Revenge, Pt 18: Valentine's Day free porn video

I woke up to the alarm, and quickly shut it off.

Jessica slept soundly, looking wonderfully peaceful.

I felt a strange sense of understanding as I watched her. It was one of those weird moments where you seem to suddenly understand everything at once, even things you already knew.

For so long I'd seen her as just some bitch who hated me for no reason, who ruined my life. Then I saw her as just a slut who wanted my big cock, and was willing to do anything to get it.

Then as a latent submissive who had no idea about her real nature. Then as a stressed out over-achiever who'd do anything to find a way to relax. And now a willing participant, a submissive woman ready to explore this side of herself with me.

In that moment, in her, I could see all of these aspects, all these stages of her life in which I knew her. And there was still so much about her I didn't know.

She was my childhood bully, my sister's best friend, my first real crush.

My first crush...

I'd actually forgotten about that. Again, I smiled and shook my head. The memory filtered through the fog of time before my eyes. I'd liked her. Like, I'd like liked her. When we were kids, she was the prettiest thing imaginable. Before she started to hate me, and I her. Before she took my sister from me. Before anything was anything. She was little Jessica, practically the girl next door.

How could one person be so many things? Contain so much?

I wanted to wake her. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to kiss those red lips, and feel her hair between my fingers.

Well... why couldn't I? I owned her now, didn't I?

I gently stroked her face, and softly said her name.

She stirred slowly, and opened her eyes. She smiled when she saw me, and moved to sit up.

I kissed her suddenly, not forcefully, but not exactly gently either. She giggled and returned my kiss, her hands gripping my shoulder and neck. I ran my hands up into her hair and kissed her passionately.

After a few minutes of kissing, I pulled away a little breathless.

"Mm... What a way to be woken up." Jessica smiled.

I laughed and lay back down. I stretched my arm out behind her, as she was already moving to rest her head against my chest. She nestled in to me and sighed.

"So how do you feel?" I asked.

"Really good." she said, sighing again.

"Good." I said.

I waiting a minute for her to elaborate, but she seemed content to lie in silence.

"What about the... the session? It seemed to hit you pretty hard." I said.

"Oh... this is... a 'briefing', right?" she asked.

"A what?"

"Or a debriefing? Like, where we talk about the scene we had, and how we felt about it and stuff." she said, "It was in one of the links I found."

"So you've really done some research?" I said.

"Yep. Except, I had to go into my internet browser's settings and disable all the pictures for a little while. Some of those websites were just filthy."

I chuckled at this, then suddenly laughed out loud when I realized she wasn't joking. She looked confused, and I just kept laughing, trying to get my head around the idea of Jessica, the woman I'd just tied up, tortured, and fucked into near unconsciousness still not wanting to see any nudity.

"What's so funny?" she asked, slightly offended.

"It's just..." I said, getting my breath back, "For a slut, you're just such a prude."

She laughed with me, seeing the joke.

"Well, that's different. I mean, I don't look at that stuff... porn stuff." she explained.

"No, no, I get it." I said, still chuckling. "OK, so. Let's talk. You were crying pretty hard, and I thought you had a higher pain tolerance than that."

"Well, you should try it!" she said, "That crop hurts."

"How do you think I got these?" I asked, slowly pulling my arm out from under her head.

I held out my forearm, showing her the bruises.

"You did this to yourself?" she asked, gently touching one of the darker ones.

"I wanted to know how much it hurt." I explained, putting my arm around her again. "So I'd know what you were feeling."

"So... is that like a sadism thing?" she asked. "Wanting to know exactly what... what kind of pain you're inflicting?"

That question was worrying but her tone was genuinely curious, if a little nervous.

"I guess it is." I said, "But don't change the subject. Was it really just the crop? Plus the clamps I guess..."

"Yeah the clamps were insane. Like, probably the most painful part." she said, "I was so happy when you took them off for like, half a second, and then I thought you were burning me or something."

My mind briefly went to the thin, red candles I had secured in my bag of tricks.

"No... no burning yet." I said ominously.

She laughed, not sure if I was joking.

"Well... anyway, I don't think it was the pain. I think it was actually the... the gag."

"Oh really? That seems like a pretty extreme reaction for just a gag."

"Was it? It was really intense... like..."

She paused, and started to absently trace my collar bone with her finger.

"It's like... when you tell me not to talk, it's still my choice, you know? Like... I guess it's not scary because I have to resist the urge to speak, but I still can speak... but with the gag it was... terrifying."

She continued to lightly caress my chest with fingers, and started to do the same against my arm with her other hand. She went quiet, gathering her thoughts.

"With the gag, I was completely helpless. I know I was on top, which meant I could stop if I wanted. But I didn't want to stop. I wanted... well, I wanted to cum. But I couldn't! I couldn't even beg! I felt so... powerless, so..."

She sighed, as if searching for the words.

"It's like the last thing I have, you know? You've bound me, blinded me, whipped me... and it's all exciting and scary and... but when I couldn't speak... It just seemed to add this whole other terrifying layer to it, like... like I was completely in your power... at your mercy."

"I see." I said.

I really hadn't expected it to affect her so much. The binding seemed to have barely any negative effect, even the first time. The idea of a punishment had shaken her pretty bad at first, but after she got used to it, the pain itself didn't seem to scare her.

But it made sense, in a way. She used her words to express herself, to defend herself, like we all do. For someone so unsure of who they really are, or for someone who used to be so unsure, anyway... her voice, her eloquence, her venom were a huge part of her.

"So you have a weakness for being gagged." I said thoughtfully, "I'll keep that in mind."

She looked up at me, worried.

"It's not like... I'm not saying you can't do it again, if you want. I mean, it was very...effective."

"Hm. And how do you feel now?"

"Well like I said... really good." she said, "That's something I read a lot about, the effect of submission on submissives. It's not the same for everyone, but for me... it just totally clears my head. It's... intoxicating, almost. I can just relax. My head is just empty. I could just lie here forever and never worry about a thing. That's so rare for me... And it lasts, too. For the next few days at least, I know I'll just be so much calmer. Everything's easier now, all the stress from school just doesn't get to me after we... after a night with you."

"Good." I said simply. "Good."

I stroked her head absently, letting myself relax. I'd pushed her hard tonight, seen an extreme emotional reaction, but she was better off for it. This is how it's supposed to work, I thought to myself. Pain and pleasure. Cruelty and comfort.

She rested against me and smiled up at me, knowingly.

"Yeah, it is good." she said.

I knew that smile. The sight of it triggered a memory in me. It had been a few weeks ago... the night she'd gotten back from vacation. She'd somehow got me talking about myself, and smiled this... infuriating, unfamiliar smile.

"What?" I said blankly.

"Nothing." she said, her expression not changing.

"What are you smiling at?" I asked.

She smiled wider and hid her eyes, pressing her face into my chest.

"What is it?" I asked, laughing.

"You care about me." she said.

She raised her face and looked into my eyes again, still smiling.

"At least a little bit." she said, "You care."

I frowned, and sighed.

"Jessica..."

Was she wrong? And... would it be wrong to admit that she was right?

"Jessica... if I didn't care about you... at all... I'd kick you out of bed as soon as you stopped twitching." I said.

She giggled, and kissed my bare chest.

"I knew it."

So that's what the smile was, her seeing that I cared? Why, because I talked about myself? The memory flared into full clarity for a second. No, she didn't smile when I'd talked about myself. She smiled when I stopped. When I got embarrassed. I guess she thought I wouldn't be shy with her if I didn't care about what she thought.

I closed my eyes, and sighed again. She kissed my cheek, and again laid her head against my chest.

For so long I hadn't cared about people, I'd become kind of bad at understanding them. At least it felt that way. But with Jessica, I was having to pay attention in a way I hadn't bothered to for a long time. The gleam in her eye, the smile so slightly different from any others. I wanted to know what she was thinking, what she was feeling. And this time I did.

It was hope. Just a simple hope that I would some day forgive her, that I could eventually look past what she'd done to me. Hope that, even if things wouldn't ever be normal, they would at least be better. That maybe I wouldn't always hate her.

"It's time to go, sweetheart." I said, patting her head.

"Aww..." she whined, "But I haven't stopped twitching yet."

I laughed, and she giggled with me.

I patted her head a little harder this time, a light, playful slap.

"Good night." I said.

She huffed, but obeyed. She leaned forward to kiss my cheek, and let out another little huff of disappointment when I didn't kiss her back. She then slipped out of bed.

I couldn't stop myself eying her naked body... her pert, round, well-whipped ass as she turned away from me.

"I hope Rose isn't still awake." she said, "That would be weird."

"I doubt it." I said, watching her get dressed "It's been hours."

"Mmm... you've been fucking me for hours..." she purred seductively.

I laughed again, and so did she.

"Goodnight, Sir." she said with a slight sigh in her voice, "I love you."

"I know." I said, "Goodnight."

She turned to leave, but slowly turned back.

"And... the watch." she said, "It's really OK? You like it?"

"It's... fine." I said, keeping my tone steady, "Thanks."

"OK. Good. That's good." she said, "Night."

"Night."

She walked out, and closed the door behind her.

I sighed, and covered my eyes with my arm. It was always after she left that things got harder. That I really had to think about her, instead of just being with her.

I looked at the watch on my nightstand. Valentine's Day.

Jesus. Like things weren't weird enough.

"Forever Yours." I sighed aloud.

I couldn't get that hopeful smile out of my head. Could things ever really be better for us?

A memory suddenly came to me, dark and angry.

When I was thirteen years old, Jessica somehow convinced some boys from school, none from my classes, just other random boys, to get together and to piss all over my backpack. Inside it too, all over my books, my homework, everything. I had it with me at lunch, I lost track of it, and then I found it, still wet and stinking of piss.

I threw it out and went to wash my hands. For the rest of the day I told teachers I'd forgotten it, and then I told my parents I left it on the bus. I didn't tell Rose the truth, and I don't think she even suspected.

Jessica was good at that. Convincing other people to do the bullying for her. She was more than capable of tearing me apart with just her words, but when it came to the physical stuff she preferred to not get her hands dirty.

Of course she never admitted that it was her, but I could see it. I could see the glee in her smile. She'd asked me, "What happened to your backpack?", "Oh did you get a new one?", "What happened to the old one again?".

I tried not to give her the satisfaction, but she knew that I was just avoiding the truth.

I always knew the boys that had done it, too. Not the exact amount, but usually the main culprits. The way they watched me, that same stupid glee in their smile. Or the guilt. That was far more common.

A guy'd do something to me; trip me up, throw something on my shirt... piss on my books... and then a few days later I could see the guilt. Sometimes they'd even try to be my friends afterward, but I never let them.

I couldn't blame them for it, really. After a while it became obvious that it was just what she did. She manipulated. She smiled and winked, she made them feel special for a little while, then she just twisted it.

You know that boy Steven? Wouldn't it be funny if...?

A few guys actually confirmed it. Came right out and said it. 'I don't know why we did that, Jessica just... made us. It was all her idea.'

As a kid, my own twin sister took her side more than she took mine, and ultimately chose her over me. Left me completely alone. That should be a clue as to how she was, how seductive she could be.

I suffered in silence, too angry or ashamed to ever tell anyone. Like they'd even believe me. Like anyone would ever suspect Little Miss Straight A's, pretty little Jessica would just torture a boy for no reason.

And now... now I had her. Once again, months after it had started, I still had to shake my head at the craziness of it.

I owned her.

I owned her.

Jessica. The strongest, craziest, most aggressive person I'd ever met.

I had her heart in the palm of my hand.

But all that stuff... that was ancient history. The stuff I'd tried to bury a long time ago. It had all stopped when we were around 15, when she... when she crossed the line. That's when the manipulations had stopped, and she went back to the verbal stuff.

I sighed and shook my head of these dark memories, pushing them back into whatever gloomy corner of my mind they occupied. There was no point in dwelling on this stuff.

Ancient history.

Yet every single conversation with her, every kiss, every warm embrace was tempered by these memories. A countless collection of examples of her cruelty. How could I really care about her when our relationship was like this?

She could be my nice, normal, loving girlfriend for literally years, and the good memories still wouldn't outweigh the bad. For every time she'd suck my cock, there'd be at least ten examples of times she'd made me cry with frustration and anger in the past. For every time she makes me feel good about myself, strokes my ego with her submission, there's twenty memories of her casually stripping away my confidence with her snide remarks and vicious insults.

I sighed, and tried to get back to sleep.

Fucking Valentine's Day.

Like things weren't complicated enough.

==

The next day I decided to wear the watch. I needed one, and it was a very nice watch. It didn't have to mean anything.

I ignored Jessica's wide smile when she noticed it on my wrist as I walked into the kitchen that morning.

"Nice watch." said Rose, "Wow, it looks expensive."

She obviously already knew where it came from, but I didn't react.

"Thanks. It was a gift." I said simply, sitting down to eat breakfast with them.

They shared a knowing look, and I ignored them. They didn't bring it up again, nor did Rose pry further into our relationship. At least, not until Jessica went home.

"So, are you getting her something back?" she asked the second Jessica walked out the door.

"Yes." I said, meeting her eye, "And I want your help to pick something out."

She seemed surprised at my answer, but grinned widely.

I'd already gone over this decision alone. It was what you did; you get a gift, you give one back. And I couldn't help but think there was an opportunity here too, although for what I didn't know.

As strange as it felt, I was getting Jessica a gift for Valentine's day.

"Good." Rose said.

==

We went to the mall after school on Monday, after Jessica left to start studying again. Only a few weeks after our exams and she was already back at it. I had to respect the determination, even if it pissed me off a little. She made the rest of us look like lazy assholes by comparison. I mean, when it came to school work I definitely was a lazy asshole, but still.

I drove us to the mall in our car, and we started the search. Rose took me around the mall, bringing me to look at jewellery, perfumes, flowers, cards... all stuff I didn't feel comfortable buying her. Too relationship-y. Too normal.

All the while she quizzed me about exactly what kind of gift I wanted, how I wanted to make her feel with this gift, why I was bothering if this really was "just sex".

I avoided the questions mostly, but I couldn't deny she had a point with that last one. What was the normal protocol here? I wanted to get her something, but she wasn't my girlfriend. But it wasn't just sex either, though I couldn't tell Rose that. She belonged to me. She not only accepted this dynamic herself, but was now actively engaging in it, talking about what it meant and how it made her feel.

Was it normal for a Dom to buy gifts for a sub? Did I even have to return it, couldn't I just accept the gift and give her nothing back, like she'd said?

But none of that really mattered, or at least I didn't want it to. I wasn't buying this because I had to.

Rose led me over to a fairly pricey clothing store that I recognized. In fact, I'd worked there for a few months one Summer.

Rose led me around the aisles, pointing out cute scarfs or adorable boots, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was just waiting for inspiration, waiting for this decision to make sense to me.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see an attractive woman approach me. I smiled when I glanced up at her, and she smiled back. She was in her late twenties, and wearing the uniform of the store.

"Hey kid, it's been a while." she said.

"Yeah. How've you been?" I asked.

"Oh not too bad, you know..." she answered.

"Hi." said Rose, appearing beside me.

Rose looked at me, questioning how I knew this woman.

"This is Rose." I said gesturing to her, "Rose, this is Alina, she was my manager when I worked here."

"You worked here?" she asked, surprised.

"Yep." I said, not bothering to elaborate.

"And you got an employee discount and everything?" she asked, obviously annoyed I hadn't told her.

"Yeah." I answered, smiling.

Clothes and fashion never really interested me but we got a great discount on them, so for a little while as a teenager I actually dressed in the latest style.

"Heh, you're exactly the same, Steven." Alina said, "One word answers, whenever possible."

"Yeah, that's Steven." Rose said, patting my shoulder.

I smiled. Alina had been a pretty great boss to have, one of the better ones. She was pretty liberal with our breaks, and didn't mind us taking things slow if there weren't many customers. It had been maybe two or three years since I worked here. She'd never minded my shyness when working with customers, telling me that as long as they got help it didn't matter whether I was "charming" or not.

"So, Alina." said Rose, "We're looking for a Valentine's Day present."

"Oh. You... took your girlfriend with you to get her gift?" Alina asked me, smiling but confused.

"She's my sister, actually." I said.

There was a moment of confusion, and a hint of disgust crossed her face.

"The gift's not for her." I said laughing.

"Oh!" she said, realizing her mistake. "Right, of course not."

"It's for his... not-really-girlfriend." said Rose, "Like, apparently it's just sex but she got him that watch, so..."

I frowned at her, annoyed at how casual she was with my private life.

Alina glanced at the watch on my wrist, then at me and raised her eyebrows.

"Wow kid, I didn't think you were the 'just sex' type." she said, a strange hint of approval and amusement in her tone.

"God, I know right?" said Rose, "I don't really get it because she's seriously gorgeous, but apparently he wants to just keep it casual. So yeah, I'm thinking like a scarf or a shawl or something?"

"Well..." said Alina, finally turning that amused expression away from me and looking at Rose, "It's February, so a scarf would only be good for a little while longer. Actually it's a little hot already so that might not do..."

"That's a good point, the weather's been heating up lately." said Rose, "So, how about like a thin shawl, like a see-through sort of blah blah blah..."

I tuned them out and started looking absently around the store. I was grateful they both seemed so interested in helping me, but I honestly didn't care about clothes. I'd had to learn about all these things when I worked here, but they still held no interest for me.

They chattered on, Alina seeming to understand who was the expert of the two of us and not turning back to me for my opinion.

I left them to it and started to wander around, randomly picking up or stroking items of clothing, more acting interested than anything else. I did a few laps of the women's section, occasionally looking over at the two girls. I shook my head and smiled when I noticed Alina holding a t-shirt up against Rose to judge how it looked. Seemed they'd forgotten why we were here.

After another lap or two, I suddenly saw a mannequin I hadn't noticed before. A female one, wearing a thin black jacket that came to about mid-way down the thigh.

For some reason, the position of the jacket inspired an image of Jessica in my head wearing it. It was pretty cool looking, all silver buttons with a black sash around the waist. She would look good it in.

I smiled as I explored the image in my head. She would look good in this jacket.

I picked one off the rack next to the dummy and found Rose again. They turned to me as I approached, and I could tell from Rose's slight surprise that she probably had forgotten that she wasn't here for herself.

"What about this?" I said, offering it to her.

She took the jacket and held it up.

"Hmm..." she said appraisingly.

She put it on and buttoned it up, while Alina quickly reached over to tie the sash. It seemed to fit her well.

"It looks good." said Alina, "It's a new item, I personally really like it."

Rose walked over to a full length mirror and studied herself. She posed a few different ways, her expression serious.

"She's taller than me." she said thoughtfully. "And bustier... and prettier in general I suppose..."

Alina laughed.

"Well I can't help with that last one, but it does come in a longer size." she said.

"Let's have a look." she said.

They walked off together in the direction I just came from, and I followed silently.

Rose took off the jacket and replaced it with a different one from the same rack, and quickly put it on. This one didn't fit her quite as well, reaching farther down the leg and seeming loose around her shoulders.

"This should be perfect." she said, looking at me and smiling widely, "And it's so something she would wear too, I could totally see her in this."

"It's a little strange though, isn't it?" I asked, "A jacket... it's not like, a normal gift thing."

"It's clothes." she said simply, "Girls like clothes."

Alina laughed, and Rose winked at her.

"This should be great, I think." she said, taking the jacket off. "Great job little brother, looks like you didn't need me after all."

"If you're sure it's Okay..." I said, suddenly not very confident about my choice.

But then, I still wasn't even sure it was right to get her something.

"Thanks for the help Alina," Rose said, throwing the jacket over her arm, "Now while we're here, tell me more about that skirt from before."

She linked her arm with Alina's and walked back towards the other section.

It was amazing how quickly she got comfortable with people. I'd seen Alina a few times a week for months and didn't have this good of a bond with her. Maybe I was just that awkward... or she was just that cool.

The next hour and a half were sort of a nightmare. Because she'd helped me, Rose guilted me into staying with her while she did some shopping herself, she and Alina asking my opinion "as a man" on every single thing Rose tried on, as if I cared what my sister dressed like.

Then they pressured me into trying on some clothes myself. I mean, yeah, maybe most of my clothes didn't really fit anymore, so I only had like a few t-shirts and pairs of jeans that I rotated around, but trying on clothes was somehow even more boring than watching someone else do it.

And their constant comments, and occasional wolf whistles when I tried on something that apparently suited me weren't really helping my mood either.

"See, I think this one really shows of his shoulders." Rose said when I came out wearing a light blue shirt.

She walked up and brushed off my chest with her hand, staring at the fabric as if trying to find some secret it was hiding.

Alina nodded.

"Yeah, it's really sexy on him." she agreed with a serious tone.

"This is really inappropriate workplace conduct." I joked quietly, trying not to blush at her frank appraisal.

"Suck it up, you don't work here anymore." she laughed.

Then Rose piled another few shirts and pairs of pants into my arms and pushed me back towards the dressing room.

As annoying as parts of it were, it was actually pretty fun. I'd really missed doing stupid things like this with Rose, and some of the clothes did look pretty good on me, in an average sort of way.

After another hour or so, I had a few more things to add to the rotation that weren't basically coming apart at the seams, unlike some of my other clothes, and of course a brand new jacket for Jessica.

Rose had managed to wrangle the "Friends and Family" discount out of Alina, partly because I used to work there, but mostly because she was just so likable.

After promising to come back soon to see Alina, Rose and I got some ice cream together.

"So..." she said a few seconds after we'd sat down, "This thing with Jessica."

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"It is what it is." I said, "That's all."

"Mm hmm." she said, clearly not believing me, "So are you going to get her some chocolates too, lover boy?"

"She got me this." I explained desperately, holding up the watch, "Look at this thing, it probably cost a fortune. I can't just not get her something."

"Oh, so it's just an obligation thing, Oookay." she said, winking at me. "I guess a card and chocolates would've almost made too much sense then. Something personal and unique is way better for an obligation present."

I just sighed at the sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"Whatever, think what you want. It's a gift, but it's not like a... Valentine's gift, you know? It's just... just a jacket."

"Whatever Romeo." she said, before taking a long lick of her ice cream. "Why does it matter anyway? Why can't you just be her boyfriend? You like her, right?"

I flinched at the blunt statement. It actually stung, how casually she put things.

I frowned down at my ice cream, not meeting her eye. Had she really forgotten how bad things had been?

"And it's pretty obvious she wants more than just sex, so why not go for it?" she said, "I mean, you're better off having her as a girlfriend before some other dude catches her eye, you know?"

"I don't want that." I said, trying to keep my voice even.

"Well why not?" Rose asked, "I'm just saying, you know-"

"I don't-"

"I think you're being a little unfair to her too, honestly. I think she's like, into you, and leading her on like this-"

"Rose!" I hissed, "Jessica is the fucking last girl I would ever want as a girlfriend, understand?"

She stopped talking, and her eyes widened.

"Oh... I... I mean..." she stuttered, seeming to realize she'd offended me, "I know things were always... tense between the two of you... but..."

I glared at her as she trailed off, trying to hold my anger back. Fucking tense? There was overlooking things for the sake of a friend, and then there was just plain wilful ignorance. If she knew half of the things Jessica had put me through... she'd...

She'd what? Never speak to her again? Choose me?

I doubted it.

I sighed and shook my head. It didn't matter. I let the bitter feelings fade away from me, replaced by a cold emptiness. This was how it was with Rose... how it always was. When it came to Jessica, I had to forget that I even cared about my sister, because she always ended up hurting me like this.

"But, I mean... what is this? Really?" she asked desperately.

I just glared at her. I'd said all I had to say.

She frowned, but seemed to accept that I wasn't going to move.

"OK fine... I'm sorry, I won't ask anything else." Rose said. "It's none of my business anyway."

I looked up at her, and forced a small smile.

"Thanks" I said.

I tired to enjoy the rest of our day together, but it was hard to shake the dark bitterness that had spoiled my mood. I hated that I was still so sensitive about this, but... It was bad enough that my sister flat out ignored all the abuse while it was happening, but now she was actually trying to pressure me into being nicer to Jessica. Trying to make me date my abuser.

I'd already told her I was more comfortable with things being "casual" between Jessica and I, but that didn't matter to her. Only Jessica mattered, and if Jessica wanted things to be more serious, which this stupid watch showed that she obviously did, then Rose saw it as her job to make that happen. Even if I didn't want it, even if it made me uncomfortable.

What Jessica wanted was just more important to her.

We drove home in almost silence, our conversation feeling stifled and awkward. I wanted to go up to my room as soon as we got home, but she stopped me, grabbing my shoulder.

"Hey, I'm really sorry about before." she said, "I don't... I don't know how things are between the two of you. I've always sort of... tried to keep my distance from that, you know? I just think you should... I don't know, consider it. The girlfriend thing. She really likes you."

I scowled at her and walked away. Why didn't she get it? Why couldn't she see that constantly making Jessica her top priority was the main reason we'd barely been friends for years?

I just wanted to stay in my room and avoid her for the rest of the night. I knew something like this was going to happen when she found out, I just knew it. Jessica I could handle just the two of us it could be stable, manageable. With Rose in the mix, things were going to get... complicated.

==

Later that night, around 9, there was a knock on my door. For a brief moment I thought it would be Jessica sneaking over for a Saturday night session, but she was too dedicated to her studies to waste two nights in a row like that.

After knocking Rose walked right in, not waiting for an answer. I appreciated that she'd knocked at all this time, and glad this time I was just sitting in bed reading, and not looking at pictures of her best friend tied naked to my bed.

"Hey, I want to talk to you." she said, sitting down on my bed.

I closed my laptop, curious about her serious tone.

"I'm sorry about earlier... we were having a nice day and it sort of felt like I ruined it." she said.

I shrugged, faking a smile.

"Don't worry about it." I said.

She smiled back, relieved.

"I mean... I said I'd stay out of it, and I will." she continued, "I just wanted to say that."

"Thanks, Rose." I said, "I know this must be weird for you. But... I just kind of need my space with this, you know?"

"Yeah, I get it." she said.

She smiled again, and nodded to herself.

"OK, well, now that that's out of the way, let's go get wasted!" she said, jumping up.

"Let's... what sorry?" I asked.

"Come on, there's a little get-together happening tonight. I was going to tell you about it earlier but I forgot. We're meeting everyone there."

She made to leave, not waiting for an answer.

"But I... I'm in my pajamas." I said dumbly.

She turned around and laughed.

"Come on, try out one of those new outfits we got you." she said, walking out and closing the door behind her.

I frowned, thinking about how my sister had yet again conveniently left out the part of the conversation where I make any sort of decision.

But I couldn't help but smile. I missed this about her, her spontaneity balancing out my caution. She'd always been the fun one.

"I guess I'm going to a party." I said to myself.

==

And so I was finally at a party. We were at Josh's , a very cool looking senior from another school. Rose introduced me and he merely nodded, saying "Welcome.", before walking off.

I'd been nervous about coming here, one of the reasons I'd been ignoring Rose's invitations for so long, but I found that it was exactly the kind of relaxed atmosphere that she'd described. The music pumping through the house wasn't too loud, no one was chugging from a beer bong, and no one was passing around a joint. The whole house had maybe 20 or 30 teenagers in it, just talking and laughing, everyone enjoying a few beers or those brightly coloured, sugary alcopops.

Within a few minutes of entering, Rose and I spotted Becky and Frank talking closely on one of the couches in the huge lounge and joined them. The normally quiet Frank already had a bit of a buzz going when we got there, and he was a lot more talkative than usual. He turned to me and greeted me warmly, patting me on the back. I fell in to their conversation easily, laughing along with them.

After that, it was pretty much the same as lunch at school, except I was drinking beer. I sipped my drink and enjoyed the music, looking around the huge house and the mingling horde of kids.

It was a lot more mellow than I'd feared. Or maybe I'd just been expecting something unrealistically crazy, given my total lack of experience.

I ignored the strange feeling of it, trying to ignore years of social isolation and awkwardness. These people were my friends now, right?

By the time Lissie showed up, I'd had two more beers and was feeling pretty relaxed.

"Hey new kid." said Lissie, sitting down beside me. "Didn't think I'd ever see you here."

"I'm as surprised as you are." I joked, "I never thought I'd be invited to a party thiscool."

"Oh please, you're the coolest guy here." she laughed.

"Yeah yeah, I know." I said, "I figured I'd spend one night with the losers, see how the other half lives."

She laughed and sipped her drink, brushing her hair behind her ear.

"So really. what's the story? Just felt like a night on the town?" she asked.

"Rose didn't really give me a say in it." I said, "It was her decision to make, apparently."

"Yeah, she does that." Lissie agreed, "Just makes decisions. It's good though, otherwise we wouldn't get anything done."

"Yeah, it was the same when we were kids." I laughed, "She always had the fun plans, and I just tagged along."

"I've been meaning to ask you about that." she said, "If you two were so close as kids, why had we never met you until recently?"

"Oh, that's... kind of a big question." I said. "And a long story."

"Mhmm, and I imagine you're probably a little too sober to tell it?" she said.

"Yeah it's definitely something I'd need a few more drinks to talk about." I laughed.

"Deal." she said, and handed me an open beer bottle that she'd set on the floor when she sat down.

"Hey, that... that was sneaky." I said smiling, taking the bottle from her.

She just winked, and took another drink herself. She was about to speak again, but Rose called her name and she turned away.

"Hey, Steven, what do you think?" said Frank, suddenly grabbing my shoulder with one of his giant hands, "Who would win in a fight... Jessica or Derek?"

I laughed, and pretended to think hard on the question.

"Jessica, definitely." I said after half a second.

"Right?" he said loudly.

Becky was talking to the girls, but Frank nudged her on the back with his elbow.

"Jessica." he said, pointing at me.

"Oh come on!" Becky said, "Derek does all that judo shit, he'd kick her ass!"

"We're talking about the same Jessica here?" I asked, "She'd rip his face off!"

"Exactly, girl's got a lot of anger." Frank agreed.

"See, I don't know about the anger thing, to me it all feels like a big mask, you know?" Lissie said thoughtfully. "Like, sometimes she seems more scared than angry."

"Oh what like inside she'd just some crying little girl?" Frank laughed. "No way. The girl is tough, she's strong, and she's full of rage. She'd destroy him in a one-on-one."

"But don't you feel like..." said Rose, "I don't know, like she's been a lot less angry lately?"

She looked directly at me.

"Almost like... I don't know... Like she's got some reason to be all content and happy?"

I had to force myself to not glare at her. I was about to say something, but nothing came to mind. Was she about to expose us, or just playing a game?

"I guess so, actually, yeah." said Becky thoughtfully, "But she's so quiet anyway, it's sort of hard to tell... Wait, what are you talking about?"

She seemed to at last pick up on the hinting tone in Rose's voice.

"You know something!" she accused excitedly.

"No!" interrupted Frank, "No gossip, no girly bullshit. OK, new match-up, place your bets..."

He smacked the arm of the sofa with his open hand.

"Rose versus Steven; who would be the alpha twin?" he asked.

We all cracked up laughing.

"Well, me obviously." said Rose, "My little brother's never been in a fight in his life!"

"Oh and you have?" I asked, smiling, "And getting your hair pulled by Tina Carmichael in third grade doesn't count."

"Hey, that was in fourth grade. It was practically a street fight!" she laughed.

We kept the conversation going, all of us weighing up the physical advantages and disadvantages of me and my sister for about ten minutes, until we ended up with the two of us flexing at each other to compare the size of our arms.

Lissie grabbed one of our biceps in each hand, squeezing them.

"Oh, that's actually really close." she said, "Which is kind of sad for Steven, when you think about it."

I pulled away from her, acting like I was outraged by her analysis, then laughed along with the others.

I don't know what I'd been afraid of the whole time. It turned out to be such a cool night. Like me, Frank was usually quiet, but his relaxed attitude was infectious. My head was buzzing after a few more beers, and I decided to slow down my drinking.

Last time I'd gotten this drunk, I'd ended up ordering dozens of BDSM toys online. No telling what I would end up doing tonight.

Later in the night, I was in a short line for one of the many bathrooms this seemed to have when Lissie strode up to me.

"Hey cool kid." she said smiling, "So we never got a chance to talk."

I sighed, smiling, and leaned back against the wall.

"So let's talk." I said, "What's with Frank and Becky? Am I crazy or is there some chemistry there?"

She laughed loudly, surprised.

"Oh man, you're way off." she said, "They're best friends, basically brother and sister. They were like, raised together, almost."

I frowned, thinking about how Frank looked at her while they talked. Becky was hot, but it felt like there was more there. Maybe it was just the best friends thing I was picking up on.

"Why, are you curious about Becky?" she asked, leaning against the wall beside me, "Rose hinted you might have kind of a thing for her."

I smirked, thinking about how she'd half-assedly tried to set us up a while ago. Before she knew about Jessica, obviously.

"Like Rose would know." I said, neatly avoiding the question.

The bathroom door opened ahead of us, and the line shifted forward.

"Ah, but that's the point, isn't it?" she said, "Why wouldn't she know? What's the whole story with you two?"

I sighed. This again.

"There's no... story, really." I said, "We just stopped hanging out. And then we started again."

I shrugged.

"No, I think there's more to it." she said, "Rose doesn't talk about it, and when a gossipy bitch like your sister doesn't want to talk about something, it usually means its serious."

I sighed again.

"Well, we were kids, you know? We argued." I said, "All hormones and anger and puberty... we just stopped getting along. Now we're a bit older, more mature... I guess we're just over it."

"Hm." she said, "That's sort of boring."

I laughed.

"Sorry about that." I said, "Next time I tell a story from my tortured past, I'll make it more interesting."

"Yeah, maybe put like a kung-fu fight in it or something." she laughed.

Again the line moved forward, and I was next.

"Still, it feels like there's more there." she said, "She basically doesn't even say your name to us for years, hell I didn't even know what you looked like. I mean, I'd seen you around so I knew what you looked like, just not that... you know... you were what..."

She paused, seeming to have confused herself. She took another swig of beer, which I can't imagine helped.

"And now you just show up, all cool and mysterious." she continued.

I laughed.

"I've never been cool in my life." I sighed, smiling.

I really wished she would stop talking about this. It seemed than no one really knew about Jessica and I, our long, violent history, which had actually surprised me at first. But then, why would they? The worst of it was always just between the two of us. Our little secret.

"So, do you have your eye on anyone?" she asked. "I could be your wing man."

"No thanks." I laughed, "I'm good. For tonight, anyway."

"Yeah, tonight's sort of a bust." she said, "There's just no one worth my time here."

I laughed.

"I imagine that's a common problem for you." I said.

She smiled at me.

"Well... I'll leave you to it." she said, then suddenly turned and walked away.

I looked behind me, realizing the bathroom was free.

==

A few hours, and a good few drinks later, we called a cab to bring us home, and to drop Lissie off too. Frank and Becky decided to split a cab together.

'Just Friends' my ass.

Once we got into the back, Rose leaned heavily on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry Jessie didn't come." she slurred quietly, "She had to study."

"Probably getting a jump on next month's homework." I muttered.

"She really wanted to come out." she continued, "She said she-"

"Why didn't Derek come?" I asked, interrupting her.

Couldn't risk her spilling anything in this state, not with Lissie still in the car.

"Oh... Derek... Derek did something..." she said uncertainly.

"He just didn't feel like it." Lissie said from the other side of Rose, "He only comes out half the time anyway. On a side note; how drunk is your sister right now?"

I laughed, and Rose giggled. She'd had more to drink than I thought she would, and I was glad it apparently was something worth commenting on, so probably not normal.

I wanted to say something to Lissie, maybe to thank her for being cool with me, but I caught myself. What, was I thanking her for not hating me? Compared to Jessica it was a relief, but hardly worth thanking her for.

I sighed and shook my head, wishing I'd drank more so my restless and anxiety filled thoughts would simmer down. I really wasn't used to all this. But it was getting easier.

Before long we were home, and I paid our fair before getting out to help Rose out of the car.

"Good seeing you tonight, man." shouted Lissie as we left.

"You too." I shouted back, shutting the door.

It was around 3 AM, later than Rose normally came back. I hoped so, anyway. She didn't need that much help walking, but she still leaned heavily on my shoulder as we got to the house.

She started rambling again as soon as we got in, but was sober enough to stay quiet.

"I'm soooo glad you came out t'night." she half-whispered, "I was so nervous 'bout it. I prob'ly drank too much."

She giggled lightly, and I laughed with her.

"Yeah, I'd say you did." I said.

"You had fun, right?" she asked, "We should do this again, we so should do this again!"

"Yeah, why not?" I said.

I turned around to lock the door, and she walked off towards the stairs. I locked the door and followed her up, making sure everything looked presentable.

She was sitting in the hallway between our two rooms, resting against the wall.

"Jessica really wanted to come." she sighed, looking up at me. "She wanted to drink with you and stuff... she just has all this stuff she has to do. That girl works too hard."

"No argument here." I said, offering her my hand.

She took it, and I pulled her back on to her feet and pointed her towards her room.

"She needs more fun." she continued, "More fun with you."

"Come on, we can talk about it tomorrow." I said.

"Yeah, yeah..." she agreed, "Tomorrow, tomorrow..."

She staggered into her dark room and flung herself on to her bed. She just lay there for a second, then started to awkwardly kick her shoes off, while trying to get her t-shirt off at the same time.

I laughed at her drunken, uncoordinated struggle.

"Night Rose." I said, turning away.

"Byyee little brother." she sighed, still wriggling out of her clothes.

I closed the door to her room and wandered back to mine.

In bed, my thoughts were stirring again, but it felt like there was nothing to worry about for once. For the first time in years, there was no dark cloud looming over me. I was pleasantly drunk, my sister was my friend, Jessica was my secret lover, people at school seemed to actually like me...

At that moment, everything was good.

==

The next morning I was surprised to find Rose and my parents all in the kitchen. We usually didn't have much of a plan on Sunday, we would just get up whenever we wanted. It was rare for all four of us to be just waking at the same time.

Rose was obviously having a tough time. I found her standing at the kitchen sink with her head in her hands, our parents eating breakfast at the table.

"How's she doing?" I asked them, assuming they knew where we'd been last night.

My mom smiled at me.

"Well, she-"

"I'm dying." Rose croaked, interrupting her.

Mom laughed.

"She's dying." she repeated with a smile.

I laughed and sat down, pouring myself out a bowl of cereal.

"You don't seem too worse for wear son." Dad said over his newspaper.

"Yeah, I'm not too bad. Slight headache." I said.

"Good." he said.

It might have seemed strange to some people that our parents were so comfortable with our drinking so much at 18, but as far as I knew it had been months since Rose had had a hangover this bad, and she'd known even at the time she was drinking too much.

"It's good you learn your limits with alcohol now." Dad went on.

"I know." I said, "Better now that when we're hundreds of miles away in college, right?"

"Exactly." he said, "When I first got to college, I had a friend who'd never had a drink before in his life. First time he went to a party, he went crazy, actually had to go to hospital for alcohol poisoning! Had no idea how to pace himself, ended up slamming down glasses of spirits like they were water!"

He'd told this story at least a dozen times, around the time Rose first got curious about drinking.

"Yeah... there's no chance that friend was actually you, right Dad?" I asked.

He spluttered taking a sip of coffee, and looked up at me surprised.

"Well... uh..." he said guiltily, then after a few seconds seemed to accept he'd been found out.

He smiled.

"A similar thing might have happened to me." he said, winking.

Mom and I laughed, and Rose groaned from the sink, disturbed by the noise.

"Oh, go on up and shower." Mom said, "It'll refresh you a bit, make you feel better."

"Yeah..." Rose said blankly, walking past the table and out to the hall.

"She'll probably be fine." Dad said, turning back to his newspaper.

Now that I was older and could look at it more objectively, the way our parents raised us was actually kind of genius. We had a safe environment to make all the mistakes we wanted, and they'd only help us if we really needed it. And thanks to them teaching us how to do everything from re-wire a plug, to clean and bandage an open wound, we usually didn't need it.

It was a weird mix of careful, planned education and preparation on the one hand, and then a total "hands off" style that seemed almost neglectful on the other. But it worked.

"Oh, I got our reservation booked yesterday." Dad said to Mom.

"Good." she said.

She sighed wistfully.

"Remember when our dates used to be so full of surprise and romance?"

"You hated half of my surprises, why risk it?" Dad said with a smile.

Mom laughed with him, before turning to me.

"So..." she said.

She stopped and awkwardly cleared her throat.

"Have... you got any plans for next Thursday?" Mom asked, failing to seem casual.

They both stared at me, expectantly.

"Other than school?" I asked.

"Uh... yeah." she said.

"I might have something planned." I said casually, shrugging.

"Really?" she said, then caught herself. "Oh... that's good."

Dad just winked at me.

One area they'd never really approached with me was romance, seeming to prefer the hands off approach all the way.

But I didn't really have a plan for Valentine's Day yet.

I was sure I could think of something fun........

==========


As I said at the beginning, these are my stories, on a NEW account.
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