd phrased it a different way, but thinking back on it, I'd said what I meant.

"How are we going to get revenge on Gunner?" I asked. "He's a pretty slippery bastard and he's connected to some movers and shakers. You do know that he's just using the law as a stepping stone to politics don't you."

"Stepping stones can become slippery. If you slip off of one, you can fall on your ass and end up hurt very badly," said Mason. "Gunner was right. I did do a little research on him. He hurt one of my favorite people – well, two, actually – so he deserves what's coming to him."

"Who did he hurt?" I asked.

"Growing up, you and Nat were my daughter's best friends," he began. "I felt almost as if I had three daughters instead of one." He lowered his head to his plate then as if he was about to say something difficult.

"I really missed YOU, when you guys grew apart," he said quietly. I got so nervous that I began to wonder if he could hear my heart beating. Suddenly I didn't care about revenge on Gunner or anything else.

"So are you up for it?" he asked.

"Any time, any place," I gushed.

"Good," he said. "We're going to hit him on three different fronts at the same time. We're going to take everything he has. "We're going to take his job with the firm. We're going to take his license and we're going to take his marriage and with it his chances of going into politics."

I blushed as I realized that he was still talking about Gunner and not about us.

* * * * * *

Natalie

A week had passed since the meeting with Jill and her lawyer. I hadn't realized at first who her lawyer was. It took a couple of days for it to finally sink in: Jill's lawyer was our old friend Melanie's father. Jill had come into the office looking literally good enough to eat. I didn't know where she had gotten that blue dress, but it was incredible. The blue set off her beautiful eyes so well that it just made me feel like a fool. Every man in the building was talking about her after she'd left, as well as half of the women. It was all I could do not to think about rubbing and sucking those big soft breasts of hers. I couldn't believe that I'd risked losing her for Gunner. The worst part of it all was that Gunner was still forcing me to have sex with him and he seemed to take pleasure in making me do t