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Savannah by Janet L. Stickney He stood in front of the headstone, tears in his eyes, remembering as the sunlight filtered through the leaves of the huge oak trees, littering the ground with pinpoints of moving light as it weaved it's way downward, splashing bright colors as it reflected off of the headstones. A chirping made his eyes wander to the treetops, and he watched as a huge robin landed on the headstone and looked at him; the bird thrust out his red plumage and cocked his head at the stranger. There was no fear on the part of the robin because it knew the strangers could not fly, but the man saw the way the bird looked at him. They stared at each other for a moment, then the bird flew into one of the huge oaks, returning a few seconds later. As the slight breeze ruffled his hair and the bird looked at him, he knew it was time to put his anger and hurt away and go on with life. He left the flowers on the grave and started to walk away when the robin started to chirp. He looked at the bird and saw the rhythmic nodding of its head, as if the bird was telling him it was all right to have a life beyond the anger he felt. The house felt empty now that Michelle and Beth were gone, only the ghosts of them, still vivid in his memory, remained. The silence of the house was like a hammer against his psyche as he sat and looked at the picture of his wife and daughter on the wall. They were taken away from him by a simple accident, leaving him without the will to go on. He had struggled with their deaths for a month now, and no matter how hard he tried, he simply could not find a reason to do more than drink and visit the graves. It was his sister Audrey that brought him to life, and gave him the reason he needed to go on. He was just 22, while Audrey was five years older than he was. She was an elfin bit of a woman, not more than 105 pounds, even after dinner. He and his sister had been close when they were younger, Audrey almost like a second mother to him. "This is doing you no good at all Jimmy and you know it. Go back to work and throw yourself into it until you get over it. Sell the house and get a condo somewhere! All drinking does is make you sick and it doesn't bring them back." She was right of course, and he knew it. He hugged her to him, trying to absorb some of her strength, trying to forget the terrible nightmare he was living through. At her insistence, he went to stay with her for a few days. Audrey had two kids, both of them just children, without the cares of older kids. Tom was 5 while Sara was 4. He settled into the spare bedroom, and went out to the pool to try and relax. Sara came over and climbed into his lap, just like she had done when she was a child, wrapped her arms around his neck and just lay there against him. His arm, unbidden, went to her hair and he stroked her, just he always did. "I miss them too Uncle Jim; but now you have me!" He held her tightly to his chest, soaking up the tenderness she offered him. Audrey saw it, and decided that Sara was just the answer to his pain, and left them alone. He took the kids to the park the next day, and because a carnival was in town, Audrey asked him to take the kids for the day. The bright streamers and raucous music wafted to them on the slight breeze as they walked across the street from the parking lot. The scent of hot popcorn, caramel apples and beer joined together, signaling to everyone that a good time was available. Balloons floated in the air while clowns walked along making small animals for the kids as they squealed with delight. He let them have some popcorn and a soda, and they walked along the midway towards the rides. The crowd was smiling, almost as one, and Jim began to smile whenever Tom or Sara laughed. It was a relief to not think of his missing family for a while and he soaked up the children's laughter as soon as he heard it. Sara and Tom were on a ride, twirling around to the sounds of an organ when he spied the man. He was sitting at a table, drinking a beer, his wife close by, sucking on a cigarette while talking. The bobbing of the cigarette somehow infuriated him. Both of them acted as if nothing had happened. Like he had not stolen his future away from him. He heard the ride come to a halt and the giggle of Sara as she ran up and held his hand. Tom, more subdued, yet just as excited, wanted to try some other rides, and he reluctantly let them lead him away from the man and his wife. He never saw them again that day, but he knew that the man had no remorse for what he had done to him, none at all. The warm, moist air drifted across him as he lay sleeping, drawing him out of his deep sleep. The early morning mist shrouded the yard and he could smell the sweet scent of lilacs and the nearby coastal waters, and as he lay there, sweat forming on his lips, he knew that he could never rest until the man had paid for what he had done. Jim, like all of us, had an evil streak inside that was tempered only by his moral code and the law. Now, he planned to step aside and let the evil take charge. He arose and stepped into the cool shower, letting the water wash away any remnant of concern as he started to plan his attack on the man and his wife. At only 5'7" and 140 pounds I was in no shape to take the man on physically, but emotionally, I could make the man a wreck, and that is exactly what I decided to do. With renewed vigor, I pulled on some shorts and a shirt, put my sneakers on, and went to my car. The drive took less than thirty minutes and I parked down the street from the man's house, under a moss laden tree, and waited. I had no clear plan as yet, but hoped to have one soon, and gathering information seemed to be the best way to formulate one. Just after sunrise I saw the woman leave the house, then twenty minutes later, the man left in his brand new car. It was just like the one he was driving when he killed my family. Following behind, I watched as the man pulled into a small bar. An hour later he pulled out and drove to his job. He worked in a small office next to a machine shop located in an area that was beginning to show signs of wear. It was a commercial area populated with a lot of small shops, body shops, machine shops, and so on. At the end of the street was the bar, he had stopped at. Nino's the sign said in bright red neon. I drove back to Audrey's house, packed up, and thanked her for letting me stay there. "You have that look in your eye Jimmy, just what are you planning?" I said nothing, yet my slow but growing smile told her that whatever it was, it was probably illegal, and more, it was aimed at relieving my pain. "Listen Jimmy, I know that look, and whatever you're doing, talk to me first...please!" I simply nodded my head yes, gave her a hug, and left for home. The house was still silent, but now, I did not hear the muted voices of laughter and love. Instead, I heard the loud voices of hate and revenge, and let the dark forces guide me. I sat in his chair, the one my wife had bought just for me, and in the dark silence, I let my mind wander. The door opened quickly and there was no place to hide. I stood there, rooted to the spot, completely dressed in her clothes. Audrey shut the door and looked at me, her brother. I looked like a clown in those clothes; they were way to big for me and draped from my body, hiding my shape, but not my shame. Like a bad paint job, my makeup was juvenile at best, and adding to this, my short hair did nothing to hide the fact that I was obviously a boy. Neither of us said a word as I started to cower towards a corner, but Audrey wasn't about to let that happen and dragged me to the center of the room. "I still have my clothes from when I was your age Jimmy, let me get them for you." What happened next totally shocked me. Under her guidance, I took off all of the clothes, washed my face, and with only a towel for protection, let her dress me again. This time, the girl in my dreams came to life, a real live girl. In a swirl of perfume scented clothes and the deft fingers of my sister, I was transformed into the 12 year old girl I wanted to become. She had started with pink panties that had some white lace trim, then a training bra stuffed with old socks. Over that came a ruffled white slip, then the dress, which was all blue with a white bib collar. On his feet my wore white socks and white Maryjanes. On my head she had used an old hairpiece to make me look like a young girl, and on my mouth I had the taste of the pink lipstick. I stood in front of the mirror, smiling at the reflection, twirling around, making the dress fill out and then, settle against my legs. Audrey had taken my hand and led me out of her bedroom and out on the patio. It was my first time out of the house dressed as a girl, and even though they never left the yard, I was sweating hard, my innate fear of discovery still very much with me. Over the next few years, as I got older, Audrey and I would play dress up, and by the time she got married, I was quite able to dress as a young, teenage girl, and not be detected by anyone. When I met Michelle in high school, I had stopped dressing up, and not once since then had I even thought about it. Now, with my anger driving me, and my dark desire for revenge so strong, my dream girl, Jill, once again popped into my mind, coming alive and wrapping her arms around me in a tight embrace. It had been a long time since I had dressed as a girl, and I no longer had any clothes of my own. All I had were those of my wife. I knew that she was a bit smaller than I was, but we were the same height, so I went to the catalog to see just how much different we were. It looked hopeless as I thumbed through the catalog, but after taking some careful measurements, I found that I could wear her clothes if I could lose about twenty pounds, and then wore the right undergarments. I had taken the first step, now all I had to do was take the second. I needed a plan before I went any further, a plan that would be as flawless as possible, so I did not end up in jail. So, each morning I followed the man to work, seeing the man stop after work at Nino's bar before he went home. At night, in the privacy of my home, I began to try on my wife's clothes, noting those that I could wear with minimal alterations to myself or the clothes, and those that would require more changes. It took me almost two weeks to prepare, two long weeks in which I wondered many times, if I was doing the right thing, but driven by a hatred for the man that had stolen my family away. Using the catalog as a road map, I managed to take my own measurements, writing them down carefully, comparing them to the list I had of her clothes. Michelle wore a size ten, a 36 'B' bra, with a 24 inch waist, something I did not have. At best, my waist was 27, but I was pretty sure that I could manage 24 with a corset of some kind. I was sitting, surrounded by all of my notes, the catalogs strewn around the room like just so much paper when I heard the doorbell ring. Looking out, I saw Audrey standing there, a very determined look on her face. I wrapped a robe around myself to hide the panties I had on, and let her in. In less than a second she had scanned the room, seen all of the catalogs, and knew that I was once again going to become Jill. The only question in her mind was not 'why', but when. I watched her as she looked at the open pages of the catalogs, then scooping them up, looking at my notes. In them she found the reason I was doing this. "You're going after the guy that killed Michelle and Beth aren't you?" It was less a question than it was a statement, but, it was true, and I nodded my head yes. "As a woman?" Again, another nod of the head yes. "Why don't you tell me all about this little adventure of yours Jim." I sat back and looked at my sister, my only surviving relative, and felt the love I had for her swelling in my chest. I outlined the plan for her as she listened to it carefully, without saying a word. When I was done, she pointed out several of the flaws in my plan, then suggested that if I wanted to do this, then maybe I should do it right. "Living as a woman is not going to be as easy as you think Jimmy, but if you insist that this is the way to get even, then I think that before you even consider going after this guy, that you live as a woman for a while. That way you can become used to the clothes and ways of women a little bit better!" I was shaken by her seemingly easy acceptance. "You agree with me? Usually you and I are on the opposite sides of things!" Without even a pause, she spoke up in that quiet, yet firm voice of hers. "No, I do not agree with you Jimmy, but I know that no matter what I think, or say, you'll probably do this anyway, so I would rather be on the inside helping you out rather than on the outside trying to get you out of jail. If you let me, I think together we can recreate Jill, as a mature, beautiful young woman." I looked at her for some sign that she didn't mean it, but I knew that she did, her eyes said it. "Okay Audrey, we'll do it your way." "I'll be by in the morning and we'll take those measurements again; then we'll go see a friend of mine from school." We sat and looked at each other for a moment, then Audrey spoke up. "This man is what, 25?" I nodded his head yes, and said, "That's why I think becoming a woman will be the answer Audrey. He's close enough to my age to make it work." "His wife?" "Marianne. She is a spoiled little girl and always has been, and like him, she drinks, so I plan to hit him when he's out of it." "You'll have to be perfect Jimmy, one slip up and he'll only tear your head off if your lucky." I nodded my head in understanding, and she hugged me tightly just before she left. The specter of what I was about to do, and all of the things that could go wrong invaded my dreams that night, and as I tossed and turned in the night, the forces of darkness came again. They calmed my fears, chasing my common sense away with merely a puff of a cold angry thought. I awoke as the early rays of the morning sun slid through the cracks in the blinds, making a zebra like pattern on the floor. Standing in the shower I wondered who my sister's friend was, and just how she could help me, but I was determined, and after I dressed and made coffee, I went over his notes once again. Audrey showed up at 9, and we drove to see her friend. It was a small, one story building, red brick clad in ivy crawling up the side of the building, located behind a swirl of iron fencing and half hidden by the phalanx of palmetto trees in front. Audrey led the way in, and as soon as I stepped into the building my nose was assaulted with the sharp sting of medical smells. Ether and iodine, floor wax and soft music combining to raise my sense of unease. "Is your friend a doctor Audrey?" "Yes, but she's one of the best. I talked to her on the phone and she has agreed to listen to you so you can explain why you need to become a woman." I merely nodded my head yes, and followed her into the office of Dr. Laura Betz. Dr. Betz was a short dumpy blonde, and her brisk manner told me that she was all business. In her office, at Audrey's insistence, I told her about the accident and what had happened. "I have followed this guy around for a long time, and the only way to get to him, other than simply shooting him, is if I become a woman and take away his freedom that way. Audrey said that you could help me, and that's why I'm here." The doctor sat back in her chair and looked at me, saw the grim look etched on my face and somehow knew that I meant every word I had said. Then she launched into a series of questions that lasted for almost two hours, and went back to my childhood, including the times I had dressed as a girl when I was younger. She focused, I noticed, on that portion of my life, making her questions sharper and dug deeper trying to make sure that I could cope with the changes I needed done. I sank into the chair, tired from all of the questions, afraid that the doctor would say no, but also, scared that she might agree to help me. "Okay Jim, I'll help you, but some of the changes are permanent, and cannot be reversed, and even then it will be hard for you to become a man again. Are you prepared for that?" "Like what?" I asked. She carefully outlined the changes that would have to take place for me to be successful in my presentation as a female, in every way possible. She told me, in excruciating detail, what would happen. In the end, scared at what I had heard, but driven for justice, I agreed, and she asked me to stay. "I'll take him home later Audrey, right now he and I have a lot of work to do." She gave me the most complete, and embarrassing, physical I had ever had, then, leaving me naked on the table while she drew blood. "This is a complete clinic, with a small operating room and three private rooms. Now I know you're nervous, but I studied in some of the best schools around the country. Columbia, U of M, and in Colorado. Since this takes a while, we might as well start now. Can you be gone for a week?" "Yes, as a matter of fact I can!" "Good! Now just lay back and relax." "You better call Audrey and tell her or she'll worry." "I will, don't worry." Then she gave me a shot that made me numb from the neck down. I saw her reach for a scalpel, then her hand as it lowered to my groin, and I began to have second thoughts. But it was too late for that, as the doctor had sliced into me and made an opening ten centimeters long just above my penis. While she was operating, she told me, "I studied under the best doctors in the business Jim, and I have done this many times, so I can guarantee that nobody who isn't a doctor will be able tell. In fact, I'll show you some pictures of some of my clients that have made the transition from male to female some time." I knew she was good or my sister would not have brought me here to see her. "Funny thing is, I can make an average guy look beautiful by any standard, and here I am, short and plump, if you're polite, a natural born female, and everyone of my clients look better than I do when I'm done!" Even semi awake I could hear the bitterness creeping into her voice, and hoped she would not let it affect her ability while she worked on me! "Maybe a little aerobics would help" I ventured. "I tried that, but everyone is so slim, and they all seem to think they are so much better than I am. Besides, I don't have a partner." "I'll be your partner Laura. I'll have to go to the classes at least twice a week to get my weight down and maintain it anyway, so why not join me?" "Maybe I will!" Eight hours later I was taken to the recovery room and allowed to sleep it off. When I woke, I was sore everywhere, with bandages from my neck to my waist. Laura came in and checked on me regularly, then, on the second day I was there, she at last helped me to my feet. I was wobbly and sore, felt half drunk, and just wanted to lay back down, but she insisted, and wearing one of those thin robes that open up the back, I made my way the bathroom. I was too tired and sore to stand, so I sat and let nature take over, but now, as I heard the stream hit the bowl I knew that Laura had made the changes. Once she had me back in my bed, she went over every aspect of feminine hygiene with me, then called Audrey, talked for a moment, then left me alone. The pain started two hours after she had left, but after I took some of the pills she had given me, I was feeling fine in a numb sort of way. It was the first time she had seen me since Laura had operated on me, and she was stunned at the changes. My face was swollen and red, even black and blue in a few small spots, I was bent at the waist a bit from the pain of having breast implants and yet, I know that she saw my eyes glinting in excitement. I got up from the chair, stood up straight and faced my sister, letting her absorb the new look I now had. "It looks like Laura did what she said she could do Jimmy, or should I say, Jill?" "Better make it Jill now Audrey, I don't think Jimmy fits any more!" She laughed and sat at the table with me. She wanted the details, and I told her what Laura had done for me. "I have to take the hormones, one pill every day, but she said it will reduce my body hair and let me grow my own breasts and have wider hips naturally. Right now I have implants, but she told me that within maybe six months or so she'll take them out. I have a 36-24-36 figure right now, and that's exactly what I hoped to have when she was done. But the worst was that laser. Smelled terrible! Like burning hair, but I don't have to shave any more!" She heard the elation and the fear in my voice even as I spoke about the changes. Audrey knew that taking hormones would change me forever, making me into more of a woman than even she admitted. But she knew that I was committed, so all she could do was to be there to help me climb the mountain of obstacles I faced. My quest for revenge had taken a turn from which there was no turning back. Jim, her brother, was gone. In his place was Jill. Still family, but new, like a bride they all had to accept, simply because she was now family. There was nothing she could do until I had healed up, so Audrey went home, leaving me to cope with my pain, and get used to my new body. The morning brought an urge to use the bathroom, and I managed to make my way there, and standing in front of the stool I reached for it, and it was gone! I remembered what had happened of course, it was just a lifetime reflex. I sat down, and once I was done, I stood in the shower until the hot water ran out. I had made a check of my new body, unable to see it of course, but my fingers told me that I now had a very realistic vagina and that it probably looked like the real thing. My boobs however did look very real! They hung with a slight sag, but they were full, round, and soft, just like a woman's would be. I hefted one in each hand until the ache of the stitches started to hurt. In my room I carefully slipped on some panties and the soft sports bra that Laura had given me, drew on my robe, then ambled out of the room and into Laura's office. Having boobs sticking out in front was different, not at all like I remembered from my youth, but then, they had been only socks, and I could take them out, these, I would have for a long time. When I walked it must have been like watching a very old person, the dull ache surrounded my pain center like a fog, and unless I took one of the pills I found no relief from the constant throb of pain. But I did not like to take pills unless I absolutely had to, so I braved it out, for another twenty minutes. "I'm going to let you go home Jill, but first I have a suggestion. I have a friend that I work with once in a while, and I would like you to meet him. Today is Monday. Why don't I set it up for Friday morning; that will give you some more time to heal up." "Okay Laura, thanks." Audrey arrived, and took me home, made sure I was okay, and left. I looked like a walking pile of pain and bandages, but Audrey knew that in a few days I would be healed up and I would feel a lot better about myself. Somehow, dealing with my new body shape seemed easy, but I knew that it was going to be hard, very hard, to relearn how to do many things, like react to people as a woman rather than a man. Things like being coy, or shy, reacting to a man that was flirting with me, seemed harder to think about than just wearing the clothes or learning new mannerisms. Still, I knew that I had to do it, if only to find some kind of peace with myself. In my room I looked at my reflection again, the brand new breasts, so firm, yet so tender and soft, pliable and sexy all at once. My hand found the nipple on my right breast, and as I touched it, I wondered if I could let someone else do the very same thing. My hand, curious like I was, slid down, and found the newness of my shape, my finger tracing the thin shape of the small slit that defined my new sex. I let her finger slide in up to the first knuckle where it stopped, knowing that nothing could go any further; I was not a female, just a man with a mission. The next morning, as I sat at the kitchen table, I heard Audrey come in. I rarely watched television any more, preferring to listen to the classics, and as the strains of Beethoven's Fifth symphony filled the house, my inner voice told me that I was doing the right thing, and I only had to accept the changes that had taken place. With a sigh, I reached for the panties and pulled them on, then the sports bra, some shorts, a T-shirt, and my tennis shoes. In the kitchen I joined Audrey, poured some coffee and started breakfast. "So, tell me what has Laura done Jill. How did she make the changes?" Smiling, I told her. "She used Liposuction to take the fat from my waist and made my hips and butt rounder, my thighs just a bit larger, then saline implants for breasts. She said they are about a 'A+', but by taking the hormones I'll probably be as big as you are now. She managed to create a very realistic vagina without removing my manhood, and it's so good that I don't think anyone but a doctor could tell! Then she used a laser to remove my beard down to my collarbone. She wants me to see a friend of hers on Friday. She didn't say why, but if she wants me to I will." "Well, you might as well go for it now Jill, or give it up." "I can't Audrey." When Audrey left she became scared for Jill all over again. The firm determination in Jill's voice gave no sign of abating, and Audrey wondered if Jill could find peace in revenge. Like they said in one of the Star Trek movies, "Revenge is a dish best served cold", but Jill still carried the heat of her anger like a badge of honor. She could only hope that the bright light of her anger would not blind Jill. I spent the next few days lounging around the house, until at last I went to see Dr. Betz and have my stitches taken out. Laura examined me very carefully before she removed the stitches, and when she was done she told me I was free to do as I wished, but that I might want to have one other surgery done. "That friend I mentioned is here Jill. He is a specialist, a plastic surgeon. I think that you should have slightly different, more feminine look, and he is just the person to help you. He's in my office if you would like to see him Jill." With nothing to lose by listening, I agreed and once we had entered her office, I met Dr. Gregory Hassan. He was tall with piercing chocolate brown eyes under a mop of unruly, curly black hair. His chin looked like it was sculptured from marble and his crocked smile was warm. He wore a tailored gray suit and black shoes, his gold watch hinting from his sleeve as he extended his hand to her. "Ms. Grant, how nice to meet you." His voice was deep, but had a soft, melodic quality. "May I?" I nodded her head yes, and he took my chin in his hand and felt my nose and cheekbones, then, my throat. "This man you are after, he has seen you?" "Of course. Twice in court and once when I accepted the settlement." "Then he knows you by sight of course. In your heart, do you think that becoming a woman will let you do what needs to be done?" His question confused me, then, as I watched, he put some pictures on the desk. "Can you match them up?" There were equal numbers of men and women. His test was easy, and I managed to correctly match the men and women as the same person. "If you can do it, can your man do it as well?" "I suppose he can! I never thought of that!" "I can help you if you like; and, I will do it for free." "Why free doctor?" He told her. "This man's wife is the daughter of a very well to do man who owns a lot of real estate, most of it on the East Side. My parents had a small store there until this man raised the rents so high they had quit. That store is now a video arcade while my brother and I support our parents. This man has no remorse, no compassion for people, only money. When my friend Laura came to me and told me about you I had to offer my services, and those of my brother. He is a lawyer by the way. But there is one small suggestion if I may. You have targeted a certain person, but I might suggest that you look further, to the son, and grandson. If he were the target you would satisfy many objectives at one time." "His son!? You want me to go after the son? "Of course!" "But that is kidnapping, a Federal offense I might add, and they always get the kidnapper!" "True, but a kidnapping infers a ransom, and of course there won't be one, and that gives all of us time to do what we must and let the child go before they find us." "I'm very uncomfortable with this doctor, and I'm not sure I could do that to a child. The mother maybe, but not the child." "Of course! The mother, and the daughter of the man who ruined my parents!" "But" I said, "using her, not hurting her. We use her to get to her husband, let her give the okay, and in effect ruin her life and her entire family at the same time!" We all agreed, and then he went on to describe the changes he could make to my face. "When I am done you will be beautiful beyond compare Ms. Grant!" I was concerned over his apparent lack of concern for the child, but because Laura had recommended him so highly I made the appointment for the next day, and left the office. The doctor was right of course, about how he could make me look, and after he made some minor changes to my face, I was indeed beautiful. A month after I had first let Laura operate on me, I was now an entirely different person, in looks, and in my mind. As the days went by, I became used to the needs of my body and learned how to take care of myself. I found out why women take so long in the bathroom as well. It was unlike being a male where I could quickly relive myself. Now, I had to almost undress to find relief, and then redo my look so as to not look so disheveled. As I became accustomed to my new body, I also became more aware of the clothes, and how to wear them. Now, it was automatic to put on a bra and clean panties, brush out my hair, and do some makeup in the morning, even before I slipped on some clothes. My sister Audrey had visited every day and seen the changes take place, and even as I became more and more feminine, she grew more and more apprehensive about what I wanted to do no matter how good my intentions. "You and I know that you mean to do this Jill, but hate is a bitter substitute for the love you had for your family. I'm afraid for you, very afraid." "I have to do this Audrey, this same guy just had another accident yesterday. He hit a bus of all things! Fortunately it was empty, but it only shows that I have to do this. He needs to learn a lesson, and I want to be the one to give it to him." Audrey could see for herself that the swelling had gone down, and I looked strikingly like a popular actress of the fifties in both her body and face. But I was driven by the consuming hatred I had for a single man, and no matter what, I was going ahead with my plan. With a sigh, Audrey told me that since I was her sister, family, she could not let me do this alone, so she offered to help me with the clothes, makeup and hair. "You've been at this for a month now and even though you look like a woman, you need someone to help you go the rest of the way Jill, and it has to be me! I insist" "Okay sis, I'm yours." So far all I had worn were basic clothes like a bra and panties, shorts or a simple dress. Audrey told her that I should at least buy some panties of my own for sanitary reasons. "You can afford it Jill, so let me help you get dressed and we can go shopping for a few things." I nodded my head yes and we went to my bedroom. "You'll have to wear what you have for now, but let's start on makeup." Michelle's makeup was still there, but most of it was old, and wrong for my coloring, so I ended up wearing just lipstick and a bit of eyeshadow. Audrey wanted me to get used to more than just wearing a skirt, so after I managed to get the pantyhose on after struggling with them for a bit, I slipped on the short black skirt. I zipped it up and took the blouse that Audrey had in her hand. "Sit here" she said as I finished buttoning up the blouse. With a curling iron and some hairspray she created a modestly feminine hairdo for me. "It's not perfect, but it'll do for now. Get your shoes and a purse." Once I was ready, Audrey drove us to the mall, and on the way over, Audrey told me take shorter steps. "Walk beside me and take a step when I do. That way you'll see how long your step has to be; and hold your elbows closer to your body with your arms bent outward, or to the front." I nodded my head in understanding, and nervously made my first real appearance in public. What I noticed right away was the way some of the men looked at me. "You'll get used to it Jill, we all do. Men are so visual that they always look at women that way." I knew that I looked like a woman, but my inbred fear of discovery kept rising into my throat. Audrey knew it, but also knew that I would have to conquer that fear on my own and said nothing. "Let's go in here Jill", and I was steered into the salon. Once inside, I smelled the scent of many different solutions, most of them known only to the operators, and crinkled my nose. Debbie was free, and once I was settled into the chair, Audrey left. "This your first time?" I wondered if she knew about me, but of course, that was impossible. Debbie meant my first time in that salon. "Yes, and I don't have a clue what I want done." "Let me make a few suggestions" Debbie offered, and I agreed with every one of them and Debbie went to work on me. I sat through it, not sure how I would look, trusting that Debbie knew what she was doing. My hair was washed, clipped, snipped, rolled, and some foul smelling solutions were used. Once that was done and I was under a dryer, another girl came over and started on my nails. While my fingers were not as slim as most women's, and my nails more square, like a man's, the girl doing my nails said nothing as she filed and trimmed them before she added acrylic extensions. Once she was happy with the length, she painted them a soft reddish pink and added two coats of hardner and a top coat. With my nails still wet, Debbie began to take the rollers out and brush out my hair, making a very nice career style pageboy. my hair hung in curls down the back, curling around my ears in gentle waves of soft brown tinted with auburn highlights. My bangs were down to my eyebrows and swept to one side. As I looked in the mirror I saw not the mouse brown hair I started with, but the glint of red in her hair. My green eyes smiled at the reflection, because for the first time I thought I had an even chance. When Audrey returned she expected to see some changes, but Jill was stunning! By the smile on my face, I knew it too, and felt it as well. Now, the small changes to my face that Dr. Hassan had made became clearer. The small cleft in my chin was gone, and my nose was cute, a small button that sat between my now higher cheekbones. I looked like a young Maureen O'Hare, including the red tint in my hair! Audrey's brother, once just an average looking guy, had become a beautiful woman by any standard! Now all I had to do was learn how to be a woman. From there we went shopping, buying panties, three new bras, some pantyhose, and because Michelle was a flannel kind of girl and I wasn't, some racy nightgowns. Then I had her makeup done by a professional, buying some of everything the woman had used. Audrey dropped me off at home and returned to her family, leaving me to try on clothes that would now, not only fit me, but also accent my beauty. Michelle had been a beautiful woman, but her taste in clothes had not been towards the sexy side, which had never bothered me, but now, as Jill, I needed something to make a definite impression on someone. As I looked in the closet, I found only two that might work, and I tried them both on. One was an angora sweater that came to just under my boobs when I had it on. With a short skirt, it would work fine. The other was a red party dress. It was a sheath style dress with spaghetti straps, a short hemline, and a slit up the side. I tried them both on and came to the conclusion that I now understood why Michelle wore the red dress so rarely! It hung from my shoulders, the thin straps holding up the front which settled half way down on my breasts, showing a lot of cleavage, enough to make me feel cheap all of a sudden. The hem hit me at mid thigh while the slit went almost to my butt. It was a sexy dress and fit me perfectly, but somehow, for an afternoon encounter it was wrong, so I put on the angora top and a short black mini skirt instead. My shoes, black patent leather with spike heels hiked me up in the air and made my legs shapely while pushing out my bottom at the same time. I changed my lipstick to a deep red, added some perfume, and left for the drive to Nino's Bar and Grill. I parked the car and walked towards the door, afraid, and compelled all at once. Opening the door I walked into the darkened bar, the dim light shedding an eerie glow on the few patrons, all men, who were already there. As I walked to the bar and hoisted myself up and onto a stool, I could actually feel every eye in the place on me. A palpable sense of lechery invaded, making me uneasy. Once my drink was in front of me, I turned to look around. Shiny eyes looked back at me out of the gloom with smiles from the men that certainly invited me to join them. No words were spoken, but I knew, all women know. Shuddering at the thought of it, I turned back and sipped my drink. Twenty minutes later my target came in. I watched him in the mirror as he walked behind me and to a stool down the bar a bit. He flashed his best smile at me, and I smiled back while at the same time, letting my skirt rise up a little. He was watching me as I ignored him with my eyes, all the while tempting him with my body. "Hi there! "My name is Jeff Benson, what's yours?" I looked at him before I spoke. He was handsome, and I could see in his eyes the hope of conquest. "Hi yourself. My name is Jill." "We don't see many women like you in here Jill, what brings you here today?" "What kind of woman do you think I am Jeff?" My question threw him off a bit, but he recovered nicely when he told me that he meant beautiful. "I was in the area and got thirsty, that's all." He made an effort to get me to sit in a booth with him, but I told him I had to leave. "Maybe I'll see you again Jeff, but right now I have an appointment. Bye!" I left, making sure that with every step I took my hips were swaying, all the way to the door. Once I was in the bright daylight, I quickly got into my car and went home, feeling like I needed a shower. Collecting the mail, I saw a letter from Benjamin L. Hassan, attorney at law. Tearing open the letter, I quickly read it. It was an invitation for me to meet with him at my earliest convenience, so that he might help me in any way possible. Smiling, I called his office and made an appointment for the next morning at ten. Then I changed into some jeans, started up the CD player, and as Midnight Serenade started to play, I went to he kitchen to make some dinner. In the morning I got ready for my appointment, selecting a suit from Michelle's, or rather, my, wardrobe. I took a shower, patting myself with powder when I was done, then sat at the vanity and did my makeup. This time, I managed to do it right, my skills driven by desire not practice. My foundation was light, since I no longer had a beard to cover, my eyeshadow muted in colors of green and gray. The eyeliner was a deep black both above and under each eye. My mascara just enough to give them body but not look cheap. On my cheeks I used a soft coral blusher, blending it with a small sponge. Then I went to my dresser and retrieved panties which I slipped on, then my peach bra, which was thin, and let my nipples poke against the material. I liked the look, so I fastened the front hook and 'fluffed' my boobs so that they were held tightly, yet looked as if they filled the cups. Pantyhose, then the blouse, an off white silk, it had a lace insert in front that showed just a hint of my cleavage. I buttoned the high rise collar, and stepped into the pink skirt. It was cut straight and fell just above my knees. The jacket, when it was buttoned accented my now narrow waist, the gold and white pin on the jacket drawing ones eye to my breasts. Smiling, I slipped my feet into the white heels, and put the gold and white earrings on, then a gold watch on my left wrist and a gold bracelet on my right. Obsession perfume, a gift from before the accident sat on the vanity, and I took it in my hand and put some on my neck, elbows and wrists. Pink lipstick, complementing my look was added, and I changed my things to a white purse. I was escorted into his office, and immediately I knew that he was a very successful man. The rich wood paneling and deep maroon leather chairs gave way to the many bright flowers scattered around the office. Benjamin Hassan was older than his brother by at least ten years. Like his brother, he was also tall, a robust looking man with a short fringe of gray hair and deep black eyes that seemed to smile for him. He shared the same olive colored skin and enchanting smile of his brother. "Ms. Grant! How nice to meet you at last. Allow me to introduce my parents. He motioned across the room, and I saw them. The man stood up, slightly bent with age, but proud, still looking strong. He had a full head of hair that was all white, a moustache that was going white, and the same smile that his sons shared. He gave a small bow with his head, and rested his hand on his wife's shoulder. She wore the traditional dress of the Middle East, and her eyes, like her sons, seemed to dance in the light. I saw the careworn wrinkles around their eyes, the gnarled hands of his father and the gentle smile of his mother. "I know it seems like a cheap way to approach this, but Greg said that maybe you should meet our parents." He walked over to his parents and stood beside them. "This is my father, Ibriham Hassan, and my mother, Petra." The old man slowly walked up to me, looking me over closely. "In my country of birth" he said, his voice croaking, This thing you have done could not happen, but I see no sign that you are a man, and I begin to wonder if Ben has pulled a trick on us." Having gone to school with students from countries like this man's, I understood. "Thank you; but I am a male, at least inside. For now, your son Gregory has helped me become a woman so that I might right a terrible wrong." He nodded his head, and took my hand in his. My hand seemed to disappear in his, and as he held it, his wife took the other. "Do not let anger control you child. Do what has to be done and then quit. Be yourself and go on with life." Her soft words and gentle touch said a lot about her and her family, and I understood why her sons were so compassionate. "We have no daughter, so we adopt you as our own. If you ever need help, come to me and I will be there with whatever we have." The man's voice cracked and she saw a small tear forming in his eye. I reached out and hugged them each, wiping away the small tear and kissing them both on the cheek. Ben let them out, then turned his attention to me. "My mother has already adopted you, and my father, well, he accepts you more than he will admit." "I think they are wonderful people!" He nodded his head in thanks, and got right down to business. "I have run checks on this family, and have a very detailed packet of information on them. The man that killed your family, Jeff Benson, was raised by his grandmother in a nice area, but they had little money. He has a high school education and not much else. The feeling is that he married his wife in more of an effort to improve his financial status rather than his love life. He is focused on one thing and cares little for, or about others. His wife, Marianne, was raised in an affluent neighborhood and never went without anything in her entire life. She was thrown out of three colleges for poor grades due to her constant partying. Her father is a prominent businessman who's only joy in life is money. He has a single goal, and the methods he uses, while questionable, are legal. He thinks in the manner of the old south; women are to be ornaments or vessels for birth and nothing more. He follows the law on equal treatment of course, but the highest ranking female in his entire organization is only a supervisor in the accounting department, and she has an MBA from a big ten university." "The way I see it, you are going about this the wrong way. Sure, you took him to the cleaners after the accident and never have to work again if you don't want to, but the way to break the entire clan is to break the cycle. If his daughter had been a son the right of succession would be complete, but he now has to rely on his son in law for that, and I don't think he trusts the kid. He's got him working for the woman supervisor, and that would not happen if he trusted the kid all of the way, so, while targeting the son in law is right, just embarrassing him probably won't work. The old man has enough money to quash most things, and won't risk exposure by some broad with nasty pictures. He'll fall on you like a ton of bricks and you'll be crushed and forgotten." The air was filling with tension as I listened to him, wondering where he was going with this. "You are an alluring woman Jill Grant, I wonder how his son in law would look?" Then it all came clear, and in a flash I understood. "Make Jeff into a woman!?" He nodded his head yes, then added, "But not with all of the advantages you have had. I'm thinking big boobs, really big; a butt that is sexy and hair piled up high and done in platinum blonde. A hooker if you like, definitely not male, but not with the surgery you have had. Leave him with all of his equipment intact, and let me have him. I'm sure that my father ands some of his friends can finish the job and make him into a woman." I immediately got a mental image, and began to giggle. Then, he handed me some documents to sign. "These will legally change your name to Jillian Michelle Grant. I talked to your sister and she is the one that suggested the name." I read the papers, and was thankful for Audrey's insight. Using Michelle's name would keep her close to me, and I quickly signed them all. "In a few days you will get a paper from the court that you can use to get a new drivers license and so on. Do that before you do anything else, and if you have any trouble refer them to me. Okay?" "Okay!" That afternoon I joined an aerobics class and then called Laura. "I have enrolled you in an aerobics class with me, and our first class is at six tomorrow morning. I'll look forward to seeing you again Laura." I gave her no chance to say no, or even find a reason to say no, I simply hung up the phone. Then I went shopping for an exercise outfit. Early the next morning, clad in shorts over my outfit, I drove to class, and joined Laura, who was already there. Laura wore sweats, gray and shapeless, while I wore a dark gray leotard under an emerald green body suit. We both wore white shoes. The instructor was, as expected, slim and trim, with a name like Amber, or Heather or Ashley. I didn't care, and Laura was too consumed with the way she looked to bother to listen. We spent a good portion of the morning there, learning the exercises, stretching and so on. Laura and I worked together, offering encouragement to each other when we were tired, and felt worn out. It took us a month of constant exercise, but I made my goal weight, while Laura had lost almost thirty pounds! I now weighed 118 pounds, which as a man, I would have looked positively skinny, but as a woman, I looked positively wonderful. Laura now weighed in at 130, and her entire outlook on life changed. As soon as the class was over, she went out and bought an outfit just like mine, only in red. I had taken the third step towards letting the darkness lead me and have my revenge. As the days wore on, I began to become comfortable with the many new mannerisms I had to learn and now, they came naturally to me. In trying on Michelle's clothes, I found clothes that I liked, and some I did not. Those I did not like, or were to small, I donated to a charity, and replaced them with clothes I had bought. The image that I wanted to convey, and was most comfortable with was intellectual, yet sexy. I liked to dress conservatively, except that underneath, I wore lingerie that was always lacy and very feminine. Yet somehow, I always managed to let glimpses of that very same lingerie show through once in a while. My persona was that of a busy woman, industrious, smart and self assured, yet still yearning for the right man. One might think that I was a teacher, or dress shop owner, reading romance novels while I imagined that I was waiting for the right man to cart me away and make love to me endlessly. But I was far from being a gullible young girl. I was now a woman with a mission. On Sunday, I drove to the cemetery to visit the graves, but this time I stood there in a black dress, my heels sinking into the moist ground as I spoke to them. A robin, maybe the same one, once again sat on a headstone and watched me, a curious bent of its head telling me that I seemed somehow familiar, yet different. "I'll be back when I am done, and this is over. Then you can rest in peace." As I walked away I heard the raucous sounds of the birds, like laughter in the background as I walked to the car. Ben called me to set up a meeting with myself and all of my collaborators in this event. That afternoon I went into his office, and found Laura, Greg, Audrey, his parents, and a stranger. The only open chair was next to Greg, and he stood for me as I sat, something the others did not miss. Once we were all seated, Ben stood up and spoke to the group. "We all know why we are here, and for various reasons and objectives. Jill here wants to put a man in a situation he has no recourse from. My parents want the man's father in law put out of business and ruined socially and financially. Audrey, because of her love for Jill has agreed to help as well, but her motivation is Jill's safety. My brother Greg has contributed his enormous skills to helping Jill achieve the look she wanted, but I think he is also in love." At this, I looked at Greg and saw a slow silly grin highlighted by a blush on his face. Shaken, I turned back to Ben. "My friends, let me introduce you to Ian O'Keefe. He is the preeminent private detective in the business. Mr. O'Keefe." "This is not the most dangerous thing I ever heard of, but I want to hear the entire plan from you Ms. Grant. Tell me all about it." I stood up, joining Ben at his desk. "I plan to try and get close to his wife, Marianne, become best friends and so on. Her husband, if he is true to form will hit on me and I will let him think he will succeed. At my home, I will drug him, and Laura will start her magic on him. In a single weekend, Laura and I, working together, will change him from a robust male to a sniveling female that will seem not a whole lot brighter than he will look. Then, after he is dressed correctly, we will release him in front of a whorehouse I know of." "Not bad, but it does not address the needs of everyone here. Let's talk about it." O'Keefe lit up a cigar that smelled like he was smoking a dead rat, and after a few coughs, Ben opened a window. "Sorry about that folks, it helps me to think. Okay. First, there's no denying the fact that you are winsome lass, and would have no trouble fitting in with Marianne's crowd, and convincing her husband to hit on you doesn't seem like to big a stretch. But turning him into something that looks like a hooker probably wouldn't even register on the old man at all. No, we need to find a way to link the two of them, then make it public. Very public." "Sir?" The shaky voice of the elder Mr. Hassan broke the silence. "I have a friend, more an acquaintance, but he has connections in some very low places. In my country we have Harems, outlawed now, but still around; not all of them are filled with women. Some are filled with men that look like women. Some of the very wealthy go there. Some think that a boy once in a while makes them more virile. This boy, can we do that to him?" Before he could answer, Audrey shocked me with a suggestion of her own. "If we get that far, maybe we can maneuver the father in law into meeting the kid in some sexual way. That way we would have them both!" "That is an excellent idea Audrey! Mr. Hassan, if you would, contact your friend and ask him if we can depend on his help." "I met the father in laws wife a few times at charity events" said Ben, "She's a bit of a lush, and a charity dilettante. Her old man keeps her on a short leash, but I'll bet I can get her to help me get close to the old man, then I can suggest a trip to a place where they have more...exotic forms of pleasures. I'll bet he goes for it." "That my boy, is an excellent idea! Ben will take care of the old man while Jill gets the son in law. Mr. Hassan, here's my card. If you can arrange it, I would like to meet your friend." The meeting broke up, Audrey was half expecting to talk to me, but when she turned around she saw that Gregory Hassan was talking to me, and a smile came to her face. She knew that being a woman had its benefits, and Gregory Hassan was certainly one of them. "Please, let me take you to dinner. A beautiful woman like you should never dine alone!" It would be my first 'date', and liking the tall doctor, I nodded my head yes. He took my hand in his and walked out of the office, Audrey and the others watched us leave, smiles traced on the faces of the others. His father merely shook his head. I went home, thoughts of my first date hard on my mind, wondering why I felt the way I did. After living as a woman for the last three months, I was just now getting comfortable in my new role, and Gregory Hassan had added to my mental confusion by merely being my friend. No matter how hard I tried, I could not think of one reason to be celibate, or not go out with the tall dark man that so attracted me. He said he would be over at seven, and after a quick peek at the clock, I saw that I had a few hours to get ready, and I spent it wisely. As I sank into the warm water and let the bubbles rise to my neck, I relaxed and decided to let nature take its course, but for some reason, the image of Greg Hassan stayed in my mind. When I had dried off, I powdered myself all over, and went to my dresser. For this, my first date, I wanted to be sexy as I could be, and I grabbed the thin green panties and slipped them on. The high cut legs let my hip show more than usual, which brought a smile to my face. Barely visible, the cleft of my sex reminded me that I was now a woman as I reached for the bra. It was also green, the thin lacy cups had built in push up pads, and when I fastened the front hook my breasts rose and filled out the bra, threatening to over flow, which is exactly what I wanted. At the vanity I brushed out my hair, adding two gold barrettes, one on each side, which let my hair hang down the back and left my face and ears open. My makeup was understated yet enhanced my face perfectly; the black eyeliner outlined my almond shaped eyes while the soft gray and rose eyeshadow made my green eyes a sparkle. The dress was a new one that I had bought a few days ago simply because I liked it; now I hoped Gregory would too. I slipped it over my head, letting it settle before I zipped it up. The straps fastened behind my neck, making the emerald green dress sleeveless, with a huge slash down the front that exposed my cleavage in a way I had always admired on certain women. Now, I was that woman, and as I stepped into the black heels and bent over to do up the straps, I saw herself in the mirror, my breasts hanging like rich globes of passion fruit, just waiting to be plucked. I added perfume, then gold button earrings and my bracelet, and finally, the reddish brown lipstick. My wallet went into the small black clutch bag just as the doorbell rang. He was charming and erudite, funny and extremely handsome. That was a term I had never used about a man until I became Jill, and began to see the effect I had on men in general, and Greg in particular. I had never had a thought about another man in any way except in friendship up to this point, but as he talked, I warmed up to him and relaxed. My once tenor voice now a contralto because of his expertise, made me sound very sexy, and just the tone of my voice made his heart beat faster. When the music started he swept me into his arms, and during a slow number, with my arms around his neck because there wasn't anyplace else to put them, he kissed me! Gently at first, then, his tongue tasted my lips and I groaned in confusion. Later, he took me home, holding me in his arms on my doorstep, my face upturned to him as he bent to kiss me again. His lips touched mine, and my firestorms of internal protests gave way to the kaleidoscope of an urgent need. It was the first time another human being had paid this much intimate attention to me since the accident, and I was surprised that I hungered for it. All thoughts of being a man escaped my mind as he held me in his arms, kissing me, and making my knees weak. I opened the door, my eyes pleading for more of his attention, and was prepared to let him come in, but he would not. "Not yet little one, but soon, very soon. Goodnight." I stood in the doorway and watched as he drove away in his sports car, the throaty roar of the exhaust loud in the night. In my bedroom I undressed and slipped into a babydoll nightgown, the blue one I liked, and crawled into bed, wondering why I had felt the way I did. Right up until tonight, if someone had asked me, I would have said I was a heterosexual male. Now I wasn't so sure. Greg had ignited a fire in me that still burned. He made me feel sexy and wanted, ladylike, not like a cheap whore. His hands had massaged my back as we danced, strong yet gentle, his aftershave cloying, my nose telling me it was expensive. I had felt so natural letting him take charge, and after a lifetime of being the one in charge, I found it refreshing and it made me feel very feminine. My hand wandered to my sex, and I wondered if he knew it was fake, but then, of course he knew. His hand, when it touched my breast, was warm and made me tingle all over, something that had never happened before, and I liked it! Smiling, I fell asleep, dreams of his crooked smile in my mind all night. The next morning, after aerobics class, I dressed for the occasion, wearing a low cut sundress and strappy sandals for my first encounter with the airhead, Marianne. She and her mother were going to be at a charity garden party at ten, and I made sure I had my makeup and hair perfect for the day. On the way over I picked up my new drivers license, Social Security card, new checks, and passport. Then I drove to the huge garden party. Marianne was easy to spot, because, like her mother, she had a drink in her hand, even at this early hour in the day. Marianne was skinny, with tiny boobs and almost no butt, and her dress hung from her like she was a hanger. Her hat shaded her eyes from the sun, but the baggy eyes told the story. Marianne was well on her was to becoming a lush, just like her mother. I worked my way closer to her and struck up a conversation. "You're Marianne Benson! I saw your picture in the paper not to long ago! My name is Jill Grant." Marianne smiled and put her hand out to take Jill's. "Thanks Jill. Are you new here? I don't think I've seen you around before now." "Yes, after daddy died I sold everything and moved down here. I like Savannah so much better, don't you?" Instantly Marianne warmed up to Jill. It was obvious that Jill had money and 'breeding' as her own daddy called it. The host of the garden party urged everyone to contribute, and as Marianne rummaged in her purse, I calmly wrote a check for $1000. Marianne saw the amount, and was now convinced that Jill was 'of her class'. "Listen, I'm having a small get together on Friday night, why don't you join us?" This was going a whole lot better than I ever thought possible and accepted on the spot. "Just ask for the Benson Mansion; everybody knows where it is." "Thank you Marianne, I'll be there." That afternoon I drove to Audrey's house so that the kids could meet 'Aunt Jill' for the first time. They were young enough to accept me for what I seemed to be, and little Sara climbed into my lap and promptly went to sleep. Audrey put the kids down for their nap, and joined me on the patio. "How did the date go?" It sounded like such an innocent question, but I knew that Audrey wanted the details, all of the details! "We had a nice dinner, we danced, and he took me home. It was very pleasant." "Jill!" A smile, unbidden, came to my face and I started to giggle. "I never thought that I would go out with a man Audrey, never! But Greg has a way about him that is so hard to say no to!" Then, in a more serious tone, I added, "I kissed him Audrey, and I liked it! It was like a jolt of electricity went through me and I couldn't stop." "You have become a woman Jill. After all this time, your mind has accepted that the way you look is the way you should be. When I saw you for the first time after Laura was done, I knew then that Jimmy wasn't coming back. Jill, you started this with an admirable motive, but now, while the motive might still be there, you have changed in more ways than you can realize right now. I see it, and Greg sees it. You have become not merely a man that looks like a woman, but inside, in your heart, you have become the woman you always have been." "Greg likes you, he's handsome, and you make a cute couple; don't fight it Jill." Then she added, "I don't think you can anyway. After this is over, follow your heart and do what you have to do to find happiness. If that includes Greg, so be it. Just be the best wife you can be." I did not expect her to say that, and I was confused, but knew that Audrey was right. At that same moment Ian O'Keefe was sitting in a magnificent wing back chair, across a huge, beautiful rug, facing a man with no name. "My name is not important Mr. O'Keefe, let it suffice to say that I am in a position to help you." The man that spoke wore a thin gray robe that swirled around him as he walked, his headpiece sparkling white, his eyes gray like the ocean, yet sharp and keen. He had a thin narrow chin covered in hair that was going gray. The image was deceptive. The man spoke with an English accent and his use of the language belied his education. "Ibriham has never once asked for help from me, or anyone I represent, yet he has always been there when someone needed a bag of groceries, a coat, maybe some advice, or even a doctor. He and Petra have raised to two fine sons and they have the honor to watch over our small community. They have raised them well without any help. Now, after all these years, he comes to me for help, and not for him