Disclaimer
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Disclaimer 3: The Best Seat In The House free porn video
Author's note: I was reluctant to go see The Phantom
Menace until the lines went down. I hate waiting in line.
Then Someone Special asked me to take her on Memorial Day.
I can't refuse her, so we went. We were the 5th and 6th
people in line. We had a great time for about an hour
talking to the two couples in front of us. I got to
thinking, what must it be like at the far end of the line?
AF: The Best Seat in the House
by Bashful
James Fogerty was a Star Wars fan. No, he was a fanatic.
Ever since the original movie came out, he has lived,
breathed, ate and slept Star Wars. At 32 years of age, he
was one of the leading experts on Star Wars trivia.
Through the lean days from 1983 through almost the entire
1990's he had waited for the next installment of the
series to be made. He had gotten booster shots with the
reissues and the special edition videos, but it wasn't
really new. James had tried to expand his interests. Star
Trek, TNG was promising but the special effects were
lacking, compared to the wizardry of Lucasfilms and
Industrial Light and Magic.
James loved Star Wars but he did have a life. He dated
women, he had a regular job. He just didn't let these
things get in the way of his true passion. He found that
taking a date to a movie, any movie, was detrimental to
enjoying that movie. They usually wanted him to explain
something, go get them popcorn or a diet coke, hold their
hands and other things that distracted him. If he took a
girl to a movie, he made sure it was one he didn't care
for so he didn't miss anything.
Now the drought had finally ended. He was in line for the
first showing at midnight for the long awaited, Episode
One: The Phantom Menace. He had been one of the first ones
to buy a ticket for this showing. He didn't live in one of
the cities where they had the earlier showings for charity
or he would have gladly paid the $300.00 per ticket to
attend. He had purchased tickets for the 4:00 am showing
as well. The theater would be open all night showing the
movie back to back.
He had timed his ticket purchases carefully. A good seat
was paramount to the experience. This multiplex featured
stadium seating, wide screens and state of the art sound
systems. James knew the best seats were about 8 rows from
the front and centered on the screen. Of course, everybody
else knew this too. The theater boasted , "No Bad Seats!"
but that was bull. There was a group of seats in front of
the elevated section that was a terrible place to sit. You
had to crane you neck, the sound was off center and
blasted you deaf. You were so close, that you couldn't see
the entire screen without moving your head. No one wanted
to sit there.
James had everything planned out to the smallest detail.
He would move straight through the lobby and into the
theater to get the best possible seat. No popcorn or soda.
They just distracted you. Once inside, he would be able to
relax, enjoy the comfortable seat and maybe have a
spirited discussion with some other fans.
He had intended to get to the theater about 9:00pm. He
brought a cheap folding chair that he could sit in while
waiting for the opening of the doors. Then he would just
leave the chair outside. If it was there when he came out
he'd pick it up. If not, fine, it was cheap. Everything
was planned except the flat tires. He left the house even
earlier than he had planned and was driving down the
expressway, across town, to the best theater showing the
movie. A long trip but worth it.
Halfway there, someone in the car ahead of him threw a
bottle out of the window. James couldn't swerve fast
enough to miss it. He wound up with two flat tires, 10
miles from the theater.
James was angry beyond words. He had to get to the theater
now, but he had only one spare. He quickly called the auto
club. They had someone out to his car in just over two
hours. They brought a temporary tire that fit James's car.
It was a loaner that he had to put up a deposit for.
Finally, he was back on the road.
James arrived at the theater at 11:02pm. Twenty-eight
minutes before the doors were to open. The line for the
midnight showing stretched around the building and into
the darkness. Disgusted, James left his folding chair in
the car and trudged to the very end of the line, somewhere
just west of Siberia.
Standing out there James couldn't even talk to the group
in front of him, they were all Japanese and spoke no
English. What they expected to get out of the movie was
anyone's guess but James understood why they were here.
After standing there for ten minutes, lonely and mad.
James was about to give up and just wait for the 4:00am
showing. It would be a long 4 hours but he could at least
get a good seat. He turned to go when he noticed a line
reaching from around the other side of the building,
ending about fifty feet behind him. He walked over, not
concerned if someone took his place in line. Why would
they?
He approached the last person in line. A guy dressed in a
storm trooper outfit. James asked him what the line was
for. The storm trooper said it was the 4:00am showing.
James felt his world begin to crumble. Dejected and beaten
he walked back to his own spot, scuffing his feet as he
walked.
James kicked something that felt heavy and rang out when
he hit it. He picked it up. It was an old brass oil lamp,
just like the one in the Arabian Nights. He brushed the
dirt off of it and a plume of smoke shot out of the wick
hole. Suddenly a Jedi Knight was standing in front of
James. Face covered with a hood and arms folded. Shocked,
James said the first thing that came to mind.
"Obi Wan?"
The man shook his head and flipped the hood off.
"Thank you, oh Great Master for freeing me from the lamp.
As a reward you may have one wish."
"Wow, this is great, it's a promotion for the movie,
right? Great special effect man, it looked like you
materialized right out of the smoke."
The man shook his head. He was in his early forties,
slightly balding but slim. He had a good tan and was
wearing Oakley shades. That was kind of out of character
for a Jedi, James thought.
"I'm not a special effect. I'm a wizard. My name is Fred
and I was in line at a theater waiting for the doors to
open. Can we get the wish out of the way so I don't miss
out on a good seat?"
"You don't talk like a wizard." James said.
"Oh yeah? Just how many wizards do you talk to in a given
week? I'd like to grant your wish and go, please, snap it
up. Do you want a wish or not?"
"You're serious, aren't you? You can really grant me a
wish?"
"Yes, I can, but can we hurry?" Fred said, somewhat
exasperated.
"Okay, good seat here I come. I wish..."
"Wait, dammit, wait, I forgot to read the disclaimer."
Fred told him while he patted his robe looking for his
wallet.
"Disclaimer," James said, "there's a disclaimer with my
wish?"
"You're in California, you're lucky there isn't a
disclaimer over the urinals" Fred replied as he pulled a
worn piece of paper from his wallet.
"You seem awfully strange for a wizard, I mean, nothing
like the movies, TV or any of the books I've read." James
said.
"I'm a wizard, but that's just a hobby. I write
screenplays for a living. I lost a Super Bowl bet and now
I have to appears whenever someone finds the lamp and
grant them a wish. Now listen closely so I don't have to
read this again."
" In consideration of your act of kindness in
freeing Fred the Wizard from the lamp, you have been
granted one wish. This wish may take any form except that
which will or may cause death to another human being. You
as the wishee are responsible for the wording of the wish.
Any ambiguity in the phrasing of said wish may result in a
less than satisfactory outcome of your wish. An attention
to detail is cautioned as wishes may not be canceled,
revoked, changed or modified in any way once the wish has
been granted. Void where prohibited. Okay, got that?"
"Okay, is that clear? Just say 'I wish ...' followed by
what you want and it will be granted." Fred told James,
moving his hand in a circle, trying to get James to hurry.
"I have to be exact in what I wish huh? Okay, let me think
here. . ."
Just then, someone shouted, "They're opening the doors!"
James looked scared, this was his last chance. "I wish I
was the person at the front of this line."
Fred paused, started to say something but stopped. He cast
the spell and then vanished, as did the lamp.
Jamie stepped aside and allowed the first customer to
enter the theater. James had gotten what he wished for,
he, now she, was the person at the front of the line. She
was confused at first then her memories kicked in. She was
the newest manager for this theater and, as such, had
drawn the unenviable task of working the overnight shift.
Quelling disturbances, confiscating light sabers and laser
pointers and keeping people from sneaking into the other
auditoriums after their show was over. She was scheduled
to work the next ten days straight. She would have to wait
to see the movie but she would get the best seat in the
house, right next to her boyfriend. He always made sure
she understood everything that was going on by explaining
it as it happened on the screen.
Fred popped back into line just as the manager let the
first customers in. He got exactly the seat he wanted,
accompanied by the well known actress he had been dating
for some time. They sat through the show and enjoyed it
greatly. It was everything he had hoped it would be. Fred
enjoyed science fiction, he wished he could write scripts
like that. As they left he noticed Jamie standing in the
hall. She had her hands behind her back, a forced smile on
her face. The heels she was wearing probably hurt her feet
and it was going to be a long night.
Fred had intended to grant James his wish, had he worded
it just a little different. If he had wished for a good
seat, he would have gotten that, but he wished to be the
person at the front of the line. There were two ways to
look at that, Fred could have assumed he meant the first
customer and put James there, but there was also the
manager standing at the front of the line. She was a cute
girl, the manager. Long black hair, bright blue eyes, nice
figure. Fred was the first customer in line. He wasn't
going to give up his place for a poorly worded wish.
Jamie walked past Fred, hurrying to stop a light saber
battle between two boys. As Fred watched her walk away he
noticed she did have a pretty good 'seat'.
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