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LITTLE LULU by Deirdre Rosamond O'Conor I. Permanent Wave "He looks so cute with his long, blond hair, Maggie." It was the next-door neighbor lady, talking to Mom in the kitchen. Jimmy was on the back porch, playing with his soldiers. Mom had not cut his hair since the awful news about Daddy not coming home again, ever, and it was now down to his shoulders. "Really, though, you ought to do something with it besides just brush it." "Such as?" said Mom. "Give the little darling a permanent! He'll look so precious in curls!" "Do you really think so?" "Oh, yes. You know, when my brother and I were children, my mother kept my brother in long, pretty curls from the time he could walk until he was ready to go to high school, and he was just darling. I've always thought that if boys are curled in childhood, they will grow up a lot gentler. Rowdiness and curls just don't mix." "You know, I just might do it. Jimmy's been a handful ever since Hal was taken. Temper tantrums followed by hiding by himself. But I don't know about taking him to the beauty parlor. He always hated going to the barber when his father was with us. I haven't had the energy to try to get him to a barbershop since." "Oh, don't be silly. Give him a home permanent, of course. I'll help you." "You're right! Watch my kids while I go to the drugstore for what I need, and ..." He heard no more. This was awful! He put the soldiers in their bag and went out to the swingset in the back yard. He was just about to turn five, and had heard Mom say she was getting a permanent once or twice, and she came home from the beauty parlor with her hair much curlier than before. She had once told him that girls got permanents to make their hair stay curly and pretty. Permanents were for girls, and he wasn't having any. He was a boy, darn it. Mom sounded like she was wanting to turn him into a girl. If you took a boy, curled his hair, and put him in a dress, that he would turn into a girl. Girls wore dresses, boys wore pants. Girls had long, curly hair and boys had short hair. His was long, but that was because he always kicked up such a fuss at the barber's that Mom hadn't bothered since Daddy went away. She was right there. Maybe she thought he wanted to be a girl because he didn't like getting his hair cut? Miss Martin stayed with him for an hour while Mom was out. She was really going through with this! Jimmy didn't want to talk to Miss Martin much. She gave Mom the idea! Mom returned, and called him into the house. She sat him down in the kitchen to tell him the news. "Jimmy, I've just gotten back from the drugstore with something really nice for you. It's called a home permanent, and it will make your hair curly and cute. Miss Martin is going to help me with this, so I want you to behave yourself." "But Mom, I don't want a permanent! The kids will tease me! I'll look like a girl!" "You will look much nicer than you do now. If you are not going to let me take you to the barber's for a haircut, you are going to wear your hair in curls. You look like a ragamuffin most of the time! I will not have a ragamuffin for a son. Now, if you sit still and behave while Miss Martin and I give you your permanent, I promise I'll get you some more nice funnybooks." "But the kids will tease me! Boys don't have curls." "Yes, they do, sometimes. Miss Martin's brother wore gorgeous long curls until he was in high school." "There aren't any boys in the neighborhood in curls." "Then you can be the very first boy on the block to have pretty curls. Now, I'm getting tired of arguing. You don't play much with the other boys, anyway. If you throw another one of your tantrums, you'll get a spanking and a talking-to. You will still get a permanent, only Miss Martin will be embarrassed. If you are a nice little boy about it, I'll get you funnybooks." "All right." He didn't sound enthusiastic, but he was already getting the idea that tantrums weren't very smart. He didn't like the three swats on the fanny, of course, but the talking-to was worse. "That's better. Be a nice boy for Miss Martin. I promise you that you will feel a lot better with your hair all nicely done. I know I do!" The first thing they did was give him a bath. The funny part was, he liked baths, especially bubble baths. Mom let him soak and play around for a while, and then she came in and gently scrubbed him. Then she washed his hair. This always felt nice, and she was not at all snappish or no-nonsense about things while she did this. Unlike most boys his age, he liked how he felt after a bath. When he was done, he towelled off and dressed himself. He was a big kid, sort of, and could dress himself. Mom had laid out clean clothes for him-thank goodness, no dresses. He even got his t-shirt on right-side-out and frontwards the first try. When he came down the stairs, Mom and Miss Martin were waiting for him with a table full of horrible things in the living room. He almost forgot his promise to be good and nearly ran back upstairs. But they would have found him, and he would get the permanent anyway, plus a spanking and a talking-to. Phooey. Mom turned on the TV. He'd almost forgotten! It was almost time for Space Cadets! And after that was Sky King! He got to sit down on a little chair, with Mom and Miss Martin behind him with their table full of curlers and whatnot. There was a pink box that said T-O-N-I on it. He could almost read stuff now. He couldn't remember not knowing his ABC's. "Miss Martin, what does 'T-O-N-I' say?" He was showing off. "It says 'Toni', dear. It's the kind of permanent we are giving you." "Just like the girl down the street, with the curls like Little Lulu?" "Just like Toni down the street, yes. Do you like Little Lulu?" It was his own little secret that he really liked Little Lulu, and Little Dot, and Little Lotta, and Nancy. "Uh, yeah, sort of." "If this works out right, you are going to look just like Little Lulu," she said as Mom started combing his hair. "Well, I guess." "But Little Lulu is so cute! Wouldn't you like to look like her, at least sometimes?" She had him there. Jimmy did like Little Lulu; she was his favorite funnybook character. She was always doing fun things, and Tubby and Alvin were so silly. Besides, Tubby was-tubby. Little Lulu wasn't just a girl. She was fun. He had sometimes daydreamed about being Little Lulu. Mom had combed out a long lock of his hair, and was squirting something smelly on it with one hand while holding paper on the end with her other. Then she took a curler and began winding it down to his head. She snapped the curler together, and the first curler was in! No going back. Permanents smelled awful. "Uh, well, all right, I, er, wouldn't mind looking just like Little Lulu." There, he'd said it. Little Lulu, Little Lulu. "Jimmy, you never told me you wanted to be like Little Lulu," Mom said. "I didn't want to get turned into a girl. Girls are yucky." "And what is wrong with girls? Little Lulu's a girl." "But she's different. She's fun." "You don't want to be a girl, but would you like to be Little Lulu?" "Yes, Mom. I want to be Little Lulu." Mom had rolled up two more curlers by now. "Then, it's a good thing I'm giving you this permanent. You can't be Little Lulu without pretty curls in your hair, you know." That changed everything. Maybe this permanent stuff wasn't so bad. Little Lulu, Little Lulu. "Mom, may I be Little Lulu?" "Well, you can't really live in a funnybook, but I can make you as close to a real Little Lulu as I can. How does that sound?" "I wanna be Little Lulu!" "If you are going to be Little Lulu, you will have to be very nice, all the time." "I'll be nice." "No temper tantrums." "No temper tantrums, Mom." "You've got a deal, Lulu." At that point, Space Cadets came on, and they all got quiet. He was Little Lulu, at least to Mom and Miss Martin! Mom was not going to make a girl of him after all! Instead, she was going to turn him into a real-life Little Lulu, which really beat being a girl. And this permanent would turn him into Lulu. Mom kept winding curler after curler into his hair, squirting the Toni stuff on and winding yet another. Suddenly, he liked having them in his hair. "Mom, I've got to have a permanent to look like Little Lulu, right?" he asked between shows. "You are absolutely right, Lulu." "Mom, I'm glad you are giving me a permanent. I really want to be Lulu." There, it was really out, now. "Why, thank you, Lulu. Would you like for me to make sure you stay Little Lulu?" "Yes, Mom. I don't want to be Jimmy. I want to be Lulu." "I will have to curl your hair every night. And you will have to wear a dress, just like Little Lulu." "Oh." "Did you ever see Little Lulu wearing pants?" "No. But dresses are for girls." "Dresses are for Little Lulu, too." "You're sure?" "Yes, dear. I'm quite sure." "Then, please-I wanna be Lulu. Mom, please dress me in a dress." "I would love to dress you in a dress, Lulu. You will look so pretty when I'm done!" Mom was not done winding permanent curlers (Miss Martin was also calling them "rods" as well) until after Sky King was over. Then she wound cotton around Lulu's hairline and then squirted a great deal of stinky Toni stuff into his hair. When that was done, she wrapped everything up in a towel and secured it with a clothespin. It was now mid afternoon, and the permanent had to stay in until well after supper. Clearly, Lulu couldn't go outside now. However, there was television and funnybooks, and Miss Martin was staying with him again while Mom went out shopping. This time, he stayed close to her, and let her chatter away at him about permanents and curls and how hair got to be pretty. Most of all, she talked to him about Little Lulu, and how nice it would be for him to turn into a nice, pretty child like her. Mom returned with a lot of big packages and fixed supper. Then he discovered something unexpected: Little Lulu had good table manners, and he would also have to have good table manners, if he was going to be Little Lulu. Oh, well. He wasn't quite Little Lulu yet, but he was on his way, with his hair up in curlers having a permanent. He had better be good, or no more Little Lulu! After Mom did the dishes, it was time for the next step, rinsing out the perm solution. Then Lulu had to sit still with his eyes shut while Mom soaked his hair in neutralizer. Another half hour sitting around, and Mom finally took out the curlers. She washed and rinsed his hair again, and then began rolling a different set of curlers into his hair. "Mom, I thought you were done!" He was tired. "We are done with the permanent, but your hair must be set in curlers overnight. After lunch tomorrow I will take these out, and you will be then be beautiful. However, dear, you have been very good today, and I have the funnybooks I promised. And your name is now Lulu, and not Jimmy." His face brightened at this. "Now, Lulu, I have to roll your hair and put you to bed in curlers. It is unheard-of not to put hair up for the night after a permanent." "All right, Mom." She quickly and deftly finished up rolling his hair in maybe half an hour. She then placed a ruffly pink bonnet over Lulu's head. When he protested, she explained that it was necessary, and it would go with his new pajamas-the kind of pajamas Little Lulu would wear to bed. He found that the new pajamas were really a frilly pink little-girl's nightgown, and when he put it on, he looked just like a little girl. However, that was what Lulu's wore, too, and it was fun to be Lulu. There was another surprise waiting when he went to bed. His bedspread and sheets had been changed, and were brand new, pink, and ruffled. Mom gave Lulu a cookie, tucked him in bed, and kissed him goodnight. His head felt a little uncomfortable on the pillow, but it was a new, soft pillow, and that helped. He lay awake for a while, thinking about how he was turning into Lulu. Then he fell asleep. Mom loved him a lot, to let him be Lulu, and even give him a permanent! Ruffles and lace and curlers were what Lulu's wore. Little Lulu, Little Lulu. Maggie sat up that night with Della Martin in the living room, going over what had gone on that day. "Della, I was flabbergasted at first! Little Lulu! I had no idea he wanted to be like her! And he's going along with wearing dresses! But this is the first time he's ever gone along with table manners without a fuss, and the first time he's ever sat still for anything about his hair. If Little Lulu is what it takes to get him to behave, that's what it takes." "He is quite taken with being Lulu, I think." "But he doesn't want to be a girl. Isn't Little Lulu a girl?" "She was last I looked. I think what it is, Maggie, is that he doesn't want to be like the girls in the neighborhood." "I just hope this is the right thing. I don't know a thing about boys. He was always so rowdy and tempery, like his father." "Everything ought to be all right. I have never thought it wrong to give boys some idea of what being a girl is like. If this is just a stage he's going through, he will tell you soon enough he doesn't want to be Lulu anymore. Just be ready to let him go back from time to time to Little Lulu until he grows out of it. If he doesn't kick up much of a fuss, why, then, it will be perfectly clear that you really should make a girl of him." "I've gotten him several dresses, including a party dress, girls' underthings, and three pairs of girls' shoes." "Good girl, Maggie. Just tell her, or him, that Little Lulu always wears dresses, if she argues. Make it a game that if she is Lulu, she is a 'she', not a 'he', even though she thinks Little Lulu is for some reason not a girl. My brother wore dresses until he was thirteen! Mother insisted. He still does, when it won't be embarrassing." "You know, Della, I am planning to keep his-er, her, hair curled every night from now on. I always loved it when my own mother curled mine every night for me when I was a little girl. You should have seen how well Lulu behaved in her curlers, all afternoon and all evening." "She was very nice to me while I baby-sat this afternoon." "I also felt very nice myself while I did her hair. I don't know what it was. I really enjoy this." "Whatever you do, make sure she thinks of being curled as fun. That way, on the occasional times when it seems like a bore, you can just remind her how much fun she usually has being curled." "Della, you are the soul of good advice!" "You always did want a daughter, did you not?" "Yes. Hal and I tried and tried, but no more children. Della, are you seriously suggesting that I keep her as Lulu?" "If she doesn't tell you she wants to go back. Look, make being a girl, or being Lulu, very nice. You've already started out on the right foot. I've seen how Jimmy used to act up. Lulu is very different. She may not stay this nice all the time, but I do believe that her tantrums will be much less frequent. Keep encouraging your Little Lulu." "I hope you will stay with me in this." "I will, Maggie. I know you've been having a terrible time these last few months, losing Hal and all." "At least he left me a lot of money. If only he'd been around oftener the last two years. Jimmy hardly knew him!" "If it turns out you have a daughter now, I think she will be easier to bring up alone." "Thank you, Della." Little Lulu was in the Night Land with Oona Goosepimple. The Night Land was scary; if you weren't careful the Yoyoes would chase you. If the Yoyoes caught you, goodness knows what would happen to you. Oona knew all about the Night Land; her house had a way into it through the attic. Everything was all gray in the Night Land, and sometimes you couldn't see the Yoyoes because they were the same color as the shadows. "Look out, Lulu! Yoyoes!" They had sneaked up in the grayness, darn it. Lulu and Oona ran for the hole back to the attic. Just as Oona dived through the hole, the Yoyoes grabbed Lulu with their dirty, slimy, messy hands. Lulu went down. As several Yoyoes held her down, two of them took out scissors and started cutting off her curls. Ugh! "Lulu's a boy! Lulu's a boy!" laughed the Yoyoes. "I am not a boy! I am a girl!" Lulu spat back at them. "Cut your curls, no more girl! Trucks for toys, you're a boy!" One of them put a toy dump truck in front of her. "I'm not a boy! I'm not a boy!" Oona popped back out of the hole, waving a broom and yelling something. The Yoyoes suddenly jumped up and scattered. Oona helped Lulu up. "Wake up, Lulu," she said. "Wake up. Wake up, Little Lulu!" It was Mom. "You were only dreaming, dear." "I'm not a boy. I'm not a boy," Lulu mumbled. "You were having a nightmare. Poor dear." "I'm really Lulu, aren't I?" "You're Lulu." Lulu realized that the sun was shining in the window, and the bedding was pretty and pink, and so was his nightie, and so was the ruffly bonnet on his hair. He put his hand to his hair. Curlers. Not cut. "Mom, I had an awful dream. The Yoyoes were after me, and they were trying to turn me into a boy. They were cutting my curls. Yuck!" His eyes stopped on the toy dump truck sitting on the floor. "Mom, please! That truck! It was in my dream! The Yoyoes were pushing it at me. They wanted me to be a boy instead of Lulu." "Would you like me to take it away for a while?" "Yes, Mom." "Don't worry, the Yoyoes can't make you quit being Lulu." She picked up the truck and left the room. She came back without it. Lulu was out of bed by now, and was looking at himself in the mirror. Breakfast was quiet. Instead of dressing Lulu in pants and a shirt, Mom let him eat in his nightgown, and brush his teeth as well before dressing. She brought out his new clothes-a red dress, pink panties, a white slip, white socks and a pair of little black shoes with a strap and a buckle. "These are your first new clothes, Lulu. I will help you into them; you don't know how to dress yourself in these yet." She helped Lulu out of his nightgown, and began to dress him. "Now, Lulu, these are panties. And this is a girdle. Mostly, older girls and grown ladies wear them, but you should, too." The girdle felt a little tight, but Mom assured Lulu he would get used to it. Then she let him put on his socks himself, and slipped the slip over his head. "Now, Lulu, sometimes you get into a dress by pulling it over your head, but most often you get into one by stepping into it. I will help you." He stepped in with Mom's help, and then Mom pulled it up and buttoned it up the back. Last of all was the shoes. Mom then walked Lulu to a full-length mirror. "Now, Lulu, you see how cute you look in a dress! Even in curlers, you look so nice." "Do I look pretty?" "You do indeed look pretty, Lulu." "The Yoyoes aren't really going to get me? They aren't going to make me be a boy?" "The Yoyoes aren't going to get you. They certainly aren't going to make you back into a boy!" "Promise?" "Promise. Do you want to know a little secret about keeping the Yoyoes away?" "Yes, Mom." "You have to behave yourself. You have to wear dresses, and always have your hair curled. You have to learn ladylike manners, just like girls do." "I don't know anything about ladylike manners." "I will teach you. And one other thing." "Yes?" "Now, you don't want to be a boy, you want to be Little Lulu. You know and I know that Little Lulu isn't really a girl, but everybody else thinks of Little Lulu as a girl. So, if you are going to stay Lulu, everyone is going to say she and her about you, and say things like 'What a pretty little girl' when they see you. Everyone but me and Miss Martin are going to think you are a girl. You must not tell them otherwise, but pretend you are a little girl, a young lady, even, when you are in public, or the Yoyoes might really turn you back into a boy!" "Oh. All right, Mom. I can pretend I'm a girl, as long as I'm not really one. I'm Lulu!" "Yes, you're Lulu! I love you, Little Lulu. It's Saturday morning; let's go watch cartoons, and I will finish your hair after lunch." The cartoons were somehow even more fun, sitting and watching as Lulu. Every so often, she would slip out and look at herself in a mirror, and reach up and pat the curlers in her hair. They felt funny, but for some reason they also felt nice. And Mom was nicer, too. She hadn't yelled once since yesterday afternoon. At lunch, Mom started calling her a girl. "Lulu-girl, time to eat!" "Mom?" she asked as she came into the kitchen. "You said Lulu girl." "I can't very well say Lulu-boy, now can I? Only Miss Martin and I know you are not a girl, and even we are going to have to treat you like a girl if this is going to work." "If what is going to work?" "You are Little Lulu, not a girl, but remember, everyone else thinks Little Lulu is a girl, for some reason or other. If you don't act just like a girl, the kids will think you are just a boy in a dress, and they will tease you. You don't want to be a boy in a dress, do you?" "No, I'm Lulu in a dress." "So we must all be rather careful. I am going to be talking to you as if you were a girl, all the time, and so will Miss Martin. This is so nobody will ever think you are not Lulu. If you are going to be Lulu, you are going to have to work at it. Your table manners are getting better, by the way." "Thank you, Mom. I'll be good." "More than that, you will be a good girl." "Mom, I will be a good girl." That sounded strange, but somehow she didn't feel too funny saying it. She was still afraid of the Yoyoes. And Mom was being very, very nice to her. "Now, when Miss Martin comes over you must be a well-mannered young lady to her. No tearing around, running up and down the stairs, shouting, or anything like that. You must be a good girl." "I said I would be a good girl." "I was just reminding you, dear." "Mom, what about when I go out to play with the kids?" "I think that should wait until tomorrow, but I think what we shall do is that I will take you out and introduce you to them. After all, they won't know you yet. They have never met Little Lulu." "All right." Miss Martin came over just after Lulu had finished her lunch. The two women sat her in the living room again, and Mom carefully unwound all the curlers. There was much fussing about as both Mom and Miss Martin worked on combing out Little Lulu's new hairdo. She sat still, and found it rather nice that Mom would do so much to her hair without cutting it or putting that awful greasy stuff on it that barbers always seemed to. Instead, there was nice-smelling hairspray, and a number of bobby pins to hold some of her curls in place. Especially, there were pinned curls right in front, where most girls had bangs. Little Lulu in the funnybooks had two curls above her forehead, and so did Little Lulu in the living room. To the back and sides Lulu had pretty sausage curls hanging down to her back and shoulders. The women stood her in front of the full-length mirror and sang the Little Lulu song behind her as she beamed. "Mom! Miss Martin! You've made me pretty!" Lulu shouted gleefully. "Yes, Lulu dear, you are a very pretty little girl," Miss Martin said. "Thank you, Miss Martin." "Miss Martin is quite right, Lulu. You are a gorgeous girl, the nicest daughter a mother could hope for." "Thank you, Mom." "Now, Lulu, be a good little girl and sit and watch TV while Miss Martin and I have some tea in the kitchen." "Yes, Mom, I'll be a good girl." The women sat over tea, away from the TV in the kitchen, with the kitchen radio going for good measure. "Della, I'm getting a little frightened by some of this. My Lulu is almost too cooperative with me about girl things." "That should tell you something, Maggie. She probably should have been a girl in the first place. How much did she really push to be a boy, anyway?" "It was mostly Hal, I think. When he was around, he would insist on his boy being a real boy, and not a sissy. He took him to the barber's, gave him toy soldiers, gave him cowboy stuff, and always told him he was a boy, and boys should not act like girls." "So there it comes out. Jimmy didn't like girl things because of his father, but Lulu has no such limits. And you have been very encouraging of her to be girlish." "Last night she had a nightmare about the Yoyoes catching her and turning her back into a boy. It scared her silly. She asked me to put her favorite dump truck where she couldn't see it. The Yoyoes had threatened her with it. She was so frightened when she awoke! She was crying about not being a boy at all." "Maggie, I think you really do have a girl, even if the doctor said differently. Remember, my brother feels most comfortable as a woman, and there is also that man a couple or three years ago who got changed into a woman by a surgeon. I really think you need to raise Lulu as a girl, completely. Did you see how she smiled so when she saw herself in the mirror?" "I certainly did, Della." "That is no boy. If you try to make Lulu into a boy, you are going to do her terrible harm. She will feel awful, and probably go nuts or something. If she appears to grow up normally as a boy, she will be as troubled as that poor thing who had the surgery in Denmark." "You really think so?" "I really do. When you announced the permanent yesterday, how much of fuss did Jimmy really kick up?" "Considerably less than he ever did when either of us took him to the barber, or tried to cut his hair." "How much of a fuss did Jimmy make about the dress?" "She was already Lulu. Lulu wanted me to put her in a dress." "You see? How much fuss is she making about us saying girl about her?" "None at all. She thinks it's a pretend-game, and we all have to pretend she is a girl so nobody else will think she is a boy, rather than a Lulu." "Maggie, if you give her time, she will forget about the pretend-game and just be a girl. That is, she will quit thinking there is a difference between Lulus and girls." "I think you may have something there. However, there is one problem. The rest of the neighbors, especially the children." "I am going to have to think about that one, but it may be possible for you and me to simply move across the city. Sell both our little houses and get a duplex out in that new area on the west side of town. Thank goodness neither of us needs to work!" "I'll need to think about that, too. I'm not that attached to this neighborhood; you're my only real friend here. Oh, there are other things. School. Pediatricians. And Lulu's birth certificate, darn it." "I know a lawyer. And school-this is Phoenix, and nobody has kindergartens here. She won't need to start school until first grade, and with her birthday in December, she will be almost seven when that happens. Plenty of time for us to do the legal job, and maybe solve the pediatrics problem, too." "I suppose. All this in twenty-four little hours!" "Maggie, it was just waiting to happen. Sooner or later, Jimmy would have done something to try to get it through to you that he really wanted to be a girl. Do you know why my mother stuffed my brother into dresses and curls?" "No." "When he was four and I was six, she found him in her bedroom, with half her clothes pulled out of the closet, and trying to put on some of them. He insisted he was a girl, and after a while, my mother decided to make him one. It worked right up until his voice changed! When that happened, she did her best to ease him back into being a boy. He continued, of course, to wear girl's clothes when he could. She managed to find him a young lady to marry who really wanted to marry a woman-that was difficult. He dresses in business suits now during the day, but wears dresses all the rest of the time." "Do you think I shall have to do this to Lulu?" "I hope not. Medicine has improved since then, you know." "I am also thinking, Della, that we are perhaps thinking too far ahead. Let's just think about getting our Lulu through her first few days." "Yes, let's. Now, you must stick with your resolve to curl her hair every night, for starters. And second, she will need more clothes. Put all her boy clothes in storage, just in case, and all her boys' toys. She will need dolls and a tea-party set and such. Her room will need redecorating; I know you have changed her bedding to a girl's, but the rest of it looks boyish. I don't think you want her to keep having nightmares about the Yoyoes, and boyish surroundings just might induce those. Canopy bed, little-girl's play vanity, pink ruffled curtains, pink wallpaper, you get the idea. Everything pink and pretty. Your Lulu has a lot of catching up to do!" With that, the two women returned to the living room, where Little Lulu was fast asleep on the sofa. She looked like nothing so much as an angelic little girl. II. Curlers Every Night Lulu was allowed to wear her new hairdo only until suppertime. Right afterwards, Mom spent an hour rolling up Little Lulu's curls before she even washed the dishes, and sat her down to watch TV for a while before readying her for bed. Mom let Lulu sit up with her while she rolled up her own hair, after Lulu was put in her nightie and lace-bonnet. Mom wanted her to see how grown ladies did their hair. "Mom, am I going to grow up to be a lady?" "You ought to grow up to be a lady. I would very much prefer that you did." Mom was more than a little tired, and the "no-nonsense" was beginning to creep back into her voice. The funny stuff from the bottle was also on her breath. "Do boys ever grow up to be ladies?" "Never. You have to be a girl to grow up to be a lady." "Then I'm not a boy anymore." "You are not a boy, anymore, ever. You will wear your dresses and be pretty and like it. You are going to spend most of your time with your hair in curlers, as well." "Then the permanent was really to turn me into a girl." "Lulu, it is done. You are a girl. Don't argue." "Is Little Lulu really a girl?" "Little Lulu in the funnybooks is really a girl. You wanted to be Little Lulu, so I have made you into a girl." "It isn't a game, then." "It isn't a game. You were a boy yesterday morning. I gave you a permanent, rolled your hair for the night, and put you in a dress today. You are now a girl. Wasn't it fun, having your hair curled? Didn't you love how you looked in your dress?" "Yes, Mom. I like having my hair curled." "Boys don't often get their hair curled anymore. It's best you are a girl. You will have a fun time as a girl, I assure you. You will also have a much easier time. The boys on the block have already been teasing you about being a sissy." "What about now? Won't they know I'm a girl?" "We will be moving away soon. Miss Martin will help us. You are my pretty little daughter. You are my Lulu, and I love you. I have watched you, all yesterday afternoon and all day today, and you have not been this happy since I don't know when. You are going to be a very happy little girl. If I made you go back to being a boy, I don't think you would like it. I would have to take you to the barber's for haircuts, and you would never look pretty again. You would have to play rowdy with the other boys, because that's the way boys are. They are rowdy, rough, and noisy." "Barbers. Yecch!" "Do you want the barbershop, or curlers?" "Curlers." "Overalls, or pretty dresses?" "Pretty dresses." "Playing rough, or being nice?" "Being nice. Feeling nice." "Then you are a girl. You must be a girl. Lulu, I will not allow you to quit being a girl." "I'm a girl, then." "Good girl, Lulu. You will thank me for this someday." "Yes, Mom. I am a girl now. I am not a boy. Little Lulu is really a girl, and I am Lulu, and so I am a girl. Is that right?" "You are very smart, my little girl. You are right." "Will you buy me a dolly?" "I certainly will! Tonight, I will get rid of all those t-shirts and jeans and other boy clothes. Tomorrow, you will say goodbye to your soldiers and cowboy things." "Can I keep my tricycle?" "I will get you a brand-new tricycle, one that is for girls. Painted pink!" "I think I'll like it." "You are just about too big for your tricycle, anyway. You need a bigger one." "Thank you, Mom!" By this time, Mom was done curling her own hair. She set Lulu down while she changed clothes and put on her nightgown and a lace bonnet not unlike Lulu's. "Mom, you look pretty in curlers!" "Thank you, dear Lulu. When you were a boy, you never said anything like that." "Will you read me a story?" "I'd love to read you a story." There was no Yoyo nightmare. When she got up, Lulu realized that this was no game, that she was a girl for good. Never again would she wear pants, or shirts, or boys' shoes. Never again could she just run around the house. Mom's lectures took on an entirely different tone. Lulu, you must be ladylike. This is the ladylike way to do such- and-such. Couldn't you tell you were upsetting Miss Martin? Girls mustn't stay out in the sunshine; their skin will turn brown. You must always carry a parasol in this sun. Take little steps, Lulu. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Girls must always be demure. What's demure? It means being always quiet, always soft of voice, always calm, always pretty in a way that does not show off that one is pretty. And always well-mannered. You will be a demure young lady, Lulu. That day, the soldiers and cowboy guns and the old tricycle, and just about everything else as well, went away to Goodwill, along with all her old clothes. To replace them were more dresses, undies, shoes, three dollies, a dollhouse, a baby buggy to wheel the dolls around in, and a tea-set. And a big, shiny, new pink tricycle! Mom had even gotten her a pretty parasol to attach to the handlebars, as well as a couple of other parasols. Mom was so nice about all this that she couldn't cry much when her old toys went into the Goodwill bag, never to return. Her hair went into curlers right after supper every evening, and did not come down until after lunch, when Mom would then spend at least an hour arranging her curls. This meant she had maybe three or four hours when her hair was neither up nor being fussed with. She could go outside only with a parasol, or a wide hat, and could not go outside the back yard, which had a high fence. She was always dressed in pastel colors, never bright ones, and had an assortment of frilly bonnets she wore over her curlers. Every minute, she had to remember not to make a mess of her clothes or her hair. This was not so hard indoors, where she usually was anyway. She spent hours watching television, drawing, coloring her new colorbooks, playing paper dolls and real dolls, reading funnybooks (she was making more and more sense of these w-o-r-d-s), and having tea parties with her dolls. A few days after the permanent, a strange man in a gray suit with a briefcase came by to see Mom, and she had made sure Lulu was extra-cute for the occasion. He mostly talked with Mom, while Miss Martin kept Lulu out of mischief. After a while, he came to Lulu and asked her some silly questions. Every other one seemed to be whether she was a girl or a boy. By now, she knew she had to be a girl-the man was mighty strange, and she didn't really like the way he talked and talked. As much as she could, she was polite and ladylike, and tried her best to be demure. When he was finally done, the man said to Mom, "Mrs. Evans, I can't imagine that child is a boy. There should be no trouble getting the documents changed. The doctors must have goofed up when she was born." It had been maybe two weeks when Miss Martin came over one day and announced some wonderful news. She had found a new place, she said. Mom got herself all prettied up, and took Lulu's hair down in mid-morning. She then spent well over her usual hour fussing over how Lulu looked, while Miss Martin watched. Mom put Lulu into a longer girdle than usual, which was also tighter as well, and slipped three "petticoats" over her. They spread out tremendously, and rustled loudly whenever Lulu so much as moved a muscle. Then Mom helped her into her best party dress, which she had never worn before, which was all pink lace and ruffles. She wore a white hat with flowers on it, and little white mary-janes, and carried a little pink purse. Miss Martin put Mom and Lulu in her car (it was the first time she had been out for a ride since before the day of the permanent). They drove for what seemed like hours, and stopped at a nice house on the other side of town. It had two front doors; it was what Mom said was a "duplex". Two families could live in it. She was going to have them live in one half, and Miss Martin was going to live in the other. It was huge. The kitchen was big, the living room was big, and there were four bedrooms, each of them bigger than Mom's bedroom at home. One of them was going to be Mom's sewing room, one was going to be Lulu's bedroom, and one was going to be a playroom just for Little Lulu! There were also two bathrooms, one for each of them. The amazing thing was that in just one week, the movers would come, and they would move away from where they were forever! The whole new house would be repainted inside, so it would be all just for girls. Mom was also going to buy a lot of new furniture. Lulu was going to have two rooms that would be the envy of any girl, or so Mom said. After the long excursion, Mom did something very odd. At the very least, it was not in keeping with her routine of how and when she dressed her Lulu. She undressed Lulu immediately after they got home, and put her in a new nightgown. She was then dressed in a pink quilted "housecoat", "just like a grown lady, dearie." She also had new fluffy slippers to wear on her feet. Mom then put her hair up in curlers, in the middle of the afternoon. "Mom, we haven't had supper yet. I thought you curled my hair after supper." "I will curl your hair whenever I feel like it, dear. You are staying inside until we move next week. Your hair is going up in curlers now, and will stay up until we are in our new house. You also will wear nightgowns, housecoats, and slippers from now until then, as well. I will re-roll your hair every day, but up it will stay, and you will stay indoors until we move." "Why, Mom?" "Because I said so. You have been a very good girl today. When you are in a housecoat and slippers, you won't have to worry so much about not messing up your clothes. But I really don't want you outdoors." "Yes, Mom. I will stay indoors." "Good girl." "Della, I hope this move comes off well. I'm keeping Lulu in the house, in rollers and housecoat and slippers, until we go." The two women were sitting up over a late-night TV show. "Don't worry. I don't think anything is going to happen before then." "But you said last night that one of the neighbors had remarked on Jimmy being unseen!" "And I told them he was down the past week with the two-week measles." "What if someone sees Lulu?" "They won't. I suppose keeping her indoors won't hurt, though." "I'm afraid of the stink the neighbors might make if they find out." "The lawyer has gotten the birth certificate changed. Don't worry, Maggie. Legally, she's a girl." "I just don't want any embarrassment. I'd rather just have us out of here. Scottsdale neighborhoods seem to be full of gossip these days." "I suppose you're right. It's funny. I don't expect anything like this in that new neighborhood in Maryvale. The house prices are so cheap over there, and for brand-new houses! The new duplex cost less than either of our houses will sell for! But my measles story last week ought to keep the busybodies away for another week. They don't want their kids exposed!" "Thank you, Della." "You know, Maggie, it's wonderful how you have done with Lulu. She was so precious today! I could have sworn she was a bigger girl than almost-five. Your virtual smothering of her in feminine things is working even better than I thought. She hasn't made any trouble over her hair, has she?" "She has been extra-careful never to mess it up the few hours it's down! She hasn't let out a peep about wearing curlers until today, when I told her she was going to wear them all the time for a while. I think she is getting used to them. After a while, I think, she will think of rollers as the normal state of affairs of her hair, and not the other way 'round." "How about her behavior?" "I haven't seen even the beginnings of a temper tantrum since we permed her! Once in a while she gets a little cross, and usually that's because she's tired. She is really learning 'ladylike', I think. She is such a doll." "Yes, she is a sweet little doll." III. The Beauty Salon The movers arrived on Lulu's fifth day in continuous curlers. At first, they worked in Miss Martin's home, and then in their house. Miss Martin slipped Lulu into her bare house to wait while the movers did their work, driving her from garage to garage in her car. Lulu was still in curlers, bonnet, housecoat, and slippers. "Miss Martin, are we moving tomorrow?" "We are moving tonight, after it is dark. There isn't that much, really, to move from our houses." "Why?" "All your clothes have been packed. You just have what you have on now. We don't want anyone to see you in your curlers, now do we?" "I guess not." "Your mother hasn't said so yet, but she has gotten a lot of brand-new furniture for your new house. It is already there!" "Oh. What will happen tomorrow?" "We will all of us go to the beauty salon in the morning, and something very special will be done to you." "Another permanent?" "No, something else. I can't tell you what; it's a big surprise. But I know you'll love it." "Miss Martin, is the beauty salon like the barber shop?" "Not at all! Not in the slightest! Barber shops are places for noisy, smelly men and rowdy boys. Beauty salons are for beautiful, pleasant, quiet ladies." "But I'm not a lady." "No, not yet, but you are a girl." "If I go to the beauty salon, will I have to be a girl, for always?" "Don't you like being a girl?" "Well, yes, but I miss my soldiers and my cowboy guns." "Little girls don't play with soldiers or guns. You have so many more toys now, and you would never have had dolls or anything else like that if you had stayed a boy. Hasn't it been fun, since we gave you your first permanent?" "Yes, Miss Martin." "Your mother has not yelled at you once since then. And you haven't thrown a single temper tantrum. You were supposed to be a girl, but the doctor made a mistake when you were born. You are the nicest little girl I've ever known. I am so glad that your mother realized this. We have already gone to a great deal of trouble to turn you into what you were always meant to be, a girl." "But if I go to the beauty salon, will I have to stay a girl, always?" "You already have to stay a girl, always. Don't be silly. Going to the beauty salon is something girls and grown women do, just like boys and men go to those awful barbers. Tonight, you will be carried into the new house and put to bed in your new bed. Tomorrow is your birthday, dear, and you will wake up to the most wonderful fifth birthday a girl ever had. Going to the beauty salon is part of your birthday. I assure you, you will love the beauty salon, even more than you always hated going to the barber for a haircut." "Yes, Miss Martin." "Are you a girl, Lulu?" "I am a girl." "That is very good, because you are so pretty!" Lulu went to sleep before it came time to leave, and woke up in a very strange bed. The sun was shining in the window, and everything else was pink. Overhead was a frilled canopy on four posts, and her dolls were set up on what looked like a vanity table like Mom's. She could see several new dresses in the open closet; all of them looking as ruffly as her party dress, in pink, sky blue, beige, lavender, yellow, white, and orange. Mom came in as Lulu sat up in bed. "Happy birthday, dear Lulu! This whole room is part of my little birthday girl's present today. We are going to dress you up and make you gorgeous!" With that, Mom picked Lulu up, carried her into the bathroom, undressed her, and placed her in a tub full of deliciously-scented bubbles. Her hair was still up, and Mom cautioned her to keep her hair out of the water. "I am giving you a grown lady's scented bubble bath. Most little girls don't get to wear perfume like ladies, but you are a very special little girl. From now on, Lulu, you will always be perfumed like a grown woman." Lulu didn't argue; she was overwhelmed by how pretty everything looked and smelled. Mom dressed her in her frilliest pink panties and a special, new girdle. It had straps over her shoulders, an open bottom halfway down her thighs, and nipped her waist in tightly. Over that went a long, narrow slip, four long petticoats, and a huge pink dress that went down almost to her ankles. Mom also put long, pink socks on her feet, and then a pair of pointy-toed shoes. "You must always wear pointed toes, dear. They will shape your feet into a narrow, graceful form. When you are old enough, I will start you on high heels. Eventually, your feet will be just like mine-narrow, pointy-toed, and perfectly formed for a tall heel. I cannot wear lower heels anymore." "Everything is tight, Mom. It's a little hard to move much." "Tight is good for a girl. Tight clothing and shoes, which make it harder to move, will make you much more dainty and demure. Don't you want to be dainty and demure?" "Yes, Mom, I want to be that. Dainty and demure." "Then you must always wear things that are tight on you, that hold you in and restrict you. Demure ladies of all ages adore their girdles. From now on, you will wear girdles like the one you have on now, and you will come to love them, too. Just like you love your curlers." "Curlers are yummy-nice!" "Good girl, Lulu." After breakfast, Mom arranged Lulu's hair, and Miss Martin came over. It was time to go to the beauty salon. It was not a matter of getting in the car, the way they had always had to when Lulu had been subjected to barbering. They simply walked half a block to a pretty, lavender building with purple lace curtains in the front windows. The sign said "SALON OF GRACE"; Little Lulu could now read. The waiting room reminded Lulu of her new bedroom, with all its ruffles and satin and lace. A beautiful lady with her hair done up in a pile of silver curls and a long magenta dress greeted them. She looked like the fairy godmother in the Cinderella book. "How delightful to see you three ladies. I am Grace Dresser, and this is my salon. I have several hairdressers with me, and two of them will do you grown-ups. I will take care of Lulu myself. As I understand things, all three of you will be coming in weekly from now on?" "We certainly will, Miss Dresser," Mom said. "Now, I have all three of you down for just about everything but a permanent today. Bleach to a pale platinum blonde, roller set, facial and makeover, manicure, pedicure, and a complete waxing for the grownups. Everything but the waxing for Lulu. This is going to be lovely!" "Lulu's hair and mine must match exactly, Miss Dresser," said Mom. "Match? Certainly-oh, I see. You want to be thought of as naturally that color, so you want her to look like she got it from you, right?" "That is the idea. And give Lulu a nice big bun in back, why don't you?" "Love to. Now, let's all get started, girls." Two other pretty women came out and led Mom and Miss Martin back into the salon, while Miss Dresser ("But call me Miss Grace, please. Lulu") picked Lulu up and carried her back between two rows of curtained doors to a door in back. Mom and Miss Martin were just going into the booths nearest the front desk as Lulu was carried past. The room was large, and was full of things that Lulu had no name for. However, there was a comfy-looking swivel chair in the center of the room, and next to it was a rack full of a huge number of pink curlers in many sizes. There were mirrors everywhere. It smelled like a mixture of flowers and permanent solution. Miss Grace set Little Lulu atop a big, soft cushion in the swivel chair. "Dear Lulu, I will make you even prettier than you already are. Your mother wishes you to be a glorious blonde, and so you will be when I am done with you. We will be in here until the middle of the afternoon, what with everything scheduled for you. You will have your lunch right in here with me. We will be doing this every week, I think. Is this your first trip to the beauty salon?" "Yes, Miss Grace." "I want you really enjoy this. I understand this is your fifth birthday. This is one of the nicest things women do, is go to the hairdresser." Miss Grace proceeded to unpin Lulu's curls and brush them out. "Now, nobody else is going to see you until we are all done in here. Unlike the rest of the hairdressers, I deal with my ladies one at a time. You are the center of all my attention until we are all finished up. That is such a pretty dress! All those petticoats! And, I hope you don't mind me saying so, a girdle underneath! Your mother must want very much for you to be ladylike and beautiful." "Yes, Miss Grace. She says I must be very dainty and demure." "Do you want to be dainty and demure?" "I think so. Mom has been very nice to me since she started dressing me in a dress and curling my hair." "She hasn't done this long?" "Only since I got a permanent." "Which was only three weeks ago, according to her." "I think it was." "How did she dress you before?" "In pants and a t-shirt." "Oh, dear. Such a pretty little girl, to be stuck in pants!" "Miss Grace, can I tell you a secret? Not tell anyone?" "Little Lulu, my ladies tell me all kinds of secrets. They tell me things they wouldn't tell anyone else, not even their husbands. Sometimes, especially not their husbands. I never tell anybody these things, never. Is this something your mother should not know?" "Mom knows. I don't know she should know you know." "I think I see. Let's tip you back in this chair, and I will shampoo you, and you can tell me your secret." She wrapped a huge plastic cape around Lulu, tipped the chair back, and helped Lulu lay her neck in the notch of the shampoo bowl. "Miss Grace, I used to be a boy. Mom turned me into a girl when she gave me a permanent." "She did? You weren't always a girl?" "No, Miss Grace." "Did you like being a boy?" "I-I dunno. When Dad was around, he was always telling me I shouldn't be a sissy. He was always playing rough. He made me do number one standing up, because he said only girls do that sitting down. He took me to the barber shop for haircuts, and that was awful. But I liked my toy soldiers and my cowboy stuff." "So there were some things that were nice about being a boy, and a lot of things you didn't like?" "Yes." "Do you like being a girl?" "Yes! I love being a girl, now. When Mom gave me the permanent, I thought I wasn't going to like it at all, and she told me that instead of a girl, she would fix me up just like Little Lulu in the funnybooks. Then I really liked being Little Lulu, and Mom said that Little Lulu was really a girl, and what I really should be is a girl. It's funny. I didn't want to be a girl at first, but now I love being a girl. And Mom says I am going to grow up to be a beautiful lady. I want to be a beautiful lady when I grow up." "Do you want to go back to being a boy?" "No! Please, Miss Grace, don't turn me into a boy." "It sounds like your mother knows exactly what is best for you. She has done this because she loves you very much. So, I have a suggestion for you. You ought to work very hard at being a girl. Be as dainty and demure as you can be, and never, ever mention to your mother that you ever were a boy, or ever want to do anything like what boys do. I will help you as much as I can. But I have another suggestion, too." "What is that, Miss Grace?" "You, yourself, must never forget you were once a boy. At least, remember the nice things about being a boy, and treasure them in your heart. Don't tell your mom about any of this, because it would only upset her. You will grow up having something most women don't have. And it may be important to you someday to have known what it is like to be a boy. You don't want to lose this." "Can I talk to you about this, later?" "You certainly may. I am your hairdresser, and you may tell me anything you want to. I will be your hairdresser for a long time to come, I think. Now, I am going to work hard on making you the prettiest blonde girl in the neighborhood." "Really?" "Really. Now, Lulu, since you were once a boy, you must always make extra efforts to be beautiful and ladylike. I am going to be pushing you harder to do that than even your mother. I will make you the fairest little flower in the neighborhood, and I will work to keep you that way. Your mother has made an excellent start, dressing you as she does, and putting you in a girdle long before most girls wear them. She is also, I see, having your toes pointed." "She wants me to wear high heels all the time someday. She says she can't wear anything else, now." "I, too, wear high heels. I have done so since I was a teenage girl. If I do not have at least four inches of heel under me, I am quite uncomfortable, and have trouble walking. If everything goes right, you will be that way by the time you grow up. And you will have a pretty little waist like mine." "Is that from girdles?" "No, it is from corsets." "Are corsets like girdles?" "Something like girdles, only more so. Would you like to see what a corset looks like?" "Yes, Miss Grace." "Once I have finished shampooing you, I will be delighted to show you." At that point, Miss Grace rinsed Lulu's hair out for the second time, and wrapped her hair up in a towel. Drying her hands, she deftly reached behind her back to undo the buttons on her dress, and slipped out of it and the slip and petticoats underneath. From her bra cups to her hips, she was encased in sturdy, white canvas. Her waist was nipped in to a very small size. Miss Grace turned around so that Lulu could see the lacing up the back. "This is a corset, Lulu. In it, my waist is only eighteen inches around. Without it, I am twenty-two inches. Someday, perhaps, you will also wear one of these." "I would love to, Miss Grace." "You will have to wait until you are a little older. Say, when you first start school. Until then, you should wear girdles, tight ones, all the time. Do you mind if I speak to your mother about this?" "Please do, Miss Grace." "The girdle you are wearing may be the stiffest one you have ever worn, but it is a bare minimum. Hmmmm. Perhaps you shouldn't wait all that long, come to think of it. I do know a wonderful corsettiere, and she would love to work on a little girl like you. Now, Lulu, corsets are very stiff, and you will never be able to move well in them. But if we start you this young in them, you will never have to worry about keeping a tiny waist. You will grow up with a tiny waist to start with. And I will also help your mother get you some delightfully narrow, pointy-toed shoes to wear and to mold your little feet." "Does it take all this to become a lady?" "It does, to become the right kind of lady, dearie. And you do want to grow up to be the right kind of lady, don't you?" "Yes, Miss Grace." At this point, Grace was putting her clothes back on. "That is very good, because I am going to make a proper lady of you. And we will have such fun together doing it!" With this, Grace began working a smelly paste into Lulu's hair. Hours later, after much more chatter about things ladies wore, and what little girls (especially girls like Lulu) ought to wear to make themselves grow up to be fine ladies, Grace was finishing up on Little Lulu. She did not look at all like the girl in the comic books. Her face was fully made up, with lipstick, mascara, eye shadow, rouge, everything. Grace had even tweezed Lulu's eyebrows to an exceedingly narrow arch, and pencilled them in. Lulu's hair was the palest of yellows, almost white. It swept up in a couple of inches of smooth bubble, and was brought back into an enormous bun, high in back. Little Lulu looked like a lady!